#why did nobody fucking listen
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Funny how it's a fight or flight response until you fight. Because when you fight you suddenly become a violent abuser and it stops being treated as a reaction. You become an unreliable bitch that lied about what happened and the one that tried to manipulate the situation in your favour.
#it happened to another person#and I'm feeling vendicated#but at what fucking cost#what's wrong with me#why did nobody fucking listen
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ED 14: Fire Exit Are you sure you still know where you're going?
#Elevator Hitch#Elevator Hitch Protag#Studio Investigrave#artists on tumblr#illustration#digital art#the creativity process#fan art#HEY GIRL THIS PIECE TOOK WAY TOO FUCKING LONG BECAUSE OF THE PERSPECTIVE WHY DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF#anyway. obsessed with this game now. the soundtrack popped up in my recs after listening to the DP and MIR#and then i went through all the endings on the wiki and then played the game. a timeline if you Will#nobody told me it was a time loop game!!!! and i didn't go looking so honestly thats on me!!!! but this is in my brain now. mine.#id in alt
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Undertale yellow flowey embroidery
This took about 40 hours, give or take a few
#I can tell you one thing#Embroidering while having arthritis is really not a piece of cake. When you hand cramps just by holding it at an angle.#At least I can be grateful for my empty schedule#Makes embroidering till the sun rises back up so much easier#Insomnia also helps with this task#I was listening to the ost while working on it and… Live reaction#Occupied turf is so good actually !? Why wasn’t it shown more often !? IT’S FIRE !?#I forgot I only did a pacifist so I got so confused when neutral Flowey came out…#A mother’s love ? Should’ve called this “I’m gonna fuck you up”#The number of time I got my ass handed back to me in this fight is not even funny#The first time is great. The second I only discern my favorites and the sudden change in style. By the third loop I can’t recognize shit#my brain is melting and my eyes are on fire…#Advantages on doing it during daytime. Eyes hurt less. Good stupid tv to listen to in the background Disadvantages. People#Advantages on doing it at night. Alone. Personally work better at night#Disadvantages. No good TV. Time goes by slower…? I don’t know maybe I’m just loosing it with those freaking petals#For reference one petal took me about 3 and a half hours. So yeah… I thought it would never end… Took out almost all my yellow.#When the line tangles itself in the back and you realize only close to the end of it that half went missing#So you have to go backward to entangle it and loose 30 mins because damn it#Cats are not helpful in any of those scenarios#Why do I feel the need to make the back perfect when nobody else but me will know#This is the last time I do one so big without thinking it through#Note to self. Don’t do it standing up when the cats are awake. She just destroyed my stomach#I think i’m losing it#Back after a few weeks#God this white thread is doing my head in… I’m willing to bet my leg half the time I spent on the face was me untangling it.#I’m almost done. It’s finally over. Dark brown took exactly 4 h and 13 mins#undertale#undertale yellow#embroidery#I’m thinking of doing Boris the wolf next. Because I just found the perfect rendition to put on my wall
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opening the group chat for the first time today and there's like 200 new messages because everyone's Going Through It today it seems but one of my friends dropped 'I'm separating from [terrible boyfriend she's been living with for like eight years] for real this time, I just moved a bunch of stuff to my parents' and I'm losing my mind because y'all the subject changed almost immediately HEY HI EVERYBODY ELSE SHUT THE FUCK UP I WANNA HEAR ABOUT THAT???
