#why do my friends think im using them? what am i doing

[boysbeware2]

all the old tptm girl journal entries w the new (if anyone wants to see them again and compare them)

please proceed with caution as many of these could be upsetting to read

disposable girl (jordyn)

(old)

i cant fucking stand this. i try so goddamn hard to make friends, to be attractive to people, to be even somewhat appealing to them etc etc. it never works. i thought it would get better the older i get. thats what i was told. guess what! i was fucking lied to!!! im alwasy left out of EVERYTHING i never get invited to shit and my own friends ignore me all the time. everyone looks at me weird. i cant go in public anymore im so fucking terrified of everyone. nobody fuckinf wants me, man. im so close to doing something stupid i feel so gross and ugly and dumb i should actually just die id be doing everyone a favor LOL

(new)

man, i havent been on here in forever. the internet is kind of dumb. what is there to say? my friend group celebrated our outpatient graduation anniversary the other day, that was pretty nice. we’re all trying to figure out housing stuff, nora’s been helping with that. freyja + mayra + kairi found a place already (how are they so responsible??) and the rest of us are trying to find places near them so we can visit more often. i never expected to have such a big group of friends. if you told me 2 years ago that i’d be living like this, i wouldn’t believe you. it’s still surreal to me. i’m not sure what i did to deserve them. same goes for my girlfriends. i don’t wanna say who just yet, we’re still figuring things out, but i’m just so thankful for them. i feel so lucky to have a second chance at life. i really didn’t believe people when they said it would get better, and then it did. how funny…..

irreverent girl (kairi)

(old)

I do not want God to see me anymore. I do not want anymore eyes on me. This is near unbearable. I have no one to turn to. My mother is in the church. Many of my friends are in the church. They would tell me to find hope through Christ. They would tell me to pray to Him. They would tell me that He will save me. He must not remember He made me, and if He does, He simply does not care. I know this is unbecoming of me, and I don't mean to be dramatic. I am simply depressed, nervous, and I cannot tell what's real and what isn't anymore. I know I'm supposed to hear God speaking to me, but I do not, and I am tired of straining my ears. I just want to see a doctor. I want some kind of tangible solution. I do not want to pray anymore. Praying hurts. I only do it when I am afraid, but I am afraid much of the time. I don't want to be unheard anymore. I do not want to hold out hope for someone who does not act like they're there. I am hurting. I am hurting. I am hurting. Belief is hurting me. The idea of God is hurting me. I need an out. I am hurting.

(new)

When I have a job and money and I can move away from my shitty Mormon parents

splitter girl (tahira)

(old)

theres something so broken in me thats beyond saving. so i dont know why i keep trying to be saved. i meant to kill myself when i was 18. i didnt. all ive wanted to do lately is kill someone or something. i havent. im too much of a pussy to plan anything concrete, no matter how much i hate everyone around me. no matter how much i get off to videos of people dying or how much i love cutting myself i cant actually take action against other people. i am fucking purposeless. i was born from evil and i will always be evil and i cant even live up to that. i hate myself i hate myself i HATE myself and the universe hates me too. i dont know what to fucking do at this point. i talked to one of my friends about wantingto die and they said smthn about hospitalizing myself. maybe. i dunno. i dont know what else there is for me/. my eyes are fucking burning from lookign at my computer for so long adn not getting any goddamn sleep. i am not a good person. i dont think i can be helped but i just dont wanna fucking keep goign to school and being around people and pretending like everything is norma;l. i cant keep doing it. what the fuck is wrong with me whagt happened. why cant i be loved or feel love for other people when did something change in me that switched the aggression and affection parts of my brain. im hyperventilating ill be back. maybe

(new)

getting myself onigiri from this one good boba place 2nite bc im 8 months clean…… its the little things~ ^^

fainéant girl (freyja)

(old)

i know i dont hate being disabled... i just hate being disabled in a society that makes existing difficult... but sometimes i really just dont want to be disabled anymore. i dont want my family to lecture me about how i could be helping out more, or how i should get a job. i dont want teachers to keep asking me whats wrong or the fuckin uni counselor to try to get me hospitalized. i dont want to be in so much pain anymore, to feel so exhausted that i cant even do so much as prepare food for myself, let alone do anything meaningful or fulfilling. its not fair. i shouldnt have to stay inside and sit in the dark all day,. i should be able to have friends. to talk to people and to go out with them and to feel like i am alive. its lonely and traumatic to suffer through this and on top of that no one around me understands, and they never fully will. i am tired of trying to justify my existence to everyone, to explain the pain that i am in and why i shouldnt have to experience it. i know the problem isnt me. i know i live in a world that isnt built for me. but if the world cant change then sometimes i truly feel that i should just stop living in it. my lifespan is already shorter than everyone else's anyways. what difference does it make

