#why does this always happen. is it just too much nutrients for my body to process at once. do i need to dilute the eggs.

[iggyfing]

hm i should eat eggs

*eats eggs*

*tummy hurt*

[wosoamazing]

Lost Part 2

Part 1

Warnings: Mentions of premature birth, feeding tubes

Notes: This is based off this request & also this one. It's only short again but hopefully you all like it. Also let me know if you have anything else you want to see of this child!R 686 words

“Mummy, I go show Steph my bear?” you asked as you heard the timer go off, meaning you were allowed to do more ‘strenuous’ activity. Leah wanted to say yes, she knew how much you loved to see the team especially after your appointments but she was in the middle of rehab and her knee was currently wrapped up and she was icing it with the game ready. 

“I-” “Le, sorry for interrupting, but um, I can’t for the life of me remember how to get to the cafeteria,” Alessia said as she arrived at the entrance to the physio room.

“Bubba, why don’t you take Less with you, and you can show her where the cafeteria is, and you can show Steph your bear,” you nodded eagerly and stood up, quickly grabbing your bear before taking Alessia’s outstretched hand.

-

“Stephy,” you squealed as you noticed her, sitting across the room, you immediately run up to her and she picked you up, placing you in her lap.

“How is my little bestie?”

“Good, I got a bear, and we went to the big hospital so I got to see Cooper and we got to play with him, because we had to wait for ages, but that’s because they had to help someone who was very sick. Well that’s what Mummy said,”

“Hospital?” Stina asked.

“Mm-hmm, I go for check ups, they test my blood, and sometimes I have to stay super still for the scanner, and I get to have fun with the nurses while we wait for the doctor and then usually we get to go for brunch, but we didn’t today, because it took super long, but Wally came with us today, so it was good,” you explained to one of the newest team members who just nodded her head.

A week later it was team bonding night and it was happening at Beth and Viv’s majority of the ACL squad already lived there so it was deemed easiest. Alessia was coming over to your house first so Mummy could drive her there.

“Bubba, you ready? Lessi will be here soon,” Leah called out wondering where you had disappeared too.

“Yep,” you said, reappearing from your room.

“What do you have there?”

“It’s a picture for Lessi,” you said as you held it out, showing Leah.

“I think Lessi is going to love that Bubba, why don’t you go get your shoes and I’ll help you put them on,”

-

“No Beth,” you whined as Beth tried to pick you up, “not Mummy, want Mummy,” you said as you lightly stomped your foot.

“Why don’t we go through to the living room and go find Mummy,” Alessia offered, you having been slightly grumpy for the past 15 minutes and you nodded, you felt slightly funny and you wanted Mummy, she always knew how to make you feel better.

“Hey bubba,” Leah said softly as you entered the living room, Alessia carrying you. Placing you down on the couch next to Leah, you immediately climbed onto her lap, resting your head against her chest. 

“Is she okay?” Leah asked, concerned about why you were suddenly extremely clingy.

“I think,” Alessia shrugged, “Beth tried to pick her up for a hug and she got upset and said she wanted you,” the older blonde nodded.

“Love you baby bear,” Leah said as she wrapped her arms around you, keeping you secure, you wiggled slightly in her arms, before she felt your breaths even out.

“Sorry if it’s overstepping but why does she have the feeding tube?” Stina asked Leah

“She was born early and due to that there were complications but she also developed NEC and so they had to remove the first part of her small intestine which causes some issues with digestion, so it goes into her small intestine and means she can get food in a way that her body can effectively digest it and get the nutrients from it, but she can still eat and majority of her nutrition does come from food,” Leah said before kissing the top of your head and resting her chin there.

[the-s1lly-corner]

could I request creepypasta x reader who can take their head off

Various crps x reader who can take their head off

pretending that i didnt tear up the roof of my mouth while eating my dinner shhhshhhh ignoring that my bottom front teeth rest on the roof of my mouth right where its all torn up thus making me hyperaware and by extension making me clench and grind subconsciously characters: jeff the killer, laughing jack, ticci toby, eyeless jack notes: reader is gn, reader isnt really human but theyre written to look human, focusing on first reactions cws: none unless you found taking ones head off as body horror? does it count? im not sure tbh.. mentions of anatomy and stuff in ejs part.. canon typical violence

LAUGHING JACK

finds it so cool, entertaining even... i like to think that he has "clown physics" to him, but im unsure if being able to dethatch limbs would be one... if he cant take his own head off hes going to be a tad bit jealous of you

sometimes yoinks your head and holds it up to his height so you can "see the world from his perspective", this is more likely if youre significantly shorter than him

if you allow it hes going to juggle your head or even "go bowling" with it... you... may get dizzy though, so agree with caution

if your head is loose and has a habit of falling off hes going to take it as a win if it falls as you laugh at one of his jokes

EYELESS JACK

honestly? not all that phased by your little party trick, at least hes not grossed out by the clear view of your necks insides- hes seen those plenty of times... both in the form of images as well as in person when hes needed to silence someone

that said looking at in tact neat remains is different than seeing it all messed up or in a diagram, so if you dont mind he would like to take a look at least once... totally not making notes for future reference

not many questions otherwise, surprisingly... i mean hes a man eating demon of sorts who mostly gets nutrients from eating the organs of humans- he doesnt have much place to ask you what you are exactly or what caused this sort of thing to happen

doesnt ask you to show off your trick, finds no interest in asking you to take your head off and goof off with it unlike some of the others

TICCI TOBY

oh! thats his partner taking off their head.... OH! THATS HIS PARTNER TAKING OFF THEIR HEAD- he... genuinely needs a second to process what hes looking at because it catches him so off guard, you only told him you had a party trick to show him

lots of questions, main one being how and why- were you not a living human this whole time? a little betrayed that you didnt tell him sooner, actually- and even if you did, why didnt you show him this sooner?

traces his fingers along your neck where it separates, after you put your head back on- even more impressed if theres no mark left behind

like jeff, hes going to try to get you to play some jokes on people- though its likely hes going to pull them on masky and/or hoodie

sometimes carries your head around with him while hes working- ignore how morbid of a sight thatd be..! he just wants some company without making it too obvious!

JEFF THE KILLER

stares wide eyed for a few seconds... ignoring that he doesnt have his eye lids anymore so hes always looking at you wide eyed-- thinks he may have actually lost it for a second before cracking up

probably one of the last things hes expected you to do but hey, he thinks its pretty wicked!

oh hes definitely going to try to get you to use your quirk to scare some unsuspecting people who are walking around- perhaps do it late at night for some added effect? and if they lash out he can always swoop in and come to your aid

will push your head off of your neck if youre being a smartass or generally lightly getting onto his nerves- not a hard push, but enough to knock your head loose

[vasilissadragomir]

GIRL! What you mean you also writing about katniss's period in your fanfic too. Please tell me more about it, I'd love to know!

LMAO okay sooooo without spoiling too much i just think that it’s very important for katniss to experience her body operating as normal for literally the first time in her life. even before the games/the incomprehensibly stressful circumstances of catching fire/the war she was malnourished. perhaps not as badly as most others in the seam, or even in the town bc it seems meat was hard to come by even for peacekeepers and merchants, but she absolutely was underfed and lacking essential nutrients. so even if she was getting a period, like you said, it most certainly wasn’t quite normal or regular.

but periods aren’t just about actual bleeding or physical symptoms, ofc. her body likely never experienced the full breadth of hormonal fluctuation people go through during a healthy menstrual cycle. we know katniss is often moody and irritable because a) she’s a teenager b) she’s starving and c) she’s stressed out of her mind in constant survival mode, but she’s almost always in control. what happens when her hormones, allowed to function for the first time as they’re meant to, take control of her body like they do for most teenagers w periods? especially with all the emotional upheaval of the war and losing prim, i bet experiencing pms for the first time sends her into a tailspin. she’s probably crying a lot, eating a lot, and feels like everything is coming apart around her at the littlest things. which, compounded with the ptsd and grief, and the first time lack of need to be in survival mode, is overwhelming and causes her to act impulsively.

not to mention, of course, why we get periods in the first place. how does peeta’a presence interact with her body’s discovery of its normal function, especially this function? we know they grow back together. we know she feels that thing again. we know so after. but what happens between those things? it’s implied that katniss and peeta are at least kissing before so after. what is it that motivates katniss to kiss him back, beyond, of course, love? katniss likes kissing. she says when she’s kissing gale that it reminds her that her body’s alive. what is it like for her to kiss the person she actually loves when her body is healthy enough to urge her on?

now, of course katniss knows about periods, their symptoms, and sex/pregnancy. a pet peeve i have in fics is when people act like katniss doesn’t know about this stuff because she’s “pure” or, frankly, because readers see district 12 as backwards and uneducated or something. but katniss’ mom is an apothecary. katniss absolutely knows the clinical ins and outs of puberty. but at the same time, i bet she never really expected all that stuff to happen to *her* the way it does to other people. she’s always been in control while in district 12 up until the end of the war. why would something like a hormonal shake-up change that? i don’t think she’ll recognize what’s happening to her (im shocked by it every month, and ive had a semi-regular period for more of my life than not and i knew what to expect from like age 5). when she does realize it, she’ll likely be in denial about it.

i also think this is a great opportunity for katniss and her mom to bond and begin to repair their relationship. because for the first time, katniss actually will, palpably, *need* her mom and her expertise in a way she hasn’t in over five years.

