#will do the rest in the morning lol
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vex gem or watcher pearl?
here you are! a Vex Gem and a Watcher Pearl! i love shiny duo sm (despite barely watching either of them oof)
[x]
#shiny duo#hermitblr#hermitcraft fanon swap#geminitay fanart#geminitay#pearlescentmoon#pearlescentmoon fanart#vex!gem#watcher!pearl#watcher pearl#vex gem#ask#stargazostli#its 3:37am so imma go to bed now lol#this was so much fun though! thank you gor the ask!!#will do the rest in the morning lol#hermitcraft fanart#hermitcraft
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lesbian pride moment 😳🌸
#jolyne cujoh#hermes costello#stone ocean#jjba#jojo's bizzare adventure#deliart#jolymes#i didnt make it in time for pride month. its 3 in the morning#but some for some time zones im just in time<3#focus here was GREEN i just wanted to work with lots of green colors#bc i never do and i need to improve at that#we ended up with neons tho still sorry#also the background was fully rendered so much details n stuff but u cant see it hehe bc i blurred it#that was what most of my time was spent on . btw#anyway. hope u all enjoy the dresses lol#might go back and fix some stuff tho bc i drew this in like 3 days from lineart onward#so i havent been able to rest my eyes inbetween. so ill probably find something i wanna fix later
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even at this point in the story and with the romance well and truly confirmed it's very possible that lucanis has never seen even a sliver of rye's naked skin below the throat. very likely no one on the team has yet except possibly emmrich if rye got hurt in battle and needed help patching it up. high-necked watcher garb with gloves and all stay ON at all times. thank god for rye's sake that lucanis' history of romantic interest indicates that surprise bitch he could be kind of into that fhsdkjfas
#I'm a cool laid-back relaxed punk rock sort of leader and also person rook says during the solas regret study group meetings#sitting there with their meticulously gloved hands tightly balled into fists against the arms of their chair fhdsjkfhas#I think most of them know him well enough by now to realize exactly how full of shit he is about that tho lol#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar#Lucanis Dellamorte#rook x lucanis#rookanis#this is very much a two-way slow burn situation hahaha at least rye gets to gaze at lucanis' bare forearms during meetings#lucanis has to settle for having Feelings whenever he sees rye with their hair down#or the very rare and precious times they'll take their gloves off for a moment#(I don't get the sense that he minds)#one of my first ideas for their relationship even back before I even decided I was going to do the romance#was rook anxiously fussing over their clothes the day they were going back to the necropolis for the first time while lucanis looked on#in quiet bemusement as he realized he'd never seen rook be openly *nervous* before. 'are my robes... does this look...'#lucanis in the elevator down to the necropolis depths trying not to look at all the walking skeletons#and with the patience of a man who once waited four hours in the market for illario to try on gloves: 'your robes are flawless#(on this the third time you asked as well). do not worry about it. was that. was that a floating skull we just passed by'#'ah yes! professor korevel tends to have his morning walks for contemplation around this time between grading papers'#'...without legs?'/'he always said those just got in the way most of the time'#and rye finally admitting '...it's been a while since I was home'#and in that moment a common understanding dawning. 'ah. I -- think I understand the feeling'/'yeah...'#and basically the rest is history lol
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I’m gonna be out most of the day bc I’ll be helping my dad with a big shopping trip plus being out after, so I’m going to be super duper exhausted
I don’t do well in crowded or loud places in the slightest, I get woozy and tired and I feel miserable or like I’m gonna pass out, and if the shopping isn’t gonna make me wanna cry, the outing after will bc it’s gonna be packed with lots of noise and people
I don’t say this because I want to complain, I just wanna give a super quick warning that I might not be active tomorrow as well as today bc when I get exhausted, my mental health tends to decline as well ;-;
so- a bit of a warning that I may poof a bit (sorry! 😣)
