#why not both at this point it'll be an interesting narrative

[schneiderenjoyer]

Help...save me...it won't leave my head...

[sharonccrter]

I saw this really interesting video, which talked about my two biggest gripes with challengers' discourse. Which are that everyone keeps saying Art is the heart of this movie, and secondly, the insistence that Patrick doesn't love Tashi, only Art. The creator pushes back against these two narratives, and I wholeheartedly agree. Patrick is arguably the heart of this movie.

Two of the most important scenes in the movie are the churro scene and the scene between p/t out in the storm, and they both centre around Patrick.

The entire movie is about passion and purpose in life, and Patrick is the passion.

I mean, a lot of people assume Patrick didn't really have feelings for Tashi, but the only person who says that is Art. Who is vying for Tashi and is his biggest competitor. The reason I empathise with Patrick is that he is genuine and loving to Art; he does love him. However, we are shown no evidence to suggest that Patrick is this shitty boyfriend, apart from what Art says when he's trying to get into Tashi's head because his jealous. We find out that they're talking every week while he's on tour (normal relationship shit). It's Art who insinuates that Patrick is cheating while on tour. The only person in this movie who says Patrick doesn't love Tashi is Art, and it's obviously very intentional.

I think the reason both Tashi and Art push Patrick out of their lives is because he forces them to comfort parts of themselves they are not yet comfortable with. I mean, it's obvious why Tashi would react that way to Patrick; she's just lost the most important thing in her life. However, I think it's tragic from Patrick's point of view as well. I mean, what did Patrick really do? He got into a fight with his girlfriend because she hurt his feelings.

And no, he's hurt was not about Art. The fight made him feel unimportant, which made him feel like she didn't actually care about him. And that's where Art comes in, because who was going around telling Patrick Tashi didn't give a shit? You bet ya. Art. Art absolutely got into his head. And even if he clocked it, in that moment, he still allowed it to get to him because he was emotional and upset. And because he was too hurt to support her, he was thrown out of Tashi and Art's lives.

And here's the thing, Patrick never saw Tashi as an idea. He saw her as a real person, unlike Art kinda did. Patrick wasn't going to let Tashi treat him like shit just because she was special. And, tbh, if Tashi hadn't gotten injured, I think it's something she would have eventually been grateful for. But instead, she got hurt; she pushed Patrick away, and Art slid into his place, telling her that she could be his entire world and the star. That's not healthy, and sorry to stay a little manipulative.

And let's talk about Art. Patrick and him were literally fire and ice. They always had this underlying desire. They were perfect opposites. Let's face it: Art could never replicate what he had on the court (and off) with anyone else. But instead of confronting his feelings, he took the first chance he had to get Patrick out of his life.

The girl I was watching said it perfectly, "Art and Tashi allowed themselves to find consolation prizes in each other and allowed them to run from parts of themselves they didn't want to comfort and in turn enable each other's worst habits."

Art tries to become a tennis superstar so Tashi can live through him, and Tashi gives him a family so he can finally be confident in who he is. But is there any passion? I don't know; I think at some point, it drained; nothing about what I saw on screen apart from their initial get-together screams passion.

Cue Patrick walking back into their life and showing them how they can feel. Art was always going to let Tashi live through him, but that was never going to be satisfying for her. Tashi needs to find a way to create an identity for herself, separate from him. And I believe it'll be the only way she'll live a satisfying life. That's why they need Patrick: to make them realise that and to help them rediscover their passion.

I think people think that Art is the heart because Patrick admits to being a piece of shit. But the truth is, they're all dicks; Patrick was just the only one who was willing to admit it.

[chaos0pikachu]

Film Making? In My BL? - The Sign ep01 Edition

So, if we're doing this we're doing this, so buckle in baby.

I'm gonna focus how the opening scene below, uses two narrative devices and one film technique to build out the scene as a whole: in media res, misdirection, and the long take.

Okay so to begin, we have to start at the beginning, or well, the middle lmao

In Media Res

I saw a post in the tag that said something to the effect of how The Sign starting with no context and providing no information at the beginning was strange, with the implication it was bad writing. I disagree, fundamentally, because The Sign is using a very common literary device called 'In Media Res'. And in my opinion, uses this device very well.

If you're familiar with basic storytelling terms I ain't telling you anything new, but for folks who may not know, in media res is a latin term that means "in the midst of things" and lots of stories - both prose, comics, and film - use this device.

The most famous is The Iliad by Homer, which if you've ever read - and you should it's glorious also it'll give some context to Song of Achilles - you know it drops you full-on no context into the middle of things. The beginning will differ in verbiage depending on the translation you pick up, this free version starts with:

THE CONTENTION OF ACHILLES AND AGAMEMNON. In the war of Troy, the Greeks having sacked some of the neighboring towns, and taken from thence two beautiful captives, Chryseis and Briseis, allotted the first to Agamemnon, and the last to Achilles.

Right off the bat the story drops four character names and the setting with no real context. Who are all these people? Why is there a war? Well, keep reading to find out! It also starts the story with an action aka an argument - nay A CONTENTION!! Achilles and Agamemnon are such bratty bitches lol

Other (more mainstream) examples include:

The Dark Knight

Lost

28 Days Later

Mission Impossible (pick one)

Fight Club

Full Metal Alchemist (both)

MDZS

Inception

And, The Sign.

"In contrast to linear storytelling, which starts at the beginning and moves sequentially, in medias res is a nonlinear approach that can make stories more dynamic and immersive.

It's a technique that challenges the audience to make sense of the narrative puzzle, often revealing essential information about the characters and their motivations gradually." (source)

What's described above is exactly how The Sign, starts it's story, in the middle of things, specifically to create a puzzle for the audience to figure out gradually. If you watch the above scene, what's happening?

We get a (well done) overshot of an island (establishing setting), we see a group of soldiers (establishing the characters we'll be following) we see them doing military things (okay these are their skills, and they're on some sort of mission), their drone spots a group of people inside and a character says the dialogue "Listen up, you only have 15 minutes" (this establishes stakes, okay there's a time limit to this mission) "Team A will rescue the hostage" (okay now we know what the mission is and informs these characters are on a rescue mission).

Who is speaking here? We don't know yet, but a safe assertion would be this character, since they are the first character who speaks on screen, will be important.

And we'd be right because it's Phaya speaking, one of our main protagonists as well soon find out.

All this happens within the first minute; the show provides an interesting set-up. It deals out information in tidbits - setting, characters we'll be following, situation set-up, stakes - but not enough information for the audience not to ask questions.

I want to iterate that at this point, the goal isn't to "care" about the characters yet, so much as create an intriguing set-up based in action that will showcase various information about the tone, setting, and skills of the piece that will engage the audience. To make the audience ask questions, to engage with them.

When you open up on MDZS the protagonist, Wei Wuxian is dead and we have no context for this. Everyone is just in the middle of celebrating his death and we, the readers, do not care that he's dead or why he died. The story could have started in a more linear way, with him arriving at Cloud Recesses arguably the beginning of his journey, but would that have been as interesting? As engaging?

I like how this article breaks down the why of starting your story in media res is a powerful and often used device:

This is what The Sign is doing in this opening part. Starting the action of the series off with action and creating that immediate engagement. The scene also ends with a plot twist which connects to that final point about information control.

This isn't a technique I've seen often used in BL because BL is a sub-genre of romance and most romances are told in chronological order, rather than non-linearly - there are, of course non-linear romances, but most mainstream romances, and by extension most BL aren't told in this way - BL shows don't often have actual physical action. A majority, especially in Thailand, are grounded, closer to slice-of-life, coming-of-age, and comedy dramas - though we are starting to see a change in that trend.

So starting in the middle of things, like chepa the middle of what? Two dudes walking~ to Engineering class?

The goal of this opening scene is to pull in the audience, make them wonder and ask questions: "who are these characters? will they rescue the hostages? who are the bad guys? who is this character who's having visions?" and so on and so forth. It's a way to engage in the audience without having to slow down the narrative with a ton of exposition, or build up stakes slowly, rather it grabs the audience immediately and sets them in the middle of the tension asking them to engage with what's happening.

The Long Take

You've probably heard about "the long take" but to break it down, a long take is one continuous take without any edits/cuts. The film 1917 was famously filmed to "look" like one long take. One of the most cited and well known long takes is from Children of Men by Alfonso Cuarón:

Now if you watch this movie you can tell why there isn't a lot of BL long takes because, god damn, they built a new type of car just to get that one scene. [read here for more on long takes]

So, The Sign. It's long take starts at about 2:08, following Phaya - again, we the audience don't know this is Phaya BUT since the camera is spending specific time with him we assume he is An Important Character and he is! Set up and payoff! Funny how that works - and ends at around 4:27.

[Sidenote I love that the take ends, not with a cut but a transition. Which I'll cover in another post but in the land of Thai BLs which favor cuts so damn much transitions were so refreshing to see]

During this long take, we establish that these characters are competent at what they do. We understand that they're military trained, in both hand-to-hand combat and firearms. We also get these two mid-close ups, which signifies these will be Important Characters:

And they are, the first shot is of Phaya, Khem and Thongthai and the second is Tharn and Yai.

