#why do people misunderstand older sisters so much

[evaaraaa]

Brianna pastor, good grief.

[moonlight-alexia]

hate that i love you (not really) | k.c.c.

kyra cooney-cross x reader | 2.7k | a night out with the arsenal girls. misunderstandings and jealousy leads to realisations and regrets

ˏˋ°•*⁀ this is part of the pair of pests universe. thank you for being so patient with me. the ending to this went a lot different to how i originally planned it to go, but i like where it went and i hope you all like it too. i also kind of think this part is horrible but yeah enjoy and thank you :)

You hardly slept not being able to stop thinking about Kyra. Thoughts swirling around your head, wondering why she wouldn’t tell you. You thought you told each other everything. The only conclusion your mind would believe is that there was something going on between Kyra and Lia. There wasn’t any other possible reason that you could reason with being true. 

You didn’t know how you felt about the thought of Kyra liking someone but you knew it didn’t feel great. It felt like you had swallowed a weight that was now just sitting in the bottom of your stomach. You could feel your face scrunch up in a look of disgust. These thoughts and feelings you hated having but you couldn’t get them out of your head.

It’s what kept you up almost the entire night, up until you couldn’t help but fall asleep from pure exhaustion. Though you didn’t end up sleeping much. Thankful that you had the next few days to just rest and you didn’t have to put your tired self through any training. Resting the whole day until you decide to pester Steph into getting ready for the night out together.

‘Stephy come on,’ You whined when Steph wouldn’t take another shot with you after the two you had already downed close together, ‘Kyra would do it,’ 

‘Well why aren’t you with her instead of bothering me,’ Steph joked around, continuing to do your makeup after you begged her until she finally agreed, ‘Really shouldn’t poke fun at someone who’s could make you look real stupid,’ 

‘You better not,’ Your smile dropped and you glared at your older sister, ‘If you somehow manage to mess up perfection, it’ll be the last thing you do,’ You tried to threaten her instead Steph laughed out loudly at you.

‘You don’t have an intimidating bone in your body, you’re too cute,’ Steph poked your nose with the brush she had in her hand making you scrunch your nose up and even further prove her point.

‘Older sister bias,’ You rolled your eyes, swatting her hand away from poking you on the nose with the brush again.

‘Nah the girls will agree with me, I’ll ask them tonight,’ Pushing Steph lightly you reached past her taking another shot of vodka.

‘Gonna need the whole bottle to put up with you,’ The two of you laughed even more, somehow managing to get yourselves ready between the constant back and forth banter you’d started.

Though you were the last two to arrive, Steph dragged you out of the house before you could change your outfit for the thousandth time while complaining about how you couldn’t bring Calvin to the club with you. Your already half drunk self trying to set up a solid plan on how you could create a dog friendly club. 

Steph had no idea what you were going on about but was grateful to make it to the club and pass you off to Kyra, knowing she was one of the only people who could make sense of you. As soon as you entered you saw the rest of the girls, though your eyes scanned through looking for the one person you wanted to see the most.

The alcohol already flowing through your body didn’t help one bit when your eyes landed on Kyra, especially seeing her next to Lia. It felt like time had stopped and your body was frozen in place when you saw Kyra laugh at something she had said. 

Taking a deep breath you tore your eyes away, pushed everything down, put the smile that had dropped slightly back on your face and walked yourself to the opposite end of the group, as far away from Kyra as you could.

Your sister furrowed her eyebrows watching you not greet your best friend and, instead, joining the group that she had joined moments before you. Something was a bit off but Steph couldn’t put her finger on it. Shaking her head she decided to let it go for tonight, letting herself not worry about you, tomorrow would be a different story.

‘My sister here, thinks she’s intimidating,’ Steph voiced out, not letting go to prove her point that the other girls would agree with her.

‘You’re joking?’ Katie laughed out raising her eyebrow turning to look at you, ‘Everyone would laugh if you tried to intimidate them,’ 

‘You’re the least intimidating person I know, mate,’ Leah joined in the conversation, handing you a drink then putting her arm around your shoulder, ‘Oh cheer up, you’re cute and endearing. You don’t need to look tough when you have that,’ Leah squeezed your arm, you rolled your eyes and a small smile formed on your lips.

‘When I’m back on the pitch I’ll show you,’ You mumbled into your drink, knowing no one at the table would ever find you intimidating. Thankfully the conversation naturally shifted away from you being the focus, allowing you to relax beside Leah.

If it wasn’t a night where everyone was allowed to completely let loose, the other girls would probably be concerned with how much you were drinking. Your behaviour wasn’t completely unusual, especially for a night out, but it was still slightly out of the ordinary.

Every time you heard her laugh, every time you looked up and saw how she was unaffected by your absence around her that she seemed, you drowned your feelings with even more alcohol. It wasn’t healthy but at least it could mute how much you were feeling, how much you were feeling towards Kyra. 

Kyra could have other friends, you were never jealous over that. But the possibility of her liking someone, someone that wasn’t you, didn’t sit well with you. Dealing with your emotions could be done another day, it wasn’t your problem for today. You wanted to have fun and you knew you had to get further away from the group to properly ignore Kyra and Lia the rest of the night.

However, the moment you walked in, Kyra did notice that you were here. It was comical how Kyra visibly perked up at the sight of you. A smile tugged at the corner of her lips, making sure to not be too noticeable in her happiness towards you finally showing up, ‘You can finally stop checking the door every few seconds,’ Lia leant in joking around quietly to Kyra causing her to take her eyes off of you and laugh at Lia’s teasing. 

Just happened that the moment you spotted Kyra was the one time she wasn’t already looking at you and instead engaged in a conversation with Lia. Kyra expected you to come over to her and then you could’ve spent the night together, like you both had planned. She felt your presence disappear and saw that you had joined the group of girls that wasn’t with her. 

Lia frowned watching Kyra visibly deflate, ‘She’ll come over, probably just saying hi to everyone first,’ Lia tried to cheer Kyra up. It worked for the most part until Kyra realised that you weren’t coming over to her. She didn’t know if she had done something wrong or something to upset you. 

Before Kyra could get lost in her thoughts, Lia kept prompting her and engaging her within the conversation with the other girls around them. Trying to keep her away from thinking about you and your weird behaviour towards her, just wanting Kyra to enjoy her night.

No matter how much Lia tried to cheer Kyra up, it never fully worked. Kyra kept sneaking glances your way. She would watch the way you were interacting with others, mostly with Leah, any hopes that she had of you liking her the same way she liked you were quite low now. But even just as a friend, the way you were acting had Kyra overthinking. In the years you’ve known each other neither of you have fully ignored the other's presence. Kyra was mostly just worried about you instead of upset with you.

‘Le, come dance with me,’ You suddenly stood up and tugged at Leah’s arm trying to drag her to the dance floor with you.

‘You sure that’s a good idea?’ Leah noticed how much you were drinking and had stopped herself from drinking more so she could keep an eye on you. Leah also cared for you and your injury, overhearing within the locker room she knew how much being off the pitch and not playing had impacted you and didn’t want you to do something to keep you out longer.

‘Le,’ You whined, ‘I’m off crutches now, I can dance. Stop worrying,’ Glancing up towards Kyra’s direction, you made eye contact briefly before you successfully managed to get Leah up and moving with you, putting even more distance between you and Kyra.

It felt like Kyra spent most of the night watching you from afar. If she was more confident in herself she would’ve gone over to the dance floor and taken you away from Leah. In her mind that’s what she did, if it wasn’t a night out where everyone else would be watching her actions and the potential of outing her feelings for you and if it wasn’t with Leah then Kyra would’ve definitely taken you away and had you dance with her instead.

‘Let’s go get another drink,’ Lia’s voice brought Kyra back to reality. Taking a deep breath Kyra agreed and followed Lia towards the bar, ‘Leah doesn’t like her like that and I’m pretty sure they’re just having fun,’ They opted to sit at the bar and sip on their drinks there instead of going back to the others.

‘Why didn’t she come and see me though?’ Kyra glanced back your way, watching you dancing with Leah. Leah’s hands on your waist and your arms wrapped around her neck, Kyra wishing that it was her instead of Leah. But if anyone didn’t know, they would think you and Leah were together with the way you were dancing all over each other, well with the way you were dancing all over Leah trying to not think about anything other than getting lost in the music.

‘I think you need to talk to her. Not tonight, no. Another day. Tell her everything, communicate with her,’ Lia’s advice scared Kyra. Scared of the possibility of rejection. Scared to lose her friendship with you by saying the wrong things. You were a big part of Kyra’s life and to have the potential to ruin it all scared her more than anything else ever has. More than when she first moved away from home to play overseas.

‘There’s my favourite pest,’ The voice Kyra dreaded hearing tonight coming from Steph, ‘Everything all right?’ Steph’s head nodded in your direction while talking to Kyra.

‘Yeah, I just didn’t feel like dancing,’ Kyra sighed. Steph could tell that wasn’t the truth, she hadn’t seen her sister interact with Kyra all night. A stark difference from how you and Kyra were acting in the locker room just yesterday. The silent exchange between Lia and Steph had the older girl not pushing her friend any further. Instead, Steph put her arm around Kyra and pulled her in for a brief hug. Hoping to make her feel a little better, making a note to talk to you about everything tomorrow.

You saw Lia and Kyra head to the bar together and continued to get even more lost in the music. Pushing yourself further into Leah, though in the back of your mind you were pretending Leah was Kyra. But you convinced yourself Kyra was with Lia and she didn’t want or need you anymore. Your mind failing to keep the irrational thoughts pushed down, letting them all come to the surface and pushing down any rational line of thinking.

A mix of the alcohol, the endless thoughts and the music pumping through your ears, your head started spinning. Feeling uneasy and quite dizzy you ended up stumbling a few times. Luckily, Leah’s hands were already on your waist managing to keep you upright and not letting you make a fool of yourself.

‘Do you want me to take you home?’ Leah whispered in your ear, knowing you weren’t doing alright when she felt your head rest on her shoulder and your body stop moving. With a small nod, Leah had the two of you heading towards where Steph was, still at the bar with Kyra and Lia. As soon as you saw Kyra and Lia it felt like something inside of you took over and you tried to act more put together than you were feeling. 

‘I’m gonna take her home,’ Leah semi shouted over the music to Steph. You weren’t focused on their brief conversation instead you looked towards the other two. Suddenly your arm was wrapped around Leah, pulling her closer to you while you had a slight smirk on your lips. Your other hand moved to rest on top of Leah’s that was resting on your waist, playing with her fingers a little bit.

Part of you wanted her to feel the same way you felt every time you saw those two together tonight. You were feeling so much you felt like you were going to burst. Everything felt confusing and you weren’t sure how to process exactly what you were feeling but you knew that you hated it. You hated it and you hated Kyra for making you feel like this. But you really didn’t hate her. You love Kyra and you hate yourself for only realising it now. You hate yourself for realising you love her when she’s clearly got someone else.

You hate how your head won’t stop spinning, how everything doesn’t make sense. Part of you hates that you caught feelings for your best friend. But you love the way Kyra always makes you feel. You love the way she makes you feel safe, the way you can be completely yourself and you’ll never feel judged. You hate yourself for making things messy in your own head. You hate that you’ll never be able to tell her, that you’ll have to go on pretending until these feelings stop.

You love Kyra. But you hate that you love her the way that you do. But you love that you love her. Nothing makes sense and everything feels wrong but right at the same time. You wish you could curl up in a ball under your covers until everything suddenly made sense, until everything felt completely right again. 

Avoiding feelings, avoiding hard situations was what you did best. It was easier. Drinking was supposed to make it easier to forget everything for one night, instead it did the opposite and caused you to confront your feelings rather than hide from them. 

You were too far gone in your head to realise that you had made it back to Steph’s apartment, the place you called home for now. It was only when you felt a lack of warmth from Leah that you noticed your surroundings. The feeling of the cold air sending chills through your body. You wrapped your arms around yourself, you didn’t want to be left by yourself. Not when all you’d do is torture yourself with your own thoughts.

