#which then just fills me with so much bitterness towards the sport in general and seeing anyone else continue on like nothing happened

[danthropologie]

Even if he has made peace with it all (couldn't be me), that just means that he'll give an interview promoting wine or the hulu thing and just toss off some line about not wanting it to end like that or wishing he had his parents there for the last race, but otherwise he's fine and it'll get more attention than anything Christian has said in months + blow holes in their narrative. And it'll be a one sentence throw away

your lips straight to god's (daniel's?) ears fr anon

[tsuki-xoxo]

One Day At A Time

Overview: The moment you first saw Shinso’s performance at the first year Sports Festival set off a chain of fateful interactions and an unrequited declaration of rivalry. Now, as you stand hand in hand with your husband-to-be, you can’t help but think back to everything that brought you here. 

Pairing: Shinso Hitoshi x Reader

Word Count: 3741

Genre: Scenario, Fluff 

A/N: I had so much fun writing this for the POCuties Server Collab: ‘A Wedding to Remember!’ My heart went binkie boom doom. I hope you all enjoy best boi Shinso!! And thank you to @tui-lah​ for beta reading, I appreciate it! You can find the rest of everyone’s amazing works here.

The flowers entwined between your fingers twinge with sweat from your palms as the beating of your heart ran a mile a minute. Exhaling a breath, you briefly glanced at the bouquet of beautifully arranged flowers before the double doors broke you from your reverie. On either side stood your best friend, Mina, in a beautiful gown that accentuated her figure, and Kaminari, your husband-to-be’s best friend. 

Mina beamed, the black sclera of her eyes twinkling as she caught onto the small sigh of contentment that left your lips as you basked in the physique of the love of your life in a tuxedo at the end of the peddle-filled aisle. The light reflected from the vibrant bouquet, which made you look dazzling in the spotlight. Carrying on an otherworldly trance before the two left your side, not before the blonde sent you subtle thumbs up. 

Facing your groom, your eyes roamed his figure, giving him a once-over. The tuxedo hugged him perfectly, highlighting his broad shoulders and slim build. The black of his suit had a velvet quality to it, and brought something out of him, a self-respecting pride and confidence that had you nibbling your bottom lip. 

“Oh, hello, Mr. Bond,” you whispered with a cheeky grin. You couldn’t help yourself, Shinso looked like the perfect action man with a license to thrill. His typically messy indigo hair was slicked back, or at least tried to be, you had to give him an ‘A’ for the effort. You peaked at the tips that were haphazardly pushed back, intertwining into a beautiful chaos-- you’d fix it later into his naturally ruffled tufts. 

You heard a breathy snort from the man across you. Looking up, your eyes latched onto an all-too-familiar pair of glaciers that resembled hyacinths and the lazy-smirk that had the corner of your eyes softening. 

Shinso reaches out to you as soon as the one to wed you both begins to speak, his calloused hands holding yours. It’s funny actually, as you gaze at your intertwined hands and the paleness of his skin of how the two of you ended up in the aisle together, rings readied to be worn, and a life promised to spend together forever.

You remembered it like it was just yesterday.

After his fight with Midoriya during the first year Sports Festival, you left the stands to find the General Studies student in the hall. Luckily for you, you saw him in no time, the striking lavender hair and familiar U.A. uniform that he wore was hard to miss. You quickly fell into step with his languid steps.

“Shinso Hitoshi, right? I’m (L/N) (Y/N), nice to meet you.”

With his ashy lilac and deeply sunken eyes, he faced you with a bored expression on his face. “Okay.”

The two of you walk in silence for at least a few minutes, his hand coming up to scratch the back of his neck before he speaks. “Uh--” he clears his throat a little awkwardly, “why are you following me?” It was a simple question, not one that harbored an accusing tone, and you were almost shocked by the fact that he made no effort to chase you away.

“Oh shit,” you cursed, smacking your forehead, having forgotten to announce the reason why you followed him in the first place. “My bad, dude, I can’t believe I forgot. You’re my rival.”

“What?” he asked, furrowing his eyebrows, his pace slowing even more until they stopped. 

“Rival, y’ know where two people compete for the same objective or superiority.”

He clicked his tongue, rolling his eyes, “I know what a rival is, but why are you declaring that you’re mine.”

Your eyebrows furrowed. You thought that at this point, it was obvious enough for him to catch on. Maybe he was a bit slow; the bags under his eyes may have killed a couple of brain cells over the years. “‘Cause we have the same goal,” you shrugged your shoulders nonchalantly. “We want to prove everyone who doubts us wrong.” Mich like him, growing up with an ‘evil’ Quirk, you’ve had a fair share of gossip surrounding you. That’s why you wanted to be a hero, to end the discrimination against labeling Quirks as villainous. 

“Really?” he paused, “what would a student from the heroics course know about being deemed as a criminal.” One look into his eyes, and you already knew. The bitterness in his orbs was unmistakable.

“More than you know,” you murmured, refusing to break eye contact. 

The mauve haired boy’s uninterested expression softened at the dispute in your eyes, the corner of his mouth tugging into a small grin. Looking at you properly this time, like he really saw you as a person, not just some random stranger that decided to follow him around.

“Sorry, but no,” Shinso stated, the usual indifference lacing his tone, the smile falling from his face. “I’m not looking to make friends or rivals.”

You giggled mischievously at him, the purple of his eyes side-eyeing you with weariness. “You’re cute,” you state bluntly, bouncing on the balls of your feet. His expression is replaced with a gawk at the pure boldness from you, red splotching on the apple of his cheeks. “You actually think you have a choice! See ya soon, rival!” 

With that, you turn on your heel, searching for your homeless-looking homeroom teacher. You have the perfect recommendation for an intern.  

“(L/N)?” he demanded, stunned by your sudden appearance.

You turned your head from your position on the floor, stretching, glancing toward his direction. “Hey, rival.” The boy looked slightly different from the last time you had seen him, with a bandage-like material wrapped around his neck, similar to Aizawa’s.

Hopping onto your feet, you brushed the dust off your hands, walking onto the mat placed in the middle of the gym as Aizawa spoke up. “Shinso, you’re training with (L/N) today. It’s a joint training to access your weaknesses, first to get knocked down or pushed off the mat loses,” he said, his expression never changing.

Bending down a bit, you prepared to make a move before the boy with lavender hair stopped you in your footsteps. “How the hell did you get Aizawa-sensei to agree to this?” he asked with an amused look in his eyes. 

Smirking, you peered up through your lashes, looking at him with faux innocence. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Yes, you do. At the Sports Festival, you told Aizawa about the general studies student, but Aizawa was already aware of the male since he had taken note of him. Unsurprisingly to you, your teacher decided to mentor the student, and it took a lot of bribing and coaxing for you to convince him to join just one training session, but that’s all you needed. 

You stiffened immediately, your eyes glazing over as you become immobile, not even able to process or think properly. You watch the white of your rival’s teeth move, and the next thing you know, you blink, conscious, and off the mat. The stoic male wore a bored expression on his face as your eyes widen in realization, he just brainwashed you. 

It was as if a match sparked over you as you glared at him. Lunging forward instantly, taking the purple-haired boy by surprise, you brought your leg up to kick him in the shin as he lost balance. Without giving him a chance to catch his breath, you pounced, both arms wrapping around his torso as you tackled him, or at least tried to. It seemed that Aizawa had been training his student well because the tackle didn’t do anything besides move him backward. Quickly, you leaped back, creating a space.

The boy’s ruffled hair from his night’s sleep and current fight had strands sticking together, slick with sweat. “What, that’s all you got?” Shinso asked, but you bit back a sharp remark, refusing to take the bait again. 

Failing to evade the knee that came straight for your abdomen, the impact knocked you back slightly but lacked to knock you down. You were taken aback by his speed and accuracy, and for a second, you wanted to smile at the growth of the male that stood in front of you, it was like he wasn’t the same boy that had lost to Midoriya. 

Focusing on the match at hand, you dodged his next onslaught of attacks, moving efficiently to evade them with the slight knowledge of his fighting style from the Sports Festival. Thanking yourself for forcing all those hours you spent training your physical abilities, you moved forward the moment you noticed Shinso starting to take labored breaths from his never-ending assaults. However, before you could even register what was happening, Shinso loosened the material around his neck, effectively capturing you amid some ridiculously strong bandages. With the help of the capture tape, he swung you around, gathering momentum before releasing you. Before you were thrown off the mat, though, you grabbed the white scarf and pulled yourself safely in bounds. 

With record speed, you raced across to meet Shinso, the capture material moving forward to shield its wielder from an attack, but you abruptly shot your arm up, tensing the male’s muscles you pushed it out of your way, continuing your route to the lilac haired male. Using your remaining strength before your sight dotted from vertigo, a drawback to your Quirk, you used both of your arms to grasp onto his, crouching you flip him over. 

Falling flat on the mat, you heaved a breath and closed your eyes to regulate the spottiness surrounding you. When you heard shuffling, you peaked an eye open, pointedly-eyeing the hovering male. 

“You’ve gotten better,” you commented. 

Shinso let out a soft chuckle. “You’re not half bad,” he countered, crossing his arms before adding, “besides when you became a sore loser and just hopped back in here without a word.”

You gave him a non-threatening pointed look, “hey! I forgot about the brainwashing bit for a second there. Can you blame me?”

Scoffing, you took his outreached hand and pulled yourself up with his combined effort. 

“I mean for a rival, that was just sad,” mused Shinso, running a hand through his hair, tufts of purple sticking out in random directions, suiting him. 

The corners of your mouth lifted up into a smile, a slight stinging sensation from the cut on your lip from the fight somehow, but you didn’t care as your smile widened into a brilliant grin since Shinso finally acknowledged you. “Rival, huh?” you laughed, feeling absolutely delirious. 

After Shinso acknowledged you as his rival, you both became training partners and soon enough close friends. Before either of you knew it, you were already in your second year at U.A., and your purple-haired friend had been accepted into the hero course. 

You’re not exactly sure when you started developing feelings for the boy. Maybe it was the moment he exposed his perfectly aligned teeth, glowing with happiness and hope. Or it was his innate ability to spark a conversation with anyone, despite having a reserved and calm attitude. Even stating that he had no interest in making friends, yet you swiveled your way in and surrounded him with support, along with Kaminari, the greenette, Midoriya, and even the cerulean blue-eyed Monoma. Or it’s his aspiration to usurp anyone who walked the same path as him to become a Pro. Either way, there was no denying the flutters roaming around in your stomach. 

As you heaved, trying to catch your breath,  your exercise friend was doing the same, but talking about something, you weren’t really paying attention to his words. Just hearing his voice made your stomach tingle and your heart beat erratically in your chest so hard that it felt it’d burst. You followed the beads of sweat trickle down his face and run onto his lips, focusing how the red of his tongue would peak out to catch the salty droplets. 

When your eyes met, you swore that your heart thumped so hard that it was audible, even for him. His eyes, those deep magenta orbs that could tell a whole story just by looking at them, felt like you were injected with liquid adrenaline into your bloodstream, and the entire zoo grew rampant in your chest. Shinso’s cat-like eyes felt like looking into the sun for too long-- a maze you could get lost in and soon enough be blinded by. He was so effortlessly looking handsome. 

And his hands. The same slender ones that have been on you time and time again, training after training. The image of his hands brushing against your own as you walk flickers throughout your mind, growing into a daydream of your own intertwining. Suddenly you speak, “Hitoshi, I like you.”

His eyebrows rose in surprise at your confession, mouth ajar, and hand frozen on his capture material. The intensity of his gaze put a crack in your steely disposition as you glance the other way. “But don’t worry. I don’t expect you to say anything, I just wanted to get that off my chest. 

You watched as Shinso grinned, shaking his head in disbelief, his arm rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. He wasn’t one to smile much, never having much reason to and the fact that it took too much effort. But every time you spoke, you somehow made the corners of his mouth tug upwards each time. You didn’t merely speak words with no meaning behind. With every word you spoke, they were curt, straight to the point, and your conversations didn’t need the time-consuming falsehood of small talk. So, it was no surprise when you bluntly admit your feelings to your crush. 

Like you promised, you never forced Shinso to speak up about your confession, not once asking if he felt the same way. You guys’ relationship continued to grow without a hitch, but that never stopped you from making flirtatious remarks with the male from time to time. A cheeky grin permanently painted across your face every time you were with him. 

Scrambling up to your feet, you hurriedly made your way over to him despite your aching muscles. Clasping your hands around his neck in a chock-hold, you used your legs, dropping him on the ground right then and there.

“What were you saying about beating me?” you asked, laughing in between pants. 

After three years of regular quirkless and quirkful combat with Shinso, you both had improved drastically every battle with one another. It took you everything to drop him over your shoulder like before, but you collapsed on the ground next to him, panting as soon as you did. 

“I’m going to kick your ass,” Shinso retorted, looking at you. Picking up on your exhaustion, he rolled over, immediately entrapping you with his weight as he grabbed both arms with his own, pinning you down. 

“That’s not fair! The match was already over,” you pouted, however made no effort to push him off. He grinned, breathing out, his breath fanning over your face. It took mere seconds for him to realize the close proximity of your two faces, his own heating up, instantly taking on a rose hue. He hastily scrambled off of you, looking away as he tried to calm his face. 

“Damn, I was hoping to be wrapped in your arms for longer,” you teased, whipping a fake tear delicately from your face. 

He coughed at your words, choking on the water as his head snaps at you from the comment, hints of pink still present on his cheek. “Huh? Wha--”

“Relax,” you scoffed, propping yourself up with your elbows. “I’m just fucking with you.” As you made your way to your bags that were thrown onto the floor, you patted the male’s toned back as to acquiesce that everything’s alright. But before you can maneuver around him, Shinso’s hand latches itself on your wrist.

“Wait,” he murmurs, pulling you toward him. You make no move to pull away, feeling safe and secure in his arms, not the edge of intensity that comes with dancing with danger in your daily life as a hero-in-training. Subconsciously, you find yourself leaning into Shinso’s embrace, even more, an affectionate smile on his face. 

He tugs your cheek softly. “I like you too.” You stay silent, holding your breath as the pad of his thumb brushes against the skin he just pulled, and fingertips lightly grazing your jaw, you find yourself leaning into his palm, the ends of your lips tipping up slightly. You two focus on one another’s eyes, and all your common sense shuts down because the attention he’s giving you his startling, the vibrant violet of his orbs near closer, stealing your breath. 

You brought your hands to the back of his neck, and in an instant, his lips found yours with a content sigh. Your eyes flutter shut, and even in darkness, you see light exploding. Although his movements were gentle and slow, his lips were firm, the two of you moving in perfect sync, sending shivers down your back. With each move, the blurred lines of your friendship beginning to clear, forming something new entirely. Parting your lips, you sighed as he slowly pulled away from the kiss, his lips plump and red. 

Fluttering your eyes open, you find Hitoshi wearing a sweet smile on his face, filled with affection. His smile was one of happiness growing, much like spring flowers. You could see how it came from deep inside to light his eyes and spread into every part of him. While your heart was pounding, and your lips were still pulsing from the way he kissed you, the silly smile never fell from your face.  

“Finally.”

You and Shinso have been dating for five years now, debuting and growing as Pro Heroes. As time passed, your love for him got even stronger. Whenever he looked at you, it was like every ounce of air was taken from your lungs, floating in the sky like a midnight smoke cloud. Every time your lips tangled, the world would stop, leaving just the two of you wandering the earth together. When the two of you cuddle, and he holds your face between his hands, it’s like he’s keeping you in an eternity of security.

When the two of you were patrolling the streets, you came across chaos and panicked citizens. In the distance, there were flickering flames that hinted something deadly. 

“Stay near me, (Y/N), and be careful,” Hitoshi announced as you catch up to his hurried pacing, nodding in acknowledgment, walking right into the heat of battle. The scene you were met with was unlike the disarray clues you had witnessed from the running citizens earlier. 

All around, you could see the burning of bright orange flames as they devoured everything in their path. Your nose scrunched up in alarm from the smell of charred concrete and ash as they dusted the air. The moment you observed your surroundings, you wished you hadn’t. You narrowed your eyes as a menacing creature hovered around a horde of panicked civilians that desperately tried to scramble away. The beast had an ugly beak head with wings and extra limbs, and bloodlust radiating out of its beady eyes. It’s what every Pro has been acquainted with, a Nomu.

“Ready?” he grunted, quickening his pace to match yours. 

“Always,” you answered, reaching out an arm, and in an instant, you immobilized the Nomu-like creature grasping hold of one of the unfortunate bystanders, your boyfriend running by you with his capture scarf in tow. 

You rushed over to the person ungracefully falling with its captor. Grabbing the man’s arm, you slung him over your shoulder as you hauled him to safety. The man gasped out a thank you, slumping over a wall a fair distance away from the fighting, trying to catch his breath. 

When you ran back into action, you and Hitoshi captured villains, the Nomu, and protected citizens. Multiple other heroes had arrived at the scene at this point, and the creature had been dragged out of by policemen, sirens echoing down the streets.

You had been rambling to your boyfriend about your costume, mentioning that you’d need to see Hatsume soon for some upgrades, but as you glanced over at him, you recognized the far offness in his eyes. 

“Hitoshi?” you ask with furrowed brows, snapping your finger in front of him.

He blinks, his hands finding purchase around your waist. He pulls you closer as he nudges his head between your neck, and you wrap your arms around him. “I love you,” he whispers into your hair. Pulling back slightly, he reaches for your hands, interlocking them. A light smile adorned your face as you looked into his unblinking dark purple eyes.

“Will you marry me?”

Now, as you stand in front of your soon to be husband, you feel the way your heartbeat picks up while your lungs fill with more air, but at the same time, you feel incredibly light. This is it. You’re seriously going to marry the love of your life. 

There is so much to admire about him like his raw honesty. The way his words spill out real slow as if the truth can take its time. There’s like a force behind them, yet the kind that is respectful and quiet-- an observant and patient determination. He supports your pure, unadulterated personality, the good and bad. But of everything, it was looking in his eyes you loved the most. That’s all you ever needed to connect, just you and him, eyes, no words.

“You may now kiss.”

Shinso ran the tip of his tongue along his lower lip, gently drawing you closer to him, placing both hands on either side of your face. You two share a brief but deep kiss, yet you two are still grinning afterward as cheers from friends and families surround the two of you like magic, causing you to shiver in complete pleasure and ecstasy. 

In a world of chaos, the two of you find a place where togetherness means peace, where savage winds cease, and no clouds can block the warmth of the brightening rays. 

And neither of you would want to have it any other way. 

[lov3nerdstuff]

Voluptas Noctis Aeternae {Part 7.23}

*Severus Snape x OC*

Summary: It is the year 1983 when the ordinary life of Robin Mitchell takes a drastic turn: she is accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Despite the struggles of being a muggle-born in Slytherin, she soon discovers her passion for Potions, and even manages the impossible: gaining the favor of Severus Snape. Throughout the years, Robin finds that the not quite so ordinary Potions Professor goes from being a brooding stranger to being more than she had ever deemed possible. An ally, a mentor, a friend... and eventually, the person she loves the most. Through adventure, prophecies and the little struggles of daily life in a castle full of mysteries, Robin chooses a path for herself, an unlikely friendship blossoms into something more, and two people abandoned by the world can finally find a home.

General warnings: professor x student, blood, violence, trauma, neglectful families, bullying, cursing

Words: 3.7k

Read Part 1.1 here! All Parts can be found on the Masterlist!

______________________________

This one hour turned out to be way longer than the previous ones together. Admittedly, Robin did enjoy the youthful silliness of her friends, but for the most part she could only listen and offer her ever-too-grown-up take on matters on the few occasions when she was asked for her opinion. It was fun though, a bit like spending time with younger siblings. Not that Robin knew much about that, and when she dared to voice the thought, Simon and Michael –who had grown up with two and three little siblings respectively– only laughed in her face. Oh well, just fun it was then, but perhaps not like siblings after all. Just a group of unlikely friends.

At the end of the given hour, Robin wished her little group a good rest of the night and told them to meet her in the entrance hall half an hour past midnight. Before either of the confused people could ask about her enigmatic and sudden statement, Snape came to her rescue just as planned. He didn't say a word when he held his hand out to her, and she didn't say a word in return when she took it and let him pull her up to her feet. It was all in the eyes, in the words that didn't need to be spoken to be understood. The last Robin heard of her friends while Snape led her off towards the dancefloor was Cas saying something along the lines of 'and that's how you ask a girl to dance!' to the rest of the group. She couldn't help but silently smirk to herself in agreement.

The dance that followed was as much a delight as the previous one had been, as every single one of their dances had been, and once it ended all too soon as ever, neither of them could bear to stop just yet. So they did what most couples did, they stayed, and they danced to the next three pieces of song the musicians gifted them with as well. It left Robin quite breathless, but smiling more widely than she probably ever had in public. Who cares… she was just 'that insane girl', after all. This was the last ball she would be here for, and perhaps also the last time she got to dance with Snape. Even though she very much hoped that the latter wasn't truly the case.

When they finally decided that it had been quite enough exercise for the moment, a decision majorly influenced by the change in musical tone from sophisticated to what Robin graciously called 'jolly', they made their way off the dancefloor with slightly heaving chests and in purest contentment. That was, until no other than Damion Morgan stepped into their way, as if he had sensed that Robin's night was going too well. And he obviously had every intention to change that now. Not only did his eyes rake up and down Robin's form with an almost hungry look, but with an equal amount of scarily sweet smiles plastered onto his lips as well.

"Go on now, don't be shy, darling. Just ask me out." He finally spoke up with one of his flashiest grins, and his eyes locked with Robin's as he got way too close to her for anyone's comfort.

"Alright. Would you be so kind to get out of my sight?" Robin returned an exaggeratedly sweet smile that was dripping with sarcasm, and she was only glad that, hidden away under the billowing sleeves or her dress, Snape was still holding onto her hand.

"Ah, always sporting such a sharp tongue and an even sharper mind... that's how you seduce me, dear." Morgan chuckled, a brightly ringing sound that gave Robin chills of the uncomfortable kind. How could the man be so ridiculously positive, clear as crystal and bright as the sun, while yet he was the scariest person she had ever known to exist?

"Your advances are shameful at best, Damion, if not outright pathetic." Snape replied in a condescending and cold drawl, and his words were more in line with Robin's thoughts than anything she could have worded herself.

Morgan's head snapped around, and he glared at Snape with sharp shards of ice in his eyes. "Oh, and you think you are doing so much better than that? Is that why she hasn't even noticed how badly you are pining for her?"

