#why is writing so difficult for me

[theladyofrosewater]

I keep staring at my WIPs like that's gonna get them done.

[th3secr3th1story]

gojo and geto when you don't say "i love you" back

biggest losers ever

gojo

"baby, i'll see you soon, ok? don't miss me too much," gojo whined, attached to your hip as you rubbed his back.

he was assigned a mission somewhere in rural japan and likely wouldn't be back for a couple days, which was especially hard for the both of you seeing that you were never separated for more than 12 hours. (you and gojo were typically assigned to missions together, but this one wasn't a special-grade curse so it was only given to him. what a loser.)

"i should go," he sighed into your shoulder. "don't cheat, call me every day, don't start any new shows, don't go out, don't let anyone talk to you, buy tons of sweets for me, annoy megumi, punch nanami for me, don't for-"

"'toru! it's just a few days, i'll see you soon. just be careful, ok?" you giggled.

he (begrudgingly) removed himself from you, turning towards the door with a massive pout.

"alright, baby, i love you," he grouched.

"stay safe, 'toru! bring me back souvenirs," you smiled, waving at him.

except he didn't leave. he stood there, grinning at you expectantly, one hand on his mini suitcase and another on the doorknob.

when you simply kept waving at him, confused, his smile dropped.

"okay, fine. i guess i won't come home then," he said with a pout, glaring at you.

"huh?! what are you talking about?"

"well, since you clearly just want me to kill myself because you don't love me anymore, i guess i'll find someone else to marry," he sniffed.

"stop playing around, 'toru. you know i love you."

and just like that, gojo satoru was grinning like an idiot.

"okay, sweets, see you soon!"

and just like that, gojo satoru was out the door.

geto

the two of you were currently coddled up in your bed, you on top of geto as he massaged your scalp.

you weren't sure how long you both had been laying there, but neither of you wanted to move.

geto listened to you talk about your day, mainly filled with complaints about gojo and his weird behaviors.

you were currently telling him how itadori pranked fushiguro earlier that day in your class, barely able to suppress your giggles.

"-and then he put a fake spider on his shoulder. i swear, when fushiguro saw it i thought he was going to cry. it's so hard being a teacher sometimes, i forget that i can't laugh at the students."

geto chuckled lightly at the story as he listened to how happy you sounded retelling jujutsu high's antics.

once you finished, the two of you laid there in silence, simply enjoying each other's presence.

"you know i love you, right? you're the most important person in my life, y/n," he said softly.

you simply sighed and kissed his neck, happy to be in geto's embrace. but after a few seconds the head massaging stopped.

you whined and looked up to see why he paused. you were met with his dead stare.

"why'd you stop?" you asked, confused.

"'cause you don't appreciate me," he teased.

"no! you're my favorite man ever. i love you so much, suguru," you wailed, pressing his hand back on your head.

"man?"

"fine. you're my favorite person ever."

"person?"

"you're my favorite...organism ever?"

"that'll do, i guess," he mumbled, smiling.

geto resumed his ministrations and slowly lulled you to sleep with his light humming of a song gojo couldn't stop singing earlier that day.

(it only sounds good when it comes from him. no offense, gojo.)

[brainrot-jikan]

im not the biggest alhaitham/kaveh shipper (because im a rare pair ho) but it seems to me that in alhaitham/kaveh getting-together fics tend to be... unequal.

the beautiful thing about alhaitham and kaveh is that they're both equally right and equally wrong and equally dicks about it. but the writers for alhaitham/kaveh much more frequently seem to give alhaitham the burden change (the burden of the character flaw) instead of kaveh.

in any good character arc, the main character has a fatal flaw or misconception, and by the end of that arc they have addressed that flaw in some definitive way. scrooge was a scrooge and learned that being that way was detrimental; merlin from finding nemo was overprotective to a fault and had to learn that he couldn't (and shouldn't) control everything and to let go; the wolf from little red riding hood learns that you should stop while you're ahead.

