#why can’t i just be okay

[sweetiecutie]

I tried so hard to get out of this state and here I feel it coming back again

[unwatchedfadeout]

imma put on a sheet mask lie in bed and rot for a while. all m00ts welcome to join me. 💖💖 we can all fade away with flawless skin

[endlessmidnights]

Dropping subtle (not so subtle) hints trying to let people know I’m struggling but apparently I’m invisible or nobody cares

[thinningoutgypsy]

love how people expect to get better.

WHEN LITERALLY NOBODY WILL HELP & NOBODY GIVES A FUCK.

but yeah, totally i can get better

[justsomerandomgay]

i was actually happy and then i just felt it slip away. that was the worse feeling in the world

[scrooglygrumbo]

My gender is straight up just confusion. My pronouns are huh/what?. I am chaos unbridled, I am the rock in your shoe and the tree that just won’t stay alive no matter what you do. I’m queer and that’s okay.

[guestlistformyfuneral]

sorry for splitting it will happen again

[ruined-razor]

empty and guilty are the only things i can feel besides intense infatuation and fear of abandonment. i’m so tired of it. please let me rest.

[jpsretohethe]

I stopped writing fanfic bc someone got mad at me for sharing it in the wrong ship channel and said that publicly in the channel while other people were responding. In the moment I even said I was hurt, which is way out of character for me. And I was really upset because I LOVED that piece. It was ~600 words. It felt like such a little thing to get mad over and then for some reason, I just can’t get over it. I’ve been trying really really hard. And I just hate it. I hate it so much. It’s not even that big of a deal.

[unwatchedfadeout]

Fun fact, when yr parents split up and only talk so they can be little bitches to each other, you get TWO shitty families to not talk to in December.

[unwatchedfadeout]

imma choose to believe the tarot cards when they tell me i did fine at that convo that im the only one remembered it for more than 5 seconds and it will have litteraly 0 consequences anyways, so i can be as delulu as i want

[thinningoutgypsy]

TW: SELF H@RM

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

[chloesimaginationthings]

What if Mike got the bad ending of the FNAF movie..

[unwatchedfadeout]

Im glad someone knows what that means

[sadstarsz]

i know i’m rude and i know i’m a terrible person but i’m trying i don’t mean to be rude i promise i’m sorry.

“if only you knew my life situation rn maybe you wouldn’t be like this” if only you knew my situation.

[raspberryspace]

I hope you can accept who I am. I forever will always accept you as you are.

I’m tired of trying to string together some semblance of my current emotions only to be met with nothing. I’m tired of fighting myself. I’m tired of crying in my car. I can only claw at the hope that you never felt like I intentionally did this. I only ever wanted to reciprocate the feelings I had so deep within from one soul to another. You opened and grew my world as I know it. you irreplaceably shaped the goals and values I carry on today. I wanted and will always want to repay that. To reciprocate that pure partnership. Yet I own up and know just how fucking bad my naivety and unawareness was. I never wanted that. I only ever wanted the connection. I was so lonely and latched on to anything. I’m so sorry it had to be you. Im so sorry. I just want that love back it was never out of obligation. Ever. I was going through so much. I have cried over it too much to not second guess and fight this hard for it. I want it back so fucking badly. And I know it’s not the memories pushing this, it’s what created them. I know so many external factors plagued you. I know you made that decision. I just want to make sure it was truly the right one. But that’s just what I want. If I’m selfish then so be it but I want that back for the both of us. That feeling of finding that perfect puzzle piece that fits. My gut wrenches away at me daily- desperately trying to get me to not let go. To not give up. I want to work on this. I, I, I. I, am so fucking stupid. You’ve shown me through actions that you don’t want to talk. I can’t change any of that. I can only type these vague posts into the ether praying that you read them. I’m tired. I never wanted to do you wrong. I can’t ever ask for your forgiveness. I just want to ask if we can try to heal this. My chest aches for you too. I miss you profoundly. You paint the stars overhead every night. I just want to support you and serve you water when you’re thirsty late at night. I want to drive you around while you knit. Wah. I need to be present and in the moment for myself. I need to pour myself a glass of water. I’m grateful to have myself to do that. I’m glad I hold onto the values I have. It’s okay to give too much.

I can’t justify anything I just wish you would hear me.

There isn’t anything in this life worth fighting more over than this. I can’t shake this feeling that’s so rooted within me. I cant let this fall to the wayside.

It wasn’t your fault, I know why you had to do it. Can we start again?

God it feels like it just happened two days ago

Hate being bombarded with all these narratives on how to act or what to do, every single relationship is such a unique set of circumstances. Not everything is just block and ghost. No wonder people find it so difficult these days. No one fights for perfection, you adopt each others flaws and perfect them.

The people that you’re meant to have in your life won’t need persuading or convincing.

I’m ignorant to the fact that if you wanted to text me you would. But I want to text

You because I miss you. But you don’t. You don’t miss me. You don’t express that at least.

Music that makes you dance a little bit in your seat on a long drive is something to smile at.

My heart will always skip a beat for you, missing you next to us as we grow and discover this world. You’ll always be in my heart. At every corner of the globe. I won’t sit back and wait- there are places I want to see before I die. It hurts me like no other that I have to go without you, but rest assured I’m taking pictures for you. Taking pictures of you there. Taking pictures.

I wish I could go back and do so many things over again. I wish I wish I wish I wish.

What made you believe it wasn’t truly genuine, it wasn’t truly from the depths of my heart. What made it selfish to me? I think that’s what hurts the most. That and we were just starting. We just closed the distance and we’re going to begin the greatest journey of our life. Together. Just gone. Gone with no hesitation. A pro and con list. That also will forever stay with me.

Who knew spoiling myself with trips and cool clothes would make me sort of happy. Not a fulfilling as treating someone else, I don’t think my personality allows that to ever be the case unfortunately. I do love women’s wear so much though, I want to dress someone up.

I became secure and confident within our space, left to expose the insecurities and issues. Now I feel so lost.

You’ve always had to be patient when dealing with my emotions - I hope you’ve noticed my change in dealing with them. I’m a bit faster now, I’m standing up for the little guy in me more that’s for sure. I wish I could tell you all that I’ve been reflecting on. I know you probably don’t want to hear it.

I hope you’ll remember me on a sad day when you really need it. I hate that you’re alone. I hate that you’re feeling so lonely. I wished you a community I wish that you had that group there for you. I tried to hard to make sure I never got in the way of you making and finding that group, I was so sad the night you went out on Halloween. You never invited me you never asked. I had to close down the part that wanted to ask you to consider me. Jealousy and my own value came up and overwhelmed me. I just wanted you to be happy with your friends. I tried to front it out. I know that was a mistake on my end - I should have expressed what I was feeling. But I tired to show it when I dropped it all to be there for the pick up. I tried to show it with how accommodating I was. I hate that I did that to myself. I’m sorry.

Went hiking, wish you were here. I fell while walking barefoot in a stream before the waterfall, bruised my hip - reminds me of falling off my skateboard again. Kinda made me smile again. Only 11 miles, small change compared to the walking done in Japan… I’m jumping and ready to keep doing more but my friends are tired kinda sucks.

I miss you. I wish I could hold you.