#who are gonna get shit on by a bunch of asshole adults

[lonewolflink]

LOL CANADA

[doodler16]

3 things to say:

1- "being gay is when a married man cheat on wife with another man"- vivziepop's logic (her lgbtq representation is very conservative if you think about it)

2- I feel like fans know that vivziepop's writing is bullshit and full of pilot holes but they Don't care about it as long there's characters to fuck *cough* loona *cough*,people underestimate the power of horny lol and to this day I still don't understand the hype and praise for loona but this is how Internet works I guess

3- I usually don't care about ships and strange kinks as long it stays fictional and no real person is involved in it BUT i hate it when a creator push it in their "morality teaching shows" it's where I draw the line like you either make serious show about taking abuse seriously to spread awareness or a weird fever dream kink show made for gooners to enjoy, you can't have it both,vivziepop made hypersexuals look like bunch of freaks and stigmatised them even more. "Please guys have sympathy for this character for getting sexually harassed but please don't blame him for sexually harassing others cause trauma made him hypersexual and you have to deal with it, he's just coping!" Like wtf are you serious? There's different ways to coping with trauma including drawing fetishes and kinks and i see no problem with it but harassing others is not coping you are just being peirce of shit, her morality is so flawed what is she even trying to tell audience? Victims of SA become assholes and have free card to harassing others? Wtf? And Yes I am a proshipper and I hate HH/HB because I hate it when a show tell you it's ok to cheat and it's ok to sexually harassing others why? because you said that this show is meant to represent victims but you only made victims feel embarrassed even more about themselves and you backstabbed them like don't you realise when you say your shows is about victims your victims watch the show to feel comfortable and feel being understood only for them seeing angel dust being asshole and sir.pentious getting SA'd as a joke? where's the SA awareness? Like yes we know victims who read SA fanfic as coping exist but not all of them cope the same way and we thought you would tell us how terrible SA can be and how it effects victims horribly ,not using trauma to excuse their shitty behaviours? I hate seeing people getting hurt and I don't want to be near someone telling me that them being asshole is ok because "HB is like bojack horseman and told me it's ok because X And Y" like stfu if you truly know anything about bojack horseman you wouldn't even think of comparing the two also you're an adult and if a dumb cartoon made you harassing others then you weren't good person in the first place you bastard maybe talk to therapy instead because creating trauma to others will never help you also not to mention half of fanbase of HH/HB are minors thanks to lazyass parents and society gaslighting everyone with "if it's cartoon then it's for kids" but the audience is out of vivziepop's control do i am not gonna blame her for this one but all i know is that unlike adults who are aware and responsible for their actions minors brain is not fully developed and they can be misguided most of times so i am worried about them growing up with vivziepop's 'morality' so i don't know the solution of who is watching cartoon and i think we should normalizing shaming lazy parents like don't be a parent if you would just let internet babysitting your child instead of you doing it yourself parenting is called parenting for a reason you're called "parent" not "birth giver", why am I proshipper? Because I don't care about others ships but I don't like the She-ra's "lesbians can't be abusive! You must feel bad for your abuser and you owe them everything and you should forgive them" Message and vivziepop's "if you're in straight marriage and you find out you're gay just cheat oh and if you have trauma it's ok to be asshole" Message (I hope you understand what I am trying to say and I hope you understand we have same goals before you tell me I am terrible as abusers just because i don't care about others ships and believing that fictional things doesn't matter as long it's fictional)

Alright I am done,scream at me I guess

The fans would also fill in the holes regarding Helluva Boss and doesn’t help that Vivziepop would like tweets about it. Don’t like tweets of your fans defending your show. Put and write it into your dialogue not on Twitter 😭

Yeah, Vivziepop has a huge problem of wanting her cake and eating it. Like what you mentioned Anon, the sexual assault jokes then another moment taking it seriously. Rinse and repeat. The moral compass in Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss is so wish-washy.

Successfully killed straight married couple. Cool. Oh no, Blitzø doesn’t have the guts to kill a gay couple. Woahh apparently it’s character development (despite Blitzø fighting over a parking lot like an Anon in my last ask mentioned, happily participating in a Wrath competition in Millie’s hometown, killing lumberjacks, happily will screw over the cherubs, etc etc).

Most of the characters especially if a character is Vivziepop’s favorite, don’t get held accountable and when they do have a chance to be called out, it’s usually downgraded in some way or there is some excuse in said action.

Its funny you bring up the children in Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss because there was literally a situation where like what a 9-10 year old was at a Hazbin convention asking Blake Roman an inappropriate question regarding Angel Dust. It is so mind boggling to watch. Hazbin and Helluva are supposed to be for adults (+18) but the both shows don’t seem adult despite covering big topics like rape, kinks, etc. It feels like 2 kids in a trench coat attempting to sneak into a R rated movie.

At the day it’s the parent’s responsibility and they should be called out. It also doesn’t help that a few voice actors like Amir encourage kids and parents to watch Hazbin Hotel, despite Vivziepop expressing multiple times it’s for adults. I don’t know if he changed his mind about kids accessing Hazbin Hotel but I hope he does.

Vivziepop could potentially age gate Helluva Boss (I’m not talking about the warning sequence from Helluva Boss that flashes for 5-10 seconds every episode). But like manually do this:

But Vivziepop would lose some more views if that happened. Otherwise there isn’t much she can do.

[twothpaste]

earthbound old man tier list

S Tier: Doctor Andonuts. idc what anyone says, he is a fascinating bewilderful tragic morally dubious rubiks cube of a character, and if i think about him for longer than 10 seconds i get so emo i wanna dye my hair black and run away into the woods. he is also very funny. i would squash him like putty.

A Tier: Wess. mother 3 wouldn't be mother 3 without Wess and i'm not kidding. i love how he is written as both a terrifying abusive father and also a genuinely wise antifa ally, the duality of humanity or whatever. a bunch of his lines still give me chills to this day. especially [ this one ]

Leder as well. absolute fucking real one. imagine taking a vow of silence for the rest of your life to protect your beloved community, none of whom even can remember the sacrifices you've made for them, singlehandedly bearing a lifetime of unfathomable trauma to spare them theirs. he is atlas with the planet earth on his shoulders. yet another character who turns my brains into spaghetti-os.

B Tier: George is one of the most intriguing characters in the series. Boy, I wish Itoi took the time to actually Write him!!! so many questions, so little canon material, but my imagination does drive me a bit to madness with this guy I fear.

C Tier: the fuck do you mean Geldegarde Monotoli was super wicked evil under Giygas' influence, kidnapped Paula, took over Cartoon New York with sheer capitalist ruthlessness - then as soon as you break the Mani Mani statue he's like -tiny bichon frise sneeze- "ouuugghhh goodness gracious i'm so sorry, i don't know what came over me, i am so harmless and frail and made of pudding also" -little pekingese cough- and Paula is like "don't worry ness 👧 he was just a sweet old man all along lol!!!" nvm it's pretty funny actually

Grandpa Alec goes in C Tier too. imo he's well written in chapter 1. his reaction to grief feels really off-kilter in a strangely human & believable way, like?? he is snapping at Lucas and immediately feeling remorse, cracking jokes to try and assure Flint (and himself) everything is ok when it clearly isn't, kooky silly and also unsettling at the same time. i think people forget that he's also a messy clumsy maladjusted grieving dad, just like Flint. but after chapter 1 he kinda falls off, doesn't have much interesting to say or add to the story. i find myself kinda wishing Lucas had a closer relationship to his grandpa implied post-timeskip… oh well.

is Jonel old? his sprite doesn't look ancient but considering his attitude & his adult kids I imagine him to be in his 60's probably. i like that he's a bit of an asshole, and his moment at the prayer sanctuary implies a religious aspect to the village that's super intriguing… iirc he has a line all the way in New Pork where he trash talks Flint for still holding out hope & tryin to find Claus, and it's like?? damn, Jonel, a cunt to the bitter end!! gotta love that.

likewise Mayor Pusher is one of those Tazmily villagers who really highlights how fake & callous some of these people can be. i love the part toward the end of chapter 7 where he blabbers about how much he hates this hick town and he's so eager to leave already, and when he catches Lucas eavesdropping iirc he's rude as ever to him. what a douchebag! no wonder his son is so depressed ❤️

Nippolyte is a benign real one and I like him, even though there's not much to him.

wish Scamp did or said literally anything of note before dying. oh well

D Tier: yeah fuck Mr. Carpainter though. i don't believe for a second he was solely driven to become a cult leader by alien brainwashing alone, dude's gonna be on some MLM shit within a year mark my words

??? Tier: i don't consider Mother 3 Porky an old man, i consider him Very a forever thirteen year old trapped in a sickly grotesque disproportionaltely aging body. but if you do consider him an old man, he's in the stratosphere tier blowing up the moon

[artaxlivs]

Even Flowers Have Their Dangers

“Henderson! Why, pray tell, is your douchebag babysitter getting out of his douchemobile and coming this way?” 

Fucking Harrington, man. Eddie felt conflicted every time the kids even said his name. His heartbeat always went a little haywire and he wasn’t sure if it was because his flight response always activated around the guy or because Harrington was so fucking hot it was unreal. Considering that Eddie had a type and that type was “dangerous and pretty,” it was probably both.

“Is he?” Dustin looks over his shoulder, grinning his goofy grin. “Hey Steve!” The kid’s hand lifts in a wave as Steve makes his way toward them.

“Henderson. Go get in the car with the other gremlins, I want to have a word with your dragon master.” Steve smiles fondly, nudging the kid toward his waiting car. Guy just screams preppy. Collar popped, jeans so damn tight that Eddie's getting a sympathy wedgie. No boxer line on his thigh which means that Harrington is a brief guy. Not that Eddie is thinking about his underwear, it’s just an observation.

“Dungeon Master, Steve. I swear you’re getting it wrong on purpose.” Dustin sighs, rolling his eyes but starts toward the car.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Steve calls back over his shoulder before turning to Eddie who hopes he wasn’t caught staring. His heartbeat does something funny before he gets a handle on himself and leans into his usual false bravado.

Swinging away from the auditorium door, Eddie throws his arms out in a full extension, lowering himself into a bow, “To what do I owe this illustrious visit, your royal highness?”

