#where the only decisions he could possibly make were awful and unethical ones but choosing neither would create an even worse outcome

[cluescorner]

Some people: Kaeya’s bio father is an abusive monster who abandoned his son in order to achieve his own selfish goals. He is an evil man who deserves everything awful that might happen to him. 

Other people: Kaeya’s bio father did the right thing and leaving Kaeya in Mondstadt was the only way to give him a halfway-decent life. He is a better father than he is given credit for and should not be as hated as he is. 

Me: Kaeya’s bio father is integral to the general ‘war is hell and bad choices can reverberate across time’ thing that Genshin seems to be going for. He made unethical choices, but mostly because the ONLY OPTIONS HE HAD WERE UNETHICAL. If our understanding of the Alberich’s role in Khaenri’ah is accurate, General Alberich (my name for him until stated otherwise) was suddenly in charge of a hopeless and dead kingdom which begged to be saved. Assuming that there was a reason Kaeya specifically was chosen for this mission, General Alberich was forced into a position where he needed to choose between the lives/future of every Khaenri’an vs the life and future of his young son. Abandoning either is an awful thing to do and a horrible decision, but the bad decisions of Celestia and Rhinedottir have led to a scenario where General Alberich can only make bad decisions. In the end, he chose to prioritize his people and made his young son into a spy. We do not know the process for this, but knowing how much Hoyoverse loves to torment people (especially Khaenri’ans) we can assume that this process was horrific for Kaeya and could definitely be considered abuse. General Alberich is effectively making his son into a child soldier for a war that the majority of people never wanted or asked for, and one Kaeya was likely far too young to understand. At least, until he was forced to grow up far too quickly in order to fulfill his duty. General Alberich likely loathed everything about what was happening and even in his last moments with his son he asks for forgiveness. He knows that what he is doing is wrong, but to turn back now is to both abandon his subjects and make everything that happened to Kaeya in order to turn him into a child spy be for nothing. So yeah, General Alberich is a terrible person who made horrible choices. But war and the bad actions of others have created a situation where he has nothing BUT horrible choices and where being a terrible person is the only thing he can be. And that’s without considering how the curse/abyssal corruption could impact the scenario. 

[lonelier-version-of-you]

So I just rewatched both parts of report to the mirror and I had some thoughts that I thought you might be interested in. First, how did I not pick up on the romantic connection of John and henrik, it’s so obvious and I completely missed it when I watched this episode at the time. Especially in the line “it’s time people saw the real you. Us” which is definitely not just a thing friends say. Then the scenes at the lake, when henrik says that he wanted something to believe in, it reminded me of the episode where he talks to roxanna about how his therapist wanted him to look to the future and then John took advantage by giving him something to believe. It’s so tragic. What’s even more tragic is that John drowned in the lake in the same way henrik’s mother did, and how he tried to before John saved him, the whole thing is so awful but beautifully tragic. My final thought is that the song “what difference does it make?” by the smiths really reminds me of John and henrik. Especially the opening lyrics “all men have secrets and here is mine/so let it be known/for we have been through hell and high tide/ I think I can rely on you”. Sorry if this is a ramble but I have so much more analysis on this two parter after a rewatch than I did the first time.

Can you believe my laptop fucking crashed right when I first tried to answer this, smh. But YES HI welcome to 'Report to the Mirror trash' hell with me, I think about that two-parter like 24/7 lol.

Honestly I don't know how anyone could have missed the romantic connection between John and Henrik by that point in the storyline, haha. Although I guess a lot of people were bored of the story by then and weren't paying much attention, so there's that. But at least you figured it out eventually, can't say that for a lot of this fandom. (I thought Henrik had a bit of a crush on John at first, but I didn't realise that 1. it was intentional, 2. it was more than a crush, they were madly in love, and 3. John reciprocated Henrik's feelings, until the flashback episode aired. That was so gay, any sense of plausible deniability was gone after that.)

The "it's time people saw you again, John, the real you - us" line really is just so blatant. Like, I don't know how people think Henrik being bi is up to debate when that line is literally right there? I've been trying to figure out a single possible platonic interpretation of it for 3 years now and I still haven't found one (nor have I found a platonic explanation for the "something positive" scene). Not only is it not a thing a friend would say, it's most certainly not a thing Henrik would say to anyone except someone he was in love with.

(Also, a fun fact: what Henrik says to Meena in part 1, "John Gaskell is a great friend of mine, he's a good man. But more importantly, for the medical world, he is on the verge of something incredible." is very, very similar to something his daughter-in-law Sara once said about Fredrik - "But he is a good father. And he's a good husband, my husband. And I stand by him." Those lines were written by the same writer, Andy Bayliss, so there's no way it wasn't intentional. So the show literally compared John and Henrik to a married couple.)

The lake scene is absolutely heartbreaking, isn't it? It fucks me up every single time. Even after everything John's done, Henrik still stands there and pleads for John to come out of the water. He even says "I can help you". 😭😭

As for the "I wanted something to believe in" line, that gets even sadder when you consider that the show implies Henrik lost his belief in God due to the trauma from the shooting. (In series 15 episode 52, several years before the shooting, he's shown praying before he does surgery on Chantelle, then talks with Serena about how he "made a pact with his god". Then in S20 E31, months after the shooting, he asks Roxanna "You still believe, do you? After what we've both been through?".) Consider the religious metaphors throughout the Gaskell storyline, to the point that the flashback episode is literally called One Man And His God, and... yeah. When Henrik said he wanted something to believe in, he really meant it. :( It's horribly tragic.