Now Snape's eyes narrowed at the man in front of them in an unspoken threat as well. "You haven't the slightest idea what you are speaking of."

"Actually I know very well what I'm speaking of, Severus." Morgan quipped in radiant imagined superiority. "As it is, I also happen to know that you are absolutely right in your assessment of the circumstances; you really are entirely out of your league."

Robin didn't waste time thinking about the lunatic's words of hostility and instead caught his attention by speaking up calmly and with the subtlest touch of mocking sweetness. "If we are so far below you, then perhaps we shouldn't bother you any longer with our lowliness. It must be quite painful for you to dwell in such poor company, and we wouldn't want to hurt you now, would we?"

With that, Robin simply turned to leave without waiting for an answer, and she didn't even have to pull Snape along with her, for he mirrored her movement precisely in an instant. They got exactly two steps further down the hall before Morgan caught Robin by her free arm once again. His grip, as ever, more demand than inquiry.

"Dance with me." He said, without smiles, without brightness, and certainly without room for refusal.

"No." Was what Robin replied nonetheless, and this finally brought a new smile to Morgan's lips, a different one. A smile that made Robin's blood freeze over.

"That wasn't a question, darling. Dance with me, or I will see to it that you won't live to deny me again."

Robin's guarded expression kept her jaw from dropping and her eyes from growing wide, but the sheer panic that spread inside her mind and body still must've found a way to the surface. Her eyes moved from Morgan to Snape, in a silent plea for him to do something, anything, but going by his own expression, it was either killing Morgan right on the spot or letting things unfold. Robin couldn't blame him for having a similar reaction as she had herself, there was little else to do about such a display of dramaticism and insanity.

Gulping down the lump in her throat, Robin let go of Snape's hand and took the one Morgan was offering instead, even though every single cell in her body screamed in protest. As ridiculous as the threat was, she didn't doubt Morgan anymore. The lengths to which he would go to see her suffer still lay in darkness ahead of her, and she was more than reasonably reluctant to shed any light onto them now. So she let the man lead her back to the dancefloor, much like last year, while she was still aware of and very much thankful for Snape's eyes lingering on her. He wouldn't let Morgan harm her if he could prevent it, she knew that. And Snape's serious concern worried her quite a bit more than the actual prospect of getting injured. But no time to think about it now. The music started, and Morgan swirled her through the room alongside the oblivious students, professors and guests.

"You are hurting me." She finally spoke up in a quiet hiss, when his fingers dug uncomfortably into the skin of her back even through the layers of thick black fabric.

"Did it ever occur to you that you are hurting me, too?" He sighed in return, as if speaking to a child reluctant to understand. "With all those edges and corners of your wild personality… You make it ridiculously hard for me to put my mark on you. Perhaps, a little pain shall be the way to tame you after all."

A mere second later, when he moved his hand across her back oh so subtly, a sharp pain, a stinging and burning followed in the wake of his fingers at once, and Robin gasped before biting her lip to refrain from crying out. How the actual hell had he done that?! The pain dimmed down quickly enough, and nobody was paying them much attention, so it can't have been anything too serious, right? Right?! Robin released a shivering breath, then glared up at her dance partner in utmost hostility.

"If you think you can break me like some fragile plaything, you are utterly mistaken." She hissed, but it only served to make the man above her smirk. Robin wanted to slap that expression off his face, but all she could do was glare at him even more threateningly. "I can see way beneath those smiles and charming words. When I look at you, I see nothing but a monster."

"When I look at you, I see a beautiful masquerade covering the hollow darkness of inevitable death. Because that's ultimately what you are, and what you are ever going to be. A broken creature of ash and dust, and a mirror of shattered vanity." His reply came quickly and in a striking factuality, a seriousness that was unlikely for him. It left Robin short of an adequate answer for a moment, while his words cut a little deeper than she would've liked. And yet, when he spoke on, his tone was filled with bitter amusement. "It's rather ironic, isn't it? To see you clinging so desperately onto the one man who is the very essence of brokenness. Tell me, are you trying to heal him or do you merely reap what is left in the ashes? I cannot tell from what I see. But I shouldn't be the one to judge... I too desire you despite your darkness."

"You are wrong. Again, as always." She huffed in spite. "I don't like him despite the way he is, but for that very reason. He might have been broken once, but he put his pieces back together in his own way, and that makes him more appealing than anyone who has never known the courage it takes to go on after you shatter. Or the strength it takes to be better than before."

"You really are quite pathetically in love, aren't you?" Morgan sighed, sounding condescending and indifferent in a way that made Robin wish she hadn't said anything at all. But this damned man just had a way of getting to her and making her speak against her better judgement. "Ironic that it had to be Severus you are so willing to suffer for. Say, would you die for him, little songbird? I bet you would, wouldn't you? As I said; Ironic."

"If I'm pathetic for loving, you are just loving to be pathetic. Ironic indeed." She scoffed, and he squeezed the hurting spot on her back in return, making her yelp under her breath. The sound made him smirk. Bloody bastard…

When the music came to an end and the people to a halt, Robin feared that Morgan would keep her right where she was for another dance. It was a bit after eleven at this point, and even if there was still some time until midnight, she was both exhausted and desperate to get away from the man who was keeping a strong hold of her even now that the dance had ended. But to her surprise, he started leading her off the dancefloor before she even had to voice a protest or question.

"I better return you to poor Severus before he gives in to the urge to murder me, huh? Merlin's beard, that man loves you more than is good for him." Morgan chuckled quietly, but Robin honestly didn't care for his words now as long as he left her alone as soon as possible. It didn't even matter that he had fallen victim to the same delusions as everyone else. So when Morgan finally released Robin from his grasp and even had the audacity to give her a little push towards Snape, there was no time for her wounded pride when she was just lucky to be escaping his presence in the first place. Only once Robin was safely tucked into Snape's side two seconds later, she finally felt like she could breathe again.

"Thank you for the dance, my dear. Your divine company is always my highest pleasure." Morgan gave Robin another of his signature smiles. "I'm looking forward to all that is yet to come." His words couldn't have been more enigmatic and unsettling, but at least he bowed slightly and then disappeared into the crowd. Just like last year.

Robin let out a long breath to regain her composure, then looked up at Snape right at her side. He was undoubtedly angry and concerned in equal measure, as always when it came to her interactions with Morgan, and thus she offered him a small smile of reassurance.

"I'm alright, don't worry. The idiot hurt my back, but it's less painful than any of the times he slammed me into a wall in class, so it's nothing new really. It's okay."

"I let him hurt you, it is not okay."

"Do we need to be having this conversation again?" Robin gave him a look that was both pleading and defeated. "There is nothing you could've done and we both know that. All we can do is to start looking more thoroughly into what his problem with me is after the break is over."

"You are most likely right about that. Obviously." Snape sighed, then placed a gentle hand on the small of her back with a questioning gaze down at her. "May I?"

"Certainly." The smile that came to her lips now was genuine, affectionate almost, and she didn't bother hiding it from him. They both could use some calm and comfort now. "Perhaps… we could get away from the crowds for a bit?"

"Certainly." He mirrored with a not-smirk, and Robin shook her head with a chuckle. He really had a way of cheering her up even in the worst of situations, and that was something nobody else had ever been able to do.

Without waiting for a better opportunity that wouldn't come anyway, they soon made their way through the hall while pushing through various groups of people who weren't accustomed to the unspoken rule that it was better to stay out of their way. Robin had never taken much notice of it before just now, actually, but she usually never had to squeeze through somewhere. People usually stepped out of her way quite willingly and let her pass without effort. The same way they did with Snape. In a way, now that people did stay standing in her path, she found herself equally amused and irritated by that fact. Perhaps being the insane girl everyone feared based on a reputation alone really wasn't all that bad after all.

They reached the entrance hall soon enough, and in an unspoken question and likewise answer, they decided against winter robes and for a heating charm instead. It wouldn't be toasty, that was for sure, but it could keep the cold away at least, even if that left the wind to live with. Now that the snow had been replaced by rain for the majority of the previous week, it wasn't as harsh outside as it had been half a month ago, and this they could very well feel when they stepped outside into the nightly courtyard side by side. With the charm wrapping around them, the temperature was almost truly comfortable here, but then again, there was no wind inside these walls, so that wasn't too much of a surprise.

It again went wordlessly that they sauntered through the arcades and to the other end of the open space, out into the night and away from the busyness of the castle at long last. Away from the people, away from Morgan. His words still sounded as a dull echo in Robin's mind, now that everything else was silent. Not all of his nonsense had lingered of course, just… that one thing he had said wouldn't stop nagging at her. What he saw when he looked at her. The hollow darkness of inevitable death. It probably was just his overly dramatic way of being hostile and threatening, but then again, perhaps what he saw was the same thing that made everyone else scared of her as well. And as all things inevitable, it drew closer and closer to the surface, where everyone could see. Maybe that's why her reputation had grown exponentially more sinister over the years… Maybe that's why Morgan's words threatened to suffocate her now. Because she really was just a hollow darkness to the people around her.

"Talk to me, Robin…" Snape's voice drew her out of her mind as it did so often these days. They were sauntering down the hill now, almost having reached the shore of the lake… and she hadn't even noticed. "You are getting lost again, and by the look on your face I can tell that it isn't a nice place you are vanishing into. Will you just tell me what is bothering you for once, or do I have to ask on?"

"It's… just something Morgan said." She sighed deeply, and tried for a half smile when she looked up at Snape. "I really should know better by now than to let him get to me like that every single time, huh?"

"He has a way of getting under people's skin regardless of how hard they try to resist. It happens to the best."

"To you?"

"Obviously."

Robin let out a small amused huff in reply, but then stopped in her saunter and turned to face Snape when he did the same. "Can I ask you something odd?"

"Don't you always?" The returned question was more encouragement than tease for once, and Robin honestly felt glad for that. 

She knew she had to ask, but in the end she would also need the courage to bear the answer as well. Taking a deep breath, she kept her eyes fixed on his and finally brought up the courage to speak the words that had been threatening to break past her lips anyway. "When you look at me... what do you see?"

"Everything." His reply came in such a calm sincerity, such genuine and complete certainty that Robin forgot how to breathe for a moment. She even forgot why she had asked in the first place, with an answer that told her so much more than the question demanded. A shiver of sheer and utter delight ran over her skin; she couldn't remember how to speak with words. So all the questions and answers of the world lay in her gaze alone. She wanted to be everything to him more than she had ever wanted anything else.

"Why do you ask?" Snape finally inquired, just as calmly as before, and the fact that his previous answer obviously was just another given to him almost made Robin laugh despite the newly arising hope. Perhaps she wasn't a token of death to everyone… to the one person that mattered she obviously was quite a bit more than that. And wasn't that by far enough?

"Morgan said that all he sees in me is a beautiful masquerade that covers the hollow darkness of inevitable death." She finally sighed with a shrug, then sauntered on towards the shore with Snape following right by her side. "But then again he also said that the sharp edges of my personality make it difficult for him to put his mark on me, so I guess I shouldn't try to find truth where there is only insanity."

"A wise decision I wholeheartedly support." He replied, just when they left the muddy path behind and crossed over onto the pebbled edge of the lake that lay in front of them as a black mirror now, reflecting only the blanket of stars above their heads. A beautiful sight that made Robin sigh as much as Snape's question that came a mere second later. "Was there anything else he said that might be disconcerting?"

"Just the usual things he keeps saying to me from time to time… How much he hates that I 'desperately cling onto you', for example. Or that you love me too much." She said before her brain had the time to fully process how stupid of a move that was. Maybe it was the hope gaining the upper hand again… but the idea that perhaps she could be everything to him indeed was burning her up from the inside now. Her hope had turned into a wildfire.

"Dumbledore really should have Morgan gagged, if he already refuses to dispose of him entirely." Snape grumbled under his breath, and Robin's heart fell a little. That wasn't the reaction she hadn't technically allowed herself to hope for but had hoped for nonetheless. Of course it would upset him to hear these accusations… what had she been expecting? Ridiculous.

"Oh, you'd have to gag quite a few more people than him if it's just about these remarks." She finally replied with a sad chuckle, then with a silent sigh. "Too many people have been insinuating things like that recently. You know… about you and me. Us."

"Ah." His voice dropped down an octave, and the deep frown on his falling features was suddenly accompanied by a tinge of rising bitterness in his tone, a shadow of sincere sadness in his eyes. Then it was all apathy again before the fleeting emotions could be grasped. "I can see why that thought would be repelling to you."

And for once, encouraged by the shadowy ghosts of expressions she had seen on his face, Robin let her heart speak instead of her mind. "Actually, it just makes me wish quite desperately that it was true."

______________________________

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[spaced-out-imagines]

The Mentor’s Child (a multi-chapter Shinsou x reader fic): Chapter 6

First Chapter | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Warnings: none!

If you like my stuff you can buy me a ko-fi here!

Taglist: @universal-imagines​, @lucio-the-beautiful-goat​, @lostgirlheart​, @katsheen​, @estrellitaaart​, @complexhouseplant​, @vinaios​, @ale-the-jedi​, @ewwis​

A/n: hey guys sorry for the late update. I was just hit by a really bad slump and I couldn’t write at all for a couple of weeks. I hope you enjoy this chapter anyways!

“Oh god I hope this wasn’t a big mistake,” was the only thing running through your head. You and Shinsou were walking down the sidewalk, making your way to the cafe. Shinsou matched your pace which made the trek a little less awkward thankfully. However, you were still panicking slightly on the inside.

Shinsou hadn’t said anything since you left the school and the only time you spoke was to give directions. The air was a bit tense but both of you chose to ignore it. You hoped that when the two of you arrived at your destination then a conversation would naturally occur. But, you also had a sinking feeling that you would have to carry said conversation, simply because Shinsou wasn’t the social type. 

Luckily the cafe wasn’t too far away from the school and soon enough the building came into sight. You let out a sigh of relief and you pointed at the sign out front. “There it is,” you told Shinsou. He simply nodded and you walked up to the door. You opened it, a bell chiming as you did, and held the door open for Shinsou behind you. 

You were about to walk up to the counter, already knowing what you wanted as you had been there before, but stopped when you remembered Shinsou had to check the menu. Glancing at him, you said, “I’ll wait until you know what you want before I order, I’ve been here several times so I already know what I want.”

Shinsou met your gaze and he shrugged. “I’m just going to get a black coffee so we can just go up now if you want.”

“Oh um okay,” you muttered. You went up to the counter and placed an order for your favourite pastry and drink. The cashier swiftly inputted it and you handed him the money before giving your name. He gave you a smile as he passed you your receipt. Shooting him a small grin back, you stepped aside to let Shinsou place his order. You went to stand by the pick-up counter and Shinsou joined you after a minute or two. 

The two of you waited there for a little while before both your names were called back-to-back. You went up and grabbed your pastry bag along with your drink in one hand. After a quick internal debate, you also took Shinsou’s cup and turned around to hand it to him. He nodded in thanks and began to walk towards a free table by the windows. The two of you sat down and settled in, putting down your bags and cups. Shinsou wrapped his hands around his mug while you took out your pastry. As you took a bite of the sweet treat you couldn’t help the hum of delight that came from your vocal cords before quickly covering up the sound by clearing your throat. Shinsou simply looked at you in amusement as he took a sip of his coffee.

Silence filled the air as both of you drank your beverages. As the minutes passed, you felt the tenseness leave your shoulders and you allowed yourself to lean back in the comfy armchair. Drumming your fingers on the round wooden table, your eyes moved up to look at Shinsou. He was looking out the window, watching as people walked around. The sun shone through the window and onto his face. It turned his indigo hair a shade lighter, making it almost a violet colour, and it caused his eyes to shine. However, it also made those dark eye bags stand out more on his pale skin and you couldn’t help but frown in concern.

‘“So how do you like the training so far?” you asked, breaking the silence, “is it tiring along with all your other schoolwork?”

Shinsou turned to face you and he hummed, thinking for a moment. “It’s not that bad. I’ve gotten used to a certain routine at this point. The training itself is difficult for sure but I have a lot to catch up on if I want to get into the hero course so I’m prepared to work hard,” he replied.

You nodded in understanding. “I was just wondering because you always look so tired. Those are some heavy eye bags after all,” you said and touched the skin under your own eyes.

He snorted and smirked slightly. “I’ve had these long before high school, the training with Aizawa-sensei has nothing to do with it. At this point, I think they’re going to stay for the rest of my life.” This statement caused a chuckle to escape and you took a sip of your drink. Shinsou then asked, “are you planning on trying to get into the hero course?”

This question caught you off guard and you almost choked on the liquid going down your throat. You roughly swallowed and coughed slightly. Shinsou looked at you, a little concerned, but you waved your hand to signal you were fine. After taking a moment to compose yourself, you replied, “...no I’m not planning to.”

“Why not? I thought since you’re Aizawa-sensei’s kid you would want to follow in his footsteps,” he said, raising an eyebrow.

“I’ve honestly considered it many times before but the hero life just isn’t for me,” you said with a bitter smile, “I would have to use my quirk a lot and I’m just not comfortable with that… as you could already tell. Even if it would be cool to follow my parents’ footsteps I just can’t see myself doing it.”

Shinsou stared at you for a moment before nodding. The two of you then sat in awkward silence for a few minutes, not knowing what to say to each other. You timidly nibbled at your pastry and stared at the table, avoiding his gaze. Just as you were about to say sorry for making things tense Shinsou spoke up again.

 “You know I meant what I said during that training session,” he said. You raised an eyebrow at him which he took as a signal to continue, “I’m referring to when I said your quirk is useful. If you catch your opponents off guard with it, as you did with me, it really gives you an advantage. In a more furnished or full environment, you could also use it so they couldn’t hear you. It’s a good quirk for stealth missions.”

You couldn’t help but stare at him in surprise. “I didn’t expect you to think about my quirk that much. I’m a little shocked,” you told him.

He sipped at his drink and looked out the window, almost like he was trying to hide his face. “Well I felt bad that I made you upset and I’m just telling the truth,” he replied, “I might not know what happened to you in your past but I just want you to know that I don’t think you should be ashamed of your quirk.”

A smile crept onto your face. Even if you couldn’t bring yourself to believe his words quite yet it was nice of him to try and console you. From what you saw in class, you had seen Shinsou as a blunt and cold person. However, it seems as though you were wrong in that assessment. “Thanks, Shinsou,” you said. You then paused for a second but decided to say what was on your mind. “You shouldn’t let what others say about your quirk get you down either.”

His eyes widened slightly but before he could say anything you continued. “I’ve heard about what you’ve gone through in the past and I know how you view your quirk. But your quirk can honestly be really heroic in its own way. You can stop a fight almost instantly, and you could prevent a lot of collateral damage since you wouldn’t have to physically fight the villains. It’s powerful in a different way and it’s really useful. You almost beat Midoriya at the sports festival for crying out loud. Sure your quirk could be used for evil actions but I don’t think you would use it for that. You’re too determined to be a hero, there’s no way you could be a villain.”

It was his turn to look at you in shock and you couldn’t but look away slightly, a small blush on your face. You hadn’t meant to go on a tangent like that but you wanted to make sure he knew you were being completely honest. After a few seconds, he muttered a quiet “thanks” and then cleared his throat before changing the subject. “So are you Aizawa-sensei’s biological kid? Did he have you before marrying Mic-sensei or something?” he asked.

Involuntarily, you felt your body tense up a bit at the mention of your family life. “No he and papa adopted me when I was younger. I was probably about nine when I began to live with them,” you said stiffly.

Shinsou watched as you drummed your fingers nervously. He seemed to pick up on your sudden shift in demeanor because he didn’t push further and instead asked, “I see. What’s it like being his kid anyway?”

Grateful for the change in topic, you allowed your body to relax again. You let out a snort at his question. “In general he’s a pretty normal dad I guess. He’s caring and loving in his own slightly gruff way. You could say papa and I have long learned how to understand what dad truly means when he says stuff,” you replied, “although there are times where he does some interesting things. Like how he brings stray or injured cats back home all the time. I’ve basically grown up nursing cats back to health and a lot of the time we visit certain spots to leave food for the ones who need it. It makes me happy to help them though since we can’t exactly take all of them in.”

“That definitely sounds like something Sensei would do. Before meeting him I never would have thought Eraserhead’s weakness was cats,” Shinsou said.

You giggled, “right? He can be so intimidating at times but really he’s a softie. Another thing that’s a bit strange I guess is that I constantly have to make sure I don’t trip over him when he’s in his sleeping bag. Dad can honestly sleep anywhere and I have tripped over him while going into the living room more times than I can count.”

Shinsou chuckled at this, “sounds fun. How do you not notice a big yellow caterpillar bag on the floor in the first place?”

“Sometimes I’m distracted okay? I swear I’m not that oblivious to my surroundings,” you replied with a slight pout.

He simply smirked at you before hiding it behind his cup. The two of you continued to make idle conversation even after you long finished your drinks. It was actually quite nice to talk to Shinsou and while he was blunt and honest he wasn’t an unpleasant person to be around. You came to the conclusion that he simply had some walls up, and with what he had gone through as a kid it was understandable. Everyone had their fair share of demons and you weren’t one to judge.

About forty-five minutes had passed by the time you checked your phone again. Your eyes widened as you saw the time and you began to stand up. “I’m sorry to cut this conversation short but I have to get going. My dads might worry and I have some school work I need to finish,” you said.

Shinsou glanced at his own phone and nodded. “I have to get going as well honestly, so don’t worry about it.”

“Okay cool,” you replied. Both of you grabbed your bags and any garbage that sat on the table. On your way to the exit, you tossed out your trash with Shinsou following suit. As you walked out, you shot a grin at Shinsou. “Thanks for coming with me. It was probably really weird when I just suddenly invited you out,” you said with a sheepish laugh.

“No problem. It was nice getting to know you anyways. Plus the coffee here is actually pretty good,” Shinsou replied.

“Right? I found it when hanging out with some friends one day and now it’s my go-to spot,” you told him, “also I’m glad you enjoyed yourself. I think it was nice getting to know you as well.” You were right about to take your leave when you realized something, “oh we should exchange numbers! That way we can contact each other outside of school. If that’s cool with you of course.”

Shinsou hesitated for a moment, thinking about it, before he said, “sure why not.” You grinned as you took out your phone. After you opened a new contact page, you handed it to him and he quickly inputted his information before giving it back. 

“Awesome thanks,” you said, “let me just send you a quick text so you have my number too.” Fiddling with the device, you sent him a simple greeting text and a ping was heard from his own phone when he received it. He checked the screen and gave you a thumbs up, signalling it went through properly. “Thanks again Shinsou, I had a lot of fun talking. I’ll see you at school tomorrow,” you said.