#But yeah :)#hopefully I’ll be able to sleep it off tonight but since school is tomorrow might end up still tired and stressed (ᵕ—ᴗ—)#lol I’m trying not to complain or make a stink about it whilst still being informative—#Edit: uh so I don’t know what’s wrong with me this morning#But it’s already starting to go to crap unfortunately#Hgnhh I wanna talk but I keep telling myself it’s selfish to talk about how I feel#Idk I’m just messed up man#Feel like crap#eating earlier didn’t help it just made me feel worse#I don’t wanna go shopping or to the outing :(#But my dad said he needs help#And I don’t think I have a choice for the outing#And school tmrw :(#I don’t wanna do this I really font#I think I’m breaking down#Yeah I’m breaking down#<- that’s dramatic I’m sorry#Edit 2: if I trigger myself so badly that I have a really quick and strong breakdown will that make me fine for the rest of the day#Bc omg I have things I need to do! I can’t mope around and be dramatic all day!#I hate this! I don’t want it! Literally any other day would have been doable!#I can’t just ask my dad to stay home from the outing either because then that would entail me explaining why I don’t wanna go and I’d cry-#-in front of him and I don’t wanna cry in front of people#I hate this so much#i wish I could just poof into nonexistence#🌾#<- atp it’s a vent#Edit 3: I’m trying really hard ace but petting my dog isn’t working
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girlhood
#i have to fly out to capetown to see mother and im literally debating if i could land in the morning and leave at night on the same day#like. anything longer than that is going to ruin my year.#when she called and did her “katherine. you have to be here on the 10th” i literally sobbed in my bed for the rest of the day 😍😍😍#not dyeing my hair black for a year and its getting lighter and lighter everyday and i look like her again#and my therapist telling me “you need to do things for yourself.” but like can i? sorry that woman traumatised me and i actually cant :)#like everything i do is informed by her#I'm going to go and just like everytime the only way to keep my sanity is to mirror her. talk and sit and speak and read and eat like her#and its such a terrifying experience bc i remember that im capable of emulating her viciousness and maybe i am my mother's daugher 🤢🤢🤢#and im going to come back and its going to take fucking months for me to feel like myself again#“oh you look so beautiful just like your mother” i hope you DIE lol !!! the fact that my conception of beauty was shaped by her#growing up with this cruel beautiful detached woman and realising that at the intersection of beauty and wickness is a lifetime of pain#and still being so desperate for her approval- for any metaphysical proximity to her that i felt elated when#people would tell me i look like her. that it meant i was also beautiful like her and maybe she'll love me a little for it#but now i know for a fact that i do look like her and it makes saliva swell under my tongue - that moment right before you throw up-#when people mention it 😍#last time i was in capetown my optic neuritis flared up (and i know for a fact it was that it was ms-stress related from having to see her)#and i thought i hid it so well even though i had near constant headaches & lethargy until she said “katherine give me the red notebook”#and i knew that she knew all along. it was so acutely humiliating standing there and knowing she knows i cant see which one is the red one#and she tilted her head and said “whats the matter? do you not know what red looks like?”#im never going to have kids. my mother and i read eachother so well it can only mean im never too far removed from becoming her#lol!!!!!!!!!
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Time for another dream i had, this time about zutara.
This one is a lot shorter, but essentially I had a dream where kataras whole family(which seemed to have more members then in the show) all live in the fire nation, hiding the fact that they're water tribe(rather, they were water tribe).
Katara is in some sort of relationship with zuko. It's unclear if she's his wife, his girlfriend, or his mistress, but its not hidden. People know about her and her relationship with him.
(Putting the rest under a cut so I don't clog up the feed lol)
If she was his mistress it's kinda held in that way that kings had other women they'd sleep with along with their queen and it was just an accepted, albeit kinda shitty, thing to do.
Anyway, katara is also pregnant, which was kind of an underlying "plot point" and would return home to her family every day to check on them.
It's revealed here that katara is basically the only reason her family is doing pretty well for themselves. Her relationship with zuko means that they have enough to get by. It's also noted that her whole family(katara, sokka, their dad, their grandma, and some made up new family members) all live in one house. So its clear they're still kind of struggling.
It's also revealed, through a conversation with her grandma, that the only otehr reason katara is with zuko, is because it was part of a bigger plan. She and her family are part of a resistance against the fire nation, and when they realized zuko liked katara, wanted her to infiltrate and pretend to be in love with him.