John choosing to drown himself in the lake is incredibly poetic but also incredibly sad, isn't it? And the way he asks Henrik to join him, too... goddd. It's all terribly romantic but in the worst, most toxic kind of way. (As my dad once put it - "no one has ever said "come drown with me, no homo"!")

And then there's Henrik's hallucinations from the MPTP, which include John caressing his face and telling him they're the same. There's so much to unpack there. (I still think hallucination!John was probably meant to kiss Henrik and it got cut out, but that's just a conspiracy theory of mine lol.)

And the way that, for the whole first part and most of the second, it's actually true! Henrik goes along with John's unethical decisions throughout both episodes (even though at this point he's been made completely aware of them), and at some points he defends John's actions even when John knows they're wrong. Report to the Mirror is Henrik at the most morally ambiguous we've ever seen him. He draws the line once he realises John has killed Roxanna, and when he (and Fletch, Ric and Sacha) find that John's left Lana cut open on the lab table, but everything up to that, he totally goes along with it. It's really fascinating to me, and shows just how bad their relationship is for each other.

And goddamn, that song is perfect for them! Personally I've always thought "I Knew You" by Future Islands fits Johnrik very well, especially the last chorus. ("Then I had to run / and now we'll leave it all said and done / What did you think he'd find? / Something in the cold of your eyes said "goodbye" / I knew you / I knew you as you were, not as you are / You knew me too / but it's not the same, not the way, the way, you used to...") "Twin Skeletons (Hotel in NYC)" by Fall Out Boy, too ("And I just need enough of you to dull the pain / just to get me through the night 'til we're twins again / 'til we're stripped down to our skeletons again / 'til we're saints just swimming in our sins again").

...I actually have a whole Spotify playlist of songs that remind me of Johnrik, if you or anyone else wants me to share it.

[seyaryminamoto]

Hey! Do you really like Zuko and Suki together or you just ship these two just so you can ship the best and hottest ship ever aka Sokkla? In any case, why do you think Zuko is better off with Suki out of all the avatar characters? Thank you and pls stay healthy.

XD well, it’s a mix of both, I guess.

The truth is, I read the comics and I sensed the romantic vibe between Zuko and Suki because I don’t think anyone who has had much experience with romantic fiction could see those scenes and not think there’s SOMETHING going on there. I mean, seriously, the hand reach in The Promise, Suki unnecessarily correcting herself in The Search to say EVERYONE is worried about Zuko, not just her, their moonlight conversation in Smoke and Shadow…? Come the heck on. If neither one was in a relationship, most people would be reading all those scenes as blatantly romantic.

Still, I stayed neutral as far as Zuko ships were concerned until I met a Zuki shipper who read my first story, The Reason, and roped me into Zuki without much trouble :’D (if you’re wondering, that was @jordanalane). It didn’t take her too much work to convince me to ship Zuki, because yes, it was convenient as heck to have Zuki happen when you ship Sokkla, but I was already half-on-board with it as I was…

Now then, if you’d like to know my actual, rational reasoning for why I’d ship it, the truth is that I’m not exactly the biggest Zuko fan (as some archive diving in my blog would show…), and most the ships I’ve seen for him seem to exacerbate what I really don’t like about his character. Meanwhile, Suki seems to do the exact opposite thing…

Mai is Zuko’s canon girlfriend, and I was more or less neutral towards this ship at first… but upon further reflection, I found I didn’t enjoy their relationship that much. Maybe they could work well with each other… if they were more mature and less impulsive :’) but Zuko’s behavior with Mai through most of Book 3 only convinced me that he’s absolutely not grown enough to have healthy romantic relationships with anyone (and seeing as Mai was pissed at him 9 times out of 10 throughout Book 3, I think my perception isn’t exactly off). Both have their faults, and boy, in the comics Mai is a much worse offender than Zuko if you ask me, but the point is that, while canon certainly has been very realistic by not turning their love story into the perfect, smoothest fairytale, I really don’t think they’re much good for each other as they are, and the only way they could get better in the future is if they grow a LOT, on their own, before trying their luck at being together again. The likelihood of that, however, isn’t exactly great :’D

Then there’s the most famous pairing for Zuko, Katara, who actually feels wrong to me for the exact same reasons as Mai would, despite Katara is on the opposite end of the spectrum Mai is, character-wise: the thing is, both Mai and Katara have a ton of things in common with Zuko, but not necessarily good things. If Zuko and Katara were, as well, less impulsive and more mature, they might make a decent enough match. But as they are in canon? They’re every bit as likely to self-destruct and tear each other down as Mai and Zuko were. Where Mai and Zuko share a jaded, gloomy perspective of the world, Katara and Zuko share a hot-headedness that means every tiny thing could easily lead to catastrophic, world-ending arguments between them. I mean, if Zuko could have huge arguments with someone as cold-blooded as Mai… just imagine with someone as hot-blooded as Katara :’) And I DO see the virtues of this ship, namely the ones that resemble, to a fault, my particular OTP… but I honestly can’t see Zuko and Katara being good influences on each other, romantically. Friendship-wise they could be healthier, but romance means expectations and complications that, like I said, I don’t think Zuko, as we last see him in canon, is prepared to deal with.

There’s other Zuko ships, naturally, and I won’t get into all of them, I just bring up these two because they’re the biggest ones… and so, why would I ship him with Suki rather than with Mai or Katara or anyone else? What exactly could make her a better match for him?