“See you tomorrow Yamada,” he replied with a wave. The two of you then began to walk in two different directions, away from each other. As you began to make your way home the smile on your face never faded.

“Well that went better than I expected,” you couldn’t help but mutter to yourself, as you walked down the streets to get to your house.

[coeurdastronaute]

Essays in Existentialism: Polo 3

Previously on Polo

The sun was glaring; absolutely murdering the entirety of the world in the noontime shine of a clear day in the early spring. The heat couldn’t come just yet, still not allowed due to larger forces like the tilt of the planet and the distinct absence of a certain player, yet to be seen despite a not-so-covert glance at the pitch during warm ups. The entire event was going to be the largest of its kind, and it was like the world knew it, opening itself up and shining all of the kindest wishes on the sport, as a large herd of watchers made their way to find a place to watch. 

The tents were stocked with alcohol and snacks, people in hats and those who were there because they were supposed to be. But along the pitch, bleachers filled up with anyone who wanted to watch, creating an atmosphere of joy and excitement that’d been lacking at the private matches. 

There really wasn’t a reason to be there. Clarke had more than fulfilled her daughterly duty for the entire year with her increasingly frequent showings at events for both of her parents. She chalked it up to growth, and becoming a better person, to make an effort, to try her best to show her mother that she was happy for her, and to prove to her father that she was deserving of her name, even if that meant trudging through society things in lieu of his wife. 

But seeing as Kane’s opening of the Gauntlet of Polo opening day party was not her mother’s, nor was it something she felt compelled to do to represent her father, Clarke had no true reason to go other than because Kane was nice enough to invite her, and she truly had nothing else to do. 

“So where’s the hot polo playing Argentinian underwear model who recites you poetry and fucks you in stables?” 

Clarke grit her teeth before sighing and shaking her head, giving her best friend a look that should equal death, if she’d been luckier. 

“What?” Raven shrugged. “I want to get a good look at the girl that convinced you to be okay with your parents divorce. I’m sure there are over-paid therapists who would kill to know how to do it.” 

“She didn’t--”

“And made you nicer in general to your parents. And me. And your life is less chaotic now-- I’ve noticed you are volunteering. That must be some of the worlds most powerful puss--”

“Kane! Mom!” Clarke interrupted her friend’s tangent, thankfulness apparent in her voice as she found the host and hostess. 

Her mother was always beautiful, but Clarke began to see how much nicer happiness looked on her, and as much as she claimed to always love her father, there was a girlish spark that came when Abby was near Marcus. It took Clarke long enough to put aside her feelings to see it, but when she did, she couldn’t have been happier, despite the occasional bitterness about what was lost. It was Lexa’s stupid notions of love that messed with her brain and her ability to hold a grudge. 

There’d been a truce between herself and Kane, reached gently and treated very cautiously, but still, it remained. She had dinner with them just a week ago when they were in the city, and it wasn’t entirely painful. As much as she wanted to dislike Marcus Kane, she couldn’t bring herself to do it because he was just… nice. And he made Abby smile in a way that Clarke didn’t realize she hadn’t seen in a while. 

The real benefit of all of this love and joy being that while Abby got to live her best truth, it meant less comments about Clarke’s “wasted potential,” and there was a bigger focus on her art, which led to less stress with their average communications. 

“Oh, honey you made it,” Abby smiled and hugged her daughter, kissing her cheek quickly, squeezing her shoulders. “I didn’t think we’d find you in all this.” 

“Believe it or not,” Clarke explained as she accepted a quick hug from her mother’s boyfriend. “It’s easy to find the guy who owns a team in a tournament sponsored by his company.” 

“I’ve been looking and couldn’t find you.” 

“I took Raven to see the ponies.” 

“Look at that,” Kane grinned. “She’s using proper jargon already.” 

“Clarke’s given me a quick rundown, but I don’t know if I trust her expertise yet,” Raven offered after all pleasantries were exchanged. “Care to teach me, Kane?” 

“The more the merrier,” he smiled wider, like a kid in a candy store, surrounded by people who wanted to listen to him explain his favorite sport. “We better go find a good spot. It’ll start soon.” 

Raven turned and gave Clarke a wry grin before linking her arm with Kane’s as she maneuvered them through the crowd. Clarke let her mother squeeze her and follow along a few steps behind. 

“It means a lot that you’ve tried to take an interest in something that Marcus finds important,” Abby offered as they meandered along. 

“Just a good reason to be outside, and Raven loves selling rich people her programs and things,” Clarke dismissed her effort for anything benevolent as she grabbed a flute of champagne gratefully. “I’m fairly certain that’s the only reason she keeps me around.” 

“Whatever the reason. It means a lot to me. I know it wasn’t easy to find out--”

“We don’t have to do this.” 

“I know,” Abby relented. “You just never cease to amaze me is all. Marcus is important to me, and you’ve taken the time to get to know him, just like I’m sure you would when your father starts--”

“Dad won’t date anyone else.” 

The words came out a little bit too harsh, and Clarke wasn’t sure why she felt so protective of her father’s refusal to get over a broken heart. 

“He will eventually, and believe it or not, no matter how he feels about Marcus and even me right now, seeing you be open to our happiness will make it easier.” 

“I guess I’m just a saint.” 

It was meant to be a joke, but Clarke felt suddenly a little guilty. They took their seats beside Kane and Raven, and Clarke looked out on the pitch, wondering if she would be there at all if it hadn’t been for the oddest addiction she somehow developed for a stupid girl who argued with her every time she saw her. 

She might not even get to see Lexa today. She might only see her on the pitch. And would that be a waste? Should she think about this perfect stranger as often as she did and look forward to this stupid even for the past three weeks? Was she proving Lexa’s points right about lust and love and soulmates? Did she believe in something like soulmates? How could she? And what did it matter. Wasn’t this a lot to do just for sex? Very, very, very good sex, but still--

“You’re not zoning out already, are you, Clarke?” Kane smiled and waved his hand in front of her face, bringing her back to reality. 

“Just listening, making sure I remember everything.” 

Raven gave her a look. 

“Now tell me about your team. Clarke was telling me all about how skilled the one… what was her name?” 

“Lexa,” Kane offered excitedly, before Clarke could bring herself to utter the name. “She is incredibly skilled. I’ve never seen someone ride with such passion. She is so fluid, covering everything, seeing plays before they happen. And she’s got this passion in her blood for the sport. She hits hard, and takes a licking-- Are you okay?” 

Only when Kane stopped talking did Clarke realize she’d spilled her glass, letting it tilt back toward her chest as she remembered exactly how passionate and fluid and licking that Lexa had been. The cool liquid froze her chest, dripping down her front as she hurried to pat it dry. 

“Fine, fine. I wasn’t paying attention.” 

“Off in another world,” he offered politely. 

“This girl has her head in the stables,” Raven joked, though only Clarke understood it. “I get now why Clarke’s so passionate about those ponies. You are a hell of a salesman, Kane.” 

“This is something that costs me money. Imagine what I can do with something I want to make money off of.” 

They shared a laugh and Clarke joined in, only half paying attention as the team was announced and she caught the now familiar jerseys making their way to the center for the start of the match. 

There was an air to the polo player, helmet on, stoic and sitting tall as she stood beside her fellow teammates, her horse still as she was. Lexa listened politely to the anthem, she listened to the announcer, but she didn’t move more than necessary. It was by a stroke of luck that she found Clarke in the crowd, though Clarke wouldn’t agree anything was lucky about it, because now she had to sit in the stands after getting the full weight of Lexa’s glance. Only slightly did Clarke notice the pull of one corner of Lexa’s mouth and the fire behind her eyes. It made her gulp. 

Lexa didn’t look away the entire time and neither did Clarke. She didn’t have to say anything. They both knew. 

XXXXXXXXXX

It was an actual match, and a hard fought one to begin the Gauntlet that would last the next few months, and Lexa ached in the most delicious kind of ways after the win. Over the next week she’d have to win five more to hoist the first cup, collect the first purse, and move onward in hopes of completing the perfect Gauntlet, winning all three cups, and collecting the bonus purse that would triple her yearly income. 

No pressure at all when trying to impress a girl who was set to inherit billions. With a B. 

Showered and cleaned up, Lexa made it to the crowds in time to catch part of the second match. The sun was dimming, fading into the trees, giving a bit of a sunset despite the lights that shined over the pitch. It was a perfect evening for polo, and Lexa felt it, still riding the high of her win and feeling the limitless possibility of the next few months. 

It didn’t hurt that she caught a certain girl’s eyes before it started and put on a show. No, Lexa didn’t think about that at all. 

There was absolutely no way she had a chance with someone like Clarke, prize purse be damned. Lexa was the person who got a taste-- who was used for the pleasure of someone who had other responsibilities. In all of her dealings with people like Kane, with people like Clarke, she knew she was an interloper; destined to be a tagalong, someone who was never quite part of their world. Those were the things that she thought about after that momentary rush of seeing Clarke-- an intense loss at never having her completely. 

She didn’t look for Clarke in the tent with the other donors because she could feel her. It would take her a moment to get back to being okay with being a plaything. It had its perks, and it wasn’t the worst thing in the world, to be someone who only got a taste when that taste was delicious. Lexa was okay with the being just a fling, if only her heart would listen and not get in over its head. 

“You, in that dress,” Lexa whispered as she approached a bare back, the navy blue of the dress, dipping along spine, hanging on shoulders. “Has all of my attention.” 

“Are you sure?” 

Lexa half-smiled and grabbed a flute of champagne, handing it to the woman beside her before taking one for herself. Only then did she allow herself to look at Clarke, meeting blue eyes and lips she desperately wanted to kiss already, after exactly one second of being within her orbit. 

“It’s becoming a problem, princess. You look too distracting in everything.” 

“Maybe you should stop looking?” 

“Would you like me to stop?” 

With her words, Lexa shifted closer, and Clarke felt it. Their bodies moved around, hovering and refusing to touch though desperately wanting to feel the next. Clarke licked her lips and looked up from beneath her lashes while Lexa looked over her cheekbones as she took a sip and played with the stem of her glass. 

“It’s been three weeks. You didn’t try to find me?” 

“I’ve been busy training,” Lexa tried, unsure of if she was supposed to find Clarke. She never knew it was an option. “And I didn’t… Three weeks, and were you preparing for a Gauntlet?” 

“You were the one that was trying to convince me to fall in love with you.” 

“Or lust.” 

“Right, or lust,” Clarke nodded. “I couldn’t find you. That’d just prove you right.” 

“And we wouldn’t want me to be right, would we?” 

Despite herself, Clarke smiled, small and there. She blushed a little, right beneath her jaw, near her earlobes. Lexa gorged herself on it. 

“If you’re right, you get all of the power. I can’t give you that.” 

“But it would be great if you did. I promise to be a benevolent overlord.” 

“What if I don’t know how to be kept?” Clarke asked after a moment of quiet. It was the most honest thing she’d said in their time together. 

Lexa reached forward to touch her, finally. She ran her finger along her forearm, and she paused at Clarke’s wrist, running her thumb along the small protrusion there. She watched her fingers move against Clarke’s skin. 

“I’m good at being still. I’ve broken more wild things than you, princess.” 

As she stood there, Clarke felt Lexa’s warmth, and she wondered to which level they were speaking, because almost accidentally, she’d confessed one of her truly darkest fears, that she wasn’t one to be in love, that she didn’t know how, that she wasn’t sure she was worth being looked at like Lexa looked at her, whether it be love or lust of something between. 

“I completely mean to interrupt whatever is happening over here,” a voice rang out, oddly cheerful and not at all in line with the tone established. 

Lexa retracted her hand quickly, finishing the rest of her champagne as a result of compensating for the movement. Clarke stood up, her body language becoming alert and afraid. There was the shame, Lexa saw and pretended to ignore, of being caught with someone like her. 

“Hell of a game you played out there, Lexa,” the new woman explained as she grabbed them another round of drinks from a passing tray. 

The crowd cheered for whatever was happening on the pitch, and Lexa looked toward it in hopes of finding a reason to escape, the trance of Clarke Griffin broken for a moment. 

“And I heard all about how amazing your play was from Kane. Clarke couldn’t keep her eyes off of you, and I have to say, I get it now.” 

Lexa found her interest turning back to this shorter, nonplussed member of their group, her interest piqued as she recognized a fellow interloper, although someone who seemed to own it much better and in a way she almost envied. 

“I wasn’t--” Clarke began before taking a breath, earning a grin from her friend. “Lexa, this is Raven, my best friend dating back from elementary school, so please don’t hold it against me.” 

“I couldn’t. She seems to have such great taste if polo players,” Lexa grinned, extending her hand. “Lexa Woods. It’s a pleasure to meet you--”

“Raven,” she offered, shaking it heartily. “I’ve heard many things.” 

“All good, I hope.” 

“Mythical, some might say.” 

Clarke coughed and cleared her throat until her friend returned the hand it’d been shaking and went back to sipping her champagne. Lexa felt her chest puff a bit, and she couldn’t help it. 

“I should go make the rounds,” she finally offered as the two ancient friends glared at each other, having an entire conversation. “I’m sure Kane has some constructive criticism, and plans for the next matches. I hope I see you both around, and thank you for coming to support us.” 

“It was nice to see you again,” Clarke offered with a slight nod. 

Brazenly, Lexa leaned forward, placed her hand on the small of Clarke’s back so that her thumb could touch the bare skin of her spine. She kissed her cheek. 

“I hope you choose to find me, princess,” she whispered. “I love wild things as they are.” 

Lexa pulled away quickly and shook Raven’s hand again. 

“It was nice to meet you, Raven. I hope Kane didn’t bore you terribly.” 

“Not at all,” she returned. “I hope to come to more, if Clarke will invite me.” 

But Clarke didn’t answer, just stared at Lexa until she nodded and walked away, fading into the crowd in search of her benefactor. 

“Holy shit she’s hot up close,” Raven finally offered after a moment where Clarke downed her champagne. “Like. Insanely hot. Superhuman hot. And when she did that thing, that being so close to you but not touching you thing. Damn. And then, I think she practically was undressing you with her eyes when I walked up. I’ve never seen eyeballs look like murder, but hers were coming for me.” 

“You see what  mean, right?” 

“Yeah, you have a problem there,” her friend agreed as Clarke finally took a breath and nodded weakly. “I’d have to go for it.” 

“Yes. Without a doubt.” 

XXXXXXXXXX

Even though there was an entire week of matches for the tournament, Lexa still waited for a girl to appear, to make the move, to find her. She knew that it had to be Clarke who appeared, who made the move because she was the one who was most afraid. It was supposed to be a joke, but Lexa knew it was the most honest thing about her to admit that she was already in love with the stranger. 

She knew nothing about Clarke, not really, and yet she felt like she understood her on a cosmic level, an inherent kind of language they both spoke, that defied time. Lexa craved that poetry, and perhaps it was the works of the great romantics that she kept reading and clouding her brain with such notions, but she couldn’t help it. It seeped into her very DNA. 

The week led to the first win out of three for the Gauntlet, and Lexa hoisted the cup valiantly, happy that she was worth her weight in gold, as Kane liked to explain. And after all of it, after they made the trip home, and she made sure the stables were taken care of and schedule made for the following day, Lexa sat on the porch to her small home about five miles from the horses, and she opened a bottle of beer. 

The night was colder than the day, giving off the heat and letting the warmth disappear with the sun, but it was a clear night, the moon bright above, casting moonbeam shadows in the tall grasses and from the fence posts. She could have lived in the city, gotten a place an enjoyed the splendor of her generous paychecks, but Lexa had a need to be near her ponies and to be close to the games. She wouldn’t commute if she didn’t have to, and she wouldn’t allow herself any distractions. 

And then headlights appeared in her driveway, following the gravel up toward the converted cabin. 

She stood and tapped her beer against her thigh as she leaned against the railing, squinting into the light in hopes of figuring out who was going to bug her after a rather long week and an impressive win. 

She wasn’t in a dress. She was in an old jacket and jeans as she shoved her hands in the back pockets and made her way around the car once it turned off. It really was becoming a problem, because every time Lexa saw her, she was distracted. She really didn’t think about the car and how many questions she had about the absolutely devastating piece of machinery. 

Instead, she took another sip and smiled. 

“Congratulations,” Clarke offered. 

“Did you watch?” 

“I didn’t, but I heard.” 

“Good news travels fast.” 

Despite her initial burst of courage, Clarke paused near the stairs, looking up at the polo player, the lights from the glowing windows giving her a little bit of color. Lexa didn’t move to fix the height gap between them, instead, waiting for Clarke to make the moves. It was her porch, but it was Clarke’s rules, and she wasn’t sure she’d trained wilder things than Clarke Griffin, but she was a tamer of beasts. 

“I found you,” Clarke offered, as she took a step. 

“You did. I’m not hard to find though.” 

“I think we should applaud the effort,” Clarke grinned, stepping up another until she was just one below. “I was impressed with your win. You must be happy.” 

“I’m honestly happier that you’re here right now than the trophy.” 

“Are you going to show me your home?” 

“I don’t want to move,” Lexa offered as Clarke stood in front of her now. “I’m afraid you’ll bolt the moment I do.” 

“I showed up. I made the move,” Clarke sighed, looking at her lips. “You have to teach me the rest.” 

“Three conversations for you to fall in love with me,” she grinned, closing the distance and moving so she was touching Clarke, pressed against her front. “I can work with that.” 

“Lust.” 

“For now.”

NEXT

[yourperfectflaws]

HYDRA’s Pet ; 01

Pairing: James Bunchan Barnes x HYDRA!Reader, Avengers x Reader (Platonic/ Familial)

Series Summary: As HYDRA’s favorite experiment, you were trained to follow orders perfectly. But, when you’re taken from the only home you’d ever known by the Avengers, you find yourself more lost than ever. However, out of all the things that could have happened to you, you’d never expected him to be one of them.

Chapter Summary: Your sexy ass is training a new unit when the Avengers find the base. 

Warnings: Includes violence, adult language

Word Count: 1.7k

Author’s Note: It’s good to read the Prologue but I’m gonna try and make the series work without it. (Also this chapter was so goddamn hard to write for some reason) Also bUckY wiLL bE hErE sOoN I ProMiSe!!!

Anything italicized is in Russian (cuz my dumbass don’t speak Russian and I’m not about to use google translate and then put the translations at the end when half of them aren’t even correct it’s just a waste of time and effort)

Prologue // Next Chapter 

January 16th, 2017 ; HYDRA Base

Crack!

The loud smack of Juno’s ruler echoes around the rusty training room. You squinted as you sparred with your opponent, a young redheaded girl two doors down from you. She shrieked at the noise, unfamiliar with Juno’s teaching strategies, which gave you an opening. 

You closed the gap between the two of you and gave her a swift punch to the cheek. She flew to the side of the ring but got up quickly and you both went back to circling each other. She attempted to throw a punch at you but you blocked it by grabbing her wrist and sending a swift kick to her abdomen. 

She cried out and fell to the floor, attempting to scramble back up but you kicked her square in the face to knock her down again. She was conscious but didn’t try to get back up. 

Crack!

Juno’s ruler again. She stepped into the ring and gave a small glance to the girl before sizing you up. “Since she isn’t learning from me, maybe she will learn from you.” She pushed your chest as you stood there blankly. She turned away from you and roughly pulled the girl up. “She will be vital to HYDRA’s regime, as you are. Don’t try to make this any more difficult than it is, soldier.” 

Juno turned back to you and folded her toned arms over her chest. “If you can’t even teach her the basics then you’ll be put in the chamber.” 

You couldn’t help the grimace of fear that streaked onto your face when she mentioned the chamber. It pained you to remember spending time in there. You knew you were forbidden from reading the thoughts of a superior like Juno but you couldn’t help but sense her anger and frustration as she spat in your face. 

“I will be back in two hours.” Juno turned to the redheaded girl and sneered. ��You will spar again to show me what you have learned, runt.” 

You stood still as she left the room, the door groaning as it closed behind her. As soon as she was gone, you relaxed and walked over to the girl, who was shivering in the corner of the ring, and extended your hand to her. She took it hesitantly. Big mistake. You pulled her arm up and around, pushing her to the ground and holding her in place. She shrieked in pain. Her mind was a panic, a jumble of thoughts that were all too easily read. 

“I am going to give you rules and you are going to listen.” She nodded her head frantically. Desperation. “Rule one, do not let your guard down. Always be attentive of your opponent. You already failed.”

You let her go and she scrambled away from you, standing up quickly. She held her fists awkwardly in front of her. Feeling her insecurity, you sighed as you sized her up. “You have no balance. You’re skinny, no muscle, and you’re slow. Your posture is horrible and whatever you’re doing right now is completely wrong.”

You marched up to her and pushed her fists in the correct position. “Spread your legs shoulder width, eyes up— you always want to be looking straight at your opponent— and straighten your back and shoulders.” You moved in front of her to examine her stance. It wasn’t perfect but it was better than what she was originally doing. “Now punch me.”

She stared at you for a second, feeling surprised, before throwing the weakest punch you had ever seen at your face. You blocked it and sighed, pushing her fist away. “No, that was weak. Don’t be afraid to hurt your opponent and use all of your strength. Exhale sharply with each punch and drive your elbow rather than your fist into each punch. Try again.”

She made another attempt to punch you, with you blocking it again, and this time it was decent enough to do some damage. You nodded your head. “That was better.” She felt an emotion you couldn’t describe. “This time try moving around and actually hitting me. If you can do that I will give you a water break.” 

It takes her a while before she figures out how to fake a punch and she lands one on your shoulder. She smiles at you, filled with pride, and you notice she has a tooth missing. She couldn’t have been more than 13 years old and seemed almost too naive to be working for HYDRA. You roll out your joints before joining her for a much needed water break. 

The both of you fall into an awkward silence, neither of you knowing what to say, while hunched over on the ground of the ring. After a while you decide you’d had enough of the silence and ask her for her number. 

“Oh, I’m Unit 9813.” She takes another long drink. “You?”

“Project 103.” You scratched your eyebrow. “Taken or raised?”

Images of her family flashed through her mind and a bitter, melancholic feeling crept into yours. She waited a few seconds before responding. “Wait wha—”

BANG!!!

You turned to see the door shaking on its hinges. Out of nowhere, the Commander barged into the room and shouted for attention. Without missing a beat, you stood tall and stiff, waiting for orders, while 9813 rose slowly and shrank into herself. You sensed that she had never met the Commander and felt intimidated. 

A look of surprise dawned on his wrinkly face and his icy eyes darted between the two of you. He was not informed of this training session. He cleared his throat and addressed 9813.

