#why do i feel like it will last half an episode and leave no emotional residue to be picked up later

[crimson-and-clover-1717]

Ed’s Initial Intentions regarding Stede

Thank you so much for your attention to the poll. The consensus is it’s complicated - and I sort of agree - although I’m swayed towards Fascination alone.

This is my interpretation…

Stede causes Ed to access hidden or denied parts of himself before they’ve even met. And it causes a change in Ed’s behaviour. Ed’s come across many rich or aristocratic folks to rob whom he would see killed without issue; but not someone who’s also a pirate, doing their own original thing, and who seems ambivalent towards Blackbeard’s existence. It’s dopamine to Ed’s novelty-starved brain. It’s not as if Ed carries out a usual raid on the Revenge intending to kill Stede, only to find himself unexpectedly charmed. Ed’s bewitched even before he meets Stede, which means Ed’s entire approach and thought-processes are altered.

Killing Stede and the crew isn’t necessarily off the table should the need arise, but I don’t think it’s actively on in any capacity. There’s no plan, and there’s no ‘uszh’ for once either. Because none of this is uszh. Ed’s engagement with the Revenge is not his normal MO. History’s most brilliant tactician is free-styling. Possibly free-falling.

At the end of 102, Izzy states, ‘Captain says follow that ship.’ And Fang answers ‘Oh really? Why?’ To which Izzy replies, ‘How should I know? The man’s half-insane.’ This conversation shows this isn’t usual strategy. Even Fang asks why - he thought they’d seen the last of those ‘fancyboys’. And Ivan’s sad he didn’t get the chance to murder them, which seems the usual way of things. Plus they’d already had the chance to take or plunder the ship when it ran aground, so this stalking manoeuvre is out of the ordinary. It feels like wasted time and energy.

By the start of episode three, Blackbeard’s ship is a few hundred yards out from the Revenge, and Izzy’s trying to manipulate Ed into usual strategy again by suggesting opening fire, or boarding and throwing the Revenge crew to the sharks. Instead, Ed wants to wait until they make landfall and invite them aboard his ship. Ed’s doing something very different again because he’s unwittingly engaging with an unfamiliar part of himself. And interestingly ‘Go suck eggs in Hell’ appears not to insult, but to somewhat seduce him further. Before meeting Stede, he’s already out of his depth emotionally, and acting out of character, literally.

Despite what Ed would do normally, I just cannot see him landing on the Revenge with the active intent of plundering the ship and / or killing Stede and the crew. His words and actions suggest he’s already through the looking-glass.

So, to The Plan. We have three interesting moments which lead up to its revelation: the clothes swap, ‘careful of your face’ and ‘show me the ways of an aristocrat’.

For me, the three strands, which have no previous connection (other than Ed and Stede playing together), come together in Ed’s mind somewhere between Ed leaving Stede on the lookout, and Ed speaking with Izzy below: a matter of seconds. It reminds me of Keyser Söze in The Usual Suspects, pulling together disparate ideas into a cohesive story spontaneously. It’s the mind of a quick-thinker. And it’s in-keeping with Ed’s ability of reacting in the moment to the moment when necessary.

I think Ed also feels forced to perform Blackbeard for Izzy because Izzy’s threatening to leave pushes on that white father-figure emotional bruise. At this stage, Ed doesn’t have enough emotional loyalty to Stede to not voice such a plan; whilst his identity is still too caught in Izzy’s web to let him go - ‘you’re needed here’. For me, the plan to kill Stede is brought about in the moment via an act of psychological coercive control.

But Ed’s also kicking the can down the road. It’s a sort of Faustian bargain. Why not promise Izzy both their souls if it means Ed and Stede can hang out a little longer? Yet on another level Ed’s possibly hoping the debt won’t be called in, such is the complexity of the push and pull here. He’s putting it on the tab, the never-never. He’ll out-manoeuvre it if he decides that’s what he wants. Of course there’s doublethink going on because Ed’s in the middle of an identity crisis.

Ed daren’t admit his real reason for wanting to stay on the Revenge. He can’t comprehend himself even how deep this goes. His look as he turns is one of exhaustion and confusion. Stede Bonnet has him rattled. What started as a trickle of unease and ennui before they’d even met is now a whirlpool of unidentifiable feelings around both Stede, and Ed’s own perception of self.

Ed’s free-falling in liminal space.

[kitkatpancakestack]

[katzske]

Thoughts on Earthspark Season 2 (first half)

Spoiler Free:

I must admit I’m dissatisfied.

The animation and rendering definitely looks cheaper. Sometimes it feels like frames are missing, animations not polished, scenes not fully rendered. 2d and 3d poorly blends. It’s quite noticeable unfortunately. Characters also do the TFP Megatron stare now.

That being said, time was taken to revisit old models of characters and give them a new appearance. (4 i’ve noticed) It makes sense given a lot has changed during one year time skip.

The writing often feels either like exposition dumping or naruto filler episodes. I was never at the edge of my seat even during the climax. I ended up skipping through episodes due to the lack of relevant plot information.

Something ES managed to maintain were carefully composed shots that make great still images. While that’s nice for screenshots and redraws, I also feel like it’s the only unique aspect of ES’ animation style that remained. The rest, as previously mentioned, has lost quality.

Character Details I’ve noticed and want to talk about (spoilers ahead)

half of season 2 part 1 is filler. optimus trailer episode, great america with cosmos, a pachycephalosaurus-truck fighting mushrooms, hashtag taking ten years to dispose of hard drives…. each episode did have a few minutes of either cute or important moments. but the majority is a waste of time.

I was hoping that we would learn more about the decepticons. now that they’re free, what are they up to? how are their dynamics? how did season 1 finale change their perception on things? would they try to convince the terrans THEY are the good guys? nothing like that though.

There is no satisfying character development for starscream. ES Starscream was perfect to explore a more neutral version of him, who does not do bad things out of pleasure, but due to necessity; following his desire to be free. In the show he mentions he wanted to get rid of his oppressors (in his eyes autobots and humans), but a real “bruh” moment was when he told Hashtag the only reason he opened up to her last time was to tell her “take care of yourself first”. It completely disregards the fact he came to help in the season 1 finale after reflecting on Hashtags words. It also aggravates me that the writing could have been a very easy fix. “hey i’m not being selfish by destroying this town. im doing this for the decepticons, we have lived under the control of the autobots and then of humans. this needs to stop, we deserve freedom and i will do anything it takes.”

the show managed to establish some friction between starscream and shockwave but for deception standards it was very tame. overall i think it was written okay; he purposely let the Terrans escape with the fragments, and he bailed on Starscream once he went bonkers. I hope that he gets to be a Decepticon leader in the second half; i don’t think we have seen that in any TF TV show before. i also like that his antennae and eye color give away his emotions now.

i feel like the autobots are treated even worse than the decepticons this season ngl. they merely exist; and when they do have the spotlight it’s often for comedy.

why the fuck did shockwave not wait for hashtag to just dump the hard drives and leave. if someone walked up to me yelling “give me your trashbag” as i’m trying to dispose of it i’d be weirded out too lol.

i hope the chaos terrans don’t return. aftermath imo was, plot wise, redundant. spitfire at least was interesting and had an impact.

i wish there were more interesting fights like in season 1 instead of, oh no they’re hitting the trailer with sticks, oh no we are an abomination of dinosaur and vehicle for what feels like 15mins straight. i miss seeing soundwave slay.

[stevie-petey]

episode six: the monster

Steve’s looking at you now and you can see all the cuts and bruises on his face. You want to wipe all the blood away, to stitch him up and place him somewhere safe so that nothing else can hurt him. You want to do all of this and more as he stares at you and silently begs you to stay, but you can’t. You shake your head at him and once again his mask slips; he’s just a scared teenage boy. You want to reach out, to grab his hand and remind him that he’s good, but you don’t.

summary: so nancy and jonathan are a Thing now and you really just need a good nap, the three of you go shopping for monster hunting supplies (which honestly isn't the weirdest thing you've done this week), an old man sells you a sentimental knife, and steve kind of accidentally kidnaps you with a sexy black eye.

rating: general, slight violence and a lot of cursing though

warnings: blood, fem!reader, use of y/n, use of the word "queer" in a negative way, steve being an asshole

words: 8.1k

before you swing in: hey guys ! sorry for the delay in updates. finals season took me OUT and then life kinda happened and suddenly i was hiding out from my roommate turned middle school bully ??? idek. anyways, here's chapter 6 which features the iconic alley scene and some very sentimental stevexreaderxjonathan scenes (theyre a mess). enjoy !

-

“Geesh, you’re not a sleeping beauty.”

Dustin’s face greets you when you open your eyes. He’s hovering over you as the morning light streams through your curtains with a determined glint in his eyes. 

“What–?” Your brain hasn’t caught up with what’s going on quite yet, still half asleep. 

“Wake up! I’m going to Mike’s so we can all talk about yesterday and I promised to keep you updated, so… Here’s me updating you.” 

Hearing Mike’s name is what causes you to fully wake up. Mike. The Wheeler’s. Nancy. Steve seeing Jonathan with her on her bed. You quickly sit up and knock your head against Dustin’s, causing the boy to yelp.

“Ow! What is wrong with you?”

“Sorry,” you say, rubbing your head as your brother glares at you. “Wasn’t intentional, honest. Can you wait like twenty minutes so I can get ready? I wanna come with, I think Jonathan spent the night there and I need to talk to him.” 

Your brother frowns. “Why would Jonathan spend the night at Mike’s?”

“I’d really rather not talk about it.” You say, hoping it’ll be enough of an explanation for him.

Dustin studies you for a moment and you really hope that last night’s events aren’t written all over your face. Somehow, everyone seems to know what you’re thinking and feeling before you even do. 

“Fine,” he concedes, but as he leaves your room he calls over his shoulder, “I’m taking the last of mom’s pancakes though!”

You flop back onto your bed, throw a pillow over your face, and groan. Looks like you’re stuck with a banana for breakfast again. 

When you eventually manage to make your way into the bathroom and shower, your bones ache from pure exhaustion. As the warm water runs over your body, you’re not quite sure if the ache is more emotional or physical. Probably a mix of both. 

You can’t remember how you made it home last night, but slowly it comes back to you in flashes. 

Steve and his wonderful boyishness that has become a breath of fresh air to you. The way he greeted you so excitedly, how he had been worried about Nancy.

Nancy, who you had left alone with Jonathan because of your own pathetic feelings. The girl Steve Harrington is obviously in love with. The same girl Jonathan, your Jonathan, is beginning to fall in love with. 

Then you remember the hurt in Steve’s eyes when he saw Nancy and Jonathan together on her bed. The water suddenly burns and you gasp out in pain and adjust the temperature. 

You know that Jonathan would never do something like that, try to get with someone in a relationship, but lately it’s felt like you don’t really know him like you used to. 

Distantly you remember what Steve had said to you, how he’d seemed so hurt on your behalf, that Jonathan had “everything he could possibly want” when it came to you. Steve claimed you deserved better. You vividly remember that part, the way he said it with such certainty and sincerity that it had made your heart stutter for a brief moment. 

Dustin’s pounding on the bathroom door breaks you from your thoughts. “Dude, hurry up!”

You yell at him that you’ll be out in a second and nearly slip and die as you hurry to get out of the shower. For someone who swore last night not to let stupid boy drama not get in the way of finding Will, you’re really bad at doing it. 

As soon as you’re dressed and ready, you and Dustin bike to the Wheeler’s.

Mrs. Wheeler, as usual, answers the door and lets the two of you in. Dustin heads towards the basement door, but before he goes down you tap on his hat to stop him. 

“Remember what we talked about last night, okay? Friendship, it’s always worth it.” You tell him, and he gives you a nervous smile. He thanks you, takes a deep breath, and then heads downstairs. 

Once Dustin leaves you make your way upstairs towards Nancy’s room. You haven’t been there in years, so you secretly hope you’re remembering the Wheeler’s layout correctly. With every step you take closer to the girl’s room, your heart pounds within your chest. You feel the same wave of nausea that you felt last night. 

When you reach her door, you take a deep breath, just like Dustin had earlier, and will yourself to knock. You’re not sure what you’ll find on the other side of the door, or if you even want to know, but you remind yourself that you’re doing this for Will. 

It’s all for Will. 

You hear rustling in Nancy’s room after you knock, followed by a quiet “hide!” and a loud thud that you presume to be Jonathan. In another life you’d laugh at the situation, but hearing their frantic hiding only makes your nausea worse. 

“It’s just me,” you say through the door, somehow managing to find your voice. It’s weak and frail, but they seem to hear you regardless. 

“Y/N!” Nancy sighs in relief when she opens the door. “God, I thought you were my mom.”

“Bug?” You hear Jonathan’s inquisitive voice, and when you poke your head into the room you see half of his body wedged underneath Nancy’s bed. He gives you a sheepish wave and you find yourself suppressing a laugh. 

You let yourself into the room. “Great hiding place, bee. Mr. Wheeler would definitely never find you there.”

Nancy’s eyes suddenly widen. “Oh, we didn’t– it’s not like that, I promise. Jonathan was gonna sleep on the ground, but I was scared and I guess we just… Yeah.” 

You notice the way she desperately avoids your eyes, almost as if out of guilt. Jonathan is no better, his head ducked in shame as he also can’t quite reach your eyes. When he finally manages to, his smile is a hesitant one. “Her bed wasn’t the same as the bean bag, bug.” 

His words are meant to be a sort of peace offering between the two of you, you know this by the way Jonathan’s voice is soft and unsure. He knows he’s crossed an unspoken line between the two of you, and you’re too tired to argue. 

“Yeah, I’m sure it wasn’t.” You offer him your hand, which he gladly accepts, and you help him up from underneath Nancy’s bed. 

Nancy watches the two of you and the way you immediately fall back into your comfortable familiarity together. Jonathan stands slightly in front of you as he always does, he hasn’t let go of your hand just yet. You stroke your thumb across his fingers that are interlocked with yours. 

She clears her throat, sits down on her bed, and motions for you to join. “So, I guess you’re here for a reason.”

