#i am going to cry ok guys
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they should invent a job that I can do and I don't have to drive super far to get to
#just blahs#i am going to cry ok guys#im trying to decide if this is better or worse than being in highschool and idk guys#why is everything hard and why is it so hard for me in particular for some reason bcs I know the majority of people deal w this just fine#why does driving have to scare me so fucking bad and every job is like 30 minutes away#and none of the places here in town are hiring and if they are they require previous experience or whatever and I don't have any#ive never had a job and its so hard to find applications anywhere bcs none of the small places here are on job listing websites#and i dont have every little shop here memorized to look them up#and it doesnt help that just the idea of going in for an interview makes me want to cry out of anxiety#and i was trying to get a babysitting job at the least#but the lady i was gonna babysit for wanted me to do it for like 6.25 an hour for both a 7 and a 1 year old ..#like maam .... i am not going to watch a young child and a literal infant for that much ...#and then when i said hey uhhh could you do more than that maybe ? she was like oh no i cant do that at all#and im sitting here like :|#im going to cry
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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Ok but why is no one talking about "every day is a day of love if you only believe it so" I AM GOING TO CRY THAT'S SO SWEET. EVERY DAY IS A DAY OF LOVE IF YOU ONLY BELIEVE IT SO
Screenshot taken from this post
#undertale#utdr#deltarune#AAAAAAAAA#GASTER'S JUST A SILLY GUY OK HE IS FILLED WITH WHIMSY I PROMISEIAM GOIGN TO CRY#“I want to help!” said with the most earnestness anybody ever could possibly conjure up#what if i cried. I love him I love him I love him#I am going insane over this#felixlupin.txt
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DUDE
Ok ok ok so i have so much to say about the parallels (both obvious and not so obvious) and the symbolism and how i want a third arc more than ever and just pretty much everything but i'm basically on the verge of sobbing into my computer screen so all i have to say is that that cake was 100% laced with LSD
#NGL I WAS SO SURE SOREN AND CORVUS WERE GOING TO BECOME CANON GSLFHURHTRLUHELRHS#BUT DUDE#harrow is in the bird guys. he's in the fucking bird. int he fuckign sbrid#i am going to thorw myself off a CLIFF#guys i'm actually so upsetttttttttttttt leola's last wish i am going to cry#yup ok as i'm typing it. i feel the tears coming. there it is#and terry finally got to be part of the team.............#GUYS#FUCKING#OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDD#the dragon prince#tdp#dragon prince#tdp spoilers#tdp callum#tdp rayla#tdp soren#tdp aaravos#tdp season 7#tdp s7#tdp s7 spoilers#tdp sorvus#tdp terry#tw drugs
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so like it’s 1999 and solid snake is in zanzibar land and gray fox tells you that all he can do is fight. it’s all he has and it’s probably all you’re ever going to have, too, because deep down you know your father is right, you know he is right as you click the lighter and burn the flesh off his skin, you know he is right when he tells you, this will never go away. i am always going to be a part of you. it’s 2005 and solid snake is in shadow moses island, alaska and gray fox tells you that’s good, snake. hit me harder. do it more. that’s good. when you meet meryl you kill the guards, and then snake thinks he loves her, so you kill psycho mantis for her, ocelot tortures you and you withstand it for her, you beat liquid to a pulp for her and while his blood is on your fists he smiles and tells you that you two, you’ll always be the same. gray fox means violence means meryl means violence, so what’s love if not that? what is it if not the feeling of broken bones under your knuckles, if not the smell of your father’s burnt flesh? but she's too young, she doesn’t understand you and she couldn’t if she tried, because she’s eighteen years old and doesn’t know any better and doesn’t