#why is there weird stuff in my food?
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“That’s just the way the world works.” Okay but have we considered: maybe it shouldn’t be that way?
#worst possible response to any criticism of why things are the way they are#me (aged 8 (so paraphrased but with the same sentiment)): why does it cost /this/ much money to live?#why is there weird stuff in my food?#why are they putting trash in water?#Any adult in my life ever: That’s just the way things are. You’ll understand when you’re older.#I am older now and understand less actually#Every day is a New Horror and I’m just like AND WE’RE COOL WITH THAT????
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awawawawawawa
#bunny rambles#i was “cleared” to go back to work yesterday but she told me i could use the rest of the time also if i wanted/needed#and im using it. but the little corporateanxietybot who lives in my head and tries to make me be a Good Worker[tm] is SCREAMING HER HEAD OFF#cause she thinks my boss/Dad is gonna scream at and hit her for being Lazy#this is a trauma post also um. didnt expect to name her rn but she's screaming and i cant scream back cause she sounds like alarms and those#scare crustywhitedog so i have to calm that one so i don't meltdown#my wife submitted the RTW date for me so like. its okay im actually taking the time and ik this is necessary also bc. it is clearly unwell#that its freaking out because it's gotten a more than a 2 day break for the first time in a year#ik corporateanxietybot has protected me in some ways but. i gotta kill her so bad. maybe H can help me reformat her somehow .....#i also hate her is the thing. she cant hear me rn bc she's just looping in circles alarming but anyway. i hate her. like Me. she's so#capitalismcorebootlicker and i hate that about her and i hate that she exists and i hate that she exists bc my dad raised me to be an#Employee instead of a person 🙃🙃🙃🙃#im not elaborating or explaining any of this. this is a diary entry now#i wish i could click her to kill her like the drones in hardcoded lmao it'd be so much easier. ik she like. lives in the work mode mask as#well which is also HARD bc if im not actively thinking Of work or At work she's nonexistent#but shes so LOUD 🙃🙃 like shut up. we're not gonna explode n die from taking an extra week off you're being dramatic our boss isnt Dad#like he LITERALLY isn't Dad. not even close. he's like the most docile man in the world come on ik they're around the same age and both hve#held authority over u but boss checking in wasnt a trap ur not ab to get caught doing wrong ur fiiiiIIIIIIINE#(also corporateanxietybot is not an adult. she's 15 and terrified but she integrated to my work mask which is the problem cause she makes me#a “phenomenal employee” and also makes me work myself sick when she is given the reigns. little devil on my shoulder except the capitalist#system we live under treats her as a positive thing so she gets positive reinforcement at work which only makes her more anxious 😭 i gotta#talk to H about this next Friday huh. also wow. parts work has made it a lot easier for me to acknowledge these behaviors so i can confront#them easier. weird. strange even. so many parts have gotten names this past month n im realizing also why its been so hard to process stuff#but it also has made me kinder to myself. anyway she turned off (her batteries are low since she's been home for a month too) so im gonna#clean myself up and get some food in me and then get some cleaning done
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Not for any particular reason, but chat how would we feel about a uf papyrus / general underfell focused magma on monday? Would that be nice?
#I haven't hosted a drawring thing in a minute#I'd try to hop in now and then#I just kinda wanna try getting into the habit of at least trying to do stuff more#I just always tell myself I can't do stuff like that unless I can put in 100% but like. I never have time for that for other things#idk. maybe also it's just a bad idea lmao#like. why? it's not an anniversary or anything but idk. the idea just popped into my head and it sounded like it could be fun#or not idk!!! sorry I have food poisoning or something so I'm feeling out of sorts#this weeks been really weird in a not so good way. barring like. a couple good things#so ig im just a bit out of it#sunny with clouds#possibly delete later if i become less out of it and decide this is Not a good idea
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i never realised how poor i was until i got a job lol
#i *knew* we werent rich but now????#i can just??? buy stuff??? for myself???#i have brought this up so many times in therapy. like. i dont have to worry about food going bad???#or like. not in a 'if this goes bad i wont have stuff to eat' way#and i can just try food that im not sure ill like???#LIKE. i just bought some dungarees on a whim!!!!!#i have always had so few clothes holy shit and im only realising that now#and like. looking back thats obviously why i never went to any concerts or anything#also. thats why i stopped eating meat for a few years lol i couldnt afford it#i literally ate rice and broccoli for my first year of uni#ANYWAYS UM. yeah its sooooooo weird that i have money now?????#i started buying video games for my brother!!!!!!!#i can offer to pay the shipping fees for my brothers boardgames!!!!!#its just. looking back i WISH i could hug little me she was going through it and didnt even notice!!!!!#nett rambles#yes i was crying by the time i finished lol can u tell
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what if you wanted to wake up from your horrific dream of being an anime girl in a gorey anime who lived a time loop of being tortured and killed relentlessly by the one person who loved her (this was not higurashi somehow) but god said no you're going to see your skin ripped off and then watch yourself get vacuumed up. yeah all of you. yeah the dream ends once it gets to your eyes and brain. like fucking christ man alright
#unsure why I dreamt this or what it means but I am NOTTTTTTT having a leftover grilled cheese sandwich as a midnight snack again#OR an orange.#I want to trigger tag this but have no idea how like what the fuck was this dream man#that's also one of the ways ''I'' died. there were more! there were others!#the whole premise was like. her dad (who looked like a child btw very weird) had her stuck in this time loop where he could do. all that#I guess it could be read as a metaphor for the cyclical nature of abuse. but yeah he would like#deliberately do stuff to make her Think she was about to get into Death Situation and scare her to keep her on her toes and he took#great pleasure in this. and then when he got bored THEN he'd do the kill. and it would be different every time for his own amusement#yeah I wrote down some stuff about my own emotional and mental/psychological abuse from my own father growing up. before bed#so I guess I don't do that anymore. and also avoid certain foods before bed. AGAIN#''why were u writing all that down before bed'' bc emotional vulnerability w real people is scary and my notes app is warm and comfortable.