This also sets-up the character dynamics; Yai and Tharn are already close and know each other so they are drawn to each other while on the mission, while Khem and Thongthai have a pre-established relationship but are still supporting behind Phaya.

This type of shot also allows for the audience to better see and follow the fighting that's happening on screen. Filming fight scenes are their own beast, and while there's no one school of thought on how a film scene "should" be filmed, there are techniques that that place some fight scenes above others.

The first video showcases some techniques on how to film a fight scene, while the second one at the 8min mark talks about the long take in John Woo's classic action film Hard Boiled.

This long take in Hard Boiled really showcases why long takes are so powerful in filming a fight scene specifically. They pull the audience further into the action and create a palpable energy that just works better than a scene with lots of quick cuts.

There's a reason one of the biggest criticisms of Mortal Kombat (2021) was that all the fights were edited to pieces while John Wick (2014) was a refreshing jolt to the industry.

The Sign takes a page out of John Woo's book, and places the characters, and the physicality of the scene front and center, pulling the audience along with the camera in one long shot.

Long takes are hard, I can't really emphasize this enough, if you watched that video on Children of Men you can see all the intricate work that went into scenes that amounted to maybe 5mins of actual film time. Likewise this long take in The Sign is only about 2mins of actual time in the show BUT it's effective, it's engaging, its ambitious.

Which is why, I gotta give The Sign it's roses because of that ambition. Long takes are a lot of hard work, time, effort, blocking, rehearsals, on top of incorporating the fight chorography that's a lot and it looks good.

Now is this the best~~~ long take I've ever seen? lol no god but it's well done and ambitious especially for the sub-genre of BL.

Misdirection

Misdirection has more in common with in media res than the long take as it's a literary device and not a filming technique.

From Gotham Writers:

"In fiction misdirection can be either external or internal. That is, the author can be using the story as a frame to misdirect the reader, or a character in the story may be misdirecting one or more of the other characters. Or, of course, both." (source)

Misdirection is often used in thrillers or mystery narratives, Hitchcock used misdirection a lot in his films.

In Psycho the audience is lured to believe that Marion, the character the film opens with, builds up, and essentially sets up as our protagonist, is in fact our protagonist. She's not, she's murdered and her sister, Lila, is the actual protagonist of the movie. Sorry if this is a spoiler for an almost 70 year old film lmao

Misdirection is often used to set-up plot twists down the line. A good misdirection will leave clues for the audience when they watch back and go, "oh! I can't believe I missed that!"

In film The Sixth Sense is a good example of this, where the plot twist at the end doesn't weaken the film once you know it but rather, it enhances the film itself on a rewatch. Another good example of misdirection in film are both Knives Out and Glass Onion, where Rian Johnson will set up a non-linear story and then slowly unravel the information for the audience.

Take the scene where Marta, in Knives Out, finds Fran's body and hears Fran say "it was you" at least to audience ears. Then stands up looming above Fran's body. The scene cuts, and the audience is led to believe Marta has let Fran die to protect herself (since we the audience also have been led to believe Fran is dead) only to find out later that Marta didn't let Fran die, she is alive, and she knew Ransom was the killer.

The Sign uses misdirection in a much more simple way. It sets up an expectation: Phaya is going to die, upping the stakes from "must save hostages" to "must save a comrade" aka the character we, the audience, have been following for the last 11 minutes. It sets two characters, Chart and Phaya, as opposing against each other, for reasons we don't know - is Chart one of the villains? Why is he trying to kill Phaya? etc - and the audience is led to believe this is a life or death situation.

Then, plot twist. The reveal happens that this was all a training exercise, and there was never any "real" danger whilst also keeping the audience on their toes. And like in The Iliad, now we have context for the mission, and then the story is able to step back and explain.

It's not like, the best~~~ use of misdirection but there was a purpose to it. It sets up an expectation, and subverts that expectation of the audience - but in a good way not a Game of Thrones way. While also pulling the audience into the show by starting in the middle of the action rather than slowing down the story with exposition or giving their hand away to much that this was a training exercise.

If you knew it was a training exercise, suddenly the stakes feel less intense because none of the characters are in any real danger, but not knowing that, withholding that information until it's relevant, ups the stakes of the scene.

The opening scene of The Sign imparts a lot of information without using a lot of dialogue and I find that impressive. We learn which characters will be relevant to the story - Phaya, Tharn, Yai, Khem, Thongthai and now we know, Chart is also important - that they are skilled combat fighters, knowledgeable in firearms, there's a fantasy element to the story via Tharn's visions, they're on an island which the setting for right now, and the tone and aesthetic of the show itself.

It's actually a fun scene to rewatch again with more context because I appreciated it even more. Which is just good film making.

I didn't talk much about the camera work - needless to say it's notable and fun - but maybe I'll save that for the next post. What other shows or scenes would be fun to breakdown? Drop me a line but heads up I don't actually watch a ton of shows so idk if I've seen xyz show lmao

Later chepies ✌️✌️

Other posts in the series:

Aspect Ratio in Love for Love's Sake | Cinematography in My BL - Our Skyy2 vs kinnporsche, 2gether vs semantic error, 1000 Stars vs The Sign | How The Sign Uses CGI

[like these posts? drop me a couple pennies on ko-fi]

[flonautilus]

Thinking about the way vox positions his brand and his own image -- his company stands for perfection, for innovation, for trustworthiness and progress; how hard he probably works to maintain a respectable image while wangling Val's whims. This is a man who, in a hell that respects pure brute power over anything else, created an empire based in consumer trust and playing on the human instinct to follow the herd, don't fall behind, keep up.

We know that alastor made a name for himself by almost deliberately playing a provocateur, upturning the status quo, framing himself as an unpredictable threat, and it's fairly consistent in behaviour patterns as well -- Alastor relishes in disturbing other people's sense of comfort; he turns to fear and intimidation as his first weapon.

Both of them use reputation as a tool but in completely opposite ways, and even in their personal relationships as well (another interesting point -- Alastor is much more genuine with people he does consider friends, like Mimzy and Rosie, but Vox never seems to fully let down his persona even with Velvette and Valentino? He has that big fake smile on with Velvette in ep2, and with Val he drops the smile but still plays the charming, reasonable, logical business partner -- at least until Valentino gets under his skin by mentioning Alastor. There's technically ep8 but I'm almost certain that's an exceptional case?) And both of them know very well how to play to their audiences

Well there isn't really a conclusion here but I find it really funny that in one season we're sorta already seen both of them break their own image to an extent? Vox obviously showing a total lack of composure on live tv, but also, Alastor's loss to Adam. Like I've seen some people say it's not a big deal because Adam is so strong, but the problem is that Alastor's reputation relied on the mystery of his power ("no one knows where he came from; he just started toppling overlords one day, and not small ones either"), and losing to Adam puts a definite upper limit to his power.

Basically he went from unknowable eldritch monster to like, powerful overlord sinner, but still a sinner.

Thoughts about recent leaks under the cut

You know what else is interesting? Vox's biggest asset is not his personal power (though it's almost certainly not small either) but rather the trust the people of hell invests in his brand. It makes me think that actually the primary conflict of season 2 will not be a physical battle (Adam) but a battle over the narrative. And who's the people of hell going to trust more, the overlord that's been providing them with technology and protection(?) for decades, or the princess of hell who's not here visible in public eye for ages, and heaven, who's been trying to kill them since who knows when? (obviously charlie stopped the exterminations which is a big plus on her record but that wasn't exactly a show of redemptive power was it? The strength to resist and unite yes but also the power of having hell's big daddy on your side)

And okay I'm not super sure still what vox is planning to do with hypnotizing the whole of hell, but I wager rather than any aggressive action (not his style) it'll have to do with convincing people that they really are irredeemable, that hell is the status quo and come on, do you really think those angels believe in redemption? Do you really think you can be redeemed after everything you've done? Pentious was an exception; he wasn't all that bad to begin with, and you don't think the princess' silly hotel can actually help you, do you?

And y'know what putting it this way it's suddenly clear to me why the vees are designed that way (because obviously they were planned to be one of the main villains way ahead of time) -- they represent respectively mass entertainment/social media/porn and drugs, all possible means of addiction and soft control and getting people to basically surrender to their own vices (more than hell already does of course) (gambling is another addictive means and I'm hopeful but sceptical that they'll explore it through husk)

But anyway. The Vees have much to lose if redemption succeeds (technically all the overlords do but eh). It's why I'm sorta hopeful that S2 and maybe S3 will feature a much more in-depth discussion of the topic of redemption? Who can be redeemed, what does redemption involve (beyond literally sacrificing yourself?), are there any limits to redemption?