“Unit, you may leave. Head to the deck, they’re heading into the tunnels,” he ordered. She saluted in a panic and scurried off. 

He turned back to you and you sensed a feeling you couldn’t describe. He then recited the words and everything around you faded into black. You were returned to the familiar darkness of your mind. Though you knew it well, you didn’t like it one bit. 

You could see the Commander regarding you with a strange expression as your body waited for instructions. You were in soldier mode now. 

“Initiate order 423E7X.”

Your body saluted. “Yes sir.” 

He pressed his lips into a thin line and walked back towards the door. “Soldier... goodbye for now,” he whispered before leaving. 

You were left with nothing but silence and an order. Even though you had no idea what was happening, your body seemed to have everything under control as it marched out of the training room, down the long, dimly lit hallway, and into the general work area. The lights flickered as you stepped among the tools and materials strewn about. It definitely appeared as though they had left in a hurry. You were not looking forward to whatever you were supposed to do. 

You watched as you climbed the pipes along the walls and pushed yourself onto the maintenance rafters and waited. Eventually you heard the sound of careful footsteps and hushed voices entering the building. 

It wasn’t long before you saw the beams of flashlights as they neared your hiding place. Being in your mind was beginning to feel terrifying and watching the strangers enter the work area sent shivers down your spine. 

They were wearing strange outfits and sported weapons you’d never seen before, though somehow something about them seemed oddly familiar. One of them stood by the entryway while the other two quietly searched the room. Then, the one with the red hair looked up to see you sitting there staring at them. 

“Umm, guys...” 

They shined their flashlights up to you as you sat there looking dejected. One of them gasped and placed his metal hand over his glowing chest. 

“Oh shit! She scared the crap out of me.” He bent over and placed his hands on his knees, which made a clink sound, and looked up at his teammates. “Guys, I think I’m gonna need a new suit.” He looked between them, both of whom stared at him unimpressed. 

“Hey are you alright, creepy girl?” The other man with the bow asked.

You said nothing and continued to stare down at them. 

“Okayyy well we’re going to have to take her with us.” The ginger woman pressed her earpiece. “Hey we found someone.” She continued to notify other members of their team about finding you while one continued sweeping the building and the other climbed up to you. 

“Do you speak English?” He asked you as he offered his hand for you to take. You didn’t want to take it but it seemed your body had other ideas. 

“No one is here.” Unsurprisingly, your voice sounded robotic and completely different from what it normally was. The blonde man stared at you with pinched brows but lightly chuckled to himself. 

“I’ll take that as a no.” You noticed he didn’t have the earpiece that the other two had. He had two and they looked different. 

He pulled you against his chest and climbed back down the pipe, gently letting you go once on the ground. In your soldier state, you couldn’t feel his emotions or hear his thoughts, but your “soldier self” could, which was more than frustrating.

You blacked out for a brief period of time and came back to consciousness, still inside your mind, to see yourself fighting the man who had brought you down from your perch. 

He shot arrow after arrow at you and the few you managed to dodge were out-healed and slowly came out of your body. You threw tools at him and he was dodging them with the agility of someone who’d been doing it for years. 

The other two came back after hearing the commotion and didn’t hesitate to join the fight. “Clint, what happened?” The redhead asked as she caught a wrench you had thrown.

“One second—” he shot another arrow at you, hitting you in your thigh. “—we were all fine and dandy and the next—” he ducked to dodge a screw driver. “—she was throwing shit.”

“Alright, that’s enough,” the metal guy said as he shot a beam of energy at you with his hand. You managed to dodge it before getting hit in the head with a hard object and slumping onto the floor with a dull thump. 

----

Please don’t ask how the Commander guy isn’t dead by now, I don’t know either. 

Let me know if you liked it and if there is anything I should fix! Have a great day and stay safe!

[sctisfctions]

( emeraude toubia, 28, cis female, she/her ) Have you seen CARINA TORRERO around ? I hear they’re an ESCORT who can sometimes be GREEDY & IMPULSIVE. But I also heard they can be DETERMINED & ADAPTIVE if you catch them on a good day. They’re usually hanging around LA CASA DI MATEO in their spare time. I sure hope they’re alright ! ( mandy )

Hello all! I’m Mandy and this is my child, Carina Torrero She’s… a lot, so bless your soul for finding your way to this intro.

Full name: Carina Cecilia Torrero Nickname: Care, Cari, C.C. Age: 28 Nationality: Mexican and Lebanese  Religion: N/A City of birth: Laredo, Texas The current place for living: Chicago, IL Job title: Eden Escort Married? No Spoken Languages: Spanish, English Birthday: October 30th Does she own a home? Yes

B A C K G R O U N D : ( updated Feb. 25th, 2021 )

Carina is the baby of her family and has always was spoiled as such; showered in gifts. In the small town of Laredo, Texas, the Torrero family was known as the richest family in town. While it was rumored that there were some underground dealings going on in the family business, none of those were true. In fact, The Torreros prided themselves on being the purest and most righteous family in the region. Rev. Torrero owned and pastored a Mega Church that made millions of dollars every week, on top of people throwing money at her parents for their “good work”. But it meant nothing to Carina because she always felt like the church always came before her. Every time they were absent from her biggest life events, a gift was sent to make up for it. 

When Carina went to Drexel University to get her degree in fashion design and marketing, she planned on spending the first year goofing off and exploring what the world has to offer her. In a city like Philadelphia, it was easy to get lost in the hype of pre-game drinking sessions and post-game parties, getting sucked into hook-up culture and living as thought she’d never have a chance to touch this many people all at once. 

Getting out of college and moving back in with her family in Laredo was odd, at first, leaving the sweet life of sin behind and pretending to be the angel the town was so used to. Kidding, of course, she couldn’t leave it behind. She started doing modeling on the side and ended up getting commissioned for a huge gig with a very risqué magazine. Before the photoshoot even happened, word reached her parents church and the rumors spread like wildfire across the town. Her parents looked down on her with shame and disgrace. 

It felt all so overwhelming until she realized it’s all just Texas life. Outside of their region, no one even knows who her family is. She knew the only thing to do was to pack up her things, steal a couple million dollars from her parents ( which was barely a dent for them ), and move to Chicago where she could carry on a life of her own. Within a month of moving, she made friends with some people who worked at a club called Eden. They got her a job as an escort and, to this day, she’s been operating as a freelance designer by day and an escort by night. 

Family:

Sisters or brothers: One older brother and sister Wife or husband: N/A. Children: None. Other important persons: Roommate(s)

Physical Characteristics:

Addictions: control, power Bad Habits: acting only for the good of herself Color of Eyes: brown The color of Hair: black The color of Skin: tan Dialect: american accent Does the character drink regularly? always Does the character have any disabilities? no Does the character prefer any proverbs? “the most important thing is to enjoy your life and be happy” - audrey hepburn Does the character smoke? sometimes Good Habits: open-minded, forward thinking, tidy. Height: 5′3″ Hobbies: reading, working out, instagram, binge watching, skin care routines, healthy eating Is she wearing Glasses? no Is the character healthy or does he have any diseases? she’s healthy What’s the style of the character? (modern, outmoded): sporty and sexy. is almost always wearing a sports bra, leggings, and sneakers.

Mental Characteristics

Education: Bachelor’s Degree in Fashion Design and Marketing Intelligent or not? smart enough. she picks things up quickly. Fears: being misunderstood, spiders Life Goals (next 5 years): get a mansion Life Goals (next 25 years): own a fashion empire Self-perception: idk she’s just trying to keep it all together Assumed external perception: she thinks people think she’s either great or a bitch, there is no in between. Self-Confidence: extremely confident Rational Or Emotional: rational How could you upset this character? compare her to her family

Wanted Connections ( all based on crazy ex-girlfriend/galavant songs )

any of these could be filled with gang affiliates of any kind !! It’d be fun to see how a gang affiliate would spice up these connections !! 

PLATONIC

FRIENDTOPIA: Carina loves very few people on Earth. They’re the Joey/Chandler/Monica/Phoebe to her Rachel. They do practically everything together, as they spend pretty much every waking second together. They’re her roommates (they can work at Eden with her, but it’s not required). 

LET’S GENERALIZE ABOUT MEN: a bitch-type group of friends that get together, sometimes drink, sometimes shop, or sometimes just share gossip and personal thoughts about what the hell is going on around them.

SECRET MISSION: They say the enemy of my enemy is my friend. These people mutually hate someone and often come up with different ways in which they can make this person suffer. But it’s all just in good fun…… or is it?

OFF WITH HIS SHIRT: Any of the men she’s been with exclusively through Eden. Her “regulars” or “visitors”, if you will. She gets paid quite heavily whether she offers sex or just her general company.

MAYBE YOU WON’T DIE ALONE: Carina is the self-proclaimed Hook Up Guru of Chicago, so she’ll definitely attempt to hook you up with that person you’ve had your eye on and it sometimes isn’t subtle. But sex makes her happy, so helping her friends get laid makes her happy too. 

AFTER EVERYTHING I’VE DONE FOR YOU: This person has gone to hell and back for Carina, yet she shows little to no gratitude towards them. It’s only a matter of time before their lid pops right off. 

FACE YOUR FEARS: These are her older friends who help her figure out her shit and she ACTUALLY listens to them because she just trusts them more than anyone else. 

GREG’S DRINKING SONG: Drinking buddies!! A lot of the instances Greg mentions in the song can basically just be different scenarios they’ve gotten themselves in.

ROMANTIC/SEXUAL:

IT WAS A SHIT SHOW: A bittersweet ex-boyfriend. They really didn’t have any choice but to end things. He has some things going on in his life, Carina wasn’t anywhere near ready for a monogamous relationship. They both agree… it was a DISASTER.

SETTLE FOR ME: Someone who, stupidly, has a crush on Carina and he literally doesn’t have a single chance in hell. I just think this kind of energy would be hella hilarious.

STRIP AWAY MY CONSCIENCE: One of the guys that she regularly hooks up/hooked up with. Maybe even dated, but it wasn’t anything more than sex, really. They’re still friends to this day. 

SEX WITH A STRANGER: This is pretty straight forward. All of her hookups. I’m just gonna list them here for data purposes. They coulda been friends before or barely know each other. Honestly, if she avoided everyone she’s ever had sex with, she’d never leave her house. 

ENEMIES:

MAYBE YOU’RE NOT THE WORST THING EVER: Bitter, toxic exes. This was one of her first real and intense relationships that happened in a time when she was the most vulnerable and unprepared. It ended HORRIBLY when they lashed out at each other and it’s hard to let those feelings go. If they can get over their own pettiness, they can at least hope to be frenemies.

JACKASS IN A CAN: People who really just DON’T think she’s all that. They thinks he’s very stuck up and don’t fall for her charming, blunt persona in the slightest. I’d just love someone to call her out on her bullshit.

I DON’T LIKE YOU: General dislike and sworn mortal enemies kind of situation. We can talk over what happened between them, but honestly, it wouldn’t be that hard to find something that she did… or someone. 

WHEW this was long, but go ahead and press some buttons if you like and wanna plot with her!! 

[elmidol]

Two Halves Collide (NSFW)

Three Blind Tooke Part Three Death is an Art

Read on AO3

Warnings: sex on corpses; violence; minor cannibalism that’s symbolic of love

Three Blind Tooke 

 Part Three: Death is an Art

 Chapter Fifty-Seven: Two Halves Collide

 I was stitched up at the seams

With a chest filled with emptiness.

Now you offer all the things

That reveal I am not loveless.

 You stared up at the ceiling as the cool gel was spread across your abdomen. Urvno remained seated on the stool to your right with his instruments in hand. The droid accompanying him whirred out a noise. You could not understand it. Did not wish to at any rate. A second desire that you possessed was for the lone audience member to leave. He had objected to such demands when you had voiced them upon the physician’s arrival. Kylo Ren stood against the wall on your left side. His focus was in your general direction, although you could not say if he had his eyes set on you or Urvno. There were questions that required answers. A steady pulse echoed from the machine. You inhaled sharply then waited.

 Metal limbs traveled along your body when the droid conducted an additional scan. The absence of conversation was a heavy weight that pressed down. Had you been on the Resistance base, your mother would have been present and that would have been far worse. Protecting her from this kind of exposure was more important to you than ever seeing her face again. The damaged bond that connected you to Rey, the one that the young woman had shut out, was a chain you wished to rid yourself of as well. The urge to reach out to her nudged at you; it was a sentiment that had not occurred for weeks. Kylo Ren took a step nearer to you, and you were instantaneously aware that he felt it. Shame crawled into your veins. It spread through your entire body, simultaneously cold and searingly hot.

 Kylo did not place a hand of comfort onto your shoulder. That was Urvno, and you jerked away from his touch. You rolled onto your side, off the furniture. Nearly collided with Kylo’s body in your attempt to escape from all existence. Nothing could have prepared you for having caught the glimpse of the scan. Exposure to the Sith amulet had ruined more of you. Pity from Urvno, that was not what you wanted. You despised it without hating the man himself. You shoved past Kylo, your shoulder hitting his arm but doing nothing to him. It was little different than walking into a wall. You would be the one sporting a mark of the encounter.

 Nausea would have been easier to endure along with muscle weakness. Instead you experienced the opposite; increased strength and stamina. You could move with lessened instances of feeling as though your body was ripping from the scar tissue that existed. A low laugh erupted from you at that thought. Had existed. Though some remained, the scans had shown the truth of the matter. The amulet had not healed you by restoring functions or organs. It had not undone the damage that had been done to you by Kylo Ren’s lightsaber or the overdose from Miovtha’s carelessness.

 You jammed your finger into the keypad repeatedly until the door slid open to allow you a means of leaving behind the droid and two men. One man. The other walked behind you in pursuit. Where he normally had longer strides and stomped more loudly, he was allowing you to set the pace. You swiped a hand along the remnants of gel under your shirt then flung your hand towards the side, casting off the substance.

 It had been easier for you to feel peace over being so ruined. To heal this way? Your body was consuming itself, wasn’t it? The scar tissue less, cleaned up. Your organs starting to function more as they should now that you were recovered. Time and the amulet both. Kylo Ren having healed you using the Force that day on the battlefield, you reminded yourself. If you could state that you were ruined, fatigued, in pain, there was the sense of being justified in your struggles. What. Then. Tooka?

 It was terrifying to move forward, to heal. It was excruciating that your body accepted the reality of what had been done to it. Your mind, though you had believed otherwise, had not. It would never be the same. You mentally killed yourself time and again to escape the physical healing process.

 Surprisingly, this experience assisted you in better understanding and accepting why it was that Rey had cut off the bond that you shared with her. It had to have been just as painful for her as it was for you. She could not move forward and make her decision, though, if she caught glimpses of these other possibilities through you, through the bond. It would force her to think of what Armitage Hux had asked: What then? She had to focus on the present alone along with the damaged galaxy instead of the healing worlds. Skywalker’s death marked for her what this exam had for you: you had to accept that things had changed and would never go back. Rey had to accept that Kylo Ren would not forgive and rejoin Luke Skywalker.

 “Are you going to allow me to go with you on the mission?” you asked, breaking the silence. The Knights of Ren had gathered on their ship, the Night Buzzard, and were awaiting their Master. Kylo had not granted permission for you to come along. The appointment with Urvno and your reactions to it were determining factors. The Knights of Ren did not trust you implicitly despite the missions that you had already shared with them. Time would heal the wound of your betrayal. On top of that, how you wavered when faced with the idea of Kylo Ren’s rule, you understood why it was that they waited for you to again stab their Master in the back.

 You twisted around to face Kylo and found that he was studying you as he had been doing since before the examination had started. “Do you think I will break you?” You blinked while processing those words. After a breath, you shook your head. “You want to join me on these missions, yet you hold yourself back.” You scowled, bracing yourself for his rejection and to be benched.

 There was no verbal permission offered, however you were well-versed in his body language with how long you had been a part of his life and he yours. Kylo angled his body when he took his first step so that his shoulder did not hit into you. This care allowed you to also turn and follow him. The armor that you had worn on the last mission you had been assigned to had been damaged. Cardo was skilled in repairing such things, which meant that you would not be able to suit up until you reached the Night Buzzard. Whatever weapons you would be given would be on the ship as well. It was food that Kylo wanted to ensure you had before heading to the Night Buzzard. You had been unable to eat without feeling nauseated for the past sixteen hours. Going on this mission with an empty stomach would leave you in a weakened state. There was no chance that he or his Knights would welcome you then.

 The nutrition bar was basic and bland with minimal fiber. You consumed it along with a half cup of water to rehydrate. Kylo paced the room, his hands curling into fists periodically then relaxing. Intel on the mission had been gathered by a source that would not be opposed to selling those same tidbits to the Resistance. You did not know if the Knights of Ren had killed their informant or not; if they had, it did not eliminate the possibility that the Resistance had been sold the intel first. You despised those who lined their pocketbooks with the war. It made you feel too much like a sword for hire, an assassin who bathed in the blood of countless, faceless people. It had you feeling that you sold your soul though you were not the one accepting credits.

 Urvno would report to Kylo Ren with your bloodwork results, and only then would a final decision be made. Given a lack of symptoms, you doubted that anything would be irregular. This was one thing that you were not disappointed in; you needed to go on this mission. To be benched would give you too much idle time. The children, including Aris, were on a different ship training in the ways of the Force. You had been given little other information regarding their education in the Order of Ren. This was another subject that you worked to not linger on for too long.

 Within the following hour you were allowed to join Kylo Ren and the Knights on the Night Buzzard. Its loud noises as it journeyed through space offered the impression that the ship would break down at a moment’s notice. If notice was given at all. You trailed a finger along the metal wall behind you. Kylo was speaking with the Knight piloting the ship. Two of the other Knights were seated on either side of you. Cardo and Kuruk, who each jerked their heads in your direction any time you touched near the blade that you had been given as a weapon for this mission. You were faster with a blaster, however this mission did not require stealth for the rifle you specialized in. You would be by Kylo’s side when the killing began.

 The armor that you wore was lightweight and it was clear that Cardo had studied your body to ensure maximum efficiency. You ran your hand on the pants, which possessed several belted pouches that contained bacta strips, a comm unit, and an extra blade. The shirt had a built-in vest that would absorb some of the impact of a physical blow but did not get in the way of basic movements. The majority of the outfit was black, although there were patches of crimson that you knew had been modifications. Cardo’s decision to include them aided in erasing any bitterness that might have developed as a result of his mistrust as you sat there near him.

 “If they do arrive, will she join them again?” It was Kuruk who posed the question. Kylo turned his head in the Knight’s direction without bothering to so much as glance at you. “I’ll need a stun blaster.” Chuckles from several of the Knights. You felt your lips part while dropping your hands onto the surface of the seat you occupied. This was a custom of theirs on the occasions that you were brought along. A lack of malice. Jabs that you would feel a longing for Finn or Rey or your mother or some other Resistance member. It was true that at times you thought of them just as you thought of Poe Dameron and Leia Organa.

 On one of the previous missions they had drawn straws to see who would babysit you. This was followed by another game of chance to determine who would stun you if you were swayed. Then who would carry you. How they would carry you; would it be bridal style or over the shoulder? 

 Your attention drifted to Ap’lek, whose mask was pointed in your direction. You would never ask him if he sometimes missed being Navrin in the same way that you felt a longing to be Supernova or even KS or Ryuubud. “She won’t be able to pull the trigger if she has a blaster and sees them.” A different Knight, you hadn’t caught which. You shrugged by way of response. Right from the getgo you had been honest about that limitation, and you were not ashamed that you felt this way no matter what ideology the Knights of Ren followed. A good death to join them. You were tired of selling your soul in this war, tired of tearing yourself apart. “Don’t worry. I’ll stun you first.”

 Your mind conjured up the image of blasterfire in all its different hues. You had been stunned before, and it was not something to sneeze over. The lingering effects were dreadful. If you were shot by one of the Knights, it would also mean that when and if you awoke you would not know who had been injured or killed from either side. It was difficult enough to endure that daily in regards to your friends in the Resistance. Former friends? Your head seemed to spin. You shook it and decided to instead focus on the mission, on the First Order monsters that you would slay.

 Soon the red glow danced along the walls of the cavern. Shadows cast by those falling under the blade made you pause in your actions. For years you had trained with a blaster rifle and killed from afar. At an increased rate, you were carving through bodies—through people—in a manner that stained your hands red with their blood. Envy sprouted in your mind as you twisted around to watch Kylo Ren cut through another officer. These were not the Resistance, not anyone you had once considered to be an ally, and thus you felt nothing watching them die. The red blade moved diagonally to slice from ribcage to the man’s thigh. The cauterized wound nevertheless spilled forth its gore. Kylo locked eyes with you. He thrust his other hand into the gaping cavern. Your eyes widened at the sight of his arm disappearing. A gurgled cry of pain, a spasm from the victim whose brain had not caught up with the fact that he was dead. A squelching, wet tearing echoed. It was nearly drowned out by the cries of pain and sounds of battle.

 The Knights of Ren were not like you. They had not stopped fighting, had not ceased killing to watch their Master. It was because of them that you had the luxury to stand there and watch Kylo pull free the corpse’s heart. His entire forearm was stained with blood now, although it was difficult to see against the dark material he wore. Kylo took a single step in your direction. He held out his hand with his palm facing up, the heart pulsing in it. An offering.

 You felt your feet moving on the ground before you registered that you were walking to him in acceptance of the gift. You curled a hand atop the organ and felt the warmth of life leaving it. Your fingertips dug into the muscle. The red glow of his blade illuminating Kylo’s eyes, for a second you forgot that they were brown. All was red. The blood on you and him. The warm fluid that squirted from the mangled organ to splash on your face and his. Kylo had been the only, in your memory, to have offered you life and love repeatedly despite the amount of times that you had rejected him. You trembled at the power you felt over this act, because of his gift.

 Drawing your hand away from his, you tugged the mangled heart against your chest. The last of its warmth flowed into your shirt. It made you sticky. It made you wet. Kylo deactivated his blade, which was just as well so that it did not impale you when he closed the distance between the two of you. He swiped his blood-tainted thumb along your forehead. Marking you, you thought while closing your eyes only to reopen them as his mouth found yours. The Knights of Ren were still killing. Your fingers were inches deep into the torn heart. Kylo wrapped his hand around yours.

 “You don’t want to die, tooke,” he said softly, his murmurs tingling your lips. You shuddered again, your tongue running along their surface and tasting his. “Are you ashamed to kill for me?” The red that had dyed your hands for the Resistance. The crimson pouring from these corpses that you had created. It was all for the same war and for the same purpose of ending it. You accepted the question for what unspoken portion existed: were you still so afraid to accept him as the galaxy’s ruler? You raised the heart towards your mouth and his, setting it between. His eyes traced your face and seemed almost to glint as you squeezed the organ once more, dirtying both of your faces in still more red. He was not making you do this alone. Always, always he was there for you, providing you with what you required to pull through.

