#who are people he can control in a romantic and professional sense

[snoppy]

I'm sorry but I think its good that tom is saying stuff that makes you all uncomfortable. I think everyone is a little too willing to make him the hurt innocent underdog

[kazvha]

Random headcanons I had for Kayden

Notes: Yet another 'don't take this too seriously' post🥴

1. Does the reader have a chance with Kayden?

• Let's be real, you wouldn't even know who Kayden is because you're a mere human

• A normal day in his life consists of waking up at 5 am, going on a run with Jiwoo, training with Jiwoo and also instructing him, maybe taking an afternoon nap, training again, going to sleep with his force control activated and repeat

• So he never even thought about having romantic feelings for someone. His main goal is to become stronger and to defeat strong people

• But let's say you're an awakener and you know who Kayden is. You still would have no chance to get to know him because he thinks that everyone is approaching him for their own interest. That's just how the awakened world is. And if you two fought against each other, you would probably hold a grudge against him like the other awakeners

• Your best bet would be having a connection to Jiwoo since Kayden's life revolves around him right now.

• Idk, maybe you would have to work at Shinhwa and take care of Jiwoo kinda like Inhyuk

• You would have to be very persistent and keep visiting Jiwoo at his house for Kayden to notice you. And you would have to find out his secret of him being a cat for him to lower his guard around you

2. Oddly, very oddly specific hcs:

• He doesn't take care of his hair like that. When he found out that shampoo existed, (before that he washed his hair with his bodywash) he bought a specific 3 in 1 Shampoo and he never went back since. That's the only thing he puts in his hair

• Even so his hair is somewhat silky and nice. But he's so annoyed by the strands that fall out of his bun. He thought way too many times about shaving all his hair off (imagine Kayden with a buzzcut)

• But he only cuts his hair when he notices it growing past his collarbones. "Ah, it's that time again... Why does it grow so fast??"

• He has no fashion sense. At all. So he sticks to white or black shirts and black pants because that outfit can be used for any casual and professional settings

• He's been wanting to pierce his ears for a long time but he doesn't know a good place where he can do it. He's too lazy to do it

• His lips are so dry it hurts me. He doesn't even notice it when his lip is bleeding. Someone bring him some chapstick pls

• He doesn't know how social media works and doesn't have any accounts. He only uses his phone for text messages and calls

• If there was an Instagram or X for awakeners there would be so many fan accounts dedicated to Kayden. And every time he fights someone, the whole platform blows up with posts about him

• He can cook. Kayden has lived alone his whole life and he somehow had to feed himself with cheap ingredients. Over the years his improvised meals became better and more delicious

• He's the worst when it comes to cleaning dishes though. He hates it. He would rather take the trash out than do the dishes

• One day a girl told him that she was jealous of his long eyelashes. He shrugged her off, but since then he thinks about her statement every once in a while. Kayden would look at his reflection in the bathroom mirror and think 'They're not that long though.'

• He still didn't lose hope that he'll become a skinnier cat if he trains enough and that's probably one of his main goals these days. Who cares about getting stronger? He just wants to lose the cat fat😩

• He often gets nightmares about being stuck in his cat form and never getting out again

• He speaks Korean and Chinese fluently and can also converse in English quite well

• He only wears these footies socks, these no-show socks. Who needs normal socks?

• Speaking about socks, he sleeps without socks on.

sorry.

[bengiyo]

Step By Step: It makes sense to me.

We’re taking a break from our game this week, so it’s time to get into the Step By Step discourse. Much has been said about the pacing and the writing of this show. I want to write out some of my thoughts on the gay things that are going on and how I think they play into the themes. I’ll try building off my post from last night and expanding those thoughts.

Let me say that I am writing this from the perspective as a Black gay male in the Gulf Coast of the US. I’m writing from that perspective and primarily for that perspective.

The Frustration Is Intentional

I think one of the big themes of this show is about how people are not going to be able to have happiness if they can’t live their lives honestly with each other. Almost every couple is having problems of some sort in this show, and most of them are because of their inability to be direct and honest with each other about what’s going on. Pat gained clarity with the MLM Big Tall by telling him right off. He and Put can’t be together because neither of them can talk about how much they don’t fit anymore. Beam can’t be with Ae. Ae is always fussing with Khanun. Jaab and Jane can’t be together because they can’t talk about what’s going on between them. Pat and Jeng are struggling because Jeng is struggling.

I agree that these episodes have not felt triumphant, but it doesn’t feel like that’s what the show is going for right now. They had a false honeymoon phase. It almost feels like they’re hoping that the release in a year’s worth of sexual tension will fix all the other issues. However, the world is still pressing in. Ying saw this, too, and reminded Pat that he is the one who must be strong. It feels kinda cool to me that a romantic lead who’s the more femme written such that they must take total control of their destiny. Neither of these dudes are going to solve Pat’s problems.

Jeng is Broken

Jeng broke last week when he finally admitted what’s been going on with Pat to Jaab. Something I feel very strongly about is how little care is given to boys who mask well enough to pull of heteronormativity. They are suffering quietly, but we don’t care about their pain because they seem so put together or they’re unfun. Jeng has been nursing a crush on Pat for a year, and he was confronted with the revelation that Pat has only seen him as a coworker, has thought he was straight this entire time, and has explicitly said that Jeng is making him uncomfortable.

Jeng’s breakdown says he knows how tenuous his hold has been for a long time. We all noticed that he seemed off this week. He’s barely processing Pat’s confession. He’s throwing food to the ground. He’s not taking care at work. Instead of creating appropriate professional distance from them, he’s instead planning to promote Pat past his colleagues. Jeng is not paying attention.

Beyond his interest in Pat, the only thing he showed interest in this episode was continuing to bring food to the local homeless population. We learned in the first episode that he cares a lot about food waste, and we can tell that he clearly has cultivated a positive relationship with at least one unhoused community (See @wen-kexing-apologist post for more extensive thoughts about this).

gif by @pharawee

My good sis @shortpplfedup revived her Anatomy of a Scene series to talk about the final bed scene between Pat and Jeng to highlight how out of sync they are. We also have a great observation from @grapejuicegay about the parallels between the last bed scene with Put as well. I personally also like that Jeng is making a hot mess of things because I think we need to see competent people break sometimes. I like that Jeng is messing up here because he’s older than Pat. I like that Pat is recognizing that being an adult in a relationship is going to require him to also take charge in his relationships, and we get early signs of this with Jeng placing Pat higher than him on the bed, and also a specific linguistic slip that occurred during the car scene where Pat drops honorifics for Jeng (@chicademartinica).

My man is not well. I knew he was genuinely broken when he recoiled at Pat’s suggestion that the rest of the company was relying on him. This was one of his primary motivations for returning to the company in the first place, and he’s completely lost the thread of that because he just wants to be with Pat. I think Jeng will do better if he leaves the company and focuses on his humanitarian goals, and I am excited to see how the show faces that.

I Don’t Think the Romance Is the Goal

I do think that Pat and Jeng will get together. This is BL after all. However, like with Lovely Writer, I think the narrative goals are about how the societal systems around the romance complicate the romance and make it almost impossible. In Lovely Writer, it was the structures of BL production. In this show, it’s about the way corporate culture makes that impossible within the company.

I’ve been reading the posts where people are struggling with this show or frustrated with some of the decisions on the editing floor. Both @lurkingshan and @neuroticbookworm wrote about their feelings about the lack of emotional catharsis or the confusion around the pacing of the story. I see both perspectives and do genuinely share in these frustrations. However, much of my energy has been spent on how the side plots fit into this drama and what they reveal about the main couple as our vehicle through this story.

The Role of the Hets

I was chatting with @lurkingshan last night and I posited that Beam’s role in the story is to show what happens to the people who are cowardly in romance. I also just finished Coffee Prince, where I spent the entire time complaining to Shan about the messy hets in that show. @chicademartinica already did a good breakdown of this in her earlier post about how intentional Tee is being with these beats.

With Beam, he and Ae knew about the feelings that existed between them, but Beam never said anything or did anything with it. Ae may fuss with Khanun a lot, but he’s not afraid of her. He loves her. He is happy with the life they are building and he’s the one who fathered a child with her. Jeng and Put both failed to speak with Pat properly, and now he’s been forced to run away from them. Like Beam, they have been cowards in their relationship with him.

With Jaab and Jane, both are also an example of abject failure to discuss anything about their feelings for each other. Both are pining for the other and making life choices about the other without consulting the other. They keep meeting and clearly thinking about each other, but keep creating barriers between any kind of connection.

Chot is Everything

Chot. I will be writing an In Praise of… essay for Chat like I did for Framboise. We’ve talked about how Chot is an example of who Pat could be someday (@imminentinertia).  I think it’s noteworthy that Chot mentioned that he and Krit have been struggling with the closet for eight years. Chot may be out and proud at work, but he’s closeted privately because his partner cannot share his life with him fully. I think it’s notable that it’s been eight years since SOTUS first aired, and Chot is a reminder that BL has a duty to the queers whose lives are packaged for mass entertainment in these stories.