stories centering around romance tend to lean heavily on character arcs, which makes sense. and since romance generally requires two individuals to be vulnerable and open and emotional with each other, it makes double sense that alhaitham/kaveh authors zoom straight into alhaitham's lack of emotional vulnerability.

this bothers me.

in society, individuals are expected to experience and present emotions in a specific way. if someone dies, you cry. if someone smiles at you, you smile back. if you're at a party, you're supposed to be having fun. if you don't do these things, you're seen as impolite at best and a inhuman freak at worst. when these behaviors are frequent it's often viewed as emotional immaturity, or a lack of ability to feel at all. the inability or lack of willingness to conform to societies emotional expectations of you is seen as a flaw and a reason for exclusion.

alhaitham is canonically disliked and avoided for being the way he is. he prefers it this way, but that doesn't mean the people perpetuating this avoidance are in the right. they are the societal pressure to conform that alhaitham blows off. alhaitham could be the way he is for a lot of reasons: avoidant attachment style, trauma, following someone else's example (eg. his grandmother), or just his base personality. it doesn't MATTER. he is the way he is. kaveh having to accept that should be part of the story.

putting the burden of the fatal flaw on alhaitham, making the way alhaitham treats kaveh and the people around him the problem, feels invalidating. it implies heavily that alhaitham's way of interfacing with the world, alhaitham's very SELF, is incorrect. my suggestion is to flip a larger portion of that burden onto kaveh. kaveh 👏 character 👏 arcs 👏

some examples/recommendations:

- make kaveh project his insecurities onto other people but especially onto alhaitham; he's overly reliant on other people for his own self worth, and he perceives alhaitham's lack of positive feedback as a direct reflection of how alhaitham feels about him. but learns along the way that alhaitham doesn't hate him, kaveh's actual struggle is with hating himself and being unable to his own self as worthy of love. maybe throw in how you are responsible for your own recovery, other people can help but you can't rely on them to carry you through self actualization.

- or, kaveh tries to make alhaitham behave more like a "normal" person, to be more pleasant and emotive and forthcoming, and then realizes he's in the wrong for trying to make alhaitham into something he's not, possibly for all the wrong reasons (not because he likes alhaitham better like that, but bc society says that's healthier and a better/more conforming way to be)

- or you could go ahead make alhaitham's issues the main problem but they're too complicated to overcome in a short period of time, so kaveh has to accept alhaitham is doing his best in his own way and not push for unrealistic and unhealthy changes. he could alter his own behavior to give alhaitham space and time and a safe place to land.

that got sappy so it's past time for me to dip out. go forth and ship things; but maybe consider letting alhaitham be a rude stone-faced bastard if he wants to be.

[fromtheseventhhell]

Imagine being 9 years old and asking your dad about the things you're interested in doing when you grow up and he's like "No ❤️! But you can get married, have babies, and then maybe your sons can do those things ☺️🫶 "

[bayetea]

I'm gonna froth at the mouth over this in the tags so bear with me but reason #1278038 why the way rick went about breaking up jiper was bad: rereading her povs in hoo where she gushes over jason feels like even more of an unreliable narrator queer girl comphet psychological horror story

[milolunde]

We all know Timmy is Wanda’s mama’s boy but we need to keep in mind he’s still Cosmo’s kid too and that Cosmo would love him just as vehemently as Wanda

[expectiations]

Thinking of how "left me like a book on a shelf" is from River's POV and therefore does not mean it is the entirety of the story much like how "the Doctor does not and has never loved me" was uttered from a River who was grieving.

Like the Doctor could have spent a long time putting the TARDIS in stationary orbit around the Library. The Doctor could have puttered about with the Library from years before it was shut down to ensure that everything would go smoothly while doing his best not to change a single thing. And on days when it is too hard, he just stares at the Library from his perch on the TARDIS door. Waiting, hoping, thinking. Trying to find a way out for her. For them.

And he does!

He finds a hundred ways to get her out of the data core. But...something always goes wrong. It's somehow never good enough. She's back, but she's not entirely there.

