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stayevildarling · 10 months ago

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Hi, I had another idea for a fic ! So it’s Mina x Delia x Reader and I was thinking that maybe Mina has a bad week (I know, torturing you 😅), because she had a doctors appointment and Delia was on a council meeting away and the reader had to take care of the coven so no one could go with Mina and support her and everyone was busy but by the end of the week the reader realizes just what a toll it took on Mina and she talks to Delia about it. So Delia comes home early and they surprise Mina by taking care of her. She’s reluctant at first but accepts it and they do something special for her (maybe fav meal, gift, whatever).

Thank you ☺️

Cordelia Goode x Wilhemina Venable x Reader - Never alone

A/N: Can't lie, this was in fact torture. I hope you enjoy it and it's what you kinda expected and hoped for with this request 🫶🏻

warnings: mention of doctors appointments, mention of medication, mention of scoliosis

word count: 4k

taglist:

@lunaticwhittaker , @billiebeanhoward , @lanawinters-ily , @kenzbro , @minaslittleone , @httpfiftyshadesofgay , @whitelotus00, @ninaahs, @vintagepaulson, @isle-of-earle, @paulsonsratched, @stepintomyworld, @grilledcheeseandguavajelly, @lucyintheskywithxanax, @fanfics4world, @mymiraclewitch, @hazard-to-myself, @awritersometime, @ohrwurm26, @wastdstime

As you are sitting at Cordelia's desk, typing away on her computer, you are suddenly startled by a ray of thunder, some lighting jolting through the now dark academy. The rain begins angrily tapping against the large windows, causing for your thoughts to be interrupted for a moment. Glancing at the time in the corner of the screen, you suddenly realise it was past midnight and your heart instantly sinks, as if the thunder and rain was a reminder that you needed to call it a night.

It had been undeniably hard, Cordelia being away for a council meeting and you in charge. Being a witch and Cordelia's long time partner for the last several years, you really should have the hang of it by now and in a way you do. You made sure that meals were served for the witches, teaching classes and helping them prepare for the upcoming weekend. However the administrative part had killed you, documenting for Cordelia what had happened, replying to emails and new witches wanting to join the academy and on top of it all trying to sort out your own life and stay somehow sane. You had no idea how Cordelia managed to do it all, being the supreme and carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders, while still remaining the happiest ray of sunshine, never letting her stress or anger out on anyone or take a toll on her. Through it all she still remained your rock, the sense of peace and calm for both Wilhemina and you.

As your thoughts trail to Wilhemina, you suddenly realise that you really hadn't seen her today, other than a brief appearance at dinner and some small talk. Suddenly you feel a pang of guilt in your chest, knowing how you really didn't have any time for her this week, despite trying your best. Usually, Wilhemina would return from work, the witches already having had dinner and mostly in their room, a warm meal waiting for her, simply the three of you eating in the presence of each other and catching up. Usually, Wilhemina would always find a warm bath prepared for her from you, as well as some comfortable clothes to change into after work. Her medication cabinet would always be fully stocked and you would help her out in whatever ways you could, preparing her lunchbox in the morning and often bringing her some tea throughout the day when she would work from home.

The truth was that neither Cordelia or Wilhemina expected anything from you, ever. They both knew that you still had your own life, despite living at the academy, and being a witch at your age certainly wasn't easy. But they couldn't help but appreciate your gestures, always sure to thank you for them in their own ways, Cordelia openly thanking you and prepping you in kisses, while Wilhemina had a more quiet way to show her gratitude. However, you had noticed that the redhead seemed off within the last two days, more quiet, often simply going to sleep and not talking to you in the way she usually would. And you couldn't help but worry that it had been due to you neglecting her a little this week, deep down hoping she would understand with the pressure of keeping the academy running.

Taking a deep breath, you decide to let work rest until tomorrow, turning the computer off before glancing at the calendar on Cordelia's desk one more time, making sure other than one class due teaching in the morning there was nothing on your agenda until the supreme would return in the afternoon. As you glance over the last couple of days, your breath suddenly gets caught in your throat as you realise what you had missed. ,,Mina Dr's appointment'' it reads from exactly two days ago. And you could hate yourself, remembering how Cordelia had made the appointment months ago and how they needed to do a range of uncomfortable tests, including some needles and you know Mina hated those specific appointments. Back then Cordelia already knew she would be away and so you had promised to take her, however neither of them had mentioned it again and so in the chaos of it all, you forgot.

The guilt seems to overwhelm you, as you quickly make your way back to your shared bedroom, hoping your Mina may still be awake reading a book and that you could talk to her. However to your disappointment, she is turned around, already asleep and so you have no choice but to join her in bed, trying to rest for the day ahead but your thoughts not allowing you to get an inch of rest as you felt terrible. Eventually, several hours later sleep arrived, however you are awoken a little while later as your alarm blares through the quiet bedroom. Shuffling, you notice that it's still pitch black outside but as you turn, you notice the absence of your other lover in bed. You huff, wiping tiredly at your eyes, before trying to find her downstairs or in the bathroom but to your disappointment she had already left. You had been so adamant to set an alarm early in order to get a chance to talk to her and at least prepare her lunch box today.

Knowing you wouldn't be able to get any more sleep, you simply stand in the kitchen, preparing breakfast for the witches in the kitchen. As you glance at your phone, you open your messages, debating whether to message your redhead girlfriend before finding an unopened message from Cordelia. ,,Hi sweetie, can't wait to see you today, love Delia'' it reads and your heart swells a little whenever receiving a text from her, despite it being so long now. ,,Can I call you?'' you type back and almost instantly her photo appears on your screen and you quickly press the green button before clutching the phone to your ear.

,,Hi Sweetie, everything okay?'' she asks and you can sense the hint of concern in her voice. Hesitating for a moment, you nervously begin biting your lip. ,,I fucked up Dee'' you whisper, tears brimming in your eyes as the guilt again overwhelms you. ,,What happened darling?'' she tries calmly. ,,I completely forgot Mina's appointment and I had no time to do anything for her this week, last night I missed her going to bed and this morning she was already gone'' you explain, some tears now flowing down your cheeks and Cordelia can tell by the way your voice quivers ever so slightly. ,,Shh sweetie, it's okay'' she coos, her heart hurting at your confession and putting this all on you. ,,It will be fine darling, I promise.'' she reassures you before speaking again ,,Let's do something nice tonight, just us three?'' she offers and you nod before realising she can't hear you. ,,How about we make her favourite for dinner? and I'll bring everything on my way home so you don't need to worry baby girl'' she offers and you instantly feel a little calmer, knowing your Delia was more in control of these sort of things. ,,Perfect, thank you Dee'' you smile before the two of you say your goodbyes and she happily mentions her return again and that she can't wait to hold you close.

While the day seems to pass quickly, in between teaching and preparing everything for Cordelia's arrival, your other lover wasn't having much luck. Wilhemina had already been on edge as soon as she walked into the office this morning, quite behind on her schedule which was highly unusual for the punctual and hard working woman. Her idiot bosses had drowned her in work this week, constantly demanding her attention on new projects, orders and since her assistant had quit this week on top of it all, due to a personal matter she was drowning. Additionally, Wilhemina hadn't seen either of you two much this week, Cordelia not at all, the supreme often checking in however and calling the redhead or texting her. She had gotten to see glimpses of you but she knows you had been busy and she didn't mind.