Though putting it this way makes me think none of the vees aren't going to meet good endings ahshdd or at least they'll have to fall very very far to even get a chance at it bc why tf would you even consider redemption if so much of your power depends on people just giving into hopelessness and dependency? Not that any of them would ever want to be redeemed but...idk. and really that's a huge conflict in the show right? Charlie doesn't fundamentally understand why some people wouldn't want to be redeemed not just bc of addiction or other reasons, but the ones who benefit from the status quo (Alastor, vees, the overlords to some extent or another). And heck like Rosie and cannibal town helped stop the extermination but how much do they actually care for redemption vs getting a chance to eat angel meat? The show makes it pretty clear it's the latter. Charlie struggles to understand even Angel and it's why it's husk who gets through to him, cuz they can understand each other (but it doesn't mean Charlie's efforts are insignificant, they created the space for redemption in the first place)

And that's I think the central conflict of the show? That heaven (at least the side represented by Emilie) and Charlie believes everyone will to some extent want to be redeemed, it's just the lack of opportunities; Adam and lute and sera's side, who disdain and fear that if provided any opportunity, hell will always rise up and overturn heaven (ngl heaven and hell in Hazbin always reminded me of gated communities?); the vees who want hell under their control and in extension to convince that redemption is too far out of reach to bother; and maybe like Lilith too who I sorta suspect doesn't actually care for redemption as much as overturning heaven's authority? (But all we know of her is like a few minutes/seconds so like...)

Final thoughts but I was admittedly disappointed in the presentation of episode 6; for redemption to be worthwhile you need to show why heaven is so good, not just why hell really sucks, and imo the welcome to heaven song isn't really that convincing? It's a clever mirror to like a happy day in hell, but you can't just tell me everyone is happy every day in heaven and call it a day, like what's life actually like in heaven, rlly it just looks like a metropolitan city but in pastels?? Do people in heaven ever have personal conflicts; how are those settled; what does social life look like; happiness isn't just the lack of like addiction, poverty, pain, etc tho that goes a long way.

[asongoftearsandfandoms]

I notice that through all the discourse I find scrolling through the Tumblr tags about Alastor is that people don't really talk about what his character's point in the narrative is.

I can't remember the specific name of the character type, but I found a list of character types, and it's kind of an amalgamation of these: Doubter, rival, charmer, enigma, meddler, skeptic, pessimist, the shadow.

He's not trying to be an antagonist, and he's not quite a foil (well, maybe to Vox).

His role is to provide helpful opposition to his allies (especially the Morningstars).

It's like that friend that sees you're down and instead of trying to offer kind words, says "yeah, you're right. You suck, you're the worst, you never would have done a good job anyways. You were always going to fail. I mean, prove me wrong!" It switches your self-loathing and defeatedness to resolute determination.

Think about it. In the Pilot, he aids Charlie in making the hotel more desirable, but he openly tells her he thinks she's going to fail.

But think about when he shows up. Charlie has just suffered a huge public embarrassment and morale crush.

She's literally still sitting there moping when he knocks on the door.

He simultaneously declares his intent to assist her in this endeavor and starts trashing on sinners and how he thinks it'll never work. And look at the effect it has on Charlie:

She was nervous and somewhat uncertain before, but her stubbornness kicks in and she's motivated to prove him (and everyone else) wrong.

Let's look at another time he antagonized someone into doing better.

Lucifer shows up, depressed and unmotivated and having obviously been an absent father for a while. Alastor hones in on this, possibly before he even showed up (based on Charlie's hesitation and phone call with him).

It looks like jealousy on the surface, a pissing contest between two dominant males, but when has Alastor ever shown interest in being a father figure to Charlie before? Or expressed desire to be anything resembling family? But you know who does desperately want to be family to Charlie? Lucifer. Alastor immediately recognizes this is a sore point for Lucifer and needles those exact points, putting pressure on.

What does this do? Fires Lucifer up and makes him want to push back by actively taking back the role of being Charlie's father, and wanting to help Charlie with whatever he can give her, both materially with the hotel and emotionally as a father.

And look how proud this man looks. This isn't a face of jealousy or frustration that he lost against Lucifer, this is the pleased look of a job well done.

He knew exactly what he was doing. Lucifer wanted to reconnect with Charlie, but without that push from this tiny little Overload who thinks he's hot shit, who knows if he would have fought for her. The antagonizing pushed him from depressed passive longing to motivated actions.

Alastor's narrative role is helpful opposition to the protagonists, through providing doubt, being a rival, and posing as a meddler, skeptic, pessimist. He charms his way around, using connections and pure power to support the hotel. Why would he defend the hotel if he wanted it to fail? He could have just sat back and laughed. It's because even if he doesn't have an investment on seeing the ultimate goal of the hotel succeed, he does have some level of investment in seeing those inside get/do/be better.

[megabuild]

mp24 looks really interesting and i want to read it someday so badly! do you have any favorite things about it that you'd like to talk about? hope this doesn't come off weird i just think it's cool and have been absorbing the few snippets you've posted into my brain with excitement

absolutely not weird, and it's very sweet of you to say!

when it comes to my favourite parts it can be a little tricky to decide because i feel like so much of it is still up in the air. i've been in the planning stages for nearly a year atp and gotten very little done (though i had a lot else on my mind this year. lmao.) until i decided to just push myself to write whatever and hope it makes sense. and ironically, the one part that's both my favourite and is also more fully formed is the part i can't talk about because it's spoilers and also only alluded to in the main fic itself (etho's backstory.)

something i've enjoyed a lot though is probably figuring out all the character's motivations for staying where they are, because while that's not a Super important part of the story itself i think it informs them a lot. the entire story is set against the backdrop of being on a planet that's getting hit by a solar flare in two weeks time, and there's a chance it'll take all the life support systems in place that maintain the atmosphere and so on offline, killing everyone living there; most of the residents have left, but a fair amount remain. and bdubs of course isn't even from pluto, he's from mars, something which is regularly pointed out to him because that means he's made the active choice to be there. some of them are there because their work requires it (etho, cleo), some can't afford to leave (grian), some don't believe in the scope of it or are optimistic (joel, gem), and some simply don't care (pause). why bdubs took the job in the first place is something he isn't sure of himself. fuck me i'm not even sure i'm sort of hoping he'll realise by the end but it's probably to do with the divorce. (this is something i've also barely touched on but is shaping up to be one of my favourite parts- impulse is a character so minor he's only mentioned when bdubs talks about his divorce but a very specific picture of their life is painted by the snippets we do get. haunting the narrative or whatever the kids say but he didn't die he just got better)

thank you for the ask!!

[elysian-writing]

Wait canon compliant bartylus fic???? How is this the first time I've eheard of this???? Feel free to just info dump as much as you want🙏🙏🙏

akdsjn it's a very new idea of mine actually but yes ofc i have so many thoughts about them!!!

basically it'll be dual-pov from both regulus and barty's perspectives, so the narrative will definitely be unreliable. but i wanted to use it as a chance to explore the politics behind the first wizarding war alongside the aspects of canon that a lot of the fandom likes to ignore ( not that i'm judging, i just find it intruiging myself ) i wanted to take a look at voldemort while he was still sort of a political figure instead of a manic figurehead for evil and look at the finer points of why and how he gained so much support. along with that, the power dynamics and inter-relationships between and in each other hogwarts houses at the time and how the growing political tension would've affected the students. but also definitely a character exploration of sorts because i do want to dive deeper into the darker aspects of both regulus and barty, because to me, at least in canon, they are both not good people whatsoever. regulus is perhaps slightly better in barty on the surface but in the end they are certainly selfish and morally-grey ( bordering on morally-black in certain parts ) characters who have their own motivations for doing what they want. i think it'd be especially interesting to look at regulus' motivations behind trying to defeat voldemort, along with how they both joined the de's at the first place + barty's descent into madness near the end. also!! it means i get an excuse to scrutinize canon relationships + the darker side of the marauders and their actions during hogwarts just because we wouldn't be looking at them through rose-tinted glasses as is normal now. and then obviously it'll be mcd just bc i'm gonna do my best to follow canon as closely as i can, and the relationships between almost all of the characters will not be healthy. so!! definitely a darker, angstier fic but i think it'll be fun. ( certainly a long one though so hopefully motivation stays alive while i start writing )

[all-pacas]

Where does chase get the idea that cameron never loved him? It's obviously a narrative he's been feeding himself to cope after dibala and is solidified in lockdown but where does it stem from? And do you think he continues to believe even after camerons explanation in the episode?

I think we see him start to edge towards it in Private Lives. As funny as the whole Chase doesn't know he's good looking arc is, it's really much more about Cameron, and he brings her up a few times in the episode:

CHASE: It's Cameron's favorite book. I don't even know what it's about. WILSON: Don't do that to yourself.

Later:

CHASE: How good-looking am I? I'm not asking if you're attracted to me. I'm looking for an objective answer. THIRTEEN: Oh, okay, then it's an appropriate question. CHASE: Last night, I acted like a complete tosser to prove to House that women don't go out with me for my looks. Cost me a hundred bucks and my definition of myself. And women.

Later:

CHASE: People meet, they like something superficial, and then they fill in the blanks with whatever they want to believe. THIRTEEN: Why are you so hung up on this? I refuse to believe it's all because you just noticed you have a nice face. You just came off a relationship. You know things go deeper than… Is that what this is about? You and Cameron? CHASE: I was the one that pursued her. Maybe I was just filling in the blanks. Maybe… maybe the first reaction was right. We were just two people who were in proximity and found each other attractive, and I ne — [stumbles over his words] I never should have… THIRTEEN: Paranoia. You felt something real. So did she. Don't try to take it back now.

