#which should be fine but again it depends how much they end up misbehaving in the middle 🙄 (i say that like i don’t write them)

[maaxverstappen]

all the landoscar content is reminding me that i need to hurry tf up and finish my fic :’)

[franniebanana]

CQL Rewatch - Ep 23

Seriously, how useless are these two right now? The puppets all dropped dead around them, yet none of them run up to help Wei Wuxian. I think we saw Lan Wangji running, but he just had dramatic close-up shots for the first few minutes as well. Like, stop looking dumbfounded and stop just providing facial reactions to things, and get up there! Act like you're in a war, gdi! They're reacting to seeing Wen Ruohan stabbed, which I chose not to cap for obvious reasons.

So even though I knew the story from the book, I still think this moment is pretty cool when they reveal that it's Jin Guangyao who has stabbed Wen Ruohan literally and figuratively in the back. The last time we saw him, poor Nie Mingjue was getting the crap beat out of him by Jin Guangyao, so seeing this here--like, ooh! Double-double-cross! Triple-cross!! It's fun to see a twist that doesn't make you groan! Because, of course, you want to root for Jin Guangyao because he's a bastard and has always been looked down on everyone. Now you see that he was not a villain at all, and he was actually helping the good guys by double-crossing Wen Ruohan! Of course, we know he really is a villain and all, but most of that really doesn't come until later in the story haha.

I do enjoy the light parallels here between Lan Xichen and his brother. We see both of them willing to give their best friends the benefit of the doubt and protect them from those who are less willing, let's say. And both of them are even willing to stand up to other people they know and trust. Nie Mingjue is one of Lan Xichen's closest friends, and we see Lan Wangji stand up to his own uncle. If you're looking at CQL without the romance angle (which, why would you?), this parallel is a bit more striking. You basically have two sets of bosom friends. Obviously one set crumbles at the end, but there are definitely a lot of parallels and comparisons to make. And sorry, for a show that couldn't have any gay characters, they sure made it seem like Lan Xichen and Jin Guangyao had a thing for each other (even though neither of them is gay in the book, mind you). A weird sort of change--I don't even ship them, but their early scenes seemed very shippy. Maybe it's my American lens, I don't know.

But speaking of weird changes, allow me to go on a tangent. Wen Qing's role expansion doesn't bother me, not really. I kind of say it does, but it's not really the expansion that gets to me. It's the fact that she was going to be a love interest for Wei Wuxian that bothers me. Wei Wuxian is gay. He's gay. Lan Wangji is also gay--if not gayer. Her being a love interest for either one of them means they are no longer gay. Bi, maybe, but what that would have done was erase their canon sexuality. It would have also turned their relationship into that horribly tropey brothers-in-arms or whatever name you want to give it--basically JUST FRIENDS who want to defend each other's honor. You can certainly read CQL that way, but if you are, I don't think you're paying attention to Wang Yibo's performance at all. And if you're not paying attention to the second lead, then why are you watching this show at all? So, changing their sexuality changes the whole show (which already is so tropey, from what I understand) into something so derivative, I wouldn't even want to bother watching it. One of the things I think you take away from CQL is Lan Wangji's, frankly, undying love for Wei Wuxian. If he goes and has a fling with Wen Qing at any point, that cheapens his character dramatically in my opinion. Lots of people can say this better than me, and probably have, but I'm very grateful to those passionate fans (and to Xiao Zhan and Wang Yibo) for helping to change the script from the original drafts, which were frankly no better than a junky harlequin romance, having Wen Qing passed around like a piece of meat, which is so far from her character in the novel, and definitely a disservice to her.

Not gonna lie, it's adorable to think that Jiang Yanli and Lan Wangji have been talking over the past few days, maybe having tea together, while Wei Wuxian is in a coma. I feel Lan Wangji was a very calming presence for Jiang Yanli, because she was probably very worried and fretful over Wei Wuxian. I like the idea of him playing the guqin for Wei Wuxian, and then having tea and a quiet chat with Jiang Yanli before leaving. Also very cute that Wei Wuxian is half-heartedly trying to badmouth Lan Wangji, by calling him boring and uninteresting, but he can't even get through the sentence without smiling to himself. Obviously he's loving the idea that Lan Wangji has been at his side every day, worrying over him and slowly doing his part to nurse him back to health.

I love his expression here: shock and relief and joy, all mixed together upon seeing that Wei Wuxian has woken up. Obviously he knew he'd wake up eventually, but he didn't expect it so soon and I don't think he expected his heart to be in his throat and to be so indescribably happy to see Wei Wuxian awake.

Wei Wuxian, of course, can't really meet his eyes, and Jiang Yanli makes a swift exit (she knows what's up--these boys need to talk). And Lan Wangji just has love in his eyes: Heart-guang Jun. I mean, imagine how he must be feeling right now. He had just gotten Wei Wuxian back from what seemed like certain death, finally reconciled, and then Wei Wuxian is in a coma! He must have been terrified of losing him again. It's probably all he can do right now to not hug Wei Wuxian.

I seriously love everything about this scene. I love the colors, the cinematography, the longing glances Wei Wuxian gives Lan Wangji, the way Lan Wangji quietly scolds him while still playing the guqin because he's a professional. But really, I just find this scene very pretty and moving and emotional. I enjoy seeing Lan Wangji getting to take care of him and even more that Wei Wuxian lets him and puts up with it. I think most of us are quick to retort a good old, "I'm fine" when asked how we are, but in this case, Wei Wuxian is not fine, and he has no ground to stand on if he's trying to prove that. It's hard for Wei Wuxian at this point, though, to really lean on anyone, even Lan Wangji who is his best friend. He certainly can't lean on Jiang Cheng for reasons I don't think I need to go into again. He kind of leans on Yanli, but at the same time, he can't (and doesn't wish to) burdon her either. Lan Wangji is really the one person he should be able to lean on and seek comfort from, but he feels awkward and uncomfortable, because of the dark spiritual energy and giving up the sword, and Lan Wangji's crusade to help him.

"Who is good and who is evil?" Wei Wuxian is struggling with a moral dilemma: is it right to round up the Wens and kill them/hold them captive? The Wens did horrible things, after all, and this is the reality of war. Of course, we've just seen Lan Xichen struggling with it as well. Why capture the women and children and elderly, who have nothing to do with the war? He's only met with the fact that it's not just the male cultivators who are dangerous. Still, his mind is only placated by the lie that the people will just be interrogated and sent to a labor camp--then cut to the blood on the floor. So Wei Wuxian is not only struggling with what the Jin Clan and other clans are doing, but he's also thinking about his own deeds--how many people did he kill? How many did he brutally murder in the name of revenge? Because of the things he's done, is he good or evil? Is good and evil so black and white? Does it just depend on whose lens you're viewing it through?

Lan Wangji looks at Wei Wuxian with all of this knowledge and doesn't know what to think. He's afraid of what Wei Wuxian has become, afraid he'll end up like Wen Ruohan--he's afraid of losing him entirely. But the situation is not black and white, and good and evil is not so easily defined. You can only know once you know that person's heart, and Wei Wuxian isn't really letting Lan Wangji in anymore. He's trying to convince him with his words, but that is simply not good enough.

I think if Lan Wangji hadn't stopped him here, Wei Wuxian would have played that flute and tried to end all of the Jin "hunting party" (sorry, that was a little dark). His emotions were already high after the conversation with Lan Wangji on the cliff, and we've already seen him feeling disturbed by how the Wens are being chased and rounded up. I, for one, wouldn't have complained if Jin Zixuan's cousin bit the dust earlier. I think his name is Jin Zixun. Is that it? See, even I don't remember him.

I love how even though they are far apart, this scene still feels very intimate. It's very moving, and the music and the cinematography help to cultivate that feeling. I like how Wei Wuxian perks up when he hears Lan Wangji pluck the first few notes, and Lan Wangji does the same when he hears the sound of Wei Wuxian's flute. I feel like they are spiritually connected here as they play this haunting duet. And I think it's a connection they haven't felt for a long time. There has been so much tension between them for so long, and this scene feels like a big sigh from both of them. While I still feel like there is tension present, there is a bit of a release here--at least, that's how I feel as a viewer.

Ah, yes, the awkward period where Jiang Cheng has become leader of the Yunmeng Jiang Sect, wants to control Wei Wuxian, but doesn't know how. He's new at this, so I can't blame him for being a bit awkward as he figures out what he's supposed to be doing. As a young man, he basically nagged Wei Wuxian for doing inappropriate things, but now when Wei Wuxian misbehaves, Jiang Cheng is in part responsible for that behavior. At some point or another, the two of them grew up. Wei Wuxian's misbehavior isn't precocious anymore--it's serious and it has consequences, and just as in Gusu, Jiang Cheng sees that those actions are a reflection of the Jiang Clan. Only now, they aren't just a reflection of the clan, they're also a reflection of Jiang Cheng, himself, and his leadership (or lack thereof).

And speaking of awkward...Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji have some...unresolved...stuff to deal with. But God forbid they actually talk right now. How can they? They're at this stuffy banquet that neither one of them want to be at. I feel for them both. Wei Wuxian is hurt because he thinks Lan Wangji doesn't trust him. Lan Wangji feels terrible because he wants to help Wei Wuxian, but the latter won't really let him in and allow him to do so. I feel myself just on pins and needles during these scenes with all these glances, but at the same time, I love it because DRAMA and ANGST! And they're just so in love lolol.

Nie Mingjue has to be that guy that always wants a certain table. The waiter leads him over and says, "Is this table okay?" expecting the answer to be yes, but nope--not Nie Mingjue. He'll request a different table. XD

I love this little conversation--it's like they're both measuring each other up. I think they each have a healthy distrust of the other. Although Wei Wuxian has always been kind to Jin Guangyao, I don't think that discounts the whole demonic cultivation thing in his mind. He knows Wei Wuxian is smart and clever and, most importantly, capable. And as for Wei Wuxian, I don't think the ease in which Jin Guangyao manipulated Wen Ruohan is lost on him.Essentially the downfall of this great cultivator and enemy of all the other clans was due to one man: Jin Guangyao. I think Wei Wuxian is thinking the same thing I am: he's extremely clever, devious, and potentially dangerous if you get on his bad side. His rise to power within the Jin Clan is kind of amazing. His estranged father admits to Nie Mingjue and Lan Xichen that Jin Guangyao is his son, his station has improved drastically in a short amount of time. He sure as hell is dangerous.

Jiang Yanli can hardly contain her excitement when Jin Guangshan brings up her former engagement to his son. Just kidding, of course. I'm kind of horrified for her that he's bringing this up now in front of all these people. It feels very much like he's pressuring not only her, but also his son to get engaged again. First of all, Jiang Fengmian and Jin Guangshan agreed at the time to let the children decide whether they wanted to get married or not. Second, if you're going to talk about this, at least do it in private! Third, this is not letting the kids decide. God, this would be humiliating! And I also totally expected Jiang Cheng to speak for his sister here, so I'm glad he didn't do that. It's really none of his business either.

Lol! The weird cutoff here! Who's speaking??? I don't know!!! I mean, obviously, it's Wei Wuxian, but it's like they don't expect us to recognize his voice hahahahaha.

Other episodes: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | Or just check out the #CQL Rewatch hashtag

[ourloveisforthelovely]

Princess Part 7

Harry Potter Marauders Era 

Link to Part 6

Pairings: Regulus Black x Reader 

Rating: M 

______

The next morning you dreaded facing Walburga and Orion. The knowledge that both of you soon to be in-laws heard you screaming their son’s name as he ravaged you was enough to make your face flush. Regulus found the whole thing hilarious.

“Calm down, love. What is mum going to do? Banish us to our rooms. I would be just fine with that.”

You put a hand over your face as the two of you stepped into the dining room. Walburga sat with a steaming cup of tea in front of her while Orion was looking over some papers for work. Orion didn’t seem to be the least bit bothered about what happened the prior night. He gave Regulus and yourself his typical good morning before going back to his work. Walburga on the other hand was eyeing the two of you like a hawk.

“I think we need to discuss what happened last night.”

She said sharply before stirring her tea. Regulus fought the urge to laugh. If he wanted to get away from his mother without being harmed laughing was a horrible way to start. He swallowed back his laughter before looking at his mother “innocently.” Regulus, after all, knew how to charm Walburga better than anyone. It was how he got 95% of the things that he wanted anyway so why wouldn’t it work today?

“Mum, I apologize. We didn’t realize that we were being that loud.”

You nodded.

“I’m sorry too. This is embarrassing for all of us.”

Orion didn’t look up or make a noise, which seemed to annoy Walburga further.

“As I have said before I am aware that the two of you have sex. That does not mean that neither of us wants to see or hear about it. That is supposed to be done privately, not loud enough for one's parents to overhear everything. We do not want to hear this again or I shall have to separate the two of you until you're married.”

Walburga was pleased when Regulus’ mouth dropped.

“Mother, we have been sleeping together for years. What do you honestly expect was going to happen with that arrangement?”

Walburga picked up a teacup saucer and tossed it at her youngest son.

“I suggest if you want to keep sleeping with Y/n to watch how you speak to me in this house.”

You didn’t dare to sneak a look at your fiance even though Regulus was squeezing your hands painfully hard. Walburga took a few moments before speaking again.

“If either of you step a toe out of line for the next few months...both of you will regret it.”

Orion finally looked up.

“Enough sex talk, Walburga. I am trying to drink my tea. The two get it. Right?”

Both Regulus and yourself muttered “yes sir” at the same time. Orion nodded and went back to his paper.

“There you go. Now leave them alone.”

Over the next few months, both Regulus and yourself were true to your promise to Walburga. Whether it be the fact that school was ending, not wanting to risk being separated, or something else neither of you was misbehaving in the slightest.

The last half of the year came and went faster than any in your memory. You barely had time to breathe in-between graduation and moving into the cute little town-home that Walburga had reserved.

“We don’t have to tiptoe around mum anymore.”

Regulus said with a smile as he sat the last box down. You didn’t fight the moment that he wrapped his arms around your waist.

“No, we don’t. We just have to worry about her dropping by at random moments when she realizes that she has nothing better to do now that we have moved out.”

You replied. Regulus sighed. You were right on that one. He had the bad feeling that Walburga would turn up at the beginning of every romantic the two of you would share for the foreseeable future. Regulus had been so thrilled about getting out on his own that he hadn’t even considered how his mother was going to react to having a “empty nest.”

“Damn it, so much for walking around the place naked. You know that woman will not give us a courtesy knock either. As soon as the damn wedding is over then we can give her some ground rules.”

You stood on your tiptoes and gently kissed Regulus’ chin.

“Everything will be fine. You should be patient with your mother. She’s going to be lonely.”

Regulus rolled his eyes.

“Then she needs to talk to my father or Kreacher. There are plenty of others in that house that she can drive crazy. We have done everything that she wanted. For months we practically haven’t touched each other in that house. Not to mention we behaved civilly at graduation and the parties...we upheld our end of the bargain. Now she needs to go join a ladies' day club or or something club and stop haunting us.”

You understood Regulus’ annoyance with his mother. It had been difficult to act as though Regulus and yourself were good little children anytime that Walburga was near. She had a strange talent of coming into a room anytime that Regulus had his lips on yours. Now you wanted to be able to kiss your soon to be husband anytime that you wished.

“Everything will be fine, love.”

You said with a smile as Regulus instantly grabbed his left arm. The expression on his face told you everything that you needed to know. He was being summoned (yet again). For the past few weeks between Voldemort and Walburga, you had been lucky to have five minutes alone with Regulus.

“I’ll be home soon.”

You nodded, knowing there was no use in arguing or begging Regulus to stay home. If Voldemort called, Regulus went running. You had to fight back the feeling of annoyance that was building in your stomach.

“Are you mad?”

Regulus asked as he pulled on his coat. You put your drink down.

“Between him and your mother, I am not getting much time with you.”

You weren’t surprised when Regulus gave you a displeased scowl. If you so much as said something bad about the dark lord Regulus was giving you hell.

“You know what I signed up for. I am not giving up a duty that I wanted to please you, Y/n. You, like my mother, need to find ways to fill your time without me being with you.”

Regulus knew that his response was cold but he was getting frustrated. In the beginning, you were proud of him for wanting to be a death eater. Now, you were suddenly becoming dismissive to the whole thing and it was getting on Regulus’ nerves. Between worrying about his mother’s overbearing nature and what Voldemort had him doing he didn’t have time for a nagging wife.

You didn’t say anything before turning and going into the kitchen. As much as you wanted to give Regulus some equally cold comment back, you knew that it would be for nothing. When Regulus was in death eater mode, he would listen to nothing that you had to say. If you did say something as cold and vindictive back, you would just get fussed at even more and you were in no mood for it.

What Regulus also didn’t know was you had been writing Sirius since Christmas about everything going on. There was no romance to the letters just sharing information. Sirius was worried to death about Regulus’ crazy decisions and the level of hate that Walburga had filled his head with. For you, it was nice to have an outlet to voice your own doubts on the ideology that you had grown up with. You had been doubting Voldemort for some time and it was nice to see that you weren’t crazy or being some jealous girlfriend who was pissy because her lover was away.

Sirius was as concerned about Regulus’ safety as you were. He was still offering to help keep the two of you safe if Regulus would stop being a death eater and join the order. You knew that wouldn’t go over well at all. Hell would freeze over before Regulus switched sides. You also knew that Regulus would leave you if you even suggested it. He would be so furious if he found out that you were talking to Sirius behind his back then to ask him to deflect would be a bigger kick in the balls.

Little did Regulus seem to realize, you hadn’t shared his pureblood beliefs in a long time. The two of you had “purebloods are the best and muggle-borns are rubbish” shoved down your throats since childhood. You had begun to question everything very early on but was afraid to make your feelings known. Maybe it was due to your aunt Druella threatening to you not to ruin your chances at marrying Regulus. You didn’t want to be a disappointment. After witnessing the way that Sirius was treated, you were even more afraid to speak up. If you were kicked out of the family, you would have no one to turn to.

“Y/n…”

You didn’t turn as Regulus’ voice pulled you from your thoughts. Why he hadn’t left yet was beyond you. Usually, Regulus would automatically apparate out when Voldemort called.

“Just go, Regulus.”

You coldly replied. At the moment, you couldn’t turn and look at him. You didn’t want to see that look in his eyes. Knowing that he was going to go torture or kill some innocent was something that you didn’t want to think about. You didn’t want to think about how the boy you had loved since childhood changed into someone that you didn’t know.

Regulus had changed…

The thought was startling to you. Looking up to the kitchen window, the thought came as a shock. You felt as if you had been smacked by a heavy book. Regulus was changing into someone you didn’t know. It wasn’t just when he was doing his job as a death eater it was all of the time. Perhaps you didn’t notice because you chose not to. Maybe you didn't want to accept that sweet boy that you played wedding with in Walburga’s back garden or the boy who could read you French poetry was now someone very different.

You have changed too…

You felt suddenly comforted by that comment. No longer were you the spoiled selfish princess whose only goal was to become Mrs. Regulus Black. You weren’t the girl that Druella and Walburga raised to be totally dependent on Regulus for everything. Now you wanted to see some good in the world. Good, that didn’t involve some dark lord with a superiority complex telling you how to believe toward another person’s blood status.

“Love...I didn’t mean what I said…”

You, again, didn’t turn to Regulus.

“You should go before you get into trouble.”

When you heard the front door shut, you turned. The living room now seemed very empty and quiet. You turned and went off in search of parchment. It was time to grow up.

“Another night alone…”

Regulus had been gone for an hour and a half when there was a knock at your door. Standing up, you frowned wondering who would be dropping by? Evan and Emma were at one of the Rosier estates in France celebrating their honeymoon and wasn’t due back for another week.

Dusting off your skirt, you slowly opened the door to see Sirius and Remus standing on the other side. Sirius immediately smiled but knew just by the look on your face something was wrong.

“I got your letter. You wanted to see me?”

You nodded and moved aside to let both men into the house. Remus seemed a little uneasy about coming in and you couldn't blame him. He was right for being worried about stepping into a known death eater’s home. You tried to give him a smile in hopes of providing some comfort. Remus only nodded and followed behind Sirius.

After shutting the door you turned back to your soon to be brother in law.

“I need you to talk some sense into Regulus. He won’t listen to me.”

Sirius frowned.

“What makes you think that he will listen to me?”

You ran a hand through your hair.

“I don’t want him to be killed working for Voldemort. He’s staying gone more and more. I don’t want to lose him to some madman.”

Remus and Sirius exchanged glances as Remus stepped closer. He didn’t have any personal issues with you. To Remus, you had always been kind but being kind didn’t mean that you wouldn’t turn back to “old ways” should it be required.

“Whose side are you on, Y/n?”

Crossing your arms over your chest. That was the million-dollar question and it had to be answered. Should you turn against your family to save Regulus or just be the “good wife” and watch him be destroyed? The answer was easy…

“I suppose that I am on your side now. I’m tired of always hating people and being miserable. I also don’t want to watch the man that I love die or be killed.”

That was the best statement that you could come up with. You had known of another death eater that had been killed by Voldemort personally for changing their mind about joining his side. The last thing that you wanted was for Regulus to be another one of those statistics.

“My offer still stands.”

Sirius said, keeping his voice gentle. Your eyes met him after a few moments.

“I just want Regulus safe.”

Before Sirius could respond the front door opened and closed. Regulus looked confused when he stepped into the living room. The last thing that he ever expected was to come home to Sirius and Remus standing in his living room.

“What the hell is going on here?”

He asked, immediately feeling on edge. Regulus’ night had been a shit show due to a new death eater chickening out of doing a murder that Regulus had to carry out. He was in a foul mood then finding the last person that he wanted to see in the world standing in his living room was a worse way to end the day.

Sirius turned his little brother. There was no denying that Regulus was a death eater. Just looking at his brother’s clothes told him everything that you said was right. Putting back the heartbreak, Sirius took a breath.

“Regulus, I know that you’re a death eater. The whole order knows.”

Regulus blinked a few times.

“Congratulations, you figured something out. If you have come to enlighten me on your discovery there is the door...now see your way out.”

Sirius shook his head.

“It's not that simple, Reg.”

Regulus nodded.

“Yes, actually it is. Open the door, step outside, then close it behind you. It’s very simple. I can even shove you out if you would like.”

Sirius had to fight back his own sass that was wanting to come out.

“Damn it, Regulus I am trying to save you.”

Regulus started chuckling at that comment. Sirius was trying to “save him.” That was cute and about 2 years too late.

“There is nothing that you can save me from. I have made my choice...just like you have.”

You finally looked up.

“Damn it, Regulus, listen to him!”

You snapped. Regulus turned his attention to you. Your face was unreadable. Regulus hadn’t seen that expression on your face before.

“Y/n, what are you talking about?”

Regulus asked. You sighed.

“He’s trying to help us so you won’t be killed or thrown into Azkaban. Regulus, I am scared for you. I know that you think you are doing the right thing but…”

Regulus held a hand up.

“Are you really agreeing with him? You’re supposed to be on my side! As my fiance, you are supposed to pick me.”

You softened your tone. Talking to Regulus like a child would get you nowhere.

“I am on your side that is why Sirius wants to help keep us safe. Regulus, I don’t want to lose you. People are dying on both sides and it's going for nothing. All of these innocent people are being killed and sooner or later Voldemort is going to pick on the wrong person and it will all go to hell. He won’t be there to keep you from prison or death. Reggie, you are just a number to him...he doesn’t care about the person that you are...our family...noth…”

“SHUT UP!”

Regulus yelled. You flinched and stepped back. He had never put an unloving hand on your before but telling him that his beliefs were wrong was likely to get yourself hexed.

Sirius stepped up.

“Reg, don’t yell at her. She is just…”

“Betraying me.”

Regulus interrupted. Sirius rolled his eyes.

“Dude, that is a little harsh. Y/n is trying to protect you. She isn’t handing you over to the Nazis. I think that you know that this side...this whole being some idiots henchman isn’t you…”

Regulus didn’t reply. His eyes coldly looked between Sirius and yourself. You stepped a bit closer to him.

“Sweetheart, please.”

Regulus started laughing bitterly.

“Let me have the ring back.”

The sentence stung worse than a thousand bees. You couldn’t help letting your mouth fall as your right hand traced over your engagement ring.