understand that after you sleep with her you’re going to get up and let the pillow grow cold, she thinks you’ll tell her everything and when you don’t, because you can’t, she’ll leave you. you kill him with your fists and for her you destroy shadow moses and you hear him say to you again that’s good, snake, that feels good, do it harder. but it isn’t a coincidence that in mgs1 you meet otacon at the same time you meet gray fox. otacon who is so scared of battle he pisses his pants and otacon who cries over a woman who could never love him back and otacon who thinks good people like dogs, kind people like dogs, otacon who passed you a meal, ready-to-eat and a bottle of ketchup across the bars of your cell and when you ask him why the fuck are you here if you cant help me he says to you, i thought you might be hungry. otacon who gives you her handkerchief that was once her mother's and will be hers once again when she dies, when you rest it atop her glazed-over irises, a cycle of love. she was a good person, snake, and so are you. she liked the wolves and you do too. otacon who cries over his baby sister’s little body, who blames himself for being seventeen years old under the touch of the woman who should have been his mother. otacon who when it's 2014 will make you the solid eye and the octocamo suit and the mk. ii to keep you safe and say to you, don't hurt anyone, snake. will say to you: i'll follow you wherever you go, like this. otacon who blubbers like a baby and cries too much and who, when it's 2009 in new york city, you have to say to, go rescue the hostages, because if you don’t he’s going to crumple in on himself, a dying star. this is how you love, you don’t say to him, and how i love, because you showed me how. wrap your arms around his shoulders and hope it’s enough.
#do you guys get it do u understand what im trying to say.#i am so. taken by 'i thought you might be hungry' because#EVERY SINGLE person who is significant to snake is defined by conflict and violence#then enter otacon. civillian. camouflages himself out of fear. shows snake care through this action. can't do anything really#but he can make sure he eats.#otacon who can't open up about himself because he doesn't know what he's feeling. just like snake#the understanding and empathy in 'you don't have to explain'#snake who is seen as disposable by his mission overseers but not by otacon#'go rescue the hostages' grounds otacon. gives him something to do. keeps him from falling apart#'that's enough crying' after sniper wolf in mgs1 versus the hug in mgs2#words aren't going to fix things. but i can show you how much i care#AM I MAKING SENSE???????????????#they will never say i love you to each other but they can make sure the other feels it. all the time#theyre so you held me the whole way through but i couldn't say the words like you.....i swear guys...i swear..................#just finished mgs4 liquid sun this game i MIGHT have a meltdown when i finish the game but for now. soldiering on!#ok im done#mgs#otasune#myne#mywrites
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went to @bearsintreesofficial and all i got was blurry photos
#i was having too much fun ok#barricade and jumping screaming crying ok i cannot believe i was there#cannot believe they were real??? not just little guys in my phone????#i accidentally yelled kind of at nick in the parking lot i am so sorry#bears in trees#silverposting#in what universe did i go to twenty one pilots and bears in trees within a month!!!
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#ok so i guess this is going to be exactly like a few months ago#where i knew i wanted my surgery but my parents reactions had me crying and seesawing thru my emotions every single day#literally yesterday i was resigned to staying here forever now today im calm and thinking maybe i could and should leave.#<- knowing that ill probably be crying again tomorrow.#dont ever put me in a situation etc etc#im sorry u guys ill make sure to employ the no-personal-posting-after-12-am rule again to ease the insanity on ur dash LOL#i hate that ive already had this much stress put upon me when nothing has even been confirmed. at all.
