#why does my brain make these connections | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bellatrixieblack · 2 years ago

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voodoo by Godsmack is such bellatrix vibes to me idk

#why does my brain make these connections

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icewindandboringhorror · 3 months ago

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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently

#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting #with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though #you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would #think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page #disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol #THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended #(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever #so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with #no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know #EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably #It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end #point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc #I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc #rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is #not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school #but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia #and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like #the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot #or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are #familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them #Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol

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celestialrealms · 1 year ago

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Honestly I think the saddest thing about the Nightbringer timeline to me is just how alone Diavolo is. Tbh, the only person he really has at this point is Barbatos (and I would never devalue their relationship. It’s my favorite in the franchise. An elderich monstrosity swearing undying loyalty and being a friend and parental figure to an abused and othered child will ALWAYS get me)

even Mephisto, there’s a distance there because of their upbringing and the current political situation in the Devildom.

Yes, Diavolo says he helped the brothers for selfish reasons… and that’s true to an extent! But the fact that people who think he’s taking advantage of them for the sake of using them for the Devildom have been vehemently proven wrong. He’s literally just lonely, and is in fact going against the grain of how the nobility wants him to treat them as much as he can.

Is it healthy to keep people in his life by having them swear loyalty to him? No. But imo, it I do think it is a purposeful parallel to how controlling of his brothers Lucifer is. They are both pride demons with similar daddy issues, after all. Diavolo just didn't have a family surrounding him to look after

Except he’s on the outside of that. He doesn't want to be, but he is. At least in the current timeline we had those arcs where Diavolo was able to form more genuine connections to the brothers. I loved that!! But now in the Nightbringer timeline… he’s having to deal with so much and at the same time has none of those connections to the brothers any more.

Idk. It just makes me a hundred times more sad than anything else. Sorry not sorry.

Especially since Solmare refuses to let Diavolo romancers prioritize and care about him in any way.

#does this make sense? i honestly cannot write this kind of post my brain is too mushy to get my thoughts out properly lmao #i keep wanting to get this point across about diavolo but i feel like i'm not that best at it sowwy #this is why i dont write meta #obey me diavolo #obey me nightbringer #obey me #obey me shall we date #long post /#diavolo #thinking about the parallels of diavolo and barbatos being so alone and how they both said that the connections they made #re. the brothers for diavolo and diavolo for barbatos were all for selfish reasons... & shaking them up in the glass jar where they belong!#also anything they do wrong is objectively cute silly and funny on account of their pretty privilege

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monster-noises · 4 months ago

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Anyone out there got a solution for when you're feeling really stuck with your art and everyone and their mother tells you the solution is to do studies and figure drawings and other such things but even just thinking about doing those things makes you Spiral and want to Kill Yourself?

#monster noises #it's 1am no one will see this it's fine #it's a genuine problem though i Wish i could be aotherfucker who found it engaging and satisfying to do figure drawing #but i both A) had some bad experiences with this type of learning in highschool that i guess kinda make them triggering for me i guess?#and B) my brain doesn't seem to be able to like.. Learn Things.... That Way.... or at least not Obviously #i mean obviously i've improved as an artist over time in general #and i won't lie and say i've Never done figure drawing or studies or anything #but i never leave those situations feeling like i've Learned anything #mostly i've just sat for several hours growing increasinglyore frustrated #at my limitations and inability to achieve what i feel should come to me intuatively #and even if i Did feel like i've learned something i can seemingly never turn around and then apply it to something else #my brain does not make those lateral connections #it's why i can't do word problems in math.#and plus i also find stuff like figure drawing especially Rarely helps me make progress on the parts of my work i Actually want to improve #fluidity/mobility/stylization and surrealism #and only reinforces practices i want to pull away from #realism/'correctness'#all this combined leaves me just kinda stuck because i really can't power through my fear of these practicing methods #because i also don't find them useful #but i have no alternatives because it's like.. the only thing anyone suggests because theoretically is Does Work #but just not when you're Specifically Busted like I'm Busted #and so I just continue to stagnate until idk.. i find something else that can abruptly and suddenly launch me forward again?.#augh.. being an artist is The Most Enjoyable (_=<=)_

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daz4i · 11 days ago

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absolutely not complaining bc i love this imagery sm but i'm curious as to why there's so much art of ratio with snakes and apples. yeah yeah fruit of knowledge but why him. what are you trying to imply......