The plan had clearly gone on longer then anticipated, for whatever reason, and katara is conflicted because she actually does have feelings for him now, not fo mention she's pregnant with his child.
There's a "scene" either at the beginning or after this reveal that shows zuko in a meeting with other fire nation officials, including his father and sister, and that either he was against one of their plans but is ignored or his plan gets shut down(I don't remember which). Katara always sits in on these meetings with him, and afterwards, as everyone is getting up to leave, she leans her forehead against his and whispers that everything will be alright. This is why we can tell she truly does care about him, to some degree. But it's also a moment showing potential manipulation, like shes pretending to care. It's supposed to be a little of both, she needs him to trust her but she does still love him.
After all of this, we cut to a scene in a forest/swamp. This part is kind of blurry in my head, but basically, it's a secret meeting. Katara is dressed similarly to the painted lady, her and a few other resistance members, including Sokka, Suki, and Hakoda, are planning an ambush on Zuko and his family, who are supposed to travel down a path nearby. Katara is a key part of this plan, as she's the only waterbender, and she knows this. She nods along to everything regarding the plan and she goes over important points herself as well. But as everyone else continues talking, katara is having doubts. She loves Zuko. She's about to have his child. She cares for him. But she needs to free the world from the fire nations clutches as well. She doesn't want to kill Zuko, but she has to in order to help others. She's hesitating.
They continue with the plan anyway, and through the foliage that katara and the others are hiding in, we see a carriage making its way down the path. Zuko and his family(or at least his father) are in there.
Everyone is getting ready to fight, to jump out and attack. We see a close up shot of Katara, conflicted. She's still not sure if she can go through with this, if she can kill Zuko.
And then I woke up.
#i was disappointed with the cliffhanger too I KNOW#it was a super interesting dream though#i guess in this world aang doesn’t exist??? idk. dream logic.#but i fell in lpve with this idea afterwards#the whole dream had this sort of dreary tone#the war meeting scene was at night so it was dark. and fire was the only thing lighting up their faces#katara leaning her head against zukos felt like it held heavier implications then we saw#when we see where katara and her family live it felt very poverty stricken. crowded with barely any furniture. a tired air hung around them#the scene planning the ambush felt very heavy with what they were about to do + with kataras own reluctance.#like the decision was already made even though it wasn't#ANYWAY idk if this even makes any sense#i wrote this when i woke up that morning and then finished up the rest today lol#i didn’t proofread shit though so sorry for any weird phrasing or typos lol#i just wanted to share another wild dream i had#this was a fun one lol#might wrote a fanfic about it one day#and if you want to write a fic absed off my dream PLEASE DO#i just wanted to share the idea with teh zutara fandom#i figured yall would appreciate it like i did❤️#zutara#avatar the last airbender#atla zuko#zuko#atla katara#katara#idk what else to tag lol#aml speaks#aml dreams
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well at least the hurricane is coming After exams this time
#At least after My exams. Sucks for the rest of you /j#My freshmen(? God was it? I can’t remember) year we got hit in the middle of midterms#and we had a bio exam the night before classes were set to be canceled. At 8pm.#and we were like ??? Do we have to come in? And take our exam? When people want to get out of here#to avoid the hurricane?#and up until the MORNING OF they were like ‘uh huh Yep you HAVE to come in and take it.’#until I guess someone complained to someone higher up and it got changed. Lol#Anyway. Blehhhhhh. Hurr-ed cane.#clamtalk
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Barring any new asks, I think that's the last of those 'icons only' memes and it was very fun doing them all! Thank you so much for sending them in everyone, I'm feeling more confident about activity again and will hopefully be inspired to write a bit more often from now on providing schedule eases up sometime soon!
