#who are accepted with their neurodivergency and queerness and even something so little like their favorite movie

[yourpalmalika]

[intothedysphoria]

The podcast was Steve’s idea.

It had started with a joke from Heather. She’d took one look at Billy and Steve’s accidentally matching gym clothes and told them they looked like a failing alpha bro podcast duo. The type of guys who’d talk about being alpha males. Billy had laughed hard but it had made Steve think.

They’d been best friends since kindergarten and were functionally inseparable. Billy had seen Steve through a long period of deep, dark depression and Steve liked to think he’d helped Billy through Neil. Most podcasts Steve had listened to, the hosts didn’t even sound like they liked each other. They’d be perfect.

It took Steve about a month to convince Billy to put himself in front of a microphone. For a guy with a 300k follower Instagram thirst trap account, Billy was crushingly self conscious about his voice. He’d been on testosterone for three years but still felt like he sounded “clockable.” It wasn’t until Steve promised that if they got even one comment about Billy’s voice, they’d immediately delete the episode, that Billy agreed.

Between the two of them, they had absolutely no qualifications to start an agony aunt podcast. Still, the first episode was released onto Spotify and it had a surprisingly warm reception. Most of their listeners were queer or neurodivergent and were asking about what to do when a hookup went wrong or how to go outside without having a panic attack.

It was heartwarming really, the affect Steve felt that they were having. Two trans guys talking openly about sex, relationships, social faux pas, fitting in and the occasional tangent on oyster forks wasn’t exactly common. And their audience seemed to cling to them like two older brother figures.

It was perfect. Should have been perfect. It was just that there was a bit of a side affect.

As it turned out, spending every week with your best friend, who was physically just your type, and was also just an absolute sweetheart, led to having a crush on said best friend.

That is if you were Steve anyway. Shit.

Most guys on realising they were crushing hard on their best friend probably would have done something normal, like tell him. Not Steve though. Steve endeavoured to lock himself in the broom closet and scream before every recording session of the podcast.

It would work. Hopefully.

Then Billy started getting random listeners proposing to him via email. They’d read them out before every advice segment and Billy would either accept or decline depending on how funny he found it but it still made Steve die a little inside. Billy felt like his in some intangible, indescribable way and even jokes about marriage felt like suffocating.

He redownloaded Grindr the next day. The guys on there left a lot to be desired, especially compared to Billy but at least it stopped Steve from feeling quite so lonely. He flirted, made decisions that made Robin tut and generally started morphing into the kind of hot mess Steve had been in his late teens.

Billy didn’t seem to notice. That is until he did.

Steve was very late for recording the newest episode, a silly one about accents. He hadn’t remembered to shave so the patchy stubble that hrt was helping him grow in was a mess. There was gum stuck to to the bottom of his shoe. Something had gotten spilled on his shirt.

His co host once again looked delicious. Delicious and worried. So worried in fact that he dragged Steve into the very closet that he’d spent almost two months hiding in.

There was only so long Steve could hedge around the issue. Not with Billy worrying about all the things that could have gone wrong, anxious brain in overdrive. Steve had to tell him.

A short, excruciating silence followed after Steve admitted his crush/budding love. One that the slightly irrational part of his mind was convinced would culminate in Billy punching him again.

That didn’t happen.

Instead, Billy called him a dumbass, they made out under a precarious tin of paint for fifteen minutes, and agreed that getting together was long overdue.

The first email they got from a listener after going public about their relationship was short and to the point.

Can I propose to both of you?

I think it was @camaro-and-smokes and @prettyboy-like-you who reblogged being interested in the og post about this idea and since I am a fic writing weirdo, I wanted to write a little ficlet for them! I hope you both like it

(Inspired LOOSELY by the hilarious Help I Sexted My Boss podcast which I adore. Also inspired a smidge by Lust For Life by @oopsiedaisiesbaby)

[gor3sigil]

About being a freak, queer, trans etc.

In all the years I've spent going back and forth with my gender, being sure one day and unsure the next about how I wanted to present, if I wanted to be more fem or masc, if I wanted to be neither of them, there's one thing that I never wished: I never wished to be born cis.

There's something so magical in being trans. To me it's like a never ending childlike wonder of myself and others. I see my body as a white canvas I can do anything with and as a playground for me to explore and find secrets at every turn. It's shedding so many times that I had hundreds of silhouettes and I'm not even 30. It's seeing the most deepest and honest smiles when you hang out with your peers, and they're fully themselves and you are fully yourself even if it's just for one moment.

Being trans is being more naked than ever. My understanding of my own flesh at its core like I'm dissecting it once a year is so whole and complete. Noticing the patterns, the intricate map of my skin, how it grows and stretch with every change even well before HRT as I was practicing new poses and expressions and clothes.

I don't see myself as a flower, I see myself as a whole garden, with bees and critters everywhere, bursting with life in the warmth of the sun under a sky as blue as the cleanest seas.

Regarding the way others see me, mind you, I always was, and I mean ALWAYS, all my life, seen as a freak.

Try to picture this, even tnough you maybe can because this is the story of a whole bunch of us: growing up as a goth, queer and undiagnosed autistic girl, in a little shitty town, the last child of a family of disabled and neurodivergent folks that everyone saw as a family of, well, freaks. The teachers at school knew your brother who was bullied, and your sister who always caused troubles. They don’t know which of these paths you’re going to take but they sure as hell don’t like you. And the only other queer kids you know are a couple of girls who’d chugg down vodka before class in middle school because they were not accepted at home and bullied during recess.

My first queer relationship, also in middle school, was the typical “I loved her to the moon and back but she only wanted to experiment” and it tore down my soul. It took me years to recover from this. I think that, apart from my longest relationship to date, I never put that much of myself into someone I loved. But she was just goofing around and I mean, fair, we were kids, but man did it hurt. I resented her for years after. Now I just hope she’s happy and doing the job she always dreamed of doing.

Anyways, all that to say that I was used to being seen as an outcast. I hated that for years and tried and tried again and again to fit in. It doesn’t work. Because this in not the answer. Remember when I said that my family members were always all disabled ? My father espacially was physically disabled (and probably also autistic but undiagnosed), and he’s still to this day one of the most ableist person I’ve ever met. He knew his kids weren’t “normal”. He fought tooth and nails for us to fit in. Because that’s how he survived. But despite it all, it never worked. Because you can’t force your way into society’s standards.

I never felt more free than when I just gave up trying to. If I was going to be seen as weird anyways, might as well go all the way. Dress as I please, date who I wanted (another story for another time but it didn’t go as planned), enjoy the shit I enjoyed, unapologetically. And guess what ? It stopped the bullying. Because I gained confidence in myself and most of all, pride. I grew proud of being an outcast, so much so that people just started to be like “well, they’re like that anyways” and left me the fuck alone.

