#why does everyone treat me like shit
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#it's the weekend again#and i had a nasty day at work#why does everyone treat me like shit#back to feeling bad#at least i had 2 days of okay-ness#i think i should start avoiding my coworkers#i used to have a coworker who i'd never see...he was avoiding all of us#and i did get it back then but like i get it even more now#some of them seem nice#but every once in a while they let their true colors show and today was enough for me#sometimes they're nice when they're alone#but then when there's a bunch of them they kinda group up and start being bullies#very fascinating phenomenon#some of them look down on me because i'm still a uni student#yeah they might be jealous but the things they say are so hurtful#telling me that i have it easy bc i only work part-time#balancing studies with work is so difficult#not to forget my shitty situation at home + my mental health#they don't get it#and when i try to stand up for myself they just laugh#“you're still so young you don't know anything”#if i hear that one more time i'm going to say “yeah fine i don't know shit so stop asking me stupid questions every single day”#not going to help you ever again#what is the point behind making people feel shitty?#we work together. we should be kind to eachother.#but no#being mean is so much better apparently#i was holding back tears all day long today lol#rambles#way too many tags hahah
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THE VAMPIRE DIARIES 1.01 Pilot
#the vampire diaries#tvd#caroline forbes#gifs#thevampirediariesedit#tvdedit#carlineforbesedit#useramys12#tuserbelovas#addys-beth#userlolo#usercb#teendramaedit#userthing#yup had to gif this entire scene cause i'm a masochist or something#ignore these gifs of me i'm posting on the internet pleaseeeeeee#season one is so hard for me to get through for caroline reasons#she's so insecure and everyone treats her terribly actually#i love bonnie but she's not exempt from this#just the way she's acting in this scene i mean i cut out a lot of her annoyed looks#i've had that exact reaction from this exact rant and it does not feel good#she's being a bad friend here cause in season one she likes elena more than caroline just like everyone else idk why they wrote it that way#stefan's the only one who doesn't treat her like shit this season tbh
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rip severus snape you would’ve loved being a barista at an indie coffee shop
#severus snape#snape#pro snape#barista snape#they usually treat their employees like shit just like his employer does 😍#and potions is so close to barista#knowing exactly what you need? making something up on the spot? intricate techniques and new gadgets and everyone coming to him for help?#and he wears all black with the classic barista hair and his clothes probably always smell like his job#he has clothes specifically for work so he doesn’t fuck up his normal ones which is why he’s in the same outfit all the time#i am drawing this by the way. she’s a wip but she’s happening#if there’s a way to be a barista without going into autistic burnout after a week please let me know. i miss it
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i think its weird that i have to make this disclaimer but the internet is crazy so wtvr,, anyway,,
if i say i dont like something, that doesnt mean "that thing is bad and nobody should post it.."
i swear literally every time i even mention that i dislike something, people will go "wow does that mean u fucking hate me cuz i post that thing? ur a fucking stupid bitch and all ur opinions r wrong" LIKE ?? er.. no. just because i say i dont like certain characterizations of certain characters (the saiki k fandom is CRAZY about this cuz i can state an opinion on literally any character and a group of people will still go 'well only we're allowed to post our opinions about them because we're always right!1!1!'), or certain ship tropes (mentioned my hatred of toxic yaoi maybe once or twice on here months ago and people STILL get mad at me as if i said toxic yaoi lovers r evil or something), or certain ships, or WHATEVER, does not mean that i HATE the people who are posting them or that i think they shouldnt post them at all, NO, im just posting about my personal tastes on my personal blog and it would be extremely weird and hypocritical if i decided that i was the ONLY person that was allowed to do that,,
i think the only reason people assume that is because there are a lot of other people on here who ARE like that, and a lot of people toe the line between posting that they dont like something and posting that they think everyone who likes that thing is stupid, annoying, and wrong,, so i guess all i can say is, sorry for whatever made you make these assumptions but they arent true about me so plz leave me alone ʘ‿ʘ ur doing the same thing to me that ur accusing me of but i didnt do it in the first place so ur just actively being a dick for no reason
#crazy that the mindset some people on here have is that theyre the only ones allowed to post their opinions#ive repeated this a lot on this blog but i rlly think people forget that the person on the other side of the screen is in fact a person#if ur harassing people and publicly making fun of them then ur just as bad as any real life bully#that shit isnt as funny or harmless as u like to pretend it is#not once have i ever targetted anyone or went on someones blog to harass them over my opinion#yet people think its fine to do the same to me and treat it as if its like. revenge or something#like ? me saying 'i dont like toxic yaoi' is not equivalent to someone going on someone elses page and going 'how tf do u like toxic yaoi'#I DONT CARE !! all ive ever done is sit in my own little bubble and had opinions and that makes people mad#honestly though the people who will publicly talk and post abt it are significantly meaner#and i want to act like im not bothered by it because i know most of them r just angry that someone has a different opinion#and they want all their followers to bandwagon off of them (idk why maybe for validation or whatever-same reasons anyone would bully)#but seriously if u actually do think that something i said was out of line and crossed thise boundaries- just fucking tell me ?#im a person bro. ur solution to disagreeing with me shouldnt be 'lol im gonna post abt this and make everyone harass them'#have a conversation with me dude i dont bite ? if u cant talk to me like a person then just dont fucking say anything wtf#its so cowardly to be like 'well no i didnt wanna say anything to u cuz i didnt wanna be rude.. so instead i publicly made fun of u!'#LIKE WHATTTT STOPPPPP </3333#ok anyway this post wasnt supposed to get THAT serious.#MY POINT IS just be considerate of other people and dont base ur hatred off of assumptions#ur deflecting the blame onto someone else because u dont want to admit that ur just a fucking bully lol#being inconsiderate on here is something ive also been guilty of back when i first joined the fandom and was clueless#but grown ass adults who have been on here way longer r still doing that shit which is crazy#and i cant say anything because they have so much leverage over me and idk if its on purpose or if they dont even realize#ok im putting fandom tags cuz i want people to see this sorry. this is my one post thats actually targetted but its at a lot of people#so if u look at this and think 'hey i do that' pls evaluate urself<3#i mean its also targetted at everyone who does this anonomously so i dont know who it is OKOK IM DONE BYE SORRY HOPE THIS IS UNDERSTANDABLE#watch nobody read this fr#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#meows post
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Is this fanfic friendly? I feel like an outlier.