#'I moved my stuff and my dog' can't leave the pup behind! 'I had to last winter and it was a big reason I wound up going back' HELLO--#was he holding your fucking dog over your head. I will kill the man?????#I DIDN'T KNOW SHE'S TRIED TO LEAVE HIM BEFORE??#I'm-- so-- okay listen. admittedly I am of course simply nosy. of course I am.#but also I have never liked david Ever. justin and I were LITERALLY talking DAYS ago about Worrying About Her being stuck with him#because she moved TO CALIFORNIA with him and he was being a piece of shit then and she had NOBODY out there#and now they're in denver and like. it's his house it's his money etc etc it's a really... logistically difficult situation#but at least she's made some friends in denver and convinced her parents to move out there so she's not COMPLETELY unsupported#like she was in CA#my point is: I'm nosey but I'm also INVESTED. I fucking hate this guy darling I've wanted you to leave him this entire goddamn time#she's talked *a little* about problems with him before but also we've been around him before and he's just generally awful#and it's. like. I'm so so so fucking glad you're moving in with your parents but also. genuinely are you OKAY--#MAN AND ALSO. EVEN IF IT WASN'T 'I HATE THIS GUY AND I'M WORRIED ABOUT WHAT THE BREAKING POINT WAS--'#THIS IS A SERIOUS LONGTERM RELATIONSHIP? IT ENDING IS A BIG DEAL REGARDLESS?? WHY DID WE CHANGE THE SUBJECT SO FAST HELLO#.... actually I've identified the source of my Wanting More Details#which is: hey babe are you in a phase of this where hearing about how much he fucking sucks shit would be upsetting or affirming.#because I wanna tell you how fucking happy I am that you're leaving him. because he's a piece of shit and you deserve better than that.#ARE YOU IN AN EMOTIONAL SPACE TO HEAR ABOUT HOW I AM SCOOPING YOU INTO MY ARMS LIKE THE CAT SAMURAI MEME.#AND THREATENING THIS MAN WITH A SWORD. BECAUSE HE'S TERRIBLE. CAN I GET A VIBE CHECK THERE. SHOULD I WAIT--
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You’re telling me now that Francis Abernathy is not spelled EYbernEYthy but AHbernAHthy????
WHAT.
#the secret history#tsh donna tartt#tsh#francis abernathy#richard papen#charles macaulay#camilla macaulay#henry winter#bunny corcoran#dark acadamia aesthetic#misspelling#what the fuck#WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME I DIDN’T LISTEN TO THE AUDIOBOOK#im so stupid
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"mutants are poc analogy" "mutants are queer analogy" Listen, X-Men and as such mutants as a whole should really be disability representation, and I mean representation and not analougous to it they just occassionally also get to blast ice while having furniture not built for them, struggles with keeping their mind in the present, and constantly having people casually discuss sterilizing or euthanizing them and being considered either dangerous or simply incapable of understanding when they get mad about this. But nobody is ready for this conversation.
#Marvel#X-Men#But no as someone who is queer and also has untreated disabilities#Plays at saying being antimutant is metaphorically homophobic mostly just pisses me off#And I'm sure people of color aren't thrilled when Mutants As Analogous To Racism comes up since most of the big names are white#And more often than not this is usually used for Marvel to avoid actually talking about the real issues#Nevermind rarely combine in an interesting way when you do get a gay mutant or a poc mutant or a gay poc mutant#However any time they run into the world simply not being built to accomodate their physical or mental needs and get sneers for asking#You can immediately see me doing the Leonardo DiCaprio point#“but what about Homo Superior” nobody in the 616 knows how genes work because the writers don't#And as a scientist if I have to see X-Gene pop up one more time I'm going to transmogrify into Galactus and eat the planet#One of the biggest experts on Mutant biology is from the Victorian era why are we listening to him#Anyway where are the DIY accomodation features for people with tails or touch telepaths#Rogue basically had to be bubblewrapped most of her life once her powers kicked in#Scott has literal braindamage on top of his powers so he's either blind or colorblind if he doesn't want eyebeam everything#Magneto and Polaris's mental instability probably is related to their electromagnetics fucking with their brains#And Also They Both Have Hella PTSD#Hank has had to make shit that's big enough for him or just run around in boxers#Kurt literally had to use holograms to hide his physical appearance and sometimes still does or has to wear concealing clothes#Logan has chronic pain and rips his skin open any time he pops his claws#Big Fuckoff Migraines plague all psychics#And we have ALL of the Morlocks EVER#Isn't Hellion using his powers to make up for having no hands??#Or at least was before they walked it back like they did the Professor needing a wheelchair#I just think there is an argument to be had here about this
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😦