I can’t find one of the posts right now, but I also agree that I think it would be satisfying for the story for Chot to take over Jeng’s role in the company. It felt extremely intentional to me that the Forge project was helmed by and starred almost exclusively gay/bi/femme men despite the funders and decision-makers having a weak understanding of BL and queerness itself. So many organizations rely on the emotional intelligence and availability of queer people to keep themselves running.

gif by @pharawee

I also feel like Tee wanted to do right by a character for Bruce this time. Many of us felt some kind of way about what happened to his character in Lovely Writer, and I like that he gets to be the first one to signal that the needle is moving a little bit. After eight difficult years, he and his partner are going to see his partner’s parents. Chot is a reminder that none of this stuff happens quickly. It’s been a year in the show for Jeng and Pat, but it’s been decades for some of us in the struggle for queer rights.

More than anything, I am glad that Pat has a queer friend who isn’t too much older than him to give him perspective. It’s imperative that we continue to show that queer people are rarely alone in their lives as adults. They’re finding their friends and community. We also take care of each other. Chot is not going to sit idly by and let the Baby Gay in the office flounder. He takes him under his wing at the expressed concern from Jeng.

Let’s Talk About Gay Sex

They showed Ben’s happy trail!!! I can’t believe it! We’ve come so far! These two can kiss!!

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

I really love these two jumping into a physical relationship quickly only for it to end up not working for Pat. Chot warned him that he was looking down on Jeng’s feelings. Jeng has more feelings than just his attraction to Pat, and that’s going to be the struggle for the rest of this show. Pat needs to see the totality of Jeng, and these two need to figure out what they want for themselves.

I can’t wait to see what triumphant sex looks like for these two.

Well, that’s all I’ve got this week. I’m enjoying unpacking this and La Pluie with everyone right now. Keep posting! Keep chatting! Tag me if you write more stuff! Thank you for coming to my post.

Also tagging @waitmyturtles because I feel for you and the struggles you're having with this project coming off of Tee's earlier work.

[xiathewitch]

𝐁𝐎𝐘𝐍𝐄𝐗𝐓𝐃𝐎𝐎𝐑 𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫'𝐬 𝐎𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐏𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠

[02.12.23]

⋆ ₊ ‧ ﾟ𖦹 ° ⋆ ₊ ‧ ﾟ𖦹 ° ⋆ ₊ ‧ ﾟ𖦹 ° ⋆ ₊ ‧ ﾟ𖦹 ° ⋆ ₊

Based on Tarot

English is not my first language please understand if I make any mistakes thank you :)

Wow, a lot of cups and knight energy in this group omg. OK, I did know bonedo quite well since I stan them but this reading is not based on the knowledge I have about them, this is 100% based on tarot and the energy I got intuitively while I did the reading (and I think that it was pretty accurate actually 🥸). Anyway hope you like my reading thank you!

Jaehyun

When I connect to his energy I find that he's very cute and sweet, seems to be a happy person but also sad? I kind of feel like I wanna be kind and soft to him, and take care of him, but I also sense indecisiveness energy, and emotional outbursts from him, I feel like he is hiding this side from others idk, he doesn't want to hurt other people.

Now with the cards, he is good at both giving love and receiving love and support he's also very balanced when it comes to that. He is not scared of emotions. He's very healing, very affectionate and intimate towards others, friendly. Is a romantic, who is looking for true love lmao. But often hurt when it comes to love 😭 he might be someone who get hurt quite easily.

He is also Intelligent, witty, smart, is very professional when it comes to his work, can be a perfectionist, career-oriented, has an intellectual ability to adapt to any situation, brilliant sense of humor and his charm makes him irresistible.

Have a lot of determination, passionate, and have a strong drive when doing something, very charming and lovable, high self-confidence, might love showing off. Can be a bit impulsive. Carefree, playful, very active, have an optimistic attitude towards life, courageous and generous. Love challenges, especially when it comes to the creative field. Competitive. Could love traveling.

Can be quite straight to the point, can have a sharp tongue, analytical, would detect BS out of you, has a strong sense of right and wrong.

I can see why he is the leader.

but someone, please take care of this boy, give him a lot of love and be nice to him 🥺

Sungho

Oh, he gives me funny energy, like I laughed when I did the reading on him, he makes me laugh lmao, and he makes me feel quite confident so he might be the type that makes you feel confident around him.

He is kind, like the kindest person you'll ever meet. Sweet and calming. Emotionally generous. He'll bring balance and harmony to any group he's in. Stable. Have a strong sense of security and safety and could be protective. Very sensual. His emotions could be like a roller coaster and he might be dealing with his emotions by seeking pleasures and excess sensual experiences. Might have a tendency to be stuck in the past tho.

He's the type who thinks that "What has worked in the past will work in the future".

He is the rock of his family and his group and these people definitely means a lot to him.

He might look like someone who has it all, and it's always perfect. But he might have deep-rooted issues that need to be addressed. Could seem like the happiest people on the planet, but there are often tears behind the surface.

He could also be good at making money, and is good with money in general. He values legacy and the importance of having a good reputation.

He really is the strong shoulder of the group that everyone can count on 💪.

Riwoo

Now he gives off the vibe of being very mature, calm and is knows what he is doing, confident but also kinda close off and is an introvert.

Based on the cards, it just confirmed what I just said lol, very mature, emotionally and critically mature. Acknowledge his feelings, good at controlling his emotions, pretty self-aware. Emotionally strong but can be close off with his emotions, like he doesn't need others people for his emotions.

Diplomatic, clever, has a lot of knowledge and is well-liked by others, someone you can count on.

Warm, kind, generous, honest, and fair. He has a balance between his creative and logical side and is in touch with both his feminine, and masculine side.

He is an excellent friend and partner, he is affectionate, protective, and could be a good leader. Have a great social skills but he's also an introvert, like if he needs to he could be really good at it. But he could also be a good liar and manipulator so...yeah, but I don't think he is that type of person.

He can be impatient, competitive, and opinionated sometimes too, he just feels the need to use his brilliant brain 🤓, so when he is with people he is comfortable with his talkative side might show up.

He's creative and has amazing artistic abilities. He can be quite spiritual and intuitive too!

This is quite attractive actually.

Leehan

Gives me comfortable energy, people would feel safe being around him and feel free to be themselves, he's giving me the vibe of someone who would not judge you and he seems to know a lot and understand life well.

Now with Tarot. Like Sungho, he's a kind person, like very KIND and generous person. He's a homebody and yearns for comfort and security, he can be childlike sometimes but also is wise at the same time.

He's carefree and seems to be stuck in the past, always longing for things gone by, and this can impact his ability to be present and to move forward with his life.

He is sensual and likes physical comfort, he's fun to be around, and he's someone who's not scared to let his inner child come out, he is someone who embodies nostalgia and can come off as innocent and naive. He likes plants and animals and might even be able to talk to animals (well not literally but yk the vibe).

He's someone with wisdom beyond his age, he's like a wise teacher, the light for others, probably someone who people will come to ask for advice, no wonder he's known as the therapist of the group lmao.

He likes to seek solitude like to be alone but not lonely, he might be prone to be meticulous and over-critical of himself, fixating on unnecessary details rather than seeing the big picture.

He's giving me the vibe of someone who would like the idea of being a monk or a nun. Yeah.

Taesan

Ok COOL vibe like this emoji 😎 is what i get from him. Also he's calm, very arty like a real artist vibe. He also has the aura of someone who's quite experienced in their field, he knows what he's doing bruh. I also got a fun and mischievous vibe from him. But he's also someone who's quite hard to get close to? Like he's shy and kinda close of.

Now everything makes sense with all the cards I got lmao. This is a Singer, Poet, writer, painter, very creative energy. He's optimistic, dramatic and romantic. Someone who's in love with the idea of love. Very artistically and musically inclined.

He's charming, adaptable, and can have strong emotional responses to situations, he might not really show it tho. He's easily influenced by his environment and the people around him. Like to put his emotions into his artistic works.

He is lovable and has a positive way of viewing the world. Someone who like tu put on performance and entertaining others.

He likes being original, and he is, like to create something new, something different and exciting. He knows what he want and is confident in his abilities.

He's courageous and competitive, he wants to get better and be better than other people.

Woonhak

Even intuitively I can feel he's young, which he is. He's very cute and very lovable, I adore him, but also feel kinda sad for some reason.

Tarot says he's someone with meaning and purpose in life. He might have these 2 sides of him though, 1 is him being satisfied with his life and what he has, it's like a wish comes true to him, he's proud of himself and has high self-esteem. He appreciates all the little things around him that make him happy.

But the other side is him always feeling regrets and disappointments, being emotionally unsatisfied, being hard to please, feeling unloved, and focusing on the negative.

But he rarely shows his negative side, he's kinda similar to Jaehyun. He doesn't want others to worry about him so he's working hard both on himself and his career.