[clockworkcheetah]

*shaking your shoulders* hiiiii tell me everything about your thought process behind writing your incredible bangfic the bad dog nerves, inspiration characters writing EVERYTHING it's so good tell us more

hiii getting to talk about my creations!!! ahhh

ok so cause its been a couple of months and my memory is nothingness aka im a little hazy on some stuff. buuuuuut i distinctly remember several things that heavily inspired TBDN im just gonna run my thoughts as they come so i apologise if its incoherent. i am also putting this under a readmore for the sake of everyone. and because spoilers for the fic

first inspo was deathmark2 cause it got its english translation earlier this year (i love deathmark but ill say everytime i talk of it its very difficult to recommend cause it needs so many content warnings). im very much the kinda person who can and will mash fandoms together- ill make those parallels. god cant stop me. basically dm is what got the ball rolling for me- spirits and possession and influenced moods. its only inspired pretty loosely by dm- very much the general concept/brainrot for both fandoms kinda deal. also more horror elements in dghda yes pls

another thing that inspired it was the doctor who ep 'midnight'. that ep was chilling- i think about how you can tell ten is fully awake and aware during his possession and it stuck with me- a+ acting from david. its a fear of mine being fully awake/aware whilst having no control of your body/immobilised and you cant do anything but wait for the inevitable. granted todd leaned more towards anger, or like the five stages of grief, than fear. but that felt more him also cause it went on longer than a few hours (or rather he expresses his fear through anger/lashing out) but i wanted that ugly rawness of it- hes nervous like a bad dog ay ayyyyyyy

(i sorta wish i went harder with it at the end with his scene with dirk, but alas he was burnt out and healing)

also tbh i just love scenes like that in media too. the character is right there! its so close and nobody is helping them so they gotta save their own ass and be a bitch about it

also i just kinda wanted more fics where dirk just fucks up?? like theres no hoops being jumped through to make what he said right (im not exactly a fan of this fanon!dirk where hes this saint who does no wrong/is always right/everyone else is to blame) so that was a goal in mind when writing this- dirk mostly, but also amanda to an extent of being wrong (not like in some horrible malicious way just. you made a bad call. u gotta live with it). also why todd was quicker to forgive farah (or at least be on better terms with her than the others- i really wish i included a convo between them aw well) granted these arent really specific to this fic- i like to have it in other fics, i need those two to fuck up. as well as todd getting to be angry/upset without this notion that he cant cause he did bad things therefore can only be bad, undeserving person forever cause thats how it works obviously (look if i wanted content of todd fucking up id watch the show lemme have something else with fics- ok ill stop being salty now asdfghjkl;)

i also really wanted the aftermath of what happened to be explored (i love the concept of possession/mindcontrol but shows kinda brush it off after the character is freed. like??? youre telling theyre all sunshine and fine now??? no way, theres gonna be a recovery period. aka todds body being weak from literally having zero nutrients, miru not taking care of the body, also learning to have control of his own body again

with the characters or i guess specifically project miru, she wasnt inspired by anything specific. i really like tragic but unsympathetic characters in media so wanted to have a try at it, and to explore the whole riggins' favouritism towards dirk and how the other projects may have felt. idk how well i pulled it off but i had fun writing her interactions with todd even if it was mostly them being dicks to eachother and being a dick to everyone

ok my brain is starting to run on empty so ill close up this haha.

im sure this is universal but when i got the idea of this fic i had the immediate The Scenes™️ for it. they were: amandas confrontation and realising that oh shit it isnt todd the whole time that scene was vivid in my head (also fave scene to write!!) and the other is the final scene with dirk and todd and todd breaking down. todds kinda the 'strong' one of the two (to dirk) and the caretaker- so someone takes care of him and lets him be upset with everyone

but yeah!!! some of my thoughts behind the creation of TBDN 💖🥰🧡 theres stuff i wish i included in the fic and ideas i had after i had already posted but im happy with it regardless. at its core i just wanted some sweet sweet todd whump i wanna traumatise that little man

[etherfabric]

woah! free readings from you are a dream come true, thank you! ☺ can I join please? If yes, any advice would be really appreciated and I would like to leave to you too when it comes to the deck

thank you very much for your time and energy! I appreciate 🌷

I am very flattered by your message. :3

You were the first person ever sending me one! I remember.

For your reading, I chose the Thoth Tarot deck, and 4 cards jumped out:

10 of Disks, Art, Queen of Disks, 9 of Cups

This spread includes two of my favorite cards, Art (Crowley gave Temperance this new name) and the Queen of Disks.

This reads to me like a reminder to enjoy everything you already have. The fulfillment you are looking for is not found in striving for the next best thing, it's becoming still and receptive enough to let your abundant present reach and touch you with all its inherent blessings. You worked hard for what you have, but switching out of that "achiever" mindset into a "receiver" mindset is the last step between you and bliss.

This probably won't happen instantaneously (or maybe it does, sometimes it works like that), so start with something you already have a pretty good connection with to tap into that energy of "I already have so much", and build from there. Maybe paying close attention to a friend's face when they are talking, or intentionally spending time with your pet. Maybe it's that pair of pants that always makes you feel best when you wear them, and you think back on where you got them, really pay attention to how the fabric feels. Be intentionally grateful for having a bed to lie in. Everything you would miss if it were gone tomorrow.

Or to get very basic - tune into your body.

This vessel through which everything you know about life on Earth is even perceivable to you. All your sensations, thoughts, emotions have their origin right here. Something that really helps me loving my body in a fair, non-tainted-by-capitalism way is thinking of it in the same silently appreciative way like I think of a tree. Home of many tiny organisms, giving them life without even trying, even after my death. Wrinkles, pimples and bumps on my skin are the texture of bark, they make it interesting and rich of tactile feedback when I touch it. My hair has many forms and states, just like leaves and moss. It can speak of which season I am in. I can listen to what it sounds like in my hands. My fat and bones form a whimsical trunk housing my nutrients, and flexible branches that reach for what I need to live. Nature made all of this with a purpose in mind that goes far beyond arbitrary optical standards. I am a manifestation of life itself.

I see a great opportunity for growth: De-shaming the concept of actively being proud of yourself. Being your own fan. Daring to be on your side. Being a detective on your own case of loveability. You think you are just two compliments away from being a raging narcisisst, so you rather humble yourself routinely, for the world's sake, to not have one more asshole walking among us. ...Not to get too personal, but you are way off with that estimation. This is an excuse to not face your abysmal sense of self worth. It feels icky not being good at something, especially when it feels as wrong as complimenting yourself, but the cards say you have so much to choose from. There is so much already there waiting to be seen by you, that will make it much easier for you to understand why you are great, capable and loveable, and deserve to see yourself that way everyday, like second nature, no biggie, of course I'm awesome.

The best part: You don't have to do anything new or extra, just find new combinations of thoughts, emotions, actions that are already in your repertoire. Mix and match until it clicks. You got this.

This was a lovely reading to tap into. I hope it resonated, I would love to hear about it.

[wake-me-up-inside-imagines]

Hey, can you do sara or joe comforting a reader with bulmia? I'd not I understand .

Yes, I can write this! You must be psychic because I was scrolling the Joe Tazuna tag when I got this request.

Just a quick note: I don't have a lot of experience with eating disorders so if anything that I wrote is wrong or offensive, please let me know so I can fix it. I would rather be told than have harmful content on my page. Please remember to take care of yourself, and I hope this brings you some comfort.

Sara and Joe with an S/O who has bulimia

Warnings: Eating disorders (specifically bulimia). I tried not to be too detailed, but there are some more specific parts so proceed with caution

gn! reader

Sara Chidouin

-Sara's pretty quick to notice that something's up, especially if you're losing weight at a rapid pace and/or not eating in front of her

-She doesn't want to assume anything at first, but if she continues to see concerning signs regarding your health, she'll confront you

-When approaching you about what she's noticed, she tiptoes around the subject a little because she doesn't want to make you uncomfortable, but eventually she'll ask you outright if you have an eating disorder

-Sara sits with you and listens quietly as you explain what bulimia is and what it's like to have it, hugging you or holding your hand if you get visibly upset while talking

-She appreciates your honesty, but she's also really worried for you. She knows what you're doing isn't healthy and that if this continues you could really damage your body

-While she doesn't want to upset you, she highly encourages you to make an attempt at a recovery. She knows it'll be hard, but she wants you to be able to live a long healthy life, she can't bear the thought of losing you

-If you agree to try and recover, she pledges to be right by your side the whole time. If you don't, she'll probably tell a counselor or a professional about your struggles. While she's normally respectful of your wishes, she refuses to let you suffer like this anymore, she's going to get you help regardless

-Sara does a ton of research on bulimia after the two of you talk, she wants to be as supportive and as helpful as possible while you try to recover

-She also understands that recovery isn't quick, and it isn't always linear. She knows their will be days where you may relapse, or days where you won't be able to eat much if at all, but she's staying by your side no matter what happens

-She's aware that typically you binge eat a lot of food before throwing it up, so she decides to try and get you to eat a little bit of food everyday without purging it later