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Food is such a sensory nightmare.
#text post#neurodivergent#ramble#autism#autistic#sensory issues#arfid#like I was just eating a sandwich and idk why but it felt like so weird like on my tongue#there was nothing wrong with the food and I eat it often but it just felt wrong#and this has happened with like noodles and cake frosting and stuff#like one day I'm okay eating it but the next it's the worst thing ever texture wise
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she was a diver, she was a diva, can i make it any more obvious
#karinai nation get ur food#it’s vague comfort comic time#vague mainly cuz these were impulsive and i didn’t actually plan on posting them at first#but I don’t see a reason why not#diverxdiva#karin asaka#ai miyashita#karinxai#love live#nijigasaki#nijigaku#my art or something#love live comic i guess#is there even a ll community here hi guys pls come out of the shadows where are you#im not brave enough for twitter#i know i have followers who like it ofc but finding posts is a lot harder??#i follow a bunch of tags and still don’t see it much yk?? Weird#OH yeah the pencil stuff is from like idk April or something#actually idk when i drew the comic in pencil but the other one was
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I think at this point I'm immune to gaslighting like fucking try me. don't say 'I haven't rearranged the pantry' when you have, actually, and made a massive fuss about it
#further evidence that I need to leave this fucking house because oh GOD I literally can't have anything#I can't! packets of curry? gone! we don't need that when we have fucking keen's curry powder#which is not the same thing and also I hate that stuff because it gets used as an ingredient in the worst dishes known to man#this man at least.#I bought some batter mix packets to spice up when I do cook katsu and those have gone. pak choy? gone.#anyway so I think 'well can't cook what I was going to' and so I go to try and make something else only to discover food encrusted#onto everything I touch. it's all greasy too. it's disgusting. and I can't say anything about it because it's my fault apparently#like it's my fault for not washing up that everything's dirty. WHY CAN'T YOU WASH UP??? WHY IS IT MY FAULT#I an't say anything because they just deny deny deny and blame ME. and say 'nothing can be your fault can it'#well if it's very fucking obviously NOT MY FAULT. of COURSE it's not! dodging the blame at every opportunity because it's just nicer#if it's the cockup dropout grandson that you don't like.#I'm already quite upset because I feel like I'm in trouble for having needed new clothes since nobody actually wants to stop the dog#from eating mine. like if you didn't want to have to spend money don't fucking. stand there whenever you see her steal things#and don't randomly open my door to snoop because I know you do that. I've seen you do it. it's fucking weird#anyway don't lie to my face and call me crazy when I know that you're lying. you've done this too much for me to fall for it
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I went to bed with the spinning room effect, and I am still having that effect after getting up.. what the heck.
#ghostie mumbles#I'm doing my usual morning routine and gonna get some food n stuff#but this is really weird. i don't like it and don't know why this is happening to me
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one thing about me is that if the fridge smells bad its over for me. i will not eat anything stored in that fridge that wasnt in a sealed container.