Please he needs a hug 😭😭

Riwoo, Sungho, and Jaehyun seem to be the most mature for me which makes sense since they are the hyung line and Jaehyun is the leader.

Anyway, this is longer than I expected and took me a lot of energy. Also, I accidentally posted this when my draft was not complete cuz Tumblr was lacking, yes I don't think it was my fault 🙄

I hope you enjoyed my reading, thank youuuuu. ❤️🖤

*everything here is based on tarot and my intuition, remember that things could change, and I could be wrong. Please take this with a grain of salt.

[oraclekleo]

Junho (2PM) - Kinky Tarot Reading

Disclaimer:

All celebrity readings have purely entertainment nature

I don’t know any of the celebrities personally

Don’t base life decisions purely on tarot readings

I can never guarantee any of what’s said in the reading

Feedback: Feedback is very important for content creators and for me it’s even more important. Please, let me know whether the tarot readings resonate. If there’s anything you dislike or find off about my readings (like wording, topics, focus), just tell me. I don’t want you to write 1000-word feedback, very simple comments will do for me to stay motivated. I don’t know why I have to keep repeating this but this is something I do for you, guys, and when I don’t feel motivated to do tarot readings, I have many other things to do. The more motivation I get, the more readings you will get to read. The logic is very simple but it’s two sided.

Reading Info:

Rating: 18+

Reading Type: Single - Couple

Requested: Yes - No

Requester: /

Deck(s): E. A. Poe Tarot, Prism Oracle

Spread: Kinky

Questions:

Position

Libido

Turn On

Kink

Dirty Secret

Celebrity Info:

Full Name: Lee Jun Ho

Stage Name: Junho

Group: 2PM

DOB: 25.01.1990

Blood Type: A

MBTI: INFJ

Sun Sign: Aquarius

Chinese Sign: Earth Snake

Life Path Number: 9

Masterpost: 2PM

Junho (2PM) - Kinky

Full Name: Lee Jun Ho Stage Name: Junho Group: 2PM DOB: 25.01.1990 Blood Type: A MBTI: INFJ Sun Sign: Aquarius Chinese Sign: Earth Snake Life Path Number: 9

Spread / Question: Kinky Deck(s): E. A. Poe Tarot, Prism Oracle

Position - 2 of Pentacles, Determination

Junho is pretty much used to managing his life on his own. He might not be willing to give his control out, not even for his lover’s sake. He’s not exactly despotic but he has the authority of a man who’s sure of his opinions and values and he’s very likely to ask for respect from his lover. His word is the law. Junho is not here to debate about his core customs or values, they are what they are. What you see is what you get with him. Junho is pretty skilled in multitasking and achieving goals at any cost. If his goal is to date someone, his prey is basically defeated the moment Junho sets his eyes on them.

Libido - XV The Death, XIX The Sun, Ideation

Junho’s libido is all about the ideas and creation and transformation. He’s likely to have a strong lust and desire for his lover but that person needs to have some brains in order for him to get turned on. Two major arcana cards suggest a powerful passion and the fact they are Death and Sun suggest that nothing is taboo for Junho. He’s open minded and ready to explore when it comes to sexual experience. Junho has a strong sense for erotica and he’s likely to become rather creative in the bedroom (or anywhere, really). He’s one of those lovers who can deliver such bliss through their performance that it feels like a little death to his lover and afterwards they feel utterly changed to the core. Junho is big on both foreplay and aftercare as well. Basically a perfect lover.

Turn On - Page of Pentacles, Queen of Pentacles, Movement

Oh Junho! Such a MAN! While Junho is more of a dom in a relationship, he’s likely to still feel attracted to a person who’s strong and confident on their own. Junho might prefer his special person to actually approach him first. He’s gonna take it from there but they have to make the first move. Junho likes people with both creativity and common sense to them, those who know their craft and are successful in their professional life. Some nobody with more guts than brains is not likely to impress this gentleman.

Kink - 4 of Swords, 6 of Swords, King of Swords, Love

I must admit that Junho confused me here. All the swords cards suggest a certain detachment and passivity and then there’s the love card. What can I make out of this? Anyway! Junho is a romantic but he’s more of a pragmatic romantic. He’s not likely to go out of his way just to impress his lover with a super sweet date. Junho is more astute and sophisticated. He’s likely to play it cool with his lover and not be a big fan of public display of affection. Junho is likely to enjoy slow seduction and it’s even hotter for him, if he’s the one being seduced, as the 4 of Swords suggest a certain passivity on his side. He likes to be treated like a King before things get too hot and out of hand. Junho might have a control kink. While he likes to be seduced by his lover, at a certain point the roles switch, Junho takes the lead and bosses his lover around, instructing them to do this and that for and to him. He might have a thing for bondage but the knots should always be loose and easy to undo, whether he’s the one bondaged or his lover. Junho likes it when at certain points all shackles fall down and he and his lover can feel liberated through the act of love.

Dirty Secret - VII The Chariot, Hunger

Junho is a hungry man. Not in a sense of food cravings, though. He’s hungry for something to touch his soul, fill him up, something to emotionally and spiritually satisfy him. And in this context it’s a craving for a lover who would match him so well that his emotional, spiritual and mental needs are all fulfilled. Junho is not the type to sit down and wait for this person to come into his life, he’s actively searching for them, determined to find that person. See the contrast of yellow and blue in the cards? It reminds me of day and night. Junho wants to find a partner who would be his companion during the day and a lover during the night, someone mature enough to simply accept and love Junho with his light and dark sides.

I'm sorry for spaming you with so many pics of Junho, but... Just look at the man! That's a perfection right there. 😍 I'm sorry. I have some very... intense feelings for Junho (and for all 2PM members, to be honest, their fandom might be Hottest but that's also a term that fits the members perfectly).

If I will ever catch a moment when some of my befriended readers offers ship readings, I will ask for one with Junho 😂

Anyway! I know Junho isn't on my request list but I woke up with a strong feeling of doing his reading today. Plus I'm genuinelly bored with all those idols in their early 20s. 😂

Thank you for reading!

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[treblrebl]

Bones: Patterns and Precedents - II

Sweets was a great friend to Booth and Brennan, but a lousy therapist.

One of my favourite scenes of Season 3 is in The Man in the Mud, where they are talking in the car on the way back from interrogating the father of the victim. In the context of not changing one’s mind once a decision is made, Booth refers to ‘no changies, no takebacks’.

Brennan: That whole business with changies and takebacks, that’s not true, is it?

Booth: No.

The implication of Booth’s line reverberates in the air, and my heart kind of breaks for Brennan. She accepted the barely leashed attraction much before Booth allowed himself to think of her that way. Despite Booth being completely reticent with his own dark past at this point, she understands the core of him better than he could have imagined.

My favourite example of this is in Player Under Pressure, when she staunchly refuses to let Booth place himself in the category of ‘stunted jocks who used women like playthings’.

Brennan: Even Cutler knew you were lying when you said you treated women like that, under the bleachers.

Booth: And you believe him?

Brennan: Yes, because you still remember that first girl’s name.   

Season 3 Brennan is perhaps my favourite of the early Brennans – she had her father and brother back, she had Zack back, and she had Booth all to herself. She was beginning to loosen the reins on her boundless sense of empathy and letting herself feel again. Simultaneously Booth starts to realise that Brennan sees him, truly sees him for who he is, and that perhaps he can let some of his controlled façade fall around her. If their relationship was in any way analogous to an ordinary relationship between two average people, this would be the initial dating and courtship period. I whole-heartedly believe that without outside interference, the line would have started being erased.

Enter Sweets and ‘partner therapy’.

I might be biased since I WILL be comparing every show therapist to Linda hereafter, but even within the bounds of this bias, Sweets falls short. I can buy the need for the FBI to require an objective evaluation for such a non-conventional partnership. But Sweets seems to have focused on their potential romantic overtones from the very beginning, rather than doing his job – evaluating the partnership. At the point he comes in, B&B as professional partners are solid and not a broken thing that needs fixing. Even when Sweets insists on a ‘double date’ to observe the partners in a non-work setting, it is his relationship which ends up being under the scanner, and the psychiatrist who ends up needing the help of his patients. Purportedly, he was there to ensure the professional boundaries would be maintained while B&B worked on opposite sides during Max’s trial, but once again, they didn’t need any outside help navigating that.

Sweets’ decision to keep Brennan in the dark about Booth after his shooting was frankly unforgiveable. That one decision unraveled all the emotional stability she had been shoring up in this season. With Zack following close on the heels of this incident, it’s no wonder she took a significant emotional step back in Season 4. Even though their partnership was intact, her banter towards Booth had an edge reminiscent of early Season 1. She’s just a smidge too snide, a mite too dismissive.

In Sweets’ defense, he was spot on with the ‘surrogate relationship’ observation in Man in the Outhouse. He noticed the utter, absolute trust displayed by Brennan towards Booth in Double Trouble. In Con Man in the Meth Lab, it was Brennan who fell short as Booth’s friend and Sweets who stepped up. In response, it is Brennan who steps up and fully assimilates Sweets into their makeshift family through the sharing of their darkest secrets.

