#which. yeah! genuinely that would also be interesting
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Dude yeah Solas going back to the prison is so dumb to me. Like I assumed before seeing Trick’s post they he and the inquisitor were going into the fade itself to where he sealed the dreams or whatever. But instead I’m going to take my wife to my divorcee empty ass apartment where the ghosts of my past call me a wet loser? What?
JHGKEJRGHKERJHGKREJGH no ur right. i think it genuinely only works when you look at it from a mythological story perspective rather than the two of them as individual people... which is interesting because their whole stories are kind of about how they lose themselves to the myth that surrounds them... so i think its supposed to be the ultimate conclusion of that.
they are at once both finally free of the burdens of the myths and expectations that follow them as the dread wolf and the herald of andraste because they have left the mortal world that forced them into those roles and stripped them of their personhood, but they have also completely submitted themselves to those roles by submitting to the logical conclusion of the myths that they could not escape. for the dread wolf, it is earning his redemption through his willing submission to his own trap. its the logical, full-circle mythological conclusion to the trickster who trapped the gods, now trapped for eternity himself (allegedly, he will prob eventually break out... even loki gets his freedom during ragnarok...). for the inquisitor, it is andraste's herald finally sharing andraste's fate, choosing to leave the mortal world behind to ascend to the golden city alongside the god that she loves. both (presumably, for a lavellan) have tried to reject the myths attached to them over and over and over, but in the end they choose them willingly, and that choice at once binds them to those myths forever while simultaneously freeing them from the burden of them. its giving oedipal greek tragedy of attempting to outrun your fate and it finding you anyway, just when you thought you were finally making your own choice, but with a hopeful and bittersweet spin. its actually fucking insanely brilliant when i think about it this way it makes me genuinely foam at the mouth.
however the major caveat to this is i do not think this is presented nearly clear enough in veilguard. the only reason i am able to create such wonderful, deep meaning from this is honestly because my bachelor's degree is in literature and i literally have formal academic training analyzing storytelling. and it took me like a week to actually sift through all this in my brain and go back and sift through lines and images in the game to support my analysis. it should not take that much work, it should have been more clear. because yeah, the first time you play it it absolutely feels like your girly pop lavellan is making the WORST, down-bad delulu decision of her life while the rest of the world is screaming GIRL DUMP HIM!!!!!!!! and im not suggesting im smarter than anyone for looking at it “the right way” or anything like that. im saying that i think in order to get the meaning from it that the writers intended, you have to look at it through a very specific literary lens, and that is something that most people are not going to default to… because why would you? the story should lead you there on its own. there shouldn’t be a niche prerequisite to enjoying the ending. a few more lines about people made into myths, much like those we got throughout inquisition, could’ve helped facilitate this. they did a great job of hammering in the regret and choice themes to the point it was like beating a dead horse with a stick. and there are a few good lines that kind of give this vibe (“you’re not JUST the inquisitor, right?” “they call me the dread wolf, what will they call you when this is over?” “there is no fate but the love we share,” a codex from felassan about solas being forced to play into the dread wolf persona, etc.) but they probably could’ve added a few more to talk about mythological apotheosis and choice in the context of fate rather than just in the context of regret, and it would’ve helped at least a bit.
so i fully understand peoples discomfort with the ending as a result. i think it’s a logical conclusion to come to based on how the story presents itself. however im pretty confident that this mythological vibe was tricks intention, based on a lot of their comments about their writing process and inspiration for solas, and the way they have written him overall. @corseque has a lot of amazing posts in her solas tag that talk specifically about the very deliberately mythological way that weekes wrote solas, and i think this is essential context for understanding the ending that the game simply does not sufficiently provide. it also definitely invalidates a lot of people's perceptions of not just their inquisitor, but the solavellan romance as well. however i hope me blabbing about how it can be absolutely brilliant when viewed through a specific lens might help people feel more at peace with it <3
#OK U GUYS HAVE TO STOP PROMPTING ME TO WRITE ESSAYS I HAVE TO GO DO WORK JERHGKJERHGJKREG#but thank u for this <3#solavellan#solas#veilguard spoilers#datv spoilers#da:v spoilers#dav spoilers#mine.txt#meta#ask
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i know it's bad form to argue with word of god, but i just- i don't agree with this? did 7x05 not make it clear that, yeah, buck was figuring some stuff out then, but he knew he wanted tommy. and now he's had six months to settle into that - and by all accounts seemed pretty secure as of last episode. even this episode - abby hurdle notwithstanding - he was very clear about what he wanted with tommy. sure, maybe the moving in was a bit of a knee-jerk response to the previous spiral, but he seems very settled with himself and his wants.
from tommy's character's perspective i can understand it. he's probably been burned before. he's protecting himself, and buck, well, both of them really, end up as collateral. i actually think that's an interesting conflict. but to say tommy was accurate in his assessment of buck? the scene very much read to me as tommy being in the wrong here, making a decision for buck. which, again, could've been something really interesting that i'd have liked to see. but, going off all these interviews, this really was it so, i guess not lol.