Suki has a few things in common with Zuko… but they’re not the things Mai and Katara have in common. The first, and most important of them for me, is that Suki (in her initial episode) seems to put a lot of stock in honor and duty as a Kyoshi Warrior. I’m not at all in the “Zuko is the most honorable man in the Avatar world!” camp, if anything I believe he needs to learn a LOT to really understand honor, even at the end of the show and at this point in the comics… whereas I don’t have the same feeling with Suki. Not only did she fight for her people, defending them from any threat even if she might die for it, she also was inspired by Aang, Sokka and Katara to travel the world, not with some angry intent to defeat the Fire Nation and end the war, but…

And while “changing the world” could easily be interpreted as “she wants to defeat the Fire Nation at any cost!”, what do we know Suki was up to between Books 1 and 2? 

Suki wanted to HELP people. Compare this to the banished prince who stole from them instead… :’) Suki didn’t have an Avatar leading her group, telling her this was “the right thing to do”, she simply does it because she believes it is, deep down, and she doesn’t just wait around for someone else to step up, she chooses to take action by her own volition. She doesn’t need anyone telling her what’s right or wrong, she has strong enough principles that she can tell what is and what isn’t, all on her own :’) Doesn’t THIS sound like honor? Duty? Doesn’t this sound like someone who actually sets a great example, as far as these concepts go?

Compare this to Katara, who was easily influenced by Zuko into wanting to kill a man, who shifts between “I want to steal things because I feel I need them” and “OMG Toph how dare you scam people that’s so unethical” at the drop of a hat? Yes, Katara’s heart is in the right place, but Katara is highly emotional and hot-headed… so as many good intentions as she may have, she can do pretty awful things without even realizing how awful they are (as in the case of the theft, she doesn’t even blink about stealing clothes from people in The Headband and then is utterly aghast about what Toph is up to merely a few episodes later… come the heck on). Compare it, too, to Mai, who apparently loves her baby brother so very much (according to her fans and to Smoke and Shadow, at least…), but didn’t even blink when Azula decided they couldn’t trade a toddler for a king, and declared the deal was off without betraying the slightest hint of remorse? Do we really know that Mai has decent principles at all? She doesn’t exactly betray Azula because she ideologically disagrees with her, she does it to save Zuko. Which leads me to wonder, what on earth are Mai’s morals? What does she value other than Zuko? If she values Zuko more than anything… heh. Yikes. Definitely sounds like theirs will be a healthy relationship if that’s the case, huh?

I can’t imagine Suki being swayed easily by any wild or stupid ideas Zuko gets if she knows they’re stupid AND wrong. She’d put a stop to him where Katara or Mai could get swept into whatever he’s up to (whether out of excessive empathy or apathy, in either case), and she’d be likely to set him straight before Zuko can take anything too far. As far as morals go, I will always hold that Zuko leaves too much to be desired… but Suki really doesn’t. Could be because we don’t know Suki as well as we know the other characters, but what little we do see of Suki, she doesn’t do anything that merits much reprieve. Most importantly, she never needed, like I said, Aang or Sokka or anyone else to tell her what she had to do, to correct her morals or anything of the sort. This by itself already makes her, in my opinion, the best possible character, in canon, to stabilize Zuko and temper his most chaotic impulses while teaching him, by example, what honor really looks like.

Now, that’s not all: Suki is highly independent and has experience as a leader. Zuko has always tried to be independent too, succeeding in some situations, failing in others. Of course, there’s a stark difference between independence and loneliness, and Zuko does have tendencies to isolate himself from others whenever he gets stubborn and wants to prove himself… fortunately, that’s one of the things I do think the show helped him with, as he did learn there’s nothing wrong with asking others for help. Still, I’m sure Zuko would like to handle things on his own, without needing everyone to help him… and once again, Suki can set an example for him in that sense. She makes her own decisions, fights for what she believes in, follows her heart and such, and never self-destructs in the process… all of which must sound idyllic to Zuko, who I’m sure has always wanted to be like that, too.

Maybe it sounds confusing for me to advocate for a couple while saying the characters ought to teach each other to be independent :’D but the way I see it, this is, if anything, a good thing: Zuko shouldn’t be in a co-dependent relationship, not unless he’s HIGHLY developed, far more than canon and most fics allow. Being with someone who doesn’t need him 24/7, who respects him and knows how to give him space, who wouldn’t be invasive and who would teach him not to be invasive too… through a relationship with someone like Suki, Zuko could genuinely learn to respect someone else’s independence fully, and figure out how to be like that, too.

As for the leadership, Suki has only led Kyoshi Warriors, a small group… so it may sound like something that can’t be compared to leading an entire country. But that’s REALLY part of my problem with Zuko… I’m sorry, but the point at the finale where everyone looked to him as though he’d lead them into finding Aang was absolutely absurd to me. The argument that he’s the one experienced at figuring out how to track down Aang DID make sense and salvaged the scene for me, but as far as leadership is concerned? Sokka by far outdoes him in that area, he literally led a goddamn military invasion and later in Sozin’s Comet he’s seen strategizing and leading Toph and Suki as he orchestrates the downfall ofthe worst of Ozai’s conquest/destruction force. I mean, seriously...

… Anyways, got sidetracked :’D the point is, Zuko hasn’t really been much of a leader in canon. Has he been in a position of command before? Yeah, he was in Book 1. But does this mean he’s a LEADER? A born leader? Yeah, we didn’t see remotely enough of him in a leadership position that could have convinced me of that.

Hence, Iroh theoretically should be a great influence for him in those regards, because Iroh not only was raised to be Fire Lord for well over 50 years, Iroh has been in positions of leadership before, he’s even apparently the leader of the White Lotus. Therefore… Iroh is a good idea. But what did canon do? They sent Iroh on a retirement plan to a teashop in Ba Sing Se and Zuko had to fend for himself! :’D fascinating, right? 

