#imagine weirding out the weirdest man alive

[al-luviec]

I got so insanely mad while drawing this

+ closeup and normalness

[1mlei]

Demon Twin Au Thoughts

I've been thinking a lot about Demon Twin AUs lately.

I've read nearly all of the ones on ao3 (Please do send recs my way <3), and I adore the different interpretations of this concept. I will always love the version of this where Danny and Damian are reunited after Danny ends up in Gotham, or Damian in Amity.

I love this classic take on the AU, but I've been thinking about fun ways to spice it up. My favorite idea so far is the idea that the twins reunite after Damian temporarily dies.

Imagine Danny just minding his business in the Zone and he randomly sees his twin, who is supposed to be alive. Damian would be happy to be reunited, he's been under the assumption that Danny was dead since they were kids so he's just glad to see his twin again. Meanwhile Danny is freaking out because he literally faked his death and ran away so Damian could live, what the fuck is this?

You could add a touch of Sam and Tucker being confused on the side. I always imagine that Danny never told them about where he came from or his brother. (What can I say? I love the drama that secrets bring.) You could either have Damian look like his civilian self as a ghost, and have Sam and Tucker be confused af about this random ghost that looks just like Danny. They might think it's a weird duplicate or something, but then why is Danny so freaked out? You could also have Damian be in his Robin costume, I imagine Sam and Tucker would be shocked to randomly see the ghost of Robin in the Zone, but it's far from the weirdest thing they've seen in there. Again, Danny has never been a huge fan of other heroes or vigilantes, so why is he so freaked out about this one being dead? Of course, though Danny has stayed away from Gotham for various reasons he is aware that his twin brother has become Robin after moving in with their father, so he knows that this new ghost can only be one person.

Now moving away from the idea of the twins just randomly running into each other :)

You could try turning it into a twin telepathy type thing, where Danny senses Damian dying, or at least that something happens to him and goes to investigate.

Or, something that I feel is quite in character for Damian, he might hunt down Danny himself the moment he realizes where he is.

You could turn this in different directions again depending on whether Damian is in civilian clothes or his Robin costume. Either way, I imagine him questioning some other random ghost (maybe one of Danny's rouges for fun?) and regardless of how he's dressed they'll point him towards Danny.

"Oh you're looking for your brother? Idk man, go ask Phantom or something."

OR

"Your brother? You look fucking identical to Phantom so you might wanna start there."

Either way Damian tracks down Phantom and concludes that yes, that is his brother. Dramatic reunion ensues.

Last little thought I had on this, Damian doesn't think Danny is a ghost, he assumes he moved on, or maybe he somehow knows he faked his death and thinks he's alive? Regardless, Damian is a man on a mission the moment he arrives in the Zone, he refuses to stay in this pathetic realm and decides that whether he's dead or alive he will make his way back to Earth. Best way to get there? Damian goes to talk to the king of course, to negotiate (or fight if necessary) about going back to Earth. If not that, he just happens to hear about a certain half-human, half-ghost hybrid and tracks him down for help. A hybrid sounds like someone who would know how to go back and forth between the realms after all.

---

All this to say, I want more of the Demon Twins reuniting in the Ghost Zone. If anyone has recommendations or ends up writing a story of this please do send a link my way, it would be most appreciated <3

+ Bonus points will be added if there is a scene where Damian is resurrected and Danny decided to tag along. Cue confused batfam freaking out because oh god there's two of them now how did that happen.

[yallemagne]

This might be a little disjointed because it's been a few days since I watched it, but my thoughts on season 2 of X-Men: The Animated Series:

Episode 1 & 2: Till Death Do Us Part

I know they’re having Logan going ham in the Danger Room because he’s in love with Jean, but lalala I can’t hear you, he’s ACTUALLY beating up fake Cyclopses in the Danger Room because of Morph’s death. 

Damn if Logan weren’t, frankly, acting like a little bitch, we could have gotten the Morph reveal much earlier. This is what angsting after a married woman does, Logan. You miss out on precious time with your resurrected bestie with benefits. 

Morph is my silly little pumpkin. Sinister is such a bastard that he lets Morph have temporary self-awareness just to torture them with it. That, or he is just very bad at maintaining his mind control. Anyhow, Morph declares that they’ll have their revenge and switch through different forms “Cyclops! Storm! Wolverine!” And upon turning into Wolverine they fall back on their bed and writhe in agony because that’s their BEST FRIEND. AHHH. 

Morph sending Cherik to the Savage Lands for a deadly date. This is like The Parent Trap but nefarious. 

Morph desperately trying to fight against the mind-control :,0. It's always when they're presented with the promise of being accepted back into the family. All they wanna do is be an X-Man again. 

"You kept me alive! And the evil that's in me! But the worst of us still has some good!" I'm sobbing.

Also yeah. The title is obviously referencing Scott and Jean’s wedding vows. But what if— lissen hear me out hear me out, it’s actually about Wolverine and Morph and their unbreakable bond.

Episode 3: Whatever It Takes

Mjnari, you scared me, boy. He kept getting himself into situations where I was like “YOU BETTER NOT BE MAKING A HEROIC SACRIFICE” and thankfully, no heroic sacrifice, just winning. 

Storm just casually having a son that she's not told anyone about and Rogue being like BABE WHAT??? Babe why did you never tell me you have a child with another woman??

Logan grabbing Morph’s wrists and restraining them behind their back in the weirdest hug imaginable. Gonna headcanon that that’s just how they normally hug because Logan is weird. Gotta use “I’m restraining you” as an excuse to get his arms around someone.

Morph changing between several exes arch enemies of Wolverine while trying to get him off his trail. Hoooo. Morph knows the Deep Lore. 

Episode 4: Red Dawn

Imagine being so stupid you make an indestructible super human who represents your values so well he resolves to murder you for not abiding by those values. And then imagine thawing him even though you couldn’t control him the first time because you want to restart the Soviet Union. Imagine getting through so many steps without thinking of the consequences even once.

Colossus is my sweet baby boy. I love how naively good he is and how it plays off Jubilee, who is also naive as hell. It’s perfectly demonstrated when Jubilee is just like “I’ll just leave a note! ‘Off to stop the reformation of the USSR, food’s in the fridge.’ Okay, let’s go!” And Colossus is like “Yes! Let’s!”

Wolverine gets home from Morph throwing Omega Red in his face during their confrontation to a note saying the runt went ahead to stop Omega Red with no backup?? The timing. 

Episode 5: Repo Man

Canada tries to steal Wolverine’s skeleton what the fuck. 

I appreciate that his old team steps in to save him because they never wanted to drag him back into experimentation, they just wanted their buddy back. 

It’s implied in the flashback in this episode and later on that Wolverine never had bone claws, they’re just a result of the adamantium? Yeah no. Makes no sense. His claws are literally what identify him as a mutant in several interactions. 

Episode 6: X-Ternally Yours

Dog, this weird cult-gang shit makes no sense to me. It’s good that Gambit got away from that nonsense. 

Lol Rogue getting upset that Gambit is getting married but immediately being like AHA when it’s revealed he’s there against his will. 

Episode 7 & 8: Time Fugitives

Absolutely genius having a time travel episode followed by a second time travel episode to fix the previous episode. They got to reuse so much animation, and frankly, I'm proud of them for the creativity they employ to be unoriginal. 

Episode 9: A Rogue's Tale

I already knew Rogue’s backstory, but hell, they really capture the dread of Rogue being forced by her mother to kill another person. There was so much innocence in her voice yelling that she didn’t want to hold on, that it felt wrong. God, I hate Mystique so much for this. Rogue is right in saying Mystique only cared about her powers. Sure maybe she does see her as a daughter, but would she have even spared the girl a second glance if she weren’t such a powerful mutant? Hell no. 

Episode 10: Beauty & the Beast

I was literally musing about how this episode's themes reminds me of Beauty and the Beast... and that's literally the title. 

Graydon Creed: “MUTANTS AND ALL THOSE RELATED TO THEM MUST BE DESTROYED!!!” Me: 👀 are you sure about that you dumb bitch.

Logan infiltrating the Friends of Humanity? Amazing. Showstopping. He did so amazing, bravo. Get this man an award. And y’all know he’s been sitting on the info that Creed is Sabretooth’s son for so long lol. It’s so cathartic of a reveal. 

I wonder… how does this affect Creed? After all, at the end of ’97, it’s said he’s got people rallying behind him as a political candidate. Did people just forget what a dirty snivelling little hypocrite he is? Did news of his parentage never reach the general public? Is it like water under the bridge bc he technically denounces his parents? What’s up with that?

(Aside: they call Sabretooth Graydon Creed Sr.. Yeah, I’d change my name to Victor. The real kicker is that he named his son after himself. No wonder Junior is so mad at his pops.)

Anyhow, even though it’s technically not canon to anything but the movie continuity, I’m gonna keep headcanoning Sabretooth and Wolverine as estranged brothers because I would love to see Logan continuing to hold this over Graydon’s head by telling him to call him ‘Uncle Logan’. 

Episode 11: Mojovision

I Dream of Jean fucking got me. Looks like Mojo’s programming is geared towards me. 

After reading Exiles I’m just sitting here like “:((( I wish Morph was here... Morph would be slaying…”

Episode 12 & 13: Reunion

See, Wolverine uses his claws here, and they have him say his claws aren’t a result of his mutation. Baby what? Now, I think it totally makes sense for his claws to still be functional even in a place where mutant powers are cancelled out. After all, they’re a part of his skeleton. Like if Nightcrawler were there, he wouldn’t lose the ability to move his tail, yeah? Just no teleporting. Is there really like a continuity where the claws aren’t a mutant trait???

Also his hands gotta really hurt doing that without his healing.

Anyhow MORPH MORPH MORPH MORPH

I love Wolvie meeting a fellow Wild Man. 

Morph is my sweet babe I love them so much, you go bitch, you fight that mind control, you shoot at Sinister so Cyclops can hit him with his beams. Go off queen. 

I haven’t really been giving notes about the Savage Lands before now because I found everything about it boring till this episode. And that’s because while I love me some Cherik, those fucks were getting absolutely nothing done. Besides like that one funny moment where Magneto was throwing rocks at a dino and calling it a stupid lizard. 

Love Charles briefing Erik about the steps he's gonna be taking to aid in Morph’s recovery?? So random. Like the present parent trying to get the absentee to get involved in their children’s lives. "We're gonna take Morph to Muir Island... 👉👈 if you want to visit..."

Magneto does not take the hint and bails on family like a coward. We'll get you yet, Magneto, even if it takes killing Charles to get you to provide for the kiddos.

[EDIT: oh yeah btw my thoughts on season 1]

[candywife333]

Sexy Snakey

ON THE FIRST DAY OF CHRISTMAS, MY TRUE LOVE GAVE TO ME

OFFICIALLY THE START OF 25 DAYS TO CHRISTMAS

ONESHOT

Pairing: enormous serpent hybrid j-hope (mythical creature with *cough cough* 2 Ds) x chubby botanist reader

trigger: dub-con , smut

This lagoon felt super eerie as I ventured further into a small clearing filled with trees. Fireflies zipped past me as I almost stumbled on a rock. What was this place? As such, this forest seemed desolate in the evening when I came to study certain flowers.

Though I was used to looking for different species of flowers in the evening times, something about the atmosphere today in this tiny lagoon unsettled me. I felt the cold breezing rushing around me, flicking my hair back and forth, occluding my vision partially.

The torquoise waters of the lagoon entranced me. As I got closer to peek at what could possibly inhabit the clear waters, I saw a tail? The tail of something lay in the waters. I panicked slightly, breathing in shallow pants as I approached the surface of the water.

A dark green tail of some creature ,bearing the width of my torso was waving around in the waters below. Now I was really getting scared. I should probably run away back to my cottage before something bad happened. I knew the forest wasn't the safest place according to villagers around the area, but I had never had issues before this.

As I turned back around to walk back to the cottage, barely holding myself from sprinting back in haste, I heard a voice. "Hi, darling", a dark voice purred. Pivoting back to look towards the lagoon, I saw something I would never have imagined in my wildest dreams.

It was a man. At least that's what it looked like. A man with a wide grin showcasing two rows of super long teeth (literally looking like hypodermic needles) built to tear into the flesh of unsuspecting prey. His arms and face and torso were all tan, a normal skin tone for humans. Yet, the fearsome part of his appearance was the blue green iridescent scales tapering waist down below him, extending into a long thick serpentine body that I could even see trailing down below the transparent waters. My eyes opened wide, trying to process this phantasmagorical view. I had to leave. And be fucking quick about it.

I started slowly walking away further and further from him. This creature was by no means normal and I did not want to die before I could celebrate Christmas this year. Yep, forget about me coming to the forest to look for my plants anymore this coming new year. Looks like it was a death sentence entering these premises.

The snake man continued grinning reassuringly, his teeth glinting in the weak evening rays of light. "Don't be scared sweetheart. I won't bite". He smirked, "At least, not till you beg me for it". He crooned in a sinister manner, "Why don't you come back and spend some time with me? Let's get to know each other better".

