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Bruce you make me so ill (Batman #416)
#how does one even process everything that just happened in this issue#Jason jumps the gun on a drug bust that he’s apparently doing alone#Nightwing saves him#pays the drug guys off with a big wad of cash#and lectures jason about arrest laws#then we find out jason doesn’t even know who Nightwing is and freaks when he mentions the cave#THEN we find out joker shot dick and Bruce fired him bc he didn’t want to be a responsible for a kid fighting crime#even though dicks literally 19 when it happens#then dick leaves with just the money Alfred gives him#and THEN WE FIND OIT BEUCE DIDNT FOLLOW ANY OF DICKS MOVES#and that dick got kicked out of college after Rome semester and spent time hitchhiking#AND THAT HE ONLY LEARNED ABOUT ROBIN 2 FROM A. NEWS PAPER#then bruce says he only took in Jason because he missed dick#yet still didn’t make contact with him for 18 months#but despite it all dick belatedly gives Jason Robin and takes down the earlier drug people as brotherly bonding#while Batman#for some fucking reason#is watching them land internally thanking dick#god they are so messed up#dc#dick grayson#nightwing#dick and bruce#jason and dick
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conner kent has INCREDIBLE self control, cause if i came back from being dead to find out Tim Drake tried to clone me 99 times because he missed me so much, i’d immediately make him my bride
#and all his parents were dead at that point so no need to ask for their blessings#QUICK MARRY HIM WHILE HIS INSANE FAMILY IS DISTRACTED OR DEAD#like take the win when it’s handed to you#red robin#batman#tim drake#dc#robin#timkon#conner kent#superboy
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Finally read Robins!
I have a lot of thoughts, but I just want to say this panel is the funniest thing I've ever seen:
#addressing Bruce as Batman is such a tell too#hilarious and fucked up#tim drake#bruce wayne#batfam#i continue to maintain that tim being a champion liar while looking like that has given him such an unfair advantage in life#no one suspects this awkward twink with survival skill-level excellence in lying to parental figures is lying to them#not even bruce#my dude this is why you are no longer the world's greatest detective#anyway#I fuckin' love tim drake#robin#robins (2022)
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So this is why people think Duke is the best behaved one.
#dc comics#batman#batfamily#batfam#jason todd#duke thomas#good for you duke#gaslight gatekeep girlboss#as you should#the way jason poses like some sort of shakespearian protagonist#while duke stares at him like an unimpressed cat
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I love the idea of all the robins kinda being clones of each other with just a few differences and a concussed Bruce not being able to tell who he’s squinting at so he just says generic statements and avoids saying any names
Bruce (sitting at the breakfast table): so… how’s the weather… dick?
Jason (grinning): you do know I’m gonna hold this against you for like, the next 2 months right
Bruce: (groans into his hands)
Bruce (walking into the living room): hey have you read through the files I gave you yesterday?
Dick: (confused cause he took a day off to surprise Bruce) ?
Bruce: so?
Dick: er… no?
Bruce: Dick?? What are you doing here?
Bruce (walks into the kitchen with a fresh concussion): Jason? I thought you were on a mission with the outlaws?
Tim: (frozen through mid fridge raid, having assumed they were past Bruce calling him Jason since yk. He’s a shit brickhouse now and Tim is, well, obviously not): uh?
Bruce: *turns around and leaves*
Bruce: Oh hey Cass, when did you arrive from Babs’?
Damian: (slowly turns around in the black hoodie he’s wearing) we’re not even the same gender
Bruce: (under his breath) yeah but the same height
#batman#dc comics#dcu#batfam#dc robin#jason todd#batfamily#bruce wayne#dick grayson#nightwing#cassandra cain#batgirl#orphan#red hood#Tim Drake#red Robin#damian wayne#Robin#Bruce Wayne is a good father#but a perpetually confused one#read that tag on a fic once and haven’t forgotten it since#honestly bruce is the embodiment of your mom calling all of your siblings’ names before yours while trying to call for you#the batkids never let him live it down#they actually start calling each other by different names just to confuse him further#he draws the line when he hears dick referring to Jason as Cassandra
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Another reason why I’m a firm believer in letting Bruce get old is because the idea of him looking and his dark haired children without his glasses on and genuinely not being able to tell them apart is unparalleled
#i can clearly see him staring at one of the kids and deciding to just play roulette#bruce internally while not wearing glasses: dick?cassie?jay?tim?damian?dick?cassie?jay?tim?damian?dick?cassie?jay?#bruce finally making a choice: tim can you grab that file#jason: i’m disowning myself again#dc comics#batfamily#batfam#batman#nightwing#orphan#black bat#red hood#red robin#robin#bruce wayne#dick grayson#cassandra cain#jason todd#tim drake#damian wayne
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No Capes Batman AU where Jason is just like, ‘I’m meant to be a middle child. I’ve got middle child energy’ and then steals the neighbor kid. Not like they were using him anyways.