#GUYS#i watched the second to last ep of sentinel and it was alright yeayea#BUT! im running out of the product right? so im panicking im reading the wiki im reading about the producers#im reading old archive links on blogposts about dvd cover art releases. you know the drill#and so i start thinking about getting those dvd sets again right?#so i figure out its visual entertainment incorporated (VEI) who like produced the dvds and stuff#and i go to their website and yeah of course they dont have em anymore the shows a relic!#so i go to wayback machine to see if they happened to have it before#AND. THEY HAD IT#FOR FIFTEEN UNITED STATES DOLLARS#IN FUCKING. TWENTY TWENTY TWO#TWO YEARS AGO#I CPULD HAVE GOTTEN THEM FOR 15 BUCKS??????#inanse. i have nobody to talk about this to#and like sure probably they dont even deliver to finland and i guess they couldve been sold out even back then#(probably not tho since why wouldnt the wayback machine show that?? also that 15$ was an on-sale-price already)#but i cant believe it.... two years ago... i couldve just gone and bought it.....#my post#hey guys im losing my mind a bit#also did you know apparently the dvds dont have a ton of extra material (although apparently the full set was released in 2015?#so maybe that release had more) but theres three episdoe commentaries by the producers?#i dont think ill listen to them but who knows how desperate i get!#now i just gotta gather courage to watch the finale#and then i can start the show again#ouaaaaaaghhhhhh aaaoooooouuuooaaaaaaa
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"you'll be fine at school you just need to answer people when they talk to you!" yeah sorry its always my fault somehow isn't it
#mole talks#i do answer people#if i dont answer somebody then that means:#a) they did not make it clear they were talking to me#b) they were being mean towards me#c) i could not physically answer them at the time#d) they never fucking talked to me in the first place#and honestly. most of the time its reason D. most of the time people don't say ANYTHING to me and then expect me to answer them#like i'm some sort of mind reader#hahaha i'm so excited to go back to a school where nobody respects what i am#i'm so excited to be called the R slur! i'm so excited to lock myself in a bathroom stall and cut myself! i love school!#i'm so excited to not be able to hear a word the teacher says because all of my classmates won't stop talking#seriously how can i understand anything if i can't hear it being explained to me#and when i ask for help nothing changes#oh thats another thing. so excited to see the school counseller#and just lie to her#i don't evem want to lie to her. oh my fucking god dude#school is a good concept. i love to learn and i want to learn#but i just cannot do this#theres no way#why does it have to be like this#:[#i just need to draw gay cats and listen to music#that will cure me
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UGRHJQHJI stress and this feeling of guilt and sorrow is eating me alive tonight i am NOT in a good mood right now omw to start EATING GRASS
#i dont know#i may delete this later#probably#school starting for me is NOT helping too#hopefully when/if I go to sleep I feel better#probably not bc then i’ll realize tmrw is when school starts#IDK WHY BUT IM JUST REALLY STRESSED FOR NOT MUCH OF A REASON#its fucking with me so bad why the fuck did my school have to mess up MY schedule so i dont know where to go on the first fucking day#also#i feel like i need to vent#not about stuff school related but#in general#but i know im not going to#because nobody is going to listen to my vents without shutting me off or saying they have it worse#that second part was directed at my mom but#the only person who will listen to me vent is my qpp#but i dont want to worry him about what im feeling#it shouldnt worry about my problems i just need to keep my problems to myself#damn im reading these tags right now and ig thats what happens when you come from a family who suppresses their emotions#and tell you youre hysterical when you open up 😇#omg ignore this#closet rambles again on tumblr
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why does no one understand the importance of privacy any more (/nobody here)
#Like my irl friends are not totally freaked out by the whole live 365 thing#Like I HATE the idea that someone can know where you are at all times#It's so scary#And then if you voice this opinion#People are like are you trying to hide something? And the thing is I want to be able to should i need to#Like i dont want people asking why I'm going to a certain doctor or why I shop where I shop#Or like who's house I'm at#And I know it is genuine concern on the part of some people but it's so fucking scary#And then theres the whole instagram thingy#Which I only really have bc I hate being left out#and it makes it really easy to start conversation bc someone can post that they went to a movie and I can say oh I saw that one did u enjoy#And so on and so forth#But like I dont like that everyone has to have it and wants to have yours#And my brother who I detest came into my room and was like what are you trying to hide#When I turned off my phone#Like I wasnt even doing anything other than watching a youtube video abt conservative book banning#Which he would find boring. And I dont want him to know what I'm watching because I hate him and I dont want him to know what I care abt#Bc anything I care abt can be something he can bully me over#And he never fucking listens when I tell him to stop. Not sure how I'm going to get through another year at home#He makes me so miserable and then nobody does anything abt it and when someone does make a consequence hes like 'oh its bc your the fa..