While of course Sokka could be a great influence and help Zuko too, as far as leadership is concerned, canon chooses to keep him chasing after Aang and Katara without any aim or purpose… whereas it chooses to send Suki to Zuko as bodyguard and eventual confidante. Like I said, Suki does have experience as a leader, even if only on a small scale: couldn’t she be eligible for helping Zuko figure out how to lead the Fire Nation, through sharing some of the lessons she learned as leader of the Kyoshi Warriors? It even offers the possibility of Suki and Zuko learning side by side in some regards too, since this whole royal mess isn’t at all what Suki would be used to… so that allows interesting dynamics and complications to arise too, and they can both grow and learn a lot together.

Point and case being, I just can’t imagine these two ever getting into a fucked-up toxic romance, whereas I absolutely can see something of the sort with virtually every other Zuko ship I’ve known. Granted, the whole “But Sukka and Maiko are canon so they’d be cheaters!” side of things can lend towards an unhealthy situation, but I’d honestly rather not portray these two as cheating on their current love interests for each other…? Anyone who wants to is free to do as much, of course, but it’s barely necessary if you ask me :’D people can break up, and get together with other people, without needing a Days of Our Lives-sized drama along with it.

So, in short, I really think Suki is the healthiest possibility for Zuko. Pretty much every harmful thing I can think of in any other Zuko ship is ruled out with Suki. Even as friends Suki would be a great influence on Zuko for all the reasons I said above, but the reasons I mentioned above are also why I think that, if Zuko got to know Suki better, he might find himself smitten before he knows what’s going on: she basically embodies everything he ever wanted to be. He’d be full of admiration for her, and she’d probably be utterly clueless over why x’D and that even offers interesting romantic dynamics to the two characters. I can imagine Zuko being a bit of a tortured old-school romance hero who feels Suki is absolutely magnificent and wonderful and perfect… while she’s like “so is he ever going to pin me to a wall or is it all in my head?”, and frankly that’s about the best possible idea I can imagine in a relationship involving Zuko x’D

I do ship Zuko in a few other ships, I’ve mentioned before that I like Toph and Zuko, but I like Toph and Zuko as a temporary thing (and ONLY with a fully developed Zuko too, once they’re both around 20-30 too). It’s a cute enough ship, but I don’t really think it could last, and I don’t think they could offer each other nearly enough of what Suki and Zuko can offer each other. Hence, I’ve always envisioned Toph could be more of a casual love interest for Zuko (a big reason why is because I can’t imagine Toph consciously settling down with anyone…), and I’ve seldom written it into anything because I lean harder towards Zuki. Gladiator-wise, Toph and Zuko would have been AWFUL together, no matter if I had a few people asking if I could make them a thing :’D hahaha, nope. I like the ship plenty, but it would have been dreadful.

Anyways, yes, Zuki is highly convenient and compatible with Sokkla, but that’s far from the only reason to ship it. Canon may go in whichever direction it wishes, I’m pretty sure they won’t find anything better for Zuko than what they already toyed with in the comics with him and Suki.

Granted, a few of these arguments aren’t exactly suitable for Gladiator’s Zuki, but there are many other arguments to be made there (I actually leaned very heavily into the honor side of things when Zuko first saw her in the Arena, precisely because I think that particular side of Suki would be one of the first things to appeal to him about her). Either way, be it in canon-based settings or in my own particular AU, I’m pretty sure Zuko’s best match would be Suki.

[skullsandwineglasses]

To Dear Myself Review/Rant

If you’ve had the patience to watch all 45 episodes until the end, then you probably know what I’m going to talk about in this review. I feel like it’s pretty unanimous that the ending was awful. 

It’s a slow burn slice-of-life drama. I don’t normally watch these types of dramas and instead go for the ones that are fantastical and far away from reality so that I can completely get lost in another world. But Liu Shishi and Zhu Yilong are familiar faces, and I’m more likely to start a bad drama with familiar actors than a good drama with unfamiliar actors, because I’m basic and want to invest as little attention and mental effort as possible (it takes work to warm up to new faces). 

The drama started off promising: it introduced obstacles that normal couples and families would face. Obstacles like money, social class, infidelity, unemployment, workplace competition, the value and desirability of “aging” women who prioritize work over love. It was relatable, even though some of these are unfamiliar experiences for me, a psychology grad student in her mid-20s. I didn’t expect this drama to be inspiring. I didn’t want this drama to be inspiring. But I wanted it to be at least logical, if not realistic. The drama seemed to promise reality though, which I held out hope for, but instead it butchered the character arc for most of the leads. 

[spoilers ahead]

The devolution of Li Si Yu and Chen Yi Ming’s relationship was laughable. 

LSY is afraid of marriage, while CYM believes that the ultimate goal in life is to get married and have a family. They don’t see eye to eye on this, and so the pressure causes them to break up. I respect this. It’s a common problem: you can’t really move forward when one isn’t ready to settle down, and the other isn’t willing to wait or support them. CYM is portrayed as a calm, composed, and morally upright person who feels uncomfortable when LSY makes a questionable decision. But CYM is also a hypocritical person who suppresses his feelings. Whenever he’s displeased, he acts as thought everything is fine until he can’t hide it anymore and explodes with unbidden rage. He punches the roof of the car, he slams the desk. It’s a little scary tbh. LSY is portrayed as a passionate and impulsive career-driven woman. She has to make tough decisions, and you understand why she makes them. Whenever she’s unhappy, she’ll let you know. The drama seems to set up a character development arc for these two flawed characters. 

