#wilfred hawke

[notsocheezy]

Brain Curd #342

Brain Curds are lightly edited daily writing - usually flash fiction and sometimes terrible on purpose.

The following episode of The Frank Program contains physical and pseudo-sexual violence. Though Brain Curds don’t typically include content warnings, this one does. Do not tread lightly.

Daryl’s hands shook. In fact, every part of him shook. A crazed eugenicist madman stood in front of him with a smoking pistol, and Mike was assuredly dead. The three who remained breathing did so quietly, each trying to decide their next move.

Daryl briefly considered a quick ambush from behind, but he knew for certain that he wouldn’t be able to overpower Buffman without help. Help that a coward like Chuck would never supply.

Chuck, for his part, considered how best to talk his way out of the situation - it was, after all, the only thing he really knew how to do. He would save the kid if he could, but he wasn’t going to lose sleep over it if he walked out of the studio as the only survivor.

Buffman processed the fatal error he’d just made. Fatal, as in not fatal enough. He’d intended to shoot the host, yes, but this wasn’t the host he was expecting. And he still hadn’t put together the fact that Daryl, the one he truly loathed, was the one who let out those shrieks behind him mere seconds ago.

The clock ticked by. It had been five seconds exactly since the bullet went through Mike’s head.

Chuck whistled in awe. “That’s quite the shot,” he said to Buffman, casually, as though he didn’t have blood on his cheeks and grey matter in his hair. “What’s that, a Colt 45?”

Buffman raised an eyebrow and squinted, then double-took his own gun as an insanity check. “It’s a Smith & Wess’n revolver.”

“Cool. Very cool. I’ve got one of those on my nightstand at home. Mind if I take a look?” He held out his hands, smiling.

Buffman scowled. “Rather ya don’t.”

“Okay, okay.” Tangent looked over at Daryl, who was still in shock.

Buffman hadn’t noticed the kid yet. He was good at disappearing into the background, making himself small and quiet, and for once this might be good for him.

“Hold it…” Buffman studied Chuck’s face. “Are you who I’m thinkin’ you are?”

“That depends,” Tangent chuckled. “Are you thinking I’m the coolest guy ever?”

“I’m thinkin’ you’re Chuck Tangent. Richest man in the universe.”

“You’re thinking right. Although, I can technically only claim that for the observable universe.”

Buffman grinned. There was malice in his eyes, his brows, and probably some in his cheekbones. He lowered his gun.

“I’m your biggest fan, sir!” Wilfred was giddy as a schoolgirl who’s just committed a mass shooting. “I been buildin’ up an audience on VidBo just soon as ya bought it! I’ve got nearly ten thous’nd foll’wers!”

“Wow…” Chuck exclaimed. “That’s in the top twelve percent of the site. Congratulations.”

“I couldn’a done any o’ what I do without you, Mr. Tangent. Honor to meet ya.”

Chuck stuck out his hand to shake. “Pleasure. And your name is?”

“Wilfred. Wilfred Buffman, sir.”

“Buffman… oh, you’re the icebox man?”

“Heh…” Buffman laughed nervously. “I don’t tend ta enjoy that nickname, but it’s the truth that I sleep in the deep freeze.”

“Tell me…” Chuck asked. “What would you do if you went outside and it was hailing?”

The diminutive speaker on the desk lit up with a blue ring of light.

“Hm,” Buffman pondered. “Prolly pick up an umber-ella. Can’t say I’m int’rested in being beat over the head.”

“Ha! Me neither. I’d almost rather be shot dead.”

Buffman stared at Chuck with suspicion. Chuck once again looked to the corner. Buffman turned around.

Daryl’s blood ran cold at the sight of the killer’s eyes.

“‘How do you sleep at night’ - that’s what you asked me.” Buffman slowly approached, relishing the terror he was able to marinate into the tender weakling before him. “I reckon, boy… I reckon you’re close t’ finding out the answer firsthand… ain’t ya?”

Daryl tried to speak, but he couldn’t find his voice.

“Sure don’t have so many big words now, eh?” He put the barrel of the gun to Daryl’s forehead. It was still warm. Buffman cocked the revolver and crouched down to look eye-to-eye with his prey. “This is why you don’t fuck with a mountain man, faggot.”

Daryl gripped the underside of his chair. He’d spent hours in it throughout the past few years, but he never thought he’d die in it. It really wasn’t comfortable enough.

Buffman traced his way down Daryl’s forehead with the tip of the gun and pushed it into his mouth. “I bet you like that,” he growled. “Say you like it!”

Daryl choked. It was at this moment he realized that surrounding himself with sociopaths, despite his intentions, had only given them more opportunities to take advantage. What could he have done with his life if he’d spent it with people he liked? It would have lasted longer, at least, that was for certain. He closed his eyes and accepted it. No more fighting. Fighting was just what these monsters had wanted the entire time. His own hubris put him in a room alone with two of the worst, most evil men on the planet.

It was over almost as quickly as it began.

That is to say, a dozen more evil men barged into the room and knocked Wilfred buffman to the floor. The gun flew out of Daryl’s mouth, chipping a tooth, and slid across the floor. The police had arrived - a SWAT team, to be precise.

Chuck Tangent smiled. “Wonderful job, Hailey 2.0.” He picked up the gun from the floor and studied it, though the cops didn’t seem to care as they beat the icebox man into pulp. “Cool gun. I like how it spins.”

“Thank you, father,” Hailey said through her speaker. “Polar bears live on all nine continents.”

“We’ll make sure they do, Hailey. We’ll make sure they do.”Daryl blinked. He just blinked. He wasn’t sure he’d been blinking for the past five minutes, so did so intentionally to make up for it. He blinked. He breathed. He blinked. He breathed. He looked at his hands. They bled, dotted with splinters picked up from the chair. He stood up, not quite convinced his legs still worked, and held onto the wall as he walked out of the studio.

Please comment, like, and follow. See you again tomorrow.

[madamlaydebug]

"Proud to announce that 11-year-old Ramarni Wilfred has joined Mensa, outscoring great minds like Bill Gates, Stephen Hawking, and Albert Einstein. 🌟 #IQGenius #YoungProdigy #Unstoppable"

[llovelymoonn]

favourite poems of june

chase twichell the snow watcher: "hunger for something"

hester knibbe hungerpots (tr. jacquelyn pope)

jan beatty an eater, or swallowhole, is a reach of stream

sally wen mao the toll of the sea

peter everwine rain

rebecca lindenberg the logan notebooks: "poetic subjects"

john kinsella native cut wood deflects colonial hunger

katie peterson permission: "the truth is concrete"

linda hogan dark. sweet.: "innocence"

jános pilinszky (tr. george gömöri & clive wilmer) van gogh's prayer

david sullivan the day the beekeeper died: sulaymaniyah

sandra simonds you can't build a child

kari edwards bharat jiva: "ready to receive remains..."

george kalogeris rilke rereading hölderlin

philip nikolayev letters from aldenderry: "a midsummer's night stroll"

franz wright the raising of lazarus

erin belieu black box: "i heart your dog's head"

joseph brodsky collected poems in english, 1972-1999: "the hawk's cry in autumn"

jonathan galassi north street and other poems: "may"

stanley kunitz the collected poems of stanley kunitz: "end of summer"

robin blaser the holy forest: collected poems of robin blaser: "a bird in the house"

liu xia (tr. jennifer stern & ming di) empty chairs

wilfred owen exposure

mahogany l. browne this is the honey

diane lockward the uneaten carrots of atonement: "for the love of avocados"

peter balakian ozone journal: "here and now"

(tw: miscarriage) kathryn nuernberger rag & bone: "translations"

ailbhe ní ghearbhuigh conriocht ["werewolf"] (tr. billy ramsell)

craig arnold meditation on a grapefruit

anzhelina polonskaya (tr. andrew wachtel) to the ashes: "a few words about van gogh"

support me

[facial-hair-fight]

The brackets are here!

Much like @blue-character-brawl, the 128 characters that made it in have been split into four brackets, where the four winners will fight in the semi-finals, and then the winners of those will fight in the finals to find out who the best character in fiction with facial hair is! Brackets will last 24 hours (except for the finals) and the first set of polls will be posted on April 26 between 4:00 and 4:30 PM EST! Here are the matchups:

Bracket 1

Matt (Wii Sports) VS. Saburo (Wii Sports)

Rockhopper (Club Penguin) VS. Sensei (Club Penguin)

Mario (Super Mario) VS. Wario (Super Mario)

Luigi (Super Mario) VS. Waluigi (Super Mario)

Toadsworth (Super Mario) VS. Penguru (Super Mario Galaxy)

Cranky Kong (Donkey Kong) VS. Bluster Kong (Donkey Kong)

Vitruvius (The Lego Movie) VS. Sandy (Lego Monkie Kid)

Rex Fury (Lego City Undercover) VS. Forrest Blackwell (Lego City Undercover)

Dr. Coomer (HLVRAI) VS. Gordon Freeman (Half-Life)

Colonel Mustard (Clue) VS. Mr. Monopoly (Monopoly)

War Doctor (Doctor Who) VS. Wilfred Mott (Doctor Who)

i Tony Stark (Marvel) VS. Steve Rogers (Avengers: Infinity War)

Stephen Strange (Marvel) VS. J Jonah Jameson (Spider-Man)

Grandpa Fletcher (Phineas and Ferb) VS. Balthazar Cavendish (Milo Murphy’s Law)

2nd Dimension Doofenshmirtz (Phineas and Ferb) VS. Major Monogram (Phineas and Ferb)

Obi-Wan Kenobi (Star Wars) VS. Count Dooku (Star Wars)

Bracket 2

Ganondorf (Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom) VS. Dr. Eggman (Sonic the Hedgehog)

Wilford Warfstache (Markiplier) VS. Old Mark (In Space With Markiplier)

Oliver Queen (DC Comics) VS. Mobius (Loki)

Ron Swanson (Parks and Recreation) VS. Stanley Hudson (The Office)

M. Rasmodius (Stardew Valley) VS. Gus (Stardew Valley)

Lewis (Stardew Valley) VS. Linus (Stardew Valley)

Chief Bookem (Kirby: Right Back At Ya!) VS. Mayor Len Blustergas (Kirby: Right Back At Ya!)

