#why are they allowed to be angry but i cant???
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you can always tell when someone doesn't have maga men in their life and god it makes me angry.. "if you're nice and compassionate you can be the one woman that makes them realize women aren't mean!" my mom bent over backwards for my dad for 25 fucking years he has plenty of other women kissing his ass and it never changed anything. do you really think that before being radicalized they never knew a single kind woman? they were never friends with a nice girl? alt-right men's problem with women isn't just that they've experienced too many mean women and they need to be shown that women can be nice, it's that they think women are inferior and don't deserve rights and don't understand anything so you can do what you want with them. and it takes a lot more than being nice to show someone that you aren't inferior. this isn't a case of being nice even when it's hard for the sake of deradicalization, it's about spending every fucking interaction with someone trying to get them to see you as a human being with value and a functioning intellect while they just laugh and show you that's never going to happen.
i cannot stress this enough: random women are not just going out and Being Mean to men. ur average guy interacts with plenty of women throughout his life- close women amongst their friends and family, casual interactions etc. most people don't start out being shunned by women, they start out being treated as NORMAL. & when they show their disrespect in normal society, it isn't tolerated, but when they go to alt-right spaces (which they're pushed towards online) they're told they're allowed to be as horrible as they want with no consequences because they're entitled to everything. it isn't "women aren't welcoming and the alt-right is so friendly so i'll become alt-right," it's "women don't let me disrespect them and the alt-right tells me fuck them, do whatever you want, you're entitled to it all" and why would you choose the group where you have to be a normal accountable person when there's a group that will reward you for being a shithead who gives no fucks?
the alt-right can afford to be more friendly and welcoming because they can allow bigotry. this can't work the same way for progressive spaces because we can be as kind & welcoming as possible but at the end of the day we have lines where we have to say "this behavior/speech isn't allowed in this space," and for certain people, that just can't win against a space where you can be as nasty as you want. these posts always end with a disclaimer saying "of course being kind doesnt mean you need to tolerate their bigotries" but what they don't realize and what drives me crazy is that women not tolerating bigotry IS the "women are mean" that radicalized them in the first place. they perceive you pushing back on any bigotry or bullshit as you being a meanie and treating them like they're ontologically evil. the 'kindness' they need to be deradicalized is you letting them walk all over you.
idk what the answer is to deradicalizing them and im sure relationships are part of it but you can be as kind as you want and all it will do is destroy you ime. i cant stand to see people (who have never even successfully deradicalized any man by being nice btw they always speak in hypotheticals and not from experience) double down on telling women to do things that will see no results and only hurt them, especially when any woman who has tried can tell you exactly how it went
#being as nasty as possible & shitting on everyone while giving no fucks makes you popular in certain spaces. that's tempting no matter what#to immature ppl. part of growing up is learning that you cant do that and real relationships need you to not do that#but that sucks. you could just ignore it and join the alt-right to be a manchild forever#if ur an asshole who wld u wanna hang out with: ur wife who says please dont be an asshole to me or ur bros who say she's a hysterical bitc#& u did nothing wrong?#if u had a maga dad/brother/uncle & u heard the way they talk about women its never abt being mean lol#it's abt how women are hysterical & sensitive & get upset at everything they do#im so sorry but a normal guy (i know & am friends with many) doesnt simply become an MRA because his girl friends made 1 men suck joke#if a guy truly has no fulfilling friendships with women or girls to the point where some feminist group 'being too mean' can radicalize him#bc he doesnt have any kind women in his life to prove that wrong. he already had issues.#you reach a certain point in your friendship with these guys where youve been SO kind and so supportive and welcoming and played therapist#for ages and then they turn around and say 'im voting trump cuz i like his personality better lol i dont care about rights and that bs'#even if you can deradicalize someone by being kind thats years of insane unreciprocated energy for ONE guy#who will end up being the person who never posts abt feminism except to say i became alt right because women were mean so be nice girls!#nobody tells anyone else to accept full blown bigots in their spaces either much less BEFRIEND them#bc nobody is expected to do this kind of service except women. <3#eat ass.
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I'm so fucking tired. Just so tired.
