#which you dont have to of course
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Guys I'm back (not really)!!! I missed you all so much and- oh wow I missed too much, huh.
I'll start with saying that I'm doing okay now! My mental health has improved a lot and I'm very proud of myself :) however! I'm still on break, I just came here to address a few things.
Now to what's happening in the bug army—and lemme just say jeez. I did not expect to come back to drama, especially with how small this sub fandom is.
English isn't my best language so hopefully I'm not being rude saying these-
Most of my information came from @audioroleplayconfessions and a few friends of mine
-Now~ about the discord server. A lot has happened and I won't be getting into too much detail about it. One or two of our members weren't in the best place and sought out help from me and a few others, they're both okay now and are getting proper help ^^
None of us are exactly okay in the head in the army, I don't mean "insane" I mean "just need a safe environment to vent". And that's exactly why the discord was made! But unfortunately it went past an after school comfort club and more of a therapy session.
Thankfully! Me and the mods are being especially stricter on the rules and are actively enforcing them better!
This is still our first time making a server so of course we aren't the best at it, but we're all trying! I do hope that anon can feel safe there again.
that's all I'll say about it, so let's close this topic already.
-The favoritism! Now sure what to say on this one tbh, just that no one owes you anything! If you're so insecure that you have to seek validation from strangers online—and having panic attacks that you aren't being noticed, maybe the problem is with you. Most of our amazing artists that get slightly more recognition is because they're one of the first batch of bugs to appear in this fandom!
It honestly just feels like you're putting the creators on a special pedestal, above everyone—while they're all very talented and incredible people, they're still human. Just like you, just like me. They try to interact with everyone they can and it's clear every person helping with the gator boys series is trying their damn best.
I genuinely do hope you're doing okay now though :(
I'm always here to help and support you if you need it! But now, it's best if you take some time off to focus on yourself! Take a mental health break, it'll do wonders to you, I would know! I'm taking one now ^^
-that one anon ask that was very clearly about me but they didn't say it.
I'm not too fussed up about it, just a little sad I made someone feel that way
I'm not sure what I did that gave you the impression of "annoying" and "pretentious" of me, but I'm really sorry that I did anyways. I do hope you'll still consider joining our little army, and so we too can be friends! I'm sure you're a great person!
Do know I'll always greet you and new members with open arms! <3
Oh and thank you so much to the people in the reblogs that defended me—giving you all the biggest digital hug ever
-and lastly~ I really, really hope none of us gave you a bad impression of us or the VAs! Everyone here is a wonderful person! From talented to kind to fun! Gator boys is an awesome series and we all just wanted to create a small group to fangirl and boy about it X3 I'll admit things have gotten a bit too far, but me and the founders are trying our best to keep everything under control.
Now, I'm not too good with words—but, I'm very sorry about everything that happened these few days, but I promise everything will be okay from now on! We'll all make sure of it!
Gonna be putting this post in my pinned for a week just in case-
#gator boys#the bug army#bug army#gatorboys fandom#genuinely so sorry this all happened#and sorry if this made you not want to join us or watch the series-#which you dont have to of course#just sorry if we gave you a terrible impression of us#everything will get better i promise!#I'll make sure of it.
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Thinking about human behaviour compared to animal behaviour again.
It's funny to hear people (the older gens) complaining that "kids these days are lazy, they don't wanna work, etc." What do we get for busting our asses? There is no reward. Many will never own homes. Many are unemployed, trying to find work, and nobody will hire them because they don't have a million years experience and a masters degree OR they want people to work for minimum wage??? People are giving up because there is no reward. Why would we do all this for nothing?
Same as a dog that won't recall when you haven't reinforced it with a reward. Your dog isn't going to do what you tell it to if there is no incentive. No, your dog SHOULDN'T listen just because you're boss and it should respect you. That isn't how it works. They don't think that way. And honestly neither do people.
