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Sorry I just got here to watch the fandom implode (I left mid 2022) who is tony?
we actually don't know much about tony he kind of just appeared one day but he like holds the camera during sapnap's irl streams and makes him food
#cq.asks#i also think hes partially a manager bc he helped set up all the stuff for the birthday stream#which u probably didnt see#uhm basically llamas climbing wall skeppy helicopter
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to preface this post i am anti-advertising i think we should explode the entire industry but it's sooo funny when you people make posts like "and they don't even work!!" like. sorry to be the bearer of bad news but yes they do. that's why we have to put up with so many despite everyone hating them and thinking its annoying. because they actually work really well and make a shit load of money
#it actually would be way better if they didnt work and made no money bc businesses would abandon them#this isnt like stocks where everythings abstract and is essentially gambling (i dont understand stocks)#like ppl in the ad industry create things. that make a tangible and quantifiable impact on the business#which is then used in further ad planning. it is NOT all smoke and mirrors#like its fake in that the industry is not providing a necessary service the way like. grocery stores are#but its not the level of fake where everything is abstract like theres deliverables#moreover there is an extensive body of academic work specifically on how to make ads more effective#ALSO i think some of u views ads like. as if they have a win condition. which is you buy product#but in current advertising this is pretty rare and comparatively ineffective#which is why you see MANY ads which dont seem to be selling anything in particular. or which have nothing all to do with the product#the 'win' condition for THAT kind of ad is something more like 'viewers remember our name'#like. ex i would say ads for temu have not been effective on me bc i havent bought anything from them#but temu probably thinks they were SUPER effective on me because i talked abt them like 5 different times at work#and i do in fact know exactly what the company does and what they sell#and they were able to capitalize on the reputations of existing companies (wish shein etc) to build their own brand#good idea generator
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#iirc the datv embargo lifts in a few hours time#its exciting for sure!! ◕‿◕#(theres some good info out there about what u can expect etc)#everyones level of comfort/preference for spoilers or what they consider/dont consider spoilers or do/dont want to see beforehand#is different and thats valid#for me rn my pref is not seeing much more of the game than i have so far so i will probably not be watching/reading most of those bits of#coverage which are described as 'spoilery' due to this#im just at a stage personally where in the main the last thing I'd like to see now is just a good look at the CC and the CC options#and then just any of the more 'generic' stuff like any new official screenshots that get tweeted or if theres one more trailer or something#(know what i mean? maybe generic is the wrong word but like vague or general or something). and thats about it#so if i'm quieter on here or not postin about sth new that you've seen or focusing more on less-new stuff like V&V eps i didnt get a chance#to listen to yet or i dont know the answer to something etc thats why ^^#i've turned off asks and submit as well jic#sry for any inconvenience caused by that and for not following/posting everything in the coming weeks hh!!#its like a push and pull between wanting to be hyped with everyone/overanalyze every new crumb/wanting my blog to be useful and#not wanting to know much more about the game besides CC than i do atm hh#ultimately we will only get to go into this game and play this game for for the first time once so yea :D#(and in case it helps to know for your own curation purposes my datv spoilers tag is 'dragon age the veilguard spoilers'!!)#mj and the world
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i don't want to go home
#bang dream#bandori#imai lisa#mmmh its summer its time to rotate last year's lisa summer event mental breakdown#okay here come the thoughts#the beach has been already mentionned in bs1 as somewhere lisa would go often after quitting music#and i often think its bc since she leaves literally next to yukina it was to avoid her#which makes that even in middle school she would go to the beach and not want to go home as a way to escape#then theres the summer event#where they mentionned that when she was a child when she went to the beach she didnt went to go home at the end of the day#which directly connects to her in her last summer as a high schooler where she is scared of the future#and where she basically is taken by her fears as a child (her younger self tugging on her skirt)#also its a night scene bc i often think about how yukina compared her to the sun AND the moon#and the moon to me represents that melancholic side that lisa is so extremely prone to#theres probably more i forgot to type. but u see im already deep in the trenches