#dare i say this was not good writing#it could have been! if things were followed up upon!#i wouldn't have minded a breakup. didn't even mind this until i saw how it was being talked about in the interviews#ALSO#oliver talked so much last season how he wanted tommy to be part of buck's life as a friend even if they were to break up#which. yeah! genuinely that would also be interesting#but from the sounds of it lou's just gone now so. not even that#911 spoilers#911 abc#bucktommy
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deciding to headcanon that the lighthouse makes people feel Calm and Docile and Relaxed to excuse the fact that more of the companions aren't as mad as lucanis that ANY of this is happening
#I CAN FEEL THE HATERISM IN MY BONES STARTING TO STIR LIKE LYRIUM#for the record. i think the game is fun. and i think it's the most gorgeous game ever made#bar none.#but like................................................................... . . .... ....#ALMOST ALL OF THE WARDENS ARE DEAD. ALMOST ALL OF THEM.#AND ALSO DID IT EVEN MATTER BECAUSE THE BLIGHT WAS JUST#THE GODS FUCKING AROUND AGAIN#i'll be real the least interesting thing abt dragon age has always been the magic to me#i like MAGES. but i think the sociopolitical landscape of thedas + the worldbuilding outside of magic#is the most interesting part for me#i think my biggest problem is that it feels like a dragon age game writing wise#like w companions and quests and banter#but it doesn't feel like the dragon age world#idk. i'm having fun but yeah i think a lot of the general criticisms are weighing on me which#i did not think would happen (tho i've also been in a months long depressive spiral and genuinely have not#enjoyed basically anything and nothing feels real and everything feels like a bad dream so like whatever)#the biggest thing abt dragon age for me has always been like#it has been such a creative inspiration for me in so many avenues and in so many different eras of my life#i've been writing DA fic since i was 17. i started getting mutuals around 18.#that's 6 years!!!!! i've been writing fic!!!#i play like 3 hours of origins or inquisition and wanna go write a bunch of fics#but all my fic ideas so far are about like. Well what if the game never happened and my OCs#met their ROs somewhere else in some way else#which to me ISN'T a good sign.#part of da's staying power to me is how much it inspires me. i don't feel inspired right now#i'm struggling to keep up in some ways with veilguard and also feel like it's struggling to catch up#to itself and the weight of it's own choices#anyway. starting to feel disappointed but like i said months long depression#so i'm repressing it like crazy and might never actually feel or breach that emotion#in any depth. but whatever.
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I will never make this because it would be for an audience of one (me) but ever since reading "If we Were Villains" (story about serious drama kids in college who perform shakespeare and deal with a murder) I have been entertaining the thought of a crack fic crossover with High School Musical The Musical The Series where the staff decides they will no longer put on shakespeare after the tragic accident that happened at Thanksgiving, because Shakespeare plays would only increase the tension and drama. So they hire Ms. Jen who decides their spring play will actually be High School Musical (which exists in the 90s in this universe) and it ruins the vibe so much that everyone gives up on being dark and mysterious because they're universally pissed at Ms Jen for making them learn choreoraphed basketball dancing.