#if it was official art i would've gone insane and used it in my theories btw. ofc #but it's smth i see often in fanarts mostly #the apple can connect to his idle animation. that references newton ofc #and the snake i like to connect to his eyes. @hoyo why does he have snake eyes what does it mean. answer my calls hoyo i'm in your walls #ig there's also an aspect of nudity related to the fruit which i did make a post of how it relates to him like 2 days ago lol #mmmm i love him 🥺👉👈#sorry i fell asleep bc i was extremely exhausted from crying and i just woke up and it's midnight #so ig my brain jumped to thinking abt him as a distraction from *gestures vaguely*

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disorganised-bagel · 24 days ago

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been playing way too much slime rancher recently, and am now getting The Urges to make some kind of rtc slime rancher au

#i don't even know how it would work #or what it would consist of #my brain just wants to combine all my interests constantly #ricky would turn all the slimes into tabby largos #misha would like rad slimes because “they're rad yo”#ocean would probably try to make hunter largos and then get bitten. the idea of her being bitten by a slime amuses me #does any of this make sense #am i still speaking english #i have accumulated nearly 24 hours of playtime in 4 days #i love slime rancher so much #btw if anyone is for some reason reading this and is yet to play the game but wants to #if you have a jetpack you can hop the wall into the moss blanket without opening the gate with a key #save yourself a slime key #i discovered that years ago when the game was in early access. it has never been patched #life tips with disorganised-bagel #help this has gotten so off-track #i think noel would connect with mosaic slimes on a deep fundamental level. idk why. i just get the vibe #constance would like pink slimes i think #like everyone else always overlooks the pink slimes because they're so common but constance has a whole corral of them #don't ask me about penny headcanons for this hypothetical au that i'm making up on the spot as i write this at 11:32pm #because i have no clue #she'd probably actually know what she was doing i guess. she'd probably laugh at ocean for getting bitten by a slime #this post is so unhinged i'm so sorry i'm gonna go sleep now i think lol #bagel thoughts

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moe-broey · 6 months ago

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Another important thing though...

#is just like how takumi is already loved and cherished and has his own things going on #so much so that he's never excluded or 'chosen over'. when it comes to moe/alfonse/the dynamics there #and VERY MUCH . the same way takumi makes the choice/has the opinion himself 'yeah you guys are insane. LMFAO'#mani is never unwanted.#WELL. huge fucking disclaimers and citations needed BUT. BUT. the biggest thing IS #how eventually alfonse does come to love and care for mani. just in a different way he does w moe #and the takumi comparison is directly in reference to me deciding. it's not that deep actually #takumi again has plenty of connections and his own problems AND. his own feelings about things.#mani is somewhat similar. in the same way i'm using my authority to give it the agency #of. mani doesn't want alfonse to love it the way alfonse loves moe. moe doesn't want alfonse to love mani the way he loves moe.#alfonse understands this. respects this. and his feelings are mutual. he does fundementally have different feelings about them.#anyways again mani is just. a study in SO many things.#also it's extremely fascinating to pick every character's brain here when you factor in lif #for the record i don't think lif even knows mani exists (in. the non-existent way it does.)#i think his moe died before then.#but i'm moreso talking about like. digging into The Character Studies. why moe feels the way it does about lif #why alfonse feels the way it does about mani. and why both alfonse and moe feel the way they do about each other Specifically.#and the core differences between lif and mani. which informs how moe and alfonse feels abt them respectively #THERE'S JUST... A LOT..... GOING ON HERE........#mani tag

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stuck-in-the-ghost-zone · 9 months ago

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♪♪♪!!!!!