#Tim: *actively spying on his neighbors with binoculars*#Jason: *holding up a sign that says ‘come over. we’re brothers now’*#Dick fully accepts this kind of lunacy because Tim is precocious and three apples tall#Bruce has to act like this isn’t something they do while also already signing adoption papers#Tim drake#jason todd#batfam#Batman
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Then Jason never kills again.
#dc#dc comics#batman#red hood#bruce wayne#jason todd#my art#I know that Bruce is an very optimist person and belives that the system can be fixed and all that but this is very funny#Jason got burned so bad he had to leave Gotham for a while to think about his choices
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The only thing you need to know about Tim becoming Robin is that he's the protagonist of a horse girl movie and Batman is the horse.
#tim drake#tim's diary: today batman let me feed him a sugar cube :)#I think he's beginning to trust me!#bruce who ate a sugar cube while distracted: ?????
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Bruce cross-trained all of the Batfamily in weapons handling to an annoying degree which means you can keep handing them increasingly obscure swords and staff etc and they'll twirl it around, mutter "Oh, the BallCrusher 3000, I haven't seen one of these in a while" and then proceed to demonstrate overhand, underhand, and single-hand techniques from memory with flawless form.
#bonus points if dick says this at like 13#and clark is right there like#YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THIS IN A WHILE?#YOU'RE THIRTEEN#WHAT IS A WHILE#WHY DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS#bruce wayne#batman#dc#batfamily#clark kent#thoughts#fic ideas
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chronic finger biter clark vs nose exhaler bruce
#batman#superman#dc comics#superbat#bruce wayne#clark kent#brucie wayne#randomly came up with the idea that clark would definitely bite his finger while laughing#and then bruce has that rich people laugh#but his true laugh is actually gentle and simple#also i changed my bruce wayne design bc the one i had before was bugging me#this was definitely not an excuse to simply draw superman smiling#blame tom welling and his damn canines in the smallville show
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putting the bi in Robin
#tim drake#red robin#dc comics#bernard dowd#stephanie brown#kon el#batman#my art#digital art#haven't drawn Tim in a while and wanted to draw him with his long hair again :)#and then I made some silly little drawings as well
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DPxDC Unhinged Feral Boyfriends
The whole Batfam is under the assumption that Damian is the feral child. The assassin, the wild one, the demon brat that bites and stabs. Jason usually takes the second place, what with guns, heads in the duffelbag, and being a crime lord.
But Tim? Come on, even Duke is more feral than him. Tim is a nerd, and he keeps to his own devices most of the time, and, sure, sometimes he is plenty unhinged. But he's okay. Seventh place on the unofficial List of Feral Bats.
He's got a boyfriend lately, have you heard? Tim hadn't brought him to the manor for dinner yet, but each and every Bat and Bird have already seen the guy - in person or through the surveillance cameras or background checks, doesn't matter. Either way, Daniel Fenton is quite literally a ray of sunshine.
They look very cute together.
That is, until one day, they witness Danny and Tim rip Joker's ribcage out of his chest.
Nothing could have prepared them for it. It was just another patrol, just another night of fighting crime, nothing out of the ordinary. Sure, Joker was on the loose, but so far, no one has tracked the Clown down or seen any of his goons.
But then, Red Robin's tracker went offline. The Bats started searching for him immediately - his last recorded location, his trackers, his route, everything. But when they managed to find him...
Well.
They didn't only find him in that warehouse.
They found Joker, choking on the ground and clawing at his own neck, like trying to force some air inside his lungs. Over him, Danny was squatting on the ground, his eyes thoughtful and not worried in the slightest, tapping on his chin. And, just a step behind him, Red Robin is holding a fucking ribcage in his hands, studying it with calm curiosity.
"Should we put it back now?" Tim asks, relaxed and easy, like they are speaking about whether they should or should not get another box of cereal in a store.
Danny shrugs, "I mean, if you want to. It's not like he's gonna die in the next ten or so minutes, you've got time."