I’m rambling lmao but I think it’s important to be aware that nobody will live your life for you. Being your weird self, it’s so hard, butn so rewarding. More rewarding than anything. You’ll start making new relationships based on you TRUE self, you’ll go all the way for your passions, and trust me, you’ll be more free than anyone who bent themselves to fit in the mold and still need to painfully stretch their limbs everyday to keep the act on.

I know that sometimes it’s something you have to do to survive, and that’s perfectly okay. But don’t forget to keep your true self close and to let them out from time to time, okay ? Water down your inner garden. That’s the only way you will truly live.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I don't want to contribute to paying for furniture for the house?

1/3/2024, Names changed. Sorry, this is a little long.

I (26) live with three roommates: Kay (22) who is my sister, Sam (22) who is Kay's high school sweetheart and fiancé, and Andy (25) who is Kay and Sam's best friend. All of us are autistic, queer, and neurodivergent in some way or another.

Background info; Kay, Sam, and Andy had had plans to move in together for several years with Andy moving cross country to do so. Kay and I both moved out of our parents house within a month of each other in Summer 2022, with Kay and Sam moving in together, and me moving into an apartment by myself. Early 2023 due to issues with my apartment and landlord and being unable/unwilling to stay there past my lease when it was up in six months, with some encouragement from our mother Kay asked if I wanted to move in with the three of them because Kay and Sam's lease was up around the same time mine was and they were already planning on getting a bigger place to live with Andy when he got here. Due to the aforementioned apartment troubles and having a hard time mentally living alone for the first time, I accepted. We found a small house and the four of us moved in Summer 2023.

Now we've butted heads a good bit the last couple months (especially me and Andy because we had barely known each other before moving in together and we have very different personalities), including a few very loud fights, but we have thus far managed to eventually talk it out and work it out and kept things mostly under control. I admit, there have been times where I was definitely the asshole in situations, but I've acknowledged that, apologized, and tried to improve my behavior since then. Anyway, this ask isn't about all those times.

A lot of my issues in the household stem from my depression and lack of motivation to get things done. A big contributing factor to that is that I am painfully aware I wasn't part of their original plan, and that leads to me not feeling wanted as part of this house. The three of them often do things without me like playing D&D, and hanging out/going fun places without me, while things I want to do with all of them just kinda never happens, like playing a video game or board game with one of them, or going out somewhere fun I want to go. Some of me not being included is completely justified like Kay and Sam's date nights, and some things while they do still sting a bit to be excluded from make sense why (like their D&D games that can get very NSFW, and I'm a sex-repulsed asexual. also being Kay's sister would make it extremely awkward regardless of my sexuality. I only found out about the NSFW nature of their games two weeks ago though), but certain things it doesn't feel like as good a reason for me to not be included or it's not actually communicated to me why I'm not invited to be part of something.

A REALLY big thing that contributed to these feelings I have was the day we got the keys to our house, as Kay and Andy were showing it to me, Kay told me "Just so you know, this isn't permanent. You're going to get your own place again eventually" with a soft deadline of two years because that's when another of their friends graduates college and might need a place to stay after. Over the last few months we have had several conversations about my feelings of being unwanted and Kay has apologized saying that what she meant that day came out wrong. What she meant by that statement was they all want to help me become more independent so that I will be able to move out and live on my own again one day when I'm ready since the first time didn't go so well. They were not/are not planning to kick me out, and the other friend moving in is just an idea that may not even come to fruition anyway. Even if it was partially a misunderstanding and there is no set time I need to be out of the house by, knowing that there is an end in sight has made it much harder for me to settle in because I don't feel like I can get settled since I'll just have to leave again at some point anyway even if that time is literal years away. Sorry if that doesn't make sense but that's the best way I can phrase it.

With all that background out of the way, I'll get back on track now. Kay and Andy have spent months planning on how to decorate the house and want to make the whole first floor (kitchen, living room, and shared craft space in the front room) themed like a medieval tavern. I haven't been able to give much input on how the house gets decorated outside of my own room. I've been trying to at least make my bedroom feel more homey since it's where I spend a lot of my time, but the common areas are much harder for me to feel comfortable and like I belong in because I don't have much control/input in how they will look. Which again, I know I'm not going to be here super long term, so it makes sense but it still sucks.

Now onto the actual situation here. There is a dining table set that Kay and Andy picked out that costs over $400 that Kay said on 12/25 she wants us all four to pitch in to get for the household for her birthday in a couple months. I am hesitant to contribute to this set, because I am not going to live with them forever. Obviously I pay my part to the household. I pay my fair share of rent, utilities, and food (though I will often make mini grocery runs throughout the week and I rarely if ever ask for money I spent back because I feel awkward about asking for money from any of them). I have already contributed towards furniture for the house but that is either things that are explicitly and exclusively mine despite household use (a tv stand I already had, a bookshelf I bought to display my things) and will come with me when I move out, or something that was a gift for someone else but still not ridiculously expensive (a $40 secondhand curio cabinet the rest of us got for Kay as an early Christmas present and various other small decorations for around the house).

There was another interaction today that has me a little upset. We've been thinking of getting a second TV for the living room so we can play online co-op games together. Who pays for the TV, determines who gets to keep the new one and who takes the old one when I leave. If the three of them want to keep the new TV, they're going to split the cost and I get the old one, however if I want the new TV I will have to pay for the whole thing myself. 1 person vs 3 people paying for something just feels unfair to me.

But the dining set feels different because it's a lot of money and I won't get to take any part of it with me when I eventually leave. With the TV I'd at least get to keep it. I feel guilty about not wanting to help pay for it, especially because Kay has said she wants it as a birthday gift, but if it almost feels like I'm just buying furniture for someone else's house. Honestly, I'll probably end up sucking it up and contributing anyway because I really don't like confrontation and tend to keep my feelings to myself anyway, but I just want to know other people's opinion on the situation.

Money has been a growing issue for me lately. I'm the only one with a stable, salaried job (barely pays above minimum wage though so it's not like I'm rolling funds), while Kay and Sam are hourly and Andy is between jobs right now. Like I said, I feel awkward about asking for money from any of them. Honestly I don't mind paying a little extra here and there to help out since I'm not much help with the cooking and cleaning, but the amount I have been contributing with no compensation has been eating away at my savings the last few months and I've been keeping silent about it because I don't want to make them feel guilty about it and make it awkward.

TLDR; I'm insecure and have trouble feeling wanted around by my roommates, and am expected to eventually move out. WIBTA if I don't want to help buy a dining set for the household because I won't get to take any part of it with me when I move out?

PS- If it's not too much trouble, could you please tag @aita-roommates-furniture so I am notified when this gets posted? Tumblr won't let me submit asks from a sideblog. If not, no worries! I'll just keep an eye out for it

What are these acronyms?