You gently remove Jonathan’s hand from yours and sit next to Nancy while he’s left to awkwardly stand before the two of you. “Well, yeah. You guys kinda disappeared on me last night.”

Nancy and Jonathan exchange an uneasy look, which only leaves you feeling uneasy as well. Jonathan walks over to her side so that now he’s standing behind her as she sits on the bed. “I’m sorry, bug. It’s just… well, last night was fucking terrifying.” 

“What happened?” You ask, now discarding your confusing feelings. Out of habit you find yourself scanning over their bodies for any injuries, just in case the two of them need any care. 

“The monster… we found him.” Nancy whispers. She tries to explain more, but the memories seem to come crashing back and she shudders. Without thinking, you grab her hand and try to steady her nerves; she smiles.

Jonathan sees Nancy’s fear and steps in to explain. “After you left yesterday, we searched the woods like we planned. We walked around for hours and found nothing, but then we found a dying deer and before we could kill it…” 

“Something dragged it into the woods.” Nancy finishes. 

You hold your breath, now very relieved you hadn't joined them last night.

Jonathan continues. They’d been separated as they looked for the deer and suddenly he could hear Nancy screaming for help, but no matter where he ran he couldn’t seem to find her. 

“I followed the sound of her voice, it was like she was right there, but she wasn’t.” 

Nancy sits stoically next to you, her eyes have glazed over. You feel horrible for her, and you vaguely remember something that Dustin had told you about the Vale of Shadows

The Vale of Shadows is a dimension that is a dark reflection or echo of our world. It is a place of decay and death. A plane out of phase. A place of monsters. It is right next to you, and you don’t even see it.

Slowly you piece it together. “Nancy, could you hear Jonathan, too?” 

She nods. “I was in the woods, but I wasn’t… I don’t know, it was– it was different there. Cold, I remember it was cold.” 

“And it was just like home?”

“What…” Nancy looks even more scared now. “How did you know that?”

You glance at Jonathan, worried that what you’re about to say will cause a reaction. “Will said the same thing when El was able to communicate with him.”

“Wait a minute,” Jonathan interrupts. “Nancy was in the… the Upside, or whatever Mike and them call it?”

“The Upside Down,” you confirm.

Nancy shudders once more. “I think that the monster lives there, feeding on that deer. So if Will and Barbara are there…” 

She doesn’t need to finish the sentence for you to understand what she’s getting at. Anything that feeds on something as big as a deer is fucking terrifying. If Will and Barb are really stuck in that dimension with the monster, then all your cautioning towards Dustin about getting his hopes up makes you feel ill. 

Will and Barb are basically trapped in that monster’s hunting ground. 

“My mom said she talked to Will.” Jonathan reminds the two of you. “And Y/N, the boys claim that El can still find him wherever he is. If he’s alive, there’s a chance that Barbara is, too.”

“He’s right, Nancy.” 

Nancy shakes her head. “But that means she’s trapped in that place.” 

“Look, this may not sound reassuring, but we have El and the boys. They’re smarter than the three of us combined.” Nancy and Jonathan look at you like you’re insane. “I know they’re young, but they’ve uncovered more than we have within the same amount of time. They’re the reason why we know about the Upside Down, and as we speak I’m more than certain that they’re out there right now trying to find a gate to the Upside Down.”

You take a deep breath. “Now, do I think they’ll find it? Absolutely. But do I fear they’ll find something even worse along the way? Also absolutely. But right now we need to focus on finding the damn thing so we can kill it and protect the kids in the meantime. If we do this right, we can eliminate any possible threat so that when the boys inevitably find another way into the Upside Down, we can just walk in and save Will and Barb.” 

While Jonathan still looks at you like you’re crazy, Nancy clenches her jaw and nods at you. “We have to find it again.” 

Despite how obviously terrified she still is, Nancy’s bravery impresses you. In a way, you suppose that Mike gets his unyielding loyalty from her, which if someone had told you that last week, you would’ve laughed in their face. 

But now? 

You’re relieved to have someone like Nancy Wheeler in your life, even if her presence has created some issues that you never would’ve thought possible. For better or for worse, she’s fiercely loyal and determined, just like you. 

Jonathan studies Nancy, clearly still worried about what she went through last night. “You wanna go back out there?”

The thought of her going back into the Upside Down makes you nervous. “Do we necessarily have to send Nancy back there? Can’t we just like, I don’t know, summon the thing? It clearly likes hunting for food in this dimension.”

“‘Hunting for food…’” Nancy mumbles to herself. She knits her brows together, seemingly drawing some conclusions. “When I saw it, it was feeding on that deer.”

“Poor deer,” you whisper, and Jonathan shakes his head at you to shut up. 

“Meaning it’s… it’s a predator, right?”

“Right.” Jonathan says while you go “Unfortunately.”

Nancy is on a roll now, her usually confident demeanor now back. “And it seems to hunt at night, like a–like a lion or a coyote.” She grabs a textbook that had been discarded on her bed and flips to a page showing other dangerous predators.

“But don’t most predators hunt in packs?” You ask, which has been something on your mind recently. Sure, you know there’s a monster, but how can you be sure there’s only one?

Nancy bites her lip. “Yeah, but for some reason this thing is always alone… like a bear.”

“Honestly, I’d take a bear over whatever the hell we’re dealing with here.” Jonathan once again shakes his head at you, but you wave him off. “Let me lighten the mood, damn.”

“Thanks, Y/N.” Nancy smiles at you, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes before she continues explaining. “Jonathan, remember at Steve’s, when Barb cut herself?”

For a brief moment you see guilt flash across his face at the mention of that night at Steve’s, the photos he took, and he meets your eyes. “Yeah, I remember.”

“And then, last night, the deer…”

Now you’re beginning to understand. “There was blood, wasn’t there?”

“There was,” Nancy now flips to a page about sharks, which you can’t help but frown at. Maybe you really weren’t following along. She begins to ramble about how sharks can detect the smell of blood from a quarter mile away. 

“I thought I escaped all this science stuff when I tagged along with you guys instead of the boys,” you mumble, trying your best to follow along. 

“The thing can detect blood, bug.” Jonathan clarifies. 

“But it’s just a theory,” Nancy corrects, now turning around so that she can face him. 

They stare at one another, almost as if they’ve now synched together and created a world outside of yours, and once again you feel like there’s no room for you here anymore. 

“We could test it.” Jonathan says, still staring deeply into her eyes. “But if it works…”

“At least we’ll know it’s coming.” 

You notice how Nancy leans in close to Jonathan, more than she once did before, as if he’s her only source of support after what happened last night. In a way, you suppose that now he is. He was the only one there last night when the monster almost got her; they went through something horrible together. 

Something that creates a bond like no other. 

Suddenly Nancy’s door rattles, causing you to jump in her bed while she grabs for Jonathan’s hand. You don’t hear the exchange between her and her mom, too busy reeling over the fact that Jonathan’s fingers are interlocked with hers. 

Jonathan, the boy so against physical touch that the only person he lets hold his hand is you, which took almost a year of friendship to even make him comfortable with. Now here he is, holding Nancy’s hand after only a few days. 

Your heart hurts. 

You know it’s pathetic to be so upset over a natural reaction. Nancy has been through something traumatic and Jonathan had been the one there for her, so naturally she reached out for him. While you know it doesn’t mean anything, it still fucking hurts. You’ve always been secretly elated by the fact that you were the only one who received Jonathan’s affection, his forehead kisses and hair ruffles and his hugs. 

Holding his hand has become second nature to you, long familiar now with the way his fingers feel between yours. 

And now they’re between Nancy’s. 

“Y/N? You still with us?”

Nancy waves a hand in front of your face, and suddenly you’re aware of how long you’ve been staring at the two of them. “Huh? Oh, yeah. I’m here… still here.” 

“You alright, bug?” Jonathan asks, now a bit worried about you. 

“Peachy!” You try desperately to make your voice light, but the nausea that hasn’t left you since last night once again threatens to make you sick. “Enough about me, though. What I’m hearing is that we need to buy some monster hunting supplies. I mean, unless we plan on beating it with my humor.”

You wink at them, and while Nancy seems reassured by your bravado, Jonathan knows better. He raises his eyebrows at you and tilts his head and you know he’s asking what’s really going on? and all you can do is shake your head in a please don’t ask any more questions or I will sob right here right now way that only he can understand. 

Nancy doesn’t notice this exchange and instead gets up from her bed. “Well, if we’re going shopping for supplies then I should get ready. Y/N, I’m sure my mom will give you some pancakes if you ask.”

Right on cue, your stomach rumbles. “Thank God she loves me. I’ll smuggle some up for you, bee.” 

He thanks you before you and Nancy exit the room. She heads for the bathroom while you make your way downstairs.

“Y/N? I didn’t know you’d gone upstairs!” Mrs. Wheeler greets you and immediately you’re handed a steaming plate of homemade blueberry pancakes. 

Mr. Wheeler huffs. “Do we have to feed the entire neighborhood?”

“Good morning to you too, Ted.” 

The man glares at you as you thank Mrs. Wheeler for the food. You make up a quick lie about working on an assignment with Nancy and that you’d prefer to eat in her room so you can finish up an equation you’d been in the middle of. 

“So, may I bring it upstairs?”

“Well…” Mrs. Wheeler purses her lips, not too keen on the idea. 

You give her your best and most parent pleasing smile. “I promise I’ll be careful, not a drop of blueberry will get anywhere. Scout’s honor!”

“Oh, alright. But please tell Nancy that this will only be a one time thing”

“Of course, Mrs. Wheeler.”

You leave her alone with a grumbling Mr. Wheeler and a fussy Holly.

–

Nancy is still in the bathroom when you return and Jonathan is awkwardly sitting on her bed, looking around the room as if he’s in some foreign land. 

“Ya know, I’ve never been in a girl’s room before.”

“Gee, thanks.” You scoff at him, setting the plate of pancakes down on Nancy’s desk before digging in. You’re starving. 

“That’s not what I meant, bug.” He flashes an apologetic smile. “Your room is just… Well, it’s not very girly, is it?”

If you hadn’t promised Mrs. Wheeler you’d be careful with the food upstairs, you would’ve thrown a piece of pancake at Jonathan’s face. “Dude, shut up.”

“Shit, sorry.” He makes his way over to the desk and wraps his arms around you as he always does. “What I meant is that this room is so pink, while yours has more comics than I can count.” 

“Don’t forget Spidey posters,” you say with a mouthful of food while simultaneously handing a piece to him. “Anyways, I like pink. I think this room is lovely, honestly. I wanted to paint mine this color when we first moved, but Dustin said if I painted the room pink then he’d never hang out with me in there. Alas, I forfeited.” 

Jonathan laughs and accepts the pancake. “Him and the boys have you wrapped around their little fingers. You know that, right?”

You lean against him, relishing in the feeling of his strong chest against your back. “Mmm, I know. I’m a sucker for those idiots.”

Jonathan tightens his hold around you and draws you deeper into his chest. “I know, it’s what I love the most about you.”

His words are like ice against your skin and suddenly his arms feel suffocating around you. 

You clear your throat and lean forward to lessen his hold on you. “Right, well. You just love it because they listen to me and you can round them up better when I’m around.”

“It’s not just because of that, bug.” Jonathan draws you in again and you’re too weak to fight it. He rests his chin against your head. “I love how you love those around you.” 

The air has become thick between the two of you. 

The way you love people terrifies me, Jonathan’s words from a few days ago echo within your head.

So what’s the truth? Why is he saying all of this?

“Bee,” you bring your hands up and hold onto the arms that are still securely around you. You’re not sure what exactly you want to say, how to explain the warmth you feel for him that simmers within you when he says your name or the way it turns into a furious boil when he looks at Nancy like she’s the damn moon. “You promised you’d call last night.” 

“I know–”

“I was worried about you.”

“And then I ditched you.”

“Again, might I add.”

You put her first, you think.

Jonathan sighs and places a kiss against your hair. “I know.” 

A tense silence follows. Mrs. Wheeler’s wonderful pancakes now taste like cement in your mouth. God, you wish things could go back to how things once were. You miss when Jonathan could wrap his arms around you and the weight of it wasn’t so crushing with all its unspoken implications. 

“I’m sorry, bug. I really, really am sorry.” His voice is strained and he tightens his hold even more, as if to remind himself that you’re still there with him. “I was so scared last night, and had you been the one taken instead of Nancy…”

“But I wasn’t. She was.” You try to keep any emotion out of your voice. 

“I know… I just, I had to make sure she was okay. I promise that nothing else happened. You know that right? Just, please tell me you believe me.” His voice cracks and you finally turn around to wrap your own arms around him. 

“Bee, of course I believe you.” Your words are muffled against his stomach, but he hears you. He always hears you. 

You understand why he stayed at Nancy’s, you really do. But it doesn’t make the sting of it any less painful. You feel awful about what she experienced last night, no doubt forever traumatized by it, but the bitter taste of no longer having Jonathan all to yourself is something you’re still getting used to. 

“You forgive me?” He asks, so faintly you almost don’t catch it.

You lift your head up and catch Jonathan’s eye. “There’s nothing to forgive, bee.” 

And you mean it.

The smile Jonathan gives you as a response, the smile that has always made your knees weak, is just yet another reason why you can’t ever risk what you have with him. 

– 

This may come as a shock to some, but you’ve never set foot in the army supply store. 

The place makes you uneasy. You’ve never been comfortable around weapons, and like you told Nancy earlier: if it ever came down to it, you’d prefer to use your charm (but mostly your wits) rather than violence. It just isn’t your thing. 

While you and Jonathan wander aimlessly around, Nancy seems to know exactly what you guys need. She begins throwing things into the basket around her arm without hesitating and you exchange a look with Jonathan. Clearly it’s a good thing you’ve wrangled Nancy into this mess. 

You wander some more and break away from the group, eyeing the insane amount of weapons, traps, and knives offered in the store. It’s overwhelming and you realize you have no real idea what you’ll even need. Guns unnerve you, the bat Nancy brought just seems silly to use. So what does that leave you?

