#whatever it is can it happen soon
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Even if he has made peace with it all (couldn't be me), that just means that he'll give an interview promoting wine or the hulu thing and just toss off some line about not wanting it to end like that or wishing he had his parents there for the last race, but otherwise he's fine and it'll get more attention than anything Christian has said in months + blow holes in their narrative. And it'll be a one sentence throw away
your lips straight to god's (daniel's?) ears fr anon
#whatever it is can it happen soon#idk how the fuck i'm supposed to live like this 😭#i literally can't even look at a pic of him without being overwhelmed with such sadness and anger at this point#like literally scrolling the dash seeing a pic realizing/remembering that it's not actually from this weekend#remembering we're probably never going to get that ever again...along with a million other things we'll never have again...#and how we didn't even get to enjoy the last time knowing it was the last time...#which then just fills me with so much bitterness towards the sport in general and seeing anyone else continue on like nothing happened#it's fucking BAD i literally have no joy left from it whatsoever 😭#i know someday things will be better but FUCK man 😭#rbr hate blogging#answered#anonymou
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day 19: partners-in-crime
#beary the hatchet#pearl (beary the hatchet)#grizz (beary the hatchet)#YEAH I CAN DRAW CHARACTERS FROM MY OWN GAME !! WHAT OF IT!!!#minifemslashfeb2024#kiki draws#this isnt canon to be clear i like to think that pearl and grizz have a fun toxic relationship post bth but whatever happens after the game#is out of my hands#“arent you the writer” irrelevant#also me tapping the sign yes grizz is a girl no she is not a man. can the youtube comments stop correcting me on my own game im sick of the#also i will likely be late on tomorrow's piece im finishing this one like an hour before i am going on a TRIP#just a short one but i wont have my laptop#so ill need to play catch up soon gulp#o well
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'I wont cry for you, I wont crucify the things you do. I wont cry for you, see, when you're gone, I'll still be BLOODY MARY'
#cw blood#SUUUPER SCUFFED LIL WIP THATS BEEN RRRROTTING IN MY FOLDER. OUT!! GET OUT!!!#its almos 2 am and imm gettin high as hrothgar. spruced this up within an hour so i could be shared n eaten#its SUPPOsed to be part ofa bigger doodly page so ofc theres the chance this changes between now n then#fuuuuck shoulda made her dress sparkly. fuckit ill fix it laterrrrr. i havnt posted art in YWEARRS i needed to post something#also i uh. well you see i started losing followers on twitter bc im sooo inactive and i KNOW that shouldnt matter like it should be whateve#but. you see. i lkike when number go up and when it go down i get MMMADDD.we all get our dopamine from somewhere#ANYWAY so i actually havnt touched the suckening in so long. been workin on oc stuff.BUT WELL. ARTHUR AND MARY. STILL MAKE ME WEEP#THEYRE SO CUTE N TRAGIC...whadda fuck is it with grizzly n charlie characters being so in love and so doomed#kian and becky then arthur and his various exes like CMAHn.stop doing this to me#from what i remember of the episode.she seemed so.tired.disconnected.like she had been wandering a dream#and yet she seemed so positive.reasonably concerned and yet.content.she warmed up to arthur as soon as she recognized him#she speaks so gently and so sweetly and she keeps the conversation so light.even though shes dead and shes gone and she#is doomed to wander an odd limbo for the rest of time.and yet she seemed so at peace.i can see why arthur liked her.what happened?#what caused them to separate?arthur seems so jaded and so tired.marys company seems like such a gentle place to rest.#how did he squander such a blessing?was it a blessing?OHH what i would give to crack open their minds and peer inside.#yknow wat im runnign out of room i think so ill add a last thought here at the bottom of my tags. I AM MORE CORRECT ABT ARHTURS UGLY LOOK#I WANT THAT MAN TO BE BEASTLY AND GROSS AND STRANGE AND SCARY AND EEWWW I SEE THINGS SQUIRMING IN THE DARK.ther are bugs#LETTING HIM HAVE HOT HOT ABBS AND STUFF WAS A COP OUUTTTT LET HIS WHOLE FORM BE DISTORTED OR UR NOT A FUCKING 0 APPEARANCE BITCH#THE BONES SHIFTED BENEATH AS IF TRYING TO HATCH. MANY OTHER THINGS HATCHED ASWELL. THE DEAD IMMORTAL FLESH SOURED#TOO GRAND TO ROT BUT TOO CORRUPTED TO KEEP CLASSIC FORM. MMMONSTER MONSTER MONSTER MONSTER#oka y im not going to bed but im gonna go. uh. do miore drugs or something. maybe ill work on more jrwi stuff. or oc stuff.#i hope ur day goes swimmingly thankyou for reading my tags i love you so so so so so much
