#will delete later if i get too embarrassed about it
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ehehe... ehehe.... momopupy....
#please be nice this is the first time im posting smth like this in public#ty#will delete later if i get too embarrassed about it#momorupa#ehehehe#tumblr exclusive#illust
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Phlegmexpo or whoever..
#metal gear solid#mgs#solid snake#otacon#hal emmerich#snotacon#doodl#sorry for snot on main but they’re silly okay#also I’m trying to learn how to draw on my laptop :| ough#might delete later if i get too embarrassed about this one
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Painting
Modern!Eddie Munson x Female!Reader
Contains: nudes, mutual masturbation, phone sex
18+ only
Eddie flopped face down onto his mattress with a sigh. After working all day, playing at the Hideout, and then hauling all of the bands' equipment, he was wiped. He wanted nothing more then to smoke and go to sleep. His phone pinged with a notification. A contact under the name "Loser" had messaged him, causing a split second of confusion before a lazy grin spread across his face when he realized it was you (he had forgotten he changed it when high). You had been unable to come see Corroded Coffin play tonight as you had made previous plans.
Loser: How did it go?? Good?? Bad??
Loser: Was that one chick who wants to be a groupie there??
Eddie: went ok. Y u jealous?
Loser: just curious lol
Eddie: sure. Wbu?
Loser: Good! Robin and Nancy came. We had a nice dinner. We did paintings! Robin's looks better then mine. Mine looks like shit 😔 now just taking a bath and relaxing.
Eddie: show me?
Loser: lol no???
Eddie: y not? I'm sure it good
Loser: you sure?
Eddie: yes
Loser: fine
Eddie doubted your painting looked bad. You always tore yourself down, even when you did amazing things. He always wanted to throttle you, but knew he would be a hypocrite if he did. Eddie rolled onto his back and looked at the ceiling. He would convince you one day that you were awesome, but until then he would just have to keep reminding you. His phone dinged with a new message from you. He opened it and saw a picture attached and-
Immediately dropped his phone. His heart picked up speed. His eyes widened and face flushed. Eddie dove for the phone as if it were a life preserver and he was drowning. He couldn't believe his eyes. He licked his lips and stared at his phone.
A picture from your neck down. Bubbles in the bath around you. Water was running down your collarbone towards your tits. Your nipples barely covered by the bubbles. One boob having no bubbles around it at all, but your hand flipping him off blocked him from seeing more. He was greedy. He wanted to see more, and had never imagined you would send him this to begin with. Eddie looked down at the tent that had formed in his boxers.
Loser: ask nicely next time 😤
Eddie groaned and his dick twitched. You had totally misunderstood him, he had wanted to see your painting- of course he was more then glad for this outcome. However, he couldn't quite unsee what you had sent, nor would he want to. Eddie reread your text. Next time means more than just this once. Means maybe he could see more. Means maybe he has a better shot with you then he thought. He already overthought things with you many times, and now his brain had just switched to overdrive.
A million thoughts ran through his head as his hand traveled south. He paused briefly," Oh fuck it." He grabbed his dick over his boxers, causing the outline to be very noticeable. He took a pic before sending it to you. He would have felt bad about not sending a message with it, but he would have sat there for ages trying to think of a response. And he couldn't find it in himself to care as he pressed lightly against his dick.
He dropped his phone on his stomach. All Eddie could think about was you as he pulled his dick out of his boxers. Your soap covered tits. How beautiful they looked.. He licked his hand before slowly grasping his dick and squeezing the base, causing the tip to flush more. The pressure causing him to moan. He slowly stroked up and down his length. He picked up the pace, canting his hips up to meet his hand. Part of him wanted to go slow, but the rest of him wanted to get this over with quick so he could do it again and again and again. His chest heaved and sweat started to form on his brow. A sigh fell from his lips that quickly turned to a moan at the thought of it being your hand wrapped around him. How small your hand would look on his dick. How-
His stomach tensed and he jolted as his phone started vibrating and your ringtone played. The vibrations on his lower stomach felt so good, he was tempted to let it keep playing, but the urge to hear your voice was stronger. With his free hand he grabbed the phone and answered. "H-hello?" Eddie asked, panting into the phone. "Oh fuck, Eddie," your voice higher than normal sounded like music to his ears. Eddie moaned and your response was a whimper. "Fuck babe, see what you do to me?" Eddie's voice felt like sandpaper, he was surprised he could even find words. "Uh-huh." The sound of water splashing caught Eddie's attention," holy shit. Are you touching yourself?" "Wish it were you."