However, this week had tired the usual strong woman. She wouldn't admit it to either of you or herself really but the doctors appointment had taken a toll on her. She hated those, especially those specific ones and it often left her drained after going through countless tests and treatments. Due to her workload she also had to cancel her weekly physical therapy which just added another load of pain to her already tired shoulders. Wilhemina was on a breaking point today and she knew if her bosses waltzed into her office one more time, cracking silly jokes, she may just kill one or both of them. The truth was that the only reason the redhead managed to stay sane, was due to both Cordelia and you. The two of you managed to balance the redhead out, your sweet gestures and your true, kind and genuine love for her made her feel calm and manages to quieten her inner storms each time. Cordelia was always a rock for Wilhemina and she felt safe to hide away with the supreme when everything felt a little much. Having neither of you by her side didn't only make the raging storm worse, it also somehow made her feel vulnerable, scared even to slip back into her old habits before meeting you both.

Meanwhile you had just finished at the academy, sending the witches off to their families and friends for the weekend, tidying after them and at last putting the greenhouse back in shape after you didn't get time to do that this morning after the potion class you had been teaching. With swift motions, you move around the room, putting books neatly back on shelves and giving the plants some much needed attention, care and water. Cordelia had returned moments before, setting the bags with supplies down in the kitchen before coming to find you. She hovers by the doorway, not wanting to announce her presence yet as the sight was too good for her not to cherish it a moment longer. Despite the concern regarding your other partner after you had filled in the supreme, she couldn't help but be overwhelmed by the love she has for you in this moment, seeing you move with such ease.

,,Hi there sweetie'' she smiles genuinely, startling you a little and as your eyes shoot towards her, she tilts her head a little into the smile. ,,Delia'' you practically cry out before zooming towards her and her arms instantly wrap around your body, pulling you closer in her embrace. ,,I missed you my sweet girl'' she tells you truthfully as she takes in your features and giving you a face hug with her hands. ,,I missed you too Delia'' you sigh, almost frowning a little. ,,Come on'' she encourages, taking your hand and leading you through the gardens and into the academy once again. On the table, you find some shopping bags and your eyes meet hers before she gives you a little nod of permission to explore what she had gotten.

,,I got some of Mina's favourite bath salts and chocolates and all the ingredients to make her favourite dinner'' Cordelia exclaims excitedly and you can't help but frown, feeling grateful that the blonde had organised this. ,,Thank you so much'' you almost whisper, the guilt about the reasoning for this once again overwhelming you. ,,Let me go and make the bath'' you offer before disappearing upstairs. By the time you make it to the bathroom, you have already collected two large lilac towels and put them on the heater so they would be nice and warm for your girlfriend. Afterwards you use your magic to light all the candles in the room, making the atmosphere comfortable for her before setting some clothes down neatly for her, as well as her evening medication and running the bath. Despite not doing this usually, you cheat a little and use your magic to make it the perfect temperature, before adding some of the bath salts that Cordelia had gotten. You neatly place the chocolates on the desk in her office, before returning downstairs almost hastily, unable to wait for her return any longer.

As you find yourself back in the kitchen, you watch in awe as Cordelia swiftly moves around it, chopping some ingredients with ease, adding some herbs to the food and looking as beautiful and ethereal as ever. You assume she is still wearing what she had been wearing all day, a blouse with some flower prints, her signature long black pants and some subtle heels. Her hair was glowing, the perfect shade of blonde and her little curls falling perfectly. Despite the scent of the food simmering, lingering in the air, you could also smell her perfume, honey and vanilla and it made you feel right at home. The only thing to cure your guilty and aching heart would be Wilhemina's return and your heart skips a beat as you realise she should be back any moment. You end up a little lost in your thoughts, still lingering by the door and watching Cordelia as she sets the table, having noticed your presence of course but deciding to let you watch a little longer, after all you had done enough for her this week by keeping the academy going.

The front door opens moments later and despite the supreme not being able to see as the kitchen furniture was in the way, you managed to catch a glimpse of your Mina and the sight almost killed you. Her features seemed tense, not angry or upset but simply defeated. Her shoulders slumped and by her posture you could tell she was either incredibly fed up or in an incredible amount of pain. You watch quietly as she sets her bag down, before putting on a brave face, knowing Cordelia was home by now. You try hard to form a genuine smile and hide the guilt and concern lingering on your face as you walk into the kitchen. ,,Hi honey'' Cordelia greets her sincerly, wrapping the redhead in a hug and you could see how much Wilhemina was tensing today. ,,Hello darling, nice trip?'' Wilhemina tries after they pull away and Cordelia simply hums in approval before taking in her features and returning her attention back on dinner and the surprise you had planned for the woman, wanting to take care of her.

,,Hi Mina'' you almost whisper, the guilt almost causing you to cry and to falter and let the tears flow. ,,Hello little one'' she greets you with a smile and you couldn't tell in your state whether it was genuine or forced. ,,Mina I-'' you try and her features tense before Cordelia interrupts you both, using her brown eyes to tell you that now wasn't the time to apologise and start this conversation. ,,Y/N prepared a bath for you upstairs darling and dinner should be finished whenever you are ready'' she softly announces. The redhead seems reluctant, being able to tell that this wasn't what you were going to say and suddenly feeling strange to accept the gesture, considering you had been too busy all week and despite her not blaming you for it in the slightest, her walls had rebuilt in the last few days without her being able to control it. Wilhemina glances towards you one more time before nodding and leaving, her cane echoing against the marble floor on her way upstairs.

As Wilhemina steps into the bathroom moments later, her heart melts a little at the gesture. She had stopped by her office, setting her things down and already finding the chocolate and she assumed it was from Cordelia as she usually brought gifts back after council meetings, the redhead assuming it's her way of apologising for being gone so long. And she didn't need the supreme to tell her beforehand that you had been the one running the bath as the details like the warm towels, nighttime medication gave it away. Despite feeling a little stubborn and reluctant about it, she can't help but sigh as she undresses, settling into the bath after all as all she wanted was a few moments to herself, to breathe and to let her tired muscles and features relax for a little. To her own surprise, the bath does wonders as the tension slowly subsides, of course the pain was still there, it always was after all. However she felt a little more at ease, already forgetting about work for the remainder of the weekend at least and a small part of her looking forward to catch up with her two favourite girls.

,,Hi darling'' Cordelia pulls you out of your thoughts as Wilhemina returns eventually and you feel a little relieved seeing she is wearing the clothes you had chosen for her after all. ,,Please'' Cordelia offers, pointing towards the chair before setting three plates on the table. ,,Delia made your favourite'' you announce happily, seeing her features a lot less tense than before. She remains silent for a moment, needing to collect her thoughts for a moment as it always felt a little strange to her whenever you three reunited and usually her never losing touch to you the way she had this week. ,,What have I done to deserve all this?'' she questions and you glance at Cordelia, the blonde smiling at you and encouraging you to speak. However your gaze drops to your plate as the guilt overwhelms you once more, worried about her reaction and scared she may hate you after the way you had abandoned her this week.

,,Little one?'' the redhead asks, her eyebrows furrowing as concern etches across her perfect features. ,,Darling I- we know this week has been a lot for you'' Cordelia tries, knowing this was a little much for you right now. ,,And what makes you think that?'' Wilhemina questions, almost a little sternly as she meets the blondes gaze, feeling called out a little. ,,Darling we have been so busy this week, I was gone and I know poor Y/N has been doing everything around here to keep the academy running'' she begins, her expression turning serious. Wilhemina simply holds the supreme's gaze before glancing towards you. ,,We weren't there for you and I'm sorry about that'' the supreme admits guiltily. ,,I'm sorry Mina'' you choke on some tears, despite trying your hardest to hide them. ,,Whatever for my sweet girl?'' the redhead asks confused, of course having heard the supremes earlier words but not remotely understanding what you felt the need to apologise for, let alone what had upset you so much.