I guess this is my sign it's time to throw together a FAQ post to link to lol.
Yes, every event for this blog is fanfic friendly :D
Though as I mentioned on my Ominous October post, for events that include multiple short stories, I encourage everyone to flex their creativity and take one of their planned short story fanfics, and at least *attempt* to turn one of them into something entirely original; rebuilding a character and story from the ground up to stand on its own two legs is no easy feat, and that is what makes it so fun!
It really gets your creative gears turning, to make an "au of an existing material" to be something entirely original, and you can be pleasantly surprised about the things you come up with!
As a few people say, its not just a matter of "filing the serial numbers off" -- you have to add in just as much *or more* as what you take out when you are turning a fanfiction into something that is original and completely divorced from its original source material / inspiration, and that is a hard, but very rewarding challenge!
Obviously, this is not a requirement (there's no hard requirements for any of the challenges, other than no cheating, including no using AI),
but if you would like an extra challenge for the short story events and you're planning on doing entirely fan-fiction, I highly recommend trying it out at least once, and seeing where it leads you--
you may find yourself pleasantly surprised by what you find down that rabbit hole!
#replies#novella november#long rambly tags to follow lol#including anti royalist / anti billionaire shit#ominous october#this is what my novella november is going to be#something that WAS a huge earth-shattering fanfic AU#but before I even got past a WIP Oneshot I'd already realized that what I was planning was going to turn canon so far on its head it would#be unrecognizable and it would be much better off and more coherent if I made it entirely original#so now it is!#not only does this involve changing every single characters name#everyone is now a completely different species other than human because thats always fun#and of course we're also tackling all the issues that had annoyed me in omega verse fics since I was like 14 and liked the#creature aspects but hated the biological essentialism and misogny / caste systems#if your fantasy people have an enforced caste system you gotta actually treat that like the horror and systemic oppression it is#not just say 'biological = right' like dude what do you think people have been saying about real women this whole time????#people literally insist women are biologically inferior to men do you really think supporting that idea is going to make you sound#progressive just because your main character is a tomboy independant woman?#also like she lost all her independence as soon as she found a man to marry so uhhhhh#what happened to being ready and willing to hit the bricks if people kept talking down to you and condescending you for being a woman????#why did you go from independant badass tomboy to fainting damsel who spends all her time worrying about failing to produce an heir#so her husband can take power#instead of just straight up telling your husband#'hey I don't want to deal with the bullshit from your father how about we do the-#- socially acceptable thing and just go off to make our own independant settlement with some of the villagers who are on your side'#like your husband would literally be escstatic about this idea of finally getting out from under his dad's tyrannical thumb#and its more like way more than half the villagers would go with you not just a handful#theyve been sick of the kings shit for years and only your husband's potential rise to rule kept them in check#cus he actually cares about the villagers and goes among them#while still clearly having some biases to work through when it comes to class and gender equality
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if my parents keep talking to me im going to (remembers that suicide jokes are bad for mental health) go outside and dig a hole to narnia
#borbtalks#'borb u got a letter from vsp. why are you paying for vsp. i dont think u need it bc of xyz. oh you're getting mail from y insurance?#they're a good company. im also covered under them. are they cheaper than ur previous one? they must be. did u know medicare has a page#online where u can compare all the plans? well did you? ik you've been on medicare longer than me but idk if you knew :/#sooo do u have a valid drivers license? oh when did u get it renewed? when does it expire? we were looking at car insurance earlier...#oh btw when are they gonna reevaluate u for disability? do u know? when did they last reevaluate u? when do they reevaluate others?#ANYWAY. what if i brought over x's dog. the dog that stresses ur cats out so much that they puke everywhere and spend all day hiding :)#wdym it'll stress [cat] out. what if he. didn't get stressed? :)'#like SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP#cant even walk into the bathroom without her trying to talk to me. can't make dinner w/o her trying to talk to me#and of course im the bad guy in telling her not to stress the cat out#just by saying 'vet says he's not supposed to get stressed out. he's at a higher risk for blockage if he does#which will KILL him.'#same woman who sat next to me while i was the phone w/ the phone company. petting the cat and whispering 'oh borb abuses u doesn't he?#maybe ill just steal you away one day. keep u away from borb. oh yes borb treats u oh so horribly.'#and my dad. sitting on the other side of me. said absolutely nothing.#i get it. im the family's designated fuck up!! the designated brat !!!! and no one gives a shit if my feelings get hurt !!!!!!!#i swear. my mother could smack me and everyone would rush to her side and comfort her stinging hand
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idk what to do anymofe atp.
