#which yes i do have general anxiety and panic disorder but I know for a fact thats not what is causing this

[the-sleepy-conductor]

Idk if this technically counts as a vent or something but this totally killed my mood today

Me: I want to get tested for ADHD, I always feel like I'm thinking a thousand things a minute and I can't sit still or focus and it takes at least an hour minimum to fall asleep every night and I wake up 2-6 times on average

Doctor: Oh that's just your anxiety

Me: No, actually, I've been doing really well in terms of anxiety, I've been managing it well and having fewer panic attacks each month. This has to be something else, it's affecting how I function daily

Doctor: Well it sounds to me like you're just anxious, your anxiety is spiking

Me: I literally cannot focus on ANYTHING and it's affecting how I get tasks done at work, I always fidget constantly, not to mention half the time I don't even know I'm fidgeting and it drives my family and coworkers up a wall, I have to pace around and talk to myself in order to think clearly without getting distracted, I forget to eat- sometimes for days on end, and I never know when to start or stop talking in a conversation

Doctor: Yeah that's your anxiety

Me: Like I said, I've been managing my anxiety really well and I'm always working to step outside of my comfort zone. I'm not having as many panic attacks as I did before, my heart palpitations have stopped, and I no longer feel constantly stressed

Doctor: Ok so since your anxiety is really bad right now I'm gonna increase your dosage for your medication

Me: Wait no-

Doctor: And I'm gonna have you do some anxiety questionnaires too, see you in a month :)

[inkskinned]

they want to talk about mental illness and acceptance and how everyone is a little ocd it's cute and quirky and their "intrusive thoughts" are about cutting their hair off and you say yours are about taking a razorblade to your eye and they say ew can you not and everyone is a little adhd sometimes! except if you're late it's a personality flaw and it's because you are careless and cruel (and someone else with adhd mentions they can be on time, so why can't you?) and it's not an eating disorder if it's girl dinner! it's not mania if it's girl math! what do you mean you blew all of your savings on nonrefundable plane tickets for a plane you didn't even end up taking. what do you mean that you are afraid of eating. get over it. they roll their little lips up into a sneer. can you not, like, trauma dump?

they love it on them they like to wear pieces of your suffering like jewels so that it hangs off their tongue in rapiers. they are allowed to arm-chair diagnose and cherrypick their poisons but you can't ever miss too many showers because that's, like, "fuckken gross?" so anyone mean is a narcissist. so anyone with visual tics is clearly faking it and is so cringe. but they get to scream and hit customer service employees because well, i got overwhelmed.

you keep seeing these posts about how people pleasers are "inherently manipulative" and how it's totally unfair behavior. but you are a people pleaser, you have an ingrained fawn response. in the comments, you have typed and deleted the words just because it is technically true does not make it an empathetic or kind reading of the reaction about one million times. it is technically accurate, after all. you think of catholic guilt, how sometimes you feel bad when doing a good deed because the sense of pride you get from acting kind - that pride is a sin. the word "manipulation" is not without bias or stigma attached to it. many people with the fawn response are direct victims of someone who was malignantly manipulative. calling the victims manipulative too is an unfair and unkind reading of the situation. it would be better and more empathetic to say it is safety-seeking or connection-seeking behavior. yes, it can be toxic. no, in general it is not intended to be toxic. there is no reason to make mentally ill people feel worse for what we undergo.

you type why is everyone so quick to turn on someone showing clear signs of trauma but you already know the fucking answer, so what's the point of bothering. you kind of hate those this is what anxiety looks like! infographics because at this point you're so good at white-knuckling through a severe panic attack that people just think you're stoic. even people who know the situation sometimes comment you just don't seem depressed. and you're not a 9 year old white kid so there's no way you're on the spectrum, you're not obsessed with trains and you were never a good mathematician. okay then.

mental illness is trending. in 2012 tumblr said don't romanticize our symptoms but to be fair tiktok didn't exist yet. there's these series of videos where someone pretends to be "the most boring person on earth" and is just being a normal fucking person, which makes your skin crawl, because that probably means you are boring. your friend reads aloud a profile from tinder - no depressed bitches i fucking hate that mental illness crap. your father says that medication never actually works.

you still haven't told your grandmother that you're in therapy. despite everything (and the fact it's helping): you just don't want her to see you differently.

[playingwiththetennisgrownups]

OK so long post, please bear with me here.

1) When I have a hyperfixation, I (like many neurosparkly people) take any slight, perceived or otherwise, against the object of my hyperfixation incredibly personally. My hyperfixation is on Jannik himself as much as it is on tennis (I don't like admitting that LOL) so right now, I'm pretty stressed. I have no idea how he's holding it together because I am NOT. Yes, I am trying to be all manifesting positivity and not worry about something I can't control because and my therapist would be incredibly proud of me, she's been working on this with me for years. Like I legitimately feel like I've just failed a drugs test here. I feel worse than I did when I lost my job a couple of months ago.

2) I am autistic so it's possible that might be reading intent behind comments I'm seeing wrong but jokes/comments/anything about unaliving yourself and/or or perpetrating violence against sporting agencies = bad. I'm finding things I'm seeing to be very triggering. I have just had a panic attack here. Li has had to do some grounding with me. I'm still kinda crying. I have been dealing with unaliving myself ideation for over 30 years, and have attempted to do so on multiple occasions.

Jokes about unaliving yourself are not funny. If you think it's an appropriate way of expressing how upset/angry/stressed you are, it's not. If you seriously feel that way, please please please get help, please talk to someone. It doesn't have to be a professional.

This… y'all it's making me incredibly uncomfortable and triggered, and I don't use 'trigger' lightly - my partner has c-PTSD and I have many diagnosed anxiety/mental health disorders, so I never use it to mean 'oh I just don't like it', we're talking full on involuntary recall of trauma here and psychological and physiological response to said trauma.

I'm already loving tennisblr and I want to be part of the community I've found here. I absolutely do not expect anywhere online to be a safe space for me. I've been in online fandom for over 25 years, I know it's down to me to curate my online experience - and believe me, I do. So going forward, and I absolutely don't mean to flounce here because I don't want to leave, I am here for the fucking love of tennis, of Jannik, but may have to start unfollowing/block for the good of my own mental health. Which I hate because up to now, my experience of tennisblr, of Jannikblr, is pretty much full of love and acceptance and a very welcoming community. But before I go ahead and start unfollowing/blocking, I wanted to take the time to put this post out there and hope that maybe it'll make people think about what they're saying, about the impact the language that's being used can have. If you feel the need to unfollow me for saying this, I understand.

3) I'm seeing some misinformation about the appeal being spread. So, from what I've been able to ascertain, as this is an appeal case that's being put before the CaS, the process is different because there's no investigation being done by them - that's already been done by the ITIA. This is WADA saying we disagree with the outcome. WADA have submitted their appeal, Sinner's team will now/may already have submit their reply to the CaS. The CaS then decide if they're even going to accept the appeal. If they do, a hearing well be held, both parties present evidence and argue their case. Now, as this is an appeals case, this must be done WITHIN 3 months. And the verdict can be given on the day of the panel. (https://www.tas-cas.org/en/general-information/frequently-asked-questions.html)

4) I know I've used the phrase 'manifest positivity' already, both in this post and previous, but like… Tennisblr manifested the Sincaraz season slam, right?. Tennisblr is working super hard on manifesting a Sincaraz final in Beijing. So lets use our powers for good and send out the good vibes into the universe, and buoy up our boy, let him know we're behind him, we believe in him and all that. (Yeah, kinda pagan kinda hippie. I kinda am).

At the end of the day, regardless of what happens, we know he did nothing wrong!

Thank you for coming to my TEDtalk. But seriously, if you've read this far, thank you.

[compassionatereminders]

Hi Kat,

I just need to vent to someone that understands the struggles of mental & physical health, and how doctors and people in general just dismiss things that they don't think are distressing, but it's really distressing for the patient and they refuse to believe this.

I am extremely frustrated with the disparity in mental health and the perceptions that even doctors have between what's "serious and needs medication" and "milder" conditions. When it comes to bi polar disorder and schizophrenia, doctors/society is like "yes of course you should be on medication! It's wreckless that you're not! You need to be on medication! It's the only thing that's going to fix this!" But when its comes to depression, severe anxiety and panic disorder and panic attacks, which I'm unfortunately suffering with, different doctors keep saying to me "Have you tried deep breathing? Yoga? Going for a walk? Downloading a mental health app (that sells your data and uses ChatGPT, a lot of them fired their councellors to save money 🙄)

The only medication that has really helped with the panic attacks has been xanax - and they don't want to give it to me even in low doses because "it's addictive". This is really distressing to me, and they just keep saying try deep breathing etc.

I've asked for alternatives, and I'm on mirtazapine, but I've gained 14lbs in the last 2 months, and I'm really uncomfortable and unhappy about that, and I want to stop taking it.

I've been waiting 6 months and still waiting to see a psychiatrist, because GPs just don't want to deal with prescribing medications. The psychiatrist appointment is going to cost €400 for 1 hour! Nice work for them I guess. If the psychiatrist tells me to go for walks, do yoga etc. Instead of actually taking me seriously, I genuinely think I will have a break down. I just can't believe how difficult this process of getting help has been. It's been like pulling teeth. I feel like so much of the "help" that's being offered is just so in sincere and belittles what it's like to have depression and anxiety.

Thank you for having honest and real discussions about this. Your blog has really made me feel less alone and less scared, which is more than the doctors have done.

I really appreciate the daily positive messages. I'm sorry for the long post and understand if it's too long to reply to.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this, and it really frustrates me when psych professionals assume they know our needs better than we do. Whether they're pushing unwanted invasive pills on people with schizophrenia and bipolar, or refusing to medicate anxiety and depression, it's really not okay!