Harrington looks uncomfortable now, the ease that he’d approached with, gone, his shoulders hunched up, face looking pained as he tucks his hands into his pockets - well, he tries to - there’s not a lot of extra room in those 501s. “Cut it out. I just wanted to tell you not to leave the kids here alone if you guys get out early. Nothing that you have to do is important enough to leave them in the dark without protection.” His voice is clipped, jaw set, and Eddie realizes that he’s annoyed, maybe even angry.

What the fuck is that about? He’s all chummy when Henderson is watching but now that the kid’s gone, he’s slid back into asshole mode? Eddie knew it. He knew the kids couldn’t possibly be getting the real Steve Harrington if they actually thought he was a good guy. Wonder why he was putting on an act though - was he trying to get Nancy Wheeler back through her brother?

“Maybe I didn’t hear you right?” Eddie says with a hard edge, all flamboyance dropped. “You’re telling me? Not asking me?”

Fuck that. Who the fuck is this prep to tell him that he needs to watch over a bunch of high school kids? They’re like fourteen and fifteen. Eddie was selling drugs at fourteen, some kids have jobs, they walk home, not all of us were born with a silver spoon and a Bimmer - where the fuck does Harrington think they live that its too dangerous for three teenage boys to not stand outside for five minutes?

“Yeah.” He snaps, “I’m telling you. Don’t leave them outside without an adult.”

“Fuck you, Harrington. I’m not their babysitter. They were fine. If you’re that worried, you should be here earlier. I had shit to do.” He didn’t. Not really. He’d just had a shit day, shit week really, and wanted to go home to smoke a joint. He should have waited. He knew he should have but Harrington calling him out on it just pisses him off.

“Seriously, Munson?” Steve scoffs, shaking his head. “I knew you’d be a dick. You know their best friend is Will Byers, right?” Fuck. Eddie did not know that. Just that Mike’s best friend Will lived in California. Not that it was the Byers kid who went missing years ago. Damn. Eddie feels even worse now but fuck if he’s telling Harrington that. Steve’s voice softens though, “Just, please. If you know it’s gonna be an early night, let the kids know so they can radio me to be here earlier. I’m asking, okay?”

“Radio you? Like - you guys have walkie talkies or something?” Were they for real? What is this Cloak and Dagger?

Across the parking lot, Steve’s horn blares and they both look up to see Mike leaning over the driver seat to press on it.

“Keep your fucking shirt on!” Steve yells then grumbles under his breath, “Fucking Wheeler.”

Eddie should just agree and be done with it, he’s not gonna leave them alone after learning about Byers anyway but damn if Harrington and his pompous attitude don’t get under his skin. Instead, he says flippantly, “How ‘bout the King worries about his own court and leaves me the fuck out of it, yeah?”

He doesn’t wait around to see Steve’s reaction, just skips over to his van and climbs in. He’s got her started and is pulling out of the parking lot before he glances back at Harrington. It looks like Steve is already lecturing the kids about something. Eddie just shakes his head and drives off, leaving them to it.

As he’s pulling up to the trailer an hour later with a little more cash and a little less weed, Eddie almost expects to find a fancy rich boy car waiting for him. He doesn’t. He’s going to pretend that he’s disappointed about that because he wanted to argue with Harrington, not for any other reason. 

What he does find though, is a big motherfucking dog. It’s just sitting next to the trailer steps and Eddie’s seen Cujo so fuck if he’s getting out of the safety of this metal box. Hell no. He can wait.

After five minutes of waiting, they’re still in a stand off and Eddie’s thinking about starting his van and just leaving to sleep some place else. What? He’s a coward and that dog in Cujo put him off petting dogs for weeks afterward. No way is he getting out, alone, in the fucking dark to that behemoth of a dog. No one would even come if he screamed. This is a trailer park, ignoring screams is part of the lease agreement.

Just as he puts his keys back into the ignition, the dog tilts his head to the side, tongue lolling out for a few breaths before it gets up and trots over to Eddie’s driver side door. This close, it’s not quite as big as he thought but it’s still the biggest dog he’s ever seen. Some kind of Husky mix or something. He doesn’t know shit about dogs but it looks like a really fluffy sled dog. Poofy tail and everything. It tilts it’s head again and Eddie rolls his window down slowly.

It’s ears perk up and it looks happy. Which is maybe a thing dogs do? He wouldn’t know, honestly. He’s never had a dog. 

Eddie slides one hand out, curled into a fist because he doesn’t want to lose a finger to Cujo here. He needs those fingers for various reasons. Like guitar playing, dice rolling and other non sexual things.

The dog leans in, sniffs the hand, bumps it with his cold wet nose and then nuzzles it so Eddie’s knuckles graze into the soft gray fur on his forehead. Eddie’s barely breathing, his heart is racing and his legs are all clenched like he would run if he wasn’t sitting in his car. Extending his trembling fingers, he scratches the top of the dog’s head. The dog swear-to-god sighs. 

“Hey there, big boy. Whatcha doing?” Eddie whispers softly, opening his door to step out. The dog shuffles back just enough for Eddie to slide out from behind the door. His fur is soft and silky between Eddie’s fingers. “Oh look at you, so pretty. You know you are, too, don’t you?” The dog seems to preen with the praise so Eddie lays it on thicker, “Yeah you do. What are you doing out here? No collar but you must belong to someone, you’re too pretty to be running wild in Hawkins.”

After a few more runs through the fur on his back, Eddie reaches back into the van, rolls the window back up and grabs his bag. He can’t stay out here all night so he heads toward the front door. The dog follows. “Uncle Wayne’s gonna kill me.” Eddie sighs, knowing he’s a sucker and he’s 100% going to let this dog into the trailer.

Keep Reading on AO3

[alligatorjesie]

Can you, like, get real problems? I’m sure there’s a soup kitchen or a that needs an extra volunteer or a city council meeting you could go to.

Yeah. I do those things already and isn't it weird I still find extra time to tell assholes to get out of my fandom space.

So what public service have you done this week @rudyknight? In the last month? year? Hey, tell me real quick @rudyknight whens the last time you joined a counter protest?

Because my town has our own version of westburo baptist church and they LOVE protesting our pride events.

I had a bunch of fun.

I used my hyperfixation of plants to block out their signs and ensure they didn't have room to protest on the sidewalk.

I got to practice my metal growling.

The preacher who had spent the entire night telling everyone we was all gonna burn for eternity in a lake of fire for just bein' ourselves Did Not appreciated me telling him I enjoyed fucking his mother.

But hey maybe your too shy to tell assholes to fuck off to their face.

I mean you didn't seem to have that issue here so I don't know what the fuck is holding you up in the real world, but hey, maybe this'll be a push to get you to stop white knighting assholes on the internet.

But hey there's a lot of other things you can do to help your community that ain't active protesting!

Whens the last time you went through your neighborhood and helped remove invasive species? I'm sure you've done that over the past few weeks, Right @rudyknight?

I've been slowly removing invasive honeysuckle and using it's bones to make yard structures.

I've personally saved at least 5 adult trees in the neighborhood from an invasive plant called winter creeper that will slowly choke a mature tree to death if left unattended. It's already claimed a 100 year old maple a block away from me.

Or you know as a little treat, for me, I've been completely redoing the closet that my hot water heater use to live in before it fucking exploded.

The water damage was... extensive.

I fell through the fucking floor when I first started

It's coming together baby.

Oh but man don't worry I still have So Much Time Left in a day to tell useless assfucks posting hate to my fandom to

Fuck Right The Fuck Off.

But you go on @rudyknight. You keep right on defending a useless prick who got caught being a useless prick from getting told they're being a useless prick.

I'm sure that useless prick appreciates it.

God fucking knows you ain't doing shit to be actually helpful.

[lovebillyhargrove]

Slow burn. Season 1 Steve Harrington meets asshole Billy Hargrove. Fire on fire, leading to an explosion. First chapter of this whole idea where there are definitely gonna be casualties

On ao3 "Wake me up when July is around"

Chapter 1/?

***

Fuck this stupid fucking Hawkins. What in fucking hell has he done to deserve it? Who the fuck moves away from California to a shit hole like this??

No one, apparently, except for his dad.

There are a lot of things about Neil Hargrove he finds weird. But the strangest one? Neil never fucking cared about the ocean. Billy doesn't remember a single time when his dad actually went to the beach, with or without his son. How can you not go to the beach if it's right there, on your doorstep?

Fucking insane.

The only thing Neil has ever cared about is being a respectable member of the community. Don't stick your head up too high, or you might get it chopped off. Be like everyone else.

If that's what being an adult is, Billy would rather die young.

Fuck this shit. Fuck this lame town. Fuck his life.

His hands are itching to turn the ignition key and drive away without looking back right this fucking second, but Billy needs to finish school first. He also needs some money and to turn 18. He knows that, he's not a fool.

This year's gonna be such a drag.

His father is a mechanic, and a good one. They lived in the suburbs of San Diego, where his father worked for many years at the Marine Corps Air Station in Miramar. Billy isn't sure if he counted as military or not, maybe he was just a mechanic who worked on a military base on a contract. But it seems that they paid him a good amount of dough when he quit. Or when he was made redundant, his dad didn't bother to fill Billy in on the details.

Parents never tell their kids anything, they never fucking explain. Like kids are so dumb, they won't understand adult stuff anyways. But then they go and demand from children to be mature at the age of fucking four. Be a man, his dad always says. Billy has been listening to this phrase ever since he got out of diapers. He's pretty sure he heard it before as well, it just didn't register on his level of understanding. Be a man. Respect and responsibility alright, but, somehow, it's supposed to go only one way. Kids don't have to be respected.

What a bunch of crap.

We're moving, son, that's it. Whether you like it or not, whether you want it or not. Us adults make decisions, and you just have to swallow everything down, not have your own opinion, go pack your bag and help Susan. Put all the furniture in the van, come on, chop the fucking chop.

Billy remembers how his father took him to the Miramar base when he was little. Billy, of course, was impressed. Huge planes and helicopters, he'd even dreamt of becoming a pilot one day. He'd fly away, and find his mom, and they'd live on a deserted beach without the bad people.

As he grew older, he realized how naive and childish his dream was. He also understood quite quickly that he did not like anything connected with the army and the military. Always live by someone's orders? His whole fucking life, until retirement? No thank you, sir. He had enough of this coming from his dad. Billy was actually more interested in traveling to different places once he grew up, he craved the sense of freedom. Of going anywhere. Around the States, he's always wanted to drive to the Atlantic. Or Mexico, where, they say, the beaches are fucking brilliant. Or South America. The world is fucking huge, so why the hell not?