#if we were villains is actually genuinely good and has actual literary worth and pulls from shakespeare in an intelligent meaningful way#but unfortunately all i can do is comedy so this is the only fan content i have to offer :(#THE THING IS iwwv is just hsmtmts if it hsmtmts was good and also they committed crimes#they utilize the same parallel of casting choices with real life drama which I love#umm so casting: Meredith would be Sharpay Obvi. I think it would be really funny if James was cast as Ryan bc they hate eachother and would#have to pretend to be siblings working together. And I think ashley tisdale and Lucas Gabreel actually didn't get along when filming#also i love the thought of Ms Jen looking at James and going “i know what you are”#HOWEVER it would be more interesting if james was Chad to Oliver's Troy (which is really just reversing their Romeo and Juliet moment)#bc chad is like nooo don't do theater... stick with me and do basketball... but it would be Coded Subtextually#Unfortunately Wren would be typecast as Gabriella and I don't think that would cause drama bc I don't believe James actually liked her!#I think it was comp het bc she was very sweet and nonthreatening as opposed to Meredith's big flirting energy so she would be a “safe” crus#lets lean into that actually. this gives Wren a chance to have a personality (bc I enjoy this book but it is not good at fleshing out women#So oliver and Wren spend more time together and kind of talk about James a little and Wren is like yeah James is very sweet#and I like him but it feels so hard to get him to feel comfortable with me... i guess he's just closed off and doesn't talk much#we also get to see more of her personality and interests maybe she's like I relate to gabriella because I also like to Read :) feminism#and oliver is like Hmm That Is Not My Experience With Him perhaps our bond is deeper and James does like me Hm#And then Meredith can flirt with him as Sharpay and James gets pissed and in character gets very intense about how Troy can't join THEATER#that's why he's upset and sad bc sharpay represents theater and only that reason and nothing else and he isn't in love with oliver At All#Alexander can be Ryan now since James is Chad (and he's also Gay) and Filippa can be Kenzie bc they're both queer coded#Anyway at rehearsal one day Meredith and James and Oliver are having their fighting over troy moment and then Meredith stops and is like#wait guys. This musical is so freaking stupid. why are we even doing this#and their mutual frustration at their art being turned into a farce is enough to bond them together and they're like#we need to focus on our REAL enemy: ms Jen#and then they hatch a scheme and it's probably like. They dump a bucket of fake blood on her at opening night a la carrie#and then put on their own rebellious production... it still has to be a musical because i like musicals#families with children are in the audience and they're like OK FOLKS! HERE'S ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW!#if we were villains#iwwv#hsmtmts#high school musical the musical the series
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spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner
#vulnerable tag rambles ahead please be kind abt them i didnt intent to ramble this much but i dont wanna delete it eitehr#me to every single man i have ever dated after 6mo-1y: yeah hey this really isnt working out i dont really know why but i really hate mysel#and i dont want to blame you because i dont think you did anything inherently wrong here; i think this is something about me but i need#space to figure out why im feeling this way [every single one reacted by telling me No i wasnt allowed to leave btw]#i hold very complex feelings about these relationships esp bc of them ending in very violent/chaotic ways most of the time#but its interesting to look back at it all and realize ive left every man for the same reason (which is that ive hated myself Every Single#Time ive dated a man) and its funny bc i recognized the self hate pretty early on w/ cishet men but when it came to queer men it was#much more confusing (esp w/ nto knowing Any lesbians at that point in my life). im so happy im a lesbian tbh#i have a lot of issues w/ the racism fatphobia and transmisogyny present in lesbian groups#and also coming out as a lesbian really truly saved my life. before i met my wife i was quite literally in a 3yr abusive relationship that#definitely would have died in if i hadnt realzied i was a lesbian and ran from him#its also weird seeing liek the hard evidence of the things that happened to me btween 2016-2020 tbh#cause that was such a bad time of my life. i truly dont know how i survived it but im so glad i did#like the three major relationships in my life b4 meeting my wife was: guy who was in college when i was in HS who stalked me when i left;#guy who was a year younger than me who cheated on me the entire time while telling me he was being victimized (he wasnt; this was very mess#guy who saw the very messy toxic ldr i was in and helped me dump my ex then decided that meant we were in a relationship [insert 3 yrs here#and admittedly all 3 years with him werent the same level of abusive but it was definitely unhealthy from the start considering I Didnt Kno#we were together until he wanted to celebrate vday and got mad i didnt know our anniversary - and like this isnt including the other stuff#that happened between those Relatonships[tm] (cause ive never been monogamous; these were just the Major Relationships)#like i genuinely think if i hadnt come out i'd be dead rn given just how dangerous my relationships were/continued getting#i am also so tired now that ive seen all this cause like. fuck i can barely believe it and i not only lived it but have PTSD about it#i should write about my life sometime. i feel like it'd be cathartic to try and make a tangible timeline and stories from the years ang stu#anyway yeah. be nice about the tag rambles. dont message me with pity or curiosity or anything about this. i dont usually talk abt this stu#publicly bc i hate the ways ppl start tryign to baby me when they realize my life has been extremely fucked up until only a few years ago#n im still working on accepting kindness from others bc of [insert life traumas here] but its a long process so pls respect my need for jus#being heard rn w/o too much pressure< 3 (but ig if u do read this can u like it cause i feel a little crazy seeing all the evidence of the#stuff i experienced now also cause fuck ik logically it was but also i cant believe it was all real still yk)
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hmm thinking about the idea of love songs. i think the idea of what a love song is that we have in our culture is inherently a little bit flawed because we have the idea that any song written about romantic feelings is a love song and im thinking thats not exactly true because there is a difference between "romance" and "love". what i'm saying is not that love is a broader category and applies to things that are not romantic in nature. this is in fact true, but it's not what makes the important distinction here. the true distinction between "romance" and "love" is that romance is a societally defined type of interest in another person, whereas love is, essentially, a promise that you make when you build a relationship.