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Shreya A Cadwell

Published: May 7, 2022

One of the best movie characters I have seen portray PTSD symptoms is Charlie in “The perks of being a wallflower.” Throughout the movie, his silent suffering and disturbing symptoms affect his life quality and relationships. Charlie experiences several flashbacks and relives the trauma repeatedly with a racing heart. Scenes play on in the back of his head with memories that are so painful to remember that he has forgotten large parts of the whole story. He has suffered a series of unfortunate events during his life, something I can relate to, which made me develop PTSD myself. Today, there are many productions that display mental illness, “13 reasons why” is another example, and one of the reasons why mental health is more widely talked about than ever before.

In real life, PTSD is a diagnosis that often comes with great empathy from people around you. Known as a common stress disorder among veterans, it is almost like wearing a badge of honor in today’s society. Let me explain why this can become troublesome for us that live with a mental disorder.

The feeling of constant shame

It is lunchtime, and I am on the subway on my way down to the city core of Stockholm. I have carefully chosen a spot on the train close to the doors where I can see people from every train angle. I listen carefully to every sound around me, and every person that might look or act a little odd has my full attention. I can feel sweat running down my back.

“Does anyone notice how nervous I am?”

At the third station, a woman enters the train. She walks through the sliding doors and sits down with her friend in front of me. She is one of the people on the train that I find odd.

She wears a pair of black sunglasses and a black cap, and she holds her friend’s hand as she rocks her body slowly back and forth, seemingly nervous. It looks like she has a panic attack.

What struck me in this situation is how she acts out her stress in front of everyone and has her friend’s full attention the whole trip. She strokes her hand. They both have that look in their eyes,

“Can you not see that she is suffering?”

I know many people with severe disorders, from having one myself. We have one thing in common: the feeling of shame. Shame for what we have been through, guilt for letting it happen, and shame for letting it happen again.

When you feel this intense amount of shame for what you are, you are not so eager to show it in front of other people, not even in a group meeting with people who deal with the same feelings.

Most of us would not dream of putting ourselves in such a vulnerable situation where so many people publicly got to see our worst moments of fear.

No, we suck it up, avoid and hide.

We become chameleons in a society that praise people who are open with their imagined illnesses.

A mental illness is not a badge of honor. Many self-diagnosed people out there get to represent an illness they do not even suffer. There are many tests and articles online and a generation of social media awareness on mental health problems. That leads many to self-diagnose a severe illness, and we do not just diagnose ourselves but even the people around us. How many life coaches out there put up clip after clip on tackling narcissists?

Can we self-diagnose cancer?

No, and how do we feel about people who fake serious illnesses? We despise them. But you have to pretend many symptoms psychically for cancer and other serious diseases. It is easier to put on a spontaneous show of having an anxiety attack.

Yes, the woman on the train may have a mental illness. I can’t be the judge of that. Her behavior felt staged and didn’t align with how many of my friends act or how I operate. It was a bit too much of everything. We all show emotion and handle difficult situations differently. I respect that some people might act out that way, but I would not consider it the norm. Most of us want to fit in so well with the rest, so we act our way through situations or avoid them.

“Emotional numbing is a way for many to cope with life.”

It took me years to get diagnosed with PTSD and to get help. I felt that the health care system did not take me seriously when I entered the room at the therapist’s office. I managed to talk about what I had gone through in a civil matter. After meeting several therapists, I met the right one, who chose to look at my background and how my body reacts to situations instead of what I decided to show openly.

One of my first therapists wrote in my journal that I was in a very sane state of mind when talking and just needed a little help and support. Therefore I was not in such need of direct assistance. Today, I know it is called emotional numbing, a character trait for someone with PTSD. It is how I have learned to cope with what I have on my brain when adrenaline rushes through my system. That is how many of us who have suffered severe trauma copes with life.

The consequences of self-diagnosis

Although we have a greater awareness of mental health issues, our openness has helped destigmatize them. It has also affected people by attributing it to symptoms of imagined mental illness. A professional medical diagnosis is hard to obtain for a reason.

I believe that one of the consequences of a society where people now self-diagnose severe mental health disorders is that those who suffer for real do not get the help they need. It is more convenient for a therapist to take on patients who need a few meetings, a couple of pills, and then it is over and done. They are paid the same for that type of patient and a patient like me, with a history of multiple fallbacks and repeated trauma patterns.

Most of us who suffer from high functioning mental illness hide it pretty well, and the only ones who get to experience and suffer with us to some degree are often family members and partners. But all around us, our coworkers and friends use the complex word anxiety when they mean that they are stressed. Stress and low moods such as sadness or grief are normal and healthy coping mechanisms that are part of life. Anxiety is a deep-rooted rumination that something will go wrong, all the time and in every situation.

It enhances the feeling of isolation and loneliness you already feel because you are not coping on the same level as your friend who has self-diagnosed. All of a sudden, “everyone” suffers from anxiety. Everywhere you turn and it downplays the suffering you feel yourself.

Another problem with self-diagnosis is that it can prevent you from seeing the real issue, for example, an underlying medical issue.

“You do not have a monopoly on pain.”

Some happenings are part of life, which are such joint suffering for most people. Then there is the sudden or long-lasting trauma of an event that is so specific to you that it’s hard to get other people to understand the suffering and fear you’ve experienced.

To hear that you can be diagnosed with PTSD for going through a divorce or think you can because you experience some complicated emotions. It downplays the suffering of more complex situations where your life has been in great danger. It takes away the real struggle from those who are suffering.

The lines get more blurry for diagnostic requirements for mental illnesses that affect your daily life and it has severe consequences for us. Eventually, that can take us down a very dark path instead of staying put on the road to recovery.

Shreya A Cadwell is a writer with a particular interest in psychology, politics, and sociology. She is diagnosed with PTSD and, therefore, has a burning passion for how mental health reflects our society and how we live.

==

Self-diagnosis is much like blaming the devil for your failings, or blaming your astrology sign for your bad behavior.

Self-diagnosis is also the exact same thing as "self ID."

[pinkcherryblossomangel]

Away from myself

Chapter 2

- it's eight months after the last chapter

- it's seven months since Y/N saw some nasty responses to rumours

- it's six months since she started spiralling

- five months since she stopped replying to his text

- four months since she stopped reading them

- three months since he stopped messaging

- two months since she stopped sleeping properly

- one day till she has to see him again.

Starring

Bang Chan

Y/N

Han

Changbin

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

Trigger warnings

Depression

Eating disorders

Body issues

Anxiety

Self-hatred

General poor mental health

Online hate

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

I wipe away my tears with my sleeve. Im gonna have to lie through my teeth.

"Sorry I've been watching..."

"About time?" He questions, a sense of familiarity lacing his voice. Of course he remembers my favourite film, we watched it three days in a row when we had a week off. Its a sense of comfort in a rushed world.

Enjoy every moment as if you've travelled back in time to savour this moment again.

His face looks different. Tired. Like when I first met him. By the last day on set he looked like a new man. Said sleeping beside me almost everynight helped lull him to sleep.

That's all we did. sleep. Never anything more. As much as I want to...wanted to. I can't cross that line. I know myself, I know I'd never be able to let him go. And he deserves better.

I'm suddenly acutely aware that we're standing in my doorway, and have been for way longer than is normal.

"Yes" I say, finally confirming the film. "Come in", I gesture to the couch "let's sit".

I sit down first, he goes to sit right next to me but changes direction to the other end of the couch.

An awkward silence fills the room.

Both our eyes avoiding each other.

I suddenly have become fascinated in the light fixture on the ceiling it seems.

My hands have become clammy and my chest has gone tight. I need to look at him. I try to steal a glance and turn to look at him, he looks at me too.

"Y/N", I look away, but he cups my face before I fully turn. I lean into his hand. It's like it was made to fit my face. I can't look at him, the tremble in his voice when he said my name proves what I already know. I've hurt this man. Hurt him so bad and yet he still has hope in us.

In me.

"Y/N, please look at me." I shut my eyes even harder, till I start seeing stars. "Please. You broke my heart you at least owe me this." My eyes errupt, tears streaming down my face. Every apologetic cliche spilling from my lips. His hands firmly grip my shoulders. He knows a panic attack is brewing. He shouldn't have to know. He shouldn't have to deal with this. With me.

"It's okay Y/N. Do you want me to hold you?" His voice honeyed and calm. "I can be your weighted blanket" He says trying to lighten the mood. I nod so hard I think my head will fall off, and climb into his lap. My head falls onto his chest. His arms wrap around me tightly, but not tight enough.

"Tighter" I say. He squeezes me till there's no gap between us. If you found us buried like this, you'd have a hard time deciphering which bone went where.

Eventually my breathing evens out. My pulse levels. My head feels less heavy.

I need to be brave.

I look up at him. His mouth's curved into a gentle smile. His eyes filled with love. His hand caressing my hair.

"You deserve more than me," the confession takes both of us aback. I don't remember choosing to say that. His brows furrow, his smile drops.

"What?" He moves so he can see my face. His eyes widen and lips press into a line.

"You deserve more than me" this time It's a conscious choice. Let's rip the band aid off. Be brave. "It's why I stopped responding. I thought it would be the easier way of ending whatever it was we were." I climb of off him, sitting back on the couch where I was before. His hands clench in unison with his jaw. His gaze transfixed on the floor.

Forever stretches between us before he answers.

"You don't get to do that. You don't get to be the martyr." His eyes still fixed on the floor. "You don't get to choose who I love. Who deserves my love." He lifts his head up but he can't meet my eyes. With a huff he lifts himself from the couch. "I thought I'd fucked up. I thought I was being too clingy..." he paces around my room, still not looking at me. "I thought I'd taken things too far, pushed you too far. I had Han and Changbin comforting me because I thought I had hurt you..." He doesn't raise his voice once. He just speaks his truth. "The guilt I felt"

"I'm sorry" the tears have started falling again. "It's just... my brain the way it works..." I don't know how to end this sentence. What do I say. "I didn't think you'd care if I just didn't respond. If you never saw me again." He quickly turns to face me. His face contorted with confusion. "I just... fuck I don't know how to say this. I don't know how to be honest"

"Just say it Y/N. Even if you think it doesn't make sense, let me try to understand. Please" His voice cracks, his words entwined with what sounds like desperation.