,,I basically ignored you this week, I didn't make your baths, I didn't make your lunchboxes and I forgot about that appointment and I feel so bad'' it practically bursts out of you as more tears flow. The redhead's eyes again meet Cordelia's almost a little helplessly, unsure how to react and fix this. ,,Little one, you know while I appreciate those things, you don't need to do them'' she reassures. ,,Besides sweetie, this isn't on you, I gave you way too much with the academy and also teaching, I'm sorry'' Cordelia apologises, feeling terrible herself for not arranging things differently before leaving to the meeting. ,,You both don't need to be sorry, I'm an adult and perfectly capable of doing these things'' Wilhemina tries, unsure what to say and her walls still not completely gone. ,,Mina'' you try, tilting your head to the side a little. ,,I know you hate those specific appointments and I can tell this week was a lot, so can we just pwease take care of you?'' you try, giving her your best frown and puppy eyes.

,,Fine but no more of this for now'' she warns and you and Cordelia simply smile warmly at her before agreeing. And so, the three of you simply catch up, Wilhemina sharing little details about her idiot bosses, you filling Cordelia in about what she had missed and the supreme giving some insight on the council meeting. Wilhemina listens to you two intently, occasionally joining the conversation with some comments but all she can do is enjoy your presence as she had undeniably missed this. The quiet moments with you both where she feels most at home, most like herself and the walls tumble down with each glance, each smile that you both gave her. Eventually, the three of you settle on the sofa, Cordelia having bought both yours and Wilhemina's favourite snacks. For a change, the three of you are sitting on the sofa, Wilhemina usually in her armchair but she opted for the spot in the middle today, which surprised both you and Cordelia.

,,Thank you little one'' she glances at you as the tv and her favourite movie plays in the background. ,,What for?'' you ask a little dumbfounded and sleepy as you had been resting your head on her and slowly the events from the day and week catching up with you. ,,For always taking such lovely care'' she smiles warmly, loving to see you this comfortable and sleepy. ,,But-'' you try to protest and remind her about this week but she simply shushes you ,,No darling, no but's, you did a perfect job'' she reminds you before pressing a kiss to your forehead. Cordelia watches the interaction with a warm smile, watching you drift to sleep pretty much straight after Wilhemina's lips left your forehead. ,,How are you really honey?''she tries and notices that the redhead seems much less tense and much more like herself again.

,,Tired'' the redhead whispers and the blonde could tell what she was implying. ,,How was the appointment?'' she asks, worry laced in her voice. ,,It was alright'' the redhead speaks truthfully as it really wasn't too bad and she managed in the end. ,,I'm sorry for not being here'' the supreme apologises again before the redhead reassures her with a warm smile. ,,I missed you both'' the supreme sighs before putting her head carefully on the redheads shoulder. ,,Me too'' Wilhemina whispers, glancing in between her girls. ,,Thank you for this'' she mumbles as she equally feels herself drifting to sleep. ,,Anything for our best girl'' Cordelia reassures before pressing a kiss to Wilhemina's cheek. ,,I'm so proud of you darling'' she speaks honestly, however the redhead missed that statement as she had already joined you sleeping moments before. And it was true, Cordelia knew the likelihood of the redhead shutting you both out, not appreciating the gestures and conversations of tonight and it made her ever so proud that the redhead chose to be brave tonight and simply enjoy the comfortable embraces and safety of each other.

#sarah paulson #cordelia goode #wilhemina venable #ahs #american horror story #sarah paulson x reader #cordelia goode x reader #wilhemina venable x reader #Wilhemina Venable x cordelia goode #ahs coven #ahs apocalypse

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dreamypqulson · 1 year ago

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Hi :) i love your writing and was hoping you could do one wear Cordelia finds out y/n is sh on her thigh? Or something <3

— my love, mine all mine

pairing: cordelia goode x reader

word count: 1500

warnings: self harm & depression

note: i got this request during my break so it’s a little old but i still wanted to write it cause it fits with my life right now!!!

You stared blankly at your bloody thigh in front of you. With the blade still grasped in your hand you tried to breathe in, and hold for five seconds, and then let it all out. It would help they told you. It would take away the misery until you didn't feel like hurting yourself anymore.

But you laughed a little as you watched the blood drip. It felt good and that was the worst part. You wanted to keep going. You almost did. You wanted the thoughts to shut up for a minute. But right as the blade lightly touched your flesh, there was a knock at the door.

And it snapped you out of it for a minute. Really, how long were you sitting on the cold bathroom floor for? Had anyone really noticed your absence or do they just need to get into the bathroom?

"Mhm?" You hummed, shaky but nonetheless clear.

"Are you okay, darling? You disappeared on me." Right as you heard that sweet familiar voice, you bounced off of the floor. Frantically, you grabbed a tissue and applied pressure to the broken skin after hiding the blade in the back of the cabinet.

"Yeah, sorry. I'll be out in a minute."

Cordelia didn't know about what was going on. Of course, she knows you struggle with mental health, but she'd hadn't yet found out about your legs. And you weren't planning on telling her.

By the way that you spoke, she felt like something was wrong. And, naturally, she wouldn't back down. She needed to help you with whatever was wrong.

"Can I come in?" She jiggled the doorknob but it was locked. You don't ever lock doors.

The blood leaked through the thin tissue and you cursed under your breath. You couldn't clean up with a wash cloth right now. You wouldn't have enough time to hide the evidence.

You looked up at the door and your blood ran cold. Answer her! You have to answer her before she comes in!

You pulled your sweatpants back up and flushed away the bloody tissues down the toilet so she couldn’t see them in the trash. "I'm coming," you said, and at this point, you were out of breath from the verge of a panic attack.

You opened the door and Cordelia's eyes widened. You were clearly frantic and you tried so hard to not cringe at the feeling of your pants rubbing against your raw cuts.

"Are you okay?" She asked again, but now she's more suspicious. You just nod your head and walk right by her. She follows you as you throw yourself on the bed.

Something doesn't feel right to her, but she tries to make it better by laying beside you and kissing you. You started to giggle looking over at her and for a moment, you completely forget about everything that just happened. She does too.

It isn't until she looks down that her eyes widen. And you're always so cautious about getting caught that your heart immediately drops.

"Why are you bleeding?" She asks, and sits up. You sit up too, and that's when you notice the patch of crimson on your thigh. Of course you'd just happen to be wearing grey sweatpants.

"Shit," you angrily curse, and start to get up off the bed. "I'm not sure. I'll go check it out though."

You try to head towards the bathroom but Cordelia grabs your arm so you can't move. You're fucked and you know it. "No, y/n. Why are you bleeding? Do not lie to me."

You always want Cordelia when you're injured or sick, so it was unusual for you to go run off. And after you acting strange in the bathroom, she was starting to think that she knew what is going on.

"I'm not lying, Cordelia! Are you serious right now?" Your voice raised slightly, going into a defensive mode, but Cordelia was quick to calm you.

"Hey, shh, shh. None of that. Just be honest with me, sweetie, i'm not mad." She reached up and cupped your cheek. Your lip started to tremble and you couldn't hold back the waterfall of tears. You couldn't bring yourself to tell her. "Are you hurting yourself?" She asks gently.