When we went hiking Sprocket wasn't always taking treats gently from me when I recalled her or she checked in and I rewarded and my one friend told me to stop giving her treats. I told him I won't work for free so why should she. And he said "I do things for free all the time because I want to do them," and I didn't say it then, but I wish I had, but if you like doing it, that's the incentive. It's a self-rewarding behaviour. Just like anything else a dog does, like chasing a squirrel or sniffing things or getting into the trash. Heeling instead of going off to sniff stuff or recalling off of something they want to chase is something you have to reinforce. You have to give them something better so they make the choice you want them to make. They won't make it just because they *respect* you. They won't willingly recall off of exciting prey out of RESPECT. You need to give them a tangible reward for that. You cannot possibly expect your dog to listen just because and then punish them for disobeying you.
Yeah, Sprocket bit my fingers a couple times. The one time pretty hard. But she was excited. She knows how to take gently and I reminded her and she tried very hard to be gentle most of the time. I wasn't going to stop rewarding her for checking in with me and recalling while we were off leash hiking in the woods. I want her to know that coming back to me is good and in the event of an emergency I would like her to not blow me off.
#barkin up some trees#personal#the way my friends train their dog is not the way I would ever train a dog#in fairness he isnt food or toy motivated#and i dont have issues with ecollars#but they dont actually reward him for anything really#praise but little to nothing else#like yeah of course he is gonna blow you off to jump in the lake#lake is more rewarding than recalling to you when you have nothing to offer him in return#the way they recall him is that he has to come to them and then give a hand boop#and if he doesn't make contact they keep asking him until he does it#and then no reward#other than praise#which he doesnt seem to really care that much about#idk it just doesnt feel right the way they train him and i dont take advice from them on training#they also basically never have him on a leash even tho it is required by law in town#after the hike we went to the lodge restaurant and luckily we had an extra lead in the truck#otherwise they hadnt even brought one along so they were gonna leave him in their car while we ate#idk like i love my friends and they are nice people but jesus christ
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listen to rap. especially in languages thar you are learning or have learned. it will teach you so much about cadence, pronunciation and meaning, but also the zeitgeist and cultural context they are used in, allowing you to engage with language as sound and rhythm while also engaging with it as a medium. listen to rap!
#also so much rap is made my migrants and diasporas which brings another layer to this exercise#me and my best friend at 3am comparing vowel frequency in polish and french rap this is what its all about. to me.#of course u dont have to be anything of course. but engaging with art in good faith even if it does not initally impress you#will always be productive <3
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i have NOT drawn enough talk sprite redraws. Heres some warm ups!! RAAHH 🦖
#deltarune#susie deltarune#myself#fictive#fictives#warm up is a strong word blah blah blah i KNOW these are too detailed for them. what i MEAN by this is that theyre colored warm ups that#i ended up finishing over time lol#susart#putting this on my blog because i helped aaaaand i want people to remember that i exist lol#im NGL we also drew this because i dont know if people even remember who we are#im SURE people do but we have only had 2 commissions these past 2 months which is a little odd and off schedule#and i realized that because were not drawing what WE want to draw because weve been so busy…#then of course people might not see me! imnot drawing fanart and personal art lol#thats my little theory#PE has been a freak to me#you have no idea man. guys. ugh#anyway enjoy this lol
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been thinking about them lately ok
#lots of doodles ok these arent even close to finished and never will be#dhmis humanizations#dhmis duck#dhmis yellow guy#dhmis red guy#dhmis#anyways. i think rgs crush on duck is insaene in general i think its WORSE WHEN THEYRE HUMAN#i also think its really fucking funny#obsessed with this tiny balding little man who is Mean To Me#hes like a kid who would get bullied in high school to me#like idk. theyre da same to me in human au. which i suppose this is an au even tho im just trying to translate them as closely as i can#in my heart theyre still in the pink house#this is not like the apartments au to me at all. so to me the dynamic is still the same#and for those of u who dont remember that dynamic is RG being down bad for duck bc he WEIRDLY is godbless. but also insanely evasive and sh#and duck does not act like anything is happening between them but also in his head theyve been married for 30 years. but its obvious to him#so he doesnt feel the need to say anything duh.#and if he ever brought it up it would be a best friend debate again#'you think IM your husband?!?!' of course you are !! :] 'IM NOT. YOUR HUSBAND !! YOU DONT HAVE A HUSBAND!!'