My hands cover my face, I can't look at him and say this. Pretend he's not here. I'm alone in my bedroom at home talking to myself as usual. What would I tell Chris if I knew there were no consequences. Just say it, it can't get any worse than I've already made it.

"I saw a tweet. A few tweets actually. Someone had spotted us that night we went to the karaoke bar. On our way there with your arm around me. It was actually a really cute picture." I exhale out my nose, trying to take the sting out of what I'm about say. "The replies weren't very nice." I sense chan move nearer to me, his hand fall to my knees. I flinch slightly from the sensation. I think he's crouching down in front of me. "Nothing I hadn't already said about myself. Nothing I hadn't heard before in real life. But they were confirming everything. I wasn't good enough for you. I'm not pretty enough or smart enough or famous enough." Every sentence adding to my building frustration. "If I was given a quid for every time I had read people comparing me to different fat animals, I'd be fucking loaded" I laugh. I have to, otherwise it'll break me even more. "I didn't want you to read them and..."

I don't want him to see what people say and agree.

I don't want him to be embarrassed by me.

I don't want him to regret being seen with me.

"I know I shouldn't have made the choice for you. I shouldn't have thought I know what's best for you, but I...I..." I take a deep breath. Be brave "I didn't want you to read them and realise they were right. And then I just spiralled further and further into this hole of self hatred. And I couldn't find a way out of it so I just ignored you." It all rushes out of me, my tongue getting tied every few words.

Silence

His hands find their way up to mine, and Chris moves them from my face, tucks his finger under my chin, and lifts it up so im looking at him. Our eyes meet, our breath in sync. He scans my face, like he's looking at something he can't quite believe exists, and then gently swipes his thumb across my cheek and cups my faces. I lean into him.

"How could I ever not want you?" We're both still, our eyes locked together. "You are the most beautiful person I have ever met. The bravest person I have ever met. God knows if I could meet with vulnerability half as well as you can I would be the greatest lyricist know to mankind." He smiles

"You are already" I managed to say through sobs, smiling back at him. His eyes turn to crescents. I've missed that smile.

"I mean to be honest the songs I've written about you recently have been pretty good." He says half laughing

"You wrote about me?" My eyes widen, and I wipe the wetness off my face. I must be a right sight.

"Of course I did. I haven't been able to stop." He brushes my hair out of my face. "I've found a great muse in you. The way you make me feel is... safe. At home."

"I feel the same." I reply. His grin painting his face once more. I place my hand on his cheek. "I just need to work on myself. I can't accept your love before I accept my own. If you get what I mean." His smile slowly fades, but his eyes are filled with admiration. He leans in and kisses my forehead.

"I know what you mean." He pauses "but would you do me the honour of sharing that journey with you? We don't have to be anything official. I just... I wanna be here for you. I don't want you to isolate yourself again."

"I didn't isolate..."

"I spoke to Tash and Jenna. Well they spoke to me. They reached out because you weren't responding. It's okay I'm sure they'll understand" He must've seen me realise I'm gonna have to explain myself to 3 more people. "How can anyone stay made at you" His face is once again completed with his smile.

"I want you there with me. On this path to self love." I pause "I think I may have out done myself with the cringey metaphors" I laugh.

I stand up from the couch, and Chris follows suit. He's taller than me which is strange, so I look down.

"Nice heels" I snark. I'm usually almost 2 inches taller than him. He chuckles, whilst wrapping me in his arms.

"Breaking them in for tomorrow", he smells the same. I feel every tension in my body slowly dissipate as a breathe him in.

"I've missed you" I say into his neck. He hugs back harder in response.

"Y/N!!! I GOT US FACE MASKS!!" My mum yells from my door. I break from chris' embrace. He looks almost scared by the sudden yelling.

"That's my mum. We're northern, yelling is normal." I laugh. "Uhm I guess you're about to meet her." He sticks his hands in his pockets. He's nervous. "Just say hey and you can go if you want. It's been a lot already tonight" he combs his hand through his hair.

"That may be best. I think I'll sleep well tonight." He replies.

"Me too", I lead him to the door preparing for this meeting between chan and my mum.

[blnk338]

I read Ghost's backstory just now. I knew it was f-ed up but damn... He should really have a lot more problems than just being emotionally unavailable. I'm kind of surprised he's opening up to Reaper or anyone at all (it's great he is though). What's your view on his mentality in general, based on his past trauma? What are his habits caused by it? And is his original backstory even a part of your fanfic? Sorry if you already answered this previously.

anon i am so glad you brought this up bc i could talk about this for eons <33333 mwah mwah -- yes, simon's backstory is canon is RWYS!

i am so sorry i wrote this much on this LMAO

cw for heavy trauma, sa mentions, abuse mentions, eating disorders, discussion of mental illness

I think more people need to put more effort into their fics or stories when writing trauma because I often see characters be one of two things:

They're tiny, sweet, pitiful babies who don't know anything and they're so little and small and they're not even adults or people anymore

They end up being their abuser.

Both are terrible options and unfortunately, as I said, they're shown way too often and really do not illustrate a lot of trauma reactions (of course there are examples of them, but I have not seen them as commonly). I take the writing of traumatized characters from my own experiences and from my own research (and literal human empathy, which appears to be void in half of the Ghost fics I read).

I think the idea of making Ghost quieter, closed off, a wall of a man is an accurate reaction to the shit that he has been through. He has a mountain of baggage and I think it's nearly impossible to write him without considering that. There's a clear idea that he limits who he trusts, and allows even fewer people to look under the layers that he's built up; but it makes complete sense that he has a conscious amount that he "lets people see" (even those he holds dear), until he breaks down.

A few of the responses that I think he has are avoidance and isolation, and the development of depression and anxiety disorders.

Simon blocks out a lot of the memories that he has and largely tries to avoid any conversations or thoughts on the subject of his sexual assault. Obviously, as an SAS soldier, it's hard to avoid certain topics, but I feel like he separates Ghost and Simon as two different people. It's common to find that people will put up different "faces" when it comes to responses to certain traumatic experiences, and I think it makes sense that Ghost would be willing to handle anything; he could be beaten, screamed at, watch and do terrifying things, handle himself well in the battlefield, but Simon can't.

Simon is scared. Simon is nervous, anxious, he overthinks things. He bites his nails and paces around his house, he has three locks on his door, he triple-checks the windows before he leaves for the day-- Simon isn't the stone-cold person that Ghost is, Simon is trying to relearn how to be a person who doesn't hide knives under every chair in his home. (Please also keep in mind that Simon's psychiatrist was also killed, I believe, in the midst of the murder of his family, so he would also limit the mental help he gets because of a fear that it might happen again)

Isolation makes complete sense because, as I mentioned before, he might see him and Ghost as different people. Simon doesn't go out of his way to ask for help, there's an incapability to do so. With that comes helplessness because he might not see the change he wants to see in himself. He's gotten back up from getting shot, he's taken hours of beating and torture, why can't he just get past this? All of these different sides of him build into depression and mass depressive episodes, paranoia and anxiety disorders, insomnia, etc.

Eating disorders may come with that; forgetting to eat or not going out enough to get groceries often. Restless, sleepless nights. Panic attacks that rise out of nowhere, he manages to push them down into staring off into space and clenching his fist, masking it on the job or in public. Hearing people's words but not listening, spending hours in his room on base, letting his anger out in the gym, sobbing into his pillow into the wee hours of the morning.

On top of that, he also refuses to let his anger out in any way that would hurt people like his father hurt them. Simon is careful about touching people, but is especially considerate of his anger. All he does is think, think, think, about how not to turn out like his dad. That's another thing I see people headcanon, that he would be physically abusive, and I don't see that at all. Ghost and Simon don't touch people because the last thing they want to do is end up like his father.

Tl;dr: Simon is very, very fucked up from his past and is still working through it.

[noxexistant]

Hi I wanna know what you think all the newsies’ mental illnesses are 😤

Or as many as you can think of

oh, hell yes. bout to put my lifetime of my own brain plus everyone i’ve met through mental health exploration and treatment plus living in care with other traumatised and mentally ill kids to work. (although, obligatory disclaimer, these are just ideas and me messing around, mental health is messy and complicated especially when translating between modern understanding and how that would’ve been understood and expressed in-period. this is not me formally diagnosing these characters, more just being like ‘hey, what if’ in a more nebulous sense. and, again, mental health is messy!)

first of all, jack definitely has c-ptsd - complex post-traumatic stress disorder, caused by consistent and long-term trauma and, as the name implies, with more complicated and far-reaching symptoms than ‘standard’ ptsd. he dissociates a lot, and his visions of santa fe can border on delusion when he’s in worse states - which can sometimes border on hypomania. his self-esteem is unstable and imbalanced, and he has a lot of issues with paranoia; he believes the world is against him, that anyone will betray him, that any information learned about him will be used against him. he lies compulsively as a result, about even the most innocuous stuff. he uses anger as a cover for his emotions. he’s restless and unable to really hold grudges because he’s so desperate for bonds, but he’s also quick to back off when people get too close. he has a pretty fearful-avoidant attachment style, but feels deeply betrayed when other parties are the ones to back away from him instead of the other way around. he also probably has adhd, defined by hyperfocus and hyperfixations and inattentiveness to anything he finds dull, he’s fidgety and talks a lot and usually ends up putting his foot in his mouth and then talking even more.

