#which. yeah 🙃
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🙃
#oh boy it’s time for my mom’s monthly ‘you need to lose weight’ lecture#brought to you this time by#her getting a dress that’s about a size too small and asking me to see if it fits#and technically it does but it only looks good when I’m *literally not breathing*#so my mom just goes ‘oh well it can be something for you to ✨aspire✨ to fit into for Christmas!’#which. yeah 🙃#I don’t need something to ✨aspire✨ to to know that I need to lose weight#it was a really cute dress too#pockets and everything!#I just wish it hadn’t been presented in a Weight Loss Goal manner#and now I’m just thinking about all the other dresses I have that I probably don’t fit into#the thing is I think she really did mean it as a motivational thing#but my brain just doesn’t take it like that#I was feeling so good about myself too#I was noticing that some of my clothes weren’t as tight and that was a surprisingly wonderful feeling#but that’s been squashed now#what a way to end the night huh#no one cares sage#vent post feel free to ignore#……………………………………………………….#…………………………………………………………………………………………………..#quelqu’un me dire que je suis jolie. s’il vous plaît. je m’en fiche si c’est un mensonge.#tw weight#tw weight loss#tw weight talk
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the fact that me, as a fan of both lando and oscar without any bias (maybe a bit on lando but not that much), is going to witness both "oscar fans, lando antis" and "lando fans, oscar antis" posts all in my one dash 🥲🥲
also the fact that atp i couldn't even bother enough with this same situation on both lewis and george. now it happens on lando and oscar as well which got me like....
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#landoscar#lando norris#oscar piastri#f1#maybe i need to admit atp rn that#this sport is just not built for a person like me istg 🙂🙂#like....i miss the moments 2 years ago where what i only care the most is only football and football only#and couldn't even give a fuck more about guys being in circles vroom vroom#i mean thank god that there's a bayern match just now right after the race ended#which really liften my mood up and distract myself a bit from intimidating discourse and whatsoever#hmmmm ngl maybe the fact that being a football football fan in general especially in this website really brings a comfort in me#meanwhile for f1...idk why but everything about it (especially during race and after race) really overwhelms me a lot seriously speaking#maybe the fact that football is more team oriented sport#meanwhile f1 is more individual oriented despite there are teams consists of 2 individuals#and the fact that me supporting multiple individuals in a one same team despite that f1 is individual oriented sport#kinda gets me digging my own grave atp tbh#i mean when i said individual oriented sport...it kinda means that in a perspective of most of the f1 fans#and now seeing all every kinds of discourse on my dash really makes me overwhelming a lot i'm ngl#that the fact that i couldn't able to curate my own preference for this f1blr space on my dash 🥲🥲🥲#goddddd srsly tho i just want to turn back time where i only cares about bayern frankfurt and germany nt only ffs 🫠🫠🫠🫠#but yeah who am i to turn around the past 🙃🙃...and plus that once i'm getting into one hyperfixation there's no turning back at all for me#so yeah#goddddd i'm so sorry but i'm just being so fucking messy rn#like all the things that i see on my dash really exhausts my brain and my thought process forreal i really need to throw up forreal srsly :(
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Renjun ♡ Golden Hour (JVKE)
#nctinc#nct#kpopco#malegroupsnet#malegroupsedit#mgroupsedit#renjun#nct dream#my edit#yeah i'm super late with these....#had an exam today and guess what my whole class has to write that exam again in a couple of weeks because there were#technical issues today and no one could send in their test and overall everything was a bit messy so the teacher decided it's best#to reschedule the exam (which ngl probably saved my ass because i felt unprepared despite all the studying).... so yeah how was your day 🙃
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#so anyway i’m on a train and this is my quick recap#of what i’ve been up to the last year#firstly i found out i have adhd because i was so burnt out and anxious i was sent to the hospital with a suspected heart attack lol#which they’re currently looking into to see if i have any heart problems or just anxiety 24/7 🙃#either way it’s been a great explanation for why i find everything so difficult everyday when i didn’t even know i was finding it hard 😐#my mum also almost died which was very much not fun and a little traumatising#i also can’t remember if i mentioned this before i disappeared (i must have) but i bought my own flat here in london which was my lifes goal#and i’ve spent the last like 8 months renovating to my own taste#it’s been a crazy and overwhelming experience doing all#of this by myself#but nether the less she persisted !!!!#and i’m finally in!!!#living alone? would highly recommend#and lastly this genocide has broken my heart completely and disrupted my ability to enjoy a lot of things and was why i wouldn’t bring#myself to come on here and talk about things that really didn’t matter in comparison#i have a friend directly effected and i feel v personally effected as someone who is west asian/muslim#so yeah it’s been difficult#and then the liam news hit me like a truck#it’s just been a Time#and the months slipped away from me like water#the only good thing that’s happened i guess is that i discovered sleep token this year and they immediately became my favourite band#i’m seeing them next month and have had them on repeat non stop#so apologies in advance for turning into a sleep token blog lol