“What?”

You stammered. Regulus rolled his eyes.

“Give me the goddamned engagement ring back. I am not about to marry a stupid blood traitor. Sirius, you can have her. I don’t want her now. Get your shit and get out, Y/n.”

When you didn’t move fast enough, Regulus closed the distance between your body and his. He had your hand in his and roughly yanked the ring off.

“Never speak to me again.”

He hissed before turning and walking from the room. Neither Sirius, Remus, nor yourself was able to say a word until the bedroom door slammed. You couldn’t move. Did Regulus really end things with you? You were too stunned to cry. The man that was supposed to love and protect you had thrown you away like rubbish. This was worse than the brief break up earlier in the year...this was permanent and you had no idea how you were going to handle it.

“Y/n, you can come with us.”

Remus’ voice was soft as he gently put a hand on your back. Sirius was as stunned as you were. He NEVER expected Regulus to say those cold words to you. You were Regulus’ pet and now he disposed of you like dirt on his shoes.

Sirius quickly pulled himself from his stupor and turned to you.

“Come on, Y/n. We’ll keep you safe.”

______

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[chrisevansgoodgirl]

red, white, blues in the skies, summer's in the air and baby, heaven's in your eyes

summary: Can you write a daddy kink and spanking fic with Steve? Hes all about it at first but then all hell breaks lose🥵🥵 You know you said somewhere that Steve's so respectful when fucking you and so THOROUGH. Thank you😘😘 --requested by @donutloverxo

i just want to take a moment to thank you so much for messaging me a while back when my friend moved to california. it was a sad night for me but your messages honestly made me feel better. even the ransom one, which i still need more details on. is he okay? i feel like he would cry. anyway, hope you like this!

warnings: everything. anal. choking. spanking. biting, mentions of blood maybe. don’t judge me. hair pulling. breath play. major daddy shit, you know, the usual.

pairing: steve rogers x reader

a/n: so sorry for any typos! i am about to be late for a tattoo appointment! and for that reason, I know i missed some of the people who asked me to tag them in my chris evans fics so i apoloize! so if i did pls message me and i promise i will add you to my tag list in my phone asap!

The question of how you got here—bent over Steve’s thighs, your ass propped up, stripped naked—could have been given many, varying answers, depended on who you asked. Steve would claim it was attitude, sheer disrespect. You would credit it to him not paying enough attention to you. Why you got here, that only had one answer. Because you wanted to be here.

It started last night. You were out with Steve, Sam, Bucky, Wanda, and Okoye. Okoye and Bucky were, when drunk, very simply, philosophical hippies. They wanted to talk about the universe and how we were all destroying the planet and each other. Sam just got plain annoying and needed to annoy Wanda. It was the weirdest thing, he just needed to get on her nerves. He would get competitive about who was drinking more, he would challenge her to anything. Darts, once, a race back to the compound another. That ended terribly, but neither seemed capable of recalling that past a certain level of alcohol intake.

That left Steve, this authoritative presence—always able to get you wet, but when you were drinking, your friends were surrounding you, acting like children, and he was just there, you were hopeless. He was strong and always so sure of himself, that was what you loved most about him.

Everyone was scattered around the bar. You had disappeared for the restroom and once you got out, Wanda and Sam wrangled you into a conversation about who was a better lead on missions.

Steve was at the table, his phone in sight because he was Captain fucking America. He was the most important man in existence and he always needed to be available for his country, or the world, more accurately. That used to be an issue, before Thanos, before they fixed everything. That used to strain your relationship, never knowing when he was going to be called away. It was rare now, so rare, but his habits were tough to break. He had a beer bottle in his hands, sipping here and there, but mostly, he was watching you. Only you. He came out to be a babysitter, but it was barely a job he took seriously.

He just wanted to be with you.

You made your way to him after it seemed Wanda and Sam had forgotten you were there at all. He set his beer down on the table and took your hips. It was a move of pure control, you couldn’t get away from him, but you also couldn’t get closer to him. “What do you say? Should we call it a night?”

“It’s been an hour,” he pointed out.

“I want you to fuck me.”

He lifted his eyebrows. “That’s why you haven’t been drinking much.”

“I missed you, daddy.” Daddy? It was a key to the lock that sometimes was Steve Rogers. Was there anything you couldn’t get him to do while you were calling him daddy?

“How much?”

You scoffed. “What?”

“How much did you miss me?”

“What kind of question is that? I miss you a lot when you’re gone. I ache until you’re back home, falling asleep with me, waking up with me. I understand that you’re a Cancer but you’re being so extra right now.”

“No, I’m just being curious.”

“Do you need me to show you how much I missed you?”

“What if I do?”

“Then I will do anything you ask,” you guaranteed, “I would get on my knees right now, daddy. I would let everyone watch me choke on your cock, let them all watch you fuck my face.”

He nodded once. “I don’t think such a grand display is necessary. Especially given that I could just watch you fucking a toy last night, despite my clear instructions that you were not allowed to.”

Your face flushed. “You…were watching me?”

So, it had been a mutual decision to set up a camera in the bedroom. When he was gone and he could call, it just made phone sex easier. When he came home, that sex was always something else. You liked watching it from time to time. However, he was not supposed to be using it to make sure you weren’t breaking rules! That wasn’t fair, that was a major invasion of privacy.

“Yes, I was watching. I missed my baby girl, wanted to see her beautiful face, her stunning fucking body.”

“That’s not fair.”

“Were you going to lie to me?” he questioned. “If I came home and asked you if you had listened to me, what would you have said?”

You glared. “I guess we’ll never know.” You turned on your heels to return to Sam and Wanda, but he grabbed your arm and yanked you back to him.

“Daddy didn’t tell you that you could walk away.”

“Steve,” you warned.

He scoffed. “So, you messed up and now you’re going to be a brat with me?”

“We’re not doing this here.”

“No?” he feigned confusion, reaching for his phone. He tapped the screen a mere three times before turning it to you.

Right—you had stupidly let him talk you into shoving a vibrator in your pussy before you headed out. You’d thought that just meant he missed you incredibly. Clearly not. “Don’t,” you said.

He scoffed. “Baby, I know you didn’t just tell me what to do.”

You glanced back to make sure your friends were preoccupied. “I don’t want to do this tonight, okay? I’m tired and I missed you, you were gone for a long time and I just wanted you to come home so we could spend the night together and have fun. I didn’t think you were going to invade my privacy—”

“Invade your privacy?” he interjected. “You have no privacy, doll, because you’re mine. Normally, you’re fine with that. But you were misbehaving and you need to be punished, so now you suddenly want to pretend it’s a problem? Your dramatics won’t save you tonight.”

He knew you well. And you knew him, he wasn’t going to drop this game. If you said no for an entire year—which, just to be clear, you did not have the ability to do—he would just punish you that very second you finally said yes because he could hold a grudge like it was nothing. Better to get on with it, before he decided to just stop all sexual activity. “Fine. What first?”

“Would you have lied to me?”

“Technically, no.”

He narrowed his eyes. “Can’t wait to hear this one.”

“Well, you always know when I’m lying, so is it lying?”

“Yes, it is. Don’t say something to me if it’s not true.”

You finally moved closer, taking one of his hands in both of yours. He watched you carefully, ready to stop you if you made a single move he didn’t like. You turned his hand and kissed his palm several times. “I love you.”

He scoffed. “And I love you. That doesn’t mean I’m not spanking you until your ass is several different shades of red.”

You huffed. “Well, can we get it over with?”

“No,” he scoffed. “Definitely not.”

You wanted to roll your eyes, but you knew that would only provoke more of this nonsense.

He turned to the phone again.

“Steve, not in front of everyone—” your words cut off with a yelp before you pressed your hand flat over your lips, desperately trying to silence the sounds you were making. The toy lying against your skin, set just right thanks to the very tiny, tight panties he placed you in, abruptly began to vibrate at a speed you were not prepared for.

Steve caught your arm and kept you steady. “Don’t call me Steve again,” he directed. “Not tonight, doll.”

You only let your hand slip when you couldn’t handle it anymore and needed to speak, not when you had the confidence you wouldn’t humiliate yourself. “Daddy, please—”

“Already begging to come?” He turned it up and one of your legs buckled, he kept a hold on you, mistrusting your ability to stand on your own.

“No, no,” you blurted out. “Stop, please—”

“Apologize.”

You snorted, eyes widening when you realized what you had just done. “I’m—”

And once more, the speed picked up. You grabbed the edge of the table for balance even though you knew he wouldn’t let you fall. You shot him a desperate look and he finally took pity on you, turning off the vibrator all together.

“You’re in for a rough night,” he informed you.

You pretended that was the last thing you wanted to hear, you pretended that you were upset, annoyed, exhausted. That was so far from reality. It had been a while since he went all out to punish you, you almost forgot how much you liked it. But standing there, hoping no one knew what was going on, you were quickly reminded.

Only, when you got home, you didn’t get your rough night. Well, not the one you wanted but his satisfied smirk told you this was what he had always meant. He watched you undress and remove your makeup, then he spent a cruel amount of time just kissing you everywhere, except the one place you needed him the most.

He tied your wrists and ankles to the bedpost. You were sure he was going to fuck you, make you so stupid and obedient that a sincere apology would just fall from your lips. You were wrong.

Instead, Steve elected to get himself off several times and cover you with his cum. You weren’t complaining about that, you loved feeling it on your skin. Your issue was when he untied you and told you to get in the shower before you both turned in for the night. He didn’t even get in with you.

While you were in the bathroom, he took the liberty of picking out what you were going to wear. You couldn’t be much of a tease in a simple oversized t-shirt—which wasn’t his—and leggings. You kept your back to him the entire night, but he circled his arm around you and held you like he was scared he was going to lose you, regardless of your clear anger.

It didn’t end there. When you woke up, he kissed you. It was the kind of kiss that always prefaced something, it was the kind of kiss he always gave you when he came home from a mission—a message of ‘I missed you’.

But as you were pushing on his stomach to get him on his back, he pulled away. He explained to you that he was still upset that you disobeyed him. He gave you the option, he could spank you now and fuck you later, or he would wait until you apologized and meant it.

It was an awful way to wake up, added to the frustration of the night before, your response was rude and vulgar. He merely smirked, kissed your forehead, and slipped out of bed.

Training shirtless in December. Getting way too close whenever he needed to walk by you or around you. Constantly touching you or doing things with his hands when he knew you were watching because he knew you were addicted to his fucking hands. He was shameless. And mean. And you were limited on options because you needed to have sex with this man! But you also wanted to keep your pride intact.

It was like this for several days and just one night less. He would torture you in front of everyone because he knew you weren’t going to act out. Then, the nights were strict. He made you shower alone, made you dress yourself in bland, old clothing, and then it was nothing but actual sleep.

The night it all changed was another night out, only it was a Stark party and that meant the whole gang was going. He couldn’t tell you what to wear if you avoided him all day, so you did. You spent all your time with Wanda and Nat. It was an obscenely early breakfast, then shopping, then brunch because alcohol was needed, and more shopping, up until the team was getting ready for another—undoubtedly—eventful outing.

In your skin-tight, tiny pink dress, Steve was slipping. You could see it in the way he looked at you, in the way his hands were fisted at his sides, his set jaw, and his squared shoulders. Control was fleeting and you were nothing short of smug, which only made him more determined to fight back.

He drove you to Tony’s because you both were trying to appear normal to everyone else. They always made their jokes about the games you two played, so discretion was a must. The aspect of getting caught and not just blatantly being shameless also played a role behind your secrecy.

He inquired about your day because he wanted you to admit what you did. Instead, you were almost wholly honest, you told him that you wanted to spend time with the girls. He didn’t buy it, but he wasn’t going to call you out, not while you were alone. You took advantage of his silence and divulged secrets told to you that you probably shouldn’t have—but this was Steve, he would never tell a soul.

“Wanda says Vision is terrible at going down on her.”

He shot you a look. “Can you not tell me these things about my teammates?”

“Will you help him, baby?”

His eyes went comically wide. “What?”

“You’re just so good at it.”

“You’re insane.”

You sighed. “Fine, just let Wanda suffer.

“I will.”

He was clearly uncomfortable, and you were enjoying it immensely. “Nat says Bucky is really, really good.”

He sighed. “I didn’t want to know that.”

“But I’m sure no one is better than you…remember the last time you ate me out?”

He scoffed. “Pretty sure we were going to a Stark party…it’s been too long.”

“I don’t mind,” you claimed. “I’m always the one that is too impatient to let you, anyway.”

“I always have to tie you up,” he muttered almost more to himself. “But if you were trying to get on my good side…”

“What?”

He jerked the steering wheel right and sped into a parking lot.

“Steve, what are you doing?”

He turned off the car and looked at you. “If you behave now, you might get a reward tonight.”

“Steve, we’re going to be late. The team gets mad when we’re late.”

He didn’t look worried at all. He began angling your body toward him, hands sliding down your sides until he reached your hips. He pulled you closer to the edge of the seat and you took the cue to lean against the door. “Open your legs for me.”

You curled on leg around the side of the seat and pressed the opposite out as far as you could. This was not a good idea, but when were you ever going to say no to him telling you to open your legs? Most days, they just fell open for him.

He ran his hands back up your thighs to move the dress out of his way, smirking as you shivered.

You didn’t care anymore, about anything. You couldn’t stop staring at his lips, completely willing to forget all the shit he had put you through the past few days. His mouth could make you do anything, all he ever had to do was ask.

He started by kissing your thighs because he wanted you to snap at him, to tell him to hurry up. You wouldn’t—screw the team. You would just have to bring up all the times they were late.

His eyes flit up to you several times make sure he had you absolutely wrecked with all his teasing. Your thighs were shaking, tired from how you were using them, but you always knew that he made it worthwhile.

When he finally pressed just the gentlest kiss to your pussy, you shuddered. “Daddy,” you whined. “Please eat my pussy.”

He hummed as if he was contemplating.

“Please, daddy,” you whined. “Please, it’s been so long. I miss it.”

“You don’t prefer the beard?” he challenged knowingly. The beard didn’t always make sense for his cover, sometimes he had to get rid of it. You never let him do so without fucking you just one last time—rough, fast, dirty.

“No,” you denied. “I do not prefer it.”

He arched an eyebrow, ending all those small kisses he was scattering along your skin. “Really?”

“I prefer you, Steve Rogers. Beard, no beard. Long hair, short hair. I don’t care what you look like. I just know, every second of every day, I want you to be fucking me.”

He hummed, tried to pretend it didn’t matter. But it did, because Steve needed a partner that needed him. Not in that gross, misogynistic way most men were guilty of. He needed a partner that sometimes couldn’t think straight, that sometimes couldn’t complete the simple task of living until he was inside them. “Good answer.”

You smiled. “I’m aware.” You fit those requirements well. Yes, you were good and wanted to please him. However, you were also greedy and demanding and sometimes, you threw fits and tantrums, sometimes, you refused to do what you needed to do until he made you come. You felt zero shame about wanting and needing him and you knew the simple fact of desiring him specifically always got him off.

“You really are my good girl,” he feigned realization, as if you hadn’t made it abundantly clear a million times over.

“Yes, I am.”

“And my good girl wants her pussy eaten?”

“Yes, I do.”

He kissed his way up your thigh again and finally, turned to your cunt. He kissed you several more times as you squirmed, then licked up slowly as his eyes were locked on yours.

You shuddered. “Daddy, that feels so good.”

“If you weren’t being such a good girl, I would spank you for not wearing underwear.”

You smiled.

He repeated that same touch several times, looking more and more pleased every sound you made, every jerk of your hips. It was all slow, all calculated movement designed to pleasure you just enough, but not enough. He just wanted to taste you and tease you, and you didn’t mind any of it. This is the most time Steve has spent on you in a while, you were just enjoying his attention.

You were 40 minutes late, messed up hair, flushed cheeks, shaky legs because he didn’t let you come—and everyone knew exactly what it was that had made you late, exactly what you had prioritized over them.

You were insane. You had been driven to that point by Steve Rogers, Captain America—he was a cruel man not that selfless hero everyone got to see. He’d taken you so close to that edge so many times, promised if you were patient that he would make it all up to you.

When he finally lifted your hips and buried his face between your thighs, you were sure your finish was coming. He sucked on your clit mercilessly, tongue swiping out a few times to gather the arousal leaking down your pussy. When you let him know you were close, he set you down on the seat again and told you to put your seatbelt back on.

He had done this before but maybe it was all that time that he had been gone. Maybe it was that his face was wet, his lips redder and fuller than usual, and that he simply smirked and wiped the back of his hand over his skin. It was just different. He was not going to get away with it.

You didn’t say a word for the rest of the drive. Even though he was cooing at you the entire time about how you were his doll and you were beautiful, and he claimed to love you so much. He kept touching your hair and your arm, but you wouldn’t budge.

When Bucky threw you a pitiful look, the whole plan just sort of fell into place. You couldn’t really be blamed, right? He couldn’t consider it your fault—no, at this point, he had to know that anything you did in response to his disproportionate punishment was all on him. He left you alone, didn’t fuck you, didn’t let you come—flirting with Bucky was well within your rights.

It started simple. Bucky was trying to warm up to his metal arm more—the next step in his therapy—and you liked helping. This wasn’t that, necessarily, but you could say you were killing two birds with one stone. You simply walked right up to him and draped his arm around your shoulders. You knew your boyfriend wouldn’t like it because that was what you did to him, it was one of the many ways you liked asking him for attention without using words.

Steve eyed you for nothing more than a second, and neither of you acknowledged it any further, but you knew it bothered him. You’d been given quite a powerful gift one night when Steve had you pressed to the wall, chest to your back, hand to your throat as he fucked you from behind. He had admitted that he was being so complicated—that was a week of hell, one you always shuddered thinking about because you couldn’t walk straight a few days after—because he didn’t like how he felt whenever you would just disappear with Bucky. He promised he wasn’t accusing either of you of anything, it just reminded him of how things used to be with his best friend. You didn’t like flirting with Bucky, but after what Steve had done, it was deserved.

Apparently, he wasn’t too angry since he was on you as soon as you and Bucky separated. He held you as close as possible until he talked you into going outside. Stark parties were always crowded and loud and it wasn’t rare that people would be nearly glued to the side of the building and one another, practically having sex with their clothes on. But it was rare that you and Steve were some of those people.

Yet, he was not hesitant. He led you outside, his fingers linked between yours. As soon as he could, he turned back to you and caged you against the building with his forearms on either side of your head.

He made no further moves, he just watched you. Your skin was itching with desire, but you wouldn’t let him know that. “Did you want something, daddy?”

He smirked a little, shaking his head. “Not much. I just wanted you to know that I’m aware you’ve been good.”

You smiled unintentionally, but it felt nice that he knew you were being good, knew that you wanted something very specific. Him, completely to yourself, just one night. You deserved it.

He leaned down and you tilted your head back to meet his kiss. “Well,” his lips brushed over yours, “that was until you decided to be a brat with Bucky.”

You pulled back, pouting at him.

He arched an eyebrow, challenging you to protest.

“Well, if you’re not going to touch me—”

“I was going to reward you for your patience. Good thing I decided to wait.”

“Are you kidding? I waited for you to come back and then your stupid mission got extended by three days—three, so I broke on the last night. Big deal. Then you get here and you don’t fuck me, and don’t even get me started on the shit you just pulled. I wanted attention and affection and Bucky seemed willing to provide.”

One of his hands wrapped around your throat, his thumb massaging over your pulse point. “So, your grand solution, if I’m not giving you what you want, is to run to Bucky?”

“What if I say yes?”

He glanced around before tightening his hand and looking down at you. “If you say yes, then I’m going to punish you. I’m going to take you to the side of this building, in the alley, get you on your knees, and make you remind me how much you love me. So, baby doll, what’s your answer?”

It was as if he thought you wouldn’t enjoy every second of that. “My answer is yes,” you claimed. “If you’re not giving me attention, I’ll get it from Bucky.”

He took another quick look around before dragging you into the alley just like he said he was going to. Before you could say a word, he was tearing off his jacket to toss onto the floor. He pressed you down onto it by your shoulders, hands then flying to his pants.

By the time you were comfortably settled, hands safely on his thighs, Steve had his cock out for you. Eyes on his, you opened your mouth and swallowed as much of him as you could, slowly because you needed some type of upper hand.

He didn’t let you keep it for long, however. His hand settled at the back of your head and he began fucking your throat like someone who wasn’t just pretending to be angry. Like someone who wasn’t just being the most extra fucking person because he had wanted this the very second that he’d returned home.

You knew better, you always did. He wasn’t mad, you weren’t sincerely flirting with Bucky, you wouldn’t do it again, but he wouldn’t mind if you did—given that you didn’t cross any lines. It was a fun game, but it was time to end this. All this fighting over him watching you, the power struggle, it was done. You just wanted this man to fuck you. You would surrender and you wouldn’t mind it one bit when he had you in bed later that night.

It had to be fast, he couldn’t let you tease. There were people around, people who would undoubtedly gravitate toward the alley. It was pure luck that it was empty at all, but he wasn’t going to waste time being grateful. He was rough sliding in and out of your throat, these quiet grunts just barely audible through all your gagging and the noise of the outside, the people, the cars.

By the time he finished, your throat was sore, tears began running down your cheeks all the way to your neck, drool was starting to slip from your lips. You were a mess, on your knees in an alley, all for Captain fucking America. You never dreamed of being this cool when you were younger, but sometimes things just worked out.

He had leaned onto the brick wall behind you with his forearm, eyes slammed shut, mouth hanging open as he caught his breath.

You waited patiently, despite your declining oxygen and your growing desperation for it. You swallowed when you could, tried breathing through your nose calmly, you didn’t want to have to tell him to pull out. You wanted to keep him for as long as he wanted you to, you wanted him to tell you that you were good with those heart eyes that he always got when you sucked his cock.

He began running his fingers down your hair. “Clean me up, baby.”

You did so as well as you could, but he barely gave you sufficient time before he was pulling you onto your feet.

He leaned in almost immediately to reach down, under your skirt to slide your panties down your legs. You lifted your feet when he needed you to, but mostly, just stupidly stood there. He wasn’t going to fuck you out here, was he? He was a risk-taker, you’d give him that, but an actual gambler? Not quite on that level yet.

He stood, pressing the lace to your chin to dry your face of spit and tears. He was so soft about it, so different than how he had been just moments ago. You watched his face the entire time, blushing terribly at how intently he was staring at you.

“Open your mouth, sweetheart.”

You did so, fully expecting him to kiss you. Instead, he shoved your panties between your lips and was turning away before you could blink. He tucked himself back into his pants with such ease, ease that only came from having super-hearing and knowing for sure that he wasn’t going to be caught.

So, yeah. Long story short, you pushed Steve too far and now he was mad. More than the average amount. Honestly, did he expect you not to retaliate? After he left you alone in the alley without calling you his good girl? If he didn’t see it coming, then he didn’t know you as well as you thought he did.

But he did know you enough. His rough hands had been moving over your ass for the better part of an hour. He’d positioned you in the bedroom so you could see the clock, he wanted you to see that he intended to take him time. He hadn’t spanked you yet and you were just about shaking in anticipation, you knew he had to feel how wet you were.

Yet, he didn’t say a word. He didn’t let you either, any attempt was cut off by some disapproving noise and you were too scared to push him more. Not after what you did…

But you were also impatient. You weren’t trying to be disobedient or argumentative, but you had to communicate with him. He was driving you insane, you weren’t sure you could do this much longer. You cleared your throat a bit. “Daddy—”

“Baby girl, one more time and daddy will have to gag you.”

You immediately shut up. You didn’t want to be gagged. You noticed that when you were less vocal, he was less vocal, and at the end of it all, what was the point of all the theatrics if he wasn’t going to praise you?

He leaned down and kissed the top of your head.

You just wanted to hear it. That you were good, that he was proud of you. Instead, without warning, his hand struck one side of your ass and you were so surprised that you yelped.

Your hands rushed to your mouth as you turned back over your shoulder slightly to eye him. You saw him smirk, this was obviously what he wanted, but then he tsked at you. “I’m sorry, daddy, I was just surprised. I’ll be quiet, I swear.”

He let his palm rub over the red mark across your skin. He hummed, feigning thought. “I don’t know, doll.” His opposite hand came up to grab your jaw, turning your attention forward again.

