goddamnwebcomics

[goddamnwebcomics]

Are you fucking kidding me??? Moral of the story is being a mother is stressful???

Listen, as someone who comes from a three child family raised by a single mother who had psychosis later in her life due to prolonged family issues and domestic abuse which led to one of the kids permanently burning bridges with rest of the family so she could hoard wealth and fame to herself like the slacktivist champagne socialist she is and then lie about her childhood to media as well as gaslight the mother into thinking she was abusive, I find this EXTREMELY OFFENSIVE. This is a gross simplification of what a mother goes through AT BEST.

Maybe if you can't handle it, maybe you should not have had children in the first place. You literally have the option to not have them. Look at all the parents who put their kids in front of screens. People are idiots, kids aren't fucking pets. You have to take care of them for the rest of your life or they end up becoming fucked up, and they will see you as the neglectful piece of shit you are. I was lucky enough to be raised by someone who wanted to take care of us.

And honestly this page shows to me that Kathy Kelloggs herself has never nor will ever have children, she is a violent antinatalist who looks down on mothers as second class citizens. It is odd for an alleged boomer to think that, but not every person is shaped the same.

I am honestly so fucking angry I could just stop reading this comic right now, but I have to keep going because at least Mrs. Sheep Whore isn't the main character.

[goddamnwebcomics]

Uhhh okay how the FUCK are you an even shittier mother than Tina???? "PLEASE TAKE MY CHILDREN I FUCKING HATE THEM PLEASE COOK THEM BOILED MASHED AND STICKED IN A STEW!!!!" I think this woman needs to be taken to solitary confinement. I think she's browsed r/antinatalism for too long, and by "too long" I mean more than 5 seconds.

[goddamnwebcomics]

What a good mother. I think these kids might be better off with Kathy, at least she isn't trying to indoctrinate them into their weird species cults. But then again, she might try to eat them, or worse, Mrs. Fourbreasts will start screaming "YOU CAN'T ADOPT CHILDREN FROM OTHER SPECIES!!!! THAT GOES AGAINST DA FAMILY HEIRLOOMS!!!"

[goddamnwebcomics]

I strongly believe these dogs have eaten at least one child.

And thus, this weird sheep cult can happily continue existing, and priests suck ass har de har har. Please don't verbally insult children to their faces, you can just do it on the internet.

[goddamnwebcomics]

I have to say those are some truly exceptional screaming faces, the third one is actually art.

And alas, they're not cutting their tails but instead putting on those weird rings. If I had a tail, the last thing I would put on it is a ring, but these kids don't have a choice.

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Oh yes that's the sound I make when I have to read Carry On.

I'm slowly starting to think this might be a cult of some sort, but that doesn't change the fact this child is a screaming idiot. Is this Eugene now?

[goddamnwebcomics]

We FINALLY learn that raccoon girl's name is Helen, and of course the kids are in panic when their tails are cut off. I blame their parents for not easing them into the process. But then again, try to vaccinate a child.

Why should we care about this arc? Good lord. Only lessons I've learned that turning sheepherding into a religion is weird and maybe Kathy should have eaten these kids after all.

[goddamnwebcomics]

I am not an antitheist so I'm not gonna start critiquing the principles of their religion. All I'm gonna say is this joke stopped being funny 50 pages ago.

Oh so, it's not circumcision. But, why is this a thing?

Okay according to 5 second research, docking is done to prevent fly strikes, so it is technically more ethical than circumcision. It also makes shearing easier. And if you're one of those "shearing is bad for sheep!!!" people, shearing is literally how the sheep are kept from overheating, so I can see how the sheep would shear themselves if they grew intelligent. However, I can see how docking could be painful for sentient sheep.

No! Raccoon Girl! We need people like you nowadays! People who have a penchant for etymology! We need people who care about what words mean and scold those who misuse them!

[goddamnwebcomics]

I thought the lyrics went something like "Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb, Mary had a little lamb, Silver Shamrock".

Who is Mary in this song's context? Virgin Mary? Do these sheep just desire being owned by someone? That's fucked up, but also I might be looking too deep into this.