#💀 ;; ooc#;; mun rambles#I mean it guys thank you so much for your thoughtfulness and patience!#I know I have been very AWOL this year and that's not good work or no#The longer I am away the harder it feels to pick up the muse/s again you know?#Just staring at a blank page and wondering where tf to begin#So this was really nice and light <3#Life's going well here#Schedule did not ease off to nobody's surprise but apparently a colleague is taking on more hours#Quit her job at a school and is doing full-time where we work now#So hopefully she will be able to do Monday and Tuesday and I'll have more than one day off a week or so#That won't be until October though bc handing notice in and shit#But it is good to know!#I do like working and the extra money is helpful but fuck me I need rest too lol#Things are keeping me going though like tumblr and sneks#The ball python is soooo sweet now he comes out when I come home early in the morning ;;#Seems to want to be handled but I just fed him the other day so I feel guilty I cannot cuddle him just yet :(#Baby boy <3
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do u know how fucked up it is to tell a trans guy asking for dating app/site recommendations bc he mentions how meeting people irl in his hometown is wildly unsafe bc it is wildly unsafe to even be OUT in his hometown he's currently living in and how all the gay/bi men in his hometown tend to be conservative-leaning themselves and therefore very fucking transphobic. that "if you're not out and you're also not passing enough as a man (when said trans guy literally said he had to stop transitioning for his own safety) then pretty much no man cis or trans is going to want to date you" is? like do you?? do you know how absolutely wildly fucked up that is?????
#i am literally astouned someone has the actual gall to say this to me#do u know how shitty my morning has been because of this lol#summer's text tag#not even a fucking app recommendation to cushion the way i am now so fucking dysphoric ive cried twice and want to bury myself in a hole an#literally never come out. i will live in the dirt for the rest of my years and become one with the worns#worms even#AND THIS PERSON. IS ALSO TRANS. LIKE HELLO? HELLO????? HOW. HOW DO YOU SAY THIS AND THINK YOU ARE IN THE RIGHT#i literally havent felt this fucking dysphoric in idek how long lol
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this time last year i was probably sitting in the kitchen while my dad started making an early dinner of chicken bolognese trying not to get too nervous about the concert i'd be going to in a few hours
#the nyc concert was last year. LAST YEAR .#thats so insane like yeah that feels like a year ago but good god the insane amount of stuff that has happened since#but god i remember that day so well#it was cloudy and a little rainy in the morning which made me ough thinking it was a bad omen and wouldnt be as fun#and i remember going to library and printing out my silly letters (i should have just. not done that lol)#and on the DAY OF on the way back home from the library#i even bought a cropped black blazer specifically for my concert outfit. havent worn it since lmao#and my dad and i even watched a movie at lunch#a short movie but a movie nonetheless. lol and even then i was like oghh my gosh excitement and nervousness#and then the car service getting there i felt so fancy and as the drive started the clouds were magically dissipating#so that it was a nice clear evening when i got to the theatre#and then all the insanity of the show. god i cant believe it still after all this time. wowie#going to listen to a playlist of the show setlist im gonna get emotional now. guys........#one of my fave memories is how everyone started standing up as they went into so may we start so i was like ok are we all doing this#and stood up too and then stood for the entire rest of the concert. i think the first 3-5 rows were like that for the whole show#surreal and insane i was front row. those guys were REAL and CLOSE#i was also very excited to notice russells new shoes :) when i wasnt like awooga (how i was 99% of the time)#there was one so may we start jump that was well. yeah. front row baby#i think after latte i was like ok i cant film i gotta just vibe#religious experience doing the 'ah ah ah's during that. really interesting#ok im not gonna go through the whole show again but wowie one of my most insane nights. second only to hollywood bowl#wow what a fun year it was. just so many incredible moments#ok yay 💖 happy one year to all that. love those guys so much#spars#ok not actually done beaver o lindy was INSANE LIVE!!! AS WAS EVERYTHING ELSE. so fun ok now done for real
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i went to go pee n after when i stood up everything went dark for way too long n my body went all fuzzy n numb
#i dont know what to do#everyday i think itll be better but it isnt#i cant remember if i ate yesterday but i had some pizza this morning my mom left for me#im drinking lots of water (like always)#im resting almost all day#i dont know what more to do o(-<#even just in my head i feel so out of it#i just want 2 cry lol;;;
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The 31st Law of Poker: "A player, having once thrown up his cards, cannot take them back again under any circumstances." —Practical Poker (1905) by R.F. Foster.
Follow @ikroah for updates.