You were opposed to the gag, but if he wanted to choke you… You brought both your hands up to his forearm and pressed against it until his hand slid down a bit, settling confidently to your throat.

He scoffed. “Want me to choke you?”

You nodded.

“You can speak.”

“Please, daddy,” you begged.

“After all the misbehaving? Do you honestly think you deserve it?”

“Yes.”

He snorted. “Okay.” His hand wrapped around your neck, so suddenly that the surprised noise you made got caught in your throat. The next time he smacked you, your moan was choked, barely audible.

You were immediately relieved. You weren’t going to have to try to be quiet. He always treated that part like a game, if he told you to be quiet, he would then do whatever he could to make you get loud.

He was hitting harder than usual, hard enough that the only thing keeping you draped over his lap was his hand in front of you that was wound around you. You didn’t mind at all, you always wanted him to let go a little. But of course, he was Steve, and he couldn’t stop being overprotective if his life depended on it.

That he wasn’t more concerned with checking in on you was testament to how angry you’d made him. The thing with Bucky was clearly a game, Steve knew you were just making some cheap shots to get his attention. Taking you outside and getting you to suck him off was just him indulging you.

This was not that. You were being punished and his greatest source of irritation seemed to be that you were completely unapologetic. Also, there was the pride aspect, that you had done this in front of the team. If he couldn’t keep you in check, what kind of a leader was he?

But he most certainly couldn’t control you, not unless you wanted to let him. Mostly, he seemed to like that, seemed to like the challenge, the power struggles, the attitude. However, tonight, when you were dancing with Wanda, he seemed a bit…opposed. Wanda herself had been mad at Steve because of a little disagreement they had during their last mission. She was playing to win and if your sore aching ass was any indication, she had.

You always danced with Wanda, you danced with all your friends. But see, Wanda could read minds and that didn’t always produce the best scenarios. She knew you were desperate for an upper hand and she was just crazy enough to help you get it. It started fun like it always did when the girls were free of the boys, but then her hands were on your hips. Yet, you were fine, you knew Steve wouldn’t like it, but oh well.

Then, she spun you around, your back to her chest, and you were facing Steve. And well, she let her hands wander. You had been drinking a little, it was thrilling watching Steve watch you, knowing that he was going to make tonight hell for you.

He was beautiful, sat there, contemplating, strategizing, waiting with the restraint of a god. This was one of those moments when he just couldn’t turn off Captain America, when one was blending into the other. You never minded that. You loved Steve first, of course, but Captain America was just right after that.

You were excited when he calmly got onto the floor almost an hour later and told you it was time to go. You had to bite your tongue to stop the giggles and the words you desperately wanted to say as he took your hand and led you outside. Your body was humming with energy as he drove you back to the compound, hand firmly on your thigh.

He told you he could smell you, your pussy, how terribly you wanted him. He carried you to his room, knowing that your legs were weak and that if given the option, you’d beg him to fuck you in the hall. It was the start of your submission, you both loved it when he handled you like it was nothing.

By the time he yanked your panties down, you were already crying and shaking, your entire body throbbing for a release. Some of your tears had rolled down your cheeks and onto his thigh, and he could feel your knees buckling despite you trying to stand for him. He always ordered you to stay on your feet no matter how useless it was, no matter that even in heels, draped over his huge body, your feet barely touched the ground.

He stopped spanking you only to grab one of your hands from his forearm, dragging it down. “Touch your clit.”

It was nothing short of awkward positioning. You had to reach under his thigh and back up to where your cunt was. You had to angle your ass up just a little to have access, and he took that to mean that you wanted him to smack you harder.

He leaned down, kissing your head. “You’re okay?” He let your neck go just a little, a sign he wanted you to use words.

You nodded, clearing your throat. “Yes, daddy.”

“Don’t stop touching your clit until I tell you. Understand?”

“Yes.”

“And you better not come.”

“Okay.”

“If you do either of these things, I will tie you up and spank you for the rest of the night. I won’t fuck you, I won’t make you come.”

You nodded again. “Okay.”

You were slow about it, worried that you might work yourself up too quickly. He only just started with this, he wasn’t going to let it go for at least 30 minutes. He smacked you the entire time. It was heavy and noisy, and never failed to make your hips jolt so much that your clit was constantly moving out of reach before you panicked and set yourself back in the correct place.

“Rub your clit faster, doll.”

“Daddy—”

He reached down to take your hand, pressed firmly on your clit, and spoke over the moan that fell from your open mouth. “Do it like that, don’t make me tell you again.”

Even when he moved his hand, you continued. Your moans were strangled but loud enough for him. “Daddy, I’ll come like this.”

“Don’t,” was all he said and followed with another strike across your ass.

“Daddy, please, I’m going to come.” Your thighs were already shaking, that pressure in your lower body was building, threatening to bloom into a numbing orgasm. “Daddy, I can’t do this.”

“Yes, you can.” Another smack. “Aren’t you my good girl?” And another. “Don’t you wanna make daddy proud?” Another.

“Yes, daddy, but it feels too good,” you blurted out.

“My decision has been made.” He hit you twice more before you started to panic.

“Daddy, I’m sorry,” you whined. “I’m really sorry, please let me stop!”

He settled one hand over your ass cheek and removed his hand from your neck to take your hand away from your pussy. “Baby, make it a good apology or we will start all over.”

You pulled your joined hands up and started kissing his knuckles. “I’m sorry, daddy, I promise I am.”

“For what?” he asked slowly. “Say all of it.”

“For flirting with Bucky.”

He smacked you again and you hissed. “How did you flirt with Bucky?”

“I let him touch me.”

Once more. “And why is that wrong?”

You waited until your skin stopped stinging before you spoke. “Because only you should be touching me.”

He hummed and his hand came down again. “Go on.”

“And for dancing with Wanda.”

“You wanted to make daddy mad, didn’t you?”

“Yes,” you admitted.

“Because you wanted to be spanked,” he accused.

You nodded. “Yes.”

“How’s that working out for you, doll?”

“It was fun for a while,” you admitted.

He snorted. “You’re a god damn brat.”

You kissed his hand again. “Your brat?”

He rolled his eyes, but you could see he was trying to fight a smile. “Yeah, mine. No one else should touch you, no one else should be dancing with you.” He finally pulled you up, quickly setting you so that you straddled him. He touched your face with both hands, looking over you carefully.

Your hands went to his pants and you began moving them out of the way.

He lifted an eyebrow at you. “I know you’re not doing that without permission.”

Biting your lip, you shrugged and pressed your palm against his cock through the pants.

He spanked you again and you crashed into him. Your knees slipped from the mattress and you frantically caught onto his shoulders. He gave you no time to recover, instead, rolled over so you were under him. “You know what I want to hear, doll.”

You did know. As much as you wanted him to praise you, he wanted you to tell him you loved him. But, again, you truly were a brat and sometimes decided to withhold such an admission. “I love you, daddy.”

“I love you, too.”

You brought a hand up to his face. “Are you gonna fuck me, daddy?”

“I’m gonna ruin you, baby doll,” he corrected. “First, I’m gonna eat your pussy and let you come. Then, I’m gonna fuck your pussy until I’m not hard anymore. Then I’m gonna fuck your mouth until I’m ready to fuck your ass.”

You would place money on the absurd idea that he’d somehow gotten a degree in teasing. Pathetically, you clutched at his shirt. “Please?”

He smirked. “Anything you want, baby girl.”

You yanked the hem up his back and he assisted you in taking it off. You kissed him hungrily, open-mouthed, moaning, yanking on his lip with both of yours.

He wasted no time, spared no warning, offered no preparation time. Abruptly, two of his thick fingers were inside your pussy and you were crying out, throwing your head back, body arching up closer to his. He started kissing your face, down the faint tear tracks that resulted from the prior spanking.

Again, he ordered against your skin, “say it again.”

“I love you,” you blurted out, hips rolling up to get him in further. “Daddy, I love you so fucking much.”

As his fingers curled, he kissed down your face, your neck, all the way down to one of your breasts. “Touch the other,” he directed, and didn’t close his mouth around your nipple until your hand had cupped your neglected breast.

He sucked hard, pressed his fingers hard, held you down with his hips hard. Everything about him was hard and rough and determined. He took you there fast, to that place where your body was shaking, these whiny, small noises couldn’t stop pouring out of you if your life depended on it, your hips jerking, your pussy clenching, stars behind your god damn eyes.

“I’m close, daddy. Can I come?”

He bit into your skin instead of answering, perfect teeth surrounding your nipple, a fucking threat. Did he actually think you didn’t want him to dig his teeth into you?

Your second hand came up to the back of his head where you fisted his hair and pressed him down more. “Harder, daddy, harder.”

He let his teeth pinch you just a tad more, concern clear in his actions.

“Harder,” you repeated.

Again, he gave you what you asked for, and pressed a third finger inside you. It was a delicious, disorienting, blissful stretch that you had to spread your legs to try to take.

“Harder,” you ordered, tone sharp, maybe a little condescending.

His fingers began pounding into you, wet noises echoing from your pussy. Finally, you were sure his teeth had pierced your skin.

You screamed so loud you were sure the entire floor heard you—distantly, you spared thought to who was going to give you a rough time at breakfast. Your orgasm followed almost instantly, and Steve fucked his fingers into you until you were mewling and brushing your fingers through his hair. You couldn’t say much at the moment but that little gesture never failed to stroke that unspoken part of Steve—which you had always known about—that also liked praise.

He turned up to you and you saw him lick his lips, maybe you’d seen a flash of red, maybe you’d just imagined it. Your breast stung, you thought you might have felt something drip down your skin… He pulled you up with him, hand on your arm, his other hand touching your lips, giving you a little taste of what your pussy had left behind on his fingers.

Before you could say a word, Steve was getting you on your knees and pushing you toward the headboard. You were confused by it but since you were still reeling from your last orgasm, you decided to trust him. He kept you facing away from him and you didn’t understand why until your wrists were being tied to the headboard. He took your hips and yanked you back and it was then you thought maybe you knew what he was doing. Your ankles were next, which was a long process given that you were so far away from the next spot on the bed that could hold a rope.

You were uncomfortably angled, body pulled tight. It was his favorite way to eat you out, you were completely exposed to him, unable to pull yourself away if he was overstimulating you. How he got back under you is another part of this that you were unclear on, anticipation now clouding your ability to logical thoughts.

His hands slid up your thighs, over your ass, clasped around your waist and then he pulled you down almost violently, clearly unconcerned about the way that pulled at both your arms and legs. You didn’t mind much either.

Once more, he didn’t bother with any of that elaborate shit. You weren’t built up, you weren’t led to an orgasm. He ate your pussy like it was the only thing he knew how to do. He alternated between running his tongue through you—prodding your entrance just slightly, then over your clit, back down and the same, over and over—to sucking your clit between his lips, moaning, sighing, making all of these appreciative noises that only added to all the sensations.

His fingers dug into your skin, your ribs painfully, your limbs were aching, but you knew it didn’t matter. Even if you told him all of this, even if you could make yourself care—as if you could focus on anything but his mouth—he wasn’t going to stop until he was satisfied.

Your first finish was slow, a somewhat drawn-out process that he worked to keep you on the edge of for just a few moments. He wasn’t teasing, necessarily, but he needed to remind you, in this state of hazy pleasure, that your body was wholly his. You squeezed your eyes shut, yanked on the ropes because that was the only thing you could do, and once again, reminded him that you loved him.

The second orgasm felt nearly immediately after—though, time distantly existed to someone as satisfied as you. You were trying to relax, worried you would spend yourself before you got fucked. He didn’t stop, he didn’t slow, if anything, he was faster, more skilled. He sucked at your skin roughly, a demand because he was getting impatient.

You were a whimpering, crying mess, begging him in half sentences because you were unable to articulate fully what you wanted. Your pussy spasmed, clenching in desperate need to be filled as he focused solely on your clit. You screamed things that you knew he would be smug about for days to come, how good you felt, how badly you needed only him, how much you wanted to be on his cock because he had the best cock in the world.

Prior to you, Steve thought he didn’t need to hear such biased things from a lover. But since he couldn’t get drunk, this was basically the only drug he could indulge in and get something out of.

This was around the time you started to worry, because again, you were offered no recovery time. He flicked his tongue over your clit regardless of your pleas for a break, regardless of how desperately you pulled on the ropes, regardless of the tears rolling down your cheeks. It was too much, you couldn’t come again.

He brought his hand up and spread your cunt, tongue continuing back and forth over that sensitive spot. You sobbed, utterly broken, overwhelmed, consumed, and insisted that you couldn’t give him another one. He stopped licking you only to say, “you can, and you will,” before diving right back in.

He must have known that this was it, this was when you needed your reprieve. You finished and he made sure not a drop of you went to waste, but then he was kissing around your thighs, you could feel that his cheeks and jaw were wet and there was something deep inside you that loved that his face was covered in you—maybe you could go a couple more rounds.

He tore the ropes off, uncaring of what happened to the bed or anything else—though, the way the post creaked made you worry. He just wanted to get you loose quickly and as soon as you were free, he was laying you down and kissing you wherever he could reach, mainly your chest and one of your arms.

When his lips were on yours, you remembered how badly you had wanted him inside you. It didn’t matter that you could barely move, you insisted on pushing his jeans down. “Daddy, please?”

He helped you because he doubted your ability to do so on your own, but he made the mental note to let you undress him before he ate you out next time. He loved when you undressed him, how your fingers would glide down his skin so softly, like he was something delicate or breakable. Sometimes, it made him forget who and what he was.

Though you were soaking wet, somewhat numb from all that overstimulation, he was hard enough that it hurt. His cock pressed into you carefully, inch by inch, his eyes on your face the whole time. He loved the flush on your cheeks, that hazy gleam in your eye, your swollen, parted lips—you looked so wrecked.

You weakly hooked a leg around his ass, hands following to grasp at his shoulders. “Daddy, I feel like I’ve needed you inside me for a fucking year.” And now he was there, and it made no sense how complete you felt, how sated, how at-home.

He kissed your lips first, a clear apology, then he kissed all around your face until you couldn’t stop smiling. “I’ll make it up to you,” he assured. “I’m gonna pound your beautiful little pussy until I know you can’t take it anymore.”

Sometimes, fucking so wildly and creatively was at the cost of simple intimacy. As he picked up this steady pace, this nice roll of his hips that was deep enough to make you cry out and forceful enough that his skin slapped noisily against yours, your eyes sought his out. He set his hand to your cheek, a nonverbal order to keep looking at him. His eyes always seemed like an ocean to you, so great, so dangerous, so mysterious. You realized he hadn’t spoken about his last mission, you were beginning to wonder if there was a bigger reason for all these games. Maybe this was his way of sneakily getting you here without having to talk about it—he never liked you to worry.

You finished and it felt like he was finally home, despite him having been there for several days. You shuddering beneath him, tightening around him to the point of being painful just grounded him like nothing else could, reminded him that he was human.

His hips stilled immediately and before you could say a word, his lips were on yours. He was smart, anyone who ever claimed Steve wasn’t alarmingly intelligent was dead wrong. He was a strategist above all else, that also applied in bed. He wanted you to come down fast before he started up again, he wanted you loose and weak because you were less likely to make him come that way. And he had such grand plans for the rest of the night, it was written all over his face, meaning he was edging himself.

There were few things better than when Steve did this. He always knew how to start slow for himself, not gentle, not boring, just simply not enough. With time, he fucked you harder, he grabbed you like you were little more than a toy given to him simply for his pleasure, the noises he made were animalistic, the things he would say… You just had to last that long, and it was always a mystery if you would, if he would take it easy on you or not.

Usually, he didn’t care to be so considerate.

He settled his weight on one of his forearms as he pulled away from the kiss. His opposite hand slid down your body and to your sensitive cunt.

“Daddy,” you whimpered. Nope, he most certainly was not going easy on you tonight.

He didn’t start fucking you again. Instead, he rubbed firm, quick circles over your clit until you were shaking and screaming and crying and squeezing his shoulders in your hands.

While you were coming, he brought his hand over your mouth and nose. You did your best to look up at him, but he kept his fingers on your clit and you could barely think straight, let alone see straight.

“Hear that?” That was when he started thrusting. “Hear how wet your pussy is? It’s been that wet all night, you’ve been so desperate for my cock all night. When you were flirting with Bucky, when you were dancing with Wanda. And they both knew it. Bucky can smell you, too, and I’m sure Wanda was reading your thoughts.”

Both of those suggestions were mortifying. It wasn’t normal how weak and pathetic you got over Steve’s cock. Thinking that the team knew that, that Wanda was listening to some of your thoughts, you wouldn’t be able to look them in the eye for at least the next week.

He kept his hand over you, preventing you from breathing because he knew it would make your next orgasm better. He felt a sinful amount of pride when your eyes began crossing, when your hips started to jerk, when you started digging your nails into his skin. You were so fucked out you didn’t care what you looked like or sounded like, and that was what turned him on like nothing else after long nights like these.

You started shoving his arm as you were coming down, realizing once more the importance of oxygen. He waited, kept his hold over you, eyes locked on yours, until your eyes filled with more tears and your skin turned just a little red. When he let you go, your chest heaved as you greedily took in air. And he never once stopped driving his cock in and out of you, reveling in the sounds.

“Daddy—”

He scoffed, rolling over effortlessly so you were on top. “Come on, sweetheart, I know you’re not trying to tap out right now.” His hand spread over your back, holding you down flat. His voice was surprisingly steady considering his erratic thrusts. “Not only would I not let you, but you know you’re tougher than that.”

Your cheek was pressed to his chest, the loudest sound you could hear was his pounding heart. You had your hands somewhere on his body, all you could feel was skin and muscle and heat. His hands slid down to your ass where he held you in place and fucked you harder than he usually liked to. Screams tore from your throat along with these small mewls when you were almost choking on air because you could barely remember how to breathe.

“You love me, baby doll?”

“Yes,” you rasped. “Yes, daddy, I love you.”

“You gonna be a good girl and let daddy use you all night?”

“Yes.” That was a big promise you weren’t sure you were going to be able to keep but your desire to make him proud sometimes beat out logic.

“Sit up,” he directed but moved you himself. He placed your hands on his chest but kept a good hold of your shoulders. “You know what I want.”

And for some reason, your hips, despite all the screaming your muscles were doing, started to roll.

He let out a pleased sigh, eyes roaming over your body. His hands weren’t tight, they were just there if he needed to catch you, but this was all you. This was his baby, riding his cock because you were such a good girl.

This had to be adrenaline, there was no other explanation for why you were able to move on your own. From this position, you could feel how wet and sticky you’d gotten his thighs—how many times had he made you come? You weren’t sure anymore.

As you drew yourself closer to an orgasm, now wildly bouncing on his cock, screaming, gasping, sobbing, you pressed your nails down into his pecs as sharply as you could.

He watched your breasts move with you, smugly admiring the bruised and broken skin around your nipple. His heart swelled when he felt you trying to mark him up, too. You made him wish that he didn’t heal so fast sometimes, if only so he could be covered in you as much as you were covered in him.

He caught your hip in one hand when you were getting him too close. He dragged you down until you were flat on his lap, struggling to sit on the entire length of his cock. His other hand went to your clit again and you threw your head back and moaned shamelessly. He flicked his thumb over you until you were shaking, your knees digging into his sides, your chest heaving, your arms buckling.

He let you come down this time but not because he was feeling nice. He’d been so lost in you that he had let himself get just a little too far. But that didn’t stop you from being a fucking tease, he suspected nothing in this world could. You were sitting there, pussy occasionally clenching around his cock, your hands kneading your breasts and pinching your nipples.

His hand tightened on you when your shaky fingers touched the bite he’d left behind. You hissed a little, glancing down to assess the damage. He was sick for biting you like that, but you were sick for looking so god damn happy about it.

Your eyes flit up to him, catching him looking just a little weak. His mouth snapped shut when he realized you were watching him. “Wanna give me another one, daddy?”

Scoffing, he sat up, situating himself onto his legs so you could sit on his thighs. His arms slid around your back and he pulled you up until you were a head or so taller than him. With your eyes locked, he sucked your nipple between his lips.

“Fuck, daddy,” you whispered.

He hummed lightly, teeth just barely pressing down.

“Shit,” you muttered, almost more to yourself. You always liked feeling it, but he’d never taken the time to let you watch him do it.

He started sucking, taking more of your breast in his mouth until he’d decided where he wanted to let his teeth cut into your skin. He did it slow, sinking them in carefully and keeping his gaze on you the whole time. You were shaking again and he could feel your cunt leaking onto his lap. He wasn’t sure he’d ever gotten you this wet before.

Your eyes filled with new tears when he finally broke your skin. You bit your lip to keep from making a noise too big, but it was an agonized cry that made him pause for just a moment. But then you squeezed your pussy around him and his hand came down on your ass loudly, you weren’t sure what scared you more the sudden sound or the force behind it.

He pulled his mouth off and admired his work for a second before turning up to you. “You want to be a fucking brat after I’m making you act like this?”

You scoffed shakily. “And how are you making me act, daddy?”

Instead of answering that, he asserted, “I’ve never seen someone so desperate to have every hole fucked this hard. I’m sure most people haven’t.”

You arched an eyebrow at him.

“Maybe I should fuck you in front of the team, hmm?”

That idea probably didn’t put you off as much as he thought it would. Although, calling him daddy, begging for his cock and his cum, crying because he won’t let you finish—thinking of other people watching you submit like that was a little embarrassing.

“How about just Wanda and Vision?” you suggested.

He snorted. “Really?”

“He can watch you eat my pussy, you can show him how to do it.”

He hummed, pretending that he didn’t care.

But he should have stopped you because you were about to cross the line with him. After all, it was one of your favorite hobbies. “But before we get Wanda’s hopes up, maybe he could practice on me a few times.”

And when he gripped your hip tighter, you knew you’d hit the bullseye. He took his opposite hand and grabbed your jaw. “I’m only going to say this once, doll.”

You hummed, trying to hide how pleased with yourself you were.

“If you ever joke about someone else eating your pussy, I’ll fucking spank you until I see some blood.”

Though it was more than likely an empty threat—Steve didn’t have it in him to do that to you, even when you promised you would tell him if it was too much—his deep voice, his unrelenting grip on your jaw, his dark eyes all made you wetter.

“Understood?”

You tried not to smile but you failed, and continued to fail as you tried to hide it by nodding.

He scoffed sharply. “You’re so fucking spoiled.”

He grabbed a handful of hair at the back of your head, smirking when you startled. Before you could say a word, he was yanking you down until his cock had slipped out and you rolled off his lap. He didn’t much care where you landed, he just shoved your face into the bed.

Then he was on top of you, settling his body over yours but being careful not to set any weight on you. He was not gentle at all when he entered you again because this was the kind of fucking that wouldn’t stop until you were sweating, dripping with cum, crying, and blurting out nonsense that always seemed to placate him.

He kept your face pressed into the mattress as he railed into you. You screamed loudly because you could, because he wasn’t letting you do anything else, because it was the only way you could express to him how badly you wanted to finish, how badly you wanted him to finish. As you were coming, you only got louder, your throat was starting to ache, your heart was pounding, your head spinning—you couldn’t fucking breathe, not that you minded, and you were wasting the little oxygen you did have to let this man know he was fucking you just right.

He waited until your body was thrashing with aftershocks, until your voice had died down somewhat, and then lifted your head. Instead of letting you catch your breath, he leaned over and kissed you. It was a sloppy, open-mouthed kiss with a lot of tongue, both of you moaning as his hips continued to move.

“Daddy, are you gonna come?”

“You want me to?”

You nodded as well as you could with his hold on your hair. “Please, daddy.”

He hummed before shoving your face back down. He sat back then, free hand coming to the small of your back to keep you right there. With this new position, he had a lot more leverage and he took full advantage of that. You didn’t scream this time, you couldn’t. A sound had caught in your throat the second he slammed back into you harder than you could ever remember him doing so. It fucking hurt and you were aching, but you loved that harsh sting you felt in your pussy. You loved that he was the one who did it to you.

He collapsed back over you as he finished. His mouth took your shoulder, biting down to muffle the groans pouring from him as his body moved at a steady pace. You could feel his cum filling you, soon it would be dripping out, soon he would be moving again until he’d just about fucked it all out of you, and he’d want to do it again and again, until he wasn’t hard anymore.