as such, what i call "love" here might be better defined as "care", as that implies more time and effort, but that's a different suitcase to unpack and largely unimportant to my point here, which is more about the societal conventions of what we call love songs. the point is, relationships can be built with other people, yes, but also animals, places, organizations, ideas, so on and so on, whereas romance requires another person, hence the difference between the ideas of "romance" and "love".
with that in mind, there are two types of songs we in western, english speaking, society call "love songs":
1) songs that are about a person's romantic interest in someone that is either definitively known to be unrequited (existing monogamous relationship, sexuality that doesn't align, etc) or simply not requited (aka romantic interest being unknown); and
2) songs about an existing relationship (keeping in mind my points about relationships not just being with people, but also places, things, etcetera) as is.
(some examples of the latter category: mountaintop by relient k, which defines the relationship in question as non-romantic; or i miss my mum by cavetown, which is - as the title implies - a song about the singer missing their mother.)
now, the thing that makes distinguishing these two difficult is the fact that songs about an existing relationship CAN be about wanting certain aspects of that relationship to change. in these cases, determining that a song is one or the other will hinge either on a) authorial intent or b) whether the song is more about what the singer wants (thereby implying #1) or the lack thereof in that relationship (which would imply #2).
to get back to the subject at hand: the term "love song", as we think of it, is an umbrella term that include both of these two categories, and i think that perhaps it is reductive to do so. with that in mind, i think perhaps it would be more appropriate for "love song" to mean only the latter, whereas the former is a category of its own. WHICH is not to say that the two can't overlap — just that if a song is about a person with whom the singer has no relationship, it cannot be considered a love song due to the fact that it is a song about infatuation, not love.
(another interesting wrinkle this provides is the fact that a song might start out in the first category and, as the writer develops a relationship with a person, might move into the second category as they write more.)
#anyway. just some of my thoughts on this as an aromantic songwriter#ari opinion hour#this goes a good deal to reconcile my constant writing of love songs with the fact that none of them are romantic#which im fine with as long as im keeping them to myself but it DOES feel dishonest when i hide that theyre love songs.#however this did also go some way to convince me that maybe care songs is an alternative that i SHOULD use because it is more applicable to#me than the concept of love which MOST people do not have the same perspective on as i do and having different definitions of the same word#is an important barrier to consider in communication#i will admit i do think im clinging to my care songs being love songs due to my relationship with an organization to which love is very#important as i dont want to go back on my promises to that organization as it IS very important to me#anyway. can you tell ive been reading house of leaves by the fact that this appeared fully fledged in my head in fully academic language#but for real like thinking about it now and even my old love songs like most would probably think to see them that they would go in the#first category and they just. DO NOT. at least not the ones that were written after i was like Yeah im aro again#its interesting the ones i wrote in the brief period where i thought i WASNT aro in like mid hs those i WOULD put in the first category#even though like i do NOT think i was right about it being romantic#but the ones after i was like Yea im aro again are like. Thats definitely the latter#part of it is i did find a voice that was like genuinely Mine and wasnt just writing sort of generic love songs#love songs in the typical usage i mean so they were really more infatuation songs#but like i was still with the last person irl who i wrote these about divorced from like... my aroness because of how much i liked him#and i would still put those in the second category#so part of it is awareness as well#so. yeah. its interesting#i probably should just suck it up and start calling them care songs. even if people dont know what i mean to say that
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hello... (and bye ig 👋)
#👋😭 hi...#i haven't come on in about a month and i didn't realize a month passed by like that... i've kinda stopped using any apps on my phone#i barely even talk to my friends anymore lol 😭#i just saw my follower count this morning and realized i hit 13k and i was like 🥸 huh...#uhhhhhhh 😭 idk i wanted to say thank you i guess 🫂#i'm done with stayblr and tumblr in general 😭 this much has been obvious for a while now... i tried to fit myself back in during 5star but#i think i realized i've outgrown the vibes here and in online spaces in general... i don't really enjoy it anymore 😭 which is weird cause#i've used tumblr since i was in middle school so 🫡 end of an era some would say...