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im going into my new work tomorrow, first time ever😐
#i was supposed to go in yesterday but um#so basically i did whatever training i was never even aware existed on a platform i was never told of#which has progress for every lil step i do so my manager literally could see i hadnt even logged on n couldve warned me any time#but never did 4 some reason. like even a days notice like heyyy have u gotta blah done n not as im abt to exit to work#BUT ANYWAYS so i tell her i got it done n shes like awesome i make new schedule (since she said we have 2 completely rid the old one#i dont get an update until 4 days later. all she did was add THREE training days (im supposed to have 6 cus it's a hard job)#on TOP of my old schedule. so i have 3 days i know are training days and then a solo day bcs that solo day was going off my old schedule#so it's like. which days do i go on then. bcs u said i cant come in at all bcs we'll have to make a completely new schedule#and then the new schedule is just. 3 added days. on top of my old one#sunday i was scheduled for training & there was No trainer scheduled with me. it was just me#sunday wasnt one of the 3 new days added. it was from the old schedule she literally told me to ignore#n then all a sudden today i get an email from someone who was supposed to be training me (name not even on the schedule tho)#n shes like hey im in the building are u lost or smthing :)?' mind u im asleep . so she probably thot she was wasting her time for a good hr#i emailed her an apology n an explanation but UGH r u fucking serious?? IF I KNEW THAT WAS A (NEW) TRAINING DAY I WOULDVE WENT#I JUST WANT TO GET USED TO THIS NEW THING & IT'S JUST GETTING FUCKED LIKE I DONT EVEN HAVE A BADGE YET BRO#like i was suspicious of going in sunday bcs it wouldve lined up nicely with the 3 added training days#but manager TOLD me she was adding a whole new training schedule! i double check n all she added were THREE days! thats it!#how was *i* supposed to know sunday was supposed to be 1 of those days when ive been staying at home ignoring the schedule u said 2#BCS U SAID 2. AND ALSO. THERE WAS NO TRAINER ON THE SCHEDULE.#even tho the drive is far. i wouldve driven up there today to see if i could shadow if i had known there was someone to shadow there#bcs even if i was wrong abt the day 2 come in at least i wouldnt waste my time but i didnt even know if there was someone there with a#trainer title. so i just missed a day i didnt even know i rlly had. FOR NOTHING. UGHH. I FEEL SO STUPID. I HATE MISCOMMUNICATION#im so scared of coming in now. sverybodys gonna think im dum n what if i have issues training then theyre gonna be like#we spent all this time on bro n he had all this time 2 prepare n he still sucks like damn we should just give up#i would 2 but i hate not seeing things to completion so. ugh. hate it here. idk what 2 say. EMBARRASSING#i hate miscommunications i hate feeling stupid
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pls i need to provide updates
#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year#and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire#and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f#friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl#acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what#are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and#friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me!#LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after#everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to#invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me#i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother#and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids#so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo#any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷♀️#but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd#and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk#THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date#w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a#few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay#scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK#like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl#like is that even doable#but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much#.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us#god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x#but it would be soooo funny#I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed#popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x#i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like#its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe
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Ed and the ineffable 60s gals
See the best and only accurate crowley playlist btw (can confirm i was their plants):
#love how you can tell what kind of gay a person is based on which year in the 60s they draw the ineffable wives in#didnt put them on the ed page on purpose#OR DID I#listen they were around in the blackbeard century it would be very funny if they encountered and did the spiderman point#theyre just actually wearing the same outfits#anygays yeah feel like zira would stick to late 50s early 60s modest/properwear given how they dress in 2023#granted they are gayer than a tree of monkeys on nitrus oxide so that probably plays into their modern fashion choices#all of crowleys clothes are black btw i just do not want to color them in#song u see the lyrics to is rhiannanon by fleetwood mac should you be needing#ineffable wives#good omens#aziracrow#aziraphale#anthony j crowley#ineffable husbands#if u see crowly pray crying over there no u dont lol#ofmd#ofmd fanart#good omens fanart#my art#edward teach#Spotify#gentlebeard#blackbonnet
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柄本 佑 || 「光る君へ」 (2024) · 第三十回 「つながる言の葉」
#柄本佑#tasuku emoto#光る君へ#hikaru kimi e#1x30#made by me#fujiwara no michinaga#藤原道長#I love the heian no F4 reunion so much#mustacheeeeeeeeeeeeeee#new kimonoooooooooooooo#sigh Idk what to say I love this episode but michinaga's grown so much I barely recognize him#this episode got great aesthetics#cinematography#and nostalgia#oh right one thing I wanna point out:#he complained about Mikado asked him to be frugal#which is textbook double standard bc when sadako judai'd#he wouldn't even approve of giving her a fancy cabinet#and now he's complaining mikado being frugal????????#I also feel sad bc to me Genji Monogatari should be the token of the unfulfilled love between michinaga and mahiro#to me it's always like that even for the reallife!them#so it's kinda disappointing that michinaga saw it as a tool to help his daughter from the beginning#he probably didnt get to read the last couple of chapters but#the hidden cloud chapter didnt exist for u to see it as a tool to get to power#she loves you so much. and you? michinaga?
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🏥🦷
#damn my teeth on my left side reallyyyyy fkn hurt#last night it started hurting so bad i couldnt fall asleep#i took some regular over the counter pain pills nd they brought down the pain a bit#so it at least didnt hurt as bad as it did first#but now after sleeping a few hours it still hurts ://#idk what to do... bc i've googled but it is like impossible for me to know what this is. could be anything rlly#nd w physical health stuff im not as terrified bc i can just go to the ER. when i was there it only cost $15 lol#but dental care is so fkn expensive i dont even have that in my account#anyway. i could get an 'urgent appointment' which i get financial aid for... probably. thats the thing. it's not 100% certain#idk what i should do bc like i could wait it out nd see if it'll pass nd then wait on my appt the 6th may#or maybe i should call my dentists nd ask them what they think nd if they can give me an urgent appt..#i hate calling tho. i know that sounds ridiculous esp when im dealing w pain but my avpd makes it so so hard for me. i'd almost rather not#if i was smart nd normal thats what i would do. just call them nd see what they decide for me. maybe i'll wait nd see nd call tmrw....#nd idk abt the pain. like it rlly hurts but it isnt extreme i think.. but when i press one tooth it hurts a lot nd makes me worried it's#dying 💀 nd like u can actually die from teeth pain nd complications... nd infections nd stuff. it's scary af 😭#idk if my tooth is dying nd i need to contact a dentist rn or if its smth that can wait for a bit#i mean if i had a job nd a salary i'd book an appt for tmrw nd get it checked but i have to discuss w myself bc i cant afford lol#ugh this is the reason im terrified of dental problems. the pain is awful nd theres nothing u can do if you're poor#my head keeps spinning idk what i should do abt this 😭 i csnt make up my mind. just want it to go away on its own but i know it wont#nd it hurts so that i can barely sleep or eat or concentrate. so i rlly dont know.....#oh if only things were easy
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Binged the dungeon meshi anime today and gotta say... was not nearly as fucked as everyone was implying???