#tonight my mother sat me down at the table and asked me about a friend of mine#this friend is openly a lesbian and my parents know her well because we go spend vacations in the same place#but she lives in switzerland and i don't see her often#and my mom asked me out of the blue if i texted her often in a very suspect way and so i told her that we do in fact text pretty often#because like my parents know her she always bring us chocolate and dog treats for my dog and they never seemed to have issues with that#and she was “what did she say to you?” and at first i was confused and also scared AF#in a 100% serious voice like “if something happened would you tell me?”#and like what the fuck realllg#i eventually understood she was hinting at me buying “men's” clothing in the last year or so#and this friend of mine is very masculine presenting and does the same and i tried to explain my choices had nothing to do with her#but my mother was like “i mean you never did anything like this in the past idk why would you start now” and wanted to show me a picture#of like my twelve years old me wearing a dress???#and then she was like “i think you should stop interacting so much with her because it's not a healthy company for you” like-#what the fuck was that#the whole conversation#scared fbe shit out of me because this is my “i'm not homophobic and i'm in fact very accepting of everyone” mother
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Losing my mind hearing that people think being punitively misgendered as they/ them only happens to she/her trans women and not also he/ him trans men
Edit: glad I dug through the shitty comments enough to find op saying she didn't mean the phrasing of a particular sentence to imply this didn't happen to trans men, she wasn't expecting the post to blow up and was just writing about the things she's experiencing in a casual rant way. Internet ok sometimes. (Still other people in the comments thinking the above though.)
#why do people keep thinking that trans men don't experience transphobia#I've seen this happen!#I'm so tired#and i feel like i never see folks talking about trans men other than specifically trans masc spaces#unless its in relation to trans women#and i get that its because trans women are under public scrutiny in a more weaponized way#because transmysogyny is real#but im going crazy#and i feel like no one engages with the posts i make like this#which makes me feel like pulling my hair out even more#I'm absolutely not saying that trans women dont get targeted in a more violent way#they are#but trans men are also out here facing transphobia and it's not just like accidental or a byproduct#and like reminder to everyone including myself that people only see the slices of life they see#and none of us know how representative of the whole they are#and practically speaking we're not gonna get the data to answer that#so people can very much see x supported and y not in one space and others see y supported and x not in another#and both of those are real experiences the people in question have#idk i feel like people treat trans men as kinda unserious#and thats its own tag essay#Anyway I feel like no one's going to interact with this post#And I feel perhaps mistakenly but I feel like ppl think this kind of post makes me terfy and that's why they don't interact?#And I don't know why people do shit or don't#But it does just make me feel more like this#This being that people don't treat trans mens issues seriously
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im so fucking conflicted man, like this is making me cry
#not just about that previous thing#but also.....#i need rules to function in my head#how to decode good from wrong? rule: dont hurt people if you can avoid it#how to reasonably define hurting people#when i dunno what would hurt them? rule: as a baseline treat other people the way you would like to be treated unless they specify otherwisr#and jt works! it's a system#its the fucking wjat to we owe each other again. working out these reasonable rules is a never ending task#but when talking to people....#im like a programming language#so i can do a lot! but i have to be instructed. when dealing with exceptions/problems when i don't know what exactly to do to say to react#but like. i have issues with my self esteem i guess. for.no reason#how am i supposed to talk about it to people. why would i do that? how can i ask for advice if i already know what i am going to do?#i live in my head#and im so tired of this#i wish i could be myself or lobotomized#ive been feeling this pulled-taut rope in ky stomach whenever i think about my social life#i wish itd snap and ill awkwardly cut everyone off again#which makes me a hypocrite because im breaking a rule. im choosing to hurt people for my own convenience#does anybody elses brain work this way and PLEASE is there a solution? i need to stop thinking#so far mthe only solution ive found is grey zone (i dont know how to actually get real hard) drugs and a lobotomy#or just killing myself outright. i dont think i can do it yet but i wish i could#if i had a gun in my hands now for 5 minutes; as much as i want to i wouldn't be able to shoot myself#do you understand how this fact makes me feel even more like shit? depressed enough to wallow in self pity and misery not depressed enough#to solve it#just whine whine whine#i want to think like literally ANYBODY else think#i.want to.not need to make 10 yeat old ass rules for myself#but i dont know how to behave otherwise#im sorry i feel really bad
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I really am so sad I don't like isat. The themeing was very good