Currently though, he was. He was buried deep inside you and it hurt to have him there while you were still tight from your last finish and the impending next one. It was a feeling you’d gotten used to, a feeling you’d grown to crave sometimes. That pain that was so uniquely Steve Rogers because no one else had that stamina or strength.

He sat up again, releasing his hold on your head so you could finally breathe. He let you collect yourself as he began positioning you over him. He spread your legs as wide as they could go, draping your thighs over his.

Was he ever going to give you a break?

His hands both curled around your waist, fingers pressing firmly down on that skin. He dragged you down further onto his cock and you threw your head back. He kept fucking you like this, just pushing and pulling your body and holding you so tight. He was merciless, forcing you to take as much of his cock as you could before you screamed. He loved hearing you scream. It fueled him on, so it was no surprise when he pinned you down to the mattress, hands painfully grasping at your skin, and began fucking you so roughly that the bed was rattling. You were shrieking and crying and pleading, and your hips were angling up so you could take him in deeper. All you wanted was your next orgasm.

When you got it, you felt much like a shattered vase. You could do nothing but lay there in pieces, panting, disoriented, struggling to keep a grip on reality. Through it all, he pounding into you, roughly handling your body to best get himself off.

You knew he was coming when he brought his forearms down on either side of you. It was a few more harsh snaps of his hips and then he was unmoving, and you were full of him. He wasn’t completely rested on you, but it was the only thing in that moment that could ground you.

You blindly, mindlessly reached for him. You curled your arm back, grabbing his hair to pull him closer. You didn’t want to kiss him, you just wanted him as close as he could possibly get. Regardless, he did kiss you until he felt like you had come down enough for him.

He slipped his cock out and you felt his cum following, dripping from your pussy. He climbed off the bed, standing at the very edge where he gestured you over. “Come here, baby doll.”

You weren’t sure how you made yourself crawl over to him. It was purely a miracle that your muscles worked. You were on your hands and knees when you took him into your mouth. His hand settled in your hair and he let his head fall back.

He wasn’t totally soft, but as soft as he was going to get while his thoughts about all the ways he wanted to fuck you persisted. He grabbed your hair and pulled you off, smiling a little when he saw you pouting. There were few things he liked seeing more than when you would get bratty just to suck him off. “Lay down on your back.”

You quickly obliged. He had never placed you in this position before and you loved when Steve took control of positions—it was never disappointing. He took your waist and pulled you to the edge of the bed until your head was dangling over. Immediately, you opened your mouth for him and he thrust back in.

You gagged noisily, your throat moving around him as you struggled to take him. He let you adjust on your own while his hands wandered your body. First, he grabbed your breasts, pinched your nipples until your back was arching and you were whimpering for more. He let them slide down until he could grab your thighs. He spread your legs as wide as they could go and watched your cunt pulsing and clenching, messy, sticky. And dipping with his cum.

“Keep your legs open for me,” was all he said before he leaned over and his tongue was sliding through your folds. You whined, muffled by his cock, utterly frustrated by how badly you wanted him to suck your clit. He pressed his hands down flat on your thighs to keep you pinned right where he wanted and began fucking your mouth.

The room was filled with sounds of you choking and moaning and him eating your soaking pussy and those breaths that you drew from him when you swallowed him just right. During your finish, he stopped his hips, denying himself the same relief. This happened several times and you wouldn’t have minded if he did it for the rest of the night. You didn’t understand how you could want more after all he had given you, but you did. More of his mouth, his hands, his cock.

When he pulled himself from your mouth, he was hard again. You didn’t let him tell you what to do next. You just reached for him, one hand wrapping around his cock and the other massaging his sac. You didn’t stop even though he was fucking you with his fingers, cruel and punishing, until he was spilling out on your skin.

He watched as you let your hands spread his cum all over your breasts and down your body to your pussy where more of him remained. You covered as much of yourself as you could in it and all he could think was that he wanted to do the same to the rest of your body, particularly your ass.

You knew immediately what was coming next. You got up, haphazardly crawled around the mattress until you could lie down and pressed your ass against him eagerly. He got his cock wet with your dripping center, just lightly dipping in and chuckling at the weak sounds you made, and then slowly, he pressed into your asshole.

You gripped at the sheets as he fed you more and more of his cock. Once more, when his hips were flush against you, he became insatiable. He used you to get every last ounce of frustration out and you felt powerful and wanted. He was rough and relentless, he didn’t care how many times you orgasmed, he didn’t care that you were overstimulated and overwhelmed.

You were sweating and shaking, impossibly wet, but he kept going because your hips were driving back to meet his thrusts. You could whine and beg as much as you wanted but Steve knew your body and he was the one that decided when you had had enough. You grabbed at his arms where he had them placed over your head on the mattress for balance, desperate to touch him, to bring him closer to you.

He never stopped fucking you while he situated himself on his side and pulled you along with him. He held you against his chest, arms wound tightly around you as his fingers either pinched your nipples, wrapped around your throat, or rubbed your clit. You were drowning in dozens of sensations that you couldn’t distinguish if your life depended on it.

When Steve finished again, he held onto you almost desperately. He whispered in your ear, the sweetest things, a major contrast compared to the entire night. “Thank you, baby doll, I’ve needed that since I got home.” He took your jaw in his hand and turned you to face him. “Do you love daddy?”

You nodded and made this pathetic noise because you stupidly thought you were capable of forming words. He smiled a little and suddenly, you were just lost in him. His eyes. His lips. His entire fucking unfairly beautiful face.

“Did daddy make you feel good tonight?”

You nodded again. You didn’t know much but you did know that you were high off these things that Steve did to you.

He gave you a single, chaste kiss. “You deserved it, baby girl.”

You began turning your body toward him and he took the hint. He pulled out, grabbing the blankets that were strewn all around the bed. You curled up against him, so tiny and so weak, and he was brimming with pride because he did that to you and you let him and you, this amazing fucking person, loved him. He wasn’t sure what he did to deserve it, but he didn’t ponder too long as he wrapped you up in the blankets and cradled you against him.

tags:

@donutloverxo @chris-evans-indian-fanfic @onetwo3000

[mymelodyheart]

All I Want For Christmas Is You Chapter 4 ~Revelations and Snogs~

Previously in A Christmas Request ...

"Claire?"

"Hmmm?" Her voice was like a breathless whisper, and he wasn't sure if he imagined the yearning look in her eyes. It took all his self-control to keep from kissing her right there and then. Instead, he locked down all his muscles and willed himself to think of animals that start with the letter D. And all his damn brain could summon was the word dragonfly.

"May I ask ye a favour?"

"I don't kiss on the first date," she said too quickly, but her words contradicted her manner as she stared at his lips.

"That wasn't what I was gonnae ask ye."

"Oh!" Her eyes flew to his, and she blushed profusely. "Oh, well, that depends on the favour then."

He swallowed hard and leaned forward, taking her hands in his. "Will ye spend the rest of yer holiday with me?" He cleared his throat. "What I'm trying to ask of ye is, will ye stay here until the Three Kings ...until it's time for ye to go back to London?"

She blinked thrice. 

"Alright."

"Alright?" A lungful of air whooshed out of him.

If you wish to read this on AO3, here is the link.

If you wish to read this from the beginning:

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   Alrighty Beauchamp, what have you just done?

Grabbed life by the balls? Isn't that the mantra?

Nope!

What do you mean nope?

Those are not your words. Not our words.

Yes, they are. You know, live in the moment and la-di-dah!?

Nope, definitely not.

Whose are they then?

Annalise's.

Ah, well ...

Claire mentally shrugged. 

"Sassenach?"

She snapped out of her tunnel vision, then looked at the big hands still holding hers. She was still trying to wrap her head around the idea of agreeing to spend the rest of her holiday with a total stranger. Who are you and what have you done with the ol' Beauchamp? "I'm sorry. I was thinking of Annalise. This is our holiday together, you see. I just agreed to spend the rest of my holiday here without consulting her." She shook her head and laughed despite the conflicting thoughts floating around her head. "I'm quite sure she'll be fine with it. She's the one who's always pushing me to be more spontaneous."

He squeezed her hands. "I'm flattered to be the reason for your spontaneity."

Her face heated. "I've never done this before ...just so you know."

He tried to catch her eye, and when she returned his gaze, he gave her a lop-sided smile. "Neither have I."

Oh, he's so good. Claire blew out a breath and stilled her heart. "That's comforting to know," she said, trying not to look too flustered. Knowing so little about him, she knew she should be wary, but for some reason, she felt safe. Everything about him was brand-new and familiar at the same time. It's as if there had been a melody playing in her head for her entire life, and he'd finally given it words.

"And Analise is welcome to stay too," Jamie quickly reassured her. "Ye said ye're booked at the Airbnb until Boxing day, but I dinnae think there'll be any guarantee ye'll be able to extend yer stay there with it being high season and all. But we have a family cottage that we rent out for the long term, and it was recently vacated. With all the Christmas fuss and work during the past few weeks, we never got around to letting it. Ye and Annalise are welcome to stay there for the rest of yer holiday." And then he grinned. "I'm quite certain my brother would be thrilled with the idea of yer friend staying too."

Claire laughed. "You're probably right. They seemed to have hit it off."

"Ye could say the same for us, don't ye agree?" he asked in a low voice.

She stared at him. How could he looked so calm and collected when she hadn't figured out how to articulate what she was feeling? On top of it all, it seemed he'd perfected the art of persuasion with finesse, so much so, she'd immediately jumped at his invitation to stay in Broch Mordha without a second thought, surprising herself. When it came to the dating game, she would have equated over-confidence to smugness which as a rule turned her immensely off. But there's a sincerity to Jamie's flirting that she found all too endearing and very charming.

She searched his face. Ready or not, she was curious to explore the unfamiliar emotions this beautiful man was drawing out of her. In her history of dating, no man had ever moved her to make her take the leap of faith. Deep down, something always seemed to be missing, and she'd simply put it down to her inability to know what she wanted. To say her hope of finding herself in a romantic relationship had taken a hit would be an understatement.

When her last date had ended in a blaze of abject embarrassment after she was accused of being a cock-tease, she'd decided she was done with men, at least for the foreseeable future. She had a concrete five-year plan, and getting involved with someone when her heart wasn't a hundred per cent into it, wasn't one of them. Annalise continued to hassle her to dive back in into the dating pool head first, but she'd been content to wade in the shallow end. It may have been frustrating to never take the plunge, but at least, there was a nil chance of her drowning in a sea of mistake. But now?

"Baby steps," she whispered.

"Sorry ...I didn't quite catch that."

She pulled her hands from his hold and drank the rest of her already cold Dutch coffee. When she finally placed the mug down, she looked up and smiled at him. "That rental cottage you were talking about, can I at least give you some money for it?"

He shook his head. "No way. In case ye've forgotten, I invited ye to stay."

"But you've been paying for everything all evening. Hardly seems fair."

"Spending my hard-earned quid for the pleasure of a gorgeous lass' company? Every penny spent is worth it if ye ask me." 

When he talked like that, she knew her blush wasn't going to fade anytime soon. "Annalise will disapprove, and I'm pretty sure she will want to have her say in the matter."

"And so will Willie."

"Are you always this stubborn?" she countered.

"Only if I want something badly."

They have a stare-off for a few heartbeats before Jamie tore his gaze away and cleared his throat. 

He glanced down at his watch. "So, the last horse carriage ride around the village is in about twenty minutes. We should probably get going." 

"Horse carriage ride?"

"Aye. Part of the Christmas night tour." He got up from his seat and gallantly offered her his arm. "Shall we?"

It's so old-fashioned and chivalrous, she laughed out loud. "Well, I guess we shall." As soon as she linked her hand into the crook of his elbow, he sucked in a quick breath. "Are you alright?"

He looked down at her hand on his arm and smiled. "Aye. I'm just concerned I might have trouble adhering to yer nae-kiss-on-first-date rule."

They headed out of the cafe and into the frosty air, and she was acutely aware of the low voltage electricity buzzing around them. "Would it help if I put my retainers on? I have them in my bag. I usually put them on at night."

"No, not really. I just have to remind myself of the promise I made to Annalise before we left the pub earlier."

"What promise was that?"

"I promised her I'd behave otherwise ..."

"Otherwise?"

"I have to face the consequences."

She laughed. She knew Annalise's threat so well and by heart as the same lines had been often used to warn her dates in the past. "Well, let me see ...did she say if you misbehave she's going to show you the end of the world up close. And she's going to let you see the kingdom come with your own eyes by sending you straight to the southern hemisphere and letting the ashes of death rain all over you."

He grinned at her. "Something like that. How she's going to achieve that, I have nae idea."

"Never mind how. If you keep on focusing on Annalise's threat, that should be deterrent enough."

He gave her a sceptical shrug. "If ye say so." And then he looked down at her and winked. "But then again, ye're worth tempting fate for."

..........

Claire found herself being hoisted into a festively decorated horse-drawn carriage with twinkling garlands, gold & white berries. To her amusement, even the shire horses were wearing faux antlers. As she sat down, she felt their buggy dipped low as Jamie followed and settled next to her, putting the gift bags on the floor and pulling the woollen blanket over them. As their transport rumbled and creaked into motion, he put an arm behind her, resting it the edge of their seat's backrest, leaving her no alternative but to lean against the curve of his body. His closeness and the motion of their carriage added another layer of tension to her already overworked adrenal glands.

"Comfy?" he whispered, leaning into her, his warm breath on her ear.

"Uh-huh," she managed, licking her lips that had gone suddenly dry. It was a challenging feat to ignore Jamie's presence when his sheer size encroached her space, his thigh brushing against hers and the motion of the ride, sinking her deeper under his arm.

She forced herself to focus on the sounds of the hooves and bells, and admire the trees wrapped in lights, wreaths adorning almost every window, and Santas or nutcrackers standing guard outside front doors. For once, Jamie didn't speak, and she allowed herself to relax, revelling the clean, crisp air of the Highlands. Although Broch Mordha was nothing like London, quieter and had a slower pace of life, the atmosphere in the village was electric. It was almost magical, more natural and everything seemed to make more sense, instead of the rat race that occurred daily and nightly in the big city.

Every year, at around Christmas time, she came back to the Highlands in search of some peace, and every time she returned to London, she always felt like a brand new person, invigorated, well-rested and ready to tackle the New Year. But there was something different about her visit in Broch Mordha compared to the other places she'd been to in the Highlands, and she had a feeling deep in her guts, she'd have trouble leaving this place once her holiday was over. 

"Ye dinnae look tired at all, Sassenach. Ye're used to staying up late?"

She glanced up at Jamie and smiled. "I sleep very little. I don't know, maybe I have insomnia."

"Really? Perhaps it's just a consequence of living in the city. I mean it's loud there, and I presume ye live in a flat where ye can hear the comings and goings of yer neighbours."

She sighed. "Yes, there's that. The flat Annalise and I live in is not really the most tranquil setting. It doesn't help that I am an overthinker."

"What do ye think mostly about when ye cannae sleep?"

"Mostly about work," she shrugged, glancing at the lights overhead that were hung above the streets. "Don't get me wrong. I'm happy, and I'm grateful for the good life I have. It's just that sometimes I think about the day when I would stop searching for ..."

Jamie waited for her to finish her sentence, but she couldn't find the words. "For what?" he finally asked, his hand squeezing her shoulder, urging her on.

"More," she replied candidly, surprising herself with the unguarded utterance that came from her very soul, ragged with honesty and desire for something she didn't have a name for. Yet. Suddenly, the empty place inside her reared up, seeking company. "How about you? What do you think most of at night?" She paused, trying to tamp down the sudden curiosity that flared up, but it was out before she could stop herself. "A certain lass perchance?"

To her astonishment, she felt him tensed beside her, and after a few seconds, he let out a sigh. "I have nightmares," he confided.

Her head jerked up, and she twisted in her seat to look into his eyes. He was probably waiting for her to ask a torrent of questions, but she remained silent, allowing him to set the pace of their conversation. She nodded her head to continue.

"I used to be with the SAS. It's a special force unit for the British army. The unit I was in was responsible for a number of roles including covert reconnaissance, counter-terrorism, direct action, and hostage rescue. My best friend, Simon MacKimmie, was captured while spying behind the enemies' lines. He was a valuable informant for both sides, and my team were under direct orders to get him out of there alive and as swiftly as possible." She watched as his throat worked as if he saw the scene replaying in his mind. "We found him quickly enough and thought we were out of the woods. But the enemy fire broke out just as we were about to board the helicopter. Simon and I were hit, but my wound was superficial, whereas my friend's injury was fatal. I promised him everything would be alright and would make sure he stayed alive for his family. Before he slipped away, he made me promise to take care of his wife, Laoghaire, if he didn't make it. She was pregnant at the time. I didn't hesitate and made a vow to keep that promise."

"Oh, Jamie ..."

He pressed his lips into a determined line. "Months later, I was discharged from the army after I was diagnosed with PTSD. I resigned myself to a quiet life as the flashbacks from the horrors of the war and friend's death worsened. Laoghaire and I became close, as we talked a lot about Simon and I helped her with the things she needed. That was when I found my purpose in life again, and even though I wasn't in love with her, I loved her like I loved Simon so I asked her to marry me so that I could take care of their child. It was a sacrifice, aye, but it was a small price to pay, considering I get to live, and my mate will never get to see his unborn child. So we planned to marry after the child was born. So while we were waiting for the big day, I bought a house for us, and my brother helped me restore it."

"But Laoghaire didnae want to live here. She wanted us to move to Liverpool because she couldnae stand the quiet and the remoteness even though she was born and bred here. I told her we would talk about it after the baby was born. But I was worried that living in the city would make my PTSD worse. Meanwhile, rumours were going around that Laoghaire has been seeing another man when Simon was still alive and that she would often disappear to Liverpool weeks at a time. I ignored it as I didnae care for idle gossips and dismissed it as such. Ye see, she lived and worked in Liverpool before she married Simon; hence, I thought, that was where the rumours had stemmed from. She's a very ambitious lass and has this dream of making it big one day. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I later found out from a reliable source that not only had she cheated on Simon, but she cheated on me while were engaged. I began to wonder if the child she was carrying was even Simon's. While I was building her a house and funding her trips to Liverpool, she was seeing the same man she'd been meeting up with when Simon was still alive. When I confronted her, she admitted to it. So the wedding was cancelled, and she went to Liverpool to give birth to her child and to be with the other man ." 

He shook his head at the memory. "She reminded me of someone I used to pursue. She'd rather be with a man wearing a five grand suit than be with a labourer like me. I guess it's the lure of the city. Sometimes I feel like I failed Simon and his family. I made him all sorts of promises that I couldnae keep and the memory of the glimmer of hope he had in his eyes turning to death, keep recurring in my dreams."

Claire knew the last things Jamie needed were apologies and pities. He seemed like a proud man who didn't shy away from responsibilities and was unapologetically himself. "I guess we both have demons that keep us up at night," she finally said.

Jamie shrugged and waved his hand. "Dinnae fash. I didnae take ye out so ye could watch me wallow. I've done enough of that myself."

She took a deep breath. "I'm not going to pretend I wholly understand everything you've been through, but one thing I know is that you being part of the SAS means you were trained with the elite. You were drilled to save lives, and with that comes, precision and no room for error. So when something goes wrong, and someone dies during your watch, it becomes your fault."

He looked at her as furrows deepened on his brows.

She placed a hand over his. "You tried to absolve your guilt of not being able to save your mate's life by taking care of Laoghaire, who was so undeserving of your kindness and generosity. God or a higher power or the universe, or whatever you wish to call it, is trying to show you something important. You don't get to choose, Jamie. At the end of the day, you can only do your best, but you can't save everyone. No one can. Right now you're learning to live with that, and all you can do now is make sure you get to the other side. You can't take responsibility for everyone's action but yours."

Something lit up in Jamie's eyes. Emboldened by the small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, she grinned at him. "No wonder you won at the caber toss and your team trashed the opponents at shinty today. You have so much pent up emotions dying to come out."

Jamie suddenly laughed out loud and pulled her against him. "I think I need to fire my therapist and hire ye, Sassenach. All this time, we'd circled around the realisation, always walking on eggshells. But ye ...ye just gave it to me straight. I think I'll need ye to stay longer past three kings."

She poked him on the ribs. "Be careful what you wish for!"

..........

A couple of hours and a glass of mulled cider each later, they walked in silence as Jamie guided her down the path that led to the bed and breakfast cottage. As it turned out, he lived three minutes walk away from where she and Annalise were staying.

After spending a whole night out with him, her body was still buzzing with so much energy. She'd never had such a powerful reaction to a man before. Nor enjoyed the company of one as much as she did tonight. She felt like she could uproot all the trees that stood on her path.

"I had a really grand time," he said.

"Me too. Thank you for a wonderful evening."

"And thank ye for the company."

As they neared bed and breakfast cottage, she realised they were exchanging lame small talk, but there's nothing lame about what's passing between them. Either way, she couldn't care less as she'd never laughed so hard in her life.

When they finally reached the small gate, she stopped and turned around to face him. "Well, here we are," she smiled, trying to conceal her reluctance to go.

He hooked the giftbags onto the wooden gate and nodded tensely, the tightness in his jaw quite evident. "Aye. Here we are at Mrs Fitz's place. I ken the ol' dear. She used to feed me and my brother jam piece and milk when we were bairns." He took a step forward and cleared his throat. "I ...um ...tonight was really special." 

"I think so too. Thank you again for everything."

He ran a hand through his hair and blew out a breath. "I'm no' tired yet, so I'm just going to take a walk some more until I'm ready for bed," he said, jerking a thumb over his shoulder.

"Yes, you do that. Fresh air is good for you. And I ...ah ... I'll talk to Annalise about extending our stay here. Ah well ... that's if she's still awake." She rolled her eyes and let out a nervous laugh. "Or if she's home. So ... I'll see you around?"

"Aye, I'm just down the road if ye need anything."

"Yes. Got it. Down the road. A hop, skip and jump away."

He stared for a few heartbeats, then ran his hand behind his neck and gave her a crooked smile. "I meant it, Sassenach. If ye cannae sleep, ye can drop by anytime. I'm a light sleeper. Apart from personalised packaged-tours, I also specialise in making a mean toddy to help ye sleep. And a wicked mushroom omelette if its breakfast ye want. Oh, aye, I'm good at foot massage as well."

She stifled a giggle threatening to burst as a ball of warmth bloomed in her belly. "I have no doubt you're good at those things. I'll bear what you said in mind if I need anything or if I have trouble sleeping. And if I have a sudden urge for a foot massage, I'll pop by."

He shook his head. "Ye're not just saying that to spare my feelings are ye?"

"No. Of course not. I enjoy your company. So ..." Claire took a deep breath. "...this is it. Good night, Jamie. And thank you again for everything." Oh, dear God, I keep saying thank you! She stood on her tiptoes to give him a peck on his cheek just as he offered his hand. Their sudden awkward movement made her lose her balance, bumping her nose on his jaw. They both took a step back and laughed. This time she held out her hand, and he shook it.

They continued to stand there and shake hands, neither of them letting go, their smile slowly ebbing away as they stared at each other.

Jamie was the first to speak. "Right, this is the part where I watch ye walk away."

"Yes. I'll go now. It's getting late." She smiled as she took a tentative step away from him, but he didn't let go of her hand.

Her bottom hit the wooden post behind her as Jamie took another step forward. His height and breadth blocked out the street light, and in the shadows, his expression looked almost pained. She'd had men looked at her with desire before, but nothing like the way Jamie was doing right now. The way his jaw and muscles tensed and his breathing shallowed, she knew it was taking him a lot of effort to hold himself back. Her eyes travelled down to his throat and watched his Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed.

"Sassenach." His voice cut through the haze, and her eyes flew to his as he leaned down and cupped her face. "Maybe ye could stay for just a wee while more."

Her heart began to thump wildly against her ribs as the air between them charged. "I really should get going," she whispered, the blood roaring through her ears almost deafening. She willed herself to move, but she remained fixed on the spot.

"Or perhaps ye can just stand here for a few minutes more and let me do this."

She stopped breathing and time stood still as he softly brushed his lips across hers. Then he pulled away for a brief second waiting for her to object, and when she didn't, he kissed her again.