I felt like hyperventilating. A snake talking to me? Weirdest shit considering I don't even indulge in psychedelics. This must be some weird ass dream. But my snark kicked in as I mocked him, "Oh, come closer to you so you can snap my body in half, or choke me to death with that massive appendage and then consume me? That's what you consider getting to know each other"?

I was just a few seconds away from belting the vicinity. His responses stopped me in my tracks. "I wouldn't do that if I were you sweetheart. Riling me up like that when I can already smell your arousal tainting the air".

What?!!! I checked down at my panties in confusion, and surely enough I did feel drenched. As I stood there paralyzed in bewilderment, a green tail reached over and yanked me into the water.

I yelled, startled and terrified that this thing would now eat me alive. I wouldn't see another see another Christmas, or my mom, or dad, or Boo my calico cat. I was doomed. The creature warbled out in a sweet tone, "Stop flailing so much sweetheart. I will give you what you want no matter what".

He ripped off my clothes with his agile hands as I was bound , rendered immobile by his serpentine tail. His slippery tail curled around my bare skin, coating me with a viscous film. Ewww. What the hell? But before I could gag in disgust, it started feeling pleasant. The surprisingly warm temperature of the lagoon water lapping around me, as his tail curled around me, imprisoning me in it's embrace, yet at the same time carressing my stomach and inner thighs pleasantly. The tip of his tail curled around my right nipple, and as I yelped, the tail tightened around my nipple gently squeezing it.

It felt so good for some reason. He continued in this manner for another minute. Before I knew it, I could feel the friction of his scaly tail tip massaging my labia. It felt so good as he rubbed his tail up onto them, teasing the tip between my lower lips. I could feel myself getting wetter, not able to hold back my moans as he proceeded to rub his tail onto my clit.

I tried to be quiet, not wanting to give him an inkling of my arousal but his grass green eyes flashed in anger as he trilled out, "You better let me hear what is mine. Don't hold back darling, if you know what's good for you".

His hypnotic eyes narrowed into tiny slits, his forked tongue flicking out to lick his lips as I mewled out curses , not able to hold back anymore. I must've been quite a sight, legs open wide with my wet slit out to the crisp air, with a thick tail rubbing up frantically over my slit. He gripped the sides of my plush waist in his warm big hands, squeezing my flesh as he shoved his forked tongue into my mouth.

I lost my senses as he advanced the tip of his tail into my dripping pussy. Wrapping my thick thighs around his trim waist, I kissed him back. The scaly tail caught on the walls of my heat, pleasantly scraping against them.

Then suddenly, he pushed my back down onto a small bank of grass in the middle of the lagoon, opening up my thick thighs with his insistent hands, lavishing my clit with attention from his forked tongue. I felt a shiver go up my spine, heat pooling in my lower stomach as he continued to lick and suck. I could feel him nibble around my lower lips with his teeth very lightly. Moaning out of confusion and lust, I arched my back up to meet the attention of his mouth. Suddenly feeling a little embarrassed at my own enthusiasm, I attempted to resist , trying to close my legs, but he wouldn't let me.

He clicked his tongue, droning in a syrupy tone, "We can't have that much shyness now sweetheart". He trailed his long finger through my wet folds, "You are such a treat darling. So wet and warm, ready for the taking. I want to feast upon you, till you lose your senses". His warm breath fanned across my pussy as he encompassed his lips around my bundle of nerves, suctioning it as though he wanted to devour all of it in his mouth.

My slick trailed down his chin as he continued to lick languidly around my fluttering hole , spearing the opening with his long index finger.

I barely blinked when he rapidly replaced his finger with his long ribbed member, sinking it into my tight warm heat. The other member pleasantly rubbed itself across my clit, triggering an explosive orgasm, making my vision go white and my mind blank.

Slowly entering his other member into my heat alongside the other one, I winced, loudly crying out in pain. His hands squeezed my breasts as he pinched my nipples between his index finger and thumb. The pain slowly turned to pleasure as both his members strained against my walls , prodding at my cervix. The delicious stretch made me wrap my arms around his neck, filling his face with my tits that he sucked into his mouth. "Bear it sweetheart. Have to breed you and make you full with my babies".

I processed what he said, trying to shift away from his length that was pounding into my heat, horrified at what he was saying. I was not ready for a bunch of snake babies!!!! He gripped the nape of my neck firmly as he shoved his forked tongue into my mouth further, nipping at my lips and then soothing it with his saliva. Continuously stroking the pudge underneath my belly button, his eyes deviously glinted as he murmured, "Escape is futile". He kissed my brow as he plundered my pussy, kneading the sides of my stomach, confidently smirking, "Good try though sweetheart".

[vintagegeekculture]

RIP John Jakes, Pulp and Fantasy Author

A man who’s career began in pulp scifi, then was one of the greatest group of fantasy fans turned authors, and who finally ended it as one of the most commercially successful “men’s adventure” paperback novels of the 1970s, John Jakes died at 90 last week. What a life! He started his career in scifi pulp of the 1950s, switching to sword and sorcery action in the 60s, and finally, ending the 70s as one of the top selling authors of the decade. In one guy’s life, you can see the ebb and flow of trends in men’s adventure fiction over the decades.

Let’s start the John Jakes story at the end, and then work our way back. Does this book series above look familiar to you at all? 

If you have grandparents and they live in America, I 100% guarantee the Kent Family Chronicles (also called the Bicentennial Series) are in your Mee Maw and Pep Pep’s house right now. You probably handled them while visiting their house and went through their bookshelves as a child, right next to their Reader’s Digest condensed books, Tai-Pan and Shogun by James Clavell, copies of the endless sequels to Lonesome Dove, and old TV Guides they still have for some reason next to the backgammon set. If your grandparents are no longer with us, you probably found this series when selling their possessions after death. That’s because these things sold in the millions, back when the surest way to make money in writing was to write melodramatic, intergenerational family sagas of grandiose sweep set around historical events. Weighty family sagas, ones critics call bloated and self important instead of “epic,” were a major part of 70s fiction as they were four quadrant hits: men liked them for war, action, and history (every guy at some point must choose between being a civil war guy, or World War II guy) and ladies loved them for their romance and melodramatic love triangles (after all, the Ur-example of this kind of book is Margaret Mitchell’s Gone With the Wind). This was the kind of thing turned into TV event miniseries, and ably lampooned in the hilarious “Spoils of Babylon” series with Kristen Wiig and Toby McGwire, which, decades after the fact, did to this genre what Airplane! did for the formerly prolific airport disaster movie: it torpedoed it forever by making it impossible to take seriously.

This genre eventually went away because men stopped being reliable book buyers and book readers in the 1990s (or at least, were no longer marketed to as an audience), Lonesome Dove’s insane popularity was the last gasp of this audience. I’ve said this before, but men and boys no longer reading is the single most under remarked on social problem we have. “YA books” now basically mean “Girl Books.” 

John Jakes did not suddenly come out of nowhere to write smash hit bestsellers set around a family during the American Revolution. He came from one of the weirdest places imaginable: a crony of L. Sprague de Camp and Lin Carter in fantasy and weird tales fanzines like Amra, he was one of the original “Gang of Eight,” people drawn from fantasy and horror fandom to become pro-writers now that fantasy fiction had a home at Ballantine Publishing, just before the rise of Lord of the Rings and the paperback pulp boom, which is an incredible case of being in the right place at the right time. There, John Jakes, a fanzine contributor and ERB fan, wrote “Brak the Barbarian,” which is amazing as L. Sprague de Camp and Ballantine hadn’t even reprinted the Conan stories yet and Conan was as well known as Jirel of Joiry or Jules de Grandin. Only superfans of pulp knew who that guy was at all, there was no audience for it. He wrote Brak the Barbarian as a superfan, and was lucky the paperback market found him. 

The tireless work John Jakes, Lin Carter, L. Sprague de Camp, and the Gang of Eight did in preserving fantasy novelists of the pulp age into the 50s-60s is one of the great historic feats of preservation and keeping fandom flames alive. It’s no exaggeration to say that you know who Conan the Barbarian and HP Lovecraft are right now because of them, fans who kept the flame alive tirelessly and thanklessly in the ultra-rational 50s that had no place for dark horrific fantasy. 

Like his friend in fantasy and pulp fandom, L. Sprague de Camp, John Jakes started as a scifi guy in the endless scifi pulp magazines of the 1950s. Unlike his friend de Camp or Hugh B. Cave, who were full of humor, characterization, and satire, Jakes was often pessimistic, dour, and downbeat, and he disliked to laugh.  

It’s shocking to lose someone with a connection to, in one lifetime, the first great group of fantasy fandom, 50s scifi pulp, and 70s men’s adventure. John Jakes’ life spanned all of them. 

[esteemed-excellency]

OC Ships List:

Hiram x The Quiet Deviless: they started as an excuse to draw cool outfits and look how far they've come. They live rent free in my head and I'm rotating them at lightspeed velocity. Sweet, romantic and a bit obsessive, but all in all very lovey dovey. Extremely scandalous in the eyes of polite society given their tendency for PDA, and a predictable affair if you ask anyone who personally knows Hiram. More about them here and here.

Hiram x Captain Dargor (@thunder-threnodies): fellow associates to friends to lovers to estranged acquaintances to distrustful collaborators to accomplices to friends again to lovers once more to partners to old married couple. What if you lose the person you trust the most? What if you meet them again after a decade, only to realise you both have been irremediably changed by your respective obsessions? What if you choose to keep trusting that person regardless of their changes, and despite their choices? The Narrative did a number on them but they just kept going until they found each other again. Soulful guy who is very tired of life x soulless guy who can't get enough of it. Sensucht x Streben. Immovable Object x Unstoppable Force. More about them here and here.

Hiram x Captain Snipsnop (@that-fella-snipsnop): old pals. Crazy partygoers. Senior citizens on the loose. Listener x infodumper. Amnesiac x eidetiker. Chaotic x chaotic. Research buddies. They enable each other's weirdness. The loveliest old man you will ever meet x the most annoying bastard you will ever interact with. Pov you want to avoid your correspondence class because sometimes the professor is a bit too sinister even for Benthic standards. You apply for an apprenticeship with the nice old captain who seems very sweet and a little out of place at the University. You end up on a dirigible witnessing The Horrors on the Roof. Poor Edward is there. The nice old captain just stole Poor Edward's zeppelin. Why is this happening. You manage to get back to London alive. You decide to attend a party to try and forget about the week you just had. The creepy correspondence professor and the old captain from your Roof adventure are there. Together. They're chugging absinthe shots. What the hell.

Hiram x Giorgione (@that-giorgione): Friends? Enemies? Something else? Something more? Who knows. Guy who owns the entire city x guy who knows every single person in town. They courteously exchange business plans. They politely sit through the same board meetings. They keep sending each other assassins. They keep having lunch together. They undermine each other's affairs. They keep sharing wine. The weirdest business associates situation you've ever witnessed. Guy who can't forget (affectionate) x guy who can't forget (derogatory).

Hiram x Virginia: The funniest crack ship imaginable to me. They had a thing almost 40 years ago and they're both cringed about it. Why are they even talking again. They always end up owing each other favours. They're building a railway. They despise each other. They know each other too well. They both think building the railway wouldn't be as fun without the other. They won't ever admit it. They would love to never meet again. They would love to keep pestering each other forever. Acquaintances (neutral) to lovers (cringe) to enemies to allies to acquaintances (derogatory) to enemies again to whatever is going on with the railway board meetings. Passive aggressiveness champions. Nuisance x nuisance. They're both so annoying god bles.

[astarionsfavoritebhaalbabe]

durgetash fan here I think a lot of gortash fans bend over backwards to try to justify liking him by taking the weirdest cherry picked/extreme interpretations of the canon info in the game to try to imagine he's more sympathetic somehow and like. is just a defenseless child??? despite being an adult man??? like guys the dude is a fascist and he totally chose that. there seems to be a big gap between escaping the house of hope and taking over the bane cult and like. it doesn't seem like anyone was forcing him to reach new levels of atrocity. the guy just kinda did that himself :/ like I think that's part of the fun of the character and core to the fun of the ship no matter what dynamic you build around it??? lot of durgetash fans are just weirdly precious about their version of the ship in general tho. to the point of just being kind of wack to anyone who doesn't hc it as a part of their durge's story. bummer!! I love durgetash a lot but the fans DO make me embarrassed to say that sorry to all the duegetash fans who are normal and fun out there :(

Okay, the man has ambition…and a vision. And he will use and do what it takes to make it come to life. I don’t know how people are cherry picking like. He’s enslaved the Gondians, his steelwatchers will kill children, the entirety of the iron throne, controlling who he needs to control, throwing karlach away like it was nothing, and I’m probably missing other pieces but like this is not a man that needs to be coddled.

And if people want to see sympathy in his story of his parents giving him up to a devil to stay alive and him escaping the house of hope then sure! But you can’t just coast on the sympathy when all of the bad is right in front of you.

Also! It’s a game, and these are fictional characters. No one has to justify liking any of them. I think people easily forget that. I’m not judging anyone’s moral compass based on the fictional man they like in a game. No need to scoot around it, tell me you like the fucked up evil weird guy and say it with your whole chest!

I also love durgetash…I haven’t done a run where durge fully goes with it. But their conversation when durge finally gets in front of him is so interesting. And I’m a sucker for some fan art I’ve seen with him and durge.