Your eyes land on a knife with both its ends extended. Its handle in the center is a polished wood that’s a deep ember and the blades themselves are sterling silver that glisten in the dim store lighting. It’s a beautiful weapon. 

As you reach for it to inspect it, one of the store employees, an older man, walks up behind you. 

“That’s a switchblade. It was donated to us years ago.” You jump at the man’s words and he flashes you an apologetic smile. “Sorry, miss. Didn’t mean to scare ya.”

“It’s okay, it’s not your fault. I’m just more skittish than usual this week.” You’re not sure why you admit this to the man, and when he gives you a curious look you clear your throat and change the topic. “You said this was donated?”

“Oh, yes! Here, have a feel for it.” Before you can stop him, he places the knife in your hands. 

Your fingers skim over the smooth wood and you notice some words engraved in it. The letters are scuffed, presumably from age. “Was there writing on it?”

The old man’s smile becomes a sad one. “The switchblade was from this old man, he made it for his wife and claimed she loved to keep him on her toes. So, he had the word ‘button’ engraved in the handle because–”

“She always pushed his buttons?”

“Yeah,” the man laughs. “That’s exactly what she did.” 

There’s a far off look in the man’s eyes, as if he’s remembering a warm summer day from his childhood; bittersweet and filled with fondness. He reminds you of your grandpa whenever someone brings up your grandma who died when you were young. You roll the blade over in your hands. “You knew the woman, didn’t you?”

“I did, but she’s long gone now,” he confirms, his voice wobbling.

“I’m sorry for your loss, sir.” You reach over and place your hand on his forearm, which he smiles at. 

“Don’t be. Martha would be glad someone like you has her knife, now.” 

You immediately drop your hand and try to give the switchblade back. “Oh, no, I can’t possibly take this–”

“It’s yours. You’re the only one who has paid any attention to it. I’ll show you how to use it if you make me a promise.”

Before you can argue more, Jonathan calls out from a few aisles down. “Bug? Where’d you go?”

“I’ll be there in a second, bee!” You turn back to the man. “What kind of promise are we talking about?”

“Bug and bee? Martha called me birdy because a bird swooped on me the first time I ever met her,” the old man chuckles with affection. “Anyways, promise me that you’ll use this with love. I may own this store, but violence never leaves much room for love.” 

The agreement comes easily to you. “Of course.”

And with that, the old man shows you how to flip the switchblade open. It only takes a simple flick of the wrist for the blade to glide back into the handle in the center, and with another flick they smoothly glide back out once more; the way the blades move in sync leaves you in awe.

“You can use both the blades or only one, but I sense that you know that things are always stronger together.” The old man says, a glint in his eyes as he hands the switchblade back to you. 

You smile at him and try it out yourself; the switchblade fits perfectly in your hand and you’re easily able to get the blades in and out. As you’re admiring the way the blades balance each other out, Jonathan appears by your side. 

“Hey, ready to check out?” 

You nod and thank the old man, who waves you off with a friendly goodbye. 

“Who was that?” Jonathan asks once you’re out of earshot from the man. 

You show him the switchblade. “You remember that theory you had about me attracting old people? You’re gonna love this.”

– 

Nancy plops down bear traps, gasoline, and a multitude of other supplies she acquired while you were off talking to the old store owner. The cashier, a significantly younger looking man, looks at the three of you as if you’re insane. 

“And I’ll have four boxes of the .38s.” Jonathan says, and you flash the employee your award winning smile just in case. You recognize how insane this all looks.

“What are you kids doing with all this?” The employee asks, and you Jonathan both instinctively turn to Nancy for help. 

She shrugs, playing the question off well. “Monster hunting.”

The guy laughs and finishes ringing you guys up before the three of you head out to Jonathan’s car. He’s carrying most of the stuff in a box while you and Nancy start loading the bags into his trunk. You quickly help him with the box once you’ve placed your bags down.

“‘Monster hunting’?” Jonathan teases and Nancy just smirks. 

“How do you think that guy would react if he knew we were telling the truth?” You snort and Jonathan can only shake his head in amusement. 

Nancy laughs and bumps her shoulder against yours. “You know, last week I was shopping for a new top I thought Steve might like.” 

Hearing Steve’s name makes you freeze. You completely forgot that Steve had been there with you last night at the Wheeler’s. He had seen Jonathan and Nancy together on her bed. You remember the anger in his eyes and your heart sinks. King Steve would never just let something like that go.

“Hey, uh, Nancy?” You try to interrupt the girl, but she’s too focused on her story.

“It took me and Barb all weekend, it seemed like life or death, you know? And now…”

“You’re shopping for bear traps with Jonathan Byers and Y/N Henderson.” 

You grab at Nancy’s jacket to try and get her attention, but she only has her eyes set on Jonathan. “Nancy, I have something to tell you–”

“What’s the weirdest part? Me or the bear trap?”

“Guys I really need you to listen right now–” Again they ignore you, lost in their own little world that you still don’t have access to. 

For a moment you wonder if you even should warn them, but you know it’d be wrong not to. You could be imagining it, but your new switchblade almost seems to warm up within your pocket as if to remind you of your promise to the old man. 

Nancy’s eyes shine as she looks at Jonathan and you want to scream. Now is not the fucking time. “You. It’s definitely you.”

You clap your hands in front of their faces, finally breaking the two of them out of their spell. “Hey! Assholes! Trying to save your asses!”

Jonathan bats your hands away from his face. “What are you talking about?”

“Steve, he, uh…” You take a deep breath, trying to figure out how the hell you’re supposed to word this, before a car honks and some creep calls out to Nancy. 

“Can’t wait to see your movie.” The boy laughs, which causes your blood to turn cold. The Hawk movie theater, where Jonathan works… In a twisted way, Steve Harrington is a fucking revenge genius.

“What the hell was that?” You hear Jonathan mumble, but your ears are ringing. 

Nancy turns to you, now with distrust in her eyes. “Steve. You said his name.”

“Nancy–I, I forgot and–” You stumble over your words as the girl’s eyes harden. You didn’t mean for this to happen, you don’t know how you forgot. She doesn’t wait for you to finish whatever the hell you were about to say and starts running after the car. You’re quick to follow after her, already knowing what you’ll find. 

“Where are you guys going?”

“Just come on, Jonathan!” You shout behind you. 

Nancy sees the board before you do and the gasp she lets out makes you want to cry for her. There, in big, ugly red letters on the Hawk’s clapperboard are the words spelling out “All the Right Moves Starring Nancy the Slut Wheeler”. 

It’s an awful, awful fucking thing. 

And it’s Steve’s work, you know it is. 

You hear Jonathan gasp out behind you and you see the crowd that begins to form around the three of you. Everyone stares at Nancy and whispers cruel things about her and it takes everything within you not to cause a scene. How fucking dare they. They have no right. Steve had no fucking right. 

In the midst of your anger you notice the tears beginning to form in Nancy’s eyes and you immediately run over to her side and grab her hand. You pull her into a hug and whisper reassurances, promising her that it’ll all be okay. She lets you hold her and you feel so fucking awful. You should’ve done more to protect her. 

Then, you hear the distinct sound of a spray paint bottle rattling followed by Tommy Hagan’s screech of a laugh. Nancy tears herself from your grasp and runs into the alley where the noise is coming from. You follow after her and see Steve and his gang spraying even more things onto the Hawk walls. 

There’s a steely look in Nancy’s eyes and you worry for a moment that she might hurt someone. It’s not that you don’t think it’s warranted, but you’re sure Jonathan’s boss has already called the cops on the teens and they’ll be here soon. Nancy can’t afford to get into any trouble right now. 

“Nancy, I don’t think you should approach–”

She ignores you and angrily marches over to Steve. 

“Hey there princess!” Carol sneers, and you have to refrain from spitting on her. Right now this is about Nancy, you need to make sure she doesn’t do anything stupid and to also ensure she knows that you’re right behind her to support her. She needs to know that you’re here for her. 

“Uh oh, she looks upset.” Tommy teases. When he sees you, he lets out another cackle. “Holy shit, Harrington. You were right! Henderson really is a pathetic push over if she’s here with the girl who slept with her boyfriend!” 

Tommy’s words enrage you and you’re about to just say fuck it to your no violence policy when Steve shuts him up. “Knock it out, Tommy. I told you Henderson’s with us–”

Nancy’s slap catches both you and Steve off guard. Everyone gasps in shock but you start laughing, immensely proud of the girl’s strength. “Nice one, Wheeler.”

She spares you a quick glance before steering her glare back at Steve. “What is wrong with you?”

Steve clenches his jaw. “What’s wrong with me? No, what’s wrong with the two of you?”

“The two of us?” Nancy asks. Steve juts his chin in your direction and she turns around, now more confused and hurt than ever. “What does Y/N have to do with any of this?”

A lump of anxiety forms in your chest. “Nancy, I can explain–”

“I was worried about you,” Steve lets out a bitter laugh and distantly you remember saying those exact words to Jonathan a mere hour ago. You guess you understand the boy more than you may want to. “I can’t believe that I was actually worried about you.” 

Nancy opens her mouth to respond but Steve cuts her off, now walking towards you. “And you… I always knew you were too nice for your own good, but defending the girl who stole your boyfriend?” He hovers over you; you can smell his expensive cologne this close as he says his next words so low that they almost come out as a whisper, “well, I expected more from you, Y/N.”

You freeze, overwhelmed with his presence. He lingers, you’ve never been this close to him, his eyes are darker than Jonathan’s and filled with more disappointment than anger. You know he can see right through you in a way that fucking terrifies you; he knows. 

“What are you talking about?” Nancy exclaims, effectively breaking whatever moment was going on between you and Steve. He backs away, his eyes still lingering on yours, before facing Nancy once more. 

Your words catch in your throat, still reeling from your encounter with Steve, so it’s Carol who breaks the silence. “I wouldn’t lie if I were you. You don’t want to be known as the lying slut now, do you?”

“Don’t call her that,” you manage to say, though you can’t seem to stop looking at Steve, who is looking right back at you. 

“Speak of the devil,” Tommy’s voice alerts you of Jonathan’s arrival. You look up and see what the idiot has written on the wall behind him.

“‘Byers is a perv’? Wow, you guys are geniuses when it comes to insults.” You snort, feeling Jonathan place his hand on the small of your back to steady you. He can sense your anger brewing. 

“It’s okay, bug.” He whispers. You relax a bit into him, but you’re still fuming. Steve watches the interaction with an interest in his eyes that lets you know Jonathan’s tenderness with you has only pissed him off more. 

Steve points at the two of you, looking around at his friends. “Aww, how sweet. You guys see that? Tell me, Henderson. Did he whisper sweet nothings into your ear after he slept with my girlfriend?”

Both Jonathan and Nancy speak at once. He denies you two being together while Nancy now understands that Steve had seen her and Jonathan in her room last night. 

“Henderson and I both, actually.” Steve corrects, and you want to punch him. 

Jonathan turns to you, guilt creeping into his voice. “You saw?”

“Now isn’t really the time, we need to help Nancy–”

“Look, I don’t know what you think you saw, but it wasn’t like that.” Nancy says, looking at Steve and then you. “I promise, Y/N. Nothing happened.”

Steve rolls his eyes. “Right, that’s what Henderon said. You just let him into your room to… study?”

“I was telling the truth.” You grit out, but Steve and the others ignore you.

Tommy steps in front of you and Jonathan. “Or for another pervy photo session?”

Jonathan steps towards the boy but you grab his jacket, not allowing him to go any further. You understand he’s angry, but just like how he won’t let you do anything stupid: you won’t let him, either.

Nancy shakes her head furiously. “We were just–”

“You were just what? Finish that sentence,” Steve steps closer to Nancy now and you find yourself preparing to step between them if needed. “Finish. The. Sentence.” 

The only sound in the alley is the sound of Nancy panting. She can’t think of what to say, what can she even say? Steve won’t believe her regardless. To him, she’s already done the unspeakable and hurt him in the worst way imaginable. You feel for the two of them, no one can possibly win in this situation. 

When Nancy doesn’t say anything, the angry expression on Steve’s face slips for a moment and you see the heartbroken boy underneath his mask. It happens only for a second, but you see it. You know you saw it. 

“Go to hell, Nancy.” He scoffs. 

“Harrington, you don’t mean that.” You say, trying to help him out. He’ll regret burning this bridge with Nancy, you can see how deeply he cares for her. He loves her, even if he can’t admit it. If he walks away now, he could lose her. 

While you’re talking to Steve, Jonathan breaks free from your grasp and pulls Nancy away, which only seems to upset him more. 

“You said yourself that we aren’t friends, Henderson. You don't know me. As for you, Byers, I always took you for a queer. I guess you’re just a little screw-up like your father.” 

Steve begins to push Jonathan now, but Jonathan has harshly grabbed your arm to pull you away. He doesn't want you involved in this, you know he just wants to get you and Nancy safely out of the situation, but you resist him anyways and try to push at Steve.

“What, you're gonna help your douche of a boyfriend?” Steve sneers at you, and Jonathan will definitely leave bruises on your arm with how tightly he has to hold you back. “Oh, yeah. That house is full of screw-ups.”

He pushes Jonathan again and this time you manage to spit at his feet. “Shut the fuck up, Harrington.”

“I’m just telling the truth. You know, I guess I shouldn’t really be surprised. A bunch of screw-ups in your family.”

Jonathan stops now. You do the same. Nancy sees this and urges you to keep walking, but you and him exchange a look. You hate violence, you really do, but the Byers family is your own family. Aside from how protective you are of them, you also know the anger that Jonathan has buried within him. If Steve keeps pushing it, you’re afraid of what Jonathan may do.

“I mean, your mom? I’m not even surprised what happened to your brother.” 

You hate violence. You could never, ever hurt anyone. But you’re starting to feel really fucking close to understanding why people seem to enjoy it. “Leave his mom and Will out of this.” 