So he scratches it out, slaps himself, and tries again.

And again.

And again.

But his plans always fail.

But they don't. Not really. His plans could work. Could have worked. His beloved Sexy would help him. She'd always help him when it comes to her Water. But he was too scared. Too frightened of failure. Because one single mistake. One. Single. Mistake. And she's gone. He can never get her back. Forever.

So he runs. And runs. And runs. Until centuries has gone by and companion come and gone. Until he met a younger, more alive version of her. And then they had Darillium. And oh the joys of wonderful joys, what a night that was.

But things end. Even for him. They had to part ways again. Had to say goodbye. So he tries again. Picks up what his previous self had shelved. He tries. Oh how he tries.

But still. That fear exists. Is it worth it? Can he finally accomplish what he'd started a literal lifetime ago?

(He doesn't.)

Off on another lifetime with a new body. He's a...she now? Oh and shorter! Wow. That's new! I wonder what Ri–

On the rare moments she allows herself to succumb to sleep she goes to their his her study. She takes a moment to take everything in. It's unrecognizable now – the study that once was theirs filled with warmth and laughter and-

Every single space was taken. Covered by plans of plans of plans spanning...two...lifetimes now. Sexy still kept it just as it was the last time he she had been in there.

Their His Her favorite throw was still where it was – on their his her favorite corner of their his her favorite couch.

Nothing had changed but everything had changed.

She curled up and buried her face hoping it would still smell of her (It did. They never knew how it worked but somehow her smell still lingered anyway. They thought they were hallucinating at first but other people had been able to smell it too. Sometimes they forget but Sexy also lost her too).

She was a he again. The same face they had four lifetimes ago. The same face who was the first to keep the memory of their meeting.

But wh- what? Why? How? Is this it? Is this the body that finally brings her back home? A fitting act really. He put her in there and so he'll also put her out of there.

But... she wasn't there. Nothing was there. Nothing but chunks of debris and ashes and smelted...somethings.

When he blinked his eyes open (when had he closed them?), Donna's worried face greeted him. He blinked again and blinked. Nothing changed. Everything has changed. He had waited for far too long. He had made her wait for far. too. long. He feared of failing her but now he actually has failed her.

Everything was bland now. Was it just him or is everything a bit...on the side of grey? Donna looks at him like he might break. (He won't. He's a Time Lord. Time Lords don't break.) Even Sylvia had taken to treating him a bit more kindly.

He goes off alone with Sexy. His return to the Noble-Temple (Temple-Noble) household becomes fewer and further in between. One day he finds himself in Venice. Wonderful Venice. His Pond and her Roman (who wasn't yet a Roman) had gone here. There were vampires. And running and –

River?

No silly. River wasn't there.

He blinked. And blinked again. Made sure the sky was blue and the clouds still fluffy white. But was that his leather jacket that just whizzed by past him? Wait. Hold on. That was... Was that? Oh no. It wasn't. It couldn't be. Did they? No. They couldn't have.

But of course, apparently they did. Because that was actually his leather jacket wearing self that just passed by him again(?) tugging along his very-much-not-dead wife along running from... Hold on. Why are they running? What- Who's shooting at her?!

[swagging-back-to]

worst trope is found family separating as soon as the antagonist is dealt with.

[thatneoncrisis]

writing a book rn where the Only male characters are people's cringe dads i am drawing a hard line in the sand

[why-the-heck-not]

computer science was a hoax from the universe to get me to study math in the pretense of ”hehe coding’s cool look at all these things u can do” *some mf vectors looming just around the corner* ”noNO dont look there; look here!! It’s ’hello world’ but in green heheh wOoOoo now it’s blue !! u are a god of this website” *matrices sharpening their knives somewhere*

[solradguy]

I got so mad today I grabbed my notebook, went into the woods, and began working on the next Interlude chapter

[moldy-flowers]

The interesting experience of being pro Sasuke, anti konoha, pro tobirama, anti Naruto ending, pro Sasusaku, anti Itachi, pro Sakura, anti SasuNaru, pro Tobirama×Izuna, anti Madara, pro karin, anti Orochimaru, pro Uchiha and anti Hashirama. And also as much as I hate the guy danzo was kind of hot when he was younger...