#personal#vent#im so done of being the therapist friend in the group but getting barely any support in return#i turn off notifications for a week and im instantly forgotten#but im not allowed to get really angry at the situation bc i feel to aware about how this even happened#i want to be angry so bad but ill just be causing drama even when im in the brink of bursting out crying#why are they allowed to be angry but i cant???#im so tired#so so tired#if i try to expect too much then thats being ableist bc she only forgot about me bc her autism made her not think about me on accident#but like im neurodivergent too and now this is so badly triggering me#ive literally went through a lot of trauma with this kind of bullshit#guess i gotta be the bigger person since i could tough it out more and i at least got therapy to look forward too next month#im soooo lucky i guess#im just tired just so tired#what if i just didnt survive sjs? what would they have done without me?#i hate this
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maybe its just me but i cant stand when people are like "it just doesn't sit right with me how teruhashi thought about aiura 🥺" like yes... its not supposed to ??? because her thinking badly of other girls and prioritizing male validation over everything is one of her main flaws ??? can we talk about that WITHOUT making it seem like shes not allowed to have a single actual flaw without suddenly becoming an awful person? nobody can handle complex female characters at all and its so fucking annoying
#you guys all missed the point of her development AND her and saiki's relationship development#like did you miss the parts where the only times he genuinely seems to not like something she does is when shes mean to other girls#and he still understands that she isnt a bad person for having bad thoughts in the private comfort of her mind#and besides... in this case she was literally just being a dramatic and insecure teenage girl LMAO#like dont fucking lie to me and tell me when you were her age you didnt have similar thoughts#youre worse than her if you lie about it while judging her for it#sorryyyy#she shouldve been MORE unhinged youre all just cowards#AND ALSO ? how can something even be 'mean' if its just a thought#thats like if u opened ur friends private diary without permission and then unfriended them over something they said in a random upset vent#and in this specific situation if u found out ur friend called someone a bitch because they liked the same person as her ??#LIKE THATS ?? its bad but its not as crazy as you guys make it out to be#shes allowed to be angry and insecure in the privacy of HER OWN MIND#idk if this makes sense but i just feel that her thoughts are more of a concern about her wellbeing than anything else#like she canonically is extremely kind to others even when she doesnt want to be so why are we worried about how she treats others.#theyre fine. im worried about HER.#and WHY her mindset is so negative... but u guys dont give a shit because u cant handle even a spec of complexity#sorry ive said all this before i just like to rant#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#teruhashi kokomi#meows post
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woah ok ive been seeing an insane amount of hate for side order so yknow what fuck you. this blog is a safe space i love octo expansion and i also love side order im having a very good time with this game. set urself free, release expectations, embrace fun
#text#splatoon#side order#JUST IN CASE anybody decides to be Like That:#im not saying u cant criticise it or whatever. im just sick of ppl hating bc they were expecting oe 2#and like most splatoon fans just dont play any other videogame ever so they hate roguelites lmao#its a completely different style of game. that is the point.#if ur angry i think u should take a seat and just watch marina lezzing out over pearl. feel some joy#AND DEDF1SH CANONICALLY USES THEY!! WHY ARENT WE MORE EXCITED ABOUT THIS#(also maybe im built different but this dlc really isnt that hard. i find it very fun)#ur not superior for disliking side order. get off ur fuckin high horse#ppl are allowed to enjoy things actually
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what pisses me off the most about the jekyll and hyde musical is that robert louis stevenson explicitly said to NOT make the inner conflict about sex but meanwhile frank wildhorn was like "lol bozo" and made it about jekyll/hyde choosing between a virgin and a whore like HUH.
