#troubles with social skills

[toonytoodles]

Me: haha, oh man twilight sparkle is too relatable, so is maude pie, they just like me

Me: ...

Me: ... hey wait a second...

[inspisart]

I’m surprised he didn’t start licking the furniture

[mikuyuuss]

I love that Mitsuri is a little silly and stupid at times, shes a girlboss AND a girlfailure to me <3 but apparently there are some people that genuinely dislike her for those things? I understand Mitsuri's character isn't for everyone, BUT WAIT, HEAR ME OUT.

I've always had this headcanon that Mitsuri had a somewhat sheltered childhood growing up, since In the Rengoku Gaiden, she randomly got discriminated by a stranger for her hair color, so I can only imagine that she probably got that on a daily basis.

I'm sure Mitsuri's parents don't enjoy seeing their eldest daughter bring harassed, so perhaps they might have coddled her a bit. Maybe that could explain why Mitsuri comes off as childish, innocent or """"stupid"""" as many people would say. For me, it's more like her personality just screams "sheltered kid", through no fault of her own tho.

(this is taken from the second fanbook, translated by @/violetheart08)

The fact that she's happy to have friends at the corps, suggests to me that she probably didn't have many friends growing up, she most likely got bullied too, and if that's the case, it's understandable that she can come across as overly friendly and excitable whenever she's befriending new people.

She's actually socially awkward like Giyuu, but just on the opposite end of the spectrum lol, that's why I love them both.

But still, it's not that Mitsuri is straight up incompetent. She's very creative and thinks outside of the box with her breathing style. She also adapts pretty well in high stress situations, we saw this in swordsmith arc, but also we see this very clearly in the Rengoku Gaiden too.

The fact that it only took her two years to become a hashira shows that she has a level of discipline to attain that title. Not only did Rengoku trained her well, this is also no feat that a truly "stupid" person can achieve.

The reason why I have this particular headcanon about Mitsuri is because some families do put A LOT of importance on reputation, especially asian families, when their kids start showing traits that would make them "different" they tend to "hide" the kids in order to protect their reputation so they won't lose their chances at marriage.

(Though I'm not saying all asian families are like this. This is mostly just based on my personal experience that I won't elaborate further)

It reminded me of this scene, when Mitsuri's family suggested that she can just stay with them forever when she was worried that she won't be able to find someone. I love Mitsuri's parents and they are VERY GREAT for their time, but also this is really relatable to me personally :(

And given how marriage was such a big deal in Taisho era, I imagine that it was a mixture of that and the pressure to conform and protect their daughter at the same time that led me to imagine that Mitsuri probably had a sheltered lifestyle.

And you know it's possible that I'm wrong about all of these lmao, but just the fact that she has a comparably normal childhood is a good enough reason as to why she's more positive and naive compared to her peers. I know this is all just a headcanon, but I do wish people can be a bit more considerate towards Mitsuri before hating on her for being "loud" "stupid" and "annoying"

[lightyaoigami]

as we approach the thanksgiving holiday in the us, i am going to issue my annual reminder that you can say no to plans that you don't want to go to. you cannot "get in trouble" with your parents/guardians as an adult. the fear of getting in trouble is a holdover from childhood. people might stomp their feet and yell and uninvite you from future events, but that is not the same as "getting in trouble"; it is an emotional reaction to your boundary and as such it is not your problem. hope everyone enjoys the time off.

[beneathsilverstars]

anyway related to my "gullible" post i do think bonnie didn't really have a lot of friends / any good friends. i'm taking a watsonian approach to "some of the things bonnie does seem more like age 5-8 than 10-12", and a doylist approach to "everyone in this party grew up kinda lonely and feels disconnected from their peer group"

[padfootastic]

it’s funny that people write remus as this badass who’s almost rolling his own cigarettes and smoking joints in the common room or wtv when that guy gives me the exact vibe as those kids in school/college who would fake cough when walking past someone smoking while making full eye contact.

or, the scared kid who’s terrified of even being near smoker because they were a sickly child and they don’t want their lungs to shrivel and die + they’re terrified of their mom

[neonbuck]

i do my best to be thoughtful and attentive, but i dont do well around people who make others walk on egg shells. i am autistic and miss cues too often, I'm clumsy, and i need boundaries to be stated with clarity

[giantkillerjack]

Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!

You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!

You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!

You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!

Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!

Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!

So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.

Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!

You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.

Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!

Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.

Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.

Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*

Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...

Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.

Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.

Better not get confident.

Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)

Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people

- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties

- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations

- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you

- you might start loving the effect you have on a room

- you might enjoy conversations more

- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently

- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations

- you might stop apologizing so much.

- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.

Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!

Why, it would be carnage!!

In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!

If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:

- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.

- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.

- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.

- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.

You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.

So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.

[thelionandtheeagle]

Do you guys wanna see something so immensely Tim Drake it kills the man? (In a good way. Affectionately. I love him so much)

There's so much that could be said here, it's great

[filtheopathic]

as a kid i used to wear headphones in restaurants because i would become overwhelmed by all the noise and have panic attacks and not once was my family like “perhaps this is autism”

[alliluyevas]

this is why the whole “finding other autistic people changed my life! we just get each other on a cosmic level and it’s so effortless. i don’t have any neurotypical friends” thing just falls so flat for me. i support other autistic people on principle and i hope we all have productive happy lives but many of y’all are annoying as hell.

[archivedolon]

thinking about how much like heartsteel aphelios the main verse would have been had they not been born on the day of the eclipse……

[tsukihigui]

beginning of the semester is always great bc it means trying to fill in the gaps in my math skills before I need to use them lmao

[deus-ex-mona]

tmw you give someone concise instructions but they ✨just do not get it✨

[hotfuss]

You don't understand I need this dunes pin and mcr stickers I ordered to arrived asap (pretty sure they are just blocked at customs right now) to give me some kind of serotonin bc my job is dragging me into a deep depression hole

[the-sweetest-little-angel]

It's why hate own jealousy too. Jealous of people that close. But not their fault. Jealousy stem from fact that do not have that. But want to. And doesn't know how to. Want to get close and be less alone. Jealousy because impatient with self and hate self's struggles. Come from neglect. abuse. trauma. Cannot just undo that. Cannot do that in current situation.

Jealous that...can't understand how social works. Remind self that it is in head. Person not care, person not judge, person not mean. Person already consider us friend. Person know has social problems and very isolated. Person know how that feel. But bpd and issues make feel like...alone. Like just want attention. Like needy cat. It not person. It not other people. It not me. It situation. And not in place where can just force better. Takes time. Must be patient with self.

But when bpd want attention and love and closeness. Want what they have now. It makes impossible be patient with self. Like...why can't have that?

Can't have that right now. But will one day. Because need focus survival. And have struggles. Will be okay. Will have that. Person and people care. Shut up bpd. Shut up trauma. Angel not alone. System not alone. Have more people than before. Stop make so desperate.

Just feeling the crushing pain of isolation. These first friends and people in long time. And have feelings for one of them. And want to be loved. So get jealous easily. Because wants faster progress. But these first people have in long time. It take time to learn skills. It takes time to not be scared. Always run away from social. Always run away like scared shaking people trapped in corner. So it takes time. They know that. I know that. But not like wait for time. So bpd make jealous and needy and upset. Healing growing take time.

At least aware bpd not real feelings. And trying not blame self for emotions either. It reasonable after much neglect and abuse, neglect still bad now. To see essentially what life want live, but can't. Because barely living. But will not be same forever.