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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Before I pass out I wanted to say I just posted chapter 2 of my ldb/Vilkas fic :D
Guys this is going too damn slow for me I want her to kiss Vilkas already 😤
#alexandra rlly said companions??? this is the companions?? u guys suck#she ate them up guys#poor ria is there not saying anything like?? why is angry tf?#its ok she will come to terms with being dragonborn#omg i cant wait to write when the watchtower thing happens ough shes going to cry so hard guys#ok im incoherent i love you guys i am smooching from afar 😘#tes oc: alexandra#skyrim fanfic#matters of the heart
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originnssssss who remembers origins i Loved origins
#origins smp#i heard theres been like three failed origins revivals WHAT EVEN HAPPENED i was only there for the first one😅#beeduo#otubbo#oranboo#beeduo fanart#i rewatched some origins streams a little while ago oh my god theyre SO FUNNY#DUDE DOES ANUONE REMMEBER THAT ONE STREAM I COUDLNT FIND RHIS ONE STREAM#IR WAS LIKE THE ONE WHERE TUBBO WAS SINGING SUGAR BY MAROON FIVE and they were being really Funny thay shit h#ad me CRYING in 2021 Please i swear this happened imnot crazy but also they might have been separate streams actuallu i dont rememebr its#been wayyyyyyy too long#BUT IT HAPPENED I PROMISE Sorry i've been gone for a while ive been very busy lots of Things going on went to Six flags then jad a surprise#bday party then i had to buy shoes for prom then Go to prom and also i do figure skating and am out like every day idknt have Time im sorry☹#had a crepe yesterday it was sooooo goood im like learning to drive too that shit is boring as hell my dad kept gettign 😑 bc i couldn't stop#yawning DRIVING IS SO BORING its not my fault😭😭😭😭#ok what else ohhhh. y god i locked in SO HARD for this physics essay u guys dont even knowim getting ONE HUNDRED on that trust i just really#wanted to share ok i love you bge#WAIT ACTUALLT SORRU IM LIKE REMMEBERJNG THE ORIGINS STREAMS K WAYCHED#RANBOO WAS SO FUCKING FUNNT IN THOSE STREAMS TOO LIKE I REMEMBER NIKI WANTED TO SEE THEIR BASE and tubbo was like ooh maybe we can put like#water down here for you niki we need a water system and ranwas like Do we though?I WAD WAYCHING THAT .LIKE DAMMMNNNNNN OM LIKE GIGGLING WRIT#ING THIS RIGHT NOW I CAN HEARTHE CLIP HE DID NOTTT WANT HER IJNTHEIR BASE😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#I NEED TO FIDN THAT STREAM WHERE IRS LIKE TOMMY AND JACK A D FHEHRE LOKE TALKING ABOUT DUOS AND THEN JACK SAYS THE MOST OUT OF POCKET SHIT I#VE EVER HEARD LKKE I LITERALLU HAD TK PAUSE. H PHONE AND BURST OUR LAUHJIMG MY JAW WAS ON THE FLOORRRRR DO U GUYS R EME ER WTF IM TLAKING AB#OUT IDK HOW TO FIND THESE STREAMS Oh my god u really Had to be there early 2021 that was liye the funniest era of mt life i wlild be#Tearing up from lauhjimg every day I MISS WAYCHING STREAMS LIVE CHAT WAS SO FUNNY I wishe it was archivedI WISH MORE STREAMERS KEPT CHAT ON#SCREEN i defiently understand why most didn't like Wyd when chats annouing ad hell but also Me 3 years later is interested in what the pub#lic had to say.... ok Now bye
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i love rats so much and i’ve nEEDed to at least doodle your kids oNCE, they fill my heart with such joy and sunshine!
definitely gonna do a better piece when i get to a place that i actually can, but here’s this for now!! hope you’re doing well !
MIFFLE MY FRIEND I HOPE U DONT MIND BUT I PLAYED W THE EXPOSURE AND SUCH A LIL BECAUSE I NEED EVEN LOWEST BRIGHTNESS BITCHES (me) TO WITNESS THIS MASTERPIECE????
MIFFLE I AM DECEASED OH MY GOD???????