Not to Hawkins, Indiana, obviously, but here he is. Stuck in cow shit. Waiting for his stepsister to come out of the house so that he can drive them both to school.

Billy wasn't impressed with the military stuff, but he himself was good with his hands. Must've taken after his father. He enjoyed it too. Which was surprising because initially it was Neil who taught him a lot about mechanics. Very quickly, this father-and-son time has become a burden for Billy, a suffocating chore he didn't want to do anymore. Because it was constant pressure. It was constant dissatisfaction, even contempt. His dad was never happy, even about little things, like tightening a loose screw. It's not like that. You did it wrong there. You could have done a better job, do you hear me, son? The son himself could've turned out much better generally as well, Billy already got the basic idea.

Sorry, dad. For being the way I am.

Billy has been hanging out at this garage near his house since he was little. Learned a lot there too. When he was fourteen, he brought a crashed blue 1979 Chevrolet Camaro Z28, which he found at a junkyard, to that same repair shop. He remembered almost losing his mind when he saw that beauty, just standing there, waiting to be towed away for scrap, to be crushed, sent into non-existence. Irreparable damages. Fuck no. It was his car now. The guys at the garage were kinda taken away by the determination of a 14-year-old. They helped, a lot. Billy spent all his savings on that car, working on it practically every day for months. It was a lot of work, and Billy enjoyed every bit of it. He also tried applying for a driver's license at 14, claiming he had no other option of getting to school, of course it was such transparent bull, his application got rejected at first. He then begged Neil to help him. His dad did, used his military connections. At 15 and a half Billy was already behind the wheel of his super dope car.

As soon as Billy got his own car, Max was handed over to him, hanging like a concrete slab around his neck. Take her there and there, pick her up, wait for her. Be very careful when you drive. Do not ever exceed the speed limit. Personal chauffeur, damn it. No complaints allowed.

Billy put two and two together and figured out pretty quickly why his dad had been so eager to help with getting that license.

Max? She has always been the privileged one since the day she appeared in his life. Max became and still was his unwanted responsibility. He was doing fine, being an only child, and then one day, he got a fucking sister he never asked for.

His father married this colourless shadow of a woman, Susan, four years ago, and then, when Neil's job was over, they decided to move to the ass of the world, a nowhere town called Hawkins, cause Susan is from Indiana, and some of her relatives still live around here somewhere. Apparently, Susan had fallen in love a long time ago, moved to California, had this red-haired misunderstanding, then something had gone wrong, as with most marriages. But with Neil, it actually went right. Four years and counting, of this mind-numbing righteousness. The jury is still out on that though, but these two seem to fit together, both so boring and ceremonious, and with baggage in the form of children from previous relationships. It's hard to find a match with a kid hanging around your neck. Susan and Neil are trying. To build a fucking family.

So after Susan's brainwashing, Neil found some work here, in this joke of a town, on a farm or something, and off the whole family joyfully went.

Billy is taking a long drag of his Marlboro. It's a bit chilly this morning but, he must admit, it's not unpleasant. Although he already misses the sun like crazy.

Where the fuck is Max? They are fucking gonna be late for school on their first fucking day, for fuck's sake.

Billy suspected it wasn't that easy with Max's dad. Maybe she missed him. Maybe he was an asshole to Susan, just like his dad was to his mom. Divorce is never easy, and it hits kids the hardest. But Billy was jealous. Susan took Max with her. Unlike Billy's mom who bailed and left him with Neil. Why, Mom? Billy wasn't little anymore, he understood why.

But like a fucking toddler, he was jealous, of Max. His mother didn't want him.

They still don't know the whole truth about this idiotic move. Billy bets Max thinks it's because Neil wants his son to be as far from California as possible. It's stupid. His mom left without a trace, why resurface after so many years? That's not a threat. Billy's money on the opposite idea - Max's father could be involved in that shit. Maybe Susan wanted to tear all strings with that man.

Maybe not. Billy really doesn't give a flying fuck.

One year, that's it, then Billy can leave wherever his eyes take him. University on scholarship, very possible. Has to study hard, of course, and he can when he wants it... Maybe a gap year. Maybe just a job, in that same garage in San Diego, why not, really?

He just needs to fucking leave. He doesn't owe anyone shit. Well, we do owe, as his father always tells him. Life is full of responsibilities, that's real.

Mom left him. She didn't and doesn't owe anything to anyone. She probably had this in mind when she ran.

If Billy is really honest, it's all crap. We do owe, if we love someone. Or if someone is just close to you. He hates to agree with Neil, but sometimes he does.

Mom. Mom is his pain, and only his. No one cares about this, and no one needs to. No-one has to know. Everything is clear as the brightest daylight. Only this voiceless Susan wouldn't run away from Neil. Billy noticed that Susan's eyes are always cast down when Neil's at it with him. She avoids looking, like if she doesn't look, she doesn't have to deal with it, that's not her problem. She doesn't see the problem.

Maybe that's her secret. Cause living with Neil is truly unbearable. All brains will be thoroughly fucked by his dull moral teachings. With Billy's mom? It sure didn't work out. She tried though, for eight fucking years. It couldn't have worked out between Neil and her.

Billy remembers, Neil was so angry and jealous too. She must've found somebody else.

Billy understands it. It's just that, why have a child, a question for all of you responsible fucking adults? Was it really necessary to have him? They shouldn't have had him. What the fuck for? Only to quit? To abandon your kid? Leave him all alone in the house with Neil fucking Hargrove?

Yeah, Neil didn't quit on him. Thanks for that, I guess, Dad. I'd really appreciate it if you were less of an asshole, but that's probably on me. Uh-oh, the son turned out completely wrong.

Billy would, truly appreciate the fact that Neil hadn't abandoned him, if his father hadn't drained Billy's whole soul during all these years.

It was a fucking dick move to bring Billy into the world, like, no-one benefitted from it. Fucking useless.

Billy knows he won't have children. Well, maybe, but only in the distant, faraway future. Kids are actually cool, and Billy always pities them with his whole turned-out-not-the-way-we-wanted heart. Adults generally don't give a shit what the kids think or feel. They just use them, for... literally for anything. Own ambitions, exaggerated expectations, an outlet for frustration and aggression. Money. The sense of being in power. Dump it all on the kids, they are resilient. They'll adapt, everything is fine. They'll manage.

If Billy ever, ever, gets a little creature to raise, then he will definitely never leave them. Maybe he won't marry at all. If everything goes well, he might take a kid from an orphanage when he's like... 40 or something. He can be a single father, why not? Relationships are overrated. Marriage is overrated. Love is mostly bullshit, people fuck and have kids, then they run from their children like from the plague. Very few actually care about kids. In these seldom cases, the little motherfuckers have hit the jackpot.

Billy has always liked kids. Little ones, not the obnoxious teens like Max. The worst age, for fuck’s sake. No, the little kids who look at the world with wide open eyes and say the most honest shit there is. Still unbroken. Still happy, even if they've already seen that life's fucking unfair. Even if the world has shown them its ugly face, but they still somehow believe it.

Okay, what the fuck, enough with that cesspool of sadness, what's wrong with him. It's fucking pathetic.

It's probably just the first day in a new place, the nerves are acting up. Well, they've already been here a week, but it's the new school day, so.

He'll just have to hold out for a year here, fuck, it's only nine months basically, and then beat it, dust under the tires, miles away from his dad.

Dammit, is Max going to school today or not? Neil has already left for work, so there's no harm in showing a little disrespect. Billy honks the car horn couple of times, out of irritation.

Finally, Max rolls out of the house, thank fuck for that. Red-haired monster.

She jumps into the passenger's seat, like it wasn't on her.

"Mom was packing lunch!"

"Mom? Lunch? Well, hold on then, you dimwit. It's gonna be your fault."

Billy calmly drives away from the house to a safe distance and then floors the gas pedal, not without a tinge of pleasure. Makes the music louder, Scorpions are so good this fine morning. Let's fucking go.

He hears Max shrieking something like, "Billy, are you nuts?!? We're gonna crash!"

Same old, every goddamn time. Like Max really thinks Billy's gonna slow down if she's hollering like the chickenshit that she is. He's just gonna go faster.

"You should've packed your stupid lunch quicker. Now we're gonna be late because of you. And don't even think of ratting me out to the parents for speeding."

Max pouts and shuts up. She only clings to the safety belt, as if it would help her if they crashed for real. They won't. Billy knows his car like the back of his hand and he is an excellent driver. Driving and cars are two things that he's pretty good at.

Billy also likes basketball. Dribbling that ball, blood pumping, shoving other guys' sweaty lean bodies around the pitch, the euphoria of scoring.

And he has... well, had a great surfboard. Left it at a friend's place back in Cali, the fuck he was gonna do with a board in Hawkins, fucking Indiana. The friend promised not to use it too much but to take it out for a spin occasionally. He put in the garage, told Billy to come back for it. With god's help, Billy will surf on it again one day.

That's like his best friend, Nick. They've known each other for ages. Billy sometimes caught himself thinking that he would probably try something with Nick. Something like fooling around, in bed, that is. Billy thought about it a couple of times when they were stoned as fuck, sitting on the floor of Nick's bedroom. But Nick had a girlfriend since forever. Like real love and everything. And Billy respected that. Also like... Billy isn't stupid. There is no need to throw sex into the mix with good friendship. Now with the new school starting, everything will get going, he should call Nick, tell him how fucking lame it is here, ask how things are back in San Diego.

Billy wonders if they have some good weed here. There is a plastic bag at the bottom of his suitcase, under all his clothes. Nick gave it to him as a parting gift. Not to go completely off the rails with boredom here.

Drugs? Billy saw what drugs do to people. No, thanks. He smokes weed, but that's it. Well, he has tried molly a couple of times they went to big events with a crowd, but anyway, it's a fucking slippery slope, so no.

Alcohol, cigarettes, weed, sex when it's available. Driving his baby around which makes him feel alive. Working out. No surfing here obviously, but he's already signed up for the school basketball team.

Without all this maddening pressure from his dad and his heavy hand, Billy's life wouldn’t actually be so bad.

In California. Here it's gonna suck ass.

At the bottom of the suitcase there are also magazines, the latest issues. Not only the latest ones, but also those that he especially likes.