#i think it sucks because i don't have the same feelings about this place or skz or anything in my life right now... i tried to ignore it bu#it's so obvious now that the entirety of december passed without me really talking to a single person / without me using social media /#without me really doing much except for like homework and assignments lmao#i think genuinely i've stopped enjoying everything i used to like and i don't know why 😭 it hit me the other day bc i don't even enjoy#pc collecting anymore which is CRAZY considering how much time and money i've put into that hobby so 👋🥸 who knows what goes on#i haven't consumed any skz content since rockstar dropped 😭 and that also feels weird to me... idk... i would say maybe i'm going through a#depressive episode but i don't really feel how i do then... i think i'm just tired like i always am and that's just how i am now .. i think#i'm just not really interested in things anymore? weird but .. yeah idk😭 if i knew what was wrong i would Fix It sndjdndkd mostly i'm just#sad because i haven't been talking to friends... i keep ignoring everyone and not replying to any texts from anyone because ????#i tell myself i will do it later but i know i won't ... idk i genuinely don't know why i'm struggling to talk to ppl anymore 😭 i've become#even more of a reclusive hermit than i already was 💀 and the worst part is i feel normal abt it#i don't feel /bad/ i just feel guilty that i'm not replying to ppl bc i don't want to hurt ppls feelings... on my end i feel Normal abt it#like i ??? is it weird that i'm so detached from everything that not even a month ago made me so happy..? that's weird right 😭 like idgi#i don't feel (as) depressed (as i usually do) but clearly ?? smth is wrong ?? like ik i'm not a clingy sentimental person but ? it kinda#makes me sad wondering if i really don't care abt ppl anymore ... but i think 😭 it's also the object permanence issues that come with adhd#not seeing or talking to the ppl i love . not doing my hobbies or seeing the groups i care abt . makes it easy to not care or forget what#they make me feel etc etc ... i get it... but idk 😭 if that's what this is . well wow it sucks ASS.. cause i feel guilty for not feeling#anything at all ... 😭 idk how to explain that HENSKDNISJS anywayyyy 💀#i came on cause i wanted to say thank you for 13k followers 😭‼️ and that i probably will not be online anymore unless i really want to say#this was a really long winded way to say i feel bad but i'm done with stayblr fr 👋🥸 i tried so hard for the last 2 years to make it feel#like home again but it stopped ages ago so 🥹 that's ok.. i still cherish my memories here 🫂 anyway thanku and sjsjsksksks bye i guess 😭#who knows maybe i'll enjoy it one day again and come back :') never know what the future holds 🫡
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Mel for the unhinged character bingo!
yessss YEEEESSSSSSSSS
#ask me#so Mel is in the unenviable position of being a very strong character whose rights I support and whose wrongs I also fully support#BUT the way she's treated broadly in the fandom is so pervasive and so consistent and so frustrating to me that#I am in full -must protect my blorbo- mode with her at all times#-Mel's story is over so the only thing left for her to do is die-#-if Mel dies then J can get together with V and they will appreciate her for her sacrifice bc she died a hero who rejected Ambessa-#enough! enough I say!#what about proving to ambessa that she can take the throne for herself? what about the angst of defying her mother and her home country#and opposing those in Piltover who DO want war and want to raze the undercity#what about the magic that she's heavily foreshadowed to have and how it's different from hextech#and how it directly opposes but also parallels what is happening to Viktor#what about her -friends- abroad and the plot Mel was cooking through all of season 1 that has not been revealed yet#there's so much potential for her to have to confront the fact that J was slowly becoming a monster through season 1#and that she can't ignore the undercity forever#also what if whoever Ambessa says killed her brother comes after Mel too!#it is very frustrating to see Mel get dismissed as dead or evil or irredeemable or whatever when she is consistently#the most interesting person in the room in every single scene she's in and the character who shows the most conviction and change#so yeah i will take a bullet for her she is my blorbo I will despise any character who hurts her#and I would cradle her in my arms if she gave me a chance - which she would never! - but a girl can dream#however I also enjoy leaning into the idea that Mel is perceived as being a devil from the outside - Mel leans into it too when it serves#but it's in direct opposition to her ironclad values and the personality that she keeps hidden a layer down#I genuinely think that Mel will have a happy ending - or at least as happy an ending that an Arcane character can get lol#like I fully believe she will take the throne (Piltover) in the end but I can only guess at this point what that will cost her#I love putting Mel in situations but mainly to play with both how creative she can get and also how fucking far she will go to win#which is ANOTHER thing we know is probably true about Mel but has not been put on display yet#also Mel has already done a great job at separating what she wants for herself as a person from just being Ambessa's daughter#but Mel still deserves to get plenty of great therapy for that situation because OH GOD THAT CHILDHOOD FLASHBACK#also Kino is dead? maybe dead?? at least Mel fully believes he's dead so she needs therapy and hugs for that too#I am super normal about her can you tell