This is all to say, Sweets as a part of the overall Jeffersonian-FBI family is perfect. But as a therapist? Booth’s coma ripped away the thick walls of denial he had built around his feelings for Brennan. Instead of gentling Booth through this upheaval, like a therapist SHOULD do, he casts heavy doubt on the validity of Booth’s feelings, only to then do an about turn and all but goad Booth into an impulsive gamble that almost destroyed things. Yes, Booth’s actions are his own – but dammit you expect to trust the advice of your long-term supposed therapist!

You might argue that a personal relationship with his patients is what prevents Sweets from acting as an objective therapist, but again, Dr. Linda Martin has already set the benchmark on how to be a great friend as well as an exceptional therapist.

[oreganosbaby]

don’t know if you’ve already talked about this but how do you think gerri actually feels about roman? and roman about gerri for that matter?

Okay first and foremost, I believe that Roman is primarily attracted to what she subconciously represents to him which is his father asserting dominance over him, accepting Roman's inhernt inferiority and therefore protecting him but, also appreciating him in an emotional way as well. This is true sexually as well as emotionally since I don't believe Roman would be able to separate those anyway. Second, I do believe that he enjoys spending time with her and the flirtatious banter they engage in. Like, I think that's fun for him. I also think that Roman does genuinely see Gerri as being very efficient, capable and powerul yet underappreciated. I don't think Roman's attraction to people as father figures is inherently bad but, I think Roman's idealisation of his Real Father combined with her being a proxy rather than a proper Symbolic Father makes it so that he cannot truly appreciate her independently of Logan. Roman's attraction to father figures is primordial and will never go away. No amount of therapy can change that.

With Gerri it's a bit harder because she's only a secondary character so she primarily exists to serve the characterisation of the main cast. Still, she's well written and fleshed out enough that she never feels like a prop. I think that Gerri was initially interested in Roman professionally because, as one does in capitalism, she saw an opportunity in him to engineer an heir to would secure her position after Logan passes away. She chose Roman for a few reasons: 1) Desperate loser, basically asked her 2) isn't Connor and isn't Shiv who is uncooperative and antagonistic toward her 3) good corporate flirt (yes, she does find him Seductive). She knows how far that can get someone and it sets him apart from his charmless siblings. 4) decent instincts and grasp on the zeitgeist.

I think she went along with the dirty talk on the phone because in a way, she was seduced by Roman. Roman has a way of getting people to just... loosen their grip on their rational minds and give into emotions. This isn't to say I think Gerri is attracted to Roman in a normative sexual/romantic sense but, I think she likes the feeling of a Roy submitting to her and by extension, a part of Logan submitting to her. She likes the way Roman allows her to give into this irrational behaviour because she knows Roman won't see her as lesser since he's admitted to his (self-perceived) inferiority. Like basically, it's nice to cut loose once in a while.

Moreover, it's also nice to be appreciated because Logan himself doesn't show it. When she calls Roman a "bootleg Logan," it shows that she sees him as being like a cheaper, lower quality version of Logan. She's not wrong because while on a dumb level, you could say that she means that Roman is inexperienced and unrefined, I think it also refers to how Roman is a perversion of Logan himself. By that, I mean that Roman is a feminised version of him and to Gerri, that makes his open appreciation of and dependence on her a facsimile of Logan's which are far more conditional and are not openly expressed without ulterior motive.

Of course, Gerri does want him to actually be the heir. She doesn't want him to be That dependent on her, especially emotionally, because that's just impractical. I don't think she wanted to just control Roman the whole time. That's more what he wanted. She wanted him to become capable but still dependent on her if only through debt for getting him there. It's a liability for him to continually make decisions based on emotion, to develop an attachment on that level. Her primary interest is still maintaining her position which aligned with what she assumed was his goal, to inherit the chair and CEO position. She saw Roman's chaotic behaviour as him losing focus of his interests but, he was acting in his interests which are primarily emotional rather than professional.

[shutterlens]

[tw: emotional abuse mention, cursing] Is there anyone here who cares about equity and justice for creatives?

I've had a recent call with my emotionally abusive father regarding AI in writing.

I told him that despite thinking that AI has the potential to help inspire creatives, its use can never be ethical under Capitalism since big corporations are trying to use AI to get rid of human writing (which requires actually paying people) to further their profit.

He completely ignored me and told me that I "was just sticking with one side and needed to listen to all sides before believing in something", which I know is just him projecting what he does himself onto me and is him guilt-tripping me for not being an ideological copy-paste of his exact belief system.

When I tried to reason with him, he gave me the cold shoulder and hung up in a hissy fit like a passive-aggressive ninth grader who just broke up with his partner because he only wanted someone to control and bully for some sense of superiority and power and wasn't actually ready for the responsibilities of a romantic relationship.

You can't exactly "both sides" the exploitation of human lives for corporate profit, though I'm not surprised that he's anti-creative since he's also staunchly anti-union and believes that, and I quote, that

"the Starbucks employees are just pretending to suffer because they're being told to",

specifically in regard to the employees being overworked and union-busted relentlessly by Starbucks.

Wow. Un-fucking-believable.

He clearly doesn't care if I end up losing access to any possible job or career and falling into impoverishment and suffering all because the world would rather see the rich get richer than work towards equity and justice for all.

What's worse is that almost everyone I know has that same attitude, that "you need to stop being such a party pooper about AI because human creatives aren't real professionals that can be exploited by leeching capital-owning cronies so you shit-for-brains can go suffer for all I care".

It's starting to feel like no one cares about human creatives anymore and like no one cares to see our value in helping shape the minds of generations to come to help work towards equity and justice for all.

I'd like to ask you this, then. (You don't have to answer the poll if you don't want to)

It's okay to comment on this post. You don't have to if you don't want to, though.

[bunni-v1]

🌳 🖌️ 🤲 🌹 😍 One from each category~

I haven't had the time to answer this up until now, but I'm excited to talk about Mimi more!

🌳What physical traits did they inherit from their biological parents? Do they look more like one parent than the other?

Mitsumi looks like the perfect blend of her mother and father, though physically she resembles her mother in the face more, she's quite short like her dad. She got her dad's curly blond hair, but her mom's sharp green eyes. Her dad also gave her little freckles and MUCH darker skin than her mother. They also share a smile, which is quite jarring to see. She inherited most of her mother's mannerisms and ideology, which is how she can remain so happy even with what she goes through.

🖌️What is their go-to hobby? When did they start learning it? Why do they like it?

She loves all kinds of music, but her favorite thing to do is play the violin. She picked it up when she was about nine years old and has been playing professionally ever since. While she does resent playing for shows, she really does love playing for fun. When she needs to relieve stress, she picks up her violin half her age, closes her eyes, and lets herself get lost in the music. It brings her a sense of freedom, control, and peace she doesn't get anywhere else.

🤲Do they have deep desires that they don't talk about and/or don't even realize they have? Do these desires conflict with their main goal at all?

Truly? Deeply, she just wants to have a real family. She doesn't tell anyone, because her past is painful, and it aches to talk about. That's all she wants, though, and I don't think she realizes that's what she wants. She's so hard focused on finding her biological family, that she doesn't realize she can make a family all on her own. She HAS a family that loves her already at NRC.

🌹Are they experienced romantically? How many partners have they had? How has this affected their view of romance?

She's dated one other guy and had a flood of admirers. Her relationship wasn't exactly healthy, since she seems to attract toxic people into her life. He wasn't physically abusive, but he did manipulate and control her a lot. She left him shortly before moving off to college, and he killed himself because of it. It still haunts her to this day, and she's afraid to really fall in love with someone ever again.

😍What traits, physical and/or mental, do they find attractive in other people?

She likes people who are smart and crafty. They have to have a good head on their shoulders and have a sense that they know what they want for themselves. However, they still have to be kind and caring enough (to her, specifically). Someone who can sympathize with her and her struggles. She also loves a nerd! Someone who can unabashedly love what they love is her favorite type of person.

Physically, she likes people taller than her (it's not hard, she's 5'0"). She finds people with dyed hair/"unnatural" hair colors the most interesting. Preferably white, whether is dyed or not doesn't matter. She likes blue and brown eyes the most, and likes it when her partner has freckles or beauty marks or dimples or ANYTHING other than the perfect industry standard you see on idols and stuff.