#the whole point is that jekyll HAS ALWAYS BEEN A HORRIBLE PERSON#it's just that hyde allows him to EXPRESS those awful urges freely#it's all about the human psyche and human morality so making it about sex is just...... NO!!!!!!!#there is also no lanyon in the musical to be a foil to jekyll and im mad about that too#also why is jekyll a twink he's like 50 in the book#gotta make him sexy and appealing i guess...... /sarc#i literally need frank wildhorn to blow up right now#i cant look at pictures or videos of the show without getting unreasonably angry#the strange case of dr jekyll and mr hyde#jekyll and hyde#frank wildhorn#robert louis stevenson#anya talks
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Also just because you get annoyed by something someone is doing doesn't mean they are evil you can leave us alone
#this is about autistic people.#that guy in you class that is always asking questions? he always raises his hand theres nothing wrong with it#it takes time in the class but that's how he makes sure he understands the subject#and meanwhile every other student decides hes an asshole#that girl who doesnt blink and who cant seem to have a linear conversation is not doing anything wrong#you dont like interacting with her but that doesnt say anything about her you can leave her alone you dont have to bitch behind her back#that person cant read social cues? why are you getting mad? can you shut the fuck up?#it is insane how often some of my friends talk about people who are clearly autistic and are mad at them#no its not because theyre autistic theyre just always interupting!#its not because theyre autistic they just make me uncomfortable! PLEASE LISTEN TO YOURSELF#i swear youre all asshole to us#no respect fr#its so annoying to see you run in a circle trying to justify calling someone an ass for doing literally nothing wrong#youre allowed to feel how you want about other people but you always jump to bullying#and whenever i try to make them realize they get so deffensive#just because you grew up with an autistic brother does not make you a fucking expert youre not even close to him!!#ok sorry im gonna go hit my bong im getting too angry lol
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🏢📚
#why have parents started treating the library as a playing ground....#like every single time i go to the library#there are tons of parents with their kids and they just allow their children to run around and play and scream#..... umm why cant u just go to a playground first and then go to the library so your kids are quiet????#and the parents never do anything... just bc they've pushed out smth and contributed to the overpopulation..#they think they're the fkn shit and that they get to do whatever they want....#parents are such disrespectful and inconsiderate people#other ppl exist????#and especially at a library... it is supposed to be quiet and calm in here#if u can respect that then dont fkn come here#if u cant** im so mad i cant even type broooo like what the fuck!!! theyre so disrespectful#like for real children run around and scream everyyyyyywhere#take your kids outside to scream#at least let libraries be quiet#it is so cruel that parents have decided to even ruin the ONLY place that have always been quiet#genuinely cant even think bc this dumb broad with like 4 kids are screaming constantly#it's like parents WANT to annoy everyone around them just to show how much power they have#bc if i go over there and politely ask them to keep it down#she will start whailing abt how awful i am and how children are naturally lou#loud****#gosh it makes me so angry bc the library is NEVER calm#bc there is always so many fucking kids running around screaming#GO TO A PLAYGROUND !!!! why are parents parents like they're such fkn worthless humanbeings istg
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FOR REAL I GET SO MAD WHEN I SEE POSTS LIKE "eww why are ntsmg fans such weirdos!! They dont deserve to have natsume/tsumugi as their favs!!" Like first of all we're not hurting anybody pls let us LIVE, second of all Have You Seen the Characters in Question. Like if we're freaks then what does that make THEM!??!? If they were real theyd be the freaks ur complaining abt!!! TL;DR natsumugi loser weirdo freaks canon and im here for it. Also that alice natsume is so CUUUUTE
ITS KIND OF ODD TBH ?? like obviously i get that not everyones going to like the same stuff but like. if you dont like characters being weird, why do You then also like ntmg.......? if its someone who doesnt ship them thats complaining then fine whatever but its so weird to me when people who claim to ship them make these complaints bc its like?? then why do you ship them???? do you Only like the bits where the two of them are being sweet to each other? do you only like their angsty backstory? do you only like the comedic relief? i have a hard time grasping the idea of dedicating yourself to a pair or character without loving (or at the very least tolerating) every aspect of them........ have these people read the stories? or are they being deliberately oblivious? i have no idea
it makes me really sad how people are so afraid of being seen as "weird" though. too often that word comes with negative connotations when that doesnt need to be the case at all, and i wish these people would stop living in fear and surrounding themselves with those who judge people based off how Socially Normal (according to a christian society) they are
also i just get annoyed seeing ntmg get watered down to some idealized couple completely stripped from their complexities to better fit what we're taught is Morally Correct (according to puritanical beliefs) or reduced to a comedic duo SHDKJFHD
#some of you people really need to learn to live a little#because not allowing yourself to indulge in what you enjoy or just getting mad at OTHERS for indulging in harmless behaviour#is going to make you miserable#and i really fucking wish this shit wasnt so ingrained in todays people#because such a judgemental and reactionary attitude genuinely is harmful especially towards queer people#but thats a whole other discussion for another day#and as i always say its OKAY to be uncomfortable with things#there are MANYYYYYY ntmg artists who make things that makes me very uncomfortable so i SIMPLY DO NOT ENGAGE!#but to act like ntmg Themselves arent weird ???#and like you cant possibly understand why the fans might indulge in some weird stuff too ??#thats gotta just be projecting on your end atp#ask#btw this is about harmless self-expression and exploration via fiction and not LITERAL CRIMES#just so you fuckers dont go assuming shit because Jesus Christ the second you start being open about accepting weirdness and being weird#people automatically assume the worst shit imaginable which is so fucking insulting to literally every single human being on the planet#this post is about fictional characters being weird and us being allowed to indulge in it#do Not twist my words into Anything else.#EDIT OMG I GOT SO CAUGHT UP IN BEING ANGRY AT STRANGERS ONLINE I FORGOT U COMPLIMENTED ME#THANK U VERY MUCH!!!!! ASJHFKAJSHDG
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honestly my biggest wonder about yesterdays drama was like... who even was that? not the person being called out, but the one calling them out. like, its one thing to make a throwaway to make a callout post, but to go on anon and try to pull unrelated people into it? this was clearly someone still in the taleblr server since they had screenshots from literally the same day in their callout
this isnt me taking sides because genuinely i have more important things to worry about than all that, but its different when it comes to this person because like... i just thought yall were different than that? maybe we all dont totally consider eachother friends entirely but i liked to think we were all somewhere around there for the most part
theres only so many of us and we all try to stay chill (to more or less success) because like... theres probably less than 100 of us left, and we're all adults by now as far as i know, and i know age doesnt really equal maturity, but its just so immature to try and stir drama by messaging unrelated parties.
honestly even if the person told me in private who they were its not like id make shit worse by posting about them or something because, again, i have bigger things to worry about, im just curious at this point. its not even an obligation for them to come forward, im just admitting that im curious.
if anything all i have to say is be the bigger person and block and move on when you dont like someone or something someone did. i get that you saw stuff that you found gross and you wanted everyone to feel the same way you did, but the rest of us just want to live our lives. plus i think the people that were messaged arent even in the discord so it was honestly even weirder to do that
ive had my fair share of seeing things that made me feel gross to see or read or know about, like, seriously i found out one of my friends was a pedo last year (and i promptly blocked the cunt). but it doesnt do anything to pull other people into the mess and try to start shit.
basically, just be more mature, cause i know yall are better than that. you dont have to read fics that you dont like, and you dont have to interact with people you dont like. your online experience is yours and the best option is always to block and move on. ive had my fair share of drama, and all it does is ruin peoples days, and not much else.
my biggest point, honestly, is that this is such a small fandom and i dont want whats left to come crashing down because some drama makes everyone left hate it here. i dont care whos right or wrong because literally whatever its internet drama, i just dont want this community to die out.
#taleblr#my post#plus about my ex-friend... im just satisfied in knowing theyre gross and insufferable enough that theyre not gonna have much luck#with relationships of any kind unless they make drastic drastic changes to themselves and their life.#and no i havent read the fic in question here because it just didnt sound like my kind of thing#and im definitely not proship but i seriously think its better to just move on#my thing is like... i dont want people writing about certain topics but i also know that i cant stop people#i dont like things that have been done on either side here which is why im not taking sides#you could argue im an unrelated party but i at least talked to the person a little bit yesterday in the server#i checked up on them after cause i was like 'oh this person i was talking to got banned i wonder what the deal was and if theyre ok'#because from our convo in the server they seemed nice even if they were a bit unknowing of the rules it seemed#and they basically just told me they wanted everyone to leave them alone. so yeah#ill leave them alone and everyone else should too and its just better for everyone to move on#im not going to make any more posts about this after mind you. i dont have asks or submissions on so the only way to contact me#is through my messages if anyone feels like it#or i guess if youre in the discord you could DM me on there too#but otherwise im not going to make any more posts because i just wanted to get this out of the way and move on with my day#i have a huge thing happening later and i dont need this weighing on my mind for it#just be more mature. just block and move on. dont be that guy that tries to bring other people into it that had nothing to do with it#and dont try to make this everyone elses problem#youre allowed to feel disgusted and angry or whatever you might be feeling. but dont make it everyone elses problem#also no i couldnt report my ex-friend because i didnt have the info and also i didnt have evidence more than them admitting to thoughts#and people cant be arrested for thoughts alone as much as you might wish they could#and also they werent ashamed of these thoughts which is why they were disgusting. they only hid them because they knew we would be#disgusted because were normal people. so anyway.#long post
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I think doing shipping through and aroace lens makes things complicated but also interesting. I think one reason I don't enjoy straight ships as much is because it's very rare for people write/talk about them with a queerplatonic dynamic. straight romance is so "normalized" in society, it's hard to get any other dynamic out of those ships from other people in conversation or writing. it's mostly always romantic. (especially when "guys and girls can't be *just* friends" is extremely common and has ruined mamy of my own friendships) but I enjoy a handful of a straight ship with that dynamic. it's just way more rare to see talked about than gay ones from my observation. anyway point is, more queerplatonic type ships and stuff please! those aren't explored enough!
#its really hard for me to describe what queer platonic means to me and how i see it and how that applies to ships i enjoy or even irl#i guess one way to explain it is being life partners without the need for romantic/sexual stuff and they dont date other people#dedicated to each other for life and act like partners but arent romantic/sexual about it.#example are cynonari. they adopter collei togther and are dedicated to each other. but theyre very fun as queer platonic relationship#and for straight version theres himeko and welt. a strong pair. work well togther. our train parents. platonic but life partners#partners in this crazy space train adventure that take care of us gremlin kids#and then theres also the queer straight platonic dynamic that's fun as well. 2 queers who form a straight platonic ship#think kafblade. how i like to imagine it is a lesbian and agender-aroace-gay-in-previous-life come together as platonic life partners#playing with this stuff and going outside the normal gender/sexuality box is fun#lee text#lee rambles#ive seen hi3 fans get very loudly upset about hsr fans shipping himeko and welt. but i never see them discussed as queerplatonic!#it could make everyone happy haha. life partners but not the romance. theyre our train parents but they arent a married couple!#disclaimer: ship your own ships. this is only about my ships and how i feel#before identifying as nonbinary i was subjected to the whole “guys and girls cant be just friends” bulshit and lost friends over it#im not even allowed to be friends with people as an aroace if im seem as a binary gender!!!!! it makes me so angry#i think straight shipping as an aroace that enjoys queerplatonic dynamics is a very weird trigger for bad feelings from those experiences😅#but its not why i prefer thos dynamic. the why is just being aroace in general and wanting that kind of relationship if i had a partner#but having a side of straight obsessed people ruining our friendships over their straight obsession feels bad#by straight obsession i mean we cant be friends anymore because they decided they saw me as a binary gender opposite theirs 🙄#and accused me of liking them and said im the one that ruined the relationship#where was i going with this i think im just rambling and info dumping about my brain stuff too much 😅
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i think its weird that i have to make this disclaimer but the internet is crazy so wtvr,, anyway,,
if i say i dont like something, that doesnt mean "that thing is bad and nobody should post it.."
i swear literally every time i even mention that i dislike something, people will go "wow does that mean u fucking hate me cuz i post that thing? ur a fucking stupid bitch and all ur opinions r wrong" LIKE ?? er.. no. just because i say i dont like certain characterizations of certain characters (the saiki k fandom is CRAZY about this cuz i can state an opinion on literally any character and a group of people will still go 'well only we're allowed to post our opinions about them because we're always right!1!1!'), or certain ship tropes (mentioned my hatred of toxic yaoi maybe once or twice on here months ago and people STILL get mad at me as if i said toxic yaoi lovers r evil or something), or certain ships, or WHATEVER, does not mean that i HATE the people who are posting them or that i think they shouldnt post them at all, NO, im just posting about my personal tastes on my personal blog and it would be extremely weird and hypocritical if i decided that i was the ONLY person that was allowed to do that,,
i think the only reason people assume that is because there are a lot of other people on here who ARE like that, and a lot of people toe the line between posting that they dont like something and posting that they think everyone who likes that thing is stupid, annoying, and wrong,, so i guess all i can say is, sorry for whatever made you make these assumptions but they arent true about me so plz leave me alone ʘ‿ʘ ur doing the same thing to me that ur accusing me of but i didnt do it in the first place so ur just actively being a dick for no reason