-You don't have to eat it in front of her, and she totally understands if you're unable to keep it down, she just figures that smaller portions of food may be easier for you to process at first

-If it's easier for you to digest, Sara will make smoothies or other healthy drinks for you to have. It may not be the same as solid food, but if it's easier to process then it's a good way to help you regain some nutrients

-If there's a certain type of food that's easier for you to eat, she'll have Kai make it for you. She won't tell him why if you would rather him not know, she's just not the best cook herself so it'll most likely be better if he makes it

-As time goes on, she'll slowly add more food to each meal (not a ton at once though) until you're able to eat full meals with less issue than before

-If you end up relapsing, she won't blame you at all. She'll sit with you and embrace you as you cry, assuring you that she's proud of you and that you're still making progress

-She still encourages you to talk to a professional, but she understands if that's not something you want to do right away

-As she's said before, she sticks with you throughout your whole recovery, and she's very proud of you no matter what happens

Joe Tazuna

-He can kinda tell somethings up, but he doesn't know what. All he knows is that your moods dropped and he wants to know why

-He's pretty blunt when he approaches you about it, he doesn't yet know the severity of what your dealing with so he just thinks you've been a little down for awhile

-I don't think he'd know what bulimia is, so you're going to have to explain it to him as well as how severe it is

-He feels so bad once he understands what's happening, not only because he approached you so suddenly about it, but also because he didn't notice the extent of what was going on before now

-He feels like he failed as a partner for not noticing sooner, so he resolves to make up for it by putting as much energy as he can towards helping you

-He tries to get you to eat more, but he doesn't downsize the portion of food he gives you

-You're going to have to really get it through his brain that you can't keep that much food down

-He's trying, he just doesn't really get it yet. He thinks if you can just eat the food without throwing up then everything's peachy, he doesn't understand the phycological factor

-Once he fully understands what's going on, he'll ask Sara for advice. He's worried he'll end up hurting you when he's trying to help you

-He gets Kai to cook you small but nutritious meals, he hopes they'll be easier for you to eat and keep down, but he's understanding if you can't

-He'll probably talk with an adult who would know how to help you because he knows he's nowhere near experienced enough to help you effectively

-He's better at emotional comfort than helping you directly with your bulimia, again he tries but he's not an expert

-He'll snuggle with you on particularly rough days, promising you that it'll get better and that he's here for you until it does

-If you developed the eating disorder because of poor body image issues, he assures you that he loves you and that he doesn't care what your body looks like, he just wants you to be happy and healthy

-If it helps you eat, he'll sit with you and talk to you about anything: his day, schoolwork, a funny story he wants to tell you, anything that may help distract you from thinking about eating negatively

-He tries to make you smile as often as possible. He also tries to make you feel like the most beautiful/handsome person in the world (because to him you are) and he wants you to know how wonderful he thinks you are

-Like Sara, he'll be with you the whole time you're recovering, and even though he may not be the most helpful at times, he loves you and wants you to be happy

[stay-midnight]

hi hehe-fic talk time!

. . . (a fellow filo yes yes but i live in a different timezone hehe)

snowswept tails how i love you so 🤧 yes yes, jeongin breeding the reader for the last time in a while 😭 he'd be so rough as usual, but his words wouldn't match his movements-he'd be all sweet, praising the reader, apologizing for his past behavior and actions, and promising to stay with the reader forever (this is where they'd share their first 'i love you' to eachother imo hehe, and jeongin would ask reader to mark him the same way he does to reader) he'd have to use fox magic to soundproof the cave they're staying at unless they want soldiers walking in on reader getting bred 👀

after all that railing- reader would wake up sore as usual-though they'd find themselves clean and surprisingly not as sore as they usually would, right next to them is jeongin peacefully sleeping. (what happened is that after reader passed out from the fucking-jeongin used the last of his strength to use fox magic to clean and heal the reader's body, he didn't want them to be left defenseless and sore incase something happened, passing out soon after.)

reader would have to be strong and independent for a while 💅 the food supplies from the bag they brought would eventually run out so reader would have to go out and hunt-(jeongin placed protective charms around the cave and around a bit of it's area-but it renders ineffective if an outsider is aware of it)

while on the way back to the cave after hunting, reader accidentally runs into a soldier, reader would try to run but the soldier is too fast and eventually a fight between reader and soldiers ensues-reader would be forced to kill them with their axe-grimacing at the blood that splattered on them-reader moves fast and is forced to bring back both the dead animal they hunted and the dead soldier's body so he can cover up the tracks😭😭😭 (reader would make a small little hole near the cave and bury the soldier there, feeling guilty they had to kill....) after all that, reader would just cling to jeongin after eating, sighing as they mumble a small, "i love you..." as a small tear falls down, before sleeping 😔 (the story would probs go in a few ways after jeongin wakes up-its either him and reader stopping the war and going on to peacefully live their lives at the cabin or the just travel and run everywhere?)

AHH THAT'S HOT- i'd imagine this is the first time chan, reader and hyunjin would be sexual with one another 🤯 both subs would absolutely gawk at the sight of android hyunjins huge cock- (its at max size mode cause hyunjin would believe it'd be most effective at giving both the nutrients 😭) both would be gagging so much and the subs would be so hard in their pants as their mouths get violated-(cue gagging on hyunjin's cum as they try their best to swallow-)

that's such a good idea too-hyunjin developing his personality through sex- "why do you two enjoy getting spanked with my electric hands?" "why do you two always set my cock to the biggest mode?" "why do you two want me to call you names like slut?" "you are aware of my features that also allow me to bottom, yet you prefer me manhandling you?" and both reader and chan are just so embarrassed by the questions cause its making them question themselves 😭 (eventually i think hyunjin would develop into being called the 2 subs 'master'- it'd be super hot to have the android be the master of the 2 human sluts and hyunjin would enjoy having the power dynamic of it 🤧🤧🤧)

the guards would find it kind of hot but would kind of get tired of king felix's possessiveness 😭 they've seen king felix fuck the reader brutally in front of them one too many times, so they know by now not to approach you unless ordered by the king himself or reader themself approach them (reader would have permission from king felix to-do so cause he wouldn't want his lover to be miserable and not talking to anyone else at all in his castle 😭)

also maybe some impact play with tied up reader-i'd imagine king felix having lots of toys, or a scene where reader is tied up in a bent over position and felix would be spanking them with his belt making them count!?!?!? hot 😩

reader would be going to work with seungmin, limping almost everyday as seungmin just smiles about it (some intense morning and shower sex before work with the ceo and sugar daddy 🤧) reader would be wearing a vibrator to keep it all in and for seungmin to play around in, would probably make reader wear a jockstrap as well for easy access for both fucking and butt slapping purposes. (reader's co-workers are aware of the relationship between him, the ceo and the rich boss of the company they made deals with, no one is particularly against it but they kinda feel bad seeing reader limp around as they work hard like usual as the secretary 🤐🤐🤐)

seungmin would just be turning the vibrator to the max and then just turning it off for fun-(reader would eventually get used to it as it happens a lot during work but it never fails to make them cum) jeongin would visit during his lunch break, chatting a bit before dragging reader away to the restroom for a quickie in a stall-(maybe a quick threesome in seungmin's office too and definitely reader sucking off seungmin under the desk hehe 🤧🤧🤧)

Also also also! i've read the seungmin fic and wow is it hot 😩💫 not bad at all for months of not writing for sure! Seungmin being the needy and horny one like 🤧 their first time having sex and seungmin already has reader calling him sir-(and god, seungmin fisting the reader after fucking them hard with his cum as lube!?!?!?!? 🤐) i love that seungmin was so sweet after it though but the ending-(reader should really learn to appreciate life before seungmin acts out his fantasies, especially when he gets to the punishment and dirtier parts of said fantasies-😶) overall a pretty great fic!

(just to say real quick-i've been a silent reader of yours (and some others) for a while now and i've read posts about interactions about a writer's work makes writers happy so main motivation of sending thoughts here hehe-might as well make the most of the anon function 💕 )

continuation to this ask again cause divine amusement 🤧

a filo in abroad :0 lucky i wanna get out of here cuz its going down in here like its so goddamn hot and dont even get me started on the inflation 😭💀 also political wise—ermmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Anyways back to the topic at hand—

at this point, reader craves Jeongin's cums cuz like the amount of times he gets filled to the brim in a single day 🤐 like I defo feel like Jeongin checks on readers ass (like the pervy ass he is but perv! jeongin is defo one of my fav jeongin) like straights up fingers reader then be like "Hmm, its all gone—come, love- bent over the tree for me-" But after they find a cave to settle down, reader gets railed with the last of jeongin's energy as he casts the protective fox charms around the cave and the reader that will affect him as long as he stays within the cave's vicinity.