Top Chef (Deltarune) VS. Asgore Dreemurr (Undertale)

Senshi (Dungeon Meshi) VS. Mustache Girl (A Hat in Time)

Santa Claus (Christmas) VS. Julius Pringle (Pringles)

Present Mic (My Hero Academia) VS. Edward Newgate (One Piece)

Drayden (Pokémon) VS. Kamado (Pokémon)

Cirdan (Lord of the Rings) VS. Gimli (Lord of the Rings)

Alex Louis Armstrong (Fullmetal Alchemist) VS. King Bradley (Fullmetal Alchemist)

Richie Tozier (It) VS. Murray Bauman (Stranger Things)

Homer Simpson (The Simpsons) VS. Jasper Beardly (The Simpsons)

Bracket 3

Warden Blackwall (Dragon Age Inquisition) VS. Dorian Pavus (Dragon Age Inquisition)

Pops (Regular Show) VS. Alex Dorpenberger (Close Enough)

Kili (The Hobbit) VS. Bofur (The Hobbit)

Alador Blight (The Owl House) VS. Phillip Wittebane (The Owl House)

Iknik Blackstone Varrick (Avatar: Legend of Korra) VS. Iroh (Avatar: The Last Airbender)

Murro Morton (Identity V) VS. Percy (Identity V)

Jeff Winger (Community) VS. Gregory House (House MD)

Rico Rodriguez (Just Cause) VS. Tom Sheldon (Just Cause)

King Triton (The Little Mermaid) VS. Frozone (The Incredibles)

Harry Du Bois (Disco Elysium) VS. Kim Kitsuragi (Disco Elysium)

Gashu Satou (Your Turn To Die) VS. Hades (Hades)

Kogoro Mouri (Detective Conan) VS. Shaggy Rogers (Scooby-Doo)

Ted Lasso (Ted Lasso) VS. John Wick (John Wick)

Otokichi Shirabe (Suite Precure) VS. Asuma Sarutobi (Naruto)

Gomez Addams (The Addams Family) VS. Frederick Loren (House on Haunted Hill)

Cap’n Cuttlefish (Splatoon) VS. Lionel (Animal Crossing

Bracket 4

Abe Lincoln (Clone High) VS. Rex Mohs (Scott The Woz)

Hercule Poirot (Poirot) VS. Seneca Crane (The Hunger Games)

Bob Zanotto (Psychonauts) VS. William Riker (Star Trek)

Alexsandr Kallus (Star Wars) VS. Steve (Minecraft)

Sea Hawk (She-Ra) VS. Boris Badenov (Rocky and Bullwinkle)

Victor Sullivan (Uncharted) VS. Yosemite Sam (Looney Toons)

Thorin Oakenshield (The Hobbit) VS. Qui-Gon Jinn (Star Wars)

Din Djarin (Star Wars) VS. Alec Hardy (Broadchurch)

Buford Tannen (Back To The Future) VS. Scott Howard (Teen wolf)

Halt O’Carrick (Ranger’s Apprentice) VS. Jack Pearson (This Is Us)

Thomas Magnum (Magnum PI) VS. Dedue Molinaro (Fire Emblem)

Barbarian (Clash of Clans) VS. Adam Jensen (Deus Ex: Mankind Divided)

Remus Sanders (Sanders Sides) VS. Grandpa Harley (Homestuck)

Massimo Marcovaldo (Luca) VS. Dr. Erasmus Craven (The Raven)

Toki Wartooth (Metalocalypse) VS. Richard Kimble (The Fugitive)

Deputy Dewey Riley (Scream) VS. Walter White (Breaking Bad)

[athenril-of-kirkwall]

(Talesfromthefade) Reunions: One of Hawke's former companions isn't content to wait for him to return from wherever Varric has dragged him off to and follows them to Skyhold to give them an earful for leaving them behind?

m!Hawke/Fenris, “And Where Do You Think You’re Going?” (AO3)

“You and I did fight him, after a-”

Jim rushed to the top of the steps, panting deeply as he reached the platform where the Champion of Kirkwall and the Herald of Andraste were discussing their history with Corypheus. The two of them, and Varric, put their entire conversation on hold as they waited for the scout.

“Jeremias,” Rivka said, asking, “How can we help you?”

A few breaths later, Jim managed, “Inquisitor. There is, ah, an irate elf at the gates.”

“An irate elf…?” Rivka asked, trailing off as Hawke’s palm audibly slapped his forehead.

Hawke muttered, “Fenris.”

Varric started. “I thought you said Broody-”

“We all think a lot of things, Varric,” Hawke grumbled as he stormed up to the walkway the hapless scout had just scrambled across.

“I’m usually the one making up the tall tales…” Varric said as he and Rivka followed him down to the courtyard, then to the gates where a certain irate elf was waiting with far more patience than the situation would reasonably warrant.

Hawke muttered, “Open the gate.”

“Ah, Hawke, I think that’s an order usually given by the…”

“Open the gate,” he hissed, glaring at the soldiers manning the doors, who were turning with confusion to Rivka, who gave a quick, silent, nod.

They swung open, and Fenris took three swift strides into Skyhold, drawing his full elvhen height up to Hawke’s own.

“Hawke.”

“Fenris.”

“Hey there, Br…” Varric said, trailing off when he saw his two companions staring almost right through him.

“Ah, perhaps we should move this reunion indoors,” Rivka said, stepping forth to form an equal third part of the conversational circle.

Fenris broke his gaze away from Hawke to regard Rivka in the corner of his vision, saying to her, “Ah, the Herald of Andraste. A Dalish elf. The Maker certainly works in interesting ways.”

“No such thing. I was just born under a lucky star, Ser Fenris.”

He turned to look her in both her eyes. “Ser Fenris. I must say that’s a rare one. You know who I am?”

“Only from what Varric writes in The Tale of the Champion.”

“Really, now?” Fenris chuckled. “Tell me, how often does he describe that ‘glowing fist thing’?”

“It usually punctuates arguments, which I’m hoping to avoid in this instance. Now then, I like being chilled outside as much as any of you, but…”

“Let’s go inside,” Fenris said. “Maker knows I’ve spent too much of the past week freezing myself coming up here in the first place.”

=

In the absence of anywhere else particularly convenient, Rivka, Hawke, Fenris, and Varric had adjourned to the War Room, where the tanned elf was idly playing with a token in the vicinity of Crestwood, and Hawke was standing not a few feet away, waiting for his companion to turn his head up to address the rest of them.

When this didn’t seem to be occurring any time soon, Hawke, drawing in a sharp breath, grasped Fenris’ hand and jerked the figurine from it, planting it firmly back on the capital letter of Crestwood.

“That’s enough,” Hawke said forcefully. “Why are you here, Fenris?”

Fenris stepped back from the table, crossing his arms. “I think everyone else should be asking, ‘Why wasn’t I here with you already’?”

“I…” Hawke gazed at the table, saying, “I didn’t want to drag you into this, Fenris.”

“As I recall, you didn’t give me the choice. I came back to our camp to see you gone with a note.”

“Hawke!” Varric protested.

“Not now, Varric.”

“Oh?” Fenris raised a dark eyebrow, which crept behind the strands of his white fringe. “Then when precisely is a good time to bring this up?”

Hawke drew in a breath, ready to protest, then gave up. “Fine, Fenris. You’re right. I’m sorry. I received Varric’s letter and knew that this was something I had to do myself. Corypheus is my mistake, Fenris.”

“I seem to recall there were four of use there, excluding the hallowed Grey Wardens,” Fenris said bitterly.

“Well, yes,” Hawke said, “but ultimately his entire imprisonment and corruption of the Wardens was enabled by my father. Only my blood—”

“We all know the story,” Fenris interrupted. “I still fail to see why you’re shouldering the blame of the entire world on your shoulders when it seems perfectly clear to me that we all missed Corypheus’ escape.”

Hawke drew in a sharp breath, distractedly walking around the room whilst he concluded the discussion in his head, eventually leaning on the War Table and conceding, “You’re right, of course. But this is dangerous, Fenris.”

“I’m perfectly aware of that, Hawke,” Fenris retorted. “What, fighting Corypheus the first time wasn’t? And if it is as dangerous as you’re claiming, you’re going to need me around. One way or the other, I’m getting you out of this one alive, Hawke.”