Steve ignores you and continues spewing bullshit. Jonathan is tense next to you and it’s only now that you notice his clenched fists and his ragged breathing. Steve has gone too far.

“Steve, shut up!” Nancy begs as you now leave Jonathan’s side to begin pushing Steve back. A fight cannot break out. It’s broad daylight and too risky. You can’t let Jonathan put himself in danger. 

“Harrington, you need to leave.” You urge him as you push against his chest, but he just gently pushes you aside and follows after Jonathan.

“But the Byers?” He keeps hitting Jonathan’s back and you have to use all your weight to pull him away. It’s no use. “Their family, it’s a disgrace to the entire–”

Jonathan’s punch lands perfectly upon Steve’s face.

In any other moment, you’d find the accuracy incredibly hot. 

Instead you push the thoughts aside and rush over to him while Steve regains his composure. “Bee, listen to me. Cops could be here any second, you can’t fight–”

You scream as Steve tackles Jonathan onto the car and then the ground. Nancy begs them to stop and has to wrap her arms around you to keep you out of the fight. The sound of skin hitting skin sickens you. 

“Nancy let me go,” Steve lands another punch on Jonathan and the sound his head makes when it hits the ground causes you to cry out. 

“Y/N, Jonathan wouldn’t want you to jump in–”

“I have to help him!” The pure anguish in your voice is what makes Nancy finally let you go. You immediately rush over and try to pry Steve off of your friend, but he doesn’t see you approach and almost lands a blow at your face. 

Jonathan sees this and grunts out, “don’t touch her,” before punching Steve in the face once more and throwing him off. They’re both standing now as Steve’s friends egg the fight on and Nancy pleads for them to stop. You tug at the boys’ clothes to try and break them apart, but you know you’re weak against them. You force yourself to think of something else, and right as you’ve formed a plan, Tommy is the one who steps in and punches Jonathan.

“Get out of here, man.” Steve yells, not wanting anyone to fight his battles for him. 

You slap Tommy across the face. “Fuck off!”

The boy raises his fist to punch you and you don’t have time to do anything else besides flinch and brace yourself for the hit, but Steve intercepts it. “Tommy! I said get out of here!”

You’re in a daze as you process what’s just happened, but then Jonathan starts throwing more punches and suddenly Tommy has his arms around you to hold you back. You try to break out of his grasp, but he’s a lot damn stronger than Nancy. 

All you can do is helplessly watch as your best friend beats Steve Harrington’s face in. He lands one punch, then two, then three, and for a horrifying moment you’re afraid that Jonathan might actually kill him. 

“Jonathan! Stop!” You scream, tears now streaming down your face. 

He has Steve pinned on the ground by the time the cops come. 

“Shit, the cops!” Tommy lets go of you to help break up the fight right as the two officers arrive. They struggle to get Jonathan off of Steve and somehow he manages to punch one of the cops in the nose. Of course he fucking punches a cop in the nose.

You rush over to try and help, but as soon as the cops have Jonathan you feel yet another pair of arms wrap around you. You don’t know who it is, but they start to drag you away while the cops arrest Jonathan. You try to twist around to face your assailant, thrashing and kicking. “Why do you all keep grabbing me?”

“Fuck, Henderson! Stop kicking me, I’m already bleeding!” Steve groans, still carrying you in his arms as he and his friends flee the crime scene. 

You struggle more against him, but you’re exhausted from your previous attempts of breaking up the fight and you’re still crying. You can’t do anything besides making it extremely difficult for him to carry you and throw out a multitude of insults and cuss words. You have to get to Jonathan.

Once they’re a few yards away, they slow down and Steve finally places you back on the ground, though his arms remain around you. You manage to free your own arms and begin punching him in the chest. “Let go of me! Jonathan just got arrested because of you!” Every word you say is followed by a punch. 

“Jesus Henderson! I just saved your ass, quit it!”

“Saved my ass? You just beat up my best friend and he’s bleeding and needs my help and–”

“He’s a cheater! So is Nancy! They deserve each other and if you go back there right now you’ll be arrested and they’re sure as hell aren’t worth getting arrested over!” Steve is screaming at you and shaking you by the shoulders, urging you to understand. 

“How many times do I have to tell you I’m not with Jonathan? And you’re wrong! It wasn’t like that between him and Nancy, you have to understand that.” You scream back at him, faintly aware of Steve’s friends watching in the background. 

He runs a hand through his hair. “I’m not a fucking idiot, Y/N.” 

“You sure about that?” 

“God, you’re so naive.” Steve shakes his head. “It’s always the nice ones who are the most naive.”

His words cut through you; you look him in the eyes, “Get fucked, Harrington.” 

Steve lets go of you, surprised by your words while his friends gasp. “I was just trying to help.”

His voice is soft, as if he’s afraid to admit this to you, and you know that in his own way he means it. Steve had only been trying to help, but he hurt the people you love in the process. You hesitate, unsure how to respond.

Steve’s looking at you now and you can see all the cuts and bruises on his face. You want to wipe all the blood away, to stitch him up and place him somewhere safe so that nothing else can hurt him. You want to do all of this and more as he stares at you and silently begs you to stay, but you can’t. You shake your head at him and once again his mask slips; he’s just a scared teenage boy.

You want to reach out, to grab his hand and remind him that he’s good, but you don’t.

Instead, you turn away and run back towards the alley and Jonathan.

-

⌑ series masterlist

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[freedomfireflies]

Soooo, do you wanna give me a Harry that gives Joe Goldberg vibes 🤪 please and thank you!

ALSJFS you know what, I'm on a Joe kick right now since reading the books...why don't we do a little crossover 😗 (but maybe if we want we can do one where Harry is Joe Goldberg hehe)

The edges of the cage are dark. Untouched by the cool, dim light of Mooney’s basement. Empty and cold.

But this does little to offend the man trapped inside, who sits back against the glass with his knees propped up. Staring at the floor, just as he has for the last three days. 

He doesn’t mind the quiet. The endless nothing. He thrives in it. He spends each waking moment with the voice inside his head and you find yourself increasingly fascinated.

You’ve been watching him for hours as you sit in the shadows of the bookstore basement. Taking notes, counting seconds. You’re not sure if he can see you but you imagine he can feel your presence. Sense it. After all, he always can.

You don’t attempt to reach him. Speak to him. Call him back into his right mind. You want to but you can’t. Not when he’s like this. So, you merely observe. Learn.

He seems indifferent to the conditions he’s trapped in. He doesn’t flinch when you or Joe attempt to speak to him. He doesn’t bite when he’s baited. He doesn’t charge the edges of the cage or beg for his freedom. He’s a good guest. Obedient. Well behaved.

Everything you know him not to be. 

Hours go by before Joe returns down the steps to join you below. Sandwich in hand, which he gives to you.

You thank him quietly and warily make your way into the light, allowing the familiar stranger a better look at your face.

“Here,” you call softly. You place the sandwich in the box and shut the door. “Eat. And then maybe we can talk.”

Your guest smirks. He’s not tempted by the meal trying to lure him out. He doesn’t move from his spot on the floor. He is calm. Steady.

Joe steps closer.  “Harry,” he says firmly. “We can’t let you out until you talk to us.”

Harry lifts his head. He meets Joe’s eye, and then yours, and he’s more lucid than he has been in days. “And what if I don’t want to be let out?”

A question without a real answer. You study him and you wonder, not for the first time, who you’re really speaking to.

“Then we won’t,” you say. “Not until we're sure you aren’t gonna hurt anyone.”

Harry hums and rests his head back against the wall. 

Joe looks down at you. “Ethan is bringing Blythe by tomorrow. She wants a tour of the basement, and he can’t be here.”

You nod and your heart jumps to your throat. “Harry said it shouldn’t be longer than three days.”

“Does he know that for sure?”

“I…I don’t know,” you admit. “Last time it wasn’t longer than a day and a half. But it’s different every time.”

Joe sighs and you feel your stomach sink.

You hate to see him like this. You hate to see them both like this. Harry insisted it was the only way—back when he was still your Harry—but now you’re not so sure.

You don’t like to leave him here for days at a time. You don’t like that you have to keep him from harming himself or others by locking him in a glass cage until the episode passes. You love him. He shouldn’t be in a goddamn cage. He should be with you.

You straighten your shoulders and dare to dance with the devil. “Are you asking me or telling me?”

Harry lifts a brow.

You nod toward the letters smeared in blood across the glass, just above Harry’s head. Miss me. He painted it hours ago. A cruel taunt. “Are you asking me…” you repeat. “…or telling me?”

Harry looks up as well. His smile returns, wicked and pleased, and he leans forward, resting his arms over his propped knees. “You tell me,” he says and Joe scoffs quietly.

You move closer to the wall and press your palm flat to the edge. Attempting to play on an emotional, weathering string. “You need to let him go,” you whisper, and you notice his expression fall. “This isn’t a game anymore. He can’t help you. Not in here.”

Harry—or rather, the dark presence inside his head—tsks. “Are you sure?”

You feel your pulse stutter while Joe murmurs, “Come on, let’s go. We can come back tomorrow. He’ll be better then.”

But you don’t move from your spot. Instead, you stare at the obvious wound on Harry’s leg. His source of ink for the ominous message. “I’ll need to clean that,” you say.

The darker Harry laughs. It’s a humorless laugh. Cold. Cunning. “What for? I can’t imagine it’ll help much.”

You frown. “I’m not doing it for you. I’m doing it for him.”

“And it would be a wasted effort. As is this.”

“I don’t think so.”

“No?”

You shake your head. “You try to win his favor every time,” you remind the creature. “You try to break him, try to bribe him. But when it’s all over, Harry will remain, and you will be nothing but a parasite inside his mind. Snuffed out like a flame.”

He leans back. Regarding you with what you could confuse with respect, but you know he’s not that generous. “And does he know the truth, little fox?” 

You blink. “What truth?”

The dark, alter ego smiles. “Does your darling Harry know that when you look at him…you’re really thinking of me?”

The blood drains from your face and you step back. 

“That when you fuck yourself…you imagine me?” He steadies his gaze and your insides twist. “That when you fuck him…it’s my name on your pretty tongue? Not his?”

You shake your head. “That’s ridiculous—”

“Is it?” He laughs again and it sends sharp chills down your spine. “Why else do you stay, little fox? Why else do you choose to be with a man you know has taken someone’s life with his own hands? Who’s dangerous enough to keep locked in a cage?”

You take another step back. “That wasn’t him. It was you—"

“Us,” he whispers, and the basement falls eerily silent. “We are one, him and I. My thoughts are his, and his are mine. Do you really believe I don’t know what he thinks of you?”

“Stop—”

“He tries. I know he tries but he’ll never know how to treat you the way I do,” the darker voice purrs. “The night on the roof. When he fucked you and you saw two kinds of stars that night. It wasn’t his cock you were riding, little fox—”

“Stop—”

“It was mine.” He smirks. “And you knew it. Didn’t you? Knew who you were really coming for and instead of trying to save your sweet, little boyfriend…you begged me to fuck you again. Isn’t that right—”

Joe grabs your arm and begins to lead you toward the stairs. “Fuck this. Let’s go—”

“Bet you wanna fuck me now, don’t you?” continues the cruel taunt. “Why don’t you, hm? Why don’t you unlock the door and I’ll let him watch. I’ll let them both watch—"

You aren’t afforded the chance to answer as you’re dragged out of the soundproof basement, but his laugh follows you all the way up.

Your ears are ringing and your hands are trembling and the worst part is…you know he’s right. Maybe there is a part of you that’s attracted to the darker parts of the same man you already know. And maybe…you don’t mind. Because is it really cheating if he’s not real? 

The question follows you all the way home and into bed that night. You know better than to tempt fate. To entertain the idea and allow yourself to wonder what it would be like. The whole point of keeping Harry in the cage during an episode is to keep him from harming himself or others. So that one day, there won’t be another voice inside his head. It’ll just be…him.

It would defeat the purpose to make friends with the enemy. And you imagine it would be rather hard to explain to the real Harry if he ever found out how you felt about his darker and far more sadistic alter ego.

Which is why you find it quite odd that you’ve returned to Mooney’s bookstore and crept your way down to the cage, key in hand.

He, however…is not surprised in the slightest.

“Welcome back, little fox,” he calls, hands pressed to the glass.

You swallow.

He grins.

“Miss me?”

Yes this was inspired by Void Stiles...Void Styles *slaps knee* and I need all three of these men biblically thank you goodnight!!!

Also I actually would totally do a part 2 where Harry is cray cray for real HAHAH

~ Main Masterlist

Taglist (I'm so sorry if this isn't something you wanted to be tagged in, it is a lot weirder HAHAH): @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite @keepdrivingkisses @swiftmendeshoran @tiredinwinter @straightontilmornin @justlemmeadoreyou @harrysdaydreams @tiaamberxx @peterparker1sgf @myfavfanficsever @littlenatilda @vamprry @fdl305 @tchalametishot @ssaama @indierockgirrl @likeapplejuicenpeach @vane28282 @lukesaprince @closureesny @lc-fics @0nlythrowharrybeaux @hannahdressedasabanana @iguessyourejustwhatineeded @dylanobandposts21 @butdaddyilovehim-hs @samanddeaninatrenchcoat

[dazais-guardian-angel]

Chapter 110 is 13 pages long welcome to hell!!! so in a lot of ways this is just more fuel for a theory that I've had for a few weeks now, that's only gotten stronger with each recent season 5 episode, which is that the last episode of the season is gonna end on 110, and that Asagiri/Harukawa and Bones have been collaborating to make this happen, specifically because it's a major turning point that would be the only good place to end the season on.