[mansplainmanipulatemalewife]

Bullet train fanfiction is in shambles I love Tangerine as much as the next guy but sometimes you just need to see a middle-aged alcoholic and a morally bankrupt teenager locked in eternal combat

[cosmiado]

hey holy shit mad respect for fic authors that successfully write all of the teens interacting. this shit is so hard i feel like im cooking five separate dishes in five separate kitchens and also im trying to be funny the whole time

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

Hi hello I watched all of carmilla in a weekend when I was 17 because a student teacher who in retrospect I had a bit of a crush on mentioned that she knew one of the actresses. also I am pretty invested in all your recent vampire stuff because I watched iwtv in 2 days last week because your edit intrigued me

oh hiiii 🫶 thank you for indulging me. thats so cool that you watched iwtv! did it live up to the expectation?

i also watched carmilla at 17! or like, 17-19. i found it when s2 had just started and followed it to the end. did something permanent to my brain but i think it was a good thing. on rewatch now im like, i was right to like this. like it's a solid show, it's good. it has its flaws obviously but it's well written, the emotional moments still get me, i can see why i liked it and i still like it now even when it's not anymore, you know, meeting every need that baby gay me didnt even know they had

what it doesnt reaallyy do though - i dont remember if i posted abt this or if i left it in my drafts but - is explore vampirism as a concept. their subject matter is more lesbianism than vampirism. which is great! thats what they wanted to do and they did it and it's very good. but reading interview with the vampire the book rn im realising how much potential vampires have to be metaphors for like so many things and i started wondering like 'wait, did carmilla just not really engage with it or did it all go over my head'. but it just didnt really engage with it all that much. which again is fine bc that wasnt what they were doing. im glad they were more about the lesbianism than the vampirism

but there's this interesting difference in framing, because in iwtv they keep calling armand 'ancient' right? and emphasising how old he is. and he's like 500? and i was like 'wait isnt carmilla like 400?'. she isnt, shes 340, but still, thats getting there, you know? and we know quite a lot about her history, but kind of just the Big Events. when she was turned, the events of the novella, coffin of blood, silas. thats sort of what we know. but none of the long lonely slog of history day to day you know? with armand i feel like we can really feel how much time everything takes. how every one of those years is made up of single days. with carmilla i dont feel that as much. i keep kind of thinking about daniel, when louis calls him a boy in the first episode, saying "im an old man, with all the triggers that come with it"

because carmilla might look 18 (or mid twenties at this point) but she has lived all that time. shes also seen her native land be claimed by like a succession of ruling powers, right? like armand. shes been buried alive, like louis. when lestat is born, shes already 80 years old, shes lived a whole human lifetime, and the entire adult part of it shes been a vampire. shes lived through 1680-1870 being a lure. i compared her to abigail hobbs in some tags on a post, i dont know if youre familiar with hannibal the tv show, but i do also kinda keep thinking about that comparison

if youre not familiar, in the first episode of hannibal the murderer of the week is this guy garrett jacob hobbs who kills and cannibalises girls who resemble his daughter. and later on it turns out she was made to be his lure. like they'd go places and he'd sent her to the victims to make friends and maybe get them back to their home or smth. not sure if they specified all the details. but that's what carmilla did for mother. and in s2 we hear from mattie that while every couple of decades carmilla had to lure victims for the fish god, she also seemed to just enjoy humans between those times, right? like the doctor, gets lonely, gets a new companion. but we've only sort of got mattie's mocking word for it ("dont eat him, hes a poet! or her, shes got such a wonderful voice. or that one, shes just too pretty to ruin"), we don't know exactly from carmilla's point of view what she was doing or why. if mattie's talking about stuff that happened after the blood coffin, 1950-now, then i think it's a fair assumption based on what carmilla says in the s1 sock puppet show that after she'd figured out what the real situation was and what her role in it was, when she'd started trying to save girls from being sacrificed, that she mightve been doing the same trying to save people from becoming mattie's victims. it's probably more likely that she was just trying to find excuses to stop mattie from sucking someone dry rather than actually having like an aesthetic based morality. but it might be a bit of both. im still trying to figure out what her philosophy actually is, like i dont know what existentialism actually means ghkfjghkj but i will