[valentinamernes]

* THIS IS VALENTINA

valentina mernes is a 29-year-old pr manager with a polished reputation for handling high-profile clients and crafting narratives that keep her ahead in the game. with sharp intellect, creativity, and a meticulous attention to appearances—particularly her own—valentina thrives in environments where control is key. always well-dressed and composed, she exudes confidence, but beneath her polished exterior is a woman navigating deep emotions, insecurities, and personal complexities.

personality:

valentina is driven, smart, and fiercely ambitious. her intuitive understanding of people allows her to excel in her career, where perception is everything. however, her perfectionist nature sometimes leads to her prioritizing her image and personal success over the feelings of those around her. this can make her seem a little selfish at times, as she’s more focused on her own needs, goals, and how she’s perceived rather than considering the impact on others. she’s not necessarily malicious, but her tendency to fixate on herself—whether it’s obsessing over appearances, career progression, or romantic validation—can leave her blind to the needs and feelings of those she loves.

she’s quick-witted and can be sarcastic, often charming people in professional settings, but her emotional intelligence falters when it comes to personal relationships. valentina’s struggles with jealousy and insecurity run deep, particularly in romantic situations. if she feels outshined or slighted, she tends to internalize it and react with resentment or passive-aggressive behavior. she’s someone who holds grudges, and if pushed far enough, can be vindictive, plotting subtle ways to get back at those who hurt her.

her jealousy also manifests in her current living situation with her ex-boyfriend. despite her outward coolness, watching him move on with someone else stirs a possessiveness she didn’t realize she still had. she can’t help but compare herself to his new flings, obsessing over what they have that she didn’t give him, and it drives her to make impulsive decisions—flirting with him out of spite, reigniting old flames even when it’s clear that it’s damaging to both of them.

backstory:

valentina's childhood is marked by a deep sense of loss. after her father married a woman with a daughter, shauni, valentina quickly bonded with her new stepsister, forming a tight, loving connection. but when shauni’s mother tragically passed away, the state intervened, sending shauni into the foster system despite valentina's father’s efforts to adopt her. this loss devastated valentina. unable to cope with the separation, she gradually buried her memories of shauni, though she still carries a sense of unresolved sadness and guilt. now an established pr professional, valentina’s life is outwardly perfect, but her personal relationships remain a mess. she’s stuck living with her ex-boyfriend due to financial constraints, an arrangement that forces them to confront their unresolved issues daily. the apartment they share is a reminder of their past life together, full of both happy and painful memories. though they date other people, neither of them has fully moved on, and their unresolved chemistry leads to a cycle of jealousy, tension, and occasional hookups.

current life and relationships:

living with her ex-boyfriend is a source of constant emotional conflict for valentina. on the one hand, she knows they’ve both moved on, but on the other, the sight of him with new partners stirs jealousy and bitterness in her. she can’t help but compare herself to the women he’s now dating, and the insecurities she tries so hard to hide bubble up to the surface. valentina can come across as selfish during these moments—unable to fully accept that their relationship is over, she sometimes sabotages his attempts at moving on, flirting with him just to make herself feel desired or starting arguments that reopen old wounds. at the same time, valentina can be self-absorbed in her own romantic ventures, often focusing more on how her relationships make her look rather than how they make her feel. when she dates someone new, she’s quick to flaunt it, especially in front of her ex, even if the relationship lacks depth. her obsession with appearances sometimes blinds her to the emotional aspects of her relationships, which is why they tend to fall apart when the reality doesn’t match her idealized vision. still, valentina is not without depth or self-awareness. she knows her jealousy is toxic and that her need for control often pushes people away, but she’s trying to work through those flaws. deep down, she wants genuine connection, but her fear of vulnerability keeps her guarded, constantly putting on a front even when her heart is breaking.

key conflicts:

ultimately, valentina mernes is a woman torn between her need for control and her desire for emotional connection. she navigates life with confidence and flair, but her internal struggles with jealousy, insecurity, and the lingering trauma of her past continue to complicate her relationships. although she seems self-assured, her journey is one of slowly learning to let go of appearances, open up to vulnerability, and find balance between her ambition and her heart.

[tallmantall]

James Donaldson on Mental Health - 10 ways to support your mental health in 2024

By  CHRISTINA CARON  and  Dana G. Smith Since the height of the pandemic, there has been a cultural shift in the way we talk about mental health. It’s as if the years of isolation and uncertainty helped us understand how vital our emotional needs were to our overall well-being. Now that we’re paying more attention to our inner lives, it’s also essential that we take action. Fortunately, there are a number of things that everyone can do to nourish their mental health and find moments of joy. Here are some of our favorite tips from the past year as we prepare to enter 2024. 1. Try a proven way to sleep better. Experts say that getting enough sleep is one of the most important things we can do for our mental health. If you’re having trouble falling or staying asleep, studies have found that cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia, or CBT-I, is as effective as using sleep medications in the short term — and more effective in the long term. CBT-I helps people address anxieties about sleep and find ways to relax. To find a provider, try the Society of Behavioral Sleep Medicine directory at behavioralsleep.org. 2. Learn how to tell whether your anxiety is protective or problematic. It’s normal to feel anxious from time to time. In fact, having some anxiety can actually be useful. Experts say an internal alarm system can improve our performance, help us recognize danger and even encourage us to be more conscientious. So we asked Dr. Petros Levounis, president of the American Psychiatric Association: How much anxiety is too much? “If you start to notice that worry and fear are there constantly, that is a signal that you need some help,” he said. Other signs to look out for include restlessness, a sense of fear or doom, increased heart rate, sweating, trembling and trouble concentrating. 3. Stop the worry cycle. If you have a tendency to ruminate, there are a few simple ways to curb the habit. The first is to distract yourself: Research shows that diversions can help get your mind off whatever is stressing you out. Try playing a word game or listening to music, paying close attention to the lyrics. Other times, it’s better not to fight the urge — but that doesn’t mean you should let your thoughts spiral out of control. Set a timer for 10 to 30 minutes of dedicated rumination time, and give yourself permission to mentally mull things over. When the timer goes off, it’s time to move on. 4. Practice ‘five things tidying.’ When you’re struggling with your mental health, basic tasks such as washing dishes or doing laundry can feel impossible. But living amid mess can make you feel even worse. KC Davis, a licensed professional counselor and author of the book “How to Keep House While Drowning,” advises focusing on function over aesthetics — your home doesn’t have to be perfect, but it should be livable. An efficient way to keep things from getting out of hand is to practice what she calls “five things tidying.” Tackle the five main categories of clutter — trash, dishes, laundry, things with a place and things without a place — one at a time to help cleaning feel more manageable. 5. Embrace gratitude. Gratitude is a positive emotion that can arise when you acknowledge that you have goodness in your life and that other people — or higher powers, if you believe in them — have helped you achieve that goodness. To really reap the benefits of gratitude, experts say, it’s important to express it whenever possible. That might include writing letters of thanks or listing the positive things in your life in a journal. Giving thanks to friends, romantic partners and even co-workers can also offer a relationship boost. 6. Be optimistic about aging. Research shows that mindset really matters when it comes to health, and it can even extend your life. A classic study found that people who were optimistic about aging lived 7 1/2 years longer than those who had negative perceptions of it. Sign up for Morning Brief Delivered weekday mornings, this email provides a quick overview of top stories and need-to-know news, including the latest on the novel coronavirus. To adopt a more positive outlook about getting older, shift your focus to the benefits of aging, including better emotional well-being and higher emotional intelligence. Look for aging role models, too: older people who stay physically active and engaged in their communities, or those with traits that you admire. 7. Participate in the arts. The notion that art can improve mental well-being is something many people intuitively understand but don’t necessarily put into practice. You don’t need talent to give it a try, experts say. Writing a poem, singing or drawing can all help elevate your mood, no matter how creative you consider yourself to be. One of the easiest ways to get started is to color something intricate: Spending 20 minutes coloring a mandala (a complex geometric design) is more helpful for reducing anxiety than free-form coloring for the same length of time, research has found. 8. Look for a little bit of awe every day. Sometimes we have to remind ourselves to connect with the physical world around us. Enter the awe walk. Pick a walking spot (either new or familiar) and imagine that you’re seeing it for the first time. Then pay attention to your senses. Feel the wind on your face, touch the petals of a flower. Simply notice the sky. It can be more restorative than you might expect. 9. Take a tech break. If you’re having trouble focusing, it’s not just you. Research has found that over the past two decades, the amount of time we spend on a given task has shrunk to an average of just 47 seconds, down from 2 1/2 minutes. Technology is often to blame. #James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy Link for 40 Habits Signupbit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com To regain control of your concentration, Larry Rosen, a professor emeritus of psychology at California State University, Dominguez Hills, suggested a strategy he calls “tech breaks.” Set a timer for 15 minutes, then silence and set aside your phone. When time is up, take one or two minutes to check your favorite apps — that’s your tech break — and get back to work for another 15-minute cycle. The goal is to gradually increase the time between your tech breaks, building up to 45 minutes (or more) away from your phone. 10. Take a deep breath. One of the fastest, easiest ways you can calm your mind and body is by taking slow, deep breaths. Doing so helps to turn up your parasympathetic nervous system — the counterbalance to the “fight or flight” stress response — and lower your blood pressure and regulate your heart rate. One breathing exercise that can be particularly helpful for mitigating fear and anxiety is 4-4-8 breathing, where you inhale for four counts, hold your breath for four counts and exhale for eight counts. Read the full article

[themculibrary]

Daisy Johnson/Phil Coulson Masterlist

7 Kinds of Kissing (ao3) - Persiflage E, 10k

Summary: These are the many different ways that Daisy and Phil Coulson kiss.

a free choice (ao3) - zauberer_sirin T, 5k

Summary: It’s only a few moments afterwards that Coulson joins her next to the comm controls. Daisy is not surprised in the least and she doesn’t wish for him to change, exactly, but life would be easier if he did. Crappier, but easier.