All you do is nod, and the waterworks stream heavier down your face. You simply shatter and Cordelia wraps her arms around you like she's trying to hold every piece of you together. "Oh, my baby. Okay, shh. It’s okay," the blonde cooes in your ear, rubbing calming circles into your back.

Her warm arms and floral scent keeps you grounded. You feel safe. Maybe it is okay. "Do you want to talk about it, my lovely? Or no?"

You shake your head. You're too tired, and you don't feel like explaining everything. It's too much, too heavy, and you feel too weak.

"Okay. That's okay. Can I at least clean them for you? I don't want my girl getting an infection."

For once you speak up a quiet, "yes that's okay," and it hurts but you know that you’re being too nonresponsive already and you feel like a lot of work right now.

Cordelia grabs your hand and brings you back into the bathroom. She waits for your permission with her fingers resting on the waistband of your sweatpants. She'd wait here forever until you were ready. But you feel like you’ve already wasted so much of her time.

You nod your head and then Cordelia starts to slide your pants down your legs and you want her to stop. You want to take your permission back but you can't seem to talk. You can't seem to do anything and, god, you feel like you can't even breathe.

She doesn't gasp when she sees your bloody thigh. Her face doesn't contort into disgust. She looks so soft and gentle and you wonder how someone could be so pure enough to love someone like you.

She lifts you onto the bathroom counter. You don't even notice that you moved at first.

And even as Cordelia was looking straight at the bloody cuts, you still felt the need to lie and tell her that you weren't hurting actually yourself. It didn't feel real. Almost like you were shoved into another persons body with all of these scars and hurt on it.

You notice Cordelia looking at your whole thigh, how she can see all the old scars there. It hurts the most for her to see recent ones. Ones she can tell have been from the past weeks, even days, and she had absolutely no clue about it until now.

"I want you to tell me, my love," she says, so softly, and smiles gently too like she's not talking about you hurting yourself. "Okay? Whenever you feel like this, come to me, baby."

You nod simply, like it's the easiest task in the world. But you're not sure that you'll be able to even do that. You can see the pain and worry on Cordelia's face beneath that smile, and you don't want to hurt her anymore.

She grabs your hand, holds it there tightly. She knows you always like to hold it when you're upset or nervous, or even when you get shots at the doctors. She doesn't need to tell you that you're allowed to squeeze it; you already know you can.

Cordelia dabs away the blood with a wet cloth. It sends a sting throughout your entire body. You squeeze her hand and bite your lip hard enough to draw blood. All Cordelia can say is, "I know, I know, baby. I'm sorry. I'm almost done." And you wonder why she's apologizing. I did this. I brought this on myself. It's my fault.

Cordelia gently applies some antiseptic to your cuts and then she adds some band-aids on top. They're not the boring tan ones either. They're colorful and it even puts a smile on your face because it's such a Cordelia thing to do.

"There we go. All better," she says, as if cutting yourself wasn't the scariest thing in the world for her. But right now it is all better. You're bandaged up and Cordelia is holding your hand and smiling at you. Right now you don't hurt as much.

She leans forward and places a kiss on your nose. You crinkle it up and giggle at her. "You're so pretty, ya know." And it's not a question. She's not asking if you know that you're pretty. Because she knows that you really don't think you are. Especially not like this. But it doesn't matter right now. She just needs you to know that she thinks it so then it has to be true.

You're gonna cry again because your heart feels so tender, but then Cordelia is talking again and you get lost away in her voice. "How about we go have some hot cocoa by the fire? You feel like a little icicle." She says it like nothing has changed. Like she hadn't just found out that you're really a danger to yourself.

And you nod because you're still the same person you were to her thirty minutes ago. You still love cuddling her by the fireplace with a cup of hot chocolate that she made you. That hasn't changed, neither has her love for you.

#sarah paulson #american horror story #cordelia goode #wlw #ahs #ahs coven #ahs apocalypse #cordelia goode x reader #sarah paulson x reader #lesbian #billie dean howard #lana winters #cordelia foxx #ally mayfair richards #sally mckenna #wilhemina venable

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grilledcheeseandguavajelly · 1 month ago

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⟡˚⊹ Agatha Harkness Masterlist ⊹˚⟡

⟡˚⊹ Lady Paulson Masterlist ⊹˚⟡

⟡˚⊹ SwanQueen Masterlist ⊹˚⟡

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aboutcustardcreams · 1 year ago

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Y/n: *knocks at the fridge’s door and waits*

Cordelia and Mina share a quizzical look

Y/n: *grins and knocks again*

Cordelia: *already struggles to keep a serious expression and turns to Mina* ask her, love

Mina: ask her what? *frowns*

Cordelia: just ask her why she is knocking at the fridge’s door or we won’t have any dinner tonight…

Y/n: *grins evilly in anticipation*

Mina: *sighs and tiredly rubs the root of her nose* sweetheart, why are you knocking at the fridge’s door?

Y/n: because … *stops dramatically to add suspense while Cordelia is already crying in laughter* there could be a salad dressing

Mina: *struggles to keep a serious expression*

Cordelia: *lying on the floor* HELP.

#american horror story #sarah paulson x reader #cordelia goode #cordelia goode x reader #wilhemina venable x reader #wilhemina venable #random

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marsthebabie · 1 year ago

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Work trip

Wilhelmina Venable x Cordelia Goode x reader

Tw: Attachment issues, maybe cussing, Mina being mean.

Momma is Mina

Mommy is Cordelia

"NO! Please mommy! Please don't go" I cry holding onto Mommy's dress. "Baby please let go of my dress. I have to go. I'll be back soon. I promise" Mommy says trying to leave. I just cry harder as Momma removes my fingers from Mommy's dress. "Come on Angel let mommy go. She has to go on a work trip" Momma says softly to me. I reach my hands out to mommy as I sob loudly. Mommy kisses me on the head quickly before walking out the door with her suitcase.

"It's okay Love. Shh easy baby" Momma says stroking my hair . Usually I wouldn't do this but I want Mommy. I smack momma's hand away and I instantly regret it knowing what happens when I act up. Momma swiftly picks me up and sets me down in the corner. " 3 minuets in time out. We do not hit" Momma says walking away. I curl up in the corner and cry missing my mommy so much. Momma comes back when my time is up. She sighs as she watches me cry. "Oh honey. She'll be back don't worry" Momma says but I just continue to cry. I decide to crawl to the front door and wait for mommy to come home. After a while momma comes to me.

"Alright Y/N this is enough. Come on" Momma says sternly. I don't move an inch. Momma sighs before picking me up. I thrash around in her arms and start sobbing loudly. "P-put me down! I need to waits for mommy" I cry. "Y/N, you need to stop this. Just grow up for pete's sake" Momma spits out. I manage to get out of her hold. "I hate you! You a big meanie" I yell before running to my room sobbing and slamming the door shut. I curl up on the bed with the shirt that mommy wore because it smells like her. I sobbed into her shirt and I eventually fall asleep from crying. I wake up to someone calling my name and a hand stroking my hair. I sit up and see momma. I instantly start sobbing and I wrap my arms around her.

"I'm so sorry momma! I don't hate you. I'm so sorry momma! Please don't leave me" I say sobbing into her chest. She wraps her arms around me and softly rubs my back. "Shh it's okay sweetling. And baby, I would never hate you or leave you for anything. You are way too important to me. And I love you so much. I'm sorry for being mean and not understanding cutie"Momma says softly. I cuddle close to her and we decide to watch movies together for the rest of the day. A couple of days go by and Momma and I are cuddling on the couch.