david has anxiety and frequent panic attacks, and i can also see him having ocpd - obsessive compulsive personality disorder, which is entirely separate from ocd. it’s characterised by a need for perfection and severe anxiety when things aren’t perfect, holding unrealistically high expectations for himself and others, and getting very anxious/distressed when mistakes are made by himself or others. he likes things organised and structured, his perfectionism holds him back from actually doing things, he focuses on work and productivity rather than his needs or hobbies, he has trouble delegating or working with others as he can believe that he’s the only person who can do something right. he has to hold himself back from immediately re-doing tasks for others, like when one of the other newsies ties their boots sloppily or les doesn’t fold his clothes right or sarah doesn’t wash the dishes properly. he’s also autistic.

crutchie has ptsd, bouts of depression, and is all but incapable of being honest about his emotions - he’d rather keep them under wraps and all but avoid them entirely, would sooner make himself sick with them than express them openly to others. he also dissociates, which helps with avoiding emotions, though his dissociative bouts happen most commonly after ptsd triggers or flashbacks. he goes empty-eyed and unresponsive when he’s dissociating, just staring into the middle distance, and he can’t get out of bed on the worst days of his depression. he won’t eat, won’t speak, will at most just try and smile at anyone who expresses concern - tight-lipped, more of a grimace than anything.

race has adhd and episodes of hypomania. he exhibits self-destructive and self-endangering behaviours, including starting fights and generally just doing stupid stuff that could well get him and others hurt, and he absolutely cannot be talked down when he’s hypomanic. he has aggressive/violent outbursts if anyone tries, will stop talking to them - usually running away to brooklyn entirely - until he’s come down by himself, and then he’ll come back and apologise sincerely for what he might’ve said when he was “jittery”. the others are always understanding, though race still harbours a lot of shame for it. he’s terrified one day he’ll say or do something that makes spot hate him.

albert is anxious and restless and a kleptomaniac - he steals compulsively, particularly anything shiny or expensive-looking. he’s not great with relationships, tends to have little interest in other people, and can’t really read tone or social cues. i could see him having symptoms of autism or schizoid personality disorder, which have a considerable overlap in symptoms, most commonly characterised by difficulty with relationships and disinterest and “lack of humour” and preferring being alone - though quite probably not enough symptoms to be diagnosed with either (speaking in the realms of a modern au).

finch, i could totally see having schizoid personality disorder. he’s paranoid too, frequently gets the idea in his head that he’s being watched or followed, particularly since he ran away, or feels like the others are talking about him. he hoards food (as much as he can when there’s so little of it) and has a lot of sleep problems, sleeping little and light. he doesn’t really dream, but when he does they’re stress dreams or nightmares and he always wakes up with his heart pounding. he’ll spend the time until the bell rings sat up, eyes darting around the room, sure there’s something, someone, something.

specs has symptoms of ocd, most commonly rituals to ensure the safety of the other newsies. he has to wash his face just right so that everyone sells okay that day, and step over the trolley lines perfect because if he doesn’t someone‘ll get hit, touch each of the beds in a certain order to make sure everyone’s safe for the night, stuff like that. his glasses are also always spotless, and nobody can touch them.

tommy boy stammers and has social anxiety. splasher has ptsd, and frequent nightmares because of it - and an intense fear of abandonment. elmer has very little self-esteem and is loud/disruptive for attention, including making out-of-turn jokes. henry harbours nothing but guilt for his father’s death (even though it wasn’t at all his fault, it’s often just how grief manifests) and isn’t processing his grief at all, sometimes he’ll lose himself in the delusion that his father isn’t really dead and the deli is still waiting for him; he also has a lot of issues with food, including binging when food is available.

spot’s got c-ptsd and his complicated emotions tend to manifest as anger/aggression. he doesn’t know how to articulate his feelings, and usually won’t try. she’s kind of terrified by her relationship with race, because she doesn’t know why race likes her and wholly believes that he’ll suddenly stop. their sense of self-esteem is very complicated - very high in some aspects, and non-existent in others. he can struggle with depersonalisation.

and, bonus, because i’m me:

the delanceys both have c-ptsd. oscar has adhd and antisocial personality disorder. morris has bpd and autism. feel free to ask me if you wanna hear more about them, or about any other characters i didn’t mention, or even just more about a character in particular <3

[ryttu3k]

30 questions, Dark Urge edition! These ones are for Tavias! Spoilers for the whole game, some earlier questions here. I've only just got to the end of act 2 in this run, so some stuff I'm actually not up to yet and it's just based on what I have planned for this run.

Tavias, wood half-elf, draconic bloodline sorcerer

1. What circumstances led to your Dark Urge becoming their Class/Subclass?

Well, when a little kid is born with scales and horns and can set things on fire when they sneeze, there's probably a good chance they're a draconic bloodline sorcerer!

How does that work with the whole Dark Urge origin thing? Who knows tbh.

2. Did your Dark Urge have any romantic and/or sexual relationships prior to their illithid adventure? If yes, who was it with and what was it like? If no, how did they feel about being single?

There was, uh, whatever was going on with Gortash. He liked Gortash a lot, which was a Problem because he had that whole holy mission to MURDER THE ENTIRE WORLD and that presumably included any possible love interests. So. Bit of conflict there. Just a bit.

For sexual relationships, I don't think we want or need to know that :|

3. What would your Dark Urge consider to be their greatest skill? Is this accurate?

He's pretty good at setting stuff on fire XD;; Either deliberately or, uh, accidentally. Honestly, it's probably that he genuinely likes making people happy, and seems to actually be pretty decent at it. More deep-and-meaningfuls than pep talks, I think?

4. What would your Dark Urge consider to be their greatest flaw? Is this accurate?

The murderous impulses are a bit of a flaw, Janet. No but honestly, it's probably his anxiety disorder (I suspect it's more Panic Disorder than GAD?). This was actually easier to deal with pre-Nautiloid, because he could generally just… kill whatever the stressor was. Now, he has to actually try and work through it.

5. What opinion does your Dark Urge have about the Gods?

An assortment of opinions depending on the God, really. Will cover Bhaal specifically in question 26, but he thinks very little of Bane and Myrkul, considering them the weaker parts of the Dead Three. He has some passing interest in Mystra, although that becomes disgust and loathing after he befriends Gale, is a bit frightened of Lathander, doesn't have a lot of consideration for Shar other than, "Well, she exists", although he also ends up pretty disgusted by her after everything with Shadowheart, and is pretty sure Selûne would hate him on instinct but has no negative feelings towards her in return, and is really quite gratified when he's able to help Aylin.

As for Jergal, see question 30 :D

6. How does your Dark Urge react to waking up with memory loss?

With a fair bit of swearing. The only thing he remembers initially is his name, and when he says it to himself - "Tavias" - it's like it unlocks the rest of The Basics. He knows the concept of Faerûn, although it takes him a few days to remember he's from Baldur's Gate, he knows how to speak Common, he knows bits and pieces about the land, although the details elude him for a little while. Like when he sees Shadowheart, he recognises from her symbol that she's Sharran, but not who or what Shar is, for a little bit.

7. Did your Dark Urge recall any childhood memories? If yes, how do they feel about the revelations? If no, was it by choice or lack of options?

Yup, particularly as he gets to Baldur's Gate and starts seeing things that trigger memories. He does remember playing tag with other kids, but he also remembers killing his foster parents. The good times make him feel incredibly sad, honestly, and the violent ones just make him feel sick and scared. There's not a lot of comfort in those memories, unfortunately, even if he does desperately want to regain more of the times when he was still innocent.

8. How does your Dark Urge feel about the wilderness?

A little uncomfy, in that he's very much a city kid. It's actually really nice being out in it! He likes going for nature walks! He just doesn't like biting insects, or mud, or having to do much climbing and scrambling around, or getting sweaty/wet/too hot/too cold…

9. How does your Dark Urge feel about the city?

It's home. He's in his element here, particularly in the Lower City - while he grew up in poverty in the Outer City, the Lower City is where he first found his 'family', and although not all of the memories are fond (there's, um, a lot of murdering), he still feels he belongs there.

10. What motivates your Dark Urge to either embrace or resist the tadpole?

Initially, curiosity. If he can work with his tadpole, maybe it'll help stitch his brain back together? By the time he meets the Emperor properly, he's in full distrust mode and somewhat regretting horking down so many tadpoles.

11. What motivates your Dark Urge to either embrace or resist the Urge?

He wants to be liked!! He wants a place to belong!! Originally, this was his single biggest motivator under the cult to embrace his urges, although they didn't really become The Urge (as in periods of dissociation where he was completely out of control of his actions) until Bhaal returned when he was twenty-one) - he wanted approval from the cult, and especially from Bhaal.

When he wakes up in the Nautiloid, he still has that desire to be liked and to belong, but the context is completely different now. He doesn't remember being Bhaalspawn, so his desire to be liked is in the context of 'being a general nice person', not 'being the best possible heir to the Murder God'. The Urge is very much contradictory to 'being a general nice person', and they horrify and terrify him, that his brain could produce such awful things. So he fights it, with everything he has.

He's just started finding a new place to belong. He will not jeopardise it.

12. How does your Dark Urge feel about being a Bhaalspawn?

Horror and misery, with a side of, "Well, that explains the Urge." In a way, it's a bit of a relief - he knows not all Bhaalspawn are condemned to be evil serial killers, knows (for instance) about Abdel Adrian, and is able to be comforted by Jaheira that his blood doesn't dictate his destiny. By the end of the game, he's owning it - yes, he's a Bhaalspawn, supposedly the most 'pure' Bhaalspawn ever created - but if even he could break free from him, anyone can.

13. How does your Dark Urge feel about killing?

Best godsdamn feeling in the world.

(Followed immediately by crushing guilt.)