Chase is trying to figure out what went wrong. Is it because he didn't take interest in her favorite book? What if he's good looking and that's the only reason people like him? What if that's the only reason Cameron liked him? Maybe she was only with him because he pursued her. "I never should have," he says, upset. Obviously, Chase fucked up big time with Dibala. He called out Cameron's shifting the blame. He's not naive about how their marriage ended, but I think it really did fuck with him.

Chase has Cameron pegged in S3 ("You have feelings for puppies and people you've just met."); he knows how she operates. He saw her crushing on House for years, was calling her on that crush in S3 as well as S1, he knows she loves everyone and holds on to things… and she left him and didn't look back. And he knows where he's at fault (and let's be clear: he's very at fault, he killed a dude), but… I don't think he really expected her to just leave. Chase wanted her to stop pretending he didn't do it, but he never suggests they split up, he pushes for them both to work for House. He doesn't want her to keep pretending House did the murder, but he doesn't want her to leave.

And she does! House, in Teamwork, actually first plants the idea in Chase's head:

HOUSE: You spent weeks elaborately concealing the fact that you [killed Dibala]. And then you just confessed. Seemed idiotic. Certain to end in disaster. Instead you're riding off into the sunset together. Any theories on why? CHASE: I assume you've already dismissed the "she loves me" theory? HOUSE: Well, it's possible. It would require the presupposition that everything she's done for the last six years has been completely inconsistent with her character, but yeah, it's possible.

I don't think House is actually arguing Cameron doesn't love him, but he does point out that Cameron is being inconsistent here. Chase, meanwhile, is hoping it'll be fine. She loves him. Right?

CAMERON: Why won't you sign the divorce papers? CHASE: It's been on my to-do list. Sorry. CAMERON: Will you sign them? CHASE: Not until we have a real conversation about our marriage. CAMERON: Okay. I made a mistake coming here.

It seems like they've spoken about the divorce before. This isn't the first time Chase has seen the paperwork, he's just stonewalling her. He wants a conversation. He wants to know what happened. That's the main theme of Lockdown, he really just wants to know why. The second Cameron confirms his theory, she starts crying, but it isn't until she tells him it was her fault, that she did love him but was just too fucked up to make it work, that Chase actually signs the papers. It's not until she gives him a real reason.

It doesn't sound to me like Chase truly thought she never loved him; he admits it was a coping mechanism, he's quick to accept a different reason (although pointedly, one where Cameron still gets more of the blame). Once Cameron says it was never going to have worked, that she is messed up and broken, his tone changes. He apologizes to her. They share good memories and dance and have sex. None of these things are the actions of people who don't care about one another at all, who resent the other for never loving them, you know?

I think Chase was just… grasping at straws. Cameron never loved him means it wasn't his fault, it was inevitable, it didn't matter that he'd pushed her away. It's also kind of a zone he thrives in: never being good enough or worth love is him and his father to a T. Never being good enough sucks, but in a way it's easier.

Chase has always been a bit insecure about Cameron, but he doesn't usually lack self confidence: he breaks up with her twice, for example. He has boundaries. He's certainly not wrong when he lays out the timeline of their relationship and points out he was always the one interested in and chasing after her, but it's a pretty flawed timeline; he leaves out the times Cameron, for example, pursued him (S3) or was willing to make big changes for him (The Itch, she decided to destroy her husband's sperm in Under My Skin without him asking). He's leaving out the fact that she did care about him, that they liked to spend time together, that Cameron is not that good of an actor or liar or wouldn't have spent two and a half years glued to his side if she didn't like him. He's upset. He's grasping at straws. He admits it:

CHASE: I spent months wondering how I made it go bad. If you never loved me, then – then I didn't do anything wrong.

It's so fucked up and it's so telling. He thought it was his fault. He made it go bad. And that was awful, and he rewrote the story. He'd rather Cameron have never loved him, to have always counted the minutes until she could dump him, then deal with the reality that he did this, that he ruined arguably the only loving relationship he's ever had, that maybe Cameron was right and he has been poisoned and ruined.

Or as he puts it in S7:

CHASE: My time here changed me in ways not everyone in my life thought was for the better. MASTERS: Were those people right? CHASE: I think when you do change, it's not so simple to go back. (Last Temptation)

Implicitly, I think he's admitting his theory was wrong. It's not about if Cameron ever loved him or not: He did change. Whether he did the right thing or the wrong thing, he turned into someone Cameron couldn't love.

[camcorderrevival]

to you, what's the difference between eleven/amy and twelve/clara? which one do you ship more and why? (i'm guessing the answer to the second is pretty obvious but i'm curious about your answer)

i think the biggest difference, beyond like narrative and theme, is that twelveclara gets more breathing room in the series. obviously youve got the relationship between clara and danny, and missy and twelve (and missy and clara to some extent), but twelveclara is very much given the centre stage. the viewer's attention is meant to be on them, the show is about them (for good reason). the other relationships function as ways to explore twelve and clara as separate characters, of course, but they also very much work emphasise the relationship between the two as well.

and like. elevenamy isnt some super niche relationship with no screentime or development. theyre the core of s5,6,7a just like twelveclara is the core s8&9. (and just like ninerose is the core s1, and tenmartha is the core of s3. whether you read them as romantic or platonic or whatever, the doctor & companion dynamics foster a kind of intimacy that keeps the show interesting and moving forward).

but you definitely more get the sense that, especially in s6, the dynamic is fighting for space with amyrory/elevenriver. the show gets stuck in a weird place where it is trying to convince the viewer that the satisfying conclusion for all of these characters is amyrory and elevenriver, but the story ends if amy really chooses rory in any meaningful way (and thats no good if youre trying to get two and bit series out of it). so youve got elevenamy which is the driving point of the narrative and somewhat more interesting/dynamic than amyrory, and amyrory which feels (to me) like a much more stuck, static point but the show really wants you to believe that its satisfying and interesting (without ever putting much effort into it, because that would detract too much from the core relationship). both relationships suffer from that weird balance that gets struck.

twelveclara does not face that same weirdness so the relationship gets more room to develop (or in their case devolve into a spiral of self-destruction and timeline altering) (yay).

beyond that difference in narrative space. i think both relationships deal with some similar themes (because they are the themes that haunt most of moffat's time as showrunner, and some of the episodes that he wrote for rtd). memory, stories, identity in the other.

but there are also quite different points. elevenamy takes on a more religious tone (especially in tgc + tgww). amy isnt doctorified to the same extent as clara, so the narrative surrounding identity in the other differs.

elevenamy basically imprint on each other as children and tie themselves around that point of connection, they cant help but deify each other (they r cathyheathcliff). doctorclara (because eleven's relevant in this for a little bit) are tied together by missy (fate. prophecy. your sometimes-ex who thinks you'd get on really well with this brunette woman whos got problems. insult/compliment??) and then progressively become more and more like each other till they have to be cosmically separated. and they want to be like each other because theyre obsessed with each other, of course, but also because they think that it'll give them more control over everything.

amy leaves the doctor because shes convinced he'll always leave her so she needs to stay with her safety blanket backup husband so she never ever has to be alone again (and she'll never ever be lonely little amelia pond again). clara leaves (not really) twelve because of the aforementioned cosmic separation.

amy puts the doctor in her childrens book. twelve puts clara in a song.

lastly, i will always bat for twelveclara whenever wherever. but theyre good. theyre well-written and they crash and burn so beautifully. there's not much to say. elevenamy is so interesting firstly because theyve lived in my brain forever im normal like that, secondly because the writing gets so awkward at points that there's hundreds and millions of things to say. so i love them very much sorry to twelveclara.

[scoobydoodean]

hello! I've been reading your content and as someone who considers themselves a both Sam and Dean girl, it feels like a breath of fresh air. I feel like samgirls watering down Sam's bad traits are what makes him less enjoyable, because the brothers are supposed to be foils of each other (or at least I see them that way). Both of them have good and bad traits but Sam's bad traits are most dominant in him and Dean's good traits most dominant in him. I think that Sam is a creative way to make an unreliable narrator and defeats the "good Protagonist fights evil in an evil spooky world". Although Dean will always be my favorite out of the two, Sam's moral greyness is key to the story and by trying to make him a helpless victim than the sick little murder man he is, it's like...they are missing the point of the show. One of the main themes I've seen in the show is that nothing is as it seems, Dean looks like the rugged older brother who's got murder on his mind (especially when you read Kripke's original concept for him) but he's actually sweet and trying to save everyone. Sam looks like the cute younger brother who could do no wrong and is just an awkward nerd, but is capable of murdering people without remorse.

I also wanted to ask what your take would be if Sam was the older brother and Dean was the younger brother. A part of me wants to say that it'll just be the same plot but just switching the roles, but that doesn't sound right.