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My angel, my pride and joy, my beloved AKA the Good Hunter Ruza lmao 🧡 ft. Her Lost Chikage and her fun outfit from these screenshots! + some lil headshots of her in the Yharnam Hunter Garb, a look I also care Deeply About ✨️
#sin scribbles#bloodborne#good hunter#good hunter bloodborne#hunter bloodborne#bloodborne oc#bloodborne oc ; ruza#(ITS DONE CAN U BELIEVE IT I SURE CANT!!!!)#(yes. i repeat. this was largely inspired and enforced by me playin d/m/c5 again. LOL.)#(look.......is it my fault my favourite games happen 2 both be about monster hunters with cool swords???)#(anyways whatever AHEM *shuffles notes*)#(i do rly like ruza in the knights garb tbf its fun and flashy. especially in game where everything is dark af)#(very fun to draw. but i prefer her in the actual hunting garb so THATS WHAT WE STICKIN WITH.)#(at least for now idk my mind changes like the weather sis thats largely why i havent given her a new ref sheet)#(or posted her new bio bc tbh im cursed!!!)#(as soon as i post a ref or a bio i immediately want to change it all. so. i just wont LOL)#(if yall still curious about her u can just send an ask or a dm or smth i dont bite 😂)#(this was supposed to be a sketch sheet can u tell i lied deceived played myself to filth)#(bonus cainhurst armor look bc i love that set SOOOOO....much)#(watch out yall sin is back at it with her nonsense cloth physics again)
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what better way to come back to drawing than with something so incredibly self-indulgent
#puyo puyo#rulue#hi :) been a while#ivebeen moving house and a lot of other stuff and i only got back about three days ago#and unpacked my tablet and immediately went to warming back up to it#tablet my beloved.#anyway so through my court mandated (tablet shipped off) break i was introduced to raspberry cookie? from cookie run#(thru a pack of gummies my brother bought me LOL)#n i saw her and all i could think of. was rulue#'wouldnt rulue look so good. in.. that outfit.'#and then as soon as i could make it happen i did :) for me and me only :))#i love drawing you can just do whatever!!#anyway i wanted to post Something. !#Anything#so here we are since everything else is stuff i cant share yet#:) thanks#my stuff
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#i'm getting an impending sense of doom that i'm going to be outed as queer soon to my mom#idk why but that's just the feeling i'm getting and usually my Dread Feelings are correct so that's very scary#it also could just be cause this is my first time having a queer partner who isn't long distance and is also out very publicly#like i can't even talk about them in a vague way without outing myself#and i'm spending time with my mom this weekend so unfortunately now would be the time for this prediction to come true#it's not necessarily a life shattering thing but it would be shitty if it did happen#so please pray or manifest or whatever other thing you do that if this does happen then it can go smoothly#cause this could go south real fast#personal
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max and i are closing in on launching [redacted sports rpf charity fest] and i am once again pondering how do i write "experience with writing form emails and manipulating google forms in ways no one has dreamed of" in a cover letter without saying "i did it for the rpf grind"...like there's no way unless everyone in this microsoft teams meeting gets really cool about a bunch of stuff really quickly. you know