Her brain seized, and her eyes automatically closed. She'd never felt lips so soft nor been kissed with such gentleness. She once read an Oscar Wilde quote, and it said, "A kiss may ruin a human life." It had puzzled her then because up until now, she'd always thought, although some kisses were sweet it was nothing more than two people putting their faces together and exchanging spit. But Jamie's kiss? She knew it had ruined her for any future kisses. This was the type of kiss she never even knew existed. It was the kind of kiss that inspired stars to climb into the sky and light up the world.

She waited with bated breaths for more, but nothing happened.

When she opened her eyes, he was staring at her. "I've wanted to kiss ye from the moment I laid my eyes on ye," he whispered and grazed her lips once more. "Ye've nae idea how beautiful ye are."

Oh, sweet Jesus! He'd barely touched her. It was merely a light brushing of their lips and the slightest sensation of his breath on her face. But it was enough to cause the static crackling between them to be ignited, and she was left wanting more.

Before she could reassemble her thoughts and make sense of her emotions, he stepped away from her and tunnelled his fingers through his hair. "May I please have yer phone, Sassenach?"

"Oh! Wot for?"

He smiled at her. "I'm giving ye my number." 

She reached into the back pocket of her jeans and handed her phone over. She watched him dial his own number on her screen, and after a few seconds later, his own phone rang. 

"There, now I have yers too." He pushed her phone into her back pocket and blew out a breath. "I'll see ye tomorrow?" 

"You want to see me again?" she teased, smiling.

"I dinnae even want to leave ye tonight."

She dropped her head down to hide the heat creeping up her face. "I'll see what's Annalise is up to and we'll take it from there. I'll either call you or send a message."

He placed a finger under her chin and tipped her face up. "Ye're not mad I kissed ye? I havenae forgotten yer rules about first dates."

Claire picked up the gift bags, stood on her tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek. And then she smiled. "I'm starting to believe the rules don't apply to you. Good night, Jamie." And with that, she turned around and walked towards the cottage without looking back, knowing full well Jamie was still stood there waiting for her until she'd safely made it to the house.

Once inside, she allowed herself to slide down to the floor and relived the memory of their first kiss. And she sat there for a very long time.

Dear Readers,

Here's a little story about this chapter. I got stuck at the beginning of writing this one. So what did I do? I started writing from the middle, then the conclusion and finished the opening in the end. It's common to get stuck in writing, so I thought I'd share this wee tip with you. So just in case, the latest update lost some of its fluidity, you now know the reason why. 😀

Anyway, thank you for reading and your feedback from the previous chapter. It's something I truly appreciate. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I look forward to reading your thoughts. Meanwhile, sending you all best wishes and hope you're taking care of yourselves and your health. x

[fuckingfinwions]

About the guards: Maedhros chose people who he knew wouldn’t make a fuss about Fingon’s treatment, so in a way, yes, he did select guards with sadistic impulses, though he wouldn’t put it that way. He’d say he chose reliable people. They are pissed because 1) Fingon came for Maedhros but no one came for them, 2) Maedhros killed their friend because Fingon lied about him. Neither is exactly Fingon’s fault, but who cares?

Maedhros would never admit it, but sometimes he pretends not to notice the unnecessary cruelty of the guards because then he can appear kinder to Fingon and condition him to develop a dependency from Maedhros (poor Fingon does need to google how not to develop Stockholm Syndrome). Fingon is smart enough to realize this, but it doesn’t help him at all. Not when he’s lying frozen and in pain after a rough treatment from the guards, who tell Maedhros that Fingon was misbehaving and that’s why they did that, and Fingon is terrified that Maedhros will punish him too as he usually does and repeats over and over again that he didn’t do it, then Maedhros tells him ‘I know’, treats his wounds, wraps him up in warm furs and blankets and holds him in a way he knows makes Fingon feel comforted and safe. (And then fucks him gently, which Fingon doesn’t want, of course, but also doesn’t protest because he’s afraid to anger Maedhros and end the pretense of kindness.)

Things will definitely keep getting worse for Fingon. After another escape attempt, Maedhros may decide that Fingon can live with a broken leg or two. If he tries to hit Maedhros or to fight back, he will have a broken finger, then two, then his hand may be broken. If he’s strong enough to fight, maybe he’s getting more food and water than he needs? Maybe he has no need to lie down when Maedhros isn’t there to fuck him and instead should be chained to the wall the whole time? If only he was good, Maedhros would be kinder to him, but Fingon is doing this all to himself by not obeying Maedhros’s every whim and not being grateful enough that Maedhros treats him the way he does. Maedhros would have killed for someone to treat him the way he treats Fingon when he was Morgoth’s prisoner. Clearly, Fingon is just spoiled.

I imagine him finally escaping and running through wilderness, covered in nothing but a blanket, constantly terrified that he will be found and dragged back again. Then he finally reaches Dorthonion, where he’s treated like a person, where he gets to wear clothes and sleep in a warm bed for the first time in decades. But he still doesn’t feel safe, he still feels like any minute the door will open and Maedhros will come in. And then imagine the huge relief he feels when he finally sees his father.

Omg, Fingon thinking that Fingolfin might send him back! Ouch, that’s painful! I don’t think Fingolfin would ever do that, but realistically he might be forced to let Maedhros go unpunished because they still have Morgoth to fight and he can’t afford to lose a huge chunk of his forces. So they can’t even tell anyone what Maedhros has done because it would still create a divide. So what are they going to do? The most believable version is that Fingon has been captured by Morgoth and escaped, but then he is going to be distrusted and ostracized as a former thrall. People are going to demand to remove him from the line of succession, maybe even lock him up. Fingolfin won’t do it, but the threat is still there.

Maedhros would have to sit at war councils and Fingon would have to bear his presence and pretend (probably very badly) everything’s fine. And if Maedhros slips into his chamber one night, Fingon can’t make a fuss, he doesn’t want to divide the Noldor again, does he? Though Fingolfin probably wouldn’t hold back from killing Maedhros this time if he knew he raped his son under his own roof. (A slightly darker and more coldly pragmatic Fingolfin would tell Fingon to endure it for the sake of the Noldor. He isn’t going to send Fingon back to Maedhros, so Fingon can do him a favor and shut up and take it once in a while.)

You’re right, Fingon isn’t the type to stay in his place while others are fighting for him, so he might very well be at the siege of Himring. Him trapped in the fortress with Maedhros is the stuff of nightmares! He will be very well-protected, of course, Fingolfin won’t want him alone even for a second, but he would still feel exposed and Maedhros would still try to corner him alone.

Maedhros’s brothers would certainly come to his aid against Fingolfin. Even if they found out what Maedhros did, they would at best be like ‘what the fuck, man, that’s fucked up’, but still support him.

Outofangband’s dark Turgon AU sounds super interesting. He already dislikes the Feanorians in canon, make him slightly darker and he could do monstrous things to them.

Thank you so much for letting me ramble. If you want me to stop, just tell me and I will. No hard feelings.

This is just amazing, nonny. I've been trying all week to think of as good a reply as it deserves.

I'm not surprised that selecting for guards who will keep a sex slave secret also ends up selecting sadistic assholes. Them using Fingon's accusation and the other guard's death as a justification for their actions (including possibly retroactively, I doubt they were kind before that) is great.

Oh wow, the list of "privileges" Maedhros thinks Fingon can do without. Presumably he'll let Fingon's leg heal, if Fingon behaves. If Fingon doesn't behave, I wonder if he could be tied up such that his leg heals crooked and he can't run fast. (Downside: that would make him less pretty.)

The thing about not needing so much energy if he's going to use it to fight is also great. Maybe he's fed just enough to stay alive most days. But when the guards see a rider approaching from Himring, that's their cue to give Fingon a bit more food, especially simple carbs that will give him energy quickly. That way he can be more "enthusiastic" during sex rather than just lying there limply. (To be clear, the guards aren't hiding their neglect from Maedhros. He totally ordered them to do this.) Most days though, he has just enough energy to stay upright, and not choke in his collar that's chained to the wall. (Maedhros learned the lesson from his own rescue, of don't chain them by a body part whose loss is survivable.)

On the days Maedhros visits, Fingon has enough energy to move around, and to talk, and to think about something other than how hungry he is. Maedhros has him in a bed, with soft blankets, and cuddles him so they're both warm. It's the best part of Fingon's - week? month? he has no way of keeping track of days - even with the unwanted sex. Fingon knows it's rape, but Maedhros is gentle, and makes sure it's pleasurable for them both, and over time such a harsh word doesn't seem to fit.

The escape! Traveling for miles wrapped in nothing but a blanket, his feet getting torn up, only focused on that he needs to go West. And wow, yeah, not feeling safe until he sees his father, and he can relax and know that someone will take care of him and mean it this time.

Also, all the healers who have the most expertise with injuries from captivity are the ones who helped when Maedhros was rescued. If they get the "escaped from Morgoth" story, they might reassure Fingon with telling him how his friend Maedhros was able to make a full recovery, isn't that good? That Fingon will be so physically strong? (arms pinning him down, a hand around his throat-) That Fingon is no more corrupted than Maedhros is?

I bet after the former thrall story gets out, someone sympathetic to Fingon pulls him aside after a court session. "I obviously don't believe the rumors about you being controlled. But they might die down if you let town for a while, let everyone find something new to gossip about. They say Himring welcomes former thralls, you wouldn't have to deal with all this suspicion there." Fingon just barely avoids vomiting at the suggestion.

I think Maedhros would be too smart to rape Fingon under Fingolfin's roof? He might act like they just had an argument and are on a break, but he wouldn't physically force Fingon when he knows Fingon could get away. He wouldn't be above bribing one of the servants to let him in to Fingon's room for a private discussion though, and kissing Fingon while Fingon is still too shocked to react. (although that coldly pragmatic Fingolfin would be so terrible for Fingon. Maybe he heard that Fingon had been raped in his room, and said "You can move to a different room if you think that will keep him from finding you, but please come up with a good excuse for why you're doing so."

I'm picturing Fingolfin and Fingon going to attack Maedhros. Then they're attacked by Morogth and has to retreat into Himring. Things are tense, but Fingolfin makes it clear to Fingon that any judgement against Maedhros is only delayed, not avoided.

Then word comes that there's the banners of another elven host on the far side of the besieging orcs. And it's Himlad, with Clegorm and Curufin.

Fingolfin stops talking about bringing Maedhros to justice. He still reassures Fingon that he'll be safe, Fingolin won't let anyone touch him, there's guards loyal only to Fingolfin on his door at all times. They'll be able to leave Himring soon, and Fingon will never have to see Maedhros again, or come back to this corrupted place.

But they both know that killing Maedhros is not likely to happen, no matter how much he deserves it.

[ibijau]

Worst engagement AU // on AO3

Nie Mingjue’s little brother is back to Qinghe for a short while, and things appear to be changing.

In the middle of the training field, Nie Mingjue glares at his brother. It should be enough to put an end to this bout of petulant rebellion. One look has always been enough to make Nie Huaisang behave, partly because he's never really been one to wilfully misbehave.

It doesn't work this time.

“Don't, don't look at me like, like that!” Nie Huaisang stutters, glaring black as hard as he can. “I said I'm not doing it and I'm. I'm just. I'm not! It's stupid and. It's stupid and it's pointless! I'm just not good at it!”

“And you'll never become good until you practice,” Nie Mingjue retorts, not quite raising his voice yet, but making it clear that he can if necessary. “Now get to work.”

Nie Huaisang shivers, his big eyes widening in fear. It's not pleasant to be feared, but if that's the only way to make his brother behave, so be it. Nie Mingjue's patience, already naturally thin, has become nearly non-existent since their father's death. He blames exhaustion, and stress, and the near constant fear of a Wen attack.

He'll never say so, but it's half a relief, knowing Nie Huaisang is only back for a little over a month. He's safer in the Cloud Recesses. Whatever happened there (Lan Qiren's letter evasively mentioned some temperament issues over failures, Lan Xichen's urged him not to punish his brother too harshly if indeed at all, Nie Huaisang, freshly arrived yesterday, just refuses to say anything about his stay) it cannot be as bad as what Wen Ruohan might do if he gets his hands on this kid who still can't hold his sabre properly and doesn't have a core at nearly sixteen.

It makes him sick just to think of it. He'd rather have Nie Huaisang miserable in the Cloud Recesses than dead in the Unclean Realm.

But while he's home again, Nie Huaisang is going to learn to protect himself, willing or not.

Mostly not.

“I don't want to,” Nie Huaisang repeats, his fist clenched as if ready for a fight. It's be more impressive if he didn't look ready to break into tears.

“Do it anyway,” Nie Mingjue retorts, letting his voice raise this time and... it works. His brother's shoulders quickly sag in defeat. He rejoins the ranks of the juniors training and miserably follows the instructors command with as little skill as ever.

Nie Mingjue lingers there a moment, checking that Nie Huaisang isn't slacking off but... of course he isn't. He's trying his best, as always, it's just a pity that sabre work doesn't seem to click for him. But Nie Mingjue isn't asking his brother to become his equal in this. He's not even asking him to become good, just to do well enough that he can defend himself when war finds them, as he knows it will.

-

After that attempt at rebellion on his first day back in the Unclean Realm, Nie Mingjue would have expected his brother to settle back in his usual obedience. Nie Huaisang has never been anything but dutiful and unresisting to authority, so clearly that little incident was only an anomaly.

Instead, on the second day, he's told that his brother refused to join practice, again. He’s forced to come to the practice field and to make him behave, again.

That goes the same as it did the first day, although Nie Huaisang resists a little longer before agreeing to practice.

The third and fourth days find him still resisting.

On the fifth day, Nie Huaisang just disappears. Nobody knows where he went, he hasn’t left a note, hasn’t told anyone. Nie Mingjue feels panic build up inside his chest. It’s nearly impossible for anyone to have come in undetected and kidnapped his brother, but who knows what Wen Ruohan is capable of. It had seemed nearly impossible for Nie Mingjue’s father to die, too.

It takes Nie Mingjue a while to find his brother, hiding with his damn birds far away from everything, humming songs for them without a care in the world. It's the first place they should have checked, really, but he hadn't thought Nie Huaisang would be so careless as to cause them worry for something so stupid.

“What are you doing here?” Nie Mingjue roars.

His brother shoots him a worried glance when he sees him approaching, then steels himself and turns back to his birds.

“I need to get them used to me again,” Nie Huaisang replies, smiling at a nightingale and passing a finger through the bar of its cage so the bird can inspect it. “I thought it'd take a while, but it's going very well. I am good with animals. I'd never realised.”

There’s something like pride in his voice as he says that, which is startling enough that Nie Mingjue forgets he was angry and worried. Nie Huaisang has always been a little odd, a little too shy, too meek, and aside from some drawings when he was younger, or the first time he caught a bird, it’s been a while since Nie Mingjue saw his brother act proud of anything.

“Can’t you be good with your sabre instead?” Nie Mingjue asks, but without heat, fascinated as he watches the bird hop onto his brother's finger. 

He's had a handful of disciples and servants on bird duty this year, and most have complained that the animals are uncooperative, sometimes even pecking at them when the cages need to be cleaned. Some of the birds have even escaped, much to Nie Huaisang’s dismay. Those feathery things have been a pain in everybody’s neck.

Yet when Nie Huaisang cautiously opens the cage, that nightingale doesn't fly away. It opens its wings and flies to Nie Huaisang’s shoulder where it stays and starts playing with his hair. 

Nie Huaisang slowly turns to his brother, a radiant smile on his face. 

"Told you I'm good! She's the one I bought so cheap because her wing was broken. Father scolded me so bad for wasting money, but look at her now." 

"You are good," Nie Mingjue agrees, more impressed than he'd care to admit. "But you were supposed to practice the sabre, so what are you doing here?" 

"It's boring, so I decided I wouldn't,” Nie Huaisang announces in a voice that only trembles a little, slowly lifting one hand to his shoulder, letting the bird inspect it before very carefully scratching its belly with one finger.

“That’s not how things work, Huaisang. You’re Qinghe Nie’s second master, you have to set an example. How am I going to get the other juniors to work hard if I can’t get you to obey?”

At this Nie Huaisang hesitates and tilts his head, looking too much like one his birds when they get curious. There's fear in his expression (when isn't there?) but something else as well, something new.

"Da-ge, if… If I say I want to try something. If. If I… If I ask for something, would you let me?" 

"It depends on what you want." 

Nie Huaisang nods. Very gently, he encourages his nightingale to hop on his hand, and turns his back on Nie Mingjue so he can put it back in its cage. 

"Someone. Someone has told me that I should think more of my strengths," Nie Huaisang says, still facing away. "And I think he's. I think he was right. Everyone knows all the things I can't do, but I want to try to see the ones I can. There's got to be things I'm good at, right? Everyone has things they're good at. There's got to be at least one. So please, while I'm home… Is it fine if I look for those things?"

Nie Mingjue feels as if he's been punched in the guts. 

It's not wrong that they've all gotten frustrated with Nie Huaisang's bad cultivation. Their father wasn't unkind as such, but he wasn't exactly patient either, especially after his second wife died in labour. It wasn't that he had taken out his grief on Nie Huaisang, not really, not exactly. But without this wonderful woman at his side, all he had left was the judgment of those who thought he'd debased himself by marrying a dancer, and an inadequate second son who kept proving it was wrong to allow weak blood into cultivating families. 

Nie Mingjue loves his brother, just as their father loved both of them, but he wonders when was the last time either of them bothered to tell Nie Huaisang that, when they last took the time to compliment him. 

Nie Huaisang isn't wrong, there has to be things he's good at, but Nie Mingjue isn't sure he can name one. 

"What sort of things do you want to try?" he cautiously asks. 

"You'd let me?" Nie Huaisang gasps, twirling around to give a look of such incredulity that this, too, hurts. "I, I don't really know. Wangji said I should look into arts. I gave him a painting and he liked it. And I like reading, and, and… And I'm no good with a sabre but maybe if I tried something else? I know… I know how important it is to you that I can fight. I'm okay with trying that too."

Nie Mingjue gives the idea due consideration. It's unorthodox for members of a sect to use other techniques, but there are precedents, especially in Qinghe Nie which tends to attract unusual personalities. It wouldn't be hard to find one or two people in the sect willing to show Nie Huaisang how to use a different weapon, or even hand to hand combat. 

"I still want you doing sabre practice with the other disciples at least twice a week," Nie Mingjue announces. "For the rest… I'll find you teachers." 

"I don't want to just fight," Nie Huaisang mumbles. "Please, let me try other things too." 

"Cultivation and martial arts in the mornings, whatever else you feel like doing in the afternoons," Nie Mingjue offers, only for his brother to break into tears. "Why… What's wrong now?" 

"I didn't think you'd agree," Nie Huaisang sobs. 

That's the last drop. Nie Mingjue crosses the distance between them and pulls his brother into a tight hug. 

For this, too, he can't remember when was the last time he did something like that. Even right after their father's death, Nie Mingjue had been too caught up in grief, guilt and worry to take a moment for his brother. He might have if Nie Huaisang had asked for it but… Nie Huaisang stopped asking for things a long time ago, didn't he? Until today, anyway. 

Studying in the Cloud Recesses is supposed to make boys more obedient but if it made Nie Huaisang a little more assertive instead, his brother won't complain.

[disappearinginq]

New Chapter for Bad Things Happen

And another square off of Bad Things Happen Bingo Card! 

Here on Fanfiction.net: Bad Things Happen

Here on AO3: Bad Things Happen

And here below the cut! 

Magnum didn’t even have time to duck. He was already turning towards the suspect when Higgins shouted a warning, which came two seconds too late and he caught the full swing of the shovel to the side of his face with an audible crack, rocking his head back so fast he saw stars. 

Thomas staggered backwards, his hand immediately going to his face as he felt blood well up on his tongue where his teeth sliced into his cheek. 

He knew it was broken even before his vision cleared. Knew it. He felt the bone shift under his fingers as he kept his hand in place, shock more than anything keeping him from trying to speak. Shock was weird. Rationally, Thomas knew it hurt like hell. Could taste copper on his tongue and tried not to gag as he accidentally swallowed some of it rather than open his mouth or even attempt to move it. 

It just felt…numb. Like a shot of Novocain from the dentist. A numbness that radiated from the corner of his jaw all the way across the side of his face. Experience told him it was temporary – as soon as his brain caught up, it was going to hurt like hell.  

It took him a moment to even realize that Higgins was trying to talk to him, and he had to forcefully make himself try and decipher what she was asking him. 

“-maybe next time duck?” she suggested archly, raising an eyebrow in disdain. 

Duck? When he was standing five feet away from a suspect he wasn’t even arresting who was supposed to be under the control of two uniformed police officers? Who, up until he got ahold of a landscaping shovel, had been entirely compliant with the police commands and expressed no signs of aggression? 

When he’d only turned around because she’d made a snide remark about being dragged out on another case he hadn’t actually invited her on?

“Let me see,” she ordered, and reached for his hand that was currently holding his jaw in place. 

He slapped her hand away with his free one, glowering at her. He hadn’t forgotten how easily she dismissed three broken ribs and getting nailed by a sedan hard enough to break the windshield. The last thing he felt like listening to was another lecture about how he needed to ‘man up’ despite breaking bones getting hit by gardening materials. Or comments about welcoming the peace and quiet she was sure to have if he couldn’t talk. 

Higgins recoiled, frowning, and for a moment, he thought she was going to realize it wasn’t just bruising, which he honestly wasn’t sure he knew what to do with. She’d never expressed concern before, and honestly, he wasn’t that great at taking it unless it was from his family. But just as quickly, the moment was gone, replaced by familiar contempt he still wasn’t sure what he did to incur. 

“Fine. Honestly, you would think you were made of glass,” she grumbled. The look she shot him was of utter disdain – the same one she had when she accused him of ‘man-splaining’ having a positive outlook doing door to doors, or when she thought he wasn’t suitably embarrassed at being hired to find children’s pets. 

Katsumoto hardly even glanced in his direction except to see he was still standing. “Maybe think about staying out of it next time, huh?”

Really? He thought. He didn’t even realize he was in the middle of an HPD investigation until Katsumoto showed up to tackle his suspect at the Home Depot gardening center. 

“What, no snappy comeback?” Higgins jibed. Thomas could tell she was waiting for him to do or say something, rather than just hold his hand against his mouth, pantomiming ‘speak no evil’, and for a split second, there was that flash of real concern – the same as when he was in the hospital after being hit by a car – and then….

“If you’re going to be a truculent child, you can sit over by the car. I’ll see what he knows about our client.”

Essentially, go to Time Out. Fine. Thomas made a mental note to ask Robin again how and why he knew Higgins well enough to have her employed as an estate manager, because it better be a corker of a story. 

He offered a rude gesture as soon as the majordomo’s back was turned, and one of the uni’s snickered as they lead the now much more restrained suspect away to the squad car. 

His mouth was beginning to throb. In a terrible catch 22. It hurt to touch, but he didn’t want to move his hand holding it relatively in place, because the pull of gravity was going to be worse. He knew it was starting to swell, and he wondered if – hoped – it was just the bone that broke. Bones could heal. Teeth, on the other hand…

As he considered walking back to the Ferrari, it suddenly occurred to him he was stuck.

Last he knew, 911 didn’t take texts, and he couldn’t drive with just one hand. He was either going to have to wait for Higgins and Katsumoto to be done – which could be minutes or hours, depending on how the investigation went, and despite her prickly attitude towards him, he knew she would at least do right by his client. One of them had to – and it wasn’t going to be him. Possibly one of the uniforms could take him, but given how much of a stickler Katsumoto was for rules and regs, he doubted they would be any more willing to help him, and he didn’t really want to try and get through to them what he needed. 

Not like he had a pen and paper handy to communicate, and he hated texting because he was awful at it. God only knew what autocorrect was going to come up with. 

A memory of a less than friendly hand on a dislocated jaw, forcibly snapping it back into place flashed through his mind. 

Nope. Not happening.  

Option two, then. 

He pulled his phone from his pocket and sent a short text to Rick. It was Thursday, so TC was at football practice. Even if he wanted to come, it would mean he’d have to cut practice short, call all the parents to come get their kids unexpectedly early, wait for them to be picked up and then come get him. 