#isat critical#like the ''we must be prepared for the destruction change will bring'' shit came back so hard at the end#specifically with loop context/destroying themself to become a star. to become loop#and the fact that when siffrin deviated from the script. finally changed the way he performed his play (act 5)#that's when it broke#and he had to ''destroy'' his friends to do it. In a way. When all he knew how to do was fight/snapped#and it's like. of COURSE loop is how siffrin was able to escape. Because escaping the loop meant siffrin had to save/love themself#value their own life and not just their friend's#to realize that they couldn't do it on their own. that they needed their friends to help them out of it. they needed support#that being loved was more than saying the right thing or doing the right quest#isat is so strong structurally/thematically/plot-wise and I personally despise it comedically/character/dialogue writing-wise#and the whole game is dialogue. like isat is the most conflicting experience I've had in a while#Where I hate actually reading the dialogue and I don't like the character writing but I love thinking about it's themes. like hello#that sucks i'd rather have it just be one or the other#*aaravos voice* you must live life in the grey#Like the king and siffrin foil is my beloved. And I absolutely adore how the King's story was ended.#But I dislike siffrin as a character and I also hate most of the game's execution#like every emotional beat is made anticlimactic by the lack of subtext and the constant repetition#(literally laughed out loud at ''my house my country my HOME!'' like we said the same thing 3 times babe. the whole game is like this)#isat has a huge case of ''we wanted conflict but didn't give characters any real flaws to be able to do it''#idk. Everyone repeated over and over that they don't touch siffrin because he's uncomfortable with it. Over and over.#And yet he's still like. ''It's because Isa finds you disgusting'' Huh. Idk if we did the work for Siffrin to come to that conclusion#Like literally Isa never does anything to even imply that. All he's ever done is sing Sif's praises. makes me feel crazy#Like ''oh he views everyone else as just a character!! a pawn!'' except no he doesn't. he barely did in act 5#and even in act 5 he's horrified at how he treated odile. like. we did not commit to that. I got sad lukewarm flowey#Do not even get me started on odile's ''I think it's so cute you trapped yourself in time and went crazy because you love us''. Girl#Like no we can. We can commit. Siffrin did bad things and going crazy was bad. Odile wasn't wrong to be upset.#Like why not 'That was terrible of you to say. But I won't leave you—you still love people who make mistakes- because what else is there?'#like we got so close with the worst loop being the permanent loop. Siffrin is still loved no matter what. But idk. Felt brushed off#oh isat...you strange being...
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#im such a private person irl and for what like what purpose does this serve#all it does is distance me from people and keep me from making deep deep connections i know that very well#its just the act of opening up and being vulnerable especially when people aren’t groveling for me to open up is so unimaginable and#horrible#why do i do this like why i rlly dont want to share anything abt myself i just wanna know everything abt everyone while not sharing#anything abt myself#and then at the same time i am feel deeply disconnected and not understood and not known by anyone in my life except my mom#which im grateful for at least i have her but why cant i be that same way with friends i have literally had for 20+ years#i know i have to open up unprompted like without someone begging me to do so or its just gonna get worse and worse#but at the same time if there is this friend and shes curious idk theres just a million different things running through my head and im#just not ever a 100% honest or genuine with them#i guess in a way i also want to be seen in a certain light and as a certain someone and i do try to preserve an image of sorts even though#thats ridiculous to do with your fucking friends idk i guess im pretentious as shit?#i dont even know anymore#more than anything its like often when i share sth that was hard for me to open up abt i feel like ppl dont treat that with care or at#least havent in the past#and i rlly rlly hated that a lot and just i dont know#i told my mom some of the things my friends have said to me which has upset me and she was it sounds like they dont know you at all#and then she said but can i tell you that this is your own fault#and im like. i know. whag are they supposed to do#idk why am i like this what purpose does this serve omg id love to spend a day as an oversharer irl just to get a glimpse of what its like#i know this sounds odd bcs me online is just pure word vomit but thats probably also overcompensation cause i dont share these things with#my friends aka the ppl who i should actually be talking to#anyways
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absolutely cackling at the idiot4idiot of them and poor benny having to deal with this catholic school omega bless his heart!! bobby’s “captain’s nice but not that nice” killed me because like. that’s so correct thank u can’t wait to see him be “not that nice”. in this au, i do also wanna consider lundy with a massive massive heart eyes crush on maffhew bc that’s adorable. and would be hilarious if maffhew catches onto that faster than he catches on to sasha’s end of things. every euro’s eye twitches in judgement
the more that gets added to this au the funnier it fucking gets truly like lets make it sooooooooooo much messier yeah babes lets really ramp it up i love the energy we're creating in the room right now
you spend your heat with your captain ONCE and you know all his secrets is all im saying... something about a terribly sweet man who makes sure not to be overbearing with his status/size/etc who will throw his weight around liberally if he's gone enough... bobby knows a little too well of how not nice cappy can be... or so the tale goes...