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i think one of the reasons i dislike qtntduo as a ship is that wilbur hasn’t been on since literally before the brazilians arrived and everything about qq and elq was always made to be about him. and listen, i know qq’s obsession played a role in that but also qq’s thing about wilbur is so much more complicated that it usually gets portrayed. also having them be romantic and actually involved with each other would be boring sorry
#like the most interesting thing about their dynamic is the tension#also the unbalanced nature of the interest and the unhealthy route of qq’s interest are compelling as character aspects#but not as interesting within a romantic relationship#qq’s whole thing about wilbur is genuinely incredibly interesting. it also has very little actually to do with wilbur as a person#that’s why it’s able to continue so long without his presence#also every time i see a post about how wilbur will meet elq and immediately know he’s not qq im like ok and???#didn’t literally every other player immediately see that he was acting off as well???#i think their dynamic is interesting and that wilbur genuinely does give qq something he needs (open acceptance in a way he doesn’t receive#from any of the other players)#but that doesn’t mean i want to see that dynamic turned romantic#and i certainly don’t think it would healthy for qq if it did (if he was still here which he isn’t rn so yk kind of moot)#i hope elq doesn’t view him as anything special at all#i hope wilbur was just a means to an end for him and nothing else#but yeah a large part of my frustration comes from seeing qq moulded and filed and chipped away at to fit into the dynamic#rather than being allowed to be a complicated messy interesting character#idk#quackity#qsmp
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#this is also like#honestly the first time i've wanted to become more active and communicative for someone else#i'm very timid and meek in dating unfortunately bc i've been trained to believe that like. if i show interest in someone they won't like me#but if i act aloof they'll want me. which is soooo crazy like that's not how anything should work#and we even kind of like bonded over that we were like yeah other people have called us too emotional but clearly i still am learning how t#like. not worry about it and be emotional and open#and genuinely having someone else tell me what they want from me is so helpful like ok you want me to ask you more questions i can do that#and i did i think! like we talked and told stories and i would ask questions in the middle which is like another thing we talked abt#is how like. for some reason in the midwest women r taught to never ever interrupt anyone EVER#and to me that kind of even extends into like. after they're done talking for some reason i assume if someone didn't tell me something then#they don't want me to know LMFAKJFJDSKJFKSJ this is such a fucking stupid thing i've been conditioned to believe but ANYWAY#idk whatever the point is i think i'm growing at least i hope so. like i hope it's working bc i really don't want to fuck anything up :S
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Some people: Kaeya’s bio father is an abusive monster who abandoned his son in order to achieve his own selfish goals. He is an evil man who deserves everything awful that might happen to him.
Other people: Kaeya’s bio father did the right thing and leaving Kaeya in Mondstadt was the only way to give him a halfway-decent life. He is a better father than he is given credit for and should not be as hated as he is.
Me: Kaeya’s bio father is integral to the general ‘war is hell and bad choices can reverberate across time’ thing that Genshin seems to be going for. He made unethical choices, but mostly because the ONLY OPTIONS HE HAD WERE UNETHICAL. If our understanding of the Alberich’s role in Khaenri’ah is accurate, General Alberich (my name for him until stated otherwise) was suddenly in charge of a hopeless and dead kingdom which begged to be saved. Assuming that there was a reason Kaeya specifically was chosen for this mission, General Alberich was forced into a position where he needed to choose between the lives/future of every Khaenri’an vs the life and future of his young son. Abandoning either is an awful thing to do and a horrible decision, but the bad decisions of Celestia and Rhinedottir have led to a scenario where General Alberich can only make bad decisions. In the end, he chose to prioritize his people and made his young son into a spy. We do not know the process for this, but knowing how much Hoyoverse loves to torment people (especially Khaenri’ans) we can assume that this process was horrific for Kaeya and could definitely be considered abuse. General Alberich is effectively making his son into a child soldier for a war that the majority of people never wanted or asked for, and one Kaeya was likely far too young to understand. At least, until he was forced to grow up far too quickly in order to fulfill his duty. General Alberich likely loathed everything about what was happening and even in his last moments with his son he asks for forgiveness. He knows that what he is doing is wrong, but to turn back now is to both abandon his subjects and make everything that happened to Kaeya in order to turn him into a child spy be for nothing. So yeah, General Alberich is a terrible person who made horrible choices. But war and the bad actions of others have created a situation where he has nothing BUT horrible choices and where being a terrible person is the only thing he can be. And that’s without considering how the curse/abyssal corruption could impact the scenario.