‘Did you want me to-’ You cut Leah off, catching her and yourself off guard when you cupped her cheeks and pressed your lips against hers. You didn’t know why you did it, you just wanted to be close to someone. You want your mind to stop and you don't know how to do that. This was the first thing you thought of. Thinking before you act isn't your best quality.

Leah’s hands gently pushed at your shoulders, causing you to separate from her. You kept your eyes closed afraid she would be mad at you, afterall you did just push yourself onto her. You were overwhelmed with emotions when you opened your eyes and Leah was staring at you with concern etched on her face.

‘I’m sorry,’ Tears sprung to your eyes but you did your best to hold them back, not wanting to let what was inside you out.

‘Tiny, what’s going on? Are you okay?’ Leah instantly pulled you into a hug when the tears you tried to keep back came streaming down your face. Everything within you felt like it had exploded, everything around you felt like it was going to crumble away from you. You wanted it to stop.

‘I don’t know,’ 

[roseameilatempest]

why sanegiyuu DOES make sense

woo another analysis

Both sanemi and giyuu are complex characters, and both of them did play off each other in crucial ways for their character development, their dynamic is complicated and much more then ‘they hate each other’ because in fact sanemi was the only one hated giyuu, giyuu didn’t hate sanemi. And that was due to a misunderstanding. Let’s start with giyuu, we already know that giyuu had a lot of mental issues during the time of the anime, tanjiro helping giyuu with that was a major part of his development and it’s what leads us to how sanemi affects giyuu’s character. After tanjiro causes him to acknowledge that he actually does have worth, he allowed himself to think about making another connection with another person, something giyuu did want.

Out of all the people giyuu could choose he decided on sanemi, most likely due to sanemi’s similarities to sabito giving giyuu a sense of familiarity. Giyuu never tried to hide that he wanted a connection, he shows it, picturing him giving sanemi ohagi and him talking about it with tanjiro. With sanemi, sanemi is pretty much the polar opposite, sanemi made up a entire life plan as a coping mechanism, ignoring reality and causing him to do very harsh things and that it’s itself is a delusion. He is genuinely harsh to anyone that reminds him of himself, tanjiro, genya and of course giyuu.

the people that sanemi did feel calm around didn’t remind him of himself, instead family, for example masachika and especially kanae. Sanemi acknowledged kanae was very different from himself, she was an older sibling too, but she was kind, even towards demons, just like how shizu (sanemi’s mother) was kind to kyogo (their father). Every parallel between sanemi and kanae was linked to his mother and how much he missed her. Kanae pacified sanemi for a while, though in the long term sanemi did not need that type of comfort, he needed a full on slap to the face, to bring him back to reality. he needed a slap, and trusted support so he wouldn’t completely loose it.

like i mentioned earlier sanemi did hate giyuu, but it was due to a misunderstanding. During the hashira meeting giyuu walked out, saying he wasn’t like the rest of the hashira. Giyuu meant to say that he didn’t deserve to be a hashira but sanemi misunderstood. Sanemi couldn’t fathom why someone would be so vulnerable openly, he didn’t even think for a second giyuu could think he was inferior because sanemi himself would rather die then be that vulnerable. Causing their miscommunication.

giyuu also needed a slap and he received multiple, one of them being physical, and that one is of course sabitos, after his sister died, which is what caused giyuu to get so attached to him in the first place.The second one was tanjiro, when he helped giyuu open up. Lastly the final one was sanemi during the final battle when giyuu got saved by obanai, and sanemi yelled at him “don’t space out now or i’ll murder your ass” which caused giyuu to acknowledge that he was indeed the water hashira, and then they slammed their blades together.

Although sanemi did have a positive influence on giyuu, it’s worth pointing out that giyuu had a positive influence on sanemi too. Because sanemi did get the well needed slap back to reality when genya died. His delusion broke into pieces. He needed support after the final battle, and giyuu was there to give him that support.

They were alone together after the corps defeated muzan, and they had so much in common. They could truely understand each other causing them to be vulnerable with another person, something they hadn’t done in years. The proof relies in the fact they were eating together, of their own free will. Tengen was close with them at the end of the manga but tengen wasn’t there, Because that panel was about sanemi and giyuu and their bond, there wasn’t a need for words because it was shown. Sanemi and giyuu thrived for the first time in forever, that in itself creates romantic chemistry. Their friendship was meaningful because they had so much in common, they could understand what the other was going through because they’d gone through the same thing.

[takerfoxx]

Personally, I feel that the reason Suletta and Miorine work so well as a couple is the same reason why they didn't work for me at first: they're just such fundamentally different people, with total opposite personalities, upbringings, values, desires, needs, strengths, weaknesses, traumas, the list goes on. If it weren't for the very strange set of circumstances that forced them to form a connection, I honestly doubt that they would even be friends, so much so that for the first few episodes, I found myself feeling weirdly disconnected from their relationship, and even found myself wondering if they even liked each other.

I mean, take a look at Suletta. She's a country girl from Mercury's mining colonies who never had any friends of her own growing up. She's a clone created in part to replace her older sister, in part to usher in her mother's plan to free her sister, and in part to be a weapon of revenge, leading to an extremely bizarre relationship with her mother that is equal parts affectionate and neglectful. She loves being around people, but is so socially anxious that any sort of interactions sends her into a stuttering fit. She's terrified of confrontation, and yet is larger and stronger than most, and put her behind the controls of a mech, and she will turn you into mincemeat. She's a total klutz when it comes to dealing with other people, and yet stays cool in a crisis and isn't phased by dead bodies. She trusts with her whole heart, measures her relationships by the value she gives to other people, blames herself whenever others let her down, can and will take a life without flinching to protect those close to her, and is delighted by something so simple as having others laugh at a joke that she made.

Now, take Miorine. A rich girl from an extremely powerful family, she lost her mother, quite possibly the only person to ever show her genuine kindness when she was a child, was "raised" by her contemptuous and neglectful excuse for a father, and grew to resent everyone and everything around her. She hates being around people, but has the confidence and social knowledge to play the game. She's tiny and physically weak, but also angry and assertive. She openly loathes her father and will insult him to his face, but also desperately craves his approval. She's been used as a commodity her entire life by people who see her as a stepping stone into power, and is bound and determined to make everyone who tries damned to a living hell. She was raised in luxury in space, but dreams of running away to what is essentially a refugee camp of a planet. She wants so badly to be allowed to stand on her own two feet and be respected for her own accomplishments, but has no real idea how to do it. She views relationships as transactions, has exactly zero patience for other people's nonsense, can and will sacrifice her own happiness for the sake of the select few that she cares about, will run headlong into the most harrowing of political battles, but also fall apart completely when confronted with the reality of death.

And, like I said, for whatever reason I just didn't feel the sparks between them at first. Their whole relationship just felt like a mutually beneficial arrangement, like it was said to be.

But then we got to that magical episode, where they had that amazingly written misunderstanding in the greenhouse, followed by that incredible argument on the space station, and I realized that this was the plan all along, and Suletta and Miorine are actually perfect as a couple...once they've managed to bridge the gap between their extremely different life experiences and massive communication issues.

See, what's so great about them is that while they are extremely different, those difference are also perfectly compatible. One's strength is the other's weakness, and together they make each other better. In a way, they're less opposites and more of two halves of one complete whole. It was Miorine's confidence that allowed Suletta to start standing up for herself, to learn confidence and make real friends, to figure out what love is. And it was Suletta's bravery that inspired Miorine to find a way to make something of her own, to seek out ways to use their families' legacies to help people instead of hurt them, to bridge gaps long carved out by blood. And in the end, they were two desperately lonely girls who just wanted someone to truly, honestly, and unconditionally love them, and they found it in each other.

Granted, it was rough going for a bit. Like I said, they had such different ways of seeing the world, they didn't communicate in the same way, they didn't see relationships in the same way, and they ended up hurting each other just trying to do what they thought was best. But they also forgave one another. They strove to better understand one another. And they came to realize just how much they needed each other. And though it took even greater loss and pain in order to achieve it, they finally found their happy ending. They found each other.

[thegreymoon]

Mo Ran is so gay it isn't even funny.

Now, this is just my opinion and I realise other people have their own interpretations, but this whole episode is super telling to me of just how unreliable his narration is about having tons and tons of sex with people of both genders in his previous lifetime. He's just so... oblivious. None of this reads as a man with a lot of previous experience with many different people. He did not pick up on her flirting with him at all. Sure, he did have a lot of insane sex in his past life, but as the book unfolds, it becomes very clear that most of that sex was with Chu Wanning. At best, there were only a handful of other people he was involved with, and one was a prostitute he was paying, while the other was his wife whose relationship with him was also transactional.

I know people argue that he is bisexual because he married Song Qiutong, but when we actually get her POV on their marriage, it turns out that they had unenjoyable sex only a handful of times, at least one of which was him taking her from behind and very much imagining that it was Chu Wanning in her place. There are plenty of gay men who end up married to straight women (and vice versa) for whatever reasons and none of this makes them any less gay. He also identifies as a 'cut-sleeve' himself at one point, so he doesn't seem at all confused about his sexual attraction to men. Later on, when we finally get his unaltered POV on his life in the brothel, it comes out that he considered the girls there as sisters at best, never as sexual partners. The only other named sexual partner is Rong Jiu, who is male, and I can buy that there were possibly other people who looked like Shi Mei that he was with under the influence of the cursed love spell, but there was never any real attraction there, which is why some argue that he is attracted only to Chu Wanning and would still be attracted to him regardless of gender.

But I think that this is also not true. He definitely was obsessed with Chu Wanning from an early age, which makes it hard to see what his preferences would have been if Chu Wanning wasn't in the picture, but that chapter when he finally realises his feelings also reveals that he does have a type, which he never dared to think about before because he thought he was unworthy of having a choice. However, Chu Wanning fits this type to a tee, so it's easy to run away with the idea that he is shizunsexual and that Mo Ran's attraction begins and ends with him.

With that said, we do get confirmation later on that he does find other men attractive, in particular, Jiang Xi. It's just that he never has the space or the inclination to do anything about it because of his preoccupation with Chu Wanning. In the extras, when Mo Ran misunderstands Xue Men's relationship with Jiang Xi and thinks they are having a love affair, in his unfiltered Taxian-jun state, he is full of approval because he personally finds these powerful, beautiful, prickly, emotionally unavailable older men to be the height of attractiveness. If Chu Wanning hadn't been in the picture, Mo Ran would have definitely been attracted to Jiang Xi or someone similar. Even Ye Wangxi, whom he also fixates on, fits this type (except for the older man bit because I understood her to be only a few years older than Mo Ran). The fact that she turns out to be a woman also cannot be used as an argument for Mo Ran's bisexuality because she very much presents as a man throughout the book (but whether or not she actually identifies as one is debatable).

In short, Mo Ran does have a type of man he is attracted to and it is definitely men that he likes, regardless of his few dubious and very unsatisfying dalliances with women. While Chu Wanning definitely fits this type of ideal man, there are other men out there whom Mo Ran finds attractive too, it's just that he is too unhinged about Chu Wanning to actually do anything about it. Also, I very much doubt that Mo Ran was nearly as promiscuous as he makes himself out to be because he reads as very oblivious when it comes to sexual relationships in general. Even with Chu Wanning, who was right there and about to pass away from sheer horniness that he couldn't even begin to disguise, Mo Ran was still going, "Shizun is so pure and virtuous!" 🙄

(I'm not going to get into the whole Shi Mei situation and how badly he misread him every step of the way too, but that is because his brain was so badly mangled by him that he really stood no chance on that front until it was entirely too late.)