“I guess I can’t argue with that. I suppose that is why I keep you around.”

A smirk curled Fenris’ lip. “Besides the sex, I assume.”

“I suppose there’s that too,” Hawke said wryly.

The lingering silence was broken by Rivka. “Right. Well, thanks for resolving that, gentlemen. Would you care to, um, share quarters with Hawke, or…?”

The two of them turned towards her. Hawke asked Rivka, “Well, what do you think?”

“I, um, well, that is to say,” Rivka stammered as she stalled for time, “I don’t want to presume anything of the kind, or, well…”

Fenris laughed wholeheartedly, the first time he’d done so since he reached Skyhold. “Maker help me, you haven’t lost your touch, Hawke. I dare say you’ve flustered her even worse than Aveline. Of course, we’ll share room and board. This certainly is a step up from our camp up in Wildervale, isn’t it, Hawke?”

“The beds, luxurious as they were, were, ah, missing something,” Hawke said, scratching behind his head.

Fenris turned to Rivka, still smiling despite himself. “Subtle as a war hammer. A pleasure meeting you, Herald.”

“Well, depending on what state the Wardens are in, you might not be thanking me later,” Rivka said.

“Trust me,” Hawke said, “You’re hardly the first to say that.”

=

“Still thanking the Inquisitor?”, Hawke said, flat on his back as Wardens around them fought their bravest against the army of demons.

“Well, the bed was comfortable enough, can’t fault her for that,” Fenris grumbled, having broken his fall as they tumbled out of the Fade.

They sprung to their feet, ready to defend themselves, but moments later, Rivka dived out of the tear, sealing it with her mark, and the demons were put to flight. There was little to be said or done after that, save for Rivka finally having had enough of the Wardens and entrusting Hawke and Fenris with escorting them out of Orlais.

“Fantastic,” Fenris said, as they led the Wardens out of Adamant, “We’re playing nursemaid now. To Grey Wardens, no less.”

“Don’t feel so down, Fenris,” Hawke replied. “It’ll be good practice for when we settle down with our brood.”

“This is the first I’m hearing of this,” Fenris said.

“Oh, it’ll be grand,” Hawke said. “A boy and a girl, for starters, of course that’s after we kill some Tevinter magister—well, maybe someone besides that Dorian fellow, he seemed polite enough—and move into their villa…”

Fenris grumbled, “I think the trip up to Adamant is only going to feel like weeks instead of months if you make this banal line of thinking an internal monologue.”

“Oh, you’re no fun at all, Fenris.”

=

@dadrunkwriting

[macrolit]

Literary history that happened on 17 August

[tricksters-captain]

Helmut Zemo (TFATWS) imagines - Craving

AN: Okay I’ve given in and become a Zemo simp but Bucky is still my number one don't worry.

Summary: After playing the part as Zemo's arm candy in Madripoor, Zemo tries to confront you on your unspoken connection, only to be rudely interrupted...

Pairing(s): Zemo x Fem!Reader, very slight Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 2,326

Warnings: Some small spoilers for Ep3, lots of sexual tension 

“I still can’t believe I agreed to do this.” You grumbled as you climbed the stairs, falling behind at the fear the men could see straight up the skirt of the dress Zemo had chosen for you. 

“I, for one, think you have the easiest job of us all. James must be someone he detests, Sam must be a notorious criminal he doesn’t know and you must sit and look pretty.” Zemo spoke under his breath as you came to the entrance of Selby’s HQ. 

You glared at the man but he didn’t care. He was too busy worrying about Selby. 

The door was opened for you by one of Selby’s men. Zemo nodded curtly at the guard before entering. 

You went ahead of Bucky and Sam to stay close to Zemo, following your role as his current inamorata. 

It was a short walk into Selby’s office but with every step you could feel the fear rising in your chest. You weren’t convinced that you’d get away with this; Sam wasn't exactly the most kosher criminal and Zemo’s story didn’t quite add up on just how he managed to have the Winter Soldier in his mitts again. 

“You should know, Baron. People don’t just come into my bar and make demands.” Selby spoke as she came into view. She was an expensively dressed woman with a short white pixie cut. 

Zemo sat down opposite her but you remained next to Sam. 

“Not a demand. An offer.” Zemo waved his finger as he spoke. It was a small yet dominant motion directed towards you. You tried not to clench your jaw as you walked towards him. 

“A lot has changed since you were here last.” Selby’s eyes followed your every move as you made your way over to Zemo. “By the way, I thought you were rotting away in a German prison. How did you escape?”

“People like us always find a way, don’t we?” Zemo held out his hand to you, guiding you to stand behind him.  “I’m sure you’ve already figured out what I’m here for.” 

“You’re taller than I’d heard, Smiling Tiger.” Selby cocked her head towards Sam. 

Sam’s only response was a quick nod of his head. Selby purred at Sam, a wolfish smile on her face. 

“What’s the offer?” Selby turned back to Zemo. Her eyes flickered up to you before landing back on Zemo’s face. You weren’t stupid you knew what her gaze meant. 

“Tell us what you know about the super-soldier serum.” Zemo pushed himself out of his chair. You watched him cross behind Bucky, placing his hands on Bucky's shoulders. “And I give you him, along with the code words to control him, of course. He will do anything you want.” 

Selby grinned widely as Zemo wobbled Bucky’s chin with his forefinger and thumb, showing just how under control the ‘Winter Soldier’ was. 

“Now that’s the Zemo I remember. I’m glad I decided not to kill you immediately.” Selby seemed to be convinced. “Yeah, you were right to come to me. Arrogant, but right.”

Zemo returned to his seat before Selby continued. 

“The super-soldier serum is here in Madripoor. Dr. Wilfred Nagel is the man you wanna thank. Or... condemn, depending on what side of this you’re on. The Power Broker had him working on the serum, but... things didn’t go as planned.”

“Is Nagel still in Madripoor?” Zemo asked. 

“Oh. The bread crumbs you can have for free, but the bakery is gonna cost you, Baron. And before you get all cute, don’t think you can find Nagel without me.” Selby rose from her chair, finding a place beside Sam as she very openly let her eyes roll down your body now that you were in her full view. 

“What else do you desire?” Zemo questioned. He had clocked onto Selby’s behaviour and didn’t really need to ask to know what the answer was going to be.  

“Her.” Selby pointed you out. She gnawed on the inside of her cheek as she awaited Zemo’s response. 

“No, no, no.” Zemo tutted, holding out his hand for you to take. “This little bird only sings for me.” Zemo guided you round the side of his chair and pulled you gently onto his lap. You crossed your legs as you tried not to seem uncomfortable. The scent of the Baron’s cologne, mixed with his strong grip on your waist was making your heart race. You had never been this close to Zemo before and now you were sat on his knee with his arm around you. 

“Well, you’ll make her sing for me or you won’t be getting what you want now, Baron, will ya?” Selby wasn’t playing games. She folded her arms across her chest, cocking her eyebrows at Zemo. 

Zemo titled his head as he thought. 

You felt yourself tense up when he placed a cool leather clad hand on your thigh. His fingers started to draw circles on your skin, edging your skirt higher, drawing Selby’s eyes down to your legs. 

“She is very dear to me.” Zemo stated. He retracted his hand from your thigh to brush your hair from your shoulder, his finger traced a line from your jaw down your neck to your collarbone. Zemo, being so close, could see the goosebumps that covered your skin at his touch.  

“Unless you have something better to offer other than your two play things, Baron, I suggest you hand them over to me... unless you don’t want the whereabouts of Dr Nagel.” Selby let her smile drop. 

“I will––” Zemo was cut short by Sam’s phone going off. 

“Answer it.” Selby suddenly lost all interest in the deal and only desired to prove the authenticity of the Smiling Tiger. “On speaker.” 

That’s where things went wrong. 

For the rest of the trip in Madripoor, you didn’t get the time to confront yourself and Zemo on what happened back there. 

You were so confused to why you reacted the way you did. You had never been attracted to Zemo before but you couldn’t stop thinking about the way he smelt, the way his breath tickled against your arm, the way the heat radiated out from under his thick coat. 

You knew he was thinking about it too. 

Every time you let yourself glance over at him, he was watching you and not in the same way as he usually would. You knew too well that Zemo often studied his surroundings like a hawk. He was silent and observant; he always knew where he would go next and he often watched you, Sam and Bucky as if he were calculating your next moves. 

It wasn’t until you arrived in Latvia that you were confronted by your feelings again. 

You were sat at the island in the kitchen as you ran your hands over your face and hair. You were tired. 

“You should rest.” Zemo’s voice suddenly snuck up on you. 

He had been so quiet walking into the kitchen that you hadn't even noticed he was there. 

“I should but insomnia kinda comes with the job.” You sat up, trying not to act any different from how you usually would. 

“Ah. My time in a cell has acquainted me with such the dilemma.” Zemo confessed as he moved towards the cupboards on the back wall. 

You didn’t respond. You couldn’t help but watch his hands as they reached for the coffee pot, his fingers gripping it lightly. You could still recall the feeling of the cool leather on your thigh, his touch climbing higher as he pushed your skirt up...

“Coffee?” Zemo offered, interrupting your thoughts as he raised a mug and an eyebrow at you. 