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I can’t stop thinking about Loop. Imagine doing everything, anything, to get out of a traumatic situation but the price is you. Your body is gone, your name is gone, your family doesn’t recognize you, you feel like most of your memories of them are gone too anyway. Suddenly you’re denied your identity. It’s like YOU never existed… and someone else took your place. You, whose biggest fears are forgetting and being forgotten in turn. You, who’s hesitant to change and now you’re forced to. You can’t even really blame anyone else because you did get your wish, right?
It’s explained clearly in the game, but the implications of it just hit me extra hard sometimes. Siffrin is as much of a study of Loop as Loop is of Siffrin. They share(d) their fears too so mal du pays words essentially becoming the truth to Loop is just… 🪨🪨🪨🙁🙁🙁💥💥💥💥
What do you do when all you have is ripped from you, all your worst fears come true, and youre forced to just… come to terms with it?
#isat spoilers#isat loop#2hats spoilers#shaking you by the shoulders#i love siffrin and loop so much#’’wkb’’ consider: i am new and also stupid#yes ive KNOWN but i didint really GET it yk? like how horrifying losing you self is#they make me die#postgame loop makes it hit extra hard bc ppl are partially defined by their experiences#the longer siffrin and loop exist as separate the more they diverge#that must be TERRIFYING. to an extent to both of them#of course they’ll always have many similarities as they started as the same person but like#loop is just despair au siffrin#<- specifying postgame fics that explore loops identity bc canon had them fade out#which i love btw delightful angst i love everyones takes on loop#in stars and time#isat#i think genuinely in Loop’s shoes as someone who’s also hesitant to change: if I didn’t cry 24/7#i’d be clinging into who i was and still want to be in some ways. but as i’d heal i’d probably want to be distinct#like im me and always will be me but i want what i experienced to not be a footnote. i dont want to be a mirror#’’i am who that family loved but im also someone new’’ yk? its so hard to battle with those two opposites of ’’im []’’ & ’’im not YOUR []’
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ive been thinking about the red string superstition recently and also sol bufo always and it makes me sick how uncannily caldwell tanner has made sol to perfectly target me personally
(+ cropped versions !)
#naddpod#ba2mia#ba2umia#solum bufo#swag daniels#calliope petrichor#calder kilde#alexandrite#posts by me dot com#okay..... SECRET TAGS RAMBLE!#so basically this superstition is like ... i think a chinese/buddhist/taoist superstition?#ive taken some creative liberties with it... but its mostly accurate to how its been told to me?#but of course theres lots of variations! some more abt bad luck; some say to tie it on the doorknob#etc etc ... lots a variations#i was also rlly interested in the .... weird illogic? of the thing?#like the red attracts and repels spirits at the same time#so thats something i was thinking about with too. red is assocuated with both swag and alexandrite. which to me was kinda reflecting like#i think what murph said . swags place in the wild is in a way. an extension of what he learned from the network#mothership s inextractivle from sol and swags lives. they will always be held doen by it. thats the spirit that will follow them forever#that they choose to hold on too! as much pain as it brought ... some of the experience was worth it#and anyway. theres somethingwrong w me that the minute someone brought up this superstition my brain went#'ohhh just like sol!' < needs to touch grass moment#but i CANT BELIEVE. CALDWELL DID THE RED STRING. AND ITS LITERALLY A MOURNING RITUAL#caldwell keeps accodentally makig that frog ASIAN. to MEEEE!!!!!!#but. anyway. idk. ive always hced sol kept the piece of yarn and it makes me kinda .... what if y let the malicious spirits follow you.#and haunt you. what if its the closest you can get to keeping the person still around#and sol and swag obviously have so much about homes .... so!#(ok. weve reached the pt where maybe nobodys reading? so confession is this is sort of a well. ive just been doodling this comic everyday#after a wake. and it was sort of inspired after realising i was even a bit sad about it maybe. so. idk its about sol but also?#i guess the projection doesnt end at him being asian. hehe. is what i mean. LOL. okay secret tags over . buried lore. dont look here folks)
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DAY 71: shy