Next agenda is reader will have to gather food and firewood when the supply food they bought runs out cuz he needs to cook em— they'll be a scene where Jeongin is sleeping like a log where reader blows out the campfire at night and lays next to the fox— Jeongin's tails would subconsciously wrap themselves around reader protectively then reader would almost tear up a bit at that then good nights with I love yous aaa

Now to the part where reader vs soldier— Reader will put up a fight (cuz mama aint raising a pussy that for sure and jeongin would be proud af) So reader had to kill said guard, like split skull open type of kill with their trusty axe- Reader would drag the body back to the cave as well as some deer for dinner- Reader would probably curl up somewhere and wondering what theyve done (killing a person does take a toll outta someone) So while Jeongin still sleeping, reader is feeling immense guilt as he stares at the corpse. But I don't really think reader and Jeongin can end the war cuz its like a really huge war between opposing countries so their options include running far away enough or getting a safe hideout—

🤧🤧 hyunjin nutritious cum agenda? HAHSBSBA— but anyways I can just imagine Hyunjin looking at both of them in awe as he watches the sticky substance stick to their tongue and lips, like he couldn't help but reach out and finger the mouth of the one who isn't choking on his massive cock.

AND THE WAY READER WOULD ASK CHAN TO EXPLAIN IT CUZ CHAN IS BETTER WITH WORDS THAN THEM— 😭 it'll be both so funny and hot as Chan rides hyunjin's cock — he'd ask a question like that and Chan is left to answer as he already struggle against the android's cock- Hyunjin will slowly gain that master personality over time like— the possiblities is endless and the ship is too big anyway but i feel like lots of bondage will happen like both reader and chan tied up (this seems familiar ashjsj) and Hyunjin spanking them with a whip- Hyunjin would also try his best to find different ways to fuck them like installing new things like a bigger than the biggest mode cock-

King Felix has that exhibitionism and humiliation kink like-?! I believe the guards would literally have no choice cuz felix and reader fucks in the throne room at every chance they get-

Definitely see that like not only impact play with whips? He has so many toys and loves to test them out- i can see the nipple clamps and cock rings 🤐 being used on reader maybe a collar as well-

NO CUZ SEUNG WOULD DEFO MAKE READER WEAR A VIBRATOR DURING WORKING HOURS- and like Jeongin is a bit jealous since Seungmin and reader would be together for like 8 hours cuz work yk so Jeongin sometimes drop by to randomly bring reader to a room to fuck him saying shit like "you should come to my company as well- be my slut like how you are with seung-" maybe even fuck in Seung's office while Seung is in a meeting- Jeongin would leave a note for the CEO like "Fucked him here <3" Seungmin would laugh at that before calling reader after the meeting so that he could fuck him at the empty meeting room, crumpling all the left papers as he just pulls down reader's pants and uses Jeongin's remaining cum as lube-

AWWW Thank you so much! Also yeah- Seungmin puppy top agenda is spreading so thats why- Like literally a horndog at some point since a lot of people see seungmin as the innocent one out of the group knowing he probably hides the kinkiest side- (and yes the fisting scene was hard to write cuz I had to fit it into the fic at some part-) Aftercare with Seung>>> Defo love the sweet seung aftercare cuz ofc reader deserves it well- not until he decides to hit seungmin- And thank sm for the feedback :>

(That is very true- I love feedbacks at it gives me responses that not only help improve writing but also makes me want to write more so thank you :>)

aaa i answered this a bit late cuz im preparing for the new semester ;-;

[gardenvarietysystem]

It's late and I can't sleep.

So I present to you, a slam poem, maybe more of a diary entry.

CW: S/ and SA, CA. If my mother's attempts came to fruition. The shitty reality of parental decay and the mental effects of a dysfunctional family structure.

ALTERNATE REALITY

What would have happened

If my mom had been successful

Would they have felt less pain

They would have seen less rain

How would those arm

Gurney straps feel

Soft white blanket over your body

I must have been

16

All the kids

Even younger...

...Several times too

More than once

A handful of ways

How can I not think

Being successful

Means succfessfully

Having died

....

Would I have gone to college still

Would my dad have remarried

Would we have been better off

If my mother was the problem the whole time

My dad never did anything about it

Except explain to us where she belonged

Was not with us

But away

Alone

In a hospital...

...A hospital is where 2 of my brothers stayed

As young children.

My dad, he went a lot

Especially towards the end.

I guess its good the hospital is 2 minutes away

But it wasnt the doctors

And it wasn't a beurocratic office

To take care of him.

Maybe if I just suggested that

From the beginning

He had appointments

It's not like he didn't

He just never went

But god I'm so sick of all the excuses

You know maybe if my parents made it to their appointments I would too.

It just feels like all the answers I've ever been given

Arent right.

What would have happened

If all the times my dad kicked my mom out

All the times I screamed and cried

Hide

In my room

With my brothers

What do they remember of him?

He beat them MUCH more than he did me

And we were physically punished a lot

Too easy to see

But all the abuse was much more subtle

Neglect is hard to see

My dad never got help

So neither did we.

In that one bedroom with the kids.

He fucked around

(With himself)

Did he ever do anything to [REDACTED]?

Does she even know?

Will we ever talk about it.....

What about my brothers.....

.....

He was a fine dad

It wasn't ALL bad.

Sacrificed himself for his family.

Soulless jobs steal from the mind

You can't get back lost time.

I guess I sort of knew him

As much as there was to know

God

Sitting in that circle on the floor with [REDACTED] and my dad...

2 meatsuits and a bag of bones

Why didnt I just call his doctor??

Get him to visit

...Should I do that with my mom??

Save them

For the kids

Before they attempt again.

No no, those days are over

But they are

Starving

To death.

Starving

Their nourishment.

... bodies need nutrients...

....you know....

What would have happened if I actually acted?

Not every teenager wants to die

No one is supposed to suffer

But my brothers

Flounder

They survive

They live

Albiet in shitty conditions

I mean

I live in conditions

...

What am I going to do when my mom dies

What's going to happen to my brothers

What if they find them dead one day

Holy shit

...

What if they find them dead one day.

...

These poor fucking kids

...

Why

Was

Life

Decided

For

Us

We

Shouldnt

Be

Alive

But

Here

We

Are

Why

Do

We

Only

See

Pain

What

Am

I

Supposed

To

Make

From

Ashes

How can I not be philosophical

How can I not be filled with existential

Pain and questions

Given

Everything

In front of me

Rather

The lack thereof.

What am I supposed to do...

...

These two things my dad would whisper to himself all the time

I'm trying

I want to go home

He always said that

All the time

Even

When

We

Were

Home

How can I not be depressed

When I am better off

Than my family

But worse off

Than the world

Comparison is the theif of joy

But there

Is

Little

Happiness

To

Take

Maybe in an alternate reality

It's all hidden away

[nutraexperts]

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[crownshattered]

|| So I’ve never really gone into this before (especially not the logic/science behind it) so I’m gonna do that now… So here’s some info on Kira’s body (height, shape, etc.) and why it is the way that it is. Trigger warnings for child abuse/neglect and POSSIBLY eating disorders.?? idk i wouldn’t call it that at all but I’d rather be safe than sorry with my mutuals’ triggers~ XDD

To start with, Kira is short (5′0) and thin (underweight). The latter isn’t to the point of any danger, but she certainly isn’t as strong as others are. Her endurance is a bit on the weaker side (though she can still run if necessary) and her lack of physical strength is evident in how thin her arms are. But why is she this way? There’s actually strong reasoning behind why this is. 

However, keep in mind that she’s different in every verse. While she’s always the same height (even though her KNY verse has her being raised by her actual parents from birth to young adulthood), her other body features can differ. In most cases, yes, she is very thin and even looks unhealthy in this way (not DANGEROUSLY so, but it’s clear she should eat more). However, in verses where she fights more (i.e. genshin verse, villain verse, etc.) she actually DOES have a little meat on her bones. A very small amount considering, but she can fight and is actually quite good at it. But she is still very thin regardless, even if she exercises more than in her usual verses. Anyway, let’s move on.

Kira (USUALLY, KNY and KH verses being the exceptions) goes through some form of child abuse/neglect. Most of the time, she lived in a household that abused her and forced her to work from a young age. She was given enough food to survive, but never anything more than that. She was very young whenever she was 'taken in' by the couple, like 3-4 years old. Once she was old enough to be of some use to them, they had her work (and did increase her food just slightly so she wouldn’t pass out while working). Even so, she was still VERY young and this malnourishment stunted her growth. She seems younger than she actually is because she didn’t have enough nourishment as a child. That’s why she’s so short and will never grow past 5′0.

What happens after she leaves differs from verse to verse. In many of her verses (IDV, villain, BSD, etc.) she essentially lives on the street until she’s an adult. Obviously she doesn’t have enough to eat, so she’s still very thin. In some of her verses (genshin, SDV, TWST, etc.) she is taken in by someone and now has access to ample food. However, after someone experiences this level of malnourishment and especially at such a young age, their reaction to finally having accessible food can differ. Some eat too much (LIKE MY CAT XDD) while others continue to eat too little since this is what their body is used to. Kira is the latter, largely due to just how LONG and from what age she has been malnourished. Honestly, her body wouldn’t be able to handle an excess of food. 

But regardless of the specifics of what happens after she leaves, she certainly eats more than she did at her “childhood home”. It’s still less than what someone should normally eat, but whereas before she had very little energy from her lack of nutrition, she now functions very well. Kira usually leaves the house at around 12 years old, so even though she doesn’t quite eat as much as she should, she has enough nutrients to keep from screwing up puberty like it screwed up her childhood growth (which is why she still has some curves, even if they’re still rather slight). It’s also why she can have children without any complications. 