When we started getting especially long chapters again (like from 25-35ish pages, with the exception of 107.5, the last two being some of the longest we've ever had), at first I just assumed that Asagiri/Harukawa got freed up from some other obligations they'd been having to cause the extremely short/half chapters, like promotional stuff for the anime/Beast movie, or working on light novels. But then 109 happened, with the "supposed" death of Dazai, and heavy emphasis at the end on how literally everyone is at their lowest point right now, and I got to thinking. 11 episodes is a strangely specific number for an anime season -- why not 12, or 13, or even 10, like you'd usually see? Why have we gotten suddenly gotten two 35 page chapters out of nowhere, that's almost unheard of at this point? They're both beautiful chapters, don't get me wrong (as always), and maybe A/H simply just didn't want to cut them in halves because they felt like the full emotional impact wouldn't hit/that there were no good cutoff points in them, but you can't deny that it's surprising, after all the shorter chapters we've been getting. Why has the anime been going at such insanely breakneck pacing for the most part ever since around the Sunday Tragedy chapters, even more so than it has in the past? So much so that it feels dangerously close to overtaking the manga?

Well, maybe, just maybe, it's because..... Asagiri decided a long time ago that whatever happens in 110 is the only point that feels "season finale"-worthy enough, in an arc that still isn't anywhere close to being completely wrapped up, and so both the manga and the anime have been specifically coordinated to reach that part within 2 and a half weeks of each other?

I've seen a lot of people now think season 5 will end with 109, and as much as my sadistic side would find that hilarious, I honestly don't think they'd do that and realistically don't want it to happen; it'd be so cruel to cliffhanger the anime for years like that, and just doesn't feel like a season cliffhanger BSD would do, a series that is ultimately hopeful and uplifting. Seasons 2 and 3 had a positive, conclusive ending; the only reasons seasons 1 and 4 didn't was because they're technically not really full seasons of their own, and are more like the first cour of another "season" that also came out that same year (seasons 1 and 2 both aired in 2016, so they're more like one big season, and seasons 4 and 5 have both aired this year, so they're also more like one big season, again taking into account how episodes 12 and 50 are not satisfying finales like episodes 24, 37, and hypothetically, 61, are). I really can't see season 5 ending with Dazai and Fukuzawa's supposed deaths, Sigma being unconscious and maybe close to death, Atsushi being vulnerable and limbless again, everyone we love still vampires, and the entire world being basically doomed; that's just too depressing and not like BSD at all. However, having said that, if it doesn't end there, there really isn't any good place to end the season before that, either, that feels in any way satisfying or like a finale at all. And so, to me, that only leaves after 109: chapter 110.

I think things are really gonna turn around next chapter. Like I said, everyone is at their lowest point right now, it cannot possibly get any worse, the framing of Dazai, Fukuzawa, and sskk at the end of 109 is telling us that; this is the time for the heroes to finally start winning again, with Aya being so close to pulling out the sword, and for all the thematic reasons other people have talked about to death that I don't need to go into here again. This upcoming chapter being so short again makes a part of me wary of 110 being "the one", so to speak, I won't lie, but at the same time, it's very possible that it needs to be that short because that's all the final episode of the season will be able to reasonably fit in, since it's already gonna be VERY close if they do make it all the way to 109. And at the end of the day, I don't doubt at all that Asagiri and Harukawa can make these the most monumental and game-changing mere 13 pages ever if they wanted to; a chapter does not at all need to be extremely long in order to be an important and impactful one, even if short ones we've gotten in the past haven't felt the most important.

An additional thought I've had, though this is much more crack territory than all this already is, is that since we know from Anime Expo that a Stormbringer movie at some point is highly likely (judging from Asagiri's reaction when someone brought it up), it's possible that chapter 110 and thus the final episode will involve the long-anticipated return of Verlaine and/or Adam, or at least some other major reference to Stormbringer, that would naturally and smoothly lead into a Stormbringer movie to explain things to people who haven't read the novel. It would make a lot of sense, especially since the s4 OP has the Old World sign behind Chuuya, which might be a hint that this has been in the works ever since seasons 4/5 were first in planning with Asagiri. We also know that Dazai and Chuuya's voice actors apparently struggled to record their lines together this season, which probably relates to 101 and possibly 109, but it could be 110 too.... I could be very wrong, as I'm no expert on this kind of thing, but I kinda doubt they would bring Chuuya's actor in for just the vampire growls, and Asagiri placing heavy emphasis on Chuuya's importance this season in that one interview gives me the impression that he's talking about much more than just 101/109. But that's the least solid evidence I have, that's just mostly based on vibes I get.

So basically, I think a lot of factors -- the unusual episode count, how close the anime is to catching up to the manga with three whole episodes left, the seemingly arbitrary recent chapter lengths, and the climactic events of 109 -- can tell us that 110 might be a very, VERY big deal. Again, there's of course no way this arc is anywhere near close to being finished, with so much left to address and resolve, but since it is currently incomplete in the manga, unlike the previously adapted arcs, if the anime was going to adapt it at all, they'd have to find a place that feels satisfying enough to end this season, knowing there won't be more anime for a long time after this, and so I think they specifically planned for that, from both Bones' and A/H's sides. 10 episodes might not have been enough to reach that point, but 12 or 13 might have been too many it wouldn't have been if Bones actually decided to slow down and let the story breathe the way it needs to, but this post isn't meant to criticize the anime, so maybe 11 was just right. And maybe Asagiri and Harukawa specifically pushed to make recent chapters longer than usual, in order to make sure that the manga reached the story content in 110 the monthly release right before season 5 was to end.

Is this just copium? Absolutely. Am I going to look like an absolute clown in two days when this post ages like milk? Probably. But the evidence is There, so let me just enjoy my delusions until Sunday, okay 🥂🫡

[sil3ntfr34k]

I cannot sleep and having postal brain rot 🫶

Postal 1 Dude Boyfriend Headcanons

• Homie has been living alone with his borderline psychopathic thoughts since he was about 19, absolutely 0 social skills. But he kinda likes it like that, although it’s not good for him, but when has anyone ever liked what’s good for them???

• It was a miracle that you ever saw him to begin with. This man hasn’t left his run down home in 3 weeks and you just so happened to catch him at the grocery store buying ‘supplies’ as he calls it. You had helped him find a certain canned item (he doesn’t eat a lot so he needs something that will last for a while) and also helped him at the check out.

• Romantic love is a very foreign concept to him. As someone who doesn’t feel a lot of emotions other than fear and confusion, anything that makes him happy is something he so desperately wants to keep around. So meeting you was like a breath of relief

• It’s very hard for him to understand what he’s feeling, the constant mood swings don’t help either. One minute he’s spiraling downward, but when he thinks of you, he’s suddenly overwhelmed with this warm comforting feeling. For a while he’s convinced you must’ve put a spell on him, before you finally visit his house

• Champ, his baby boy, immediately takes a liking to you, his strong tail hitting against and knocking things over around him as he approaches you to give you sloppy kisses. Since Champ is sort of like a emotional support dog, Dude trust his judgement which ultimately leads him to be more comfortable around you

• It takes a longgggg time before Dude even thinks about getting into a relationship with you. He’s never felt this way about someone and it terrifies him. Being anti social and all makes him very skittish, so you’ll have to ease him into such a intimate relationship

• As the relationship progresses, you really start to see why no one ever talks to him. He’s weird. Like, he has a concerningly large dead animal collect, even feeding them to Champ if his food gets too low and Dude is too paranoid to leave the house. Dude also has a large weapons collection with some military grade stuff. Not to mention his expansive knowledge of the human body after death and the various ways to skin various animals (and humans, but he hasn’t told you that yet)

• Since this whole relationship thing is new to Dude, he has no idea what to do or how to do it. He never plans dates, doesn’t give you any big gifts, and hardly ever says “I love you”. Although he does love to have you around and hold you when he’s comfortable enough with it.

• The amount of illness this guy has baffles you. It’s like he’s nothing but a sick mind and weak mindset. Good luck trying to give him any sort of medication, he will run away and lock himself in the bathroom with Champ. Fully believes that any sort of pill will make ‘corrupt’ him, especially if it’s from a pharmacy.

• Having to deal with this guy during any sort of episode is EXHAUSTING. Yes you love him, but everyone has their limits. His schizophrenic episodes are the worst of them. They usually force him into a paranoid and clouded state, his mood becoming fragile and his actions more aggressive. Usually during these episodes he believes that there are people out to hurt him, to kill him, so he has to kill them first. It’s a doozy and a half trying to stabilize Dude, desperately trying to tell him he’s safe in a his home and getting Champ to sit with him.

• It’s very hard to get Dude outside of his house. His paranoia always gets the best of him and drives him right back inside the familiarity of his run down walls. Wanna go for a walk around the city to bond with him more? Good luck with that. Wanna go grocery shopping with him because he’s been living off the same can of peas for 3 days now? He’d rather starve. Wanna go shopping for his wardrobe? He has enough clothes. Although you could probably lure him out with the promise of bone hunting with him in the local forest area.

• There aren’t many dates with Dude. The entire relationship is mainly just you two relaxing on his couch watching tv. Of course y’all still do ‘fun’ things like playing board games and helping him clean up around his house, but it’s mostly just sitting in peace with him. It may not seem like a lot to you, but to him it’s the most calm and relaxed he’s been in years

• Dude doesn’t give many gifts, but he likes to give you little wooden figures he’s made. Living alone for years and having nothing but free time really gives you the ability to learn a new skill. He took up widdling and wood carving as a hobby to make hard chew toys for Champ since those rubber bones never lasted and the real bones were too expensive. Dude will give you little shiny rocks he found around the house too. He’s kinda like a crow, shiny attractive

• Trying to cuddle or hug Dude is a task. Due to his childhood, he thinks anytime someone is going to touch him it’s gonna hurt. You’re gonna have to ask him, and then slowly reach out for him. Any sudden movements will make him nervous

• Despite all these bad traits, he’s rather clingy and possessive of you. Sure he doesn’t want you to touch him a lot, but he still wants you around. Just having you in his house is like having his own personal angel. Anytime you want to leave he gets incredibly sad and starts to make up excuses of why you can’t leave. “The evil ones, they’ll hurt you if you step foot out there! Stay here with me, where it’s safe.“

ok that’s all I can think of I sleep now

[paintingwhiteceilings]

❃Seventeen’s chances of surviving a zombie apocalypse❃

a/n: soooo I wrote this for EXO and thought, well, why not do the same for svt. Anyway, enjoy!

Scoups/Seungcheol: 8/10

❀ The fists are up and he is ready to fight anyone or anything that gets too close. His physical strength will definitely get him far. At the same time, this man is also a bit, just a bit, of a scaredy-cat when it comes to horror stuff (remember him and DK in the haunted house?). In this case, it might actually help him out, keeping him on his toes constantly.  

❀ He is super competitive too. If anyone lets it slip that he might not survive the apocalypse, he will make it his sole goal in life to out-apocalypse everyone around him.

❀ Then again, as the members like to remind him, he is not the youngest and perhaps doesn’t have the best endurance any more. He needs to sit down every now and then, leaving him prone to zombies.

❀ He will definitely be complaining the entire time. Somehow, he manages to make his situation sound much worse than it really is. 

Jeonghan: 9/10

❀ Nothing really phases him, I feel like Jeonghan has maxed out all his stats and has, consequently, become unstoppable. He is an absolute ace and makes everyone wonder whether he was born to be in a zombie apocalypse.

❀ The only reason I am docking a point is due to this man’s constant exhaustion and love for sleep. His main motto is “Better be lazy than tired” so I wouldn’t be surprised at Jeonghan trying to find ways to shortcut the most basic of tasks. There is a slight, very tiny, chance for his master-mind plans to go awry.

❀ Once he finds himself in a dangerous situation or on the brink of being eaten, he will simply give up. Maybe life is truly easier as a zombie. At least he won’t have to constantly be on the run.

❀ Still, Jeonghan will be going through this apocalypse in the most efficient way possible, trying to find any loopholes to make his life easier and preserving his energy for those moments when he truly needs it.

Joshua 5/10

❀ Honestly, Joshua is such a wild card. He would definitely try to employ the “they can’t predict what I am doing if I don’t know what I am doing” tactic. Joshua becomes the definition of “can’t let them know your next move.”

❀ It would work half of the time. Either the zombies get so confused that he catches them off guard, or all he did was inconvenience himself further.

❀ Like, what if, instead of running away from the zombies, he would run towards them? The zombies would definitely not be expecting it but it would make it easier for them to, you know, kill him.

❀ His ideas are borderline insane, and nobody can really tell whether it is due to the apocalypse or because he is Joshua, having always been slightly out of his mind. He will definitely get someone else accidentally killed by suggesting a crazy plan. My money is on Hoshi.

Jun 4/10

❀ The reason this man has any chance of survival is because Seventeen treats him like a maknae. I am pretty sure they would sacrifice anyone and anything to keep him alive, and he kind of needs it.

❀ Jun isn’t particularly known for his amazing talent at sports. He always gets picked last in any GoSe episode containing physical games which makes his odds of surviving not too great. Like yeah, sure, he is ripped and probably has amazing endurance, but ask him to throw anything and he will miss.

❀ He is also unpredictable and doesn’t really listen to the others. They will tell him not to touch the zombies and he will see it as a challenge, “I can touch a zombie if I want to!”

❀ 10000000% the type to try and communicate with the zombies. He is convinced that if he can learn Korean, he can also learn zombie and ask them if they can become friends.

❀ (Maybe slightly unrelated, but he would be an amazing person to have around for emotional support. He would be great at comforting those feeling pessimistic, scared or upset.)

Hoshi/Soonyoung: -100000/10 or 100000/10

❀ It can go two ways with Hoshi. Either he hides somewhere and vanishes from the universe until the apocalypse has ended or he gets himself killed within the first day.

❀ Hoshi has proven that if he doesn’t want to be found, you won’t find him. Somehow, this energetic mess of a Gemini is able to turn invisible when he wants to. Depending on how bored he gets, he might be able to stick it out until the apocalypse has ended.

❀ If he doesn’t hide, he is as good as dead. He has the dangerous combination of not being scared of zombies and zero impulse control. He will be trying something stupid without a second thought and would get himself killed.

❀ He growls at the zombies because surely, they would be intimidated by him. He is a tiger, after all.

❀ His members are seriously considering putting a leash on him so that he can’t constantly run off doing god knows what. He just really hates sitting still, let him go risk his life getting provisions.