Eddie's mind went fuzzy as he picked up speed. The schlick noise picking up, his mind filtering out everything except your moans. "Sound so good. Wish I was there." Eddie mumbled, feeling his tip leaking generously. He was so close. "Fuuuck Eddie I'm gonna-" your sentence was cut off with a moan and he lost it. His hips bucked without rhythm and cum spurted everywhere. He never understood the phrase of people seeing stars behind their eyes until now, but they were more like fireworks. He had never cum this much in his life, not even when he had first found porn.
He slowly came back down, a euphoric feeling enveloping him. A warmth spread in his chest as it heaved, trying to catch a breath. He looked down and saw his shirt covered with his release. Your chuckle pulled him back to earth. "Uh so that happened...so whatcha gonna do about it Munson?" He hummed," Think i should ask you for a date." "You should."
Eddie had the biggest grin when you finally got off the phone, date planned for Friday night. He looked down at your contact name before changing the s to a v. He was going to find that painting you did and make sure it hung over his bed, so he could remember this night forever.
#Eddie eventually tells you about the misunderstanding and you just become more and more embarrassed#You asked him to delete the pic out of embarrassment and he goes on and on about how it is art and how beautiful it is and refuses#He later comes back to you and tells you if you want him to delete it he will and you just laugh and tell him to keep it#He agrees tho that your painting does suck to which you say “yeah I do” and give him a pointed look and he doesn't catch on#Until you huff and grab him and look him in the eyes and flat out tell him what you're offering#Shoutout to my friend who did this to me (it was a clothed pic tho) and I went BRO? and immediately clarified#But it started this thought and it wouldn't shake me loose until I wrote it so here yall go#Idk how to end things and idk how to write smut so take this and do with it as you will#My dumbass over here getting too lost in my own mind to write well fjdjsls#Eddie Munson#Modern!Eddie Munson#Eddie Munson x reader#Eddie Munson/reader#Eddie Munson x y/n#Eddie Munson x you#Eddie Munson/you#Eddie Munson smut#Eddie Munson x female!reader#Stranger Things#Also Eddie absolutely uses only text speech and you get frustrated with it#Jade is Talking
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Zosan captive prince au
#zosan#i know at least one of you has to know what I'm talking about#if you don't know what captive prince is...#I'm going to need everybody to get okay with some things really quickly#and don't judge me#this au would not actually fully go into some of the darker things about captive prince#because Sanji is not that cruel#i might delete this later if i get too embarrassed over admitting i like captive prince#but this occurred to me back when i first got into zosan before i even read one piece and it's still rattling in my brain#so I'm putting it out there at least for a little while
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ok posting it here bc im not sure if its going to stay in the doodle page
#delete later#deleting soon bc eyes on me#for those of you who kept asking about Something last year LOLLL#sorry this is too entry level vent comic ykwim i jst needed to get it out#im over it in the sense that like ok yeah whatever#but not in the sense that i came out worse than before. i was already Small. ive been further Smallened#i was a rebound and lied to and discarded...which thank god i was Set Free but wow!#all my personal fears reinforced. it is embarrassing for me to want and need...i get it neow. i was a stepping stone i am an npc#idk that i could do it again! im not sure its worth trying i am too much of a...project.#as i was told from day 1 but still ran directly into it#and i was too much of a coward to leave myself. if it happened again i wouldnt be able to leave then either.#im happy that i dont think it could get much worse than all that for my first experience but it was also exhausting#and weirdly at the same time i dont think i cld ever expect better#its almost been a year since its been Done and the words and treatment linger <3#this is also why i had to enlist talon as imaginary bf number 2 LOL need extra reinforcement and love#cringe as fuck but it rly will never be as good as whats in my brain...i know that neow. i will spare everyone the trouble#and remove myself from the dating pool (<- implying he was ever even in it)#i dont even hold any ill will toward em bc they were right...its just hurts ykwim
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contemplating deleting my blog soon I might make a new blog but idk