 Kylo slipped his thumb past the heart to lower your bottom lip. You felt the organ, could nearly taste it. This gift of love and life. You slid your tongue out from your mouth and toyed with the surface. The coppery taste of blood flooded your senses. With a shudder, you clasped the heart in both of your hands, desperate, bringing it into your mouth for the first bite that caused still more blood to pour out of it and now into you. Kylo cupped your face with both of his hands. The hilt of his lightsaber was pressed to your cheek, but that was not the pressure that caused your eyes to widen. It was the feel of the heart being shoved further into your mouth as he, too, bit into it. He jerked backwards, tearing at it, gnashing his teeth to rip away the mouthful he had latched onto. You, too, yanked your head at a different angle whilst drawing your hands down.

 “And if you become a monster, I will not abandon you.” His words, spoken around the gore, had you swallowing. Your greatest fear, that becoming a monster slayer would turn you into that which you hunted, that you would lose all your humanity and the ability to love and be loved. The reaction that your mother and the Resistance had had to you. Their conditional love for your broken self.

 The screams of terror had died away along with the officers and stormtroopers of the First Order. You looked towards your left. Trudgen stood facing you. His weapon dripped blood. You swallowed again, ridding your mouth of the liquid and meat alike. You brought the heart to your mouth and took a second bite. Kylo leaned forward, his teeth bared and sawing into the remainder of the organ. You danced your fingers along his lips to keep from being bitten. Stared at him in pure awe as he consumed the heart of his enemy. This man that had told you the First Order would devour the Resistance as he assaulted you. Now together with you he proved that he was capable of true change that did not eliminate who either of you were.

 His kiss was thick with the red liquid that mingled with his saliva. Your jaw dropped, dribble spilling down your chin. Kylo’s tongue traced your lips and he spoke against you, his breath hot and mingled with yours. “Locate the central systems. The size of this base is misleading.” The best kept secrets were shared with the least amount of people. Supreme Leader Hux had decided to hide away tools to be used against Kylo Ren at a later date in this location. He had been educating himself in the ways of the Force and how to suppress it beyond the ysalamir. Weapons that had been used to hunt down the Jedi of old. Trudgen moved to obey.

 The long deceased Emperor Palpatine had had several contingency plans in place in the event of his death. You could not help but wonder which designs Armitage himself was only now learning of.

 You ran your tongue along your lips to eliminate more of the sticky substance that clung to them. Kylo groweld. He pressed his hips into yours, grinding against you. You could feel him growing hard through his clothes. Physically you were healed, however mentally you were damaged. How could he want you like he did? He urged you down onto your knees. You had already encircled his wrist with both of your hands and brought the hilt of the lightsaber to your mouth. He began to thrust it in and out. Its coolness a new sort of metallic flavor on your tongue. New yet equally as familiar as blood.

 It was this familiarity that helped you to ignore the imagined void you had been feeling since the examination. Consuming the heart had done nothing in comparison.

 Kylo ran his free hand along the front of his pants. You watched him while swirling your tongue on the very tip of the lightsaber’s hilt. Took the metal between your lips again. Your jaw stretched uncomfortably but you did not care. It made you feel more alive. More grounded. You helped him to shift his pants out of the way. You wrapped your hand around his hardening cock without removing your mouth from the lightsaber. It was Kylo who pulled back his weapon and reattached it to his belt. You stroked him into full hardness. Wrapped your lips around the spongy head just as you had with the lightsaber. The contrast made you shudder. You moaned around him, opening your mouth wider and taking him in inch by inch.

 You gagged a little as his cock slid towards the back of your throat until you relaxed more. Kylo placed his hands on the sides of your head and started to fuck your mouth. The feel of his shaft moving along your tongue encouraged you to close your eyes and enjoy the moment. The musky smell of him entered your nostrils as he thrust forward, your nose buried in his pubic hair. He used his hands to force you to begin bobbing your head on his length, an act you would have done regardless. Kylo growled out a curse followed by more. You took even more of him into your mouth as he bucked his hips, his cock brushing near your throat again.

 He used his hands to draw you back, his actions slower. Then he pushed forward until you were deepthroating him. You peeked up at him through watered eyes. His head was lolled back. After a few more thrusts, he pulled your mouth off of his cock. Kylo lowered himself onto his knees. He tugged at your bottoms, working them down your hips and legs until he could shove them off to the side. You were grateful that he did not toss them. Though blood was already seeping into them, you did not want them full of excess gore from the corpses that littered your surroundings.

 Kylo moved between your legs, hooking those limbs over his shoulders while keeping his eyes locked with yours. His breath on your cunt caused your lips to part. Kylo flicked out his tongue, nudging your clit. He danced his tongue downwards then back up, dragging your juices back to your clit and slowly tracing the letters of his name. Your chest started to heave, your knees wobbling. Kylo ran the seams of his gloves on your inner thighs. You set your hands on his head, tugging him nearer. Or at least trying to. Kylo chuckled when you were unable to move him.

 You whimpered when he flattened his tongue against your clit and paused in his actions. Your arousal dwindled a fraction. Then flared again as Kylo flicked his tongue up. He ran the underside of his tongue down your clit and trailed his organ to your entrance. You chewed on your bottom lip, furrowing your brow and waiting, wanting him to delve that tongue into you. He sent a stream of air through pursed lips against your clit instead. You moaned and Kylo leaned his head to the side, resting his cheek on your thigh.

 He slipped your legs off of his shoulders, setting your feet on the ground in a way that you remained spread. Kylo crawled up your body, shoved your shirt up without removing it. He gripped your bra, tugging it open, ripping it. He lowered his mouth to your right breast, taking it into his orifice as he laved your nipple with his tongue. You whimpered at the waves of pleasure that rippled through you. Kylo trailed two of his fingers along your slit, which caused you to shudder upon feeling that cool material dragging your juices back towards your clit. Your nipples hardened in arousal. Kylo rolled the bud that was in his mouth with his tongue. Heat radiated throughout your body. He slipped his middle finger into your depths and added another almost immediately.

 You tilted your head back and gulped in air as you started to fuck yourself on those digits. Rocking your hips, lifting them before you felt Kylo use the Force to pin you into place. He used the Force to snatch up your wrists as well, positioning them above your head. One atop the other. You were completely at your husband’s mercy among these corpses that you had helped him to create. You ran your tongue along your teeth. Tasted his kiss, which was coupled with what you had recently consumed.

 “Oh,” you moaned as Kylo inserted a third finger into you. He rocked the heel of his hand against your pubis, creating circles that stimulated your clit. You swallowed at the leisurely pace he used. It would not be enough to get you to cum. The movements were too slow. Not enough friction. “Please. More, please.”

 With a chuckle, Kylo obliged. His fingers quickened their pace within you, and yours clawed at the air when you attempted to buck into his touch but to no avail. The pressure of the Force did not leave nor lessen. Kylo withdrew his fingers from you. “You can’t be in this constant state of suicide,” he said. It took you time to process his words, both because of their meaning and due to being distracted by his touch as he crawled up the length of your body. “Letting yourself die is not how you kill the past.” He surged forward, claiming your lips before you could even try to respond. You had to cease practices of envisioning your own death to excise parts of yourself that you were not ready to accept had healed. The feel of Kylo’s mouth on yours, his hunger, offered a renewed zest for life that stood in juxtaposition to the death surrounding you. You locked your legs around his hips just as his hand came down upon your throat, the heel of it near your collarbone and the fingers touching your chin.

 Kylo pushed, cutting off a portion of your air supply simultaneous to moving into you. You could feel the way his cock opened you, stretched you, filled you. Inch by inch he sank into you and released a ragged breath. Your body tightened around him in response to the increased pressure on your throat, which relented a moment later. It came back as he turned his hand to the side and wrapped those long fingers around your neck. Your jaw fell open. You blinked through the tears that formed at your body’s natural response of being deprived of air. The threat of being hurt and even to be killed, that rendered you a trembling mess underneath him. Kylo rolled his hips.

 You arched your back and raked your nails up the length of Kylo’s back. His shirt kept you from leaving any marks. You joined your hands together around his throat, both of your thumbs against his windpipe. He growled, the vibrations tingling your fingers, and rolled the two of you so that you were straddling him as he sat. You moved in for a kiss. Kylo greedily slammed his mouth against yours in return and you felt your lip split. The pain made you wince, however his teeth kept your bottom lip in place, locking around it and tugging it into his mouth. He sucked on the newly created wound, drawing the blood into his mouth. Tasting you and making you wonder if it tasted any different than the blood from the heart. You pulled back and he let you. Your bottom lip popped wetly back into place a second before you sucked it into your mouth and ran your tongue along the area. You tasted his saliva as much as the blood.

 “Kylo.” You whispering his name like a sigh, like air itself, elicited another growl from him. Kylo dropped both hands onto your thighs and gripped you hard. You ground down, swerving your hips and feeling his cock stroke you. He was so deep inside of you. You lowered one hand to your stomach then crawled your fingers lower. Kylo pushed aside your shirt, which had fallen back into place, and mouthed your breast. You felt his teeth and tongue on you in alteration. The light sucking that you knew would leave a mark. You trailed fingers through his hair. Tugged on some of the strands after weaving them around your digits. He bit down harder on your breast. “Ah!”

 “Shh.” As he said this, you felt a delicious pressure rolling over your clit. Nudging it, swirling. It was gentle without being too careful. The friction was everything. You jerked your hips forward in time with Kylo’s thrusts. Whined when he temporarily withdrew in order to position you on your hands and knees to allow him to fuck you from behind. The sounds the two of your bodies made was obscene, echoing off the cavern walls. Wet and raw. The noises of pleasure spilling from you replacing the cries of the dying. The growls and grunts from Kylo were little different than the sounds he had made while killing.

 You could hear him unclip the lightsaber from his belt. Felt it between your legs, flush against your cunt and lower belly so that each thrust he made caused your clit to rub against the ribbed surface. Your arms twitched to the sides, but you caught yourself before you could fall. You swore, your eyelids fluttering and your body starting to spasm. Jolts of pleasure shot through you as pressure began to build behind a dam you knew would soon break.

 “We won’t die here, tooke.” The nickname sent another shiver down your spine that was repeated when he spoke your name, whispering it in your ear. His body enveloped yours. One of his hands on the ground next to yours and the lightsaber kept in place with the Force. His other hand was toying with your breast, pinching its nipple and tugging. You cried out soundlessly as you came. Your body reduced to a shudder mess that he fucked into. He grunted more loudly when he came. You felt his cock pulsate, felt him filling you with his cum.

 Kylo did not pull out immediately. You remained under him and panted. Fought to catch your breath. The sounds of the world around you slowly swam back into focus. The Knights of Ren were stomping, one of those set of feet drawing nearer. It would do nothing to you if he walked up and saw you in this state. You felt no shame in this. You felt alive amongst these corpses. Naked and held and loved no matter how monstrous you might become as the war twisted you.

 When Kylo did move away, you let yourself drop to the ground and reached for the nearest article of clothing, dragging it nearer. Redressing did not take you very long at all despite you using slow movements to do so. You regretted that you could not remain there forever, that life dictated your need to move on. The Knight of Ren passively observed you pull your pants on. You had not looked to identify which Knight it was, had only seen him in your peripheral and caught sight of black, which they all wore. A snort from you then your attention shifted to the lightsaber in Kylo’s grasp. It was dirtied with both cum and blood. Your eyes wandered up to his hair. Yes, that was bloodied as well. He met your gaze.

 “I can sense her.” Your stomach plummeted. It was as though a rug was yanked out from under you. Or perhaps the world itself. Taken away and leaving you to float helplessly, aimlessly in space. Kylo shook his head. “No.” Not Rey, which helped you to discover new ground. It was ice cold. Chills assaulted you and your teeth clattered together. Kylo addressed the Knight, giving you time to rise to your feet. “Do we have what we came for?”

 “Yes.” The voice was enough to identify the individual; Trudgen stepped forward whilst replying, which also offered his identity. “But the Resistance set down next to the Night Buzzard.”

 You frowned at the thought that the ship might be disabled before anyone in your party could reach it. That was something that you had trained to do in the splinter cell. Ground the enemy so that even if you are defeated they are at a disadvantage. Since both the Order of Ren and the Resistance had paid for the information, it was clear to you that each side wished to obtain what this base had been hiding. Rey’s absence in the Resistance party did not equate to the importance being less to the Resistance. They would have anticipated that Kylo Ren himself would be here. A preventative measure, a need to keep the two Force users apart.

 “If the ship is damaged, we’ll take theirs.” These words from Kylo were enough to return Trudgen to action. He began to head in the direction of the exit only to come to another, this time abrupt, halt. The other five Knights arrived with their weapons at the ready. You looked from them to Trudgen, who took a step backwards and readied to attack.

 The opening of the entrance to this portion of the cavern was large, enough that you could see multiple Resistance fighters. They had activated shields and blasters at the ready. One shot at Trudgen, missing him by mere inches. Three others focused their attention on you.

 Blaster fire echoed off the walls in the same way that they had been graced by the red glow of the lightsaber earlier. Said hue returned as Kylo cut an arc in the air to deflect the bolt that would have caught you in the shoulder. The scream of the blaster had not caught your attention as much as Finn’s cry of surprise. The hard no! had reiterated the fact that there were those in the Resistance that did care for you as best they could in the same way that you cared for them. No matter that you were bloodied nearly from head to toe, Finn did not view you as a monster to be eliminated. The soldier that had fired did not lower his weapon, however he refrained from pulling the trigger a second time.

 Finn failed to keep your attention for long as you noticed the identities of those in the entourage. There were masked Resistance fighters and some that you had known in passing. It was General Leia Organa, however, who caught and held your gaze. She was staring at Kylo beside you. Her eyes traced the scar that Phasma had left, the wound that had once left him blinded. Silence clung to the air though each person had a weapon trained on another person. The Knights of Ren ready to strike the Resistance fighters. The Resistance aiming their blasters at the Knights, at Kylo, at you.

 “Ben.” There was familiarity with how she said the name but desperation as well. A hint of nervousness that one might display with a stranger. She was anticipating rejection.

 Kylo gave a subtle shake of his head. “That isn’t my name.” His jaw was in near constant motion and his eyes had narrowed. “It is a legacy you tried to thrust upon me. You should have known better...with Vader as your father.” He grew in confidence the more he spoke. Went from a second away from crumbling to the man that you knew. Kylo adjusted the angle of the lightsaber so that its plasma blade crossed in front of you in a protective manner.

 The other Resistance members had started to switch their focus to you. As though they were aware it would be futile to aim for Kylo. Or perhaps it was due to how much more blood was caked on your flesh in comparison with him. Personal motives would include bitterness over you leaving the Resistance. You considered the state that you had been in mere minutes ago. Naked and underneath their enemy. I am their enemy, you reminded yourself. It was the first time that you had fully admitted it to yourself and it made your head spin. You felt the world around you tilt on its axis before righting itself.

 Conflict shone in Finn’s eyes, which had not left you. You understood his pain and confusion as it was one that greatly mirrored your own.

 “Hand over the datachip.” A mother making demands of her child. Kylo’s lips twitched in amusement. You had faced that mocking expression on several occasions. Leia’s reaction to it was not much different than yours had been; a sour scowl. “Hux destroyed more of the Resistance.” She was speaking to you. Her eyes on you. You lowered your gaze to the ground and wondered who else you had lost in this war. Who else you would be unable to mourn until the fighting ended. “You agreed to a temporary alliance in the past.”

 “I will not yield to you.” Twisting his wrist, the lightsaber remaining in front of you. “You have nothing to offer in return. Leave now and perhaps I will spare your lives.”

 The Knights of Ren moved nearer. They were hungry for blood and remained insatiable though they had just cut through all of those First Order officers. In response, the Resistance no longer sought your life. The blasters were directed at the three nearest Knights. Finn had a blaster in his hands as well along with a familiar cylindrical object on his hip. The hilt of a lightsaber. General Organa, too, had a lightsaber hilt. Her hands were free of any blaster. She had not come to kill her son. That hardly meant that neither of them would watch the other perish given the direction this confrontation was headed. Leia’s gaze fell upon you. There was almost a silent plea from her. She was not only Kylo’s mother, but your mother-in-law. She was family to you as well, by both choice and by marriage. The hard thing was, you had a habit of disappointing mothers. Your own could attest to that.

 You simply could betray your heart no longer, could not deny your other half. There would be no more cutting out the parts of you that others could not accept, the parts of you that made you feel whole.

 “Please,” you said. Leia’s face became more pained, speaking a silent I can’t that reminded you for the millionth time that this was war.

[constantconfusion111]

Etched into your skin - Chapter 4

Here’s the 4th chapter, I hope you’ll enjoy it! :)

Link to AO3

Chapter 1 ; Chapter 2 ; Chapter 3

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“I’m not sure I’m in the mood to go out.”

“What? But we already told P’Jeed we were going to play tonight!”

“I know, we’ll be playing, but I’m not in the mood to stay after we finish.”

Lhong sighed deeply, clearly having expected to hear that complain at one point during the evening.

“You haven’t been in the mood to do anything since the start of term Tharn. You have to go out every once in a while and enjoy life. Are you going to stay in your dorm for 4 years without ever leaving?”

To be fair, Tharn did go out sometimes. For classes. But even in his sour mood the man realised that would be a terrible argument to use during this conversation.

Since the discovery that Type must have been avoiding him -it was truly the only explanation he could make sense of- Tharn had been feeling miserable for himself. He had become one of these people rejected by their soulmate. But not only that, he’d been rejected before he had even met them. Talk about bringing bad luck to the next level.

Lhong had let him be at first, occasionally bringing him some food and offering his company to fill the too big room. Forcing him to join the rehearsal of their band. But the man seemed to now think going out was their next big objective to make him go back to normal and had asked P’Jeed to book them some stage time.

Frankly, had it been anyone but P’Jeed, who had treated him with so much kindness throughout the years, he would have called the gig off.

Tharn hadn’t shared the reason for his moodiness and Lhong must actually think it linked to the breakup with Tar, still. Tharn couldn’t bring himself to share his current situation, it would make it… too real. Like he had officially admitted his soulmate didn’t want to be associated with him.

“Come on, let’s go, you can brood in the car.”

--------------------

“So where are we going tonight?”

Type, Techno, and Champ were all gathered at the condo, getting ready to go out for a relaxing evening of fun, alcohol and music apparently.

“It’s a super cool bar, this guy I know is performing there tonight.”

Type frowned at that.

“You don’t know anyone that performs anywhere Techno, who’s that guy.”

Techno huffs, throwing them both a look over his shoulder.

“Certainly not any of you guys! You have the artistic soul of a fork.”

Type raised his hand to hit his friend, but the later dodged at the last second, laughing placatantly.

“I was joking, I was joking. It’s that guy from the music faculty I met last time. Cool dude, I owe him a beer.”

“You need to stop talking to strangers, you’ll get kidnapped one day,” warned Champ, tilting his pack of crisps to get the last crumbs stuck to the bottom.

“Nonsense, the guy is smaller than me.”

“What’s his name,” asked Type, going for casual while his whole body tensed.

“Lhong.”

Type could have sighed out loud in relief if not for Techno legendary nosiness. He’d managed to keep his friend out of his soulmate business for years now by some miracle. He fully intended to keep it that way.

“It better be good, that bar is so far away. We’ll have to taxi if you plan on drinking.”

The three put their shoes on and were out of the door the next minute. The evening was hot and humid as per usual. Many partygoers were already drunk and singing in the streets. Most of them were young looking and probably fellow students.

They didn’t have too much trouble finding a taxi and splitting the fare in three made it quite reasonable. The ride to the bar was definitely longer than usual. Normally, their criteria for picking a bar were: is the alcohol cheap? Can we crawl back home at the end of the evening?

This time, the bar looked more refined, the type of place that could easily become their ‘usual place’. The rumble of the music was audible from the outside, but not to the point of already being deafening.

At the entrance, they were welcomed by a beautiful smiling woman.

“Hello young men. I am Jeed, the owner of the bar. It’s the first time I see you around here.”

“Hello! Lhong recommended this place, he’s playing here tonight, we want to enjoy the live music.”

“That cute boy… Well, make yourself comfortable, there should still be some free tables next to the stage, the boys should start playing soon.”

They all bid her goodbye and made their way inside the bar. It was populated but not crowded and they indeed managed to find a comfortable table not too far away from the front. There were quite a few women all around them focused on the yet empty stage.

“Many pretty women here. It’s really a great recommendation.”

“So thirsty No. If only you could actually manage to get some I’ll be impressed,” replied Type, browsing the menu to see if there were any special drinks.

“The night is long, you can never know what will happen!”

“You mean apart from the usual: you get too drunk to stand and I have to bring you home carrying you?”

Techno was a lightweight and never knew when to stop until it was too late. Type wasn’t a big drinker, he had never actually gotten blackout drunk, which meant he often ended up playing babysitter for his other friends.

“Ah Techno! You managed to come!”

A young man, pretty much the textbook definition of adorable, approached their table as the women around them followed him with their eyes, whispering to their friends.

‘Hey man! Guys, this is Lhong, my saviour. These guys are my friends, we’re all in the sports department together.”

They all nodded to each other in acknowledgement.

“Thanks for coming, hope you’ll enjoy the music. If anything, the alcohol is good, you should try the Lao Khao, it’s very nice.”

“I’ll go order,” said Type, sliding off the chair, patting his pockets to make sure he had some money with him.

“Get me some snacks as well,” requested Champ.

Type rolled his eyes at the predictable request, but nodded nonetheless.

Jeed was behind the bar, and when she spotted him, she immediately approached with a large smile.

“What can I do for you handsome?”

Type put his usual snark on the backsit and offered her a smile in return, she had that mum energy that made it hard to rebuke or be bitter toward her.

“P’Jeed, I’d like to order some Lao Khao for the table. Also some rice crackers and fried eggs if we can.”

“Anything for you, let me give you the drinks, I’ll bring the food over as soon as it’s ready.”

Propping an elbow against the bar, Type gave another look around. The lights were dimmed and colourful, giving a very lively atmosphere to the whole place. As he scanned the room, he noticed his table had been invaded by yet another guy, currently using Lhong as an arm rest.

Even from the distance, Type could see the man was quite tall and well built, much more imposing than Lhong. His dark hair put in a fashionable cut were hiding his eyes just so.