Was really good, don't get me wrong but like, what's a little blood magic between friends ya know? It's chill, like bearly a 6 on the fucked scale. I was expecting more :/
#i got to the end of 13 and was like...#but wheres the Fucked????#to which it then ocured to me all the blood magic was probably what the fucked was suposed to be but like#eh#like people were talking about the Tone Down Turn around episodes 11-13 but like...#it was bearly a dip in darkness? was evenly fucked the whole way through my guy idk what to tell u#like did u not see a dwarf get snipped not a fortnight ago?#were you not preped for digging through dragon guts for body parts from jump?#like we talked about her being digested from minute 1#its been deadly the whole way eat or be eaten as u know#was it scary made guy? hes been around since the paintings we knew he was intense#like i feel bad for falin and her whole mixed w dragon magic bodyhorror slavery situation but like#we'll save her itll be fine :)#or mercy kill ig#anyway whos gonna tell elf guy his precious king is litterally dust#probably escaping ur yandere ass#anyway this is why you dont let fandoms get you hype -_-#i didnt even get to SEE the cat person yet!#better get a season 2 or i will be reading the manga
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sorry if this comes off weird or anything but i wanted to say i’m so glad hugo is one of the characters u choose to cosplay because u fit him so well i’ve seen a handful of hugo cosplays and u just embody him (in my opinion). ur so hugo to me ok bye
did one of the kinnie accusers send you. be honest
#JOKE THIS IS A JOKE#hiding the more sincere response in the tags... hopefully u see.... lol........#but no its not weird at all i actually very much appreciate this! ough#cosplaying him came at a pretty integral time i feel like. ive had a lot of stuff going on#a lot of which is Identity and/or Gender related issues lmfao#like trying to be more authentic to myself etc etc. augh#but being able to just capture a character so Easily for once- while remaining true to myself- has been um. we'll say helpful#to say the absolute least but thats good enough for now. probably :^)#so a comment like this is genuinely nice........ but u didnt hear that from me............................. /lh#asks#nice messages
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also I got rly scared abt this last night or the night before because I suddenly realized sometimes people interpret it this way,,
so i just wanted to say that the reason i dont interact w people very much is NOT bc i think im better than ppl or anything - i am just very genuinely Petrified of messing up in social situations, to the point that I end up isolating and avoiding rather than risk making mistakes ^^;; WHICH ISN'T HEALTHY but . i havent figured out how to work through this yet dhdjdkl
BUT YEAH i just wanted to try to make sure nobody is thinking I'm some hoity-toity goober, I am literally just Extremely Terrified fjdjdkdl
#I've had nothing but good exps w ppl online for MONTHS but it hasnt seemed to improve my fear :')))#idk why im so scared honestly fhkddl i didnt use to be this ridiculously terrified ??#i could probably trace it back to a couple genuinely somewhat traumatizing bad interactions BUT CMONNN BRAIN !!!#its literally just a handful of Really Bad exps and all the rest have been totally fine 😭😭 those were OUTLIERS !!!#regardless. i rly hope i dont come off that way of being like. ''im too good for u'' bc thats absolutely not whats going on dhdkdl#im just. very very scared pretty much constantly and dont want to make any mistakes#bc i rly cherish this space and i am so grateful for everyone in it so i dont want to mess it up for myself i guess fhdkdl#any time i send a DM or reply or ask just know im probably fighting back Genuine Fear as i do so LMAO its so ridiculous honestly 😭😭#one day I'll figure it out and be able to interact w others without feeling like i am jumping straight into a lion's mouth !!!! one day !!!#(also theres a whole thing of me feeling like im scum of the earth and i don't want to make ppl have to be around me bc that would be rude)#(but the Fear is the main thing djdkdl the self-loathing is secondary at this point which... is potentially progress? maybe?)#(plus i am a notorious rambler. see example A (this right here). and i dont want to talk ppls ears off 😭😭)#dandy.cmd
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guess whos not going in at all this week, actually