#.bdo#i just need to work on some insecurity issues is all. been on a long self journey this year#can't shake the feeling that every time i say anything it's wrong somehow#and there is some reality to that. i have been wrong several times I've even been downright mean to people over misunderstandings#i just haven't been able to break out of the habit of feeling permanently embarrassed about every small mistake I've ever made#& old insecurities from my childhood are resurfacing#like when i was a kid/teen and no one would ever tell me when i was breaking social cues but they'd make fun of me behind my back#i have 3200 followers and most of my posts get 0 notes sometimes i get 1-5 so it makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong#i end up deleting a lot of them...#almost every post of mine that's gone viral was just a screenshot or picture saved from somewhere else....#and the times that i have gotten attention over a post that stands up for people who aren't like me it makes me terrified#that i look like i'm trying to play a savior role or like i'm virtue signaling#i have a few good mutuals who i love so much and that's why I'm still here#it's also the only social media i use currently#but it does really hurt when i put a lot of thought into something like spending hours making a funny meme or a thoughtful post#just to find out that the only people who find them interesting is my extremely small circle on here if anyone at all#it's so dumb i shouldn't be feeling like this over fucking numbers....it's not even real#i find a little bit of (petty) solace in the fact that there are people on here who are loudly and repeatedly saying way more embarrassing#shit than I've ever said#but even then when i know someone is absolutely wrong it makes me feel nervous like what if im the next person to fuck up that bad#and i find out through public ridicule#well that actually kinda did happen on here once but not on that scale#last year i sent someone something i thought was funny and they sent back an 'ok'#and then immediately made a huge long post about how you shouldn't talk to strangers like you're already friends#called it parasocial behavior...got tens of thousands of notes and i knew it was about me...#i wholeheartedly agree some people go too far with parasocial behavior but i never fully understood what part of what i said/did was wrong#and i went back to feeling like the kid who never found out they were doing something wrong until they heard that they got made fun of#i don't even attempt to make new friends on my own on here anymore because i'm terrified of that happening again#almost all of the people I've become friends with on here came to me first and i love and appreciate them for that#but even then i feel too nervous to socialize that often bc i never find out/realize that i fuck up until later on
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having to continuously explain to friends that we can’t watch an episode of a show together bc i’m not going to be normal about it is so unbelievably cringe but i rlly. cannot handle it
#personal#delete later#i know it sounds quirky rawr xD i can’t watch it i get too excited :3#but it rlly is like. i enjoy it but its not fun for me bc i react v strongly#and am deeply embarrassed abt it#and i Promise u will be annoyed w me while we watch#i Promise i’m not being silly cute uwu like i genuinely#cannot react to this thing normally#and it will be weird and annoying to you#begging u to get that#and then i wanna say it’s an autism thing but then THAT sounds annoying cringe#but it IS but that doesn’t stop it from sounding ridiculous and like i’m playing it up for attention or something#i cannot physically watch or interact with you about this thing because i will be weird about it#and not in a fun way#i will emotionally shut down i will get upset if you interpret it wrong i will scream or laugh or shout at#at inconsequential shit#i will get excited to the point of doing laps around the room and scream laughing and i promise you i know it’s ridiculous and weird#but i physically cannot help it#and i don’t want to annoy or frustrate you#i cannot stress enough#that it’s not something i Like doing
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#tw vent i guess??#came here just to post smth that i'm most probably gonna delete later then leave#but aughhhh last week has been SO bad i really really needed to get it off my chest#had the final boss of a sick victorian child episode for like two weeks AND tons of college stuff to do-#-AND a test on a subject that i'm horrible at (and that i'm gonna fail fs)#AND i was supposed to get a septum which is something that i'd been looking forward to for literal YEARS#but upon telling my parents about it (cause they're kinda strict and ig they would like to know) i changed my mind#cause my mom took it SO personally.... like it was HER face not mine?🤨 but hey!