i was hoping someone was finally gonna ask about lundy so i can talk about baby alpha lundy in relation to the sashamatthew because oh BOY when i say everyone is fucking everyone i meant it oh god i meant it
lundy's really whipped for the tall bratty omega that pushes him around (luosty) but also have you considered that as a baby alpha new to the league, you've been confronted with the longstanding idea that alphas cannot be in the same pack unless there's bitching involved (which there are other ways to assert dominance that does not involve knotting an alpha like holding them down and biting their neck until they stop fighting would do the trick for most alphas who aren't super territorial but you know hockey league and everything I'm sure its a "this is the quickest and simplest solution lets nip it in the bud before it becomes a problem (insert the many amount of incidents that caused such a consensus to be made)" so it becomes embroiled in tradition but it does have the adverse effect of being a lot of As inadvertent awakenings as hockey is wont to do
anyways walk with me, youre a baby alpha and trying not to psych yourself out about whats about to happen, its your first knot and the only one youll have to take in your life (or so it goes) and then youre home-free. Sasha treats you sweetly because hes been in your position before he doesnt want this to be a terrible experience but somehow that makes it 10 times worse because hes treating you something like a lover when you're literally bent over a table in a random staff room in the bowels of the stadium with your gym shorts by your knees and none of this is supposed to be in anyway tender or sexy its supposed to be practical and methodical, a "lets get it over with and never think about it ever again" but sasha keeps checking in, soothing and gentling you when he notices you tense up as he preps you, warns you when his knot is starting to form and tells you to just breathe through it and when you inevitably start crying at the sheer size of it, of how overwhelming it is—which is already embarrassing enough in the presence of your pack leader—he just starts pressing against you more and you feel the rumble more than you hear it because hes purring and chat is it normal to pop a knot because your captain is fucking his own knot into you and also purring to calm you down like your one one of his omegas. no lundys never living this down. no sasha is also never letting him live it down when he finally realises whats happened because despite his knot finally going down lundy is still a little too eerily still on the table. this is the part where he limps off and nurses his own ego and sasha nudges at him till he finally turns over and well. thats new. and unexpected. and definitely something to nurse your ego over (he likes to bring it up when lundy's being mouthy like he isnt still just a pup because it shuts him up pretty effectively and sasha's favourite activity is bullying lundy yeah)
so you take your first knot, kinda really liked it and also guess what youre living in your pack leaders house (to be mentored, also because fellow countryman) as a double whammy so you can imagine what lundys first week after the knot-ining™ is like... very much a puppy tucking their tail between their legs…
The thing they don’t tell you after being knotted as an Alpha is the after. The after is so much worse than the before and definitely a lot better than the during—but resolutely a pretty resounding worse.
The before is pacing around the sterile staff room, sweat breaking out of every pore of your skin, trying to wrestle down the nervous yipping that’s desperately forming in his chest—Anton’s not a puppy anymore—and listening for the footsteps that are sure to come soon enough down that hall.
The during is when the only thing you have to focus on is the large foreign intrusion that has your hackles rising but your Captain gave you a choice; either you stay still on your own volition or he has to help you out stay still. He said it without a single ounce of judgement, a peace offering if you will—like he’s done it so many times before, holding down big Alphas by the neck while he feeds them his cock, knots them until they become passive again. It’s already enough that Anton was on his stomach because he didn't think he could bear looking Sasha in the eye while he—you know... but it does mean his brain is making all sorts of connections he shouldn't be making at a time like this, and they don’t because before long every single thought just becomes big, big, so big. Anton doesn't have the time or space to even remotely think about the implications that come with it, just that it’s happening.
The after…
Not much has changed in the after, there's no new hints to Sasha's scent that Anton can parse out (like so many Omegas have gushed to him about before), there’s no throbbing at his neck because Sasha hasn’t marked him (this wasn’t a romantic throe of passion, it was a simple means to an end, of course Sasha didn’t bite him), and there’s no… bond…
Perhaps that’s the part that has him particularly… off.
He walks through Sasha’s house like he’s haunting it. He’s surrounded by his scent, the cardamom that was overwhelming the first night he came home with Sasha after the… event that has him limping along a lot more than usual… it smells unobtrusive. He knows he should feel skittish being so deep in Sasha’s territory for lack of a better word, but, well, taking a knot does that to a guy. It’s not soothing, not yet at least, but it could be. It’s going to be—because this is his pack leader.
