#who draws his power from the loneliness of others

[patchwork-crow-writes]

79 - Lonely Together

You're not alone. You're never alone, so long as I am with you.

You must have noticed it - the ever-widening gulf between you and everyone else, like a diaphanous veil that no hand may put aside, a pall which starves and smothers all inquiry, a shield which repels all attempts to connect. You claim not to see it, wonder aloud why you cannot reach the heart of another... but oh, we both know that this is just how you like it.

And in the dead of night, when everyone else lies sweetly dreaming while you mire yourself in unctuous isolation, that's when I wrap myself so tightly around you, arms bound to your sides so that you may never escape me again.

It's all his fault, isn't it? Sweet, angelic sibling, the first among equals who always put you before him. He who sung to you at night to drown out the shouting; he who always made sure the good controller rested in your hands; he who would would have given everything he had, everything he was, if it would make you happy.

...he who should have done that.

But now he's gone, isn't he? The pedestal he once stood upon has crumbled to dust, and from its rubble I rise, a specter of the once-boundless adoration that you felt was yours by right. For is that not what he promised, before so cruelly turning away from you, right when you needed him most?

...rest assured that I shall never abandon you like that. For you I shall weave an entire world from nothing, a perfect pretend paradise where no bad thing may ever befall you again. What can those others, flawed and frail as they are, possibly hope to offer you except sorrow and regret? - it's in their nature to be careless and selfish, after all. But I have eyes only for you, my light... for you are my all, my succour and my salvation.

That's it, sink deeper into my phantom embrace, and we will never have to be alone ever again.

______________________________

The Dark Menagerie No. 79

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[comicaurora]

How would you as the writer say each of the main six characters fits into which major characteristics of the five man band?

I'd say they don't, but it is fun to lay out the arguments for each of them filling every role.

Kendal:

The Leader; he's the one who got everyone together and he carries the most authority, literally speaking for a deity and doing most of the real negotiations with the powerful forces they deal with.

The Lancer; he's a foil to nearly everybody else in the group, and despite his quiet and gentle tone, has the worst track record of going off by himself and getting into trouble.

The Big Guy; he's got the most metaphysical oomph with the widest applications, and he hits the hardest out of anyone when he decides to start hitting. Gets taken out of commission early to avoid this outcome.

The Smart Guy; with the accumulated knowledge of centuries' worth of lifetimes and the remembered experience of a god, he has access to a wellspring of knowledge with an ease that nobody else can match.

The Heart; he's the one who keeps drawing people into the group, and he cares so, so deeply about their well-being.

Alinua:

The Leader; when the others argue or fret, she's the one who actually makes decisions.

The Lancer; she's learned a lot of hard lessons and sees Kendal making mistakes she's already learned from, and that tension brings them into conflict even though they care deeply about each other.

The Big Guy; direct conduit to a force beyond any god, when something really big needs breaking it's up to her and nobody else.

The Smart Guy; literally cannot stop overthinking, has an intuitive understanding of something deeply arcane to everyone else.

The Heart; motivated by deep compassion at the core of her being, even when it's tactically unwise or she thinks it'll make her explode.

Erin:

The Leader; he is absolutely certain that he is the leader of the group.

The Lancer; proud and self-confident, immediately sure that he knows what's going on better than anyone else, he's a foil to both Kendal and Alinua who are very aware of their limits. This also means Erin gets himself into trouble so, so often, and is continually surprised when the others bail him out.

The Big Guy: The most diverse range of magical firepower plus a superpowered evil side for spice. Erin is a mighty glacier and a glass cannon at the same time.

The Smart Guy; he is absolutely certain he is the smart guy of the group. The most book-smart, certainly, and fundamentally driven by a deep and profound curiosity to understand the world.

The Heart; he'd never say or believe as much, but his greatest frustration with himself is that he wants to be coldly logical and brilliant and instead he's driven by a pesky moral compass that demands he sacrifice his goals and convenience for the people he loves.

Falst:

The Leader; he'd never believe so, but he's very good at taking charge in a crisis, and the decisions he makes generally work out well for everyone. He's also very good at thinking tactically in terms of everyone's abilities and how they factor into the group. Also, probably the most explicitly loyal member of the group.

The Lancer; almost the platonic ideal of Lancer Energy. Angry and snarky and happy to second-guess everyone around him.

The Big Guy; in a Wolverine sort of way, it's less how hard he hits and more how hard he can get hit before he goes down for good. This is the only role he thinks he's good for.

The Smart Guy; aside from a lot of street smarts, he's a deeply curious and puzzle-solving type, and Erin has been deeply impressed with him since he robbed him for the purposes of homebrewing a backyard enchantment. It's all tactical.

The Heart; deeply, painfully loyal to his friends due to a raw, open wound of loneliness. Will hold the group together if he has to dig in his claws to do it.

Dainix:

The Leader; the only person in the group who actually has experience leading a troupe of fighters and knows how to look out for a group as a whole rather than a handful of loners.

The Lancer; the role he thinks the fills, in the "second in command good at taking orders" sort of way.

The Big Guy; has a literal hulk mode

The Smart Guy; the "has way too many weapons and knows how to use all of them" variety. His expertise is in taking down things much bigger and scarier than he is, and you can't do that without being tactical.

The Heart; deeply empathic and extremely in tune with how the people around him are feeling, and the only member of the group with both the emotional intelligence and the sharpness to cut through various teammate's emotional defenses and actually get them to open up. Not too polite to leave other people's issues alone.

Tess:

The Leader; no way in hell. The only role she categorically denies. Tess's beating heart is wanderlust and that doesn't mesh with a group of any kind.

The Lancer; yes please. She'll do her own thing first and foremost, and when it intersects with other people, she'll help out as she sees best.

The Big Guy; a literal lightning bruiser who resolves every problem by finding a way to punch it.

The Smart Guy; a subtler instance because she's fairly inattentive to anything outside her very narrow range of focus, but when it comes to her areas of expertise, she puts things together faster than anyone else. The first to realize what was going on with Tynan, the first to understand Dainix, the first to track down Erin.

The Heart; not particularly observant, but when she's confronted with someone she recognizes to be in deep distress, she'll open her heart and "home" to them without hesitation. Also, makes friends ridiculously easily.

[harlothane]

Theon and Fear - And at the end of fear...

George R R Martin’s ASOIAF focuses on the "human heart at war with itself". In doing so, it provides a compelling, complex and deeply touching exploration of human emotions. One of the dominant emotions the characters are faced with is fear.

I especially love how fear is shown in Theon's storyline. His backstory and the events unfolding in his six Clash of Kings chapters and seven Dance with Dragons chapters, taken alone, constitute a raw, emotional and unsettling account on the many faces of fear. What it does to people. How it changes them, motivates them, corrupts them and may regenerates them.

“Can a man still be brave if he’s afraid?”

“That is the only time a man can be brave.”

There is no need for a long look at Theon’s storyline to see in which ways Eddard Stark’s infamous moral lesson applies to his struggles. Here is a character that commits crimes in the beginning of his storyline, goes through hell because of his misguided choices (led by his fear), finds his courage as he faces true terror and accomplishes one of the most selfless and brave acts in the series to save a girl.

I do feel like I’m missing pieces of the puzzle writing that, aren’t I?

The misstep, I think, is to draw too hastily a parallel between Theon and the other Winterfell boys around his age – Robb and Jon (it's a common issue in fandom and actually had a negative impact on the reading of Theon's storyline, I think. Read : x).

Unlike them, at the beginning of the story, Theon already knows fear. Both Jon and Robb had a decent, secure childhood. While Jon surely has grounds to feel dissatisfied with what life has to offer a bastard like him, he did not grow up in fear. At the age of nine, he probably had faced rejection, loneliness and disdain. But not true, traumatizing fear like nine-year old Theon had to.

19 year-old Theon in Winterfell has already been scarred by fear. He is not a knight of summer in that regard, as his entire personality is a product of fear, to the point where it becomes hard to pinpoint what his true self consists of exactly (that becomes evident as we are invited to his internal monologue in Clash, which is full of inconsistencies, rewrites and contradictions related to the way he sees himself).

We know for certain that, as the story begins, Theon is already familiar with the fear of rejection and humiliation (inflicted by his brothers and felt as an outsider in the North), the fear of losing his loved ones and his home (inflicted by war and the soldiers fighting that war) and some repressed kind of fear related to Euron and possibly his magic. He’s been abused and is still suffering from the lingering fear of death, cultural isolation/exclusion and loneliness.

What fascinates me with this storyline especially is that there is never an easy answer. It is a feature of ASOIAF as a whole, to be frank. I suppose that as a horror genre lover, I am especially drawn to the way Theon's story deals with fear. How it corrupts, how it paralyzes, how it regenerates.

Fear as corruption.

Theon, a “shy” child, “in awe” of his brothers, has crafted a personality to guard himself against the threats most frightful to him (humiliation, being unloved and unwanted, abandonment).

A personality that existed to guard himself against the world and more precisely, the men in power who could use him. A personality tailored to please his captors and his father, the ones his life depended on. His clothes, in this regard, are another part of the armor. Their purpose is to please, seduce or appease the ones whose approval Theon needs at the moment (though I truly do believe he likes his velvelt and silks, he still immediately suggests his father that he would change it if it would please him).

Living with those fears of being unloved and unwanted changed him profoundly as harrowing experiences always do. Fear is the one constant in his early life. His personality developed around it.

Theon mimics Dagmer Cleftjaw’s smiles because the warrior was one of the bravest men he knew in his early days and a hostage far from home needs to channel that tough, invulnerable spirit.

Theon was a child who lived in awe of his violent brothers, so as a young man he acts accordingly, as if spilling blood makes you worthy, as if life were a game to win no matter the cost for the weak and innocent (no matter the price children and mothers pay, no matter the price he himself paid for his father’s ambition!).

I know the Theon we meet in Clash isn’t the most agreeable person ever. It’s the point.

In truth, he is a hardly a person. As in, a human entity with consistent memories to ground him (even before Dance, he represses memories, seems to have forgotten a great deal about the Iron Islands and I believe we may learn more about this in Winds), and autonomous desires and hopes (in spite of himself, he is constantly trying to fit the expectations of the men he fears/wants to emulate – Eddard and Balon).