And if he has a couple of another kind of mags lying around under ordinary Playboys, then this is only his business. His father would kill him on the spot, no doubt about that, if he ever found out. But Neil didn't even welcome girls. Called them all whores anyways, like Billy wasn't even able to find anyone good.

First you need to get an education, son, decide on a job, and only then date a respectable girl, blah blah blah. Well, he's basically right about getting a job and stuff. Like...a relationship is at the bottom of Billy's priority list right now. Hell, it's not even on the list.

So Billy would bring a girl home only if he knew for sure that his father was not there and would not be for a long time. Billy couldn't even imagine what would happen if he brought a guy home. Ohh what a shitshow it would be. It'd definitely end up being a crime scene with the police and that yellow tape.

There is also Susan. And Max, the fucking snitch. Yeah, fuck it. At least masturbation to any kind of magazines won't bring him unwanted problems.

Also, if you do bring a girl home and they catch you, you'll end up answering all these annoying questions. What and who, what's her name and who are the parents... Who the fuck cares who her parents are. What were you doing there in your room, Billy? We were listening to music and holding hands, for fuck’s sake, Dad, leave me alone. Nope. Leave me alone - that's a very wrong thing to say to his father. Billy will immediately get smacked on the lips for such disrespect. Or worse.

Billy takes out another cigarette and lights up. Well, here's the new school. He drove so fast, they got here in under seven minutes. Of course, upon approaching the parking lot, he had to slow down, one of his most favourite songs blasting through the speakers.

Fucking hell, Billy still can't believe he ended up in this godforsaken swamp of a town. He misses his life back in Cali, he was doing so good there. It's gonna be a hell of a long year.

"Don't be late after school or you're skating home."

Max doesn't even say thank you for the ride, just bangs the door. What a spoiled little brat. Billy hates it when she does that, he hates that she gets away with it, she gets away with fucking everything. Next time she slams the door of his car, he's gonna teach her not to ever do it again.

He sets his boot on the ground. Heavy. Like his fucking heart.

Max is off to the middle school.

Billy is scanning the parking lot. Everything looks ordinary, everyone is busy with their own stuff. Most of the cars are the boring usual, but a couple catch his eye... That BMW over there looks interesting, apparently, someone got lucky with a rich daddy. That must be the rich kid, in a striped polo, bleh. He eats money for breakfast, it's so obvious. Staring at Billy like he's just seen Jesus descending from the clouds. What a dumb bitch. He must be the hottest one around here. Hairstyle and all that, a girl hanging on his arm. Surrounded by the court of jesters and such. Billy fucking hates rich kids. They are full of shit, rotten through and through.

Not far away, there are girls lined up in a row, assessing the new guy. There, in California, Billy was, of course, a 10 out of 10, but honestly lots of guys there were fit, tanned, with dazzling smiles and that special something about them. Like they are... carefree. Life by the ocean gives you this, like a gift. No matter how much it hurt sometimes, the ocean always, always helped. Healed him. It's 1779 miles away now. The Atlantic is closer. Billy craves water washing over his feet.

So yeah, Billy looks good. He knows it. However, if back in California Billy's looks are nothing special, here, oh here he'll be a fucking curiosity. He bets he'll get lots of girls drooling to get a piece of his hot ass.

They are already checking out his car. Well, sure he can have fun, it's the last year of school, after all. Just nothing serious. And, most importantly, no one gets pregnant. Double bag it.

Billy was already beginning to get the sense of dull annoyance, with girls. They just want to get the status of a girlfriend. Then plan their whole life, his too. He doesn't fucking need it. So who cares about a relationship. Sex with no feelings involved is always a good option though.

Billy smiles to himself as he sees the chicks twirling their hair. A couple of them don't look so bad either. The rest is meh.

He throws what's left of his cigarette and heads for his first class.

@dragonflylady77 a huge thank you for your help💖

***

Chapter 2

[chengfagshi]

I’m gonna be as vague as possible here so you know who and stalkers aren’t finding this post through name searching but

I found a callout from July of multiple of their friends, some of which were accused of having drawn art of “killing” proshippers and one admitted to stalking them (couldn’t find the “art” but I found the post that talks about stalking)

and I’m just here like, they accuse proshippers of wrongdoings but can’t call out their own wrongs??? I mean what the heck, why do MINORS obsess this much over total strangers and spend a lot of time on the internet being as hateful as possible?

on top of that, the minor who said they were stalking others is relying on an adult who is a total stranger to them to be their “parent”. I got some REAL odd vibes about this one too

Antis are all fucking crazy, every single one of them. God, I hate them all. Not to go back to being in my edgy, cringy teen phase, but they really do remind me of annoying, worthless fucking insects. And I've noticed this happen a lot, too. Where we'll talk about all the things antis have said to/about/done to us and they'll respond with "well proshippers do that to us too" and then you ask for proof and they never send proof. Like where all these supposed death threats from proshippers? Because I have an entire fucking stash of death/rape threats antis have said to us. Like I'm being called retarded every day, got 11 messages from one anon about how much they were going to rape and kill me because "there's nothing better than raping a tranny pedophile" and that was a message from the supposed "good guys". And then they still expect us to be civil with them. Like they say "proshippers are harassing us" and it's not even fucking harassment. But they can say they want me to be raped, killed, tell other victims some very fucked up shit, etc. etc. And we're just supposed to let their stupid annoying bitch asses get away with it because "waah I'm a wittle minor". Sorry for the vent but I fucking hate them so god damn much. I'm gonna stop venting before I say something that I'll regret because antis will use it as ammo like they always do instead of stopping and using that brain of theirs that only works once a fucking year apparently and think "wow, maybe we're the fucking stupid assholes and maybe I need to change instead of taking it out on random strangers on the internet like a bunch of lowlife cunts".

[minijenn]

Jen Tortures Herself With Every Dreamworks Animated Movie Ever: Antz

So as I mentioned earlier, I'm watching every Dreamworks animated movie (and special) ever because... I don't know, I fucking hate myself, I guess. But for reals, this studio is so weird because sometimes they'll make the greatest movies literally ever crafted (Prince of Egypt, How to Train Your Dragon, Puss in Boots the Last Wish) and other times they'll make absolute shit like what I had to fucking watch to kick this marathon off. Goddamn fucking Antz.

I plan on doing drive by reviews of each of these movies on here because well, what's the point of watching all these films if I'm not gonna share what I think. So yeah, let's start with 1998's Antz, the first Dreamworks animated film and by god its one of their worst.

If you asked me to tell you what Antz is about, I'm honestly not sure I'd be able to give you a coherent answer because I'm not sure Antz itself knows what Antz is about. Like I think its about individuality? About breaking free from opressive systems?? About thinking for yourself? I guess? But like its annoyingly heavy handed with that message to the point that it doesn't let its audience think for itself. It does a lot of telling instead of showing and as such creates a viewing experience as dull as the dirt these ants call home.

Also lets talk about these Antz. They are Ugly as Sin like seriously who looked at these character designs and thought this was ok???

Most stompable ants of all fucking time if you ask me and the non ants aren't much better. Behold, my new sleep paralysis demons:

As for how the characters act... yeah they're not much better than how they look. The main character, Z, is an annoying asshole who just spends most of the film bitching (and yes they actually use that word, this movie is weirdly littered with swears and cussing and sexual innuendos? More on that later) about his shitty lot in life and even once he breaks free he's still agressively uninteresting. His love interest Bala is just as uninteresting, an arrogant bitch who flip flops about how she feels about him with almost no development whatsoever. The side characters are all forgettable, and the villain, General Mandible is just your generic "wants to rule everyone and get rid of anyone who opposes him" bad guy. The world they inhabit isn't really that creative tbh, they hype up this place called Insectopia but its just a trash heap where a bunch of stoner bugs live and its really not that important to the plot at all really so why do we care???

Blatant product placement what what

Also yeah that plot. It starts out as Z being incontent with his lot in life as a simple worker ant and so he switches places with his friend Weaver so he can be a soldier ant, only to be the lone survivor of a battle against a group of opposing termites. This somehow leads to him and Bala winding up outside of the colony and they go on a lame ass adventure that seems incredibly rushed while Mandible is planning to wipe out all of the "lesser" ants and take Bala as his queen i guess? idk i kinda zoned out toward the end bc i was so soul-crushingly board with this movie.

The animation can be impressive for the time I suppose, that's really the only good thing I have to say about it but even then, the colors are dirty and unappealing, the characters are, like I said, all incredibly hard to look at, the music is bland and forgettable, the set pieces are garish and boring, and the writing oh god the writing.

Ok so I have no idea who this movie is meant to be for??? Like its rated PG right but they're constantly throwing out swears like bitch and ass and anus and making sex jokes and I'm just like??? What??? Is this a kids movie? Because what kid would enjoy this thoroughly unpleasant kinda dark movie? Is it for adults? Why would adults want to watch a movie about wisecracking ants??? Who is this for? Why did they make this? Ok well I know why because Pixar was making a very similar film at the very same time as this and Jeffery Katzenburg is a Petty Bitch

Really, at the end of the day, all I can say about this movie is just... don't bother with it? It really sucks, its agressively unappealing and unpleasant to sit through, and when its not assulting you with you how gross it is, its assualting you with how painfully boring it is. I don't think I even cracked a smile once while watching it. What a fucking way to start a Dreamworks marathon off on. Jesus.

Overall rating: 1/10

Verdict: Step on these damn Antz already

Next Review (Prince of Egypt)

[the-mighty-mittens]

I did a bunch of Castoff incorrect quotes, you wanna see?

Of course you do

1

Marina: Pick a card, any card.

Rori: Fine.

Marina: Wait, that's my credit card!

Rori: You said any card.

2

Marina: *running towards Arianna with open arms*

Arianna: *moves out of the way*

Marina: Hey, why'd you move?!

Arianna: I thought you were going to attack me.

Marina: I was going to hug you!

Arianna: Why would you hug me?

Marina: WHY WOULD I ATTACK YOU!?

3

*when a child starts crying in public*

Sage: *tries to make the child laugh*

Frankie: *tries to play a game with the child to make them calm down*

Marina: *gives detailed instructions to the parents*

Rori: *cries with the child*

Arianna: *ignores the child*

Vector: *is the reason why the child is crying*

4

Vector: Man, it smells like wrongdog out here.