[mrsfrecklesmarauders]

The Marauders Personalities in my version:

James: Sunshine type, a gentleman and the boys's mum but also very chaotic. He has ADHD so he doesn't stop moving or talking and if he is quiet one day, you need to worry. Neurodivergent beauty. The epiphany of extroversion. He is the show chown of the group, purposely making silly jokes and being goofy to make everyone laugh. Excellent at making friends. Good shoulder to cry on because he is super optimistic. He is an idealist and a romantic, most times on the clouds. He is very cocky but also has his insecurities. He is the type of person that has the spotlight everywhere he goes, he doesn't go unnoticed. People either love him or hate him. There is no in between.

Sirius: Grew up to be cocky and arrogant because his family made him that way. He is reckless but not all the time. Only when his emotions take rein. Extrovert but he doesn't speak as much. Especially if he doesn't like you. He can be very mean when he wants. He is the type of person that prefers to hurt than to be hurt. He hides a lot. There is a vulnerable side of him he doesn't show. He craves love and affection. He loves deeply and hard, or he doesn't love at all. It brings him joy to be the center of attention. (Especially when it is James doing it). He falls in love fast when people make him feel special. But he doesn't admit he is a romantic. He pretends to be a realist. Very insecure person that hides beneath a cocky good-looking guy. Feminine side that is hidden or unknown while he is in school, but as he grows older and stars accepting his queer self, he embraces that side of him.

Remus: A realist who has his feet stuck to the ground. He believes things are as they are and that's about it. Nothing to change. Introvert who appears to be shy to everyone but in reality is a little devil. Only the people who know him well had seen his true self. When someone he doesn't know well speaks to him, he is shy and gentle, he even blushes. But when he starts trusting and getting closer to someone, he would unleash his chaotic side: sarcasm is his middle name, swears like a sailor, mocks you about every single detail, knows things about taboo topics that would blow people's mind. He is not that experienced but he bad seen things or read things that would surprise people. He is very patient, especially with his boys (he loves them very dearly). He is not annoyed or stressed by them in any means. He feels grateful to be at Hogwarts and have friends like his and he does everything to cherish them. He is an adorable nerd who loves to read and uses large sweaters but also a bad boy who smokes, drinks and swears. Everytime he opens himself more to the ones around him, they like him even more. He is like a box full of surprises.

Peter: Different to common belief, he is not shy. He is an introvert but he definitely speaks more than Remus. Even though he is more shy and awkward around those who aren't his friends. Whereas with The Marauders he is the one the speaks the most, after James of course. He is genuinely funny. In an innocent way. He would just say something interesting and the boys would find it adorable or laugh at his silliness. He is treated like the baby of the group because he is the youngest. Sometimes Peter likes this affection, sometimes he wants to be taken seriously. And he is the one who loses his shit more than others. He is the one that yells and puts his friends in their places when they are being little shits. He rolls his eyes a lot. He shows his middle finger a lot. Like a younger brother, he tends to copy a lot of attitudes from James and sometimes Sirius. Like how to flirt with girls or sound confident. But he is the most insecure of the four. He doesn't think himself enough or very important. That is why he is not very good with girls or relationships. He wants that happily ever after with a girl even though he is also a horny little bastard. He sometimes thinks he is not loved which is bullshit because the boys love him a lot. He knows this. And he loves them back. He just wishes he would be different, someone else, more cool. People genuinely like him, it is just that his insecurity plays awful tricks on his brain sometimes.

Their dynamic: James is the chaotic hyperactive leader, Sirius is the reckless princess in distress, Remus is the nerd with a dubious past and a mind of a criminal, and Peter is the funny baby who tries not to be adorable but fails.

[verdemoun]

Wait wait wait please tell me more about Kieran and Javier timewarp plsplspls do they go on manfailure dates. Will they go on fishing trips. Does the timewarp vdl gang own a shitty little kayak like they deserve? Need to see Kieran and Javier being losers in love traversing modern times

THEY ARE MY ENDGAME because this is johnigail charthur era but i need my boys to find happiness.

kieran having been in modern era for 12 years when javier gets there. he may be a loser and also neurodivergent but he's so much more relaxed and confident than the gang ever got to see him be. grew his hair longer learned what a razor is and keeps his beard more even length even if his moustache is never more than like kitten whispers. healthy weight functional muscle from walking (drunk sprinting) and gardening like he's thriving

and javier's like having a rough time y'know he just wants to be around the gang all the time. he has felt so alone pretty much since the gang broke up and he's really ashamed of the fact he gave up his/Dutch's ideals and started working for the government for the sake of saving his own skin. and the general learning modern era stuff. most of the gang are busy with their lives though so kieran is accidentally the one who has to show him around?

javier has a type. and kieran very confidently taking his hand with a smile and saying they had to hold hands crossing the road? tall pasty manfailure with ratty dark hair? javier is panicked he is screaming oh no he's hot. it's a constant game of 'is he flirting or is he being socially dense' and javier is about to rip his hair out which kieran finds hilarious and adorable. its completely intentional. kieran is very honest, will fall in love with anyone he finds beautiful and thinks dad bod timewarped rdr1 javier is every bit as damned fine as rdr2 javier.

look they are disasters okay they're disasters in queer genderless human forms. javier went from still holding onto an on-and-off relationship with john pre-1899 that relied on codes and discretion not for being gay but because john was still trying to work things out with abigail (javier was so in love he just accepted being treated like that!!) to blushing at spontaneous pda because kieran glanced over and remembered how handsome his boyfriend is. getting told i love you seventeen times a day. doing something stupidly mundane only to hear 'pretty' from across the room and kieran just watching with the goofiest in love smile on his face. not only how flustered javier gets but also has he ever been in a relationship where he was loved as much as he loved someone? trying not to cry as he catches his semi-verbal boyfriend practising spanish so they can talk in javier's first language because NO ONE IN THE GANG EVER TRIED TO LEARN SPANISH EVEN THOUGH HE DIDN'T SPEAK A WORD OF ENGLISH WHEN HE MET THEM

javier's loyalty also meaning he is the biggest advocate for anything kieran needs to support his neurodivergency?? using the famous 'make grown men piss themselves' glare before staff can even comment on kieran bringing his snacks to a fancy tapas place on date night. also knowing exactly what makes safe foods safe and being able to offer mouthfuls of new foods that kieran might like or very honestly say 'do not touch you will be physically disgusted by this'. both considering a perfect romantic evening fishing. just quietly fishing lost in sharing tips and bait and the total bliss of one another's company. couple pic looks like american gothic with both of them completely blank and holding fish. nestled on the couch watching tv in spanish because kieran has his headphones on and doesn't listen anyway but really enjoys it. javier replacing the weighted blanket. kieran being taller and just picking javier up if something his brain detects as a threat happens because protect loved one comes first and javier trying trying to assure him the small yappy dog is not a threat to their lives but also almost tearing up because imagine someone loving him enough to actively try and keep him safe

it started ironic but their song is literally fish by craig campbell and javier will sing it while playing guitar despite neither one of them particularly enjoying country music but loving that song. the gang are mortified and see kieran as an innocent soft bean of purity who doesn't understand the song is not about fishing. not only is he fully aware but that is exactly why it is their song. trust they have the best sex life in timewarp. just losers with trauma and seperation anxiety who are completely devoted to each other, actually listen to one another so sincerely and never have to be worried about being left behind or forgotten again

to the second point annabelle being the big cheese wealthy woman of the group bought hosea a very modest aluminum boat with a low power engine because he's getting too old for rowing and she knows he does enjoy fishing. john will not touch it with a 10 foot pole he is convinced it is going to sink at any second when someone is reeling in a fish all other passengers have to move to the other side for balance and despite opportunities to buy significant better ocean vessels hosea loves the ss old girl. they can pry his shitty boat from his cold dead hands. so many happy, good, new memories he's formed with the gang in post time-warp.