LSY starts her own company, but then fails, and ends up learning that while it’s important to fight for what you believe in, but you shouldn’t be too caught up in whether your fail or succeed. It’s the classic “it’s about the journey, not the destination” kind of lesson. 

After a bout of heartbreak, CYM is swept off his feet by the manipulative Wang Ziru. She lies to him, evades him, controls him. At this point in the drama, we think that LSY is better off without him because he seemed to have moved on so swiftly. CYM and WZR seem to have a calmer relationship than the one he had with LSY. They never argue. We see that he’s easily attracted to confident, powerful women, but expects them to settle down with him when they’re not ready. For a third of the drama, he’s happily in love with WZR and doesn’t think about or interact with LSY (except when he comes to her office to tell her to shut her company “for her own good”). It looks like he completely moved on.

LSY on the other hand, misses him. She’s always looking at the only picture that she’s saved of them together. She still loves him. 

I liked that they introduced Guan Xiao Tong as a potential love interest for LSY. Despite being over a decade younger than LSY and constantly being looked down by her because of this, I thought he was quite mature. I also liked how LSY wasn’t “moved” by him. The typical drama would have her eventually reciprocate his feelings and make him her rebound. Yes, she was amused by him, but she knew that he wouldn’t grow up fast enough with her, and so she never led him on. It made their relationship wholesome. Even though LSY  wasn’t attracted to him, I liked how the drama normalized a potential may/december relationship between a woman and man. Though I don’t think I can forgive the drama was making him disappear so abruptly after he found out that his dad was struggling financially. Maybe the drama implied that GXT was too busy “growing up” by helping with his dad’s business so his relationship with LSY came to an end and that he was no longer relevant to drama, but that wasn’t made clear at all. 

Zhi Zhi also stopped appearing after the 3rd last episode of the drama when she decided not to marry the misogynistic Su Li Xing and to instead stay in Shanghai for her career, which also implied that there could be a chance for her and Liu Yang to get back together (their storyline is a whole other can of worms, but I have to admit that no other drama, movie, or book has made me cry as hard as Zhi Zhi confronting the mistress and then getting publicly slapped by her husband. Not sure if it was the drama itself that had the power to move me, or if it was because I watched that scene at 3am on a Thursday, or because it reminded me of some personal experiences, but either way, I sobbed hella hard that night).

But back to LSY and CYM. In the last 2 episodes of the drama, they start appearing together in scenes again. There are some unresolved emotions. There is still attraction. Nervous, longing, awkward glances. After nearly 20 episodes of believing that a reconciliation is impossible, you start wondering if the drama is hinting that they’re gonna force them back together in the last 2 episodes. CYM sells his apartment to support LSY’s project. Haowen tells LSY that CYM still calls out her name when he’s drunk (although it’s still unclear if this was just a gimmick to distract her to sign the sale agreement). 

CYM can’t give WZR a straight answer about whether or not he still loves LSY. He punches Gong Jing in the face for cheating LSY out of her shares. 

And even after all this, guess what happens? He confronts WZR. She tells him she lied to him to help him preserve his dignity. She tells him she had to do underhanded, unethical things in order to save the livelihood of an entire company that she’s responsible for. He’s moved. He’s grateful for her thoughtfulness towards him. He stands by her. He chooses her. 

I mean, what? Does he really love her that much that he’s willing to look past everything she’s done? All the crimes and hurt she’s committed? I don’t need to him to get back together with LSY. I don’t want them to. I think he’s a terrible character who believes that happiness and fulfilment only comes form finding a woman who’s willing to let him love and dote on her. But this decision just doesn’t match the morally upright character we’ve been sold with at the beginning of the drama. LSY only made one morally questionable decision, of which she apologized for, and yet CYM was already questioning whether or not they should continue their relationship because he felt like they were going different ways. And yet he forgives WZR? Because he loves her? But? What about those ambiguous, uncomfortable faces he made when he was with her? Like that scene when he helped take off her coat before she went into the awards ceremony, and he stood back, leaning by the door, staring off into the distance looking sad and regretful?? What are we supposed to make of those scenes and expressions? I probably shouldn’t victim blame, especially since WZR created an uneven power dynamic in their (lowkey toxic) relationship, but I’m just not sure what the scriptwriter was trying to do with this plotline. It felt like they were condoning WZR’s behaviour (despite saying she was arrested in a voiceover) because CYM forgave her. Or were they condemning CYM’s passiveness? Again, not clear.

And then the final scene with the women marching on happy and hopeful, and then men staring out onto the city skyline looking lost and depressed? Female empowerment is great, and it was nice that they were all single at the end (except for Xiao Ling, I guess), but was it really necessary to tear men down to emphasize this? But then again, the drama kind of had to since they wrote shitty male characters. I just dislike creating the winner/loser dichotomy. 

I respect that Liu Yang is working his way towards forgiveness and has found what he’s passionate about. But I don’t know if he’s forgivable, because what he did was pretty unforgivable, but he’s showing growth and is working towards redemption, which is somewhat admirable. 

Haowen went from being the most level-headed one to becoming the most impulsive and obsessive one. 

CYM is just blank. Absolutely blank. There is nothing interesting about him. At first you pity him for being the one who’s always chasing after LSY and being the one to give in first for the sake of the relationship, but then you realize that he’s just trying to mold himself into what he thinks is the “ideal” boyfriend, which he thinks is someone who is able to succeed without the help of his girlfriend. He thinks it’s weak to rely on the help of his girlfriends, which is ironic since most of the career moves he made in the drama were directly because of his girlfriends. 