Arianna:

Arianna: Vector, are you alright?

Vector: *sobs*

5

Vector: A sprite is anything not static.

Sage: A sprite is a variable object, be it 2d or 3d.

Rori: A sprite is a fucking soda.

Rori: You god damn geekass bastards.

6

Vector: Does anyone know how to relax? Asking for a friend.

7

Vector: *walks to cabinet, removes oreo box, takes half a sleeve, throws empty box out* Hi!

Rori: Hey- what are you doing-?

Vector, shoving an oreo into their mouth: I am saving space :D

8

Rori: I’ve been described as a ‘heartless villain’ and a 'little shit’, but I prefer… 'has alternative ways of having fun’.

9

Rori: You’re kind of a pushover, aren’t you, Vector?

Vector: …I’m sorry.

Rori: See!? That’s exactly what I’m talking about!

10

Arianna: Can you PLEASE peer pressure me into doing my project?

Sage: Do it or you're straight.

Arianna: I said peer pressure, NOT THREATEN!

11

Arianna: Oh, so when crows remember people who wronged them and hold grudges, its “intelligent” and “really cool”.

Arianna: But when I do it, I’m “petty” and “need to let it go”.

12

Vector, texting Arianna: Arianna there’s a moth on the outside of the bathroom door can you get rid of it?

Vector: Pls hurry because I’m going to cry

Vector: Arianna

Vector: Arianna

Arianna: Arianna is dead. You’re next. Love, Moth.

13

Rori: Did you just call me a shrimp, you asshole?! I'm still growing, dammit!

14

Arianna: That's it, I'm cutting off the internet!

Frankie: No, please don't! I have a family to feed!

Arianna:

Arianna: What?

Frankie: I need to feed my Neopets!

15

Arianna: You know you've made it when you see your picture everywhere you go.

Marina: Those are wanted posters!

16

Marina: An apple a day keeps the doctor away!

Rori: An apple a day can keep anyone away if you throw it hard enough.

17

Vector: *eating a cinnamon roll*

Arianna: Cannibalism.

Vector: *confused chewing noises*

18

Sage: Where is Vector?

Marina: I'll do you one better, who is Vector??

Rori: Here's a better question, why is Vector?

19

Arianna: BEHOLD, the field in which I grow my fucks! Lay thine eyes upon it, and thou shalt see that it is barren!

20

Vector: Arianna.. I'm gonna cry!

Arianna: Please don't.

Vector, crying: Request denied.

21

Arianna: Respect my trans homies or I’m gonna identify as a fucking problem.

22

Vector: What’s it like being tall?

Rori: Is it nice?

Vector: Can you reach comfortably for the cupboards?

Frankie: We live in constant fear of the short ones who, in my experience, will climb four chairs, two boxes, a small coffee table, and six oddly placed stools to get what they want.

23

*in a group chat*

Marina: First one to reply is gat.

Marina: *gay

Marina: Wait...

24

Marina: What did you get on your shirt?

Rori: Rust.

Marina: From what?

Rori: Weapons.

Arianna: Time for more adult supervision.

Bonus Zebra herd quotes!

25

Zera: "You look tired" well, the torment is relentless and the horrors never cease.

26

Zera: Hi, who's this? Terran changed all of my contacts to mythical creatures.

Liam: What's mine?

Zera: Dwarf.

Liam: THEY'RE SO MEAN, I'M NOT THAT SHORT!

Zera: Oh, hey Liam.

Liam: FUCK!

27

Liam: Oh gosh I wish I got more sleep I only got six hours!

Sonja: Six? I only got three!

Terran: You guys got sleep?

Zera, comes stumbling out of their room and grabs a jug of coffee before saying: What year is it??

28

Terran: Do you guys want to see a butterfly?

Liam: Ooh, yes please!

Zera, with their laptop open: I'm not going to stop working to look at a stupid bug!

Terran: It's not a bug though...

Zera: ...

Liam: ...

Zera: Well I still don't want to see.

Liam, realizing: Please don't throw-

Terran: Whee! *throws a stick of butter*

29

Zera: Self-care is suppressing all your trauma until it comes back and hits you in the face with the force of 7 very large trucks.

[compassionatereminders]

howdy hi kat, i wanna vent abt something if thats alright

its not major im just very frustrated, im in a household with an abuser (my mums husband, 10+ years now of this bullshit) and i cant get out due to my disabilities. as well as my brain being a fucky illness hellhole because of him

what im coming here to complain about honestly is so minor, cause hes physically attacked me and my siblings (he actively choked out my brother one time it was fucking nuts) but specifically today me and my 2 older siblings, my brother who was choked and my sister, FINALLY got to hang out for the first time in literally a decade cause this fucking prick has made it impossible for me and my family to just relax together and hang out. FINALLY we got to hang out for 3 measly hours and he sent a bunch of texts to my brother about how dare we be so fucking loud, how we made him late to work (we didnt. he left the same time as usual) he's gonna take the only phone in the house to work with him (which we watch his two kids while he and my mum are at work?? which would make it impossible to call for help if there were an emergency its so fucking stupid hes so stupid it baffles me)

and.. to prove he was super serious.. that his threat was SOOOO for real... he sent 🤬🤬.. and i'm literally more caught up over the emojis!! who sends two swearing emojis to show their threat is serious? it was paired up with a threat to beat us all too - mind you we're all adults now, not that its okay to beat children but im pretty sure you cant argue to police you were attempting some kind of corporal punishment if its a fully grown adult you don't even have legal family ties to? that's just assault.

im just frustrated at his audacity and also the emojis, ironically the emojis are whats getting me!! thats like being threatened to be shot with a confetti canon, ooouguh im gonna stab you with this here balloon animal buster type shit!! i'd expect that from a 12 year old hate anon not a 34 year old man

anyways thanks for letting me get that out of my system, i hope you're having a good day kat <3

When you're being abused, there's honestly no such thing as a "minor issue not worth complaining about" because it all ties up in and reinforces a greater pattern of abuse, even if, on its on, it wouldn't be that serious. So you get to be angry about all of it and you get to complain all you want! I'm so sorry you have to deal with this and your abuser is a pathetic asshole ❤️

[radinclus-not-radqueer]

It wasn't my intention to shame a survivor but from the outside you must understand how this looks? "This group of Tumblr users are actually a cult" is not something... you'd ever think to take seriously.

And, just reading the other post now about the BITE model.

Even this doesn't feel cult like. It still feels like "group of assholes online". Theres no leader, no one controlling your life, no one controlling your money, etc. And its not that I don't believe in online cults! It's just that they have real consequences (people being convinced to do real bad things like murder, people losing all their money, etc).

I'm not even trying to sound like an asshole. I've had a similar experience with a manifestation group. Don't question anything, just follow what everyone else is doing, don't say this or that, your better than everyone who isn't in this group, etc, etc.

I mean this genuinely too. I just don't understand how cult is an appropriate word to use.

Being in the radqueer community does have real consequences - people are manipulated into dating siblings, minors pursue relationships with adults, hell there have even been posts explaining how to commit murder and get away with it (which I've seen several people say they're gonna attempt to do). I've seen radqueers talk about how they've done absolutely awful things and encourage others to do the same. I've seen radqueers brag about stalking people irl, and I've even seen "transgroomers" and "transabusers" talk about how they're transitioning by grooming people into being radqueer and how they're abusing their partners. There's also people who buy canes and wheelchairs they don't need so they can roleplay as disabled, people who use skin whitening cream to make themselves look white because they're "transwhite", people who do their hair certain ways to "look black", people who join poc servers to get "race euphoria" despite being white, and so much more.

It's not just on Tumblr, either. It's on Discord, Mastodon, Twitter - I've even seen sites radqueers made themselves. It's even bled into real life, too, with people trying to get their younger siblings or their friends to become radqueer.

Calling it a cult is correct because it is a cult, according to the most popular model I've seen. If it has to have real-world consequences, then it fits that as well. Just because it doesn't look like it on the surface doesn't mean it can't be like that underneath. Cults rarely ever proudly display to everyone that they're cults, they try to look as innocent and inconspicuous as possible.

Every former radqueer I've met agrees that it's a cult. Once you're actually deep in the community, it's a million times worse than it appears on the outside. It looks like an innocent group of people who are just misinformed because that's what they try to paint themselves as to gain pity points. If they proudly said that they were a cult of groomers and abusers, no one would ever join their community, so instead they say that they're just radically inclusive and support everyone. It looks like they're just a bunch of assholes online because they keep all of the truly awful shit behind closed doors.

[marzgurl]

All right, cool, let's give some backstory here.

Anybody following me likely already knows what the last four-plus years have been like for me. In January 2019, there'd already been a big discussion amongst people within the anime and anime convention community about actually talking about the people in our community that we quietly already knew were dangerous but haven't done anything serious about them to protect each other. The first of those people discussed was a guy who went by the username of Hazukari who was known to sexually prey on people in the convention circuit. This story isn't really about him, but it's important to understand that that's where the community was at when everything blew up.

The next thing that sort of unintentionally blew up was a much bigger conversation about an extremely popular voice actor, Vic Mignogna. It had already been well known for 15 years through whisper networks that he wasn't to be trusted with his female fans, both adult and underage. Stories were everywhere, even here on Tumblr. It wasn't hard to find people telling stories about their encounters with him across even some of the oldest of social media. Forums and blogs, everywhere. I understand that people really thought, "Oh, it's all just talk," but unless you were there from about the year 2005 on up, you really don't know just how pervasive the knowledge was. I myself had watched behavior from him out of him in 2007 that made me believe it. It was weird to know a guy would hold church service panels on Sundays at anime conventions, but then I would watch him get handsy with a young woman and take her back to his hotel room. It might not have been illegal, but it set off alarm bells in my head.

Now, I wasn't the person who started off the firestorm. Another person entirely who went under the Twitter handle of "hanleia" (and who no longer uses that handle) had made a tweet asking when we were finally gonna hold Vic accountable for his behavior. And although she didn't really intend it, her tweet absolutely blew up. Thousands of likes and retweets. And along with it came hundreds of stories from individuals telling their personal experiences. I took screenshots of well over 100 different people at that time telling their stories of how he was weird or a creep or made them uncomfortable, or in some cases some people talked about their experiences being volunteer convention staff members who had been treated like shit by him. And at the time, that's all it was. It was kinda a repeat of stories, some old some new, that I'd been hearing for 15 years. Where I came in was well after the firehose had already been opened all the way up, and suggested a hashtag to just keep track of all the stories, which I'd called #KickVic. That's all it was intended to do, and it came much later after the whole movement had already kicked off. Unfortunately, as time would go on, it wouldn't matter that I didn't actually accuse him of doing anything to me, or that I wasn't the person who started the movement. Culture war assholes (and seemingly Vic himself) would decide I was the face of the entire movement based solely on the hashtag alone.