#MY MANAGER EMAILED LIKE 2 HOURS B4 I HAD TO GO IN#she finally changed my schedule (1 day) to the night shift today#(i emailed her to be safe just kinda casually reaffirming im going in at the new time & then asking if any other shifts wanted 2 be changed#bcs that sounds great to me whstever option she goes with#she ignored that question & i get a new email from her asking if i completed a training. lets called it DOC#basically a long time ago she said 'i will send you DOC instructions soon' .. a few days pass and i get three 50 paged packets#one is called NAVIGATING DOC#im like oh ok cool that must be the DOC training shes talking abt bcs the other 2 packets were abt various trainings#NAH BRUH. APPARENTLY THE DAY IM SUPPOSED TO GO IN. SHE MESSAGES ME SOME ENTIRELY ALIEN PROGRAM#and is like 'u completed this right? cus if u didnt u cant come in today.'#LIKE?? MAYBE I WOULDA IF U SENT THE SHIT#but it's also like. dam i shouldve emailed prompting her to send what she said she would n clarifying BUT FUCK#WHY DO I GOTTA?? IM NOT THE MANAGER#she literally told me the name of the program rn thru email so i type it in and see like four hour long modules to complete#mind u i aint never even been informed a WHISPER abt this new program. nothings even labeled DOC TRAINING#but my struggle is. was i notified this?? and i just didnt see??? was i supposed to clarify with her what the DOC training was exactly??#the only thing ive heard abt doc training b4 this is 'i need to send u DOC training soon' in EMAIL. so i expected an alert#abt THE DOC TRAINING... in an EMAIL notification. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS#idk man#i dont even care bro like im busy as hell & the work is just to build clinic hours so i dont care abt the money factor#it's just like. can we get this first day jitters thing over with already?? im so over this bro#yaddayadda i emailed her an apology n ill be on that ASAP shit. but i did let her know i am basically justnnow seeing this site#n if there was any email or notif that couldve/tried to inform me of its existence 2 pls let me know / figure out how to find it#so the issue doesnt occur again & i dont have to keep botherinher which im so srry of bcs med is stress n shes just trying to get by#but still bro im a lil miffed bcs she probably thinks im stupid now and now im wondering if i AM#bcs WDYM ONLINE MODULES. AINT NOBODY SAID SH IT EVEN ABT THE EXISTENCE OF THEM!!! i wouldve pressed harder 4 clarification#if i knew it was an ONLINE MODULE i had to look out for on some randomass site i didnt even know the name of until now#instead of the EMAIL UVE BEEN 'COMMUNICATING' WITH ME ON#ARREGHHHHHHHH IM NOT STUPID. I SWEAR IM NOT STUPID FUCCK MY BAKA LIFE
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Gonna also get my license soon. This time for real.
Need to find that sheet of the driving times... hmmm
#speculation nation#gonna get some more practice to increase my comfort but im generally a good driver already regardless#i just need to have the damn driving log sheet#which ive never actually filled out but certainly i have enough experience#(never recorded anything bc my dad told me from the start aka fresh 16 year old that he cared more about ability than experience#so even if i didnt log as many hours as required if he felt like i was ready then he'd have me take the test.#this makes more sense when U know he was a UPS driver so he was all about driving safety above all else.)#so. im just gonna make some shit up. but i need the sheet to do so lol.#if i cant find it maybe i'll go on campus and print one out. i think i can still do that even tho im in an online class rn#worth a try at least. if not then Uhhhh i guess i could try to buy a printer lol. probably would be good for me to have one#and they cant be That expensive can they...??#oh well i'll try the school first. if i cant locate it in my apartment that is. idk i'll just have to see.#either way im gonna get my license soon bc i dont wanna be stuck without easy transportation again#now that i no longer have a girlfriend to drive me places :p ya kno#i want the freedom. and this time for sure im gonna actually do it.
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Welcome back! I love transformers! Which continuity are you interested in? Any favorite characters in particular? Do you have any oc’s? (No pressure if you don’t I’m just curious) <3
Thank you, it's good to be back abfjdbdk! and HECK YEAH TRANSFORMERS 🤝!!!
Thank you for providing me with the opportunity to Talk About Transformers, I will take it graciously and with extreme amounts of vigour and rambling!
Under the cut because of the aforementioned vigour and rambling.
To answer your first question: I'm largely into the IDW (2005) comics, Animated, and Aligned (TFP) continuities! I've also started watching the original G1 cartoon and Cyberverse which has been really fun!! (I'm absorbing so much information. I'm also idly keeping up with the new Skybound comics, which have me yelling screaming crying etc.)
As for characters... I would say I have no favourite/s except I do also own 1 (one) Transformer and well. for something that basically turns into a brick, he gives me immense amounts of joy.