[copperbadge]

Sam, how did you find your therapist and build such a good working relationship? Every attempt I’ve made at therapy seems to fizzle out after a few months… and no therapist has ever understood the RSD aspect of my ADHD, which makes it all feel a little worse every time I try.

I mean, I think really we're still building it -- I haven't had her more than a couple of months and functionally it's been an every-two-weeks situation most of the time because we keep having to move/cancel. I don't know that I can really speak intelligently to building a relationship with a therapist because this is the first time I've ever done it where I was an adult and in control. As for finding one...

Chicago has a group called Clarity Clinic, which is like a WeWork for mental health professionals -- they offer scheduling, billing, and IT/office space to local people who I think are mostly independent operators otherwise. They have a directory that is highly filterable, so I found my psychiatrist there by filtering to stuff like Adult ADHD and medication management. He's great, but he didn't want to be my therapist and I didn't want him to. When I decided on therapy, I asked him if he knew anyone he could recommend, since he knew what my deal was in terms of personality, behavior, etc.

So he gave me a couple of names of fellow Clarity Clinic folks and I had a look on the website and chose the one that sounded like she'd get on best with me. I think I struck it lucky to be honest -- she's young (compared to me) and has ADHD, and she's very familiar with disability discourse, spoon theory, etc, even fandom to an extent. If I were to go looking today I might look more at therapists who specialize in twice-exceptional individuals, but she's good enough with what I'm aiming at that I don't want to change.

So the best advice I have is if you're being treated for other stuff by someone you trust I'd ask them, but also look for someone experienced with adult ADHD, and I'd look for someone on the younger side who's more likely to be understanding of neurodivergent needs. (I also recommend filtering to queer-friendly therapists if you can; I didn't necessarily need that but it means they're likely to be generally accepting and probably have more liberal politics. With the caveat that in shady places like BetterHealth, "LGBTQIA" counselors are sometimes homophobic creeps with an axe to grind.)

Building the relationship has taken proactivity on my part -- ensuring that I always have an appointment on the books (we book out about six weeks in advance now, because we know one of us will likely need to cancel/rebook at times), making sure that I have either an aim for treatment or at least something to talk about, etc. I think in your case probably having a list of things you want to deal with, so that you can check some boxes up top, might help.

I would definitely open with "I have ADHD and I need help with [aspects of that]; I also have RSD and I need to work with someone who respects that diagnosis and understands how to help with it." I went into mine saying "I have ADHD and I'm also struggling with some really big emotion, so I'm looking for help with those, but also like...I'm not really sure what therapy can offer. I've had some bad experiences in the past but they were all when I was a child, so I'm trying to explore some options." Her reaction was a combination of sympathy and a discussion of the kinds of things we might work on, which helped a great deal.

But yeah, I think it starts with establishing right from the jump what you want and need, and then spending time making sure that you both stay on top of that until you find a rhythm. We're still finding our rhythm, but it's getting easier as I'm learning to be clearer about what I want and more comfortable with being a participant instead of someone therapy just happens to.

[cupidspup]

hello! congrats on 50 followers!

#9 from your 20 questions game? as a queer disabled regressor i love hearing other people’s experiences!

~ @littletism 🎀

Eeee hello hi! ^^ Thank you for your question I'm so so excited to answer! ૮ ᴖﻌᴖა

The question is:

"If you have other marginalized identities (lgbtq+, neurodivergent, poc, ect...) how do they figure into your regression?"

And my answer is...

It incorporates into my regression in a lot of ways!! X)

I know you all don't know a lot about me so this is sort of a deeper dive into me along with being a fun lil game! :] So strap in its a bit of a long one x)

I'm a person of color, I'm in the lgbtq+ community (not straight and my gender identity doesn't align with my assigned sex at birth), I have autism and adhd AND on top of that I have other mental health/physical health problems that can take a huge toll on me too! :")

Regression isn't always sunshine and rainbows for sure. I come from a very troubled background, my regression comes from a place to heal that child that was hurt from that time. To give me back what I lost as a child or to give me what I never had.

I'm a trans guy and I'm proud, but online I get really finicky about it because I'm always scared that no one will respect it (or my pronouns) because I'm a hyperfem trans guy so I try to hide my gender/sex a lot which is something I'm working on ૮ ◞ ﻌ ◟ ა

On top of that with the mental health problems I have, they make me incredibly sensitive and extremely clingy no matter what age I regress to. I have chronic back and joint pain which makes it hard to do a lot of the "typical" regressor things and sometimes it can put a damper on how I feel about myself as a little too (╥ᆺ╥；)

This all translates to a very big crybaby little, who seems like nothing will satisfy them, very high maintenance along with the constant energy just MOVING!!! I'm not a skinny person either and my feelings get so confused too :< "why don't I look like that person? I want to sit criss-crossed too!! Wait I don't want to be a little prince I wanna be a princess!! Princesses are cute!! Oh I hope I'm not being too much...I'm too much...Oh but my cg loves me still!!" Most of the time when I'm small, my Pronouns change too because in my little brain the feminine girly stuff feels way better than all the little boy stuff!! It's a really hard thing to navigate but I'm happy the people around me are open minded and accepting of that 🩷

With all the trauma I've experienced certain words and actions can trigger me even easier :"] it can be a lot for a lil guy with anxiety. Not to mention that my regression doesn't look anything like my childhood (I'm Latin-Hispanic) so sometimes it feels like it's just a game of pretend or like I'm dressing up as a white person so that I can fit in with the "rest of the kids" ૮ ◞ ﻌ ◟;;;ა (I, of course, mean no offense to anyone)

Thoughts and feelings are fast and troublesome.

But it's not all that bad either!!