[emetkoto]

What ARE your other XIV ships?

I don't' really have any npc/npc ships bc i just dont care that much if my ocs arent involved thats just how my brain works gjskbsflds but here's all my wol/oc ships:

K'oto is in a poly ship with Estinien, G'raha Tia, and Emet-Selch! It's not like a four-way thing where they're all together too it's just. They are three guys who happen to have the same boyfriend and all live together with him <3 They go on group dates and stuff but Emet excuses himself from cuddling and Other Such Activities that Estinien and G'raha like each other enough to let overlap unless it's solo time with K'oto bc he's literally only alive rn for him he could possibly not be less interested in everyone else!!! but aside from occasionally butting heads with G'raha out of habit he's nice enough to them when they have to interact bc he knows K'oto will be sad if he's mean </3 he is married to Emet and G'raha but he and Estinien are chill staying as just partners, Estinien doesn't really care about marriage or putting labels on their relationship it's just not his thing and thats ok <3

Eme is shipped with and married to Urianger, but was involved in a will-they-wont-they mutual "unrequited" love thing with Haurchefant where they both thought they weren't good enough for the other and so never took initiative and then......it was too late </3 if not for That though she would have married him but bc soulmate stuff she would have still fallen for Urianger eventually and they would've become a poly thing bc I hate making choices and writing breakups and also why would they break up. If you asked me to pick two guys in this game who wouldnt mind sharing a wife it'd be them! She and Urianger are also kinda. Open. Y'shtola sometimes Joins them as a third but it's purely physical, and I maybe sort of kind of have been tossing around the same thing with Estinien lately. I had a weird shower thought about Eme pursuing him to cope after the Vault that turned into 'ok yeah maybe not that early but after 7 years of watching him grow into the weirdest most pathetic quirked up elezen man imaginable she might kinda want him' but again. only physical. The only ppl she's been in love with are Urianger and Haurchefant. She's one of those "likes every kind of girl and one specific kind of guy" bisexuals

Adem is shipped with Erenville and they're just kinda vibing :) not married yet but they will be eventually....they travel the world together when Adem isn't busy with his goldsmithing apprenticeship under Godbert or Studium work! Adem is very stupid and nervous all the time but Erenville finds it SO hot. Trip and stutter more boy it's only making him want you more! Truly failing upwards

and then Coconut is shipped with and married to Thancred though it's only as of the end of 6.0 that things have really settled down for them, it's been a rough 7 years what with Thancred being. Thancred. Spent a long time cheating on her even once they'd made things official following the praetorium where he promised to be better for her......then kept doing it and even ditched her at the banquet for another girl after promising he'd be there to spend time with her then she thought he DIED.....then he came back and promised once again he'd be better......then the truth about minfilia came around and he got really pissy and started acting like a dick 24/7 and also STILL flirting.....etc etc etc until late shb where she reached her breaking point watching him treat Ryne like shit and also continue treating HER like shit so she broke up with him.....at the end of 5.0 tho he tried to propose and made his grandest most sincere apology yet and even though she took him back for one more chance she rejected his proposal bc she needed time to see that he was serious before that.....they were married.....then he did good for all of 6.0 and they got married in the 6.0-6.1 1 year timeskip :) things are good as of right now.......only time will tell how he'll do in dt. king of fumbling, thancred waters

[jacobanthonyus]

Awesome Things That Motorized Fleshlight Can Do To Your Body

Most men would agree that masturbation is the simplest way to experience pleasure. This particular act leaves a profound impact on your mind and body. It rids you of stress and helps you get good sleep too. It rules out any chances of catching STIs or impregnating your partner. So when this easy act can make your life so happening, why not make it more dynamic? The good news is, men can make it possible with the revolutionary motorized fleshlight from Alive. This amazing machine strikes all the right chords with a thoughtful design and power.

Crafted To Make Your Masturbation Memorable

Equipped with a dual motor, 10 vibration modes, and ultra-realistic vaginal texture, it makes every time absolutely perfect. It keeps the strokes gentle and thrilling at the same time. It cuts the fatigue from the process by eliminating the manual efforts and makes the act very convenient. The distinct texture gives wings to one’s imagination and accelerates the fun. On top of all that, users can enjoy 2 hours of ecstasy in just 1 charge.

All these features make this device a perfect partner for masturbation. It works like magic for every man and takes them to cloud nine in just a few seconds. With this tool, the orgasms are always unforgettable. Alive has introduced this extraordinary device because it knows the significance of masturbation in men’s lives. Besides providing life-changing devices, we also have interesting facts about this act in our articles. Hence, let’s go ahead and explore different aspects of this activity.

Weird Facts About Masturbation

Male Fetuses Might Jerk Off In Womb

It’s probably the weirdest fact that you’ve come across in many days.  Spanish researchers found out male fetuses can engage in in-utero masturbation. They compare it with acts like body-rocking and thumb-sucking.

Masturbation Might Keep Prostate Cancer At Bay

This is indeed a positive fact for all men who masturbate. A study concluded that men who whacked 21 times or more had lower chances of prostate cancer. Use a motorized fleshlight or hands, the effect remains the same.

May Is Celebrated As Masturbation Month

Like ‘no shave November’ men can now celebrate ‘masturbation month’ in May as well. However, it’s not only for men, women can also revel in it. It’s a great time to feel great about self-pleasure.

Masturbation And Intercourse Semen Aren’t Same

Multiple studies from the 1990s suggest that semens generated from sex is different from that of masturbation. The interesting fact is, researchers found that masturbating men produced more semen. Of course, they needed a fresh and a better means of stimulation.

Animals Also Masturbate

Many people may have read it before, but it still remains an intriguing fact. Animals such as moose, squirrels, porcupines, walruses, and many others like to masturbate.

Masturbation isn’t just pleasure, it can be equated to self-liberation. This simple deed can unlock a doorway to limitless happiness for everyone. Now, men can make this act much more powerful and vivid. Using the cutting-edge motorized fleshlight, they’ll be in heaven every time they touch themselves.

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

Caius/Carlisle because of plot reasons. Twilight never happened. How do people react?

How do people react?

How do I react, anon, that's the real question. And it's with laughter, so much laughter, I think you've made my day.

And for the record, of course Twilight doesn't happen, because we're in the strange world where Caius/Carlisle is a thing: that changes everything.

Now, How the Hell Does this Happen?

Aro invites Carlisle to Volterra and Caius is not pleased. This guy is weird, he doesn't eat properly, Aro is infatuated and obsessed, and Caius is just dying.

Also, in this universe, Aro's unsure of his footing and doesn't go in for the kill. So on top of everything Caius has to deal with, he's watching lovesick Aro mooning and actively fretting if he's going to get laid with Carlisle or not (while Carlisle, somewhat clueless, is just hanging around reading books).

Caius decides he's had enough.

Fuck it, if Aro's not going to seduce this weirdo then Caius will, and that'll teach Aro to bring in guys who literally eat rats out of the sewer.

Caius, however, is also not a subtle guy.

He probably descends upon Carlisle in the library, shoving Aro out of the way, and says, "I will take you, pretty boy". There's no question here, mind you, it's just a statement. This will happen at some point in the near future.

Carlisle is once more very confused (he doesn't really understand what Caius is even implying here) but he doesn't want to be impolite to a man who is apparently king of the demons.

Well, Caius keeps trying, and shoving Aro out of the room and...

Like the world's weirdest romcom, it somehow works.

Thanks to the gift Carlisle has that neither @therealvinelle nor I have written a meta about yet, Caius starts thinking that Carlisle is actually a pretty cool dude. Crazy, of course, but he's starting to see what Aro sees in this guy.

On Carlisle's end, Caius is a barbarian warlord king, but he's surprisingly learned, has a wealth of experience, and a very interesting (if autocratic) view on life.

They start having actual conversations.

The ancient Greek wrestling matches Caius forces Carlisle to take part in not only are homoerotic as hell but also very sexually charged.

One thing leads to another and before they know it they're actually having an affair. Caius, of course, makes sure to rub it in Aro's face. If he hadn't spent so much time dallying around he could have gotten laid and this is why Caius always wins.

(Aro cries.)

Well, in the original plan, this was the part where Caius then kicked Carlisle out of his bed and said, "Get out, loser" Trouble is, he actually likes Carlisle now, and is oddly enough having a grand old time. So much so that, instead of visiting Corin, he hangs around Carlisle to discuss how worshipping Jewish carpenters is a silly occupation and Caius was alive for a thousand years before Jesus of Nazareth even existed.

When Carlisle starts hinting that he wants to leave, to search for others like him or at least willing to share the diet, Caius finds himself actually alarmed.

Carlisle isn't useful in any way Caius notices. He, in fact, is actually odd and very distracting, but dammit Caius has become accustomed to his face.

Aro let Carlisle go in canon, I imagine Caius Chelseas him to hell and back. Should that not work, Caius goes with him (making of course poor Renata come with the pair of them) and sabotages any chance for Carlisle to a) make friends b) get anyone on the diet. More, Caius I imagine makes it his mission from god to look for some hippie who will do this cardboard diet with Carlisle. Caius doesn't think he'll find anybody, but dammit, he'll find somebody.

Unfortunately for Caius, the first person he finds is a young Eleazar, who annoys the ever loving shit out of him. He can't do it. He can't even wait for Aro to get rid of him. Caius throws his severed limbs out a window and lights them on fire.

Caius then announces that he now respects human life, that's right, Carlisle, Caius is doing the fucking diet. SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO LEAVE VOLTERRA, DO YOU?!

Carlisle decides not to say anything to that. How can he? There are no words. To his surprise, Caius sticks to it for several hundred years and keeps going. Carlisle isn't sure how he feels about that.

How Do People React?

Aro cries and asks Marcus how Caius and Carlisle's relationship is progressing. Unfortunately, every time he asks, it seems to be doing fine for reasons unfathomable to everyone.

Carlisle becomes a familiar face in Volterra and in time is unofficially accepted as a sixth member of the coven. There's never a ceremony or anything, he just is.

Sulpicia is delighted because this means that Athenadora's husband is now having sex with hot men too. It's not just her anymore. Athenadora, meanwhile, is very confused about what's happening.

The Cullens don't react because they don't exist. Caius never let Carlisle get that far.

[extremelyblackandwhite]

ascendance - 02

PAIRING: mob!bucky barnes x reader

WARNINGS: violence, dark themes, murder, bleeding, kidnapping, age gap (reader is 23, bucky is 37)

A/N: i am gonna try using the commas as dialogue markers for this work as i’ve gotten a few complaints about my love of the -, so i’m giving it a trial run. don’t be alarmed by it. hope you enjoy it xx

> NEXT CHAPTER | MASTERLIST

Her head was pounding and felt as if some unseen force was squeezing her skull, causing her head to hurt even further but she daren’t open her eyes. She could open them, she was conscious enough to know she could open then but she had them squeezed shut, afraid of what awaited her once she did so. From her senses, she knew she was laying against stone, cold stone and she could hear water drops falling onto the surface, still she daren’t open her eyes. This was all a nightmare, just a nightmare that she was going to wake up from in her very tiny, over expensive, way older New York flat in front of the weirdest scenery someone could have. 

The footsteps had her forcefully open her eyes as she scrambled backwards, back hitting a cold wall as her blurry eyes focused on the room. It was dark, almost like a basement yet she couldn’t exactly make it up. The beads of her dress had left marks on her skin yet somehow her wig was still in place. She didn’t know where she was and she hoped this was a really bad joke they played on newcomers. That’s it, a joke. It was just a joke, just hazing on the new kid. She’d gone through hazing a newcomer teasing in old companies, that’s just what it was. Don’t think of the worse, don’t of the worse. 

Along with the echoing water drops falling onto the stone floor underwear, echoes of sleeps from above the ceiling started to become the main sound. She curled into a ball, fingers digging into her own skin as she hoped to wake up from this nightmare-like situation she was in. Suddenly, voice and steps was all she could hear, the water drops being drown up by those sounds until the door slammed open.

“WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS BILLY, HUH” a thick bronx accent was now the only thing that filled the room and she daren’t  open her eyes, instead remaining scared on the floor. "DOES THIS FUCKING LOOK LIKE A 40 YEAR OLD WOMAN TO YOU?”

“I, I’m sorry, boss. She was in the dressing room and I thought it was her, I could see her face." she peaked her eyes open, still laying down on the floor, the same floor where four men stood looking down at her. She could barely make out all of their faces, probably a result of fear and adrenaline overpowering her brain yet she could make up one face. One face standing at the right end, with glossy eyes which appeared to be staring nowhere, was familiar to her. "It was a mistake, I’m sorry ... I ... I can go back.”

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, BILLY?” the man who had been yelling before hand, pulled his hand over his own face. “Soldat.”

“He’s a kid, John.” the man who she had spoken with before but whose name she still didn’t know said in a low, tired voice. 

"A kid? Well, what the fuck are we gonna do with THAT FUCKING KID THEN?” the John person pointed at her and she almost stumbled back but her body couldn’t move. She knew she could move her body but she seemed paralysed. Her mind was rushing miles and miles an hour but her body was frozen into place. "Tommy, I expected better from you.”