A part of him just… needs it wants it loves it. He desperately craves the feeling of life being extinguished under his hands, because of his own doings. He also recognises that, uh, maybe not the best thing to do, fights his Urge as hard as he can, only kills if it's strictly necessary, and tries not to get too visibly gleeful when he's in the midst of battle.

14. How good of a liar is your Dark Urge? How do they feel about lying?

Not good. He gets a bit too panicky to be a good liar, especially when he's already feeling guilty - one reason he didn't even try to cover up Alfira's death. He'd rather use Persuasion - or, in a pinch, Intimidation - rather than Deception.

15. What is your Dark Urge's greatest fear?

Killing someone he cares about. The night he nearly killed Astarion was probably the most terrified he had ever been.

16. What is your Dark Urge's greatest desire?

Being free of the godsdamn Urge. Which he gets! Love that for him.

17. What is your Dark Urge's greatest regret?

Killing Orin. He knew it had to happen, that she was too far gone, but also… she was his little sister. Yeah, they traded literal murder attempts like some siblings trade insults, but she was his little sister. Not all of their times together had been bad. A part of him had hoped, maybe, she'd see what she had helped him see, that maybe she could break away from the cult as well, but…

He keeps her dagger, Bloodthirst, as a permanent reminder.

18. How does your Dark Urge feel about love?

Loves it, also terrified about it. Tries to break up with Astarion several times (or asks Astarion to kill him) because he's so afraid the Urge is going to make him do something terrible, and he knows that the stronger he feels about someone, the more he's going to want to kill them. He wouldn't feel much desire at all to kill, say, Shadowheart, who he likes as a friend but isn't very close to - just the usual odd fantasy about what she'd look like dead. Someone like Astarion, though, or Gale, who's a close friend? The more time he spends with them, the more he has violent fantasies about them.

By late act 3, it's started to become a source of strength as well as fear. He's pretty passively suicidal, sometimes actively suicidal, but is holding on just because… he has people he cares about and who care about him. How could he do anything to hurt them?

19. Has your Dark Urge become particularly close to anyone romantically and/or platonically in their journey? If so, who, and what is the relationship like? If no, why not?

As above, he falls for Astarion. At first it's solely… oh damn he's pretty and also snarky, but by the time he starts seeing more of his vulnerabilities and actual personality, he starts realising he actually wants to be close to someone, and that Astarion is sort of… 'tainted' isn't the right word, but he's not afraid of corrupting Astarion like he would be for, say, Wyll or Karlach. He knows they're both inherently fucked up people, but maybe they can be better people together.

Friendship-wise, he ends up closest to Gale. Magic buddies :3 When Gale realises he does have some latent sorcery, he turns to Tavias for advice, and they can bond over that. He also ends up quite attached to Jaheira, who sort of becomes a mother figure to him.

20. Is your Dark Urge open about their Urge or do they try to hide it? Why?

At first, he hid it. When the whole Alfira thing happened, he came clean - that he has extremely violent thoughts, he's sorry, he's trying to fight them, he never meant to act on it, what happened with Alfira was something he's going to try his hardest to never let happen again, and he understands if they hate him for it.

21. What are 2-3 songs that your Dark Urge would relate to?

I suck at this question, skip :D

22. What first impression does your Dark Urge give off to strangers?

Shiny dragon boy. People notice the horns and scales first, wonder if he's a tiefling or dragonborn or something, which he just explains, no, he just has some dragon ancestry. Personality-wise, they notice him being pretty cheerful and friendly and sweet, if a bit high-strung and nervous.

Prior to brain surgery, similar appearance, but a much more disconcerting stare, like he was sizing people up wondering what their organs tasted like (which, uh, he often. Was. Yeah), and also had a persistent smell of blood.

23. How does your Dark Urge feel about what others think of them?

So how do you go from 'eleven-year-old boy with violent tendencies who's just killed his foster parents and is traumatised about it' to 'sixteen-year-old boy who's just gone on a serial murder spree'? Give him a nigh overwhelming desire to be liked and wanted!

Tavias is desperate for approval and acceptance. Learning he's Bhaalspawn, that he's important, that he's an heir to a god? They take that eleven-year-old boy, tell him everything he's ever felt is right and good, and that if he continues being right and good, he'll win the acceptance and love of his real father, Bhaal. So - he does. He learns to comparmentalise, shut away feelings of guilt, feelings of softness, compassion, all of that. The more people he kills, the more Bhaal will love him. He has a little sister, and he wants to be friends, but if he's not better at killing than she is, Bhaal will love her more. So better to shove her away. Get good at killing. Get to be the best.

And it works! Bhaal comes back when Tavias is twenty-one, looks at all the murders he's committed, and goes, yes, this one is my Chosen! He gives Tavias the approval he's so desperate for, guides him as a voice in Tavias' head, tells him he's doing all the right things. Don't put a foot wrong, or he'll take that approval away, and you wouldn't want to make the God of Murder angry, would you? So best to keep doing exactly what it is Bhaal wants him to do, be what Bhaal wants him to be, so he'll never be alone again.

He starts feeling for Gortash, and oh, that's not in the plan. All he can do is pray for forgiveness, for doing something as unimaginably awful as feeling emotions. He's so damn scared.

When he wakes up in the Nautiloid, he's still scared. Still wants that approval. The context, though, that's gone. He just wants to make his new friends happy, and turns out that it's easy, and it makes him happy too.

24. Does your Dark Urge have a treasured item with them? If yes, what is it and why is it special? If no, how do they feel about item sentimentality in general?

He's pretty sentimental after the Nautiloid, but like, in a practical way? Always picks up little things that remind him of something. Books and scrolls that jog some sort of memory, or an item that ties back to some sort of event he's just lived through. It's not one piece in general, it's more - he keeps items to serve as reminders for who he is, both good and bad (he has one of the bells off Alfira's outfit, and Orin's dagger).

25. How does your Dark Urge feel about Sceleritas Fel?

Pre-Nautiloid, he was extremely fond of Sceleritas. Sceleritas was his guardian from age eleven onwards, and Tavias trusted him completely. Along with Bhaal himself, Sceleritas was someone Tavias always wanted to please, and someone who was quite happy for Tavias to practice killing. When someone tells you you can do no wrong, now go ahead and gruesomely murder me like you clearly want to, well, how is a Bhaalspawn to resist XD;;

Post-Nautiloid, Tavias is fucking terrified of him. Sceleritas, for his part, is quite put out by this sweet, non-violent version of his beloved boy, as well as the fact that Tavias will actually?? refuse his orders?? Unheard of, really. He still wants to believe that Tavias can return to being the blood-soaked murderer he was, but by the time Tavias outright rejects Bhaal, he's actually kind of relieved to be free of what he sees of a parody of the boy he's raised for twenty years, honestly.

26. How does your Dark Urge feel about Bhaal?

Pre-Nautiloid: Adoration, idolisation, desperate yearning for Bhaal to love him, also a healthy dose of terror but that's kind of normal when Daddy's the Murdergod. Refer back to 23, Tavias is just desperate for Bhaal's approval and love, and will accept it in any form it's given.

Post-Nautiloid: NOPE. NOPE. NOPE. Single biggest cause of everything currently causing Tavias suffering. Goddamn terrified of him. Would be very happy if he poofed out of existence, tyvm.

27. How does your Dark Urge feel about giving and receiving orders?

Receiving orders, depends entirely on who's doing it. He has no problem receiving orders from Bhaal, or, uh, stuff from elsewhere in the cult phrased as if it's Bhaal's will. If it's someone like Sarevok, who he doesn't respect and who's on a similar-but-lower status to him (both Bhaalspawn, but Tavias is Chosen and more 'pure'), he'll just get stubborn and defiant, and if it's an underling, he may play along until, uh, he can kill them. Oh you thought you could order me around? Cute :)

Giving orders, not his best skill. When the Absolute stuff kicked off, it'd be like - all three of them working out schemes, then either Gortash or Ketheric doing the announcements. He started with a very respectable CHA 17, yeah, but Gortash had 18 and Ketheric 20 (and even Orin had 19!), so he'd be much happier just standing to the side and eyeing people up menacingly. You can look pretty menacing with gold eyes that you can make glow with a simple cantrip :D

Post-Nautiloid, he's still not comfy with either, and prefers to talk things out with the others. Honestly, even if he ends up 'leader' of the group by virtue of protagonist, I feel Wyll would actually take the leadership roll much more naturally? Either way, Tavias is happy for Wyll to speak for them all.

28. How well does your Dark Urge function under pressure?

Hahahahaha! Bad! (See: anxiety disorder.) He was nearly killed by Ketheric in the Colony largely because he had been fighting a panic attack since meeting Kressa and finding the Prayer for Forgiveness.

29. What advice would you give to your Dark Urge?

Given that I'm pretty sure SSRIs don't exist in Faerûn, he'd benefit enormously from something like cognitive behavioural therapy, both for aforementioned anxiety disorder and also the Durge-specific and general plot-related trauma. Does therapy even exist in Faerûn? Who knows, but he'd. Very much benefit from it. Just someone to talk to and to get some coping skills from.

30. What are your Dark Urge's intentions/goals after the end of the game?

Ooh man I have this all plotted out.

So, Withers? Is Jergal. Jergal? Is not happy about what the Dead Three have been up to, and also here's the son of one of those aforementioned Dead Three who he has now enabled to break away from. He's going to ask Tavias to be his Chosen, and help in his mission to eradicate the Dead Three and their followers from the face of Faerûn.

Tavias is going to agree, because he really does admire and is endlessly grateful to him, on one condition - Withers uses True Resurrection to return Astarion to mortality, then offer him the same deal to be Chosen (which, yes, will involve Astarion having to die first, since True Resurrection works on corpses, not undead, but it's fine he gets better). End result - two golden-eyed freckled elven Chosens of Jergal (Astarion is a sun elf!). S'gonna be fun everyone's going to take one look and go, "Oh, Lathander?" NOPE. THE OG DEATH DUDE.