❀ Honestly, the main reason why Hoshi won’t survive for long is because he would do another impression of Seungkwan, resulting in Seungkwan ‘accidentally’ kicking him into a hoard of zombies.

Wonwoo: 10/10

❀ He has played enough games and watched enough Netflix to know what to do in the event of a zombie apocalypse. Wonwoo is prepared, well-read and ready to go. He will be the smart one that tries to find out what makes the zombies tick, taking notes on their behaviours and potential weaknesses.

❀ Wonwoo is, furthermore, so incredibly athletic. He can outrun the zombies with ease, not even breaking a sweat when he does.

❀ He also seems to possess brain cells compared to some of the members and a dose of common sense. I know that there is no normal one in Seventeen but he seems to put a lot of thought in his decision-making and seems less inclined to listen to his intrusive thoughts.

❀ Wonwoo could survive on his own, his introverted side ensuring that he doesn’t really feel the need to seek out others and depend on them. The only reason he sticks around the other members is for the drama. He loves watching the others bicker for hours, eating his popcorn as he lurks in the nearby shadows.

Woozi/Jihoon: ∞/10

❀ He has no idea that there is a zombie apocalypse going on because he hasn’t really gone outside since it started. Yeah sure, the gym he frequents has been really quiet as of late, but that is an absolute win in his book and he is not to going to jinx it by mentioning it.

❀ The world could literally be ending on the other side of his window, and this man would think that the sirens would make for an awesome sample for his song. What do you mean, sirens mean that something is going on outside?

❀ It doesn’t even matter if the other members come to check up on him or try to convince him to leave the studio, informing him the world is ending. “What do you mean it is dangerous outside, it always is dangerous outside.”

❀ He will simply survive the entire apocalypse because he had no awareness of it and it had no awareness of him. Woozi is on another level entirely.

DK/Seokmin: -1000/10

❀ An absolute mess. Somewhere laying on the ground in the feudal position up for grabs.

❀ He has been screaming since it started. The joke is on him, though. His screaming is precisely what alerts the zombies to his location and he is completely unaware of it. He finds himself in a vicious cycle where he sees a zombie, screams, more zombies appear, screams more, etc.

❀ He is ruled by his fear, trying his hardest not to be scared, but is in dire need of a hug. He needs the other members to comfort him and take the initiative because he is too scared to really do anything. He will definitely get someone else to go first; what do you mean you want him to go into that dark alleyway???

❀ He would not be able to respond well to finding himself cornered by zombies. Rather than fighting back or trying to come up with a plan, DK would most definitely just scream at them to get back and freeze.

Mingyu 1/10

❀ Technically, Mingyu should be able to survive. He is an excellent cook and can whip up any dish as long as you give him some ingredients. Also, as we have all seen, this man is mostly muscle. He should be able to hold his own in a physical fight.

❀ Not to mention that Mingyu is ridiculously smart. He can come up with a decent plan and have it work out.

❀ But his downfall is, well, literally, him falling down. He is clumsy; he will either accidentally drop something that is important to their survival and break it, or run into a tree as he is trying to make his escape.

❀ He is also not the best when it comes to the scary stuff (though I feel like he did pretty well in GoSe Ego). What do you mean he has to jump down from that ledge in order to escape the zombies? No thank you. Go into that abandoned supermarket, potentially running into zombies because he has run out of food? He would rather starve.

❀ They kind of need to keep him alive to keep Seungkwan from murdering half of the group.

The8/Minghao: 10000/10

❀ He is not scared of the zombies, the zombies are scared of him. They have interrupted his meditation sessions and are now regretting awakening his anger issues. He hasn’t been chill since the apocalypse started, and is now on a path of vengeance against those who disrupted his meditation.

❀ I know that Vicious Mockery is a D&D spell and, you know, magic, but he would be the one to make it a reality. He is able to emotionally damage the zombies, giving him the ability to attack from afar. As an added bonus, they would become more and more reluctant to get close, afraid to get roasted.

❀ Considering that he is great at martial art, Minghao can beat them up physically if they make the poor decision to get up in his personal space. So yeah, the zombies have learned to avoid him at all costs.

❀ The only thing that could potentially stop his destruction of zombies is the ethics and morals of beating them up. He might get into a debate with Vernon about whether their remaining humanity makes it unethical to hurt them, and ultimately decides that it is bad for his karma to continue his act of wrath.

Seungkwan: 5/10

❀ Initially, Seungkwan is so scared of them, he won’t get close enough to get killed. He is constantly nagging the zombies from a safe distance, warning them to stay away. All it does is make the zombies more determined to kill him. He keeps asking them to stop, but apparently, the tone he uses is important or something because they keep getting offended.

❀ Honestly, without Seungkwan’s constant nagging, half of the group would be acting on their insane and idiotic ideas. Then again, he would also be the one to ‘accidentally’ sacrifice some of the members when they inevitably get on his nerves.

❀ He would be ready to throw hands if you get him mad enough, forgetting he was scared in the first place. However, where Minghao’s anger issues result in a skilled display of violence, Seungkwan is ready to attack without much thought, considering the consequences later, hence disregarding his own safety in a fight.

❀ Regardless, Seungkwan will go out in a fire of rage, taking an absurd amount of zombies with him as he goes. It is glorious and cinema worthy.

Vernon: ?/10

❀ He is a npc so he can’t die. That is definitely how that works. Vernon is simply a part of the environment, don’t mind him. The zombies don’t recognize him as someone they can eat because they somehow believe him to be a non-interactable object straight out of a game.

❀ That being said, similarly to Jun, he hasn’t been particularly blessed with amazing motoric skills. I don’t think I have ever seen Vernon properly run, I feel like rather than running he would try to out-speed walk the zombies. Do not expect him to fight, he will try the bare minimum, and even that is too much to ask.

❀ Then again, he has consumed so many films and tv shows that he does have a massive mental archive of everything that has been produced about zombies from which he can draw whenever he finds himself in a pickle. Is fiction reality? No. Is it useful regardless? Yes.

❀ Considering he is Seventeen’s other favourite child, they will try their best to keep him alive. He has them all wrapped around his finger. One little whine and they will bend over backwards to help him with whatever he needs/wants.

Dino/Chan: -1000000000/10

❀ He is trying his best. If it wasn’t for the others, he would have a decent chance at making it out alive. He is fit, motivated and confident about his own capabilities without being overconfident. On his own, he would be determined to see the apocalypse through.

❀ Pair him up with Wonwoo and nothing can get him killed. Wonwoo will keep his Dino alive even if it costs him his own life.  

❀ That being said, the members would get him 1000% killed. They won’t let him breathe for a second and he has to constantly watch his back. They love him, sure, but they also think his shrieks of panic as they ‘accidentally’ lock him in a room with a zombie are hilarious.

❀ Against all of them, he truly doesn’t stand a chance. They don’t really want to get him killed but they make staying alive arguably much more difficult for him than it needs to be.

❀ At this point, he might simply give up and switch teams. He can get revenge on them by turning into a zombie, finally having the last laugh as he munches on their brains.

masterlist

[reidmania]

KISS IT BETTER !

miguel o’hara

PLEASE READ AN, ITS VERY IMPORTANT TO THIS STORY

summary: reader has never been good at talking about emotions, always dealing with the guilt and feeling as if a burden so it often leads to pushing people away… but miguel wants to know.

warnings: mentions of mental health, mentions of depression and depressive episodes, pushing away, self sabotage etc

I HATE the end of this, it was so rushed im so sorry

an/ i want to start a series where i write different characters comforting readers or characters with certain mental illnesses because i know a lot of people don’t get that sort of comfort and recognition and i know theres a lot that isn’t talked about and i really want to bring awareness to it. this touches on a few topics but im happy to write individual works, and they can be about any character.

this

PLEASE if there is anything you want to see written about in this series send me a message and tell me whatever it is, and any certain details you want included. it would be so so deeply appreciated.

the kiss was soft, so soft you wouldn’t have felt it if you weren’t already half awake, despite your eyes being closed. you knew it was miguel, leaving for work.

you could feel the way he lingered in the door way after whispering that he loved you. you could almost sense the worry in his posture, not even having to look at him.

you stay still, eyes closed. it was early, you had no reason to be awake, yet you were. you waited until you heard the front door close to open your eyes and stir in your position on the bed.

you missed miguel, you were asleep when he got home, from late hours, and you were asleep when he left in the morning. you no longer visited him at the HQ like you use to, purely just not having the energy to even leave the bed most days.

it seemed as if every moment, that should shine in golden colours, had been replaced by grey. the days blended together, you couldn’t remember what day it was or what time it was.

you held it well though, the house was always cleaned by the time miguel got home, his food was ready in the fridge, for when he got home. he had no idea about the constant overwhelming fear of day to day life.

you wanted to tell him, but he was dealing with so much as it was, and the last thing you wanted to do was put more pressure on him then necessary. you grew up in a house hold where talking and showing your feelings was seen as weak, and it had just stuck with you.

it wasn’t that you didn’t trust miguel, you did, more then anything. but you didn’t think it was important, of course you had gone through things like this before, you could get through it.

the day went on, eventually you got out of bed, showering, no matter how shit you felt, you’d shower, if it was just you there, you probably wouldn’t but there was that fear that if miguel saw how bad you were effected by this, he would leave.

the house didn’t need to be cleaned, miguel had cleaned his dish when he finished eating. it was late noon, miguel wouldn’t be home till later, but you preferred ered to cook earlier so you could go back to bed and wallow in self deprecation.

halfway through cooking, just basic spaghetti bolognaise, you heard keys, the front door. you furrow your eyebrows, wondering who it could be since miguel wasn’t supposed to be home till later.

until you heard his voice.

“amor, i got off early” he yelled out, you squeeze your eyes shut, as he yells out your name, eventually finding you in the kitchen, body turned to face the stove where you were making the meat.

“baby- it’s early. why are you cooking so early” he asked, walking up to stand next to you. you just shrug, not saying anything. your mind now linking with your stomach, a bubble of anxiety filling it.

“hey- talk to me” miguel said, grabbing your wrist to stop you from mixing, which was just an excuse to avoid the conversation- he knew you.

“wanted to get it done so i could finish cleaning” you mutter, miguel looks around at the already spotless house. “baby- its clean already”

you just shrug, still not looking at him. he turns the stove off. “miguel” you sigh. you were burnt out, completely burnt out, tired of everything lately, waking up, everything being so repetitive.

“talk to me” he says, his tone wasn’t quite begging yet, but wasn’t demanding either. “what am i meant to talk to you about” you run a hand through your hair as you walk away from the stove, leaning against the counter.

“whats going on with you” he says, tilting his head softly, you squint your eyes. “nothing, miguel” you say.

“obviously it’s something, its like i haven’t see you awake in days, you don’t come to the hq, the house has been spotless lately, which is a massive indication of something being up since you only clean when you’re stressed, just talk to me”

you feel anger, but you aren’t angry, youre so insanely tired and drained that everything is just pissing you off. “can you just drop it, oh my gosh” you say, leaning off of the counter to walk away, miguel only follows.

“i just want to help you, baby.”

you audibly groan. “god!! miguel you’re a superhero, you help people who are being attacked or are in danger!”

“i think you are in danger” he says softly. you scoff, miguel doesn’t take it to heart. he knows something is up, and he knows its bad. you aren’t one to yell or get angry like this.

you cant really explain how your feeling besides wanting to smash your head into a brick wall.

“miguel, can you just leave it alone!”

you walk away this time, miguel doesn’t follow. he runs a hand through his hair, beating himself up on the way he approached the situation.

you sigh as you walk into the bathroom, locking the door behind you, you slide down against it, pulling your knees to your chest, guilt eating you alive at how you reacted.

you hated how your hurt always came out in anger, it was like you had no control over it. this is why you just deal with it alone.

you don’t realise you’re crying until you open your mouth to take a shakey breath, the taste of salt filling your mouth from your tears. you know miguel deserves an explanation, he deserves better.

you want to be better, but you have never been close to anybody like you are with miguel.

its insanely scary, the fear he will leave if he finds out how truely fucked you are.

you didn’t know how to cope with having people close to you, and having people who genuinely care, it had always been a challenge to open to.

you run your hands over your face as you hear a soft knock on the door, “princessa.” miguel says softly, probably the softest you’ve ever heard him talk.

you stay silent on the other side. “you don’t have to talk to me about it, and im sorry i pushed, i just care” miguel said, you could tell he had his head against the door, because of how close his voice was.

“just come out” he says softly. you pause for a moment as you hear the slight crack in his voice, you were shocked that he hadn’t already left, your outburst was embarrassing and you shouldn’t have taken it out on him like that.

you shuffle, miguel hears it, then he hears the click of the lock, he steps back as you open the door.

“im sorry”

“im sorry”

you smile softly as you and miguel talk at the same time, “i am sorry, i shouldn’t take my feelings out on you.” you say softly.

he shakes his head, opening his arms, you shuffle towards him, letting his arms wrap around you tightly. “just want to make sure you’re okay, baby”

you frown, “im sorry-“

“i know baby, ive noticed” he cuts you off, he could sense you didn’t want to talk about everything that was going on, but he wanted you to know he was there.

“im going to have tomorrow off, an us day. lets lay in bed and cuddle all day, do whatever you need to do,” he says.

you look up at him.

“thank you”

“course, cuddles and kisses can almost fix anything” miguel says softly, kissing your forehead.

“not dead, kisses wont fix dead” you say, smiling up at him from his arms.

“yeah, but you aren’t dead, so i can kiss you till youre all better”

[marvel-starwarsfangirl]

Of course I cried (a TBB S1 Retrospective and cry fest)

I finished S1 and it honestly is still stands really strong. While I love the other seasons more (for quite obvious reasons), S1 still has really standout moments and episodes such as the finale. Crosshair might be in is bad boy era, but he's still incredibly compelling.

What hurts to me most about S1 is this image above. This is the last time CF99 is all together. Ever. Obviously, we didn't know that and neither did our boys and Omega. Even if the Batch knew in-universe there was a chance that they would never see each other again, I think deep down they hoped they would reunite. I know Omega had hope that Crosshair would somehow find his way home.