[goddamnwebcomics]

HAHAHAHA THAT'S OUR GARFIELD. Fuck it, anytime there's a page that doesn't incite much discussion I'll riff another page as a bonus.

Do sheepdogs yell at sheep? Is this a common joke about sheepdogs being like military instructors???

Sheepdog then welcomes a ram to speak, and get it, that's the staff of the Good Shepherd or something. Why wasn't this religion making the matrimony between the giraffes? Because Kathy doesn't care? Sure let's go with that.

[goddamnwebcomics]

I think what Helen’s doing is supposed to be a joke mimicking what raccoons do in the real world. You know, except in our world, raccoons dunk their food in water and wet their paws to improve their sense of touch as a way to help them know what they’re eating. They don’t do it just because their compulsive clean freaks.

It was kind of a failure on Kathy’s part to depict animals who are best known for DIGGING TRASH as neat freaks

[goddamnwebcomics]

Look at that fucking wall of text, Jesus, exposition much?

Also, are raccoons obsessive compulsive? Is this another wacky animal fact? Reminder that we don't even KNOW HER FUCKING NAME.

[goddamnwebcomics]

Is it Dominic Deegan time yet? WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT HAS ONLY BEEN FOUR DAYS? FUCK IT, SWITCHING TO ONE PANEL PER PAGE FOR THE REST OF THIS TURN.

[goddamnwebcomics]

I hope Kathy gets bitten by a radioactive spider and she dies. I am so done with this. I have been riffing this shit in one sitting for 4 HOURS!!! HOW IS IT TAKING ME THIS LONG????

Uh, are you sure that kind of gum is chewable??? That is a health hazard more than anything.

Joel Chandler Harris? What does this have anything to do with that guy?

Oh, is this referencing tar baby??? I never thought it would get worse than transphobia in the Lotus arc. But here we are. Again, I miss it when GETTING GODZILLA LORE WRONG WAS THE MOST OFFENSIVE THING IN THIS COMIC.

[goddamnwebcomics]

In what world is gum THAT sticky??? This is just gross for the sake of gross.

Well, just be glad this scene isn't being depicted in Spinnerette or Ask the Werewolves, or it would be far more gross.

Who asked for this???

I'm sick of looking at this stupid trio of sheep stuck in a stick of gum. Is this trying to appeal to child readers??? Kathy Kelloggs might have potential to be the only person in the world to fail at kid appeal characters harder than Albert Temple.

Reminder that Sandy and her boyfriend/roommate/fiancee/coworker/bastard child/birth regulator/hostage/kidnapper/tulpa eat baby sheep, so they picked a wrong person to talk to, especially when they are drunk.

Oh yeah, and this all could have been resolved with one thing, MAKE SURE THEIR PARENTS FUCKING WATCH THEM. WHERE ARE THE PARENTS???

Oh yay they're child abusers! I hate everything!

[goddamnwebcomics]

And I am back to hating Kathy as we bear witness to child abuse. Look, children suck especially when they're being loud screaming bratty fucks, but if you punch, harm or hurt a child in any way, you're a massive piece of shit who deserves to go to the deepest darkest pits of Hell. I am sure Kathy will enjoy it there, she's accompanied by the rest of her family! Except Arfurick.

Eustace will be punished by being bullied at school. Don't worry.

Also, whatever you do Kathy, do NOT give Eustace a phone. Give them candy, give them a toy, give them a superball, give them a children's science toy set, give them playing cards, give them a book, give them a Tiger Electronics Handheld, but DO NOT NEVER EVER GIVE THEM A PHONE. I know this is 2008, but I will still say it!

Well that's a terrifying sight.

When did Huey, Dewey and Louie hijack this comic? Is this turning into "Kitty in the City" too? That's oddly meta.

[goddamnwebcomics]

Re: shitty arc

And nazi jokes (because of course), and a dig at Naomi Campbell’s drug addiction which, considering what Britney Spears went through, is nowadays considered in poor taste.

Not sure if it’s the worst arc in the comic because the entire comic is abysmal, but it’s a strong contender. What do you think?

I haven’t actually read that arc but oh my god, if it literally is the most offensive webcomic since Billy the Heretic, then I eventually have to go back and look at how it goes.