cw: implied sexual trauma, panic attack, intimacy struggles
You don’t notice it happening until it’s buzzing under your skin. Loud and unavoidable, the only thing you can pay attention to is the irregular flutter of your heart and the way it seems that all the air has been vacuumed from the room—
“Hey.”
You blink, and Katsuki is no longer above you. He’s not touching you at all—you turn your head to find him next to you, propped up on an elbow and only worried.
“Too much?”
The panic flares at the question, because what if this is the last time? What if he’s tired of this?
Your exhale is shaky—your laugh is forced and sounds out of place. “No, it was fine, I just—“
“Oi—“ he says, gently, “tell me the truth.”
The truth burns your eyes and keeps them on the ceiling, away from his. You nod, helpless and resigned to whatever comes next.
“What’s goin’ on in your head?”
You feel the tears spill over before you can catch them. You swipe them away with the back of your wrist. It’s still numb. “I’m just sorry. I didn’t mean to ruin it.”
He grunts a little in acknowledgment—a displeased, ugly sound—and then there’s movement that finally draws your eyes to him. You watch him cover himself with your duvet—all the way up to his chin.
“S’it okay if I hold you?”
He reaches for you and you let him pull you in. His hands stay above your shoulders and pointedly avoid your neck—cradling your head, letting you hide in the curve of his throat. His pulse is steady and constant against your forehead—or you imagine it would be, if it wasn’t muted by the fabric.
“Nothin’ is ruined,” he murmurs against your hairline, “s’my job to keep you safe.”
Your chest shudders against the cushion of the blanket and you feel a little guilty about crying all over it but Katsuki keeps you there, tethered to him. The ringing in your ears subsides, just a little. Just enough to hear the panic in your own voice.
“I promise I want it. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I’m sorry—“
“Hey, hey,” he shushes you, careful not to tighten his arms around your shoulders. “Nothin’ to be sorry for. S’too much today—that’s all.”
It’s quiet, then, save for your sniffling. He keeps his mouth pressed to your hair, and his arms wrapped around you. There is a noticeable absence of his fingertips tracing along your skin—you don’t feel them there at all, and it’s on purpose. He’s considerate and it makes you anxious.
“Can hear you thinkin’.”
“I just—“ you inhale, trying to be brave, “I don’t want you to leave. I know I can’t—give you this—“
“Oi,” he gruffs, a little sharply, “I don’t give a shit about that. M’not a barbarian.”
You feel the expansion of his lungs as he draws in a slow exhale, and lets it out against the crown of your head. “Don’t think so little of me,” he murmurs, tone laced with hurt.
“You’re right,” you whisper, because he is, “I love you.”
“Love you.” He kisses it into your skin, soft and barely there. “Always will.”
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Btw, if you really just Need A Job (tm)
I'd really recommend looking into care work
Care work here is specifically being a home care aid, a care aid or assistant at any kind of residential home.
This for usually for elderly or disabled adults - and those are the ones that tend to be most entry level, from what I've seen, but also for mental health, addiction recovery etc. (With the obvious caveat that some of these jobs will be more emotionally intense than others)
I'm so serious about this guys. I was applying to jobs in care work for just three weeks, starting a couple days before Christmas, and in that time I got three interviews, two jobs offers, and five additional interview requests
Care work needs people CONSTANTLY
because it's a huge sector but very hard for them to keep staff long-term. Partly because it can be high burn-out, and there's definitely toxic places out there you should watch out for. And partly because a lot of people think care work is beneath them
AND they ACTUALLY MEAN IT when they say they're entry level. Because it's so hard for them to get staff that a lot of them will advertise super aggressively that they will train you themselves. A lot of them will straight up pay for your CPR and First Aid certifications, once they hire you, too (and you can get a leg up on applications by getting a CPR/First Aid certification for like. $30 to $80, at least in the US). They also accept experience taking care of elderly/disabled/etc. family members as real experience
Like, obviously don't do it if you hate taking care of people, but if you're open to it, it's probably by far your best shot of getting hired rn, statistically
(eta: Genuinely disclaimer that it can be super taxing emotionally and large portions of the industry are indeed fucked, and def don't take a job in this field if you're gonna be an asshole to the people you're caring for, but sometimes you just need whatever job you can get.)
Seriously, though, the first time I applied for a care work job (in October 2023, yes short timeline, like I said there's some toxic workplaces etc. out there), I applied to like ten or fifteen jobs over the course of a week or so. Within three weeks, I was working.
(And they did provide all of the training, fwiw)
If you need a job and no one is hiring, seriously consider looking into it
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Okay hear me out.... Journey to west au. Sun being the monkey king from the book and Y/N a traveller. Y/N rescues him from under the mountain and he joins them in their travels. Moon is a demon that's terrorising a town until Y/N and Sun stop him. Moon then joins the two. Finally Eclipse is another demon that kidnaps Y/N in order to eat them but instead is so utterly charmed by them that he joins the party. Shenanigans ensue... Thoughts?
The great monkey king is indebted to a mortal but he has little qualms with escorting you on your travels as a way to give his thanks for rescuing him from underneath the mountain. His magic and strength are at your disposal. Strangely, you prefer traveling peacefully and quietly, avoiding trouble and helping those in need when the two of you come upon them. The monkey king thinks you are vulnerable and too trusting, and he decides to protect you at all costs.
The lunar demon does not take kindly to his mischievousness and destruction being wrought, but when you and the monkey king stop the mayhem he inflicts upon a small town, the lunar demon can't help but become amused and intrigued by a daring, bold mortal who is so calm in the face of dangerous, sharp teeth, red eye demon. He thinks you are naive and foolish, but he follows you and the monkey king because who else will watch over you at night? Who will keep you safe from the other toothy and red-eye demons?
It is not too long down the road of your seemingly endless travels that a problem arises. The monkey king and the lunar demon venture to the river to fetch you food and drink and while you toil, you feel the shadow of a great personage fall upon you before you are snatched away. You struggle and call for your dear, new friends, but the dark being smuggles you into his cave. He ties you up and leaves you on the floor of his home as he prepares to eat you. You, however, remain calm and speak with the great demon and learn he is the eclipse prince. The eclipse prince wants nothing more than to cook and devour you, but you convince him to allow you to serve him tea first. Pleased by the offer, the eclipse prince unties you. You serve him a tea you have used to comfort the monkey king and calm the lunar demon, and speak with the eclipse prince. The conversation continues until the pot of tea is gone and he tells you to prepare another, pot after pot until he is laughing and telling you that he has forgotten his hunger—your charm and allure have sated him. He will let you go and return you to your companions, but you invite him to join your company.
The eclipse prince is pleased to accept. He opens his cave and returns with you to the monkey king and the lunar demon. When you come upon them, they are furious and frantic. They act quickly to take you back and prepare to attack the one who carried you away before you calm them. The eclipse prince stands rather unapologetically as you explain that he is now joining the three of you. The lunar demon does not take kindly to this change and the monkey king hovers close to you, refusing to let you leave his sights while the eclipse prince seamlessly joins the camp and prepares a pot of tea for you to drink.
You continue your travels, glad to have such devoted company.
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