#IT LITERALLY CAME UP WHILE I WAS WRITING A COVER LETTER A COUPLE WEEKS AGO#AND IT WAS SUCH A BAD COVER LETTER BC IT WAS LIKE. I CAN DO THIS. I CAN BE A VIRTUAL PROGRAMMING MANAGER#I JUST CAN'T EXPLAIN HOW I CAME BY THESE SKILLS!!!!#i did not get an interview lmao. but we stay silly#like how do u frame ''community organizer'' when you're organizing. people on the internet to create rpf fanworks. for charity#lmaooooo oh well#me and max locking down our timeline last night and i'm like 😶 the thing i have wanted to do for years is finally happening#the universe tried to smite us multiple times in multiple ways. but we persisted. and it is happening!!!#last night i had to go to the grocery store at 9pm wearing short-shorts and an oversized t-shirt bc i was really like#if i don't get a coke in me right the fuck now i am going to end it all#procured coca-cola. drank it in the parking lot. recovered instantly. got on here and started posting#went to monday night service. last one bc after this week it'll be too late at night in est :(#it was such a nice global community to be apart of. people in 5 countries on four continents showed up almost every week!#not to be christian on main. but i love working with ecumenical organizations because i meet people all over the world#who have different ways of doing church and different interpretations of scripture and different takes on faith#and i always learn so much from people! good and bad lol sometimes it's like wow i will NOT be integrating that into my worldview#yo just under one week until i move 😵💫 i decided i am packing one (1) more box and then saying fuck it we ball#whatever i forgot has to go in the car. i cannot let myself be owned by cardboard boxes any longer#and soon. freedom. new start. new beginnings. someone said ''i hope you look at this as a time of new growth and unfolding'' to me#and i went man. i think i am#like the pine trees that reseed after a forest fire#fresno oilers.txt
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not sure if youve discussed drummer ava but like i think thats so perfect for her fr. get out all the energy. a reason for those fucking arms. also people who are both drummers and singers are so cool and talented fr i just love that and i think she could and would.
i agree with beatrice doing like polyphia level technical guitar its just so her overachieveing and detail oriented vibe
i am ROARING because Ava on drums would be incredible - exactly for getting all the energy out and there's something therapeutic about drums, both the act of just hitting something but also learning how to control and channel that energy, not to mention being able to listen to the empty space in order to keep time and to trust the rest of the band and have them trust her in turn - it's delicious, that is brilliant omg such a need for this now (i think i read a fic with drummer!Ava but honestly we need more. ohno. what have you done what have you done)
i can also see Beatrice going one of those explainer videos - maybe like those Wired "explain in 5 levels of difficulty" and every single one of the guests just falls in love with Beatrice, especially the 5th level who just completely nerds out along with her lololol
#i can see ava as a kid just infinitely entranced with sound in all its forms#making sounds and beats with anything and everything#busking on the street or in a subway station either by herself or with a band#ohno that's a meet-cute waiting to happen isn't it#beatrice coming back from idk maybe a shitty gig that her parents set up for her -not at all the type of music she actually wants to play#and she's feeling restless and frustrated and she hears this beat that expresses everything she's feeling#and finds ava there just in the zone#maybe she has a kit#maybe she has just idk plastic tubs but whatever it is#she's free#and beatrice envies her#longs for that feeling#and then she notices there's a sign on the floor next to ava that says#got an instrument? play with me!#and/or even got a voice? sing with me!#and beatrice has her guitar and she's like#why not. why the hell not#she still asks of course and ava of course says yes#and bea's tentative at first and ava reassures and coaxes her along#and then soon enough they're off to the races - beatrice's hands are a blur and her heart is on fire because this#*this* is what she loves about music and she hears ava laugh alongside her and she can't help but laugh as well#oh man i miss NY now#avatrice#jt answers
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Pagans who have been using candles to talk to the gods (cannot remember what it's called) on tiktok: I think the gods are mad, their candles are going crazy/not lighting at all
Me who does not worship that way but just got lots of them on my fyp: ....focal?? (word??)