[inbloomwriting]

Everything to me - Chapter 1

Chapter one - Apple seed

Story Masterlist

Plot: Jamie Tartt is a lot of things: professional footballer, the island's top scorer .... sexually, extremly handsome. But one thing he never saw himself as was a dad. Too bad he has to deal with the consequences of his own actions. This fic follows reader and Jamie as they navigate life and turn from practially strangers to parents. Pairing: Jaime Tartt x female reader Warnings: Pregnancy, swearing, mentions of food and alcohol, slight mention of sexual intimacy (nothing graphic), strained/toxic parental relationship Notes: 5.8k words. I do not have a set uploading schedule. Please bear with me as I work on this story. I know hardly anything about pregnancy, all my information comes from google. Likes, reblogs, comments are all much appreciated. I am German. Sometimes I get the tense wrong or make mistakes. I am useless when it comes to punctuation. Go easy on me, please

"You never understood you're everything to me I just hope you know, the future in your heart Is just about to start"

The universe must be mocking her, (Y/N) is sure of that. This is all one big elaborate joke and any minute now Ashton Kutcher is gonna jump out from behind some bushes and tell her that she has been punkd. 

She had a plan, all neatly laid out and organized. Blue ink on white paper in a fancy leather-bound notebook. Like a professional adult would do it who has their life all figured out. 

Renovate the store and get it back up and running

Sell it for profit 

Pay back Mum and get the fuck away from everyone and everything that has ever made her feel unworthy

That was the plan and she was so fucking determined to stick to it for once in her life. So this must be a prank. This must all be one big misunderstanding.

But it’s not a prank, is it? It’s the consequences of her own damn actions.

Her heart is racing as she climbs the stairs up towards Rebecca Welton’s office. Her legs and feet are heavy, like concrete. Why is being honest with your friends so damn hard? 

It’s not just any friend either. It’s Rebecca. Rebecca who has always been in her life ever since (Y/N) was just a kid. Rebecca who is the only person (Y/N) ever looked up to. Why is being honest with her so terrifying?

You know why! 

Yeah, (Y/N) knows why. Because she doesn’t know what she’ll do if Rebecca hates her for what happened. Of all the people in the world, she needs Rebecca on her side. 

As she lifts her hand and knocks on the door of the office, (Y/N) wonders if this is what death row inmates feel like. Knowing the end is inevitable and it’s all your own fault.

“Come in” 

Taking a deep breath, she opens the door and steps into the room. 3 pairs of eyes look back at her but really, the only ones that matter belong to the beautiful blonde sitting by the desk.

“(Y/N), Hi. What are you doing here? Did we have plans? I thought you went back — “

“Yeah I — no, we didn’t have plans.” 

It almost kills her, that smile that Rebecca sends her way. The one that’s so warm and loving and that’s been a constant in her life for most of her childhood and teenage years coming from Rebecca. Rebecca living in that lovely white house next door with the rose bushes and the big windows. Rebecca who taught her how to do the perfect eyeliner wing, who passed down her coolest leather jacket to her, who held her hair the first time she got wasted and threw up in those very rose bushes. Rebecca who was the older sister she never had. 

She loves that smile it used to bring so much comfort to her. Now it makes her want to die. The girl she used to be, deserved to be on the receiving end of that smile. She doubts she still deserves it.

“Can we—” (Y/N)’s eyes dart around the room towards Higgins, then towards the other man. He’s the American trainer, Ted. She’s talked to him once very briefly and he seems so — nice. Genuinely nice. Not for the sake of being perceived as a good person but because he just is. “— do you think we could talk privately?” 

There’s a flicker of concern in Rebecca’s eyes and (Y/N) hates that she put it there.

“Oh, of course. Ted, Leslie, would you excuse us?” 

Everything’s a blur. They leave and (Y/N) thinks Ted makes some kind of pun but she doesn’t really recognize anything but the racing of her heart and the sour feeling in her stomach. Oh, fuck.

Rebecca sits her down on the big couch by the window, the one that’s meant for personal talks, not business. She’s so nice. Oh, she's too nice.

“Are you dying?” 

“I — uh, no.”

“Okay, good.,” Rebecca says letting out a sigh of relief. “Now that that’s out of the way, can I offer you some tea?”

(Y/N) shakes her head.

“Coffee?” 

She repeats the motion

“Champagne?” Rebecca asks, a perfectly shaped eyebrow raised in question.

God, wouldn’t she kill for a glass of bubbly right now. 

“No, I’m good. Can you just come sit down, you’re making me nervous.” 

Not only does she sit down, Rebecca’s hand immediately finds (Y/N)’s, holding on warm and tight. It almost pulls an ironic scoff from (Y/N)’s lips. Mum doesn’t know but even if she did, she’d never offer this kind of comfort to her. She never did. So for a second, she lets herself relish in the affection. Just one second. 

“Okay, now out with it.” 

She’s rehearsed this conversation so many times in so many different ways. Like a school presentation. Meticulously planned. Even added in pauses for questions and shit like that.

All of that has vanished, her brain is empty, her tongue made of lead. 

“I uh — look um. Do you remember when your dad died?” 

Of all the ways she could’ve started this talk, this is probably the worst of them all. Who says things like that?

Rebecca seems a little taken aback for a moment before nodding her head and suppressing a slight smile, one brought on by the absurdity of the question, not by joy. “I do, yes. Hard to forget if I’m being honest.” 

“Yeah, I would know.” 

“Yeah.”

“So that night I was obviously very emotional because it reminded me of my dad and all of that bullshit.” Tears are already threatening to roll down her face, sitting on her waterline waiting for the right moment to strike. It’s impressive she still has any left to cry since that’s all she did the last few days.

“That’s understandable. Oh, please tell me you didn’t force yourself to come and relive all of your pain just because you felt like I expected you there? If I knew it was so hard on you I —” 

This, all of this, is twisting the knife so much deeper. Leave it to Rebecca to search for a fault of hers in all of (Y/N)’s mess.

“No, Rebecca, it's nothing like that. I — I fucked up. I let it all get to me and because I’m, well — me, I got a little tipsy. Went outside to get some air and there was this guy. God, Rebecca, he had the saddest eyes. I just felt this weird connection so I sat next to him. We talked and talked and then ended up going to a bar and then to my place and then to my bed and well yeah.” 

She giggles. Rebecca really has the audacity to giggle at that. In her defense, she tries to hold it in but it does slip out eventually. 

“It’s not funny.”

“Is this why you’re upset? You slept with someone at, no wait, after my father’s funeral. That’s okay.”

“There’s more.” 

"Oh, what is it? Was it a footballer?” 

At the lack of a vocal response, Rebecca connects the dots.

“Alright. That’s — that’s not so bad. I was seeing a 21-year-old footballer. I don’t see what’s making you so upset about this.” 

“I’m pregnant.” 

“Oh shit.” 

Getting Rebecca to swear was always something (Y/N) found a silly sense of pride in. Rebecca with her perfect hair and outfits and manners. It felt like something so alien to her and yet that was (Y/N)’s favorite version of Rebecca. The one that’s as messy as you and me even if it’s just for a second.

“Yeah, shit.” 

It’s the first time she said it out loud. Rebecca is the first person to know, except for (Y/N) herself and her gynecologist. Her mother doesn’t know. 

The father of the baby doesn’t know.

Just her and now Rebecca.

“And I don’t know what to do. This wasn’t the plan. Fuck — please don’t be mad.” 

“Why would I be mad? ” 

There is an infinite warmth in Rebecca’s eyes. A warmth she always longed for coming from her own mother but never received. A warmth that seems entirely misplaced right now. 

“I fucked your employee. I used your dad’s funeral to make the shittiest of all shit decisions and now I come here unloading all of this on you because I, once again, don’t know how to get myself out of the hole I dug.” 

Soft hands wrap around (Y/N)’s shoulder and pull her in. Rebecca smells like expensive perfume and hairspray. All comforting and familiar. It’s nice, (Y/N) thinks, that despite everything falling apart in and around her, there is at least one constant in her life. 

“Were you really afraid of telling me or are you just afraid?” 

She’s so smart and so observant, sometimes it’s infuriating. 

“I’m so scared, Rebecca.”

Life doesn’t ask if you’re ready. It doesn’t ease you into things, slow and gentle. There are no training wheels, no floaties. Life happens whether you’re prepared or not. It’s nice to know that there are arms wide open for you to fall into, a hand to pull you out of the roaring sea as you’re just about to drown.

“You can always unload on me, you know that right? That’s what family is for.” 

All the willpower to stay brave and collected and not cry, all that vanishes with Rebecca’s words. Family. They’re family. Maybe not by blood but definitely by fate. By choice. 

Mum would’ve told her to suck it up, to stop crying, and to face the consequences of her own actions. Would’ve probably had an “I knew this would happen” or an “I told you so” on the tip of her tongue. There is none of that with Rebecca. She just accepts the tears soaking through her, no doubt, expensive blouse and softly strokes (Y/N)’s head. 

For a long time, there are no words exchanged. Some moments ask for calmness not conversation. There’s something deeply therapeutic about crying on the shoulder of someone you deeply trust.

“Can I ask?” Rebecca inquires with a gentle voice just barely louder than a whisper.

She doesn’t have to elaborate. There are only so many questions people have after you told them you had a one-night stand and ended up pregnant. 

“You’re gonna hate the answer.” 

A laugh falls from Rebecca’s lips, her breath tickling the top of (Y/N)’s head. “Don’t tell me It’s Jamie.” 

“Okay, I won’t then.” 

“Oh, (Y/N).” 

Where there should be disappointment in her tone, there is understanding, there is slight amusement but above all, there is deep and honest care. 

“ Can you blame me? Look at him. He’s sculpted by the gods and something about that silly little accent does it for me. I hate to admit it, I truly do.” 

“Does he know?” 

(Y/N) shakes her head, guilt and fear coursing through her veins.

“I don’t even have his number. I know hardly anything about the guy other than that he’s a footballer, that his ego is huge, and that he likes to cuddle after sex.” 

Rebecca’s eyebrows rise in surprise. “Does he? Huh.”

“Yeah, it was really cute actually.” 

For a moment she almost gets lost in the memories of that night, however hazy they might be. Jamie was fun and to an extent he understood. And there’s nothing quite as sexy as a man who is just as sad and messed up as you. Is it healthy? Absolutely not but (Y/N) never claimed to have a particularly healthy view on anything. 

“He works here, you know. In this very building. You can just pop down and tell him.” 

The way Rebecca says it makes it sound so easy. Like it doesn’t come with a shit load of guilt and fear and embarrassment. 

“Wait, I didn’t even ask and I just realized that’s very presumptuous and maybe a little rude of me — do you even want to keep the baby?” 

That’s the big one. The question of all questions. It’s the second thought that came to her head when (Y/N) saw the two lines on that fateful plastic stick. The first one being “Oh fuck.” It’s the question her doctor asked. It’s in all of the leaflets and informational reading she’s been handed.

“I’ve never thought about it before. I mean sure I thought about some hypothetical future but those dreams always changed depending on my mood. Now I’m here and I need to make a choice and It’s — It’s terrifying.” 

“But?” 

“But I think I do want it. I think I want to be a — a mother.” 

It’s a word that feels strange on her tongue, bitter and sharp. Like biting down on your cheek and tasting blood. Mother was never the warm comfort of a home. It was the cold hand on her shoulder, the icy glance of disapproval. 

Maybe mother can be something else. Maybe she can turn it into something sweet.

“I’m just scared. This wasn’t the plan, not right now at least, and not like this. I’m scared of doing it alone.”

“What in the world does that mean? Alone?” 

“I don’t expect Jamie to step up. I’d appreciate it, of course. But he has a brilliant career and so much going for him. Getting me, a one-night-stand, pregnant could ruin so much for him. I don’t ever want that.” 

“No,” Rebecca says and cradles (Y/N)’s face between her warm hands “I mean, you’re not going to be alone. No matter what Jamie says. You have me. And I can guarantee you that there are at least 10 other people in this building right now who will also have your back. Whatever happens, I can promise you that you don’t have to do this alone. And don’t sell yourself short, you have a career too!” 

Maybe the universe isn’t mocking her after all. And maybe this isn’t a punishment either. Maybe this is just life pushing her into the deep end. Thank god she has people to help keep her afloat.

(Y/N)’s eyes wander from the clock on the wall towards the door then back. Over and over again.

Every time the door opens and someone leaves the locker room, her heart speeds up. Maybe if she dies of a heart attack right here and now she won’t have to talk to Jamie. That sounds like the most reasonable reaction. Anyone would agree. Right? 