Anyway, I could just go on about how much I didn’t enjoy this drama, and other people on youtube and mydramalist have ranted more eloquently about this. I usually don’t write drama reviews unless there’s something I’m deeply unhappy about. 

My recommendation? Don’t watch this. But if you’re curious, don’t be afraid to jump and skip scenes. There are no likable characters. Even Zhi Zhi doesn’t start to become likable until she decides to leave her husband. Is this a feminist drama? Yes to the extent that it normalizes women in their 30s who are single and career-driven (which is a pretty big deal in China where unmarried women over 25/27 are considered “leftover” women), but I’m just not sure whether the plot does justice to these women. The verdict is still out on that. Thoughts?

Oh and one final qualm that I have with this drama is the LSY and WZR never had a final face-to-face confrontation. After everything that WZR did to LSY, LSY never got to interrogate WZR. WZR could have even gave LSY some final parting words. Instead, CYM took LSY’s place and the drama made it seem that WZR was only answerable to him and no one else. There was just absolutely no closure from this messy, messy drama.

[applekitty]

how kitty writes nightmare; brief overview

okay so last post got 8 notes which is surprising so i’ll try to explain how i write nightmare / what i use to write nightmare, which involves explaining main characteristics i’ve gleamed from the anime as well as shoving in my own for personality’s sake. 

i’ll be focusing on post-war nightmare here

in terms of backstory

i’ll be brief here since i have a whole fic explaining it, but nightmare did not have exactly the happiest time back in the day. a lot of stuff happened (betrayal, death, etc) due to him killing two demons that the star warriors hailed, making those gods martyrs and him accidentally making himself the fallguy for them. if he goes around hurting things and destroying things, and the star warriors stop him, there’s nothing but clout for those star warriors and their god. if he doesn’t go around hurting and destroying things, he’d get found and killed anyways because the star warriors hate him for literally killing their two demon gods.

nightmare got it into his head that the only way for him to live, or at least live comfortably without fear of being betrayed (as offers of redemption made him paranoid about their ‘true intentions’), was to be a full villain with no friends. every time he’d given the benefit of the doubt he’d get betrayed or the star warriors would find him and kill him because he’d usually end up doing something shitty in the process (like ally with a planet destroyer or kidnap people, etc). people needed a reason to like him because he was evil and wrong, and there was no such thing as unsolicited kindness. at least, not towards someone like him.

at least if he was evil, he could fight back without fear being something that affects him.

main principals

optimism

nightmare’s optimism is very egotistical, as he’s always 100% sure things will work out for him with the risks he takes. he usually gets smacked for his optimism, but his perspective that everything works out daisys for him is completely unfaultering so long as nightmare has his ego about him. even when things eventually get tough for him (post-anime, no company, no cs), he’d still be positive and willing to work at getting all his stuff back. or. well. try to. 

nightmare’s main appeal here is his goof factor. he is a goof. he does the stuff because he’s having fun, so when he’s having fun, the reader (supposedly) has fun too.

this is arguably nightmare’s most important trait as a villain, because unfaltering optimism and ego makes him who he is and allows everything else in his personality to function.

..to the point of idiocy

nightmare is an idiot. he is always doing stupid shit purely because he’s an invulnerable moron. when nightmare is happy, he’s stupid, and he is supposed to be kept that way, according to characters like meta knight. removing nightmare’s happiness also means removing his stupidity, and the only thing that keeps nightmare at bay at the moment is his overwhelming lack of braincells.

nightmare can be classified as very childish and almost naive in a sense because he has absolutely no common sense whatsoever. he’ll do things for the sake of doing them, piss off people for the sake of pissing them off, etc

loyalty above all else

due to nightmare’s fear of betrayal, he is ungodly loyal. he refuses to betray people. he wants those who he likes to like him back. those he values, truly, are treated like solid gold to him and he would do anything for them.. other than say he values them. because he’s still evil, he doesn’t say he has friends or people he likes. he’ll call them ‘allys’ or ‘pets’ or ‘assets’. asset is the nicest word he could use and it’s hard to get him to say that. he wants to keep his close allys as close as possible and liking him as much as possible in order to quell betrayal. 

when nightmare likes you, for whatever reason, he will do anything for you. well, next to anything.

betrayal aka the only time to feel bad

nightmare’s reaction to explicit betrayal that isn’t immediately rectified or explained is.. well, something. nightmare can’t handle the thought of being betrayed, so his mind sorta shuts down and he goes into autopilot ‘war mode’ wherein he tries to kill his traitor as quickly and painlessly as possible. 

post betrayal there’s a grieving process that nightmare uses to spend alone, typically one day long, then afterwards he’s done because his memory will repress the betrayal, the person, and everything. however, he will be more paranoid of betrayal after it’s happened, and be more suspicious of people’s intentions.

enemies are enemies, really

when nightmare knows someone doesn’t like him, and he knows there’s no point in saving the relationship for his reputation, it’s destruction time. these sorts of people are few and far between, because nightmare / his company is able to pacify most protesters or warmongers. but for the few that exist, nightmare knows no mercy. he very much enjoys getting declared war on, because that means he can go out and have fun destroying things again.

boredom

nightmare is extrodinarily lazy. he sleeps a whole bunch and, well, does effectively nothing in his whole company. he just sits around. this has caused him a fair amount of restlessness, which he takes out on employees. he’ll often hatch stupid schemes to entertain himself (as seen in nightmare’s cat) for a while, or he’ll complain that he’s bored. nightmare needs constant stimulation and constant company. lots of nightmare’s dialogue usually is formed around him being bored and wanting something to do. instead of doing something himself, he’ll usually want someone else do to something for him in order to make him not bored. if that does not work, he WILL start a situation and it WILL be bad for everyone involved.

in the case of characters, he complains a lot that cs is boring because he’s so buisness oriented. he never thinks, however, that meta knight is boring despite mk being much more apathetic and flat than cs is. it depends on how he sees a person or a situation.

