#why is everything hard and why is it so hard for me in particular for some reason bcs I know the majority of people deal w this just fine
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@liskantope
@thejakeformerlyknownasprince I remember the MM1 adaptation and that it was pretty good, but I don't remember anything about the #6 adaptation. There are just particular lines of both Richard Sali and "Victor Trent" from the #2-based episode which stuck with me for two decades, though. I would say both exuded their characters really well in that episode. (I did once see it as an adult, twenty years past the original airing, and remember feeling the same way.)
[Starting a new post for an off-topic reply.]
Hard agree. I think the best AniTV episodes are the ones that work within the budget, even (especially) when that means a loose adaptation. And I agree about MM1 and #2's adaptations having good moments as a result.
Like, the adaptation of #6 works because it doesn't have the budget to show Temrash 114 cycling through Jake's morphs in an effort to escape — it instead has to depict psychological warfare. I love everything that ensues: Temrash laughing that "Tom" will "take one look at [Ax] and turn him over to Visser Three." Bringing up Jake's memories of Cassie, and threatening to hurt Jake if she doesn't let him go. Calling Tobias "a scavenger... a pet that sits on Rachel's arm." Calmly assuring Jake that "we break humans the way humans break horses" while showing him an image of Tom crying on the floor. It works, surprisingly well.
The MM1 episode is weakest when it's trying to adapt the book, but it does depart, to its strength — Rachel can't remember morphing, so she has to break out of shoe-lady's house the hard way. Marco points out that she's likely to be a controller, and that's why she's acting so out of character. Rachel sensibly approaches a nonprofit group called The Sharing to ask them for help, and almost gets infested before Jake saves her. Instead of the weird truck thing, she just regains her memory as soon as she morphs the first time.
Same for the #2 adaptation. I love that Rachel's motivation gets changed from "uhh, let's try something?" to a) trying to find out if the yeerks know of any technology that could get Tobias back to human shape, and b) responding to the red flags of child abuse that Melissa is throwing left and right. It helps that the controllers are all better-acted than the Animorphs — I can't tell if it's just easier to convey an alien who doesn't quite know how to human than it is to convey a human, or if it's that the actors are all trained adults. But the eps (like this, or the MM4 one) that lean into controllers being creepy are almost always better than the ones that involve lots of morphing.
#animorphs#anitv#animorphs adaptation#i know that none of these is exactly emmy material#and MY GOD is adaptation!Rachel nerfed by sexism#but there are tantalizing glimpses of A+ characterization#like Marco assuming Rachel ran off because she got infested#or Rachel breaking into Chapman's basement to see if the yeerks know how to undo being stuck in morph
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I'm going to try and write this in a way that I don't sound like a cold hearted monster towards Sky, because at the end of the day, I love her and I love her music.
Sky should point blank stop telling people when she is going to release stuff. Every single time she says she's going to release this or release that, on a certain day, month or time - it never happens.
She should just pull a Fiona Apple. Announce a release a week ahead when she is 100% sure and then go ahead and release it.
Mind you, Fiona isn't on social media. It's her roommate who announces Fiona's updates and new album releases.
Fiona doesn't talk to the media until after the album is released.
Fiona isn't going around telling anyone anything is coming out until she is 100,000 % sure it's coming out.
Fiona also happens to release albums once every 10 years.
By Sky putting dates or speaking about things being released at certain particular times, she is putting a certain timeline that fans, stans and critics are counting on for that particular thing to be released.
You would think she would have learned this already since Night Time My Time. How many times was the date for that album changed? Many times. How many times has she said Masochism was going to be out soon? Many times.
As for the Leash music video, I already knew by week one of December 2024 that it wasn't happening. I won't name my source, but it's someone I know from A24 who actually told me. He works for that film company. He said that as soon as Babygirl was getting bad reviews and panned by the critics, they knew there would be no music video.
Then Leash and Babygirl wasn't nominated for anything, so that also confirmed everything for A24 too.
I watched Babygirl. As a Nicole Kidman fan, it's one of Nicole's worst movie. The best thing about the movie is the song Leash. That's pretty much it.
Blaming the fires? Seriously - It's a great excuse. I would have said the same. The fires had nothing to do with Sky's video not being made. The bad reviews and having no nominations was the real factor here.
However, I understand why Sky lied. She has to be diplomatic and the last thing she wants to do is piss off A24 since they paid for the studio time, the producer and the mix/mastering to create Leash.
The new single isn't coming out anytime soon in my opinion. I don't see that happening for months or even maybe next year.