"I thought he had the right chick.” said the man who still hadn’t spoken, shrugging. 

The mood seemed to shift with that sentence alone, the carelessness of it turning the room bitter and colder than it already was. John’s jaw tightened, constricted muscles as he looked over to the only familiar man in the room with decisive eyes. The man was almost mechanical, grabbing the revolver stuck to his hip in his right hand before his eyes settled on her. Her heart seemed to stop beating, waves of cold shivers washing all over her as she prepared herself for the worse. However, his gaze darted to the side and hers follow and then ... bang. A thump onto the floor followed by silence and as she looked back to where her gaze had been stuck so, she saw Tommy laid on the ground, gunshot to the head, blood staining his dirty blonde hair, the same blood which had slightly splattered onto her face which merely seemed to further paralyse her.

“Get rid of her. Last thing I need is another loose thread.” John took a handkerchief from his pocket, cleaning whatever blood had splattered onto him as if it were merely water and not the substance which had kept the man who now lied dead on the ground alive. 

“She might be valuable.” he still held his gun in hand, seemingly unbothered by what had just happened. What kind of monster does that? “She might know people”

“What do you do?” John turned to her, talking down as if she were a child. She looked around, not entirely sure if she could even manage to make any words come out of her mouth. Her gaze once against settled on the familiar man who mouthed something to her. Lie.

"L-lyric soprano.” she wasn’t lying per say but she knew no chorus girl was valuable and if she wasn’t valuable, her faith was laying on the ground. If she survives, maybe someone can find her, maybe she can run away.

"It’s the New York Opera. The police are gonna be insane running after her and we can use her as a get out of jail free card. Almost like an expensive painting” 

John looked her up and down, biting the inside of his cheek and pondering his options but Y/N couldn’t stare or even look at him. Her eyes were instead focused on the gun still being held by the unnamed man, the same gun which had any time could go off and while her hopeful side was willing to survive and get out, the other part of her wondered if it would be a kinder faith. 

"Fucking clean this up, Billy.” John sighed before leaving the the room.

She curled up, body shivering as she could wear the body being pulled up the stairs before the door was closed, leaving her alone in the room. Time went by slowly or at least it felt slow to her yet she couldn’t do anything, all she could do is be trapped in her own panic as what once felt like a start became a dead end. Even once she could get up to try and find any creaks and cracks, anything which would translate into an escape option, a sudden wave of disappointment, betrayal and hopelessness would bring her back down and almost pin her to the now blood stained ground. All she could do was look at the ceiling, silent tears rushing down her face and she was back to being paralysed on the ground, the beads of her costume pinching and bruising her skin.

The door opened a few times in a time space which she couldn’t really pinpoint yet she didn’t look at the door, she merely looked at the ceiling trying to imagine that she was somewhere else. Trying she imagine she was anywhere else, anywhere but else in the dark, by her self with dried tears in the corner of her eyes and cheeks, mixing with the dried blood on her cheeks she didn’t have the strength to wipe away while it was fresh. The paralysis soon enough was replaced by numbness as her body shut down, preferring to be asleep than awake as if she was going to wake up in her flat.

Bucky closed the door for what felt like the fifth time, eyeing the untouched sandwich and glass of water which had been laying there for the past 7 hours just a few meters away from where she was laying. He thought about telling her to eat, ordering her even but he guessed she had seen enough and been through enough. Wiping his hand off the dust from the basement, he climbed up the stairs to the main floor. He knew that path like the back of his hand, he’d been there enough times to know how to get there blindfolded. After all, they didn’t call that the burner room for no reason. 

“Damn cops won’t get off my back.” John complained as he saw him. “This is what happens when we leave loose ends. Should’ve killed him when I had the fucking chance.”

“They don’t have any evidence.”

“I’m sure when they come into my fucking house and see I have Jenny Lind locked in my basement they’ll love it” he scoffed. “You need to take her out of here before they come snooping.”

“It’s not my mess to clean.” Bucky leaned against the wall, arms crossed. “Ain’t Billy the one with that house in the Hamptons? Ask him, it’s his mess.”

“You think I’m going to trust Billy with my get outta jail card? Fucking idiot can’t even distinguish between a 40 year old and a 20 year old.” he snickered. “You keep her. You gotta flat in Brooklyn, don’t cha? No one’s gonna be looking at you.”

“And wait am I supposed to do with her hm? Handcuff her to my couch and hope she doesn’t scream until whenever?”

“Weren’t you the one who wanted to spare her? I thought you’d learned your lesson from the last time you questioned me.” Bucky looked down at the floor, jaw locked, forehead muscles tense. “Thought so.”

Y/N woke up in a different place and while it was as dark as the basement, she knew it was somewhere else. She could feel herself moving but she herself wasn’t moving. She looked around, trying to look around for any indicators of her she was until she moved her hands up which came into contact with some sort of metal covered by a weird velvet like fabric. Was she in the trunk of a car? Her hand tried to look for the sign light to punch it out just like she had heard in school assemblies so, so many times yet as she finally found it, the car came to a very harsh stop. She held her breathe in, her ears registering footsteps which became louder and louder until the trunk of the car was pulled open. The harsh light hurt her eyes which she squeezed shut only to open them again. The same man from the dressing room stood over the trunk. She curled up against herself but he grabbed her bicep, easily lifting her from the trunk and onto the floor yet maintaining the grip on her bicep. 

She was in what looked like a garage, with green blueish lighting and while she could see a big closed door at the end, his grip on her bicep was a silent reminder for her not to try anything. Not only did he tower over her but she was almost sure he probably had a gun with him and she thought not to try. He led her to a lift, making sure she entered before he did. As the doors closed, that feeling of dread in her stomach mixed with the other one she had felt the very first time she saw him yet she daren’t look him in the eye. In all honesty, everything was blurry to her even as she walked into a small flat, the sound of the door behind closed and locked behind her being the only thing she really registered. 

The man walked up to his kitchen which was open concept with the living room and grabbed a bottle with amber liquid from the counter, pouring himself what she guessed was whiskey yet she wasn’t the most alcohol knowledgeable person, most of the times she couldn’t even drink milk, much less alcohol.

“You hungry?” he asked in an nonchalant tone as if she were merely a guest in this flat. Y/N looked behind her back to the door. “I would follow you if you tried it.”

“I ... I am not gonna tell anyone.” 

“It’s not my choice to make. You try to run and you’re successful and someone will just kill you. Your best choice is to stay put. They don’t like loose ends.” he downed whatever liquid was in the glass, putting it back on the counter. She remained there, not moving from the space between the door and the place where the kitchen began. The man sighed, grabbing a peach from a glass bowl on the counter and placing it just at the end, where it was closest to her. “Eat something, will you?”

“I don’t want to. Thank you.”

“There’s food in the fridge. Suit yourself.”

He left the room to enter one of the other rooms, leaving Y/N all alone in the middle of that room. Escape! Her mind yelled at her and she immediately moved back to the door, trying to push at the handle so it would open but the latched was locked shut. She turned around, looking for anything to jab the lock until she noticed the windows. Her most careful side would have told her not to do it but she had to. She had to escape, she couldn’t stay put. She had been working her whole life for that opportunity, working low paid jobs to pay for tuition at Julliard, not drinking, not dating, not having any lactose so her voice would be good enough, she couldn’t ... she just couldn’t lose that opportunity after putting her whole teenage years at stake just so she could have this opportunity. 

Y/N made her way to the window which led to a fire escape but was also locked. She looked over her shoulder to check if he had left the room before she pulled her arm back and to the front, her fist hitting the glass which cracked. She continued punching the glass with all the force she could manage despite the glass burying and cutting her skin until she had broken the window enough too climb out into the fire escape. As she prepared to put her leg over the cracked hole, two arms wrapped around her waist, pushing her back. She whimpered and moved around in the embrace, trying to get free. If only she could get free for a moment she could climb out, she could run away, she could go back to the opera house. 

“Stop.” he flushed her tighter to his chest, walking away from the window, away from her possibility of escaping. 

It didn’t take long for him to notice she was hurt, her blood falling onto his jacket as he pulled her further and further away. He brought her to the front of the sink, gloved hand lifting the tap up, making a constant stream of cold water come up. Through her constant fighting to get free he managed to get her hand under the water, shards of glass coming out onto the red stained water which whirled onto the drain. 

“Let me go.” he elbowed him in the chest but he continuously held her against the side of the sink, fingers rubbing against the top of her palm to unlodge the shards of glass of her skin. “I have to go, please let me go.”

“Calm down.”

“Stop.” she tried to wriggle her wrist off his hold. “I have to go.”

“I promise you that you will go. You stay put, you don’t try to run and in no time you’ll be back doing petty chores for divas.”

“Why should I trust you?” she looked at the sink filled with little shards of glass. 

“It’s either that or you’ll end up dead. What other choice do you have?” he stopped forcing her against the sink, leaning against the opposite corner. “Last thing I want is to lock you in a room. So what’s it gonna be?”

“You promise you’ll let me go?”

“You have my word.”

TAGLIST: @lookiamtrying @buckyswillows @blossomslibrary @juliesland @iloveshawnieboi @unmagically​ @red-head011​ 

[outerrangesource]

Tom Pelphrey Talks About His Time On Outer Range And Ozark — Exclusive Interview

"Outer Range" is its own thing but it's hard to ignore the comparisons being made to "Yellowstone." Do you see similarities between the two shows?

Honestly, I have not seen "Yellowstone," although all of my friends who have, love it. I would imagine that the similarities are probably on the surface in that there's a lot of people riding on horses and a decent amount of drama.

Fair enough. I've also seen the show compared to everything from "Lost" to "Twin Peaks." Do you approach the series as more of, say, a ranch drama like "Yellowstone" or a sci-fi mystery à la "Lost" or "Twin Peaks"?

It's interesting. As an actor, I need to find the character and understand the world that I'm living in. Strangely enough — this was true for me and I wonder if the other cast feels the same way about this — this played best as absolute natural reality. I feel like sometimes when you're playing in a certain world that's stylized, you have to be aware of the style as an actor because it changes your choices a bit. As weird as "Outer Range" is, the style is happening to us, in a way. I don't think we play it. Weirdly, with "Outer Range," which is definitely the weirdest show I've ever been on, for me it was to play it completely naturalistically.

Did anything eerie or supernatural ever happen on the set? Or any memorable moments that really stand out from behind the scenes?

There was a lot of extremes of weather. There was one night when the Tillerson boys come to the Abbott ranch and they're looking for [missing brother] Trevor, and I follow them outside to the barn and they're wearing hoodies and coats and I'm wearing a T-shirt because they woke me up out of bed. It was below zero, and we filmed all night until the sun came up, so I was outside with the wind whipping and it was literally below zero, and those were the kind of things that I felt like … I don't know if it shows up in the show in a way that the audience can appreciate but I know, for us, it felt like a physical trial at times. That added to how close the cast got and how real that world felt for us. It did not feel like being on a TV set most of the time.

Would you say that the weather was the most challenging part of filming? If not, what was the most challenging part?

No. It's interesting. When we get introduced to a character, usually we spend some time with them and we go on a journey with them and then maybe something happens that leads to some sort of culmination and we can take that ride with the character as an audience. With Perry, what was intimidating and challenging to me was that we meet this character in crisis, so the stasis of Perry is crisis. Literally, the first frame we see him, his wife has been missing for nine months. No one knows if she's alive or dead or where she is, and that's his life. That's all he wanted — to have a wife, to have a daughter, and to work on the ranch. We meet this man close to broken, and then in the first episode, we find out they're not going to look for his wife anymore.

He gets drunk. He beats someone to death with his bare hands because that person said the wrong thing at the wrong time about his wife, and now he's completely ruined his life, and possibly completely ruined his daughter's life — total crisis, and that's by the end of the first episode. The challenge for me is, when I first read these things, I try and read them as objectively as possible before I let myself put the blinders on and only think about the character. 

At first, when I'm reading it, I'm like, "Man, that's a lot. That's a lot to ask the audience to go on a ride with while holding them at arm's length." If a character is too much too soon, it can be repellent. It's asking too much of the audience to let them in and go on a ride with them, but I love that about "Outer Range." I love that about the scripts.

I thought it was a very unique way to introduce a character. I thought it was a really cool challenge as an actor because of the pain that he's in and what he does to Trevor. The pain that he's in is the catalyst for the rest of the show because that's what makes him beat Trevor to death, and that's what sets the entire show in motion.

There are two inciting instances. Royal finds the hole, and Perry kills Trevor. We needed that pain because it has to justify what he's about to do, and it was a very beautiful script to work on because you're like, "How do we bring in the colors and put them in the right places where we get to maybe see this man as he was nine months and one day ago, so that he's not just this broken thing?" Of course, he is that, but he is also a dad, a son. He was another guy that we never got to see.

Usually, we get to see that guy and then something happens and then we see the effect of it and we go on that journey as an audience. "Outer Range" comes in with Perry and says, "Here's this broken man." It was beautiful to film the scenes with Rhett, my brother, and especially the scenes with Amy, my daughter, because her feelings are more important to him than his own, where the old him can come out to talk to her and comfort her. That was the challenge for me, and it was exciting.

I have a lot of questions that are about the plot that I'm sure you can't answer but I have to ask… Where does Perry's storyline go from here? Will we see you in Season 2?