OK U SENT ME 3 SO U GET 3 DIFFERENT ONES FOR FUNSIES

Animal - Magnolia Park

"Swear to God, I'm God, a reincarnate of a fuckin' demon"

Morior Invictus - Belly of the Steel Beast

"Witness me, friend,

I am awaiting

On thundrous hooves, I charge into

The valley of death"

ok the next song was Heartache from Undertale which doesnt have lyrics. and the one after that was I Am Not A Moron from portal 2. so. skipping those but u get the vibe

Secular Haze - Tub Ring

"Weave us a mist,

Fog Weaver

Hide us in shadows

Unfathomable wall-less maze,

A secular haze"

#love that morior invictus is here bc its actually from that podcast red valley #which???? im pretty sure you recommended to me hdgdjsb!!!!! fucking love that song #its so. gillion tidestrider. to me. not necessarily the lyrics but i think he would listen to music like that #I CANT TELL YOU WHY YET BUT SECULAR HAZE IS SUCH A WIWI SONG TO ME. DONT THINK TOO HARD ABOUT IT . YOULL UNDERSTAND EVENTUALLY #its one of those things that will not make snese anyway until the thing happens.#because my brain works the way it does and makes insane connections that dont make sense to anyone else but me 90% of the yime #just know. wiwi song.#asks #friends!!!#intertexts #lyric game

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sleepanonymous · 1 year ago

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(source)

I think about this interview question Ethel Cain answered way too much. And it only makes me think about Vessel and his lyrical patterns.

"I wanted to open myself up and pull someone into me and devour them. I had to put people inside me to love them." "I just love the romantic implications of the desperation of getting someone so close to you that you have to devour them." "I have to want to eat you. If I don't want to eat you then it's not real love."

Am I insane, or could you imagine Vessel saying these things? He pretty much does with songs like The Offering ("But I know you've got a taste, so just take a bite of me."), Nazareth ("Dripping from the open mouth, I'll show you what you look like from the inside."), Missing Limbs ("I'd drink you in to temper your belief in all my promises, to swallow my desire and choke on it."), and obviously Vore ("So let's get swallowed whole. I want to go where nobody else will ever go"). There are something like 23 Sleep Token songs that allude to eating/consumption in some way, I think? But cut me some slack, it's 3 a.m., and I'm barely back from a weekend holiday. Anyways, I guess the point of this is that Ethel and Vessel should get together sometime and chill (their characters, not the actual people… even though a Vessel/Ethel Cain collab would fucking slap, holy shit👀👀👀 Someone call Spinefarm and AWAL stat).

#ethel cain #ethel cain interview #preachers daughter #vessel sleep token #vessel #this is why we need sleep token interviews #otherwise my brain makes random connections like this #at ridiculous hours of the night at that #hey alexa how does one articulate thoughts #cw cannibalism #cw vore

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hockeynoses · 7 months ago

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me saying, "but it won't be a vanilla fic... it'll be a snz fic," with the same inflection as, "you wouldn't be my family. you'd be my lady," from ga/me of thro/nes. 😌

#idk why my brain makes these connections but it does #snz humor #snzblr #me implying on my non-snz blog that I have inspiration for a fic... but little do they know it's one they'll never see

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dbphantom · 7 months ago

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you know if you guys voted for stretch armstrong i probably would have shut up a lot sooner tonight