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911: Lone Star 4.01 | The Many Expressions of TK Strand
#911 lone star#911lsedit#tk strand#tk strand: facial expressions#do you ever work on something for too long and end up making them *worse* because of how much time you've spent on them?#yeah thats what happend with the coloring of these gifs for me 🙃#but ANYWAY lets ignore that and instead focus on this man's expressive adorable fuckin face#my favorite is his expression when he thinks his fiance was married to Michelle Blake for a hot second#in second place is the last gif in which he's questioning why his father is having another midlife crisis#my gifs#episode: s04e01 a new hotness
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https://twitter.com/danfetes/status/1712166167572361344
josh says people saying stuff about stef ticks him off 😭 that's the meanest he'll ever get off the field 😭
that was kinda... 😏😏😏
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and i definitely know stef feels the same... 😏
" tired of hearing all this nonsense... lot of guys in this league that have that same fire that don't get talked about, but--"
" frankly that kind of ticks me off when people wanna say stuff about him, but... we'll keep that all internal here 🙂🙃🫥."
this is allen at his boiling point omg 😭😭 held back by pr
#reporter: we talked to josh and we asked him a question about y-#stef smirks in Yeah. I Bet You Did. Bitch.😎 we're a two packaged deal. inseparable 😎 (insufferable) im his right hand man. his silly rab-#the sassy pose and the fond smile. theyre so untouchable dramatic ass top of the foodchain powercouple it's Unreal.#WHERE IS THE RPF!?!??!?!????#josh and allen sooooo fucked after this#fucked HARRRRD bro fucked HARD#and they were both soo ready for it like you cant tell me they didnt fuck nasty after this HELLO#we cant always bet on them winning but the fuck nasty is surely guranteed#diggs had the bed all set up with romantic candlelight and roses and josh hurdled over all that shit just to hold him in his arms#josh caught on fire a little bit but diggs patted the flames down before he could notice#all the snow piled up around their home in buffalo could not muffle the 'youre my qb.. ure my qb' pants& moans which shake those very walls#josh '🙃🙃' the hell outta this interview#he said YOU may not understand diggs horrors but **I** DO!!@@! **I** UNDERSTAND. I GET THEM.#the frustration of seeing everyone hate on his husband when he knows all of that pales in how much stef hates himself#AND THAT MAKES JOSHS LITTLE STUNNED FACE ALL THE MORE SAD LIKE. HES SO HURT FOR STEF.#AND HE JUST KNOWS. he KNOWS the public is gonna spin this horribly. make stef the diva they always degrade him as#josh has CONSTANTLY with like a bear pacing around the cracked glass enclosure barely disguised rage#defended stef from misinterpretation and disdained the diva drama so vehemently#so everytime josh messes up or stef messes up or they lose all josh is thinking and feeling is 'im fucking this up for him even more#i dont care if theyre gonna be mad at me. diggs is hurting. somehow some way. diggs is gonna get Hurt.#and i cant do anything but talk. and i cant even do that well.#it's all my fault i cant do anything im so stupid im so stupid'#saint bernard song 1 hour#that single wide eyed stare he gives his wr bcs all he can do is stare as stef's pain surges#it's not fear of stef as the media tries to portray for qbwr tension. it's fear For stef.#he knows theres hurt. and he knows theres gonna be even more hurting. and. the nail. he knows he cant do anything to help it from stopping#'why couldnt i throw better. i need to just run it to lessen the chances. i need to do something. i need to be better. i have to be better'#meanwhile diggs could care less abt what everyone else thinks about him. he just cares abt how josh thinks. about josh#stef wants to perform well so josh can actually feel well. be able to express anything he wants without worry or treading#diggs/allen
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#had nightmares about the church I grew up in all night 🙃🙃🙃🙃#totally not gonna be a triggered mess all day#🫠🫠🫠#it was a weird full circle nightmare too#like I’ve had passing dreams about that horrible place#but this time no one was pretending to still want me there#which is sad but like yeah#felt like some metaphorical string was cut#still triggering as hell#religious trauma#mine#text post