#crazy that the mindset some people on here have is that theyre the only ones allowed to post their opinions#ive repeated this a lot on this blog but i rlly think people forget that the person on the other side of the screen is in fact a person#if ur harassing people and publicly making fun of them then ur just as bad as any real life bully#that shit isnt as funny or harmless as u like to pretend it is#not once have i ever targetted anyone or went on someones blog to harass them over my opinion#yet people think its fine to do the same to me and treat it as if its like. revenge or something#like ? me saying 'i dont like toxic yaoi' is not equivalent to someone going on someone elses page and going 'how tf do u like toxic yaoi'#I DONT CARE !! all ive ever done is sit in my own little bubble and had opinions and that makes people mad#honestly though the people who will publicly talk and post abt it are significantly meaner#and i want to act like im not bothered by it because i know most of them r just angry that someone has a different opinion#and they want all their followers to bandwagon off of them (idk why maybe for validation or whatever-same reasons anyone would bully)#but seriously if u actually do think that something i said was out of line and crossed thise boundaries- just fucking tell me ?#im a person bro. ur solution to disagreeing with me shouldnt be 'lol im gonna post abt this and make everyone harass them'#have a conversation with me dude i dont bite ? if u cant talk to me like a person then just dont fucking say anything wtf#its so cowardly to be like 'well no i didnt wanna say anything to u cuz i didnt wanna be rude.. so instead i publicly made fun of u!'#LIKE WHATTTT STOPPPPP </3333#ok anyway this post wasnt supposed to get THAT serious.#MY POINT IS just be considerate of other people and dont base ur hatred off of assumptions#ur deflecting the blame onto someone else because u dont want to admit that ur just a fucking bully lol#being inconsiderate on here is something ive also been guilty of back when i first joined the fandom and was clueless#but grown ass adults who have been on here way longer r still doing that shit which is crazy#and i cant say anything because they have so much leverage over me and idk if its on purpose or if they dont even realize#ok im putting fandom tags cuz i want people to see this sorry. this is my one post thats actually targetted but its at a lot of people#so if u look at this and think 'hey i do that' pls evaluate urself<3#i mean its also targetted at everyone who does this anonomously so i dont know who it is OKOK IM DONE BYE SORRY HOPE THIS IS UNDERSTANDABLE#watch nobody read this fr#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#meows post
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you ever get an idea that is sooooo. arghhhhh bites into a roof tile and cries.
#zanna talks#i cant like word it good yet#but i think if mia ever got to talk to ethan after he died like either bc he came back or a SOR situation or whatever#that she should be allowed to be a little angry at him for just giving up. not facing the aftermath.#like you went somewhere you knew i couldnt follow. you left because you knew i was still here to take care of rose.#but you left us alone. you left ME alone.#YOU KNOW like not bc he's a terrible horrible person for doing that but bc shes human and it hurt. what he did hurt.#and anger is a stage of grief for a reason you know#i am 110% convinced he was only able to do that because she wasn't there for him to look her full in the face and say i'm leaving#you cannot change my mind on this#not bc hes scared of her or whatever the fuck ppl seem to think. but bc he loves her. and how can you do that to someone when you can see#the hurt and the realization and the grief dawn in their eyes you know#anyway. sorry ive been thinking about this so hard i had to stop reading rwrb#putting this all in the tags btw bc iiiii am scared of mia winters antis here on tumblr okay dont come for me ppl let me chill#let me have my little ideas. let me be.#like mia would understand in a way why he did it bc she did the same thing except it was different then#they could have saved him. or at least they could have tried. and he just gave up#meanwhile mias been living with the consequences and the guilt of what she did every day for years now#YKNOW.