GOD UR SHAPES ARE ALWAYS FUCKING AMAZING BUT THIS??????? AND THE DETAILS DUDE OH MY GOD LOOK AT MIKEYS CHEEK FLUFFS AND THE PERFECT PERFECT SHAPE OF DONS SNOOT AND THE RIPS IN RAPHS EAR AND HIS LEVEL OF DISHEVELED FLUFF LIKE FUCKING PERFECTION WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK??? THE WAY LEOS EARS CURL A TINY BIT LIKE ACTUAL RAT EARS?? I AM LEGITIMATELY CRYING
#ask reply#rat sons#rat sons fanart#JUST TO TRIPLE CLARIFY THE IMAGE I REPLIED WITH IN THIS POST IS ART BY THE AMAZING @/ MIFFLEBAT#WHO SENT THE ASK WHICH FEATURES THE SAME IMAGE#WHO YOU SHOULD GO FOLLOW RIGHT NOW IMMEDIATELY#I ONLY BUMPED UP THE IMAGE CONTRAST TO BETTER SEE THEIR FRICKIN AMAZING LINEWORK#GOD I AM OVERWHELMED#GUYS!!!! THOSE ARE MY SONS!!!!#MY SILLY LITTLE DESIGNS!!!!#THE FACT THAT YALL MAKE SUCH AMAZING FUCKING THINGS WITH MY SILLY LITTLE HALF PASSING-THOUGHT LITTLE DUDES???#YALL ARE INSANE AND I LOVE YOU SO SO SO MUCH#ok i gotta stop that train of thought or imma cry for the next couple hours and i am already way past when i shouldve gone to sleep#but AGH#THANK YOU FOR DRAWING MY SILLY BOYS MIFFLE#the way you draw rats is legit one of my favorite things ever#like i saw one of ur drawings of splinter and insta followed#FAVE#counting this as an early birthday gift#NO BUT DON AND RAPH COULD SLIP RIGHT IN TO LIKE NINETIES ERA DISNEY#LIKE SECRET OF NIMH OR GREAT MOUSE DETECTIVE#OR THE RESCUERS OR THE ARISTOCATS#or even the og winnie the pooh cartoon IM NOT OKAY#/IMENSELY POS#also miffle are u a fellow 9H graphite pencil kid??
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#i am highkey full of fear but i didnt wanna scare you guys so. we stay sily hahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahaha im so scared#long story short my dad lives in florida. on the west coast. thats all i have to say#ok wow as im making this post my mom calls and says she's going back home too. ok ok ok ok ok#on one hand im so relieved theyll have each other but im also even more scared for both of them#like they stayed thru ian last year which was a FIVE and there was just damage to the house outside#i feel like ive been crying since last night. the moment she told me she was going back to florida i broke down. i just#i feel so selfish for being in hysterics when im not even in harms way but gghhh. gjgjghghghghghghhgghhghg#i need to go back to sleep but i cant stop thinkinnnnngggg i cant stop thinking ugh uuuugggghhhhh#im sorry i probably shouldnt even be posting this but i just had to vent i feel like im losing it#ffffffffffff ok gonna eat something and then sleep bye bye love y9u bye#i might... not post for a few days. but ill be around. bye love u bye#delete later#vent
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2 am post but i think luffy loses a lot of his appeal to me in fanon because people shave away his genuine weirdness to make him fit the must-protect sunshine cinnamon roll slot every anime must have in order for the fandom to make incorrect quotes and fill out draw-your-squads with
maybe it’s just my problem with the way people handle autistic characters in fandom spaces just in general but man i promise to you you can go one media without forcing a character to be the SpongeBob-esque do-no-wrong wooby
#I’m sorry luffy wouldn’t wear pastel overalls and bunny clips he would wear a tshirt from the target clearance section#that says MONSTER TRUCKS 🛻 FISHING 🎣 KILL YOUR SISTER#also if you post about how he would be an iPad kid I’m taking something out of your house#he would never have an iPad. you’d show him a social media he’d go well that’s stupid. and talk about how ace used to throw darts at him#and how that’s more fun#ok this is a complaining post I’m sorry guys I just am so annoyed cuz I look thru LS tags and want to honestly cry#please one luffy ship at tthat doesn’t look like 90s yaoi and doesn’t visibly hate autistic people I’m going insane#one piece#yapping#fucking crying over these tags. this is an old draft but I’ll post it for the followers
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i have depriving myself down to an art form