“Here for you, Nong.”

He blinked in surprise at the voice calling for him before grabbing all the glasses and thanking the woman.

Slowly, he made his way back across the room and almost tripped when he made eye contact with the stranger at their table. He’d never seen a man with such large and deep eyes, catching his attention and refusing to let go. The dark circles under his eyes didn’t take anything away from how handsome his face was, angular and sharp, on the contrary. The man stared back, unintimidated by Type’s direct inspection.

Unfortunately, just as Type arrived at the table, Lhong and the stranger walked away and jumped on the stage, followed shortly by two other men.

“Here,” said Type, carefully putting their glasses down.

On stage, Lhong was getting everyone’s attention as the musicians were taking place behind their instruments. The stranger sat behind the set of drums, playing with the drumsticks as he waits for the singer to finish his introduction.

Type never cared much for music. He’d listen to the radio, put a playlist as background noise during his studying, but he never actively got into it. Never cared much for the various bands or artists. Certainly never spared a shed of attention for the drummers.

But here he was, unable to look at anyone else than that guy.

If Type had ever thought the man was handsome before, it was nothing compared to the moment he started playing. His features and his posture immediately relaxed as his eyes closed. He hadn’t even noticed how tense the guy was up until that moment.

“Whoa, they’re super cool!” Techno was swaying from one side to the other, enjoying the song.

“Lhong has a very nice voice,” agreed Champ, nodding along to the rhythm.

Type hummed his agreement, drinking slowly. And then their eyes meet again.

Who in the fucks was this guy.

Only Techno’s joy at the arrival of the food managed to get him to look away.

As talkative and sociable as ever, Techno drew Champ into conversations in between enjoying the music that was being played. Type made a special effort to listen to his best friend, trying his hardest to not stare at the drummer to the point of ogling.

“Who do you think is most popular, musicians or sportsmen?” wondered Techno, staring at the women cheering for the band.

“Musicians. It makes them look more sensitive or some shit like that,” replied Type.

“But, we have hot bodies!”

“Yeah cause these guys are so ugly,” retorted Champ, pointing to the band with his chin.

They all instinctively turned toward them and fuck, Type was an idiot, why did he look again.

The drummer had an impressive build, just like Type had imagined from the other side of the bar. The muscles in his forearms kept on flexing and relaxing with each movement. And where these… veins he could see from here?

“What the fuck…”

Thankfully, Techno seemed to interpret it as a general statement more than a targeted one.

“They are handsome.”

“Here you go,” concluded Champ around a mouthful of salted eggs.

The band played for a while, doing some covers while including a couple of original songs in the mix. They were really good and Type actually managed to enjoy the music despite finding himself uncontrollably going back to the drummer. As much as he never really cared for music, he cared even less for musicians. He never got the whole frenesy around celebrities and concerts and ‘you must see it live’. But looking at the man, maybe he could start to make sense of it.

He didn’t seem focused on the audience at all, the only thing that mattered was the music and his drums. Type couldn’t explain the expression on the man’s face, it was intense and passionate and pleased. And entirely too hypnotic.

Type got up to get himself another drink, put some distance and put clear his head. The music came to an end as he waited, Lhong thanks getting drowned by the clapping of the patrons.

Beer in hand, he got out of the bar and rested against the wall. The air outside was barely fresher than inside, but at least there was some silence. Type sighed deeply, rubbing his eyes.

What was that guy’s deal?

And what was his own deal?

As if summoned by too loud thoughts, the drummer came out of the bar, bag under the arm, rummaging through it thoughtfully, ready to leave.

“Hey!”

Type wasn’t sure which of them was most surprised. He hadn’t called out to him consciously at least. The silence started to stretch as Type was too busy getting lost in the other’s man features to come up with something clever to share.

“Yes?” tried to prompt the man, looking him up and down. Type felt strangely self conscious, trying to relax his stance.

“Mmh… great job tonight in there.”

The drummer offered a half smile, pulling his car keys out of the bag.

“Thanks, if you liked it you should come back again, we play next week too.”

The man walked away, not hearing Type’s ‘I will’.

[santoteez]

The Dormant Beast - Jongho (6)

Crescent continued trying to run, but it wasn’t until the man and Desire were fully out of view that she could move. All her auras activated at once, sending her flying into the walls, denting the drywall.

“Crescent!” Jongho shouted from down the hall, a crowd of people following closely behind.

“Down here.” She said, groaning as she got up.

Jongho ran over. “Hold on, let me help you. What happened?”

“Desire and I were walking over to the nurse’s office when we heard a crash. We ran in and the nurse was taped up and a hooded man was standing over her. Then he came towards us.”

“So, where’s Desire now?” Wonho asked, but the look on Crescent’s face told them all they needed to know.

“This hooded man just took Desire?” Jongho asked.

“Not exactly…more like she gave herself up.”

“Desire?” Han asked. “She just gave herself up? That’s out of character for her.”

“She said that if she went with him, she’d end up saving the rest of us. Said that it was time for her to finally do something worthy of being the Duchess. And that it’s what I would’ve done.” Crescent said, her voice trailing off.

“Hey, this isn’t your fault. Desire made that decision herself. Right now, we need to find out who is this hooded man.”

“Wait, the nurse! She’s still tied up!” Someone shouted.

When Jongho and Crescent reached the office, the nurse had been completed unbound, with Wonho cutting the tape off.

“Ms. Mae, are you alright?” Jongho asked, placing his hand on the elderly lady’s shoulder.

She nodded, squeezing his hand. “It’s gonna take a lot more than some hooded fool to take me down all the way.” She got up, stretching. Ms. Mae was a small, elderly woman. She was one of the last “humans” left, her generation birthing the first batch of aura holders. Crescent being auraless for so long, became acquainted heavily with the woman, initially due to the constant bullying.

“Ms. Mae, what happened?” Crescent asked, crouching down to her level.

“I was just filling up the supply cabinet like I do every morning when I felt a breeze. I knew it wasn’t just some regular bad weather; it felt too different. I turned around and there he was, just standing in the middle of the room. I asked him how could I help him, but he didn’t answer me. Suddenly, he was in front of me and the room started to spin. When I woke up, I was bound and the man was no longer in here.”

“Ms. Mae, were you bitten anywhere? That would explain the dizziness.” Crescent reached out for the lady’s arms, however, didn’t find any marks or wounds to fit the theory. “I don’t see anything, though.”

“But it makes sense. If this man has a snake or spider aura, it would be enough to knock Ms. Mae out.” Jongho said. “I’m calling an ambulance. They’ll be able to figure out more about what happened to her.”

Jongho stood beside Crescent as she explained everything she saw to the police when they arrived 15 minutes later. They decided to seal off the school indefinitely as a crime scene.

“Not only was the school nurse attacked and possibly poisoned, a top-tier student has been abducted and another injured. We’re considering this campus a hotspot, and the kids will be off from school for the rest of the week while we coordinate with the teachers a way for school to resume without significant damage to the lesson plan. For the parents, close friends and family of Desire Lane, counseling services will be offered free of charge at the local hospital and is strongly encouraged. When we have a clearer idea of what went on this morning, there will be another briefing. Thank You.”

-

-

-

-

Crescent grimaced as the bitter taste of malt descended her throat, coughing slightly, overlooking the town from the roof of her house.

“I figured I’d find you up here.”

She turned around to see Jongho pop his head out from the door. “I’m guessing you don’t need Eclipse to drink anymore, huh?” He asked, nodding towards the beer in her hand.

“I felt like I needed a drink, but I chickened out trying to steal the vodka.” She mumbled.

Jongho chuckled, sitting beside her and pulling out his phone. “Ms. Mae’s test results came back.”

“They just gave them to you? You’re not family.”

“Perks of being the king of the jungle.” He said, handing her the phone. “Here. You’re the closest she has to family now anyway, with her kids gone.”

Crescent sighed. “Who would think the same man that killed her kids would come to attack her.” She focused her attention to the screen in front of her.

Her eyes bulged out. “Jongho! This says she has a rabies bite!” She shouted, jumping up from her position.

Jongho followed suit. “Hey, calm down.”

“Calm down? She’s human, Jongho! Rabies can kill her! How is she not in a coma right now?”

“They were able to treat it early since we called the ambulance. We have cutting-edge technology now, Cres. It’s a lot harder to die from rabies nowadays. She’s recovering and doctors say she’ll be just fine.” Jongho explained, wrapping his arms around Crescent and pulling her close. “She should be allowed visitors soon. How bout I figure out a time and we go see her?” He asked, kissing her temple.

“Okay.” Crescent said, curling into his embrace.

“Okay.” Jongho smiled.

“What would I do without you?” Crescent asked.

“Be the same independent person you’ve always been. When will you realize you’d live perfectly fine without me here?” Jongho squeezed her shoulder.

“Hey love birds, I hate to ruin the moment but it’s getting late and I’m locking the roof door for the night. Can’t be too safe.” Lunar called out from the door.

-

-

-

-

“How are you feeling?” Crescent asked, holding the much older lady’s hand.

“Better now that my favorite girl’s come to see me.” Ms. Mae smiled, her eyes creasing. “Don’t tell the other kids.”

Crescent and Jongho laughed. It was now Friday. The school cooperated with the authorities and they agreed on an online learning system for the campus. On Monday, the students were to log into the school website to receive their assignments for the day. Video chat would be available for tutoring or questions, but not mandatory. All assignments would be due at midnight, instead of during the regular timeslots, to make it easier for the children to have time in between to adjust and to see counselors to help with coping.

“At least you don’t have to worry about work for a while, Ms. Mae. With the school closed and all, you can focus on getting better.” Jongho said, pouring her a cup of water.

“Wrong.” She glared at Jongho playfully, grabbing the water from him. “School or not, you know I always worry about you kids. Hell, I spend the weekends watching the news and reading the papers, praying I don’t see one of your faces pop up. And now little Desire was taken because I couldn’t do anything.” She sighed, taking a sip.

“Ms. Mae, that is not your fault and you know it. In situations like this, it’s safer for the auraless to stand down. Regardless, even if you could’ve done something, something tells me Desire would’ve chosen to go with him all the same.”

“He’s right.”

The trio turned to the door, where Desire stood. Her usually done-up face was bare, and she sported a hoodie and jeans, which she’d never wear on her own accord. She removed her sunglasses, showing dark circles. It was clear she hadn’t slept a wink since Crescent last saw her.

“Desire! He let you go?” Crescent asked, almost in disbelief she was even in front of her.

Desire laughed nervously. “Not exactly.”

“So, he’s here?” Jongho asked, already defensive.

“No! No, I’m alone, but he’s making me go back. I only came to show Ms. Mae I was okay so she wouldn’t worry. I didn’t plan on seeing you two here.”

“Desire, you can’t possibly be thinking of going back to him, right?” Crescent asked, becoming hysterical when the red-haired girl stayed silent. “Desire, he already let you out! You don’t have to go back! Let’s go talk to the police-”

“I have to go back, Crescent. He…made me leave something with him as collateral. As a promise that I’d come back without putting up a fight.”

Jongho shook his head. “Desire, if this is about material stuff, we can get it back. I’ll have my dad pay for whatever it is, just please come with us to the police.”

“I wish it were material.” She whispered.

“What?”

“What he took from me wasn’t my clothes or shoes or a purse. It was my aura.”

“Desire, what are you saying?” Crescent furrowed her eyebrows. “Someone can’t just take your aura. It’s something you’re born with.”

“I thought like that too. Until he placed his hand on my forehead. It was something I never felt before, but I knew it wasn’t right. It was like I felt it leaving my body. And once he was done, I tried to activate, but I couldn’t. I felt nothing, Crescent. I felt empty. I called out for my wolf over and over, but she was gone. I’ve already been bumped out of the throne; I can’t lose my aura itself too. So, I’m sorry, but I’m going back. Don’t follow me.” Desire said, heading towards the door.

“Desire, you can’t seriously go back to him.”

“You want me to come back? Beat him. Stop him and it’ll be safe for me to return. Not a moment sooner. Not when he’s already threatened both of you. Whatever you have to do, just get rid of him. Kill him for all I care.”

Desire can you just stop for a second? We can figure something out!” Crescent pleaded.

“Ms. Mae, get well soon and feel better.”

“DESIRE! At least tell us where he is hiding you!”

“I’m sorry, Crescent!”

Crescent and Jongho ran after her, but she seemed to have vanished into thin air by the time they reached the door.

Jongho pinched the bridge of his nose. “This situation is bigger than we thought.

 Crescent and Jongho left about an hour later. They looked around the hospital and even checked the security footage, but there was no sign of how Desire got out. In fact, there was no concrete evidence to how she got in. They could see her walking the halls, but it was almost like her body materialized near the entrance, rather than walking through it. They returned to Ms. Mae’s room, defeated, only to find her sound asleep. Deciding to let her rest, they agreed to return another day.

“I still can’t wrap my head around this whole situation.” Jongho sighed, looking up to the sky as they walked.

“Do you think it’s even possible? Being stripped of your aura?” Crescent wrapped her arm around Jongho’s, pulling herself closer to him.

“I don’t know, but Desire seems to think so. Of course, not sensing your aura can be caused by other things. Perhaps it’s not awake, or the host is under duress or severe trauma. But, I don’t think Desire is worried enough to suddenly not feel her aura due to her own mental health. And even if her aura were dormant, she’d still be able to see it. So, that rules out that possibility.”

“Unless it’s his aura causing that reaction?”

“An aura that fogs up or distorts your vision? What animal would that even be? A bat maybe…” Jongho sighed. “Nothing’s gonna get solved with us bouncing ideas around in the middle of the street. Let’s just get you home first.”

They walked onto Crescent’s porch a while later. Crescent’s parents were not home, and it looked like Eclipse wasn’t home either.

Crescent turned to Jongho. “Are you sure you don’t want to stay the night? It’s late and dark, not to mention the target on your back. I’m sure my parents would agree if you did.”

“No, it’s all good. My house isn’t that far away. Besides, it’s Friday. We can spend all day together tomorrow if you want. Maybe get some food, my treat?” Jongho smiled, kissing her cheek when she nodded. “I’ll call you when I’m home, okay? Go ahead upstairs.” He turned on his heels, walking down the driveway.

Jongho was down the block when he heard rustling in some bushes nearby. He turned to follow the noise, but the rustling stopped when he did. Turning back around, he found himself face to face with none other than the hooded entity himself.

It was the Void.

“Don’t put up a fight, little boy. Just come with me.”

“Like hell I will.” The boy challenged, beating his chest, his scleras darkening.

“Ah, so you’re the gorilla. That’s quite the aura you have there. A shame if something were to happen to it.” The Void taunted.

Jongho roared, his voice booming down the block.

Hearing it caused Crescent’s blood to run cold. Jongho only ever powered up in dire situations, so she knew he must be in trouble.

She ran out just in time to see Jongho charging towards the man.

“Jongho!” She shouted in surprise. He never attacked first, so she couldn’t understand why today was any different.

Jongho was stopped dead in his tracks, his neck in The Void’s hands, similar to Desire. He seemed to power down almost immediately, his arms and feet going limp.

“What a domesticated monkey. Let’s get you back to my lab.” As if summoned, a portal opened.

“Jongie!” Crescent yelled down the street, running at full speed. She was aware if was futile, but she couldn’t get her body to stop.

Just as she approached the pair, the Void slipped into the portal, but not before whispering “You’re next” and the egress closed until it was nothing.

Crescent yelled in sorrow, cold and alone in the middle of the street.

“You wanna play that way? Let’s play.”

[midoriyaizukustan-inactive]

MHA Song Analysis - “Holy” by PVRIS

so i was listening to this song and it gave me massive todoroki family vibes lmao

anyway!! i got encouragement from fran (thank u fran) so its time to go off

i will leave a read more for those of u who dont wanna see me yell tho uwu

this is the song: https://youtu.be/rfrFT_3GP4A

SO i will be using genius lyrics as a ref for the lyrics so if u would like to double-check me on anything, u can do so using the same source

also for this analysis, we are going with the theory that dabi is todoroki touya just for simplicity’s sake

ALSO there are some manga spoilers in here so be careful!! it’s nothing too major or anything but there are instances discussed here that have not yet happened in the anime, so just a warning

w that let’s begin hoho

“youve got it all” “you” in this context is endeavor (who will be referred to as “enji” for the rest of this) and the rest of the line is obvious then; he’s got it all in the sense that he’s a successful, rich pro hero; he has a wife and kids and his own agency; when/if he retires, he could do so comfortably; he has a world-renowned, powerful quirk; he’s got looks and fans and everything

“but youve got it all wrong” despite everything enji has, he doesn’t treat it right at all. obviously he’s abusive as fuck towards his family, and negligent to natsuo and fuyumi once shouto comes along. he’s not satisfied with his place because he doesn’t get to have the number one next to his name. nothing is enough for him; his fatal flaw is envy, and it consumes him to an absolutely absurd degree

“now you dont know you’re a poor unfortunate soul” as previously mentioned, enji’s fatal flaw is envy. it fucks with him so severely that he can’t be happy with what he has, and instead stews in hate towards all might and the bitterness of “what-ifs”. thus, he’s a “poor unfortunate soul”

“oh i know/you make it seem that you feel whole/so they don’t know you’re a poor unfortunate soul” so even though enji is clearly a bit unstable and will never be satisfied or happy with what he has, he has to hide that fact; we see this particularly with his interactions with all might. he is venomous towards him, yes, but he will never let all might know that he’s jealous of him. we see this pattern of behavior echoed in shouto in the sports festival and dabi

“you put on a faith facade/think you’re holy when you’re not” the “faith facade” is enji pretending to feel accomplished with what he’s done, when he clearly isn’t. the “think youre holy when you’re not” refers to enji’s tendency to not see or not admit when he’s wrong. at least until his fight with the nomu leading to introspection, enji did not see any error in his ways. he was fine with using a woman solely for the children she could potentially bear, he was fine with neglecting the children that weren’t “good enough” in his eyes (natsuo and fuyumi), and he was perfectly fine with overworking the children that did meet his standards (shouto and dabi), which supposedly led to one’s death (touya/dabi)

“i hate to break it to you, baby/but you’re simply lost” could be seen as words dabi is telling enji during the nomu fight. shouto, fuyumi, and natsuo have no doubt thought this as well, though, and shouto and natsuo have said things that are equivalent to this (shouto when he told enji he would use him as a stepping stone to be a good hero and natsuo’s recent blowing up about touya’s “death” and enji’s parenting)

“you can right all the wrongs just to feel you belong” these are words natsuo definitely said to enji during their most recent interactions. shouto and dabi echo this sentiment, though, with how they interact with enji. its a very sarcastic and bitter line about not being able to just let what enji has done slip by

“but simply calling out sins don’t bring you closer to god” “calling out sins” is enji’s abuse towards his children and otherwise living through them, particularly shouto, and “bring you closer to god” in this context would mean enji reaching his goals. this is a sentiment all the todorokis feel, but particularly shouto, as enji honed in on him for years and shouto had no way of getting away from him until ua

“youre just a ghost at most/a set of empty bones” i feel as if this is a sentiment all the todorokis feel currently: enji because he’s finally realizing all he’s done wrong and doesn’t quite know how to cope with that; shouto because he’s trying to see himself as anything other than enji’s tool; natsuo because he wants to be more than the abuse enji inflicted on him, but it’s hard bc he can’t let go of touya’s “death”; dabi because he’s completely warped as a person from who he used to be and can’t reach out to his mom or siblings; fuyumi because she most likely has doubts about her feelings/lack of anger towards enji, even though her brothers are all angry with him in some form or fashion; and even rei, because she was changed as a person from enji’s abuse and hurt her own child because of it, and she must deal with the guilt of that

“searching for anything and everything to make you feel whole” this is a reference to how the todoroki’s are trying to cope with what is making them feel like a ghost. enji is reaching out to his kids, shouto is connecting with his friends and midoriya, natsuo is honest about his feelings to enji himself, dabi has a new family/group he connects with, fuyumi stands her ground bc her feelings are her own and shouldnt be swayed by what others are thinking, and rei is in a much better headspace now that she’s away from enji

“when it gets cold, oh, oh, oh” “when it gets cold” means when their struggles get particularly hard. examples of this: enji during the nomu fight, shouto during the sports festival, natsuo during the attack in recent manga chapters and the following conversation with enji, when dabi “dies”/runs away, and when rei hurt shouto. i cant think of a specific example for fuyumi right now, but you get the idea

“you dont know/no you dont know/oh you’re all alone/you poor unfortunate soul” i feel this line relates solely to enji and halfway with dabi, as shouto, natsuo, fuyumi, and rei all have each other and others that help them with being “unfortunate souls”. enji and dabi, on the other hand, only have themselves -- enji because he’s too prideful and also has no one left in his corner after his years of abuse, and dabi because he hasn’t told the league his past (yet), thus he certainly hasn’t talked about this at all

“you can’t control/where your body lets you go/oh you’re all alone/you poor unfortunate soul” i think this line, in particular, is dabi’s, as depending on which “dabi is touya” theory you’re looking at, he was kidnapped by ujiko to be made into a nomu that kinda failed/kinda succeeded, therefore he literally had no control where his body let him go. however, dabi in general didn’t have much choice, or probably felt he didn’t; he couldn’t stand to be with enji any longer, and it quite literally would have killed him if his scars are anything to go by. so he left, and ended up on the path of villainy. he didn’t choose that necessarily, it was just how the cards were played

“and you say that i’ve got it all wrong” “you” is enji and “i[’ve]” is shouto. this is before and during the sports festival. enji is still at his worst, shouto is trying to spite him/separate himself from him, and enji hates shouto for that, thus, he says shouto has it all wrong to not use his quirk/be obedient

“cause you just know im a poor unfortunate soul” enji knows and is the cause of shouto’s fucked up upbringing, so this line is kind’ve a bitter acknowledgment of that

“but there’s no way that there’s weight in the words that you preach/when you’re claiming your faith and you contradict your speech” shouto’s pov one again; he can’t take enji seriously in addition to not wanting to be like him because of enji’s obvious issues with envy. enji tells him to be proud of his fire, and yet clearly enji isn’t even satisfied with it as he can’t beat all might with flames alone. thus, shouto has resentment towards the irony of this, which this line attests to

“so i sit here and listen to your tongue and cheek/i know that when you sit and pray you’re only praying for keeps” shouto has no choice but to listen to enji’s hypocrisy, at least until the dorm system at ua is put into place the “praying” in this aspect can mean a couple different things; enji’s talks to the public, talks to shouto, or talks to all might. “praying for keeps” in these contexts, then, are: “just want to keep his hero ranking high”, “wants to live through shouto’s success because he’s unhappy with his own life”, and “wants to one-up all might in anything possible, from demeanor to supposed satisfaction to pride to legacy, etc”

chorus (“cause you’re a ghost...[...]unfortunate soul” bit) once more

“you’re shallow and empty and filled with regret” arguably all the todorokis feel this way. they all have things they regret at this point and all feel the emptiness that comes when there is a void in what is supposed to be a family. enji in particular has been shallow for a long time and still has issues with that.