As for music videos, Suki Waterhouse recorded her entire music video for Dream Woman by camcorder with her sister. Her sister also edited it. Budget = $0.00
Lana Del Rey's sister filmed several of Lana's music videos over the years. Chuck (Lana's sister) films it with her phone. Then Lana edits it on her laptop. Budget = $0.00
Then there's the Summer Wine music video that Lana filmed all by her own self with her own phone and she used the Grain Damage Analogue Video filter app on her phone to give the video that 1960's vintage look. She edited the video on her own laptop. Budget = $0.00.
She did the same for her Video Games music video. Budget = $0.00
I could go on with Lana and Suki videos but you get my driff.
You can also look up many many other independent artists in rock, country and pop who also film there own videos whether by phone or camcorder. Trust me, the budget isn't so big if you know what you're doing or how you're doing it.
Sky doesn't know how to make a music video on her own. I'm amazed after all these years, she never bothered to learn how to do that. It's really not that hard. She instead always battled Capitol to film her videos, costing Capitol thousands to make a simple video like Everything Is Embarrassing.
Do you know what the budget for the music video for Everything Is Embarrassing was? $0.00. Capitol had to pay the director Grant Singer thousands of dollars to literally follow Sky all over Los Angeles to film that music video. A video that was a $0.00 budget because it was just Sky and the streets of Los Angeles being filmed. Capitol had to literally pay Grant thousands of dollars for a $0.00 costing video, which is absolutely insane. Sky could have easily filmed that video all by herself with her phone and edited it herself. The video looks like it was filmed on a phone, which I think was the aesthetic Sky was looking for. The other videos Grant directed for Sky had budgets in the thousands, which was paid for by Capitol.
So all this gibberish talk that rich people are the only ones who can create a music video by phone is BS. There is the low budget phone music videos done by Suki and Lana. There are the high budget phone music videos done by Lady Gaga.
And if you have the time, Google all the other indie artists who have created their music videos by phone with a zero budget.
Again, Sky has no idea how to do any of this on her own - but if she wants to be an independent artist, she needs to learn how to do it on her own.
This is not me attacking Sky. As I said earlier, I support her 100%. Love her music. The wait for Leash was worth it. But this is my opinion.
However, stans need to stop babying Sky. Some of you are jumping on people who have differing opinions and asking honest questions.
It's not cool that Free Sky Ferreira and _night_time_my_time_ on IG copied/pasted @bellafemme tumblr post onto their IG Stories. Now @bellafemme is being attacked in her inbox. People just sending her nasty messages. @bellafemme had to delete her post.
@bellafemme has always supported the Free Sky movement as well as myself. There was no need to attack her on IG for having questions and having a different opinion. I'm not trying to start drama here, but I think that was totally not cool.
Sky will release whatever she needs to release when she's ready. By her own admission, she is very OCD when it comes to her music. She will do 100 takes on a song alone until she likes it. Same with her music videos.
I truly hope Sky remains quite when it comes to her future releases. Not announcing any of them until she is 100% sure they will be released on time. This will also stop people from attacking her. Right now X and Lanaboards is having a field day because both the Leash music video and the new single never came out.
I also hope she takes the time to learn to make her own music videos/edit them like other indie artists.
At the end of the day, she could just choose to release music with no music videos like Beyoncé did for her last two albums.
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Another diary/journal entry this time about pv and smilk, written by pv per request
cw: minor obssessive behaviour
Also date format used, day, month, year (blog owner is from the country that lost a war against a bird aka I'm not American)
Warning might be kinda long?
journal entry #xxx 5/3/xxxx
Dear journal
Today is the 5th day of spring so I took the time to sheer off the costs the cream sheep built up over the winter, it's still cold here. So I'm keeping warm by moving around and doing tasks around the kingdom. I stated many entries back that I was in possession of a particular blue cookie. Shadow milk cookie, his body is rather cold it's self so he'll be a wonder come summer. But that's not the point here. I am yet to write out about our complicated relationship.
He's a tough nut to crack. He's a cookie that's built up walls around himself so much it's hard to see through his feelings and emotions and true reason behind his actions. But I understand him.i understand his actions and why he's the way he is, it's true. We've walked similar paths. He's clearly been hurt in the past by someone, he's lost his sense of self and love, friendship and kindness. He was hurting so much that lies were something he discovered as a means of comfort.
I dread the idea that I nearly became that myself many times, refusing my truth for deceit. Deceit is like a forbidden fruit. Delicious yet bad for you. The truth is like a sour candy. Hurts you in the beginning but becomes sweet to you later. I'm glad shadow milk cookie is beginning to learn who he was again. Even if it's a slow process.