#so really this is all your fault /lh /j #i love thinking about h2o tho so im happy #VERY FUCKING TIRED THO WISH I COULD SLEEP #i think my brain is kicking into overdrive after being filled with cotton the past 3 days which. hey im glad ur back bud #CAN YOU SHUT UP NOW I NEED REST #i was just thinking because im probably not posting that essay i will summarize here (i saw #that privating it made it lose like 4 recently edited paragraphs and i don't want to type all that out again my memory isn't good enough)#it just boiled down to the pods basically making a self fulfilling prophecy by orphaning their sons and making them increasingly #desperate for connections to other people like them which is why i think erik behaves the way he does esp when ondina is around #like i am not excusing his actions in the slightest dont get me wrong here he really fucked up BUT #his last conversation with ondina before he goes to the chamber kind of sold that idea to me #how he scoffs at her saying rita says it's dangerous because she's 'old school' and of COURSE old school mermaids think all mermen are evil #and then starts adding on how he wants to do this for HER and get her home back for her by controlling it #like a bit of an add-on at the end to try and convince her #i think what he really wants is to be hailed as a hero. you know. validation and acceptance from the ppl who originally abandoned him #the OGs who made him feel like an outsider. the ppl who ripped everything away from him just bc of the way he was born (which is prob why #when he's trying to convince zac to help him he keeps bringing up their ancestors bc that's what unifies them)#i don't think he's an evil dude per se i think he thought stealing the trident stone from rita's grotto would be small peanuts in the past #once he finally got the pod to come home bc he genuinely (mistakenly) believed he COULD control the power of the chamber #i also think that's why the camera keeps focusing on his face when he's watching the others panic over #zac's sacrifice and i think he is feeling jealousy bc they are paying attention to him and not Erik #like that's not the face of someone who deeply regrets what they just did. my guy is just sitting there like 'that should be me rn'#i think that is why he also sounds so desperate to make things right with ondina afterwards. iirc he's just like 'wait no we can start ove #RIGHT?' and she's like 'uhhhh... no??????' (valid). my dude is lonely as fuck and he finally found a group of ppl like him and he messed up #big time just trying to get their attention and affection bc he couldn't just be normal abt it he had to go big or go home #like i kind of feel bad for him in a way #but i feel bad for everyone #i felt bad for denman the other day! that's how bad this is getting!!#i mean come on imagine making the scientific discovery of a LIFETIME only for all that shit to happen in a row #especially after you get your comeback. they just go right back to fucking you over again

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gaybd1 · 1 year ago

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being trans means you get dysphoria from the wildest of places

whats been plaguing me lately?

my presence on this site, which is mostly inhabited by women and nonbinary people

my presence on ao3, when we KNOW most fanfic authors are queer women

#WHY DOES THIS BOTHER ME #my brain always tries to find new ways to make me feel like im not man enough ahhhhh #it doesnt help that im in a career field that is largely dominated by women and i get those feelings irl all the time #hey toxic masculinity sucksss #other men in fandom spaces pls connect #trans #tian talks

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fagnumopus · 1 year ago

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🍂

#what am i doing wrong what am i doing wrong WHAT AM I DOING WRONG #why is it always wrong why can't i be stable why can't i just hold my shit together #why can't i know exactly what to do what to say why does it always have to be SHIT why do i make things WORSE #i feel so fucking hopeless im trying so hard all the time and it's not enough i feel like I'm always playing catch-up with my own life #my brain my body my psyche my money my relationships my marriage #it's all fucking crumbling why do i feel like everything around me is running away in different directions #i feel like I'm being torn apart i feel like I'm being ripped at the joints like some satirical cartoon of medieval torture #everything is falling apart around me and there's TIME LIMITS there's THINGS TO HANDLE and there's THE FUCKING DISHES #im so tired im so tired im so tired why am i so deeply miserable i want to take a flight anywhere i wanna LEAVE i wanna restart from 5y ago #i want a do-over because this is miserable i fucking hate it i hate my life rn #i haven't drawn a single line in DAYS im SO fucking miserable the thought of picking up a stylus makes me wanna throw up #i hate this fucking tattoo because I'll feel awful if i cut again #and i hate the connections and bonds bc I'll feel awful if i try to end it all bc i don't wanna put extra strain on my loved ones #i hate this #i hate myself i hate my life i hate my job i hate my brain i want do-overs please i just wanna have made better decisions #5 years or 2 years ago or just #a few months #i just wanna go a few months back #i just wanna try again #i don't wanna be stuck with a life that i got out of being reckless and stupid and idiotic and not planning better #i fucking hate this world and society im sick of it im sick #i wanna disappear into a vacuum until things get better #i wanna walk home one day 6 months from now and have a peaceful happy homemade dinner and see my cats sleeping together #and watch a fun show and then go out for a comforting coffee #i want so fucking little from life and i still don't get that #vent #to delete #do NOT message me abt this i just need to vent SOMEWHERE bc #i havent healed that other stupid fucking part of my brain that gets mad at people showing me compassion and worry #for some fucking reason

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fox-mulder-gets-pegged · 2 years ago

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The funny thing about owning a cat with severe anxiety and (suspected) brain damage is sometimes things that were ok yesterday are now far far far too scary today.