#good morning cass nation. your service is rewarded.#status report is that this issue is thumbnailed and lettered in mock-color. all i have to do is; yknow; DRAW it lol#but i've got two guest artists planned for the rest of the volume as well and i've been getting their layouts ready first#i am trying to get volume 2 fucking DONE as SOON AS POSSIBLE i want to get OUT OF HERE#so i want to get this one done before the end of april. i would love it done before then. sooner the better. amen#fallout#fallout new vegas#rose of sharon cassidy#vulpes inculta#ikroah meta
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Canon ships in Bird you say? I’d love to know more…
(Before I learned Nobby is aro, I wondered about him and that Queen Mab)
Queen Mab's stint on on the Furness was during the Bad Old Days when Management was not merely indifferent to engines in love but actively hostile. They did think it was cute for engines to play court with coaches but nothing besides that.
Only 'lately' - 1910s - do winds of rebellious change begin to blow. You already saw Mary and 'Sharpie' 15. (Whom you'll catch another glimpse of in the next installment, too! Although… brace yourselves… as usual with me, the ratio of fluff-to-angst is bottom-heavy lol)
I don’t really have many romances in mind, but Mary and 15 opened the door so that possibility is always on the table in this universe. If characters are throwin' up sparks, showin' the right chemistry, yeah I'm going to go for it.
I expect we’ll see more of it in the L.M.S. and Nobby's post-Barrow days, though. It would be a shame if Poppet never had a fling... ;)
#i'm being coy lol#i do have something cooking for poppet but that's all i'll say#she admires mary's bohemian manner of living more than ol' nobby would like to see! so she'll take some cues from her...#coppernob things#ttte shipping#okay i think i'm. like. done for shipping asks.#thank you all but i can only take so much hope and happiness. excuse me while i go torture some characters for the rest of the morning.
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I will be forever grateful i can be on this new med. it's one a lot of folks also need and can struggle to have access to! It's important i be on it, especially if i start doing any vid collabs
(some of which, really, all of which, i unfortunately actually need to cancel that were in the preplanning stages, bc the election results have me wanting to wait and see how the general atmosphere of the country is before i agree to meet up with anyone. I feel bad for cancelling, but also i just can't know for sure how safe things are/might be going forward and I'd rather avoid the potential of. ya know. various not great things that could happen at a meet up, tho i would certainly hope they wouldn't. i don't feel like actually addressing them rn, u guys know what i mean)
That said, if the truvada initial side effects could fuck off asap would be so lovely. three weeks at worst, then they should be gone/much better or so i am told. really hope that's true bc losing my mornings to being dizzy and nauseous is Not Working for me lmao. im on week two, and now understand why my new doc said to call if i needed any 'cheerleading' and support to get thru the side effects, bc apparently she's done that for several ppl to make sure they actually make it thru the three weeks and keep on it (lovely of her!!)
#text post#not going to get into the other painful smack of this morning#suffice to say that medicaid does not in fact fully cover vocal therapy/training for trans ppl#even if ur docs feel incredibly certain it is#if i was making a decent bit over minimum wage at consistent hours and already had my current debts paid off mostly#then I'd happily consider paying the chunk Medicaid won't cover but as of now#it would literally be basically two paychecks if not three to cover the estimate for this first visit#and that's only if the poll would have us polling every week like we did before the election#otherwise we're guesstimating it would be upwards of 4 paychecks to cover it#I'm actually gonna get into in here bc nobody reads all my tag essays (fair valid and correct)#im really sad abt this. my voice gets me clocked a lot and while i can mostly handle like. visually being clocked#my voice giving me away genuinely makes me feel a pain in my chest. i can't get my customer service voice to go lower yet#and even if it's my usual voice I've made minimal progress on my own self done vocal study stuff#so like. no one knows how high it was compared to how it is now tho so no one actually hears it as anything near deep#which it isn't but like. there's been a slightly barely there drop of it per at least a couple ppl in my life#i was probably going to be able to learn how to sing again and find my new range. I'd fix my customer service voice#even if it would only ever be a teeny bit lower than how it is now. it would be lovely#im not gonna get too down tho bc someday hopefully I'll be able to make it happen/afford it#and for now...im doing the bad thing of not cancelling the appt yet#i will bc they're booking out for months and it isn't right of me to take a spot i know i can't keep#but. let me pretend i can for another day or two. maybe until monday. then I'll call or msg them on mychart#and let them know i just don't have the funds rn tho i do deeply appreciate that Medicaid at least pays part of it#im just not at a point where i can cover the rest but that I'll reschedule/have a new referral sent whenever that changes#...and hopefully things in this country will be of such a state that such care is still available to ppl like me.