When all of a sudden I hear the door unlock and I quickly sit up. I stare at the front door as it opens and in comes mommy. I quickly get up tripping on a blanket and I get up and run into mommy's arms. "Mommy"I beam wrapping my arms around her. She shuts the door and picks me up. I hold onto her tighter as I start sobbing into her hair. "Oh honey don't cry" She says sweetly. "I-I sowwy..I-i jwust miss chu so much" I say sobbing. "Aw baby, I missed you too" Mommy says kissing my head.Mommy carried me to the couch and sat down next to momma. I soon stop crying and start playing with mommy's hair. "How was she" Mommy asked momma making me pause and look at momma. "we had...some issues. But this little angel and I worked through it and she behaved very well" Momma says winking at me making me giggle.

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marchtomydrums · 2 years ago

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Welcome to my world.

Cordelia Goode x Wilhemina Venable x Billie Dean Howard x Reader

You know normally this isn't you. You're not the type of girl that goes out on Friday nights and gets wasted. But... After a long and stressful day here you are..drunk off your ass waiting for your girlfriends to pick you up. This wasn't your intention...no you were only going to have a couple of drinks with some friends. But somehow a couple of drinks turned into a couple more..which then turned into shots.

And now shots, shots, and more shots. Now you sit on the barstool dangling your feet as you wait for your girls to come to get you. They've never really seen you drunk before so you wondered how this will go. Unfortunately, you didn't have long to think about it because here they come one right behind the other looking around the bar for you.

You smiled waving over to them shouting “Hi!!!”

Billie smiles as she walks over to you. “Hello, princess. I see you've been enjoying yourself.”

You giggled “Only a little bit.”

“Oh yeah?”

You nodded smiling up at her as you look over her shoulder spotting Cordelia watching you with a small grin.

“Hi, Delia.”

“Hi, baby. You have a good time?”

“Mmmhm. But I'm ready to go now.”

“Okay, love. Let me pay the bartender and Billie will you go tell her friends she's leaving?”

Billie nods as she walks off. Cordelia looks back at Mina.

“Mina stay with her please?”

“If you insist.” the redhead sighs.

You frowned at her tone as Cordelia walks off.

“Mina?” you called out to her. She looks over at you raising her eyebrows.

“Come here please,” you asked curling your finger at her.

The woman sighs as she walks closer to you.

“Yes?”

“Are you mad at me?” you asked frowning.

“Yes.”

“Why???” you whined.

“Because y/n you're completely wasted. You put yourself in danger. Thank God your friends had some sense to call us.”

“I was just trying to have some fun.” you pout.

“Well did you get your fill?”

“No.”

“No?” she asked.

“Nope,” you said popping the p.

“And Why is that?”

You smiled as you wrapped your legs around her waist pulling her closer to you.

She gasped holding on to your shoulders to steady herself.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“I'm sorry Mina. I know I've been a bad girl. I guess you're just going to have to punish me.” you said trying to sound innocent.

“Oh really? Is that what you want little one?”

You nodded leaning forward to whisper into her ear.

“It's all I've been thinking about. I'm so wet Mina. You want to feel?” you asked her grabbing her hand and guiding it underneath your dress to your heated core.

The redhead moans as her fingertips glide through your soaked folds.

“Mmm. No underwear. That's another reason to punish you.”

“I wanted you to have easy access.” you giggled causing her to groan.

“What's going on over here?” Billie asked.

You smiled looking over at her and Cordelia.

“Just showing Mina how ready I am for y'all,” you said winking at Cordelia.

“Ahh..so you're a horny drunk. I like it, princess.” Billie says with a smirk making your smile grow.

“Yes well unfortunately y/n is too drunk for any fun tonight. Maybe once you've sobered up.” Cordelia says making you pout instantly.

“Oh come on Delia. Don't you just want to take me home and fuck me??” you whined.

Cordelia chuckles as she walks towards you. “Any other time yes I would love to but as of right now we're taking you home and putting you to bed.”

“Billie?” you pout looking over at the blonde.

“Oh babydoll you know I love you but Cordelia is right. “

“Ughh.” you groaned rolling your eyes.

“Don't worry little one I will be sure to punish you tomorrow. I can't guarantee you'll enjoy it though.” Mina says with a sly grin as she walks off with Cordelia following behind her.

“Great so I get no sex and now I'm in trouble,” you whined.

Billie chuckles as she helps you up.

“Welcome to my world sweetheart.”

#wilhemina venable #cordelia goode x reader #billie dean x reader #lgbtq #wlw #writing #fiction #television #age difference #poly representation #ahs coven #ahs apocalypse #ahs murder house

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suckerforcate · 7 months ago

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American Horror Story

Cordelia Goode

Wilhemina Venable

Ally Mayfair-Richards

#ahs #ahs apocolaypse #ahs cult #ahs coven #cordelia goode × reader #cordelia goode #cordelia goode x wilhemina venable #wilhemina venable x reader #wilhemina venable #ally mayfair richards × reader #ally mayfair richards #sarah paulson

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the-yellow-birdy · 1 year ago

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My former ff writings!

Okay so, I found som of my last writings I thought were gone forever, so I have decided to just upload them in one post by requests:)

I won't continue them I must say<3

Enjoy!

#ahs #wlw #sarah paulson #fanfiction #american horror story #gwendoline christie #wilhemina venable #cordelia goode #sarah paulson x reader #wilhemina venable x reader #gwendolineuniverse #the-yellow-birdy

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camillelespanayesbtch · 11 months ago

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#Wilhemina Venable #Cordelia Goode #Wilhemina Venable x Cordelia Goode #Sarah Paulson

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stayevildarling · 4 months ago

Note

Hello! I saw your little post about a prompt and was hoping you could write a fic with Mina, Delia, Billie, and reader? Maybe Billie has a bad day and forgets to pick reader up from work so reader has to walk home in the rain. While she is walking home someone starts following her and she gets scared and calls Mina crying. Cordelia and Mina are worried sick when they get to reader. When Billie eventually gets home later she feels awful that she forgot to pick up reader. Mina gets into a fight with Billie about it and Billie breakdowns about the awful day she had and that she is sorry. Just some good old love, fluff, hurt/comfort? Here are some prompts too, if that sparks any inspo! Thank you SO much!

Prompts:

“Honey, I can’t understand you. Take a deep breath and tell me what’s going on.” “Stay right where you are, okay? Don’t hang up the phone. Keep talking to me. We are coming to get you.”

“My god you’re freezing.” ~ “I’m- f-fine. I’m n-not c-cold. P-promise.” ~ “You are certainly not fine and you know I do not tolerate lying. Sit. Down.”

“Oh for gods sake. You have to be kidding me.”

“Can you please stop yelling? You’re scaring her!”