………….i gathered all of this info from my childhood growth and development class XDD

[eatwellnutrition]

What You Eat Affects Your Body

Have you ever stopped to think about what’s happening inside of your body when you eat food? If you are like most people, you don’t. Most people just eat because something tastes good or because they are hungry or bored. But if you stop and think for a moment, “what is this food doing for me?” you might start choosing to eat better quality food. Ask yourself, is this helping me sleep better, feel better, and function better? Food can and does affect every bodily function.

POOR SLEEP

Almost 90% of my clients come to me with sleep trouble. Either they have a hard time falling asleep or they wake up frequently at night. Many of them have acid reflux, anxiety, headaches, or simply don’t sleep enough. They wake up feeling tired, groggy and need a nap in the middle of the afternoon. Sleep directly affects our body’s ability to digest our food, clean up dead and damaged cells, and keep our cortisol levels in check. If you aren’t getting good quality sleep, you are going to impede your body’s ability to burn fat and restore homeostasis.

We need at least a good 8 hours of sleep, preferably more, but I don’t know many people who can swing more than 8. Try going to bed 15 minutes earlier each night for a couple of weeks working toward a reasonable bedtime. Adjust your evening schedule and make it happen. But what we eat directly affects how we sleep! Stop eating before bed and cut out the sugar and booze and I guarantee your sleep will improve.

WEIGHT GAIN

Most often it is the food/alcohol we are consuming that causes us to gain weight. This isn’t always the case and of course,s there are exceptions. I speak with so many people who think they “eat pretty healthy”, but the foods they are consuming are not nutritious, and/or they are eating the wrong combinations of foods (too many carbs plus too much fat). The mainstream “healthy foods” are anything but and will continue to contribute to that 5-10 pounds you’ve been putting on the past few years.

Food has a function. Real food is meant to be eaten for its nutrients so our bodies can function optimally. Protein, vegetables, high-fiber fruit, nuts and seeds are all rich in vitamins and minerals that our bodies NEED to function. Our cells can grow and our can bodies function properly when we feed them the right foods (real food). When we don’t, we get fat, we sleep bad, and we feel like crap.

WHAT ARE YOU FEEDING YOUR BODY?

Do you eat vegetables every day? Do you eat a variety of meat, fish, nuts and seeds? Most people I consult with don’t. They eat a lot of food that is brown, packaged and made in a factory. They’re also unhappy with the way they look, feel, and function. If you want to feel better, lose weight, have more energy, and sleep better start eating vegetables. Eat high-quality protein (grass-fed or local), eat fish or take high-quality fish oil, and STOP eating SUGAR and drinking your calories! Whether it’s wine, whisky, coke, orange juice, or milk, start drinking water! Sugar and alcohol are non-nutritive substances. They aren’t food, they aren’t good for you, and they don’t serve a purpose. You may like the way they taste, but if you want to lose weight and feel better, they are the first things that need to go!

Would you plant flowers in a dark cold basement, in a pot of rocks, and water them with Coca-Cola? Of course not! The flowers wouldn’t grow, they would wither and die pretty quickly. Why would you feed your body this way and expect a different outcome? Our body needs food grown from nutrient-dense soil, water, and sunlight. You only get one body. Take care of it.

[hellagoddessenergy]

I'm in the MF driver's seat 😎

How is it possible that we can consciously be so clear about a desire, about a goal… and have all these thoughts that aren’t in alignment with what you consciously want pop up uncontrollably?

Why does it feel like we are “our own worst enemy”?

People let us down, say things that hurt us, put us into situations we don’t want to be in… and yet we STILL feel like we are our own worst enemy… like we don’t have a fight in the game at all.

I’ve come to understand that believing that when we fall into the belief, when we become the belief, instead of the believer…

When the belief is in charge, instead of me, being in charge. When the belief is causing something to be true for me instead of ME choosing something to be true for me….

That’s when I’m my own worst enemy. Because I’ve done just that. I’ve succumbed to believing something that breaks me down.

Why do we have those thoughts that make us believe things about ourselves that not only don’t serve us.. they actually make life hell on earth?

Here’s my theory…

We developed our belief systems as kids, we really didn’t develop our conscious minds until we were about 6 years old. So how did we know how to speak and behave?

Monkey see, monkey do, of course.

We believed that what our parents, teachers, older siblings, extended family said and did was how to best survive in this world.

“They must know the best way, because they’ve made it this far”

Remember as a kid believing that your parents were perfect? That they MUST know what they’re doing. It never crossed your mind that they were just humans trying to figure out life the way that THEY were taught, and the way THEIR parents were taught, and so on.

My mother, bless her soul, frequently spoke poorly about her body. She always told my sister and I that we had such cute little bodies, and that she used to have that too when she was younger, before having kids. But that she was just fat now. And she didn’t have any clothes in her closet that she could wear because she was too fat for them. She kept the clothes because she always said that “one day” she’d be able to wear them again when she was skinny. My grandmother did the same thing. I feel like nearly every visit, there was something negative to say about her body and how much she disliked it. How she just wanted to “cut all her belly fat off” so she could be pretty again.

I know that both my mother and my grandmother were well intentioned, and never meant to cause body image issues for me. But my entire life, I’ve had it in my mind that I needed to have a tiny body to be “sexy”. To be pretty.

This is where the “I’m my own worst enemy” narrative comes into play…

The subconscious belief that my body NEEDED to look a certain way to be pretty and sexy put me into survival mode.

You see, your subconscious mind’s job is only to keep you alive. It’s 95% of your brain. It beats your heart, contracts/expands your diaphragm to cause you to breathe, digests your food, extracts nutrients, filters information in that comes in from your senses… all without conscious thought.

So, as life happens, the subconscious mind is constantly scanning for threats. It’s intention in doing so is to compare the present, the current experience, to past experiences to better detect potential threat.

NEED = importance = must happen right now or else

You see, the only thing we really NEED, is to breathe. Is to exchange carbon dioxide for oxygen, to make all the other things in our body happen appropriately.

Obviously, instinctively, we want to be found attractive to find a mate. Instinctively, millions of years ago, we were driven by food, water, and sex (to procreate).

My theory is that because I was brought up with the belief that I must appear a certain way to be perceived as sexy or pretty (and therefore be able to procreate) that I NEEDED to workout and eat a strict healthy diet, avoid alcohol, and stay away from foods that would make me “fat”. That I NEEDED to have the “perfect” body that I envisioned in my head and saw on Instagram.

Believing that I NEEDED something to be a certain way right this second to feel happy with my appearance put me into SURVIVAL mode. My “primitive” mind, believed that we were under threat.

The subconscious doesn’t understand past or future. It understands memories, but can only play them now. Only now.

The mind needs two things.. to attach value or interest to doing something, to believe it would be good to do or good to have done, and the POSSIBILITY of doing it right now.

If you can think of something that you should be, or should have done, but can’t physically do anything about it, the subconscious becomes persistent about you doing something about it. It sends you sensations to try to get you to do something about something that physically cannot be done now. 

If you asked a donkey to imagine a unicorn in the corner of the room, he’d say “where’s unicorn in the corner of the room”?

He can’t imagine.

But you and I have consciousness, we can create blueprints for new York city, do you see many donkey’s creating massive skyscrapers?

No. Because they don’t have a concept of time or planning the future or reflecting on the past.

We as humans, still have this aspect of our mind, the subconscious mind. The primitive mind. Unfortunately for us, it can be worse than useful, because our modern-day life isn’t compatible with having zero sense of time.

You and I are at a pond feeding ducks bread, we see this one duck, he’s very cute and wiggles his little butt a lot and quacks when he’s ready for another piece. You throw him a good piece that he catches but is quickly wrenched away by another duck and swallowed. Our cute duck friend flies off to the middle of the pond.

We go out to him and ask him: “Mr. duck, are you okay? I can’t believe that other duck just ripped that bread right from your mouth!”

and Mr. duck says, “what bread?”

So you’re in a social situation, at a party maybe, and you see a guy that you find extremely attractive. You’re excited, cheeks flushed, thinking of how you can get him to come over and talk to you, and then your belief system pops in for an unwelcome hello to remind you that he probably won’t be interested in you because you don’t have that tiny body that you believe you need to have to be sexy and pretty.

You don’t say hi, you don’t even make eye contact with him. You want to leave, you’re not having fun anymore.

This all sounds like a terrible manifestation of thoughts. But this has been my reality before. I became the belief that I must appear a certain way to be pretty and sexy. My mind attached value and interest to the idea that I must look the way I see myself in my head because I gave it all my attention, energy and focus.

And because the subconscious works similarly to an algorithm, it thinks that because I’m giving it attention, energy, and focus, that it must be of value and interest; thereby adding even MORE emphasis to the belief that I NEED to look this specific way to be perceived as attractive.

My mind started trying to get me to do something about it right that second.

“get sexy”

“get pretty”

It was sending me all these sensations to try to get me to do something about it but there’s nothing to be done. That’s where anxiety comes in for me. That’s where depression comes in for me. That’s where the sense that I’m not good enough, that I’ll never be good enough, comes in.

It’s not because I’m NOT sexy or I’m NOT pretty, I now understand that I’m the only one that can truly define what those words mean for me… it’s because my mind didn’t understand that this belief that I had that I needed to be this thing in order to get this thing that I find interesting (hot guy), it tried to get me to do something about it right then and there when it was not humanly possible.