With the big thoughts come even bigger hugs and kisses! With the back/joint pain comes back rubs and tickles (With consent of course🩷) and soft pillows n plushies to rest on!! When I feel like stimming I (very luckily) have a cg who's willing to rock me n do all the stimmy things with me! ૮( ˃ ꒳ ˂)ა He's always willing to work around the stuff I like and don't like and knows what food is safe and not safe :3

I feel that because I'm so different a whole other world gets unlocked through my regression!! I want to experience so much and rewrite the story that little me had to live through. I want to bring comfort to those who don't exactly have any guidance or the means for said comfort.

My regression is different from most but also valid and very common! I love this community and I love that it's been here for me for my hardest times 🩷 I'd love to be an older figure in the community (since I'm so grown up now!! I grew from 13 to almost 21 in the blink of a eye!!) that guides the new generation one step at a time :] There's so much more that I can say about my regression but this is getting long and I think I've covered a good amount of it ૮ ᴖﻌᴖა

Thank you so much @littletism for joining the game and asking me this question!! ૮ ᴖﻌᴖა (also I love your blog its so so cute and it'd be so cool if we could be friends maybe ८,,◐⩊◐,,ა /nf)

Anywho until next time!!

- Kyupie ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

[sequoiareachesforthesky]

This my contribution to queer Kazui propaganda (I love taking middle-aged characters and making them go against traditional gender norms, truly one of my favourite pastimes)

Ok so I actually have a looooot of thoughts about Kazui and gender and queerness and everything, but right now, what I really want to talk about is the "he shouldn't have lied from the start" argument. (Rather long rant under the cut)

Everything discussed in this post will be in the context of the "Kazui married even though he wasn't in love, lied for years about his feelings, eventually came clean and this is what caused his wife to commit suicide" theory. I know a lot of people have different views on Kazui's story and murder, but this is the scenario I'd want to talk about because it's probably the one I've seen being mentioned the most so far, and the people seeing him as guilty because "he shouldn't have lied from the start" in the context of this theory are starting to bug me a little.

Because basically, saying that is like condemning a man for playing the role he was asked to play in a flawed system (flawed is a euphemism. fuck heteronormativity.) So basically the way I read the "he shouldn't have lied to begin with" argument goes a bit like this : "he should have never taken part in the system from the start". To which I answer : you know, not everyone was born an anarchist and not everyone was raised to question the system. If that was the case for you, that's great! Your conscience is clear and you can sleep soundly at night! But you do realise that for most people, who aren't exposed to anything else, who don't even know that different systems exist, playing along is just the most logical thing to do, right?

Even when you feel like things aren't quite right in your life, you end up thinking that something is wrong with you, not with the system. Because noone questions the system, so surely the problem must come from inside, right?

So you mask your "difference", hoping that it will just go away. You hide your queerness because you've been told that it's disgusting, and so you think it is too. You mask your neurodivergency because your family call autistic people "crazy", and surely you can't be like those people. You grit your teeth and bear through the chronic pain because doctors keep on insisting that "there's no reason for you to be feeling like that", so you downplay your own pain, and maybe the one of other people too. Because that's the normal thing to do right? I must fit into the machine at all cost, because I know how people who don't are treated. And I'm scared of being treated the same way.

Often, one would rather be a coward than a "freak". And I can't really blame them for that. Because people depend on each other to survive. And being chased away from your community seems like a death sentence.

So you bottle it up.

But at some point, you can't take it anymore. You snap. You smash your mask on the ground. You rip appart your costume. You refuse to play this role anymore. A role that has hurt you, and that has also hurt others. That's the way the system works, it puts us into a box, then against each others, and don't you dare break the established rules or there will be terrible consequences!

But you know what? Fuck that. Yeah I've hurt people with my lies, with my ignorance, by being irresponsible. But I can learn. I can change.

And if someone else makes the first step towards being a better person themself, if they accept to see the pain they're inflicting on others and on themselves, well the first thing I'm gonna do is welcome them, not pointing out everything they've done wrong in their life. Retribution and accountability can come later. It will come. But let's take things one step at a time. People are imperfect, changing is hard. But it's not impossible. And I believe that we shouldn't abandon someone just because they're "a lost cause" or "past the point of no return".

But I digress. Because in the case of Kazui, he has realised the harm he has done and he doesn't want to hurt anyone anymore. And in the case of people like these, I'd rather help them move on towards being a better person rather than focusing on their past. What's done is done, all we can do is fixing what can be repaired and making sure it never happens again.

That's why I hate the "Kazui shouldn't have ever lied" argument. Because he can't change the past, and if he could he would. Yes it wasn't right of him to lie, but you know what? I'm gonna say it wasn't wrong either. It was barely even a conscious decision at this point. He just did what he was supposed to. I don't see the point of examining his act through the lense of morality, because in his mind, it was never about what's moral or not. Just what was expected of him (I could go further into this argument and I know not everyone agrees with it but whatever).

Yet people still think Kazui, or really anyone in this situation, deserves to be punished even more? It's kinda like when people get cancelled forever, they're denied the opportunity to change, to make amends, to better themselves. Denied the right to be seen as human beings.

Alright now is the time to derail and extrapolate from this case study because why not.

Because Kazui took the first step towards changing, because he stopped lying, because he said fuck this stupid act I've been putting up all my life, I do believe he's on the right path towards understanding the real problem behind it all. And sure, he isn't an anarchist trying to tear down the system yet. He doesn't even seem to realise that the real issue isn't lying, the issue isn't that there's something wrong with him, no, the real problem is the society that pressures people into heterosexual marriage (and honestly, Kazui is far from the only one in MILGRAM whose crime was very directly influenced by their environment). But I have faith in people like him. I think he could become a system-destroyer™. So for now I'm queering him in hope that someday, he'll queer the world in return.

In the end this post isn't really about Kazui, more so about this specific interpretation of him that's fairly popular in the fandom. I do have a lot of thoughts, headcanons and interpretations of his character in relation to queerness though. But today, he's not really the one I want to talk about. I want to talk about everything else.

I know I may sound quite uhmm, categorical(?) in this post, but I'm actually not all that set on my convictions. This is just what has come to my mind. It is flawed, it is approximative, it is incomplete. But it is what I wanted to say. And I hope you guys have thoughts you'd be willing to share about all this. Because despite how anxious online social interactions make me, I want to hear what others have to say. I want to know about other worldviews and experiences. I want to learn!

Love you guys for reading through all this (and I hope you enjoyed the middle-aged-man-in-dress post haha)

Also I put way too much effort into drawing the apple and the broken mask for the background so I'm putting them here (low quality but still)

[rivetgoth]

Tbh I think one aspect of goth club environments that I find a bit frustrating, though generally keep to myself/my close circles who know I'm not coming at this from some massively judgmental angle but more passive observation and ultimately minor grievance, is that I think there's two pretty distinct camps in most of them where Camp 1 is "people who love goth [or otherwise dark alternative] music who want to hear it played loudly and dance while socializing with other individuals who love this music as much as them," and Camp 2 is "people who are weirdos and freaks [affectionate] who wanted to find a place where they could express themselves comfortably and safely and meet other weirdos and freaks." And these aren't completely separate spheres, but the two circles of this Venn diagram are not nearly as overlapping as you would think.