So yeah, uh, getting into another holy war as the Chosen of a God, but that's okay because he was explicitly given the choice and he's in control of his own actions, and also Withers is basically his Grandpa.

(For the rest: Lae'zel is working with Voss to take down Vlaakith, Karlach and Wyll are in Avernus, Shadowheart is travelling with Aylin and Isobel, and Gale is a professor. Jaheira is retired now tyvm, so is Minsc, and Halsin is running a new community based near Reithwin, looking after orphans (including Yenna), refugees, and others displaced by the mind flayer attack, and lots and lots of critters, including Scratch and Bite (the owlbear cub). After the reunion party six months later, they all gather to go on a mission to Avernus to find a cure for Karlach once and for all. No one is getting left behind.)

[axelars]

It’s kinda annoying because my (actual) diagnoses came during this “fad” of being traumatized and neurodivergent. So I feel like I annoy everyone when I talk about mine and that they don’t believe me/think I’m just looking for excuses/attention.

This is my story. Human names have been changed.

I am diagnosed Bipolar 2, ADHD, and Autistic.

I went my whole life undiagnosed of what was actually the reasons behind every single struggle I had, and there were, and continue to be ALOT. I talk about it so much because it’s a relief to understand myself now and to validate my experiences and start to heal and move forward. Since as long as I can remember, I felt out of place. Always a step behind everyone else and like I didn’t really belong anywhere. I was painfully shy. Speaking to people terrified me. I had frequent meltdowns and sensory issues that were brushed off as temper tantrums and being sensitive.

But I had friends. I had large friend groups I was a “part” of. I participated in team sports and dance. I maintained okay grades in school. I didn’t scream or meltdown in public. I didn’t stim or avoid eye contact (lol yes I did but had already learned to force it and my stims have always been low key). I didn’t have any “learning disabilities”.

Now I know the reason behind this is autism but it didn’t look the same as what everything knew it as, and girls especially learn to mask very fast and at a young age. And I did have learning disabilities. Auditory processing disorder is one. I mean I guess autism and adhd are learning disorders in themselves, but I don’t like calling them that. We just connect things differently and therefore learn, understand, and do things differently. But we’ve been told our whole lives we’re doing it wrong. We’re doing life wrong. But it becomes our normal so we think everyone feels like this.

Fast forward to high school. I’ve turned dark. My parents went through a really messy and toxic and abusive divorce when I was around 12. I’m 13/14 and I’m starting drinking, and smoke weed. This progresses to drinking heavily and often, and taking various pills. I’m diagnosed with major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder at 15. Medicated and things get better. I finish high school (still partying alot), go to University and do alright and kinda just party my way through it. I got off my meds cause I’m cured! Around 25 or so I start having panic attacks. I can’t leave my house. I go back on meds but as always am still apathetic about life. Panic attacks dissipate and I learn how to manage them when they do happen. Things are pretty good. I get my degree in geology, meet my then partner, John, get my masters degree and then a job. We have 2 dogs, one we got together and one I had previously, and 2 cats. It’s good for a bit and then I get bored and stop caring.

And then Covid hits. All routine and structure and societal need to socialize disappears. At first it was awesome. I could sleep in and working from home was nice. But then I got bored and started caring less and less about my work. I couldn’t focus, keep track of time or even days gone by, was experiencing executive dysfunction, sensory issues got worse, and much more. I now know this is ADHD and Autistic burnout.

I’m diagnosed with ADHD and do a bunch of medication trials. Nothing works. It makes me more apathetic and I don’t give a single fuck about anything at all. Even the one thing that brings me joy which is dog training. I realize my childhood was really abusive and traumatizing and I’d been normalizing it. So I start trying to heal from that.

My partner at the time was the only thing keeping me afloat (love you John) but it also took a huge toll on our relationship. We moved to the Yukon. I switched to a new company. I became even more depressed and move back to Alberta without him. I take all of the animals (2 cats and 2 dogs) because he’s on shift work. He gets super depressed without his Emma (dog) and finds a way to not be on shift work anymore so he can take care of her. So I send her back to him because they really did have the best bond, and she was born to be a wilderness dog. But this was heartbreaking for me. I get involved in an extremely emotionally abusive and manipulating and as I later find out, dangerous situationship. I’d known him for over a decade so I could trust him right? Dead fucking wrong but we will get into that later. John is still my best friend. I get a border collie puppy and she’s amazing. He gets involved in a relationship (also abusive) and cuts off communication with me. I finally get diagnosed bipolar 2 and and medicated for it. I learn my first manic episode was at age 19 when I decided to go to New Zealand for 2 months out of nowhere. I hate travelling. I barely remember the experience and I wasn’t drinking or doing drugs.

John gets himself out and we are best friends again. I couldn’t do life at this point without him.

Things are starting to make sense and get easier. I’m able to regulate my emotions better. I get myself out of that abusive situationship. I completely change careers and leave geology and the security along with it (it’s the best decision I’ve ever made). This change brings new meaning and purpose and joy to my life, but it also ends a years long friendship and my dog training community and support system.

Then my soul dog, Ernie, and the reason I’m a dog trainer gets bone cancer and dies. I reconnect with my previous friends from the training community (silver linings?).

My mom gets cancer which has spread and needs chemo. She’s starting her third set of treatments this week. The doctors are optimistic but she never tells us the whole truth about scary things. I’m scared but trying to be positive.

Then I find out the real truth about my situation-ship. Him and his friend have allegations of sexually assaulting women together. At least one his friend was charged for but they got dropped when she could no longer afford it. Our justice system sucks. Like how is that fucking possible. I learn of other attempted assaults or close call and just overall inappropriate disgusting behaviour. I learn of the other women. I speak to them and even befriend one. I learn he told us all the same stories that “he’s never shared with anyone before”, cooks the same meals, makes the same jokes, literally all the same things. This guy has zero conscience or personality and genuinely believes he is a good guy. He would always talk about what a good guy he is 🙄. Well he had me fooled and a trail of traumatized women before me. I learn he sent all of us at the same time pictures of his 2 year old niece. I’m disgusted by this because what human uses their toddler niece to gain trust from women. He’s despicable so I tell his sister in law.

Anyways I put that behind me and meet a really nice guy, Tyler. We have awesome chemistry and we get each other. But he’s in the dark place and can’t be what I need. I understand this because I’ve been there several times but it still really sucks. I’ve had a really hard time moving on.

Fuckface is back on the dating apps going by a different name. He’s so vile 🤮

My training business is picking up and I’m genuinely starting to be kinda happy. I can at least get more daily things done but it’s still a disaster. Still having a hard time missing Tyler but managing. Before bipolar meds I would have spiralled into my pit of despair.

A new dog comes into my life. She is an Olde English Bulldogge just like Ernie was and I sincerely believe he sent her to me. The week before I met her as a training client for a rescue I train with, I’d been feeling his presence a lot. I’m about to adopt her and I started a part time job at a canine physiotherapy clinic doing hydrotherapy. I love it. I get to see my best friend after 5 years and meet her little daughter.

So I think things are kinda progressively getting better with each setback. But frick can I just be done with everything needing to be a lesson?? I’ve got my PhD at this point.

[applctini]

RULES &&. GUIDES

GENERAL

i am a pretty flexible partner, but i can also be equally as slow when it comes to replying. i work anywhere from 32-42+ hours a week, this is a hobby not my life. as much as i respect your time in replying, please respect mine. never assume i've forgotten about a thread, because i promise you i haven't - i'm just a slow sloth.

i do not mind slight godmodding, as the characters of the hazbin/helluva verse are immortal, deities, creatures, etc. of supernatural origins. powers, strength, magic, voodoo, religion, all of it is bound to come into play one way or another. lucifer himself is an insanely strong being - he just doesn't use his power very often. the only thing that bugs me is others assuming what goes on in lucifer's head. the old cuck doesn't even know what's going in his brain except monkey banging cymbals.

no anon hate, i think that?? goes without saying lmao. it'll be deleted immediately. you can bully lucifer as much as you want, but i'm not tolerating that nonsense thank you.

YES !! those starter calls are for you baby! i want to interact with you. YES !! those memes i reblog everyday are for you !! i want you to pester me, lucifer, i adore having a full inbox because memes and asks are the BEST way to get my attention. you thinking you're not sure if it's for you? send in your own asks !! unprompted shit is my FAVORITE thing to see pop up on my phone as a notification. do it, bug me!! i'm not that scary, i am probably the biggest baby you'd ever meet tbh.

my icons are edited for me and me only, please do not take them, but i am more willing to share where i got the bases from so you can have your own !!

FOLLOWING

tbh i don't always look at my followers, i've been on this website since i was a kid. however that doesn't mean i'm not gonna follow you back. i mentioned i was slow, right? yeah, that - at most it takes me 2-5 days to follow back unless for some odd reason i really didn't see your follow. tumblr loves not notifying me anyways, so just keep that in mind !!

this is a roleplay blog. i will not interact with personals and i hope you respect that to not interact/reblog my posts. i won't block you so long as you respect this one thing i ask of. you're welcome to follow, read my things, but do not reblog anything from me that comes from me.

i don't do the whole follow-for-follow. that always annoyed me, it still does. i don't get it... just, no lmao. if i follow you, i wanna follow you. i wanna interact with you, not to just be a number.

OC's should NEVER feel discouraged with me !! my main multi is mostly oc's, i live off of oc's. i love them. i only ask that there's a base page where i can receive some sort of information on them - it doesn't have to be elaborate, but i wanna know them !!