‘benevolent’ corpocracy

nightmare is still a very evil man, he’s a warlord. however, he feels incredibly constrained by the current society he himself has fostered. he wants to be as evil as possible, but if he’s evil in his own society, his workers will rise up and kill him. people will develop ways to kill him en-masse due to his overarching affect on their lives, and he does not want that. he is constantly conflicted between good pr and being as evil as he wants. a content populous doesn’t rebel, and rebellion now, when he’s at his best, with the threat of everything he worked for doesn’t just up and poof away in smoke

in terms of blatant evil, he does not allow child labor, general crime, or anything that anyone with any common sense would say is unethical business practice.

nightmare’s buisness model is ‘make sure the employees are happy’, but he does like to have a lot of evil stuff happen. he’s got a whole batch of questionable decisions he makes in terms of other planets. he actively destroys economies on other planets to make them fully rely on his company, he’d sabotage entire galaxies and powerful families just to take their things. though he does this with the ‘illusion of choice’ that impoverish people have. it’s either work until you’re dead or die on the street. which will you choose? you can work for nme, the thing run by the evil space wizard which destroyed lots of the galaxy and is ruining your planet specifically to line his pockets, or you could die on the street. 

nightmare’s fear of betrayal does not line itself to these people and their planets, as he finds them so insignificant that they aren’t worth the effort to worry about. he gave them jobs, he’s giving them money, he lets them have benefits and unions, so they have nothing to complain about. it’s moreso the people in the company, on the actual ship base, that he is worried about.

this is gleamed from the show, as.. aside from a monster every week which dedede specifically requests, things can be seen as peaceful. even on popstar, which is where nightmare seems to be focusing his attention. granted, we dont see much outside of popstar. that, and cs seems to be pretty happy (yes don’t @ me he fuckin does look happy because in the finale he’s smiling and laughing while not on the job and if there were any place to express discontent it would be there) with his job, and yamikage too considering how he’s working with them, even the otakings seem pretty happy which is awful.

i’ve specifically chosen to characterize nightmare’s reign like this because i find it leagues more interesting than ‘nightmare just squashes all rebellion instantly with his big metal fist’ (which is what he most likely is doing in canon) and it allows nightmare to have some nuance to how he does things

egotism

after the war, nightmare got a gigantic ego that’s mostly hooked to meta knight and how meta knight perceives him. if meta knight legitimately does not think nightmare is threatening or in some capacity scar, nightmare takes it as a personal offense. no one other than meta knight’s opinion on nightmare matters to him. he only wants meta knight’s disapproval and anger towards him. that’s the main thing that matters to his ego. disapproval and anger from others can make him laugh and make him feel better, so long as it doesn’t risk betrayal.

forgetfulness

nightmare has an incredibly bad memory due to the past not affecting him the best. bad things will be seared out of his memory, but at the same time so will good things. he can’t remember much of what went on in the war other than ‘meta knight was there and i want to kill him a lot’, that it happened, and that it was cool and he totally liked it. if he can’t remember something, he does not care that it happened.

the part where i talk about meta knight

i already did lol

main fears

isolation

betrayal

powerlessness

captivity / internment 

all of these main fears spark from something that has happened in the past, though nightmare doesn’t remember what. nor does he care. they are things nightmare absolutely positively wants to avoid, and all his actions towards others center around trying to prevent these things. 

nightmare is able to quell these fears, usually, by at least having contact with someone. the most debilitating fear of his is isolation, as if he doesn’t have the ability to talk with others who can talk back, he will undergo a steep dive straight into a pit of despair. his desire for company all the time is partially why he decided on a.. well, company. people always working, people always doing things, he can always see people. always busy. always able to talk to him. it’s comforting, the noise and the bustle.

yeah

i cant think of anything else to say as of the current moment

[not-poignant]

even though north and jack are both from the creches, i get the vibe that they weren't raised the same way? like maybe north is from a different part or they were much different in his day? cause pitch was like "there are no darkrooms in the creches" as if for a fact (probably got this info from someone who was FROM there, re: why he thought it was reliable info). 1/3

and also the fact that no one REALLY seems to understand the extent of Out Of His Depth jack is made to feel, like how he was basically conditioned during childhood to think that he's inherently less important as a peasant. which doesn't seem to be the same for north, who seems quite proud of his heritage. // he seems to sort of empathize with jack's ignorance of lune's inner workings, but he doesn't seem to fully grasp that it's almost been beaten into jack that the things he's been taught must be true or he might have focused on how jack feels personally about himself than just how he thinks of lune and the tsar? i'm sorry if i'm reading too much into things!!

Yeah, some awesome observations, anon. :D And now I’m gonna ramble about them, heh.