“If it makes you feel any better, you’re very pretty when you cry” ~ “(sobbing) It…it does…thank you”

Sorry that is quite long and no pressure to write of course! Thank you and sending all the most love and hugs!🧡🧡🧡

Cordelia Goode x Billie Dean Howard x Wilhemina Venable x Reader- Home

A/N: thank you so much for this request!🫶🏼 I‘m struggling a bit with my other wip‘s so this was perfect to spark my inspiration again!

tw/tags: established poly relationship, female reader, mention of smoking, mention of cursing, angst, hurt/comfort

word count: 2k

taglist:

@lunaticwhittaker , @billiebeanhoward , @lanawinters-ily , @kenzbro , @minaslittleone , @httpfiftyshadesofgay @whitelotus00 , @ninaahelvar , @paulsonsratched , @vintagepaulson , @isle-of-earle , @grilledcheeseandguavajelly , @lucyintheskywithxanax , @fanfics4world , @mymiraclewitch , @hazard-to-myself , @awritersometimes , @wastdstime , @p1pecleanerwitheyes , @queen2234 , @ihartnat , @lifebyinez , @ahsatanizgay , @blu3dimples, @stepintomyworld

By the time you finally make it out of work, you are greeted with darkness and pouring rain. The wind causes you to shiver and you instinctively pull your coat a little closer as you try and look out for Billie‘s car. Usually the medium would always be on time, waiting for you with that same smirk, some music blasting through her speakers and mostly a cigarette in her mouth. However, as you wait for a little longer you realize she isn‘t anywhere to be seen and so you pull out your phone, checking for any messages but only finding some from your other two girlfriends about dinner plans. You opt to call Billie and clutch the phone to your ear as the rain makes it impossible to hear.

„Sorry babydoll, I‘ll call you back later, I‘m stuck in a meeting“ she mumbles into the phone before hanging up. You sigh a little, realizing she must have forgotten and so you opt to walk, pulling up the hood from your jacket and beginning to walk towards home. It wasn‘t too far and so you begin walking, excited to see Mina and Delia, trying not to get upset about Billie forgetting about you. You knew she was busy, medium to the stars with her own show and getting picked up for multiple new seasons but you couldn’t deny that it stings a little, remembering how she would usually never forget about you, spoil you rotten and put you first, just like you would with her.

At the halfway mark, you are drenched from the rain that keeps pouring on you, your clothes dripping and shivering from the cold. The only lightsource are the cars occasionally driving past you as well as the occasional streetlight and you can‘t help the uncomfortable feeling in your gut. As you turn around you notice a hooded figure behind you and you begin to pick up your pace, walking a different route to usual to shake them off. But the faster and further you walk, the hooded figure seems to come closer and you can‘t help but feel the trembling of your hands and anxiety in your chest. Panting, you reach your phone and begin to call Wilhemina.

„Hi little one- where are you both? we“ she begins but stops herself as soon as she hears the shaking of your breathing.

„Mi-‚Mina, Billie forgot.. pick me up.. walking home.. someone following“ you mumble, too scared to find your voice propery. The redheads‘s features drop upon hearing your disttress, dropping the utensils she was holding to make dinner, Cordelia beside her picking up her girlfriends distress.

“Honey, I can’t understand you. Take a deep breath and tell me what’s going on“ she instructs and you stop walking for a moment as you adjust your breathing.

„Sorry Mina, I‘m walking home and I think someone is following me“ you manage to say and she instantly drops what she is doing, grabbing Delia and their coats.

“Stay right where you are, okay? Don’t hang up the phone. Keep talking to me. We are coming to get you“ she urges and you nod before realizing she can‘t hear you. The redhead stays on the phone, asking for your exact whereabouts. It takes them less than a minute to get to you as you had been much closer to home than you originally thought in your panicking state.

Warm hands reach for you as you almost stumble into Wilhemina. They instantly notice the hooded figure and as soon as Cordelia steps forward, they disappear into the darkness of the night. „You‘re okay little one“ Wilhemina encourages as they take your hands and walk you back home. Somehow the rain disappeared as soon as you saw them both and you wonder whether the supreme may have had something to do with that. They instantly take you inside, ushering you to the kitchen and Delia getting you out of your soaked coat.

„My god you’re freezing“ Wihemina whispers, noticing the disapproval in her eyes. „I’m- f-fine. I’m n-not c-cold. P-promise“ but your shivering state exposes the lie. „You are certainly not fine and you know I do not tolerate lying. Sit. Down“ the redhead instructs and you do as you are told before Cordelia softly runs her hands over your cheeks. „Can you tell me what happened exactly sweetheart?“ she whispers and you look at her through teary eyes before explaining.

„I finished work and I guess Billie was busy so I started walking home“ you explain and they both furrow their eyebrows, never knowing the medium to forget something so important as this. „Why didn‘t you call us darling?“ the supreme tuts and you mumble a quiet „I didn‘t want to bother you two“ before Wilhemina raises an eyebrow. „Sorry“ you whisper and give them a dopey smile, causing for the concern to leave them for a moment as they chuckle to themselves.

„I‘m gonna go and change“ you announce as you notice Billie‘s car parking outside and they nod quietly, Wilhemina‘s anger already flaring up as they watch you go. The medium walks inside, abandoning her bag and stepping out of her heels before a long sigh escapes her, shaking her curls a little to get rid of the remainders of rain, knowing she would have to do an extensive hair care routine tonight in order to have it looking not frizzy tomorrow morning. When she steps into the kitchen with her usual smile moments later, Cordelia stands there with a concerned expression while Wilhemina waits for her with her arms crossed.

„Ugh I had an awful day“ she sighs as she sits on one of the chairs and lights a cigarette. „Oh really?“ Wilhemina sarcastically questions and Cordelia rolls her eyes, already knowing exactly where this is heading. „What?“ Billie hisses but before the medium has a chance to ask any further, the redhead lets out her anger, her protectiveness over you showing. „Have you not forgotten anything maybe?“ she sighs but Billie simply shrugs, too caught up in her own world. „Oh for gods sake you gotta be kidding me Howard“ the redhead hisses before her eyes meet Cordelia‘s who simply stands and observes. „Honey you forgot Y/N“ she says softly, noticing Billie‘s distress and the clear signs she must have had an awful day in order to forget something this important.

The medium‘s eyes snap towards her, the clear signs of shock in her expression as it finally hits her. Guilt immediately consumes her, realizing that was the reason you had called her before. „Oh god“ she murmurs, putting out her cigarette quickly as Wilhemina‘s anger errupts again. „Yes and not only did she have to walk back through the pouring rain, she was also followed by some creep“ Wilhemina curses, causing the medium‘s eyes to widen. „What?!“ Billie asks before Cordelia kneels in front of her. „It‘s okay, we found her and she‘s safe and getting changed upstairs“ the supreme encourages, noticing the guilty tears threatening to spill down the blonde‘s cheek.

Neither of them realized you had been standing by the doorframe for a little while, having changed into some warm clothes and dried yourself up. You froze as soon as you heard the shouting, your anxiety errupting in an instance, caught in between wanting to comfort Billie and telling her it‘s really not a big deal and Mina‘s overprotectiveness. Not even Cordelia realized you are there, her supreme senses currently busy as she tries to navigate between her girlfriend‘s guilt and her other girlfriends anger, all while worried about your state upstairs. By the time she finally realizes you are there, she immediately walks over to you, noticing your shivering state but the other two don‘t realize, more shouting errupting in the silent kitchen.

„I can‘t believe you forgot“ the redhead continues, causing Billie to roll her eyes. „Honestly, why do you always breathe down my neck? I have had a really shitty day and I“ Billie tries to defend herself but before the arguing can continue, Cordelia‘s steady voice and presence echoes through the room. „Can you please stop yelling? you are scaring her“ she demands and they instantly stop, both of their features guilty as they see your frame hiding behind Cordelia. „Oh babydoll“ Billie whispers, as she instantly abandonds her seat and walks over to you. „I‘m so sorry“ she apologizes as her manicured hands cup both of your cheeks before pulling you into her arms. „Are you okay? god you‘re cold.. I‘m so sorry“ she apologizes and you simply hold onto her a little closer, feeling her warmth and your hands almost automatically travelling to her curls and playing with them.