i also found it pretty striking in the movie when shes turning back into a vampire she says like "this was supposed to be done, you know? the blood lust, the self-loathing, the sleeping tied to a chair in my own bedroom". thats what defines her vampirism, wanting blood and hating yourself for it (the third part is a joke/reference to s1 but also i think meaningful for how she sees her relationship with laura when she IS a vampire. little bit of that 'she will reject me for my monstrousness' shining through). and thats what defines vampirism for lots of vampires across the genre obviously, but i dont know, it struck me. we dont get a lot from carmilla's pov, we know a fair amount about her, but the story is always told through laura. we get laura's diaries, but just snippets here and there from carmilla, what shes thinking, how shes feeling

and i love that shes a philosopher. i love that thats how she seems to try and find something to hold onto, in a world that kind of moves around her, having been murdered, kidnapped, turned and groomed to be a lure on the cusp of adulthood, never having been properly loved (the relationship with her father wasnt good she says in s3, and her mortal mother i dont think has ever been mentioned (like laura's)). the only good relationship she seems to have had for the better part of 3 centuries seems to have been mattie, and mattie seems to love being a vampire. i can imagine carmilla just sort of going along with anything mattie wants to do just because shes so desperate for that friendship. not like, against her will necessarily really. but more like, she hasnt even had the space to develop her own will, you know? and philosophy lets you do that. philosophy gives you frameworks to understand the world and to develop your own opinions on it. and by the 21st century she seems to have developed those opinions, she has a sense of her own values, but shes also still stuck in that same situation. shes jaded and cynical in the face of laura's optimism and strong moral code a lot of the time in s1 because she feels probably pretty powerless. like she does what she can to save some girls but at the end of the day shes scared of her mother and she has nowhere else to go really, right?

i like how she grapples with that over the course of the series, in tandem with laura grappling with her black and white morality. she sort of jumps ship from her mother to laura bc theyve fallen in love, but then laura still stuck in her hero thinking refuses to see her monstrous side. not literally bc i think the biological vampirism never seemed to be a problem for laura, but morally. the having murdered. carmilla needs laura to see that and love her while seeing it bc the last girl she loved rejected her for being a vampire.

but you see her kind of swing back and forth in s2. she softens first with laura but then they break up and she leans back hard into the sarcastic cynic defense mechanisms, leans hard into "im a monster, dont expect heroism from me". but thats like, it's sort of learned helplessness i think. it's powerlessness, resignation. bc morally shes not a monster. maybe she doesnt have as strong a drive to help other people as laura does and is a little more selfishly hedonistic in that she just wants to enjoy her/their life, but she doesnt hurt people for fun, she never has. she just sort of didnt have another option for a Really long time. so she pretends she doesnt care. "im a vampire, this is what i do, this is who i am". but clearly from the way she talks about it when she turns back into one, she doesnt enjoy it

and i like how she goes even further in s3, where she starts swinging even more to the heroic side, bc she sees hope. shes like "wow if we kill my mother, i'd be free". theres hope and she becomes like a lot more active. and shes like that at the start of the movie too, a lot happier, a lot more relaxed, and then vampirism is back and bam depression gfhgkjh like shes immediately more gloomy, ashamed of her past and her self, retreats into herself

sorry i just took this as an opportunity to dump all the carmilla thoughts floating in my head on you. you didnt ask fhkghgjh consider this an open invitation to you or anyone else to come talk to me about carmilla

[respectthepetty]

So, I saw your post about the JoongDunk, PondPhuwin, ForceBook ultimate gym bros bl. And I had a very important question.