What makes S1 (and the whole show in retrospect) even more tragic is that we will never see the BB whole ever again. It makes Tech's death hurt that much more because he and Crosshair never made proper amends. The last thing he hears Crosshair talk about is how everyone else is foolish for not joining the Empire and making his choice to stay. One of the last memories Crosshair really has of his brother is him pointing his blaster at him. After that, it's a one way ticket to suffering for Crosshair.

I know it's just a show, but images like the one above make me wish we had more time with the Batch before they were so cruelly torn apart from each other and it only enhances the tragedy they go through. The series finale, no matter how sunshiney it looks, is still bittersweet. The Batch finally get their freedom but at a great cost. Tech doesn't make it. Crosshair is still deeply hurting. It's a harsh reality that breaks my heart. In Rebels, we had 3 seasons of the Ghost crew together before we lost both Kanan and (temporarily) Ezra. The BB don't even get a single season all together. I would've loved to see them all with each other at least one more time without all the conflict.

But looking at S1 as a whole in general, I still really enjoy it. I love episodes like "Common Ground" or "War-Mantle" because we see how monstrous the Empire really is right out of the gate. Rampart, as goofy as that scream made him look, is a very crafty and entertaining villain who you just want to punch in the face. Crosshair himself is a fantastic villain who's both ruthless and tragic. While he doesn't hold back, the clear attachment he still has to his brothers in the back half of the season make the finale that much more emotional.

And while you can argue there is a lot of "filler," a rewatch proves that each episode happens for a reason. Why did the Batch have to capture a baby Rancor? So they could get info on Fennec. How come they stuck around to help Cid? Because she gave them money and work. I'm not saying that it's the most entertaining content we've seen, but there is a clear purpose for why those episodes happen.

I would've loved to see more Crosshair (for obvious reasons), but I do think the first season does balance out the story arcs well and when we do see him, he is always great. Thanks to the great music and acting from DBB, I do think the first season makes it clear that while Crosshair isn't leaving the Empire, he's not the same man he was pre-Bracca. The chip's influence isn't there (or at the very least severely diminished based on how you interpret Cross' reveal) and he does want them back but only on his terms.

As for the others, I definitely understand Hunter a bit more. He wants to help Crosshair, but he really doesn't know how nor does he want to endanger the others. I wish the group had a least one conversation about it though. For a group that feels like they should be very tight knit, it still feels like they brush Cross' departure off quite quickly. It's kinda like the Tech scenario in S3 where you know they're thinking about it, but nobody says anything. And that's frustrating because you know the Batch have a lot on their mind, especially Crosshair. And ironically, the quietist of the Batch is the most vocal about his feelings. Crosshair is so expressive and it's one of my favorite things about it.

Omega is such a cute munchkin. I adore her with every fiber of my being. She takes everything with stride and I love how S1 establishes many skills (like the hustling) that will later come into play in S2 or S3. And the show isn't afraid to show her learning process. Omega makes many mistakes, but she learns quickly and tries again. She loves her brothers so much.

Overall, S1 is still very strong and much more tragic in retrospect. I guess in someways, it reminds us how unfair life can be sometimes and that's why we gotta cherish each moment. Tech might no longer be with us, but he lives on through each of his brothers and Omega. Cross might never see him again, but as he tries to be better, Tech is no doubt smiling down from Clone Heaven.

Anyways, onto S2 (and more sadness). TBB lowkey is the most tragic of the SW animated shows not counting the Siege of Mandalore arc in CW. Every season, something awful happens to tear our little clone family apart. That's why the ending on Pabu, no matter the quality of writing, meant so much to me.

[lightwise]

Okay, okay. I have thoughts (and feelings) on this latest episode of The Acolyte. (And no, this is not another post on Manny Jacinto’s arms…even though 👀😮‍💨🥵).

This is the first episode since the first one that I can unequivocally (except for one aspect) say that I really liked. Where has this level of dialogue and character insight been the entire show!?

Manny continues to take the starring role in the show as The Stranger. I’m seriously in awe of how compelling his performance is, how effortless he’s making it feel between all the switches of his personality—hungover, drifting bum, to terrifying dark side user with chilling morals, to a calm, quiet, perfectly in control man who knows who he is and what he wants, what he’s capable of, and what the emotions of those around him are.

He and Sol have switched places this episode just as much as Osha and Mae have. Sol is unsettled, anxious, lost in tortuous thoughts of the past. So much so that he doesn’t recognize that Mae has boarded the ship with him instead of Osha for (an agonizingly) long time. He starts to feel more like a villain when he finally figures out that Mae has tricked him, binds her, and then hovers over her menacingly after she wakes up. He’s becoming unhinged and going rogue, even making sure that they leave the planet and that Vernestra cannot track him because he wants to go retrieve Osha alone. Why? What is he hiding??

I’ll go ahead and do my quick gripe with the episode here. I like Amandla’s performance as Osha. I really can’t get into her performance for Mae. Osha feels transparent in her mental state and desires and motivations throughout the show. Mae is very difficult to get a read on, and I don’t mean that that is a bad thing when it comes to storytelling. I mean that it’s not working here. She’s gone back and forth like ten times in the last two episodes alone, wanting to compete her mission, then wanting to abandon it and turn herself into the Jedi so she can be with Osha, then fighting Jecki, then running from Qimir, then seemingly picking up the mission again so she can kill Sol, then not, then reprogramming her sister’s droid in a very callous manner, then somehow knowing enough about ships that she can work with the power systems (which is her sister’s area of expertise, not hers)….it just doesn’t work for me.

I also think that Sol took too long to recognize her. I’ll give him the getting onto the ship and trying to get a message out bc his emotions are a wreck. But he should have noticed after that. I also think Basil is completely unnecessary as a character. Sorry.

Anyway, back to Osha and Qimir. It’s a classic dark side seduction unfolding (I cracked up at the “if you’re not going to join me”), but Manny is oh so convincing about it. We know as the audience that everything he tells Osha is a half truth. It’s interesting to see how both the Jedi and the Sith in this show are kind of dealing with a half truth in how they are using the Force and teaching others. But it’s still very convincing, because he’s really not fueling it with overly grand promises or even his own ulterior motives, though he does have them. He’s simply telling Osha what his version of the truth is. What his experiences have been. And how he thinks they overlap with hers.

The dialogue is wonderful. A great example of how monologuing to give us info we don’t already have can actually work sometimes (looking at you, Ahsoka show). The line “why do you love people who can only go so far” was a standout for me. Again, not the accurate truth, but definitely a “from a certain point of view”. Sol also reiterates that Osha’s main characteristic has been love. So what is going to make her turn away from that? Anger? Feeling abandoned? Feeling guilty? Pinning an objectively hot Sith to a wall with his own lightsaber? SORRY. Sorry. 🤣🤣🤣. Really loved the “when you lose everything, that’s when you’re finally free” too, as well as “it’s just you and the Force. And what you bring with you.”

The fact that Qimir was a Jedi and might be much older than we expect is very interesting. I know very little about the Sith timeline from Legends, other than seeing names float about (Revan, Tenebrous, Plageous, etc). I’m interested to see which named Sith they might slot Qimir in with, or if they’re going to keep him completely separate from the main Sith line. He definitely does want to be a part of it though, given his “power of two” comment. A discarded apprentice who seeks his own apprentice to gain power, not unlike one fandom favorite Maul, perhaps?

I also liked Vernestra in this episode. I got a little better read on her character in a short time and loved seeing her speed in the Force using her light whip. It’s fascinating seeing her padawan be just as uptight and questioning as Jecki and Yord were…almost like this whole generation of padawans will grow up to be the masters who train the masters we see in TPM. What I would still like to understand better is why there seems to be such a split between the generations here. What outside or internal factors are influencing this? All they’ve shown is still is wanting to keep the senate and the council on good terms, but we don’t know why.

(Side note: Her Universe or someone definitely needs to make the open shoulder sweatshirt Osha was wearing.)

If the whole show had been like this I would appreciate it a lot. As is I think I’ll enjoy where they’re taking us but not necessarily how we got there. Hopefully the last two episodes will keep up the momentum.

[all-pacas]

I really like your takes on Chase's dad - he seems like an ordinarily bad parent who probably has his own complicated feelings and bagage,whereas fanon!Rowan Chase is over-the-top abusive and a monster. Besides,your take on him is more canon compliant,and that makes it a win-win scenario.

Haha, yeah, it's kind of a pet peeve of mine that the only way to be a bad parent is to be an over-the-top monster. We know in canon Rowan was neglectful; that's enough to fuck up a kid, especially since Chase also had to deal with a ton of parentification and abuse from his mother — something fandom doesn't touch on, weirdly.

It's true the "would lock me in the study" thing was only in S8 (and I get the impression fandom mostly focuses on the first half of the series), but even using S1/2 information we know she was an alcoholic, died of DTs, and Chase felt (correctly or not) responsible for her care. (And then throw in his S8 retcon sister!) That's enough to fuck up a kid, not everything has to be Assault And Hitting And Worse.

Plus honestly, it… kind of seems more fucked up to me if Rowan did care. Look at his reaction in Cursed. He walks in the room. He smiles to see Chase. Greets him as Doctor Chase. End of the episode, he smiles when they hug. He seems to want to hang out, he disagrees with Chase during the case but not in any sort of aggressive way — Cameron seems downright confused by Chase's animosity, and she's not an idiot; House also can't figure it out. Chase's animosity seems weird to everyone. On the surface, there really isn't much to indicate Rowan is a shitty dad.

Rowan seems like he is genuinely proud of his son. He financed Chase for years, including two inter-continental (inter-hemisphere) moves. He seems like a good father.

And he isn't. Don't get me wrong. The fact that he told Chase "it wasn't your job to take care of [your mother]" but left his teenage son to do so anyway? And apparently his toddler daughter? The fact that he apparently fucked off for years at a time, that for all his 'support' and 'love' and genuine pride, he had no interest in being a father or having a relationship with Chase? Didn't tell him he was dying, let him take care of his family, and cut him out of his will/trust fund/whatever Chase had been living on? I don't even think it was malice, I think Rowan just didn't think about these things, didn't care. He had this nice son he was proud of, who didn't exist as a person with needs of his own. A nice son to mold into a doctor, who was so altruistic that he took care of his dying mother of his own free will (never mind that Chase was a teenager and that's not how any of that works). A nice boy in a successful fellowship, he's doing well, Rowan is glad he got to visit that last time, why should he mention he's dying? The boy would only get emotional. What a pain in the ass. Better to leave it on a good note, and never think about it again.

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

so how would you have this play out. say buck and tommy start experimenting halfway into this season and then eddie gets wind of it gets pissed and shit goes down and by seasons end tommy leaves, buck is going to be comfortable with the idea of being with men, tommy probably gives buck a hint about eddie and well marisol and eddie probably break up as well cause homegirl is gonna be like you're more interested in your best friend dating a man then me, tell my why that is? oh it's so juicy.

I've said this before but I don't know if I've ever said it publicly: I am betting on a Bones season six situation.

For those of you who don't know, in the television show Bones, at the end of season five one half of the slow burn, Booth, confessed his love to Brennan, the other half, and she turned him down. She was terrified that their relationship wouldn't work out and she'd lose him. Booth, brokenhearted, quit the team and got himself a new girlfriend (Katheryn Winnick, hhhnnngghhh).

In season six, Brennan breaks down and confesses to Booth she does love him and wants a relationship with him, and begs him to tell her it's not too late. Booth is hurt, and tells her that his current girlfriend is "not a consolation prize" and he's not going to break up with her to get with Brennan - he cares about her and is going to stay with her.

He and the girlfriend then break up because they want different things in life, and Booth is able to go to Brennan and be with her (after a period of adjustment).

I'm deeply inclined to think that we'll get something along those lines. We all saw how hurt Eddie looked when Buck said "she sees me" in that graveyard scene. I think that Buck is going to realize his feelings and confess to Eddie and Eddie is going to fight him, hurt and upset, telling him that he waited for ages for Buck to realize Eddie was right there, and Buck just went off with another woman. Again. And Marisol isn't someone Eddie's going to just dump the second Buck gives him a chance, he's not going to do that to her.

We'll have angst and pain and Buddie separation, Eddie and Marisol will break up, and Buck and Eddie will get together in the season finale.

(Which, for the record, I'm betting the Madney wedding is the finale. Just saying.)

I would not be surprised if they pushed Buck and Eddie getting together until the next season and instead focused on the angst to be evil and give us an emotional cliffhanger. Especially with only a ten-episode season. But I'm currently betting on them getting together in the finale.

That's my line of thinking! And if we could get Tommy asking Chim how long Buck and Eddie have been into each other while Chim astral projects his way through the last six years and bluescreens, that would be the icing on the cake.

[i-guess-im-into-this-now]

Agatha All Along and "the witch" as an allegory for women's power

I will eventually get around to reviewing each episode of this series, but before I do I felt there was a lot to say about why I think this show is important.

Essay below the cut!

Disclosure: Yes, I'm back on my bullshit again, talking about things I only half understand, as if my opinion matters (doesn't stop me). For anyone new to my particular brand of bs, I am indeed just some rando on the internet, and you should not place too much stock in my unfounded, undereducated opinions.

Content Warning: I'm going to be talking about rape, misogyny, femicide, and politics

Super fun topics! What do they have to do with a silly Marvel show?!

Let's find out!

Agatha All Along is the latest in a long history of shows about witches and witchcraft. Much of what it presents is a culmination of fictional witch lore, stereotypes, and fun tropes. Witches have long been used as metaphor for women’s power. One can look back at witches in media and see how “the witch” has evolved over the decades, and how it has been influenced by changes in culture.

Samantha from Bewitches is one such example. She’s a housewife, a mother, and a really fucking powerful witch. A lot of the tension of the show is based around her trying to manage her identity as a traditional housewife, that is often at odds with her other identity as a witch; an identity in which she is powerful, independent, and well respected in her witch community. Her husband often finds this threatening, and they have to find a way to manage his emotions about it. It’s a discourse on the women’s movement of the 1960’s and 70’s told through sitcom.