And then, as Batman makes the slightest of noises, Danny's head snaps to him, and the boy smiles, cheerful and bright. Like the ray of sunshine he is.
"Hi, Bats!" Then he blinks and looks down to Joker, who is already frothing at the mouth, "Oh, don't worry about him, he won't die. Red's just putting a tracker in his manibrium."
"I figured it'd be easier to find him next time if he can't get the tracker out," Tim nods, unbothered, as he is tinkering with the ribcage in his hands before passing it back to Danny, "Okay, done. Put it back."
Danny takes the ribcage and presses it to Joker's chest. And, before they know it, the bones sink inside the man, like a hand in a bowl of sand.
Danny wipes his hands on his jeans and stands. Tim smiles at the Bats, none of whom know what to say and where to start.
The next day, Joker is back at Arkham with a tracker in his sternum, Danny is invited to dinner in the manor, and Tim takes the first place of the Feral List, with a note 'never leave unattended when Danny is nearby'.
#danny phantom#dc x dp#dpxdc#tim drake#batfam#batman#joker#im sorry i live for these two doung heavily unhinged things without batting an eye#dead tired#brain dead#also yes i know you cant really take the ribcage out of the body while not killing the person#i dont care#magic go brrr#cork writes#cork prompts
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*you opening the love letter* what does your damijon look like, pls pls pls pls pls pls pls, i know it would be so cute, i just know it 🙏🙏🙏
here you go! thank you for the ask, this was a lot of fun to do! they're working on a case together ^^
#ask#super sons#jondami#damian wayne#jon kent#batbabyart#after getting this ask i couldn't stop thinking about older Damian outfits 😭#just based on comic artists throughout the years Damian's got a fairly decent range of style it was hard to choose but v fun!!#Jon's wearing a bunch of layers to cover up bulk while Damian's layering to give off more bulk LOL#i decided to lean a bit into Cizmesija's recent look for him and contrast Jon's more colorful casual wear#didn't want tooo much Batman 666 vibes so i tried giving Damian another color option thru A but i still liked B more lol#also every time i draw older Damian his hair keeps changing sdfgh that one poll apparently did not help me decide haha
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Bruce tries to adopt Ellie, who is immediately against it. She keeps throwing him off her trail and he keeps tracking her down. She's honestly concerned, and normally she would handle her problems by herself- but this is Batman.
So when Bruce gets a little too close and Ellie is just so tired... she calls for Danny.
"Mom!"
Cue college student, perpetually tired and overworked Danny "High King Phantom" Fenton appearing from the very shadows Batman normally does himself, seeing the situation and going off at this "clearly older man" chasing his daughter in the middle of the night.
Cue the most elaborate "stop trying to adopt my kid before I adopt yours" series of battles
#danny phantom#dc comics#batfam#batman#dani fenton#danny fenton#bruce wayne#dc x dp#ellie fenton#feel like ellie would be deaged in this one#while danny allows her to travel freely he has a check in system for her#as well as periods she has to come visit so she can go to doctors appointments or for holidays#he also forced vlad to help set up her human identity and she has online schooling#feel like everytime someone in the batfam tries to get info from danny or ellie on how they came to be they both are incredibly vague#but in a way that sets vlad in a really bad light#they dont mention the cloning they just phrase it as “vlad took advantage of danny when he was younger and ellie was the result”#danny complains often about child support and how vlad “still tries to make family ties”#ellie just says vlad lies and its why she consider danny her only parent
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jason is a grandpa's boy and u cant take this away from me!!! they cook together, they discuss literature together, and when jay comes back, they clean their guns together haha. ofc they celebrate their birthday together too! 😌
✨️🎂 hbd jay & alfie 🎂✨️
#jason todd#alfred pennyworth#batfamily#batfamily fanart#dc#dc fanart#batman#red hood#dc red hood#they have one of those relationships where jason outright says he loves alfred the most and alfred refuses to say he has a fave grandkid#but it's kind of just concensus that it's jason cuz he's the only one allowed in the kitchen#i am also a heavy believer in the hc that for a while there jason wouldnt meet up with anyone but alfred#and theyd meet for tea and stuff outside the manor#i love those fics#i was gonna draw an in-between angsty one where alf has a picnic by jay's grave with tea and cake for two but i dont have the energy 😅#i was also gonna draw a red hood and agent A one with the guns they were cleaning but again: no more energy 💀#mb i'll save that one for later. i still love the idea so much. :')
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