But yes, other than Soundwave, (who has charmed me in every continuity I've seen so far!!) it's a constantly rotating roster because there are SO many characters to think about (which differ from continuity to continuity!!) and I am having the time of my LIIIIFE!!!
It's so funny going from UT/UTMV to TF because UT fans have a lot of focus on Versions of Literally The Same Two Guys, whereas TF has an overabundance of options to pick and choose from (I love both!!! I just think it's very funny in comparison whfjfbek)
Anyway, I am a big fan of a lot of characters from IDW and particularly MTMTE because they're all a bunch of little FREAKS and I love them. But! If I had to pick a few from there, I'm particularly fond of (in no particular order) Drift, Whirl, First Aid, Ratchet, Swerve, Brainstorm, ALSO NAUTICA I love her dearly!!!!
I'm also a Tarn girlie at heart u_u I am not immune to "big bad dude with a mask and a sexy voice just so many problems". Also I have a special place in my heart for Spinister and Pipes rhfjfbejfbk (I love the Scavengers [similarly, a bunch of little freaks] and Pipes makes me SO SAD. WAIT- ANOTHER CHARACTER THAT MAKES ME VERY SAD: IDW SUNSTREAKER. (He was my first taste of the Horrors of the IDW comics and that STUCK with me)
Similarly, I think the Constructicons (+Prowl in IDW) and Combaticons have SUCH fascinating dynamics hjsjkhksjdfh,, combiners got me going crazy... I NEED to find out more about the other combiner teams. It's a fascinating concept.
As for other continuities... Animated has me sick over Blurr, Shockwave and Swindle, and... well, Optimus has intensely kissable lips in this series. Why did they make him like that. I'm also very fond of TFA!Starscream- he was my favorite back when I watched the series as a kid and it was very fun seeing him with fresh eyes LMAO
Fun fact: TFP was a large part of what got me to actually sit down and check out Transformers but... I actually still haven't watched the series itself (つω⊂* ) I just saw TFP!Soundwave and went "OH okay, I love him and need to find out more" which quickly expanded into me going on a deep dive into Transformers, and resurfacing about a month later having read all the IDW 2005 comics and about an equal amount of fanfic for various continuities whfjgbjrbfk,, BUT even though I haven't watched it yet- TFP already has me hooked on Knockout, Ratchet (and Soundwave ofc LMAO)
And the last answer; unfortunately I don't have any TF OCs (ᴗ_ ᴗ。)........
.........YET.
I have many Thoughts but haven't put together any designs because I want to get better at drawin mechs before I jump into making my own! Hopefully that way I have a better idea of how to put em together LMAO. That being said, I Am in fact plagued with ideas!! Like!!! I'd loooove to take a crack at trying to put together a sailplane/glider OC!
(LOOK AT THEM STUPID LONG WINGS...)
Or!! A pair of mechs, one whos an imaging satellite and the other a telescope! (Real starcrossed lovers type deal... both meant to only watch from afar, both longing to be in the other's place/by their side)
I also have a tradition of making sonas that have wings but can't fly, so I kinda want to make a TF sona with a similar concept- either just with good ol doorwings, or maybe a flier with a messed up gyro which causes problems staying upright in the air 🤔
Anyway!!! This is really long again! Oops but not oops because we all knew this would happen. Thank you again for the ask!! (and the excuse to yell about Transformers shfngbekbgm) Now I will return to my daily schedule of listening to. eurobeat and the Transformers Devastation soundtrack. Bye
#velwy.txt#inbox#anon#tbh. u could probably track my various character/ship obsessions via my ao3 bookmarks fhdkf#except uh. pls dont do that. i dont think i can handle the embarrassment LMAO i have so much Raunchy bullshit bookmarked kjdhkjdhtg#ALSO IVE BEEN MEANING TO READ IDW 2019 but. they killed brainstorm like immediately and i just went D: whfjfgjk ill go back to it eventuall#prowl has a bird there. i need to know more.#AND ARMADA. i keep hearing good stuff about it!!!! RAGH#its only been like 2? 3? months. Im in so fucking deep#ALSO WHYD NOBODY TELL ME HOW GAY TRANSFORMERS IS. ESPECIALLY IDW.#i kept going 'WAIT THATS A CANON COUPLE????'#like it exists!!! in canon!!!!!!!!! and isnt just a fandom thing!!!?!?#which also made it infinitely more funny going straight from that to TFA#where i realised that canon shockblurr pretty much has the onscreen chemistry of a guy and the guy he turns into a cube#its fantastic fhfjhfjd i love that its such a popular ship as well LMAO its just inherently hilarious to me#like. I SEE the vision. AND canon is like go girl give us nothing </3#tbh. im surprised i didnt get into Transformers earlier. its right up my alley. there are big robots.#MY TAGS MAY AS WELL BE A WHOLE NOTHER POST AT THIS POINT
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ykw actually I am angry + disappointed w them. I've been pushing how I feel aside and trying to make it my own fault so it's all contained but I think theyve just been mean. and they really should know me better ik I try to pretend I don't expect more from them so I feel less hurt when they do things that upset me but we've been friends for years by this point. like come on.