When his pack leader joins him in the kitchen, where Anton has been staring holes into the cabinets for the better part of minutes letting every single thought pass through him in waves, he doesn’t so much as bristle when Sasha brushes past him. When he bumps his shoulder, Anton feels a need to lean into the touch, and he does.
The surprised huff of laughter Sasha makes isn't mean spirited, it’s filled with so much delight it has Anton going practically boneless next to him, trying to get closer to the source of it.
“Move. You’re in the way,” Sasha shoves at him, breathy giggles pouring out of him when Anton doesn’t do that. “I need tea, move.”
Anton decidedly does not grumble but it’s a close thing that he doesn’t when he has to peel off enough Sasha so he can access the tins of tea he has in his cupboard. He’s sure he’s not supposed to be acting like this; the Alpha in him is quiet, still, breathless and waiting. Doesn’t know whether to roll over, wiggling playfully as he shows off his soft underbelly or puff up, snapping his jaws that he’s being herded around, that another Alpha is pushing him around.
It’s a good thing he doesn’t have to think about it though, because Sasha is here—he’s pack leader, he’ll decide whether this’ll become a problem or not. Whether Anton should be acting like this or not.
anyways i need to establish that background because it makes everything else really funny i promise. so congrats your mooning over your captain because he took your knot virginity, and also hes just a great individual you really admire and want to be like, hes taken you under his wing and treats you something like a little brother which is—which makes trying to not think of the knot-ining™ and distancing yourself away from it easier, and you do for the most part and you think you have it under control i mean its been years its fine its very easy to willfully ignore attraction for admiration
and entering from stage left is the fun flirty omega who clearly has thing for sasha too whos also your stall-mate and whether its because lundy is easily susceptible to gaining huge admiration crushes on anything that breathes (yes obviously) or because maffhew really is just that charming (also yes) he does imprint on him in the same way when you havent realised youre bi yet and you have a crush on this girl and then you find she has boyfriend and then you see her with the boyfriend and realise oh god hes hot too and you end up crushing on them as a couple instead
And maffhew being maffhew when it doesnt involve his own feelings does notice that the alpha next to him as been giving him looks, stares at his neck when he thinks he can get away with it, turns away quickly in a nervous fluster when matthew gives him a coy smile that says I caught you. Like what you see?
maffhew love messing with lundy a little too much, likes cooing at him after a good game, likes ruffling his hair messing it up in ways lundy protests about but can’t do much when it’s maffhew doing it. And lundy’s cute of course he is, it’s endearing to have an alpha this obvious in their interest (cue sighing from everyone involved in this clown show) and well maybe matthew doesn’t do anything to stop it either, maybe makes it worse actually. leaves his equipment strewn about so it spills over to lundys stall because he's messy of course theres a nuclear spill of cinnamon on lundy's side and suspiciously not on bennys, maybe he's more obnoxious when he leads warmup stretches in practise, makes sure he's not facing lundy so he can get a good look of the view of him on his knees—it certainly does help lundy is always next to sasha so if they both get a nice look well maffhew considers it killing two birds with one stone, its just efficient.
the euros of course see this and stare at lundy like "you. you are the problem" except when luosty says it hes cackling with delight, losing his absolutely shit at the mess lundy has managed to get himself involved with
and im not saying two giggling omegas is a cause for concern but lundy does start sweating profusely when he sees matthew and luosty getting a little too buddy buddy after practise because luosty knows him a little too well and nothing but trouble can come from that.
And if youre wondering what sasha is feeling about matthew getting cozy with lundy like oh hes feeling jealous—no, its a “I’m so glad matthew has TWO alphas on this team he can turn to if he needs to it makes me happy hes integrating himself so well into our pack even if it means he doesnt turn to me for dynamic reasons because it is not my place to encroach on a omega’s free will to choose how they spend their heats because that’s a dangerous line of thought and as pack leader i respect all members of my pack as long as their decisions dont pose a risk to our pack as a whole :)”
“Why isn’t he jumping my bones by now!?” Matthew whines out for the millionth time this week it seems.
Sam remains quiet for a bit, watching as Matthew makes a mess of his couch rolling about it like he is, before he opens his mouth, “I feel like you would benefit so much from a college level Introduction to Dynamics Studies class.”
“Yeah, what makes you say that?”
“No reason. Just that there’s a community college downtown that I drove by this morning. They’re offering classes, you know.”
“Hey, man, I appreciate the shout, I do. But can we, like, stay on topic?”
“No, yeah, of course, I get it. Let’s go back to Sasha not being attracted to your very fertile and breedable pheromones you’ve been sending out like a billboard in the middle of the desert that it’s honestly a miracle you haven’t been pupped up by now.”
“Thank you.” Matthew says gratefully before he pauses, eyes narrowing, “I have a feeling you’re being a little bitchy about this.”
“I’m always bitchy.” Sam snorts.
“Correction. More bitchy than usual.” Matthew stares at Sam for a bit before his lips quirk up, the startings of that shit-eating grin he always has on his face making an appearance, “What? Don’t tell me you’re jealous? Aww, Benny! Babe, you’re always my first choice in As. I didn’t think I needed to say it but maybe I should more often if you’re—”
“Matthew. Shut up.”