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#im so tired of this lalalalalalalalaa#something is Wrong lol#i really need this therapy on wednesday but guess WHAT im not going. im going to a funeral instead 🤡#and ill be singing in that stupid fucking church because have to but i dont fucking wanna i hate doing it and i hate churches#all i feel rn is the overwhelming urge to selfdestruct and like obv im not gonna kms now#but im so fucking angry that im not even *allowed* to do that anymore. like it was such a comfort all this time to know that i can just Quit#and now i cant because guess what someone has to take care of my mother 🫠 and im so fucking tired of being someone people depend on#to handle THEIR feelings and THEIR emotions and just take it all with humility and acceptance and kindness and never snap and bite back#like i dont WANNA hear about your dead husband i dont wanna hear about your stupid fucking boyfriend#i dont wanna hear about the new guy/girl who's hitting on you because you're so hot and perfect#i dont wanna be responsible for how people feel. i should just shut up and take it and be humble and never ask or expect anything back#but when is it MY turn to call at 1 am crying about how im tired and want to kms#or to start expecting shit of people and allow myself to get properly angry at them for not meeting those expectations#or to braggingly 'complain' about something the other person clearly lacks without any consideration for their feelings#or to just openly cry and say deeply personal shit without any filter not caring if that other person is clearly uncomfortable af#because *i* need it right now and i need someone to listen and let them worry about how to even respond to that stuff#im just so tired of people expecting shit of me im tired of being made responsible even tho i clearly cannot handle that responsibility#i wanna be mean i wanna snap and get angry and openly say that i dont give a shit and am tired and cant listen to this rn#but i cant because i have to be a motherfucking mother theresa and never dare to demand something for myself#and idk where that comes from. idk if it's coming from the fanatic catholicism of my childhood or my mother or just from myself and idc#i just feel so horrible and guilty and wrong for wanting anything for myself#and it once again feels like im making myself the victim and the tortured martyr here when i should just shut up and take it#i just wanna lie down and die and not care about who'll get angry or judge or blame me for it im tired and i dont know what to do#i want someone to take care of ME and reassure ME and make ME feel like i matter and that they really will help me if i ever need it#and that they'd be kinda sad if i were gone not because i had a role to fulfill that i failed at by killing myself but because i am a person#<- math calculations flying around my head as i come to the terrible realisation#of just why exactly im so deeply obsessed with my voice teacher (aside from her being literally the most beautiful woman alive lol) 🤡#like babygirl stop being so utterly overwhelmingly kind to me my knees are weak i would do anything for you queen and I MEAN IT
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this cant be fucking real. what the fuck happened.
#i thought i had the chance to get better#why can i never get fucking better#i try my hardest to heal and make progress and then i make one fucking mistake and everything goes wrong#i fuck up once and the world implodes#i am so fucking fragile#how am i going to explain to my mother why im getting worse again#how am i going to explain to my mother that its my fault#if i had just thought about it for more than a moment#if i had considered what would happen#what the fuck am i going to do#any time i try to make progress something goes wrong#im stuck between being upset and desperate and being angry#im going crazy. im losing my mind. why cant i just get better. please.#i just want to be okay. why am i not allowed to be okay.#i need to stop#tw vent#long post#vent post#tw depressing thoughts#idk what else i should tag this with. im just. im lost. im so fucking lost.
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im trying
#i feel like im always saying that#its harder than you think#even more so when i cant find the words to say or even pinpoint how im feeling#im not fuckng perfect. even when i was it wasnt enough for anyone#how am i supposed to know and express how i feel and what i want when i was never given an option.... how is that my fault....#fuck my stupid baka life#personal#vent post#im fine. i just need therapy but todays solution is sleep cause i have to work tonight i havent slept yet and im exhausted all the time#instead of being angry at me for not saying what i want/how i feel you couldve been gentle and helped me try to communicate#i needed you to say 'hey i understand why you always do this but its ok for you to take up space around me. youre safe to have an opinion'#oh well. its been well over two years. no sense in dwelling on it. its my job to tell myself im safe now. im allowed to take up space#its time for bed now emma. sleep well. i love you 💙
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man being a trans man you really dont get away from misogyny people who act like we do are lying like holy fuck can people please stop policing what im allowed to wear
#⚠️#personal#still not over being laughed at the other day for wearing red eyeshadow udner my eyes. by a cis man no less like are you fucking kidding me#i should punch him#but thatd cause so much shit and im too tired for that#instead im not allowed to be angry i just have to take it cause if i stand up for myself ill just be dismissed as per usual#cant take womens emotions seriously fuck that guy holy shit#so tired of dealing with cis mens misogyny and toxic masculinity like god just fucking get over it already#sort that shit out cause im tired of it i genuinely dont give a fuck anymore#honestly im fukcing losing it man#i dont care about cis dudes problems anymore#god i dont care about anything anymore#who gives a fuck about this shit like gender? literally made up WHO FUCKING CARES#i wish gender wasnt a thing like so many problems would be solved if it didnt exist#why do i need to slot myself into a label for people to be comfortable with the fact im aliveeeee#ive got better shit to do i dont give a fuck#im so fucking tired of everything
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