The boys all regard her with a sense of cautious familiarity. They know her face, know they’ve seen her before but can’t recall where much less put a name to her. 

Well, all of them but Sam. He greets her with that big signature smile of his, so full of joy and sunshine. Calls out her name and asks her about her day. Rebecca might have a point that there are more people here that care about her. Their conversation is brief but there is no doubt in her mind that if she were to call him any time of the day, Sam would drop everything and help her out. That’s just the kind of person he is. 

She wonders if that’s the kind of person Jamie is. 

Another glance at the clock. 2 minutes pass. The door opens once more.

Jamie is smiling when he steps into the hallway. His hair is wet, probably from the shower, and held back by that silly little headband of his. He’s wearing a ridiculously bright orange hoodie and obnoxious colorful sneakers. Everyone else would look absolutely ridiculous in this get-up. Jamie makes it work. It must be some kind of superpower. 

Or maybe he’s just so unfairly fit that it doesn’t matter what he’s wearing. Even naked he looks phenomenal.

Stop thinking about him naked, that’s what got you into this mess.

“Oh, hi!” 

He’s so nonchalant, so casual when his eyes meet her’s across the hall. And really, why wouldn’t he be? What they had was casual. A one-night thing, no strings attached. Just two slightly broken people finding solace in each other. That was all it was supposed to be at least.

(Y/N) feels the weight of the secret resting so heavy on her shoulders, she’s sure she’ll collapse underneath it any second now. 

“Jamie, hi. Uh — can we talk?” 

“Sure, ‘bout what? Are you pregnant or something?” 

He says it with a smile, not giving a single thought to the fact that his joke might be no joke at all but the honest to god truth.

(Y/N) on the other hand, feels like someone doused her in ice water, just poured it all over her. Her hands are clammy, breathing shallow, heart racing. Maybe she’ll get that heart attack after all.

When she doesn’t answer, doesn’t laugh, Jamie’s eyes grow wide in return. Though his reputation might make you believe otherwise, he’s quite quick in putting two and two together. At least in this situation. He doesn’t look happy, that much she expected, but he doesn’t look upset either. He just looks shocked. There is nothing but pure disbelief on his face. The cocky smirk has dropped, now his mouth is opening and closing trying to produce words as his head is trying to process the information he just figured out.

“Do you want to go discuss this somewhere more private?” 

Of all the places to tell someone they got you pregnant, the hallway at his workplace might not be the more desirable. 

A pale-faced Jamie nods his head, his eyes distant and glassy. She knows the feeling, has been there just a few days ago. That’s his whole life playing like a movie in his head right there, now with added scenes of a small child with his eyes. Oh god, she hopes the baby gets his eyes.

Jamie drags her into a small room off of the main hallway. Cubicle cupboards line the walls, filled with shoes and boxes. Orange and bright green and yellow. Every possible color of the rainbow, they have a pair of shoes to match in here. The smell though? The smell has her gagging. Sweat and cold cigarette smoke. It’s disgusting. 

“Oh god, Jamie. This is disgusting.” 

“It’s the boot room. ‘s where we keep the boots — and people come here to smoke.” 

“They come here to smoke? On purpose? Like they chose to spend time in here?” 

Jamie absentmindedly nods his head. He’s so pale-looking (Y/N) fears he might just pass out any minute now. 

“Jamie, are you okay? Do you want to sit down?” 

His eyes start to focus again, looking straight at her. He’s terrified and quite honestly, she can’t blame him. Confusion and fear are all she’s felt for the last few days. A bit of excitement too, sure. But mostly the first two.

“Yeah. No. I mean yes. I guess? No. I — fuck.” 

Nervously he combs his fingers through his damp hair as if to calm himself down. Is that something his parents did to him when he was a kid? A motion of comfort? There is so much she doesn’t know about this man. If he decides that he wants to stick around, can this ever work? Can you raise a child with someone you hardly know and not completely fuck them up? 

“Is it mine, then? Are you sure about that?”

“No, I just like going around scaring people into believing they got me pregnant. Yes, Jamie! I am 100% certain.” 

His hands fly up in defense “Jesus, sorry. I don’t know your sexual history. You had sex with me after a funeral, don’t know how much you get around, now do I?” 

She had expected him to ask if it’s his, hell anyone probably would, but there’s something about his tone that is just so off-putting. The accusation that swings along with his words. The judgment. As if he is in any place to talk.

“Oh get off your high horse, dickhead. We both made that decision after the funeral. Didn't hear you complain. And out of the two of us, It’s not me who fucked a girl in a hot tub on national television. Eurgh” 

“You alright?” 

“No, this room is making me gag. I assume this is bad under normal circumstances but this pregnancy situation has my sense of smell going through the roof. This is killing me.” 

“Well, why didn’t you say nothing?! We could’ve gone somewhere else.” 

“I just wanted to — eurgh— I just wanted to get this over with.” 

“Let me get you out of —” 

“No, let me just say this real quick and then I’m off.” 

She’s prepared this speech a million and one times in a million and one ways. It always worked out fine but then again, her audience was just her cat and the mirror. Having Jamie look at her, a mix of concern and shock still on his face, that’s a whole different story.

“I am having this baby and I would like for you to be a part of their life, but I accept if you say no. Just know that whatever you decide, that’s final. I can’t have you running off and then coming back in a few years regretting your decision and wanting to be a parent after all. And I most definitely will not allow you to say you’re in and then give up on the baby halfway through. I had a parent like that, I will not have my child go through the same thing. I don’t need your decision now just — make up your mind and make sure you’re 100% certain. Here uh— “

Trying to hold her breath so as to not breathe in any more of the foul smell, (Y/N) rummages through her purse before pulling out a small piece of paper.

“They don’t usually do ultrasounds that early but I made friends with the nurse as I was waiting and they allowed me to get one and see the baby. Don’t really see shit on here if I’m being honest but apparently that blob is our child.” 

Jamie takes the picture, his eyes moving between the image and back to her, down to her stomach then back to the picture. It’s like his head and his eyes are trying to cope with the fact that there is a real baby growing inside her. His baby.

“I just thought you might want to have this, if not just throw it away. I’m not trying to manipulate or guilt you into anything. Let me know when you’ve made a decision. You know where I live and Rebecca has my number just ask her for it — I gotta get out of here. Eurgh.” 

And while an overwhelmed Jamie sinks to the floor of the boot room, ultrasound picture clutched in one hand while the other nervously combs through his hair, (Y/N) throws up in the bin by the front door. 

There are 3 things (Y/N) knows for certain. One of them is that Michelle Pfeiffer as Stephanie Zinone in Grease 2 is the coolest person in the world. The second one is that decaf coffee kinda sucks. And 3 is that whoever is knocking on her door at 9:15 tonight, disrupting her rewatch of Grease 2 better has a good reason to do so if they want to keep their head attached to their body.

Slowly she’s dragging herself towards the door. Today was exhaustion enough both physically and mentally, she really doesn’t need the stress of an unannounced visitor. Not when she’s dressed in an old, oversized Hardrock Cafe shirt, bike shorts, and those ridiculous yellow slippers she got on her last trip to Disney that look like Minnie Mouse’s shoes.

“I’m coming, Jesus — “ 

“I don’t know shit about babies.” 

Jamie looks different as he stands before her on her front steps, hair messy and flat against his head, wearing a big grey sweater. Gone is all the charming confidence and the mischievous smirks. He’s all sad eyes and shy smiles. He reminds (Y/N) of a sad, beaten puppy. She almost feels bad for him. Almost. That’s until the words that just fell from his lips really register in her mind.

“You could’ve just texted me you’re not interested. Didn’t have to come here, really.” 

“What? No, I am! “

“You just said —” 

“I said I don’t know shit about babies. Cause I don’t. But I’m not gonna run off.”

“You won’t?”

Jamie has never looked so genuine, so serious as in that moment and it sends a weird feeling through (Y/N). She didn’t have any expectations in him. You can’t really have those if you don’t even know the person. Sure, she hoped he would take interest in her and the baby but things truly could’ve gone either way. To hear him say that he wants to step up and be there, that’s a feeling she can’t really put into words.

“Can we uh — can I come in? Your neighbor is staring at me.” 

(Y/N) opens the door to let Jamie pass before leaning outside and facing the house next door. Sure enough, old Mrs. Hartley is standing by her window, eyes trained on (Y/N)’s front door. Jesus fucking Christ, do these people not have their own lives? 

The small pink couch looks even smaller with Jamie’s broad frame perched in the corner. He’s holding onto the fluffy white pillow as if he needs some kind of buoy to keep him afloat.

“Do you want tea or something?” 

“Do you have beer?” 

She only raises an eyebrow in response and points to her stomach. 

“Right. Pregnant. Forgot about that for a second, sorry. “

Oh, the privilege of getting to forget about that. 

“I have water, ginger ale, and apple juice.” 

Jamie screws his face in repulsion. If there is one thing she’s learned about Jamie Tartt in the limited time they’ve spent together, it’s that his emotions are always so clearly reflected on his face. She’s not sure he knows exactly how expressive he really is.

“I’m good. Here, I actually brought you some stuff.” 

As she sits down on the couch next to him, Jamie holds out a Tesco bag to her filled to the brim with stuff. 

“What’s all this?” 

He looks bashful, almost shy as he shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly. 

“Just some stuff for your nausea. Google said anything ginger helps so I got these lollies. Also sour candy and crackers. Not sure if it works but I felt so bad seeing you earlier and knowing it's kinda my fault, innit?."

It's such a sweet sentiment that (Y/N) can feel the tears gathering on her waterline. Maybe Jamie is the kind of person she can call when in need. Maybe he can become that person.

"That's very sweet Jamie, oh there's more."

It's a small box with two even smaller socks, so tiny it almost seems impossible that a human being can have such small feet. 

"Saw them and couldn't stop thinking about how cute they were and then I couldn’t stop imagining our baby being so tiny and wearing them and, yeah.” 

“They’re adorable, Jamie. Thank you.” 

His words wrap around her heart like vines. Taking root. Blooming. 

“Our baby”. The thought of having a baby is still so foreign to her. Her own baby, her child. Hearing Jamie call it theirs sends a flutter of feelings through her. Their baby. Part her and part Jamie.

“So what I meant earlier is that I don’t know shit about babies. None of my friends have babies, I have no siblings and all my cousins are around my age so I never really had experience with babies. I know they’re cute and I know they poop a lot. “

“They are pretty cute.”

“Yeah, and our baby?” he says and motions between the two of them “‘s gonna be the cutest fucking baby of all time. It’s genetics.”

The matter-of-fact tone in which he says it pulls a laugh from (Y/N). He does have a point though.

“I am not going to lie, I'm extremely unprepared for this. For being a — a dad.” 

There’s a bitterness there, a heaviness. Maybe Dad is as sharp and as cutting a concept to Jamie as Mum is to (Y/N). 

“Don’t have a dad. Well, I do but he’s right asshole, isn’t he. So I got no idea how to be good at this, had no one to show me. I’ll try though. I want to be different. I need to be. Promised myself when I was a kid that I was not going to be like him, ever.”

“I understand that, trust me Jamie I really do. But I need you to be sure that you want that. I don’t want you to stay around because of some misplaced sense of duty. I want you to want this.” 

"Didn't think I did. When you told me and you gave me an out I wanted to take it. But then I kept looking at that picture, can’t make out anything on it by the way but that doesn’t matter, I kept looking at it and that part of me. That's my baby and I couldn't live with meself if I gave up on it. On you. A lot of people have given up on me in my life and I resent them for it. I can't be the one giving up now, can I? I'm better than that."

She doesn't even realize the tears have found their way out until Jamie's face fills with concern. "Oh no, I didn't mean to make you cry or nothing."

"They're happy tears, I think. I'm really scared, Jamie. Knowing that I don't have to do this all by myself, that helps a bit."

"I promise I'll try to be the best at this. I'll even rub your feet if they're hurting and I fucking hate feet."