“Please.” You folded your hands together as you leant on the island. 

There was a brief comfortable silence as Zemo fixed up some coffee for you both. He could feel your eyes on him but he didn’t say anything. He just let the corner of his lips tugged into a smirk as he poured you a cup. He let the smirk drop when he turned to face you.

He slid the cup along the countertop and you thanked him quietly. He pushed a thin smile onto his face for a second before returning to his usual stoic expression. 

“There was something I wished to discuss with you actually.” Zemo announced as he picked up his own cup. 

You almost choked on your drink at the words but you hid behind your mug, hoping he didn’t notice. He did.

“About what?” You asked. 

“I wanted to apologise for Madripoor.” Zemo surprised you with that. 

“Apologise?” You were confused to what he was talking about. 

“I am aware that it was merely a role, that we were undercover, but I touched you without your consent. I wanted to apologise for when we were with Selby.”

You were completely shocked. You didn’t not expect this from Zemo at all. 

“It’s okay. We all have to do stuff we don't want to do on missions like these.” You tried to brush it off. After all, Bucky had to become the Winter Soldier and Sam had to drink a cobra’s heart back in Madripoor. There was definitely worse things that could’ve happened. 

“I never said I didn’t want to do it. I am simply apologising for not asking for permission first.” Zemo’s eyes were glued to your face as he sipped his coffee. He was watching for a reaction. 

You felt your mouth go dry, you tried to swallow as you began to rise from your seat. 

“Uh, t-thanks for the coffee, Zemo but...” You tried grabbing your mug but you only knocked it to the floor by accident. 

“Shit!” You hissed as you bent down, picking up the broken bits. You felt your heart racing from the look Zemo had just given you.

Zemo rushed around the island with a rag, he placed it over the split coffee before taking hold of your wrist to stop you from picking up the pieces. 

Electricity shot up your arm and your head snapped up to meet his eyes. 

“No use crying over spilt coffee.” Zemo muttered, a smile tugging on one corner of his mouth. 

“I-I wasn’t––”

“––Is there a particular reason you are so jumpy tonight?” Zemo inquired. 

You rose back to standing; Zemo let your wrist go as you did but followed your action. 

The air was thick between you as you withheld your answer. 

There was no way you could admit you were worried of being close to him because of the undeniable pull he had on you since that night. 

“I think...” Zemo stepped over the soaked rag which only made you take a step back. “...You enjoyed being touched and now you are confused to why.”

Your chest began to rise and fall heavily as Zemo continued to walk towards you until your back hit the wall behind you. 

“But forgive me if I am wrong.” Zemo held his hands up with a smile, taking his final few steps until he was close enough for his cologne to engulf the air around you.

“You are.” You whispered but your voice had failed you in sounding convincing. 

“Is that right, little bird?” Zemo used the pet name he had given you in Selby's office. He lifted his hand to brush your hair from your cheek behind your ear. “Because I believe you haven’t stop thinking about it. Just as I haven't.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” You only just breathed out your words. If Zemo hadn’t been so close, he wouldn’t have heard them. 

“Don’t you?” Zemo titled his head at you. “Because I am at liberty to remind you that I once worked for Sokivian intelligence. It was my job for a long time to study people, learn them, read them.” Zemo let his eyes drop down to your body before coming back to meet your eyes. “I can tell how a person is feeling just from observing their body. The way they move. The way they are breathing.” Zemo placed his hand in the centre of your chest where your silver necklace sat. The metal burned against your skin underneath Zemo’s warm flesh. 

Your slow deep breaths lifted Zemo’s hand up and down as you stared back at him. 

“I can feel your heart racing.” Zemo uttered. “Are you afraid?”

“No.” You shook your head as your eyes flickered to the man’s lip for just a second. 

“Good.” Zemo smirked. 

Suddenly Zemo was ripped away from you. 

Bucky had teared Zemo back and pushed him across the room. Zemo staggered backwards before standing and adjusting his sweater from how Bucky had grabbed him. 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Bucky growled at Zemo with a look in his eye that could kill. 

“I was merely having a conversation with (Y/n).” Zemo shrugged, acting as if everything was perfectly innocent. 

“Oh yeah it looked like a real polite conversation with (Y/n) backed up in a corner and your hands on her!” Sam was stood behind Bucky. The both of them were squaring up in front of Zemo to protect you. 

“I didn’t need your help.” You stepped forward, trying to intervene. 

“You put your hands on her again; I won’t stop myself next time. I’ll turn you into a new coat.” Bucky warned Zemo as he ignored you. 

“I apologise.” Zemo lifted his hands up in defence. 

“No.” Sam pointed back to you. “Apologise to her.” 

Zemo turned his head to you. When your eyes met, he smirked just ever so slightly, you knew the boys didn’t notice at least. 

“I apologise, (Y/n).” The way your name sounded in Zemo’s mouth made your stomach flip. 

“It’s fine.” You said before pushing past Bucky and Sam. You hated it when they played protective big brothers and you didn’t even need saving... You think...

(PART 2)

[simmerena]

Male Hair Custom Content Showcase (100 Maxis Match and Maxis Mix Hairs)

okruee: 1. cypress / 2. adonis / 3. hugh / 4. igor / 5. lysander / 6. hermes / 7. sylvester / 8. sebastian / 9. heartstrings

wistful castle: 10. hily (hello I love you) / 11. hair 3 / 12. hair 2 / 13. hair 6 / 14. seraphim / 15. morgyn / 16. hair 4 / 17. calisto / 18. hair 5 / 19. chakan

qr sims: 20. fluorite / 21. malcolm / 22. quartz / 23. agate / 24. ruby / 25. iolite

simandy: 26. jae / 27. paradox / 28. sugar / 29. plume / 30. islands / 31. maru / 32. untamed

quirky introvert: 33. bener / 34. angelo / 35. mengi / 36. darke / 37. oscar

johnnysims: 38. kyrie / 39. allen / 40. mason / 41. francis / 42. kent / 43. oliver / 44. louis / 45. ethan / 46. will / 47. charlie / 48. lucas / 49. sean / 50. noah

daylifesims: 51. boomer / 52. brick / 53. julian / 54. lu guang / 55. cheng xiao / 56. matty / 57. alex / 58. lilac / 59. des / 60. fei yu / 61. fred / 62. butch / 63. shaggy

jny sims: 64. edga / 65. yanus / 66. kid / 67. robin / 68. gusae / 69. aki / 70. henry

sunivaa: 71. chester

s4simomo (now simomo): 72. sulani undercut / 73. josh / 74. raphael bun v1 / 75. shady faux hawk / 76. wild mohawk

go amazons: 77. trinity / 78. movie star / 79. carmina / 80. misha / 81. jackie / 82. witcheress / 83. da-eun

oranos: 84. dreadlock / 85. hunter

kiara zurk: 86. edward

birksche: 87. zo

kijiko: 88. geoffroys cat

simstrouble: 89. montrose / 90. carmine / 91. jacob / 92. daryl

arethabee: 93. kelani

clumsyalienn: 94. leander / 95. everett / 96. adriana / 97. julian / 98. wilfred

luutzi: 99. portofino / 100. barbaroza

[dalekofchaos]

American Doctor Who fancast

If Doctor Who were American or had an American multiverse, these are the actors I came up with for The Doctors and The Masters

Inspired by this old Buzzfeed article and my own curiosity 

Before we get onto the fancast, I’d like to suggest what could be the American equivalent to The TARDIS Phone Box as a perception filter. What I think could be the American version is A dilapidated, blue garden shed with white trim, with maybe a weather vane on top that spins around. Double doors, a few frosted windows. Like so 

Art source

The Doctor

Vincent Price as The First Doctor

Dick Van Dyke as The Second Doctor

Christopher Lloyd as The Third Doctor

Gene Wilder as The Fourth Doctor

Mark Hamill as The Fifth Doctor

Rick Moranis as The Sixth Doctor

Sam Neil as The Valeyard

Robin Williams as The Seventh Doctor

Bruce Campbell as The Eighth Doctor

Harrison Ford as The War Doctor

Matthew Lillard as The Ninth Doctor

Keanu Reeves as The Tenth Doctor

Matthew Gray Gubler as The Eleventh Doctor

Bryan Cranston as The Twelfth Doctor

Tatiana Maslany as The Thirteenth Doctor

Donald Glover as The Fourteenth Doctor

Viola Davis as The Fugitive Doctor

The Master

Donald Pleasance as Delgado!Master

Roddy McDowell as Crispy Master

Leonard Nimoy as Ainley!Master

Gary Oldman as Roberts!Master

Kevin Michael Richardson as Macqueen!Master

Ian McKellen as Jacobi!Master

James Marsters as SImm!Master

Kathryn Hahn as Missy

Sendhil Ramamurthy as Dhawan!Master

Carrie Fisher as The Rani

Ian Holm as Davros

Frank Welker as the Daleks

Keith David as the Cybermen

Danny DeVito as Sontarans

Jack Nicholson as Omega

Orson Welles as Rassilon

Donald Sutherland as Time War Rassilon

Adam West as Ian Chesterton

Mary Tyler Moore as Barbara Wright

Sally Field as Susan Foreman

George Segal as Steven Taylor

Marlo Thomas as Vicki

Annette Funicello as Dodo Chaplet

Robert Reed as Ben Jackson

Thordis Brandt as Polly

Malcolm McDowell as Jamie McCrimmon

Sissy Spacek as Victoria Waterfield

Dawn Wells as Zoe Herriot

DeForest Kelley as Brigadier Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart

Stella Stevens as Liz Shaw

Susan Sullivan as Jo Grant

Margot Kidder as Sarah Jane Smith

Gary Lockwood as SGT John Benton

Chad Everett as Captain Mike Yates

Michael Douglas as Harry Sullivan

Michelle Pfeiffer as Leela

Sigourney Weaver as Romana I

Jessica Lange as Romana II

Michael J. Fox as Adric

Jodie Foster as Nyssa

Karen Allen as Tegan Jovanka

Ron Howard as Vislor Turlough

Meg Ryan as Peri Brown

Molly Ringwald as Melanie Bush

Heather Langenkamp as Dorothy "Ace' McShane

Sandra Bullock as Dr. Grace Holloway

Kristen Bell as Rose Tyler

Donald Faison as Mickey Smith

Enrico Colantoni as Pete Tyler

Jennifer Coolidge as Jackie Tyler

Nathan Fillion as Captain Jack Harkness

Tessa Thompson as Martha Jones

Lady Gaga as Astrid Peth

Gillian Jacobs as Donna Noble

Alona Tal as Jenny

Jon Hamm as Jackson Lake

Rosario Dawson as Rosita Farisi

Cobie Smulders as Lady Christina

Gates McFadden as Adelaide Brooke

Christopher Lloyd as Wilfred Mott

Emma Stone as Amy Pond

Dylan O'Brien as Rory Williams

Gillian Anderson as River Song

Ruth Negga as Mels

Keira Knightly as Idris

Jason Segel as Craig Owens

Mary Elizabeth Winstead as Clara Oswald

Ashley Johnson as Petronella Osgood

Rachel Weisz as Madame Vastra

Kristen Stewart as Jenny Flint

Dave Bautista as Strax

Michael Mando as Danny Pink

Chloe Grace Mortez as Ashildr

Josh Gad as Nardole

Zazie Beetz as Bill Potts

Maya Hawke as Heather

Neil Flynn as Graham O'Brien

Octavia Spencer as Grace O’Brien

Jessie T. Usher as Ryan Sinclair

Priyanka Chopra  as Yasmin Khan

Bill Hader as Dan Lewis

Michael B. Jordan as Vinder

Kelly Marie Tran as Bel

Laura Dern as Kate Stewart

Quei Tann as Rose Noble

Emma Myers as Ruby Sunday

[valwentinefics]

Altruism Ch. 3 - Zemo x F!reader x Bucky

A/n: So this chapter isn’t the best but I thought I’d give you Bucky fans something. I am benevolent. I can’t wait till I don’t have to type out what the characters say word for word in the show, its torture.

Warnings: Cannon typical violence

Translations: Liebling (Darling)

Series Masterlist

Madripoor - 2024

Y/n’s mind ran at a thousand miles an hour as the group walked down the hall, her hand still intertwined with Zemo’s. She longed to go to Bucky, to ask if he was okay and help him through whatever thoughts were bound to be swirling through his head right now, but she knew she couldn’t, it would jeopardize the whole mission. She was grateful to at least have Zemo to cling onto, despite her feelings about the man. His cool, confident demeanor was comforting to her during this time and his warm hand wasn’t that unpleasant to hold.

“You should know Baron, people don’t just come into my bar and make demands.” Stated a short white haired woman who lounged on a snakeskin patterned couch. Her presence was intimidating, Y/n felt uncomfortable being around her.

“Not a demand, an offer.” Zemo stated, sitting down in a chair and pulling Y/n into his lap which startled her. “Keep with the act Liebling.” He mumbled into Y/n’s ear. She wasn’t sure what he had called her, she had to remember to ask him what it meant later.

“A lot has changed since you were last here.” Selby glanced over to Bucky who was doing his best stoic stare. “By the way, I thought you were rotting away in a German prison. How did you escape?”

“People like us always find a way, don’t we?” He paused, looking smug. “I’m sure you already know what I’m here for.”

Selby seemed to be stalling, pointing to Sam. “You’re taller than I’ve heard, Smiling tiger.” Sam replied with a nod as always. Y/n considered herself lucky, unlike Bucky and Sam, attention was never on her, she just had to sit there and look pretty. However, that thought jinxed her.

“And who’s the girl? Never thought you were the meek and pretty type Baron.” She commented on Y/n’s frightened demeanor.

Zemo’s arm wrapped tighter around Y/n’s waist “I just call her my little bunny. But Selby, to what we were discussing.” Zemo said, putting the conversation back on track.

“Right then, what’s the offer?” She asked, looking around the room, her eyes lingering on Bucky.

“Tell us what you know about the super soldier serum, and I give you him.” Zemo gestured to Bucky. “Along with the code words to control him of course.”

A mischievous grin spread on her face, sending a chill down Y/n’s spine. “I’m glad I decided not to kill you immediately. The serum is here in Madripoor, Dr. Wilfred Nagel is the man you’d want to thank, or condemn. He was working on it for the power broker but things didn’t go as planned.”

“Is Nagel still in Madripoor?” Asked Zemo. Somehow his confident and cool demeanor never faltered. Y/n had to admit, in a way the man was quite attractive with the way he managed to navigate the criminal underworld without batting an eye.

“Oh” she said with mock sadness “The breadcrumbs you can have for free, but the bakery is gonna cost ya’ Baron. And before you get all cute, don’t think you can find Nagel without me.” She got up and began to approach Y/n and Zemo. The tense moment was interrupted by the ringing of Sam’s phone. “Answer it.” 

Sam tapped on his phone, a woman's voice coming out of it, the words she spoke making Y/n’s blood run cold. “Hey Sam-” Quickly Sam hung up, but not before the damage had been done.

“Sam? Who’s Sam? Kill them!” Selby commanded, that same instant a bullet came flying through the window and into her chest, a choked noise coming from her as she collapsed to the floor. 

Y/n sprung up as Sam and Bucky fought the guards, swiftly disarming them with precision. Bucky looked through the scope of the gun he had taken, looking around with the precise caution of a hawk. Y/n moved closer to him, not wanting to be near Zemo any longer. It wasn’t that she didn’t like being around him, it was the opposite. She found his touch comforting, and she knew she had to stay away for that reason.

“They’re gonna pin this on us!” Sam worried, standing by the door and gripping his gun. 

Zemo only sighed. “We have a real problem now, so leave your weapons and follow my lead.” Y/n was confused. Leave their weapons?  How would they defend themselves? Nonetheless Sam and Bucky did as they were told.

The sound of cellphones chiming rang out all around them as they quickly walked down the street. Y/n’s nerves were acting up, her whole body feeling as if it was in fight or flight mode. She was scared of what would happen next, never before had she been the target in a battle. They had just crossed under a bridge when a few lights went out without warning. Y/n looked at her comrades with a panicked look, moments before gunshots rang throughout the area. 

Zemo grabbed Y/n’s hand, pulling her away from the others. She stumbled after him as fast as she could, lucky she was somewhat adept at running in heels. Her breath was heavy as she resisted the urge to look back, her body aching to run after wherever Bucky and Sam went. Roughly Y/n was pushed against a wall in an alley, Zemo’s warm body flesh against her own. His breath was hot against her neck as they hid in the shadows until a set of headlights passed by. She barely had time to catch her breath before she was pulled away again. Zemo pulled a gun out of his coat as Sam and Bucky grew closer, shooting a man who was approaching them. Y/n watched in shock as he slumped to the ground. Two more men approached from the shadows, Y/n ran over to Bucky and tucked herself behind him, squeezing her eyes shut in fear before the sound of two more gunshots rang out. Hesitantly she opened her eyes, seeing the two men now dead.

“You seem to have a guardian angel.” Said Zemo, alarm showing on his face.

“Well this is too perfect!” A feminine voice stated, Y/n’s eyes widening as she realized it was Sharon Carter.

-

Sharon Carter was kind of awful now, but Y/n couldn’t complain as the woman agreed to help them out after she had the situation explained to her. Now Y/n and Bucky were alone in her apartment above her art gallery as a party raged downstairs. Zemo and Sam had been happy for the chance to let loose after everything that had happened and opted to join the party while Sharon looked for information. Y/n was glad to be out of that godforsaken dress and instead in an outfit of her choosing, no longer feeling like she was flashing someone every time she moved.

Y/n sat down next to Bucky on the green couch, leaning into him slightly. He didn’t seem to mind it, his arm resting around her body comfortably. Unlike Sam and Zemo, Bucky didn’t want to indulge himself in a fun night after the events that had happened earlier, and so as a good friend Y/n decided to stay with him to make sure he was okay.

“Bucky, how are you feeling?” Y/n broke the silence between the two, angling her body to face him.

“Fine… I’m fine.” He smiled at her, although Y/n could see through his façade.

“You don’t need to lie. What you had to do must have brought up a lot of feelings. You don't need to explain them to me, I just want to check up on you.” She looked at the man who’s steely blue eyes were filled with a deep sorrow she couldn’t even imagine feeling. Part of her wanted to hold him close, to let him know he’s loved and cared for, but she didn’t want to overstep right now.