“No, no, maybe my very fertile and breedable pheromones will soothe your bruised Alpha ego.”
The “Fuck off,” levels at Matthew doesn’t have the effect it should because he’s laughing, the words chased by giggles. It doesn’t help that Matthew’s already trying to wriggle onto his lap while Sam halfheartedly tries to shove him off.
“Let me soothe you, Alpha!” Matthew’s moaning it in the same way those cheesy 80s VHS pornos think is remotely sexy and not just a boner killer. He’s making his voice reedy and saccharine sweet to really sell the image all while he’s grabbing at the back of Sam’s head to push it into his neck.
“You’re such a dick.” It’s mumbled as shoved into his neck as Sam is.
“Yeah, well, you are too.” Matthew chirps like it's a complement. And to him—to both of them it is.
…
“You know I love you, right?”
Sam sighs, “Yeah. Love you too.”
#ask#luosty making things worse for lundy does also have the effect of making things worse for sasha btw#this is why hes so on board with all of this if not to mess with both of them simultaneously its really a 2for1 here#Os supporting Os in their efforts of driving their As crazy#i hope you know luosty does teach maffhew a few dubious finnish phrases and sashas self imposed 6 month deadline#gets shortened by a single day which is a feat in enough itself considering how stubborn sasha is#sasha is also currently in pack alpha mode which is why his own personal feelings dont have much influence on his decisions#but like trust me we will get to not nice sasha shes a coming like dw shes there she needs some time though#we also have to state sasha doesnt feel particularly threatened by any of this because its pack he trusts his pack he loves his pack#and also its lundy like how much can the puppy that was hanging off your knot and crying about it so cutely really threaten you?#sumn sumn there is pride in being an alphas first knot as pack leader sumn sumn corruption kink sumn sumn#for the record when everyone finally gets their shit together maffhew does treat lundy like a glorified knot toy yeah#likes to talk about sasha while hes riding lundy because it does drive both of them crazy because maffhew never shuts up#whatever comes out of his mouth is a stream of conscious that has no filter whatsoever so if he drops a baby barky here and there#a comparison of how lundy doesnt stretch him out enough like sasha does#that lundy must know that too with the whole knot-ining™#we can get so much mileage out of baby barky#we can get so much mileage out of lundy finally coming to terms that he does want to get bitched because we have a forsy and we have a sash#this pack is so messy its so funny to me#the pack is all fucking each other and that includes the finns
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@asurastro asked- I think a Fanon Lambda just gets traits added on every other week/month or something. Not even in a multiverse way just the same mainverse Lambda getting heaped with details that aren't accurate. Fandom infighting results because they're confident Lambda would cheat on a partner vs grant pardons to everyone who's ever committed wrongdoing against Motor City. Tell me what the “fanon” interpretation of my OC if they were a canon character would be (accepting!)
//Oh too true. People adding traits to a character and then treating those traits as if they are canon and getting into fights because someone else points out that that's not something a character does/would do happens a lot in fandoms. So for Lambda to get hit with the random roulette so frequently... I can only imagine massive, insult laden fights and people shouting down other people rightfully pointing out that he wouldn't do (insert trait/thing that is way way out of his wheelhouse).
A lot of it would probably also stem from the fandom outright ignoring how he would hate, to use your example here, cheating. Or, tied in with that, ignoring something pre-established for something that likely won't make complete sense with him. Which yes, it's having fun and what not but there comes a point where it would better off being made an AU or a different verse instead of tacking it onto a main verse and getting pissed at people when they don't go along with it.
Tl;dr it would be a mess lmao.
#//insult laden is kind of a stretch but wouldn't put it past some people given that well that does happen sometimes#//i hope this isn't too word salad-y or nonsensical rambling#//but giving him different personalities (at least that's how i see it) and then getting mad when someone else isn't also treating him like#//-a piece of shit for behaving a certain way or doing (insert thing he did in fanart/fanfic here) would be kind of dumb!#//i mean it's already dumb imo! but you get what i mean right?#//one can only imagine how fricking confusing it would be too lol! like just make it its own verse! it would be so much easier for everyone#//the lambda tag would be straight up hellish i fear#why are you botherin' me? {answered memes}#backup log {ooc}#asurastro
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fucking vindication man
my sister was just minding her business in the basement eating breakfast and my stepdad came down and asked "why do you have the light on" and she was like "so i can see?" and the thing about my stepdad is that he's incapable of softening his tone (and will pretend he doesnt understand that his tone is aggressive even though he can understand when YOUR tone is aggressive/rude) so even an innocuous question like that sounds like an attack, so my sister's response was also super subdued and irritated. this isn't the first time an exchange like that has happened but it was the first time that he kinda hesitated and was like "wait what did i just say that upset you?" and she started to speak like she was going to explain, then thought better of it and just said "it's nothing"
LIKE YEAH DUDE. WHEN YOU CREATE AN ENVIRONMENT WHERE PEOPLE FEEL LIKE THEY CONSTANTLY HAVE TO EXPLAIN THEMSELVES TO YOU AND AT THE SAME TIME THEY CAN'T BE COMFORTABLE BRINGING UP THINGS YOUVE DONE OR SAID TO UPSET THEM WITHOUT YOU JUST ARGUING WITH THEM TO JUSTIFY HOW THEYRE WRONG FOR BEING UPSET AND YOUVE NEVER DONE ANYTHING WRONG, THEN PEOPLE ARENT GONNA FUCKIN TALK TO YOU. ITS SO SIMPLE.