(new)

my qpps didnt seem to appreciate me playing Alien Kids Alien Rap for them. Do they even love me

caliber girl (nora)

(old)

唉～It is 3 AM and I should go to sleep but I can’t. I have a work zoom meeting early in the morning and I gotta hit the gym also because I haven’t done leg day in like… weeks. Oh well, it doesn’t even matter. My value is depleting but I don’t think I care anymore. The turnaround date for my code is also in a couple of days and I haven’t made any progress. I keep getting the same error and I’m too tired to figure out what’s wrong. I might get fired at this rate LOL(笑). If that happens, I think I’ll just consider ending it all. Not that anybody will miss me. God I sound so weak and pathetic right now. When did it get like this. How did it get like this. I’m sure I’ll be fine. I’ve been through worse before and this is nothing. Ugh, why is it so hard to breathe? My chest hurts and I feel like something is wrong but I don’t know how to make it go away. Should I call someone about this? No. No one is awake or around to help. I’ll be fine. I’ll just sleep it off. Shake it off… shake it off…

(new)

My Tamagotchi beeped during a meeting fml

chocolate box girl (morgan)

(old)

i thought i was doing better but i cant stop thinking about them. their touch, their interests, their smile, everything. the worst part is that i miss them, after all of what they've done to me. i was 13. i dont even feel justified calling it rape since our relationship was so muddy... they never yelled at me or was angry at me, they just got so sad when i tried to speak my mind, and got all my friends to hate me when we finally broke up. i never said no so i feel like im insulting actual survivors by feeling violated. i wasnt even trying to get into a relationship with them, it just happened... i feel like everyone around me wants me in the same way they did, even though im an adult now and i dont even try to make myself appealing. i wish i could trust people not to take advantage of me, and i feel disgusting and selfish for feeling like everyone has ulterior motives of getting me to fall in love with them, or worse. that's so self centered of me. i dont know how long i can keep doing this

(new)

girl help i cant stop looking at anime figures on japan yahoo auctions !!!!!

taxidermy girl (mayra)

(old)

I don't remember ever not having a sex drive, is that normal ? I was born and then it was all downhill from there, something happened to me sexually i think, I don't know what happened, because I don't remember much, but something happened and I was beaten for it and yelled at and my mother hated me, and now I am an adult and I try to have sex, and I'm not there mentally, even if my body is participating, I feel like I am in the past again, being beaten and yelled at . I want to keep trying, I want to have fun, to feel safe in someone else's arms, to reach the heights of pleasure, but my mind scares me so much, I haven't been able to eat anything today because I feel so horrified by my body . If I was good I would have been born as a nonsexual being, no parts, no desires, no instincts, a blank slate, too empty to be enjoyed . Do you know what it feels like, to have your mother tell you people want to sexually abuse you when you are a child, and then to be made fun of by your peers for being so ugly, to have your middle school and high school classmates joke about how much they don't want to have sex with you ? I am illicit and undesirable at the same time, I am everyone's last option, I am nothing and still too much, rotting deer meat on the side of the road . I wish I had been born as something beautiful and pure, I wish I could start over, that whatever that initial sin was had never been committed .. I want to start over

(new)

Went to a kink event the other night and everyone was so nice … The low lights were fucking with my vision so one of the hosts helped me navigate the place . I ❤️ you random disabled ally with a pup mask on

chemical girl (joy)

(old)