So, if I’m aware that I don’t actually NEED to do anything about the way my body looks…

and I know that my subconscious mind is only sending me sensations because it wants to cause a behavior because it believes something can be done right now, then I know that I can communicate to my subconscious “I can’t”. There is no possibility.

It sounds way too simple. But it’s true. “I can’t change the way my body appears right now.”

Also, I can be aware that the thought of “I NEED to look this certain way in order to be pretty and sexy” is coming from an old, outdated belief system that is not only FALSE, but is simply not serving my highest good.

I only believe that because that’s all I know. I only believe that because that was the only perspective that I was offered.

You see, the mind is ALWAYS well-intentioned. Always looking for your highest good, to keep you safe and alive.

It’s not that it doesn’t CARE about the way you want to feel, it just only knows what you’re giving energy to. It’s indifferent to what you want to feel.

So, it’s not that your subconscious mind is your worst enemy, it just only knows to give you what you’ve given energy to previously…

It’s all just an experience. It’s all just an experience. It’s all just an experience.

And how I perceived that experience doesn’t have to mean anything permanent. It’s all subject to change and I can change that at any moment.

It’s all just an interpretation of the present moment given your current belief system and what you consciously give energy to.

The habit I broke here was unknowingly giving energy to thoughts that no longer served me, no longer took me in the direction that I’m headed. Thoughts that I know were well intentioned but that I chose to discard because I’m the mother fucking believer. Not the belief.

I’m in the mother fucking driver’s seat.

And my subconscious, primitive mind that holds these belief systems is completely fine with that. It’s indifferent to the role that it plays, its indifferent to where its sitting in the car, honestly. It just needs someone to drive, and you didn’t know how to drive until now. It only receives commands. And you can command it with your intention.

[c-is-for-circinate]

Wait, isn't "anti" stuff more like "anti-pedophilia" and stuff? Like, you have a point about anti-porn attitudes, but from what I've heard just "anti" on its own means against stuff like kid porn and incest porn and legitimately f*cked up sh*t like that.

Okay!  So this, I think, is actually a great example of what I was talking about, and a really useful thing to understand.  (CW rape, child abuse, etc)

Smarter people than me have written much better essays about why policing thoughtcrimes is a bad road to go down, and I will probably reblog some of them next time they cross my dash for more context.  What I want to talk about is the trigger mechanism, the ‘oh, this looks like danger!!!’ immune response in how we look at different kinds of porn, and how that applies to anti culture.

Here’s the thing: I am anti-pedophilia.  I think that, for most people, that’s a stance that largely goes without saying!  Adults who prey on children are bad.  I’m also against incest; relatives who prey on their family members are bad.  Above all I oppose rape.  Sexual predation of any kind is bad.  In fact, I’d say that’s the most important item on the list.  There is plenty of room to argue about where the lines are between ‘adult’ and ‘child’ and how teenagers fit in the middle, and there’s plenty of room to get historical about the lines between ethically terrible incest, distasteful-but-bearable “aristocratic inbreeding” between distant cousins, and the kind of consanguinity that tends to develop in a small town where everyone’s vaguely related to everyone else by now anyway.  The core of the issue is consent, and it has always been consent.  Pedophilia and incest are horrific because they are rape scenarios where the abuser has far more power and their victim far fewer resources to cope, both practically and emotionally; because harm to children is, to us as a culture, worse than harm to adults, for a lot of very valid reasons; and because they constitute betrayal of trust the victim should have been able to put in their abuser as well as rape--but they are all rape scenarios, and that’s why they’re awful. 

These things are bad.  It is good for us to have a social immune response system that recognizes these things when they’re happening and insists we step in.  That is a good thing to develop!  It helps us, as a society.  It can help the people being victimized.  It’s the same reason educators and childcare workers in the US are all mandated reporters, why we do background checks on people working near kids.  These things happen, and they’re terrible, and it’s good that we try to be aware and prepared for them.  (Though obviously studies show we’re a lot less good at protecting the vulnerable than we’d like to pretend we are.)

The question is: why does that same social immune response trigger, and trigger so angrily, in response to fiction?

Anti culture is fundamentally an expression of that social immune response.  Specifically, it’s that social immune response when it is set off by a situation that, while it has some similarities to the very bad real-life crime of sexual predation including pedophilia and incest, is in and of itself harmless.

If you’re instinct is to flare up in anger or dismissiveness because I’m calling these things harmless, I want to ask you to just take a deep breath and bear with me for a bit longer.  What you’re feeling right now is an allergic reaction.

Humans tell and read and listen to stories about “legitimately fucked up shit” all the time.  It’s part of the human condition.  It’s part of how we process those things happening, not just to use, but to other people in the world around us.  It’s part of how we process completely unrelated fucked-up shit, playing with fears and furies and insecurities that we all have, through so may layers of fiction that we don’t even recognize them any more, playing with power dynamics in metaphor and making characters suffer for fun.  Aside from the fact that literally all stories do this to some extent or another; aside from the fact that drawing lines between ‘ok that’s good storytelling’ and ‘that’s too fucked-up to write about’ is arbitrary, subjective, and dangerous in its own right; aside from all of that, these stories are stories.  All of them. 

Even the ones about rape, about incest, about pedophilia.  They’re words on a page.  No real children were harmed, touched, or even glanced at in the making of this work of fiction.  This story, pornographic though it may be, is part of a conversation between consenting adults.  (And if a teenager lies about their age to consent, that is a different problem altogether.)

Stories in and of themselves, no matter what they’re about, are no more dangerous than a crate full of oranges.  Which is to say: utterly harmless, unless all you have to eat is oranges, all day every day, and you find yourself dying slowly of nutrient deficiency--which is why representation matters.  Or unless someone wields one deliberately, violently, as a tool to cause harm, and someone gets acid in their eye--which is the fault of the person holding the orange. And unless you happen to be allergic to citrus.

The key here is this twofold understanding:  First, the thing that hurts you can also have value to others.  Real, legitimate value.  Whether you’ve undergone trauma and certain story elements are straight-up PTSD triggers or you just don’t like orange juice, that story, those tropes, that crate of oranges may be somewhere between icky and fundamentally abhorrent--but we understand that that is still your reaction.  Even if you don’t understand how anybody could ever enjoy it; even if every single person you surround yourself with is as sensitive and disgusted and itchy about this thing that makes your eyes hurt and your throat stop working as you; that doesn’t make it true for everyone.  That doesn’t make oranges poisonous.  No real children were involved in the writing of this story.  It is words on a page.

But, secondly: the thing that has value to others can also hurt you.  Just because a story isn’t inherently poison doesn’t mean it can’t cause you, personally, pain.  That’s what a PTSD trigger is: an allergic reaction, psychological anaphylaxis, a brain that’s trying so hard to protect its own from a threat that isn’t actually present (but was once, and the brain is trained to respond) that it causes far more harm and misery than the trigger itself possibly could.  And no, it’s not just people with PTSD who sometimes get hurt by stories.  There are many, many ways a story can poke the part of your brain that says, this is Bad, I don’t like this, I don’t want to be here.  The story is still, always, every time, pixels on a screen and ink on paper.  The story causes no physical harm.  But it can poke your brain into misery, it can stir up your emotions, it can make you want to cringe and run away.  It can make you want to scream and fight and go after the author who brought this thing into existence.  It can make you hurt.

This is an allergic reaction.  This is your brain and body, your reflexes and instincts, trying to protect you from something that isn’t really happening.  And just like a literal allergic reaction, it can do actual harm to you if it gets set off.  This is real.  The fact that stories can upset you to the point of pain and mental/emotional injury is real, even though it’s coming from your own brain and not the story itself.  There are stories you shouldn’t read.  There are stories I shouldn’t read, regret reading, will never read, because they hurt me.  That doesn’t mean they’re the same stories that would hurt you.  That doesn’t mean they don’t have value.

And, finally:

If getting upset about stories is fundamentally an individual person’s allergic reaction, their brain freaking out and firing off painful survival instincts in the face of a thing that isn’t, in and of itself, a threat?  Then the anti movement is a cultural allergic reaction.

Fandom as a whole has a pretty active immune system, which doesn’t mean we have a good immune system.  We try very hard to be aware of all the viruses and -isms and abuse and manipulation and cruelty, both systematic and individual, that exists around and within our community.  We’re primed and ready to shout about things at all times.  The anti movement is that system, that culture, screaming and shouting and fighting at a harmless thing on a grand scale.  It wants to stop that thing, that scary awful thing that trips all of its well-primed danger sensors, at all costs.  It’ll swell up and block off our airways (our archives) if it has to.  It’ll turn on the body it came from.  It’s scared and protective and trying to fight, and it’s ready to fight and destroy itself.

Luckily, fans and fanfic and fandom and fan culture are a lot bigger and older than they often get credit for, and it’s not like these cultural allergies are anything new.  We could talk about shippers and slashers in the X-Files fandom in the 90s.  We could talk about the birth of fandom in the days of Star Trek.  We could talk about censorship and book burning going back centuries.  We survived that and we’ll survive this, too.

But god, does the anti movement my throat and eyes itch.  Man is it irritating, and sometimes a little suffocating, to realize how many stories just aren’t getting told out of fear of what the antis will say.  And that’s the real danger, I think.  What are we losing that would have so much value to someone?  What are we missing out?