#idk#I just think that Kaeya's father is kinda an Asgore situation#where the only decisions he could possibly make were awful and unethical ones but choosing neither would create an even worse outcome#also I want to clarify that both of the other interpretations that I parroted before giving my own thoughts are valid#because we are working with such limited information and yeah no shit people are gonna have differing thoughts#people have differing beliefs and perspectives on things which are CANONICALLY CONFIRMED to be clear situations with lots of info about it#so of course people are going to go in like 80 different directions with his character#BECAUSE WE HAVE NEXT TO NOTHING TO GO OFF OF#and basically every interpretation of him I've seen is pretty reasonable#Like yeah man's son is a child spy who was abandoned in a far away country for the purpose of being a spy for Khaenri'ah's interests#thinking that he was an abusive asshole isn't exactly unreasonable#nor is it unreasonable to believe that he was actually a decent man who left his son in Mondstadt as the 'only hope' of Khaenri'ah#because he just wanted Kaeya to live on and have a life outside of the Abyss#and Kaeya was mistaken when he thought he was simply being left behind as a pawn#Genshin is no stranger to unreliable narrators and this wouldn't be the first time a character story wildly mischaracterizes something#so like...both of those interpretations are valid#and pretty fair ones as well#But I think that it really is like an Asgore situation where yeah this guy sucks and he is an awful person who made so many bad choices#But also was left with nothing BUT bad choices through war and grief and other factors that were genuinely outside of his control#Sacrifice your son's childhood and happiness by forcing him to be a child spy and abandoning him in the middle of a deadly storm#or let your people (including yourself) rot away into nothingness while facing a fate worse than death while they all but scream to be saved#there are no good options#kaeya's father#don't take this too seriously I just really liked Undertale when I was younger and I'm getting Asgore vibes from General Alberich
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GRAPHIC NATURE & CASEY at the heavy music awards 2024 (two of the only photos i've got)
#not that anyone is interested but this is a blog and i'm blogging#the graphic nature photo was during killing floor i believe#that was such a good time. he killed it on that floor#they were my favourite tbh#put on such a good show on top of some of the best live music i've ever heard#his energy is genuinely terrifying#but so much fun#unpeople were also there. sorry unpeople i loved u but have no good photos. really enjoyed ur unsettling vibes#not to keep rambling about this show but it sealed the deal for me about a couple of ?? lifestyle choices i guess#... and my bio exam went ok#i've passed that at least#it wasn't going to go perfectly in any universe#but if i'd told myself 6 months ago i'd be going to smth like this the day before an exam i would have thought i'd gone off the rails#which maybe i have#but that's alright#anyway. yeah#graphic nature come back to london plsplsplsplspls#i will be there no matter what#heavy music awards#casey#graphic nature
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yall. im not going to share my follower count cuz i enjoy that aspect of tumblr, but YALL. i keep track of my follower count at the end of each month, and we're barely halfway thru the month and like. there was a jump in followers. like. a big jump.
WHERE DID YALL COME FROM 😭😭😭
#josh talks#like im immensely grateful#but WHAT#my jaw literally dropped#i genuinely thought i was reading it wrong#bro why are there so many of you here#i thought my many reblogs of art from very many different fandoms would chase people off ngl#(also if ur new here and wondering why i keep track of my follower count)#(i just Really Like Spreadsheets. but i struggle to find data with which to put in my Spreadsheets)#(enter: art!! i put stuff like the number of times ive drawn in a month)#(number of times ive drawn for a certain fandom or character)#(and i do keep track of follower count at the end of each month. just cause it makes for interesting data)#(and oddly it makes me Less Obsessed with the numbers. which may be the opposite of what youd assume)#(like ill have several people unfollow me and im just like ooh. thatll make my data more interesting)#(tldr: so yeah im a nerd basically is the explanation)
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99% just my autism speaking here but something ive been noticing lately that im sorta kinda 😶 about is when ppl are like "I think you'll like this" but not bc they ACTUALLY think you'll like it, rather they just got into it and want you to also get into it so "I think you'll like this" is a nice personal hook. i love chill stuff as much as any other person ofc but given i don't divulge that EVER, what makes you think my berserk reading, made in abyss watching, drakengard playing ass would like YURU CAMP????