“i think that chest must be heavy from that cross on your neck” the “cross” in this context is the weight that the todorokis each feel about what expectations they think they have to live up to/what worries them. obviously all the todoroki kids had/have the pressure to live up to enji’s expectations, but to get more precise: shouto and natsuo have the need to be more than “endeavor’s kids” on their chests, and shouto additionally has the pressures that come with being a hero course student; fuyumi has the dilemma of if she’s being too forgiving or not (and how that affects her loved ones) on her chest; dabi has the knowledge that he left behind his siblings and mother on his chest; enji has regret and dissatisfaction with his whole life on his chest; rei has the regret of what she did to her kids and the horrors of living with enji on her chest.

“you only wear cause you’re wary of what comes next after your death” why the todorokis hold on to their aforementioned “crosses”? they hold on bc its important to them that they carry reminders of who/what they want to be, or because they regret or are unsure of certain decisions, or because of nostalgia and a desire that things were different

“dont think i didn’t notice” this can be an outside perspective, but particularly im thinking midoriya because he’s met almost all of the todorokis now and has seen them at lows. very low lows in fact. thus,,,it can’t escape notice however it can also be the todorokis acknowledge the trauma and guilt that each other has; “takes one to know one” sort of thing

“dont think i didn’t notice/dont think i didn’t know/you’re just a po-o-o-or, poor unfortunate/so-o-o-oul, poor unfortunate/oh, oh, oh, oh poor unfortunate/so-o-o-oul, poor unfortunate” this line is kind’ve incoherent which is why i think it fits all of the todoroki’s thoughts; this is all of them thinking over each other about themselves and about the rest of their family

“and you’ve got it all/you’ve got it all wrong/no you’ve never known, known, known, known/you’re a poor unfortunate soul” once again, this is the todoroki’s thoughts overlapping each other, except these thoughts are exclusively about each other and not themselves

“dont think i didnt notice” definitely this is where the outside party comes in, at least for everyone but enji and dabi, as they have others that are there for them and they can talk to. as for enji and dabi, this line is still them thinking about the others

[keytooptimalhealth]

Key to Optimal Health

Optimal health means more than the absence of pain, sickness and disease. As important as it is to be physical healthy it is equally important to be mentally, emotionally and spiritually healthy as well. Optimal health, therefore, in context of what is being written here, is a balance of physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual aspects of health. Let us take a look at each of these aspects, beginning with physical health.

Physical Health

So much has been written about the subject of physical health in the categories of health and wellness, diet and weight loss, fitness and bodybuilding etc. In this article I will primarily deal with physical health in its internal aspect which includes building a healthy immune system, detoxifying the body, healthy and quick elimination, and nourishing the cells with proper nutrition. Aging itself can be slowed down by keeping the internal aspect of our physical health up to par. Wouldn't you love to have a healthy, youthful, energetic, strong, lean body which is free of disease, sickness and pain well into adulthood beyond the age of 40? It all narrows down to what type of food we put into our bodies - either food filled with toxins and poisons, or healthy, living, vital food.

Mark and Patti Virkler, in their inspiring book "Eden's Health Plan - Go Natural" write:

"Food is intended to furnish the body with all the live elements needed for the regeneration of its cells and tissues. If the body fails to be healthy, the lack or deficiency of regenerative elements in the food is the cause of, and the responsibility for, whatever ailment, sickness or disease overtakes it. Our bodies seek homeostasis, equilibrium, balance. This equals health. When given the right building blocks to work with, the body maintains itself in health."

These building blocks can be found in whole, unbleached, organic grains, rice (wild rice, brown rice etc.), beans, fruits, vegetables, nuts, various seeds and herbs etc. Large portions of these building blocks can be found in the "super-food" family in such foods as Spirulina and Barley Grass. (A super-food is extremely rich in a large variety of vitamins, minerals, trace minerals and amino acids, and can be assimilated by our bodies very easily. Spirulina is a complete protein and is known to be very healthy.) Look in your local health food store for super green foods in powdered form. I personally sometimes use Garden of Life Perfect Food Super Green Formula.

Super-foods are known to:

Deter Aging

Massively Boost Your Immune System

Aid Weight Loss

Lower Your Cholesterol

Radically Improve Your Energy

Enhance Your Mental & Emotional Well-being

Boost Your Libido

Alkalize Your System

Protect against Toxins and Pollutants

Beautify Your Skin

Cleanse and Fortify Your Blood

Nourish and Revitalize your Systems

Fight and Protect against numerous diseases including Diabetes, Hypertension, Heart Disease, Stroke, Cancer, Arthritis, Cataracts, Osteoporosis, Acne, Obesity, High cholesterol, Age-Related Blindness...And Much More!

Again I quote Mark and Patti Virkler:

"By taking just a bit of a super-food (in capsule or powered drink form) as a supplement to your diet, you will find many wonderful things happen to your body. Essentially, the nourishment will give your body the needed resources to rebuild any broken or damaged parts and improve your body's chances of returning to homeostasis. Testimonies of its power range from improved eyesight, to relief from back pain, to better scores in sports by world champion competitive athletes. Generally, one will experience feelings of increased energy and vitality; reduction and alleviation of stress, anxiety and depression; relief from the discomforting symptoms of fatigue, hypoglycemia, some allergies, poor digestion and sluggishness; and improved memory and mental clarity. People also experience elimination of mood swings, toxin elimination, better sleep, reduced cravings for food and sweets, lower blood pressure and many other health benefits. Then there are many specialized health problems which have disappeared as people's bodies receive adequate nutrition through super-foods. Prostate problems have been normalized, as well as triglycerides, arthritis and diabetes, and many other severe and degenerative diseases. Basically, any and every disease will be fought off by your body, if it has the right tools to fight with. Super-foods give it the right tools. You just need to try it for thirty days and see what it may do for you. I recommend taking a product that includes several kinds of super foods, as they work together in a synergy that can have a profound effect on your health and vitality. If your body needs detoxifying first, you may experience a bit of a "tissue cleansing" during the first few days or weeks of taking the super-food as your body cleanses itself."

Basically if we put the wrong food (and drink) into our body it weakens the immune system and opens the door for us to be susceptible to health problems of whatever sort (whether it be frequents colds and sicknesses, flues, aches and pains, sores and ulcers, weakness, sluggishness, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, arthritis, heart problems, diabetes, cancer or psychological disorders such as malaise, apathy or memory problems etc., etc., etc.) Looking on the bright side a healthy immune system that is not swamped with toxins can fight off diseases successfully!

It is preferable to never be unhealthy to begin with and to eat nothing but healthy food from day one. Unfortunately it is not this way. Many have been conditioned to eat unhealthy, fattening, artery clogging foods from childhood to the grave. Many of us think it is a normal part of the aging process to start getting weaker, fatter, having more pain etc. after age 30 and onward. In many cases (definitely not all) premature aging and bodily weakening is the result of years of poor eating habits from childhood to adulthood. Due to many years of wrong eating habits it may be best to detoxify.

In the process of nourishing our cells with foods high in fiber such as vegetables, fruits, super-foods, and whole grains our body naturally detoxifies itself in the process, which in turn strengthens our immune system and slows, or in some cases, reverses the aging process. The key to optimal health as far as the physical aspect of our health goes, is to:

Eat plenty of Grains, vegetables, fruits, nuts, super-foods, herbs, being sure to get plenty of exercise, pure water and clean air, excreting waste from the intestines quickly (which is a byproduct of eating plenty of fruits, fiber and vegetables). There are also natural supplements you can take such as Vitamin C, vitamins and minerals, and various antioxidants unless you are getting plenty of these from your regular diet.

I left out other important factors which contribute to overall optimal health. They included, but are not limited to, being healed of emotional traumas, maintaining a calm mental attitude, living in a spirit of prayer, faith, hope and love towards others in general, and towards God, Spirit, Higher Power in particular.

Next, I hope to share a little about the three remaining categories of health - mental, emotional and spiritual.

Mental and Emotional Health

Mental and emotional health are so closely related it is hard to separate the two. Having a healthy mind is not limited to having a keen intellect and an excellent memory. Someone can excel at this level of mental health but still be an emotional wreck, not to mention being spiritually ignorant at the same time.

Negative mental attitudes or emotions can have a direct effect on our physical health even if we are eating healthy food. Emotional traumas, anger, rage, hate, stress etc., when persisted in day in and day out, weaken the immune system and manifest in ill physical health. A negative mind, over time, often erases all the good that healthy food does for us.

Some forms of sickness, disease, and illness, as well as bad habits like smoking, drinking, drugs etc., are often external symptoms of something deeper. They are effects of a deeper cause. And until that cause is addressed and healed the symptoms will keep coming back like fruit on a tree whether in the form of ill health, disease, anxiety, bad habits of one sort or another, or in the worse case scenario cancer. Luckily there are warning signs when all is not well within.

The subconscious part of our mind is the storehouse of our emotions and memories and it is here where we need healing as far as our mental and emotional life are concerned. Sometimes negative or uneasy dreams (some of which originate from the sub conscious) are manifestations of our own fears and internal wounds. Some dreams are also messages, clothed with images we can comprehend, from our highest level of mind - the super conscious level - warning us when we are making wrong decisions, or heading in a wrong direction. In those rare cases where we are susceptible to the healing energies of the super conscious level of mind we can experience internal healing quicker than we ever imagined. More about this in a minute when I get to the spiritual aspect of health.

Along with a healthy diet it is important to think positive thoughts and maintain a positive attitude, avoiding anger and bitterness towards others. But, thinking positive thoughts and making an effort to be happy, loving, and optimistic, are only part of what is involved when it comes to the healing of our emotional life. We can only go so far by exercising will power alone, as important as it is to use our own efforts when attempting to make a change in our emotional life for the better. All our ethical standards, our rules and regulations for leading an acceptable moral life, all our positive thinking formula are a means to an end, the end being the opening and revelation of the spiritual aspect or our mind - the super conscious level of mind. This brings me to the last category of health, the spiritual category.

Spiritual Health

I have written about this subject elsewhere and will be repeating some of the information here. Keep in mind when reading this that being spiritual is not to be confused with being religious. Someone who is religious can be operating from a physical, emotional, and mental level only, but be void as far as being spiritual goes. A pseudo religious life (not to be confused with a genuine religious life) that is lived in pride, elitism, self righteousness and egoism is completely opposite of spiritual life. In context of this article being spiritual means living your life from the level of your super conscious mind, and living a harmonious life naturally from that level. This is easier said than done because our pride and ego often get in the way and cause us untold pain and suffering. But by living in harmony with the super-conscious level of our mind, and accessing the spiritual grace and energy which flow through (from God and Spirit) that same level of mind, our mental and emotional health, as well as our physical health, all fall into place and are balanced.

All our moral, ethical, religious or merely human efforts at trying to be a more loving, positive, optimistic person are a feeble way of (often unconsciously) aligning, or attempting to align, ourselves with that ever present flow of energy, light, grace, and Spirit permeating throughout all creation.

This ever present, but often unperceived and untapped, spiritual energy upholding all creation is the source of a truly happy life even when we find ourselves in the midst of negative external circumstances. It is the ultimate key to optimal health. Some call this ever present energy cosmic consciousness, super-consciousness, Christ consciousness, God, Spirit, a Higher Power etc. Some people personalize it and clothe it with a human form and then worship the person it manifests through. Ancient writings say the heavens and earth were made by the word of God and by the breath of his mouth. This is a human way of trying to accommodate a spiritual truth to the limited understanding of the human brain, using analogies, parables, particular genders, and concepts that can be understood by the rational brain. This often results in misunderstandings and even war and bloodshed in the name of religion.

The naked truth is intuitively perceived by the higher aspect of human consciousness called super consciousness. And it is this level of consciousness (Christ consciousness) that wells up from within to "save," change, deliver, and heal us when the thick layer of ego, all the emotional blockages, wounded memories, and wrong thinking, are thinned out enough by our own efforts at self improvement. This is the truth of the "Messiah" or Savior figure often mentioned in ancient writings. Eventually we have to let go of our own strivings and let God take over.

Or, we can continue to resist the inner pull and instead live an unnatural life with the end result of disharmony on all levels physical, mental and emotional. (This is the truth about the so called wrath of God. It has nothing to do God or Spirit being angry at us. But it has everything to do with us bringing suffering upon ourselves by choosing to go our own way, not heeding the whispers and impressions of the super conscious mind either within ourselves, or speaking through dreams, visions, other people, or even through writing, art, and so on.)

Once we tap into the spiritual flow of grace then a truly changed person is the result, from the inside out. Children are closer to this level of being than adults who have been conditioned and brainwashed throughout life via peer pressure, upbringing, culture and so on. Humility is key, not pride and ego. Attaining to the spiritual level of healing consciousness is the end of all religions.

Conclusion

When we are physically, emotionally and mentally healthy in the true sense of the word we are spiritually in tune with the highest level of our consciousness - the super consciousness - so that there is a steady flow of life and energy from that level of consciousness flowing into us as we allow it to flow through us cleansing and vivifying us. This even reaches to ones decisions on what to eat, motivating one to exercise and to joyfully do what is best for the body, to forgive others. By choice we finally willfully chose to move in a joyous harmony with the impressions, counsel, advice and wisdom forever emanating from the inherent harmony within the spiritual energy upholding all creation. The ego fears this and sees it as death to its pride and rebellion. This is the truth behind the often repeated idea of dying on the cross, worshipping God, obeying God etc. There is no true God who has an ego so inflated that he demands worship on pain of sickness and death if he is not worshipped. Instead, for our own sakes, the ever present holy Spirit encourages us (without interfering with our freedom of choice) to choose to move in the flow and harmony of the ever present spiritual energy upholding all creation so we can experience the true key to optimal health, and lasting harmony even after our brief stay in this world is over, and our temporal physical shell is dissolved into nothingness. The end result is a truly healthy and whole person.

The Buddha tapped into this source. Lao Tsu, in words and language accommodated to the understanding of people in his day and age, wrote about this in the Tao Te Ching. In the Christian religion Jesus was the personification of this spiritual grace, energy, Spirit, the eternal Tao, which many call God, or the Power and Word of God. The esoteric or mystical side of all religions emphasize this same point in so many different words. Some have experienced glimpses of this level of consciousness and try to share what they perceive through writing, some paint, some sing, and some dance etc. Everyone has their own unique way to bring that light and love to the world which they sense in the silence and stillness when the emotions, reasoning and physical body are calm and collected. Yoga and meditation in particular teach someone how to get in touch with the highest aspect of their being.

[muffinwalloper]

Why General Cortez from Queen of the South is a tragic character

First of all I've got to say that I love this series! The story is interesting, the character development is amazing, the cast is great and I've picked up some useful Spanish vocabulary. ;-)

As for character development, I think that General Cortez was one of the most complicated characters I've ever seen. At the beginning when he works for Epifanio you only get to see this vile side of him which consists of cruelty and hunger for power. Soon, it gets evident that Cortez has his own plans and is far more than just his governor's lap dog. During his hunt for Camila he reminded me of a blood hound, not backing down until he'd finally got his prey. However, for a soldier, he shows very little obedience towards Epifanio as he asks him repeatedly not to harm Camila. This disobedience quickly makes us realise that he's killing for sport and that he's taking pleasure from hurting others. When Epifanio tries to have him killed by Badman, he retaliates by killing Badman and serving his cooked flesh to Epifanio in a taco in his own house. This is not only an act of cannibalism but it also makes clear how depraved the general's hunger for power and control really is. He takes total control with this, showing us that he knows no mercy and no morals at all. It's at this point when even the last of us realises that Cortez is a psychopath. He manipulates people, feels no remorse and wants nothing more than control.

When he survives Epifanio's second attack on him it gets clear that this one is not easy to kill. Cortez has, in spite for his unhappiness which shows more and more towards his end an incredible will to live, literally walking out of a fire.

I must admit though that it came as a surprise to me when he offered his service to Camila after Epifanio's death. For one, he's mentioned more than once before that he doesn't believe in female leadership. He makes a few hateful comments about women in general throughout the series but it wasn't until he tried to become more than an employee to Camila that I realised that Cortez was in fact desperate for affection.

It seems to me that he must've been hurt deeply by women in the past (perhaps by his own mother who he only ever brings up once, saying that he'd never dared to raise his voice against her as his father would have punished him for it) which led to a bitter antipathy towards women in general. However, the more time he spends around Camila and Isabela the more affectionate he becomes. He smiles at them, tries to step into the role of a father for Isabela more than once, even though Camila keeps shutting him out and even sleeps with someone else right under his nose, or more like in front of his camera. The fact that he films his bosses sexual activities with the DEA officer as well as the fact that he tries to separate them through manipulation shows that he's very controlling of things and people he considers to be his.

When Isabela's fiancee Kique tells him to his face that he's making a fool out of himself for believing he will ever be more to Camila than “a puppet” Cortez reacts by killing him violently, once again going specifically against his bosses wishes. At this point, it seemed to me that a part of Cortez knew that Camila would never return his affections but was not ready to admit it to himself. We could see a huge part of him that was nearly begging for love, doing anything he could to please Camila by taking her orders and do her dirty work which seems to be the only way he knows how to show his devotion.

After he fails to kill Teresa he apologizes for his failure and for the first time ever he looks really devastated which shifts quickly when Camila invites him into the kitchen, feeds him and implies vaguely that they could become “family”. When he hears this Cortez is truly delighted; he thanks Camila and tells her to take all the time she needs as she's still grieving her husband's death. This is the first of only two times when the General behaves almost lovingly towards someone.

However, when Camila tries to get rid off him he doesn't hesitate to give her up and use her own daughter against her, making her believe that Camila ordered him to kill Kique. When he shows Kique's body to Isabela he's caught by surprise when she hugs him out of sheer desperation. He doesn't know any gentle touches or has been refused any for so long that he hardly remembers how it feels. Still, he craves it as he tries hard (through manipulation) to keep Isabela on his side as he claims one night that she's the only person he trusts. Isabela seems to answer his prayers by telling him that he's her family now and again, just like with Camila his whole demeanor seems to soften for a brief moment. Whenever he feels like he's got the chance to have a family he's truly happy.

Another defining moment for his character was him questioning Camila's staff after one of them tried to poison him. Camila's maid confesses the deed but not without telling him to his face that he's weak for he is defined by cruelty, yearning for “empty affection” and has a rotten soul. Just like with Kique, Cortez reacts with deadly violence hammering home that he's not ready to face his own motives and demons. Whenever he's forced to face the truth about himself he lashes out in a desperate attempt to make it go away.

All these scenes indicate that all Cortez ever wanted was a family, a place to call home.

It makes sense that a man like him would join the military, finding comrades and moving up the ranks until everyone had to respect him, filling the huge hole inside of him. At some point however, he must have realised that in spite of all the power he gained there was still something missing. It seems that he believed that Camila and Isabela were his last chance to gain what he truly wanted. In the end when even Isabela betrays him he's not only hurt but there's also a shadow of hopelessness crossing his features. Isabela had been his last hope and after that has been taken from him he runs into battle, determined to win but not as hard as before. At this point a part of him has given up. True to his character, he's not afraid to die. Cortez keeps his mental strength until his very end, fearing neither death nor horrible pain.

In fact, throughout the series he never seemed to mind physical pain too much which seems funny when being hurt emotionally affects him so much more.

I do not deny that the general's character was vile, cruel and simply despicable. However, I can't help but feel sorry for him. Even though we've seen the story of the unloved child turning into a monster more than once before Cortez' story really got me. The more layers that were peeled back, revealing his soul the sadder I felt for him. Here's what I mean when I say that this series has great characters: everyone of them has something more deep going on inside and it's slowly but surely revealed and I love the show for that!

[izayukam]

Daisuke Takahashi [An Exclusive Interview]   “My Peak is Yet to Come”

https://number.bunshun.jp/articles/-/839101 The article translated from: Bunshun NUMBER Vol. 970 Jan. 17, 2019 Gasping for air harshly, the eyes shut tight in agony,

yet there was an unmistakable smile on his face.

It was about half a year since the announcement of his return to compete.

The former champion came back to the Japan Nationals that he set as his goal. He said, “I will not retire yet”, while declining the World Championships

to represent the nation. He now tells the story behind those decisions and

about the change of his feelings toward skating ------.

Text by Takaomi Matsubara Photos by Kosuke Mae / Asami Enomoto

The new year has started, and he appeared with a freshly cropped hair style and a smile.

“I took a break for about ten days after the Nationals and indulged in heavy eating and drinking on all those days, but I returned to the ice rink now. I have started practicing”

He announced his return to compete last July. While an unusual kind of challenge by the 32-year-old after four years of retirement got attention by many, he proceeded step by step competing in the regional and then the sectional competition and reached to attend the National Championships last December for the first time in five years. He realized his initial goal at the time of announcement of his return to competitions, that is, making it to perform his Free Skating in the final group, and beyond that, he even got the overall result of winning the second place.

After the competition he revealed that he declined the offer to be selected to represent Japan in the World Championships, but also, he told the press he was “not planning to retire yet”.

It is about half a month since then. His expression shows that he is feeling good and fulfilled in the way as he has been all through the time since his return. It looks like symbolizing this season itself.

“Nothing has been wasted. Now I feel that all that happened were connected.”

Reflected the past, Takahashi touched on his decision not going to the Worlds as a start.

“When I thankfully got offered that they would select me as a representative if I go get the Minimum Score, I thought, “that’s not it”. Going to the World Championships is to represent Japan and one must feel the responsibility to match that, and yet, I got no time for such preparedness. I did not return to go to the Worlds or to compete in the world. I returned to get back my own skating, so my feeling doesn’t chime in with it. Something feels wrong, perhaps, like lack of resolution. If, say, this was next year, or if I were doing it for about two years already and could feel familiar to the world level, then I might have been able to tell myself “heck, they (other skaters) simply couldn’t go above me” though. Moreover, a chance to go to the World Championships held in Japan is a rare opportunity. That experience is huge. Therefore, I thought it must go to the young ones. Keiji (Tanaka) is not all that young but he is, to me. (LOL)”

Although he was placed second in the Nationals, he made a lot of mistakes in jumps in his Free Skating and Takahashi himself called it “pathetic”. If he could skate that FS well and felt satisfied with his performance, would it be possible that he chose not to decline the Worlds?