TRIGGERS &&. NSFW

this blog will be heavy with mental health topics. it'll contain depression, panic disorders, anxiety, ptsd, thoughts of self harm, acts of self harm, martyr complex, and much more. if you are sensitive to these topics or anything you think might lead to these topics, please turn around and do not follow me. i tag everything, but this will be a big chunk of my blog regarding headcanons, certain threads, etc.

i adore writing smut, any forms of it, but i don't write it with strangers. it often comes with just shipping with me, which we'll talk about below. however, if we share a ship (or more !!) i don't mind writing it with you, any form, or at any time. i love the intimacy (or even lack there of oops-) when it comes to sharing a body with someone.

MULTISHIP YAY OR NAY?

YAY!! I am multiship*, i will gladly toss this clown around to anyone like the switch he is lmao.

i love ships, but i also ship with chemistry. i don't like forcing myself to fall for a ship that doesn't hit me and i wouldn't want to do that to a partner either !! it's easy to be a people pleaser on this site, but don't be afraid to tell me if something isn't working for you, i don't take any offense to it. we're all adults here, we can talk like them with our big words.

*i will mention more about my shipping in this post.

WRITING

i write typically from para to novella, occasional crackhead behavior here and there with one-liners. my asks usually wind up on the longer side falling into drabble territory because i love setting a scene, describing such little details that it's probably annoying lmao. you don't have to match me word-for-word, but i would appreciate if length was kept to similar status.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

me? i'm star, i'm 24 turning 25 currently. i work in retail, like i said i can be very busy during my workdays and may not always be available here. if you have my discord, don't feel discouraged to message me there, or even here if you don't. i will always try to make time between watching my department to reply to you. i'm often closing on my shifts, so usually by the end of the night i'm more eager to reply and like a chirping bird most nights. i'm under EDT currently (UTC -4H) so you can gauge my days.

[donniesexceptionalmind]

i can't tell if this is a personal question or not, so feel free to not answer/bock me if it makes u uncomfortable, but did u always know u had autism? i'm pretty sure i have autism, but my parents think it's adhd and i can't tell if it's something i should pursue even if it would cause fights with them

again sorry if it's too personal lol u just seem like u would know duh

Well, it's a very good question!

I did not know.

What I knew was that I was ✨️different✨️.

Alienation is a common feeling of autistic people & it was definitely present throughout my whole life. I did not feel like I'd belong among the people around me (not talking about my family, though. They are very generous & they support me all the time).

I didn't understand my peers & they called me weird behind my back. I had no real interest in interacting with them, although I wanted to be accepted & valued. Instead, I was systemically excluded by my peers & only pursued if I had knowledge to share what they wanted.

Added to that, there were symptoms I lacked to properly identify & lead me to believe I had an anxiety or panic disorder. Turned out it had been suppressed sensory overload which lead to me developing depression & a severe eating disorder to cope with the stress.

It took a lot of research to find out that I was autistic because we four & dad were so extraordinary to begin with. My differences were just taken as another quirk, I mean, we are mutants?

That being said, random research brought my attention to it & Mikey, being the one that loves psychology very much, suggested it in my teens.

Since then I have educated myself A LOT about autism & neurodivergency & I continue my research to widen my knowledge & it is the most accurate explanation of the way my brain works, so why should I be wrong? Especially if the tools to accommodate myself work?

*waving my massive backlog of research around*

ADHD & autism have overlapping traits but they are not the same. It could be possible that you have both, it's not uncommon to be AuDHD. I suggest you do research about autism. I can give you some resources to start with, if that would be wanted.

Should you go for a diagnosis or at least look more into it?

Yes, if it would help you to get additional support. Personally, I believe you are deserving support without a diagnosis, which means allowing noise canceling headphones, using fidgets... but I was referring to health care support actions, I believe you know what I mean, human healthcare isn't my best field of knowledge.

It can be beneficial to know from a professional that you are indeed autistic too, it helps with imposter syndrome

Yes, if you are in need of support & your mental health is doing badly.

No, if a diagnosis would cause you to be restricted or infantalised & you wouldn't be safe

Thank you for the very amazing inbox question & I hope I've answered it to your delight.

Stim away, dear people. ✨️💜

[elaichoi]

tw: bit of discussion on mental health [diagnoses]; talks of depression/major depressive disorder, [social] anxiety, panic disorder, mention of agoraphobia, god idek tbh im sorry

YES LOL THEY WERE ANNOYING TO DO BUT $5 GIFTCARDS N SHIT ^_^ nooo i almost never did the surveys cus i get random emails and thats annoying and they also take forever,, so i only did the ones where u have to download whatever app (usually a game) they tell u to, use it for x amt of seconds/minutes (i forget) and u go back to the app and it gives u points or whatever that u redeem for giftcards! that's how i got superimpose actually 😭 edit tutorial accs would promote their code for that app/site (i don't remember what its called im not gatekeeping i swear) bc using their code gives both u and them extra points,,, and i wanted superimpose so i gave it a try and well what do u know 🥰🥰

my mental health story is kind of long and redundant and not that exciting so i shall spare u,,, well actually i rewrote this 383299 times bc i ended up trauma dumping i think... so um basics i got depressed my freshman yr of highschool, time skip- got diagnosed w depression, generalized anxiety disorder & agoraphobia, which the agoraphobia turned to be a misdiagnosis and i went somewhere else and got rediagnosed w panic disorder. child of a generational trauma that my asian parents do not think exist🫶 i alr knew a lot (90%) of my anxiety was social anxiety but i did not receive that diagnosis until this year. i lost my panic disorder diagnosis yay! andddd also got a diagnosis for major depressive disorder which was kind of an 'ohhhh' moment for me bc a lot of times i felt like antidepressants made me a lot better i felt cured lmfao i was hardly ever depressed,, except i sometimes get depressive episodes and im still struggling w the symptoms of depression that is not depression itself...if that makes sense...those symptoms being memory issues!! quick act surprised!! focus issues, i procrastinate a lot now.... which is important bc before all of this i was a very.. is high-functioning the right term? i genuinely dk if that's a term im supposed to be using,, but basically i was like top of the class student, always on-time and organized, never procrastinated, always remembered everything, i guess kinda type A personality lmao,,,, and now i am not 😃

im probably forgetting some other key stuffs but its okie,,,,, probably irrelevant but ive always been a fairytale hopeless romantic except a dumb long-term relationship got thrown into the middle and peak of my mental health mess (who told me that was a good idea 👺) has made me v antiromantic if u will 💀💀 i girlbossed myself into thinking im wise emotionally but i honestly am v v naive and sensitive and i will be a crybaby if snri's allow me to at that moment 👍

i used to be v smart but im kinda v dumb now but im also kinda trying to get back up again bc i feel? like im slowly improving in general? idk tbh,,, idk what im doing 😁

erm im v sorry this was very mentally unseggsy of me 😗 can u tell i have no concept of oversharing im so sorry for clogging your feed, qiwis followers pls forgive 🙇‍♀️

wbu? same question u asked me on mental health n cognitive functions ^^ only if ur comfortable answering ofc!

i think u could do it if u rlly wanted to, again u talent/hobby vacuum 👺 /j maybe like for blog milestone or something would be an excuse for a one-time video edit then you wouldn't have to continue if u don't want to ? hmm

whenever i didn't have ideas i would like choose a specific edit i rlly liked and use the same audio and like ""recreate"" it (not to post, its just for me & practice purposes lol). like the editor wouldve already split the audio for transitions and stuff so you can split your audio according to the transitions in their edit and add ur own clips over top. u can try to imitate their transitions or do ur own or whatever. i like doing that to practice bc it gives me somewhere to start! idk that's what worked for me personally,, just an idea for if u ever feel up for it no pressure!!

i don't think i could get into the video editing scene again bc i would want to progress to be a good editor and be confident ab my edits but capcut makes me insecure lol bc if everybody can do it then why should i take the time to grow and progress 😗 (that makes me sound like a pick me but again.. its similar to like ai replacing real working humans yk..😭😭)

my relationship ramble thingy ^ means that i also i love angst and making myself cry 😍😍🫦🫰 crack anything is 1000% your brand ‼️

omg yea real life inspo for ur reincanation aus ☺️ ehehe BUT YAY I LOOK FORWARD TO UR REPLIES SM HAVE UR NOTIFS ON LOLL i love talking to u! <3 consentual kisses! ^_^

wait....did we get engaged and/or married here,,,,,,,, on ur nsfw acct FJDJSK😭💀

oh my god i never tried that but i think there were some apps fr that were like ah yes get this free version and then watch a few ads and get one or two watermark free edits per day. BROOO THSI BRINGS BACK SO SO SO MANY MEMORIES!! (i think i rarely did that bc i was one lazy mf also vindictive so i did what i could to work with free apps)

life really tossed you like a salad damn baby I'm sorry you had to go through all that LIKE YOU COULDN'T CATCH A BREAK oh my god bro it seems like you kinda burned out? if that makes sense? because im sure a lot of things were expected of you ( asian parents here too also BRO THEY DONT think trauma EXISTS!) im glad you're getting better bit by bit HERE'S TO GETTING EVEN BETTER IN THE UPCOMING DAYS!!! we will kick mental illness's ass together lmao!

tbh third world country so never really got diagnosed properly but like most of my time i was suffering from. depression i was gaslit into thinking I'm just being whiny and uts not depression and because of this i developed repressive emotions where NOW it's my own turn where i refuse to acknowledge any kind of shit that happened to me like theres a sense of embarrassment where i can't like outright say like yeah this, and this happened to me because I don't anyone's "pity" and some huge ass shit happened to my family which made me haha something i cant say on here but im like over that now ( lol i need to go therapist for this) but yeah OH and I get the depressive episodes because i get that too oh my god like for weeks but my best friend once gave me, like just feel the emotions and let it pass like sure it will feel like a tractor running u over but it will get over and then one day you will take that shower and brush ur hair and feel a lil better!!!!

ooh but LIKE TUMBLR video platform sucks ass but i really like the idea omg i will think it through!!!