#and although i had the decency to at the very least let her know that i was getting a piercing (which wasn't necessary for me to do but-#-i did it anyway out of consideration for her)#she has the fucking SPINE to tell me how i could do whatever the fuck i wanted if i cared more about getting it than about her opinion-#-but she would always think it was disgusting and that i had no right to get angry at her if she didn't look me in the face or#wanted to walk or be with me cause it'd make her embarrassed to be with me in public if i had that shit on my face.#and it hurts a lot not just bc of the fuckass piercing. but bc my parents (esp my mom) always react like this whenever i make a little-#-change on my appearanceor cut my hair or buy oversized clothes or whateverand like#if she's gonna be soooo hurt when i get a tiny piece of metal on my face. how is she gonna react when i tell her i want to get tattoos.#start taking hormones. change my name. get top and bottom surgery. be completely changed physically.#is she gonna die is the world gonna end. is she just going to stop talking to me forever.#because a piercing is not just a decoration. to me right now it's an extension of the changes i want to undergo on my body.#it's a step forward to looking the way i want too look#so a rejection to any change i do on my body feels like an indirect rejection to be being trans. and the fact that they're unaware of#just how deep their rejection cuts (bc i'm not out) makes me even angrier at them.#and upon the realization that if i ever came out to my mom (and the rest of my family too tbh) she would react *exactly* like this.#well. i did not take that very well.#wasn't very demure of her to say all that. not very mindful not very cutesy :/#also been sh-ing more bc if this and ughhh what a shit week. hope this one's better#also. i decided i'm still gonna get a septum this year. don't know when but fuck all that. it's gonna bother them all the same#no matter what time of the year i get it done. or if i do it in a year or two or five. so who gives a shit.#anyway. gonna delete later probably#📎
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Turns out if you’re awful at talking to people and try to start Mission Stop SSOBlr’s Vagueposting Epidemic And Have Us All Talk To Each Other Like Adults Instead the SSO Mission Failed screen will come up and it’ll say “Oops! That didn’t go so well. Try to better convey your intended tone on the internet next time!”
#Every day I have an experience and I write it down on my Things That Are Definitely Not As They Should Be list to bring to a psychiatrist#It’s crazy how my friends keep hobby diagnosing me with the same thing and then I keep having experiences that would in theory#match up with that! So crazy! I can’t imagine that says ANYTHING AT ALL about me!#Anyway that is enough embarrassment for one day I am sorry to anyone on here I was accidentally mean to. It was not my intention.#I have far too many feelings about horse games and I get very heated about them sometimes.#It is nothing to do with specific people on here.#actually hang on (writes that on the list as well)#not horse game#I will. PROBABLY delete this later
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#god im so sorry for vènting so damn much there is something so wrong with my head right now#every bit of positive attention ive gotten recently or even just attention in general sometimes has made me want to shed my skin#and on top of that there are Things in my head and i am worried it may be ********* but im too frightened to do any sort of research into i#but also hooo boy do i feel like im faking because like jet come on thats a trauma thing. you just kinda got yelled at SHUT UP YOURE FINE#and thats probably the biggest thing fucking me up right now because like im probably wrong but what if im right. dear fuck what then.#ànd also im scared to talk about it with anyone that does experience ********* because i feel so shitty insinuating that i went through#something like that when i know damn well i didnt#like oh wow you had a weird childhood ok jet get fucked everyones got a weird childhood#anyway. i need to like#talk to a stranger with ********* so im not so grossly embarrassed maybe#fuck#also lìke i just wanna stop talking to everyone but i started a zine and i cant abandon that and its upsetting me#like i need to fade into nothingness but i cant right now :/#anyway . desr lord why am i like this. what is inside me. what is going on.#delete later#jet maybe you need to get hit real hard by a car and that will do a hard reset and everything will be ok#vent#ALSO MY PARTNER IS GŔADUATING AND I CANT FUCKING BE THERE.#was litèrally sobbing over that this morning. i am so proud of them and they look so happy but also i cant be there#all i want is to hug them and congŕatulate them in person and give them a big bouquet of flowers but NO.#anyway. UGH.