How did this occur again? He just showed up on my doorstep one day. He claimed to want vengeance and that I'm "nothing but a pathetic marionette on a string, he'll play like fiddle until I give up what I stole." So I gave him a whole speech about friendship and why I want him to accept it. He "pretended* to get it but I knew. He accepted it from the start. He came here already wanting my friendship but because he's so scared to be vulnerable he has to lie and pretend he's not "weak" or "soft" when really he is.
He has his moments of "weakness" where he allows himself to open up to me and even cry. He's afraid of being judged and while I wish he wasn't I understand why he is. He's the "master of deceit" the once fount of knowledge, I believe even a king. He has many important titles and roles and clearly played a huge role in this world's development. Everything he did had responsibility and immense impact. A cookie as important as that couldn't be "weak" or show "immaturity" let alone be submissive and just give in his emotions. A cookie that claims to be a master of all lies, that governs all truth, deceit and knowledge can't be shown sobbing. It breaks my heart that he can't let his walls break.
But little does he know I've been breaking them slowly, love and kindness is what he needs to build trust in someone to let them see him cry. See him at his lowest which is all the time. He hasn't had a high in maybe eons. I feel horrible for him.
I'm so glad to be the cookie guiding him, being his friend and making him happy. I'm aware he's harmed me, harmed my friends, some probably worse to others. Elder faerie gave up his life to white lily cookie so she could stop shadow milk cookie. Remembering that gorgeous faerie form she took makes me feel. Strange.. she looked pretty, yes but now when I look back I feel nothing. I don't feel love the way I do. I suppose I no longer possess feelings for white lily cookie. I still love her as a friend however, besides. Our paths stray much different from one another. A relationship with her would stop one of us from being happy and feeling fulfilled. I want her to be happy and if that means our paths don't align I accept that.
Admittedly my previous behaviour about her was rather concerning. A giant lily garden made from mourning isn't normal. I recognise that. It's always been an issue for me, I get so overally attached to something or someone it makes me feel ill not to have it. I'm addicted to the scent of lillies. I know. It's a problem but now I'm slowly developing a particular fondness for the milky scent of milk crown flowers. Yes. It means exactly what you think it means.
But at least it's not one sided. I see right through that liar. He's so obvious about it but I'm unsure how much longer I can wait for his walls to break down enough he admits it to me and tells me his feelings. I love shadow milk cookie. I understand him and care about him more than I've cared about the other heroes, white lily cookie and the kids. We even literally share a soul in a way. Could that be anymore perfect? Our paths align perfectly, it's mere fate. I never thought it would be this way but he's just like me. Despite the past, I want to move past it and show him empathy for his hurt. I hate to sound so enthralled despite the past but the thrill rubs me the right way.
He's still cruel but it's kinder now. He calls me names but it's because he's scared to admit how he truly feels, luckily I get it. He doesn't think I do. For the once fount of knowledge, he's not great at realisation. It's quite humorous. He doesn't even realise how much I admire him. I can't help but stare, those silly blue eyes pierce right through me, he even likes the same things as me. Yes I'm gushing. I love the thrill, I love watching a cookie so angry with life finally smile. Learn to care about someone that's not him, today he yelled at me for not eating. Before he'd just point it out and pout but today he screamed at me. He was so worried about me he used his little strength to cook. He then threw a pie at me but it's the thought that counts. Can't be too kind now can he?
every moment with this cookie feels amazing all over. I need him, I'm getting quite impatient. I need him all over me. I want to be.
tomorrow i plan to take him to do some gardening, last time he offered me a flower and it was so sweet. I love watching him warm up to me. We've gotten so far and there's no going back now. This cookie will forever be my dear friend I met through strange means but he'll forever be important to me as a show of my compassion.
I must sleep now. Tomorrow I will write again.
#crk rp#cookie run roleplay#crk roleplay#crk au#rp blog#cookie run kingdom au#cookie run au#cookie run rp#pure vanilla cookie#awakened pure vanilla cookie#diary entry#journal entry#journal#diary#cw obsessive behavior#Cw implied suggestive thoughts#shadowvanilla#pureshadow#vanilla milkshake#shadow milk x pure vanilla#pure vanilla x shadow milk#pure milk#puremilk#shadownilla#vanillashadow#HOW MANY SHIP NAMES DO THEY HAVE-#Ooc: not me trying to imply pv is a little *freaky*#crk ship#beast x ancient#ancient x beast
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Hi hi~ one more idea before I go to bed (I pinky promise)
This one involves a mirror! I know Hongjoong said he doesn’t like mirrors so someone else has to participate in this! Low self esteem can be a bitch (I’m the one that asked the last mental struggles question)👎 as someone that has it, I’ve always had this fantasy of someone worshipping my body in front of a mirror and I want to share it as an idea. Someone saying everything they like about the other’s body while touching their body (ex. Tracing that particular body part or give kisses). Along with that, they’re not allowed to look away from the mirror or else the touching will stop and if they want to cum, they have to say that they’re pretty/handsome/beautiful.