#having to clean the rotting vegetables out of the crisper in our yearly clean out has ruined me#for information my mom is a food hoarder but she also has orthorexia and so she only buys healthy (read: perishable) food#so our fridge always smells like shit because even when the food goes bad she can't throw it away and if i throw it away i get yelled at#and also fun fact about having rotting food in the fridge. it makes anything uncovered also taste like rot#i tend to shy away from leftovers because i dont trust the tupperware to keep the taste out#bitches will be like 'autism doesnt effect me that bad' and then do shit like this#my mom is like 'why cant you buy stuff in bulk just get the big container and keep it in the fridge once you open it'#mom it will get thrown away anyway because i'll imagine maggots in it and get so skeeved out i wont be able to eat anything like that#when i was a kid i saw a weird gluten formation in a bagel and i thought it was a silverfish#and my dad made me eat it anyway#and i couldnt eat bagels for literal years#shush up jj#personal
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people in those cooking reels on my instagram explore page always cut off such big chunks of the strawberry when removing the leaves 😭
#why??#why you throw away half of strawberry when you can just pinch the leaves with you fingers and twist and remove them??#this is such a weird thing to complain but like#aren’t we not wasting enough perfectly edible food already?#if you go hardcore you can even eat those little leaves btw if they aren’t like brown or anything#my stuff
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idk if anyone's getting my asks bc tumblr is ✨️like that✨️ but anyway for the fanfic ask game-
7, 42, and 46
ok ok so hi! hi, very late to answer this because tumblr did not send these to me until today, several months later? but its ok because i have the ask now and i tracked down the meme in question! thank you for sending these in!!
a link to the fan fic ask game!
7. Any worldbuilding you’re particularly proud of?
In some ATLA stuff I've been working on, I've been enjoying adding some more West Asia to things. There's not a lot of West Asian/North African influence on the show, but it's there (particularly with the Sand Benders) and I think it's fun to explore and add some more nuance to! Particularly because in both shows the Sand Benders are not really...presented with any nuance.
So I've been having fun adding more West Asia to the Earth Kingdom, particularly foods and different little cultural things here and there to bring more of that influence in! Especially because I think large parts of the fandom don't realize like...that this stuff is already in the show, that West Asia is part of Asia, and perhaps we would like to be presented as a little more then 'those horrible evil irredeemable desert people who stole Appa'.
(I also answered this one back in May with a somewhat different answer if you want to check that out!)
42. Have you ever received a comment that particularly stood out to you for whatever reason?
I also answered this in May but I have a new answer.
Since this ask was sent I posted my fic An Inexact Science and all the comments there were very sweet and kind however I also got this one bot that kills me:
Like....what does this mean asdfghjk is this good or bad?
46. Do you prefer writing on your phone or on a computer (or something else)? Do you think where you write affects the way you write?
I'm really really bad at typing on my phone (like can barely make it through a word without one typo at least bad) so I use my computer most of the time. I have also been extremely won over by Scrivener as it fits in perfectly with my typical writing process that I've had since I first started writing on the computer in like...middle school.
With art and writing I tend to start many projects at once and jump rapidly between them. Either due to not wanting to write a certain part, feeling like writing a certain mood or ship or character, or feeling a sudden burst of inspiration for something. So Scrivener definitely enables me to write this way due to how it's set up for you to write different things in sections and flip between them easily. All of my one shots are in one document and I just file through them accordingly. If a one shot gets too big though, I make it's own document for ease of editing and flipping between parts! If I didn't write on my computer I definitely wouldn't do this, it'd be a lot more work I think.
However I do sometimes write on my phone, mostly exclusively if I'm away from my computer and have an idea I NEED to get down. Ironically, sometimes this is some of my most fun stuff, probably because it's the type of writing that I just need to get out and that stuff is always the coolest I think.
thank you again for sending this ask!! and I'm sorry it took me until now to get to it I have no idea why it never sent and then decided to now like...several months later! But it was a delight to find!! (and I hope you don't mind me tagging you @judging-seahorse I just want to make sure you see that I finally saw this asdfghjkl)
#ask#fab talks#fabtalks#i have no idea why this finally got sent to me today but i launched my way to my archives to find the questions asdfghjk#anyway i've been having fun with the west asia stuff like it's not a ton but every little bit is fun like i'm working on this weird jinjetk#thing and they've been traveling on the coast of the earth kingdom and i used it as an excuse to add lebanese food because like#my fan fic i get to decide the menu asdfghj
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the lack of sleep has affected me more than expected it seems
#I KEEP HALLUCINATING ANTS ON ME AND GOT RLLY FREAKED OUT BEFORE 😭 so evil of the not hallucinated ants in my house to choose right now#to go into the bathroom and do ant stuff in the bathtub#like girl go somewhere with food not the bathroom why are yiu so ibsessed with it…. (ants are always in the bathroom but hardly ever the ki#chen its weird)#im all good now it wasnt too bad i was just having a bad time for a moment there before#so im not sure if i should tag this as like. vent or smth idk how that works#vent#??#not really just for tag blocking purposes
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The funny thing about owning a cat with severe anxiety and (suspected) brain damage is sometimes things that were ok yesterday are now far far far too scary today.
Case in point, yesterday the wet food dish was bringer of Food and Yum, today it's so so so so scary too scary can't go near it please feed me with a different bowl or I'll cry and cry and cry.