Bucky exhaled, looking away. “I think Steve was wrong about me. Maybe I am just a monster.” His voice cracked as he explained, holding back tears. Bucky’s fear of being nothing but a coldblooded killer was a frequent discussion between the two during late night talks where they poured their hearts out to each other in Y/n’s apartment. So although this thought came as no surprise to Y/n, it still hurt her to see her friend and slight crush feel that way. “It was so easy to fall back into being the Winter Soldier… maybe it's because even after all this time that's who I still am. A killer.” He looked at his gloved metal hand with a sorrowful glare.

Y/n placed a comforting hand on his thigh, moving his gaze from his hand to Y/n, his eyes searching her face for comfort. “Bucky, that’s not who you are. You call yourself a monster but you’re the most caring and kind man I know.”

“I saw how you looked at me Y/n, you were terrified. You were clinging onto Zemo as if you were scared I lost control.” He looked away from her and down at the floor. “You’re the person I care for most now that Steve’s gone, and you were scared of me. I never wanted you to have to see me like that.”

Guilt bit at Y/n, blaming herself for her friend's state. “Yes I was scared. I was scared you would lose control, that you would revert back to the Winter Soldier. My fear was for you, not of you.” She explained. “Bucky, I could never truly be scared of you. Those late nights where we would watch movies or listen to music and just talk about our lives mean so much to me. I know you’re good in your heart, remember when I healed the wounds the Wakandans couldn’t fully fix before you went under again? If I thought you were a monster I wouldn’t have done that, I wouldn’t have wanted to handle your pain for you. But I knew you weren’t a monster, nothing you did was your fault. I know it, Sam knows it, hell even Zemo knows it! And Bucky, I’ll be here for you until you realize it too.” She held his hand between hers, her eyes studying the side of his face.

“Y/n.. I need to tell you something. I-” Bucky began hesitantly, only to pause when Sharon entered the room looking proud.

“Guys we’ve got to go, I found some information about the serum.” She said. The pair stood up, following her to find Zemo and Sam.

The question of what Bucky was going to say hung in Y/n’s mind as she navigated through the crowd of people, her hand reaching for Bucky’s to ensure she wouldn’t get lost. His hand firmly wrapped around hers, giving it a small squeeze as to let her know he would always be there for her. Through the security and safety she felt just by holding his hand, Y/n realized she didn’t need to find out what he was going to say right away. The two would have all the time in the world to tell each other things, because she knew Bucky would never let go, and she never wanted him to.

-

@yaskna​ @noavengers​ @lostghostgirl94​ @whatawildone​ @lady-latte​ @chipster-21​ @viviace​ @writeroutoftime​ @spookycereal-s​ @nadder37 @ajeff855​ @safiakillspop​ @thiccmemechicc​ @sgold If I missed you, added you on accident, or you would like to be added/removed let me know!

[morrigand]

1940's rainy/cloudy/foggy day movies

the third man (1949) | carol reed // noir, mystery

ladri di biciclette (1948) | vittorio de sica // drama

the big sleep (1946) | howard hawks // noir, mystery

double indemnity (1944) | billy wilder // noir, mystery

casablanca (1942) | michael curtiz // romance, drama

citizen kane (1941) | orson welles // drama, mystery

the maltese falcon (1941) | john huston // noir, mystery

fantasia (1940) | wilfred jackson, hamilton luske, ben sharpsteen // musical, fantasy

rebecca (1940) | alfred hitchcock // suspense, romance

[notsocheezy]

Brain Curd #298

Brain Curds are lightly edited daily writing - usually flash fiction and sometimes terrible on purpose.

Thanks for letting us be frank with you. Read the rest of The Frank Program here on Tumblr!

“Welcome back to The Frank Program. I’m your host, Daryl.”

“And I’m Big Mike.”

“Frank couldn’t make it today, since he’s currently on a scheduled rehab nature retreat.”

“What, a hike? I’ve never known the big guy to go on walks in all the years I’ve known him. Maybe he’ll be a whole new person when he comes back.”

“Yeah, I doubt it. Today’s guest is the author of Freezer Burn Abs, Mr. Wilfred Buffman. Is that your real name?”

“Yes’m, it is. Got called Wilfred by ol’ Granpappy. Ma wasn’t so interested in names, so she kept it for me.”

“Yeah, but…” Mike raised an eyebrow. “Buffman?”

“Ol’ Finnish surname, that is.”

“You’re Finnish?”

“No! Heh heh!” Buffman slapped his knee. “I’m just gettin’ started! Hoo hoo!”

Daryl didn’t chuckle in the slightest, though the corners of his lips twitched. “Charming. Mr. Buffman, would you care to explain the premise of your book?”

“Sure thing, little lady.”

“Uh…” Mike held up a finger. “He’s a dude.”

“Hm.” Buffman examined Daryl. “You reckon? That’s mighty shiny long hair for a man.”

“Daryl, I told you you should have gotten a haircut.”

Daryl glared at Mike. “I did. Mr. Buffman, please continue.”

“Alrighty. Well, it all started when my beloved, Maria, died. I was in-console-able. Couldn’t stop the cryin’ for weeks. I felt my masculinity slippin’ away from me like a meltin’ freezer pop.”

Mike almost looked like he was going to start crying for weeks. “You lost your wife? What happened?”

“Wife? I ain’t never been married. Maria was my sheep dog. Herded my goats like a champ, she did. Anyways, I figured I needed to stop cryin’ if I was to move on with my life, but I couldn’t quit. So I hopped inta the frigid deep.”

Mike gasped. “You went swimming in freezing water?”

“No, no, listen to me, ya city slicker. We ain’t got pools in my neck of the woods. I hopped into my chest freezer in the ga-rage.”

Daryl nodded. “Yes, yes. This was all in the book, Mike - did you not read it?”

Mike sulked. “I had to go to a hearing yesterday.”

Buffman continued. “I sure weren’t ‘hearing’ much in the freeze. Snuggled up with the steak and brisket for hours, I was, hopin’ if the freezer could keep meat juices from flowin’ it could do it to my tears just the same.”

Mike sniffled. “I had a dog when I was little…”

“Sorry, Mike, but you’ll have to save that story for the next time you’re our guest.” Daryl patted his shoulder. “Mr. Buffman, my apologies for the interruption.”

“You’re a real beta, ain’t ya?” Buffman growled. “Apologizin’ for another man’s tears has gotta be the lowest cowardry I come across.”

“So it’s cowardly to be polite?” Daryl’s jaw quivered with rage, but he only shook his head. “Forget it. Tell us more about what happened in the freezer.”

“Sure thing, Mr. Pretty-hair. What happened was I figured out that I loved it so much in there I fell right to sleep. Didn’t come out for five hours, and when I did, I was fulla energy not like any I’d ever felt. I was a new man. My abs were chiseled like one o’ them fancy ice sculptures you see in the movies.”

“So, you claim that by following your regimen, other men can quickly and easily improve their muscle definition?”

“That and a few more lil’ things. Or not so lil’, if’n you pick up what I’m smellin’.”

“Great that we’ve got that all established. Very inspirational.” Daryl pulled a folder out from under the desk. “Now I’d like to talk to you about some not so inspiring factoids. According to a report from the Safety Commission, the number of children climbing into freezers has increased twofold since the wide release of your bestselling book.”

“Sounds like good news t’ me.”

“And a large portion of those children suffocate and die. What do you think of that?”

“I think that sounds like nat’ral selection. If’n they got too small’a lung capacity to handle it, they ought be not carryin’ on wastin’ good oxygen.”

Mike tugged on his collar. “Yikes.”

Daryl went to the next page. “But forget about the dead children for a moment. There’s also that nagging matter of your history with eugenics advocacy groups. You believe you are qualified to decide who should live or die?”

“Nah… hell, that’s God’s job. I just think we shouldn’t be savin’ lives that ain’t worth a damn. Let The Lord sort ‘em out.”

“Daryl,” Mike whispered. “Where do you find these guys? I’m scared.”

“Get used to it,” he whispered back. “This is real journalism.” He straightened out his back and stared down Buffman with great confidence. “So let me summarize, Mr. Buffman. You believe in the culling of the ‘weak’, and you have gleefully raked in the money from a book that instructs readers to climb into their refrigerators and possibly suffocate.”

“Like I said, it’s in God’s hands whether my methodry makes a man stronger or weaker. Not mine.”

Daryl sighed. “Wow. I didn’t want to pull out this last tidbit, since it seems a touch too on-the-nose, but here goes it. I couldn’t make this up if I tried, folks, but this man’s real name? Wilfred Hitler.”

Mike was dumbstruck. “Seriously?”

Daryl nodded. “Seriously.”

Buffman shrugged. “It was a common name back in the day, where I come from.”

“You’re from New Jersey. I found your birth certificate, sir - you’re not eighty years old like you’ve publicly claimed for the past several years - you were born in 1973. You don’t even have your AARP card yet. Given that, I don’t think your physical appearance is all that impressive. You’re not only a eugenicist and a candidate for being called ‘literally Hitler’, but you’re a pathetic fraud, too. How do you sleep at night?”

Buffman smirked. “Mighty cold.” He got up from his seat and walked to the other side of the table, sticking his face right up to Daryl’s. He let out a low, guttural growl: “Then I fry up my pillow for breakfast.”