„It‘s really okay Billie, I‘m not mad or sad“ you promise and she looks into your eyes and sees the honesty in them. „It‘s my fault for not calling anyone“ you admit, meeting Wilhemina‘s eyes and hoping she was gonna let this go, Cordelia equally pleading with the redhead. You stay in Billie‘s embrace for a while longer before the supreme offers some dinner to calm down and warm up and you all agree. Before you sit down, you walk to Wilhemina, taking her hand before giving her a gentle smile. „Thank you Mina“ you whisper and she knows exactly what you are thanking her for, always fighting your corner, always having your back no matter what. And for the first time tonight, a gentle smile meets your eyes and she squeezes your hand before guiding you to sit between her and Billie.

Dinner is spent in the comfortable atmosphere of each other, the four of you trying to look past what has happened. But no matter how much you all try, Billie remains silent, on the verge of tears before the dam finally breaks and her tears fall freely down her beautiful cheeks. „Billie, whats wrong?“ you ask as you are the first one to notice, your hand instantly finding hers and squeezing it a little. „I‘m just sorry, I had an awfully busy day and lots of last minute meetings about the new season and I just“ she cries and the three of you stop eating, Cordelia gently wiping the mediums tears and even Wilhemina feeling guilty, knowing she didn‘t exactly help the situation. Her eyes find the medium‘s with an apologetic smile and the medium can‘t help but look at you and apologize again. „It‘s really fine Billie“ you reassure.

„If it makes you feel any better, you are very pretty when you cry“ Wilhemina suddenly says, causing yours and Cordelia‘s eyes to meet at the redheads soft gesture and statement. „It does, thank you“ Billie sobs, a half small smile and frown on her face despite it all. And through Wilhemina‘s gentle words, knowing just how to cheer the medium up at times, the evening comes to a peaceful end, Cordelia helping Billie with her hair routine as she softly combes through her hair and dries it and Wilhemina and you already nestled in bed and waiting for your other two girlfriends to return.

„Thank you Mina“ you mumble as you snuggle closer into her chest. „But you know I‘m a big girl and can take care of myself“ you whisper barely audible and all you can hear is a low chuckle escaping her before she whispers. „No matter what or when, you will always be my little one“ she whispers as she instinctively pulls you closer and presses a kiss to your forehead. Moments later your girlfriends return and you snuggle up in each other‘s embraces, the events from earlier long forgotten as you are home.

#asks #anon #sarah paulson #cordelia goode #wilhemina venable #ahs #american horror story #billie dean howard #sarah paulson x reader #cordelia goode x reader #billie dean howard x reader #wilhemina venable x reader #ahs coven #ahs apocalypse #ahs murder house #lgbtq

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dreamypqulson · 2 years ago

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— my only sunshine

summary: you’ve been struggling in silence but it hasn’t gone unnoticed.

pairing: cordelia goode x reader

warnings: depression, anxiety, self-harm (pretty detailed, be careful)

word count: 2700

venting again lol

Your leg shaking up and down was becoming excessive. You could see the girls next to you becoming annoyed, but you hardly realized that you were doing it. Tears pooled in your eyes and it burned so badly to hold them in. Why does Cordelia have to look at me so much? Why can't she just glance over me like everyone else and let me wallow away in the corner?

Everyone knew that you were Cordelia's special girl. You didn't think it had anything to do with your powers, she just liked you. And you liked her. But that was it; you were both too afraid to acknowledge it. What she wasn’t aware of was your history with mental health, which you tried so hard to conceal from her.

You don't think you were doing a very good job hiding it this time. How could you hide the fact that you don't want to live anymore?

Everyone knew you looked terrible lately. Madison had even pointed it out. Your eyes were dark, and hollow, and you just didn't look like yourself. Madison said you were just a freak that was too caught up in your studies to barely allow yourself some time to sleep, but Cordelia knew that wasn't true. Matter of fact, it was the complete opposite.

Cordelia dismissed yet another class that had completely gone through one ear and out the other. Spacing out is the one time that you actually feel safe and you so happen to be the best at it during class.

Everyone rushed out. You were a little slower because you were so exhausted and picking up your books felt like you were ripping open the cuts on your wrist. You thought you could feel like blood dripping down, but it might've just been your anxiety freaking you out.

"Oh, y/n, could you stay for a minute, love," Cordelia asked when you were by the doorway, ever so sweet but you still bit the inside of your mouth until you could taste blood.

You spun slowly on your heels. You loved Cordelia but you didn't want to stay. You were terrified of confrontation and you just wanted to throw yourself into your bed again.

You didn't respond and kept a great distance between you and Cordelia. She was so warm, she was your comfort, and you ached to have her hold you, but you just wanted the darkness right now.

She still walked closer towards you and you almost started to cry from the nerves. You started scratching at your band-aid covered wrists. You don't know why you do that when your nervous, it just feels good in the moment.

She looked down at your arms, then back up at you. Does she know? Did your sleeve rise when you went to reach for something? "Relax, honey. You're not in trouble. I just want to check on you."

"I'm fine," it came out weak.

She raised an eyebrow at you and gave you that look. Anyone could tell that you weren't okay, it was just a matter of who would be there for you when you fall apart.

Your bottom lip started to tremble. A clear indication that you were ready to break down. Cordelia just watched, letting you control yourself before she made you explode completely.

"How about we take a walk outside, around the house, and get some fresh air, yeah?" You nodded and you were suddenly following her out the door. Anything someone says to you hasn't really been processing in your head. You truly just feel like a leaf being blown in every direction.

It was nice out, slightly chilly with a breeze, but it did not seem to snap you from your state of mind. It was quiet for a minute before Cordelia began talking to you again. You knew she was trying to distract you from your thoughts, but it's not really want you want right now.

"So what have you been up to, missy? Are you still writing?" She looked over at you, gently smiling. She loved reading all of your work, but it had been a few weeks since she had. She's been a little bit busy and you've been locking yourself in your room.

"Yeah, a little bit, I guess." It was a complete lie, but your didn't feel like getting into the fact that you could hardly bring yourself to even get out of bed, let alone write.

She wanted to have a full conversation with you, but you weren't having it. She just became silent as you both finished the walk around the building. She always takes you to walk around the city with her, but she had an inkling that you weren't going to want to leave the property.

Cordelia didn't want to let you go yet. She had a bad feeling and she knew something just wasn't right with you. She felt uneasy. But she couldn't hold you back when you told her you had to go study. You would never pass up hanging out with Cordelia to study, and she knew that, but she just let you go.

When you got to your room, it was all messy. Had you had the energy to keep it as tidy as you always did then maybe your anger levels wouldn't have increased when you walked in. You decided to ignore it and step over the pile of clothes and make your way into the bathroom.

There, you dug through your drawer, looking for the blade that you kept hidden in the back. It was the one place that nobody could accidentally stumble upon it.

You sat down on the closed toilet lid and pulled up your left sleeve. Ripping off the bandaids had not even hurt as much as they should, you didn’t even flinch. You began cutting any free skin on your inner arms that you could. You hated that there wasn't that much room anymore due to all the other cuts, but you just couldn't seem to stop.