Idk if this is a good idea but i see it as intimate and therapeutic! It’s kinda like how Yunho made Mingi kneel when he was feeling low but more intense. Please let me know what you think! I gotta force myself to go to bed now, bye-bye 👋*snore mimimimi*
A/N: This is a poly-ATEEZ kink ask blog! Feel free to ask any of the eight members a question! :) > Reblogs are very appreciated!
Seonghwa: Oh, I quite like this. Some of us have done similar things in the past - body worship as a means of reining in feelings of inadequacy - but I never thought to involve a mirror. My gut tells me it would work great for some of the members that struggle with low self esteem. Sannie, how do you like the sound of this?
San: Fuck... I mean, it sounds nice, but also kind of scary? Confrontational, almost.
Seonghwa: I don't doubt it would be. Part of the purpose would be to confront those unwelcome feelings and fight them head on. I can understand why it seems intimidating. We would have to do it on a day where we know we have the time to take care of you if there is a negative outcome, or maybe a drop.
San: Mmh, I think that would probably be a good idea. But... I'd like to try it, some time. It sounds like it could potentially be really helpful. And feel good, of course [Snickers].
Seonghwa: Oh, baby, I'd make you feel so good.
San: [Immediately slumps down just a tiny bit, making himself appear smaller, a flush spreading across his cheeks. His eyes are fixed on Seonghwa.] Hyung...
Seonghwa: I would not even need to tie you up, I know you would be so good for me. You would sit still and let me show you how pretty you are, and how beautiful. How strong and sexy. How absolutely stunning. And I would make sure to tell you that I'm not using those words just because you look good. That's nice too, but they only apply to you because you're you. Because you're my good and wonderful boy, because you're kind and empathetic, helpful and generous. Because you're my Sannie.
San: [Squirming in his seat.]
Seonghwa: And the whole time, you'd be looking at yourself in that mirror. I would gently take your mind into my hands, massage it and sculpt it, until you see what I see when I look at you. You'd listen to me well, wouldn't you, Sannie?
San: [His voice is quiet when he answers, reverent.] I would, hyung, I would listen to you.
Seonghwa: That's right, baby. You know hyung knows best. You are so hard on yourself, you expect perfection all the time. But hyung can see your worth, he can see it so well, Sannie. You're not perfect, because no one is. But you're wonderful and lovely, and I'm sure if you sit there like a good boy and hear me out while I make you feel good and turn your brain pliant in my hands, you would be able to see that a little better. You would be a good boy and listen to hyung, right?
San: [Whimpers softly, slowly melting into the couch where he's sitting. His eyes are becoming increasingly dazed, and his blush is spreading, intensifying.] Yes, I want it, hyung... I want that. Please, can you show me?
Seonghwa: [Gingerly reaching out to pet San's cheek, he leans in to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth.] It would be my pleasure, baby. Getting to touch you and make you feel good... It's a privilege I will never take for granted. You're so precious, my Sannie.
San: [Strong arms wrapping around Seonghwa's waist, he turns his head minutely to return the kiss with one of his own.] Love you, hyung.
Seonghwa: [Gently bumps their noses together.] I love you too, my good boy.
#sanhwa#sanhwa smut#mental health#light angst#poly ateez#polyteez#ateez fanfic#ateez fic#ateez smut#ateez hard hours#ateez hard thoughts#san smut#seonghwa smut#choi san hard hours#seonghwa hard hours#sub san#dom seonghwa#fluff#sannie#hwa
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i love all of the wotakoi characters and think they're all relatable in their own ways, but if i'm being honest..... if i had to pick a character who resembled my personality the most..... it would unfortunately be.......... kabakura
#text#wotakoi#wotaku ni koi wa muzukashii#wotakoi love is hard for otaku#i say 'unfortunately' because he is unfortunately a bit.#dysfunctional.#i love him but oh god he can be so difficult and i say that as someone who is equally difficult#incredibly stubborn#super conscious about his image to the point that he maintains it at home#cannot share interests with others because he is so particular about everything#also the fact that despite all that and his 'scary' personality#he's actually really bad at saying no to people#again i love him but why did god have to give me the battles of the most stubborn and troubled characters#its the same as when i realised i relate to jeff winger on community#tarou kabakura#my relationship reminds me the most of hironaru and i find both of them very relatable as well#but yeah ok kabahana. i can see a bit of my relationship in them too. minus the fighting.