#Someone said that maybe that was why Apollo and Hermes have been gaining so many followers lately#Apollo the god known for being queer and Hermes who is also queer and the father of Hermaphroditus#they're also both Kourotrophos (protectors of youth)#I'm not one for saying everything is a sign from the gods cause i'm more likely to be called delusional by others#but the amount of people it's happening to is weird#Haides. it's not even just the Hellenic ones too I saw someone mention Lilith and Lucifer (Hi pagan cousins!!)#Astraea aint coming back to us any time soon clearly#the r/Hellenism coummunity says that gods cant be angry#I disagree with them on that. I'm sure they're angry for us.#Part of the reason I chose the Greeks 1st was because of their rage and 'humaness'#wolffox speaks#paganism#pagan#if even a 'perfect' being like the abrahamic god/s can find it in whatever they have in place of organs to be angry then why not the pagans#not fandom related
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thinking about writing a jmart fic inspired by my original story. would y'all read it or nah
#the storys about a woman who finds herself in this weird ass forest#where the longer youre there the more it strips you of your identity#until all that remains is your core motivation#your bare essentials#and it warps your body to better reflect that#like i have a character who was a huntsman who had to resort to cannibalism when he and his hunting buddy got trapped in the mountains#so now hes like this Grotesque Beast who hunts other people who wander into the forest#and i love him sm <3#anyway#so the woman is trying to find her way back home to her wife before she becomes one of them#but no ones ever escaped before blah blah blah whatever#and im having a hard time actually writing it#since its something from scratch#like theres just A Lot#i have characters and the setting but im struggling to balance a plot b plot c plot etc#so i figure i might just rope my hyperfixation into it to let it Do Its Thing so i can actually have like#a first draft#at the very least#idk#would yall read that?#not tma#helix speaks#jonathan sims#martin blackwood#jonmartin#jmart#get this to 10 notes and I'll do it#i don't need a lot of convincing#it's prolly gonna happen#soon as i figure out how i wanna rework characters and plot points
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Charles: and how do I contact you in the future?
Johannes: you don't 🌟 bye you soggy bitch ✨️🕺✨️🕺🟨🟨🟨
#and then you barely see him for the rest of the game#the sinking city#coolhatposts#man i would have loved to be able to visit johannes's house! maybe you go there to discuss a case or catch up or whatever#i can totally see a dramatic parlor scene playing out that could give a lot more foundation for future story events#and maybe you can just visit his place sometimes and read philosophy books or something. maybe he rotates a couple books out for charles#on a table or smth and you can go read it#or maybe it's excerpts from lovecraft!!#GOD you guys do you see what i mean there's so much to add to the game#Johannes is fascinating as a character but then we only see him like. three times max#and at least one of those times he's probably dead#i just think it makes sense for charles to seek company with the only person he knows in the city a couple times before the plot starts#picking up. i could see maybe they have two or three dinners/drinks with Important Conversations#but i do think it's a wasted opportunity not to have johannes be more involved. he's the player's window into the upper class weird shit#in oakmont. he's our connection to a secret society and he knows graham and i would bet money he knew about the cannibal restaurant#GOD as soon as I'm done w the project I'm working on I'm gonna be replaying and writing SO MUCH you guys#never been a writer before but I'll make it happen#the possibilities are too cool to ignore#please please please someone else start posting abt tsc I KNOW YOU GUYS ARE THERE. I KNOW ME AND LOVELYHEADS ARE NOT THE ONLY ONES W IDEAS
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if you title this you could post the first few chapters already!!! (for the wip ask game lol)
WIP Ask Game! tw: abuse implied
But Christian isn’t looking at her face. His gaze is currently fixed on Satine’s wrist where—Satine notices as if in slow motion and with a lurch of her stomach—the sleeve of her coat has ridden up and a nasty purple bruise is on full display. Unable to adjust her sleeve with her hands full of coffee cups, Satine rotates her arm but it’s too late; the damage has been done. “Are you alright?” Christian asks, reaching for her arm. His touch is as warm as Satine remembers but she flinches back from it as if it’s scalding hot. “I’m fine.” “I’m sorry, did I hurt you?” Christian asks, searching her eyes. “Not at all,” Satine hastens to reassure him, realizing too late that she probably should have taken that excuse when it was offered to her, that flinching away from something that didn't hurt is suspicious while flinching away from something that did is reasonable. “Nothing to worry about,” Satine tries next, “just one of the hazards of live theatre. The show has a lot of lifts and I bruise easily. You’ll see tonight—the dancing is incredible,” Satine says, trying to get him back on topic of opening night.