I consider myself first and foremost Camp 1 as the one and only reason I became goth and began participating in this community was the love of the music, the music has kept me alive and shaped me into the person I am today, the reason I go out to these events is for the music, and every close friend I've made in this scene has been through the love of the music, but I don't have any negative feelings towards Camp 2 and I relate to them in many ways as well. I think goth clubs are fantastic accepting spaces for queer people, kinky and sex posi people, autistic and other neurodivergent people, and people who otherwise just do not fit into the norm, whether it be due to something outside of their control or just having Weird Person Interests that have gotten them kinda stigmatized by wider society. I totally found solace in the goth scene due to being a lot of those things myself. But I still connect first and foremost with the people who love the music. That is THE THING that has kept me going. While when it comes to the exclusively Camp 2 people, a loooot of them kind of come out to these spaces specifically to be amongst other likeminded individuals and feel accepted for their weirdness, and the music is practically, just, like, incidental lol. Ironically they don't necessarily realize how much of the reason that these spaces ARE historically safe for them is due to what the music itself, the musicians making it, and the fans of the music have stood for.

The thing is I don't really think anything needs to be "done about this" or whatever, I hesitate to call it a problem at all, firstly I think that the dark alternative scene SHOULD be a safe space for individuals who exist outside of the norm and I don't think they should need to pass some sort of knowledge test in order to gain entry to these spaces, second of all I think many of them over time do come to love the music, even just by being around it enough to develop positive association, and third I think that supporting these spaces with physical bodies, generating financial revenue, etc is the best way of keeping them alive so ultimately it doesn't really matter how much or how little they know if they're showing up and materially supporting the scene. But I do think it's like... person to person, a little sad, I guess, that the dark alternative scene is so muddled with just the general broad category of humans that is "people who are weird and don't fit the norm" that it's kinda difficult to find people who are there because they love the music and a lot of the people who I get excited to connect with because they're openly trans or something reveal quite quickly they don't really listen to any of the bands I'm there to hear, they just heard from a friend who heard from a friend that you can meet other cool queer people and be GNC safely there. And that's great! It really is. But I do wish that the people who were going to these spaces without knowing much about the music would spend some time exploring it. I think they'd probably find a lot to love about it honestly.

[galacticscrotum]

Hello!

I don’t really like introducing myself.

I get stressed out trying to capture the essence of who I am in a reasonable amount of words. I’m far too complex for that. Not in a “I’m so complicated and cool and mysterious” way, but more of a “I literally don’t even fully have a grasp on my own existence” way.

So instead of trying to summarize my personality, I’ll just list some random things I’d like you to know if you follow me :) (If it’s too long to read, I put key info in bold)

My name is Em, it’s nice to meet you!

I’ve rotated around the sun 22 times. No wonder I’m dizzy.

I am autistic and have ADHD and CPTSD. All three conditions are intrinsically linked for me, I cannot fully relate to any of the conditions on their own without the other two.

I have several symptoms of BPD (abandonment issues go brrrrr)

I never want to speak over people with higher support needs so please (respectfully) tell me if something I say is incorrect or offensive.

Autism and neurodivergence are huge special interests of mine! (Comorbidities hellooo)

I have a ridiculous and sarcastic sense of humor. I’m a goose that is rather silly.

Communicating requires a lot of my energy, so I don’t like any criticism on how I do it, like how often I punctuate or what words I use. I’m doing my best to get my thoughts from my internal realm to the outside world.

I love to learn about anarchy and communism. Even more, I love learning about and imagining better ways of life outside of any common ideologies.

I am fucking queer as fucking shit.

My pronouns are they/them. she/he are okay too

I edit this post a lot.

I love you and I want to be your friend :)

I use :) a lot and I will not stop :)

I love The Sims 4! (I have three of the expansion packs, city living, cottage living, and cats and dogs, and I do use cheats, and I have wicked whims because tiddies)

I am half Slavic/Balkan and that’s important to me because I was disconnected and removed from my culture when I was 5. (Other half is boring western European white American). Began to reconnect with my culture when I turned 18.

Learning languages is sooo fun for me! Def a big special interest. I’m semi-fluent in Spanish, and have little knowledge of: Portuguese, Mandarin, Serbian, Russian, Hungarian, toki pona (this one is so fucking cool to me).

I love music and sharing recommendations! I used to play several instruments including viola, violin, cello, guitar, and piano. Viola is forever my main instrument. Haven’t played in a while though.

Music genres I like: reggaeton, Afrobeats, house/techno/EDM, 2000-2010s pop, Serbian folk/pop, Mexican/Chicano rap, Spanish guitar, punk rock, Falling in Reverse (genre of its own tbh).

I’m very interested in the origins of humanity, early human migration, language evolution, and related topics.

I like to sew and embroider :)

I’m not religious. I have been finding my own spirituality with Mother Earth and I love it. I like learning about others’ beliefs. I don’t care what your religion is, I’ll accept you as long as you’re not in my DNI list :)

As a queer, neurodivergent, mentally ill person, I will reclaim slurs if I choose to. If that offends you, block me. I’m not here to cater to your sensitivities, I’m here to freely express myself. The language is not being used towards you, you’re just being a cop.

Anonymous asks are now OFF because y’all can’t fucking behave 🙄

DNI: under 18, homophobes, transphobes, racists, bigots, bootlickers, ableists, misogynists, porn blogs, general assholes (I LOVE BLOCKING YOU BITCHES!!!!)

If you’re under 18 and want to interact just DNI with any of my posts labeled nsfw/mdni.

Thanks for reading :) Always open to questions! And memes. The more absurd the better.

[cryptturon]

the idea that it's forced for fictional friend groups to almost all be abused, queer, and/or neurodivergent is a little disheartening for me to hear because thats exactly what my friend group was always like before we even realized half of our identities and orientation. and when you figure yourself out and feel safe coming out to some people who are open about their own queerness and neurodivergence you obviously join their group. and it's unfortunately not that strange for them to have something going on at home. the connectedness of being in a minority that experiences very similar things is not outlandish nor is it a rare occurence in real life, because even as we are fewer in total we are also spread out everywhere. people with not only similar personalities but experiences just come together and accept each other. and really i feel as though people who think it's too unrealistic for that many of us in one place sound so terrifying in that they have the same attitude as the people who tried to get us killed without knowing it

[manogirl]

bad buddy fandom getting-to-know-you meme!

Thank you for this lovely meme, @fiercynn. I will happily participate.