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"why are you so worried abt random accidents, stuff like that rarely ever happens" well you see I'm too disabled to ever evacuate a situation on my own, so I'd rather be a safety advocate now than become a statistic later
#like. part of the reason i avoid large crowded events at all costs unless they are outdoors#is because i know for a fact i would more likely be a victim of crowd crush than any disaster like a fire#i am slow. i am very fragile. i have extremely poor balance#even if i could walk on that particular day (which is becoming less and less likely by the month)#i would be knocked over almost immediately by a light shove and be trampled#as well as like. my diminishing ability to make it UP stairs in the event of a fire in my apartment#because i live in a basement apartment and there is no elevator or alternative way upstairs in this building#if i were on an upper floor i would bear the injuries and just throw myself down the stairs if it were that severe of an emergency#i know far too well how to protect myself from a hard fall and would likely be able to avoid too severe an injury there#but if i had to crawl up the stairs i don't know if i could make it#these things are also why i fear car accidents so much#i physically cannot use an airbag without it breaking my collarbone; my height and general brittleness guarantee that#so it's just not. active. on my side of the car. like it was manually disabled#and I'm already so severely disabled i just. i can't emotionally handle something else. on top of everything#i have a do not resuscitate order in place bc of that. so if my heart stops for any reason they shouldn't try to restart it#that's a recent choice bc like. i can already barely handle the emotional toll of my current disabilities getting worse#i would not be able to handle something new unless it were like. a more severe form of one i already handle well like. losing my legs#i miss running but it wasn't as hard to give up as; say; losing use of my hands- they're the only way i can do ANYTHING nowadays#the few times my joint pain got bad enough that i fully lost use of my hands for a few days were absolute torment#and I'm far far too scared of my voice being recorded to use anything with speech to text like. it's a BAD paranoia i can't shake it#so i would just kind of. be locked out from most tech. and THAT is currently the only way it's possible for me to be social#so i would actually just fully lose my mind like it's already fragile enough i would break i would just break#i love large transport vehicles but i struggle to trust the safety of most other than trains because those tend to be. fairly safe#I've watched enough train disaster videos to know how robust the rules and regulations of modern trains are#(all regulations are written in blood!)#i trust cars very little though and since buses run on the same streets i worry. a Lot#not that there's any buses that run near my apartment the closest bus stop is three blocks away and it only comes twice a day#and it only runs to the college and nowhere else so there's. very little point to me using it#and very few ways for me to even access it in my current physical state#it's very much not an accessible bus stop the sidewalks are diagonal in most places and my right wheel is malfunctioning now bc of it
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they should invent a job that I can do and I don't have to drive super far to get to
#just blahs#i am going to cry ok guys#im trying to decide if this is better or worse than being in highschool and idk guys#why is everything hard and why is it so hard for me in particular for some reason bcs I know the majority of people deal w this just fine#why does driving have to scare me so fucking bad and every job is like 30 minutes away#and none of the places here in town are hiring and if they are they require previous experience or whatever and I don't have any#ive never had a job and its so hard to find applications anywhere bcs none of the small places here are on job listing websites#and i dont have every little shop here memorized to look them up#and it doesnt help that just the idea of going in for an interview makes me want to cry out of anxiety#and i was trying to get a babysitting job at the least#but the lady i was gonna babysit for wanted me to do it for like 6.25 an hour for both a 7 and a 1 year old ..#like maam .... i am not going to watch a young child and a literal infant for that much ...#and then when i said hey uhhh could you do more than that maybe ? she was like oh no i cant do that at all#and im sitting here like :|#im going to cry
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g*lmar rly has to be the best skajrim character on the real like even if you don't like him he just is . literally The best one i think......... on dat note i also imagine that he and ulfr*c despite being fairydust BFFs for lyfe genuinely have the worst communication skills ever seen
#text#but i already talked about how g*lmar is weird about ulfr*c anyways#literally jubilant and feeling special cus he's the only person ulfr*c actually trusts and speaks to outside of formal conversations#he's a very manly man too (like N*loth) for wanting to just control everything... well actually having ulfr*c under 'control' is enough 4 -#- him. unlike n*loth who wants to be above everything that moves. literally not about him tho#i hope that other st*rmcloaks develop a habit of going to hide downstairs in the palace whenever they can tell the vibe between -#- g*lmar and ulfr*c is off because they're gonna be yelling at each other and throwing shit around for 40 minutes in a few seconds#i don't believe they'd fight insanely often but being at an active war probably gets them heated more. Often than usual; and their -#- conflicts are never resolved. i feel like they just don't talk to each other for a good 2 days and act like nothing happened#they're way too manly and prideful to actually let the other one 'win' so they just don't say anything ever post-arguing#Tbhs g*lmar actually really likes that ulfr*c is so unstable and harrowed because it makes himself feel very good and reliable -#- but he has his limits 😂LMFAOO i bet sometimes he gets really tired of him being so traumatized. very rarely but he does think about it#i'll have to desribe that a bit better later tho... don't know how to word it atm#but maybe he wants to punch him or something BYE. no...... 