There’s a reason that when Jack says he’s an Overland, people/Jack have this reaction:

* ‘An Overland,’ another one said, derisive. ‘He’s one of the creche kids.’* ‘This young, unlikely soldier. An Overland at that, to give the peasants hope.’* He remembered his brown hair being shaved short a few times in his life, so that they could give the Overland creche children the delousing that they didn’t need, all because they were certain that anyone poor enough to be in the Overland creche had to be infected with crawling things.*‘I don’t get why [me having bruises is] a big deal all of a sudden. It’s not like this kind of stuff hasn’t happened all the time. I’m an Overland, remember?’* ‘You think it was easy for an Overland to get to where I got to?”* If they didn’t understand that he was just a peasant – a creche kid, an Overland, then how could he even explain it to them?* You know, with the whole me being useless and a peasant – like oh no not another Overland - and everything else.* (from North) ‘I would love to simply tell you my way of seeing the world, like it is what you should believe, but Jack, you are an Overland. The entire world has always told you how to think and what to think’

-

The upshot of all of this is that not all creches are created equal, and the Overland creche is the worst.

North came from the North creche, which focused on mechanics and industry (i.e. grooming children into these careers via unpaid/state labour). His creche did have a ‘quiet room’ (i.e. isolation) but North never saw the inside of it, and nor did anyone else he knew in his time there, because in most of the creches, children are raised once they’re weaned and still infants, and don’t have sibling attachments etc. to break the rules like Jack did.

The Overland creche is at the furthest populated reaches of Lune (before you’re going into uncharted waters and potential Asylum territory). Those children are raised to farm the least arable land with crops that have poor nutriment, and certain animals (like glacier goats, lol). Because the farms are so isolated from each other, and because no one wants to work in the Overland creche as a ‘team leader,’ it is actually possible to hide children from the creches for some time. So Jack was taken from his parents very late by creche standards - late enough to have a sister, and to have bonded to her. (None of this is in the story yet, and may never be in the story, though Toothiana knows).

Overlands typically never rise above their station. They never see the City of Lune - to them it’s like a fantasy, or a myth. They never see the Tsar except on coins and brightly coloured posters - and it’s the only access to bright colours they have. There are harsh weather considerations that they’re not equipped enough to deal with and so death from hypothermia etc. isn’t uncommon (like, there’s a reason Jack got the powers of winter).

And because they’re so far from the core of Lune, they’re also further from idk...general regulation? The punishments are more extreme, the team leaders are often the worst that Lune has to offer and are more likely to be unethical and do whatever they feel is necessary to create order. Because Overlands as adults are often more desperate for food / warmth / resources than even other creche kids-turned-adults, they are more likely to resort to situational crime. So they have a reputation - even among peasants - as being ‘criminal stock.’

Literacy is not taught beyond a basic ability to comprehend a farming manual, and numeracy is not taught beyond the ability to calculate land / seeds needed / etc. Crtical thinking is discouraged, and no kid is ever taught about free will, autonomy or agency as a positive thing. Free will is dangerous, it makes you more likely to disobey the Tsar and personally hurt Lune, y’know? (Whee).

Mortality rates are high, and infant mortality rates are very high. Jack pushing to become a Warrior as an Overland was not a decision that was encouraged, and he fought so hard for it. Technically, in a creche, you can choose to become a Warrior if you don’t want to you know, do whatever the creche specialises in. But the Overland creche is so under-resourced they strongly, strongly discourage it by any means necessary (which usually means increased discipline of the ‘that would be considered a human rights violation’ kind).

So when Jack says ‘You think it was easy for an Overland to get to where I got to?’ he really means that. It’s more than just... ‘oh but Overlands don’t become Warriors.’ It’s also that they’re discouraged from pursuing it as a career. So from the time his sister died, to the time he left the creche (at about 13/14) he had to fight tooth and nail to go to the Barracks.

So basically you’re spot on, anon, they definitely weren’t raised the same way (North and Jack). North had access to the City of Lune and was raised with more privilege by comparison, and had more education under his belt by the time he was ready to work as a mechanic or a Warrior (they happily trained him in both skills when he showed an interest). North even has the privilege that his name can be ‘North’ and he won’t be disparaged for it. Jack can’t have ‘Overland’ as a nickname, and it not damn his character. Toothiana says: ‘You can depend on a Jack. I’m not sure you can depend on a Jackson Overland.’ -> At the time I wanted readers to assume that you can’t depend on a Jackson Overland because he’s a troublemaker (as Jack assumes), but the reality is, Toothiana is making an observation about his heritage, essentially, and what names mean.

I’m not sure how much of this I’ll end up revealing in the story. This isn’t the story of ‘saving the Overland kids’ and Jack thinks of his upbringing as pretty normal because he knows no other. He knows other creche kids don’t have it as bad, but he’s internalised the message ‘we treat you this bad because you’re Overlands’ and it’s never occurred to him it could be other reasons. So he wouldn’t complain to someone about it, because that would be like revealing how awful he is fundamentally. You don’t go ‘they’re punishing me and it’s wrong’ if you believe you really deserve it. There’s a lot of reasons he feels he’s ‘made wrong’ you know? He’s more likely to think ‘they’re punishing me and I’m wrong.’

Anyway, yeah, I can ramble about this forever. I’ve thought a lot about the social structure of Lune. A lot of citizens are kind of...blind to it? Even North doesn’t really get what Jack’s lived through. He has no idea Overlands are discouraged from being Warriors, for example. No one would have taught him that, and he’s never met an Overland before to know - and he wouldn’t know what questions to ask anyway, and creche kids are encouraged to keep their upbringing pretty secret. The whole system is designed to keep people ignorant, and people communicate in ways that often facilitate that, even when they think of themselves as very open-minded and willing to be challenged.

Shutting up now. O.O

[tyronemdy3826-blog]

Calming Seems For Child.

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