#sam and human sacrifice heheheh

@ your question—hmm… I suppose it depends on how much you believe nature vs nurture shapes people. I would say a lot about Sam’s character is defined by his status as the younger sibling in a childhood neglect situation and a lot about Dean’s character is defined by his status as an older sibling in a neglect situation. A lot of how Dean feels is shaped by the perception that he has control in situations where he has no control, starting from childhood parentification. A lot of how Sam feels is shaped by the perception that he has no control, originating from childhood where he was dragged from place to place without knowing why for much of his formative years, and was often very isolated and alone (i.e. when John took Dean with him on hunts (11.08), or sent Dean away for pissing him off (14.12)).

On the other hand, I also think the demon blood storyline still happening to Sam and not Dean might potentially have interesting effects on John’s treatment of them, if you believe that Sam being coddled a little more (ex: not being allowed to hunt until he was older) isn’t just a function of Sam being the baby of the family but is also due to a special concern associated with his connection to Azazel. This in turn makes the nurture aspect even more fuzzy.

I agree with you though I don't think it would be exactly the same story just switching roles. I think there are also some nature aspects to this like I think Dean's role in the narrative being To Care About People (#dean the narrative heart) is probably something that transcends his upbringing, though obviously we can connect aspects of his upbringing to that role. And you have the age old question of whether Sam's feelings about purity are truly a function of childhood neglect, or whether his belief that he isn't clean literally comes from the demon blood (though personally I'm team neglect).

[randomnameless]

It's still wild to me that people will go to bat for the nothing characters that are Randolph and Fleche as proof of Dimitri being bad; we know next to nothing about them, they have miniscule screentime, what little we do know of Randolph paints him as human scum who'd do horrific things if it meant a chance at a promotion, and Fleche illogically only ever holds a grudge against someone for killing her brother if that someone is AM!Dimitri, with her completely vanishing from the game in every other route.

Eh,

I'd say they play the same purpose than this random child in TS in Roland's story - at this point, both lords want vengeance, and they have to face someone who also wants (misdirected!) vengeance at them, smth smthg like war sucks because people die.

But it's completely wasted in FE16, because, as you said, Randy isn't a random or a civilian or a war orphan, he is a general leading an attack on refugees/civilians/randoms to gain more fame, and dies in the process.

Now, can we say Flèche's anger and death are ultimately directed at Randolph, who died for nothing and took his sister down with him in his quest for "muhrit" ? Or are we supposed to think that this scene is important because Dimitri, the Blue Lord, isn't supposed to fall as low as the Imperial Army - something he comes close to (apparently?) ?

And yet again, it completely fails.

Because for one Randolph - who also had a family and loved ones - we have 50 Waldos and Baldis, whose lives aren't given any fuck about.

We don't see a war prisoner, or an Adrestian civilian accusing Supreme Leader of having sent her/his wife/husband/daughter/son to death with a conquest they never asked and trying to off her.

Only Dimitri receives this backlash from - invaders who wanted to invade and suddenly remember they have loved ones so are very sad when their loved ones dies - Flèche, but not Claude nor Billy, as you rightfully pointed out.

And Supreme Leader never receives any backlash - or wake up call - from a real third party/civilian/casualty who could have done the exact same thing.

Emile mentions how, during her attack, the Holy Grounds near Garreg Mach were turned in a slaughterhouse, why don't we have any civilian who survived from that try to take a jab at Supreme Leader? Waldi's best friend? Baldo's mother? A war captive from Leicester/Faerghus or a conscripted Adrestian?

I laughed about it with friends earlier, and again with the teatime paralogue, but it truly feels as if only 1/3rd (since the church doesn't count) of the cast will face consequences for the war and suffers backlash from the constant fighting (they didn't even start!).

Whenever you have to deal with serious stuff in Fodlan, it'll be for the BL members.

The rest? Will sip tea, talk nonsense, try to solve "mysteries" and live as if nothing is happening in the background.

Just imagine how both deer routes could have been much more impactful and interesting - instead of being a recycled Billy route with a different infodump at the end - if Raphael's sister popped up to a War Council, asking Claude to stop coddling the Empire because their lands were invaded, her grandfather put to Aymr and her inn destroyed by the Imperial Army, or how Ignatz's older brother discovers how Adrestia is burning pieces of art and history and every material related to Leicester and Faerghus history because they want to push an "Adrestia Eternal" narrative. Heck, Claude could even discover more "lore" by picking a Leif route, sort of rescuing the people "handpicked" to become new Baldos and Waldis, discovering the secret of the artificial crest stones and maybe having an infiltration map where, lo, instead of receiving an info dump, they maybe witness Rhea being turned in a relic or used to "produce" artificial crest stones.

War BaD, but only when we can make the BL suffer for it, for the rest, it's just a bgm.

And even then, it can't be too critical of Supreme Leader, because she was made to sell alts in FE heroes or dubious Cipher Cards.

"Supreme Leader", "cute girls" and "I want to see how Faerghus and its knights will deal with the aftermath of the Tragedy while defending against the invading forces".

Tl; dr : Flèche and Randolph are named, which is a cheap way to make people care for them despite their role in the plot, but the demonic beasts and the civilians dying aren't mentionned nor talked about.

Hell, why do you think I gave names to the artificial demonic beasts? The game doesn't want you to think too much about them, but if I talk about Baldo and Waldi, maybe the fandom will?

[elfreek]

Birth of a Wish grew out of desire to reuse elements from an earlier project after i had scrapped them (A reluctant god/Fantasy Chemical Weapons). It started life as a Fabula Ulitma Concept that bounced between several systems (including Lancer) before ultimately ending up in Numenera.

I had been reading about historical perceptions of Kami in Shinto and alot of academic stuff on Shinto in general at the time and was fascinated by the synchronicity between it and Buddhism. I wanted to capture that heian period fantasy that seems to exist in the historical record while cutting it with my own sensibilities. This really came together and got moving a few weeks after the worst moment of my life; i invested a lot in as escapism and a way to distract myself while was going through it. I'm real attached in that way, I wish i had gotten to run it. Appologies for the bad editing and scattered sentence structures in the PDF. Deeper thoughts, story beats and art below under the cut

General Commentary

It was... alot of work trying to lay the ground work for alot of the mechanical stuff that existed within setting. (as i discovered what defines a kami isn't common knowledge and how you related to an unfamiliar audience is extremely difficult)

There was alot of really wonderful synergy with the elements i wanted to write about and preexisting ideas i had such as the Shinto concept of purity and how that relates to death vs the concept of spiritual Nerve Gas. I was leaning into to the thinning of the boundary between life and death and souls not only being real but a thing to be used and harness. As I was developing the backstory it sort of... drifted into a mythical retelling of a Super Robot Anime's plot, so much so that the conflict between high heaven and the planet and the god warriors are directly inspired by EVA in both mood, aesthetics and the fact that they are vulgar expressions of humanity. I really really liked the decay of this godly power into a lesser form as a motif. All the Kami within the world of Roshana/Sadogoma can be derived from the rotting and corrupted cadavers of a pair of twins (directly mirroring Izanagi/Izanami).

The impetus for the four+one linages of species came from personal biases but the ones i wanted to point out in particular are the dregs and elves (which aren't mentioned directly) Elves first because it'll be quick, I wanted them to serve as an interest marker both for "oh fuck they're strong" as well as them being close to "divinity" which is derived from what "humans" looked like from the prior to the apocalypse as a little visual lore tidbit.

The dregs serve two purposes narratively, the first is to isolate the populations of the world by making sea travel extremely difficult thus limiting trade and other exchanges through open warfare with the chosen four. Secondary I wanted to show the primary divinities as maybe not so great, given that the dregs were the negative aspects of divinity filtered and abandoned by them. That kind of callousness and distain for the difference is an ugly thing to me and i wanted to bring it up but leave it to the player to draw their own conclusion.

The trio of divinities are pretty self explanatory except for 1) Managitu is a Kangaroo with two sets of ears and that Tsukimi isn't a product of the Brother Unit's rot. They are an alien probe that came to the planet after the war with High Heaven. Their roll is to observe and record. It's why there isn't a tribe of man modeled in their image. The early history of the trios rise to power is deliberately altered and obscured to hide Tsukimi's origin.

Plot Beats

The inital setup for the campaign was that the party was going to be part of a commercial expedition to open up a theocracy that had been silent for centuries to global trade. (haha geddit?) The first major thing to happen would be an attack of wraiths/ghouls and other undead fiends lead by a pair hulking armored figures during the parties ascent up the mountain with the goal being to trap them there and harvest their souls for an evil magus (we'll get to that).

Players would fight their way out with scattered survivors and end up at a village that would be warry of them but would open up to them after they deal with various problems for them which would double as showing the players that there's something wrong here and hint at the magus. From their they'd learn that the theocracy they were here for had suffered a catatrophic civil war that permanently scared the region. Eventually they'd link up with a shunned elven historian named Zelkova/Mizunara (depending on the draft) who turned into one 400 years ago during a academic visit to the mountain. She would serve as their guide and plot explainer/director for the over arcing narrative.