Case in point, yesterday the wet food dish was bringer of Food and Yum, today it's so so so so scary too scary can't go near it please feed me with a different bowl or I'll cry and cry and cry.

#honestly?#relatable #she (and the other two cats) are from an abuse situation and considering when they picked her up #her teeth were kinda jacked up and shes scared shitless of quick or sudden movement #im pretty sure she musta got kicked in the head or something #like when u look in her eyes u can tell that point A and point B aren't connecting #and she does some weird behavior stuff which is why i think brain damage #but she is loved and well cared for here #it's ok that she'll never be a lap cat and that if u try to pet her more than a few times she starts crying #she's safe here and ill meet here where she is #honestly when we adopted her we thought well we're never gonna see that cat #figured she'd find a little hidey hole and only ever come out for food and bathroom breaks #but nah she'll sit on the back of the couch #and if she thinks my mom's asleep she'll climb on top of her and make just thee most intense biscuits of all time #so i think she's happy here #even if sometimes her fear wins out

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wabblebees · 2 years ago

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assigning me homework is cruel and unusual, actually

#my brain is fucked. literally why are u making me do this shit. its fucking ridiculous #complain complain whine complain #whine whine bitch moan complain whine #scream. tear hair out. consider running away to the mountains #realise im already in the mountains and i still have to do this shit #grrrRRAAAGH.#the assignment is to read 30 pages of our textbook and take notes in an Atrocious & Exceedingly Specific Format that my brain DOES NOT LIKE #it does not FUCKING COMPUTE. and its making me so frustrated that i cant even READ anymore #after exactly One Hour of reading my entire brain went NOPE WE'RE DONE HERE and now its been TWO hours #the whole point is so we have a ~reference book~ to look back at in the future when it may be relevant! but what that Actually means is #YOUR HOMEWORK IS TO REWRITE THE TEXTBOOKAND MAKE YOUR OWN ✨️EMOTIONAL CONNECTIONS✨️ TO THE TOPICS COVERED #sir. if i told u the ✨️emotional connections✨️ i am making to this textbook #my mother would tackle me to wash my mouth out with soap. ''respectfully.''#the professor (derogatory)((<-the guy teaching isnt even technically a professor)) didnt even make up this assignment or the curriculum #he just got the job bc all of the other ACTUAL department faculty refused. bc this sucks ass.#he talks FOREVER abt some tangent & THEN is like 'hm. so we dont have time for the things i planned to do in class today. what do we do.'#WHY SHOULD WE KNOW. THATS YOUR JOB #and i like him (sort of.)((i at least want to be decent to him yanno?)) but this is fucking insane. i hate it here #id be so on board to read this textbook and learn this shit if i didnt have to take those GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING NASTY-ASS NOTES. FUCK.#this shit is legitimately so interesting to me!! but knowing i have to do ALL THAT??#makes my brain book it out the back of my skull like a fucking looney-toons skit. makes it go kablooey. leaves no trace but a dust cloud #thinking abt this assignment has been making my attention span so skittery that i havent been able to work on my OTHER homework Either #ugh. whatever #ill get over it & finish eventually. i just. the textbook is ALREADY oversimplifying so much #so im sitting here highlighting nearly fucking EVERYTHING. and then cant figure out what to actually take down as nOtEs #30 pages. of which im supposed to distill ''the 4-5 most important pieces of information from each page''#meaning my shit in ~column a~ should have. AT L E A S T. 120 FUCKING BULLET POINTS???#and THEN. im supposed to put an equivalent amount of ✨️personal connections✨️ in ~column FUCKING b~#fuck me ig. fuck.#bee speaks

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oliapfel · 3 months ago

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.......... Same energy (?)

stop that, boy

#why does my brain make these weird connections that aren't there #i took one look at Belphie and thought “mm fnaf face”“

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