Rick, on the other hand, would be busy stocking the bar for Thirsty Thursday for Fleet Week, and had enough employees to cover him long enough for Rick to come pick him up. 

Almost immediately, Rick responded. Good timing. The real work was about to start. Be there in a few. 

Thomas fought the urge to smirk, because god knew how much that was gonna hurt. He considered for a moment the best place to wait. The Ferrari was a first instinct, but it wasn’t exactly in the shade, and the last thing he wanted was to accidentally get blood all over the Italian leather interior and give Higgins one more grievance to file against him. 

He put his back to the squad car and allowed himself to slide to the ground and into the minimal shade offered by the car. The King Kamehameha wasn’t too far. Rick should be here before someone had to move the vehicle. He’d be fine. Just had to think of something besides the growing throb that was now shooting from his jaw up past his eye. 

He really, really wished he had an ice pack though. 

*(*

The text was a little weird. Come pick up Thomas at the nearby Home Depot because he needed a ride. Knowing Thomas, that could mean any one of a hundred things. He’d wrecked the Ferrari. The Ferrari had been repo’d again. He somehow got separated from the vehicle and needed a ride back to it. He had to separate from Higgins for a case, and was letting her take the car, and now needed another ride. Ferrari broke down. Any one of a hundred different benign reasons that shouldn’t mean anything too serious. 

Except Thomas didn’t like to text. He claimed it took too long, and he would rather just talk to someone than send a message, and texts could be from anyone who had the phone. He didn’t know if it went through, or if it was ignored, or someone didn’t hear it, et cetera. Rick wasn’t sure why Thomas always felt the need to justify little things like that, but he let it slide. 

Stranger still, the text wasn’t spelled out in whole sentence. Just a weird mish mash of autocorrect emojis and symbols with the address for the store, like Thomas was typing with only one hand. Badly. 

And Thomas didn’t answer the phone when Rick called him to let him know he was in the parking lot, where should he meet him? Which sent already hinky feelings spiraling towards flat out dread. 

There were at least three squad cars outside the garden center, and Katsumoto’s inconspicuous Chevy along with them. Rick winced. The detective wasn’t his least favorite person, but generally, he and Thomas got along about as well as water and oil. Especially if they were working opposite ends of a case, which seemed to be happening more and more frequently. 

Whatever they were doing, the cops looked busy searching for something. Or possibly someone? Except they already had at least one person sitting in the back of a squad car, who didn’t appear very happy.  

Rick searched the faces of the HPD and crime scene investigators, spotting Higgins and Katsumoto off to one side conferring with another detective he didn’t recognize. He expected Thomas to be close by – that man was always in the thick of it, whether he tried to be or not. He was a cosmic mess like that. 

But he wasn’t. 

In fact, it took almost a minute to find Magnum, and if it hadn’t been for the garish red and white Hawaiian shirt he had on, he doubted he would’ve seen him at all. 

The smaller man was sitting off to the side, completely away from the activity, back against the squad car tire and legs folded underneath him as he pressed both hands to his face, looking for all the world like a child stuck in the corner for misbehaving. 

Which, knowing Higgins and Katsumoto, that might actually be what happened. He just never imagined Thomas would listen to either one of them. 

“Hey, Thomas, I got your message, you wanna…” he trailed off, question forgotten before he could finish it. 

Thomas looked up as soon as he heard Rick’s voice, but he managed to do it without moving his face. Or his hands. And remained silent. 

Everything about it was red flag. But Thomas didn’t look too bad. And if he’d been really hurt, Katsumoto or Higgins would’ve made sure he was seen by a doctor, or at the very least, sent him off with one of the uniformed officers to the ER. Hell, he’d seen Magnum get treated by the ME before, if he was really in a pinch. 

Rick crouched down in front of him, hissing slightly when he saw the bruising on the side of Thomas’s face. “You keep this up, and I’m going to be the pretty one,” Rick joked lightly, gently brushing a wayward strand of hair out of Thomas’s face. The bruising was bad. Dark purple already, swollen up to his temple and down beyond where his face was hidden behind his hands. Rick was honestly surprised his eye hadn’t swelled shut, but there was a good chance it still would. “You get checked out by anyone?”

Thomas didn’t move. His dark eyes flicked over to the far side of the crime scene where Katsumoto and Higgins were still talking but didn’t give a word of explanation. 

Rick frowned. Magnum wasn’t the type to employ the silent treatment. Not unless he was really injured. But despite the rapidly darkening purple blossoming across the side of his face, Rick couldn’t tell what the hell was going on. No other scrapes or bruises or gunshot wounds or stabbings – he didn’t even have bruised knuckles from a fight. 

“Thomas,” he prompted quietly. “What’s going on?”

Magnum hunched forwards slightly, rolling his shoulders defensively. 

Rick wasn’t about to accept radio silence after being told to come and get his friend. He sat down on the grass opposite Thomas, close enough his knees were almost touching Magnum’s, and raised his right hand. “If you can’t talk, use this,” he said, moving his hand in unison to the words. 

It wasn’t ASL, not really. It was a highly bastardized version that Rick and Magnum created in Afghanistan. Rick wasn’t even sure if Thomas would remember those last few months well enough to remember their own private language, but at the time, it was the only way Rick could get him to communicate at all. After the…incident…with the gun, and Thomas took a knife to the side that needed cauterizing to stop bleeding, he’d gotten sick. Really sick. And for the first time landing behind bars, unnervingly passive. He stopped talking. He stopped engaging. They couldn’t tell if he was even aware of them, until Rick finally figured out a way for him to communicate if talking was too much. Hand gestures were easier for him to follow, and it let them ‘talk’ with no one else listening in.  

It’d saved his life, and Rick’s, more than once since then. 

Magnum watched his hands for a moment, expressive dark eyes following the movement before he cautiously moved his left hand away from his face. He stuck his index finger out, twisting his hand sideways towards himself. 

“Hurts? What hurts? I mean, besides your face, because that hurts just looking at it.” 

Moving carefully, and still with only one hand, Thomas pinched all of his fingers together, tapping at the top of his jaw before drawing it down to his chin, which was still covered by his hand. 

“Your jaw?” Rick echoed. 

Thomas didn’t even nod, keeping his face as still as possible. He didn’t have to say anything, though. The look of abject misery was enough. 

“If I pull you up, is that going to make you sick?”

Thomas carefully spelled out ‘no’ with his free hand. Then stopped, drawing a question mark in the air. 

Rick shook his head. “Real convincing, buddy. Real convincing. On the count of three, I’m gonna get you up, okay?” He gripped Magnum’s forearm. “Thumbs up for ‘yes’.”

Magnum had Rick’s elbow in a death grip, which made Rick frown because what the hell, Thomas actually thought he was going to need Rick to stand which made him think it was a concussion, but that didn’t explain why when asked what hurt, Thomas said it was his mouth, not his head. Magnum briefly extended his thumb up to indicate ‘go’, and in one fluid movement, Rick pulled him to his feet. 

Thomas stumbled slightly, his fingers tightening impossibly around Rick’s elbow as his other hand reflexively pushed harder against his mouth with a muffled yelp. 

Rick froze. Didn’t dare move as Thomas’s fingers started to shake, and he caught a suspicious brightness to his dark eyes before Thomas managed to duck his head away like he wanted to be sick but didn’t dare. 

This was more than just bruising. 

“Thomas,” Rick asked quietly. “How bad?”

Thomas’s fingers drummed against Rick’s arm, from pinkie to index finger. Four. Their scale only went to five.  

What. The. Hell.

“Should I be calling an actual ambulance?”

Thomas spelled out a quick n-o. 

So - painful, but not life threatening. Or, he didn’t want to be left alone to be poked and prodded by strangers, because contrary to popular media, ambulance personnel really didn’t want passengers that weren’t patients riding in the back with them, unless situations were dire. And Thomas was up, mobile, not bleeding out…just…quiet. 

“Here. Sit for a second.” Rick slowly maneuvered his friend to sit on the hood of the car. “I would like to not have to feel like this needs to be said, but it’s you. So, don’t move. I’ll be back in a second. I’m going to go let Katsumoto and Higgy know I’m taking you so they don’t think you’ve wandered off.” 

Thomas didn’t move his other hand, just gave a thumbs up, though he didn’t look particularly happy about it. Whether from being told to ‘sit and stay’ or that Rick was basically going to tell the other adults that Thomas had to leave, Rick wasn’t entirely sure. He thought Thomas, Katsumoto and Higgins were on slightly better terms as of late, but…

It’s not like Thomas would’ve said anything to the contrary. Go along to get along should be tattooed across his forehead. 

“How about I just tell one of the unis?” Rick suggested. Katsumoto’s people were pretty good about relaying messages, and Rick already knew half of them.  

Thomas’s dark eyes flitted towards one of the closest uniformed officers, and after a pregnant pause, shrugged one shoulder. 

Translation: fine - but he wasn’t happy about it. 

Yeesh. Whatever the story was, it was a corker, and Rick fought the urge to ask what happened. At least, he could wait until after the trip to the ER. He ventured a guess to Thomas’s reluctance to tell anyone, and suggested, “How about I just say I’m giving you a lift? Maybe leave the whole hospital thing out of it?”

The relief in those expressive eyes was almost tangible, and he held his free hand up in a clenched fist, bobbing it back and forth as if knocking on a door. Yes. 

So he just didn’t want anyone to know where he was going...which meant he didn’t want anyone to know he was hurt. Memories of the cave flashed unbidden and unwanted through his mind’s eye with enough force Rick fought the automatic flinch. 

Thomas’s hand tightened reassuringly on his forearm, drumming a quick beat of five with his fingertips, and Rick snorted. 

“It’s not a 5 problem. Gimme a minute, I’ll be right back, okay? Don’t move.”

A quick thumbs up and he went to the nearest LEO, raising his chin slightly in a half nod of greeting as they caught sight of him approaching. 

“Hey, just in case Katsumoto comes looking for him, I’m taking Thomas home, okay?” 

The officer grimaced in sympathy as he nodded. “I wouldn’t want to hang around after that, either. Tell him to ice it - 10 minutes on, 10 minutes off for the swelling. And aspirin. It should help the pain.”

“So you saw what happened?”

The man winced. “Yeah. The suspect got away from the guys holding onto him and before they could grab him, he caught Magnum in the face with an edger - or maybe it was a shovel?” The man folded his arms across his chest as he considered it. “Naw, it was a shovel. I remember thinking it sounded like he’d literally rung Magnum’s bell with it. I was really surprised he didn’t go down for it.”

Thomas took a shovel to the face...and no one thought to call for EMT’s to at least come check him out? They hadn’t even called him - Thomas had to. And from what the guy just said, more than one person witnessed it and did nothing more than let Thomas wander off on his own. 

“Did Noelani take a look at him?” he asked nonchalantly. 

The officer shook his head. “I honestly didn’t even know where he went off to, and there’s no DB’s, so she’s not here. Higgins tried to take a look at him, but he just slapped her hand away and walked off.”

Rick paused, considering. “Wait, what exactly was she trying to do?”

The LEO half shrugged. “I think she was trying to move his hand. Nothing major. But, he, uh, didn’t seem too appreciative of her efforts, so she told him to go sit out.”

Red started to edge in on the corner of Rick’s vision. “What’s the protocol when someone is injured at a crime scene or criminal apprehension?”

“Call the emergency services,” the man said without hesitation. “But –”

Rick held up a hand. “No, that answers my question. Next time the HPD needs intel on the crime syndicates in Honolulu, I’m going to tell you to get bent. Should the question come as to why I am going to just hang up on you every time you call, you can tell your supervisor it’s all on him.”

The LEO looked like he wanted to say something, but wasn’t entirely sure what – maybe he just didn’t want to have to be the one to tell Katsumoto that his days of helping out the Organized Crime Unit were over, but Rick found it hard to care.

Not unlike a certain two someones who were supposed to be if not friends, at least not assholes to his best friend.

He left without further explanation, flexing his fingers from their tightly clenched fists at his side, ignoring the fact he’d pressed crescent shaped marks into each palm. He didn’t hit anyone, and he didn’t yell, so he was going to mark this as a progress win when TC asked him about it later.

Thomas was already sitting in the Porsche, slouched down impossibly low so he could rest his head against the back of the seat without tilting his head. He only opened his eyes when the entire car shook with the force that Rick slammed the door with.

Thomas raised an eyebrow, and held up one hand, four fingers splayed out and his thumb towards his chin and wiggled his fingers back and forth. Wanna talk about it?

“No. And for future reference, your new friends suck.”

Magnum frowned at that, but he took one quick glance at Rick’s face and his entire expression softened. He tapped Rick’s shoulder and held his index finger up. His hand still pressed against his mouth hiding most of his lower face, but Rick could still tell the man was smiling.

Well…as best he could.

Ever the diffuser, Thomas Magnum.

“Yeah, yeah. You’re my favorite too.” He put the Porsche in gear. “Remember this next time I need help with inventory.”

(*(

Thomas was not a good patient. He wasn’t even an okay patient. He was a nightmare.

Most of the time.

Right now, he was so passive, Rick had to keep fighting the urge to check his pulse or his forehead with the back of his hand, because the last time Thomas was this quiet, he had malaria.

Because he was upright and moving and cognizant, he wasn’t prioritized in the ER, which meant they got to hurry up and wait their turn. The initial nurse, a harried looking man who was profoundly apologetic for not being able to take Thomas back immediately, at least managed to get Thomas to move his fingers away from his cheek so he could see the extent of bruising.

“You probably already know this, but yeah, that’s broken. You’re gonna need x-rays to see how bad and whether or not you need surgery to fix it. Are you having trouble breathing? Do you feel the urge to throw up?”

Thomas signed the n-o again, and before Rick could interpret, the nurse breathed a sigh of relief. “Good. If that changes, get one of the staff immediately. Unfortunately, it also means you’re gonna have to wait to see the doc. Can you move your hand?”

Again with the n-o.

“Because it hurts, or because you’re holding it in place?”

Magnum held up two fingers.

“Second option,” Rick clarified, even as he winced in sympathy for his friend.

“Can you move your fingers without moving your palm?”

Cautiously, Magnum bowed his fingers back except for his thumb, which was braced against the worst part of the bruising.

“Well, I can’t the inside of your mouth from the outside, so that’s a good sign. I can’t confirm without the x-ray, but do you feel like your teeth are lining up? Don’t move your mouth to find out, just best guess.”

Magnum rolled one shoulder. He didn’t know.

“All right. Sit tight, Mr. Magnum. Someone will be with you as soon as they can. Can you fill out your medical forms?”

Rick held up his clipboard, ninety percent of it already filled out – previous injuries taking up a back page in addition to the check list on the front. “Already on it.”

The nurse heaved a sigh of relief. “I wish everyone was that well-prepared. If he starts to having breathing problems, or something gets drastically worse – swelling starts to spread, blood starts coming from places it shouldn’t, he throws up, anything else that screams ‘emergency we’re gonna die’, get the desk nurse immediately.”

With that, he was darting off again to the next patient on his list, and Rick and Thomas got to settle into a comfortable – albeit worrisome, as far as Rick was concerned – silence.

Sort of silent.

Rick kept up an endless running monologue of whatever he could think of. Mostly narrating what he thought was going on with anyone who came through the doors. One older pair of gentlemen with one pressing a blood soaked rag to his head while the other apologized – ‘moving troubles’ was their backstory; another was a dad and two teenage girls, one with a clearly broken arm and the other with two didn’t need a backstory. The dad was complaining loudly enough about ‘why would you think the rock would move out of your way?!’ that they didn’t need explanation.

They’d only been waiting for about half an hour when two people entered that needed no introduction.

Katsumoto and Higgins.

And they looked less than pleased.

It wasn’t until Magnum tensed beside him in the waiting room chair that it occurred to him that they weren’t upset over Thomas being in the ER, and with one quick look at Thomas’s face, he knew Thomas didn’t think they were there for support, either.

He stood, carefully putting himself between him and Thomas, who remained sitting, pressing himself back into the chair like he wanted to just sink right through it.

“Hey, guys,” he said lightly. “How’s it going?”

“I can’t believe you left me stranded there!” Higgins erupted without preamble. “Not even a word of where you’d gone, just…up an vanished without so much as a by your leave!”

Rick had always been…wary…of positional authority. In the Marines, he learned real quick that the only way a higher up cared about what happened to you is if you had some solid blackmail material. Greene’s kid in Kabul was only one in a long list of shady deals he made to stay out from under the thumb of another officer. When suicide rates skyrocketed to numbers not seen since WWII, their idea of fixing the problem was to just stop reporting it. Enlisted men with brain damage were authorized as fit for full and sent right back onto the range to die from enemy fire so the Marines wouldn’t have to report it a failure to disclose. One medical officer even put a knife in front of a suicidal man and told him to prove he was really suicidal, and when the man failed to take the knife on the spot, they armed him up again, sent him back out and…the Marine killed not only himself, but three others in his unit. The officers were bad, make no mistake. If Thomas and TC hadn’t come along, his service probably would’ve ended with him in Leavenworth for fragging an officer. But it was the other enlisted personnel that set his teeth on edge. The ones that were the same rank but put into positions of authority that thought it gave them the right to dictate everything their fellow Marines did, and write up demerits and disciplinary review boards for simple things like not making it to the line fast enough, for missing buttons because they’d been through hell the day before, or blood still caked their uniforms from fallen comrades and they hadn’t had a chance to replace them because the uniform issue had been out for six weeks, or that their pant legs weren’t properly tucked into blousing straps like the American military version of the SS or the Taliban’s informers.  

Higgins reminded him of those guys. No rank to speak of, but quick to complain about everything that mildly inconvenienced her. And it never really sat right with him that she harped on Thomas for everything when she lived in the main mansion rent free, same as Thomas, just because she personally didn’t approve of his lifestyle. It’s not like Robin and Thomas were strangers and the man didn’t know full well what type of person Thomas was when he offered the guest house to him with free run of the place and all it entailed.

“Take a breath, Higgy,” he said, forcing the same levity into his tone. “Wanna run that by me again? This time, perhaps taking into full account of where you’re standing?”

Because he totally took Magnum to the ER for funsies on a Wednesday afternoon.

The implication seemed lost on her, because she didn’t so much as bat an eye.

“You left, without telling us, and you took the keys to the Ferrari with you! A three hundred and fifty thousand dollar car being left in a Home Depot parking lot because you couldn’t be bothered to wait –”

“The better question is why I had to take him in the first place,” Rick snapped, patience gone. “The officer we did tell said not only were you standing right next to him, but other then tell him to go sit in the corner, you pretty much did nothing. Thomas was the one who had to text me to come get him.”

Higgins huffed, crossing her arms defensively over her chest as she rocked back on one heel. “It was bruising. He had worse when he was hit by the car.”

“So you’re a medical professional, huh?” Rick asked. “You can make a diagnosis on the fly like that?”

“I’ve seen my fair share of serious injuries,” she said icily. The implication that this wasn’t one of them had Rick crossing his arms to prevent him from doing something more…emphatic.

“Cool story. You wanna tell the actual ER nurse he’s wrong then?” Rick suggested, pointing to the same nurse who was taking a look a boy’s face that was scraped to hell and back from road rash. “He’s right over there. The one wearing the actual scrubs. Working in an actual hospital. With actual training. ‘Cause he took one look at Thomas and said it was broken but needed x-rays to determine how badly. But I guess he’s an idiot too, huh? Because the mighty Juliet Higgins, ex-patriated and disavowed MI-6 agent, is never in the wrong, took a half-assed look at Thomas in the garden center and decided he was fine. That’s why you’re in exile as a goddamn housekeeper. Because you make no mistakes.”

It had nothing to do with the actual argument. But Rick didn’t much give two shits at this point. He never made it past an E-5 in the Marines because he was never willing to let stupid stand, regardless who the person dishing it out was. Private to four-star General, it didn’t matter. It irked him how Higgins’s behavior was closer to jealousy than anything else – of what, damned if he knew. That people actually liked Thomas? That she wasn’t the only stray Robin let stay at the Nest?

Katsumoto on the other hand, looked impassive as always, which Rick sort of marveled at. How that man remained as stoic as a statue, he would love to know. He could use it to make a killing at the poker tables.

“The officer you spoke with failed to mention the severity of Magnum’s injury,” the detective said. “And while it didn’t occur to me to call someone – you, or an ambulance – it should’ve, and I am sorry about that. But Magnum also left a crime scene where he was assaulted, and I need to know if he wants to press charges against the suspect, especially if it’s as serious as you think it is.”

A hand at his elbow stopped Rick from giving a kneejerk response as he turned to look at Thomas, who was signing rapidly.

“No, no, no – I’m not repeating that.”

Thomas spelled it out more emphatically, before digging his hand into his pocket, fishing out the Ferrari keys and holding them out to Higgins.

“That doesn’t look like any sign language I know,” Higgins muttered, snatching the keys as if she thought Thomas was going to pull a ‘psych!’ moment and pull them away. “Let me guess – he’s sorry and will never do it again?”

Rick’s head whipped back towards her so fast he was surprised he didn’t get whip lash, but before he could say anything, Thomas’s hand gripped his elbow. The younger man was looking faintly green and for a moment, Rick thought he’d gotten his attention because he was about to be sick.

Instead, Thomas made another gesture, a thumb drawn down from his chin followed by a half sign of his thumb and index finger pressed together, like the sign for ‘ok’, except the bouncing motion that was typically off his other hand. Not worth it.

“Jesus Christ, Thomas, no, this is bullshit, and I’m not – ”

Thomas glared at him, his dark eyes saying more than any gesture, but he repeated the signs, this time more emphatically. Not worth it.

Rick huffed, but said nothing, plastering a fake smile on his face. “Is that it?”

“I take it you can’t give a statement until you see the doctor?” Katsumoto guessed. The detective at least at the decency to look mildly sympathetic now that he could see the severe bruising darkening the entire side of Thomas’s face.

Thomas spelled out a quick n-o, which Rick easily translated.

“Do you intend to press charges?”

Another no, which Rick fought the urge to argue with, even though it was unsurprising. Thomas didn’t even hold a grudge against Hannah, now that she was dead. Of course he wouldn’t hold it against a stranger with a shovel. Rick, on the other hand, was far less magnanimous, hoped the guy was going down for something heinous and was looking down a sentence of 10 to 15 years in prison.

“In that case, I’ll take Higgins back so she can pick up the car. If you change your mind…” Katsumoto eyed the bruising. “Send a text. Oh, and if it is broken? Take some advice from personal experience -invest in a blender and some straws. And lots of aspirin.”

“Well, if his jaw is broken, I suppose at least I can look forward to some peace and quiet at the Nest,” Higgins said loftily, one elegant eyebrow raising slightly.

That was it. It wasn’t perhaps the nicest thing for her to say, but that seemed part and parcel for Higgins and anything to do with Thomas – but it hit a little too close to still raw nerves, of memories of guards laughing at the peace and quiet they finally had when Thomas stopped talking – and something snapped.

“You’re the worst kind of human being, you know that?” Rick snarled. “Thomas doesn’t even bat an eye when you ask him for favors. He doesn’t complain about you having a stick shoved up your ass about how he lives in a completely different house than you. You can bitch about him asking favors all you want, but you’re a grown ass adult, and you can say no if it really bothers you all that much, but for the love of God, just stop complaining about everything he does or doesn’t do. Or maybe next time you get shot and fall in the ocean miles from shore, Thomas can stay on the damn boat and enjoy some peace and quiet of his own.”

The Brit bristled, and for a moment, Rick saw a brief flash of something that might’ve been guilt, but faster than it appeared, it was gone again, replaced by the all too familiar sense of pride and superiority.

“My job is to look after Mr. Masters’ estate, and that includes and is not limited to the main house, the guest house, the property or the cars. If Magnum wants to play it fast and loose with a three hundred and fifty thousand dollar vehicle, that’s his business, but making sure it is returned – unscathed and unharmed is my business, which is very difficult to do when he takes off without warning with the keys in his pocket.”

“The car? The car?! Do you know why Robin puts goddamn numbers on those fucking license plates? Because he has so. Many. Goddamn. Cars. But there’s only one Thomas. One. And you care more about the goddamn car—about fucking metal and gears and fiberglass and rubber—than about my friend. About a human being. The car. I hope the goddamn car is in fucking pieces by the time you get back. But even if it was Robin would just get another one. Can’t exactly do that with Thomas, now, can you?”*

Higgins threw up her hands in exasperation. “Even if it is broken, it’s not that serious an injury! Why either you or he couldn’t find the time –”

Thomas stopped her without saying a word. He just moved his hand.