I got to tell you, right now it seems to be the Season 1 party, and I don't know anything about a Season 2 yet. I don't think anyone does. I literally just got to see everybody yesterday, Josh and Lili and Imogen [Poots]. We were at an event together for the show and it was really a feeling of celebration of the first season. In so many ways, it's been such a wild ride. We didn't know what the show would be, and now, to have it come out, it seems like people are really excited about it and enjoying it. The people that I interact with seem to be, and they're texting me theories. 

I've never been on a show where my friends and family are so involved. They're telling me what they think and what their theories are, which is really cool. At this moment in time, I think it's a celebration of accomplishing that first season as a team. I think the possibility of a second season is still a question mark.

What do you think happens in the hole?

It has to do with time. It's fascinating. ["Outer Range" creator] Brian Watkins is someone that I've known for years and years now. He's a New York playwright and I saw one of his plays six, seven years ago and was so blown away that I reached out to him, which I'd never done before or since, and we struck up a working relationship. Over the last few years when he had a new play, I would go in to LAByrinth Theater Company or New Dramatists and we'd work for a week, or we'd do a stage reading, or workshop the writing, and I really fell in love with him and his talent and his personality and his style, and that was all so evident here on "Outer Range."

"Outer Range" is, to me, a perfect natural progression from so many of the plays that I've been lucky enough to work on with him. What I would say about Brian is that if there's anything to me that's very particular to his style or his way of thinking or telling a story, it's that there's always a very deep central metaphor. Usually, it's a magical or supernatural or mystical element that is a physical manifestation of an emotional truth that he's trying to explore. I can't talk on his behalf about the hole in particular and what that means to "Outer Range," but what I was always fascinated by with the hole was, what is it bringing out in each character?

What's it like having Josh Brolin as your dad?

I love him so much. He's my dude. He's such an amazing guy. When I first got the job, we met over FaceTime or something, and he was like, "How old are you?" I told him. I think I was 38 at the time, and he grimaced. Then he meets me in person and he's like, "How tall are you?" I was like, "Six foot two." He grimaces again and he's like, "All right, you're adopted. You're too old or you're too tall to be my son."

Joking aside, he's a very special human being. He's an amazing guy. He's been a dear friend and an actor that I've looked up to for a long time. He's excellent to work with. He is born to be in shows like this. I mean, that guy gets on a horse and moves with that animal like most people would ride a bike. It's so natural. It's so easy for him. When I watch the show, I'm like, "Damn, Josh looks like he was f***ing born with a cowboy hat on his head." I look at myself in the cowboy hat and I'm like, "I don't know," but I look at Josh with the cowboy hat and say, "This is how it was always meant to be." 

Personally, as a fan of his over the years, when I watch the show, I honestly think this is his best work I've seen in years. I think this is a really special project for him and a really perfect role. He knocked it out of the park.

[bigteefsmallbrain]

General Soul Eater HCs please

Soul Eater: General headcanons

Death the Kid:

He’s an art critic

Hear me out

He is obsessed with symmetry, and loves the beauty in it

So when he sees something non-symmetrical, especially in art, he can’t help but to critique it

May go as far as to send a personal letter to the artist (If they’re alive) about how offensive it is that they created something so asymmetrical

If he can’t send a letter to the artist, he’ll send one to the owner/museum and request it be taken down, while listing reasons why it’s horrible.

Anything he writes has an even amount of letters and words

Be that his test answers

Essays

Letters

Diary entry

Speaking of diary entries, he definitely has one

But it’s actually just a catalogue of symmetrical things he’s seen

He puts photos into it and writes about how beautiful it was to see

He doesn’t care what it is much, just that it was beautiful

Meaning he takes photos of people too

Which can be unnerving at times

He’s probably taken a photography class before, or at the very least is self taught

Literally has a photo album of things he views are beautiful, but non symmetrical and he would die if anyone found it

Like a particular sunset with uneven hills

Or a flower with one too many petals

Definitely has an 8 ball, not a magic one, just an 8 ball, it’s placed on a velvet pillow in his room and he frequently polishes it

Elizabeth Thompson:

Makes several backup plans as a way to cope

Especially after dealing with an experience with a ghost

She has notebooks full of them, labeled and detailed

At one point she started putting them in alphabetical order but stopped immediately when she realized Kid’s perfectionist habits were rubbing off on her

She practices acting in the mirror

Usually so she can charm a man into dating her

But also to con people

She used to be a “Street rat” and that thought of ending up on the streets again constantly plagues her mind

She takes full advantage of the “Rich life”

Shopping sprees

Quality makeup

Salons and spa days

The works

She lets Patty’s thought that she knows everything get to her head

The fact alone that her sister believes in her that much is enough to make her a bit egotistical

And Patty’s admiration for the girl makes it ten times worse

She literally doesn’t care if she ends up being wrong because she’ll just be right next time anyways

So stubborn in that aspect

Patricia Thompson:

She likes dark humor

You can’t convince me otherwise, you actually can’t, I have evidence

She made an origami Giraffe, and broke its neck

Laughed when Kid said he “wants to die”

She literally pokes him with a stick when he’s depressed

She likes dark humor, and probably looks up jokes to tell others just for kicks

She’s secretly sadistic, and likes scaring her sister and others

She may act naïve and innocent, but she is anything but

She definitely has, more than once, banged on Liz’s door at 3AM just to hear her sister squeal like a little girl

Honestly, she probably purposefully gets their pose wrong, just to see her sisters annoyance and laugh when Kid gets smacked

She likes origami

Probably first got into it because of the paper ninja stars

Then just found it relaxing

She most likely makes the ninja stars mostly, and keeps a box of her origami creations somewhere

Has in the past, and will not hesitate to do so again, beat someone up for kicks or just to destress

Patty has two faces, the childlike innocent one, and the insane anger one

So it’s not too far fetched to say that she’ll hide her anger till she can corner someone alone and beat them up

Or that she gets bored and decides to do so

I wouldn’t be too surprised if her sister occasionally joined as well

Maka Albarn:

She’s a Harry Potter nerd and you can’t convince me otherwise

She loves the concept of magic

Loves the dynamic between Ron and Hermione, though feels a bit of Deja vu thinking about it

Probably used to write fanfiction, but in a way that made it seem like it was actually part of the story

She will hit you if you mention it

Definitely the type to compare books to their movie counterparts

Not in like, a critic way, but she will definitely rant about the differences, or how a character looks exactly like she imagined, or if they didn’t put in a particular scene she liked in the book

Forces Soul into movie nights, but it’s only the movie counterparts to her books

I can see her forcing everyone into a group study session

Be super organized about it, and setting it up in a way so that no one can refuse

She probably has specific ways for everyone to study

Like having Black☆Star work out while studying so he retains the knowledge better

Or setting up the session in a symmetrical way so Kid doesn’t freak out about it

She writes letters to her mom, as a coping mechanism for when her emotions get to be a little too much

Like when she’s having a bad day

Or if she’s particularly peeved at something Soul did

She writes a lot more letters when it comes around the time of her mom's birthday or death anniversary

She likes the thought of an old timey romance, and often listens to songs that give off that kind of feel

She really likes “It’s Been a Long, Long Time”, it’s one of her favorites

She also likes the old Disney songs, like “Once Upon a Dream” and “So This Is Love”

She would be so embarrassed if anyone found out though, especially if it was her dad or Soul

She isn’t quite sure why she’s so worried about Soul finding out though

Speaking of, she half realizes, half doesn’t with anyone's romantic feelings, including her own

She’ll fantasize about getting a love letter or having someone present her with a bouquet of roses

But if it actually happens she’s like “Oh, thanks friend!”

She knows the behaviors, she just can’t put two and two together

They would have to be extremely blunt, no over dramatic confession, just “I’m in love with you and want to be romantically involved with you”

She reads dictionaries for fun

She really likes to read out of date dictionaries, just to see what words and slang existed back then

She also highlights words she likes and uses them frequently on accident

She has most definitely yelled “I have cupid’s kettlebells*! I’m not flat!” at Soul before

Soul Evans:

Bottles. Up. His. Emotions.

He’s influenced by “toxic masculinity” and fully believes that being vulnerable in a serious way “isn’t cool”

He will bottle everything up so deep down inside that it seems impossible for it to surface

Feelings of inferiority to others? Bottled

Want to cry or break down? Nope, gotta be cool

Started crying in front of someone and can’t stop? He’s not crying, you’re clearly blind

Speaking of crying, once he starts, and I mean genuinely starts, it’s so hard to get him to calm down, and even then the tears don’t stop

Sometimes he’ll start to freak out and send himself into a panic attack because the tears just won’t stop

He’s that influenced by the thought of being vulnerable

On a lighter note, he does adore playing the piano, but the only person he’ll play for is Maka

He swears it’s not favoritism, and it’s partially true, but favoritism does play a large role in it

He frequently drags Maka to his room to show her a new piece he put together

And if he notices her feeling a little down that day, he’ll start playing a song that he knows she likes

He definitely knows about her love for old timey romance songs and is very embarrassed to admit a lot of the pieces he constructs are based off of that

The walls are p a p e r t h i n , he can hear her music through the walls

He secretly finds it adorable when he catches her listening to it because she’ll be dancing around to it

He also frequently finds himself thinking about those moments

He’s the stereotype that parents tell little girls about, with how boys will bully their crush

He’s a lot more playful and easy going, but still teases Maka, so much

Unlike Maka, he’s fully aware of his feelings, and acknowledges them, but bottles it up, only letting himself entertain the thought every once in a while

He jabs at Maka’s lack of “Cupids Kettlebells” as a way to try and ensure she won’t fall for him, because he doesn’t know what he’ll do if she does

He reads the same dictionaries that Maka does, not for fun, but so he can know just what the actual h e l l she’s saying

More than once he’s had to look up a particular word or phrase online because he can’t find it in the dictionary

“What the hell? It’s an old Victorian saying!? Where does she keep finding this stuff!?”

Subconsciously, as time goes on, he starts using old phrases as well, he was so embarrassed the first time he got caught saying “Keep your idle daddles* off of her!” when defending someone from a perv.

Black☆Star:

Is so unbelievably selfish with food

It’s not even funny

He will stab someone if they reach for his food

He surprisingly eats healthy most of the time though?

Says something like “I have to otherwise I’ll never surpass the gods!”

The only person who could ever p o s s i b l y steal his food is Tsubaki, but even that’s pushing it

He has the weirdest dreams, and I mean weird

Dreams like being turned into a potato and being cooked, mashed, and devoured by Tsubaki herself

He didn’t talk to her for a week after that dream, and refused to eat potatoes for a full year because “You never know if it could be a person turned into a potato!”

He was also very offended when Tsubaki ate potatoes during that time period

He takes things very literally

Like up above, if someone does something in a dream, he acts like it was real

Or if someone makes a joke about fighting, he will drag them outside to fight

He’s secretly scared of Tsubaki

But it’s for literally the stupidest reason

And he fully believes that because of it she could fight god and win

She used to have a pet cockroach

One of the flying ones

And he is so unbelievably scared of them, because for some reason they just don’t die, and they have w i n g s

So the fact she owned one as a pet scares him so bad even though it was literally for only a week

He has a soft spot for children

He doesn’t really know why

He just does

Is secretly really good with kids

Literally the definition of dad material

He has his flaws but still

Little kids are the only people who could steal his food and get away with it

Every. Time. and it makes the others so mad

Tsubaki Nakatsukasa:

What can I say, she’s perfect

She probably receives love letters

Reads them over when she’s feeling sad

Likes to keep them in a shoebox she painted

She definitely paints to unwind and relax

Likes to go outside and paint the sunrise/sunset

Takes note of beautiful scenery so she can come back in her free time and paint it

She probably draws/sketches too

Carries a sketchbook with her

More than likely has drawn Black☆Star doing something

Like napping or training

She’d never show him though, too scared of inflating his ego or giving him the wrong idea

Stress bakes/cooks

We know she cooks

Liz took advantage of it and pretended Tsubaki’s cooking was her own

So we know she does

Sometimes painting/drawing doesn’t cut it

So she heads to the kitchen and bakes away her worries and unwinds

The main reason Tsubaki would possibly be spared from Black☆Star’s stabbing habit with food is because she cooks all the meals

She makes sure everyone is comfortable around her

She’ll go as far as to learn someone's customs and practice cooking their unique cuisine just to make sure that they feel comfortable and safe in her presence

She radiates mom friend energy

She’s perfect mom material, perfect wife material, perfect in general honestly

*Cupid's Kettlebells is a old term for a woman's bust

*Idle daddles is a old term for hands

I Hope you like these general headcanons for the main seven! You didn’t say which characters you’d like to see, so I played it safe by putting the main characters! Thank you for the ask!

[boldlyvoid]

Amoreena | chapter eleven

chapter eleven

main summary: Heaven is a real place and it's located exactly 14.6 miles away from the FBI, Quantico Headquarters. Off behind a small park, under a fantastical willow tree surrounded by wildflowers, in every colour young minds can imagine.

Don't forget, heaven also comes with angels.