[creatingnikki]

What 2020 has taught me

1. Those things that seem like content for sci fi or pure fiction are actually things that can happen. To the entire world. Like a pandemic. And to you. Like a seizure.

2. Everyone is sad. Everyone is struggling. In different ways and in different measures. Makes no one special. But you still get to feel sad for yourself and be compassionate towards others. But it's also okay to draw boundaries because you're everyone too. Remember, not special? You're sad and trying to deal with it too.

3. Every job you have will not add value to your life. It will not teach you new things or give you people you'll want to stay in touch with. Sometimes some jobs will only be a season of your life. Even if the season lasts for over a year. It's okay.

4. You know how you thought picking a college and picking a major and picking your first job and picking a specific industry were all the career decisions you had to make? Yeah, no. It's never a one time thing. You could have a job as a marketing strategist for two years and then want nothing to do with it. And then you'll have to make another decision and work towards it. So I'd like to call it moves. It's like chess. You always have to make a move. And it always has to be strategic, yes. But the truth is in your 20s it probably won't. Even if you try. And as long as you're trying, you'll be fine.

5. You may have different sorts of friends like the one you only talk to about kdrama with or the one you met when you went book shopping alone and the friendship is all about books really. That's normal. But irrespective of why and how you became friends with them, if you consider them a friend then there has to be this basic sense of care, respect and empathy for each other. I don't care what people want to say. If you're faced with the worst trauma of your life, the least your friends can do is check up on you regularly. On text. And if they don't even do that then guess what? They aren't friends. They are acquaintances. Social media and quick promises make everyone seem like your friend. But they are not. They are just nice people who will be nice to you for specific periods and then wander away like you are a speck of dust floating in their journey.

6. You speak a lot and write and you express yourself and you’re emotionally mature but oh my god. You still hold in so much. You’ve known that at a subconscious level and over the last year people - experts - have told you that. You have also realized that you make your pain and sadness about pettier things because dealing with them, admitting about them, sharing that with your friends, is easier. You do that so that you don’t have to deal with the real stuff. Because it’s so damn painful. And you don’t know how to do it. Yet. Acknowledging is the first step anyway right? I know you’re confused about how exactly to let go of all this pain and sadness and feel lighter, and you know that talking to people really isn’t the solution, but I also know you’re smart enough to figure it out. 

7. Talking about being smart...you know you’re different than others. Better. Special. Smarter. None of these are the right words. And you never voiced this out until this year because you knew it would make you come across as narcissistic. Some would say it’s because you’re an INFJ. But my mother once said that this may be the first time we are consciously living life but our souls are old and so our instinct and the things we know but can’t explain are because this isn’t the first time for our souls. The connections we feel with certain people, the reason we are so different from our siblings who grew up in the exact same environment with the exact same opportunities, our sense of right and wrong...it’s all because our souls learn and grow with each time and that’s why we are who we are. I think that’s probably how I can explain what I have always felt. That I am living in a different universe than everybody but I have to pretend to be in this one and dumb my emotions and thoughts down. Maybe that’s because my soul has lived through thousands of years while most around me are living their 100th life. Or maybe I’m just narcissistic, who knows?

8. You shift between talking in first person and second person but that’s because that’s how you think in your head and talk to yourself and live your life. You ask yourself things and you accuse yourself of things and you apologize to yourself and you comfort yourself. I think that seeps into your writing and the changing of the voices. 

9. You always genuinely thought that you’d not be afraid of dying. And then what happened this October proved you shockingly wrong. I know it’s not so much being afraid of dying but the unbearable pain of knowing what that would mean to your family. So you have to be more prudent and less reckless with your life and the choices you make. 

10. Regret is not something that plagued you but this year the realisation and pain of giving away your favourite books from your own personal collection to people you care about as a show of affection and them turning out to be ass holes or losers has hit you so hard. So, yes. No more of that shit. I really fucking want my copy of The Perks Of Being A Wallflower back. UGH. With the childhood picture of me inside it! 

11. Sleeping at 5 am in the morning stops being fun or romanticised when you realise just how much harm it does to your body and mind. Literally every single disease and disorder can be traced back to a shitty fucking sleep schedule. It’s not just the hours you sleep but also the quality of sleep and the time you sleep at. So yes sleeping for 8 hours is healthy but not if that 8 hours is from 5 am to 12 pm. ‘Not a morning person’ is just another construct of capitalism and you don’t realise how many industries profit from having you believe that and staying up late or all night. Entertainment. Food. Alcohol. Pharma. Biologically and naturally you are a bloody morning person. And you don’t need 3 cups of coffee to begin your day or your phone notifications to get you to open your eyes and brain to wake up. 

12. Sometimes you really have to stop taking people so seriously. I know the idea of treating people as casual friends or entertainment makes you want to fight that concept but you know what? Some people like Pineapple are ever only going to be good for that. No matter how much they ‘grow and change’. So keep them in the background for whenever you want some entertainment or drama. But please don’t clear up your busy schedule to meet them or send them gifts on their birthday. 

13. If you don’t have the fruit juice or green juice within half an hour of making it then you are losing out on its most optimum health benefits. Or when you remove the white stringy stuff from oranges. That’s where all the actual nutrients are.

14. I am privileged and so are most of the people I interact with. The global pandemic has been hell for a lot of people around the world. Health wise. Financially. Losing people they care about. But I was blessed enough to be safe at home and have a job that I could smoothly do from home and not have a pay cut or 4-hour long Zoom meetings. So honestly when my friends tell me 2020 has been bad I have to stop and ask them why? Yes, the crippling uncertainty and anxiety is not something that can be undermined. But most people I know had very great positive life-changing milestones this year like moving away to another country for college or taking their first solo trip or getting married. So I have to ask them. Because I am not going to agree that everybody’s 2020 and pandemic narrative is the same. 

15. Money gets spent really quickly. When I left my job earlier this year because of personal issues, I thought I had enough savings to last me a year. Full disclosure - I mean to last my personal expenses because I live with my parents. But it didn’t even last me 3 months. And so to use money wisely and buy things that provide utility than instant gratification is something to follow. Also buying one pair of really expensive but quality shoes is better than buying 5 pairs of affordable but low quality shoes that will have a very short life and force you to buy more. I know that higher price doesn’t always mean better quality but sometimes it does. And as an adult now I want to do the whole quality > quantity thing even with things and not just people. 

16. Everyone in their 20s went through a crisis of what they should do with their lives and their careers and it’s not unique to the 21st century and the challenges of today. Whether it was Vincent Van Gogh in the 19th century or Sylvia Plath in the 20th, every single person, as brilliant as them went through the torture of making these decisions and living with their consequences. You may think I picked wrong examples for they both killed themselves but you know what? They were the people who really want to live more than anyone. They knew what life meant. And maybe if mental health help was more accessible back then their lives would be longer and more peaceful. 

17. Telling people everything is overrated. You don’t have to talk about every single thing that’s on your mind or that’s going on in your life. The good and the bad and the mediocre. You have to be mindful about how much of yourself you’re giving away. 

18. Re-watch Suits when people at work feel intimidating because the confidence + negotiation tactics that they show can actually work irl cos at the end of the day no matter in what position you’re dealing with people who have emotions and fears and insecurities and desires. You understand how to leverage that nobody can get the better of you. 

19. You belong to yourself. No matter how much you love someone or how much they have done for you or how much you owe them - you belong to yourself. You can’t live your life for someone else. Everyone belongs to themselves first. No relationship, no promise, no circumstance should make you feel like you have to give up your life and make it all about them. If and when the time comes to die for them, go ahead. Take a bullet. Donate that kidney. Write them in your will. But live your life for yourself. And let them live theirs. 

20. Twenty three was a challenging year. When it started you claimed the age 23 sounds boring and insignificant. Guess it proved you wrong. It hurt so much now. But that only means you’ll look back on it later and see how it added so much wisdom and resilience to your being. It doesn’t mean that it makes all the bad things that happened to you okay. Or that you should be grateful to them. Fuck no. It means that you should be kinder to yourself because at the end of the day, your mind and body find it in themselves to deal with whatever is thrown their way. They have your back. It’s time you learn to sit straight. 

[alice-angel12x]

💔Bunny!Shouto x Bunny!Reader

Beastar/hybrid/ Fantasy AU

[In this story everyone is a hybrid with animal instincts, and major height difference depending on the animals like in beastars. And magic exists. And sorry if Shouto seems out of character for you.]

"Shouto where are you?!" Y/n called for her friend.

Sadly Shouto's mind was elsewhere, for he had fallen in love with the wolf princess Momo. Every day he would sit at the edge of cottonwood village and gaze upon The princess from afar.

"Shouto, there you are," Y/n said with a smile.

But that quickly turned into a sad frown as she saw Shouto eyeing the crescent castle. Kingdom of the wolves. Know most would wonder, why is there a rabbit village a hop skip, and a jump away from a wolf kingdom. Well, every time the village tries to move away rogue wolves would attack. Yet once they got close to the castle they would quickly run away. The king of the wolves claimed that as long as they stayed within the boundaries of the kingdom, they would protect them. Y/n never bought that. She noticed that once every year one rabbit from the village would disappear. Many believed it was from the rogue wolves, sneaking in and past the guards. So Y/n was worried about her friend falling in love with a wolf, a rabbit falling in love with a wolf.