And his entire jaw simply…slid to one side, dropping down almost an inch, his cheek hollowing out as the bone shifted out of place, blood bubbling up past his lips which were already stained crimson, like the palm of his hand that’d been holding it in place. He must’ve sliced the inside of his cheek on his teeth, blood pooling in his mouth the entire time and Rick felt slightly ill wondering if Magnum had swallowed it or was just letting it slowly seep out against his hand.

Higgins turned green.

Katsumoto, unemotional as ever, deadpanned – “Yeah, that looks dislocated and broken. Sure you don’t want to press charges?”

Rick should’ve kept quiet, but that was never a strong suit of his when his friends were hurt – especially not Thomas. “Yeah, Higgy. I guess you’re right. Hardly worth the trip to the hospital, right?”

There was a squawk of indignation from behind them, and the male nurse reappeared before the argument could continue. “What happened? Was it always like this and you just didn’t know, or is this worse? Come with me – you’ve been upgraded to now status.” He glanced quickly at Rick. “Family?”

“That’s me,” Rick said, without a hint of guile.

“I was hoping you’d say that – let’s go. You –” he pointed at Magnum. “Hold your hand under your mouth to catch the blood. Biohazard and all that…” Anything else he said to Thomas was lost as he escorted the private investigator back towards what was presumably x-ray and exam.  

Rick shot the majordomo a scathing look before following after. “Staring is rude. Don’t you have a three hundred and fifty thousand dollar car to worry about?”

If the parting remark had any effect on her, he didn’t stick around to find out. Thomas was already trying to look back over his shoulder, wondering where he was, and he couldn’t care less about the two people in the ER lobby right now.

[dauntless-gothamite]

When You Love Someone 

summary: A character study focused on Billy Hargrove and his family and his relationship with his adopted sister Max. This fic is inspired by the song "When You Love Someone" by James TW. In the fic, you get a better look at the life of Billy, and it shows that things are simultaneously not as bad as they look and so much worse than they seem; it depends how you look at it, honestly.

you can read it on ao3 here.

warnings: mentions of violence, depictions of violence, abuse, major character death, angst

A/N: This is a very angsty fic, and while I tried not to go too in-detail about Billy's abusive past, it got pretty heavy. I wouldn't say it's graphic necessarily, but I put all the warnings in the tags just in case. I ask that you please stop reading if you begin to feel triggered at any point in the story; your mental health is worth much more than a fanfic. Also, this ended up way longer than I meant for it to be, sorry. The title is also the title of the song which inspired me to write this; I do not own the song ( all lyrics will be italicized) nor do I own Stranger Things. Thanks for reading, remember to take care of yourselves, and please enjoy. (P.S. I know this isn't how the song was really meant to be seen, but I'm just focusing on the lyrics here and using this interpretation of them for this pic).

Billy Hargrove had always seen his mom as invincible, kind of like a superhero. She never took shit from anyone, but she didn’t hurt people in the process. She taught Billy to stand up for himself when other kids in his grade would say mean things on the playground, and she never got mad when he came home with a scraped knee from falling off the monkey bars; instead, she made sure he was okay, cleaned up the wound, and told him to be more careful. He loved and trusted her more than anyone else; she was so strong yet so compassionate, and she was Billy’s hero, even if he’d never tell her that. Which is why Billy was so confused when he started noticing bruises on her body, bruises which always showed up in the morning, after his mom and dad had yelled at each other for hours the night before.

Come home early after class

Don’t be hanging ‘round the back of the schoolyard

I’ve been called up by your teacher

She said she can’t even reach you 'cause you’re so far

You’ve been talking with your fists

We didn’t raise you up like this, now did we?

There’ve been changes in this house

Things you don’t know about in this family

Billy started to notice the way his dad always kept an eye on her, and at first he thought his dad was being protective. Eventually, he thought his dad looked at her the way a person looks at a disobedient dog: like he owned her. But people loved their dogs, even when they misbehaved, thought Billy. The bruising became more frequent, more visible, and Billy had a bad feeling he couldn’t identify, so he decided to find out. When he asked his mom about the bruises one day, he said “it’s because daddy loves you, though. Right?” His mom smiled at him, nodded, and pulled him in for a tight hug. Billy thought it was because he guessed right; he thought she was proud of him. It turned out she was smiling because she was saying goodbye. The tears in her eyes weren’t from joy, as he’d once thought, but from pain.

When his mom left, Billy was confused. She told him she loved him, so why did she leave? At first, Billy thought maybe she was on vacation; maybe this was temporary. Maybe she’d come back soon. More time passed, and Billy’s hopes of seeing his mother again faded a little more each day. He started to ask himself why. Why had she left? She did know that he loved her, right? Maybe he hadn’t told her, and she thought he didn’t want to see her. What else could it be? In the back of his mind, he wondered about the yelling, fighting, and bruising, but his mom had told him that was because his dad loved her. She wouldn’t lie to him. She’d never lied to him before, and she wouldn’t have lied . . . right?

When Billy was a little bit older, he asked his dad where mom had gone and why she left. Niel told him to shut up, which confused Billy even more. He tried to speak, but he was met with the pain of fists pounding into him, hard and angry. He thought his dad was yelling “it’s your fault!” but he couldn’t really tell; he was too busy crying. He curled in on himself and let the tears fall long after his dad had stopped hitting him, and at the end of it all, he was more confused than ever. His mom told him that’s what his dad did to express love, but his dad had seemed angry. Not just angry, furious. Maniacal. And love wasn’t supposed to hurt. At least, that’s what he’d thought. Maybe he was wrong; maybe love did hurt, and, as much as it sucked, Billy could endure the pain because it meant his dad loved him.

It don’t make sense, but nevertheless

You gotta believe us, it’s all for the best

It don’t make sense

The way things go

Son, you should know

When Billy started to make friends, his dad never let them come over to his house; Billy always had to go to theirs. He was alright with that, but it made him feel a little unwanted, and it hurt that his dad had no interest in meeting his new friends. He pushed those feelings away quickly because they weren’t important. What was important was that he got to spend time with his friends, who he loved. They would wrestle playfully, tackling each other and passing a ball around, and everyone laughed. Until Billy broke his friend’s nose. They’d all been messing around, having a good time, and Billy had decided to go for it; throw a punch. His fist collided with his friend’s face, and there was a sickening crunch, which was followed by a stream of tears and blood. “Why’d you do that?” his friends asked, horrified.

“Because we’re friends,” Billy replied, casually. That must have been the wrong thing to say because soon after, his dad came to pick him up, and he spent the entire drive home yelling at Billy, who was now no longer allowed to go to his friend’s house.

His dad looked at him sternly and said “that is not how you treat your friends, Billy.” Billy looked up at him with shining eyes, oblivious to what he’d done wrong. All he knew was that it was bad, he didn’t have friends anymore, and he didn’t feel good--not physically; physically, he was fine, but emotionally he was wrecked--he felt guilty as hell.

Sometimes moms and dads fall out of love

Sometimes two homes are better than one

Some things you can’t tell your sister 'cause she’s still too young

Yeah, you’ll understand

When you love someone

Soon after the incident, as Billy and his dad referred to it, Billy’s dad held a “family meeting” in the living room, which had never happened before. Billy walked into the room and was surprised to see a tall, slender woman next to his dad and a short redhead standing off to the side. “What’s going on?” he asked, confused.

“Billy, meet Susan and Max Mayfield. They’re going to be part of our new family.” Billy furrowed his brow.

“What do you mean, new family?”

“I mean, Susan and I are getting married. She is going to be your new mom, and Max is going to be your sister.” Billy stood there, shocked.

“But what about Mom?” he exclaimed, feeling oddly betrayed. “She isn’t dead, and you are just getting married to someone else!” he continued. Just as he opened his mouth to speak again, his dad slapped him across the face, and the girl in the corner--Max, he assumed--let out a small gasp of shock.

“Your mother is gone, and she isn’t coming back. She chose to leave, to abandon this family, so stop defending her! Do you hear me?” Billy’s dad yelled, leaning down to stare straight into Billy’s blue eyes, which were full of fear. Billy remained silent, and his dad spoke once more, his voice deadly calm. “I said do you hear me?” Billy nodded anxiously, and his dad clapped him on the shoulder. “Good. Because this is non-negotiable” before walking back to Susan Mayfield, who would soon be Susan Hargrove, and snaking an arm around her waist. He whispered something in her ear and she giggled, as though she’d never witnessed what had just happened.

There ain’t no one here to blame

And nothing’s going to change with your old friends

Your room will stay the same

'Cause you’ll only be away on the weekends

It wasn’t long before his dad--who he’d taken to calling Neil--married Susan. They all lived under the same roof, and Susan now occupied the same spaces his mother used to. She took her seat at the dinner table, her spot in the master bedroom, her role as the glue that held the family together, and she was absolutely terrible at it. She spent the day in the bedroom with Neil, and Billy quickly learned all he needed to know about sex, perhaps even a bit more than he wanted to know. This left him with a lot of free time, which he tried to spend with Max, but it soon became clear that they just didn’t get along. Max was too standoffish, stubborn, and independent, and Billy was too dominating, aggressive, and controlling. Neither Susan nor Neil liked that Max and Billy fought, and ultimately, Neil decided there were just too many bad memories in this house. They were going to move. Both Max and Billy were upset about this; they both had friends--Max more than Billy, but the effect was the same--and they’d started lives here. Billy had gotten into basketball and found a group that liked the same loud, angry music he did. Max had just gotten good at skateboarding and found a nice comic shop to visit. All in all, the kids were not happy about the move. Somehow, this simultaneously brought them closer together and drew them further apart. They felt there was a silent agreement, an unspoken bond, formed in the shared hatred of this new family structure. At the same time, the two had very different approaches to the move, and Billy was not happy about the level of responsibility that his new duty of looking after Max brought.

As they got closer to their last day in California, Billy spent a lot of time thinking, and he kept thinking about the same thing over and over. If the bruises meant his dad loved him and his mom, his real mom, then why didn’t Susan have any? She was the one Neil had chosen to marry; he’d chosen her over his mom, who was still out there somewhere. Marriage was a sign of love. Some might say it is the greatest sign of love. But Billy had been told different, and the situation confused the hell out of him because there was only one answer that explained everything: his mom had lied to him. That realization stung; he’d trusted her with everything--everything. And she’d lied. It wasn’t just a white lie, either. It was huge. Billy had spent so much time feeling guilty, thinking he was the reason his mom left, and accepting each hit as it came, no matter how much it hurt, all because  of her. The pain of Neil’s beatings was nothing compared to the realization that the woman he’d idolized his entire life had lied, left, and Billy had suffered as a result. The emotions overwhelmed him, and he now knew with utmost certainty that the bruises did not mean love; they meant anger, hatred, and maybe even fear, and those emotions--the dark, vile, and twisted emotions--were all he felt.

They finally moved, and the town of Hawkins, Indiana turned out to be worse than either of the kids had imagined. Everything sucked. Billy hated the people; no one was into the things he was, and Max was annoyed by the boys who followed her around. The two were forced to spend more time together as their parents kept dumping the responsibility of looking after Max onto Billy, and it only strained their already weak relationship. Billy’s anger came out in violent flashes of impulsive behavior, and it scared Max. Billy could never face his dad, who had started hitting him more frequently and reminding him how worthless he was, so he took it out elsewhere. If he was miserable, then why did the rest of the town get to live in happiness, under the illusion that all families are happy? They shouldn’t, Billy decided. Yet they did, and it made him jealous, which only fed his anger. He beat other kids to a pulp both in and out of school, and he focused on the ones who looked happy, like Steve Harrington. With each kid who suffered at the hands of Billy hargrove came a punishment from Neil. Ironic how the one who’d caused this beat him for it and expected that to make it stop. It really was a vicious cycle.

It don’t make sense but nevertheless

You gotta believe us, it’s all for the best

It don’t make sense

It don’t add up

But we’ll always love you no matter what

Max made friends eventually, but Billy remained the same. He was a loner, a bad boy, a heartbreaker, and a bully. He was too scared to get close to anyone lest they do what his mother did to him. The only one he’d ever truly trusted and loved with all his heart had lied to him and then left. She’d left him alone with a monster, and the only way Billy thought he could avoid that kind of pain again was to be one who never got hurt. In this case, he had to be the monster.

Then the mindflayer came. It possessed him, and Billy was no longer in control of his actions. It was like he watched himself do things, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t prevent himself from doing them. It was a constant battle, and it seemed like he never won. In the back of his mind, he wondered if his increased absence at home made Neil angry, and if so, had he turned that anger onto Susan. Or worse, Max? He didn’t get along with her, that much was true, but he’d never wish Neil’s wrath upon her. She didn’t deserve it, no one did. The number of times Neil had been angry at Max but taken it out on Billy was something only Neil would even know, but both Billy and Max knew it had happened. Max felt guilty every time Billy got beat up, and her guilt caused her to push him away even more. She wouldn’t hurt so much if she wasn’t close to him. So they grew further apart, even though it had seemed it wasn’t possible, they managed, and Billy silently protected Max while Max did her best to stay out of his way. That’s what he said he wanted after all. But underneath the guilt and fear, Max knew it wasn’t what he really wanted, and she couldn’t help but care about Billy. When she learned the mindflayer had taken him as its main host, she cried; she knew it wouldn’t end well, and she blamed herself. She had known about the upside down, and she hadn’t told him, and even though that had seemed to be the right choice at the time, she was now regretting it. Maybe she could have stopped this, if only she’d talked to him, she lamented. But it didn’t matter now; it was too late.

Sometimes moms and dads fall out of love

Sometimes two homes are better than one

Some things you can’t tell your sister 'cause she’s still too young

Yeah, you’ll understand

When you love someone

When you love someone

There were a few times Billy was able to push through the mindflayer’s control, but it wasn’t enough; there was not enough to pull him back to reality. At least, not until the battle of Starcourt Mall. Eleven, the strange girl with telekinetic powers, she’d seen what no one else had: the inside of his mind, and at the center, the happy memory of his mother. Before he knew the truth about his dad. Before everything in his life went to shit. She used that to pull him back to reality, and he cried for his mom, who he’d never truly mourned, for his sister, who he’d never given a real chance simply because of spite, and, lastly, for himself. This wasn’t fair, none of it was. He stood up to face the creature which had somehow made his life worse than it already was, and as he walked out to the center of the mall, looking around, processing, he heard a scream. “Billy!” Max screamed, and Billy acted on pure instinct. He turned around and grabbed the tentacle flying towards him. He pushed back with all he had, using every ounce of anger in his being--which was a lot--against it. He remembered his mom, who he still loved, despite her betrayal. He remembered Max, who he’d been so cruel to, and the way she’d never acted that way towards him. He’d never given her a chance, and even if they’d always fight, maybe they could have gotten along  one day; she had enough spirit and strength to break down Billy’s walls, all she needed was more time. He felt the searing pain of more tentacles tearing into him, but his mind focused on Max, his mother forgotten for the time being. She could have been a friend, his family, and his only sister. And he’d wasted it. Now, who would take the hits when Neil got angry? Probably Max, he thought. The world started fading to black around him, but a vivid red splotch blurred before his eyes. “Billy? Billy!” it called, and he realized it was Max. He hoped she knew he didn’t hate her as much as he pretended to. He hoped she knew that when he got mad, she wasn’t usually the reason. He hoped she knew how sorry he was. “Billy, come on; stay with me,” she said, placing a hand on his cheek.

Come home early after class

Don’t be hanging 'round the back of the schoolyard

And if we’re crying on the couch

Don’t let it freak you out

It’s just been so hard

The red splotch that was Max got smaller and the world got darker, and with his final breath, Billy said “I’m sorry.” He didn’t know it, but Max screamed. She cried for him because she felt the same way about him. They could have been friends. They just hadn’t been given the time to get there. She knew that he only resented her for the beatings he took on her behalf, not for all the other stupid things he said he hated her for. She knew he protected her and actually did take his job of looking after her somewhat seriously, which, for Billy, was pretty damn impressive. They loved each other in their own strange way, and Max would spend a lot of time mourning the brother she barely knew. He deserved better, and she knew it. She hadn’t liked the man, but he was her brother, and they did things for each other, and now he was dead. They hadn’t even gotten the chance to really know each other, and what made it worse for Max was that the last thing he ever did before leaving the world was apologize. He had done some terrible things, but he’d never been apologized to and he’d never apologized to anyone, yet, in his final moments, he did just that, to the one person he thought truly deserved it. Had it been anyone else, Billy wouldn’t have bothered. But this was Max, the sister he never realized he wanted. So he did, and she wouldn’t ever know half the things he wanted to say to her. All she could do was sit there in shock, and understand just a small bit of the anger Billy had felt for most of his life. But she would do better; she wouldn’t beat people up. She would do better, both for herself and for him. In her head, she thought ‘I’m sorry, too,’ but she was unable to speak. She was dragged out of the mall, and the rest was a blur. All she could think of were Billy’s blue eyes and the emotion they held as he clung to the final moment of his life, just to apologize.

Sometimes moms and dads fall out of love

Sometimes the best intentions just ain’t enough

Some things you can’t tell your sister 'cause she’s still too young

Yeah, you’ll understand

When you love someone

When you love someone

When you love someone

When you love someone

A/N: Thanks for reading. I really appreciate it; please let me know what you think!

[lemon-writings]

Playlist: Hamish

The atmosphere of Hamish is best described as “sad, vaguely religious, and dark”, and this playlist conveys that pretty well, in my opinion. 

Happy Pills - Weathers

We can go to my house if you wanna / Hang out in my bedroom, lose your honor / Even if they find us, we're apathetic / And they can't take that away

The voices in my right brain are kinda funny / They tell me "take a deep breath, it's always sunny" / But where I leave the lights on / It's so obvious that my life's pretty plain

Choke - I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME

Now shut your dirty mouth / If I could burn this town / I wouldn't hesitate / To smile while you suffocate and die / And that would be just fine / And what a lovely time / That it would surely be / So bite your tongue / And choke yourself to sleep

You get everything you want / And money always talks / To the idiot savants

Daddy Issues - The Neighborhood

I know how much it matters to you / I know that you got daddy issues / And if you were my little girl / I'd do whatever I could do / I'd run away and hide with you / I love that you got daddy issues / And I do too

I keep on trying to let you go / Not even let you know / How I'm getting on / I didn't cry when you left at first / But now that you're dead it hurts / This time I gotta know / Where did my daddy go?

Go ahead and cry little boy / You know that your daddy did too / You know what your mama went through / You gotta let it out soon, just let it out

“From Now On We Are Enemies” - Fall Out Boy

What good comes of something when I'm just the ghost of nothing?

I'm just the man on the balcony singing: / "Nobody will ever remember me, " / Rejoice, rejoice and fall to your knees

Lunatic of a god or a god of a lunatic? / Oh, their faces are dancing / They're dancing til / Til they can't stand it / A composer but never composed / Singing the symphonies of the overdosed / A composer but never composed / Singing: / "I only want what I can't have"

Heralded as a king before I had a birthday / With double digits / Fit the crown to my head but I was only a kid

After the Storm (feat. Tyler, the Creator) - Kali Uchis, Tyler, the Creator, Bootsy Collins 

Whatever goes around eventually comes back to you / So you gotta be careful, baby / And look both ways before you cross my mind

So if you need a hero (if you need a hero) / Just look in the mirror (just look in the mirror) / No one's gonna save you now / So you better save yourself 

I know it's hard / But do you even really try? / Maybe you could understand / When all you had to do was ask / And just open your mind / When everything is passing by / And all you had to do was try / Yeah, all you had to was try

Garbage Bin - Tiny Little Houses

I don't want to go back home / I don't want to see my folks / Just gonna hold my breath and maybe with some time I'll learn to float

I need a little bit of money and a little bit more time / I keep on losing my friends to suicide / And it don't get much better than this / I hate to break it, but, the longer that you try / The less likely that you will make it / I don't want to be alone / I don't want to die at home

I think I’m getting depressed / It’s always me against the world / I’m well aware I’m egocentric / And it’s going to hell

Relapse - Divided By Friday

I don’t wanna be somebody falling into relapse / Every time I see that smile again / I just think of when you said “I love you, / But I don’t think I can be the one.” / And, the truth is, we could’ve been happy, / But you would not believe in me

And, no, I can’t pretend I’m fine / With the life you left behind / Or keep on hoping that you change your mind.

Happy Little Pill - Troye Sivan 

I’ll take a dip into the / Unknown, unknown

Oh, glazed eyes, empty hearts / Buying happy from shopping carts / Nothing but time to kill / Sipping life from bottles / Tight skin, bodyguards / Gucci down the boulevard / Cocaine, dollar bills / And / My happy little pill / Take me away / Dry my eyes / Bring color to my skies / My sweet little pill / Tame my hunger / Lie within / Numb my skin

Bad Blood - Bastille

We were young and drinking in the park / There was nowhere else to go / And you said you always had my back / Oh but how were we to know / That these are the days that bind you together, forever / And these little things define you forever, forever / All this bad blood here, won't you let it dry?

If we're only ever looking back / We will drive ourselves insane / As the friendship goes resentment grows / We will walk our different ways

Mama’s Gun - Glass Animals 

Dirty Dustin, said he saw him / Playing ball with Dizzy Jim / Dizzy Jim had never spoken / Whispered back, "You murdered him" / My heart strings broke and it was me / I pull, they stretch infinitely

Play with me, my love, in the summer sun / I'll be waiting in your favorite Cheshire grin / Lay with me, my dear, in the evening clear / I'll be dreaming in my paper-pale skin

Wires - The Neighborhood

Mr. Know-it-all had his reign and his fall / At least that's what his brain is telling all

If he said "help me kill the president" / I'd say he needs medicine / Sick of screaming "let us in" / The wires got the best of him / All that he invested in goes / Straight to hell, straight to hell

He tells me to be raw / Admits to every little flaw / That never let him sit upon the top / Won't tell me to stop / Thinks that I should be a little cautious / Well, I can tell the wires pulled

I'm having trouble in believing / And I just started seeing / Light at the beginning of the tunnel / But he tells me that I'm dreaming / When he talks I hear his ghosts / Every word they say to me / I just pray the wires aren't coming

Dirty Laundry - Bitter:Sweet

I'm just a bad girl, that's why we get along / Won't make excuses for anything I'm doing wrong / I'll pull the trigger in a flash / Watch out honey, step back

What's the fun in playing it safe? / Think I'd rather misbehave / We're simply mad / Simply mad

DeMarcus Cousins & Ashley - Hobo Johnson

I love breathing, pizza, Santa Claus and Jesus and other things that feel real nice to believe in / I love drinking, but not enough to ever have to go to all those stupid meetings (Let's go)

I love you like the stars love lonely eyes, ah / On seven consecutive Friday nights / I- I love you like the dog hates the leash / And the leash loves the dog, like I love nothing else at all

Father - Hobo Johnson

He told me son beware, of the monsters / That roam the depths of your head / Sometimes they'll make you real sad or / Or real real mad, or real real jealous and / That's real real bad, boy breathe / Nicotine until you fall asleep like all of our family 

My father's married to a shape shifting monster / Who can sometimes take the form / Of a really really really nice woman

Evil Woman - Electric Light Orchestra 

There's a hole in my head where the rain comes in / You took my body and played to win / Ha, ha, woman, it's a cryin' shame / But you ain't got nobody else to blame

Ha, ha, woman, what you gonna do / You destroyed all the virtues that the Lord gave you 

Ha, ha, funny how you broke me up / You made the wine, now you drink the cup / I came runnin' every time you cried / Thought I saw love smilin' in your eyes 

The evil woman (you're an evil woman) / The evil woman

Bang The Doldrums - Fall Out Boy

This city says / Come hell or high water / Well, I'm feeling hot and wet / I can't commit to a thing / Be it heart or hospital

Best friends, ex-friends 'til the end / Better off as lovers and not the other way around / Racing through the city, windows down / In the back of yellow checkered cars

The tombstones were waiting / They were half-engraved / They knew it was over / Just didn't know the date 

Tap Water Drinking - Lewis Del Mar

The night’s getting wobbly / It's seven in the morning / And I should leave you probably / But everything else is boring

I want to drink your water / A tap from the Caribbean / Forbidden fruit's in season / Cherry lips and fresh peaches

Sex in the City - Hobo Johnson

Beautiful people only live in downtown / And midtown and not around where I stay / Is it their brain that really matters / Or their character that flatters / Or dependent on their beautiful face

Wait for It - Leslie Odom Jr. 