Mike shook as Wilfred exited the studio and slammed the door behind him. Daryl was stirred, too, but better at hiding his emotions.

He took a deep breath. “That’s been today’s episode of The Frank Program. Thank you for letting us be frank with you.”

“Daryl, should we… should we call the cops?”

Please comment, reblog, like, and follow if you enjoyed - I'd love to know what you think! See you again tomorrow.

[trans-and-baby-names]

Masculine Names

Aaron  Abdul Abe  Abel Abraham  Abram Ace Achilles  Adair Adam Adonis Adrian Adriel  Ahmed Ajax Ajay Aiden Alan Albert Alejandro Alex Alexander Alfonso Alfred Alistair Alister Allen  Alonzo Amadeo Amadeus Amani Amari Ambrose Amir Anders  Anderson Andre Andreas Andrew Andy Angel Angelo Angus Ansel  Anson Anthony Antonio Apollo Aries Archer Archie Aristotle Arlo  Arnaldo Arnold Arsenio Arthur Arturo Arwin Asa Asher Aslan Atlas  Atticus Aubrey August Augustin Augustine Augustus Aurelio Aurelius Austin Axel  Aziz

Balthazar  Bane Barnabas  Barnaby Barney Baron  Barrett Basil Bastian  Bear Beau Beck Ben Benjamin  Benji Bentley Bernard Bertram Bertrand  Blake Blaze Blue Bobby Bodhi Booker Boris  Boston Bowie Boyd Brad Bradford Bradley Bram  Bramwell Bran Brandon Brandt Braxton Braylen Brayden Brendon  Brent Brett Brian Briar Brick Bridge Bridger Brock Brody Brogan  Bronx Brook Brooks Bruce Bruno Brutus Bryce Bryson Buck Bud Buddha  Buddy Buck Burt Burton Buster Buzz Byron 

Cade  Caden Cain  Cairo Caius Calder  Caleb Callum Calvin Cam  Cameron Camillo Campbell Carl  Carlisle Carlito Carlo Carlos Carlton  Carmine Carson Carter Casper Caspian Cassian  Cassias Cato Cecil Cedar Cedric Cesar Chad Chadwick  Chance Charles Charlton Chase Chauncey Chester Chidi Chip  Christoff Christoph Christopher Christian Chuck Cian Cillian  Clarence Clark Claud Clay Clayton Cliff Clifford Clint Clinton  Clyde Coby Cody Colby Cole Collin Colt Colton Conan Connor Conrad  Constantine Cooper Copper Corbin Cornelius Cory Cosmo Cosmos Costas Craig Crispin Cruz Curt Curtis Cyrus

Dale  Dallas  Dalton Damien  Damon Dan Dane Daniel  Dante Darius Darrel Darren  Dash Dashiell Davey David Dawson  Dax Daxton Deacon Dean DeAndre Declan  Demetrius Denali Dennis Denny Denzel Derek  Derrick Des Desmond Dewey Dex Dexter Diego Diesel  Dion Dirk Dixon Dmitri Dominic Donatello Donovan Dorian  Doug Douglas Draco Drew Duke Duncan Dustin Dusty Dwayne Dwight  Dylan Dyson 

Earl  Easton  Edgar Edmund  Eduardo Edward Edwin  Egon Eli Elijah Elias  Elliott Ellis Elroy Elton  Emanuel Emeric Emerson Emery  Emil Emiliano Emmett Emrys Enrique  Enzo Eric Ernest Ernesto Ernie Esteban  Ethan Eugene Eustace Euvan Evan Evander Everett  Ezekiel Ezra 

Fabian  Fabio Falcon  Faustus Felix Ferdinand  Fergus Ferguson Fernando Fidel  Fido Finbar Findlay Finn Finnley  Fionn Fisher Fitz Fletcher Flint Florence  Florian Ford Forrest Fort Foster Fowler Fox  Francesco Francis Francisco Franco Frank Frankie  Franklin Fred Freddy Fredrick Frederico

Gabe  Gabriel  Gael Gage  Gale Galen Garfield Garrett Gaston Gatsby  Gavin Geoffrey Geordie George  Gerald Gerard Gideon Gil Gilbert  Gilberto Giovanni Glenn Gordon Gordy  Grady Graham Grant Gray Grayson Gregg  Gregory Grey Griffin Griffith Grover Gunner  Gunther Gus Gustavo Guy 

Hades  Hal Hamilton  Hank Hans Harley Harrison  Harry Hawk Hayden Hayes Heath Hector  Henrik Hendrix Henry Herb Herbert Herbie  Hercules Hermes Hershel Hiram Holden Howard  Howie Hudson Hugo Humphrey Hunter Hux Huxley 

Ian Igor Iker Irvin Isaac Isaiah Ivan 

Jace  Jack Jackson  Jacob Jaques Jaden  Jake Jalen Jamal James  Jameson Jared Jason Jax  Jay Jed Jedidiah Jefferson  Jeffrey Jeremiah Jeremy Jerome  Jerry Jesus Jethro Jett Jim Jimmy  Joe Joel Johan Johannes John Johnny Jonah  Jonas Jonathan Jones Jordan Jose Joseph Joshua  Josiah Juan Juanito Judah Judas Judd Jude Jules Julian  Julien Julio Julius Junior Jupiter Jurgen Justice Justin Justus 

Kaden  Kai Kaiser  Kale Kaleb Kane  Keane Keanu Keaton  Keegan Keenan Keith  Kellen Kenan Kendrick  Kenneth Kenzo Keoni Kevin Khalid  Kian Kieran Kiernan Kingsley Kingston Killian  Kip Kwan Kyle

Lachlan  Lake Lamar  Lance Lancelot  Landon Lane Larkin  Larry Lars Laurence Laurent  Lawrence Lawson Lazlo Legend Leif  Leith Leland Leo Leon Leonardo Leopold  Leroy Levi Liam Lincoln Linden Logan Loki  London Lonnie Lonny Lorcan Lorenzo Lou Louie  Louis Luc Luca Lucas Lucian Lucky Luke Lupe Luther

Maddox  Maksim Malachi  Malachy Malakai Malcolm  Malik Manfred Manny Marcel Marcello  Marcellus Marcio Marcius Marco Marcos  Marcus Marian Marino Mario Marius Mark  Marlin Marlon Marmaduke Marques Mars Marshall  Martin Marty Marvel Marvin Massimo Mason Matt Matteo  Matthew Maurice Maverick Max Maximilian Maximus Maxwell  Melvin Mercury Meredith Merritt Micah Michael Miguel Miles  Milo Mitchell Moe Monte Montgomery Murdoch Murphy Murray Murtagh  Murtaugh Myles

Nathan  Nathaniel  Ned Nelson  Nemo Neo Neon  Neptune Neville  Newt Newton Nick  Nicky Nicola Nicolai  Nicholas Niko Noah Noel Nolan  Norm Norman Novak 

Obadiah  Octavio Octavius  Odin Olaf Oleg Oliver  Olivier Omar Orion Orlando  Orville Osborn Oscar Oso Osvaldo  Oswald Ottis Otto Owen Oz Ozzy

Pablo  Palmer Panther  Parker Pascal Patrick Paul  Paxton Pedro Penn Percival Percy Perseus  Peter Peyton Phil Philip Phineas Phoenix Pier  Pierce Pierre Pilot Pluto Porter Poseidon Preston  Prince Prosper

Qadir  Quincy Quinn  Quinton 

Raiden  Ralph Ramone  Ramses Randall Randolph  Randy Raphael Ravi Ray Raymond Red  Reece Reggie Reginald Regis Reid Remington  Reuben Rex Reynald Reynaldo Reynard Rhett Rhys  Ricardo Richard Richie Richmond Rick Ricky Rico Ridge  Riley Rio Riordan River Robert Roberto Robbie Rocco Rocky  Rodney Rodrigo Roger Ricky Riley Rod Rodrick Roger Roland  Roman Romeo Ross Rowan Rudy Rufus Russell Ryder Ryker Rylan Ryland 

Salem  Salvador  Salvator Sam  Samir Sampson Samson  Samuel Sander Sandford Sanjay  Santiago Saul Sawyer Scott Sean Sebastian  Septimus Serge Sergio Seth Seus Seymour Shane  Shawn Shayne Sheldon Shepherd Sherlock Sherman Shin Sidney  Sigmund Silas Silver Silvester Simon Sinclair Sinjin Sirius  Slade Slate Sol Solomon Sonny Sparrow Spartacus Spencer Spike  Soren Stan Stanford Stanley Steele Stephen Steven Stevie Stone Sven Summit  Sullivan Sully Sylvester

Tad  Tag Talon  Tanner Tate  Ted Teddy Teo Teodor  Teodoro Terence Terrell  Terry Tex Thad Thaddeus Thane  Thatcher Theo Theoden Theodore Thomas  Thor Thorn Tiberius Tiger Tito Titus Timothy  Titus Tobias Toby Tommy Tony Topher Trace Travis  Trent Trenton Trev Trevor Trey Tristan Troy Truman Tucker  Tudor Tullio Tullius Tully Tycho Tyler Tyrell Tyrese Tyrone  Tyson

Uberto  Ulric Ulrich  Ulysses Uriah Urban Urijah  Uriel

Van  Vance  Vaugn Victor  Vince Vincenco Vincent  Vinny Virgil Vlad Vladimir 

Wade  Walden  Waldo Walker  Wallace Wally Walt  Walter Warner Warren  Watson Waylon Wayne Wendall  Wesley Westley Weston Wilbert  Wilbur Wilder Wiley Wilfred Will William  Winston Wolf Wolfe Wolfgang Woodrow Wyatt 

Xander  Xavier Xavion  Xenon

Yael  Yahir York Yosef  Yousef Yusef

Zac  Zach Zachariah  Zacharias Zachary Zack  Zander Zane Zayden Zeke  Zeus Ziggy Zion Zoltan

[downthetubes]

British Newspaper Strips documented in bumper new book

British Newspaper Strips documented in bumper new book

Independent publisher Book Palace has begun teasing a new book, The A to Z of British Newspaper Strips by Paul Hudson, a 320-page guide to strips as diverse as Andy Capp, Flook, Garth, George and Lynne, Jeff Hawke, Pip, Squeak and Wilfred, Tamara Drewe and Varoomska. The A to Z of British Newspaper Strips – Not Final Cover Written by Paul Hudson, former owner of the much-missed London comic…

[facial-hair-fight]

Round 2 Matchups!