As the movement went on, it got WAY worse than I think any of us really knew it was. Like, we knew he was kinda a handsy asshole, but not to what extent. Suddenly, a bunch of members of the industry--voice actors and sound engineers--were liking people's tweets, and even telling their own stories. They were telling their own stories about how he had been handsy with them and pressuring them for sex. As you can imagine, assholes would ask why they waited so long to speak up. But I guess you can't imagine how difficult it is to speak up against another powerful dude in your industry that everybody likes unless it happens to you. But if multiple people in the industry were now saying it was true, that's when I knew for certain this shit was real, and it could possibly be way worse than anyone really knew. If these were just the people willing to speak up, how many more were out there that have never said anything at all, too scared to tell?

By February Vic had lost his working contracts with anime dubbing studios and was quickly being dropped by reputable anime conventions. He was starting to bleed money. Which is probably why he was motivated to, rather than seeking the help and reformation he initially promised he would seek, instead then began suing people for talking about the things he did. Among those he sued were Funimation (the company that ended their contract with him and then tweeted about it), Jamie Marchi and Monica Rial (who were two voice actors who claimed to have had uncomfortable interactions with him), and Monica's fiancé Ron Toye (who had also spoken up in Monica's defense).

2019 was a pretty big shit show, and the legal stuff was a huge mess. It would be difficult to cover the whole thing competently without a whole documentary on how stupid it was. The shortest version I can tell you is that alt-right reactionary YouTuber pieces of shit decided Vic needed a GoFundMe to raise hundreds of thousands of dollars so that he could sue the very women he assaulted for defamation. And his legal team was awful from the beginning. His lawyer, Ty Beard, didn't even practice defamation law. He was an estate lawyer. It'd be like calling AT&T Internet tech support to fix the motherboard in your computer that you physically broke in half. What I'm saying is, you're calling up somebody who's only BARELY tangentially related to the job you need done, and there's no way they have the ability to actually help you.

And basically by the end of the year, that's exactly how that all went down. Even if he'd ever had any hope of winning that lawsuit, there was absolutely no saving him with the disastrous legal team he had on his side. Just an absolute moron running his case for him, fumbling the entire thing. It didn't help that the lawsuit ended up spitting out way more information about Vic's behavior than we ever would have known had he not sued. Now, thanks to that, we know he was hiring prostitutes behind his fiancée's back, having relationships with multiple people on his Star Trek Continues fan film, tried to have sex with twin women at the same time, learned that his reputation was so bad that Funimation had to install locks inside the building to prevent actors from interacting with staff that were colloquially called "Vic Locks"--I mean, the list of fucked up shit we learned went on and on and on. It would have been infinitely better for this man had he not sued, but then I guess we wouldn't have ever known how truly bad everything really was.

If I try to tell every single little step of this story from 2019 on, we're gonna be here forever, so we need to speedrun the next, like, three years here. But believe me when I say, if you were ever either a victim of Vic's or an ally of his victims, you knew no peace. The constant harassment day in and day out was insane. It was to levels you wouldn't believe. I definitely wasn't the only person who got it, but just to give you my own experiences, some examples of things that happened were: I was doxxed, my extended family was doxxed, I was harassed across all social media, sent death threats, my family and my pets were threatened with death, when my cat died I was mercilessly mocked for that painful loss, my marriage certificate was posted online, people (unsuccessfully) tried to mail things to my house and send pizzas, my E-mail was hacked, and it just goes on and on and on. It was especially bad throughout that first year. And although as time goes on there have been lulls in those waves of harassment, they never totally go away. At some point, someone will always decide to make some alt account or make some new YouTube video that will whip up the hate all over again. It comes in waves, but never totally goes away.

But you came here to read about a possible murder plot. So, okay, here we go.

It's 2023.

Vic still goes to some shady conventions from time to time. He hosts livestreams on Twitch every Wednesday. He whips his followers up into a frenzy all the time, even when nobody's talking about him. But then he hides behind the idea of, "Oh, I didn't TELL anybody to hurt ANYONE." Some real stochastic terrorism kinda shit. We can all tell he's very okay with the idea that his detractors get harmed, so long as he stands back far away enough to be able to say he didn't have anything to do with it.

It's April 2023. Out of seemingly thin air, a person I do not know in any capacity or have ever even heard of starts picking fights with me. She goes by the name Farah Fatherless (a porn name--she does amateur porn and has an OnlyFans, etc.). I already have her blocked. I have a lot of people blocked--over 2 million people, in fact. But she's tagged me, super pissed that I have her blocked. Initially, I don't even see it, for that reason. But somebody else replied to her asking, "Why would she block you? You're so cool!" And THAT person, I did not have blocked, so I ended up seeing the conversation. This happens a lot, so I quote-tweeted Farah and ask something to the effect of, "Why do people who don't even like me or even want to talk to me want to have access to me in the first place?" I've done that a few times before. Under most circumstances, it just becomes a big joke we all laugh off. BUT NOT THIS TIME I GUESS.

After this, Farah is on a war path. It had genuinely been four years since I had seen anybody be so unceasingly abusive and aggressive. She attacked anybody and everybody trying to get her to calm down. She just started making shit up, doxxing friends, and she would go on and on for days at a time, even when nobody was talking to her. Eventually she got herself a week-long Twitter ban after using some slurs. So we thought that was the end of it for a while.

NOPE. While she couldn't attack me on Twitter, she made up a Change.org petition with the slogan of "#kickmarsgurl" (she couldn't even spell my username correctly). Kick me from what, I'm not really sure. But it was full of all kinds of wholly untrue things, like claiming I'd been physically removed from anime conventions before (I haven't) or that I had been calling anime conventions to get actors removed from their events (I haven't, and you CAN'T call anime conventions, because anime conventions don't have phone numbers). And you could just tell it was her because it was written incredibly poorly. Just awful spelling and awful grammar, which we've learned happens because she uses talk-to-text to write almost everything she writes on the Internet. Thankfully, we figured out this incredibly stupid ruse very quickly, so that flopped. She was back on Twitter for a while doing a really bad job claiming it wasn't her. Then she got another week-long Twitter ban. So we thought, okay, surely THAT'S over. NOPE. Next thing that came up was a fake news article! It was written supposedly by "CNN-Anime" (a division of CNN that absolutely does not exist), and not only that, but it was published on Medium.com--a blogging web site that literally anybody can write on for any reason. The article suggested I was at some party (I don't tend to go to parties) and that I had been drinking (I don't tend to drink) and that a young boy was there (I don't tend to hang out with children) and that I had been inappropriate with that child. Despite how plainly and obviously fake it was based solely on the fact that it was published by "CNN-Anime"--a division that does not exist--and published on a blog web site that isn't even CNN, it was still being spread around by utter morons that absolutely wished it WAS true. But even all the lawyers I've come to know over the last four years said, "Wow, it's clear these guys never learned what real defamation is, because here they are doing real defamation and meeting actual malice right now." Farah came back to Twitter again. Denied the article was her. Eventually got herself yet another week-long Twitter ban. At this point, we knew this couldn't be the end of the onslaught.

YEP. The next thing I knew, I was starting to receive an onslaught of bot followers, first on Instagram, then on Twitter. Just an absolute barrage of bot accounts following me, maybe two every minute, until before I knew it I'd received something like 12,000 new followers on Instagram. These were followers I didn't want. And it made me mad because I knew the only way to combat this was to take my account private to stop them from being able to follow. I've never had a reason to keep my accounts private before. I've prided myself in staying public and not being beaten back at any point during the onslaught of harassment. But this finally made me go private while I slowly and painfully removed 12,000 bot followers on Instagram. And it wasn't long before whoever was doing this (let's be real, it was Farah) had moved on to sending those follower bots to my Twitter account, too.

In the middle of being followed by bots, probably intended to either shut me up or make my account dirty enough to be reported for bot activity, I am contacted by a stranger--somebody I've never talked to before. They tell me that they actually have more information about Farah that they only just realized they were aware of. They forward me something like 48 screenshots of Farah's Discord server, where she and multiple other people talk about cosplay and meet-ups and who knows what else. In these screenshots from December 2022, Farah is in her Discord describing how she JUST BROKE UP WITH VIC MIGNOGNA.

WELL.

It's weird, it's gross, and they had been dating for about 7 months by that point after meeting at a convention that was local to her. She had lots of screenshots of texts between herself and Vic, proving they were in fact an item. And she found out that Vic had "gone back" to his ex-girlfriend. See, but she doesn't know all the information I already was aware of, that Vic had been dating another person semi-publicly since at least late-2021, and as far as I had been aware, they'd never broken up in the first place. So this other person wasn't an "ex". They were there the whole time, and Vic was cheating on both of them.

SO! Now I had new information. Farah was doing this, FOR SOME REASON, in Vic's honor. Why, I couldn't be sure. Was she trying to get him back? Was she already back with him and just trying to help him now? Hard to say yet.

But I knew that, if somebody was out here trying to attack my Twitter account and get it potentially removed so that I no longer had my voice, then I needed to at least get this information out before my account disappeared. So I spent one evening with my Twitter account protected, removed a bunch of bot followers, then came back out and posted a thread about everything I had learned, up to and including information on the OTHER girlfriend that I knew was still in his life.

And, boy, both Farah and the other girlfriend were having a TIME. After a day of it being public information, Farah started publicly posting on Instagram again, seemingly that this had just been a whirlwind situation, that she and Vic had gotten back together not long after that Discord conversation, that they were together all the way up until this point (May 2023), that she realized now that she'd been lied to and manipulated. Though she still didn't seem to understand that the other woman was not an "ex", and was still mad at her for existing. The other woman meanwhile (Haileigh) was posting on Twitter that none of this was true and that Farah was just crazy and that she was mad at Vic for being somewhat untruthful but that didn't matter because she was going to stay in Vic's life no matter what. Okay, you do you. I can't make you leave, and really, that wasn't the point. The point was just to get Farah to fuckin' stop attacking me for nearly a month straight. But eventually, Haileigh nuked her Twitter account. Bummer.