Chapter Warnings: Y/N POV: details of what happened to Stephen, her grandmas cancer, and very detailed explanations of how babies are made (as biologically accurate and not very graphic as possible) this is an angsty trauma filled chapter that made me cry a lot just writing it so I'm sorry in advance

word count: 3K

from the beginning <3

June 13th, 2010

There’s a knock on her parent's door at 4 in the morning, Y/N’s sound asleep on the couch back at her grandma’s, awoken by said grandmother as she hears all the noise beyond the porch. There are 2 cop cars at the main house, worry starts to settle over them.

She puts on a pair of shoes, taking her grandmother's hand in hers as they begin the early morning trek up the road, anxiety seeping in deeper and deeper as they get closer to the lights illuminating their driveway.

Her father is talking to an officer on the steps, her mother is crying behind him. “We’re so sorry for your loss,” the officer says and Y/N’s blood runs cold, numbing her from the impending despair.

“What happened?” Her grandmother asks, rubbing a hand along Y/N’s back in preparation for the worst.

“Evan was in a car accident,” her father says softly, knowing that Y/N knows Stephen was with him tonight. She breaks away from her grandma and without thinking she’s right in the officer's face.

“Which one of them died?”

“Ma’am,” it was never a good way to start the worst conversation of her life with that word or in that tone. She felt like a '40s housewife learning her husband wasn’t coming home from the war, only he wasn’t even her husband yet.

He would have been on next Saturday.

“I’m sorry, Stephen was pronounced dead on the scene,” he says the worst sentence she’s ever heard, and now she’ll never forget it. “The passenger side took the worst of it, once again, I am so sorry for your loss.”

She’s surprisingly calm, managing to whisper, “thank you,” before she’s walking off into the field, pushing everyone's hands away as she travels as far as he feet will take her.

She ends up at the willow tree by the pond as soon as the sun is rising, it happened a lot earlier in June than the rest of the year. The birds singing, the wind blowing against the leaves making them carry a tune in harmony together. The world is still spinning, life is moving on, but how?

She sat there against the tree for a while, picking blades of grass and weaving them into a chain, soothing her brain as she makes a pattern. Giving her hands something to do so they stop going numb, it’s the only thing that really reminds her that she's real, that she’s controlling the twists and tucks, the shape and length and the fact that it was created at all.

Ending the life of the single blade of grass as she picks it, never to be whole again. Snatched from its happy place, where it grew loved and surrounded by other matching green strands as they blew in the wind.

Then she's pulling fist full after fist full of grass out of the dirt, her hands covered in mud as she shouts, throwing handfuls of grass and dirt towards the pond. The once blue water starting to turn cloudy; disrupted and upset with her anger as it swallows her weapons, but it doesn’t make her feel better. All she did was disrupt the earth, changing the way this once beautiful patch of land used to look. She couldn’t help but sob, realizing that she was like this field now and her beautiful green pasture was disrupted, overturned and ruined.

The life that flowed through her died along with the love of her life.

“Stephen was pronounced dead on the scene,” the words echo in her mind in a constant circle like she’s stuck in a tin can.

It starts to reverberate, getting louder and louder as the same 7 words all run around in her head. Bouncing off the walls, smacking her down again and again as she hears them over and over and over… she’s holding her hands on her ears, shaking back and forth, sobbing when she feels someone wrap their arms around her.

She doesn’t open her eyes, instead, she's rushing to push them off of her, struggling out of their grasp as she fights them. Finally, she loses, being held in her brother's embrace as they both cry, he barely has a scratch on him when she finally looks at him.

she’s never been physical in her life, but she punched him right in the face. Her twin brother, best friend in childhood and the person she’s known the longest in her life. He held her close in the womb, crying if they separated as soon as they were born, she loved him deeply and yet she hated him something fierce at that moment.

“It wasn’t my fault,” Evan cries, “we were stopped at a red light, Y/N!”

“I don’t care! He was supposed to be my husband!” She swats at him, smacking his arms again and again as he tries to hold them back, holding her so tightly as she basically screams bloody murder in the field.

All she can see is his face, her beautiful happy Stephen. The first time she ever saw him, standing under a street light in Boston, papers in his hand and wonder in his eyes. The way he looked up at her, the glow of the light making a halo glow over his head.

She should have known he was too good to be true. Always destined to return to the heavens, he was truly angelic with his big emerald eyes that were only the tiniest bit yellow on the edge of the pupil, the way her name sounded on his tongue like a blessing coming true.

They buried him 2 days after what was supposed to be their wedding. Disrupting another beautiful patch of earth to hide him away forever, she placed a single rose on his casket, she never said goodbye and she never planned to.

“See you later, superstar,” she patted the glossy black box once last time before sending him down into the earth.

—

September 2012

This fucking willow tree and 7-word sentences…

“What do you mean you have cancer?”

Her grandma let a tear slip from her eye, “I’ve got colon cancer, honey, the doctors said I have another 2 years, maybe 5 if I'm lucky.”

Every time someone sat beside her in this one spot, she learned the worst information in the world. Sure Evan didn’t mean to kill Stephen, doesn’t mean she’s talked to him at all in the last year. with Grandpa dying only a few summers back, her favourite house cat now buried in the yard, she can’t lose her grandma now too.

“Okay,” she starts to plan in her head, her eyes about ready to jump out of her skull as she tries to think of all the things they need to do before it’s too late, “let’s go to England, let’s blow my bank account, you can’t leave me without going to England with me? We were supposed to get tea and pretend to be the queen and princess?”

She couldn’t stop the tears, her whole body heaving as she sobbed into her grandma’s dress, “you can’t leave me too!”

“Your grandfather and I have a fund for you, you were the last baby we got to raise when your mom went back to work, I want you to use it for that baby we talked about,” her grandma’s voice is barely a whisper, softly getting the words over her vocal cords as the tears joined Y/N’s on her dress.

Without another word, she took her hand and walked home, getting in her car together and heading to the closest fertility clinic, she booked her first insemination for February, pre-paying for a round of IVF hormones and everything to start in January, she had 3 months to plan.

Finding the perfect donor was the only hard part. She had 3 different books to choose from with all the clinics in the DC area sharing 1 sperm bank. She finally made her decision 3 weeks before they were set to get her pregnant when they updated the books.

Sample 2319, male 30’s, healthy, high IQ, 6’1, brown eyes, brown hair (curly). “Sounds a lot like Stephen,” her grandma agreed, saying his name for the first time in over 2 years, she knew this was her guy.

—

June 14th, 2021

Peeing on a stick shouldn’t be as terrifying as it is.

She hasn’t been this nervous since the first time Dr. Collins inseminated her. Laying back on the table at a weird elevation to make sure she got pregnant, her whole body tense as she thought of the possibilities of her future child.

Sample 2319 sitting in a cup not too far from her face as she prepared for a man she barely knew to put the semen of another man she didn’t know, inside her. She only picked this guy cause he was smart and tall, no health issues to report and the number made her think of Monsters Inc.

In her mind, she made a baby with a man she named mike wazowski, not knowing his real name was actually Spencer Reid and he was only just down the road at Quantico the whole time. It was the weirdest day ever, and then it became the second-best day of her life

Nothing could top holding her baby in her arms for the first time. Her grandma and mother beside her as they all cried, the perfect purple baby screaming on her chest as they tried to wipe the white gunk off her tiny body. her sweet little coos, seeing her swollen eyes open for the first time, the silence that overcame her as they made their first introduction to each other. Her little person, the love of her life, her wonderful Amoreena.

Her cry was perfect, like music to her ears she wanted to hear her little voice as long as she could because it meant she was alive and real. She was healthy and beautiful and the most perfect bundle of joy she could have ever made.

Now she was hiding in the bathroom to pee on a stick while her 7-year-old had breakfast in the next room. Oh, how times changed, but one thing remained the same, she was finding out alone again. Only this time she meant for that to happen, it was exactly 4 days since her period was supposed to start and it wasn’t there, neither was Spencer.

He had something to do that morning, but he’d be meeting them later that afternoon, it was Amoreena’s last day of kindergarten after all. She wanted time to either enjoy the thought of having another baby or cry in peace because for once it didn’t work, giving her a week to recover before trying again.

Amoreena was a miracle, the easiest IVF baby they ever made at the clinic, apparently. If she was pregnant this easily again it was a sure sign that he was Amoreena’s father too, only he could get her knocked up while not even trying.

She didn’t remember pregnancy tests taking this long, she flipped it over and walked out of the room, unable to think of anything else while she waited for 3 minutes to pass. Amoreena noticed she was being weird, studying her mother's movements as she paced the hall outside of the bathroom door.

“What are you doing?” She asked, curious as ever as she twirled lightly in her new princess dress.

“Can you keep a secret?”

“Always mom, I’m the best secret keeper in all the kingdom, remember?” Amoreena smiled, holding onto her leg as she stared up at her.

“Your dad and I tried to make a baby,” she whispered, petting the litter hairs on her forehead as Amoreena looked up at her, her first little baby. “I’m waiting to find out if it worked, but we can’t tell anyone in case it didn’t, okay?”

Amoreena’s eyes were wider than she’s ever seen them, her mouth opened slowly as she understood the words in her mind. She didn’t look happy or surprised, nor upset or worried. She looked confused, “how?”

She laughed then, shaking her head as she lifted Amoreena into her arms, she would have to know soon anyway. “You know how every month mummy has a bad week where she bleeds and her tummy hurts?”

“Yeah?”

“When people with our parts grow up they make little tiny eggs but we don’t lay them like chickens do, they stay inside our tummies and wait to become babies and if they don’t we have a period and release all the stuff our bodies saved up that month to make a little person. You’ll have one soon too in a few years, probably when you're 12 like I was, and when people with a penis get old enough they’re able to help us make the babies like roosters help the chickens. Our bodies are really special and make some really cool things when we try to,” she explained it in the most simple farmhouse way she could.

“Like when the goats are all born in the spring and they just show up?” She tried to clarify, understanding it at the basic level.

“Kinda, you’ve seen the photos of you in my tummy and how aunty Shannon’s stomach grew when she had your cousins, I’ll get really big like that too if I’m pregnant, the baby will grow for 9 long months till they’re nice and healthy and then we’ll have another person in the family,” she couldn’t help but smile as she thought about it.

“How do we find out?”

She opened the bathroom door then and carried Amoreena inside, setting her down on the sink and pointing at the upside-down test stick. “We create a special hormone when we’re pregnant, it’s something that can be detected in our pee!” she explained it like it was magic, watching her get excited instead of grossed out.

“So I peed on that stick and if it has 2 lines I have a baby in my tummy, if not then your dad and I have to try again.”

Amoreena picked up the test and looked at it, keeping it out of her mothers sight as she did so, “there’s two lines,” she lit up waving the stick lightly as she squealed.

Y/N wrapped her up in her arms and twirled her around, “you’re gonna be the best big sister ever!”

“How do we tell dad?” Amoreena’s soft voice whispered in her ear as she snuggled into her shoulder.

“I have an idea,” she whispered back before carrying her back into the kitchen.

Her All About Me project was sitting on the counter, ready for Y/N to drive her into school today. She set Amoreena down on the floor to watch her as she took some tape and taped the stick to the bottom corner of the project. “Pass me the marker, please?”

Amoreena ran to the counter to get it, coming back and placing it in her mom's hand before leaning in to watch what she was writing.

“I’m going to be a big sister sometime next February!” Amoreena read the words as her mother wrote them, unbelievably excited.

“Your dad can read that at the ceremony tonight!”

“I thought you said we can’t tell anyone yet?” Amoreena questioned her, like always.

“Your teacher can know, the other kids won't know what it means, it’s just important Spencer sees it, but we will wait to tell nanny and poppy, okay? Sometimes the babies don’t always stay, it’s sad so we keep it a secret until they’ve got a tiny little heartbeat in there,” she didn’t want to scare her, but she knew it was always a possibility.

“Then we try again,” Amoreena smiled, “It’ll be easier now that you don’t need Dr. Collins to help you, how did you even make me without Spencer?” She didn't use his real name often anymore, only in times when she wasn't referring to him as her father.

She sat down then, pulling Amoreena into her lap so she could hold her while she thought of the right words. “So we have eggs, but people with penises have something called sperm. When adults, and I mean adults you have to be at least 25 to have a baby it’s the rules,” she teased her slightly, ticking her arms.

“Adults have sex, babies are made when someone with a vagina and someone with a penis get together. But when you don’t have a partner with a penis to help, sometimes they’ll donate their sperm to the doctor's offices to help people like me make their perfect little families all by themselves.”

“Interesting,” is all her little mind can say, she has learned so much in one day, Y/N was surprised she was still listening and surprisingly still for once. “Is it a boy or a girl?”

“We won't know for a while,” she smiled, holding Amoreena closer to her chest. “How do you feel about all this?”

Amoreena was quiet as she thought about it, “is Spencer the guy who gave the doctors the sperm for me?”

“We think so, but we don’t know, why?”

Amoreena looked at her softly, “it wouldn’t be fair, I know he said I don’t need a father but why do they get to have him for both?”

“I think Spencer is your father, you’re just as smart and wonderful as he is, there’s no doubt in my mind that you’re his baby too. but if you want to know if he isn't, when you turn 18 the doctors will tell you who it is, it's completely up to you to find out,” she whispered, the tears starting to fall down her cheeks as Amoreena tried to wipe them away.