If, hypothetically, gmmtv were to actually make this a thing. What would you want their color coding to be like? Even, how would you want their color coding to change as the fall in love?

Feel free to be as specific or generic as you like! I'm just very curious about the idea 👀

I have eighty million things to do, Anon, yet here I am, excited to answer this question, immediately! *pushes all my responsibilities to the side* There are no pictures because I'm being wild today and doing this from my WORK COMPUTER!

First, the premise of my Gym Bros BL, tentatively called

Flex Appeal

*I'm using the actors' names, but this is about their characters, not them. Force owns a gym. He has trainers Dunk, Joong, and Pond. Book and Phuwin work together at a food marketing company, so they eat a lot of snacks throughout the day. Phuwin wants to start working out and drags Book along. Dunk and Joong are super competitive, but it's all really them flirting with each other. Pond instantly likes Phuwin, but Phuwin thinks he is nothing but a meathead until he realizes Pond is super smart and kind. Book likes Force and starts bringing him tasty treats from the office during the workout sessions since he notices Force never leaves to eat properly. We could have cameos from other people who workout or companies trying to market their food. We could have Force trying to keep his business open, and Book helping him with marketing. WE COULD HAVE GYM QUEERS!

Now for the colors:

Dunk and Joong - Red Rascal and Green Guy. Dunk has the Red Rascal look aka beautiful. His character would always be up to some tomfoolery, and Joong as the chill Green Guy would always be down to join in on the shenanigans. I call them my troublesome tykes for a reason, and I think their natural personalities would easily lead to characters who are the matchmakers of the group too. Like constantly setting up situations for the other pairs to fall in love while unknowingly falling in love themselves.

Pond and Phuwin - Pond is a Blue Boy in this imagined series. He falls quickly for Phuwin and is devoted to winning him over. He is good with his hands and very intelligent when it comes to building, like say for props for an ad that Phuwin needs help with. Phuwin on the other hand is a Yellow/Orange Oddity. He is creative and works in the visuals area of the marketing department. He likes to talk and Pond likes to listen even if Pond doesn't understand it all. He wears glasses.

Force and Book - Give them the dark versus light dynamic. Force is a Brooding Boy, in black most of the time because his life has been rough, which is easy since it'll be black tanks, black shorts, black car. Yum. Then, Book is the Happy Human in his cream and white cardigans with khaki pants or some basic boy attire. Force will teach Book to take risks, and Book will open Force's heart!

Cameos:

Mix works at the company with Book and Phuwin, but he is a higher-up who we see three times. He mentions his boyfriend goes to this gym nearby, which gives the boys the idea to try it out.

Earth is the boyfriend who shows up occasionally at the gym. He never speaks. I just need to see his back tattoos.

Fourth and Gemini can play baby interns at the company who just randomly pop in with the wrong orders of coffee and the wrong mail for people.

Neo is an asshole from another rival gym who is a meathead and Phuwin's ex (see what I did there people who have been around since Neo x Phuwin?).

Louis works in the IT department, and we see him exactly once when Phuwin has to go ask for help with his work computer, and Louis notices an old picture of Phuwin with Neo on it.

Papang is the guy constantly getting hit on at the gym. It's a running joke throughout the show, but in the second-to-last episode, his HUSBAND shows up to drop off his phone since he left it at home, and it's revealed to be Mark, who appeared earlier in the season as an up-and-coming baker who the company is trying to woo, which is why Papang works out all the time since he loves his man's baked goods. Neither wears the ring because rings should not be worn when working out or baking.

Book convinces Mark to come out with a line of healthy after-workout snacks, Force is used as the model, and his gym sees a rise in customers since his gym is the only place to get these snacks, and EVERYONE WINS!

I have spent a lot of time thinking about my gym bros bl. I need it like I need air. These men are too built to let it go to waste. Film them in a gym. Just let the camera roll and half of the footage would be just them bs-ing with each other. It's a win-win for everyone involved including the audience.