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ㅤat this point, they're beyond wasted and vibing out to music that's too loud with several substances on standby for when the buzz starts wearing off. happy new year!!
#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ic status ⋮ fighting a fight i'll win anyway.#excuse to make use of this gif bc it's one of my faves? maybe.#but mostly i don't want to make an ooc post bc i don't much care for new years#THAT SAID....... i do actually have a goal for this year#and that's to finally ACTUALLY take fucking steps toward getting a diagnosis so that i can maybe start to be a functioning human being#for the first time in far far too long#at this point i'm p sure i'm on the autism spectrum and/or adhd and only having treatment for depression & anxiety#and having psychs guess at MAYBE things like bpd are the underlying main issue#then not actually doing anything about it#has royally fucked over my quality of life since middle school (:#i don't like talking much about my life bc it's genuinely so embarrassing#but i figure maybe baring a little of my soul will help encourage me to finally take steps forward.#this is basically my happy place. my retreat. my escape.#and byan has effectively become my comfort character and a bit of an outlet#so while i'm out here crying about shit i just want to say a huge thank you to all of you lovely mutuals who have kept me company#and put up with my sharp and glittery little freak and given me all these amazing relationships for them#i'd be doin a whole lot worse if not for y'all you have no idea#thank you i love you and here's to hoping that 2024 is good and a better mental health year for all of us ♡♡♡#...there's a good chance i'll be embarrassed enough to delete all these tags later tbh#but i'm in basically the last time zone to hit midnight so it's probably late enough that most people won't see it anyway lmao
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yeah no im not going to lie to you gewls. the psychic damage of having to apply for the full-time version of my internship a year ago was kinda unbearable but like it made sense that i had to do that. but the psychic damage of having to apply for the literal EXACT same job that i am CURRENTLY IN just at a regular status with better benefits… is quite simply unspeakable. make it make sense.
#purrs#i feel horrible for complaining abt it bc again… im potentially getting fast tracked to regular status and a raise and that is an extremely#generous big deal. but how the fuck am i supposed to do any of this. like you mean i have to do a peasant dance ON THE PODIUM after winning#the dance competition ⁉️⁉️⁉️ like how do i even write this cover letter or ask for references or anything. i get why they have to do a searc#so it’s equitable and fair and whatever but this position was MADE for me and im already in it like… it’s fucking embarrassing for everyone#involved. why are we going through all of this why are you making me a dog in a thundervest AGAINNNNNN. attacka you attacka you attacka you.#delete later#like i feel so much despair agout it but it’s also so upsetting it’s funny. of course i have to apply for my own job not once but TWICE.#hell watch it be three times too once i finish killing myself getting a masters degree i don’t even want 😍😍😍😍😍😍 it’s all rainbows and#sunshine until they decide i have to walk across the coals one more time just for kicks huh. and you wonder why im on the verge of a nervous#breakdown literally constantly and am extremely distrustful and paranoid about anything having to do with my positioning in this work LOOOOL#like actually wha happened last year was i walked across the coals and then as soon as i made it safely to the other side a volcano erupted#and we all drowned in lava but i survived and now it’s like oh you have to walk across the coals again 😇 LIKE STFU DID YOU NOT SEE WHAT HELL#IJUST OVERCAME. IS THAT NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!! but it isn’t of course and i get it but also like WHAT the fuck. this sux 😍
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sorry about rarely posting any drabbles or character thoughts or even fics even semi frequently I am not confident in my writing ability