#yeah i could. in fact. post this if i could decide on a title dksfnjdg#i could post the first 3 chapters In Fact#but i am stuck between titles so have this for now i guess haha#this is one of those multichap fics i love a lot im very excited to share it with you all#idk if anyone else will enjoy it because it's a modern au and satine is still with the duke for a lot of it but i think its a very fun slow#burn and i am having the most fun writing christian earning her trust and the two of them becoming friends before they become anything else#the love is THERE but satine is terrified of being in love and christian wants her safety first and foremost so hes keeping everything#non-platonic to himself until satine is safe and ready to hear a confession like that#yeah i have made a moulin rouge slow burn for the people who fell in love in canon on the night they met. what of it#i can do whatever i want forever and you cannot stop meeeeee!!!!!#also theyre impossibly sweet and soft and i love them sooooo much!!!! i love when christian is careful with satine its one of my favorite#things to ever happen#someone yell at me and you might get the first chapter soon haha#thank you for the ask!!#moulin rouge#my fic
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dropping 'helen' cause i keep getting misgendered lol
now it's just 'saint hyssop'
#moots y'all can call me whatever this is just for music/art stuff <3#slowly going through and changing names on accounts n stuff#i've been thinking about this for awhile and as much as i wish society would just degender names i don't see it happening soon#and i am At My Limit with getting misgendered#i hate that there seems to be this idea that if you choose a gendered name ur choosing those pronouns too#like i don't think it's unreasonable to ask to not be referred to as she/her#but apparently that's not a common sentiment#this keeps happening with so many things in so many situations#“well you agreed to x so that must mean you agree to y also” and it's like ????? no ????????#anyway lol
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so many expenses this month and most of it isnt even for me :(
#i hate that my family thinks i have lots of money even though my brother made a lot more than me#mom keeps telling me my brother might need it in the future so she refuse to ask him any#really shows that they do not respect me at all about this#and the worst thing is its always very sudden#a cold 5 min call where mom tell me “pay for this now! dont postpone it” and the payment is almost 1K#and my stupid ass cant even say no because if i say no they will make me feel guilty and then i feel like i wanna kms and end up paying anw#god#parents are gonna go on vacation soon#watch they'll be calling me soon to give them more money#and then go hom from there#and not bringing me any gift as usual#why should they care about the faggy child that failed to achieve his parents assigned goals#if anything putting all family expenses on me will quicken my death or worse force me to go back to them#so they can hold me and mold me back into what they want#i know their plan and i refuse to follow it#but they probably just need to shout on me once and i'll follow whatever their ask.. sad#i want to recoup by taking commissions but last time this happened and i took too many comms it ended up taking more than a month#i dont think i can handle that much anymore#AAAAAAAAA im tired
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I for one welcome the impending second wilderness years
#we need to take dr who back into our own hands. for our health#for the record I don’t think it’s happening Soon. we can milk another two years out of Disney#and even after that Disney just has distribution rights; if they terminate the contract then it’s just on the bbc for a bit#which I don’t think is sustainable either but we’ve got a good 5 sunset years ahead. At least.#I just have fully reached the specific type of Radical Dr Who Fan where I don’t need dr who to be currently airing to enjoy it#I’m tired of auteur television. make dr who collaborative again#8-episode season where 6 episodes are by One Guy is NIGHTMARISH#I enjoyed the season but good lord#whatever I already said all this in my thesis#the idea that ‘the show gets cancelled’ is the Nightmare Scenario is so weird to me. that’s fine#the real nightmare scenario is that BBC books doesn’t do anything with the IP going forward#or ends the Big Finish license
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I am re purpled and re undercutted but I also had my mom trim my hair and that was. A Mistake. It had a taper from the back to the front, the front was longer back shorter, and she was just supposed to make it not touch my shoulders anymore. She fucked up the taper and its too my chin now and I can just barely put most of it in a ponytail but bits fall out and that's very not ideal for my *food service job*. I also feel like the blueberry kid from the old charlie and the chocolate factory and I Dont like it
#she was half way through and apologizing. if she had fucked up the other side itd been whatever but#i part my haid kinda to the side and like to do a lil flip to the right thats more than the left and she did the right first#if the left was shorter i wouldnt care i would have my bang but thats not what happened#its just hair itll grow back but ough. will it grow back quick please i dont like it#'shave your head' my mom aldrwady doesn't like that i have an undercut and have her do my hair she would NOT do that for me and i dont have#the hand-space coordination to do that. my hand-eye coordination is fine but my hands are p m useless if i cant see#this is why i gave up on learning braids as my new years resolution whenever that was and just chopped my hair shorter#i can do a 3 strand braid on like yarn. as soon as its on my head where i cant see it all falls apart#anyway im just ranting ill be fine to let it grow out i just need to learn how to rangle it until then :[
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