#codacheetah#isat#loop isat#isabeau isat#isat spoilers#i'll never get over loop being described as 'shy'. what a wonderful image#top one casual remarks from isabeau that cleaves loop's facade#like loop's personality is just a targeted missile to piss siffrin off. they're not at all confident and snarky#they're doing like the physical manifestation of winning an argument against yourself in the shower#second they see the party though Oopsies we're in scary territory. That's your family and they dont know it's you Oops#ok anyways ever since i saw that post i was like damn. this is just how i view loop in party postcanon#for as much as I think they SHOULD go explore around and be their own person for a while i think realistically they would not do that.#theyre going to go be a weird freak hovering around the party and refusing to socialize with anyone but siffrin and theyre gonna feel awful#(read: they're going to antagonize siffrin and it fails tremendously bc now The Rumor Come Out and siffrin knows what loop is doing.)#like loop as much as they can barely stand to even look at isabeau (for instance) i think their claws are sunk far too deep in.#onehats maybe the circumstances are different because there is a gap in understanding. there's no point forcing siffrin to confront the#obvious conclusion that loop is them (and thus siffrin's happy ending nails loop's coffin)#(THIS IS IGNORING TWOHATS PREREQS GOTTEN ONEHATS. BC THATS ITS OWN CAN OF WORMS)#but twohats. idk. for as much as it lets loop release some of their rage and process their feelings a bit. i think it might also be the pus#that makes loop consider their own existence as a person a bit more. theyre not a sponsor->corpse theyre just loop#theyre just somebody who wants desperately. they want to stay with them#theyre still siffrin. if also loop.#i think loop would force themself to reconnect with the party in the same vein as siffrin forcing himself to communicate more.#but of course having conviction and living an experience are not the same thing. so siffrin's going to flounder the emotional honesty thing#tremendously and loop's going to be. blair witching it in the corner.#hey i might have forgotten which post i was writing the tags under. oopsies#idk if these tags are comprehensible at all. i just really want to see loop fail upwards into friendship with everyone
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milo lowkey hates being an outfit repeater and asher makes it his business to be an outfit rememberer just to mess with him
#lightheartedly of course#as an outfit repeater i approve this message#not that there's anything wrong with that#redacted audio#redactedverse#redacted milo#redacted asher#bc sometimes you really dont wanna think about what you're gonna wear#and if you have a favorite outfit in particular#then go for it!!!#this is inspired by my dad calling me drip-less#which is fair#but you're literally my father???????
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Little bright colored outfit with a fun vest ~
(shoes from ebay like 10 years ago. everything else is thrifted)
#ootd#jfashion#fashion#fantasy fashion#mori kei#....like... adjacent... lol#no idea what style this would be lol.. makes me think of like whimsical vaguely fantasy themed childrens book character#finally posting one of my aforementioned seven million drafts of actual outfits and costumes i have finished and edited#the photos for but just never feel like posting lol..#I need to find one of those people whos like 'omg i am ADDICTED to social media ugh i wish i could get off of it#im just browsing and posting like 60 times a daaaaay!!!' and take a little magical bottle and suck some of the social media#enthusiasim out of them. for moi. In exchange they can have some of my 'literally just never in the mood to post or interact with the#outside world ever' energy. We can balance each other. huzzah and so on#Though I think maybe it's part of the general thing I've heard of like.. I can't remember if it was in reference to adhd or just some sort#of general execcutive functioning issue type of thing - but the idea that things have to be ''just right'' before you do something. like#'oh i need to do this task. but i have to wait until XYZ first' or 'oh i can do this but only if X specific condition is met' or etc#The fact that I even have to be in a Specific Mindset to post. or sometimes will delay posting on social media because like 'oh well#I'm going somewhere tomorrow. somehow this matters. i cannot spend 5 minuts posting TONIGHT. clearly it will interfere#somehow schedule wise with the doctor appointment i have 15 hours from now. yes. yes. i must wait until my appointment is over#tomorrow afternoon. THEN i shall post' or etc. etc. lol. NOT even taking into account the many days#I just genuinely and physically sick and it's not even a mental thing. I just physically dont feel like sitting at the computer lol..#ANYWAY.. trying to get back into it. trying to get a business bank account.. make a proper paypal so i can start selling sculptures again.