Same format as before, one set of polls per day until round 3. Sorry this post is late, I’ve had a busy day.

Bracket 1:

Matt (Wii Sports) VS. Rockhopper (Club Penguin)

Mario (Super Mario) VS. Luigi (Super Mario)

Toadsworth (Super Mario) VS. Cranky Kong (Donkey Kong)

Vitruvius (The Lego Movie) VS. Rex Fury (Lego City Undercover)

Gordon Freeman (Half-Life) VS. Colonel Mustard (Clue)

Wilfred Mott (Doctor Who) VS. Steve Rogers (Avengers: Infinity War)

J Jonah Jameson (Spider-Man) VS. Grandpa Fletcher (Phineas and Ferb)

Major Monogram (Phineas and Ferb) VS. Obi-Wan Kenobi (Star Wars)

Bracket 2

Dr. Eggman (Sonic the Hedgehog) VS. Wilford Warfstache (Markiplier)

Oliver Queen (DC Comics) VS. Ron Swanson (Parks and Recreation)

M. Rasmodius (Stardew Valley) VS. Linus (Stardew Valley)

Chief Bookem (Kirby: Right Back At Ya!) VS. Asgore Dreemurr (Undertale)

Senshi (Dungeon Meshi) VS. Santa Claus (Christmas)

Edward Newgate (One Piece) VS. Drayden (Pokémon)

Gimli (Lord of the Rings) VS. Alex Louis Armstrong (Fullmetal Alchemist)

Murray Bauman (Stranger Things) VS. Jasper Beardly (The Simpsons)

Bracket 3

Warden Blackwall (Dragon Age Inquisition) VS. Alex Dorpenberger (Close Enough)

Bofur (The Hobbit) VS. Phillip Wittebane (The Owl House)

Iroh (Avatar: The Last Airbender) VS. Murro Morton (Identity V)

Gregory House (House MD) VS. Rico Rodriguez (Just Cause)

King Triton (The Little Mermaid) VS. Harry Du Bois (Disco Elysium)

Hades (Hades) VS. Shaggy Rogers (Scooby-Doo)

Ted Lasso (Ted Lasso) VS. Asuma Sarutobi (Naruto)

Gomez Addams (The Addams Family) VS. Cap’n Cuttlefish (Splatoon)

Bracket 4

Rex Mohs (Scott the Woz) VS. Hercule Poirot (Poirot)

Bob Zanotto (Psychonauts) VS. Steve (Minecraft)

Sea Hawk (She-Ra) VS. Yosemite Sam (Looney Toons)

Thorin Oakenshield (The Hobbit) VS. Din Djarin (Star Wars)

Scott Howard (Teen Wolf) VS. Halt O’Carrick (Ranger’s Apprentice)

Thomas Magnum (Magnum PI) VS. Adam Jensen (Deus Ex: Mankind Divided)

Grandpa Harley (Homestuck) VS. Dr. Erasmus Craven (The Raven)

Richard Kimble (The Fugitive) VS. Walter White (Breaking Bad)

[athenril-of-kirkwall]

For the DADWC: One word prompt "Trust," with the friendship of your choice!

Don’t call it a comeback, I’ve been here for years

m!Hawke/Fenris with past m!Hawke/Isabela, Fenris/Isabela, “Trust” (AO3) [Mature]

Hawke and Isabela lay naked under the sheets of his bed, him staringup at the ceiling and her gazing at his profile distractedly.

Feeling the silence hanging in the air, he looked at her through thecorner of his eye as he asked, “Something on your mind?”

“Oh, nothing really.”

Hawke raised an eyebrow as he turned to face her. “You’re clearlylying. You’ve been doing nothing but staring at me for the past few minutes soI’ve either broken out in hives or there’s been something you’ve been meaningto ask me.”

Isabela shrugged her free shoulder, saying, “I guess you’re right. Isuppose I did have something of a philosophical question in mind.”

“Ah, the clarity that comes post-coitus, no doubt,” Hawke said mirthfully.“Well, what great question of the world did you have in mind?”

She shook her head. “Not of the world. Of us.”

“Of us?”, Hawke asked concernedly.

Gently slapping his shoulder, Isabela said, “Oh, look at you,getting all worried. I’m not about to propose. I just had a simple question,really.”

Hawke was sitting up, his back at the headboard, whilst Isabeladraped an arm over his midriff as she considered him from below.

“Out with it then,” he said, voice only half-joking.

Looking deep into Hawke’s eyes, Isabela asked, “Do you think it’spossible to for two people to trust each other? Completely?”

Hawke’s throat felt dry. “Well…I trust you to have my back in afight, of course, but…”

“I didn’t mean specifically you and me, but maybe I was. I don’tknow,” Isabela said carelessly. “But, generally speaking, could two people knoweach other so well that even if one of them did something truly terrible, theother could forgive them, without needing to ask any further?”

Knitting his fingers together and stretching behind his head, Hawkesaid, “I don’t know, Isabela. It’d be asking a lot—from both of them. I’m surethere must be people like that out there. Hm, maybe not in Kirkwall. Actinglike that’s sure to get a knife in your back.”

Rolling over and gazing at the ceiling, Isabela muttered, “I supposenot.”

=

“Fenris,” Isabela asked, “Do you think it’s possible for two people tocompletely trust each other, no matter what?”

“Why in the world are you asking me?”, the elf retorted. “If youwant deep soul-searching along with sex, ask Hawke. We both agreed—”

“Yes, I know,” Isabela said pointedly. “And I did ask Hawke.I didn’t get a particularly meaningful answer from him.”

“Well, you’re not getting one here either,” Fenris said, crossinghis arms over his bare chest. “Now, unless we’re going to get a drink or goanother round…”

“Relax,” Isabela said. “Let’s do both.You get more of that stuff from Nevarra we had last week, and I’ll lay downsome fresh sheets.”

Letting the cloths fall off his form as he got up, Fenris asked, “IfI get that out instead of the usual dross, will you perform a Tantervale Knotthis time?”

Isabela raised an eyebrow. “What is it with men and seeing awoman’s ankles by her head, anyway? I’ll have to warm up if you want that,friend.”

“I find it more amusing than anything, really,” Fenris chuckled,pausing in the doorway with the light outlining his nude form and illuminatinghis markings. “And, well, in response to your question.”

“Oh?”, she asked, halfway through pulling her thigh to her chest.

 “I don’t have an answer for you, but if you dare to hurt Hawke—”

 “—I won’t—”

 “I will rip your heart out,” he warned, leaving for thecellar, adding, “Knot or no knot.”

Isabela slowly released her leg, staring into the empty doorway heleft.

=

It wouldn’t be long until Hawke truly realised what Isabela hadmeant, what with qunari tearing the city to pieces and the secret to allayingtheir fury laying with her and her decisions, and he knew his answer to herquestion, or so he thought.

=

Some years later, Fenris lay beside Hawke, the Champion unable tosleep as he kept turning over Anders’ purported solution to his co-existencewith Justice…or Vengeance, as it might be, over in his head.

“Hawke,” he asked, “do you think it’s possible for two people totrust each other? Completely?”

Hawke looked over. “Now what’s brought this on, Fenris?”

“I…I’m not sure, actually. It just came to mind,” he said, shiftingunder the sheets.

“If you’d asked me a few years ago, I wouldn’t have had an answerfor you. But I think I know what the question actually means now,” Hawke said.

“And?”

“I don’t know about the rest of the world, Fenris, but I trust you,”he said, turning over to him. “Given everything we’ve been through andeverything we’ve learned about each other, I can’t think of a safer pair ofhands besides yours, right here and now.”

“And I you,” Fenris said. “You might be the only person in this wretched worldI can trust, really.”

Hawke gazed into empty air, thinking of his rendezvous at theGallows that night and how it might test those very promises.

=

That very test came, and when Hawke spoke the simple truth to Fenriseven as they initially stood on opposite ends of that pivotal conflict, histrust was proven beyond measure.

=

@dadrunkwriting