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#ok im making one more dot post and then i am (hopefully) getting off tumblr and going to bed#liam payne#death#i do suggest not reading tbh because its just gonna be waffle. anyways#ive distanced myself from the boys for years for a multitude of reasons. mainly that they did things that disappointed me and i realised the#way i was attatched to them was unhealthy. so for the most part i listened and enjoyed the music and didnt pay Much attention to anything#else. and like liam. i always liked him in the band days because to me he was the underdog. the underappreciated and probs less stanned one#out of all of them. and when youre a fan i do feel like a lot of us just wanted them all to be appreciated. idk. but anyways yeah i did feel#for him. due to him backgroud growing up. his talent. etc etc. even though he wasnt my fav. and even when he did something wrong my teenage#self still defended him like my life depended on it. (embarassing) anyways. his solo music while it was not my fav i still occasionally#enjoyed. its just over produced pop like it was fine and i found it fun. in terms of him as an actual person by this point in his career i#didnt pay attention to him or the others that much anymore#and like. yeah as of recently as more stuff came out about him being kinda weird and rude and abusive 🙃🙃🙃 that was kind of the final#straw for me! like in terms of me giving a fuck about him. if he eventually came around cool but i wasnt gonna wait around for it.#god this whole thing feels so dramatic but i need to get it oit or i Know i will not be at peace lmao anyways#so yeah come to hearing about his death which. i hear about because of trin lovell on twitter like. shsvshs. anyways my reaction was#disbelief and just... nothing? like i said in my brain i had just disregarded him honestly. and even now i still just feel speechless.#to summarise my feelings. fuck him for how he treated his ex and probably other women as well. but also. he was my boy. he'll always be a#part of me. and it feels weird that hes just. gone. he suffered a lot with addiction and pressures etc and its just. sad that hes gone now.#that he never got to get better. and he wont get the chance to. im sad for his family. and anyone else thats gonna be affected by this#im always gonna remember him.#and thats all i have to say. honestly part of me feels SO dramatic for even typing all this out but here we are.#if anyone has read this far and wants someone to talk to im more than happy. and also just wanna make clear that i am fine#le text post
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Me: haha, oh man twilight sparkle is too relatable, so is maude pie, they just like me
Me: ...
Me: ... hey wait a second...
#umm yeah this might be something#trouble with friendships#troubles with social skills#troubles with social cues#a need to be perfect and people please#studyinggggggg#no one else Gets It™️#“go make friends” “i have books”#i like to think im flutters but twily and maude pie are too relateable#especially with their fixations. which i also have. no one wants to hear about my boring stuff but I'll still talk about it#in the most monotone voice. while avoiding eye contact. it seems like i dont wanna be there but i do and im struggling im sorry ;-;#yeah if you combined them into like one horse. thats me as a pony. like its crazy how much im relating to cartoon ponies 🙃#at 9am. on a Thursday morning.#oh yeah and maudes emotional support rock? i keep emotional support stuff on me too. this could be something frfr#WHY ARE THEY SO RELATABLE THEY'RE FICTIONAL HORSES-
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fuck me.. work tonight was so draining like i suddenly remember why i moved into admin a few years ago now. let me never complain about my job again
#covering youth sessions ages me ten years every time#these 16something lads will continually condescend to me but i’m nothing if not sarcastic and stubborn - i WILL get that apology from them#lmaoooo#im exhausted but it wasn’t half bad overall tbh im just out of practice for youth work#it’s been years but the groups i used to have when i started were so much ‘worse’ behaved than these lot#they were just rowdy and hungry and petty#which yeah checks out 100000% for teen boys#stelle yaps#the group i’ve had for the last few years as i’ve gone into admin were so easy in that they were polite and mature - but the other#issues i was helping them with regarding da and healthy relationships#we’re not so easy but still it’s a totally different kettle of fish to what tonight was like#fucking food thrown all over 😭😭 like what a waste and kicking at the doors and the windows and shit#ugh anyway vent over it was fine and tomorrow im doing three hours of work before im off on holiday for a week!#also i should add it was a 12 hour work day today… like they couldn’t have picked a worse day for me 🙃
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Had a bad dream about Netanyahu trying to steal Ladybird from me and was chasing after me for her.