Leave it to Jamie to put the humor back into even the most serious and tense of conversations.

"You don't have to rub my feet, that's okay. I do think we should get to know each other better though, now that we're gonna be raising a child together. I know hardly anything about you."

"Uh, you know plenty about me. You know I'm fit, obviously. You know I have great hair. I'm good at football, fucking ace actually. Also sexually."

That little shit has the audacity to wink. it should be annoying. It's weirdly charming though.

"And now you also know that I'm gonna try my best to be good at this. Hey, when the baby is here can I get one of them kangaroo pouch thingies and take them to training with me?"

"Kangaroo pouch? You mean a baby carrier?"

"Yes, that! Strap it to my chest while I do my warm-up."

"You are not taking our baby to training with you, are you insane?"

"I'm joking, Jesus. Would look fucking cool though, maybe get us matching sunglasses. Hats too. Baby icon."

"Oh my god, you know what, maybe this is a bad idea after all."

But it's not, she doesn't mean that. Jamie knows it and (Y/N) knows that he knows. For the first time since those two lines appeared, it feels like she can breathe easy again if even just for a moment. Things will be hard, no doubt but at least she can share it with someone. And it's just an added bonus that someone never fails to put a smile on her face.

"What are you watching there anyway?" Jamie asks, nodding his head towards the tv.

"Grease 2."

"They made a second one? Is it good?"

"No, it's terrible. I love it."

"See," Jamie chimes up, a small genuine smile.on his lips "learned something new about you. The mother of my child loves bad movies. This getting to know each other plan is going so well already."

And while it is a joke, there's also a flicker of truth to it. It's the little things that make us who we are. Like our love for bad movies or our desire to be better than our parents before us.

"Do you wanna stay and watch it with me?"

"Can we start from the beginning?"

"Obviously"

"Then yes! Give me one of them ginger lollies please."

They spent the next few hours watching Grease 2 followed by the first because - well it's just right to watch them both, really. It doesn't feel forced or awkward. This is not two strangers trying to bond for the sake of their child. This is a genuine friendship in the making. It feels wonderful. They exchange numbers, birthdays, favorite colors. It’s all very superficial information but it’s a start and it’s easy. This whole situation is hard enough, sometimes easy is just what you need.

The clock says 12:03 when Jamie decides it's time to go home. 

Just as he is about to leave, one foot already out the door, he turns back with curious eyes.

"Do you know how big the baby is?"

"Uh, no. Pretty tiny I think."

"They didn't tell you what fruit size?"

"Fruit size?"

"Yeah like, it's as big as a strawberry now or something."

(Y/N) shakes her head in response "I think they mostly do that in American movies."

Jamie looks deflated for a fracture of a second before he lightens up again and one of those rare smiles takes over his face. The one that makes him look so boyish and excitable. Like a fucking golden retriever.

"That's okay. I'll find out."

"You do that. Let me know what you find. Have a good night Jamie."

"You too!" Then his eyes move to her stomach "And you too baby."

God, he can be so adorable it's absolutely sickening.

As she lays in bed, (Y/N) thinks back to just the night before. To the anxiety and the fear. To all the what-ifs that ghosted through her head. That seems like a whole lifetime ago and even though a lot of those fears are still present, they get overshadowed tonight. By the knowledge that she's not alone. And by the absolute sunshine that is Jamie Tartt. 

Just before she closes her eyes, her phone dings with a notification. 

Her hand comes to rest gently on her stomach. There’s no change there yet, absolutely no sign of a baby growing in there at this very moment. And yet she knows and that makes all the difference. 

In a voice, soft like silk, she whispers “Daddy says goodnight”. It’s cheesy, outright sickening but in the dark of the night, who is there to judge her for it? Sometimes you have to let yourself be ridiculous and cringy if your heart demands it.

That night she doesn't fall asleep to fear and anxiety. That night she falls asleep with a smile on her face. 

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

Watching Miraculous, I feel that the show is written that no matter what Marinette decides to do, she would be in the wrong - she is in the wrong for not telling Chat about Chat Blanc (ignoring her own trauma in the matter), but if she told him, the show would make it the wrong choice...

The head writer has publicly stated that one of the show's guiding rules is that Marinette has to do something wrong in every episode, so I'd say that you don't just have a feeling. You've actually picked up on one of the show's not-so-subtle core tenets. It's also a core tenet that I strongly disagree with because - as I said in the linked post - when it comes to shows like Miraculous, the only characters who are always in the wrong are the villains.

If Miraculous was a different type show and Marinette's blunders were more comedic, low-stakes, sitcom-type stuff, then it could work. Two examples that come to mind are:

That's So Raven - this is an old Disney Channel show where the main character was a psychic who randomly got visions of the future. A lot of the episodes focused on her having a vision, interpreting that vision wrong, and then doing something foolish as a result. So Raven was usually in the wrong, but she was wrong in a way that rarely hurt others. If memory serves, she most just caused herself unnecessary stress.

Phineas and Ferb - another Disney Channel show about two imaginative and inventive young boys who have fun doing crazy things like building a roller coaster in their backyard. They do these things without parental permission so their older sister - Candace - is always trying to get them in trouble. In spite of this, the general viewer feeling towards Candace seems to be one of amusement, not hatred. This is probably because she never causes pain for anyone but herself, making it hard to look at her as a negative force. If Candace was written more like Marinette, then people would probably hate her, too.

While we're on the topic, it's worth pointing out that, while Candace isn't a villain, she is the antagonist. Her presence causes much needed tension. Since she's always out to ruin her brothers' fun, every episode has the low-key stakes of, "Will the boys get caught this time?" Without Candace, you lose those stakes and Phineas and Ferb becomes a lesser show because even sitcoms need stakes.

Semi-serious magical girl shows don't need characters like Candace to add stakes to the story. This is because semi-serious magical girl shows have built in stakes from the presence of villains and evil magic. It is the height of absurdity to make a rule like "Marinette is always wrong" in a show with an evil villain who is out to steal Marinette's magical earrings and use them to rewrite the universe.

The presence of the "Marinette is always wrong" rule shows a fundamental misunderstanding of the type of show they're writing. You only make rules like that in low-stakes shows like the ones I listed above. And even those shows understood that, if you have this rule, then you also make sure that the only person who usually suffers is the one making the mistakes. The writers of Miraculous really haven't done that because of course they haven't! This isn't a low-stakes teen drama. Marinette has too much for responsibility and the narrative stakes are far to high for her mistakes to come across as minor.

This is especially true because they keep picking mistakes that should lead to character growth and then not actually writing any character growth. Once again, that style of writing can work in sitcoms*, but Miraculous has way too many serious elements to be written like a pure sitcom. That doesn't change the fact that the writers are writing it like one, but it does explain why the writing leads to so much frustration for fans.

*I wanted to note that even sitcoms often make the audience hate the leads because it's hard to write anything where the leads keep making endless mistakes without making the leads look awful and sitcoms run off of every episode containing a mistake. This is why long running sitcoms tend to have a good number fans who hate at least one member of the core cast. Ted and Lily from How I Met Your Mother are great examples of this and it happens because the mistakes they make usually effect others. If the show had only been two seasons long like originally planned, then they would have been fine.

[aranarumei]

about hanzawa's older/younger sister

so! people who follow me might know I've expressed confusion regarding hanzawa masato's sister. what can i say... she's just interesting to me. anyways, i came up with a really fun theory about it, so if you'll trust me and follow me under the cut, we can learn quite a bit about hanzawa's family! even if you don't believe in my conclusion, perhaps you'll have something new to consider...?

(heads up—any mangacaps used in this post are taken from the fantrans of the manga, for ease of reference)

The Situation: 

We know Hanzawa’s family consists of two brothers, and one sister. They make an appearance within ch 28 of Sasaki to Miyano, in this page right here: 

Hanzawa’s two brothers are pretty easy to spot there, but his sister is a bit more obscured—she’s just at the left edge of the right panel. From the -Graduation- Sasaki to Miyano guidebook (some might know it as the 2nd anime guidebook), we know that the older of his two brothers is Masaomi, the younger one is Masaki, and he has a younger sister named Masako. 

…And if you’re as crazy about Hanzawa as I am, that might have raised some flags. Because—wait, doesn’t Hanzawa have an older sister? In ch 19 of Sasaki to Miyano, which, by the way, is the first chapter that Hanzawa Masato is named, we see him say this: 

This isn’t the only reference to his older sister—in ch 22 of Sasaki to Miyano, Kuresawa mentions that Hanzawa’s older sister is the same height as him, and Hanzawa mentions sending a picture of Miyano to her, though he doesn’t specify older/younger here. 

So… that’s weird, right? But, you know, this is one of Hanzawa’s first appearances. Maybe it’s a retcon, maybe Hanzawa is using older sister here in a not-actually-related loose way (though that seems unlikely), maybe the guidebook is wrong (also seems unlikely, for reasons I’ll get into later), maybe there’s some kind of explanation for why Hanzawa’s got a younger sister and not an older one. I chalked it up to early-installment weirdness. Admittedly, this does feel out of character for a mangaka who’s consistently drawn characters like Shirahama and Karasubara into the background long before they have any real scenes or dialogue. But whatever, we can move on from that, it’s not like Hanzawa’s going to mention his older sister again— 

Except. Well, if you’ve seen this tweet recently:

There, in the bottom left corner, is Yashiro and Hanzawa discussing the outfits they’re wearing. Because it’s cosplay, you know. Much like that older sister we know Hanzawa has. Which is who they are, indeed, talking about. And my grasp of Japanese is terrible, but Yashiro is definitely calling her Hanzawa’s older sister. 

The Theory: 

So, the reference of Hanzawa’s older sister—it’s not a mistake. How could it be a mistake, when she’s not an offhand mention in ch 19, but brought up again in ch 22, and again in this art? She’s intentional—but the guidebook isn’t wrong, either. 

(guidebook images provided courtesy of @sunnnfish)

Hanzawa Masako’s appearance in the guidebook aligns exactly with the little we see of her in the flashback in ch 28. Here’s another thing about Hanzawa Masako that we learn in the guidebook: she’s definitely shorter than Hanzawa Masato. So that doesn’t line up, either. 

Two sisters, but there can only be one. How do we explain that? Is Hanzawa talking about an older sister in a vague sense of just… an older female friend? He’s got a lot of those, after all. This just seems a bit implausible to me, though—it feels like a stretch for him to refer to someone that way, and it’s also a kind of unsatisfying answer. Then what? Is he lying about having an older sister? Is all of that stuff just his, and he’s made up an older sister to make his makeup skills and knowledge of crossdressing way more plausible? Is it just some kind of mistranslation / misunderstanding on my part? Sure, that’s always a possibility. 

But… you know who is the same height as Hanzawa Masato? Who is his family? Who is older? Yeah—Hanzawa Masaomi. 

I’m being completely serious. If we accept that Hanzawa Masato, when bringing his cosplay outfits to the school, is simply obscuring the truth by referring to his older brother as his older sister—well, it makes a pretty good amount of sense. 

The Defense: 

I’m aware this isn’t a theory that’s got a lot of evidence behind it. What it does have, though, is a lack of evidence to contradict it—and a lot of stuff that aligns with it in a fun way. It’s a fun answer, is what I’m getting at. Is it the right one? Maybe not, but let’s investigate some of its parts, anyways. 

Eagle-eyed readers might notice that Hanzawa’s sent a picture of Miyano to his older sister. Wouldn’t this older brother recognize Miyano, then? Not true! Miyano covers his face with a folding fan when Hanzawa first takes pictures. And, for obvious reasons, Hanzawa Masaomi has never turned to the camera and gone “By the way, I’m not an otaku, and I don’t cosplay.” Honestly, if he did that, I’d be more suspicious, because it’s so damn specific. Really the only other thing we can bring up is that Hanzawa's older sister messes around in his uniforms, but that's easily explained—he wears a different uniform style when compared to his older brother.

With that settled, there isn’t any other information that I think would contradict this theory, considering how little we know about Hanzawa’s family in the first place. Now, what do we know about Hanzawa that makes this theory plausible?

