#why does my brain make these connections

[bellatrixieblack]

voodoo by Godsmack is such bellatrix vibes to me idk

[icewindandboringhorror]

I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently

[celestialrealms]

Honestly I think the saddest thing about the Nightbringer timeline to me is just how alone Diavolo is. Tbh, the only person he really has at this point is Barbatos (and I would never devalue their relationship. It’s my favorite in the franchise. An elderich monstrosity swearing undying loyalty and being a friend and parental figure to an abused and othered child will ALWAYS get me)

even Mephisto, there’s a distance there because of their upbringing and the current political situation in the Devildom.

Yes, Diavolo says he helped the brothers for selfish reasons… and that’s true to an extent! But the fact that people who think he’s taking advantage of them for the sake of using them for the Devildom have been vehemently proven wrong. He’s literally just lonely, and is in fact going against the grain of how the nobility wants him to treat them as much as he can.

Is it healthy to keep people in his life by having them swear loyalty to him? No. But imo, it I do think it is a purposeful parallel to how controlling of his brothers Lucifer is. They are both pride demons with similar daddy issues, after all. Diavolo just didn't have a family surrounding him to look after

Except he’s on the outside of that. He doesn't want to be, but he is. At least in the current timeline we had those arcs where Diavolo was able to form more genuine connections to the brothers. I loved that!! But now in the Nightbringer timeline… he’s having to deal with so much and at the same time has none of those connections to the brothers any more.

Idk. It just makes me a hundred times more sad than anything else. Sorry not sorry.

Especially since Solmare refuses to let Diavolo romancers prioritize and care about him in any way.

[monster-noises]

Anyone out there got a solution for when you're feeling really stuck with your art and everyone and their mother tells you the solution is to do studies and figure drawings and other such things but even just thinking about doing those things makes you Spiral and want to Kill Yourself?

[moe-broey]

Another important thing though...

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

♪♪♪!!!!!

OK U SENT ME 3 SO U GET 3 DIFFERENT ONES FOR FUNSIES

Animal - Magnolia Park

"Swear to God, I'm God, a reincarnate of a fuckin' demon"

Morior Invictus - Belly of the Steel Beast

"Witness me, friend,

I am awaiting

On thundrous hooves, I charge into

The valley of death"

ok the next song was Heartache from Undertale which doesnt have lyrics. and the one after that was I Am Not A Moron from portal 2. so. skipping those but u get the vibe

Secular Haze - Tub Ring

"Weave us a mist,

Fog Weaver

Hide us in shadows

Unfathomable wall-less maze,

A secular haze"

[sleepanonymous]

(source)

I think about this interview question Ethel Cain answered way too much. And it only makes me think about Vessel and his lyrical patterns.

"I wanted to open myself up and pull someone into me and devour them. I had to put people inside me to love them." "I just love the romantic implications of the desperation of getting someone so close to you that you have to devour them." "I have to want to eat you. If I don't want to eat you then it's not real love."

Am I insane, or could you imagine Vessel saying these things? He pretty much does with songs like The Offering ("But I know you've got a taste, so just take a bite of me."), Nazareth ("Dripping from the open mouth, I'll show you what you look like from the inside."), Missing Limbs ("I'd drink you in to temper your belief in all my promises, to swallow my desire and choke on it."), and obviously Vore ("So let's get swallowed whole. I want to go where nobody else will ever go"). There are something like 23 Sleep Token songs that allude to eating/consumption in some way, I think? But cut me some slack, it's 3 a.m., and I'm barely back from a weekend holiday. Anyways, I guess the point of this is that Ethel and Vessel should get together sometime and chill (their characters, not the actual people… even though a Vessel/Ethel Cain collab would fucking slap, holy shit👀👀👀 Someone call Spinefarm and AWAL stat).

[hockeynoses]

me saying, "but it won't be a vanilla fic... it'll be a snz fic," with the same inflection as, "you wouldn't be my family. you'd be my lady," from ga/me of thro/nes. 😌

[dbphantom]

you know if you guys voted for stretch armstrong i probably would have shut up a lot sooner tonight

[dutybcrne]

Kaeya is rather touch averse, cringing away from casual contact people give him under the guise of being distracted or idle movement. He's used to it, the Ragnvindrs and Adenlinde got him used to frequent affectionate physical contact, but it can still be entirely Uncomfortable if he's touched by someone outside those he is close to or someone he's otherwise Allowed to touch him.

[gaybd1]

being trans means you get dysphoria from the wildest of places

whats been plaguing me lately?

my presence on this site, which is mostly inhabited by women and nonbinary people

my presence on ao3, when we KNOW most fanfic authors are queer women

[fagnumopus]

🍂

[fox-mulder-gets-pegged]

The funny thing about owning a cat with severe anxiety and (suspected) brain damage is sometimes things that were ok yesterday are now far far far too scary today.

Case in point, yesterday the wet food dish was bringer of Food and Yum, today it's so so so so scary too scary can't go near it please feed me with a different bowl or I'll cry and cry and cry.

[wabblebees]

assigning me homework is cruel and unusual, actually

[oliapfel]

.......... Same energy (?)

stop that, boy

[king-callmeyour]

I believe that I am fronting though perhaps I am not; perhaps I am another speaking through this personification, this representation, this presentation.

Regardless, I will post the to-do list.

Wash dishes

Refill water container

Prepare to take out trash (including bathroom)

Make sure the cats are fed and cared for, I suppose.

Perhaps remind our roommate of his idea to take us out someplace.

Contemplate going out to buy a drink. Food if it's enticing.

As optional objectives:

Do simple figure/gesture studies

-> Learn to not change proportions as you work (typically going from small to large and then finding the legs are much larger and longer than the torso than the head).

Start learning Japanese (despite knowing we will not make much progress)

Attempt to make progress in our Sekiro save(s).

Learn more about Asian culture and history.

Try not to forget about playing honkai star rail (and ignore our roommate's comment about how it's basically Genshin :/)

I would like to add on that yesterday, perhaps the day before (ignore that it is past midnight, this treats it as if today is the 23rd), we have obtained a new fixation. It would be most obvious, of course, but it is the game Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice.

The moment it clicked was when Wolf started to smile during the cutscene after killing Emma. Returning to a thought previous, perhaps these fixations should be seen more often through the lens of BPD and FPs, as it becomes increasingly obvious that that must be how we experience it (that 'click', the switch that we had always associated with limerence).

But regardless, it is now a fixation that has begun to eat away at us. I would not regard it as a flashback per se, more an intrusion, but there was a brief flicker of a moment where imagery of Sekiro and Kuro flashed in our mind, and it greatly impacted our emotions. It affected us deeply in that fraction of a second for an unknown reason.

Initially, and presently, we were quite against having this be a new fixation. Primarily due to our roommates and how we would present to them due to such a thing. However, opinions fluctuate and presently, it is a non issue... to an extent. One can only say so much after there had been a panic attack borne from said fixation and the strong aversion to having it.

So, as this is no longer such an issue, we will be... hesitantly, allowing ourself to be... more overt? In the changes this will cause? It is difficult to state, and I am/we are uncertain, but nonetheless it will be.

We are deciding to allow ourself to think what we think, feel what we feel, and become what we may. If it is heavily influenced by the game and its characters, story and themes, then so be it.

One must free themself from the shackles of shame and fear. Allow yourself existence. If we appear to change who we are, it would be unfair to allow another to dictate who you are allowed to be. If they do not like it, {"so mote it be"}{shush; we don't even partake in that (not anymore)} then so be it. Be whoever you are at any given moment; you deserve to find yourself and actualize it.