#honestly?#relatable#she (and the other two cats) are from an abuse situation and considering when they picked her up#her teeth were kinda jacked up and shes scared shitless of quick or sudden movement#im pretty sure she musta got kicked in the head or something#like when u look in her eyes u can tell that point A and point B aren't connecting#and she does some weird behavior stuff which is why i think brain damage#but she is loved and well cared for here#it's ok that she'll never be a lap cat and that if u try to pet her more than a few times she starts crying#she's safe here and ill meet here where she is#honestly when we adopted her we thought well we're never gonna see that cat#figured she'd find a little hidey hole and only ever come out for food and bathroom breaks#but nah she'll sit on the back of the couch#and if she thinks my mom's asleep she'll climb on top of her and make just thee most intense biscuits of all time#so i think she's happy here#even if sometimes her fear wins out
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"polish food is so gross they literally eat meat jelly" yea girl back in the old days people used every part of animal to eat and prepared them into certain dishes instead of mincing "ugly" parts together and making something of lower quality & collagen didn't come in fun little supplements like the shit you take now
#things on the internet that make me perplexed part 3525#i mean i know a lot of people are so divorced from the source of their food but yeah that's the same bone n cartilage baby#yours is just extremely sterilized in marketing#also idk how people do it in their families but mine often used rosół so a nice seasoned soup as a base#i'm vegetarian i don't even eat that stuff but feels like a shit load of people can't conceptualize food scarcity and life b4 supermarkets#'yea but you don't live like that now' well that's how regional food works your parents make it you like it and then u make it#and it goes generations back! and it becomes a part of your culture! and you want to keep that culture!#crazy right#i will defend 'weird' cultural foods like that bc i know how my family lived and i'm not trying to pretend they ate like kings lmao#or at least i'll try to understand why this culture has this or that bc it's fascinating and tells u a lot about the past#myśli w głowie przeróżne
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My dad just came into my room to ask me if he could drink one of the small sodas I have in the fridge (haven't gotten around to watching the trsmp end event vods lmao), telling me he can replace whatever he drinks bc he has the money...
SIR. IF U CAN BUY IT URSELF THEN WHY TF ARE U ASKING IF U CAN DRINK MY SHIT. GO BUY IT FOR URSELF TOMORROW LIKE THE FUCKING REST OF US 😭😭😭
#tw mad dad rambles. as always whenever i mention my dad bc i fucking hate him <3#that bitch cant see something in the fridge he cant consume. it apparently drives him NUTS#... im fucking glad hes going insane. the amount of times he eats/drinks MORE than us out of the communal stuff has made ME crazy#so its his fucking turn to be frustrated and insane#THE WORST THING IS that when i first bought those my dad told my mum “there's soda in the fridge”#my mum. who ALREADY KNEW it was 2 small soda bottles so it HAD to be bought BY ME FOR ME. said “no. they're not yours”#MY DAD INSISTED “there's soda. in the fridge” in like. an insinuation that he could DRINK IT?????#MY MUM. MY SAVING GRACE. told him AGAIN “no. you cannot drink it. it's not yours”#that's the only fucking reason i STILL have both bottles#also my dad has this weird “rule” that anything in the fridge that hasnt been touched in 3 days is suddenly up for grabs????#(which typically means HE gets it bc he aint got no job and stays awake all night in the living room. beside the kitchen)#and like. ok. it's been 3 days (boutgh it tuesday. BARELY 3 days but aight. im willing to play ball)#... then wHY DID HE ASK ABOUT THEM AS IF HE EXPECTED TO GET A PIECE OF THEM LITERALLY LIKE. 5 MINS AFTER I BOUGHT THEM#sometimes i ALSO want a piece of whatever is in the fridge. dont get me wrong. i know how it feels like#but i ALSO know that if theres a small carton of kfc popcorn chicken thats probably my brother's. bc hes the only other one that likes kfc#i know i shouldn't touch it. i know it's NOT MINE. THUS I KNOW NOT TO FUCKING ASK ABOUT IT????????????#all of this to say#FUCK U DAD. BUY UR OWN SHIT IF U REEEAAAALLYYYYY GOT THE FUCKING MONEY FOR THAT. THAT'S MY OWN MONEY AND EFFORT IN A BOTTLE GO FUCK URSELF#i literally have problems buying bc i become anxious!!!! MY SHIT should be the last stuff he fucking wants to eat!!!!!!!!!!#i dont like to believe in gluttony bc food isnt really moral or immoral to consume... but ohhhhhh if this bitch doent make me wanna believe#anyway#demon rambles™#also!!! its 12:34 am and this bitch just fucking woke me up for THIS SHIT!!!!!!!!!!#he can go fly out the window for all i care tbh
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