💔savage as hell#he likes it in a very general sense of ulfr*c's personality especially between them but doesn't like it when it causes them to clash#this might just be mostly ulfr*c's doing cus i doubt he's actually talkative about his past issues and Troubles (torture mayhem) and -#- can't communicate anything about it or set boundaries when needed. he just gets mad or very avoidant. No fixing that tho#well it's just shameful to him so he'd rather do nothing than even admit anything to anyone Everrrrr#why does his life suck so bad LMFAOOOOOOOOO#their nasty musty mutualism .. leeching off your traumatized Bff so that he can make you feel good by saying he needs you in particular#while U pay him back with some support.......SOME#Oh well#that zero communication between some sk*rim characters looks yammy as fuck to me. A;lways. ALWAYS#nelvas is power dynamic induced...... g*lmar&&ulfr*c trauma-caused... elituli Um😂 t*llius doesn't even know any hobbies she has#bye this is why they're serving so hard
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i think it’s kind of hysterical that - out of any piece of media that could possibly have a straight relationship that passes the sniff test for me - it’s this one, considering like *gestures to the misogyny*
#very much a product of its time and genre - which is not an excuse but contextualizes why it’s Like That#but they really did something with this particular relationship#honestly probably not fully on purpose but#it really checks a lot of the boxes i look for in straight relationships#i like the woman to have the upper hand at least 90% of the time#bonus points if this is because she has a greater awareness of what is happening in the plot than the man#they have to be willing to do anything for each other (potentially in very unhinged misconceived and toxic ways)#but they must treat each other with tenderness that underlies even their worst arguments#and yeah like… it passes…#the way they treat each other honestly makes me insane like. YES they fuck up a lot#but they’re also sooooooo good to each other - they try so hard despite everything#and of course it’s all the more compelling since they fail in the end#but like. the love was there - you know?#and not the love they were made to have for each other - a love THEY created all their own#which is not necessarily romantic to me… this is why i keep calling them life partners#bc that’s what i think they would have been to each other if they could have survived and made it work#i think they respect each other too much to be in a romantic relationship#(which probably sounds weird out of context - but just trust me on this)#idk idk idk tho - i’m obsessed#i feel like they’re probably a somewhat popular ship but i also feel like at least 99% of people ship them Wrong so#🤷🤷🤷🤷#i shall remain in ignorance#[REDacted]
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how do you cut someone off
#like without drifting apart gradually bc tbh i dont wanna be close friends anymore#i feel constantly misunderstood and perpetually weighed down in this person's presence#we're close friends but i dont even like her anymore#and i feel BAD about it but i just cant stand their ass! everything feels like a competition with them. everything feels miserable.#it's definitely partially my own fault bc i do a lot of comparing due to our laundry list of similarities#but it's partially their fault bc shes always adding fuel to the fire#like we can never just agree on things#and whenever i try to balance myself and stop being so competitive here she comes with her damn#need to make even more comparisons between us#also like. they cannot just shut up about how hard life is#Trust me i know! i take 3 pills daily for psychological issues. i have been since i was 18#like they always have to talk about how haaaaard having ADHD is how difficult their life is like#it's one thing to open up to your friends and vent every so often and another to make your illness your entire personality#i rant about all my issues in depth on tumblr BECAUSE i know better than to dump all that onto my friends who are already struggling#im not saying it's Trauma Dumping to talk abt ur problems but holy shit in moderation#like i dont have the mental or emotional capacity for this!!!!#that might sound really mean and god forbid extremely individualistic but it's truly because#im trying to HEAL im trying to RECOVER#and with someone constantly messaging me about their ailments and symptoms and struggles! well it makes me feel like we're both bound to be#stuck foreverrrr#also apart from that i dont enjoy their company. they used to be interesting and now they're just negative half the time if not more and#constantly playing the devils advocate for seemingly no real reason#im not perfect either in fact i can be a real asshole in friendship im aware. but this one particular friend has been pissing me off for#over a year and that has to mean something#like why now and why for this long?#if it really is a Me Problem then okay! like i fucking suck im horrible or whatever lets not be friends so that she can be happier!#idgaf anymore maybe im the bad guy but either way we're better off apart#z.post
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it's controversial to say this i guess but i genuinely believe last life was the least interesting life series season and youre all lying to me about enjoying it