"I like thinking he's my father, so he is." Her mind worked in the most wonderful way. Y/N couldn’t help but hold her close as she lightly cried, “I had a dream yesterday that I had 8 sisters,” her voice was so soft and innocent as her tiny hand cupped her mother's cheek.

She gasped lightly at the words, remembering Spencer’s panic in the middle of the night last night, how scared he was to leave her all alone with 9 babies and no one to help her. They knew something that she didn’t yet, cheaper by the dozen seemed less like a dream and more like a prophecy.

“I’m so happy to make your dream come true,” Y/N whispered, “I promise I’m happy, the baby just makes me emotional.”

Amoreena placed her hand on her tummy then, “I love you, baby.”

Y/N stuck her tummy out as far as she could, “I love you too, big sister,” she said in a funny voice to make Amoreena laugh, leaning back in the chair as she held her.

And just like that, getting pregnant with Amoreena was bumped into 3rd place for the best day of her life. Sharing the moment with her and no one else was perfect, insuring she knew that she was just as important moving forward as the little person she was growing this time.

tag list: @shemarmooresfedora @spencers-dria @spookyspence @reidsfish @manuosorioh @mochionly @samuel-de-champagne-problems @jswessie187 let me know if you would like to be added as well!!

[cloudninetonine]

Cogito, ergo sum

Chapter: 2

Pairing: Connor (RK800) x fem!reader

A/N: Hey guys! I want to apologise for the long wait between chpaters but seeing as I’m on my last year of college my school work is coming before everything else so it’s a little hard working between them! Don’t worry, I’m not dropping this series or anything just expect chapters to take a little long to be loaded and everything! Also, this chapter seems a little too far paced for me, so sorry about that as well!

Tags at the bottom once again!

I do not own Detroit become human this is merely fanficion

Warnings: Bad language, physical assault, threats (?), hints of abuse, (Name) being weird like always, also angry (Name), mentions of drugs, there’s a bit of slander against drug abusers that I do not condone!

Undercut babes!

It’s fascinating, it really is, the way her beautiful gaze follows you as you round her, studying her feverishly, your eyes wide and bright.

She’s...well, words cannot describe her. Her beauty lies beyond your imagination and you’re not quite equipped to say anything that her magnificent ears deserve to hear, your words are below her and she’s just-

Wow.

“Ms (Last), please-”

You raise your hand towards the younger engineer, silencing with a small utter of ‘hush’ and he’s shutting his mouth, falling back to the side of your desk with not much else to say.

The android you’ve been un-shamelessly ogling for the past 10 solid minutes is still very quiet, she’s just watching you in her manufactured attire, shy, nervous, scared- everything you really wish she wasn’t right now because there is no way you want her to see you as some sort of threat, far from it.

“Henry” Turning back towards the engineer, he stiffs up like a board, sweat forming on his brow “Why didn’t you dismantle her?”

It’s rude, it’s horrible to say and it sours your mouth when you form those words, but it’s an honest question, you want to know why someone would do this, keep her alive, see her for all her glory.

The public spoke strongly about their opinions of androids, like toys to be played with, slaves to be worked, not the thing you so desperately wanted people to see them as. The masterpieces that stood beyond human comprehension.

The android lets out a noise similar to a whimper as Henry stammers out.

“I-I couldn’t she- um- I-” Finally, he sighs with frustration, Henry makes eye contact with you “She said was scared and...I couldn’t”

You snap back to face her.

“Is that true?”

She hesitates, one second, two seconds, three seconds, four- it takes a whole 30 seconds before she’s finally responding. “Yes…”

Your chest bursts in excitement.

“You’re incredible” Henry deflates in relief, placing a hand against your desk while you grasp her cheeks, her warm grey eyes glancing between your two hands then meet your own stare, confused. “Amazing, beautiful, fantastic, so, so much more”

“...thank you”

You sniff, then you’re pulling away, trying to keep your tears abay. You really can’t believe that your work has gone so far, that new forms of sentient are evolving from a human’s hand, you’re so overjoyed by it all but you’re also kind of realising how weird you’re being.

“Sorry, I’m becoming the creepy stereotypical scientist, let me just-” Pulling off your lab coat, you throw it over her shoulders, pulling it tighter around her for her dainty hands to grasp and hold, a smile growing on her face in gratitude. You’re really still in awe of it all but send her a giddy smile back “Henry get Kamski I’m sure he’s gonna love this”

When the man disappears, closing the office door behind him, you guide her to a chair, kneeling before her kindly.

“Tell me” She waits patiently for you to continue “What’s your name?”

When she opens her mouth, you interrupt her, grasping her hands “No, not the name you were given, the name you have chosen. What is your name?”

You’re at the beginning of history right here, you can already see the books that are yet to be written, all starting at this very moment, with you and her. This android, this amazing, piece of living metal, is the start of something great and you can’t wait to be a part of it.

“My name is….”

-----------

“(Name), I’m sorry, but there isn’t really anything I can do”

Your hands come down on the desk, expression unbelieving.

“But he attacked Ortiz in self defence, it’s not fair for him to be shipped to Cyberlife! That hellhole already has enough test subjects with other deviants, why can’t he be let go!?” Pushing yourself back up, you drag your hands down your face in exasperation “He’s a victim! He was defending himself, why can’t we let him off with a lesser offence?”

Billie sighs, shutting the file softly. “Because in the eyes of the law, he’s not a victim. He’s property and there isn’t much we can do about that. Besides, because Ortiz is dead, his ownership basically goes back to Cyberlife, so they have the authority to take him back”

Billie’s right, you know that they’re right, but it’s just so frustrating, so vexing that this is the case. An android, in the eyes of society, is nothing more than their components, why should they be given the same privilege as those who eat, shit and breathe?

Billie may be a judge, but they didn’t make the law.

You remember years ago, when something like this would have been seen as detestable, that the masses would have stood up to fight this kind of horror, but for some reason, with age came stupidity and ignorance it seemed. What the fuck had happened to you all?

You open your mouth, then close it, then open it again before huffing, taking the file from their desk and ripping your coat off the hanger.

“I’m sorry, (Name)!” Billie calls and you wave them off, shouting back a ‘Don’t worry about it’ then close their office.

The courthouse is only a few blocks away from the precinct, a good walk away, a good way to calm yourself down until you’re having to face the frustration that comes in with having to work in such a high strung place. It’s funny really, you used to say ACAB when you were younger, still believed it too, so it’s really a wonder as to why you joined, but then again sometimes to make change you have to become the very thing you hate-

“Detective (Last)-” 

You scream, almost dropping your files and jumping a meter within the air. Passerbys don’t even spare you a glance, a generation raised on the weirdest websites like Vine, Tiktok, Youtube and god forbid, Tumblr, have them desensitised to whatever shit people like to play at now-a-days.

“Oh my God, Inspector Gadget” A hand falls to your chest, checking your racing heartbeat “You can’t just sneak up on a bitch like that”

Connor, the big old puppy, tilts his head in mild confusion “But I called your name twice, detective”

Oh.

“What are you doing here, Connor?”

The android joins your side and you continue your way. “Lieutenant Anderson informed me that you were heading to the courthouse, so I decided to come and brief you about a new case”

A new case, of course a new case, deviancy keeps popping up all over the country rapidly but you can’t hold your surprise about the fact that it’s been a  few days and there’s already a new case.

“Deadass?”

Wait, you hadn’t mean to say that-

His eyes narrow “Deadass?”

A snort escapes you “Oh my God I can’t believe you just said that, it sounds so cursed coming from your mouth. I meant, seriously?”

You swear on your life, on everything that may be above and so much more, that the android lets out a laugh when he continues, explaining the details as you finally enter the office.

You realise, as he talks, you feel a whole lot lighter than you had earlier.

-----------

“This guy is as scummy as it gets” 

Unfortunately, you can’t help but agree. Todd Williams is about as charismatic as a dumpster fire, messy hair, messy face, stained clothing and the stench of alcohol clung when you finally met him, having to hold back a wince of disgust.

You don’t usually speak ill of others, but you know his type, from the way he carries himself to the way he speaks. You’ve had to face men like him before, his whole demeanor brings back bad memories and you’re so glad that you’re not the one having to get details from him, to have to speak to him.

One thing’s for sure though, you don’t blame whatever deviant decided to book it from him.

“Why doesn’t he just...get a refund from Cyberlife?” You take a sip of your milkshake, staring at Hank, Connor and Mr Williams who looked to be ending off their conversation. “They do that for deviants, don’t they?”

Yes, if you remember, the new flashy CEO of the hell corp spoke it for all to see, that deviance is guaranteed to offer you your cash back.

How inhumane it all sounded.

Gavin scoffs, drinking his coffee “You think a guy like that cares about refunds?”

No. You know why he’s doing it. It’s all about power for fuckers like that.

Mr Williams leaves, Hank is looking through his notes, Connor is heading your way, probably to refer all the information back to you and Gavin is taking in a breath to start his bullshit again, despite your civilness that you had been sharing.

Eh, peace was never an option-

“Your metal boyfriend is heading this way”

The noise you make isn’t human, it’s a mix of a wheeze and scream, like you’ve just choked on the air your breathing and in all honesty, you have, but you’re not letting that mother fucker get away with catching you off guard, especially when he starts laughing.

“Shut up, furry”

Your actually feel the air from his head snapping towards you. “I’m not a fucking furry, quit fucking saying it!”

You pat his shoulder “It’s alright, Reed, we all know you wrote yiff fiction in your spare time-”

You dodge his fist, running away from his red, angered face and petty insults, dragging Connor away from the break room to the side, all while laughing up a storm.

Having your attention on the android again brings back Gavin’s words, his tease of ‘boyfriend’ which makes your face heat up, in what? You’re not quite sure, but it’s enough to make Connor notice your oddity.

“What were you and Detective Reed-”

“Nothing” You cackle, patting down his shoulders to distract yourself “He’s just being an arsehole again, nothing to worry yourself over”

And worry himself he didn’t, because he couldn’t of course, android and all.

Connor was quick to fill you in, an AX400 by the name of Kara had stolen (the word kidnapped comes to mind but you know that the robot detective will just ‘correct’ you on your wording) another android, Mr William’s ‘daughter’, model YK500 named Alice after assaulting him the night before. Mr Williams had been knocked out after the ordeal, as to why it had taken him so long to report it. 

“Were there any signs of assault that you could see? Ones that could lead to a potential take down or unconsciousness?” Connor takes a moment before shaking his head “Yeah, I didn’t think so”

What a lying fuck.

“Let’s head to the briefing room”

Hank is there, as well as a whole group of other police officers, talking amongst themselves as you situate yourself behind the podium, screen remote in hand and smiling brightly. Your partners are at your side, Connor in his usual stoic stance while the old fart has his arms crossed, bored as always and you’re ready to debrief the many uniforms but they keep talking, even after you clear your throat.

You’re not one to get angry at being talked over, annoyed, yes, but anger leads you nowhere with a crowd, so instead, you use your most favourite tactic to date

“Pay attention to me or I am gonna start screaming people” You sing. Not a threat, but a promise. “And you all know I will screech like mother fucker”

The room is silent in the next second.

“Great! So-”

The door to the room bursts open.

“Fucking really-”

“Detective (Last)'' It's the front office assistant and by the looks of it, he is panicked, worried even, as he addresses you. You suddenly feel your stomach knot up  “I’m sorry, but there’s been an emergency with your relative Carl Manfred”

You swallow, hard. “What?”

The meeting ends right then and there.

-----------

Hank hurls to a stop right outside the entrance. You’re already halfway out of the car when he shuts off the vehicle, Connor is taking off his seatbelt and you’re already racing down the soaked concrete path to the front door, rain pelting down on you.

You barely feel it though.

You startle the receptionist when you slam your hands down, eyes wide in panic, breathing coming out in fast, short pants and just looking as though you faced the masses to make it to this spot, right in front of her.

“Carl Manfred, he was brought here about an hour ago is he-”

She interrupts “Are you family?”

“Yes, please, I-”

“In what relation do you have to the patient?”

Is she really fucking serious right now? You debated leaning over and strangling your answer out of her, letting her know what kind of fucking pain you could put her through in this very moment-

But the hand that is placed against your back keeps you still. It’s warm and comforting and keeps you from mauling the fucker right out of her chair, though it doesn’t calm your anxiety, no, but at least it’s there.

You turn to see Connor, who nods towards you politely.

Huh, what a twist of events.

Hank leans over from your other side, looking just as angry as you feel, though he keeps his voice civil when he speaks “Listen, her old man’s just had a heart attack, could you drop the formal shit so she can see him?”

Her voice is sharp, just like her stupid fucking face and she snaps back “I can’t let you in unless I know your relation, unless you’d like to be escorted out by security”

Damn, she’s playing with fire and you’re ready to throw oil all fucking over her.

“I don’t fucking think so-” Pulling out your badge, you slam it against the desk, with nothing short of a growl “Police. Now, tell me where my fucking dad is or you’ll regret the next words that come out of your mouth”

You never abuse your power as a cop, it’s inhumane and back in your younger days you sneered at the disgusting police who would use their authority for their own gain, so you hate to admit but the nervous look that crosses her face when she sees your badge and Hank’s when he pulls it out for extra effect scratches an itch you begged to be scratched.