“Full exposé on Quake,” Daisy quotes with a scoff, evading Coulson’s real question. “It barely featured any new information. Even the Watchdogs forums have better researchers.”

alien fruit (ao3) - zauberer_sirin M, 5k

Summary: Daisy and Coulson finally catch a break in space. Problem is, their hosts assume a lot of things about their relationship.

allied (ao3) - zauberer_sirin E, 6k

Summary: The political is personal.

Or: Five Times Daisy And Coulson Went Against The Sokovia Accords.

Daisy Johnson in Love (ao3) - Persiflage E, 3k

Summary: AU: Daisy unexpectedly finds herself falling for Phil Coulson following a misunderstanding.

disaster averted (ao3) - RowboatCop E, 7k

Summary: Daisy and Coulson are forced off the road and have to share a hotel bed. I wonder what will happen?????????

distractions (ao3) - zauberer_sirin T, 4k

Summary: Coulson's voice is distracting.

It's lucky Daisy is such a consummate professional.

Everyone Gets Attached to Something (ao3) - Persiflage M, 1k

Summary: Over the course of a day Daisy's relationship with Phil undergoes a change.

falling for daisy (ao3) - zauberer_sirin E, 7k

Summary: Phil Coulson falls for his boss.

(Post-season 3 unspecified future. Seasons 4-7 do not exist in this fic.)

Ghost Protocol (ao3) - sfiddy G, 3k

Summary: Some would say he was haunted by his past. Coulson knew that was bull. You don’t get to be haunted when you are the ghost.

Phil breaks and runs. Loads of soul searching and wandering commence until he has to call in. Of course, who is his retriever?

i am thinking it's a sign (that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images) (ao3) - zauberer_sirin T, 7k

Summary: Daisy ends up in a parallel universe, with bad news (Hydra won) and good news (Coulson is here).

Just my type (ao3) - BrilliantlyHorrid M, 10k

Summary: Boy meets girl. Boy gets dumped by girl. Boy meets different girl. Girl used to kill people for a living don't worry about it. Against every available survival instinct, boy doesn't seem too worried.

kind of romantic (ao3) - zauberer_sirin

Summary: This time, Daisy is sure. This time they're not getting out of here.

long way down (ao3) - RowboatCop E, 7k

Summary: She drops her forehead to rest on his scar for a brief moment because she can, because she thinks about it sometimes — what he went through to be here with her, the long path he’s taken (so much longer than hers) to get to where they are.

(Daisy & Coulson explore some new things and appreciate how far they've come together.)

not like a greek myth (ao3) - zauberer_sirin G, 6k

Summary: “We’ve got this,” he says first of all, when he senses Daisy knows the situation might call for her involvement. It’s not that he hopes to hide the gravity of it from her — perhaps he hoped Daisy would do the un-Daisy thing and not ask for details. Do the un-Daisy thing of giving herself a break.

On Fire (ao3) - RowboatCop E, 9k

Summary: Or, three times Skye and Coulson angst through some sex cliches, and one time they have fun with it

Road to Christmas (ao3) - RowboatCop T, 13k

Summary: Stranded in Austin, TX four days before his Christmas Eve wedding, Phil Coulson gets a ride with Daisy Johnson and her passenger, Ace Peterson.

shame is the shadow of love (ao3) - zauberer_sirin E, 3k

Summary: This is not what Coulson was expecting.

un lugar en el mundo (ao3) - zauberer_sirin M, 4k

Summary: Daisy falls in love with his voice first.

(Post-3x12 fluffy feelings)

wherever i'm with you (ao3) - RowboatCop E, 12k

Summary: Coulson and Daisy go undercover at a beach resort. Mostly awkward flirting, cuddling, and figuring out their relationship.

[devotioncrater]

my original tags on this post were this, which im gonna continue expanding on in a fit of Word Vomit Processing. most of this stuff has already been said by various people in the fandom:

the only way this repression makes sense is if wilson's biggest core Desire is to feel loved for who he is, including his bitchy attitude and chronic lying and affinity for gay culture. he also wants someone who understands that his work schedule – his work in general – is going to be whack. some nights he won't be at home. sometimes he'll have to leave mid-whatever.

(the professional aspect is easier to digest, which is why he's the resident slut of PPTH. nurses, patients, etc etc. they know the nature of his job already, as opposed to his, say, his first ex-wife).

but the kicker of this Desire is that wilson doesn't believe he can be loved unconditionally for who he is. he shows/expresses time and time again that he compartmentalizes love as what he is for the other person. most overtly, house's enabler. less overtly, the role of Caretaker Husband (first marriage).

his core Fear, then, is a double-edged thing where on one side, he is Never Enough; but on the other side, he is Too Much.

with his first ex-wife he was Never Home Enough.

with bonnie he was With House Too Much.

wilson is like. a mess. a true mess. this Fear mixed with this Desire makes it difficult for him to communicate what he wants/needs from others. he's hidden behind a wall.

Desire-driven: If I Am In A Bitchy Mood, I Hope They Will Still Love Me

Fear-driven: If I Let Someone Take Care Of Me, I Will Prove To Be Too Much

Combo-driven: If I Pretend I Don't Have Needs, And Fulfill Them Somewhere Else, The Other Person Will Love Me More Because I Am Not A Burden To Them

additional thing: wilson has a tendency to hide behind altruism when his motivations are selfish (see his reactions to house's ketamine treatment).

he's been repressing shit so long, tbh at times i don't think even he 100% understands the Why of what he's doing or what's missing inside or what could help him. there's shame attached to this entire thing, because repression stems from shame. hence, the chronic lying.

the crux of his constant cheating is that it's an easy out. it isn't about the sex, per se, but more of the fact that he feels trapped and can't bring himself to be honest and ask for a No Fault Divorce. because then he'd have to reconcile — and i mean Reconcile way beyond the shallow nod of acknowledgment — with the fact that he's been emotionally cheating on his wives with house. and what would that say about him? about why marriages are an ill-fitting shoe? ergo it's just easier for his fragile, internalized comphet worldview to inherit the role of Sleazy Serial Cheater Husband.

this repression is also a common phenomena of toxic masculinity, because men who preform in toxic masculinity feel like it's their "role" to be a caretaker even at their own expense. especially in regard to their romantic relationships with women. a Strong, Suffer-In-Silence archetype.

except wilson cannot fit in that archetype because wilson loves a good bitch session. absolutely he bottles things up, but how many times have we seen him roll his eyes? sigh? do a whole body cringe? whenever house crosses a line, he bitches about it. this dude's born to be a notorious bitcher, yet (self-)conditioned to bottle it in.

furthermore, because wilson has a compulsion to fit into the societal box of a straight man with a wife and a career (reinforced by a later remorse of never having kids), wilson believes all these goals are what he should aim for. that if he attains them, he'll feel okay with himself. but shocker, he never fits quite right. he gets bored. and so instead of looking introspectively about why that is, he throws himself deeper into denial.

with house he seems to attain a sense of control that he cant find inside himself or in his failing romantic relationships. he acts more surefooted and less impulsive when house and him are on good terms. thanks to house's own wild life, there isn't a chance for monotony to fester.

house is externally as fucked in the head as wilson feels he himself is internally, and this provides wilson a form of relief in Camaraderie. there are hundreds of times where house acts out in questionable behaviors, but wilson seems to understand his motivations more often than not. wilson can see right through house. why? because wilson has known house for decades. he's seen it all. and whatever new thing arises, wilson can extrapolate empathy from his own lived experiences. they're interwoven with similarities.

moving in with house works until it doesn't. until wilson has no more viable excuse for why he's a 40-something-year-old man living with another man that he can't tear himself away from.

on paper, house fits into wilson's Core Desires, and alleviates Core Fears by not leaving even at wilson's worst. shit, he even encourages out everything wilson tries to hide away. wilson is happiest with house. wilson is most affected by house. house takes and takes and takes from wilson, but when it does matter, he will meet wilson halfway (i.e. the sincere s3 rehab apology).

but when compared against a heteronormative dreamscape? house couldn't be more ill-fitted. middle-aged, needy, a man, a doctor, short haired, callous, misanthropic, prickly, impulsive, an addict, a man. probably not straight.

and like. the ironic thing is that house does love wilson for who he is as well as what wilson is for. but house is a man, not a woman, and house is so far from perfect that it's inconceivable for wilson to begin to justify a romantic relationship with him. the whole Keeping Appearances thing would just. fall apart. completely.

Come Here, Go Away. it makes sense given that wilson feels fundamentally unloveable as himself. feels fundamentally wrong as himself. he molds this Boy Best Friend relationship with house to the very brink of Platonic, but refuses house to say I Love You or make any serious romantic overtures. it's too painful. he wouldn't be able to chase after this Heteronormative Ideal anymore. wilson would have to make peace with himself and all his insecurities. wilson — chronic liar wilson — would have to be honest with himself about his entire landscape of needs/wants.