Hanzawa actively lying about anything isn’t really well-documented, but we do know he’s well-aware of societal norms, and prefers being… normal, let’s say. In ch 28, we see his brothers both come out, and once Hanzawa (awkwardly) says he prefers girls, he feels oddly about his mother’s relief. There’s a few ways to interpret this. #1: he’s straight, the question just caught him off guard, and his uncomfortable feeling was due to the fact it was clear that, despite his mother’s casual acceptance of his family, it’s not all sunshine and rainbows for gay people. #2: he’s aromantic, and said he liked girls because of course that’s what you do, and maintains that fact into the present day, as either a conscious or unconscious lie. #3: he’s gay/attracted to not just women, and said he liked girls because of course that’s what you do, and maintains that fact into the present day, as either a conscious or unconscious lie. 

If we take Hanzawa at face-value, it’s #1 that’s the truth… but like, why would I do that to someone like Hanzawa, who’s all about mystery. I personally prefer a mix of #2 or #3, both of which point to the idea that Hanzawa might, indeed, lie to make people feel a little more comfortable. To not obviously stand out. In the 2nd dvd extra, Hanzawa reveals that his hair is dyed black, and mentions its beneficial to act like a straight-laced student. He’s got a crazy amount of piercings, but he only wears them outside of school, too. I mean, he’s literally the president of the disciplinary club. Clearly he knows a thing or two about propriety. There’s a lot of evidence in the manga to show that Hanzawa’s over-concerned with a presentation of normalcy, and I’d argue that’s not because he dislikes deviance, but because he understands deviance is disliked. (I’d add more, but it’s enough for an entirely separate post, you know? You’ll just have to work with me here.) 

All that said: Is it easier to say that you’ve got all of these women’s cosplay clothes because you’ve got an older sister who’s an otaku with interesting garments (and you won’t even say cosplay, you’ll let Miyano make that connection himself), or is it easier to say you’ve got an older brother who’s an otaku that crossdresses? 

Probably the former. And it’s an easy lie to maintain—who are you inviting to your home? If you call him your older sister, the fondness and a lot of the truth stays the same. I’d thought it wouldn’t be possible because I thought there was some kind of reference to the clothing being originally fitted for a woman’s body, but all that happens is that in ch 22, Hanzawa says that Miyano, along with Kuresawa, has quite the shoulder span on him, and thus a kimono-style outfit was the right choice. All that suggests is that this outfit fits his shape best—not that Miyano, a guy, has to have this outfit altered because his shoulders are a lot broader than Hanzawa’s sister, who’s not a guy. Even if it was true that Kuresawa or Miyano’s shoulder spans were a bit much, if we look at ch 28 again: 

There’s Hanzawa and his older brother. Heights are about equivalent, but those shoulder spans? Hanzawa Masaomi is decidedly slimmer. …That’d probably help, if he wanted to crossdress in any kind of cosplay. In ch 28, after he gets called Maa-kun in public, Hanzawa tells his older brother to watch what he says in public. Here’s a small moment of Hanzawa wanting to seem… you know, cool, in public, and then getting embarrassed by his older brother, as is the right of siblings. But it also, once again, demonstrates Hanzawa’s awareness of the public, and his older brother’s dismissiveness of it—right after this, he just outright asks Miyano if he’s Hanzawa’s boyfriend. Like… Miyano seems like he’s a nice kid, but at first meeting? That’s not the easiest thing to ask someone, even casually. 

I think it just adds a fun dimension to things that are already true about how I feel about Hanzawa and his family… that he likes to present himself as “normal” when he isn’t, and that this is probably in response to some of his siblings being much more obvious in their strangeness. As sad and practical as it is, he understands the benefits to concealment and conformity. He avoids letting Tashiro count out the number of piercings he has—and he’s got more of them than any other “bad boy who’s not really a bad boy” (Hirano, Sasaki, Ogasawara) in this cast, despite being the least outwardly a delinquent. Considering how little we know about Hanzawa, is it really so hard to believe that this might be one of many a carefully-kept secret?

[taeloke]

Overanalyzing 4KOTA Chapter 142 instead of just waiting for more info (1/2?)

Honestly? I'm writing King's side of this separately, because it's about time I started talking about him here l and I know I can go on forever about him. That field of over-analysis needs its own house. I would go off about him first but then I'd forget his kids entirely and I don't want to do that to them... Speaking of--

So silly. So precious. Berte is so Helbram-coded and I'm sure that's intentional resemblance.

You know...I wonder which of their traits were inherited from Diane's parents. Probably the golden hair on almost half of them at least. Sixtus and Tioreh's pink hair looks more like a genetic mutation...unless their hair color is inherited from the leaf color of the Sacred Tree? That's possible too.

Diane seems less energetic since becoming a mother. She's settled down and has been shown to be gentle more often than bubbly, which was the impression she gave me in the original series. I'm assuming she hasn't fought since entering the Fairy Realm, too. She's put the stress of the Holy War behind her, and I'm happy that she seems content with her lots of babies. I wonder if she'll get to hear about Dolores once the current issues are over. I'm sure hearing she's Nasiens's adoptive big sister will be a shock. Diane deserves to know that.

The way Tioreh says this makes me suspect Puck is the one behind Nasiens and Myrtel's switcheroo. He must really love that "prank" in that case. Regardless of who was behind it, though, that's actually fucked up. A fairy trolled their own king by swapping their first child with a human, probably knowing exactly what issues both kids would be put in. I can't call this just a prank. I love King to death, but his people are their own kind of awful...

For this moment, let's glance back at how she reacted to that news at first.

Tioreh must have been suspecting this the whole time Nasiens was here, but this reveal may be the moment she started to seriously believe it, if not when Nasiens admitted to feeling healthier in the Fairy Realm. After this, she started to open up about her siblings more and telling Nasiens that he's like them--especially like Phao. All of this is stuff that Nasiens didn't know about since he met her two years ago. All of the tension in this family over Nasiens and Myrtel has been building up for so long...and right now we're watching it all cave in. I'm sure King and Diane had good intentions for hiding the truth, but hiding it's not working anymore.

And Diane knows it's not working anymore. I'm stuck on her asking "Is that bad for you?" Why is she asking that of all things? Is that what King and Diane were so worried about when they decided to never come out about this? Did they think their kids would be upset with having a human for an older brother?

Okay, but maybe that's not all that they considered. Maybe they got worried about how their people outside of their family would react to their theories being confirmed. If that happened, as unfortunate as it is, Mertyl would probably get more ostracized than he was. With that in mind, I'm sure his parents made that choice to protect him from some of the problems he'd inevitably go through. It's a nice thought that way, but this was still a bad call. They made too many assumptions of their own kids' feelings.

In other news...Phao was lurking... Now they're all gonna know and clear up this misunderstanding with their parents, right?

Anyway, I feel like I've written too much for one post, so I'll go on about the rest of the chapter tomorrow. Closing this part with this:

myrtel peek

[ssruis]

I will literally always go to bat for tsukasa’s fragment sekai card story & anyone who thinks it should have been flashy and focused on shows misunderstands him as a character on a very basic level

[Goes into the situation seeking to gain something -> gives up the chance to get what he wanted in order to help Hiro]

(Tl by Tsukasa’s #3 fan)

Why This Fucking Rules Actually:

- echoing tsukasa’s first character arc (focused on himself & what he stands to gain from wxs and emu/nene/rui -> growing to care about them as his friends & being willing to give up the commercial chance/lose the show contest for the WMS show). It’s the selfish & selfless aspects of his character we see over and over again. Tsukasa *is* egotistical and selfish. Sorry! I’m right. A lot of what he does is self serving & he tends to focus on himself. He’s just also capable of being very selfless. Which in turn benefits him. & This isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

He loves & desires attention and fame. He wants to use that attention and fame to make other people happy. He wants it to be *him* (& wxs) making other people happy because it comes with attention and fame. He wants to put on good shows because it gives him what he wants and he enjoys it. He’s responsible and helpful and kind to others because that is what his idea of a star is, and because he likes being viewed that way and the gratification that comes from it. He compromises and gives up what he wants and does things for others because that’s what a star would do, so that is what he will do. He is selfless because he is selfish. He is selfish so that he can be selfless. He is a fascinating critter & a paradox of a man.

That being said, the one person he consistently values over all else, above shows & fame, has always been Saki. Tsukasa “the grind never stops” “tried to go to an acting gig with food poisoning when he couldn’t make it out the door without collapsing” Tenma skips practice when she’s sick. Rui (+ nene iirc) is shocked that he’s actually a really good older brother (twilight musical parade). He wants her to be happy more than anything. Saki is the most important person in his life. She’s his number one fan & centric to his first step towards improving at acting (torpe event) for a reason. He would not be who he is, where he is, or have his current goal & motivations without her.

(Tsukasa’s musical twilight parade card)

Before he wanted to be a star he wanted to be a good big brother, & being a good big brother is so important to him that it has essentially been baked into what his idea of a star *is*. It has quite literally shaped his entire personality. It’s natural enough to him that even as someone who loves to be praised he will go “? That’s just normal though I’m not doing much” when Saki or Toya comment on it (his SOAD 2*, Akito’s initial 3*, Toya’s doll festival 4*, etc).

Tsukasa’s fragment sekai is based on a book he read with Saki when they were kids. It’s about a brother doing The Most to make his sister happy. He goes into the situation thinking about acting by trying to figure out the weird expression on Hiro’s face, & finds out it’s an expression near tears that is only weird because Hiro never shows it to his little sister. Tsukasa spends his time in the fragment sekai helping Hiro be a good older brother. His last words to Hiro are praising Hiro for all he’s done and encouraging him. & tsukasa does figure out what he was trying to figure out! But that’s less important to both the viewer and Tsukasa than helping Hiro.

Nene, Rui, and Emu’s fragment sekai were about their dreams & what they value most - Nene wants to be on Broadway and grow with her friends by her side, Rui wants to put on incredible shows and continue to be with the people who accepted him, Emu wants to carry on her grandpa’s legacy and make him proud (and I think it was deliberate to release emu+tsukasa’s fragment sekai cards together given that saki is to tsukasa what emu’s grandpa is to her).

Just as you can’t separate Tsukasa’s character from Saki, you can’t separate his goal of becoming a better actor and future star from his goal of being a good big brother. His relationship to Saki was the catalyst for his dream, & that’s pretty clearly why they chose to make his fragment sekai reflect this. They’re emphasizing one of the most crucial and often overlooked parts of his character. And it was a fantastic decision.

Tsukasa fragment sekai card they could never make me hate you. Keep sitting there in your boring little costume eating your stupid slice of bread Tsukasa. I love it & will defend it until my dying breath. I’m cheering and clapping and hooting and hollering and whatever other words describing applause fit.

[cer-rata]

Fic WIP "Boys Will Be Bugs"

When Jon first met Damian, he didn’t have a lot of friends. His early life was pretty unstable actually, and so were his powers, so there weren’t tons of opportunities to mingle. He'd never willingly admit it, but on a level his friendly personality was born out of loneliness as much as it was his natural state.

Anyway, back then Jon didn't know a ton of people, and It was easy for him to call someone a best friend when there were only three options--especially since one of them helped a crazy British man harass his family. And torture him. Kon had finally gotten him to admit to himself that Manchester Black's attempts to recruit him counted as torture, and he wasn't sure he appreciated knowing that, actually.

He was over it though, he and Kathy were still close, even if they saw each other less nowadays. But…it did give Damian a bit of a leg up in that race. As for Maya, well, she was like an older sister almost, still a friend, but it was a little different. So in some ways it kind of defaulted to Damian, especially with how much time they spent together in the years since.

The really interesting thing, Jon thought, was how Damian managed to keep that spot when he started adding new friends to his orbit. Jon had some really good friends too, friends he’d trust with his life, friends who knew things about him that he’d never tell his parents, friends who he knew liked him separate from the Superboy thing.

But still, Damian was the one Jon thought about when something went wrong, or when he figured out a new way to use his powers and wanted to tell someone. He thought about Damian a lot, really.