#i think he was trying to ask whats wrong bc my mom is pissed at him and my sister doesnt like to talk to him so much lately#and obviously he and i have zero conversations#so the house rn for him is just 'ENEMIES EVERYWHERE' fhskdhdj#see what he doesnt understand about my sister#shes young so it still seems like she'll bounce back whenever you hurt her#and since hes allergic to apologizing he just assumes he can say whatever tf he wants to her and their core relationship won't suffer#especially bc in his mind he's doing everything jn the name of her success or whatever#but she already treats him differently than she does everyone else#hes always punishing her for 'getting an attitude' with him but she literally doesnt give attitude to anyone else#he thinks he can helicopter her AND try to force her to suppress her emotions and she'll just be like 'well im grateful bc i wouldnt be#successful without him let me continue sharing my life with him like nothing is wrong'#he doesnt get how deep a child's resentment of their parent can run#and hes so fucking proud he doesn't take any parenting advice from my mom bc he hates me#even though she does have experience raising a child#he thinks hes a better parent than her and wont even try to learn from her mistakes#bc im not a millionaire at 31#tirah talks#but what he doesn't get is that he either needs to learn to say sorry#or come to terms w the fact that when she grows up she's gonna fuck off permanently#their generations kept ties w their parents no matter what shit they pulled#but our generations don't do that shit#my mom knows how to apologize and she knows how to learn from her mistakes and that's why she's the ONLY parent in my life#he needs to get his shit together or my sister will be the same as me
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😂😂 so like 😂😂😂😂😂 when am i going to get the instructions for making friends and talking to people everyone else got 😂😂 its a little late 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
#Whyd rhey have to make this human connection shit so hard . Why doesnt anyone care abourt what i care about#how come everyone else can hold conversations about nothing without getting bored and i cant .#how come i feel like im receiving automated responses. i feel like my interactions are all surface level#whh doesnt anyone seem as interested in anything as i do . Why do i feel like im being judged for indulging in my interests#how come when i say something it doesnt feel like anyone is sayi g anything back . Why do my friends turn my sentences into filler .#why does it feel like im in the middle of a hivemind and i dont know it . why does it feel like its all computer generated .#why can everyone else talk and laugh and converse withoit trouble but when its my turn everyone treats it like an obligation#nobody wants to watch what i wsnt to. nobody wants to listen to what i want to. nobody wants to talk about what i want to.#And if they just go along with what i wsnt to do im just wasting their time . we wont even talk about it . theres no expression .#i hate enjoying mhself when nobody else is. and i hate when others are enjoying themselves without me#but apparently im not a part of 'together'#how come even in small social circles nobody is treated equally . Whh does preference come into it.#Man. whatever.
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i try not to let it get to me but the knowledge i am always going to be The Stupid One in every situation i’m in just…really, really sucks. sigh. oh well. i stay silly :3c
#cant even blame it on being audhd because everyone else i know who is#is smart and talented and their brains work alright 😭 i'm just stupid and incapable#i feel like i’m the only person out there who does not get to experience any of the benefits or joys of these things#for me it is nothing but brain damage and endless suffering with no brightside or intelligence or anything#but then everyone tells me i’m the bad guy because if there was a magic button that would make me not audhd i would click it immediately#like why am i wrong for not wanting to suffer#everyone else seems to have a special interest or a fixation and they can remember information about those things but i...dont. i can't. LO#i do not experience the autistic joy everyone else talks about. i dont have the adhd focusing on what you like superpowers or whatever#my autism made me barely pass highschool and i couldnt handle community college and i had to drop out and i can barely handle having#an entry level job that everyone patronizes me about#i'm barely verbal and i am losing my ability to function to brainfog and everyone around me treats me like i'm their little pet idiot#but wanting to change that about myself makes me evil and bad or something i guess#sorry to whine on tumblr like the good old days but twitter is sick of my shit LOL 😭#pmdd making me spiral worse than usual#one of those times where i'm realizing that if everyone else experiences these things totally different from me than maybe that was never#what was wrong with me in the first place lol. maybe i dont have an explanation and i'm back to being 10 15 19 24 sobbing wondering why im#like this. why i'm so stupid. not even in a self hating way in a legitimately proven way that i am functioning below average intelligence.#ok im done sorryyyyy god i forgot how good tumblr is to vent on#z
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