BRO NO WAY CAUSE I DID THAT TOO BUT LIKE WITH edits lmao but you're so freaking TALENTED DO YOU KNOW THAT?! i will have to try it I think with all thr tiktok edit trends now it's become easier to do those things i actualky tried to do some of it for my friends bday and it's coming up again so ill have to try!!!

okay but even if capcut exists which I think in a way is kind of good for people who loved editing but couldn't edit bc they couldn't work with, or afford fancy softwares yk but you can't deny the polishness that alight motion or vs will give you. you can't outdo the doer 💅🏼💅🏼 so you really should give it a try!!

you're SO SWEET I LOOK FORWARD SM TO YOUR ANONS TOO LIKE I ONLY COME HERE TO CHECK FOR YOUR ANONS LMAO i love talking to you too 🤭🤭

we're already married,, yes on nsfw kinda on theme don't you think so??

[spellscarred]

So OP is very right, but I'd like to amend/add a few points here:

It's not specifically schizophrenia, but psychotic disorders in general that are comorbid; it used to be the norm, back in the mid-20th century, that autistic people were diagnosed with "early onset schizophrenia" back when we knew fuck all about both autism and psychotic disorders (DSM, 1952).

Since then we've learned more about both, to the point where we speak of a psychotic spectrum, under which falls schizophreniform (mild version of schizophrenia), schizoaffective disorder (psychosis meets bipolar in a way that mania doesn't account for psychosis), delusional disorder (lack of mostly hallucinatory symptoms), and the big fun one that no one's probably ever heard of: brief psychotic disorder/brief reactive psychosis, which is the bad boy that makes you react to stressors with a psychotic break (it's the one I have). You can see where, with autism causing stress from what allistics would call "mundane things and situations", this is a big underdiagnosed psychotic disorder in autistics.

Remember, the biggest difference between schizophrenia and other psychotic disorders is that the former is degenerative. If you have a stable psychotic disorder, it's not schizophrenia.

For OCD, my experience working in mental health and taking to people in the community is that trichotillomania and dermatillomania are the break-out stars often, as a form of stim, soothing behaviour against both boredom and stress. (If you have either, know I love you, I know it's difficult from personal experience, and you can see a psych about it if it's bad enough to distress you in your day-to-day.)

To add to the big, big list of comorbidities that aren't ADHD (because yes, there's a ⅔ increase in autistics and ⅓ vice versa, but at this point we in the community are so aware and even allistics are starting to pick up on it), in no particular order:

autism and panic disorders

autism and anxiety disorders

autism and depressive disorders!!!

autism and traumatic- and stressor-related disorders (you know why)

autism and dissociative disorders

autism and eating disorders

autism and learning disabilities

A few of these are actually already listed as comorbid as of May 13, 2013 (anxiety disorder and depressive disorders) but a few of them are listed as differential (psychotic disorders and learning disabilities). ADHD is seen as both differential and comorbid.

To get back to OP's point, it's generally accepted in the community that if you're autistic, maybe you should keep your eye out for ADHD as well, but that's not the be-all-end-all. Many autistics are good at introspection and self-reflection as a survival mechanism, so don't turn a blind inner eye to symptoms pointing towards these often comorbid disorders.

And to finish my statement: neurodivergence isn't a shorthand for autistic and/or ADHD, it's all these and more. If you use it as such, I'm doing to break into your house and put cat hair on everything you own.

weird that we treat autism and ADHD as intrinsically linked due to high rates of comorbidity but no one talks that way about autism and schizophrenia or autism and OCD or autism and bipolar disorder etc etc even though those are also often comorbid. gee I wonder why

[chasing-rabbits]

I had a meeting with a psychiatrist on Thursday. Basically it was a full review of my diagnoses so at my old CMHT they hadn’t specified my diagnoses aside from my EUPD one as borderline type. Which at a previous phone appointment I was told was an issue and I should really be re assessed otherwise they can’t treat me effectively. I was happy with this because it is always good to know what I specifically have and actually the psychiatrist was really good. I liked him because he was thorough, knowledgable, didn’t appear to have any outdated views on borderline PD and in general I had faith in his handling of everything. He did make me smile when he said it seems you’ve been told a lot of nonsense in the past and when I explained I was discharged solely on anti depressants he just made a face like because that’s the biggest no no for Bipolar patients. In fact his words were giving Bipolar patients anti depressants is like giving sugar to a diabetic. You cannot put a patient with Bipolar on anti depressants and no other medication at all. It did help confirm my Bipolar diagnosis was accurate though because of course I had a manic episode that lasted longer than usual probably because yeah it was induced by my medication at the time. I always assumed I had Bipolar type 2 just from conversations with my original psychiatrist and the old one I had before moving CMHT’s. But it turns out I have Bipolar type 1, they did confirm that yes I have EUPD borderline type aka borderline personality disorder. They also cleared up my generic ‘anxiety disorder unspecified’ they said I have panic disorder and maybe GAD but they aren’t 100% on that at the moment. They also said I meet all the criteria for Complex PTSD which is something my therapist had brought up with me in the beginning session or two. It’s not really unsurprising if you’re a professional who believes BPD is a reaction to trauma and has looked at more recent studies and such showing that I think its something like 2/3 of patients w/ a bpd dx report childhood neglect/abuse. He agreed there’s not really medication for BPD and therapy is the recommended treatment he did agree EMDR could be very beneficial not only for my CPTSD but the BPD which is what my therapist said too. He did mention we could look at DBT as well but then he said something else about me receiving therapy already so idk I don’t remember entirely it was a 2 hour or so appointment but basically the gist was you’ve got a good therapist so might as well stick with that. He also confirmed something I confronted my old psychiatrist about which is interesting and also concerning with regards to my manic episodes but we’ll see. He’s upped my Lamotrogine to help with the depression because despite my prior appointment with a diff psych at this new place he did not agree it’s purely down to life factors right now and clearly the Lamotrigine isn’t doing its job he also said something about he likes to give x doses not I think he said R&R I’m not sure he used an acronym but I think he was basically suggesting my dose wasn’t therapeutically enough in the treatment of Bipolar and he couldn’t fathom why I’d ever been put on anti depressants whilst on such a low dose of it and no wonder I’d been getting what my Dr’s had said was ‘breakthrough mania’ irony as well that my anti depressants are specifically stated to have caused mania like symptoms in those with no bipolar diagnosis or history so like fuck me also confirms some other things I was concerned about and right to be concerned about when talking to my old psychiatrist. Which also kinda pisses me off knowing all my concerns were right and just brushed off. I am however pleased to get answers and more help more accurate and informed help too. Sadly this new CMHT doesn’t allow us to see the same psychiatrists every week they don’t schedule appointments so I just get assigned whose available but he said he’ll see if he can get me scheduled w/ him for my check up in 4-6 weeks time to see how the increased dose is going.

[relaxingfirepits]

It's about deep relaxing

We typically hear that we must relax more in addition to in our modern earth, with its constant stresses, knowing how to calm can be difficult. Nevertheless , there are many health benefits that individuals can experience when you undergo progressive deeply relaxation. You do not need so that you can participate in this unwinding all the time - basically regularly, to have the rewards that are listed in the following paragraphs. deep sleep

There health benefits with deep progressive rest are many along with varied. They add some following:

Improved sleeping: helps turn off bad sleep thoughts quietens the mind relaxes the entire body in readiness to get sleep fall to be able to sleep faster vacation asleep longer possess a better quality involving sleep feel a lot more rested in the morning contain a greater sense associated with control over the your thoughts and sleep Minimized stress levels:

lowers stress hormone degrees leads to: better nap

lower blood burden

reduced heart rate

lower breathing rate

enhanced immunity as you can find an increase in Capital t cell production

more desirable digestion

health in most cases improves

complexion together with skin conditions enhance (as many are associated with stress)

decreased performance tension leads to reduced:

build up of lactic acid - lessened soreness of muscular tissue tightness in glenohumeral joint muscles tension head aches backache tightness for the jaw tightness within the yes muscle jerks muscle fatigue Lessened anxiety:

decrease in generalized anxiety decrease in anticipatory anxiety related to fears such as agoraphobia (fear of crowds), oral fear and surgical procedure reduction in the pitch and duration from panic attacks o better ability to face a fears, overcome worry and generally believe better Other internal benefits:

improved content level increased sense with control over moods increased self-esteem elevated spontaneity and ingenuity calm emotional express and more emotional regulate feeling of peace of mind, satisfaction and internal balance dissolving existence limitations frees you by clearing your life of obstruction which cause difficulties in careers, family relationships, etc - commonly created from childhood injury or other happenings from the past improved confidence and self-belief various addictions substantially improved Other typical benefits:

improved effectiveness at work improved levels of energy sharpens mental techniques and greater readability of thought increased concentration and recollection unpleasant people are easier tolerated (and you might be more tolerable to help others because you more enjoyable! ) creativity is usually enhanced (not simply for artists - many our lives can be improved when we will be more creative at problem-solving) o life is actually more fun, and mind-set is better and more good o weight restrain, quitting smoking, plus the control of various habits becomes much simpler o increases your own body's healing rate u produces more human brain chemicals related to health insurance and longevity o more rapid goal achievement : in personal and additionally business life a greater feelings involving general well-being to accelerated learning in addition to life balance i increases your capability to make correct possibilities

These are all many advantages that everyone might experience with intensifying deep relaxation. Beyond just the benefits listed above will be the following benefits -- however , there is required to be further research prior to when firm conclusions could be draw. There are some reports that relaxation works in the following disorders:

Premenstrual syndrome Menopausal symptoms Headache slow up the severity of troubles in children along with migraine symptoms around adults. Positive improvements in self-perceived soreness frequency, pain depth and duration, quality lifestyle, health status, painfulness related disability together with depression have been claimed.

References

Deep Sleep

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deep_Sleep