Even the way he expresses his sexual/sensual desires feels at times as a performance meant to impress or prove a point… read : x or x).

He doesn’t even have a future, and he knows that deep down. As Robb is crowned though and devise a plan with him to ally himself with the Islands, Theon’s hopes rose up and that is how suddenly there was in the sky a comet that heralded his bright future.

He seems like a “closed book” to the world around him, but he was more of a blank page, really.

A mess of fears stitched together with a smile. Fear really is the constant.

What would you do, if you were constantly afraid? Cut from the rare people and places that gave you a sense of security?

What would you do, if – that’s the greatest irony – you were surrounded by people who thought of you as a thing to be feared, an animal to be tamed.

Interestingly, Theon is known to be brave in battle, perhaps even reckless. Robb states it plainly: “Theon has fought bravely for us.” Dagmer Cleftjaw knows Theon “is no craven”. In Winterfell, he is ready to die with the few men who stayed with him.

Being shaped by fear did not make him a coward. It made him desperate and unreasonable. For one, Theon knows fear intimately and there is no greater terror than the unknown, after all. He knows war. He knows death. He is still haunted by the battle of Pyke.

Still, he is eager to march with Robb’s army. Still, he wishes he could have faced Jaime Lannister on the battlefield. And still, he would have died for Robb, he would have died for his father.

He shouldn’t be so eager to march with an army led by the people who hurt his own family so deeply. War traumatized him already. It separated him from his family. It obliterated his future, destroyed his prospects. But his fear of humiliation, rejection, loneliness – it overtakes all. Then again, I understand that Theon in Clash can be difficult to empathize with to some, but if you read his reaction with the knowledge that this is a person who is constantly in a state of true, agonizing fear, I think it changes your perspective a little.

The horrible outcome of all this is that by trying so desperately not to be seen as a weak thing people can use for their political gain, Theon becomes it. For Ramsay and Roose. That is not karma. That is the definition of a tragedy.

It has been said before: Ramsay is a secondary-(tertiary) character, he exists to embody Theon’s worst sins and fears. That is his nightmare, breathing and living and flaying every piece of a carefully crafted personality Theon made in the North to stop being afraid, to reclaim power and control over his fate.

Fear didn’t allow him to be brave. It made him desperate, easy to manipulate. He takes Winterfell in a foolish attempt to be the person he thinks he must become. The self-made Prince. The heir who returned in glory. A worthy son of Balon Greyjoy.

That is the story he tells himself and others. In truth, it becomes apparent he took Winterfell in a desperate attempt to make his “almost-home” his at last.

In a desperate attempt to belong somewhere he could have everything – power and recognition and love. It is the type of extreme decision you make when you let fear overtake your reason. Any other choice would have been more reasonable. It wouldn’t have saved him from fear, though.

Most of Theon’s bad choices are a result of fear. It made him crave power with the same intensity as he secretly wanted love and recognition. In Clash, Winterfell itself, the castle, its people, embody his fear of rejection, of being unloved and unwanted. He represses it. Until he can't escape it even in his dreams.

The two desires, to have agency/power and love, clash violently in Winterfell, an arc in which Theon’s starts to completely unravel as he does everything in his power to be a hard man like his father, like Eddard (no matter how contradictory), while spying the tiniest hint of affection or gratefulness in his captives’ eyes.

After all, in his own experience, it is possible for a captive to admire and crave his captor’s love.

To want to help them. To be part of their family. And he seemed to expect the same from the people of Winterfell. Even in Dance (because torture doesn’t erase your past trauma!), he still believes he could have reasonably expected them to help him

His constant fear has twisted his view on loyalty (you cannot be loyal to someone who imprisons you), love and desire (he links lust and violence), power and justice (“hard men rule the world”).

It corrupts his desires, even. Of all the sexual encounters, or thoughts, he has, none seems genuine with the exception of Esgred, who is not a real person but the embodiment of the nonchalant, confidant attitude he wishes he could adopt as easily. She is everything he cannot be. She belongs. She commands respect. She has a family. And as she divulges her real identity to him, Asha becomes someone to fear. She is in his place. She is him, the heir, the son, while he is nothing and nobody.

Fear as a paralyzer

It is not surprising that Theon would smother from early on the parts of his personality that made him sensitive to fear.

His need to belong brings only fear (he will never be part of the Stark family, but he still dreams of it until he buries that dream as well).

His empathy brings only fear (he demonstrates in Dance his ability to connect with broken people used by the ones in power he could have shared experiences with but couldn’t because of his fear of humiliation).

It shows one limit to Eddard’s reasoning. Fear, sometimes, changes you in such a way that it hinders your ability to be brave (as in, to make the most moral choice against your own immediate interest).

Growing up with constant fear drove Theon to stifle his empathy, making it hard for him to protect other people, as you would expect from a prisoner whose life is a bargaining chip that hinges on his father’s and his captor’s will, from a man who cannot even help himself.

Growing up in constant fear jeopardized Theon’s ability to make long-term, realistic plans for his future, as he barely has any stable support to hold onto. His entire existence does not belong to him. NB: In this regard, it is logical that most characters he is paralleled with throughout his story (Jeyne P, Barbrey, the dead lady Hornwood, Holly who has the same cocky smile and arrogance as his old self, Alannys with her white hair and even Dany…) are women, who are more likely to be stripped of agency, must fight to claim autonomy and struggle to regain a semblance of control over their destiny.

He has many faults, though it cannot be said in my opinion that he did have a good choice to make and that he simply chose wrong by trying to please his father. There were only bad roads that led to imprisonment, death or ruin for him. Theon realizes this in Dance: he cannot bring himself to imagine a bright future. No, he regrets not to have died with Robb. He knows his path was filled with fear either way.

Fear is a paralyzer. It does, in a sense, alter Theon’s capacity to grow and evolve.

Fear makes him an apt survivor (he’d survive a horror movie in messy “final girl” fashion), with a great potential for adaptation. But it corrupted him in the process. Led him to embrace a (faux) cynical attitude, to be over-zealous with his own captors to the point of risking his life for them and most of all, to opt for cruelty over mercy contrary to his own (sometimes contradictory) values – in Winterfell, he hurt others, and it haunts him, but he stands by his choices.

His fear of being mocked, used and humiliated drowns every other motivator.

He is so afraid to be seen as he thinks the men of the world want to paint him: a weak creature to be used. Someone who needs to bargain and submit to keep his life. It is rather in line with his way of thinking that he would consider himself a whore after Ramsay subjected him to his power and abuse in Dance.

“Only a fool humbles himself when the world is so full of men eager to do that job for him.”

That’s it, that’s the philosophy. Theon has his moments of incredible self-awareness, and this is one, hidden beneath some moral lesson as a pretext.

It shows that:

He has a bleak, but rather realistic view relating to most men in power. They will abuse it. They will humiliate the weakest. They will do so eagerly.

He hasn’t met Ramsay at that point. He may instead be thinking of his brothers, of the lords who humiliated his defeated father, of his own father maybe, or perhaps (in my opinion) Euron.

His arrogance is a deliberate strategy designed to avoid the fate reserved to the most fragile people.

He doesn’t judge the men who abuse their power but doesn’t seem to view them in a positive light. Still, consciously or not, Theon sometimes acts like those men. Since he is mostly deprived of real political or military power, he does it in the context of his sexual relationships (that deserves an analysis, especially regarding how sexuality in his chapters is so often if not always depicted in a negative, degrading manner.). It’s a “eat or be eaten” kind of mentality he is struggling with during his Clash arc.

Fear instructs him to repress the slightest sign of weakness. There cannot be true loyalty, love or desire in such a state. You survive. You are barely living. You just survive.

The rare sincere relationships he forms are short-lived – Patrek Mallister is the son of an enemy family; Robb Stark cannot ever be his equal; his bond with Asha is poisoned by envy and fear, again, of his place being stolen by her.

Theon’s mind favors denial/dissociation and repression as a defense mechanism. It doesn't exactly help him to form sincere relationships with people. It’s a motif throughout his storyline that echoes the stakes relating to Ironborn culture in the story (they must remember their history or they’re condemned to repeat it – that’s the symbolic role of Rodrik the Reader in Asha’s storyline).

Most times, he tends to rewrite reality - consciously or not. Of course, he will be welcomed by Balon Greyjoy! Of course, his traditionalist father will agree to submit to Robb Stark! Of course, he, the hostage, will be given Asha's place that she (of course!) stole from him! Of course, he is destined to be one of those hard men who rule the world, not an eternal victim! Of course, he is not afraid, and even if he is, even brave men feel agonizing fear about other men seeing their weaknesses!

We soon discover how fragile this mechanism really is. The façade cracks more often than Theon would like. There are many instances of this, especially in his conversation with Dagmer ("I know you are no craven" "Does my father?") and Rodrik Cassel ("The noose I wore was not made of hempen rope but it chafed, it chafed me raw"). Worst of all, he allows Reek/Ramsay to amplify his fear. When I write "allow", I do not mean he did it on purpose naturally. But he is the one who freed Reek/Ramsay. He opened the door to a living nightmare. Reek/Ramsay quite literally haunts him in his Clash chapters.

What he cannot rewrite, Theon represses. It does not seem like it at first glance because he is prone to reckless decisions. It can lead one to categorize him as a vain egomaniac, not as a repressed person. His promiscuity doesn’t help, since we are wired to associate repression and modesty.

It is true terror that he is obligated to repress - and it is what comes flowing unbridled as he loses his armor in Dance. This kind of dread is mostly associated with Ramsay (there are so many instances I won't even go into it) and, well, Euron (the slight unease Theon felt about his uncle during ACOK can - and must - certainly be revisited with our current knowledge about him, the fact that in ASOS it is established that Theon revealed awful details about his uncle to Robb, and the now evident parallels between Aeron and Theon).

Fear as a regenerative force

In Dance, the "dread" Theon feels in the crypt of Winterfell is "familiar". And I think you can see it as his fear of being unwanted. Of belonging nowhere.

It makes sense: Theon fears what he truly is. A prisoner, a scared child and a pawn for men to use in their plans. It is the truth he can never escape, no matter how perfectly he plays the Hard Powerful Masculine Man.

Fear pursues him all his life. It is only when he has no fear left to feel (it was all spent in a cell of the Dreadfort; all his fear is caught by Ramsay, who is the embodiment of Theon’s insecurities) that he shows his more empathetic and gentle nature – although he still feels anger, bitterness and the occasional dread, of course.

Still, it is not a bed of roses. Theon is certainly more sincere. He is not putting on a performance for himself. When he lies, he is terribly conscious of it. He doesn’t manage to repress his traumatic memories anymore. It all comes back, flooding. Even such buried memories as the ones related to Euron.

In a way, Winterfell acts in his story as the theatre scene, the place where you can finally be yourself. I wrote a bit about this here. It serves as a catharsis for Theon. In Winterfell, he is able to find pieces of himself. Pieces he had forgotten. He starts to remember the childhood he had buried ("A son of the Islands" / the Euron related reaction in Winds).

Fear had been eating away at him. Fear had been controlling him, at times. Not that he wasn't responsible, but he certainly let himself be overcome by his crippling fear of humiliation (which, sidenote, I don't believe stems only from his status as a hostage but that is another story).

Fear had been breaking him piece by piece since childhood. Just like the rat he eats at the start of Dance - it had been eating him first! He had to defend himself against the threats even if it meant hurting and killing in the process.

It is in Winterfell that he finally confront his fears - that he meets the one essential fear he had been trying to escape: himself.

The lies become a motif, even. “False is all you were.” Theon never lied as a manipulator would, though. Most times, he does not seem to understand the coherence (or lack thereof) of his own actions – which is also a side effect of fear (or to be precise, the fear caused by childhood mistreatment). It causes confusion, alters your awareness and hinders such abilities as analysis and planning.

However flawed Theon was, he was a prince, he was a warrior and a friend, he was handsome, he took care of his clothes and weapons, he saw a comet and decided it shone for him. He wasn’t much of a real, sincere, coherent person, but it was the most functional version of himself he managed to be in his situation.

The man he pretended to be could never have survived the Dreadfort, though. He had to disappear. Was he even real? The façade barely made it through his Prince of Winterfell era. Chances are, had he escaped Ramsay, Theon would still have been forced to confront his true self one way or another.

He is stripped from all his usual defense mechanisms in a horrific torture labyrinth. He becomes the weak thing he always feared he’d be seen as. He cannot hide. He cannot lie. He cannot even smile.

Every single fear he ever had becomes his new reality.

Humiliation: check.

Being controlled and used as a thing: check.

Mockery and disregard: check.

Friendless and abandoned: check.

To escape from fear, he can only repeat the partition he learnt as a child hostage: apply the rules of the people who can cut off your head at any time, and be the well-behaved prisoner so you can rise again later and impress every the ones in power who can share their power with you (a very Ironborn strategy, actually).

Except, there is no escape this time. The flaying knife has cut through the armor Theon had crafted for himself. He has no way out (another motif throughout his storyline). He has no secrets left and no smile to hide behind. He cannot forget his status as Ramsay’s pet by exerting power onto others. He is the very last creature on the food chain this time.

And so, there is nothing to fear anymore.

The Dance chapters are filled with terror and dread, until Theon pieces himself together. Then he regains some composure, purpose and faith, even. He finds his courage within himself, where it always existed, in truth. And, in Jeyne, he finds a motivation. Saving her, a child prisoner, abused and terrorized, he also saves what little of himself he can.

The only time he can truly be brave is when he doesn’t have to fear becoming fully himself at last. Whatever that means, in the end. At the end of fear, something must remain. Something must be rebuilt. Piece by piece.

[yuurei20]

Malleus Facts Part 92: Magic (pt1)

On the subject of magic users Idia explains, “The scariest cases are always the ones with magic who get their power real young,” and the Malleus seems to have been using magic from an extremely young age: Malleus says he once froze the entire castle (and all the people in it) back when he had “finally started walking on two legs.”

Freezing things seems to be a basic skill for Malleus, and it is possibly that weather/element based abilities come naturally to him as a faerie: When STYX’s director puts forward the option of waiting for Malleus’ magic reserves to run dry in Book 7, the chief engineer points out that “some fae can draw magical energy from nature in addition to creating it themselves…what if Malleus could do that as well?”

(Malleus himself has hinted that he does not have to worry about his magic reserves ever running dry.)

Malleus’ weather-based abilities seem equally as connected to nature as they are to his emotions:

・lightning for anger (which he seems to have inherited directly from his mother and grandmother)

・fire for excitement

・snow for distress

・ice for loneliness?

When Riddle expresses exasperation at fairies in general as “forces of nature who throw temper tantrums when someone makes them mad” Malleus responds, “Fairies can be surprisingly stubborn and petty. You’ll find precious few as mild-mannered as myself.”

After losing his temper during Halloween, however, Malleus reflects, “I need to get better control of my emotions,” so it is possible that he is aware to some degree that he lacks control in this area.

Incidents that have displeased Malleus: ・Not being invited to festivities / the opening ceremonies ・Seeing a picture of the housewardens at a meeting which he had not been able to attend ・Cater calling him mysterious, with thoughts that are “inscrutable and hence terrifying”

After realizing he was tricked into attending the NBC social, not invited, the other characters assume Malleus is sad.

It is soon revealed that he was actually angry Silver and Sebek explain “He eagerly counted down the days until our trip by marking them on a calendar.”

After Malleus fries magic-draining lotuses Silver asks him to never give in to anger and expose himself to danger again.

He says seeing the others panic helped calm him down.

Asked what he did he explains, “It wasn’t intentional. I simply unleashed my full magical might.”

[miasmaghoul]

Here, have some soft dewther emotional hurt/comfort for reasons that do not at all reflect anything about my current mental state no siree👍

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

It's past midnight when Aether flops onto the common room sofa, exhausted from back to back shifts in the infirmary. It's a night he wishes that his own quintessence would work on himself, that he could wick away the ache in his back and the searing heat behind his eyes. He'd dragged himself here in search of food - Aether can't remember the last thing he ate, or when - but the sight of the couch had forced him to redirect.

So here he sits, alone in the dark common room, staring out the massive windows flanking the fireplace and watching the stars twinkle. He knows he should get up, should find something to put in his stomach so he can at least try to sleep, but his legs weigh a thousand pounds each and the thought of moving is enough to have Aether groaning into the silence surrounding him.

He wishes he were like Rain, like Swiss. That he could just close his eyes and be on his way to dreamland. That he didn't have to deal with the storm in his head, the revolving door of tasks to be done on his next shift. Reviewing the cases he'd handled today; there had been a flu outbreak in the human wing, and Aether stretches his hands while he thinks of every fever he'd soothed, every cough he'd calmed, every bit of suffering he'd pulled from those fragile bodies and let sink into himself.

Ghouls may not be susceptible to human illness, but the power it takes to heal them always leaves him feeling ill. Empty. Hollow.

Aether cracks his knuckles as the memory of one particular Sibling crosses his mind - a young girl, no more than twenty. Pale and shivering, hacking up a lung into the sleeve of her habit while she curled up in the corner of the waiting area. She was the only one who has arrived at the infirmary alone, a newly anointed Sister of Sin who hadn't found her footing yet. Hadn't found her family yet.

Her pain had been some of the worst for Aether to handle. Not because she was sick, there were other Siblings in far worse condition, but because she was alone. Aether could feel it in his bones the moment he touched her hand. An icy wave of anxiety and regret that had washed over every part of him, an ache even Aether couldn't soothe.

It would pass, he'd assured her. Everyone goes through this - the fear, the loneliness, the feeling that you've made a huge mistake by abandoning everything you knew and loved in the name of something new. Something better. Because there are expectations, assumptions, promises made that paint the church in an ideal, rose-colored light that draws in those eager for a place to belong.

It would pass, he'd assured her. It always does. She would find her routine, find Brothers and Sisters eager to take her under their wing. Find comfort in their Papa's sermons, in prayer and worship, as they all do. Eventually, everything would fall into place. She just needed to give it time. To let it happen.

She'd looked much better once her treatment was complete, had thanked him with a hug he could still feel untold hours later, and Aether was glad to see it. Truly.

But that cold pit of loneliness had stuck around long after she'd left the infirmary, a whirlpool of despair still swirling around in his chest. It's happened a few times before, when he's drained like this, but it's unpleasant all the same. Sore, almost. Like a thorn in his heart, digging deeper with every beat.

He should just go to bed. Make his legs work and drag himself down the impossible distance of the hall. Should collapse into his own bed and try to ignore the chill, the ache, the pounding in his head. He'd get to sleep eventually, right? It would be better than this - at least he'd be laying down. He should at least try.

The kitchen light flips on behind him, and Aether's too tired to jolt.

"Aeth?" A sleep-thick voice creeps into his ears, familiar, and Aether's shoulders sag. "What're you doin' in here?"

The soft patter of bare feet follows, and Aether sighs when their owner comes into view.

"Hey, Dew."

"Hey yourself," the little ghoul mumbles, rubbing at tired eyes. He's dressed in one of Aether's beat-up old shirts and a pair of sunflower printed pajama pants that undoubtedly belong to Sunshine. "I could smell you from my room," he says through a yawn, and Aether cringes. "D'you just get back?"

"Yeah," Aether rasps, working immediately to get his scent under control. It's something he always struggles with on nights like this. "Long day."

He crosses his arms over his chest, rolls his neck, and Dew frowns.

"Looks like more than that." Aether hugs himself a little tighter. "Wanna talk about it?"

"It's nothing," Aether huffs, the guilt of having woken Dewdrop enough to have that thorn sinking in further. "Go back to bed, love, I'm fine."

"Pfft," Dew waves a hand, dismissive, "how many times do I have to tell you you're a shitty liar?"

Aether groans, tosses his glasses to the side to dig the heels of his hands into his burning eyes. He hears Dew's tail thump against the area rug, obvious concern that he must be too tired to hide.

"I just...it was a long day," Aether sighs, resting his elbows on his knees and hunching over. "I'll be fine, I'm just...just tired, that's all."

Warm, bony hands come to rest on his shoulders, and it takes everything Aether has not to whimper at how good that simple touch feels.

"Aether," Dew says, low, "look at me."

He doesn't want to. Knows he too exhausted to hide the way the void in his chest will have darkened his eyes, brought out every line on his face. He knows that if he does, Dew will see the hurt. Hurt that isn't his problem, isn't something he needs to worry about. It's not his job.

"C'mon, Aeth," the little ghoul encourages, one hand leaving a shoulder to glide through Aether's thick, unruly hair. Aether does whimper then, can't help it, but silently prays Dew doesn't hear it. "Please?"

There's something so sincere in that one word that Aether can't deny him. He heaves a mighty sigh, leans back into the couch and begrudgingly lets Dew see.

Those copper eyes bore into him like white hot fire, and it only takes two breaths for Dew to understand.

"Oh, Aether," he breathes, cupping his worn face in those incredible hands. Aether sinks into the touch, something he can't quite name caught in the back of his throat. "What can I do?"

Nothing. Everything. Aether has no idea, too scattered and distracted by the icy claws scratching at his rib cage to do more than shake his head and flex his fingers. Dew won't break his gaze, looking down at him with concern knitting his brow and his mouth turned down at the corners. He brings his own hands up to hold Dew's wrists, overcome by the need for...for...

"Could you just -" a hiccup, one he can't help, "just...remind me I'm not alone?"

The words are miserable to say, a request he feels stupid for making and regrets instantly. Wishes he could take them back the second they pass his lips, a flush of embarrassment rushing up his throat when Dew tips his head. When a lock of golden hair that had slipped from his bun floats across his forehead, those gorgeous eyes gone soft around the edges.

But he doesn't have time to take them back, because Dew's already moving. Gently shaking off Aether's trembling grip and moving to straddle him on the couch. Skinny thighs bracketing his own while Dew settles in, leaning forward to get his arms under Aether's wrinkled white coat, looping them around his waist. Scooching closer until they're chest to chest, no more than their clothes to separate them, and then Dew's resting his head on Aether's shoulder.

"Don't worry, starlight," he lilts, soft as Aether's ever heard him. Dew kisses his neck, no more than a chaste peck. "'S long as I'm around, you never have to be alone."

The little ghoul starts to purr, his unnatural heat seeping into Aether's whole being, and Aether shudders. Wraps him up in strong arms and holds on tight, breathing in cedar and burnt cinnamon. Something so distinctly Dew that it overrides the mess in his head, in his heart, and as it does Aether can do nothing but believe him.

"Thank you, firefly," he huffs, voice thready. Something Dew would normally tease him for, but not tonight. He nuzzles closer, and Aether lets his cheek rest against the little ghoul's head. "Thank you."

[crystallizsch]

Random Thought, please humor me.

SURPRISE: YUUSHA GAINS MAGIC (By absorbing the Magic around her & dealing with Overblots)! Even better, she doesn't need a Mage Stone to control it! What would Yuusha's Unique Magic be & how does she use it? How would Jamil react?

"Magic makes people feel too powerful. Too entitled."

"That is not what magic does. That's just your fear. Fear is what can't be trusted."

HELPPP anon your random thought sent me down into a rabbit hole and i was hyperfixated on this for at least a WEEK 😭

THANK YOU FOR THE ASK BTW I REALLY APPRECIATE IT I HAD SO MUCH FUN WITH THIS 💕💕💕

anyways i also had an agonizing realization that yuusha is somewhat twisted elsa/anna because she has:

braid in front ✅

light-colored hair streak ✅

love interest that used her for his schemes ✅

desire to connect with people bc of years of loneliness (and emotional instability) ✅

unresolved childhood trauma in general ✅

(and probably more idk, these are the ones that stand out to me at the moment)

i haven't thought about frozen for YEARS and somehow it's still haunting me.

i have a lot of mixed feelings about this realization in general but the reason i brought this up is because i ended up basing yuusha's unique magic on frozen (not the ice powers part, but more the emotions aspect since elsa's powers work based on her emotions) while also still having aspects of yuu's own personality on it.

(also I'm sorry in advance i keep on dropping random lore about yuu and jamil's dynamic that only makes sense to myself hndsfhdsj)

I'm your friend. You don't have to hide. SHOW YOURSELF.

"Show Yourself" forces the target to say what's actually on their mind as long as she touches them. Since she's not particularly powerful and skilled with her own unique magic in the beginning, it's limited to skin-to-skin contact, and it only lasts for as long as she's touching her target.

If Yuu trained it more, it doesn't have to be skin-to-skin, just as long as she makes some kind of physical contact with her target; and it could last for as long as she wants even if she is no longer making physical contact. (But the longer she keeps it up, the more blot accumulates.) Yuusha would mostly just use her unique magic to mess with people. It'll only be rare that she chooses to use it for something serious.

To add more onto how Jamil would react to these magic shenanigans: They've both agreed on not using their unique magic on each other. To do so would be a breach of trust. (Of course there would be special exceptions but generally that's their agreement.) And since Jamil is still a scheming prick (affectionate), her "Show Yourself" unique magic would be useful. Plus, Yuu would not be against using her unique magic 99% of the time since she is also aware of the usefulness of her ability. Jamil would insist on helping Yuu out on how to use her magic because there was no way she'd get the hang of it immediately. And he knows she would refuse to ask any other (capable) magician for help.

An alternate idea that I scrapped was "Let It Go" where it's essentially Yuu telling her target to let go of their (usually negative) emotions. But those feelings can't just disappear so Yuu basically absorbs them so now it's her burden to carry instead. I scrapped it because I can't settle on how it works. (But it still had angst potential so I couldn't help but draw a bit about it anyway.)

(extra rambling below about yuusha overblot thoughts if anyone's interested hdlfhjgj)

this is a brief tangent from the original question because i also thought, "hey what if she overblotted, wouldn't that be fun"

i could see the overblot going in either two ways:

yuu accidentally hurts grim (or another friend) with her magic. she’s so distraught thinking that even with magic she can't protect those who are dear to her. and so during the overblot she will not actively try to hurt anyone but instead exhausting her magic reserves in an intentional attempt at self-destruction. (yes i also see the frozen parallels shhhh)

OR

something happens that was simply THE LAST STRAW. now she’s too pissed at everyone that she no longer cares about what happens to her or anyone else, going on a destructive rampage. which can also be considered an intentional attempt at self-destruction.

either way, basically, if she can’t go home she’s just going to take herself out and/or the school instead. the girl is not okay.

(there's actually nothing good she can home to, but she's convinced she'll be happy again if she returns. but she doesn't know that because she can't remember shit about her home. that's a separate lore dump post hgdsjfkld)

also the blot monster behind her would look something like marshmallow (elsa's snow monster from frozen) :)

(i also used to have a similar idea for yuusha. i planned to have her be immune to magic *because* she was absorbing it and she didn't realize. leading to an inevitable overblot) (but i scrapped it because yuusha became my victim for jamil x yuu stuff) (like if i can't have the excuse to have jamil use snake whisper on yuu then what is the point)

[radical-revolution]

Life can often feel like a solitary journey, especially when you’re dedicated to your path but surrounded by silence. The sensation of isolation can be overwhelming, making you question the value of your efforts and the worthiness of your goals. However, there is a profound truth that often goes unnoticed: the work you do with sincerity and integrity has a unique way of reaching out into the world, connecting you with like-minded souls.

In moments of solitude, it's essential to remember that true and conscientious work resonates beyond the immediate confines of your environment. This kind of work is imbued with authenticity and passion, qualities that inherently attract others. When you pour your heart and soul into what you do, you’re not just creating something of value—you’re sending out a beacon to others who share your values and vision.

Consider the countless artists, writers, scientists, and thinkers who have toiled away in isolation, often feeling as though their efforts went unnoticed. Their commitment to their work, however, forged connections they couldn’t have anticipated. Vincent van Gogh, for example, struggled with loneliness and obscurity during his lifetime, but his dedication to his art created a legacy that has touched millions. His unknown friends—those who appreciate and are inspired by his work—came long after he had gone.

The connections you make through your work might not always be immediate or visible, but they are inevitable. In a world interconnected by shared interests and passions, your dedication will draw people towards you. These unknown friends might come in the form of collaborators, supporters, or even those who find solace and inspiration in what you do.

Doing your work truly means committing to authenticity. It means producing work that reflects your true self, your values, and your vision. This authenticity is magnetic. People are drawn to genuine expressions because they offer a respite from the superficial and the mundane. When your work is a true reflection of who you are, it becomes a powerful tool for connection.

Moreover, conscientious work is characterized by a deep sense of responsibility and care. It’s about putting in the effort, paying attention to detail, and striving for excellence. This dedication not only enhances the quality of your work but also demonstrates your integrity and commitment. These qualities are universally respected and admired, making your work stand out and attract those who value the same principles.

It's also important to acknowledge that the journey of doing conscientious work can be its own reward. It cultivates inner strength, resilience, and a sense of purpose. While external recognition and companionship are fulfilling, the process of working earnestly and sincerely enriches your own life. It brings clarity, fulfillment, and a profound sense of accomplishment.

In today’s digital age, the power of your work to connect you with unknown friends is amplified. The internet provides platforms where your work can reach far and wide, crossing geographical and cultural boundaries. Your blog post, artwork, scientific research, or any other form of sincere work has the potential to touch lives in distant places, creating a ripple effect of inspiration and connection.

So, embrace your solitude as a space for creation and reflection. Trust that your true and conscientious work will find its way into the world, drawing towards you those who appreciate and resonate with it. Unknown friends are out there, looking for the kind of authenticity and dedication you bring to your work. By staying true to your path, you open doors to meaningful connections and a supportive community, no matter how isolated you may feel.

Remember, every effort you make with sincerity is a step towards forging unseen bonds and building a network of unknown friends who will seek you out, drawn by the light of your authentic and dedicated work.

***

[mizzskelter]

Dungeons of Lewdity AU Part 3

Er congrats on the new scenes Avery!

<<Part 1 [Pure Sydney, Corrupt Sydney, Erin and Bailey]

<Part 2 [Robin, Whitney, Kylar]

Eden the Half-Orc | Ranger:

Where others call the town a blessing for desires or opportunities, for Eden it was his utter bane. He hated everything about it in his youth and continues hating it far after packing up his meager things to then head straight for the forest. He didn’t look back once as the bustling view was swallowed up by trees. There he stays, surviving in solitude, life difficult yet peaceful. But some days are…lonely, and with loneliness comes desperation. And other rarer times are memories of a devil and someone he wishes he could forget. Isolation, neglect, a fate not unlike death, he wonders who out of their methods truly escaped the deal with a devil who may never come to collect.

Alex the Satyr | Druid:

Born with too many siblings and even more dreams (or as his family calls it stubbornness), Alex always knew where his heart lay. That being with a metric ton of dirt, potatoes, and the bottom of a stein. And maybe another round of drinks. When did a keg get here? Wait-what was I saying again? Right, anyway, with his natural aptitude for plants and a good dash of magic, farming should have been an easy endeavor. Seems like the land he bought nearby the town is as stubborn as he is though to an almost unnatural degree. Then there’s his neighbors who, well, he’ll learn the hard way they have a ruthlessness to rival.

Avery the High Elf | (Blue) Draconic Bloodline Sorcerer:

Every ball, every banquet, Avery will be there demanding no less than the outclassing his competition and associates alike. From company to trivial things like dance, matters like these pose as a test to his reputation. And if he can’t throw enough money until it works then there are other methods of forcing imperfections to obey.  See where his wealth comes from is just one of many mysteries. What anyone does need to know for certain is that the displays of magic he too often flaunts are statements of more than one kind. The type of power that patiently rages beneath jewels and old bones and charming smiles waiting for a chance to show.

Welp human LIs finished. Time to either burn Kylar’s clothes or draw what’s on everyone else’s clothes upclose. I’m not gonna elaborate cus I don’t know where I was trying to going with that.

[ficks-of-fancy2]

Billy Batson/Cap. M headcanons AKA something you didn't ask for but we are doing

Flossing Marvel jumpscare!

Billy is homeless by choice. Mostly due to being almost constantly adopted into bad families (boy just has the worst luck). Billy prefers to remain homeless out of the fear that at some point he won't be able to get away from an abusive family. And is absolutely terrified of cops because they tend to take one look at him and toss him in the system or call him a lost cause and try to send him to juvie. Billy does work for Wiz Radio mostly as a result of magical shenanigans i.e Wiz is run by the magical community of Fawcett City. Oh, Billy isn't a big fan of being Cap, I don't know how else to describe it as other than Uncanny Valley for the kid and the fear that he'll end up like Black Adam.

He and Freddy aren't even remotely related familially! Freddy is just some random kid his age that he became close friends with due to mutual loneliness and love of causing problems. Freddy's disability was a result of parental abuse were one of them broke his leg and it was just never properly handled so it just didn't set right. A teacher noticed this and had him placed into her protective custody until his parent was arrested and he had to be placed in foster care due to her inability to meet his needs. He currently lives with Victor and Rosa's family. The other family's backstory remains mostly the same.

Tawky Tawny is a fae trickster two pulled a prank on the wrong person (Titania) and as a result was cursed into the form of a stuffed tiger keychain. Currently he's Billy's familiar as a sort of parole/attempt to prove he's learned his lesson. He was a close friend of The Wizard for a few centuries and is teaching Billy the ins and outs of his inherited role as the Champion of Magic.

Magic lore

The Shazam acronym is as follows:

Sovereignty of Hera

Guidance of Hecate

Council of Athena

Power of Zeus

Fury of Ares

Momentum of Hermes

I always thought it was weird that Capt. Marvel got his power from multiple theological origins unlike Black Adam who was exclusively Egyptian. It was also weird that The Champion of Magic didn't have Hecate as one of his patrons, given her authority as the goddess of magic. I also like the idea the that Billy is beloved by the gods and has multiple blessings outside of the Champion. Like Artemis gave him an understanding of wild creatures and Dionysus making his mind harder to read. Billy is essentially a cryptid due to this, but with magic and a desire to start shit for the hell of it. I have this idea that each member of The Council of Wizards had their own champion and pantheon to draw from. Shazam obviously has the Greek pantheon, but the others had the Norse, Egyptian, Shinto, ect.

Capt. Marvel's duty is less about fighting bad guys and more along the lines of diplomacy, fixing what Black Adam caused. Helping magical communities to coexist and preventing magical threats that could potentially harm both the normal and mystic communities. Also the whole custodian of the Rock of Eternity thing. The Rock itself being a multiversal conduit for all magic does possess a limited form of sentience and will send members of the Shazamily to different realities for various reasons. The Rock tends to send them to those that aren't magically inclined often so a problem gets solved before they are able to return. It's next to impossible to open gates to The Rock in a reality that isn't magically inclined it becomes more difficult at best to return. The same it true for attempting to enter any other dimension i.e The Fae Wilds. I've always enjoyed the nuance of 'my job isn't to punch people, it's to help them.'

The Council of Wizards imposed rules on the Rock's interference;

1)The Rock is forbidden to speak.

2)The Rock is forbidden from taking physical form.

3)The Rock is forbidden to reveal any knowledge unknown to The Champion in any form.

4)The Rock is forbidden from most forms of physical interference (No moving doors)

This can only be rectified if the Council no longer holds control over the rock. Disbandment, forcible removal, or death without an heir.

Physical appearance HC

Billy has lichtenberg figure scars that are weirdly localized, the entire Shazamily does, Billy just has the most. The largest one is on his back starting from the nape of his neck and spreading out at his shoulder blades, he shares this scar with Mary. Freddy and Billy share a scar on Freddy's bum leg, this one going up from the foot to the knee. Darla's scar is on his right hand rising from the palm to the elbow. Pedro's is the left, it starts at the shoulder and ends midway to the hand. Eugene's is on the right leg starting at the mid thigh and ending at the achilles heel. The first scar Billy got is a circle around his heart that spreads across his chest like tree roots, it has no match.

The Champions all share variants of the same costume design (with one exception). Togas with pants, golden braces and boots. They still have the capes (I like those) and the togas match the color scheme with some extra personalization (sans Billy). Mary has the favor of Athena so her's is more armored than normal (and white). Freddy has Hermes so he has sandals instead of boots and his cape is smaller. Eugene is in full on spartan battle armor (Oops all Ares). Darla has a tiara and a longer skirt section. Pedro has the favor of Zeus so his outfit has streaks of charring similar to lightning. They all still have the thunder bolt thing in their chests it's just more obvious that it's a physical part of them.

Now on to my personal fav. Billy is transmasc. I don't know why but I like it. Additionally, Billy is pansexual and has had a lot of boyfriends and girlfriends none of them ended up being what he wanted, leading to a feeling of something being wrong with him. Freddy is gay but thought he was straight for the longest time. I'm just gonna preface this by saying Billy and Freddy being foster siblings is new and they used to just be friends and that is more interesting to me than just siblings. I don't have any strong feelings about the ship, it's fine, I think the potential of a close friendship developing into a close romantic relationship is much more interesting than enemies to lovers. So that's my standing.

Mary is lesbian, she just has the vibes. Darla is to baby to care. Pedro is a bi king. Eugene is the ace icon.

[athanasius-symposium-of-writings]

" i'm going to put that mouth of yours to good use. " with Alva is so dreamy, it's not a request it's just a good prompt with him honestly!!

Talking to a friend about CoA!Alva and this line fits him and kitty!alva lol

Rated: Explicit | Warnings: fear, dubcon

A live band recording plays in the background, the stage lights are bright as they are focused on the center of the stage, and the bar is dimly lit. You are crawling backward as light footsteps approach the stage, the fallen microphone stand on the stage floor is moving the side as the tendril of the abyss follows its new master, light shallowed by shadows as they approach you. “Mr. Lorenz?” When the man who was not too long ago watching you practiced your performance and clapped when it was appropriate. How polite… You stare up in disbelief as he towers over you with the gentle smile of the man you loved before his… Death.

Luca said he died, there was a funeralーThough there was nobody in the casket. It hurt, hurt for many years, you had made plenty of songs expressing your pain and confessing feelings you wished to have told him.

“My starlight,” You were up against the stage curtains that cover the brick wall behind it, “Your voice still as angelic as ever.” His hand pets your done-up hair for tonight, your skin sparkles from the makeup done to give a glow effect as you perform, and he is still enchanted by you.

“H-how?” Trying to keep calm as one of the tendrils slithers up your legs and your arm, “...” You cringe as it feels cold and weird, “What are you?” Worried as what you are looking at is a shell that abyss is using to hurt you before it kills you… Like it did to him.

“I am still Alva,” Leaning down as his finger traces your jawline before using his thumb and index finger to tilt your head back, “But this not about me, my dear.” His eyes are purple, not the greyish blue you know well, “You are still human.” Fascinated as he sees not one robotic augmentation on you like all humans do to the point of losing their humanity. Your songs, your rebellion voiced and recorded to be broadcasted, you sing about the humanity lost. 

He draws back as you start struggling as the tendrils of the abyss bind you, “It is good you never changed,” Speaking as he removes his long coat, “I feared the worst when I found out you were having relations with Luca.” Sighing as you tried to explain yourself, “I understand, my love, grief, and loneliness are powerful forces. There is no fault in your actions.” Your head is forced to stay in place and you realize what he is doing when his hands go to his pants, “My apologies,” Tracing your lips, “Seeing you has reminded me of our past,” You look away, “You were not alone suffering, dreams of you kept me alive. The promise of seeing once more.” The sound of his pants being opened, “I'm going to put that mouth of yours to good use.”

The record stops playing, and the sound of the static echoes, you are unsure if to bite him or go along with it. You are afraid but this is Alva a man who would never hurt you. Even now he is gently encouraging you to open your mouth, to part those pretty lips. Though you are bound and held in place, he does not forget or selfishly make this about him; no, he makes sure you are caressed by the other tentacles between your legs and playing with your chest.

[itslouisan]

((@leticiachaos on twitter))

Time for Q!Tallulah headcannons!!

Fair warning: this post has mentions of depression, abandonment issues, trust issues, poor living conditions; all of the mentions of Wilbur are ONLY mentions to his character not the real person.

• Due to her abandonment and trust issues, Tallulah created a tough and cold exterior not opening herself to anything new, but, if you manage to break the shell, she's sweet, caring, loyal, nice, creative, the loveliest egg possible

• She likes Richas, but has jealousy, after all he came AFTER her and still has most of the island around him and ADOPTING HIM??? While SHE had to ground herself to an empty promise of a returning loving father and feeling alone most of the time "without" a "real" family to comfort her.

• Due to her time in the attic Tallulah developed anemia due to not having for a long time the necessary nutrients and surviving off of dirt.

• She hates the smell of moss, dirt and related things despite loving botany due to her time in the attic

Black: depression, extreme anger, sorrow or loneliness, it's her way of expressing she's REALLY not feeling okay

• When she finally accepted Wilbur would never come back or be the father she wished and dreamt of, she cut her hair that was long since "hair holds memories", painted her hair black since Missa is Philza's partner and is more of a father to her than Wilbur could ever be and she was tired of holding herself to a small memory instead of accepting change and happiness

• Can't really vent not because her family wouldn't listen, but because of her trust issues and before having to be the "cute innocent girl who's there for everyone" she didn't have the space to vent and put her emotions first

• She was tired of her original red beanie matching Wilbur, it was too dirty and old, deciding to pick a purple one who matched her and a few mushroom hats to express her emotions

• Each color of mushroom represent an emotion (in canon I think she only had black and purple, but I expanded it considering there's a lot more patterns and colors of mushrooms, especially in a sort of magic island)

purple: neutral, calm, it's the regular she wears all the time

Pink: love, happiness, she's feeling creative or excited over something, possibly wanting or doing stims

Blue: shows more of "little" sadness, not strong enough to be depression or despair, but just enough to show it, also can mean fear.

Red: anger, hate.

• Due to her autism, she carries a pair of headphones ALL the time as well as stim toys, comfort objects or plushies, a sketchbook she writes and draws what she's feeling to better communicate it.

• She can play maracas, flute, piano, guitar (acoustic), kalimba.

• Big fan of musicals and history, in late nights she likes to listen to Philza's stories of the old times and Chay loves his battle stories, so they share this cozy moment

• In the beginning she could only see ghosts, but with time she could see the deities. She can see and feel their emotions but can't talk with them much, she mainly can see Mumza and Rose, Rose in the sanctuary where her power is centered and stronger, Mumza all around her dad (Phil >:) ) and every time she's with the crows.

• Knows flower language to write better letters to everyone, adding a deeper meaning, sometimes saying secret stuff through the flowers and as an extra giving pretty flowers

• Tallulah sometimes paints her nails with Phil and Chayanne, every week with a different design

• When Missa is home back from his journeys, Tallulah sees how exhausted her dad is, so she speaks in spanish (their native languages) and makes him some food or brings fruit

• Before she officially forgot Wilbur whenever she would come with other residents and her siblings, Tallulah sometimes felt weak, abandoned, left behind, after all, ALL the others had their parents, had close connections, she hated it but couldn't help but feel jealous, in these situations Phil and Chayanne always reassured her the best they could that they would never leave her and that she wouldn't go back to the attic.

• Makes bracelets for her close family, always wearing one with PxTxC on her left hand (Philza, Chayanne and Tallulah), in the right one she has a TxCxR (Tallulah, Richas, Chayanne) or it could be TxCxP (Tallulah, Chayanne, Pomme) after all she doesn't hate Richas, she hates that he's immature and acts "entitled" and dramatic over his issues, but still tries her best to be a good sister to him, also loves pomme a lot!! Considering Pomme her bestie

Reminder: Tallulah is just a child in rp, children don't know how to control their emotions and in situations of abandonment, neglect and lack of a trusting bond with a caretaker, children can struggle even more with emotions, care, jealousy, trust, self-esteem etc, so don't call Tallulah "selfish" or "spoiled" she has every right to be that way after what she's been through

• Due to her depression,sometimes Tallulah can't take care of herself, spending days or weeks in bed or just not feeling like going out, or when she does she doesn't show much interest, in these cases Phil and Chayanne always cooked some nice food and drinks, went to the nests, and chatted and comforted her

• She became a great fighter after the events of pre-purgatory and purgatory, she NEEDED a tough exterior since she was without Chayanne, and that time worsened her depression severely

[anxious-witch]

Okay. Long awaited analysis of Jure's pictures. As always, this is entirely subjective and I don't claim to be 100% right about ny interpretations. Apologies if I am a bit scatterbrained, I just had to write this today despite vibrating out if my skin.

Anyway, let's get to it

So I went ahead and rearranged the pictures in a way that I think fit together.

We start off with these two(sorry for blurryness, it just turned out like this when I cropped them). But funnily enough, I think we have Jure as the opposite of everyone else. Where the rest seemed to gain protection and safety from clothes, I feel like Jure feels stiffled by them.

In these two, he looks most lonely and disconnected than in any other photos from the photoshoot. In the first one, he is in a position akin to the one we saw him before, in that box. Like a cat lounging on the floor. But he is looking away, giving a picture a sense of loneliness, of disconnection. And even before we see him with a cigarette in picture two, there is an ash tray to indicate the smoking.

Then immediately following is this. Jure begins to take off his clothes, his pants and underwear pulled down messily, he is pulling his sweater up. He is still smoking here, but he is also looking directly at the camera. His eyes are frame by a dark eyeliner.

When I was looking at the pictures for the first time, I didn't get the connection until I saw this picture. I am gonna jump the gun and say that I think this set is literally meant to serve as a seduction. Who did they vote for the most likely to sleep with a fan? Jure. Who said hookup when everyone else said relationship? Jure again.

My interpretation is, as crude as it sounds, is that he is connecting with the viewer here through sex and seduction.

Here we have this again. He is only in his underwear and wearing a jacket. I'd even go as far to speculate that it's not meant to be his jacket. Because he is looking to feel closer to the person he is seducing. He'll put on makeup and their clothes, all for the show, all to be seen and to seduce. And I think that's what this photoshoot is, a way for Jure to be seen in a new light.

Interstingly, he seems to have mostly open body language so far in all pictures. In this one he seems slightly more closed off, with his knees pulled closer to his chest and his arm resting on top of them.

Then in this set, we have what I like to think of as "the morning after". There is no makeup, there is no clothes. Jure looks almost superior in the first picture. He reminds of Roman Emperor reclining.

Romans used to have parties, usually reserved only for men, where the position you got on the reclining bed could speak of your position. Here we have Jure alone, in the center. This is his moment and he is completely relaxed, completely in power. He isn't shying away from the camera, there is not shyness due to his almost naked state. Like someone would, after a suceesful seduction.

In the second picture, that's even more openly expressed. His head is fully turned to the camera, his eyes even more intense. It's as if he is inviting us in, drawing us closer. I can't tell if there is a different balnket altogether or if it's shifted and the end of it seems like a slightly different material.

Either way, I can't see anything but him pulling a lover closer once again.

Third picture is....well. Obviously there are certainly other interpretations, but to go with the obvious, Jure seems to be very open here, even has his eyes closed and that paired up with the way his body is positioned implies pleasure to me. Which once again plays into the whole set being about seduction, and about connection that he seems to gain from physical closeness.

In all three pictures, Jure is wearing a chain necklace around his neck. Interestingly enough, he doesn't wear them in the first set. Perhaps implying this is something new he decided to adorn himself with? Or a steel he wears underneath?

Then we have shirtless Jure, and an reappearance if a chain necklace. He is even openly acknowledging the necklace by touching it. With the addition of Damon's quote: "your art intertwined with my art", I think we can once again reaffirm this is a new way Jure wants to be seen. He is an art all of his own, even when surrouded by the art of the rest of his bandmates, he gets to be a central piece in this one. Yet-in the two pictures on the right, he has closed off body language.

Perhaps he is still unsure of the new role he wants. His gaze is softer, less intense. He is letting us take him in as he is. Which is clearly difficukt for him, hence mire closed off body language but none the less, he is still showing us that.

As always, feel free to add in on these, I feel like I missed on a lot of things bc of everything they dropped on us today but damn. I love this photoshoot sm

[anulithots]

I got to chapter 236.

And maybe I'm finally getting closer to fully analyzing Gojo. Because.. this made a lot of sense of his character actually, and to me it does not seem out of character for him to seem 'less caring for his students' compared to empathizing with the king of curses himself.

I think that Gojo drew the line after Riko's death, because meeting Geto was the first time he allowed himself to be anyone but just 'the strongest'. He had fun and joked around and enjoyed himself.

But... the confidence given to him as 'the strongest' was taken from him. He wasn't strong enough to defeat Toji. So he doubled down on making himself stronger, and fought with a crazy streak.

From here on out, he was simply 'a living creature'. I'd even go as far as to say that he never let himself get as close to anyone as he did with Geto and Riko. He would love them, he does love them, but he had to 'draw his line', lest the same thing happen again. If he isn't the strongest for one moment, people he cares about die.

He couldn't allow himself to be around Geto as much. He needed to be stronger.

After Geto left, Gojo says he can only save those who want to be saved.... and I think that was Gojo's motive from then on out. (Like when he talks to Megumi about being selfish, he doesn't say anything until Megumi asks to be trained.) Because he couldn't save his best friend. He couldn't save anyone that mattered. Not even as the strongest, not even after he isolated himself to be the strongest.

Gojo portrayed himself as the strongest, the one who would handle everything and no one would see him as human. He wasn't human. He loved them, but he kept his distance. He'd protect them. But he'd keep his distance.

He'd make sure that everyone else could be strong enough to protect themselves without experiencing his loneliness.

Because the corrupt system makes it so. If you're strong, then you are lonely. If you aren't strong, then you'll still die alone.

Gojo's going to do everything he can to give them companionship and happiness... and the strength to protect themselves from the system.

Because he could only have one or the other. And he chose strength because... he was the strongest after all.

Gojo himself doesn't see himself as anyone but the strongest. The moment he allowed himself to have friends, they were taken from him, so he went back to being the lonely sorcerer he once was, regretting everything that happened.

In this way, he mirrors Itadori:

Gojo does regret the way he's lived.

I don't think Nanami would honestly say this. He may say something along these lines, but he wouldn't say it like this.

This, I think, is Gojo's perception of what others think of him. Because he doesn't do it just to satisfy himself, if that were the case, then he wouldn't have been a teacher or done all he did to protect his students (to the point where the moment he was sealed a lot of people got screwed over)

The only one who understood Gojo was Geto, but as @ellionwrites pointed out in this post, Geto left with the words of 'are you just 'the strongest'?

And to Gojo, it's almost like there's no hope for him now. He's the strongest, but what power does that give him really? In this society? He 'gave it his all' and in return he only got solitude from everyone else, who thought of Gojo as above them.

The only solution he can think of is:

Fix society so that way no one is alone anymore.

(not that Gojo himself would be alleviated from his loneliness...

One last thing:

Gojo might've lived with regrets, but he didn't die with them.

... sorry for rambling! Really tired right now. I'll try to make a condensed version of Gojo's character like I did for pre-shibuya Itadori soon.

@justrustandstardust @lmskitty @bygeto

[d3lly1000]

AU: TEAM SONIC HUMANIZED BUT... VERSION CLASSIC!

I was without power at home for a few days and to distract myself I ended up drawing some of the concepts on paper! I couldn't help myself and ended up transferring them to digital format as soon as they came back on… And I simply love them so much aaaaaaaaaaaa

As always, I'll be leaving some interesting facts about them and at the end of this post I'll leave some artists who inspired me with their designs! :) Oh! And if you're interested, you can see more of my SONIC HUMAN AU by going to #Sonic-the-human on my blog! And you can also see more of my original post here! ~~~~~~ CLASSIC: SONIC, THE YOUNG HERO

When Sonic was younger, he used to wear lighter clothes and didn't care much about keeping up with his style;

His shoes wore out over time, even tearing;

His hair was originally wavy, but because he was always running and moving around, the wind ended up making his hair stand on end and back;

Amy and Sonic's hair is lighter, because their Classic forms have a lighter palette of quills than the Modern Era;

You can see this transition from light to dark hair!

Fun fact: Sonic always made the "Scratching His Nose" gesture to disguise certain emotions, usually related to boredom and embarrassment. This has remained with him until today!

When he was younger, he was a boy of few words. But that changed when he started having Tails as company on his adventures;

The Ring on his necklace is a valuable symbol to him, Sonic never takes it off for anything;

CLASSIC: AMY ROSE ROSY, THE LOVELY DREAMER

Bows have always been something that has been intertwined with Amy, along with hearts and… Lucky cards!

She was a young dreamer, an expert in fortune-telling. She met Sonic through the cards, followed him, was captured by his evil metallic copy and after being rescued in a long adventure between times… Amy could feel that the blue hero had messed with her;

At that time, Amy didn't have her Piko Piko Hammer yet, she only received it when she decided to go in search of the Blue Boy who had saved her;

Modern!Amy feels ashamed to remember her past self, both because she feels she was quite childish and because she is ashamed of her hairstyle at the time;

Although she is ashamed now, Sonic has always found her very pretty since that time - He just doesn't admit it;

Currently, Sonic teases Amy with the nickname "Rosy", he likes the reaction she has whenever she hears that name; CLASSIC: KNUCKLES, THE CHOSEN ONE BY THE MASTER EMERALD

From the beginning, Knuckles felt that he had a great responsibility in his life: Protecting the Master Emerald;

Despite being inexperienced and very young, he dedicated himself to training every day to improve his tactics and ensure the safety of the Emerald and the Island where he lived;

He ended up getting into some trouble during this period, until he was tricked by Dr. Eggman, causing Knuckles and Sonic to have their first contact in a… Hostile way;

Today, they are good friends, but they love competition and teasing;

Knuckles spent a lot of time alone since he was little, so for him, loneliness is already part of his routine;

Modern! Knuckles is a little more controlled in relation to his strong temperament, but in the past, he was a hot-headed and impulsive person;

Because his people have a connection with the Master Emerald, Knuckles ended up conceiving the power to be able to sense where it and its fragments might be. Something that says a lot about the connection he created with the emerald; CLASSIC: MILES "TAILS" PROWER, THE LITTLE YOUNG INVENTOR

Tails didn't have good mobility when he was little, he had a weakness and this was a reason for bullying by other children;

He invented his mechanical wings, as a way to help himself in his movement. Even though the other boys his age thought it was silly and made fun of him because of it;

When Sonic appeared on his Island, he was his salvation from the bullying situation, and curious about his hero's speed, Tails tried to follow him, it was then that he discovered that he could fly with the help of his own movement equipment;

He has been very inspired by Sonic since he was little, Tails discovered his vocation to create things thanks to the support that Sonic gave him;

His tied sweatshirt simulates the two tails… Despite this, Modern! Tails wears it, being his sweatshirt from his Classic Era; ~~~~~ MY INSPIRATIONS:

- @/Hallsth_eien

- @/Angie Nekoblue

- @/Lauren Ilustrated Thank you very much for reading! Sorry for the bad English <3

[utapri-translations-uuuu]

Loneliness and Despair - Translation (孤独と絶望)

Please do not repost/retranslate without permission.

I have also made a version which includes the members' notes found in the script.

[Human limitations - Faust’s house, nighttime]

He is sitting in a chair in his dark, dusty room.

Faust bites his nails while clicking his tongue. A habit of his.

Faust: … How cruel life is.

He is overcome with despair.

Faust: It is far too short a time for a person to live…

Faust holds his head between his hands.

Faust: I’ve spent my life's precious time studying. I have gone to great deals to master every possible field from philosophy to jurisprudence, medicine, and theology. I spared no effort, doing anything in my power to achieve this.

He slams on the desk.

Faust: And yet! I couldn’t discover the truth of the world. None of it…

He violently sweeps the books off the desk.

The books fall off the desk with a clatter.

Faust: Professor, Doctor, scholar…? Being called by such titles means nothing. Even if you achieve a certain level of success, it becomes a responsibility and puts pressure on you. I was pushed even further into learning, and I was unable to escape from that cycle…

Looking at his trembling hands.

Faust: Learning left me nothing… As an old and decrepit man, there is nothing left for me to do. My wrinkled hands tremble weakly, and my eyes, which have lost their sparkle, reflect a hazy world.

A longing for death that comes from loneliness.

Faust: How much time do I have left…? Until I cease to exist… There is no escaping death. It comes equally to every human being.

He hugs himself and endures his loneliness.

Faust: Am I going to meet my end in solitude…? With no one to mourn my death, and no one to watch me draw my last breath.

Faust is beset with remorse.

Faust: If I had spent more time on other things, would my life have been different…?

He stares into nothing and mutters as if imagining it.

Faust: Having a warm home and a happy life with a loving partner and our children?

He smiles self-deprecatingly.

Faust: … That would be hoping for too much. I wanted at least someone who I could call a close friend with whom I could share my heart with.

He speaks while thinking back to times gone by.

Faust: Ha… I can’t find an answer to the question of what I should have done. If I had been able to do that, I probably wouldn’t be having regrets now. I keep thinking ridiculous thoughts. It’s pointless, all of it. Just near-death dreams…

His hand finds the vial of poison in the medicine cabinet.

Faust: Let’s end this already… Taking away the pain and going to sleep. Permanently…

[The suffering of successful people - Downtown, daytime]

***

Faust’s recollection

A conversation between Faust and his disciple, Wagner. On the way back from buying chemicals to make poison.

Faust: …

Wagner waves his hand in the air.

Wagner: Doctor! Doctor Faust!

Wagner runs up to Faust, who then turns to face him.

Faust: … It’s you, Wagner.

Speaking with great enthusiasm.

Wagner: Good day! You’re certainly carrying a great load… Those are all chemicals…? … Oh, I see. Are you planning to do some new experiments in pharmaceutical science?

Faust: … Yes, something like that.

Wagner holds out his hands to take the package.

Wagner: Shall I carry it for you…?

Faust smacks Wagner’s hand away.

Faust: Don’t treat me like a senior citizen!

Wagner: P-Pardon me… I apologize for overstepping. However, all of these materials seem to be very expensive. I wouldn’t ever be able to afford them. I’m really envious.

He scratches his head in embarrassment.

Wagner: Well, I still have much to learn, so even if I were able to get them, I would probably be unworthy of them…

Faust: Envious…? Material things are of no value at all.

Looking into Faust’s face.

Wagner: Is that so? With great materials and your knowledge, you are sure to discover something new, Doctor! There absolutely is value to them!

Faust quietly shakes his head.

Faust: … You still don’t get it. The knowledge gained in life is only a small part of it. Rather than mastering it, the more you know, the more desperately you want to learn more.

Wagner: What can you, someone beloved by God, say? You have exceptional talent and have achieved many successes. From my perspective, you seem to have everything you could ever want…

Faust: What really matters in life is not talent, wealth, or fame. All of those things will be of no use at the time of the Last Judgment.

Wagner: Even someone as great as you feels that way… I'm still inexperienced and haven't reached that level yet. I must work even harder!

He clasps his hand tightly, enthusiastic.

Wagner: I will do my very best to follow in your footsteps and continue your work!

Faust seems to have resigned himself.

Faust: Yes… You still have a lot of time left. That’s right, the world is full of possibilities and hope… Go ahead and pursue your dreams as you like.

Wagner: Yes, sir! But I am sure that I, an ordinary person, would not be able to accomplish that alone. However, I have a trusted confidant!

He gazes dreamily into the distance.

Wagner: I have an intimate, close friend who is pursuing the same dream as me. He saves me from despair and getting discouraged…

Faust bites his nails while clicking his tongue. A habit of his.

He’s quite annoyed.

Faust: … Close friend…?

Wagner reports happily, as if talking about his own achievements.

Wagner: Yes! He’s a genius! Not only is he clever, but he's also pure, beautiful, and flawless. He's a talented friend I'm very proud of!

Faust bites his nails while clicking his tongue. A habit of his.

Faust: How cruel life can be.

Envy towards Wagner. A desire for youth and popularity.

Faust: … You're completely different from me. There isn’t anyone who will listen to what this old man has to say, let alone be my close friend. That's just how popular I am. I don't even have anyone who will be by my side.

He gently pats Wagner on the shoulder.

Faust: It's a lonely life. Knowledge has not filled the loneliness. Wagner, don't go astray. Don't lose sight of what is truly important. This is advice from an old man.

He gazes at his clenched fist with regret.

Faust: No amount of wealth or fame can buy you eternal life. And you can't turn back time...

Faust smiles with a look of resignation.

Faust: Do you know what the ultimate dream of the masters is? Immortality… I was never able to fulfill that dream.

Wagner approaches Faust agitatedly.

Wagner: Immortality…? Eternal life…!? What are you talking about!? That means stepping into the realm of the divine!

As if reminding him to be careful not to let anyone hear him.

Wagner: You will incur God’s wrath! How blasphemous… Such dangerous thoughts… are not allowed.

Faust: You'll understand when you're older. Right now, you're young, so you have the luxury of time.

Wagner is shaken. He can’t deny it completely.

Wagner: Is… that so…?

As he expresses his genuine gratitude, he comes up with the idea of leaving him a keepsake.

Faust: Wagner. Thank you for listening to this old man’s rambling. Oh, that’s right… About the documents you wanted, feel free to take as many as you want.

Wagner: Eh! Really? Thank you very much!

Faust: … I don’t need them anymore. Come get them sometime... See you.

Wagner feels a little uncomfortable.

Wagner: Doctor Faust…? Doctor Faust…!

Faust ignores Wagner and walks away.

***

[cer-rata]

Fic WIP "Boys Will Be Bugs"

When Jon first met Damian, he didn’t have a lot of friends. His early life was pretty unstable actually, and so were his powers, so there weren’t tons of opportunities to mingle. He'd never willingly admit it, but on a level his friendly personality was born out of loneliness as much as it was his natural state.

Anyway, back then Jon didn't know a ton of people, and It was easy for him to call someone a best friend when there were only three options--especially since one of them helped a crazy British man harass his family. And torture him. Kon had finally gotten him to admit to himself that Manchester Black's attempts to recruit him counted as torture, and he wasn't sure he appreciated knowing that, actually.

He was over it though, he and Kathy were still close, even if they saw each other less nowadays. But…it did give Damian a bit of a leg up in that race. As for Maya, well, she was like an older sister almost, still a friend, but it was a little different. So in some ways it kind of defaulted to Damian, especially with how much time they spent together in the years since.

The really interesting thing, Jon thought, was how Damian managed to keep that spot when he started adding new friends to his orbit. Jon had some really good friends too, friends he’d trust with his life, friends who knew things about him that he’d never tell his parents, friends who he knew liked him separate from the Superboy thing.

But still, Damian was the one Jon thought about when something went wrong, or when he figured out a new way to use his powers and wanted to tell someone. He thought about Damian a lot, really.

Damian had added some new friends to his orbit too, and recently a boyfriend even. Which was so…cool. Jon was happy for him, Damian deserved to have something nice like that, and it was great to see him opening up to new possibilities and stuff. He even genuinely liked the guy, and they’d already gotten past the “almost killing each other because of a misunderstanding/supernatural problem” stage, AND saved each other's lives. Conrad was Jon’s friend too, and that was neat. 

He wasn’t jealous anymore. Not at all. That wouldn’t make sense. Damian was already his best friend, what else could he even want? The Sapphire crystal thing showed you what you loved, and obviously he'd love his best friend, that wasn't weird, and the moment where he wondered about there being more to that was just him being stupid and dramatic and immature.

So he floated over to where Damian was drawing at his desk, and rested his chin on his shoulder, hovering just enough to not put too much of his weight on it. Damian didn’t bother shaking him off, or even complaining, which was crazy considering how they’d started off. Over their three years of friendship, Damian had been getting warmer and more tolerant of affection, and was almost normal about it. Jon wanted to think that his consistent positivity had finally worn Damian down…but…he acknowledged that the recent shift probably had to do with Conrad and how he’d been dragging Damian out of his shell. It seemed so easy when he did it, and Jon couldn’t figure out why he hadn’t managed it himself...but it was good that it happened! He was happy about it!

Besides, there were probably more…”incentives” for him to listen to Conrad. Jon and Conrad were both kind of dorky, but Conrad had cool hair, and was sort of...pretty in a way Jon didn't see himself as being. His charisma was slightly different too, as were the things he was confident about. He might have been nervous about being a superhero, but he was a shameless, earnest flirt, and maybe Damian just appreciated the audacity. Maybe Jon was too laid-back.

Conrad was also the same age as Damian, and being a little younger than his buddy had never felt like a problem before, but now Jon was wondering if maybe Damian didn't take him as seriously as he thought he--

Damian sighed quietly. “Jon.”

“Hmm?”

“You’re grinding your teeth in my ear.”

“Oh! Sorry. You…you can hear that?”

“Everything about you is loud.”

Jon rolled his eyes and bumped the side of Damian’s head with his own. He finally actually processed what Damian had been sketching: It looked like a bunch of weapon designs. Swords and hammers and axes and stuff. “Whatcha working on?”

“You know how Conrad is a dumbass?”

“I refuse to be on record agreeing with that.”

“He’s terrible at thinking up new constructs quickly, but has a sharp memory, so I was thinking I’d give him some detailed designs for basic weapons when he gets home.”

Jon swallowed down a feeling that didn’t make sense. “Ah, that’s sweet of you.”

“It’s practical. Sentiment has nothing to do with it.”

“You’re allowed to like, admit that you like doing things for your boyfriend.”

Damian sucked his teeth. “If it’s obvious, why would I need to say it?”

Jon considered that for a minute. “I guess that’s fair. I like that hammer over there, third from the top.”

Jon heard Damian bite his cheek. “Oh, I don’t know if I’ll show him that one--”

“It’s two hands with their fingers all laced up, right? That’s cool, especially given Conrad’s whole deal.”

Two heartbeats that were slightly faster than normal were the only indications Jon got that Damian was a little embarrassed. “Well…yes, that was the idea.”

“You wanna hold his hand, huh?”

“Jon, get off of me.”

Jon wrapped his arms around Damian’s shoulders. “You miiiiiiss hiiiiim.”

“I will stab you in the eye with this pencil.”

“It’s normal to miss people you’re dating.”

“It hasn’t even been three weeks, I’m not so needy.”

“Oh yeah? I mean, would you even let me touch you this much if he was around? I’m basically just keeping a seat warm.” Jon winced as soon as he finished letting that disaster of a sentence dribble out of his mouth. He could feel his friend’s muscles tense.

Damian got up, gently pushing Jon off on him in the process. He turned to affix his sharp gaze on him, seeming confused and somewhat concerned.

Jon would have preferred him looking annoyed, actually.

“Jonathan…are you alright?”

Jon did his best to play it off. “Yeah, of course. I was just teasing you.”

Damian didn’t look convinced. “Well…if you’re sure--”

Jon flashed a smile and patted him on the shoulder. “Totally. I’m more worried about you though.”

“You’re trying to redirect me.”

“If you don’t let me, I’m going to hug you again.”

Damian sighed. “You people are so violent.”

Jon raised his eyebrows, and Damian smirked. “‘You people?’ What do you mean ‘you people?’”

“You know, the clingy ones that dress in blue and wear a symbol that is clearly an ‘S’ but they insist isn’t one, despite the fact that the House of Zod’s emblem is clearly a ‘Z’ so--”

“That’s a coincidence! If that’s how it worked, then our crest would look like an ‘E,’ we’re not the house of ‘Sel.’”

Damian looked defiantly up into Jon’s eyes. “I think an ‘E’ would look better. ”

Jon blew a freezing blast of air over him, and he gasped out a laugh as he tried to avoid it. “Hey! Stop that!”

Jon spent a moment chasing him around the room, before he ran out of breath. After, Damian was hugging himself and shivering, but still smiling. Jon crossed his arms. “That’s what you get, 'elf off the shelf'.”

“You’re such an asshole!”

“Me?!”

“I’m freezing! What if I die, hmm? What if I go into shock, and just die in front of you, and suddenly you’ve murdered ‘Damian Carlisle Wayne,’ and have to go to--hey!” Jon interrupted him with a bear hug that he was too sluggish from the cold to dodge in time.

Jon held him tight. “Yeah, yeah I’ll warm you up, crybaby.” He paused. “…’Carlisle?’”

Damian clearly sounded embarrassed this time. “Oh. Um. That’s…Conrad has this stupid running joke where he says my full name but adds a random middle name every time.”

Jon squeezed his eyes shut. “Ah, that’s pretty good. I think you’d be a Jerry.”

“You’re in biting distance.”

“So are you.”

“...Touché.” 

Jon focused really hard and vented just a little of his solar reserves. A teeny tiny bit, just to raise his temperature and warm Damian up faster. He was actually pretty proud at how much control he had over that now, the idea that he’d blow up by accident seemed ridiculous. Dumb stupid evil alternate timeline Tim. “That better?”

Damian growled under his breath. “...Yes.”

Jon giggled. “You sure you don’t wanna come over for dinner tonight? Kara and Dad are both back from their space things.”

Damian shook his head. “No, Duke and Cassandra want me to come with them to take Black Mask down, I need to be ready to go.”

Jon squeezed him a little tighter. “Oh. Well…it’s the summer, I can stay out a little later, especially cause I’m almost fourteen, so if you want I could maybe help?”

Damian shook his head. “I appreciate it, but that’s alright. It’s Duke, Cassandra and myself, frankly It’s already overkill.”

Jon bit his lip. “Ah, okay, well--”

“Besides, the way you start giggling sometimes when people shoot you kind of kills our mystique.” 

Jon scoffed. “It’s not my fault they don’t use big enough caliber bullets to do anything but tickle me. A 50. cal could almost kind of theoretically hurt.”

Damian snorted. “Uh-huh. Sorry chuckles, we're finally free of one clown, that doesn't mean we need anoth--ow! Stop! I thought we were both joking about the biting--Jon!”