"since there are both recent newcomers to bbs fandom and people like me who are new to bbs tumblr, i thought i'd create a getting-to-know-you meme for people to introduce themselves if they want! all questions are optional

note: i consider "fanworks" to pretty much everything people create related to a fandom, including but not limited to meta/analysis/discussion, gifs, fanvids/edits/fancams, filk, fanart, fanfic, fan food, fan crafts, etc. please include this note with the meme unless you have a different definition!"

name and whatever you want to share about yourself Y'all can find my real name with little to no digging but I'm Mano and I'm a queer neurodivergent middle-aged cislady who lives in the US with my pupper (who you can see on my blog) Lillie Bear/Lovebug/Buggy (depending on my mood) and my husband because yep queer gals sometimes marry people who don't share their sex/gender. I'm a former public librarian. I'm a radical fat lady (rad fat acceptance/rad fat pol), an enthusiastic happy auntie, and just generally living my most joyful life.

when did you watch bad buddy/join the fandom? I wish I knew when I first watched. It was definitely after April 22, 2022 (when I watched Heartstopper for the first time). So probably early May 2022, because I think I activated iQiyi for KP on May 27, and I had watched BBS by then. In terms of the fandom, well...Deepa was my first fandom interaction, and I think she followed me on Twitter because of a fic I wrote. I'm private on Twitter though, so my presence in the fandom is (still) very small.

favorite ship(s) Oh PatPran all the way every day. I am a...sucker for a good canon ship. I almost exclusively read/interact with canon ships. Can't explain it, it's just what my brain wants.

favorite character(s) Pat. Hands down, every day of the week and twice on Sunday and with no hesitation. But I also admit to a very deep fascination with Dissaya. And I like Uncle Tong.

favorite episode(s) episode 5 because kiss scene on roof so good. But I also love episode 11, even though I find it deeply sad.

favorite scene(s) I mean, rooftop kiss. But my second favorite scene, and a scene I screenshot constantly just for shits and giggles, is the scene in episode 11, after their night together, when Pat comes out of the bedroom and onto the balcony, and Pran senses him and looks up at Pat with a fucking WIDE-ASS clear as a bell smile of joy. Because Pat knows at that moment, and Pran has already known, that the honeymoon has to end. But Pat also knows that smiling boy is his. And it's all in Pat's face when he looks down at Pran.

one thing you would change about the show if you could great question. And so many of my first thoughts about this I've just summarily rejected in the last 45 seconds of thinking. I don't know, man. I am stumped.

what are your some of your favorite fanworks made by other people? This is not in any way a reflection on the quality of the fanfic out there, but I am a one-and-done kinda gal with fanfic. I love you all, and I love all your fics, believe you me. That I don't have titles here isn't a reflection on you. It's me! I do have some fave edits though; there is something about watching these vids, set to this music that just...MY HEART.

There are two other vids that I watch on the regular, by Twitter user @yoonglesismydad. One is set to Jab Se Tujhe Hai Jaana and the other is Tum Hi Ho. I have watched (and cried) to the Tum Hi Ho one five million times.

(if you create fanworks) what are your favorite fanworks that you’ve made? I already mentioned my Dissaya fascination, and this is my piece about Dissaya and Pran after Singapore.

a song that makes you think of bbs (the ones in the show don’t count lol) I have two. 'Fall' by Ben&Ben just..............

Fuck I love this song so much.

I mostly think of this as a song for Pran. I know it's from another piece of romance media but who cares this is Pran's song for Pat. Prove me wrong.

idk anything else you want us to know? Bad Buddy changed my life. You should read "This is Not a Book about Benedict Cumberbatch" to begin to understand how and why. But no seriously, I think of my life as BEFORE BBS and AFTER BBS and yep, I'm happier than I've ever been.

In terms of tagging, I don't know that I can tag anyone that @fiercynn hasn't tagged. Play along if you want! I would love to see y'all's BBS thoughts!

[nonbinary-sticks-the-badger]

sonic (the franchise) is about so many things and one of them is giant found family. their family tree of blood relatives is a single name, while the family tree of who they consider family is everywhere. diagonal lines, little notes of 'she's my sister and he's my brother but they aren't siblings to each other', little scribbles of '(actually blood related)', colour coded stems to demonstrate different relationships (some of these stems are multicoloured), all in a big jumbled up mess that's impossible to decipher but makes sense to them.

thats why sonic is insperable from queerness and other communities of those shunned and forced to live underground*. thats why sonic is inseparable from acceptance and diversity.

*i mean theres a whole show about that

and at the end of the day, that's what draws a lot of people to sonic. us queers like it for the afformentioned found family aspect, with found families across the world having been vital to our survival in the past. in particular, us trans people like it for the complete nonconformist attitudes to basically everything. us disabled people like it because half the characters can very easily be read as disabled (particularly neurodivergent). racial minorities, poorer people, almost any group faced by oppression can be drawn to it for its general anti-capitalist, pro-acceptance views. for anyone wondering what capitalism has anything to do with it, that's a whole other rant, but to keep it concise: oppression divides the poor, therefore capitalism thrives on it.

was this always the intention? probably not. hell, is that even always the intention now? again, maybe not. but finding meaning in something that didn't have it in the first place is such a great thing, and i do believe that in a large portion of what has been made, this has been the overarching meaning, to some extent. and yes it's just a game about a really fast hedgehog; yes, it's just a property meant to get kids to beg their parents to spend money; but anything ever can be about so much more, depending on who you ask, and that includes sonic.

[farmerlesbian]

5, 15, 21, 33

5. Are you “out” publicly? yeah! i am visibly lesbian and visibly trans/nonbinary/gnc and i flag very obviously almost all the time. i am publicly out to everyone. i'm not really able to hide it either if i wanted to.

15. How has your identity changed over time? oof well.. i .. hm. i spent a long time essentially unlabeled for my orientation because i struggled to reconcile being nonbinary and being into Ladies. and i hadn't really had many homo experiences so i wasn't even sure who i was into.

ok let's wind back a bit. so when i was a kid i knew something was.. there. i was incredibly afraid of it. (i guess now we're gonna answer the neurodivergent question haha) i couldn't even name it for myself in my own head. i would not. i was absolutely terrified.

now for context you need to know i was somewhat.. ostracized? i was lowkey bullied and i was very self-conscious, socially awkward, insecure, lonely. you know how people say little girls can tell someone is neurodivergent better than doctors? yeah. so i was extremely concerned with being Normal and being like accepted and having successful social interactions. i did not face concerns about family acceptance or religious homophobia or transphobia. this was about peer acceptance and social isolation/success.

so this is why i was terrified of the ... thing i could not name. so i wouldn't even say i was closeted because i wasn't out to myself. i remember.. telling myself something along the lines of.. like needing to be strong, and keep this secret forever and never let it out never tell anyone, ever. if i can do that it will be okay. this hyper-vigilance.