Sometimes it made you feel crazy but it mostly made you get some release. You knew you should at least try to stop with summer approaching but getting clean is never your top priority in the moment. Not when your arms start aching for more.

You just sit there with a blank face and watch as drops of blood start pooling at the thin lines and then you start dabbing it away with a tissue and apply some pressure.

Your heart absolutely drops when you hear a knock on your bathroom door. You weren’t expecting a visitor at your room, but living in this busy house, you never really get alone time.

"Y/n, it's me darling. Dinners ready." How could you have been so in your head that you lost track of time. You hardly even had an appetite but you knew that Cordelia was already having suspicions about you. You just had to act like everything was alright.

"Okay I'll be right down." Instead of wrapping your arm up, you simply just ran it under water for a moment and then pulled your sleeve down. It definitely stung, but you were starting to enjoy it.

When you walked out of the bathroom, Cordelia was waiting on your bed for you. You were expecting her to already be downstairs with the other girls, but she clearly had other plans.

"You're always neat, sweetie. What's going on with you?" You shrugged again, and soon, you thought, she's going to forget what your voice even sounds like. You began to walk out your room, and you can hear her shuffling behind you before she finally catches up. "Not in the mood to talk today?"

You'd rather Cordelia just hold you and whisper sweet nothings in your ear without expecting an answer. But at the moment, she's completely worried and just wants you to open up. "Not really, Cordelia."

She lets you slide again, but she can't take her eyes off of you all throughout dinner. She's sitting at the head of the table and you're at the first seat next to her. When you reach for your plate, she notices something that she wishes she didn't. She wishes it wasn't even there.

Your sleeve slides up, only slightly, and she can see smeared crimson on your wrist. Her heart sink and she has to swallow down the lump in her throat. After that, she cannot even look at you, or anyone for that matter, for the rest of dinner. She wasn't angry or embarrassed of you. Just so, so upset over the fact that her girl was hurting so badly.

Dinner finishes fairly fast. You notice there's not much chatter, and it must be from Cordelia's lack of interest in any of the conversation. You start worry that you hurt her feelings. She's always catching up with you and the girls - mostly you - during dinner, but today she hadn't even said a word.

"Y/n, meet me in my room please," Cordelia says, and it sounds almost cold compared to her typical soft voice. She walks away and heads towards her bedroom and your heart completely sinks. You fidget with the hem of your shirt and make way towards her room.

The door is ajar and by the time you're there, Cordelia is sitting on her bed in tears. This is it; she's going to kick you out.

"Cordelia?" You say and gather her attention back to you. She quickly wipes away her tears like you weren't supposed to see that, but there's no hiding her red, puffy eyes.

"Sit down please," she hardly looks you in the eyes. It's terrifying.

"I—" you attempt to argue. She has no part in that.

"Just sit down, y/n."

You sit beside her and it's so close that you bunch up your sleeve in your hand. You're consistently terrified of it rising. "Show me your arm."

"What—"

"Show me, y/n. I know what's going on. I know that you are hurting yourself."

You hug your arm closer to your body and can feel the sting like it's mocking you. Tears are instantly sprung to your eyes and it's clear that this situation isn't just a big misunderstanding.

"No! Leave me alone, Cordelia. What is wrong with you? Why would I ever do that." But you do do it and those words hurt so much. You wouldn't ever be so harsh to Cordelia, but you're not in the right mental state right now.

Cordelia's crying again and all you can think about is cutting up your arm for making her feel like that. You need to hurt yourself to pay for the faults you're causing and Cordelia can see right through that.

Her voice is very quiet and desperate as she speaks, "Baby, please. Please let me help you, I can't just pretend that it's not going on. I care about you too much."

This completely causes you to break down. You never had someone truly care about you. This is something that you've been yearning for forever.

You melt into Cordelia's body and she hugs you tightly, as if she let go, all of the pieces of you would just shatter everywhere. You can feel her tears start leaking through onto your shirt and you know she feels it too. "Please, y/n," she whispers, "I love you. Let me in, it's just me, it's only Cordelia."

You finally pull back and wipe away your tears. It doesn't stop another fresh batch of warm tears to roll down your face. You don't want to keep hiding this anymore. You need help. You need someone. You need her.

You take a deep breath and tug up your sleeve. You can't even bare to look at her face. Ashamed, and embarrassed, and scared. But you hear a sharp intake of breath from her. The bleeding from the cuts before dinner only made it look far worse on your fucked up skin.

"Oh, my baby," she sniffles and grabs your arm, gently. Your heart is too heavy. She's trying so hard to be strong for you. "Why," she looks up at you with watery eyes, waiting for an honest answer.

"Everything's just too much, Delia. I don't want to be me anymore. I hate being me, I hate living!" You started sobbing again and the crack in your voice doesn't go unnoticed. This is new and weird and you don't like it. You don't want to talk about yourself anymore. You can see her heart breaking in half from your words.

"My little sunshine...do you know I love you? I love the person that you say you hate so much." You don't have anything to say to that. Cordelia loves you. And you don't know how, but she does. You don't know how this whole could have any room for the broken half of you. “I couldn’t live without seeing your pretty smile and listening to you ramble to me about all the little things you love. So if you hate living so much, then let me love it for the both of us until you learn to.”

It’s silent for a couple moments that pass by until she looks back down at your arm again. It's a bloody mess and you don't want her to look anymore but she's still holding on. "Can I clean it? Can I do that for you?"

You nod and then you're being walked to her bathroom. It's bigger than yours and the entire room smells like her lavender shampoo that you always love taking in when she hugs you. She helps you to sit up on the counter. Your arm feels heavy from all the attention being on it but she so carefully cleans away the blood and it makes you feel a little bit better.

She covers it with bandaids. Not because she is disgusted by it. She's not at all. She just doesn't want anything infecting the fresh ones.

When she’s done, she lifts your arm up to her lips and, so delicately, kisses the covered cuts. A few tears start rolling down your face again. You’re too emotional for this. “Delia…”

“I love you,” she looks back up to you. Her words are so clear and genuine. “Come to me. I don’t care where we are or what time it is. Come to me whenever you feel like this.” You nod, your bottom lip trembling. She reaches her hand up and brushes her thumb over your lips. “It’s not going to be easy but i’m going to help you. We can make a plan and safe alternatives, anything that’ll help.”

She leans in and kisses your forehead, slow and light and your heart beats a little bit faster. “I love you too, Cordelia,” you croak out and she gives you that little smile.

“Come on, my little sunshine, let’s get some rest, hm?” She grabs your hand and brings you to her own bed. You’ve never slept with Cordelia before but it all feels natural. You lay your head on her chest and her arms wrap around your body. For once, you feel a sliver of happiness that you’ve been deprived of for so long.

The room is silent besides her soft breaths and the sound of cars rushing by. You finally break that silence after a few minutes.

“Delia?”

“Hm?” She peaks down a you and a small smile is present on her face again.

“Why do you always call me your little sunshine?” You say it with a slight giggle in your voice. You love all the nicknames she has for you, but this one stands out and makes your heart warm.

“Because, sweetie, I was in a very similar situation as you. But then you came into my life and suddenly there was light again.”

You looked up at her and bite your lip. You could’ve never imagined a woman like her feeling as terrible as you do. She’s too…perfect. But maybe, suddenly, you won’t feel so ashamed of your emotions anymore. You lean forward and place your sweet lips on hers. Just for a moment, for the first time in your life, you see a bit of sunlight shine through the cracks of your eyelids.

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