Here's the cat tax
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#personal#kasaundra's life#kasaundra's dream journal#my pets#ladybird#I used to have a hyperfixation on him in the early days of this blog which i started in 2016#so yeah not tagging this because y'all will see old posts from when I was a Z*on*st and fangirling over him like an idiot#then again I was a teenager at the time (I was 16ish) but I've grown up a lot since then#i have a whole tag in my blog dedicated to this war criminal because 16 year old me was obsessed with him#thanks a lot 16 year old me 🙃😒
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#so fucking irritated#this powerpoint i have to do?#has NOTHING TO DO with what was discussed in the modules this week#i have to do a whole powerpoint about healthcare fraud and abuse#which were not explicity discussed#it was mostly privacy of information/hipaa/medical records and laws about like domestic violence???#and this is the same class where i dont do super great on the exams and the discussions dont really make sense#im so mad#im mad at myself#AND im mad at this fucking teacher because wtf#every single week i am using sources for the discussion posts that arent what she provided and do you know why?#because they are almsot always inadequate or not even relating to what she wants us to discuss#🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃#just a few more weeks of this#i can do it#right?#yeah. i can do it.#but please get dont let my other classes be like this#always#i wanna scream
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been thinking abt it more and it is genuinely baffling how allergies aren't generally treated as disabilities... our little sister has a life threatening peanut and hazelnut allergy and seeing what she and our mom have had to deal with is wild. it's such a simple thing. to keep people informed about the ingredients in the food they are eating and keeping classrooms and other spaces free from allergens that people in those spaces can't be around.
#our sister also doesnt see herself as disabled#i dont think our mom even does#which is objectively fine ig but like. allergies are a disability.#same way like glasses are an aid#but its just very normalized to the point where people dont see it as a disability bc of like#the connotations of the word. people dont want to be disabled#but like. there being a food where if it enters your body there is a high likelihood you will die. thats a disability LMAO#and the state of accomodations for people with allergies are so bad#like our sister wasnt allowed to carry her epipen herself until like... high school?#and even then there was like a ton of hoops to jump through#not to mention the costs associated with life threatening allergies in terms of epipens and other medication and#visiting a doctor and/or allergist like. yeah#and most people are too indifferent to human life to care about not exposing allergic ppl to allergens 🙃#confluence.txt
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this is the stupidest case so far I think
#i mean yeah im biased because i hate Rei and his little gang but also#that was very stupid#wdym he remembers him and THIS is how he gets the confirmation#also the retcon of how they've already met before... it was fun when it was Heiji at the ski resort but not this#like yeah i know it's based on that scene from the movie#but 1. they dont have to make the movies canon they're fun on their own and 2. the scene was made so that it wouldn't really retcon canon#so why did they have to 🙃#at least the ''weed'' thing was very funny it made me laugh more than it should've#i feel like the recent chapters are really hit or miss for me#at least the ones ive started reading as they come out which only the last 3 cases i think lmao#video game kidnapping? very annoying and stupid#puppeteer murders? awesome#this one? very stupid but at least a bit fun
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yeah actually cars 3 slapped why hadn't i watched it since it first came out????
#i WAS gonna watch cars but then i remembered that the whole thing in my head last weel about cars#was that i had only ever watched cars 3 when it first came out in theaters#so i hardly remembered it#cus that was apparebtly when i was like 15?????#WHAT THE FUCK#anyway#so i watched cars 3 instead and yeah it was fucking great#anyway. i have work tomorrow which sucks but its a short week cus of today#and ill only be working the guest 3 hours on thursday bc that's my doctors appointment#and there's a POSSIBILITY we won't work friday#AND i have to talk to Fave Supervisor to see if i can work on his line for the next 2 weeks#or else i will ONCE AGAIN be sat at home for 2 weeks 🙃#there's probably a higher chance he'll say yes than no but there is still SOME chance he'll say no#but! i must try anyway!#okay now to go to bed#shh ac
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end of the year rant
#what i want from the new year is to finally have friends#idk someone that actually cares about me#i’m tired of being alone#but knowing me i’ll eventually isolate myslef again because who in their right mind would want to be my friend#yeah i have avpd 🙃#i’m already dreading some things that are gonna happen next year#just hope that in between all of that something good will happen to me too#i’m happy i had my fandoms this year otherwise it was pretty meh#feel like i’m standing in one place not rlly going anywhere with my life#which sucks i mean weren’t these supposed to be the best years of your life lol#anyway nye makes me super anxious so i’ll just enjoy esc250#manifesting my favorites placing well and why not maybe we’ll have a new winner hehe 👀
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