#gu6chan's musings#am i just taking the phrase too literally???? like i appreciate the thought but also.... what agitates me is the fact theres not any#when i say something among the lines of 'i think YOU'LL like this' or 'This made me think of you' like#its bc i think of THAT PERSON IN PARTICULAR or think THAT PERSON IN PARTICULAR would like it#again it's probably just autism brain taking figures of speech too literally but i HATE it bc it just makes me feel like#all the times i shared my interests meant nothinggggg typically i just ask 'neat; what makes you think ill like it?' and ppl start stumbling#and im like :(#whats rlly funny in this case is not only the fact i had only ever established my love of dark fantasy and mystery to this person#but they also flatout asked 'youre not really into modern media much are you' to which the answer was 'not much lol'#and i said the reasons i dont care for 'cute girls doing cute things' anime (re: k-on) is bc if i have the time to watch it then i at LEAST#wanna spend it watching a series that's???? not 'the point of it is to relax :)'??? i can sleep for that#anyways like 2 days later they said they said they think id REALLY like this new anime they've been watching lately and I was like 'oh?'#and it was yuru camp.... and internally i was like 'are you fucking kidding me' but on the outside i was like 'oh sweet what makes you think#id like it? id love some new media recommendations especially if they're newer shows bc ive been having SO MUCH TROUBLE trying to find#something interesting that isn't from 2008'#and they sent me a picture of the most generic anime girl ever and they're like 'it has really cute girls' and then i just wanted to kms#like.... this isn't bc you thought id like it; is it.....#wanted to die internally but i played it cool and was like 'oh no; i appreciate it thoughtfulness and all but i don't think this is for me'#also the time where someone recommended signalis to me and i was like 'oh?' and they were like 'YEAH its SO good the people who made it#were even INSPIRED off of Nier' KNOWING FULL WELL I DIDN'T LIKE IT AND THE AMOUNT MY ENTHUSIASM JUST DIED... i was like#'oh. well that will be a pass then' and they tried backpedaling like 'well it's not SUPER inspired; i didn't know you HATED nier :(' like#my past 15 posts on my twitter werent me realising that the game was absolute garbage and calling it the most regretful thing ive ever spent#money on during my attempted playthrough 😭 i was like 'thanks; but I'll pass' to which they then responded by promptly sending me#signalis memes i had absolutely no idea how to respond to WITHOUT making it seem like i was super annoyed so i was just kinda 😶 and didn't#reply and they were like 'sorry :(' and i was like 'haha it's okay! i just have absolutely no idea how to respond to this joke i dont#understand at ALL'#was probably one of the more awkward interactions ive ever had but genuinely speaking i was so INTERESTED until they brought up that it was#inspired by nier i literally psychically felt all the enthusiasm leaving my body from 'damn; i might actually have to look into this' to#'oh well that's a bullet dodged' did not trust the backtracking either....
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I may not be authorized to have lob corp character options given I've only read at best 30% of the story and only because of me watching playthroughs while I play but also I need everyone to give more of a shit abt Lisa right now she's literally the best one objectively because I said so
#rat rambles#shes also just genuinely rly well written and shes made me cry#like Im not particularly interested in reading through most lob corp stuff right now but I will regularly rewatch her core meltdown scenes#and while I also dont plan on reading lor stuff the fact that I know she ends up alone in that game fucks me up so bad#like godddddd tragic siblings my absolute beloved#I dont forgive her for being blond but at least shes not trying to be a lil edgelord like wendy lol#I cant say shes evading the tboy cringe allegations though give her a couple years we'll see#but yeah Im sure that angela would have a death grip on my mind if I ever got into project moon stuff#I may not know a whole lot abt her but she and carmen combined fit into just about every character archerype I always fall for#oh and you can bet your ass I would be making carmen and olivia parallels in my mind as I read#which would then backfire because then I'd start thinking abt jackie and ayin#and then Id be sad that ayin and carmen arent doomed toxic yuri 😔#well they could be if you belive hard enough but I do not believe in ayin sorry#the real question in life ofc is if carmen is a lesbian or a gay man
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tomorrow is such an important day, im a mcfucking nervous anxious wreck already gOD
#got the school interview tomorrow#i just. really want this. something needs to change in my life and getting to study something im genuinely interested in#and something i genuinely like and i know i could do as a career would mean everything to me#unfortunately if i do become a student thats gonna put a terrible dent on my finances as well as i have to move and thats gonna be#the next four years of my life. but i also just REALLY want this#my life needs a meaning. and this could hopefully be it#i have no idea what they are gonna ask in the interview but apparently its gonna be scored from 0 to 60 points which. nerve wracking#the other assignments were 0 to 20 so its total out of a 100. i know i have at least ten points so far if i got to the interview lol#but yeah im. i just really hope it goes well. i really need this. im tired of not going anywhere not doing anything not having a future#please. i dont ask for much. ive had enough rejections this year already idk what im gonna do if i dont get this or any of my backup plans#just.. yeah. im tired but i gotta set up stuff tomorrow oof. pull my assignments up and set up my laptop for the interview and hhhh#im just. nervous#idk what im gonna do if i fail this#and thats fucking terrifying#god i hope i can sleep tonight mmm#night is an absolute mess on main
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