There were still several days where Farah publicly flip-flopped about how she was feeling. One minute she would be pissed at Vic for doing this to her. The next she would be pissed at me for revealing any of this information at all, threatening to sue me. And finally after several days, she nuked all of her presence off of the Internet entirely. Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, all of it, just gone. Is it possible this was all over? NOPE!!!

I tell this part now only because Farah has basically said this publicly herself, but at the time she wanted it kept just between us. But basically, a few days after she deleted her internet presence, she started sending me E-mails. This was the start of the most unbelievable 180 I've ever seen in my life, and was one I was very hesitant about, but have slowly been warming up to over time. Long story short, she realized Vic really was just as manipulative as he seemed, was a huge liar, and that there were even worse things that she thought I should know about. But she was hesitant to tell me more until she felt like she could trust me. And if I had to be honest, I wasn't yet sure I could trust that she wasn't just gonna report our communications right back to Vic, either. So we came to a truce, and I would just sort of play things by ear. I promised I wouldn't take screenshots of our E-mails or post about them online.

The E-mails I got back after that were pretty concerning. Everything she had been doing for the past month, attacking me on Twitter and writing fake articles and even buying bots, she'd been doing them for Vic. Not only that, but Vic was aware she'd been doing it and was very grateful for it. He didn't expressly tell her to do it, but she was doing it because she genuinely believed I specifically was hurting him and she wanted to do something to help the person she loved. And for that, Vic was very happy. They had talked about this over a dinner date before she got started doing it. Apparently their conversation was something like him saying, "Thank you for doing that. You don't know to what extents I've considered going to make this all stop." Her response was something like, "Like what? Have you considered having her killed?" And apparently his response was, "I have considered it, yes."

So, this apparently was not the only time this topic of conversation came up. After I had leaked the screenshots from Farah's server, Vic apparently pressured her to try and sue me herself. Not only that, but he started putting pressure on moving forward with putting on SOME kind of physical harm towards me. He started asking Farah whether or not she was aware if I was attending Anime Expo this year. She told him that she believed I was. (Spoiler alert: initially, no, I wasn't, because I wasn't even going to be in California that week, as I literally was already a guest at Delta H Con in Houston, Texas that exact same weekend.) Regardless, Vic started asking if she knew what hotel I was going to be staying at for Anime Expo. She told him she didn't know, and she couldn't just go around calling hotels to find out. But she did promise him that if she saw me there, she could at the very least follow me to my car and take a photo of my license plate for him to use later. Obviously, none of this ended up happening, especially because she realized he was using her goodwill and love towards him to get her to do things that nobody should ever do for anybody else.

Now, there are A LOT OF DECISIONS HERE that she was making that, even if it was for somebody I loved, I would have never offered to do. But if she was actually genuinely seriously regretful about how things went down, and she was realizing that the actual bad guy in this situation was Vic, then I was willing to hear her out and give her a chance. The last thing I E-mailed her was asking her whether she had any text proof of any of these conversations happening. More than a week passed. I heard nothing back.

It is now late June, 2023. For some reason, Vic is suddenly on his weekly Wednesday Twitch livestream. And guess what? He's talking about Farah! Well... sort of. Nobody has been talking about this man's weird relationships publicly for a while, so it was not yet clear to my why it was that he was talking about this. But it basically boiled down to, "Don't bother the people in my life. Don't bother Farah! She's been a good friend." And my first thought is, "Friend? That's what you wanna call her, after we have proof that you were more? Friend?"

And that did it! That SET. FARAH. OFF. Apparently, she had asked him to go on his livestream and clear everything up about their relationship. And all he could muster was calling her a "friend", so that he could still sneakily keep multiple relationships going at the same time.

Farah suddenly reactivates all her accounts! Twitter! Instagram! TikTok! Everything is back, and she's LIVID! She promises she's gonna tell the world everything she knows about him and drop a bunch of receipts!

And lo and behold, she actually does it! Screenshots of texts! Recordings of phone conversations! She makes huge public apologies! She apologizes to me! To Jamie! To Monica! To anybody she picked fights with!

And then she drops what she was telling me in her E-mails. She tells EVERYBODY that, yes, Vic had had conversations with her about having me killed. Well, holy shit! From this much alone, I'm told that if we used just her testimony, I could probably have enough to have a restraining order created.

But the question is, does more proof of all of this exist?

So, well, here's the unfortunate thing. In all of Farah's initial hurt and pain, she deleted large chunks of her conversations with Vic, never wanting to see them or interact with him ever again. However, it seems that she did have some clarity of thought afterward, realizing that, YES, apparently they did talk about some of this "murder plot" via text. But that chat log is deleted now. But she's hoping AT&T has record of these texts. Farah has contacted AT&T. She's physically gone into their stores, asking for that backlog. Apparently, AT&T won't hand it over without legal intervention. So! Now she's talking to lawyers, trying to get the phone records subpoenaed. She has made it more than abundantly clear to me (at least, this is how she is making it sound) that she is willing to put herself in harm's way (legally speaking) to prove that, yes, she and Vic discussed physically harming someone over text messages.

For right now, this is all we know. We're waiting to see if she can successfully get her own damn text messages subpoenaed from AT&T. It can be hard to want to put a little trust or faith in someone who tried so hard to hurt you for a month straight, but the amount of receipts that she has already shown publicly so far has been proof enough that there is at least some reason to believe she means well. Also, when she WAS lying about things while trying to attack me, she was VERY bad at it. You sometimes have to read between the lines when she talks about things. Because I often believe she's telling me the truth as of late, but sometimes her version of the "truth" is just what Vic was telling her, so it might not always be true, but she definitely BELIEVES it's true.

I'm sure this is a story that is going to continue to develop. But for anybody who was curious, this is what it's been like for me.

tl;dr: A 60-year-old man who got kicked out of the American anime voice acting industry hates me so much that he VERY LIKELY had multiple conversations with a woman he was romantically stringing along about developing plans to have me murdered. Cool!

I would say that most people will never be able to say they may or may not have been the intended target of a murder plot by a former anime voice actor, and I hope I at least live long enough to write an autobiography about how stupid the entire thing is.

[goddamnwebcomics]

Sadly these two speedrun into drunkardiness. Look, maybe it's because I'm a teetotaler, but "characters get drunk" never qualifies as a bonding moment for me. It's just a bunch of assholes getting drunk. It's embarrassing to watch especially since these two are allegedly adult women.

But I know who isn't adult, these two. Are Digit and Phi gonna get drunk too? I mean they feel when sex happens.

As for new Patreon follows, I guess Alexander Griffith realizes what shit he was reading and left. So instead we have more fake names Reese O'Hall, Pocket Sand and Jacob N. What does the N stand for huh? HUH`?????

[forestryfae]

and he fucking brings up grandma and telling me i should call her and like. yeah okay i know her health is bad but like what the fuck am i supposed to do about that. i cant talk to mom, shes fucking cruel and heartless and i cant fucking talk to her about anything, the way she talks about the whole thing is just fucking ruthlessly shitty and its like its designed to hurt. i cant talk to dad either cus he just doesnt care. he doesnt wanna fucking talk about it, hell just dump it all on someone else like he did when i was getting bullied in highschool and he got a friend of his to talk to me instead of like. talking to me himself or fucking fixing shit istead of pushing that responsibility on everyone around him so he doesnt have to deal with it. anything to avoid having to be a parent or having to talk about stuff. and my stepmom is almost a bad as my mom ngl she fucking makes theories about whats wrong with grandma and talks about it like its gossip or some shit, will not shut the fuck up and rags it on longer than it needs to be, and its so fucking infuriating.

like. its not like anyones asked me how im doing about the whole situation or asks me how im feeling. no fucking "are you okay" or "what are you thinking" or "how does it make you feel" in any genuine actually worthwhile way or any questions about how it might make me feel to talk about it or anything. no matter what i say theyll just try to brush it off or act like i have nothing to worry about or some shit etherway cus im not allowed to be upset or have emotions afterall, and the world doesnt revolve around me, it revolves around them and im selfish for not managing or caring about their feelings when its THEIR FUCKING JOB TO CARE ABOUT MINE. THEYRE PARENTS. THEYRE SUPPOSED TO CARE ABOUT ME, I SHOULDNT BE MANAGING THEIR EMOTIONS BY SHUTTING TEH FUCK UP ALL THE TIME AND DEALING WITH THEIR EMOTIONAL OUTBURSTS AND SHIT.

as if it wasnt fucking bad enough that i was taught any emotions that dont align with what they want me to feel or that dont validate them arent allowed, im supposed to do exactly as they want and no other option is allowed. cus then im an asshole and im selfish, self centered, egoistic, spoiled, brat, "angry" "all the time", and in general "nobody cares" and "nobody feels fucking sorry for you" and thats just what im supposed to deal with all the time? i cant have emotions or be upset so i become a fucking doormat to please evryone but if i dont stand up for myself its my own fault im unhappy, but when i do stand up for myself im completely ignored and i get run over and i cant have everything exactly as i want it all the time cus the people around me have their own lives, but when i suddenly dont want visitors or i dont answer peoples calls or i dont engage or i dont visit its all "you can just call us or visit us". why the fuck would i want to spend time with a bunch of overgrown toddlers who dont want whats best for me and who actively shut me down any time i try to exist like a normal person. they literally treat me like a fucking dog. like weve HAD a dog and they just fed it and put it on a leash in the garden and that was p much it. dad actually didnt even feed it after the divorce i think? im pretty sure he forgot cus he expected US to do it? I WAS FUCKING EIGHT OR SOME SHIT. why would an eight year old with neglectful shitty parents know that theyre supposed to feed the dog. id get yelled at for literally anything i did if my mom or dad didnt like it to the point where i dont even know as an adult whether im allowed or not allowed to do things specifically because What If Someone Gets Mad At Me For Doing This Even Though They Shouldn't Get Mad For This But What If.

like even at inpatient, theres food in the kitchen. theres food and theres bread and sandwich stuff and theres even leftovers in the other fridge sometimes and if the kitchen isnt gonna be used anytime soon i can even cook myself something, like if i buy a pizza or i have a bag of macaroni. ive even been offered the option to make salads for lunch and i feel like THE MOST selfish bitch for having the audacity to need food or have certain issues with food that make me need to eat differently than most other people. i feel fucking bad just for asking for bread i can eat without gagging. i feel like im being judged HARSHLY when i eat fucking nutella. i almost have to hide candy or anything sweet like chocolate cus im afraid ill have to have the "you eat too much sugar" talk again as if its THAT easy just walking into the kitchen and eating.

so yeah anyways, my parens fucking suck and i want to yell at them every time i talk to them but i have the patience of a fucking saint cus thats the nly thing im allowed to have without any repercussions so i just have to shut up and wait to get home so i can finally go back to being a semi-normal person.