Damian had added some new friends to his orbit too, and recently a boyfriend even. Which was so…cool. Jon was happy for him, Damian deserved to have something nice like that, and it was great to see him opening up to new possibilities and stuff. He even genuinely liked the guy, and they’d already gotten past the “almost killing each other because of a misunderstanding/supernatural problem” stage, AND saved each other's lives. Conrad was Jon’s friend too, and that was neat. 

He wasn’t jealous anymore. Not at all. That wouldn’t make sense. Damian was already his best friend, what else could he even want? The Sapphire crystal thing showed you what you loved, and obviously he'd love his best friend, that wasn't weird, and the moment where he wondered about there being more to that was just him being stupid and dramatic and immature.

So he floated over to where Damian was drawing at his desk, and rested his chin on his shoulder, hovering just enough to not put too much of his weight on it. Damian didn’t bother shaking him off, or even complaining, which was crazy considering how they’d started off. Over their three years of friendship, Damian had been getting warmer and more tolerant of affection, and was almost normal about it. Jon wanted to think that his consistent positivity had finally worn Damian down…but…he acknowledged that the recent shift probably had to do with Conrad and how he’d been dragging Damian out of his shell. It seemed so easy when he did it, and Jon couldn’t figure out why he hadn’t managed it himself...but it was good that it happened! He was happy about it!

Besides, there were probably more…”incentives” for him to listen to Conrad. Jon and Conrad were both kind of dorky, but Conrad had cool hair, and was sort of...pretty in a way Jon didn't see himself as being. His charisma was slightly different too, as were the things he was confident about. He might have been nervous about being a superhero, but he was a shameless, earnest flirt, and maybe Damian just appreciated the audacity. Maybe Jon was too laid-back.

Conrad was also the same age as Damian, and being a little younger than his buddy had never felt like a problem before, but now Jon was wondering if maybe Damian didn't take him as seriously as he thought he--

Damian sighed quietly. “Jon.”

“Hmm?”

“You’re grinding your teeth in my ear.”

“Oh! Sorry. You…you can hear that?”

“Everything about you is loud.”

Jon rolled his eyes and bumped the side of Damian’s head with his own. He finally actually processed what Damian had been sketching: It looked like a bunch of weapon designs. Swords and hammers and axes and stuff. “Whatcha working on?”

“You know how Conrad is a dumbass?”

“I refuse to be on record agreeing with that.”

“He’s terrible at thinking up new constructs quickly, but has a sharp memory, so I was thinking I’d give him some detailed designs for basic weapons when he gets home.”

Jon swallowed down a feeling that didn’t make sense. “Ah, that’s sweet of you.”

“It’s practical. Sentiment has nothing to do with it.”

“You’re allowed to like, admit that you like doing things for your boyfriend.”

Damian sucked his teeth. “If it’s obvious, why would I need to say it?”

Jon considered that for a minute. “I guess that’s fair. I like that hammer over there, third from the top.”

Jon heard Damian bite his cheek. “Oh, I don’t know if I’ll show him that one--”

“It’s two hands with their fingers all laced up, right? That’s cool, especially given Conrad’s whole deal.”

Two heartbeats that were slightly faster than normal were the only indications Jon got that Damian was a little embarrassed. “Well…yes, that was the idea.”

“You wanna hold his hand, huh?”

“Jon, get off of me.”

Jon wrapped his arms around Damian’s shoulders. “You miiiiiiss hiiiiim.”

“I will stab you in the eye with this pencil.”

“It’s normal to miss people you’re dating.”

“It hasn’t even been three weeks, I’m not so needy.”

“Oh yeah? I mean, would you even let me touch you this much if he was around? I’m basically just keeping a seat warm.” Jon winced as soon as he finished letting that disaster of a sentence dribble out of his mouth. He could feel his friend’s muscles tense.

Damian got up, gently pushing Jon off on him in the process. He turned to affix his sharp gaze on him, seeming confused and somewhat concerned.

Jon would have preferred him looking annoyed, actually.

“Jonathan…are you alright?”

Jon did his best to play it off. “Yeah, of course. I was just teasing you.”

Damian didn’t look convinced. “Well…if you’re sure--”

Jon flashed a smile and patted him on the shoulder. “Totally. I’m more worried about you though.”

“You’re trying to redirect me.”

“If you don’t let me, I’m going to hug you again.”

Damian sighed. “You people are so violent.”

Jon raised his eyebrows, and Damian smirked. “‘You people?’ What do you mean ‘you people?’”

“You know, the clingy ones that dress in blue and wear a symbol that is clearly an ‘S’ but they insist isn’t one, despite the fact that the House of Zod’s emblem is clearly a ‘Z’ so--”

“That’s a coincidence! If that’s how it worked, then our crest would look like an ‘E,’ we’re not the house of ‘Sel.’”

Damian looked defiantly up into Jon’s eyes. “I think an ‘E’ would look better. ”

Jon blew a freezing blast of air over him, and he gasped out a laugh as he tried to avoid it. “Hey! Stop that!”

Jon spent a moment chasing him around the room, before he ran out of breath. After, Damian was hugging himself and shivering, but still smiling. Jon crossed his arms. “That’s what you get, 'elf off the shelf'.”

“You’re such an asshole!”

“Me?!”

“I’m freezing! What if I die, hmm? What if I go into shock, and just die in front of you, and suddenly you’ve murdered ‘Damian Carlisle Wayne,’ and have to go to--hey!” Jon interrupted him with a bear hug that he was too sluggish from the cold to dodge in time.

Jon held him tight. “Yeah, yeah I’ll warm you up, crybaby.” He paused. “…’Carlisle?’”

Damian clearly sounded embarrassed this time. “Oh. Um. That’s…Conrad has this stupid running joke where he says my full name but adds a random middle name every time.”

Jon squeezed his eyes shut. “Ah, that’s pretty good. I think you’d be a Jerry.”

“You’re in biting distance.”

“So are you.”

“...Touché.” 

Jon focused really hard and vented just a little of his solar reserves. A teeny tiny bit, just to raise his temperature and warm Damian up faster. He was actually pretty proud at how much control he had over that now, the idea that he’d blow up by accident seemed ridiculous. Dumb stupid evil alternate timeline Tim. “That better?”

Damian growled under his breath. “...Yes.”

Jon giggled. “You sure you don’t wanna come over for dinner tonight? Kara and Dad are both back from their space things.”

Damian shook his head. “No, Duke and Cassandra want me to come with them to take Black Mask down, I need to be ready to go.”

Jon squeezed him a little tighter. “Oh. Well…it’s the summer, I can stay out a little later, especially cause I’m almost fourteen, so if you want I could maybe help?”

Damian shook his head. “I appreciate it, but that’s alright. It’s Duke, Cassandra and myself, frankly It’s already overkill.”

Jon bit his lip. “Ah, okay, well--”

“Besides, the way you start giggling sometimes when people shoot you kind of kills our mystique.” 

Jon scoffed. “It’s not my fault they don’t use big enough caliber bullets to do anything but tickle me. A 50. cal could almost kind of theoretically hurt.”

Damian snorted. “Uh-huh. Sorry chuckles, we're finally free of one clown, that doesn't mean we need anoth--ow! Stop! I thought we were both joking about the biting--Jon!”

[entertaining-two]

My Biggest Problem With Bridgerton Season 3

I wanna start by saying if you wanna stay in the positive reviews for Season 3 I totally get it, I have been too because I do truly enjoy season 3 and seeing people tear it apart sucks a lot and can take the joy out of it for some.

My biggest issue with the season and take on what could've been done slightly better will be below 🥰

So I wanna start by laying out that I think the groundwork done in previous seasons really set up Penelope to have a story be flushed out and examined when it came time for her season. I think with Colin's character things were much more nuanced because it was a lot of internal work. But the main point is everything was lined up to have both of their characters reach good growth milestones within their season to wrap up their stories.

So going into season 3 I think for those of us who didn't read the books but knew the gist of what the story was about anticipated a certain level of attention put on Colin and how he had to come back into himself. He is a character known for trying to find himself, and we see it shown in trying to marry the first girl he remotely is interested in, trying to travel to find his purpose, trying to save his friends family, traveling again for more purpose, and then when he returns to the ton and has put on a facade. So when we finished the season my annoyance was that there was not much emphasis on Colin's journey.

They dove into Penelope's extensively, her battle to be seen, to have her purpose with Lady Whistledown and letting herself be loved. But Colin, we the viewer are so set up to misunderstand him this season which is why I don't blame anyone for not grasping his character at all because they don't give us a ton to work with.

Personally, as much as I adore Penelope's character and her importance to the narrative, her character got more growth and attention than Colin did and it was technically his season as he is the "Bridgerton" in question. I truly don't think that Jess or the writers knew what to do with him to get the audience to understand his story without centering it more around Penelope's perspective. I mean the big emotional moments of the story are centered around the Featheringtons, healing the relationship with her mother, healing the relationship with her sisters etc. Which is amazing I loved it, but also I felt like Colin was just kinda.... there. Especially in the second half.

So here is a list of a few things that I think could have improved the way we see Colin's emotional journey throughout the season (I will remind you again I have not read the book so take this with a grain of salt if it is super inaccurate to that).

Flashbacks: Both previous seasons give us flashbacks for the male leads, I think that it could've been useful here as well. A few that would have been nice to see would be Colin when he is younger with his brothers older and him feeling lost in the middle of them and Daphne. Colin and Pen when they were much younger laughing/speaking candidly to each other as they got older. Or flashbacks to Edmond and Violet because we know they were friends to lovers too, perhaps this is how Colin knows what love truly is.

Colin Traveling: I think a flashback to Colin on his travels and showing him receiving no letters from his family, alone in some city and trying to find comfort in a woman/ trying to find a connection but instead it's just sex/flirting and seducing someone. - I think this would have been much more impactful than having him in a brothel right away. He clearly doesn't love being there, he is there because he wants the connection that he lacks and this is the easiest way to get it. So if we got some context into why Colin comes back a different person, I think it would make it easier for people to understand this version of himself he puts on and make it more impactful when he stops acting this way and realizes he loves Pen.

Narrating: I know the only narrator we ever have is Lady Whistledown but I think it could have been an interesting parallel to have Colin narrate more of his journal entries as the Lady Whistledown discovery happens so that we can better understand how he feels about things. I've seen quotes from the book and it seems like a great deal of the realizations happen completely in Colin's head and we can always infer things based on actions and thats fine, but I think we would have had a deeper understanding of his inner workings if we had got this instead of Colin just sitting at his desk staring or writing and guessing at what he could be thinking/feeling based on past experience.

Give them more scenes: Everyone has been saying it but it's true. I think there are some spots that could have been longer conversations or just a conversation in general. For example: When Colin walks in on Penelope getting changed and we get that longing moment from Colin, I wish Pen would have asked him to stay or something of that essence, and then we could have gotten a heart to heart moment where Penelope lets Colin explain what he is feeling about this situation a little bit more, the war between loving her wanting her but also feeling betrayed. Even if it still ended in them not being on the same page and him sleeping on the couch I think it would have given us another scene that isn't as heated especially post their wedding and how it ended. They were almost coming to an understanding until the queen was there and I think having that raw conversation soon after would have been impactful for his character arc.