Come Here, Reaffirm I Can Be Cared About No Matter What And That I'm Okay.

Go Away, You Don't Fit Into My Precariously Built Self-Image And I Don't Want To Smash A Mirror About Who We Are To Each Other And How That Reflects To The Outside World.

the wall isn't as high with house as it is with his wives, but it's still something that needs to be leaped over. usually through bets, pranks, lying, manipulation. there's a ritual, a process, that he has him and house partake in before he gets his needs met. it's only ever direct when he's at a boiling point or when the situation calls for it (i.e. in s3 with scenes of him yelling at house to get out of his office; or him telling house to make things right with tritter; or that entire atlantic city hotel pushing-things-til-they-break scene).

wilson is a fundamentally lonely character. does he have other friends???? does he have hobbies???? no. ergo wilson needs house to be on his own miserable level because he has no one else. he would be all alone otherwise. misery loves company. this isolation also could tie into why he consistently chases after The Heterosexual Club. if wilson is Straight, he isn't Othered. 2004 america was notoriously homophobic sowieso.

the funny tragic thing about this is that wilson lectures house on finding happiness. like dude, firstly that is rich coming from you. secondly, if house found happiness outside of you, you would try to (subconsciously) sabotage it out of anxiousness. if house found happiness with you, you would try to sabotage it out of avoidance. make up your mind!!! you can't have your cake and eat it too.

anyways. the comphet goes crazy sick inside wilson. My Body Is A Cage That Keeps Me From Dancing With The One I Love type beat. like i genuinely truly believe that if he had just had one (1) gay orgasm with house, it'd change the trajectory of his life. but alas. he finds comfort in man-made misery and refuses to be honest about why that's easier to deal with than happiness.

he runs and runs and runs away from himself in the hopes that who he should be is someone far better/more likeable. or at the very least that it's someone Fine, someone tolerable

writing a hilson fanfic in wilson's pov is like

[matan4il]

Buddie 514 meta

With the first call in this ep, I couldn’t help but think of 316. When Eddie is there, to hold the line (and keep Buck safe, a symbol I explored in this fic), Buck’s eager to jump up and suggest a rope rescue. But the second Eddie isn’t, when their little team of two with their assigned roles I’ve mentioned before is broken up, Buck is suddenly okay with just asking Bobby what they should do. I know some interviews have suggested it’s Lucy’s daredevil nature that reinvigorates Buck, but this feels like proof that no, it doesn’t. Eddie does. ~~~

Gotta say two words about Lucy and Greenway. I didn’t like their remarks about Chim in 513, and now they did the same to Hen specifically and the team in general. It indicates they’re not a part of the 118 family despite working together. Which is significant! Eddie said in 311 that this team is the family they chose. It’s not a real choice if anyone coming into the fire station automatically becomes a part of the family, there has to be real chemistry. So in a sense, to see these two not really fitting in makes the click between the people who do more meaningful. But then, I also feel like this is another indicator that Buck and Lucy can’t be endgame. In addition to brushing off any possible meaning for the kiss by saying she got REALLY drunk, she also talked shit about Buck’s chosen family. That’s not the typical Love Interest, who’s usually shown as compatible and even loving the family of whichever character they’re there for. Yeah, another sign that Buck/Lucy isn’t and can’t be endgame. ~~~

That brings me to the other significant moment with her, Buck and Lucy’s talk... He was obviously just helping a colleague, and his tone was different with her (with Eddie it’s soft and intimate), plus he actually came over to talk to her to make sure she doesn’t go too arrogant about it, he didn’t come over to check up on her. But with Eddie, Buck’s been stepping in with him intentionally all along. Also, there’s this sense I get that Buck might have been impressed for a second with Lucy in 511, but this scene tells me he doesn’t look up to her. Lucy is at the start of her road, similar to where Buck used to be at the beginning of s1 (professionally, Lucy is now going through something similar to what he did in 102, plus she seems to be where he was emotionally in 101, only going for casual sex), and in realizing that, I think Buck is less likely to want something romantic with her. He seems to always like it when his partners are people he does look up to. Abby was stood out as a dispatcher when they first crossed paths in 101, she was older than him, more experienced and, for the young and reckless Buck, also capable of much greater self-control (he was really taken aback when he heard how long she hadn’t had sex). Ali? Handled herself really well during the earthquake despite the insane situation they were in, even helping them, despite not being used to this danger, since she wasn’t a firefighter. Taylor? When they first meet, Buck does have a bit of a crush on her as the reporter he listens to daily.

And then there’s Eddie, I just mentioned in the clothes meta for 513 how Buck has always admired him. I think that’s still the case, even after seeing him break down. I believe Buck continues to see all the ways in which Eddie is amazing, and is the first person to make Buck feel wanted, needed and included. So right now? Eddie is in pain and in need of help, but he’s no less amazing. That’s reflected even in how Buck helps him, by showing him how much good he’s responsible for. With Lucy, Buck probably just realized that she still has a long way to go until she’s even close to being someone who will truly and fundamentally, not incidentally, impress him. Now, something that I find interesting is that the spoilers we had before the ep sounded as if something Lucy says during this talk will end up pointing out to Buck how he can help Eddie. But no, it’s actually something Hen says that triggers that look on Buck’s face that says, “I just heard how I can help my husband and this is now my sole focus.” At the end of the day, 911 has yet to show one way in which Lucy has contributed to Buck or bettered him, unlike how Buddie are always doing that for each other. ~~~

Eddie’s dream turned nightmare is so interesting, it’s a throwback to the other scenes we’ve had of him and Chris together at the breakfast table, the ones from 511 being a contrast to what we saw in 204 because Eddie didn’t have as much time to spend with his son anymore. So this dream tells us what he yearns for, to have back that sense of quality time, to be a better dad. And it also gives us an idea of how much he’s afraid of dying, but not only due to death being scary in itself. Eddie’s scared of failing his son by dying. He’s SUCH a good dad, IDK how anyone can dislike him when he tries so hard. And that’s shown again when Chris asks whether he’s one of the things that make Eddie sad. No matter what Eddie’s going through, he puts comforting his son and making sure Chris knows he’s loved and treasured at the top of the list.

~~~ Which leads me to how insanely domestic Buddifer are throughout this ep. It seems like Buck might have spent the night over (maybe even right after the end of 513, meaning this ep shows us the following morning. Because we hear from Bobby that Buck took Chris to school, which would imply Buck knew Eddie had that very rough night and that he would need more rest than usual, which meant also helping with Chris, especially after how scared he was during Eddie’s breakdown. If Buck didn’t stay over, he would have had to come in very early, wake Chris up, help him get organized for school without waking Eddie up and letting Bobby in before he left, which is possible, but makes me feel like having spent the night there is more likely).

It obviously parallels the way Buck was there to step into Eddie’s shoes for Chris after the shooting (and this is so significant in 514, the same ep in which this trauma is brought up between Buddie again). We also have Buck being there as the babysitter while Eddie is in therapy, drawing with Chris and waiting for Eddie, expecting to be there for him to unload after this session. It obviously parallels 408 and the way Buck was there during and right after Eddie's date, except this is even more intense, since their talk after therapy was always going to be of a deeper nature. And lastly, when Buck takes Eddie to see Charlie, they bring Chris along. Buck didn’t have to, but he turned it into an actual, proper family outing, reminiscent of the 210 one where they went to see Santa together, and I’m… I mean, Buck must have known that this was going to be an impactful moment for Eddie, yet he still heard where Charlie could be found, realized Chris could benefit from this place as well, and made it happen. I’m not even gonna talk about Buddie’s silent communication when Eddie was a bit apprehensive about letting Chris ride and Buck reassured him with one look. Everything about the way they handle themselves in this ep says Buck and Eddie are married and are Christopher’s dads. Period. But since we see how important being a good dad is to Eddie (his dream-nightmare reveals it’s the thing that matters to him the most), that makes this domesticity not just incredibly sweet, it’s also such an amazing illustration of why Buck is Eddie’s perfect partner in every possible way, more than any other possible LI. Remember those drawings Buck and Chris made? They could have drawn anything. But those two drew hearts. And then Eddie literally held up Buck’s heart, which was happy and romantic, full of colors and bursting with love, with smaller hearts surrounding it on all sides. I’ve written before about the heart theme for Eddie that started with Carla telling him to follow his heart and continued with him being shot in his chest, through thinking he was having heart attacks in this very season and so on, but here, we literally see why Buck has Eddie’s heart and how Buck’s helping it heal, as well as why Eddie following his heart will always lead to Buck. ~~~

Buck and Taylor’s one scene in this ep, especially after the mess they went through in 513, was not a good look. We’ve seen it before, but once again, Taylor was basically using Buck for what matters most to her, i.e her work. But the tables have… at least shifted, if not turned, because this time Buck put a boundary instead of lying to her, as we’ve seen him do at the end of 506, and he also did the same thing she did. He used her for what mattered the most to him. Eddie. ~~~

(the rest under the cut. Thank you SO MUCH to the incredible @judsonryder​ and @whosoldherout​ who consistently make these meta posts so much more beautiful with their gifs!)

I also have to point out that this ep demonstrates the difference between loving partners who fit each other, and ones who, even when they try, they just don’t get it quite right. Consider Buck being upset in 505, thinking he was harming the team, and Eddie answers him firmly, “You’re stuck with us,” not accepting his self-deprecating perception of things, but still treating him with fond, amused love that makes it clear Buck belongs. Similarly, in 514, Buck talks to Eddie about difficult, painful things, not accepting his self-dismissive attitude and showing him how he matters, but always doing it gently and with so much love and admiration. In contrast, back in 505 Taylor supposedly held Buck accountable for his self-involvement, but she actually said something awful, ignored his insecurities about belonging, and spoke with him with so little tenderness... Every time, the show points out how people can lovingly and sensitively help their partners deal with stuff that’s painful, that maybe neither would want to have to deal with if they had a choice, and Buddie are like that (just like some other romantic couples on the show, consider Bathena, Henren and Madney who all, at one point or another, managed to both be honest with their spouses over things that are difficult while doing so with love and compassion), but it just isn’t B/T. Another reason why the clock for this r/s is ticking... The Lucy kiss was always just a symptom for all of this. ~~~

Something I thought of during the horse riding therapy scene is that Eddie actually parallels Charlie in it. When we first meet this kid, he looks physically ill (because he is being poisoned), and now we get to see him happy and doing so much better. Buck makes it clear that this is because Charlie got the help he needed. But it didn’t end just with being saved from the poison his mom was feeding him, it was also down to doing this horse riding therapy and being reunited with people that love him. Eddie himself is still looking physically ill as well due to his sleep deprivation, but he’s being shown that HE can be doing better too, he can be happy again, his poison is of another kind, it’s traumatic incidents that might be in his past, but it’s going to take therapy and being reunited with the people he loves to help get him better. And the fact that the last part is about Buck more than anyone else in their found family is mindblowing and the truest sign of being meant for each other. ~~~

Since all throughout the season we’ve discussed the Buddie and Madney parallels, I wanted to point out that they exist in this ep too. First, there’s how Chris tells Eddie, “You seem sad,” which calls to mind the way back in 403, Buck told Maddie he always thought she was sad, too. Then there’s the specific way Buck chooses to help Eddie re-find his belief in the worth of his work as a firefighter, which is exactly how Maddie was helped in 217, when she wanted to quit her job: by being shown the good that they were responsible for with the people that they helped to save. But then, there’s another parallel in here as well. This specific way of helping Eddie also continues the parallel between his s5 arc and Buck’s in s3. Because when he had quit and was at home, moping and depressed, Eddie came to his apartment with Chris, showing Buck how what he did mattered and that he had made a huge difference, with even just one kid. This is… I know we keep saying we’re feral over Buddie, but honestly, it’s 911 itself that is!