#im not actually serious you can like last life i just dont get it but slay go off king#i dont think wild life was the best by any means#but ppl constantly be comparing it (and all others) to last life and im like... they arent trying to do the same thing tho?#like. i personally think my fav might be secret life or limlife and those were both pretty gimmick-heavy and quite silly with lots of-#'meaningless' deaths#but like. im not a fucking reddit user? i dont care if people get blown up or break the rules? its rule of cool.#everyone loves last life and *i cant even finish it im so god damn bored*#in the end i dont think it really matters / i dont really care#but calling wild life 'content slop' or low effort is INSANE (yes ive seen ppl doing that) when the CCs put so much fucking work into it#it pisses me off actually#like no it isnt just meaningless content do u know how long those mods take to make??? come on#and being unnecessarily vile towards popular artists for... being popular and enjoying the series they help create? gimme a break#this is vagueing a particular blog but ive seen the same takes several times so idc#anyway the point at hand- last life has the most Drama and Roleplay i guess? thats why people like it i think#but to me its just... there.#third life was so much more compelling to me and was the First to do the Thing so it gets a pass anyway#double life was cool in terms of balancing roleplay gimmick and story but shouldve had two rows of hearts. but its still fun#limlife took everything good about last life and made it 10 x more interesting#secret life fucked hard idc what anyone says#wild life was goofy and fun and crazy and awesome and i loved it even tho i was apprehensive at first#yeah the gimmicks kinda got in the way of Drama and Story but... they werent really aiming for drama and story were they?#except for the fact that JOEL ATE !!!! AND LEFT NO CRUMBS!!!#erm anyway if youre reading this youre awesome#the only thing i would change about the wild life finale would be the snails. cause snail deaths are kind of boring sorry. but i get it.
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the amount of time I spend on tumblr dot com has given me quite the set of standards when it comes to artworks on the theme of 'Trans Angel', and actual museums are failing to meet those standards quite spectacularly.
#news from the cupola#if you don't want to hear a lot of inane whining stop reading this post Here.#today once again I saw this particular sculpture entitled exactly that. it is the most unpleasant thing I have ever beheld.#it is relevant that it is a sculpture about the transamerica pyramid and not about Transgender things. but I do keep forgetting that.#so many errors were made in the construction of this fucking thing. I have seen it maybe thrice at this point and it has not grown on me#in the slightest. and I know that the conversation about Good Art and what makes Good Art is certainly fraught.#but by my lights whatever this is this isn't good art#maybe it's partially that this thing is displayed among some really wild examples of Just What Can Be Done With Clay#it's surrounded by hundreds of years' worth of technical mastery and it fails to be anything of note except bad to see!#clunky sculpting! ugly glazing! forms that are difficult to parse but also not very interesting once you do see them!#and why in the goddamn does it have the twitter logo sculpted all over it. what is Happening.#everything else by this artist in this exhibit is also not great in similar ways?#it's not even bad in a way that's interesting! it's just. not good!#it all feels like they're trying far too hard to make Art That Means Something and missing by a mile#also. no one calls the transamerica pyramid that. You Say The Whole Name. or you just point at it and say 'that one'
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There have been too many big life events in the past week. I am sleeping so badly. My brain is not processing.
#life stuff#many of the events are good things#but like#what the fuck#why is everything happening at once#why is the future coming for me so fast#a year is so long and so short at once#I just settled in where I am and I'm already halfway through my time here#and I feel okay about the job itself being temporary but I feel so weird about leaving these people I'm getting to know and like so much#In a few months time I'll be starting over again in a new job in a new city#and it'll be fine for sure#but god those first six months are always so hard#and it'll be my Probezeit too#So I feel like I'll need to be extra careful about everything#at the same time if I take this particular job I can see myself being really happy there#i'll be constantly exhausted for the first six months or so#but once I settle in I think this could be so good?#anyway the amount of tags is making the post glitch
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IM WRITING MY FIC AND ITS HURTING MY BRAIN
#I haven’t had this problem since chapter 10#what I really need to do is edit this one particular section so I can forget it exists#otherwise the section I’m writing now doesn’t make sense#it’s so hard to keep everything consistent when ur writing a mindfuck fic#I think one reason it’s taking me so long to write this chapter is bc I’ve been debating whether or not to do X#based on so many other pieces of the fic#BUT AGAINST MY BETTER JUDGMENT#I’ve decided to do it#and now I have to make it work#uggghhhhh why can’t it just exist it’s already perfect in my brain#actually. lot of my problems with this originate in. chapter 10#curses myself from the past
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that last scene in fatal journey where nie huaisang has to support nie mingjue for him to keep upright, harrowhark's arc in harrow the ninth*, and the 'O, let me not be mad, not mad, sweet heaven/Keep me in temper: I would not be mad' line from king lear all break my heart in exactly the same way. that precise thread of the ultimate, hopeless vulnerability and confusion that's at the heart of madness -- of realizing in glimpses that you won't even realize how far you've drifted from yourself and that you don't know how to stop it, you can't stop it. that's such a core part of nie mingjue to me, and I don't feel like I've seen a lot of real discussion around it considering how central I think it is to his character.