LMAOOOOO im too angry and miserable to be around. i think i just need to give up at this point because theres clearly like. something broken inside me that cant be fixed. that has 2 be it because i try to talk and i just sound cold, i try to make a joke and it comes out overly edgy and unfunny, i try to be like everyone else but its too much. i cant even be a collection of the positive traits i see in others, i try to replicate it and it comes out warped and wrong. im either fucking enraged or in abject misery or way too happy and nobody can keep up with me. the thing is i dont even blame them. i wouldnt want to be around me either. do u know what thats like? being someone you wouldnt want to know? i keep hoping that one day ill wake up and suddenly be normal, the mood swings will be gone and everyone will like me and i wont do stupid shit that pisses them off. but i know that day isnt coming. theres no hope for me and i want to say sorry to everyone who has ever had the misfortune of knowing me but i know it wouldnt do anything. theres nothing i could ever do to make myself right

(new)

i need to convince my gf to take me to Round One again soon

refraction girl (nataana)

(old)

i don't want to do this anymore. i'm going somewhere better

(new)

talked with my psych and i’ll be starting TMS soon, it’s some thing where they put magnets to ur brain and it’s supposed to treat depression.. trying to temper my expectations bc i’ve tried so many treatments that just do nothing for me, but i’d be lying if i said my hopes weren’t riding on this. i want to confidently say i’m glad to be alive. i feel like i’m getting closer to that

nurse parallel/machine girl (xiomara)

(old)

I am so excited... Tomorrow my experimental outpatient treatment plan begins!!! I'm beyond delighted. I have complicated feelings about my DID being in remission, but it's nice to feel stable enough to be in charge of something this big, and to not have terrible gaps in my memory anymore. I still don't remember everything that happened to me, but maybe I don't need to. At this stage of my life, I feel content. I can confidently say everything was worth it. I want to help others feel that way, too. I think I can.

(new)

I’m meeting up with a new friend tomorrow… I feel nervous, but it’s a good nervousness, I think!

[swagbonkoperaweasel]

SONIC 3 POST CREDITS THOUGHTS

Spoilers obviously…

So as we now know, Metal and Amy are confirmed for Sonic 4. As an Amy fan, I am thrilled that we FINALLY get to have her in the movies, albeit rather late into the movie franchise. I wanted to talk a little bit about what we are seeing in this scene, as well as some of my hopes for Amy Rose’s movie portrayal.

As we can see, Amy’s combat seems like it will be different from her game self. Whereas game Amy uses her hammer and relies on her physical strength to defeat enemies, it seems like movie Amy will have some extra abilities with her hammer. In a way it seems to work like Thor’s hammer, where she can use it as a projectile against multiple enemies and summon it back.

Amy’s origin is that she uses her tarot cards and they basically tell her she will meet Sonic. This was something about her that had kind of been forgotten with Sega, up until recently. In Frontiers, Sonic make a few references to Amy and her fortune cards, and Amy actually uses them in the DLC. Some of her attacks also involve the cards.

It seems like in her portrayal, she will probably have some sort of magic, as we can see she appears to be able to float (or maybe she just jumped but it looks like floating to me). She very clearly has some combat experience and it’s interesting that the first time we see her, it’s a lot like Tails where it seems like she’s specifically trying to find Sonic. My prediction is that she will probably explain that she used her cards to find him, which is a nod to Sonic CD.

In terms of her seemingly having some sort of magical powers, I kind of have mixed feelings on that. I feel like part of what made Amy special is that she never really had special abilities the way others in the main cast do, but yet she’s still able to hold her own and be a hero in her own way. She’s also extroverted and kind hearted, which is why she’s able to so easily make friends and connect with others. I’m honestly scared that they’ll tone down those parts of her character just to make her more visibly “flashy.”

Her design is kind of perfect imo. At least, her face and hammer is. Im hoping she’ll have a similar outfit to her modern one under the cloak. It looks like they actually took a lot of Amy fans headcanons about her appearing in the cloak and decided to actually make that a reality. I’m sure the original fan who came up with that is gonna freak out when they see this.

As happy as I am for her appearance, I can’t help but feel very nervous for how her personality will be, especially when she has a reputation of being butchered. I really hope they don’t go the route of “girl character is stronger than the boy characters,” as that imo is actually more offensive than progressive. I am a woman btw so I think I’m allowed to have this opinion lol. A female character doesn’t have to be this overpowered character that is stronger than her male counterparts to be strong. I feel suggesting otherwise only implies that girls/women can only be alongside boys/men if they can prove to be better than them. That is simply not true. They can be equals. They can be strong in their own way. Amy does not have to prove anything to the Wachowski boys or to the audience. She is canonically strong and can fight. She is bubbly, she is kind, she is a romantic, she can be hotheaded, she is girly, and she is STRONG. All those things can and SHOULD coexist in her character. I don’t need her to be mellowed out into a stereotypical “I’m a girlboss who doesn’t need help from men” character. Amy’s crush on Sonic is important to her character because it shows that love is not a weakness, it can be a strength just as much as anything else.