so i self identified as "boy-crazy", as a half-subconscious strategy to avoid scrutiny. i also tried very hard to make sure to act very Normal about girls and not be too avoidant with my eyes. i developed crushes on boys. now to be clear looking back on it, i intentionally did this and made sure to be conspicuous about it. oh what a time. i even had boyfriends.

around high school time i was on the internet a lot. i added tumblr to the websites i was going on and i found nonbinary people. i was fascinated by androgyny and nonbinary people, and i was learning about like social justice stuff a lot and i was like kinda Ally mode. i can't remember much exactly, i was also very much sleep deprived for much of later high school and mentally not well. i was friends with some gay people. i knew some people who were out by this time. i don't think i was thinking of myself as gay at this time yet. probably open to the idea of neutrality as a gender at this time. if i'd known a word for it i probably would have claimed it and identified with it.

then i went to college and i think something inside me knew i was like planning to be gay in college? like i completely subconsciously was like waiting for it. i was still deeply nervous and afraid but i was around a lot of new people and it's socially acceptable / normal to like experiment and stuff in college. i started experimenting with expressing attraction to women when talking with friends, or using words for myself like butch or dyke. (i didn't really know what the words meant i just was trying them on). i was around a lot more people who were out. i started trying out flirting with girls. i probably thought of myself as bi around this time.

then sophomore year i ended up on in 'gender inclusive housing' - a floor of one door building where any people could be roommates regardless of gender. we called it the queer floor. my RA was trans, manyyy of my floormates were lgbtq. there were a handful of straight people of the floor but the majority were queer. it was dramatic but fun honestly and an incredible experience being surrounded by that, and all the people i met through these people. i definitely started identifying as nonbinary and neutrois and using they/them around this time. i think i used demigirl a little bit but didn't feel super strongly towards it. i met my now-wife in the spring. i don't recall using any super specific words for my orientation other than like queer. i didn't know for sure what my orientation was so i was just keepin it vague. i didn't even really know for sure my gender i just knew somethin was going on!

couple years went by and i met a lesbian friend i became close with and i became more comfortable claiming it as an identity, at the same time as being nonbinary. around that time i started this blog.

and more years have gone by and i still feel like lesbian and nonbinary are true. I feel more secure and confident in being able to be both not a woman or girl or aligned with it at all and also being a lesbian, as well as confident in being into some nonbinary people and still being a lesbian. i think the specifics of my gender labels would include: trans, nonbinary, transgender and transsexual, transmasc (i guess? i'm unsure how i feel about this label and its usefulness in general or its accuracy for me. i kinda feel like sure i guess it is technically correct), neutrois, androgyne, neutral. stuff along those lines.

21. What message would you give to your younger self? bro... i don't even know. "it doesn't have to be great or even good, it just needs to be done". "it's okay to be gay it's okay to say it, it isn't going to help you to try to hide it and you shouldn't expect yourself to keep that hidden away forever it will eat you up inside and you don't deserve that".

33. What about your LGBT identity do you feel proud of/ want to recognize/celebrate? I'm proud that I'm me! I'm proud to be a dyke. I'm proud to be nonbinary. I'm proud to be exactly who I am, whether it's popular or not, whether anyone else gets it or not. I'm proud to be one member of a vibrant and beautiful and messy family. 🌈

send asks / #ask farmer lesbian

[unnamed-atlas]

Consistently amazed by Skizzleman's rise to popularity in the mcyt fandom over the last three years because of the life series considering the fact that several months before the first life series he got caught following a bunch of far right news sources

I'd like to immediately say that this is not me trying to cancel him or dredge up three year old drama I literally just find this particular case of internet drama and it's fallout (or lack there of) incredibly fucking interesting. Bc I assume most newer fans don't even know this happened, and I'd be completely unsurprised if most people who were there don't even remember it. Bc everything went down in the span of like 12 hours and there was effectively no fallout for it despite a complete lack of closure.

So, someone was looking through his following and spotted several far right channels, such as PragerU and Tim Pool. They posted something about it in the morning, not really a callout, just a 'hey man what's up with that?' type of post. Which was really the vibe the whole time, no one really was coming at it from an aggressive stand point, everyone was just kind of like 'hey dude why are you following these people and can you please confirm that your beliefs do not align with theirs?' Bc y’know the mcyt fandom space is full of queer people and neurodivergent people who would prefer to know their creators aren't bigoted.

And so people started asking him about it on twt and he did not respond. Instead he privated his following on every website. He never responded publicly.

In the mid afternoon another one of his followers made a post claiming they had spoken to him privately in DMs. They showed no screenshots but essentially claimed that he had said that he'd been following the accounts because he liked to have varied news sources and hadn't realized quite how extreme some of those channels reputations were. And that he did not want to talk about his politics publicly, but that he was not a bigot. That was it. And everyone just kind of accepted it. And stopped talking about it.

Half a day of confusion and it was over never to be discussed again despite the fact that none of the claims about his private response were ever substantiated and a public response never came.

And then 3rd Life started a few months later and he started growing in popularity. His followings were still private at this time because of this drama. Looking on his YouTube, it seems like they still are to this day.

I remember making a post at the time of 3rd Life about how wild it was that he was suddenly everywhere despite this whole occurrence. I remember getting a response from someone essentially saying, 'yeah that was weird but I think everyone just kind of decided since it was the only thing he'd ever done wrong it was probably fine and put him on thin ice' which. Yeah. Fair. That's kind of the whole thing about this event that sticks out to me. Everyone was so incredibly ready to just be like completely reasonable, if not even a little too lenient, about this whole situation.

There wasn't any harassment, there was no pressure for a public response after the one person claimed to have talked to him in private. Everyone just dropped it. The people who were offput enough by it to not want to interact with his content did just that, stopped interacting and moved on, never to bring this whole mess up again. And everyone else just kind of put him on thin-ice and moved on, again, never bringing it up again, and, I assume, eventually forgiving and forgetting when nothing like this ever came up again.

I assume it has to do with the size of his audience at the time, the fact that really the only eyes on him that weren't from his own personal following seemed to be Team ZIT fans. Because a fiasco like this with a youtuber of a bigger size would've been much messier and drawn on for much longer and probably would've ended with a lot more fallout. I wonder sometimes if this had come to light later, after the first few life series, when he had amassed a larger audience and a larger ensemble of eyes on him from adjacent creators' audiences, if he might've had a much worse experience, and would've experienced a larger fallout, and if this event would've been something that stuck more in the conscience of the fandom.

Idk something about this situation has always just fascinated me. I think about it everytime I see him on my dash, which has been increasingly often despite the fact that I've had his tag blocked since this event. Something about the speed at which things happened, the completely lack of response other than the overtly strange privating of who he follows which he has never reversed, the completely unsubstantiated claims of a private response taken as fact, the complete lack of staying power this fiasco had in the fandom space. It's just wild and I think it's a really interesting look at the way different communities handle situations like this.