[rajanilefreak]

So, got a bunch of interactions with people yesterday that made me think about this and despite my original intention with this account, I've already said enough downer shit that this just goes along the norm anyway so, I am now gonna make it everyone's problem by ranting about it.

The absolute worst thing about being a high functioning Neurodifergent person for me is that people look at you and their first thought upon first talking to you isn't "Oh, clearly this person has a 'condition' and I should lay off of her if I'm even slightly of a decent person." (let's face it, there will always be asses that would be themselves towards people with visible differences in how they process the world around them) Not, their first thought is "This chick is an absolute weirdo or into some drug." or "There's something off about her but I can quite put my finger on it so I'll just treat her like all the other outcast weirdos."

Since I was a kid I always had difficulties get along with others. It's fine when you are very young because adults and other kids usually just sort of accept it as kids being kids and hey, I least I wasn't the kid that ate his boogers. that's much weirder. but then you grow up and while you can somehow understand enough about interaction with people to almost be normal compared to others, it still isn't enough, especially in the eyes of other kids.

This is especially bad in middle school, when you are starting to adapt to becoming more and more independent but still not quite there yet and how that affects how you get along with everyone in your age group. There's this sort of pressure to not be seen as lame and a loser, even if no one is quite sure what being cool really is and resort to mimicking behavior that, once they mature, they come to realize is as cringe a fuck.

Now, if I was weirder, maybe my mom would have gotten off her ass and try to find out what was up with me and maybe I would have been diagnosed sooner. In my country, people that had diagnosis as being neurodivergent get a lot of slack so while kids would have probably still been assholes, they would have held back a lot more on the bullying because the teachers would have actually done something about it in my favor.

(Like, seriously, I once heard of a girl that really shouldn't have been in a public school due to her condition that when as far a repeatedly bashing the head of a classmate against one of the bathroom sinks shut for telling her to be quiet during class and nothing happened to her. That's how biased it is over here. We all get bad reputation for the other kids and get a lot of mean words directed at us but the teachers would absolutely stand for us most of the time.)

But because I'm high-functioning enough to almost be 'normal', my mom was content to let me deal with the bullshit by myself and then berate me for not being able to socialize the way she wanted me to.

(Then again, this is the woman who read through my suicidal ideations, without my permission mind you, because school sucked ass and I barely had anything worth waking up for in the morning, and decided the best reaction was to berate me about how I don't know what the fuck depression is, that only she knew because she had it and that I should never joke about being suicidal ever again, and then proceeded to ignore the issue, so...)

I was actually already in my twenties when my mental state became bad enough that she dropped her denial and helped get a good psychotherapist to try and figure how how to help me.

That was both the best and worst thing to happen to me regarding my mental health. On one hand, I finally got a diagnosis that make things finally make sense to me. It wasn't that I was unwilling to be 'normal' like my mom was convinced. I literally was as 'normal' as I could get. I felt validated.

But then the psychotherapist also revealed to my mother that I had high intelligence level (don't know what the english version of this is, but it's not IQ because IQ mostly centers around common knowledge and not how people process things, which are two very different things) and that fucked me over big time with her.

Because, like mentioned, she likes very much to pretend I'm normal, so hearing the lady say that the reason why my symptoms weren't as pronounced for someone with my diagnosis was because I was intelligent enough to mask them automatically made her go back to thinking that I totally had the capacity to be some idealized version of me that had good grades in everything and be social with people like she wanted me to. And that also meant she never invested in learning what sort of things I had problems with because of my condition so she continued acting like her usual charming, very unhelpful and some times triggering self and I had to deal with it because college and also the unemployment levels in my country meant I was stuck living with her.

The problem with this, like many of us will tell you, is that we still are different. Masks may be good but they are still just that: masks.

Sure, i'm very intelligent but that doesn't mean that I can have good grades automatically. I have a very eclectic knowledge base but that's because of my hyperfixations and I'm not about to hyperfixate in classwork, especially when the math teacher is an ass to me and doesn't actually help and this very same issue is still very applicable to college too.

And no, explaining to her that certain actions of her are triggering some of my syptoms didn't do jack shit. She forgot it the moment after I finished explaining to her because it isn't convenient and she is very resistant to changing her life if it doesn't directly benefit her.

So why did I brought up this topic today? Yesterday I tried to make a joke-reaction to my nephew wanting to lick my ice-cream. (admitedly it was only half joking because, when it comes to food, I'm ok with sharing stuff like cookies with him because I can break them off and give him the piece whereas ice cream means saliva will inevitably be swapped and swapping saliva through food grosses me out a bit). My reaction was being claiming that this was why I had my back towards him so that he wouldn't see me eating the ice-cream and ask for some. It was meant to be said jokingly much in the way she and my sister usually banter with me using insulting things. They had said far worse to me as a joke before and the kid is two, it's not like he would have understood anything bad out of the interaction. Not when I let him lick my ice-cream anyway because, again, despite being a bit grossed out at the thought of saliva in my food, it was family which is better than a stranger licking it, and it was meant to be a joke! I was just mimicking their way of joking around because that is my basis for social interactions.

But both of them took it extremely bad. it was enough for them to badtalk me behind my back about it and then for my sister to berate me about it the moment my nephew isn't around. The worst part. I can't even defend myself because there's this underlying current in my family that me being neurodivergent doesn't justify my actions, regardless of what those actions are and that me trying to explain what I was trying to do would just be me using the neurodivergent card to excuse myself so I just stay quiet and let her at it.

It also doesn't help that i actually do feel bad about it but am incapable of properly apologizing (something to do with shit my mom did in the past, not because of arrogance, but I'm not getting into all of my other issues right now).

This isn't about me being angry about this. I'm not. But I am very frustrated about it because it always feels like I can't get anything right no matter what I do and I can't even feel safe being myself around my family on a day that was actually going rather well. Sometimes I really wish I wasn't highfunctioning because then I might actually get some fucking leeway. But then again, sometime I can't help but wonder it it wouldn't be the same shit as always even if I weren't. If no one is willing to understand where I'm coming when I'm 'easier to deal with', would they really go out of their way to understand me if i didn't have the ability to mask it?

Seriously, why were they so surprised that I was so ride and die for my former best friend despite her being not a good friend when she was the only one that used to treat me normally even with all the weirdness attached. It sucked that her parents raised her to be a bit of a social climber, wanting friends on her (monetary) level, because she used to be the only person who made me feel seen and heard. Sure, she became very bad for me later on, but the fact that even when she wasn't being a good friend I was still very supportive of her is a testament to how much better she was at supporting me (even without a fucking diagnosis slapped on me) than my family was. And she definitely had no psychology degree or any research on my particular brand of neurodivergent.

Honestly, my thougts are all over the place right now. Just when I start thinking I'm ok with being neurodivergent and that I finally got a handle on it, something happens again that makes me wish I was normal. That I didn't have to deal with not being able to think like they do. That I could just understand what jokes I can say without them blowing their tops off for them.

What am I not seeing wrong with this interaction that they saw as wrong? Was it because my nephew is two? because i remember them making worse jokes even when I was young. They certainly liked to laugh when I would hurt myself in my toddler tantrums by bashing my own head against the wall in a failed attempt at getting all my emotions out. heck they even said to do it again and I couldn't have been older than four at the time. I thought self harm was far more serious a issue than not sharing food but maybe I'm just seeing something right? So what did I get wrong? Is the food the issue? because I shared a lick with mom before him? because I only shared one lick with her and he had like four or five (before my sister snapped and bought him his own ice-cream) and he slobbers a lot more than she. Was it that particular joke about me not wanting to share food that was the problem? i just wish I could know just so that I don't run the risk of repeating whatever part was that offensive to them. at a later date.

Seriously, why are they so surprised that I prefer to spend time alone than with them. At least I don't run the risk of insulting myself and then berating myself.

[sweaterkittensahoy]

I've been following the ever ridiculous updates on that thing, and I'm not shocked someone died, given how many of the cruisers seem to be of a certain age and post-retirement.

But other stuff that's happened:

Dude who doesn't drink discovered there was a rumor going around that he was in substance recovery. Because the idea for some of these people that NOT drinking on a cruise can ONLY be because you have addiction issues.

Families with kids are getting treated like absolute shit by other cruisers. Someone in charge on the ship had to get up on stage and basically tell people, "Stop being assholes to kids and families. We are a FAMILY cruise line. We advertised this cruise as a FAMILY cruise. You KNEW there was a real chance kids were gonna be on this cruise. Act like adults for fuck's sake."

A black woman who bought the full cruise package (it's six figures) has been assumed to be staff by more than one passenger and was flat-out asked how she afforded the cost by someone else who was in the same type of room. And, yes, that person was white.

Many complaints that people are really showing their true asshole colors as the cruise goes into it's third month. Which, I'm not surprised. Cruises are literally built for assholes.

There's a top-tier membership you can get through Royal Caribbean due to going on a shit ton of cruises. It's called "Pinnacle." Pinnacle members are absolutely acting like huge assholes to people who aren't at their rank.

Hilariously, there are so many Pinnacle members on this own boat that there's not enough room in the Pinnacle-only lounge for all of them. Royal Caribbean decided the best way to deal with this was to only allow the top-30 Pinnacle members (it's a points-based thing) access. This led to at least ONE outraged post on a facebook group of someone crying that "All Pinnacle members should be treated equally."

There's been at least one fist fight. It was four people. I am actually surprised it was so small.

Marriages that were holding on because the couple didn't have to spend a lot of time together are definitely showing stress.

And a bunch of destinations have gotten cancelled due to weather or just full on civil unrest in particular ports.

not to go "haha it's just like [media]" about real life shit but good lord this 9 month cruise drama has hella Vault-Tec social experiment vibes