My biggest ask for her character is to just LET AMY ROSE BE AMY ROSE.

[my-castles-crumbling]

The worst thing that could happen while flirting happened.

For context I am a lesbian. I am gay for the girls. Sapphic. Girl kisser. Whatever the fuck you want to call it

Well I was at a school dance with a few of my friends and they were urging me to flirt since I had recently had a BAD break up. And im like fuck it why not.

So I see this person in the corner right. And they are STUNNING. 100% my type. They have sort curly hair a beautiful face, not wearing too much make up and with a hourglass figure. My friends point them out immediately and tell me I should try my luck out with them. I agree they're cute and go over.

I go over to them and I start to flirt and they flirt back. And we're vibing. So I introduce myself. And then they introduce themselves with a unique masculine name.

My dumbass still does not get it so im like oh that's a unique name how did your parents end up giving it to you etc

And they're like I named myself I'm trans.

Fuck.

So I freeze up. And now obviously I don't want to keep pursuing him since hes not a woman. Maybe I should have stuck around found another excuse and left in a bit but in my sock I blurted out sth along the lines of "oh i thought you were a woman!"

I feel awful about it. The way his face fell- he looked like he was about to cry. Add to everything else that I look like what youd imagine a stereotypical straight woman to look like he probably thought he was passing and I was straight.

I tried to apologise to him but he and his friends left soon after and he's been avoiding me at school

I don't know what to do

new anon.

Awwwwww

I mean...okay, what you said was a bit of a foot-in-the-mouth situation, definitely. But I feel like your mental reaction was actually quite a good thing. Because like...some people might still pursue him because they don't see him as a boy, you know?

So yeah, I think if you see him again, you could apologize and if he seems receptive, try to explain your reaction was because you see him as a boy and so you were figuring that out in your mind. but I wouldn't over apologize, either. Like accept that he probably needs time. As shitty as it feels, you probably upset him and the best thing you can do in that situation is give him space. You can use this to try to learn from your reaction for if this happens again in the future.

But also like...people say dumb shit sometimes. Don't beat yourself up forever. It sounds like it was a mistake, so learn from it, try to apologize, and promise yourself to do better in the future <3

naming you stripes anon

[flamingo--ing]

mmmmkmm

[sieglinde-freud]

let it be known that i love prince inigo with my whole soul. however sometimes it is SO much fun to think about owain and his two most loyal-est knights you ever seen: worst guy in the world #1 and worst guy in the world #2. i love retainer inigo and severa so much. retainers who bully you and make fun of you and trash on you but they’d leave behind everyone and everything they ever knew to follow you and protect you in a whole new universe. they love you so much that they’d swear allegiance to total strangers but that loyalty pales in comparison to what they’d do for you. and they were all lovers!!!!!!!

[scorpiusmalfoylovesoscarwilde]

headcanon that scorpius was a sick child and was in and out of hospital constantly, perhaps related to astoria's blood curse but not directly. his immune system isnt very strong, and everytime he gets sick they're terrified that it's the blood curse but also whatever else it could be, because it's always so sudden and so intense and they call healers over to the house who recommend this delirious feverish 4 year old is hospitalised immediately, and you'd think it'd get easier to some extent because they'd be used to it, but everytime they feel like this is it, this is the time he'll walk in to the hospital and not walk out again

[dailykugisaki]

Day sixty-three | id in alt

A puppet and a witch.

[solivagantingrebel]

hey guys who wants another round of tmi

[faaun]

pls i need to provide updates

[pilonciillo]

lol didn’t think someone giving money would give me anxiety

[sugaroto]

I've noticed recently that when I talk my friends aren't interested in what I have to say so I will shut up forever now

[itsseriouslyridiculous]

I really hate how my physical body looks so so so much. unfortunately there isn't much I can do about it.

[cherrysnax]

havin the weirdest crisis of my life

[19871997]

.

[ajxrn-archive]

I need to be put in a waffle iron or something

[louismygf]

just recently watched this is us with my college friends