#..favourite child'#And he was like I know you have an Instagram account which like i was technically not supposed to have as a teen. But I'm a legal adult and#I can do what I want now#at least in that aspect#Oh and ppl excuse his behaviour bc hes a boy. Well I'm a fucking boy too and I never pulled that shit. (Ig I'm a man now. Weird to call mys#...myself that. Young man makes a little more sense)#Damn this started as a vent abt privacy but it's really abt my brother#Honest to god wish I wasnt related#Or at least that I didnt have to deal with him#And he calls me stupid sometimes bc I dont get his jokes and I respond seriously to his jestful questions and
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EVERYBODY SHUT THE FUCK UP GO AWAY GO AWAY NOW
WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN KAZUYO WENT TO SHIRATORIZAWA WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN THAT'S WHY TOBIO APPLIED TO GO THERE WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN THAT GETTING REJECTED FROM SHIRATORIZAWA WAS PROBABLY MORE UPSETTING THAN JUST BEING A HIT TO THE EGO
BOOOOOOOOO FURUDATE BOO BOO TOMATO TOMATO YOU CAN'T JUST DO THIS TO ME
#HOW AM I JUST NOW REALIZING THIS#AND WHY DID NOBODY FUCKING TELL ME#awful. this is so awful#volleyball guys#tobio kageyama my darling boy my sweet cheese my beautiful daughter#i am so sorry iam so so so so sorry#brb listening to The Frost by Mitski to cope ^_^#<- i am about to be in so much psychological distress because of this
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roddy is sO nonbinary. to me
#the merlin conspiracy#dianna wynne jones#dwj#rereading my favourite dwj book from childhood & being like ohhhhhhh about all the stuff i didn't get ehen i was younger#& also being like ohhhhh about why i was so attached to roddy for so many years#also. excuse me gwyn ap nud. tumblr sexy old man. to me#dwj really said what if death was a welsh speaking goth silver fox & nobody fucking listened#finally#did anybody else catch that prince edmund & the new merlin had some cute little gay vibes?? just me??? o well
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i work really hard to not compare myself to others but it’s so bizarre to me to see other people my age like. going out all the time or travelling or even just living on their own. what do you mean all your money goes to just your own living expenses & your own fun and you aren’t the financial backbone of your family. every time i take vacation days a coworker will ask me if i’m going somewhere and its like no lmfao do you think im made of money. i dont think about it much because it doesn’t really do anything but upset me but deep down im so resentful of every other young adult who doesn’t have to pay their parents bills and just gets to blow their money on whatever the fuck whenever the fuck
#my best friend lives at home but doesn’t pay rent or anything at all and he was talking about buying new games & joycons & stuff#and he just dropped like. a large amount of money on getting a new dog#(impulsively. literally the whole thing happened in 24 hours and he wasn’t thinking about getting a dog at all)#and like its not like i WANT him to not be able to spend his money how he wants#i’m just resentful. because i keep trying to budget for things i want or even a fucking car so i can actually go places without it taking#over an hour. and then something unexpected pops up that i need to cover#like ive used 175% of the money i’ve earned this year on household bills#my savings are in shambles because nobody could afford shit so i had to cover it#and like. im happy to do it i don’t want my family to be screwed. theyre good to me.#but i hate this. and listening to people talk about throwing away money or impulsively spending tons without needing to worry about being#able to keep the lights on or whatever … tests my patience a little#im so resentful of having to be the grownup all the fucking time. why does everyone else get to be fiscally irresponsible and i don’t#freewheeling bitextual#even just people moving out … like i could afford to move out and i WOULD be if it wouldn’t completely fuck over everyone else#‘oh you live with your parents? you must save a lot of money that way’ fuck you!!! fuck you!!!!!!!#see what did i say. this train of thought is bad for me <3
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#I'm stung that b is cutting ties#but I've been using him to fill a hole in my chest and i can't say I'm surprised he's done with it#i was always very very clear with i could give to him and he always asked for more and i knew i should have closed the door myself#he never did respect my boundaries. even if they weren't necessarily fair.#still. he was an old friend and I'll miss his presence.#personal#im sitting outside listening to music wondering why i am so fucking broken. i can't use people to fix the sadness in me.#nobody is real. I'm not real. it's all just smoke and fantasy#nobody knows me well enough to actually be able to say they honestly care about me.#that's the truth.