Decades later you see a different kind of witch on television, in the wake of third-wave feminism in the manner of the Halliwell sisters on “Charmed.” These women, like Samantha, are independent, powerful, and respected, but also unmarried, sex-positive, engage in physical violence, and champion various women's issues through it’s run. There are legitimate critiques that can be made about Charmed, but in essence it’s a reflection of the times when when “girl-power” was the message.

I could get really lost in the weeds here and go on to talk about all my other favorite witches on TV, but at some point we have to talk about Agatha! If she is a reflection of current culture then what does she say about us? I suspect I won’t have a full answer on this until the end of the series.

Going into the series, we know a few things from her past Marvel appearances. Agatha was nearly killed by her coven for seeking power, but in turn she killed them. She was both intrigued by and covetous of another Marvel witch, Wanda. She was defeated by Wanda, lost her power, and was cursed to live an illusionary life. Once woken up from this nightmare, she seeks to regain the her lost power, through methods both fair and foul.

So here we see a witch that feels betrayed, has had her power taken from her and is fighting to get it back.

Gee, however could that be a reflection of our own reality?

Being an American show, the most obvious comparison would be the loss of federal abortion rights in the United States. But it’s more than that, and it’s wider that a single issue in a single country. Sensational international headlines from this year show a glimpse of the issues:

France: Gisèle Pélicot is drugged by her husband and raped by dozens of men India: A female doctor is brutally raped and murdered leaving work South Korea: Explicit deepfake videos targeting women are being created and shared by hundreds of thousands of men, including family members, friends, and acquaintances.

These are just a few headlines from the last 3 months!

I could go on, and on, and on, these stories are disturbingly endless, and ubiquitous. The reality is that woman are threatened everywhere. The threats range from misogynistic comments like “Kamala slept her way to the top,” to legislative or judicial actions that restrict women’s rights, to assaults on women’s bodies and lives.

Is it any wonder that women feel angry? Tired? A bit unhinged?

Enter Agatha.

Now, I’m not going to try to convince anyone that Agatha is a paragon of virtue, because she isn’t. She’s deeply flawed. I haven’t finished the series yet, so I can’t say if she will have a redemption arc or not. But her ethics aren’t really the point I’m trying to make. Her emotions are. This character represents the anger, repression, and desperation of women in 2024.

Each of the incidents that preceded the headlines listed above was followed by massive protests and outcries from women. We see other examples of women speaking out and protesting oppression. A female student in Iran stripped down to her underwear to protest abusive enforcement of Iran’s strict Islamic dress code, E. Jean Carroll continues to hold her abuser responsible with a documentary about her testimony in her landmark legal case (featuring Kathryn Hahn!!), and Stevie Nicks implores us not to let them take your power singing “The Lighthouse” on SNL.

Extreme content warning for the E. Jean Carrol video: explicit descriptions of rape

There are still many inequalities to even up, but women continue to push past barriers, and break glass ceilings. Mexico just elected their first female president, and the U.S. may do so too. As women continue to break down barriers and challenge patriarchal control, women can expect backlash, and retaliation, but if Agatha is an indication, women aren’t going to make it easy, and they aren’t going to give up.

Stevie Nicks "The Lighthouse" I have my scars, you have yours Don't let them take your power Don't leave it alone in the final hours They'll take your soul, they'll take your power Unless you save it and that's that Unless you stand up and take it back Try to see the future and get mad It's slippin' through your fingers, you don't have what you had You don't have much time You gotta get in the game You gotta learn how to play You gotta make a change You gotta do it today In the midnight hour, they'll slam the door Make you forget what you were fighting for Put you back in your place, they'll shut you down You better learn how to fight, you better say it out loud

[nanomooselet]

Episode Ten: Humanity

Toot toot! Emotional pain train leaving the station. No stops between here and the season finale.

I left off Meryl's kidnapping last ep because it feels more appropriate to discuss it here, because here's where we learn it wasn't actually part of the plan. Knives didn't order Zazie to abduct Meryl so she could be used as bait for Vash - Vash was already on his way. He's fully committed to confronting Knives over the Plants even though he'd really rather not. I don't blame him. I, too, would rather be anywhere but on the same planet as his brother, and I'm not the one who lost a limb to the fucker.

(...Sorry, Vash. I'm glad somebody loves him, but your brother is an asshole.)

Zazie is not loyal to Knives. Perhaps, confident in his superiority, Knives assumed that he could rely on a non-human collective entity, but Zazie isn't here to work for him. Zazie's just here for a good time! And incidentally to decide who to entrust with the fate of the world in whatever struggle ensues. Having already gone on at length about Zazie, I'll go with another thought: why did the weird bug do this, and why Meryl?

My initial, biased reaction would be not to trust Knives as far as I could throw the combined mass of the entire universe - regardless of what points he makes or doesn't make, he's not open to compromise with anyone. With Knives, you do it his way, you're forced to submit to his way, or it's a million knives for you. But I'm not Zazie.

Knives would probably be pretty appealing to open an alliance with purely on the strength that unlike humans, he doesn't eat - so he's not out there hunting and eating Worms. And if what he said about Earth is the truth, there's every chance we won't learn, using up No Man's Land as well. I won't defend us as a species on those grounds: yes, we're prone to forming power structures where a few on top benefit by hollowing out the rest. With our short lives experience is lost upon death, so it takes us time to learn or change.

Nevertheless there's one line Zazie has that ended any inclination I had towards thinking Knives is just morally outraged about the use of Plants in general: Meryl asks if the collection of red Plants is going to be used in a Last Run, and Zazie says something like, "It's better than letting them go to waste." If there's some way to read that which isn't "Knives will initiate the Last Run as long as the resultant energy surge benefits him and not humans," I can't find it. So my feeling is that Zazie is starting to detect the contradictions and logical errors in Knives's arguments, and noticing that despite his noble declarations he's not really interested in defending the rest of the universe. Knives really only cares about one thing.

So, says Zazie to Meryl, what do you think? Is Knives right? Will you chew up all the Plants, and our planet, and find another world to consume? Would we better off if you all came to an end right here?

So why Meryl? Why not one of the others? It can't be Vash; apart from the fact that he's not human, there's another reason (more on that for the finale). Wolfwood is too enmeshed in the Eye of Michael's bullshit to be trusted as an unbiased source and doesn't really like Zazie either. Same's true for any of the other individuals working for Knives. Roberto might work, but he's got a pretty rigid mindset - demonstrated by the fact that he fires on Zazie, taking them to be hostile. The people of Home are too secluded. Anyone else isn't in the position of having recently witnessed the contrast between life in the cities and on the edges of what passes for civilisation

Meryl, however, also has one thing arguably no other character on this show but Knives has.

Agency.

(With a couple of exceptions. Again, for the finale.)

Sounds odd, doesn't it? She's so tiny. She's not armed. No superpowers. Half the time she has to be hauled out of danger before she gets her dumb ass killed. She's ignorant of the world, naïve, even a little bit of a priss. All in all pretty silly. But she still has agency, because agency isn't just the capacity to commit violence or to be taken seriously; it's the ability to take action. It's the power to choose your course. Meryl was initially just pursuing the story for Bernadelli News, but every single one of the choices she made took her further away from that course. She was the one who chose to let Vash down when he was hanging in the desert, then because she was thirsty he led her to the diner. She misdirected the July police while she was at it, then lassoed Vash herself - laying a claim. At the diner she noticed the water was cloudy, so Rosa asked Vash to fix the water Plant. Then her outrage at (but fear of) the July police spurred Roberto into convincing them to duel. It was Meryl who wanted so badly to help Vash that Rosa gave her the bullet. Meryl came up with the plan to take down E.G. It was Meryl who tried and failed to help Tonis as Jeneora Rock fell. It's Meryl who drives the car, Meryl who damn near flattens Wolfwood, Meryl who nearly runs into the Worm that Monev killed and drew them to Rollo's village. Roberto keeps trying to convince her to just leave, to be safe, but over and over and over, Meryl is the one who demands that they stay.

And having observed them from the very start, Zazie has taken notice. And Zazie is intrigued. So Meryl's the one who gets to know the truth.

Unfortunately that means also learning truths you'd rather not learn, such as what this piece of shit's been up to.

I don't have much to say about Dr. Conrad, except that while I'm actually a little sceptical over whether he participated in [redacted], if your plan has, as step one, "Abduct poor and disabled children because otherwise they'll live purposeless lives," find a better plan.

And here's the other thing about having agency.

It means the consequences are yours to bear.

What's great about Roberto, though, is that despite being blatantly doomed to die from the moment he stepped into the show, he still had a character arc. He went from grumbling over Meryl's principles to making his own moral stand (which I just typed as Meryl stand, appropriately enough) by cutting right through Conrad's delusions and telling him exactly what he really is. At the heart of this evil, Roberto de Niro had no interest in excuses or garbage about the big picture. Conrad kidnapped and tortured children. He doesn't get to claim the moral high ground.

And with that, Roberto bows out with astonishing grace: absolving Meryl for his death, telling her this wasn't her fault and joking to the last. And along with her signature derringer, as Wolfwood guides Vash to the point of no return (still trying to justify himself, but also to push Vash to make the choice Wolfwood knows Vash would never make with his brother) Roberto gives Meryl one final gift. She still has a choice. She can run, if she wants. But she won't.

Also, Knives is still a fucking drama queen, if we needed the reminder.

[gay-disabled-characters-showdown]

LGBTQ+ Disabled Characters Showdown Round 1, Wave 5, Poll 15

A character being totally canon LGBTQ+ and disabled was not required to be in this competition. Please check qualifications and propaganda before asking why a character is included.

Check out the other polls in this wave and prior here.

Seven of Nine-Star Trek Voyager and Picard

Qualifications:

She is an ex-borg, and as such needs mechanical prosthetics to function and has PTSD from assimilation. She is canonically gay, and has dated several women in Star Trek Picard.

Propaganda:

She's a space ranger who is a lesbian!! What more could you want?

Submitted by @convenient-plot-device

Kuruto Ryuki-AI: The Somnium Files- Nirvana Initiative

Qualifications:

LGBTQ+: He is canonically bisexual (his romantic feelings for another male character are an important part of the plot, and he has a physical relationship with a different character who’s a woman). Disability: He experiences psychotic episodes as well as/possibly caused by PTSD. While I wouldn’t call it perfect rep, the game treats this with surprising empathy—the other characters are only ever gently concerned about him, which ultimately helps him into a place where he can start managing his symptoms. It’s possibly the only video game I’ve ever seen where a character discusses doing inpatient psychiatric care as a serious option that might save his life, not as a threat or a horror level.

CANONICALLY MLM!! Probably bi but they're very vague about whether he likes women. He definitely has a crush on his cringefail male mentor tho <3 And he canonically has hallucinations and dissociative episodes! Also he's missing an eye and uses a prosthetic eye instead, which feels less notable considering the same can be said for at least 3 other main characters in the games, but he's still disabled!!! I'd also argue he's heavily implied to have PTSD considering a lot of his issues come from trauma.

He is clearly Bisexual, based on both his unrequited love for "Mr. Date" (Kaname Date, who I have also submitted), and his attraction to multiple female characters, including the very difficult to categorize relationship he has with the female sentient A.I. "Tama" that is implanted in his Prosthetic left eyeball (referred to in-universe as an "AI-Ball"). Also, quoting directly from the personality section of his article on the wiki (Spoilers ahead for the game AI: THE SOMNIUM FILES - nirvanA Initiative): "Another of Ryuki's defining traits is his difficulties with mental health. Although generally calm and collected, he is shown to suffer some form of survivor's guilt and PTSD; although he tries to channel his grief into determination for his investigative work, he generally does not handle emotional stress well, and is prone to bouts of depression, obsession, deep self doubt, and self-blame. His struggles initially stemmed from the traumatic loss of his twin brother in a traffic accident in pursuit of a criminal, and his dislike of stopped clocks, and his hatred of criminals originates from the same event. Additionally, as his symptoms appear to worsen as a result of more traumatic events that occurred during the events of the original Half Body Killing investigations (specifically his feelings of guilt over the apparent death of Date and his exposure to [an extremely potent and long-lasting fictional psychoactive drug that was going to be used in a doomsday cult's terrorist plot]), he becomes prone to dissociation, memory lapses, hallucinations, derealization, and even mania. He also appears to be strangely susceptible to the videos tied to the HB-Case (though this was the case even before his exposure to [the fictional psychoactive drug]), as they seem to trigger his dissociative episodes and hallucinations that leave him questioning his sense of reality. All this, in combination with his struggle to accept forgiveness from other people, lead him to spiral easily, and give him the appearance of being self-destructive and even dangerous. However, deep down he is merely a vulnerable person who deeply struggles with guilt and self-worth, and seeks atonement for his mistakes, but doesn't believe he is deserving of it. With the support of others, he is ultimately able to find the will to pull himself out his depression and start to recover."

Propaganda:

(Qualifying answer is also my propaganda!)

He's just... so skrunkly... He's a silly guy with so many problems and relies on the support AI inside his prosthetic eyeball :) He fell in love with a guy and then that guy went missing because of him and he blamed himself for 6 years while his mental health slipped (and it was ALREADY bad before that so... yeah, it really sucks). He's going through it constantly, but he's still funny and loveable and just trying his best ;-;

(In addition to the propaganda below, I highly recommend that the reasoning for his qualification be included in some capacity for propaganda) Ryuki grew up both rich and highly educated until his parents were killed in a plane crash. He was living with his younger brother until his death in 2014 when he was hit by a truck and half of his body was utterly crushed. The only thing Ryuki has left of his deceased parents is a white Rolls Royce Phantom limousine, which he uses as his primary means of transportation. Ryuki always sits in the back seat, with Tama using the car camera to steer the vehicle remotely. As Tama is an AI, the car is technically classified as "self-driving".

Mod Note: this man is known to me as orange man.