#but that's all we're saying on that bc im already having a pathetic little cry over this#(im fine the med side effects have me crying over everything lol i see a sad commercial and Instant Tears like someone died lmaooo)
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busy trying not to let panicking depresso espresso brain take over my life rn
#im not functionally in trouble for anything kinda#but i left my wired headphones in and visible yesterday by accident and it kiiinda got us a safety bulletin this morning#about how theyre like ... blanket banned from this site ...... even though were in a fucking field all day and its dull as hell#but that aside like the site leader im with takes the 'i dont give a fuck but dont get me in trouble' stance#and in fairness i wasnt the only one mine were just more obvious lol#but i also KNOW he's one of a select group of petty gossipmongerers#the guy is usually pretty cordial and was nice for the rest of the day#like functionally i still did my job and went beyond by forwarding missing information after work#so whoever has to finish my paperwork can do it easily without manually flipping through everything#it was an accident ;____; i just had noise in because my brain was being a dick this week#'i dont care if people like me' i say .. sniffling ...#the only reason this is a problem is because our primary contractor sucks lmao#theyve got profession & site wide rules and this one is because yes its dangerous to work in close proximity with plant with headphones#are we anywhere near plant ??? no. is everyone single earbudding this just in case of an emergency???? yes.#do we spend all day in a field alone a lot of the time in miserable ass conditions ??? yes!!#are we that dumper driver who drove OVER someones truck because they were blasting metal into their skulls??? NO.#and aside aside from that he did say to one of the guys he likes most 'if they cant then you cant' and made him take his out#so like ... i think im fine im just kfjskfj#anyway im fine im just embarrassed and stressed#rory's ramblings
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Getting ready for bed now. Ended up taking no nap. Realized that I have gotten about 4 hours of sleep over the past 58 hours. Which is not recommended.
Also realized upon taking them off that id been wearing my glasses for Most of the past 23 ish hours. Maybe closer to 22 hours (for shower and such). My ear kinda stung a lil when I took it off. Which made me realize how long I'd been wearing them but ALSO the fact that they HAVENT been hurting my ears in daily wear. For a while there, wearing them for too long would make my ears Hurt. Hell, I literally ended up getting scabs on my nose where they rested. But it seems like my body has been adjusting to them... it is accepting that we are a glasses wearer now... this is a marvelous realization
#speculation nation#and now im up in bed and im hanging out with june. who im still kind of mad at for clawing my thumb so bad this morning#(like SORRY i had to move u from my bed!!! instead of my normal tactic of annoying u so much u move urself. i didnt have the TIME!!)#at the same time tho she laid on my stomach for like half an hour while i was trying (and failing) to take a nap last night#which she almost never does. neither of them like sitting on me usually. so it felt...very special.#baby forgiven. also forgiven simply for being baby. June doesnt mean bad by it she's just easily startled & i moved her too quickly...#i was on the way to 20 mins late leaving for class tho i did NOT have the time to take it slow. sorry June.#(cant leave her on the bed when im not here bc the door stays shut so tally wont try to eat my plants when im not watching)#(usually i just smother June with love in the morning so she gets up by herself. Tally too. then i shut the door once theyre both out lol)#anyways i took a melatonin so hopefully TONIGHT after a day with no sleep and a day with half sleep i can actually sleep thru the night.#still mad that i laid down for 3.5 hours last night and couldnt sleep a wink. it was still rest but it could've been SLEEP!!!#whatever. 8 hours sleep here i come#(unfortunately not more than 8 hours bc i have to get up to do my readings. but 8 hours is still better than what ive Been getting lol)#(i'll... try to catch up on my sleep some more over the next few days...)#anyways goodnight 🫡
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