#why am i like this??#why do I keep breaking my own heart?#apparently I've also got to finish the job by posting into the abyss#wish someone would fix me cos this cycle ain't stopping#(missed out on adopting yet another rescue dog I had my heart set on)#i should be fine with this cos I said I wanted to give a home to a dog who had trouble finding one#or who would struggle with inexperienced owners#and this dog was rehomed in just days so he clearly didn't need me#but after the extreme grief of losing my last dog to cancer it's been really hard for me to find a dog I'm ready to commit to#(especially in my town cos I'm just not a staffy/pig dog person and that's 99.99% of dogs here)#and I don't know when it's going to happen again#I finally got ready to hit that button to enquire and then got the news on page reload. it hurts#the other dog I like is too far away to meet and would hate the 2-day car ride back.#he's been getting overlooked for too long. but he's also like 30+kg which dramatically increases his ongoing cost of care#and I'm still trying to find work. (I could have afforded looking after the little guy inc. in any emergencies with my savings)#anyway I have to pick myself up cos my nieces have asked me to [“help them”] train their big unruly dog#that it was 100% irresponsible of my sister to get#but as usual she gets to have whatever she wants and everyone else has to pick up the pieces#and then I get to hate myself for growing bitter from being responsible and caring about the situation I put others in (ppl and dogs)#anyway gonna go cry myself to sleep#maybe one day I'll get sane and stop my belief in “signs from the universe” to guide me re: whether it's ok to let myself have something#(after I've done the logic math)
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uhhh highschooler Keef because Keef is my favorite character and I read a fanfic with him in it and it made me sad so.,,.. yeah ,, kinda badly drawn because I rushed it.. fml
I hated drawing in this artstyle because it’s my old artstyle and it’s so hard to draw in for some reason
#invader zim#keef invader zim#keef#the cutest little thing#I love him#he’s so cute#I love keef#aahjfifhisnfkfj#ahghhhh#:(#why am i crying#why am I posting this#whatttt#whaggyatd#help#helo#I love himm#rar#wow so many tags#ok im gonna go read fan fiction now#bye guys#uhh#fuck yeah
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beaming everyone on the dashh with good brain day vibes!!! i hope that you all can remember to extend self-compassion to yourself whenever you're feeling down about something 💙
#lizzy speaks#the human brain works in such profound ways i think#lately i've been thinking about that post that was like 'you will always be your oldest friend take care of yourself'#it's definitely a sentiment i agree with and i appreciate how it emphasizes the importance of extending compassion to yourself#you wouldn't say such hurtful things to your friends right? (or at least i'd hope so)#so why would you say it to yourself?#you are your own friend too. and i think everyone has a beautiful soul within themselves. nurture it! water it! feed it good thoughts.#basically i wish everyone a 'i hope that your brain is not your own enemy but rather a friend that you can find comfort in'#things will work themselves out with time. there's beauty in life and you will find small delights to cherish!! i am manifesting it for u!!#and for those who find it difficult to transition from a self-critical mindset to one that's more compassionate and nonjudgmental#i truly think that with time you will be able to rewire your brain to be kinder to yourself. i'm proud of you for taking any first steps :)#there are times in which it feels counterintuitive to go against habits that feel hard-wired... but brains are very malleable littel guys-#with such a wonderful capacity for changing and learning new things. so i hope everyone can learn to be their own best friend!#not to undermine the importance of a support network ofc. that's good too and im all for that!! but i hope everyone remembers to be kind-#not only to others but also to themselves!! you're going to do great out there!! i love you all!!#ive just been thinking about this a lot... i needed to get it out there. you all shine so brightly!!! we shall be fine!!! have a good week!#sorry if this is out of nowhere but if there's anything about me you should know it's that i'm the 'hey dont cry 8 billion people on earth-#ok?' post. idk i just find great joy in knowing others are out there thriving and finding a daily delight yknow i love humanity!!
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