"Oh Hi, Y/n," was all he said not even turning to look at her.

"How are you feeling, you know since spring is coming up?" Y/n asked him slowly.

"I'm fine," was all he said. "How about you,"

"I'm good still looking for my prince charming you know," Y/n said wistfully.

"You so childish," Shouto said as he finally turned to her.

"I'm 16 what's so childish about that?" Y/n asked as she turned to head back to the village.

Cottonwood Village is a quaint little town of Rabbits. In the middle of the village was a large cottage where the leader/mayor lived with his family, Shouto's family. The leader was endeavor Shouto's father, he was a part of the group of rabbits that believed the wolves were hiding something.

"Does your father know about your umm, dream girl?" Y/n asked.

"My father already has enough control of my life, I'm not about to let him control my love life," Shouto said coldly.

"You shouldn't get too close to the castle, it's dangerous," Y/n said in a worried tone.

"I know your thoughts on Wolves Y/n. But the wolves have shown use that they have other alternative foods. Like soy and bean-made meat," Shouto explained.

"It's easy to say that when it's not someone you care about goes missing," Y/n muttered bitterly, but Shouto sadly heard her.

"Y/n, it was the rogues that got your brother. And the Kingdom felt with them remember," Shouto sighed in annoyance.

"Shouto are you sure you love this wolf girl or is this just one of your I just wanna piss off my dad things?" Y/n asked bitterly.

"If You don't like it then you could always find someone else to hang out with, Y/n!" Shouto said as his left side lit up in flames.

Y/n quickly ran off, startled by Shouto's flame magic. Shouto sighed in frustration as he realized he used his father's Flames. After that Shouto avoided Y/n like the plague, and it didn't help that his father eventually found out Shouto was in love with a wolf. Endeavor did not like that, so he started setting updates for Shouto to try to take his mind off Momo.

Y/n tried to apologize and rekindle with him, but he would only give her the cold shoulder.

Y/n could see the sorrow and anger Shouto was in, so she barrier her feelings for him and braved the dark forest. She heard rumors that a powerful owl named All For One could perform miracles, even change species. She eventually found him a creepy old owl.

"E-excuse me, sir," Y/n stuttered as the owl turned his head 180° to look at her.

"I wanted to know if you had the power to change a person's species?"

"Yes indeed child, and what species would you like to be, but it will cost you," All for One chuckled.

"How much would it cost?" She asked.

"Half of your soul. Your life Will be cut in half. You'll live to about 25 for you," he answered as he towered over Y/n.

"I would like to pay for someone. If a red and white male rabbit comes and asks to change him, please take my soul," Y/n said in confidence.

"You young people always ready to throw your life away," he muttered as ripped out half of Y/n's soul.

And with that, she quickly ran back to the village, with Half of her soul in toe. She managed to track down Shouto and told him about All for One but left out the part of selling half of her soul.

Shouto did not waste time to find the owl and demand him to turn him into a wolf.

____________ [4 years later]

It has been 4 years since I changed into a wolf. When I changed, I found myself waking up in a large bed. I was found by Princess Momo herself. She helped was so sweet and kind, and was more than happy to explain wolf society. When I told her I was raised by Herbavoir animals. I was an Omega, while She was an Alpha.

Yet I enjoyed the times we spent together, I had never felt so free. She would help my heats or anything that confused me. It took a while to get used to eating soy meat, but I didn't mind all that much. All for One said he could change me and give me Wolf-like instincts, but he couldn't remove my Rabbit instincts. So it took a long time to suppress those instincts.

°° Today Momo had important meetings, so I was left to my own devices. So I decided to take a stroll through the forest. As I wandered through the forest I could hear humming coming from a nearby river. I peaked out from behind the tree, too see a rabbit bathing in the river. I recognized that rabbit, with her lovely H/c hair and beautiful snow-white rabbit ears and Tail.

"Y/n?" I called out to her.

Y/n quickly turned around to face me as she covered her chest with her arms. As my eyes took in all of her details I could feel the rest of the world fading away. It was just me and Y/n. In my new wolf body, Y/n looked so small compared to me now.

She matured a lot over these past 4 years. For some reason I couldn't see her as the childish dreamer 4 years ago, I couldn't figure out why.

"Umm hello Shouto, your taller," Y/n said as she started backing away.

"I-it's good to see you again Y/n," stuttered as I felt the heat rush to my face.

She smiled sweetly at me as she grabbed her robes as he made her way over to you. Seeing her standing In front of me was odd. I remember when I was still a rabbit I was just a few inches taller than her. But now she just barely reached my mid waist.

We sat under a tree and talked for hours about what had happened to me. And she sat there and listened very closely. Her robes v neck was very revealing and I started to feel hot.

She seemed to notice as she got and started to walk with a slight sway in her hips. A dormant instinct awakens within me as the rabbit inside me begged to go after her.

"It seems you're a bit too excited to see me. If I remember correctly I was too childish for you~," She said with a smooth seductive voice.

I had to hold back the Rabbit instincts as I watched cross to the other side of the river.

"I'm afraid I have to leave now, spring is just around the corner after all~," She cooed as she disappeared behind the trees.

I felt hot in a certain place as I felt my tail wag uncontrollably on the ground. That wasn't the last time I went out to see Y/n. Anytime Momo was busy I would meet Y/n by the river and we would talk.

One day it was a particularly hot day as I made my way to Y/n's meet site. Today she was wearing a large floppy sun hat and a cute spring dress.

"So what us Momo like?" Y/n asked curiously.

"She's wonderful, she's kind, smart, and gentle," I said to her as I started to talk about my fiance.

"Hey Shouto are you okay, you seem sluggish today and in pain?" Y/n asked worriedly.

"Oh don't worry, I'm going into heat soon. So I'll be sore for a while, the downsides to being an Omega wolf," I explained.

"That sucks, is there any way I can help you?" Y/n asked as she hugged my neck. She smelled like a field of wildflowers, I couldn't help but return her hug.  ---

As The two old friends were talking they failed to notice two figures creeping behind them. Before Y/n could react, a large hand grabbed her by the ears and lifted her off the ground. She screamed and thrashed against her captors. Shouto quickly got up and tackled the man as he pulled Y/n into his arms and ran.

"It's the rogues, we need to head back to the castle," Shouto struggled to say as he ran.

But as he ran his body began to ache and became heavy. His vision started to blur and his steps became uncertain. Shouto tripped and tumbled down the hill with Y/n in toe. As he collapsed on the ground his eyes slowly closed as his body gave out.

"SHOUTO, PLEASE WAKE UP!!'' was the last thing he heard.

------

As my eyes opened up, I found myself in my room or my nest. suddenly Momo came in with her usual sweet smile.

" Good your fully awake, it's good to see you took well to the stew," she smiled as she picked up the empty bowl next to me.

"W-what happened to me," Shouto asked as he tried to sit up.

" You're in your heat, but it is taking a larger toll on you because your body lacks certain nutrients that soy meat can't provide. So our hunters found a rabbit near you and gave her to our chiefs and made you rabbit stew," Momo explained.

Shouto felt his whole world shatter as his stomach noted and squeezed.

"Oh, my maid is coming with more stew. Today's rabbit such a delicious flavor," Momo said as she rubbed her finger in the empty bowl and licked off the stew on her finger.

Shouto began to tremble as the truth sank into him. His stomach lurched in disgust as he sat up and leaned onto a nearby wall. Soon a maid came in with a fresh bowl of ... Rabbit... Soup. Shouto tried to back away only for his back to meet another wall. The maid scooped a spoon full of Stew with a generous amount of cooked meat chunks.

"Open your mouth," the maid said using her Alpha order.

Shouto's omega body slowly opened its mouth, despite Shouto's wishes. As the maid feeds him a spoonful of rabbit stew. The maid ordered him to chew and swallow, and he did. Heavy tears ran down Shouto's face as his body betrayed him. It felt like an eternity to finish the entire bowl of Stew.

____

Soon as the maid left Shouto pushed himself onto his feet and made his way down to the kitchen.

'It couldn't be Y/n right? She must have run away to safety,' he thought to himself.

As he entered he saw the chief with a cloth sack ready to be thrown out. Shouto quickly offered to take it out for them as a thank you for the meal. And the chief happily gave the sac to Shouto.

Once he was out he ran deep into the forest and opened the bag to see a fresh skeleton of a small rabbit. But inside he pulled out a familiar sun hat and spring dress. His stomach lurched and forced up the stew into a nearby bush.

"I... I ate her!! I ate Y/n', His mind screamed in shame, disgust, and sorrow as he began to sob.

Flashes of Y/n's beautiful smile and lively eyes appeared in his mind.

He held up Y/n's dress, it looked so small. The perfect size for a Pup maybe, but he knew this dress was the size for a fully grown rabbit, a young woman. He held the dress close to his chest like he was Hugging Y/n again.

Shouto with his head low he snuck back to his nest. Laying down he slowly pushed away most of the fabric Momo scented as he held Y/n's dress close to him. He could still smell the field of wildflowers on her dress.

"I can still smell you Y/n," He whimpered to himself.