She would inform the players that there's an evil mage (Astra, never ended up having a setting appropriate name) with a vice grip on the region after helping plunge it into chaos. Astra would capture and sacrifice people from on and off mountain in a sick ritual to awaken a pre-apocalypse titan whom she and many others venerated as a new form of divinity, the same kind who's decomposition created the divinities. Following the plot the players would find out Astra is a spiritual scientist that is responsible for the soul killing chemical weapons that plague a lot of the region as well as committing atrocities in the name of awaking the titan through appeals to it's sense of mercy. The players would learn that Astra needs so many souls to not only power her magic but to serve as a spark to ignite the engine that powers the pre-apocalypse titan

Ultimately the party would sabotage Astra's efforts and defeat her. Ultimately before she could curse them with a spiteful death rattle that invoked her sunk cost fallacy of needing to kill so many for her own personal absolution the titan would wake and kill her in a gross display of it's own power. This New final boss would introduce itself as a nameless titan that was deemed unfit to serve it's original makers but was awoken by the honest pleas and appeals for salvation by Astra and her ilk. She had been awake during the civil war and saw that they did in her name, choosing to stay silent because the acts scared her. After meditating for so long she finally found her answer, accepting the calls for mercy and salvation of the people that placed their faith in her. Accepting her new mantle as an awakened being, she takes a feirce from made of fire called the Avatar of Mercy, announcing to the players that'll cleans the planet of suffering the only way she knows how. However she recognizes the hypocrisy, suffering she has caused and and the gulf of power between herself and the party. She offer the party a chance to fight her on fair terms, challenging the party to fight for their own future. Projecting her soul as a fire-y incarnation and absorbing what remains of Astra while the titan itself begins its ignition sequence.

If the players beat her, the sequence stops and the world is saved, if she wins or the players acquiesce to her ideology the world would be consumed in fire burning away the good, the evil and the in-between leaving only fertile ground for plants to take root.

That bad end is a leading for another idea I had but thats a story for another time.

Art Commentary

I did a lot stuff I was proud of from a design perspective for this project. I adore the way this landing page/title card turned out. It not only highlights the main antagonist and her motivations but also hinting at the bad end.

I did these three with the intentions of them being major NPCS in their own right, the right two being from the mountain and the leftmost being from a distant land. Personally I really think i did will capturing an overall aesthetic as well as demonstrating regionality in their clothing choices

Closing Thoughts

I am really attached to this world, not in the "i love the characters and places in it" sense but more in the fact that I find the subject matter fascinating and it was with me during the worst hours of my life. I really owe alot of my stability during that time to this world and the art i did for it. It's a shame it has to be put to bed like this but I'd rather burry it with full honors then have it fizzle on me because of circumstances beyond my control.

[herotome]

Hello Wudge!!! I know working on such a beautiful and ambitious project must be incredibly tiring. I also know how encouraging it can be to know that people enjoy what you put out there, so I'm here to express my appreciation for Herotome and all the work you have put into it already!

I've been into visual novels for a couple of years now, and while I enjoy my occassional short and sweet dose of cheesy romance, most visual novels could never really satisfy my desire for a good narrative and a lot of time to get to know the love interests (As someone who really needs to know a person in order to get romantically involved with them, I've always found some love stories kind of rushed. That's just my preference tho). I know it's hard to develop a fully-fledged game, especially when you're an independent developer and mostly work for free, so I'm definitely not trying to undermine anyone's work!!!

However, this is why I was so stunned by how much Herotome's DEMO captivated me. Not even just the extended demo!!! The first time I came across this game was before the extended demo got released, and even then, I was so enamoured with the universe, the artstyle, the characters, the writing. EVERYTHING. I'm a bit ashamed to say I can be quite picky with my taste in visual novels, but Herotome literally ticked every single box for me. Visually appealing designs (both with the characters and with the UI!), a great mix of humour and sobriety, clear and skilled writing and awesome world building. All of this in A DEMO??? GOD DAMN, DUDE!

A literal demo unironically managed to put this visual novel among my absolute favourites simply because of how much work and care was put into it. I really hope it gains more attention even before it gets fully released, because you truly deserve the same level of support that games like Our Life (my #1 fav VN, can't wait for OL2) have. I know it'll probably be a while before Herotome gets released, but I'll try my best to wait patiently because I can't wait to see more of everyone! (especially Dart and Jade, I love them.)

I'm really sorry for the whole essay over here, but I just wanted to make my support clear!!! Unfortunately I don't have the possibility of financially supporting (yet) but I'm over here awaiting every update of this game with so much excitement you have no idea (⁠ᗒ⩊ᗕ ྀི) Good luck and stay healthy!

ksbfjsdb how did you know.. 😭😭😭 Thank you, sweet anon! No apology necessary, I love essays!!

Worldbuilding is a area where I've felt particularly lacking -- like, I make a point avoid thinking about it most of the time, so in the rare instances I actually do put in effort it feels like it's coming up short? Maybe not so much in the demos, but nowadays I'll be standing around thinking about how things work in the society of Rhineway and trying to plan out ideas of what's gonna come up in the routes and my brain will inevitably feels like television static by the end.

SO to be praised for worldbuilding gives me a bizarre yet flattered feeling (sort of like "I'm not sure I deserve this but I guess I've done something right"), thank you, and I'm continually touched that people enjoy the humor! I really try to put in a lot of throwaway jokes where it's like -- if you don't laugh, it's totally fine cuz it goes by pretty quick -- but it is nice to know I've made people laugh. Or at least have an sensible inward chuckle :')

It sounds like you're demisexual btw which - lol me too. 🤝 Eyyyy!

I'm not sure how to end this post so I'll just put in some preview of what I've been working on -

Lots of eyebrow dances.

[leareadsheresy]

Mission Statement: Committing to a Mistake

I'm going to read all the Horus Heresy stories. I'm going to do it in publication order.

To be clear, I'm not going to read all the books in publication order; I'm going to read all the stories in publication order. There are a lot of stories that were initially published in, like, Horus Heresy Weekender pamphlets or as web fiction years before they saw print in later anthology volumes. I've made a list. Making it took an evening that would have been better spent on almost any other activity, up to and including just going to bed early, but now I've got it. All I need to do is go back and refine it from publication month to publication day for specifically those stories that were published daily as part of one-story-per-day monthly events, but those don't start to become a factor until much later so no hurry on that.

I haven't decided yet whether I'll listen to audio dramas in cases where a story was first released as an audio drama and later re-released in text. I'm not really a fan of audio books. Also, this includes the Heresy 1st edition Black Books, Primarch novels, and character series novels like Valdor: Birth of the Imperium. All told there are eighty-five books in this list, and if you break it out by individual short stories there's about 253 items, though that does include both short stories and the anthology volumes that compile them, as many anthology volumes that compile previously-published short stories add a framing narrative. If I read one novel's worth of text a week, which to be clear I am absolutely not committing to doing, it'll take me a year and a half.

Why am I doing this? Well, there's a number of reasons.

The first is it's absurd to sink this much energy into being an… enthusiast, I guess you could say, under protest… for a setting while absorbing most of it second-hand, and as a wise man once said, the time will pass regardless. But the second reason, the real reason, is I need to know. I cannot take my understanding of this work being filtered through YouTube Lore Explainers anymore, or worse, overly verbose fan wikis, people who themselves only understand it from watching YouTube Lore Explainers, or people who have read the books but have no critical faculties and read them through the lens of their memories of If the Emperor had a Text to Speech Device. I have to see it for myself. I need to be able to filter the words of the text from the memes.

The third reason is I hope having a long-term project like this will distract me from other stupid projects that might be expensive, like adopting new hobbies.

Why publication order by story instead of publication order by compiled volume or chronology? Well, I'm interested in how the narrative develops over time, not just from an in-universe perspective but from the real-life one as well. I'm interested in, for example, reading Book I: Betrayal in the context of being the first proper Horus Heresy game book published six years into the novel series, and how what it says about the traitor legions on Istvaan III reflects what the novels have said about them up until that point. Also, it ought to help me get through the allegedly terrible Salamanders stories by reading them one at a time in between other works, instead of all at once when I reach Born of Flames.

To amuse myself, I will proceed on the assumption that the Horus Heresy 1st Edition Black Books are flawed in-universe history texts, and the novels are flawed dramatizations, both referring to a hypothetical "real" set of events that cannot be perceived directly. This should insulate me from the worst of the critical whiplash stemming from when an important character from better books shows up and has important character development done awfully in a book that's awful.

Here's my history with the works: Years ago, I read Horus Rising and thought it was pretty decent, if clumsy in its introduction of Samus during the first part of the book. I then read halfway through False Gods and thought it was God damn awful, just taking the character work from the first book out behind the chemical sheds and shooting it in the back of the skull, and I quit the series. Later, I read Book I: Betrayal, about halfway through Book II: Massacre, and skipped ahead to Book III: Extermination because I'm a giant Raven Guard goober for some damn reason. I've also read Deliverance Lost, the Corax anthology, the Corax: Lord of Shadows Primarch novel, and parts of Book VI: Retribution and Book VIII: Malevolence. I will be re-reading all of these as I get to them in the reading order list.

My original plan was to pick up where I left off, but upon realizing that I'd left off halfway through False Gods and not like ten pages into it the way I remembered, I went back to the start of that book, then realized it had been so long since I read it and Horus Rising that I didn't remember which events had happened in which book. So I've started from the beginning again. I am currently about a third of the way through my second read of Horus Rising and have just started Part 2: Brotherhood in Spiderland, which I mention by name here because it's named Part 2: Brotherhood in Spiderland. I expect my next entry in this blog will be thoughts on Horus Rising Part 1: The Deceived, and I'll get around to renovating the appearance of the blog itself thereafter.