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what the hell is happening rn
#i feel sooooooo. disconnected all of a sudden#like i just missed a week of existence and everyone else is proceeding as usual while i am just.. trying 2 figure out how to catch up#did i fucking miss something???? d#did everyone just like. blip forward a couple of days or am i just going insane bc i feel. way too stupid to actually ask anyone about it#nobody is explaining anything 2 me anymore i am just being given information as if i should know it already. what is HAPPENING#its not like an unreality thing i dont think bc. that stuff doesnt bother me#its just like. a weird combination of things happening.#i like i am being purposefully left out of a conversation but like. a conversation everyone else in the world is attuned to somehow#and now i have tuned in to listen and everyone is like. yeah you missed something. no we're not going to explain <3 good luck#does this make. ANY sense#like what the fuck is happening rn#like ppl are saying things to me and when i dont understand them its like “oh haha you just had to be there”#and that. Keeps Happening. like in at least 4 different conversations TODAY. and a couple yesterday and just like. the internet collectivel#wtf happened??????????#what fucking day is it. what time is it. whats everyone doing today. whats happening#why does everyone else in the world have an inside joke and nobody is telling me what it is. am i even real rn
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posting this cursed thought while im tired so i cant take it back later
#its not the funniest possible phrasing but#listen i was watching a cat video and the thoughy came fully formatted into my brain#my brain fully formulates insane tweets to the word in my head a lot#bearer of the curse (niche unfunny instatweet subconscious)#no im not tagging this#i think the fact that it actually works is the key part here like itd be extra funny#we should be applying weird cat habits to catboys more#WAIT I CAME UP WITH SOMETHING EVEN BETTER#whenever shopkeeper watanuki is stressed especially when its not visible on his face#itll look totally normal from the outside and then hell like#totally neutral smile faced just fucking thwap drinks off the table#unhealthy coping habit where he just baps stuff off tables and then cleans it up while complaining to himself#obviously hes like a polite boy at heart but i like the idea that when hes in the trenches he just acts a bit wacky#imagine the scene with the girl asking if she can fuck his man but instead of whatever he actually did he just silently baps her tea#i need to think of more weird cat habits to apply to him#he wakes up one morning and hes been sleeping in shrimp pose like an idiot#imagining a felt genshin hoyofair style scenario where zhongli style he just has ears and a tail with no explanation and nobody cares#the only person questioning it is him hes like why arent yall mad at me isnt this weird????#and then like 10 yrs later hes obsessed with like tail care regimens like tighnari or something#for a second i was like oh god this is cringe and then i remembered i dont care!#and also its canon compliant to exploit this specific character for funny catboy yaoi and dress him up like a bjd#like thats one of the key charm points of the character like hes prepackaged for these sort of fucking stupid shenanigans#hes like THE catboy everyone everyone else calls catboys dont even come close lol#watanuki is literally exploitable catboy girlsgogames dress up doll maker 5000 (with bonus depression)#when i get good enough at art to do some sort of MAD for cat food or envy cat walk or something its fucking over for everyone
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