*also like harrow, nie mingjue is both 'mad' (im mentally ill. I'm reclaiming it. sometimes that does feel like exactly the right word for it) and also like. severely haunted. by a sword even lmao. they've even got the 'crushing weight of shouldering the responsibility of their entire house given to them at way too early an age under horrifically traumatizing circumstances' same hat/same hat! thing going on here. omg. nie mingjue is like if harrow was a big sensitive jock who cries at the drop of a hat and harrow is like if nie mingjue was a small wet ratwoman who does bones and catholic guilt. but the core is basically the same. I can't believe I'm right about this.
#and jin guangyao and ianthe doing the clasped hand meme over mercilessly gaslighting and generally making everything worse for them!#I have respect for ianthe's grift but not jin guangyao's I only regret nie huaisang could only kill him once </3#the locked tomb#the untamed#nie mingjue#nie huaisang#nie bros#I wish everyone in this particular fandom overlap a very 'I've connected the dots' except in this case I think I actually did lol#I've always had a hard time explaining why I love nie mingjue SO MUCH despite the fact that he's probably the most doomed person#in the entirety of mdzs/the untamed and also of course his hands are not clean (no one's hands are clean in that world)#but my raw horrified sympathy for him in that element is probably really central to it#he tried so hard!! he tried so hard#it's so funny in my liveblog of the untamed way back when you can see me imprint on him hopelessly just like IMMEDIATELY haha#I chose pain
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It makes me upset to see people calling AI stupid or just straight up saying "fuck AI" (even though it's in an art context) because it's like... I know and understand that the hate is directed at how it's being used currently and that people maybe just don't care like I do about this but it's upsetting because that's WORK. Not in a monetary sense at all but what everyone knows as AI didn't just sprout from the ground one day, it's decades of dedication and learning and development and collaboration to make a tool with the intention of making life better regardless of any one individual's intentions and it just makes me sad that there's so much panic around it, both from the whole "being replaced" thing that comes from waaay way back and also the very real concerns regarding generative AI. Like I can't just go up to someone and say "hey, isn't this cool?!" and expect them to understand I'm talking about AI as a tool and a product of passion and collaboration over time rather than a quick easy fix for when you want to see yourself as an anime character without having to learn to respect art first. I don't knowww it just makes me so so sad that something so beautiful is viewed in such a negative and strange light because the entire world refuses to slow down for a single second
#diary#it's also the fact that most people don't have any particular interest in cs#like nothing beyond ''we're in the future :o'' and it's not something you can force because that's how you get people being adverse#to anything ever#I feel like anything to do with technology is so sensationalized that people see it as ''something difficult'' and leave it at that#it has a lot to do with math in particular being regarded as a Superior show of intelligence even today and it has always been#sooo incredibly fucked up to me.#cause the amount of people at school that would treat me like an alien just cause I liked math / anything puzzle-y is INSANE#for example I have no fucking clue how most things work. like in general. so I really admire people who are good or invested in those thing#but I hate to think that any field or development is comparable to Magic or super estranged from myself or anything like that#because SOMEONE DID THAT. everything you know was worked for#and stopping to think about someone's work only to end up talking about it like it's magical or impossible#feels like a massive disrespect towards them. it's not impossible. someone worked hard to make it possible.#but I understand that stopping to consider these things is not something everyone can afford to do or even want to do#I'm a very slow person in general to the point I want to spend as long as possible looking at every part of anything I find interesting#but I just can't do that because there's other things I need to do. and it's the same for everyone else#tldr WHY ARE WE GOING SO FUCKING FAST !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#sorry about my ramble. you are my mutual and you love me <- indoctrination btw
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