If I should fail in this endeavor, lose interest or drift away, good. This is a terrible idea.

And for the record, Lea is pronounced "Lee" and I've read all of Homestuck.

[troglobite]

tlovm major spoilers beneath the cut bc i'm talking campaign changes

i'm of two VERY disparate minds

i sobbed like a baby and was deeply moved by these episodes

i am fucking pissed as FUCK if they've changed bard's lament THAT FUCKING MUCH

they've softened scanlan to make it more believable i guess that he cares abt his daughter? but like. we've gotten very little backstory abt him to justify it, so he just seems like a wimp.

and on the one hand, that is important for the impact of bard's lament, to only get the major backstory THEN.

bc nobody thought to fucking ask and nobody cared. so when the audience ALSO doesn't notice or care, it'll be really impactful.

but.

idk.

keeping percy dead and then killing kash--WHO ISN'T SUPPOSED TO DIE? HE'S SUPPOSED TO LIVE AND HAVE A BABY WITH ZAHRA???? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT???

kash is, canonically in the show, the ONLY person who could've res'd percy. and therefore, scanlan.

getting glintshore was exciting. i was fucking bummed abt the change to make it one-on-one and i'm PISSED that she fucking GOT AWAY.

SHE'S SUPPOSED TO DIE.

vex is SUPPOSED TO KILL HER FOR KILLING PERCY.

why didn't we get that???

like i'm SURE there IS a reason. and i'm sure it'll be interesting for the show! i'm here for departures that work!

but my problem is that there's now no clear way for percy to come back per the established canon of the show. [[ETA: glanced at twitter and realized ppl are probably correct that, since vax didn't see percy die/go to the matron, then he's probably trapped in anna ripley's gun. and perhaps killing her and destroying her weapon will free percy's soul? idk]]

they've ALREADY been to hell, so to say that orthax has his soul is like--well, been there fucking done that. if you wanted to combine things properly in the first half of the season, THAT would've been the opportunity: get the plate, save percy's soul. i thought that was what they were doing.

but then of course we find out abt zerxus. but they're having zerxus work with VECNA??? fucking WHY? and how and why is pike important for this? idk how i feel abt that! we have plenty of pike lore and story to expand upon, WHY tie her to VECNA?! that sucks! it's sad!

WHY DID THEY HAVE PIKE RENOUNCE THE EVERLIGHT?! pike's WHOLE THING is redemption! as is the everlight's! i'm ALL FOR adding more stuff and changing things up for pike, but how do you get the triumphant stuff with pike and the everlight at the end of season one and then end up HERE? like yes, narrative challenges etc., but THAT?

it's VERY un-pike. esp bc her renouncing her faith 1. wasn't narratively necessary, as established in s1, and 2. is part of making her ready for vecna's ascension for some reason. idfk abt that. it feels gross, and maybe that's the point, but i hate it.

i seriously can't get over the fact that they killed kash, though, FUCK THAT. FUCK THAT ENTIRELY. KASH IS NOT SUPPOSED TO FUCKING DIE.

you know who IS supposed to die? SCANLAN

AFTER HE TELLS KAYLIE THAT HE PROMISES NOT TO DIE

AND AFTER HE TELLS VOX MACHINA TO NEVER LET KAYLIE SEE HIM INJURED OR DEAD

and then he betrays/they betray BOTH those things and kaylie comes to see her father's dead body to try and resurrect him

how the fuck are they going to res percy?

and how the FUCK is bard's lament going to hit REMOTELY as hard as it did in the campaign WITHOUT THE BUILD UP? WITHOUT THE FULL RAISHAN FIGHT?!

also they DAMPENED grog's "fix him" moment!!! i sobbed like a baby once i realized what was happened and paused the thing to try and calm down.

BUT THEN IT WAS CUT SHORT! HE DIDN'T SAY IT EXACTLY THE SAME (which is fine, changes! acting!) BUT!!!!

IT'S NOT GOING TO LET BARD'S LAMENT HIT QUITE RIGHT

in what fucking world does scanlan leave the group NOW? it doesn't make sense! just bc he said, in passing, to pike that he can't be a father? he didn't even TRY to talk to kaylie again! he missed her! what was the fucking point?!

AND ARE WE GOING TO GET "DARLING, IT WAS ALWAYS YOURS" OR WHATEVER THE FUCK?! what's the POINT of percy dying if we don't get that? what's the POINT of changing up how perc'ahlia happened if WE DON'T GET THAT?

vaxleth is going great, no notes. thordak fight was crazy. vorugal fight was PERFECT. raishan reveal was AWESOME.

so many good things!

but i'm REALLY fucking pissed abt bard's lament being treated as lesser. scanlan's not dead, just "not waking up". he never promised kaylie he wouldn't die, and apparently it doesn't matter bc he's not dead. he never developed a drinking or drug problem (no spice here) to cope with his complicated and sublimated feelings that he was hiding from the team. he's a softie now. and like, scanlan's fun and great and i like a lot of the changes they made. but.

BUT.

that stuff is REALLY important for bard's lament.

i guess i'll have to wait to see if bard's lament will hit as hard for ppl who don't know the campaign.

that's why i watch these episodes twice: once to get my campaign-clouded reaction out and over with, and once w my mom so i can watch again w fresh eyes w her perspective.

so we'll just have to wait and see.

but i'm. honestly this is maybe stupid and maybe a bias i didn't realize i had.

but bard's lament death was more important to me than glintshore death.

i thought they would swap one for the other in terms of Actual Death, but the later they pushed things i figured, actually, we could get glintshore death one week, and bard's lament death the following week, bc raishan won't be until the last 3 eps.

and now turns out they DID swap out the deaths, and i DON'T LIKE THE CHOICE.

they changed how glintshore happened and went down, and that WAS interesting. it was a little like.....really? would anna really fall for that twice? it felt a little contrived and stupid. the ultimate showdown was cool. it was interesting to show percy's growth (which doesn't happen in the campaign really lol he's a salty bitch) in the show by having him offer her a chance. it was interesting. it sucks to then have his faith in humanity betrayed like that, but it WOULD then explain percy's later salty bitch-ness. and make it more layered.

however.

why couldn't HE have been in a coma?

bard's lament hits HARD. because scanlan is the comedic relief.

but he HASN'T been the comedic relief in a long time. GROG has. at this point, grog dying would have more impact than scanlan.

and i guess it doesn't matter bc SCANLAN'S NOT FUCKING DEAD! FUCK THAT!

scanlan is the comedic relief, butt of the joke, no one takes him seriously. he apologized to vex and she accepted it, no comments or snark. unreal.

i just don't see a version of the show where THAT'S the scanlan situation, AND bard's lament happens.

we HAVE to get tary--he's important for the ridiculousness that follows, and ALSO for establishing the lore abt aeormatons. he's important for establishing wildemount stuff, and his story is also wonderful.

but now i'm wondering if. we just. won't get it.

if we instead skip to the downtime after the chroma conclave is truly over, and scanlan........just leaves then. kiki finishes her aramente without everyone. we get pike's family. we get the slayer's cake.

and then scanlan comes back with news of vecna.

that. honestly i'd be pretty disappointed if we didn't get tary.

i really, really am not a sam stan. i like him, he's funny, he's ridiculous, his characters are ridiculous. i fucking HATE fcg. braius is funny and cool. veth is BELOVED. she's INCREDIBLE. and scanlan and tary are both ridiculous, but as is same fashion, they had/have hidden depths that are REALLY moving. the story btwn tary and his tutor? really, really touching.

but if scanlan doesn't die. if it doesn't happen in the raishan fight. if he hasn't been drinking and doing drugs. if he never promised kaylie anything. then i don't think bard's lament happens. and i don't think we get tary.

meanwhile if percy didn't fully die, we still could've gotten a version of "darling it was always yours"

and like. nothing else changes.

i want to have faith that they've made brilliant choices for the show but. fuck, man.

this week has me really disappointed in my favorite shows, i don't like it. lol the season finale for english teacher was fucking BIZARRE, and i DON'T LIKE MALCOLM. like ACTIVELY don't like him. the whole premise was AWFUL. and then abbott elementary tonight was funny, but fucking disgusting and frustrating.

and now tlovm is ruining what is apparently one of the most key and impactful moments for me in the campaign.

to me, undoing bard's lament is abt 70% as absurd as undoing vex in purvan's tomb for deathwalker's ward

vex's death changes the course of the ENTIRE STORY and helps to seal the fate of the end of the entire campaign.

but scanlan's death changes the entire back half of the campaign. it introduces tary. it forces everyone to reckon with their own priorities and behavior and views. it forces them to grow as people in ways they hadn't thought abt yet, what with the stakes typically being so high. they neglect the normal interpersonal stakes.

tary's resolution is wonderful for the campaign as a whole. it's a sweet story. maybe they think it'd be overdone bc now they've "fixed" things with syldor, so who needs another "impressing an abusive father" story? who needs another sweet queer romance since we have kima & allie, and since gilmore is there, i guess?