~~~ OMG, the way Buck helped Eddie, I’M... So I have to admit, I still want someone to point out to Eddie that saving people is worth it even if they do die sometime afterwards (hey, we all do eventually, so why is giving someone 2 extra years any less worthy than giving them 20 more? Every moment we’re given is precious and counts. Plus, when I talked about this in 513’s meta, I mentioned that the people Eddie saved might have done some good themselves during the extra time they got. Like the Captain who died during his army service? Might have saved another soldier before he did, and that person wouldn’t be alive if it weren’t for Eddie giving his Captain that extra time. What they showed in 514 with Lucy illustrated this perfectly, I just wish it was said to Eddie explicitly). But I absolutely loved that they used Eddie’s recent crisis to bring back the shooting. Now, I have to say that the conversation between Eddie and Buck obviously takes us back to s1 and Buck learning the limits of what he can and should do for others, with the theme of “we stop outside the glass doors” taking him from being unable to let go while on the job in 101, to being able to let Abby leave outside the airport gates in 110. But it also threw me right back to 204, as I pointed out in this gifset.

‘We can only save the person who happens to be right in front of us and then we let go’ is the lesson Buck was meant to learn, but I just find it so telling that from the moment Eddie joined the team in 201, he’s been continuously the person right in front of Buck, the one Buck’s interested in, the one he tries to comfort in 202 as Eddie worries about Chris, the one Buck goes with after the earthquake and witnesses the Diaz father and son reunion, the one he introduces to Carla in 204 to help with all of Christopher’s needs... Because Buck MADE Eddie the person right in front of him, he CHOSE that, REPEATEDLY. Because he walked past the doors, stepped into Eddie’s mess with him, not just once, he kept checking in, making sure Eddie was okay even after supposedly all of his problems had been solved thanks to Carla. Buck could have left it at that, but he didn’t, he gradually but fully became Chris’ other parent. And Buck isn’t like that with Chim, Athena, Bobby or Hen! Sure, Buck’s been there for them, but he has never made them his entire focus or became an integral part of their core families, never turned them into the people that he’s there for on a constant basis, in bad times and good ones. That’s been reserved for Eddie from the start. I have to admit, I was also reminded specifically of the scene in 204, because in 514 Buck wears plaid to the horse therapy outing, which he doesn’t wear that often, and I might be way off, but in my mind this choice visually connected us back to him introducing Carla into the Diaz home, because that’s what Eddie wears when he realizes that, for the first time in years, maybe ever, he’s not alone, he has someone who’s focused on helping him, who has made that their PRIORITY, who helps Eddie fulfill what matters to him the most, which is being a good dad to Chris. It’s why Eddie looks at Buck with such awe during the Carla scene, and in 514, the awe with which Eddie regards Charlie? Seeing this promise that he has done good, but more than that, that he too can get better? That’s thanks to Buck. I’m sorry, I’m a BALL OF FEELS AND IT IS ALL THE FAULT OF THESE TWO MORONS, I CAN’T, I QUIT. ~~~

I hope you enjoyed reading this! If you did, please consider reblogging and spreading the joy. Thank you in advance! xoxox

[hermitmoss]

leia organa is autistic

(from: original trilogy, sequel trilogy, kenobi series, various comics and books. this post probably will update!)

being force-sensitive means you access and process information in different ways, and interact with the universe in different ways. textually, leia is part of a neurominority, a small group of people whose brains work in a specific way

as a child, leia often runs away from social situations she doesn’t want to be in, or that she finds distressing.

as a child, leia is bothered by texture, pointing out itchy clothes as one of the main things that bothers her about the senate.

leia is blunt and says what she thinks, very often to the point of being rude, or inappropriate in the context.

“aren’t you a little short for a stormtrooper?”

“i don’t know who you are, or where you came from, but from now on, you do as i tell you.”

“you came in that thing? you’re braver than i thought!”

“your friend is quite the mercenary. i wonder if he really cares about anything. or anybody.”

“i’d rather be digested by a jakorbeast.”

“poe, get your head out of your cockpit.”

“that was impressive. well, mostly.”

leia has trouble identifying and understanding her own feelings, struggling to realise the nature of her feelings for han and luke. she can be unsure whether a relationship is romantic in nature, and seeks to categorize relationships (eg asking obi-wan about his relationship with her birth parents).

“i’m always alright.”

“what are you afraid of?” “afraid?”

despite being a professional politician who knows not to trust tarkin, leia still believes him that he will spare alderaan if she tells the empire where the rebel base is.

“you’re far too trusting.”

leia also has trust in systems when she knows that she shouldn’t.

“the imperial senate will not sit still for this. when they hear you’ve attacked a diplomatic-”

the new republic

leia does what she thinks is right, no matter what. she has a strong sense of justice that doesn’t allow her to be a bystander.

 “i feel like because i can fight, i have to for those who cannot.”

 “but she didn’t do anything!”

leia has a respect for unconventional and unrecognised means of communication, and people who are underestimated or not regarded as people.

forging an alliance with wicket and bright tree village

“but what if he has something to say?”

“he’s rude to droids.”

leia requests clarification when other people might understand a situation from the context. it also occurs to her that she might not be able to speak.

“i can’t talk or i don’t like to talk?”

leia’s first instinct is often to be physically violent when she might have been able - especially as a politician and high-ranking rebel - to talk things out. she often struggles to control her emotions

almost every fight scene she’s in

kicking han’s butt, literally

hitting obi-wan with a chair

slapping and stunning poe

“why, you --”

leia doesn’t understand the implications of inviting han into her room at night, and is horrified and physically aggressive at the idea that she wanted to have sex.

leia often feels isolated and rejected, whether from her family, from the senate, or even from the rest of the rebel alliance. she’s also regarded as cold and unfeeling by some other survivors of alderaan, who are under the impression she doesn’t feel anything about the loss and give her the nickname “ice princess”.

leia sometimes smiles when it isn’t socially acceptable, like when confronted by darth vader.