#just got home and went to put my shit away but my flatmate was in the kitchen and i got suddenly so mad i had to walk back out#not going to do or say anything while im this upset. i need to be a lot calmer before i can even be in the same room as her#like okay. so originally it was just the two of them getting drinks and theyd rather it was just them bc i dont drink. thats cool#it wouldve been difficult for me to join them after work bc travel. and ik theyd done this before just the 2 of them and had fun#i can fully respect that its why i said no and stuck by that decision when she asked again#but to not mention she was taking the day off work and btw i just found out that BOTH of our other old flatmates joined in too#to not mention that they were travelling that entire distance and that it wasnt just drinks it was a whole day out together#thats just mean. why wouldnt you tell me that why did none of them say anything.#and the fact they did the exact same fucking thing last weekend too i didnt know about that at all#like i need to stop trying to justify it. im allowed to feel unwanted and excluded bc thats exactly what theyre doing.#im tired of feeling like other people dont want me around. i know i can be difficult and annoying sometimes. but im really not that bad#and we're meant to be friends!!!!!! like youre supposed to like your friends. and want to spend time with them. or at least i do#and yeah everyones annoying sometimes thats just part of being alive ur supposed to tolerate it if ur friends#im allowed to want to feel like im wanted. im allowed to want ppl to care abt me. that shouldnt be too much to ask for#but the overwhelming message im getting at the moment is they dont want me around. and when i am around them i feel like they dont listen#to me and that they dont really care how i feel unless it directly involves them or theyre responsible for it#i feel like they dont see me as a real person that exists. only a version they have in their heads and they base all their assumptions and#decisions off that version instead of directly communicating with me. and constantly avoid me under the guise of 'giving me space'#when im upset or having a difficult time and most need support from other people. i just feel really unseen#and ik that part of how i feel IS exacerbated by insecurity and depression. like they do care to some degree#but also a lot of it is evidenced in the way they act towards me. mainly my roommate bc shes the person i interact with most#and personally i find the most direct ways of showing u care abt someone are showing up for them. and making them feel seen#and maybe not everyone feels the same way. but thats how it works for me anyway#so to repeatedly exclude me and avoid acknowledging that ive been having a difficult time is the opposite of that to me#which is the point im trying to arrive at... sorry ik ive probably said similar things repeatedly the last few weeks but i feel like its#crystallising a bit like this is the core reason why im so sensitive and reactive atm and why i got so upset by it#idk. not tonight bc im still very emotionally raw but maybe tomorrow if im calmer i should explain that i was upset + why to her#i avoid doing that so often when im upset bc i dont think theres much point in having a conversation abt it unless u expect some kind of#resolution from it. or if you want an apology but idrc abt being apologised to the crucial thing is what theyre going to do different#and i love her but shes very resistant to changing her behaviour bc of other ppl being upset by it. and like i said before she has
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