but that really changes the whole tone. scanlan and tary change the tone of the back half of the campaign.

scanlan choosing to come back with kaylie's blessing to face down vecna is really impactful. the dynamic changing within the group is really cool to see.

and it's DEVASTATING when scanlan can't cast his 9th level wish spell to save vax. i mean, really, that's a sam and liam moment. but it does still matter. idk if they could include that in the show, but like. still.

idk i don't like undoing and defanging bard's lament like this. idk how i feel abt the choice to potentially remove tary from the show entirely. i'll be really sad. i would get it, i guess. they have 12 half hour episodes each season. how much could they really commit to tary and doty, i guess.

fuck.

ppl on twitter keep talking abt bard's lament happening and i'm like ??? have we been watching the same show? there's no fucking way that happens. and what the FUCK is the raishan fight going to look like now that scanlan has "died" before the fight?

are they REALLY going to drag raishan AND ripley out for MORE than this season? THEY BOTH NEED TO BE DEAD BY THE END OF IT FOR VECNA TO WORK.

like. listen. i'm not a GOT fan but i'm starting to think that if i was, i would hate the shows for veering off so wildly from the established canon.

changes to the show that worked: grog and craven edge. reworking how all the magic and spells work. reviving draconia/preventing its demise. keeping the knowledge of thordak being the one who attacked byroden from vax & vex until s3e8. pike's spiritual journey in s1. j'mon sa ord and zerxus being included/involved. combining the trips to the fire plane and the hells. reworking how yenk ended up in the vorugal fight. splitting up for grog's post craven edge journey back to westruun and team half-elf (and percy)'s trip to the feywild and syngorn. the entire fenthras fight was fucking dope. they removed the extra stuff abt grog and the fairy in the feywild, as well as the tribe of werepeople in the feywild. all fine. clearly signalling that they've removed keyfish and the rakshasa from the main story.

ALL OF THOSE ARE GREAT CHANGES. they remove side quests and journeys and complicated shit that wouldn't necessarily work for the show. a really funny one is removing the boots of haste and how the twins constantly fight over them and steal them from each other.

another one that's not necessarily important since vax's daggers are cool is retrieving Whisper.

they still need to get cabal's ruin. it's important for percy to have since he distrusts magic and the gods. that hasn't really been a feature, but it might be now that he's died and has to come back. so there's that, still.

but like point being, I AM ON BOARD FOR A LOT OF THESE CHANGES. subtle ones, big ones, combining things, etc.

changing the way percy is revived after this could even work really well! i'm not opposed! i think it might end up working out really cool!

but if they have changed bard's lament as much as i think they have, i will be actively pissed and disappointed.

bc like. is that not the fucking problem that bard's lament exemplifies in the first place? it happens bc no one takes him seriously. it happens bc he's seen as weak, the butt of the joke, silly, unimportant. ridiculous.

so if they've defanged bard's lament.......that just is like. excuse you? that was really important?

sam didn't go home after scanlan's death, research everyone's character backstories online, and come in PREPARED FOR A FIGHT and WITH A PLAN TO LEAVE and EVEN A BACKUP CHARACTER READY TO GO just for that to be removed from the fucking tv show.

it's. it's so fucking important to me. i really didn't think i cared this much but i guess i do. and defanging and minimizing it like. he doesn't even actually die. grog doesn't get to say "fix him" and be angry at the party for abandoning scanlan and treating him like he's disposable.

scanlan didn't find kaylie and hasn't promised her anything. having him leave before glintshore seems SO POINTLESS. we got ONE GLIMPSE of him in nicodranas being too late to catch kaylie. WHAT WAS THE FUCKING POINT?!?!

i just feel like they're doing scanlan dirty. i was interested to see where things went in ep 6 when pike let him leave to go see kaylie. i thought THAT would be the promise he wouldn't die, the promise that he would be careful, the promise that he would return.

but no, nothing.

god it feels really cheap and i'm really bummed.

idk HOW they'll possibly fix this in the last 3 eps, but they do have three entire episodes. and they are notorious for somehow cramming in 2 hrs worth of action into 25 mins of tv.

so i guess we'll fucking see.

[dankovskaya]

@gothham Sorry this is going to be so long cause I've been stewing on this for like 2 days Lmfao. Beware

I think most of the reasons people enjoy it so much are (on the surface at least) relatively divorced from the author's real world politics. The titans as an antagonistic force are just sort of existentially horrifying and cool. Giant insentient uncanny valley creatures with lifeless smiles that insatiably eat humans with no biological need to do so and move in very disarming and unpredictable ways and are almost impossible to face head-on. They're sort of a neutral and universally sympathetic enemy and the mystery of what the hell they even are and where they came from (as well as the many other interrelated mysteries) is the driving force of like 70% of the narrative. The 3d maneuver gear and boxcutter swords that are used to fight against them are very distinct and once again. Just cool. Everything follows very clearly defined rules and limitations and as a result the fights and military operations against titans feel very grounded and sometimes genuinely stressful? Pretty much everything they do suffers innumberable casualties due to the titans being so fundamentally overwhelming that no character ever really feels 100% safe so it can keep you on the edge of your seat, and the characters themselves are distinct and consistent and interesting for their differences I guess. Everything that I remembered being good and entertaining about it pretty much holds true.

But everything goes to shit essentially when the main cast finally achieves the long term goal of getting to Er*n's old house's basement, which holds his father's answers for most of the questions that have arisen over the course of the show in regards to the setting and the nature of the titans, and thus it stops being a story about the david and goliath survival and worth of humanity in the face of unknowable senselessly violent monsters and starts being about like, racial pride (in a universe where race is a biological reality) and protecting the motherland and the value of """freedom""" and other weird shit. Up until that point, I don't think it's that much better or worse than pretty much any other comparable shounen, and it's very easy to NOT see the warning signs for what's coming/be completely blindsided by where the story goes in the latter third, which is a big part of why I even wanted to rewatch the whole thing in the first place? Like, in my memories, the "twist" came basically out of nowhere and kind of ruined everything that was cool about the plot and the setting, but that was also when I was like 14 or 15, so maybe it's more obvious as an adult with more developed media literacy? But the crazy part is, while most of the like, ideological seeds are planted pretty early on and the overall themes/philosophy remain pretty consistent throughout, the fundamental change in what the story is about is so drastic and comprehensive that the entire fourth season almost feels like a completely different show all throughout. Like, characters that have been around from the beginning feel different, not because they are behaving much differently but because they've all been dropped into a brand new context that has very little to do with the one that most of the show takes place in. The world of a*t expands so suddenly and incomprehensibly that you can literally watch up until they get to that basement and consider that an open-ended conclusion of the narrative and it'll be both functionally correct and 100x more fulfilling than the actual end of the story ever could be. In my opinion.

What IS visible from before that point is kind of what you would expect, being military worship and like. Proto-nationalism. A lot of people seem to get kind of tricked into thinking the story is fundamentally anti-war anti-military and so on due to the constant senseless brutality and characters questioning the point of all the violence and the desire for it to End Forever and the way that some military personnel are portrayed but I think that's sort of silly. All the main sympathetic characters are in the military so it follows that a lot of the unsympathetic ones are too--the ones that are judged are lazy, self-serving, and lacking passion or any sense of duty, and the ones we root for are, to whatever degree, patriotic and honor-bound, which essentially excuses any actions they might deem necessary as, well, ultimately necessary. Up to and including a violent military coup, or knowingly sending child soldiers on suicide runs. This patriotism can come off as relatively innocuous or at least comprehensible when the only "enemy" are the literal senseless violence machines known as titans and thus what the military actually represents is The Fight for Freedom for the Remnants of Humanity. It poses an obvious problem when it turns out they aren't in fact the remnants of humanity, but in fact A Hated Racial Minority That Used To Rule The World For Thousands of Years.

The other thing that stands out to me is the overall pessimistic philosophy of the narrative which seems to be the real driving force and awareness of that is kind of the only thing that makes the direction that the story goes in and the way it ends remotely comprehensible. From the very beginning, violence and hatred are established as sort of the fundamental aspects of human nature. The removal of titans from the place of main antagonists is for the purpose of revealing that even without an obvious collective enemy, human beings will always blindly hate and murder each other. Even when sympathetic characters insist that there must be some way to solve things WITHOUT killing each other, the cycles of hatred and violence and revenge are always portrayed as inevitable. And even when there's uncertainty as to whether that is true, and even when there are examples of goodness and reconciliation and love and harmony and whatever, the violence always ultimately wins out, in spite of its pointlessness and ineffectiveness. When Er*n becomes a stupid ass doomer and genocidal martyr and is narratively elevated for doing so, none of his stupid bullshit accomplishes anything either? Even though there is love and beauty and friendship in the world, everything is ultimately pointless, and this is what everything devolves into and the insulting ass note that the story ends on. It is legitimately some edgy teenager humans are the real monsters we live in a society ass shit when it could have been. And all it ever needed to be was. An average and casually enjoyable post apocalyptic shounen with a relatively unique premise.