#like I like my writing but I also don’t#and I can’t imagine anyone else liking it either#c’est la vie i suppose but also it makes me miserable at times!#the insecurity that grips me (both social and creative) when I post something is becoming unmanageable!#vent#idk social media and interaction is getting to me and I am starting to base my worth as a writer entirely around that#and I know it sounds dumb bc I preach the exact opposite#but yeah :/ it’s getting to me now#and I’m embarrassed to admit it but it just doesn’t feel good to post things anymore.. esp with the way tumblr culture has been changing#and I’m TRYING TO BE COOL ABOUT IT BUT I CANT#ive come unbelievably close to deleting my blog like three times this month#and ik id regret that so I probably won’t bc I like it here too much#but yeah! as a creative I am going through it#delete later
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#delete later#mental health ahit is so embarrassing bc how thr fuck are you meant to explain thst you can't sleep bc for the last twenty minutes#youve been imagining being stabbed in the gut over and over agajn with a curved knife. what the fuck is that#aphantasia has nothing against the vivid intrusive thoughts of a knife curved like a raptor claw scything through my abdominal#wall and through my intestines. ah yes the only two times I can visualise. when i am asleep and when i am dealing with intense#intrusive thoughts. this particular one is really old too. its moved about over the years. used to crack through my ribcage mostly#now it tends to be my stomach. always slices upwards. always buried to the hilt#i keep muttering out loud trying to stop it. but that never works for more than a couple minutes.#also I know ive made a bunch of venting posts today. sorry to anyone who has been reading them. i was getting by not having#to externalise things for a bit. but breaking point has hit and everything is mentally everywhere#vivid intrusive thoughts are. bad. and nothing helps except resisting the compulsions and waiting for the episode to pass#but i dont have the energy to resist the compulsions. the internal repetition is getting rough. itll be fine. it just sucks right now#and my brain is stuck between dissociating away and being trapped in the shame. so im also having waves of far away#calmness and then intense panic. overall a bad time. and one i know i just have to ride out.#anyway. sorry#tw intrusive thoughts#tw body horror#yeah this probably counts#tw gore mention
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#today is hard for NO REASON#all i have to do is enter some debits for work#and then do dishes#and then. just. sort. the. laundry. and. take. it. downstairs. to the washing machine. but it is SO HARD#why am i like this??#the laundry has been sitting there for three more days than necessary#my partner is at work all day so i want the place to look nice for them but urghhhh do i not love them enough to just get shit done? is tha#what this is?#delete later#my partner also noticed i have scheduled daily breakdowns if i don't go places (between 4-6pm) and i think i dissociated OUT of my own shee#embarrassment#ennui#i also want to write for novel month but everything . fucking. sucks. in college i had so many fun ideas and stories i wanted to tell but#now i am scratching together what meager thoughts i have together to try to make something anything before i get too old to write a novel#and end up feeling more depressed about myself and my lack of accomplishments#my siblings are doing way better than me and im like fdjkfjdlfjds barely employed
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ugh i get fixated on such Not Important things all the time which leads me to be using my phone too much (doing nothing) which is why i tried to get myself to limit my screentime ... because then i continue to get fixated on Not Important things all the time. a cycle. anyway really unrelated but i need my bestie to continue watching iwtv but i dont wanna pressure her but she seemed like she enjoyed it and wants to continue but...
#i knowww she's like miss advokat busy girl and im the jobless queen rn so#i dont wanna be like . hey hey hello. hey pls. care me. sjsjdjjdjdjf#^ see im getting too into my head about literally unimportant stuff. .#🗒#will i delete this later idk.. never above embarrassing posting
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