Last Convo with Violet Bridgerton: Something I was confused about in Ep08 was that we saw Colin prepare to sit his mother down and explain that Penelope is Whistledown after Pen send her a letter. And instead of seeing that we see the Featherington sisters excited by the details of their ball (fun but also I think the other conversation is more meaningful and that scene could have been shorter or just cut and instead explained when guests got to the ball). Violet is a major catalyst for the previous Bridgerton siblings and their story arcs. She is a binding force, a motivator, and usually the one that gives her child the words of advice/moment that is most needed. I know we got the Kate older sister moment about secrets with Colin which I loved, but I think for Colin's character who has long been a mamas boy sensitive one it would have hit hard to have one more scene with Mama Bridgerton. Especially because in part 1 we have two big conversations between the two of them: when she tells him that her and Edmund had the courage to ask in order to break from friends into lovers, and then when she tells him he's always been the sensitive one worrying for others and that Penelope might be getting proposed to. Both of those moments were catalysts for his next actions both emotionally and physically. So imagine a last conversation with her, him explaining not just who Pen is, but his own feelings hes been dealing with, letting the other person he has trusted with his feelings the most hear the worries that have plagued his mind for the past weeks since hes found out. Explaining his worry for Pen's safety, his families safety, and his feelings of betrayal and jealousy; Violet Bridgerton would absolutely know the perfect thing to say in that moment that helps get Colin over that last small obstacle. Because truly, we don't get Colin having a full heart to heart with anyone who knows who Whistledown is besides Eloise, and Eloise just asks if he can ever forgive Pen, but we need someone older, someone Colin trusts to give him advice and hold these complicated feelings and honestly Eloise was never going to be that character for him. We needed Mama Bridgerton, to lovingly hold her sons thoughts and feelings and tell him that it is okay that he felt betrayed by the person he knew best, that it's okay that he is perhaps a little jealous of her success, but that it was also okay to love her and forgive her. But also re-affirm to Colin that she is proud of him and he is capable of the success and purpose he strives for too. As well as put Colin's mind at ease in terms of how she accepts Penelope as Lady Whistledown, having his mothers approval of it may help him accept it too. Violets approval, Violets words of understanding and assurance would help untangle the confusing thoughts that then lead Colin to that final confession of love. It would make that scene all the more impactful knowing then more about the feelings that tangled through him that we are now privy to because he spoke about them to his mother, we would now understand more fully the emotional journey he had to go on to get to that point of forgiveness and understanding.

Make up scene: I think I speak for most of the #polin community when I say that we needed a longer makeup sex scene. I think with this new found understanding, post his admission of love and purpose that was so heartfelt and beautiful, it would have been all the better with a slightly longer scene where we perhaps got a few more lines of dialogue with these two. We needed a true makeup scene where they are giggly and happy that things are finally good and they can just be truly in love with each other once again without the angst between each other. I think this would have been very satisfying story wise when taking into account that (imaging that flashback scene to Colin on his travels) Colin starts so disconnected from who he is and very lonely, but would then end having been connected to his purpose and to the person he loves who loves him just as equally.

Ultimately I love Colin and his character and I do believe we got a lot of great moments with him, however I can't help but have wished to have more. I hope that next season we get a cute, sexy, domestic side story with him and Pen where we can see him be the Colin "my wife" Bridgerton that we all love.

Let me know if any of these points you also thought could work and maybe I write them into a fic of some sort 🥲🫠 Thanks for reading all my little thoughts 💕🥰

[neongotbored]

I don't tend to have much of an online presence, and I often struggle to verbalise my thoughts, so I'm doing this how I'd normally do so. With and analysis and a reference/comparison.

When I was around 8 years old I read Roald Dahls, 'The Magic Finger' for the first time. A story in which a young girl has these odd powers that can bewitch someone/something if she points at it. Though, she isn't the protagonist in the book, but a narrator, telling the story of a boy she knows and his family. How their father is a man who shoots birds for sport and his mother is a vain woman who encourages him, and how they both encourage their two sons to 'play along'.

One day, the girl bewitches the family and they wake up, finding out they have wings instead of arms and have shrunk down to the size of birds, so they take flight and decide to explore the garden. Later, coming back, only to find two giant birds that have grown arms have taken their house. Afraid and hurt by the realisation, they build a nest in the garden, eat some fruit, and fall asleep. Waking up only to find the birds pointing the fathers old shotgun at them, and they panic. They cry and beg for their lives and they call the birds evil.

And child me agreed. I could not see a reason why these birds would shoot the family. I had seen them be cruel, I had seen them be proud of their cruelty, but I could not understand why the birds would copy them. Because if it was bad, they should just shut the people out and ignore them.

After the family apologised, swearing to never shoot another bird again, their lives returned to normal. They quit hunting, they were kind and gentle, and even chastised another set of hunters who were cruel. An ending I thought was fitting.

Now I am older, I know this ending was lucky. Not impossible, but rare. And I side with the birds. The birds who cried and mourned hundreds of birds before them. Their children. Their mother and fathers and brothers and sisters. The birds who grew tired and knew their only escape, their only chance to be listened to, was mirroring the behaviour they'd been taught.

I can understand why people are hesitant, why they might fear or misunderstand rumours about Palestine. About Hamas and October 7th. But I think, if you can grow to understand why the birds might become tired of being mistreated, you can understand why a group of people might as well.

[mandy4ever69420]

i'm going to be so honest. i have never understood why people are so certain that mandy is younger. its like not that important bc the difference between them has got to be less than a year. like they are on Such equal footing more so than ian and lip bc lip Does do big brother shit which mickey and mandy don't do around each other.

rewatching i was literally looking for clues because i thought i might've missed something but no they literally never say that. i mean maybe this is due to the fixation people seem to have on jane levy's mandy whom we barely knew but was cast as-age compared to mickey. who did seem to have a different relationship to mickey than what we saw with main mandy. which i liked less tbh she didn't seem to like him very much vs main mandy who clearly was very fond of it but too closed off to express or even accept that as true most of the time

but tbh i think that fixation has to do with a misunderstanding of og mandy.

s1 mandy i think ok first of all she's bubblier which makes people who don't want to deal with women who are difficult more comfortable. but she does have more interest in ian's relationships. because he's gay. and as a straight teenage girl she finds that interesting and novel. the GBF thing is a form of objectification. i think fandom's general tendency to objectify gay men makes this relatable to viewers who imo need to self reflect on how they treat gay men. BTW i don't have a problem with homophobia being a trait mandy has specifically bc she clearly grew and learned to view ian as a very real serious friend. i think that's funnnn i think it is worth noting she gives no indication of outgrowing her homophobia against Women specifically that she has. <-character arc for future mandy that i'm going to enjoy imagining

anyway i think mandy is more compelling as a middle child towards whom mickey is protective Because she's the only girl. has more to say about gender dynamics (partial credit: every older sister with protective older brothers i've met) & about mickeys personality as someone who just Is protective & about mandy's opinions on mickey / how she's able to skirt around a lot of negative attention -> she can separate herself from her family and think of herself as Different (via aunt rand: you're the best milkovich) Except for being subject specifically to gendered violence.

& wrt her condescension as concern and how unimpressed she largely is by mickey & how she can say "what are you looking at" when he finds her bruised and he really does just back off immediately... this has always made more sense to me. i think a lot of treating mandy as like mickeys darling, baby, infant sister, who is so incredibly small just winds up a way to avoid the things about her that are morally complicated & the harm she's capable of. bc that's Really not how mickey sees her. he takes her seriously.

anyway in conclusion. Hi :)

[indigoartistrulu2004]

Why are Lincoln and Lucy my comfort siblings /Ramble :

For those who follow me for awayel you know Lincoln and Lucy are my favorite and comfort siblings duo. Some even wonder why them?What makes them so special to me in patricular?Well let me explain.

All my life media and people around me told me thet having an older brother sucks,thet there mean and nasty and while i agree some are .Lincoln hit to me back in 2016 a break of fresh air Thet while not perfect still had a intersting dynimic with his little sister.Lucy from the first ep was present it as the odd ball the one thet 'an old soul' as somd people put it . You l exept Lincoln to treat her like the mature girl she appers but he doesn t. He treats her equaly like he does with his other little sisters. He doesn t alien her.Lucy as well doesn t mind the fact thet his a normie or it embarrass of him.She in fact looks up to him,always asks for his help.Poems ,love adivice , guidance. Even adopting his stratigies by doing plans when she became a president in the morticia club.

What i like about there dynimic it also the fact it not perfect .They still argue ,have misunderstanding like any siblings would.But it never in a way thet makes you see them not love eachother. Which to me intersting as a older sister my self.

No mattet how many difrences in aesthetic or age or belifies they love eachother and also accept eachother intrests to even the point of teaming up. And i find thet comforting ,as someome who has a little brother i always felt he would grow up and forget me with age.

So i guess seing this two get eachother back gives me hope thet,mayb thet not the case. It cheesy?Ye. But as a older sibling thet has her little brother look up to so much i guess i feel good seing my self represent it in Lincoln . With good and bad.Ramble over lol.

[cloudymistedskies]

Bow-Less Mari AU info dump time!!

Quick summary as to what this AU is: It revolves around what would happen if Muichiro and Riko died. While Muichiro's death would impact her, Riko's would be her breaking point. Mari would still have some same characteristics, only that uh... It's not the same. And also this is a Yuichiro lives instead AU

Lazy ass doodle

As I mentioned before, Mari is 16 around this AU. This may or may not be because so Misaki and Akio would become slayers and be Mari's tsugukos.

Mari was an empty husk when her sister died. She stopped taking care of herself and only focused on training and missions she's assigned to. It was so bad, to the point that she would frequently be sent to the butterfly mansion.

She only started to take care of herself when her aunt took her in. Numerous times, she's been caught over training herself.

Also mentioned in a previous post, Mari is a perfectionist. Well this goes to all AUs in general, but this one is more present and frequent.

Ironically, Mari wouldn't offer Misaki and Akio the same training as for her own. She knew that the training she goes through is risky and she wouldn't want them to go through all that.

The reason why I called it Bow-less Mari AU is cause the bow is basically the thing that keeps her sane and well. Riko's gift was something that meant so much to her. And a bit of a symbolism that Riko was the main root of her growth/maturity.

Even though Riko wasn't there to care for her, her (technically adopted) family was there. Unfortunately, it didn't help with her emotional/mental state but she began smiling more often with them.

The reason why Yuichiro and Mari's relationship is restrained is cause of a huge misunderstanding. Yuichiro thought Mari abandoned both him and Muichiro, and seeing Muichiro grieving over Mari's disappearance broke him.

But despite his anger, deep down, he still cares about Mari. He doesn't show it, but he feels the need to protect her as she's the only person he has left in his life.

Mari's haori is actually different in this AU! well colorwise. It more so represents evening-ish skies.

You would think Mari would be less expressive, but that wouldn't be the case. Mari is actually more emotional, but also short tempered.

Mari hates her attachment issues. She always sworn to herself not to get close to somebody but would always fail no matter what. And if they end up dying, it would worsen her hatred.

One time, during a mission; Mari wasn't able to save an older sibling from a demon attack and it devastated the younger sibling. Mari would feel immense guilt and visited the family for a while, offering her deepest apologies. She still has yet to move on from that (..Well she never moved on from any problems she has...)

Mari sleeps more often. To her, it was a way to escape the harsh reality that she's in and just stay in a headspace where everybody is all fine and dandy.

If Mari ever feels like she's not doing anything with her training, she would harm herself in any way possible as a form of punishment. This may be derived from her mother's actions towards her, only more physically.

Despite her horrible mental state, she still tries to be a good role model for her younger siblings. Surprisingly, Mari's favorite sibling is the youngest child (3 years old by this time).

Because Riko died, Mari's kindness is less...shown, at least towards others. She still remains as the harsh and blunt Mari that she was when she was younger. Although like always, it's a facade to appear stronger. That facade fades when she's around the people she's close to. (Ex. Hiyori)

Unlike original AU Mari, she doesn't know how to cook/clean... But she knows how to do her make-up.

Mari often uses her family name (Minami, the family where she was adopted in) as an advantage for her missions. Frequently, she goes to cities for her missions.

A more detailed explanation for the above. The Minami name was a powerful name, and despite Mari still being referred to as “Kaizumi-sama” and such, she’s legally a Minami.

Funnily enough, Mari is a fashionable girl in this AU. (mainly for her missions AHAHFHDSDHFH)

Mari only lives on to serve her purpose as a demon slayer. If demons were fully eliminated or she ends up retiring, she would kill herself, ultimately deciding her time was up.

That will be all for now ! More bow-less Mari fun facts will be given to u soon :3333

Ask away if u have some questions regarding Mari !!!!

tagging these three cause they probably wanted this AHHSFHSDHF

@theyluvsmilo @sakurasunkiss @rainechizakuslife HSFHSDFHSDFH