He instantly replied. “No. I would think I did it by dumb luck. If I got asked whether I can do the same in the Worlds I don’t think I would feel confident. So I think I still would choose not to go.”

The Worlds 2019 will be taken place at Saitama Super Arena. That is the same venue the Worlds 2014 were held, which Takahashi had to decline. Did he not feel driven by a desire to settle the score with the regret he had last time around? “I sure thought of it. But probably that’s just my ego.”  All through the time from the press conference to announce his comeback until the National Championships, Takahashi kept making mention of the younger generation or the development of the sport. And often, this attitude stood out more than his focus on his own matters in competing. Athletes generally place the “I” first before the other things and that is an accepted trait.

 Takahashi himself, while showing the strong feelings against loosing, has been an athlete very thoughtful and caring to the people around him from the very beginning of his career, but even with such a nature considered, those words and acts of his left a conspicuous impression.

“If I had kept competing, I might feel like that. But I left once. Ichiro (Baseball) and Kazu (Kazuyoshi Miura of Soccer) both never left the field. Mr. Funaki (Kazuyoshi Funaki of Ski Jump) as well. I think continuing is very hard and people like them are just fine to put their “I” first. On the other hand, I ran away, or I lost confidence and left and then returned. And when I was away, I was in a place to support and cheer them all. It’s hard to explain, though.”

He expressed his earlier decision to retire that he “ran away”.

“I could not reach my goal, could not get a medal in the (Sochi) Olympics, then I could not go on until the Worlds even I got selected to, I failed to sort things out and rewire myself; I would put it that I gave it up and fled, in a way. I had an issue with my leg. But I could force myself to go to that competition if I really try hard enough. So, I mostly felt that I ran away.”

At that time, his coach, Mrs. Utako Nagamitsu recommended to decline the Worlds as well.

“That made me feel relieved. I could feel much easier. Even though (she) normally would be the one to say, “you might as well go, you never know what will happen”, she just said, “sounds good” at that time. She had been watching how things going throughout the time. For those two years until Sochi, things are not working out well. It was like I kept pressing all the wrong buttons.”

And yet, he was expected to get results as a representative of Japan. He was counted on. It must be quite some weight he had on his shoulders as much as his sense of responsibility.

“I had fun feeling anticipating I could move ahead on and on even at age of 32”

With a sense of bitterness Takahashi left his competing life on October ’14. And after some period studying in New York, he expanded his stage of activities. Along with performing in ice shows he worked as a TV reporter. Those hours and days precipitated at the bottom of his heart like lees.

“While I was doing different things that had been thankfully offered to me, I could not help feeling that I was doing what  I was not cut out for. I already knew that I was not good at talking but I truly realized that I was a failure. I thought it’s not just for me.”

Or he felt that:

“I hated my face more and more. I don’t look lively. I don’t like this face. That feeling got stronger as time went by.”

But this period was not just filled with what made him unhappy. In addition to the conventional ice shows, Takahashi performed in a dance show “LOVE ON THE FLOOR” and a collaboration of Kabuki and figure skating, “Hyoen”. 

“As I took part in those shows I realized that I liked a place to do a performance and that feeling grew stronger. And even through the work of a TV reporter I feel uncomfortable, I had some opportunities to hear some stories from artists working in different fields. They were shining brightly, I could really sense their joy of being able to do what they love to do, and at the same time, I thought I wanted to be like that myself.”

And he reached to this one thought.

“The tool for me to shine is figure skating.”

The time of four years had him rediscover skating.

The final push to the decision was the Japan Nationals at the end of year 2017.

“When I saw the official practices, or while I sit in the commentator’s seat looking across at the skaters and coaches, I thought, ‘I want to be on that other side’.”

Many were paying attention to who would win the tickets to Pyeongchang Olympics, but there are some skaters who left Takahashi’s heart strong impressions: Koshin Yamada and Sota Yamamoto. Yamada once retired from competing after he graduated Kansai University. He returned to the sport while working at the Mitsui Sumitomo Bank. The other skater, Yamamoto, managed to come back to the Nationals after two times of major injuries.

“Koshin left figure skating once but returned as a member of working society and did a good performance and gave a fist pumping of joy at the end. Sota was not back to his real level with injuries but he performed with deep feelings. The performances by those two hit me in my mind and made me realize that there are many ways to compete. Even if it is hard to be a few of the top, there are skaters who continue for the love of competing, performing in front of people or simply for the love of skating.” And he realized:

“Up until then, I thought that I should not be competing if I could not feel that I am capable to win. But that is not the only way to compete.”

It may be the Nationals that gave him the direct impact. But what made him to regain the feeling for this sport once lost is the four years of different experiences he had been through.

Once he decided to return to the sport and came back to the ice rink as a competitor, what Takahashi got is the feeling of pure joy. “I put the skating on the back burner for four years until I returned and there are lot of things I can no longer do, but when I started to practice then I got, like, ’oh, I can do this, or that, and hey, I can do this too!’ I almost feel like a new beginner with a mindset of one. It is true that I felt some pressure, a different kind from the one before. If I would turn out to compete miserably then people might say ‘oh Daisuke Takahashi is actually not that good after all.’ But rather than that fear, as one by one I added what I could do on the list, I had stronger feeling of anticipating I could move ahead on and on even at age of 32.”

“I finally got to be able to say, ‘I love skating’.”

Soon, he was feeling more than just “back” on the ice. 

“I was away from skating since I got tired of it, but after all, what I feel most confident in me is skating. Now I face it squarely, feeling that I want to truly devote myself to skating, and that I love to do performing. I found myself determined as much as considering myself competing for a lifetime even after I eventually retire from attending competitions. So, I thought I am making “a new start”.

And that is not all.

“I finally got to be able to say, ‘I love skating’.”

As far as I remember, he never said “I love skating” before his retirement in 2014. Takahashi nodded.

“No. I think I didn’t say that. I didn’t know myself if I like it or hate it. It was rather something what I had to do. I certainly liked it very much at the beginning, but I guess I lost that somewhere along the line. Because I was offered to do many different things after the retirement, I could find that I like skating and I could say that. That was a discovery as well.”

And he smiled.

“I had opportunities getting my photos taken before my return, but after coming back to skating the pictures of me look better, or they impress myself that I got a good face now. That’s another way I realized that I liked skating. My love of skating might have finally grown in my mind after I came back.”

He once again spoke clearly regarding his word that he would “not going to retire yet”, the statement he gave at the same time he announced his declination of the Worlds.

“Yes. I will continue to be a competitive skater”

Asked what his goal is in the next season, he answered:

“I have no thoughts. (In the press conference for comeback announcement last year) I said that going to the Nationals was my goal just because I got asked. I had general goals of building up my skating, showing my best performances whenever I am in front of audiences and to make those happen, I wanted to practice as hard as one would for going back to compete. I really haven’t thought about any specific target. I will find one. (LOL)”

In an event in central Tokyo he attended on January 12, he shared that he is planning to have a quad in each of his two programs, Short and Free, and challenging a quad Salchow is also a possibility in addition to quad toe loop, but he doesn’t have any certain scores or results in mind. He is just sure about one thing, though.

“Now I am thankful for the environment that allows me to concentrate on skating and my days are so fulfilling. If you ask me what my motivation is, I really don’t know the answer. I have no specific goal, but I am simply feeling well motivated regardless, I guess.”

A moment of silence, then he started.

“For the last two years before Sochi, I could not imagine that I would improve myself. I only had a fear that my peak was over. I had no confidence as I was wondering when my end would come. But I returned to compete now, although my quad jump before the injury (on his knee in 2008) is some other thing, I am sure that my current jump is better than the jump I was doing after the surgery. I was watching the video the other day and thought, ‘Oh, I’m good’ (LOL). They are higher, for the axel and generally all the others. My spins are terrible, but my skating quality is better than how I was in the past. Regarding my expression, I may not be able to do like when I was young, but I may have something I only can do now. I feel that I am getting matured in a good way. In that sense, perhaps my peak is yet to come. Therefore, I want to move ahead fully committed.”

He stopped, and he smiled as if he suddenly realized something.

“Oh, I see. That’s the motivation I got.”

-------------------------------------------------------

First published: January 17, 2019, The Web article posted: May 1, 2019

Translated by: izayukam

[Photo by Asami Enomoto]

[Photo by Kosuke Mae]

[peterstanslizzie]

Re-watching Lizzie Mcguire: Episode 1.5 (I’ve Got Rhythmic)

You know what this moment is? It’s Lizzie about the hit the floor from tripping

- The episode begins with Lizzie approaching the bulletin board to check what her grade is for her school English test; Turns out, Lizzie only got a ‘B’. She gets frustrated because she feels like she’s not amazing at anything when comparing herself to her peers like Gordo who is an aspiring filmmaker and Miranda who is good at arts and crafts. 

Lizzie discovers her Talent

- During gym class, Coach Kelly introduces rhythmic gymnastics to the girls and Lizzie and Miranda are not feeling it. As someone who used to do gymnastics at school, I think they’re being too dismissive of the sport. I found it to be really fun and I actually enjoyed playing with the different apparatus.

- Coach Kelly asked the group of students if there is anyone who would like to volunteer and demonstrate some basic gymnastics. Miranda without thinking, blurted out a big fat “NO!” and she was subsequently chosen to demonstrate first. I don’t think I saw Coach Kelly teaching them any moves. So how is Miranda supposed to demonstrate anything? Maybe this wasn’t their first gymnastics class?

Why did Miranda throw those clubs like that? It’s like she really wanted them to be flung far far away from her

- Miranda is handed a pair of gymnastics clubs and as expected, she flopped really bad. Kate’s next and she hurts herself by dropping one of the sticks on her foot. I did not expect that; She seemed so confident. Lizzie couldn’t contain her laughter and Coach Kelly does not respond to her reaction well and asks Lizzie to use the ribbon in front of the class.

For the honor of Grayskull! Sorry, I just had to include a She-ra reference in here

- Lizzie shocks everyone by being so graceful and elegant with the ribbon. When watching this episode back then, I think I already knew Hilary Duff had prior training in gymnastics. She could do cartwheels, flips and all the sort.

- Kate who just cannot let Lizzie outshine her asks Coach Kelly if she can be given a second chance to re-do the demonstration to which she agrees and proceeds to ask her to do it again on the spot, with the ribbons this time. Kate flops once again.

Oh Kate, just give it up! You stink at rhythmic gymnastics

- Coach Kelly who was so impressed by Lizzie’s natural ability persuades her to represent the school in the ‘Rhythmic Gymnastics Regional Competition’. Lizzie isn’t so sure about it but Coach Kelly asks her to take some time to think about it.

A Big Decision to Make

- Lizzie fills in all the details with her best friends and they support her to actually go for it. Side note: the number of times they cut to the scene when Kate hurt her foot is ridiculously funny hahaha. At home, she also asks her parents if she should pursue it to which they give the generic answer of yes because that’s what parents do. 

An athlete’s dream is to appear on a cereal box

- Lizzie proceeds to dream about winning a gold medal in rhythmic gymnastics and even dreams about her picture appearing on a toasted oat meal cereal box. She smiles in her sleep and I believe that is the moment when she is going to go for it for all its glory.

- The next day, Lizzie still reeling from her dream announces to Gordo and Miranda that she made the decision to be a gymnast, which surprises them both as they had mixed feelings about it.

‘Olympic’ Training Montage

- We get a special montage with a surprisingly catchy music track of Lizzie training for the competition. Here are some of my rundowns of what was shown:

1. Lizzie struggles to wake up at 5:00 am and Gordo shakes her to wake her up. Wow, Gordo is fully committed to making this documentary for Lizzie; Waking up before 5:00 am just to go over to her house to film her?! Did he stay over or did Lizzie’s parents let him in lol?

2. Her mom prepares her a cup of several raw eggs to drink. I wouldn’t dare drink it but thank goodness Lizzie poured them onto a pan to fry them. Phew!

3. Lizzie has a one-to-one training session with Coach Kelly. A super intensive one I will say. However, Lizzie seems to be managing pretty well....

...for the most part

This All Better Be Worth It

- Lizzie is found by her friends in a state of exhaustion and couldn’t bring herself to stay awake. Kate, now with a foot brace, pops up with her posse and delivers this line that is immortalized as a forever popular gif:

Remember when .coms were included in jokes?

- Gordo burns her good by asking her to repeat what she said into the camera and tells her he’s casting the part of the bitter talentless girl. Oh, snap! Kate is such a pain in this episode. Can’t she just stop being so obsessed with Lizzie being better than her in one thing?

Introducing Larry Tudgeman

- We actually got a mention of Larry in the first episode when he was caught on camera picking his nose and eating his snot by Danny Kessler. But this time, we got to actually see him in the flesh. I actually love Larry; He is kinda like Gordo but only much weirder and nerdier.

- Kate puts on her popular girl charm and asks him to do a little favor for her, which we will find out towards the end of the episode.

- Lizzie is baking cookies at home, which worries Jo because she has noticed that every-time Lizzie bakes, it’s because there is something bothering her. Lizzie tells her mom it’s because she’s stressed about competing but the truth is, she is just not passionate about the sport.

Time to Compete!

- It’s the day of the competition and Lizzie is busy warming up while Gordo is filming her and providing commentary for his documentary. He trips over a pile of gymnastics equipment and accidentally angles his camera up over to the ceiling and catches Larry doing something fishy. Lizzie’s turn is next and she starts her routine.

- He tells Miranda about Larry and they both try to help Lizzie from getting sabotaged by him. During her routine, she does a great job so far but when she tosses the hula hoop up in the air, Larry catches it with a broom. Lizzie froze a little because she did not expect her hoop to disappear but luckily, Gordo with his quick thinking throws Lizzie a ribbon and she continues her routine.

- Larry is then spotted by Miranda, who is armed with a fire-extinguisher and threatens to spray him if he doesn’t drop the hula hoop. He drops it and Lizzie manages to catch it at the right time and finishes her routine strong. Kate is stunned her plan failed.

Honestly, Kate always seems to get the funniest edit

- She then storms out of the gym and Gordo catches her leaving with his camera and she was basically caught red handed.

Smile for the camera sunshine

Lizzie’s Confession

- Lizzie wins 1st place despite the setback. That’s a little surprising considering the fact that she just started training for it but amazing job nonetheless.

- Her parents congratulates her for winning the competition but Lizzie confesses to them that she hates rhythmic gymnastics and the only reason she likes it is because she’s good at it. Her parents are supportive of her regardless of her position. Such understanding parents; My parents would have been the opposite.

Overall Thoughts

- In my opinion, Lizzie suddenly realizing she’s good at rhythmic gymnastics and actually winning 1st place in a regional competition is kind of a one-off plot device thing for Hilary to showcase her gymnastics prowess on Lizzie Mcguire. It’s just not realistic to me but this is fiction and loopholes like that aren’t meant to be analyzed deeply by people like me.

- That being said, I do really like the underlying message presented in this episode, which is we should pursue something we are absolutely passionate in and commit to it. And if we haven’t discovered what our destiny is yet, it’s never too late to figure that out.

[scbastlans]

❝ He was both summer and winter when it came to people. To some he was the dreariest and most cold, and to others he was a sea full of emotions. People would leave either ways and he never understood why. Perhaps, he then thought, perhaps autumn and spring would suit him more. ❞ MIGUEL BERNARDEAU? No, that’s actually SEBASTIAN MONTAGUE. A SEVENTH YEAR student, this SLYTHERIN student is sided with THE DEATH EATERS. HE identifies as a CIS-MAN and is a PUREBLOOD who is known to be SUPERFICIAL, GULLIBLE, and CARELESS but also ROMANTIC, CHARMING, and OPTIMISTIC. { SAM, 24, EST, THEY/THEM }

For Sebastian’s pinterest board, click here. For his connections, click here. Finally, for his stats page, click here. 

TWs: Colonization, genocide, NSFW, despicable family (this isn’t a joke; I just don’t know how to classify it in another way).

Sebastian Louis Montague was the first and only son of Louise Charlotte de Bourcier, a French pureblood heiress to a family fortune worth more than most people would ever imagine of. Add that to the fact that his father was Percival Montague, and that led to Sebastian thinking quite highly of himself and his family.

Sebastian’s a disaster, but if there’s one thing that’s been taught to him, and that he actually retained, it’s that family comes first. On both sides of his family. His mother’s family is smaller than his father’s family, for sure, but they both matter just as much to him. Though he does tend to feel like the less useful cousin out of all the Montagues, the rest are still his cousins, his family, and he’d do anything for them. Including joining the Death Eaters even though he couldn’t give any less of a shit about either side of the conflict. It’s what’s right for his family, though, and therefore, what makes the most sense for Sebastian. It’s not about pleasing them and making them proud; it’s about doing what’s right as a Montague and a de Bourcier. Because, honestly, if you thought the Montagues were intense about blood purity, good luck with the de Bourciers! They were the ones who sent the first wizarding colonizers to what is now known as Canada. They were close to the royal family of France, who they secretly despised, but kept close to for power. They were the ones who gave the idea to send “filles du roi” first. They were the ones responsible for sending poor, helpless girls to marry much older men in Canada. And those girls? Those girls they sent? All muggleborns they had torn away from their families, put in orphelinatsand then made disappear whichever way they could. For which the colonization (and genocide) in America were very useful. They saw a way to get rid of impurities, and they took it.

Sebastian is the apple of his French grandfather’s eye. Whilst Sebastian’s mother might be the official heiress, it’s truly because Joseph de Bourcier knows that his daughter adores her son and will give him everything when the time is right. Like, to say that Sebastian is spoiled would be a HUGE understatement.

His mother’s a horrible person. I can’t even write it down because she's that awful. She has no respect for anyone’s life but her own and her son’s and MAYBE her husband’s. She has always been a socialite who didn’t take much seriously, but if there was one single thing she was serious about, it was how protective and controlling she was when it came to Sebastian. Not that Sebastian realizes that his dear mother is manipulating him. She loves him, truly, but manipulating people comes naturally to her, and though Sebastian is her son, he’s almost like a precious doll to her. She’s constantly amused by what he does, lets him get away with everything, and tries to use him in whatever way she can to get what she wants in life. Basically, Sebastian’s mother is NOT a good person™.

His father’s pretty absent from Sebastian’s life, but that doesn’t stop Sebastian from hoping that he’s going to make his father proud one day. His parents are somewhat close, but in a weird way he prefers not to wonder about, and whilst his mother gives him everything he wants, Percival requires efforts and accomplishments from Sebastian. He’s not strict, per se, too busy caring about other things and finding his nieces and nephews much more capable, but he does roll his eyes a lot. And it highkey hurts Sebastian to know that his father thinks so little of him that he can’t even find it in himself to be disappointed by his failures. He might have been an only child, but he never felt like he was his father’s favourite.

It just… Made sense for him to join the Death Eaters at Hogwarts. All his life, the importance of blood purity had been ingrained in Sebastian’s mind, but he had never cared much either way. Which, really, put him on the bad guys’ side. After all, not doing anything is just as bad as fighting on the side of the “bad” side. Thing was, Sebastian did not care about people if they weren’t of any use to him, aka if he didn’t find them attractive. Sebastian was as superficial as can be, and still is to this day. Whilst he’s not the most useful Death Eater due to the fact that he’s always hesitant to hurt people he finds attractive, he is a good flirt, and has learned how to get information out of people without necessarily showing that he was doing so. He definitely couldn’t be a double agent, though. Not only is his last name a huge giveaway (and unlike Alice, he's thought of that), but also? He just… Wasn’t a good enough actor to be able to pretend to care about ugly people. So what if faceless people got hurt? There was no way to prove they were attractive; and even if they were, his family would never consider them worthy, so what was even the point?

Man, this foolish fool falls in love way too easily. When someone’s attractive, has the right blood status, acts somewhat meanly towards him? Sebastian’s a goner. He doesn’t really care about gender, and his parents either expect so little of him, or let him get away with anything, that they don’t care who he brings home either. As long as he settles down when he’s older and gives both the de Bourciers and Percival an heir, they couldn’t care less who he goes out with whilst he’s young. Well… As long as their blood is pure enough.

Loves himself so much. Like so, so much. Thinks he’s the most beautiful person that has ever stepped into Hogwarts, and the world in general. And he thinks he’s like… A gift to the rest of the world. Also, he loves attention SO DAMN MUCH. A drama king tm. He’s the worst, truly.

NSFW TW. Dreams of an archnemesis turned fuck enemies scenario. Not with a muggleborn or worse, a Weasley, but rather with another Death Eater. Or a neutral who leans on the Death Eaters side. He’s not too picky as long as they’re attractive, mean to him, hot, not a muggleborn, beautiful, and attractive (again, yes).

Wants to prove himself, but also doesn’t want to put too much effort into it.

Is excellent at Herbology, which he hates because it’s a “soft” subject and he hates getting dirty, but he can’t help it. He’s just really, really good at Herbology. Also, he thinks that Alice’s attractive (even though he doesn’t trust her), so he’s always confused as to how that can be her father, which is hilarious to me because I would bet a whole ten dollars that apart from being the Herbology teacher (and probably an Order member - from what Sebastian knows), Neville is not… That bad? Sebastian is just bitter that THIS has to be the subject he’s actually good at.

Hates sweating, which like, maybe I’m projecting, because Alice also hates sweating, but… Legit doesn’t even get up to clap at Quidditch matches because he’s scared he’ll sweat. Also, he doesn’t care much about sports. He’d much rather see the beaters’ arms after the game. In here, you could insert a video of Joey Tribbiani from F.R.I.E.N.D.S. (who would represent Sebastian) being like “You know what I mean?” and Monica (who would represent the rest of the world) being like “We always know what you mean.” Very discouraging, really. Oh my, Joey Tribbiani is a good comparison for Sebastian, except that Sebastian falls in love at the drop of a hat, unlike Joey, who pretty much never falls in love. Well, there were a couple of exceptions, but this is not the place for F.R.I.E.N.D.S. discourse.

Oh god, he IS a mix of Joey Tribbiani, Romeo Montague, Cher Horowitz, one of the blond guys from Glee (was there only one? I don’t know the name of the one I’m thinking of) and an evil person, isn’t he? RIP.

God. He is probably my worst character. No, not maybe. He is. He’s so not valid, I can’t even believe it. He’s just… Not a good person. He only cares about himself and his pleasure and his wants and his needs.

Is allergic to nuts, which is so ironic, and therefore HILARIOUS to me.

thanks to a, who showed me this picture: