#why is he being so defensive
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WHY THE HESITATION, MICHAEL?
#why is he being so defensive#byler is so endgame#eleven deserves so much better#stranger things#mike wheeler#will byers#stranger things 4#byler endgame#byler#byler tumblr#byler is canon#netflix
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So insane reading about Kev's skills from the perspective of someone who'd played with him before his hand was broken. Like yes Neil was obsessed with him and yes he knew he played differently with his right than his left—but reading it from JEAN'S perspective?? Life changing stuff. When he said the Ravens' defense forgot what Kev was like before he switched hands? I lost my mind.
#he made fools of the defensive line#FOOLS#that whole game was insane from Jean's perspective#one of my fav parts of tsc#he was seriously gagged#and so was i#even tho i knew what was going to happen#tsc#the sunshine court#all for the game#aftg#aftg tsc#jean moreau#kevin day#neil josten#kevin is so fucking good at exy and i think sometimes i don't appreciate that enough#also neil staying on riko the whole time was crazy#like jean being like “that's a terrible idea why would they do that”#and then realizing just how fucking fast neil is#it changed my brain chemistry#can you tell i like outsider povs?
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Ignore the fact I misspelled 'Ascension' focus on wow!!! the bugs!!! the critters!!! Calvert and Narin(der)!!!!! Woooo!!!! Yes yes these are their final refs, I've been toying with the idea of settling down and whatnot and wowww i finally did. Dont worry, blue wool calvert still exists, they just need to be in the right lighting for it!
#lettuce art tag#lettuce cotl#cotl fanart#cult of the lamb#cotl narinder#cult of the lamb fanart#cult of the lamb art#cotl the one who waits#cult of the lamb narinder#cotl lamb#cotl the lamb#cult of the lamb lamb#cotl au#cw nonsexual nudity#dont think anyone will read my tag rambles but oufff i take so much joy in the idea of the lamb being taller then narinder#its so fun to me#they saw his follower form and went “??? why are you so short oh my god???”#complete betrayal of expectations#I mean Calvert has seen him as Tall Imposing (silly) Cat god for so long#seeing him so small and holdable kills them a little#they want to pet him SO bad#in their defense he is VERY pettable#unfortunately the dude is going through it at the time so theres no pets for several hundred years . yeah it takes awhile#SORRY im rambling uhhh yep yeah wow
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The familiarity is not very comforting (Patreon)
#Doodles#UT#Handplates#Sans#Papyrus#Asgore#Always with memories/lack of memories being distressing! How memories shape action interests me quite a lot#Papyrus and Sans both have the ''this has been on me since forever so it's normal'' outlook on the plates#Defensive when other people get concerned about their lack of concern haha <3#But what if ♪#Honestly probably could be set anywhere but I wanted Papyrus to be worried for Sans' safety and not fully know why <3#Lots of very I don't know why I know this but I'm not happy about it haha#Can you tell I didn't use references for this from Asgore's outfit and the boys being on the opposite sides lol#It was very fun to draw them being carried haha ♥ Asgore's gigantic hands#Teeny tiny babies even still haha#In case it's unclear - Sans is looking at Asgore's text in the second panel and putting two and two together about his hand plate#That was a point of curiousity for me while I was reading :0 All the other text Gaster uses to communicate is WingDings!#All the papers he has the boys do and obviously his native font to speak haha#Wondered briefly if it was perhaps that distancing thing I mentioned a bit back in reference to ZEX actually haha#Like swearing in a different language - a way to not claim the action as his own in some small sense#Or perhaps as reference to their fonts being in that alphabet? I wonder!#I love their little interactions in how they look out for each other even in small ways <3#Papyrus concerned of course! Falling is dangerous! It'll be more obvious why later but this is emotionally a very strong and real feeling!#And Sans wants to do anything he can to not make his brother sad ♥#It'll all turn out okay you two 💕
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rewatching World Trigger. I forgot how gay it was. Osamu straight up says "hey Yuma. I know that we've only known you for like five days, but I can't help but notice that you aren't doing anything with your life right now. Mind if I borrow it for a bit?"
And then Yuma responds with "while its true that we've only know each other for like five days, your kind yet stubborn nature has compelled me. Sure. Why not? From this moment on my life is yours to do whatever you want with. One condition, though. You have to be my boss" and then throughout the story he occasionally makes these little remarks like "I'd do anything my captain (osamu) asked me to."
Like bro what? I really don't think that Osamu fully realizes the weight of the loyalty he somehow managed to earn from Yuma. I don't think he could realize it. From his perspective he cringefailed his way into b rank while Yuma did all the work. "And now Yuma would kill or die for me" is just not a conclusion that would ever occur to Osamu based on the avaliable evidence.
And like, what's going on here from Yuma's perspective? I get that he was a man on the brink when the story started, pursuing a sincerely suicidal plan, and then said plan failed and he was left with absolutely nothing, but I still feel like there has to be more going on here. He decided that he would follow Osamu through hell and back the very same minute that Osamu asked anything of him at all.
It's like, combat is all Yuma has ever known. He doesn't see any future for himself at all, but he especially can't imagine a peaceful one. But he's not a bad kid. He doesn't go out of his way to hurt people. Osamu has proven to be a pretty decent person, willing to sacrifice himself to save the lives of relative strangers. Maybe, the way Yuma sees it, yeah he's a weapon, but if he follows Osamu at least he'll be a weapon pointed in the right direction. He'll fight because it's all he knows how to do, but osamu would only ever ask him to fight for worthy causes. Y'know?
Anyway. The point is that Yuma accepted helping Osamu as his new purpose in life after knowing him for less than a week, and that's A Lot, no matter how you look at it.
#world trigger#yuma kuga#osamu mikumo#so happy for them though#world trigger is weird about kids in a completely different way that anime tends to be#with this show its mostly “why is no one blinking at the idea of sending a 14 year old into an active war zone”#i get the defense missions being entirely safe because of bail out#but for the away missions where are their parents?? who is allowing this? bro you are an actual child#but border. where yuma can hone his skills in combat outside of life and death circumstances#and build a broad suppot network of folks that care for him and enjoy his company#is probably the best place he could have gone to start to heal from being a child soldier#my rambles
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the company i work for decided that its switching from the german formal "You"(Sie) to the informal "you" (Du) in all of our websites so now we have to scour the entire database to change it and i quite frankly hate that, not just bc the unecessary extra work but especially bc its such a weird and unecessary change
i bet its bc everything here is getting englishfied (both literally and culturally it feels like, when my new boss talks its half in english bc every second german word is just replaced by an english one despite there being perfectly fine words for it in german too, its so annoying) and bc they want to sound more personal in hopes of getting more clients bc 'company is your fwiend uwu!!', i know this here is the amercian tm site so you wouldnt understand really but i do not want to be greeted with 'du' by companies, no, thats too personal, you dont know me and im not giving you my data, stay away!!
i guess thats how i would describe it .. the formal you is like a polite distance, like someone you dont know staying outside your personal space, but when its the informal 'you' it feels invasive unless i told you you can call me that, and that goes double for companies
maybe its a small thing that doesnt seem important but i cant stand it, im just a little part time worker doing data work so i got no say in it but the companies founder also announced hes giving his post to his kids some time ago so ...... since then theres been alot of changes and new projects that solely aim to imitate whats popular and whats done by other companies, despite ours being one that is, or used to be, intentionally different, like, that was the POINT, but i guess chasing trends is just too appealing for CEOs
#ganondoodles talks#personal#rare personal rant#theres more and more changes that feel so weirdly forced#like man#i thought being different was the whole point#like climate and ethics are .. or were .. the core idea and now i guess its just fine to do whatever conventional companies are doing#yeah woohoo lets also do an app thing that forces people to sign up if they want reasonable prices!#smartphones the standard everwhere!#who needs anything physical if you can put it in an a phone so syphon off data directly out of people fingertips!! yea!!!#lets use AI pitcures bc we refuse to hire more graphic desingers and they are jsut so overworked uwu#climate? ethic? whats that#argh#sorry this needed to get out#recently had a stupid conversation with a coworker bc i asked them why we are okay with AI shit now when it goes against what this-#company was presumably founded on#and he was rly defensive and said welll we dont have time and its cheap and also maybe we should got WITH the time#like that last thing especially pissed me tf off#but i cant afford to lose this job#im starting to hate it more though so the dream of being able to stay like this might not be real#i cant get a job in this place that is as nice to my mental health so idk man#i wish i was good enough at merch and online stuff so i could live of that#but even trying to find out how taxes work on that stuff is a nightmare to me
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Back then space seemed endless. Now it's empty.
a sort of companion piece to my anya one; i just think they share more parallels than people realize
#mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#captain curly#my art#this isnt a defense of curlys inaction im media literate but like#i feel like certain folks paint him as just Male Enabler without giving thought to like...why? idk if im making sense but work w me here#it was just so clear to me while playing the game that jimmy had been abusing curly long before the crash yk#maybe not in the same way as anya but. look at him.#jimmy to me is the exact type to use abuse to create enablers#also people act like curly was blind to jimmys Jimmyness and thought that he was a good man but thats not the read i personally got#points to his first questions to anya when she tells him she told jimmy being ���was he angry” and “what did he do”#also the rapid frantic heartbeat as he goes to confront him#thats not the reaction of a guy whos not scared of his friend#idk i could go on but the tags are getting long sdrfegsg#safe to say as someone who spent most of my childhood with a 'friend' like jimmy i have Thoughts about curly
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my fields of mistria farmer, nazaret (yes i already have a character with that name, sshhhhhhhh)
eiland's 2 heart event may or may not have helped me solidify nazaret's background 👀
#ts4#the sims 4#fields of mistria#fom farmer#i tend to reuse names i really like. it can be confusing i'm sorry :(#but yeah farmer's behavior kinda gave me an idea/theory for the game lmao#basically nazaret is a dragonsworn (which is why he knew how to open up the stele so quickly and why he seemed kinda nervous when#eiland brought up the dragonsworn)#but like caldarus he's got a bit of amnesia. he was awoken either during the earthquake or a little while before it#and him being dragonsworn is kinda what drew him to taking the job in mistria despite the town's low ranking#"but he clearly looks dragon-y' you might be saying#well the answer is magic. there's magic that hides his dragon-y features and makes him look like a normal human to everyone#it's magic that nazaret doesn't even realize he's casting (it's sort of a defense mechanism?)#and it's fairly low level that it doesn't drain him very much#which leads to juniper being suspicious of him and why she thinks he's a witch during her two heart event
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As a show of good faith toward the remaining Decepticons at the beginning of a new, united Cybertron, newly appointed Senators Bumblebee and Soundwave allowed Shatter and Dropkick to enlist into Autobot City's Defense Team.
These two turned out to be... not the best choices.
The city may have fallen to Insurgent Decepticon occupation had it not been for young recruits Hot Rod and Arcee's accidental interception of Shatter's communication with the fugitive Starscream.
To replace the errant Defense Team members, Springer and Blurr were reassigned from Iacon to Autobot City in their stead.
#my art#tf reconstruction#transformers#bumblebee movie#tf shatter#tf dropkick#maccadam#transformers au#semi-introduction to my idea for antagonists in tf:r - specifically being movie villains slotted into my au#bc if the main crux of the main reconstruction story in autobot city is about hot rod and her rise to becoming rodimus prime#which comes from the First movie - why not loosely adapt other movies too??#ive got ideas for most of them already - kinda jumping back and forth between the modern day story and my pre-war ''downfall'' story#which gives my brain a break from thinking about one to think about another#anyway - i imagine the first ''episode'' of tf:r would be like. hot rod shows up in autobot city on her first day > meets the team#> gets assigned arcee as her partner > arcee hates it > they over hear shatter talking to someone they don't recognise because rod's nosey#> huh that's weird > they intercept it next time by accident > its a communication to starscream about the city's defenses#> they take it to ultra magnus but they break the pad on the way because they were arguing about it#> ''hot rod i know you're new here. and you're intrigued about the war and everything. but we shouldn't be suspicious of everyone wearing a#purple badge. give them a chance.'' > arcee drops it bc she doesn't wanna start trouble + ''magnus will handle it. he always does somehow.'#> rod does not drop it and makes blaster monitor shatter's messages for anything unusual > blaster indulges her bc he's endeared to her#> he does end up intercepting an encrypted message > rod immediately acts and chases after shatter and dropkick on an outside-city mission#> arcee goes after her to stop her from fucking up really bad > blaster unencrypts the message. it's a rendezvous point to start an invasio#> magnus kup blaster and perceptor all head out to help the two young'uns before they get in over their heads#> rod and arcee meet and fight starscream and barely make it out by the skin of the teeth thanks to the more experienced autobots arrival#> starscream shatter dropkick and whoever else is there are driven off#> day is saved - magnus commends rod's gut instincts but rod goes back to what magnus said about not trusting bots with purple badges#> she was right this time but its an exception not a rule and most other decepticons in the city want to live in peace#> magnus also commends that attitude and the team head back > starscream starts plotting his Next Big Plan#''post credits'' scene of magnus putting the request in for springer and blurr + robot dinosaur opening its eye in the dark👀👀#longwinded but ya thats like the Clearest idea for Specific Events so far other things are Stuff I Want To Happen
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TBH I do think some Jiang disciples did survive the Lotus Pier massacre, if only because they had been elsewhere when it happened/too old or too young to fight so they ran (<-which could be a fun thing to grapple with for both the potential run-aways and newly recruiting Jiang Cheng, who was sent away), but it still wasn't enough people to be called Great Sect. So I think as you say they recruited anyone they could, including some rouge cultivators and some from smaller sects that were destroyed or taken over by the Wen Sect. I don't think they tried to recruit - while the Sunshot campaign was going - a lot of people without active golden core, because they would simply have little time to train them between the battles. Some probably did manage to join the Sect like that, and these would probably grow quite close to people who taught them between the fights.
Also Jiang Cheng having to be at least one of these teachers, because they are short on the disciples but shorter in those trained in Jiang style even more so. And how after the war he must've been doing that still, on top of having the sect to run as both Leader and Head Discipline (because Wei Wuxian was going through things he chose to neither explain or acknowledge) (1/2)
(2/2) Also Jiang Cheng, who almost had to watch his brother get caught by the Wen soldiers when he went off alone in the streets, WOULD try and make his disciples work in big enough groups to protect themselves. Also also Jiang Cheng that seems to go off alone rather often.
Oh, and Jiang Cheng throwing his weight around when his disciples get into some sort of disagreement/scuffle every time, and being harsh on the other party (totally not because of finally being able to shield someone he cares for) and never satisfying the questions about the punishment (totally not because of his mother and Zidian and Wei Wuxian). Even when Jiang disciples were in the wrong. Not meaning there was no disciplinary action, just that it never went outside the sect.
Also taking in some non-cultivators that are good at other things (like Jiang Yanli!) or people who lost their golden cores but can still fight and teach (because he remembers not having a golden core and how that felt like; and maybe he realises somewhere along the way that he might've been able to live without one too; which would certainly add even more flavour to learning whose golden core really was inside him all along).
The latter headcanon is also so amazing because resurrected Wei Wuxian would have to confront how he dealt with the loss of his core and finally stop saying he is fine and reflect on his feelings about all this, including Jiang Cheng
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Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me :D I am so absolutely taken over by this subject!
This is why I'm writing these things, I love to discuss them with other peeps:)
Your message pushed me onto another path of wild speculation via the mention of the other smaller sects that JC would approach to recruit - and that pushed me into the economics of Jinaghu and their influence on the post-war lay of the landXD
Which I am putting under the cut, because it's a lot of rambling to get to a point, but that's how it is in these parts;]
Also, the map I will be using, because it's as good as any other:

From the beginning - smaller sects yes, there was probably not a shortage of them that were destroyed by the Wen passing through and by the blowback of the war happening at all. I imagine that anyone from lone survivors to whole families was displaced…
But I am unsure if inviting them in would be a good idea in JC's position, because, going back to the main point - the Jiang were decimated. I can only go by what the story tells us when it doesn't mention any extra survivors - the Wen banning other sects from night-hunts was a nifty set-up for everyone being stuck at home after all - even if, logically, some of the disciples could be in other locations… however, even if they were, these wouldn't be the meat of Yunmeng Jiang. Because…
…random tangent no 1, because this is a low-fantasy setting (thinking of Game of Thrones I am), I am structuring the Sects as Just Gentry. Maybe not kingdoms outright - because there doesn't seem to be enough land between them to cover for their economic statuses - but city-states ruled by aristocratic bloodlines with the actual political power in their hands. Thus, even if the book doesn't really go into it, I'd wager that the region of Yunmeng was run by the extended Jiang family that was living in the capital of Lotus Pier. That's where the disciples were trained - but that was most likely also where the taxes were being collected, where the trade arrangements happened, where the law was being written, higher education took place, it had the best restaurants, etc.
When the Wen destroyed Lotus Pier, they did away with the whole socio-economic and political setup of the region, which is a smart move for someone who wants to set up their own shop.
…And that circles me back to JC and recruiting - he wasn't just gathering disciples to fight, he was rebuilding a whole intricate system of governance from scratch. A system that used to be run by the extended family that he could trust - now was something he was staffing with strangers.
And, from the example of Su Minshan, we know how jumping sects was considered to be in bad taste - it stands to reason that whatever decimated sect showed up on JC's doorstep, they wouldn't want to give up their own name. Just like JC wasn't going to give up his name. These people would be looking for an alliance and revenge, and, most likely, economic help in their own rebuilding, but most of them weren't looking to join the Jiang. And if they were - what was the guarantee that they'd stay? Or that they wouldn't use JC to meet their own ends and leave him worse for it? Or simply take over due to sheer numbers? A valid fear for a clan of 1 that had to seem ripe for picking.
I think JC would be very careful about accepting disciples from existing sects as his own, and instead build alliances with them. A rogue cultivator or a promising youth looking for a place to settle were a safer bet to build the core of his new sect with. Not to say that some of these alliances wouldn't result in the smaller sects merging into the Jiang later on by osmosis, but not at the outset…
Which leads me to believe that JC would want to start taking in and training coreless youths as soon as humanly possible - just to have someone at his back who was OF Yunmeng Jiang and not just allied with them. Maybe not during the beginning of the war, but by the time Lotus Pier was reclaimed things were probably going this way. If you think about it, Jiang Cheng was a fucking powerhouse of a leader. I have no idea when he slept. Probably not at all.
Probably why he was so cranky XD
That's why I am of firm opinion that the alliance by marriage with the Jin sect was a double-edged sword JC wasn't in a position to refuse, but also wasn't in a position to wholeheartedly accept. (And everyone who thinks that JC 'sold' Yanli to JGS for all these doubloons is just plain old wrong). Because now they're family. Only family he has. And that family can slowly find their way into the important positions of his own 'kingdom', because that's how gentry/aristocracy tends to work in a setting putting that much value on bloodlines, and he doesn't have his own family to plug these positions with ahead of time.
And even if JGS wasn't super eager to marry his son to JYL and the marriage was mostly pushed by Madame Jin and Jin Zixuan - it was in JGS's best interests for Yunmeng Jiang to remain weakened and/or under his control. Because….
…tangent nr 2- economics! :D
The plot doesn't go into it, but I like to know, so I was thinking of the actual economics of the magical land of magical peopleXD I don't need them to be detailed, but just realistic enough to make some sense, and serve as a believable background. I'm not going to question the existence of potatoes or other anachronisms, but one thing I needed to answer for myself was - where is all the money coming from???
Like, for real, where is the cash coming from for all the silks, fancy furniture, houses, swords and so on. How are the gentry sects making money?
Again, the genre, like many others, waves away monetary concerns in general - aristocrats are just wealthy, commoners are poor, and Bilbo Baggins is a landlord. OK.
So, taxes. What makes sect a Great one? Land, mostly, it would seem. The amount of land they own. Which means taxes - if we consider the Gentry sects local aristocracy. That tracks, because ain't no way they'd earn that much dosh via night-hunts from a population that isn't really that large. If you look at the approximate map of the whole realm and consider how fast people are moving from one region to another (even including flying swords and donkey-travel) that ain't a lot of land/people to feed all these sects fleeting about between the 5 Majors.
So, my idea is that the small sects do support themselves mostly via night-hunting and general spiritual upkeep of their locals, but the Greats are just aristocracy and live off of taxes and trade.
And that makes me wonder how Yunmeng Jiang managed to recover their wealth in such a record time, and why was the Jin so wealthy for apparently doing so little.
I propose that Lanling Jin grew out of a port-city and made its money on sea-trade. Sea trade was always The Shit if you wanted to, dunno, gild your palace in gold or something.
Yunmeng - with its access to lakes and rivers - was another trade hub of the realm with the additional bonus of lotus, fish and all other crops a well-watered land can give you.
Qishan - being the most West-ward placed of the Great sects we know of, had to have access to - or even monopoly over - the intercontinental trade routes, or a lot of raw materials available. But at the same time, being a mountainous region, it wasn't rich in water and water-intensive crops. I think that once the material appetite of the Wen upper echelon grew, the more they needed to look towards consuming other regions to sustain it.
Annexing Yunmeng was a good strategy from that point of view - it fixed the water issue and also opened new trade routes towards the South and East via the rivers.
But then the Wen were defeated - and all that West-ward trade potential suddenly was left unattended, and JGS would be a fool to let it slip through his fingers. And the only 'large' clan placed close enough to was Yunmeng.
Stands to reason that, somehow, JC managed to wrestle some of that for his own people to refill the coffers. Gusu was too far and not a trade hub by any means, and Nie Mingjue/Huaisang seemed uninterested in reaching out for it, so the only serious competition on that front were the Jin… Which, again, JC somehow managed to outsmart there, because I do not believe for even a moment that a fierce economic battle wasn't fought as soon as the military operations ended.
#headcanon#mdzs#jiang cheng#yunmeng jiang#i am at no point saying this is gospel - just how i explain things to myself in my head#i am no economy major - just a dedicated Age of Empires player XD#addressing the possible characteristics of yunmeng jiang disciples will come next#I imagine JC and JGY having a battle of spead-sheets during every conference#and their trade disputes being so damn tangled and complex that even sect leader yao usually sat them out#i think that JC was always running the type of anxiety that made it impossible to stand up for himself - but the moment someone he liked#was concerned the Mom Friend override was slamming in and HE SAID NO PICKLES FOR FUCK'S SAKE!#like - JC was taught that standing up for himself usually leads to more scolding and so he instinctively doesn't until he's too angry#to hold back#thanks mom&dad :DDDDD#that nothing he can say in his own defense matters#so why the fuck should he try?#but he will go to bat for the people he loves at all times of day & night#and his closest disciples noticed#and decided that yeah that won't do - let's make it so that the zongzhu doesn't have to take it for us#no witnesses means no accountability>;]#and#no#one#saw#anything#right?:))))))))
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gahdamn being in a fandom for close to ten years makes a bitch forget vital canon information
#like gahdamn i just want to write i don’t want to second guess the mechanics of basic fandom knowledge every three seconds#to be fair the main saturation of fandom content doesn’t contain a lot of the canon info either so it#there’s less density in how much of it you’ll see#i really should refresh myself but it is kinda hard to dig around#utmv#undertale#ut au#sans aus#i love fanon stories so much and i love using canon ideas but listen i need to at least include canonicity to some extent in writing#*like including fanon* not canon#(when i write) or i’ll tweak so hard#stupid things like ‘where does dust sans respawn when a reset occurs’ (its his sentry station despite it being depicted as his bed often)#‘is it ever addressed that horror sans literally seemed to blow up someones head psychically’?’ (not to my knowledge)#why is color sans not god status again (i don’t fucking remember if he is or not$#can killer sans actually utilize save and reloads (from my understanding he only can in a universe that relies on those mechanics??)#but how far is to far removed#does killer even summon red knife magic bcs i think that’s not canon right#i’m pretty sure he just uses a physical fucking knife right????#is it ever explicitly explained how much Defense a monster might gain when they LV up or gain EXP or did i make that up in my head#IT DOESNT MATTER BUT IT MATTERS TO ME💔💔💔💔💔💔💔#ramblings#i love the multiverse#i fucking love just undertale#don’t even get me started on deltarune mechanics i’ll go on for hours
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ohhhh my god the lily was a bad friend to Snape thing pisses me off so fucking much. just willful misreading and frankly sometimes disturbing blaseness towards what the real problem was (not just the slur! JOINING A FUCKING HATE GROUP! and also slurs are bad--we should be able to understand this, right?) I mean one of the problems with it is that it doesn't fully understand the multiple power dynamics at play--blood status, gender, AND social class are all important in the lily/Snape and Lily/Snape/marauders dynamics. And also? I think Lily is meant to be read as not actually of a significantly higher class than Snape--she's working class but her family is slightly more financially stable and determined to hold themselves above him! So the class dynamics aren't 'rich popular girl Lily and poor bullied Snape' it's 'also poor but slightly less poor Lily'!! AND this interaction cannot be read without Snape's blood status privilege. And. Of course. The fact that him calling her a mudblood in public was a sign of him fully embracing Death Eater ideals and he went on to join the Death Eaters--having already been associating with them for a while. The initial slur isn't even forgiveable but it becomes even more heinous when you remember he was joining a group dedicated to exterminating her because of who she was. Why should she give a shit about who bullied him anymore? When we talk about what Lily and Snape are doing post Snape's Worst Memory, I would say that the fact Snape joins the freaking Death Eaters is a far worse betrayal of their friendship than Lily marrying James (which isn't even a betrayal, exactly, as she is, you know, an autonomous person with her own wants needs and opinions).
#Severus snape#lily evans#tagging this#anti snape#though I'm not even a Snape hater#defenses of him in this scene just piss me off so much#I read a post that was like 'change the genders' and then had a very specific read of lily as popular and implied to be rich (not the case)#and of the slur as a one time incident#when it clearly wasn't it was a step on his path towards becoming a full blown death eater#and also there is a reason the genders are what they are in that scene#you can't just switch them and call that analysis#part of why Snape is so humiliated there is that James is emasculating him specifically#so he turns it back on lily#because he is ashamed to be helped by a girl#as well as being ashamed to be helped by a muggleborn#and like..why are you choosing GENDER specifically to be the thing you are changing when analyzing a scene?#are men and women so ontologically different???? do you maybe...believe in the gender binary???#I suppose that's uncharitable#but I don't think 'what if the scene but certain things were different'#is a very useful way to analyze media anyway#I also think that the post framed it as people giving lily more leeway because she's a woman#which is uhhh very weird#and clearly not true see your own example#or even arguing that lily's (imagined) privilege#somehow cancels out her gender#ugh just so weird and bad analysis and it made me mad#lily meta#hp#harry potter#it also kind of even missed the point of why what James is doing is so bad!
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Both my parents actually suffer from HORRID emotional dysregulation and are prone to snapping and going into rages. My sister is the same way tbh. I am now realizing this is why they are constantly baffled by the question of whether or not I am mad at them.
I don't have external meltdowns.
I could. I don't let it happen.
I keep my rage on the inside and stay pretty quiet about it. It's just as strong as theirs [physically shaking nose bleed from high blood pressure kind of bad], but like as a kid I saw how terrifying it was to be around [dad breaking dishes, mom putting our lawn chairs into walls] and I just internalized that I wasn't going to wear that anger on the outside.
So my mother genuinely cannot tell if I am just being quiet or if I am silently hearing the dial-up noises of pure rage. This has lead her to both making strong and confident statements like "You are a pacifist who would never hurt a fly U.U" but also acting like I am secretly dangerous maybe... It's because she has never seen me snap.
She knows what her temper is like [throwing chairs through walls], she knows what my father's temper is like [pick up child and toss out door], and she can tell I am being tested, but she doesn't know what happens when I snap or where that breaking point is.
Her -perhaps unhinged- solution to this, my whole life, has been to do things that should obviously enrage me or shut me down completely, like ignoring important boundaries, repeatedly, punishing me for expressing emotions or needs at all, etc... And then to constantly ask me if I am angry with her when I get too quiet [right after near directly telling me to shut up].
It has occurred to me now, they have never once seen me lose my temper, so they literally just can't tell if I am angry at them. My sister is easy, my mother fights and screams with my sister constantly, my mother understands this. My mother doesn't have any grasp of feelings or boundaries that are not screamed at her [apparently, and I fear my sister is the same way]. Her and my sister are close despite constant fucking fighting because they understand each other.
They are trying to get me to engage the same way and it is not working. I realize now that this has been hard for them.
I was so successfully taught to suppress my emotions, by being punished for any outburst, that rage quiet looks the same as any other kind of quiet from the outside. To them anyway.
I did tell her. For the record. I used my words. I did tell her very calmly that my response to rage, in order to avoid doing the things that terrified me as a child, was to simply leave [the autistic urge to GTFO]. When a situation or person causes too much of the dial-up rage noise, I simply extract myself from that situation, up to and including never speaking to a person again. I explained this calmly. I explained it calmly 100 times and I explained that I explain myself calmly as my rage response 1-5 [also pretty much every other negative emotion tbh], and I told her that what came next was me simply opting out and fucking off. I told her this. I couldn't understand why she never took me seriously, or why she never fucking understood.
I couldn't understand what made her like this.
But it's the same problem I have with everyone else multiplied by a factor of 10.
If I am explaining myself calmly, they can't understand that it's actually serious or that I am actually upset. ESPECIALLY because they read me as "female" and women "aren't that rational" so if I am not screaming and crying about something, which I never do, people assume I can't be upset and it isn't serious.
And then after having my boundaries ignored too many times despite having calmly explained how and why it's a problem [shaking inside or not]... I leave. I leave and everyone gets upset like this is unexpected behaviour, even though I told them 50 times that is how I would respond if they kept doing *the thing.*
And for neurotypical people especially, they are expecting there to be a disconnect between what someone says they need or feel and what their actually boundaries and feelings are, and they expect the latter to be demonstrated with emotions. Telling them bluntly you do not function that way somehow never helps?
My mother isn't just looking for normal yelling or a few tears to know I am serious, whether or not I do those either [I don't], she's looking for an explosion to know there's a problem at all.
Fucked if I know how she proceeds through life this way in general or if this is just her expectation of her own kids???
And I couldn't get why my mother couldn't read my emotions and didn't seem to think I have any. It's because she's testing for the rage limit to see where my 'actual' limit is instead of taking my word for it. Never the fuck mind that she could simply *not* test at my boundaries instead of letting me have them. Separate issue.
I couldn't figure out what made her *like this*
She's expecting me to throw a giant meltdown violent tantrum at people when I have 'actually' had enough. Maybe she got away with those being like 5'4" in another time, but I am the size of the average man, I do not get to have giant screaming rages, whether or not people perceive me consciously as a woman, and least of all because a lot of people -at least unconsciously- read me as 'masculine' or at least always "they guy" of the situation compared to all other women and some men [bigger stronger and more rational, more able to just absorb the damage and let it go so the less rational screaming/crying one doesn't have to be dealt with]. Even if it was in me to be willing to terrify people [usually never], there are such limited instances where it wouldn't just blow back on me. Potentially very dangerously.
I am going to be the quiet calm one. You are going to have to let me use my words, bitch.
So she kept ignoring my boundaries until I had to cut her out of my life, and she probably doesn't understand and probably thinks it feels sudden -after 36 long years of bullshit- abrupt and unfair.
But I told her hundreds of times.
I probably should have just screamed at her.
#good stay out of our yard' and he didn't seem to know what to say to that#but other than that I don't think anyone in my adult life has ever seen me turn aggressive at all to the point where people 100% like to#play games of testing my patience and my boundaries because they think my tolerance is infinite#but like I have autistic rage tantrums on both sides of my family and they are just happening inside my head#And somehow it took me until now to realize that being that way was actually -expected- of me by my parents and especially my mother#and that by keeping myself outwardly level headed to be considerate I actually took away whatever signals she can understand#to have empathy for how I must be feeling#I mean it's still all on her#but it makes so much sense of why she's fucking *like this*#And why my sister thinks I hate her just because -she- stopped texting -me-#but that fucking guy#Every time I was like#In my adult life I have screamed at someone ONE whole time and it was 1000% deserved#And I threw heavy objects around one whole other time and in my defense I didn't do it in front of the guy he just felt the ground shaking#heard the thuds and came back to the logs blocking his path because that fucker wouldn't stop parking in our yard after being asked#and then TOLD not to about 10 times because he was acting entitled to just park in our yard and was crushing my plants???#seriously I don't know what his deal was but he wouldn't stop telling me how much the ground shaking scared him like it was supposed#to get my pity like I think this guy took one look at the logs I had just tossed down and was suddenly afraid of this “woman” he was#bullying in their own yard and so my ability to feel bad for scaring him had gone straight out the fucking window#I looked at him and said stop parking in our yard instead of your own you are killing my plants#he'd just fucking be like 'well the last people to live here let us D: :)“ and I'd be like ”good for them?“ ”stop“#and he'd just keep doing it#I was having a week of insomnia and was finally having the best dream#the kind of sex dream you have like twice in your life#and this fucker had just gotten some noisy ass little bike with a spoiler on it#and starts it up right under my window at 3am from IN OUR FUCKING YARD#so I had a nice long anger nap and just after he got home from work and was sleeping in his house#I picked up these chunks of deadwood tree from the back#there was like 3-4 logs that used to be a WHOLEASS fucking oak tree Like these logs were not as heavy as they -looked- but they were still#this fucker deleted half the tags I wrote and I am not retyping that fuck you tumblr so fucking hard
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I thought the Hazbin/Helluva critical community was unsafe with how even the nastiest of people criticizing the show get a pass? Somehow??
Both that, and it's ableism getting a pass, as long as it's nothing ""blatant"" (the misusage of "narcissist" is a big one)
It keeps becoming more unsafe. We've got ableist slurs now.
(No screenshots but either way, CW for discussions about ableism and Chai)
I felt uncomfortable with how many people were believing a biased misinterpretation of someone's post about Chai, so seeing another person resort to using the R slur to defend him is so fucked??
Of course, this is not an excuse to dogpile and harass anyone, but dear god, can we please leave the people who have reasons to dislike Chai alone? And can we especially NOT be ableist?? Especially over a guy who doxxed someone on his blog, supports K1w1Farms (a forum solely for bigotry), etc.?
This is the one time I'm bringing up Chai, but it's because someone thinks it's somehow fine to defend him despite the nasty shit he's done. I'm not listing the rest of them here because I did that last time.
I hope to god you all who are somehow okay with Chai can be normal about this. Please, for the love of god, behave.
#hazbin hotel critical#helluva boss critical#ableism mention#i just kinda phased out of checking out that space nowadays#just#what the hell is going on with these sudden influx in defenses for chai?#he's done so much nasty shit i can't mention here because it can't be summed up in fewer words#and you all didn't just ask someone for receipts#you all just targeted that someone instead#over chai.#why is he even worthy of being defended#when other people have said what he's already said without the stupid gross shit he's into#this shit not being common knowledge and somehow being scorned makes me really uncomfortable!!#jesus fuck.#it really feels like it's slowly becoming more and more unsafe#and i cannot blame anyone for no longer liking this kinda community anymore!#i can't blame anyone for leaving either!
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you: nicholas alexander chavez, the actor from ryan murphy's recent work
me, a mama's girl and daytime tv viewer:
#text post#general hospital#nicholas alexander chavez#spencer cassadine#sorry i'm still not over my shock at this lol#i remember asking my mom MONTHS ago (she follows general hospital news online) 'hey wheres spencer i havent seen him in awhile?'#'oh his character died off. the actor is doing some netflix show where he plays a murderer'#and you have to understand. i dont consume anything to do w true crime. but to my 63-year-old mother. ryan murphy doesnt exist#so bc of just how self-contained the archaic institution of network soap operas are. i just. idk i didnt assume it was a big role#it didnt register to me that it was the sequel to the dahmer show. is what i am saying. and i never thought about it again#mommy made it sound like he might be coming back bc soap opera characters fake-die all the time#and so i put the thought out of my head until completely independently i was watching a video about monsters: menendez being flawed#and i was like. going absolutely insane w how familiar he looked i was like 'ok i know that man cant be too famous but i KNOW him'#'i know him from something and i know him WELL from something. like whatever hes from is iconic to me'#and then the video creator said his name and i was like THATS INSANE WHERE DO I KNOW THAT NAME??!?!??#it's a name i read in the credits but probably never thought in my head at all bc sorry he's just spencer to me#so i googled it and i was gobsmacked. i was like MOM DIDNT SAY he was gonna be in THIS SHIT!?!?!?#i also do lay my life down on the defense that the cinematography of a prestige netflix drama makes him less recognizable to me#who knew him best under cheap soap opera lighting in basic back and forth dialogue shots. like#i have to be honest i never cared for his looks on gh bc he just kinda looked like too perfect. like he looked like a mannequin#i see it now though i get it#i get why he's very fan editable to the true crime girlies i get it#not that it matters. im just in mourning bc it never occurred to me the spencer era was over. i actually liked his character#i cant tell u why bc he wasnt all that distinguishable from all the other basic dramatic character archetypes. idk it was a good performanc#i cant explain to u what makes a soap opera character distinct while still being completely generic (they all are)#i also liked his relationship w his girlfriend in the show it was cute. he was evil but they were sweet#nicky please come back. im begging u. as your only general hospital era fan who is your age#i dont wanna watch monsters menendez i reeeeeally dont
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just read the new mutants issue where Charles chose to stay behind in space and my god the juxtaposition between Charles trusting Erik and Erik joining the hellfire club and wondering at his own trust worthiness. I wonder how much of Charles decision was him ultimately trying to avoid the fact that his first class had seemingly betrayed mutant kind and not be willing to face them and how much of it was Dani and Illyana's reaction to him having Karma mind control Illyana. the fact that Illyana was depending on him to ease her mind through limbo and in choosing to stay he forced karma to do it instead, probably fucking up their relationship in the process.
I love him, this is crazy, how much of this is him trying to runaway and how much is this him not trusting himself to fix things and how much is it just him trusting Erik?
i keep trying to put into words my exact thoughts about the sitch but there really is a lot for one issue aintit... oh charles you and your brain...
#snap chats#thats why we have tag rambles AHAHA#ok so to tackle things one at a time charles ultimately deciding to stay in space despite his expressed want to return to earth#obviously it was when lilandra pointed out if her sister took charge of the shi'ar then the universe- earth included- would be in peril#charles notes his position as a losing one: whichever choice he makes he loses#he goes to earth then the universe could be at stake/he stays in space he loses his kids#of course charles COULD just put his faith in the starjammers but is that a risk he wants to take ? evidently not#charles' reoccurring flaw is he's willing to sacrifice personal relationships for the greater perceived good#even lilandra acknowledges this- that charles' homesickness for earth was an inevitability just as she is indebted to protecting the stars#so now his ruptured relationship with illyana and co- esp right after comforting a split illyana last issue#we've seen charles act more coldly/rashly when he's about to lose people (i think of his first death with the og5 mostly)#i mean it's a key part to charles' chara that he doesn't favor mind controlling others and im sure he has the same regard for his students#he's aware of the damage it can do and in this instance- for one reason or another- he orders it to be done regardless#im sure he does this as a form of defense: if his kids are upset with him they won't feel too bad about losing him and it'll be less painfu#obviously we still see sam wish charles farewell and wish for him to come back soon but yk.. worthy attempt..#and it's not as if charles wants them to hate him ENTIRELY.. he's still touched by sam's goodbye no.... fickle man he is..#i dont think charles is totally afraid to confront the og5- its what made him want to return to earth with the nms initially#tho again.. could his decision to stay in the stars be influenced by that? that maybe he ISNT prepared to confront them like he thought?#who's to say... not me i dont got that psych degree yet..#erik being charles' trusted confidant definitely made his decision easier on top of that: i mean is he needed if he has a substitute#i think charles DOES wholly trust erik: charles really doesnt approach his x-men half heartedly. from his pov ofc#if he didn't genuinely believe in erik's potential he wouldn't have picked him; hes a comforting thought when charles decides to depart#'although i'm gone erik understands me and my goals enough to continue my work as good as i would have so i have nothing to worry about'#which. yk. makes the whole White King thing kinda awkward VJAELVJEAKL charles you fool#i have no idea how this saga ends though... tbh im only on ish 45 of NM i just read 50 and 51 to get context for this ask#so i can only wait and see how this saga turns out... once i finish reading house of m/secret invasion stuff jvLKEJKA#idk im tired and rambling dont pay attention to me.. ramblin bout charles' brain is a good day for me regardless if i make sense jVLAJ
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