#selling clothes and sculptures.. posting about such things then of course as one must. etc... chanting to hype up and motivate myself lol#But yes. this is my favorite outfit out of the bunch so I am posting it first I guess.. maybe others later..#Also the purple dress says its from shein. which I've heard is bad fast fashion stuff. but maybe okay since its second hand? I havent#been to the bins since like 2020 or late 2019 even. and I think stuff like shein and temu has only become poular in the past few years#but I bet if I went to the bins now I might would find a good handfull of that stuff. Probably now not much different than what you#find in a walmart or a forever 21 or actual physical stores you can go to though. I hear quality of clothing is down everywhere no matter#where you get it or whatnot. What bountiful joys unfettered capitalism and exploitation bestows upon us (<being sarcastic).#Wearing one of my favorite little vests though. I love the texture of it and the clasps on it
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waiting patiently while your son asks the pastor something completely unhinged
#moral orel#bloberta puppington#im trying to remember how to draw digitally after my elbow has self-destructed#so its time the original girlboss womanfailure herself everyones favorite mom#i got an injection in my elbow. which is awful. dont recommend but does help a lot. but i actually have an illustration job and of course#thats right when my right arm just decided to not work anymore#anyway i actually have big projects to work on but also im imagining drawing clay as st sebastian lol#no one wants that. but my catholic-raised brain.... never quieted#anyway thats my emotional support religious trauma comedy show etc etc#love and kisses im always on i just dont post much if you ever want to talk or send requests haha
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I got so insanely mad while drawing this
+ closeup and normalness
#alek art#zane julien#previous master of ice#ninjago#lego ninjago#2024#aka the scene i wish we got in snake jaguar ...#zane is like 30 here#im mostly thinking about dr juliens perspective on this night. we have very little to go off of but he was very weirded out#random very sick old man shows up at your door and takes an “interest” in your son. he isnt even over for an entire day. with him comes col#he was striken with winter and something about him felt off. he leaves without a word. after his arrival your son begins acting weird.#then another old man arrives. asking for your son. wonder what happened there#for anything about passing on powers or losing them its always some big event... hm#i think the previous master really did need shetler. we know he was old and died shortly after the power giving. i dont know what about#zane caught his eye. i do think its very interesting that this man of few words was so obviously fascinated that dr julien noticed.#dr julien isnt the most socially aware and in the little bit he said about the previous master... he sounded concerned#imagine weirding out the weirdest man alive#i think zane caught on too. he felt eyes on him the entire night. they ate dinner with the man.. gave him shelter... but he felt he wanted#more. sometime that day he gave zane the power of ice. which effectively changed the course of his entire life. zane and dr julien hadnt a#clue what happened. 'yesterday a man arrived' so not even within a day did he see zane and decide that he was the one#thinking about how zane acting like his self now is 'strange' and was out of the ordinary. what was he like before? how do you even pass a#power down. we see people get their powers stolen and its always a spectacle and its so exhausting and so on. how did dr julien not see#anything. there was no questions? he just noticed the previous master found his son interesting and then he left ?#goddddd im insane i wanna write a fic about zane pre series
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What he said
#having so much trouble focusing on work this month i jst want to draw the same 5 things in my sketchbook over#and over again....#a doodley#also ive been so TORN bc i work loosely in sketchbook...of course...i dont make any ''finished'' pieces so everything is just Whatever#but i keep seeing ppl say its bad to draw without purpose....#which is true....bc practice makes permanent#i fear im getting my wheelbarrow stuck in the mud. or whatever that one post/quote was. hope u know the one#was it mud? or cement? either way it was SOMETHING about how if you wheel down the same path over and over again#itll be hard to break free
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one of my fav post game togami headcanons is the idea that in the early days of their time with the future foundation, he's the one doing the Bulk of the work -- not only in the Job sense of like, interpreting all the legalese and filing forms, and being mr ceo guy -- but in a caretaking sense as well.