“Floor 3, the front desk will inform you what room”

“Thanks” You spit, already rushing to the elevator, the other two following.

Connor is quiet, to your surprise. Honestly, you expected him to speak out about your behaviour, your attitude, your unprofessionalism, but he says nothing, just trails after the two of you in silence, obediently, just like he was made for. 

It’s comforting having him here, even if he’s just following orders.

The next receptionist is kinder than the last (she even scowls at the mention of her coworker) and points down the hallway, to where two officers stand with cups of coffee within their hands. They stiffen in surprise at your arrival, but you pay them no mind, pushing your way into the room where you finally pause, taking in the scene of your beloved father figure, laid still within the bed, pale, heart monitor beeping occasionally. 

The doctor by Carl’s side looks up at you. “I’m sorry, but who are you?”

Hank and Connor wait outside.

“(Name) (Last), Carl’s daughter and emergency contact” You explain, walking further into the room “Is he- Can I-”

“He’s fine” She explains with a comforting smile “And yes, you can come closer, though the medication has him knocked unconscious so he won’t be talking any time soon”

The relief almost has you collapsing, brings you back from the panic attack that threatens to kick your arse right in front of everyone and you finally breathe normally.

“Thank you, and you are?”

“Dr Collins” Collins offers her hand and you shake it weakly. “Your father is going to be okay, (Name), but he’s going to need a lot of rest. Cardiac arrest at this age can be fatal, so we were lucky that he lived so close”

You nod, tiredly slinking to Carl’s side to drop into the cushion chair, taking his hand in yours. Kissing it lovingly, you place it close to you in comfort, in reassurance.

‘He’s fine, he’s fine, he’s going to be okay-’

“What are you doing here?”

Your anger shoots right back up, as does you head when you turn to look at the doorway.

“Leo” The name is dragged out of your mouth, it’s spoken with a heavy coat of venom and dirt and for all the participants who are about to see this wild shit show, is a clear indication that you’re far from happy to see the man that stood there. “The fuck are you doing here?”

He scoffs “I’m family, what else am I here for?”

“Oh I don’t know,” You’re standing, stalking closer to him with a raged gleam in your eye “To mooch off him a little bit more?”

The tension can be cut with a knife, everyone can see it, feel it, even Connor, who looks ready to intervene at any given moment.

“No, detective” One of the officiers starts, cutting in in hopes to keep you both calm. “He was there when it all happened, he saw everything-”

“He was there?” No, her words only add fuel to the fire and you’re glaring at your brother once again “You were there? The fuck were you there for? You did this?”

“No!”

“Please calm down” Collins cuts in “I understand the anger but the other patients-”

You ignore her, glancing around the area when a thought struck you.

“Where’s Markus?”

Connor’s the first to respond, “Who’s Markus, detective (Last)?”

“Dad’s care bot” A pin drops, no one is speaking, the two cops are quiet, Leo is scowling, but he’s not looking at you and your anger is quickly making room to fear, cold and stabbing when you push again, harsher, angrier “Where the fuck is Markus?”

The second officer speaks this time, hat in his hands and you know what happens next is not going to be good.

“He was leaning over your father when we walked in detective, Mr Leo Manfred told us he attacked him” The man gulps, hesitating. He’s not nervous for what he’s done, no, he’s nervous about the dark look that seems to be slowly taking over your eyes, “I shot him”

A beat goes by. Then another, another, another, another, another-

“Why were you there in the first place?” It’s soft, curious, but the rage behind it is big, your need for an answer is keeping it back “What was the call for?”

“I’m sorry, I don’t-”

“Answer the question, officer”

His partner offers up the answer “....A break in, ma’am”

There’s silence, then you nod in understanding.

No one is quick enough to stop you from shoving Leo into the wall, hands wrapped tightly around the lapels of his jacket and holding him up so you can scream at him properly, face feeling hot from anger, eyes wild from rage, practically feral. 

“You fucking did this! This is your fault, you good for nothing fuck!” You pull your hand back and punch him right in the face, he’s too in shock to react but everyone else is trying to pull you off “What?! Were you off your shit from snorting that fucking powder again, you damn druggie!? Huh!? HUH!? You high right now, too!?”

“Jesus fucking Christ, (Name), let go!” Hank yells but he’s fucking impressed by your resistance.

“He could have died because of you, you good for nothing cunt! Worthless piece of shit! Now, Markus is fucking dead because of you, the person who was actually fucking taking care of him! This is all your fault! He’s in that hospital bed, because of you! You! Did! This! All for those stupid drugs! You’re fucking pathetic!”

You’re finally tugged off by someone, their arms slipping under your own to stop you from going back at him again. The officers are acting as a wall between you and your brother, Dr Collin’s is checking his nose as blood drips down his face, Leo is still in shock and Hank is leaning over, hands propped onto his knees. That leaves...

“I’m sorry detective (Last), but I’m going to have to restrain you until you calm down”

You scream in frustration and try to fight against it, but damn, you have to admit in a moment of clarity, Connor is fucking strong.

“Lieutenant Anderson, if you could take her legs, we can escort her out of the building without much trouble” Hank huffs something under his breath probably a grunt of ‘fucking android’ but complies, glaring at you when he leans down.

“You kick me and I’ll kick your ass”

Your respect for him makes you comply, but the anger doesn’t stop you from cussing both him and the android out, naming every threat under the sun as they carry you out of the building, back to the car which you are shoved placed into.

“Let me out of this fucking car, Hank!” You bellow, glaring at the man with sharp eyes who stood outside the vehicle, leaning against it “I’ll break this fucking window, I swear to fucking God!”

“You can try, but we both know you won’t!”

Once again, you’re screaming, tugging frantically at the door’s handle that you know is locked, but are way too angered to care right now.

Connor sits by your side, a good distance away to not antagonise you, silent, waiting and watching as you slowly fall from angry to desperate, tears welling within your eyes and falling down your cheeks. It only takes a few more moments for you to stop altogether, your shoulders shaking as you sob, quietly but strong.

The android finally speaks “Detective (Last)-”

You’re on him in a moment, arms wrapped around his frame, face buried into his shoulder, wetting his suit jacket as you cry, shaking.

It’s a new one for Connor. An android built for detective work, to sniff out the bad deviants, to question suspects and actually built with a comforting feature for victims of crimes. But this is a first, a first he’s seen anyone to tears, more importantly, a first of seeing you so broken. Sure, he had seen you defeated those few days ago, but this is different, you’re not trying to hide conflicting feelings behind your bubbly smile and weird jokes, you’re just...crying. Nothing more, nothing less.

His arms are hovering at your sides, hesitant, unsure and it’s not until Hank gestures from outside the car to ‘fucking do something, you stupid machine’ that the protocol finally kicks in, his arms coming to wrap around you securely and comforting, reassuring you through your whimpers.

Connor is a robot, a machine that feels nothing.

But seeing you cry isn’t something he can just let happen.

Software instability.

-----------

Tags: @dillxpixkles @1950schick @pinkittwice @iris-suoh @loveflowsthroughme @thatlonelyalto @starcatcher-kay​ (ya’ll I’m half asleep if I forgot you in the taglist I am SORRY-)

[blueboltkatana]

Have y'all ever thought about the impact that Jaskiers song/s about a Witcher, on other witchers? Because i unfortunately have...

Eskel goes back to the tavern to get his coin for killing the monster that terrorized the village for months. The owner had been hostile about accepting a witcher into his tavern, but the man who had given him the job requested they meet here after he was done (if he survived). It had taken him a whole day to find, kill and finally bring back the monsters head.

When he enters the tavern, he expects deafening silence and hostile glares, instead he finds the whole room singing jovially and out of tune. A middle aged man plays the song on his lute as everyone yells the lyrics and laughs. Some turn to look at him and- ah now they'll stop and glare, it was about time- they grin, see the monsters head in his hand and then cheer. Eskel is absolutely lost. The tavern is cheering his deed?! Since when? The most he ever got was a grateful but wary Thank you and if they were feeling generous, some free ale, but this!?

The patrons kept singing to the catchy tune as Eskel tried to make sense of the situation. It took a few more seconds for the words of the song to register in his brain

Toss a coin to your Witcher!

Oh Valley of Plenty! Oooh!!

Toss a coin to your Witcher

A friend of humanity!

A song that paints Witcher in a positive light?! That made no fucking sense, no one wrote positive songs about witchers, let alone ones that encourage people to pay them! He's just about to sneak to the corner of the bar and quietly wait for his employer to pay him, then mount his horse and leave before the villagers sobered up, when someone, the tavern owner he recognizes, catches his arm and although a bit reluctantly, offers him a free dinner and a room for the night. Needless to say Eskel is shocked, even if his face doesn't show it, but accepts the offer anyway. The song is played at least 3 more times for the rest of the night and he falls asleep with the tune engraved in his mind, and the lyrics dancing in his ears as he dreams.

. . .

Lambert has just entered the small town when a bunch of kids, playing with long sticks and fake swords, see and approach him. He glares down at them to scare them off so they leave before their mothers see and curse him for daring to look at their children. Unfortunately the kids don't seem to have an ounce of self preservation in them since they barely budge. One looks at him straight in the eye and says "Are you a Witcher?" to which he replies "Yes, and unless your parents want me to kill a monster for them then you should move along and not bother me." He expects them to run away now, after the hostility and the glare to go with it, but the kids only look at each other and grin up at him "Cool! Here!" They put their hands inside their trousers and skirts and pull out... A coin? Bronze coins and silver ones, three of them aren't even coins he's pretty sure they're just wooden disks of the same shape of a coin, they hold them up to him and look at him expectantly. But Lambert is so confused that they might as well be asking him to figure out the meaning of life. Finally the kids get tired of waiting for him to make a move and one suggests "Maybe we need to *toss* them at him! Like the song says!" Absolutely genius! All the kids agree and Lambert finds himself being thrown coins at by a bunch of children and that's what it takes for him to snap out of his confusion. "Hey cut that out! God damn it, what do you think you're doing?!" He yells and that finally attracts the attention of a few adults who recognize his attire and swords. Finally, they'd come and take their children away, maybe curse and glare at him a bit, but at least no more weird brats. What happens though, is not expected at all. A round, friendly looking man comes closer to see if everything is ok, he tells the kids to go back to playing then turns to Lambert and Smiles? at him. "Kids take things a bit too seriously he heh. Are you looking for a job?" No outright fear, only caution of meeting a stranger, no hostility, no cursing at him for talking to the kids. Lambert is starting to think he's going insane or this is the friendliest town in the continent. The man takes him to a bar where a bard is singing. The tune is annoyingly catchy, the lyrics though... What the fuck?! That's why the kids threw coins at him?! A friend of humanity?? Was that the reason no one glared at him when he entered the bar? Just how popular was this song?! Who wrote it? Who would write such a song for witchers?!

When he asked the barman he said a bard named "Jaskier" who travelled with a witcher and wrote ballads inspired by his adventures. The song got changed a lot from bard to bard but the Witcher was always called Geralt of Rivia, The White Wolf. Lambert was sooo going to bring that up to Vesemir when he went back home. But for now he needed a job... On his way home he couldn't stop humming the stupid tune...

When Geralt brings Ciri and Jaskier to Kaer Morhen he expects his brothers to either ignore the bard and act like he doesn't exist, or tease and make fun of him until he leaves on his own. He's hoping for the first option even if it's not ideal.

What actually happens though is beyond his imagination... Eskel and Lambert look at him and then at each other. Then their eyes travel to the bard and the princess at his sides. He prepares himself for the jabs that would soon come from Lambert and the mild teasing from Eskel. Nothing comes, they're looking at him, each with a raised eyebrow "welcome back *White Wolf*" they say and he sighs. "Where's Vesemir?" He asks and the two get up. Ignoring his question Eskel asks one of his own "Soo... Is this the famous Jaskier?" And Geralt can physically feel the thin string of hesitance inside Jaskier snap and he steps up to his brothers. "The one and only! It's a pleasure to finally meet Geralt's family! You two are way more handsome in person than what Geralt described you, but again, he is hopeless with details!" The two witchers look at Geralt pointedly and he shrugs, did they expect he'd wax poetry about their ugly faces?

He gives up on trying to understand what the hell is going on with his brothers, and heads to find Vesemir. Ciri stays behind with Jaskier and they seem to be doing just fine, hopefully they won't eat him alive.

It takes Geralt a few days to realize that Eskel and Lambert have no intention on eating alive his bard, actually, they seemed to want to get to know him, befriend him. They looked at him as if he was some mysterious puzzle they couldn't seem to understand.

It takes him a bit more to realize his brothers are fans of his bard!? He would laugh if it wasn't the weirdest shit he'd ever had to see. Two grown ass witchers, following a bard around like puppies, because they liked his songs?! Ciri thinks it's cute and Vesemir finds it hilarious. Geralt finds he's loosing his mind. And Jaskier? The little asshole is enjoying this whole thing too much, he seems more than eager to give them attention and sing songs about their adventures, which they describe in detail "You should learn something Geralt!".

Geralt just wants to catch a break...