and its still in his Weird Distant way but like. he picks up extra work so the others dont have to. he brings coffee and tells them when its time to turn in for the night. dont worry. he'll finish the work they have left. it's nothing to him. and sure all of it is couched in backhanded comments a la "if you're too weak to do it i will. i GUESS" because he's still too early in his Journey to Empathy to admit to himself that he's doing these things because he cares. like it's all rationalized as "im the better than everyone and my weak-willed so-called 'peers' are too consumed by grief to actually be useful so i'll do it because im naturally immune to burnout" (he isnt)
and also bc like. he feels BAD about everything that went down in hopes peak. again, not that he'd recognize it as such for years but. here are all these people that he doesn't (does) care about struggling against their own grief for the people they lost that he doesnt care about (or at least doesnt remember caring about) and he treated them SO poorly in some of the harder moments so now's when he needs to make up for it. sure his entire family is dead but he's alive and he's the best one, so he'll do the work. it's fine. this is what he was made for. extra paperwork? handled. too swamped to find time to grab food and water? tch, he's so on top of his work that he already got it for you, stupid. the most dangerous missions? whatever, you'd probably just mess it up anyways, so i'll do it.
#byakuya togami#and then there's the naegami of it all wherein naegi's powers of Observation and Compassion allow him to see through this big facade#so he's the one to be like 'hey. you dont have to do everything. you know that right.' <- hypocrite#which of course togami pinpoints immediately like 'heh youre one to talk. youre on the verge of collapsing. give me half ur work NOW‼️'#so 90% of their courtship is them trying to get the other to sit down for .5 seconds and the other refusing#because the core truth of naegami is that if either of them sit still the bad thoughts win#so they dont sit still EVER#kirigiri knows all of this as well but she's 1) more fucked up about it all than she's willing to admit#2) overwhelmed by the weight of her own responsibilities#(+ naegi's because she expresses affection in the same guilt ridden way that togami does)#and 3) doesnt like togami enough yet to care that he's killing himself with work#and knows it wouldnt matter even if she did say something because he's certainly not going to listen to HER
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Mario Hugo walking his dogs?
* day 13
#dailyishhugo#digital art#fanart#doodle#whiteboard fox#31 minutos#mario hugo#copicopi#mente en blanco#duque#tepotepo#of course the 4 dogs i chose were all brown which is like the one color i dont have on wb fox lolll#libro gordo coming in handy#yes i know he wears sneakers it just feels fair to not draw 'em cuz bodoque doesnt even have PANTS#can i just say i like duque's design with the tongue out more than the design with the sharp teeth#these are things that only bother me but still#also can you tell i cant draw dogs walking lol
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why does every reconciliation fic go like this
#my dc posting#jason todd#red hood#jason todd fanart#ugh i forgot to change tim n dick's skin colours aa i already put my drawing stuff away whatever#bruce wayne#dick grayson#tim drake#<- main offenders#no but. jason will be making some absolutely great points#ill be cheering him on like YEAH know ur fucking value good job call them the fuck out dont fall for their shit!!#then there will be one (1) event n suddenly the author pulls a complete 180#all of jason's valid issues n complaints r swept away without ever being solved#at most he's given a few flimsy excuses or justifications#n suddenly hes all happy n dandy w them#like 🤨🤨🤨 what!!!#like nothing changes nobody makes any effort but apparently one sentence going 'omg no it wasnt like that jason 😭' is enough to sweep#everything under the rug#like why have i never read a fic where anyone actually works to change. to right the wrongs theyve done. to apolgoize and do better.#aside form of course jason going 'i see now that murder is wrong i was stupid n angry for no good reason good thing the pit madness has bee#solved/managed better n i have apologized to Poor Little 10yo Baby Tim whom i hurt and traumatized So Badly how will he ever forgive me...'#'fuck my family wtf is wrong w these assholes' 'i killed the joker for like 3 minutes' 'i love you i have no further issues aside from#Teenage Angst which will be cured via being told my anger is disproportional and of course one (1) hug form my Dearest Father'#when will i read someone 'pullin the alfred card' and jason respondin w 'fuck alfred'. he deserves to be an asshole w the way hes treated..#ok ill stop now im just. very done w this stuff
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