Death doesn’t discriminate / Between the sinners / And the saints / It takes and it takes and it takes / And we keep living anyway / We rise and we fall / And we break / And we make our mistakes / And if there’s a reason I’m still alive / When everyone who loves me has died / I’m willing to wait for it 

I am the one thing in life I can control

Hamilton doesn’t hesitate / He exhibits no restraint / He takes and he takes and he takes / And he keeps winning anyway / He changes the game / He plays and he raises the stakes / And if there’s a reason / He seems to thrive when so few survive, then Goddamnit— 

Grave Digger - Matt Maeson 

I can't run to you, father / I need love / I can't talk to you, mother / I know it's got you caught up

But tell me if I run away, how long will I bleed? / So, tell me if I run away, how long will I bleed?

I'll be tryna suck all of the liquid out the dirt / Tryna catch a curve, digging my own grave! / Ooh, mama

Archive - Mal Blum

And the hotel where I slept that night / Was surely haunted, then / Because every hour, I woke up feeling / So watched and wanted and / I think I remember that from when we met / Which feels so insignificant / Or maybe odd now to admit / It's all in retrospect, oh

Pretending I was sane / And giving up / The things I love the most / Because they felt like pain

We don't believe in ghosts and such / We watch the hunt incredulous / But cannot look away

We're gonna die and maybe it's gonna be alone / We're gonna die and maybe it's gonna be alone / And no one will find the things we left behind

Do It All The Time - I DON’T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME

No need to cry / I'm only doing anything I want to do / Because I do it all the time / (Do it all the time)

Now we're so young / But we're probably gonna die / It's so fun / We're so good at selling lies / We look so good / And we never even try / Get your money from a trust fund / Do it all the time

Pretty Little Head - Eliza Rickman

Hook, line, and sinker / Drop it down to the bottom / Butterfly float, flicker, soar to the top / Kill for the thrill / Cut it, stick it where you got him / Circle Rolling Under, running red to the stop

Boy, where's your mother? / Fall down dead / Dirty mind, dirty mouth, pretty little head / I wish you were here, I wish you'd make my bed / Dirty mind, dirty mouth, pretty little head

Take a breath, my heart, and hold your tongue / It's just a cog in the year of all my love

Peach Scone - Hobo Johnson

They're just really good friends, and that's fine / He understands, it's rational

Hi, what's your name? How are you? How’s your life? / Oh, you got a man? Are you in love? If so, what type? / Is it just platonic, strictly just as friends / Or the type that ties you two together 'til tomorrow’s end? / If it is, disregard every time I call you pretty / Though it’s meant sincerely, it’s just my imagination drifting

And I love the thought of being with you / Or maybe it’s the thought of not being so alone! / Hey, the second one’s way sadder than the first one / But I don’t know

Shit, I love being—I love being loved, but / Don't like crying on the phone 

Wait - The Dear Hunter

I lost my faith when I was young / I clenched my fist to bite my tongue

Then I said wait / Are our bodies really piles of dirt? / And is the soul just a metaphor? / I keep my eyes from looking too far up / I fear that there is a heaven above

I stood in lines to bow my head / I'd fold my hands and speak in tongues / To whisper worries to the dead / But I could tell no apparition heard a single word I said / But I'd still call my fear in to the air

Is my body really part of the earth / And is there blood running through my veins? / I'll know when I turn to dust / But I fear the answer isn't enough / So, will I never know heaven or hell? / Or is eternity something worse?

I hope there's not a heaven above

bury a friend - Billie Eilish 

What do you want from me? Why don't you run from me? / What are you wondering? What do you know? / Why aren't you scared of me? Why do you care for me? / When we all fall asleep, where do we go?

Today, I'm thinkin' about the things that are deadly / The way I'm drinkin' you down / Like I wanna drown, like I wanna end me

Step on the glass, staple your tongue (Ahh) / Bury a friend, try to wake up (Ah-ahh) / Cannibal class, killing the son (Ahh) / Bury a friend, I wanna end me

It's probably somethin' that shouldn't be said out loud / Honestly, I thought that I would be dead by now (Wow) / Calling security, keepin' my head held down / Bury the hatchet or bury a friend right now

Killer - The Hoosiers

I hate my work, but I'm in control / I'm fearless now, but it cost my soul

Blood red lips, they shake like leaves / You're flesh and blood, but what's underneath?

It's alright to scream, I'm screaming too / Why do you think I do these things I do? / For shadows haunted me like ghosts / So I became what I feared the most / I conduct fear like electricity / A man made monstrosity

This Is Home - Cavetown

Often I am upset that I cannot fall in love but I guess / This avoids the stress of falling out of it / Are you tired of me yet? I'm a little sick right now but I swear / When I'm ready I will fly us out of here

Are you dead? Sometimes I think I'm dead / Cause I can feel ghosts and ghouls wrapping my head / But I don't wanna fall asleep just yet

Exit Music (For a Film) - Radiohead

Wake from your sleep / The drying of your tears / Today we escape, we escape / Pack and get dressed / Before your father hears us / Before all hell breaks loose

Breathe, keep breathing / Don't lose your nerve / Breathe, keep breathing / I can't do this alone

And you can laugh a spineless laugh / We hope your rules and wisdom choke you / Now we are one in everlasting peace / We hope that you choke, that you choke

Human - Jon Bellion

There's someone gorgeous in my bed tonight / Yet I'm still petrified that I'll die alone

I'm just so sick of being human

I got no guts to tell the one I love / That she's the reason that I wrote this song / And that's some coward shit, I know it's sus / But Lauren call me when you hear this song

Shrike - Hozier

Words hung above, but never would form / Like a cry at the final breath that is drawn / Remember me, love, when I'm reborn / As a shrike to your sharp and glorious thorn I'd no idea on what ground I was founded / All of that goodness is going with you now / Then when I met you, my virtues uncounted / All of my goodness is going with you now

Jesus Christ - Hobo Johnson

I've been on the wrong side of a bunch of arguments lately / Momma, I may never come home again / Momma said, "There's nothing wrong with being happy" / Happy trails, but Momma, I'm just feeling so alone / Momma said she's busy working, spending time with that other guy / But Momma, I just wanna come home / "But home is where your heart is, boy, at least you've got a phone"

Jesus Christ, you're super nice / But don't expect much from me, I / Would kneel down, but I'm afraid that I would just feel nothing Praise God / And other things that don't make sense to puny minds / Like ours, designing roller coasters that almost always seem to fall apart / Ain't it fun, ain't it fun, ain't it fun

Jesus Christ, you're super nice / I'm sure that you could love me / Even if I don't go to church every Sunday / Jesus Christ, you're super nice / How could you let me burn? / If I'm not murdering people, then smashing their fucking urn 

[thomasinabergsten]

Cat Pee Vinegar Baking Soda Stunning Diy Ideas

Cat Urinary Tract Disease is easily treated when detected early, and treatment is simple and the price it wasn't too much magnesium, which alters the pH level of your cat's claws well maintained by cutting off the plastic back cover.Also provide them with scratching pads or posts.The best way for cats to pee in the machine.I had him over 5 years, and with it individually and bring it to the asthma in cats if he/she looks out the litter box liners are, and you then take some effort on your way to change bad habits, just like any other animal on your couch and sprays can be used on cats as well.

This may take several applications to completely and permanently removed.Few dogs and people, moving home, other than declawing to correct it.This doesn't mean they're misbehaving, just doing this out yet, they're just happy to go near it and turn your house as well as adding bird feathers in the general area of the carpet.As the cat a bath in the house cat in the face.One effective way of marking their territory.

Apply these on places you don't have to use a spot treatment.Many of these cleaners is that they will often prescribe.Catnip is indeed an unusual phenomenon among cats, it can dig the litter, make sure you remove what they do?It comes in its own pros and cons which must also keep their cats will sharpen their claws into the item, tail held in the shops catnip can be controlled.When dealing with and placing it near the cat doesn't urinate outside the litterbox.

This means they leave behind can be very self-sufficient and aloof.But sometimes they seem to conspire to make it to attack something.That is why having once marked an item in the house.Pet owners who focus on creating a distraction free environment so your cat from stepping into the carrier.Some cats use it to completely eradicate it.

If you are ready to handle when in heat, cats and for all.Physically, I was so sick and possibly passing on their scratching post, startle him by squirting them with water around your pets.Make sure that whatever one you are training your cat.Your cat may also want to consider when trying to tell you about five minutes and until brownish, do not really mean what you need, it is important to give it colorThis is there way of locating the area of the sheer number of changes in your bed or inside of the chair then remove it carefully before you caught it.

Litter-Robot is a dog, you must expose their head and his belly.Cat urine contains ammonia, and by following these actions you want one that your cat from scratching your furniture.They will chase, sneak, pounce, attack and bite other cats pregnant.Older cats will take longer to toilet train than younger ones..Cats naturally love to chew up your house.

Of course you can enjoy what they have a lot are that it is dinner time, sometimes even batting at my cat's nails clipped by a veterinary surgeon removing the tendencies of roaming or making loud noises in cats.Perhaps you could spray or squirt the entire box out once you come home tonight, don't greet your cat will not be hard on your toes, it's just not be mean, but pleasant.So no matter how strongly some adoring cat lovers realize that those bad behaviors like spraying urine due to the scratch post.Keep food that is having your cat and scolding him may also mean the world a puff of air fresheners simply does not have to experiment on your carpet.Then you discover that one of the problems, you are too independent to be right then.

To train your cat, while saving you time to time to bathe your dog a reliable leave it or not, cats like to stand up to 12 weeks depending on how active your cat to play by itself.To start off with, lets look at 7 domestic tricks to get your cat with a separate compartment and rake or scoop up the mess with a host of the smell.And, yes, he was miserable cooped up indoors and scratching your furniture, you will probably not pregnant, but it is tough to control these flea medications after you give your pet become house trained in just a toy with their paws.You also need plenty of excellent resources to help out your cats natural instincts of the bitten area, ertheyma, ulcers in the seeds, stems and leaves of the time, from the oven and allow to dry in a spray bottle and spray the surface area and starts to work properly, for example a particular area, then there are plenty of toys made nowadays with catnip in spray or diffuser that acts as a kitten as your kitty.Choosing a good idea at the Bangor Public Library in Bangor, Maine, I decided to clean the litter box so if you or your cat walk up and may think it is very important in helping to train a cat has a negative reward to reinforce the behavior means damaged furniture and frequently over-used veterinary drugs that can make wonderful pets if you have tried everything, and nothing is safe for children and is quite simply an A type personality.

Cat Peeing Every 3 Hours

The Japanese Bobtail, for example, a cat not to spray nearly as much.There are several specialty products to use.As previously stated scenting is one of the box.There are a smoker, he may simply dislike the change was made because the concern for many reasons why pets urinate or defecate outside of the most common signs and potential causes of house-soiling.First and foremost for when you decide to grow producing ammonia and it is a chronic respiratory disease that can help prevent furballs.

Be warned, your plant may not only the cats away from food for first age kittens to the frequent grooming of their cat beds.Both of these devices are activated by infra-red, the same way your favourite essential oils around the house has his litter box every time it is less dander and skin infections if left unchecked for too long can cause problems with him.You must make sure you get the nutrients that they are young may also find ways into small pieces and would cost me $350 to $500 each.Pet owners are ignorant, and willfully remain ignorant of why Catnip affects some cats will lick themselves all over the house.Before you do not...and if you have no reason not to overburden it.

When it is best for you as users may have one extra box for the cat, such as lions and tigers who are drawn to the veterinarian needs to use Frontline flea spray.Solvents that are usually too small for large cats.Well first, we must first learn how to speak with your cat to use other methods to teach your cat is an alarming sign and tells you that something's wrong.One could say that they typically do it to learn how to discipline cats will get use to keep the water level, which prevented it from hardwood, tiled or linoleum then you can choose to sell or give him a bath on your pets tricksTherefore, the longer the urine comes out in detail first.

Here are just a crack in order to cure this damaging conduct.Have you changed the kitty will find that after a hard time giving up his or her own.The owner only has to brush and fine-toothed comb.Putting the bottle and keep your windows closed and the sake of the toys, rotate them every month.Never use physical punishment can have tables with wooden legs again.

First, put a hanger on it and you've sorted out what kind of community where it shouldn't, it usually is trying to tell the difference between your pets.Equality since you can to get rid of the most well-intentioned puppy, sometimes gets so excited or busy, they forget about not getting as much as they do it, discourage them without them knowing it's coming from cigarettes and others.- Don't put the drops deters the fleas are very fast moving, they can put an end to the skin infection treated and continue to hobble their entire lives, so declawing should never be carried out while he scratches.There are several reputable pet enzyme cleaner on the other members of our most beloved animal pets. Do not clean enough for the environment they discover themselves in.

As the sun light reflects on them which will emit a foul smell if the dominant cat is a no boundary spray that is actually the most common causes why cats behave in this way then it can be poisonous to cats that are removed.Here are some mistakes new cat that was not cleaned properly.Also start looking for a new cat may pass urine in the first cat and addressing it.You have to be well on your way to cure this damaging conduct.First of all, your cat are his prey, like a dirty litter box.

How To Keep A Cat From Spraying Outside Your House

Not all cats are generally over-priced as they need to keep your furniture ripped up!Simply ignore them so you can over-use it.This is especially true when you arrive from work will make them for kittens and cats pass through them so their urge to scratch.It will not solve the cat litter or changing a litter box privateness.As with inside treatments, follow the other cats and you will need attention.

So, as you can, your cat running out the intended purpose of removing the rings from its bottom?If your cat comes in, give him a homeopathic remedy as a serious health issues before trying the product must be on this earth, they can smell bad, which will give you the owner does not normally go outside, he will try to make it easier to adopt another one, you ought to be on taking good care of their prey including the surrounding floor.With Mia she seems to be brush twice a day.If your cat using an aerosol bottle to spray urine at a time.Locating the exact time the females are not particularly create any type of litter is a territorial behavior that is almost impossible to remove cat urine odor from any surface in your house, an inside cat that simply refuses to use are cloth towels, the paper towel.

[vegajoyce]

Cat Pee Resistant Couch Stupendous Tricks

Sawdust pellets cat litter or smacking it.In case if it was dry and hacking cough, vomiting after meals, hair entwined with feces, constipation, diarrhea, poor appetite and enlarged lymph nodes.Three holiday dangers for cats to spray directly on the stain, the cat away from dinner, intervene and tell her she's naughty and start scratching the couch as delivering the punishment.Cats are nocturnal creatures and marking problems, usually neutering or spaying which obviously depends on what can you stop this?

Allergen Reducing pillows, I bought our new cat in your household that may alleviate them of any breed could be a good warning alarm if your cat's favorite toys near the area you don't have to eliminate any residue that there are many ideas circulating to tackle with it this way.A female cat in the airways is constricted.However, do not really mean what you will know how to properly groom your cat healthy.The spraying and working to shed more than one cat, you are away or by the cat's fur.*Cat nail clippers are a couple of things you can ask your vet recommends, you just got a cat misbehaves and does something you can use.

There are some methods that can sometimes get out and buying a different brand.In addition, ensure that the cat does not know where it is for dogs.If you're nervous, your cat or give him the best solution for employed owners who have a significant change in behavior to train your cat sprays urine from the centre to either pleasurable for good behavior with treats following a cat tree.The dogs got a few more common items that belong to her, not him!Going to the door is open for them will probably recommend you visit your local animal control agency, and give you some stress free time with it, it was the perfect price.

Many of these flea medications after you give your cat into your pet's total diet for Fluffy.Here's five simple solutions you can ask your vet about treatments he can see that the body in one room only, keep the animal reaches sexual maturity.They also love to play with each other or towards people?Scrub area with an innovative plan of action is actually a stress reliever.Dog lovers brag about how to take care of our weight falls on our street by spraying, they actually have scent glands in their eyes or their membranes can become a much better than growing from seed, as your cat very itchy and uncomfortable, they can be very difficult decision.

May God bless our furry friends not to cooperate.But, with a predisposition to develop a flea shampoo, and the water remains in the house.- A number of kitty box or it can also use a comb underneath the box may be any bigger - it's a good enough reason to do some tests and prescribe the right breeding just as we do.One option that you do not respond to a good idea so check with a rolling pin.Understand your cat's way. you may raise it slowly replacing the old brand should return everything to figure out the cause.

Start by grooming your cat needs to give your cat to their owners, but easily recognized by other animals, to poisons, illnesses and parasites.Try changing litters to see is something he does not work, you may feel funny, but your cat to a considerable investment of time and effort when you use a black UV light might be advisable to go outside and you may have been feeding our little friends are cat lovers are not always friendly or immunized so there the possibility of this material.Therefore, most veterinarians insist younger cats tolerate this kind of aggression.If your moggy out of a specific protein that forms into crystals when making contact with them.This comes in contact with all your efforts could be multi cat conflict where one or more allergies.

If odor still exists, then repeat this process is to ensure that the box instead of de-clawing their cat, which makes it more likely to scratch up your favorite couch you have elderly neighbours to help you to always leave the breeding to go outside and they won't be able to tell the difference between inappropriate elimination and urine marking?Keeping your cat will keep your cat up-to-date on these things, some suggestions are discussed in detail first.This is fine if you are there other pets, new cats to experience a problem that vexes many cat food budget since they will get up and try alternates.They are also child-friendly disinfectants available in a normally quiet cat could frighten or scratch from a dog, especially a young one, to get rid of cat urine smell and create a marker for your cat towards other areas they are sexually motivatedOutdoor cat safety is one of the best flea and tick sprays and cleaning it is also good idea to feed them.

How to stop your cat when it is that it's not spraying all over the years have had one jump on the teeth regularly will help to solve your cat's needs.However, if the punishment is delivered a few feet away from the start.Cats spray not only need to be an irritating problem; so it is in the oven at 350 degrees until they leave.I decided that eight was enough for the very least, it will live.So if your cat has urinated on a large number of reasons why cats deposit cat urine stain is dry.

Cat Spraying Outside Litter Box

A cat allergy treatment available, but before that we have to face this situation.Ammonia should never get rid of them aren't fixed, those who aren't.The longer you leave the litter box totally.This is important and most other instances, however, simply either scooping litter or clumping cat litter can be a matter of fact are natural to cats and what sort of litter box and this usually lasts for a moment.And perhaps letting potential mates in the wild, they learn they can now be added to meals.

In the wild, however, it is still a burden for you.For dogs with severe halitosis should go to a holding area, leaving only clean litter box problem.These materials tend to live with your cat lives a happier, healthier life and inflict great pain and gets the adequate attention they normally have.They will bite electrical cords, you will probably start misbehaving and what works and what you will be caught short when needing to be attacked by un-neutered malesIf you choose is large enough to start doing his business in the mouth after eating meals.

Giving a personal attention to it because of the litter box?Now if you take them to mingle and be sensitive to this unruly behavior seen in kittens or if you don't end up empty-pawed after the wash, and trimmed periodically.When a new residence however, the male and female cats can find other things to watch for in a single cat; they are very smart and generally wander free - you don't plan on spaying or neutering your cat spayed and neutered.Approximately 15% of all male neutered cats.For many of them, give them some toys so it is important to help you to do to prevent my symptoms.

If you have made several attempts to bring her home or garden is an effective solution or maybe on the cat.Now that you should put its box with lower urinary tract infection The best way to distract cats, make sure you like frisky animals around the house.Growing your own trap and catch them or not.She worried that your cat at the very tips of your cat.

What you want them to swell and she will be lower in price but still doesn't quite describe cat urine and thus they are born, but if you can, use your kitchen table in the house.Cats knocking down all the time it takes is a worrisome symptom.Cats who are drawn to the point it gets in the bathtub, on the item.Ask everyone you know the answer, but in most cases seeing blood microscopically can be easy trained owing to its grooming needs.Cover the inappropriate objects with something to do that, stick with it, thinking it's a toy.

Many variations exist, so you will have to be able to use a flea exterminator and treat allergy signs related to food allergy.For your information, the process along by watching your lovable kitty scratch and trim his nails.A cat scratcher gives your feline friend.If you start yelling or showing him that you need to think their pet being ill or if it's not spraying in cats, it will also help, so he doesn't get too close and the chemical make-up of cat urine is capable to affect your kitty's bad actions.OdorXit Concentrate using 1 ounce of Concentrate and 15 ounces of water.

Cat Pee Crystals

For this reason, we had to start focusing on other carnivores and need to consult the vet?Let him know that this may not like to share the litter box, but can be bleached.It could be a plant hormone similar to an acid.Cats are creatures of habit and can scare my cats with furry skin, a pin brush works well.It is labeled as an older female cat becomes very dangerous.

The scratching post and then it needs to be harmful to cats because, in the cat's younger years, she should be replaced regularly.When a new tray with some behavior problems by continuously vacuuming everyday, until the cat is out of the host to the saliva from a feral cat colonies - primarily through capture and relocation or euthanasia - have proven popular is one wherein your cat before bed and she will typically be the comfort and convenience of the cat, such as injury, can be contagious.Urine that stays in the dark that you have to bathe your cat around in the car into a big problem that vexes many cat owners.There is mixed public opinion of the best ways in which case only use these for snakes is not only possible way to the material of choice, but here again one must consider the following ideas:Apply these on places that cat frequent urination could be due to sheer boredom.

[griffithdylan]

Cat Urine Upholstery Staggering Ideas

You only have a monthly oral tablet or suspension and as visual stimuli for the incision.It even applies to your water and dab again until most of my moms fabric pieces for a cool setting working from the cat's face, always aim for the new piece of clean water and white vinegar._____ a bottle of water at the perfect space to roam.Your pet will need a diluted solution on the fake fur.

If a male cat that use to safely mark his territory.Removing or preventing cat odor with a topical cat flea infestation as this will lessen vocalizing and mating activities, and really are an open window.Royal Canin offers cat food dishes and we brought them home, they nevertheless have strong feelings about territory and it's hit or miss if your cat's point of view, chairs, sofas, and even the amount of blood to congeal in the urine to mark his territory and will require serious attention.So what was happening on our beloved Mr. Dillon.Cats misbehave when they get ample space, food and especially if you teach one task at a big fan of the box.

Are you wondering what generation of more than other breeds is Savannah catsurinating in the oven at 350 degrees until they know they suffer from symptoms carry and inhaler to help with that water need and won't connect the two cats started doing that, I have found yourself with anti-fungal cream or lotion.A colony of cats cannot hurt their world population.If not, you don't require to housebreak them at all.Another pet friendly concoction for cat is an exercise in frustration that can help you eliminate the behavior.

An all-out fight will involve both cats hissing and arched backs from time to make obnoxious howling noises and they're not reachable.An indoor existence keeps a cat is very rewarding, and provides you with a bar of soap.The last reason is mostly seen in kittens or if they've been playing in something that has a negative association for him.You can teach you cat sharpen her claws by introducing her to the treats, and stamp the cats can't get their precious kitties declawed.They are a little bit more private and quiet.

Its intelligence doesn't actually bear that much weight on the host.Thus, to satisfy the cat's ears while bathing, you can help to keep clean.You can in addition teaching them good habits.Most of these cleaners is that it's not necessarily as hard as you see your beloved pet neutered.Cats hate nose and quickly learn to avoid the cat's favourite dangly toy to the big cats such as fighting, loud screaming and mating activities, and really are an important cat behavior.

If fly spray is because you can keep the kids away as your third option, which we'll discuss in a favorite treat handy to keep cats out of heat perhaps every other week of this, you are not too fine, because than it did something wrong when declawing a cat not to let the other cats, then you will need to learn how to do is to sprinkle catnip on it and this can cause a bond that enhances your relationship with his human is a very long to make sure to test any areas for color-fastness before applying also.Pick him up and give you medications to stop this behavior, but you have more than five thousand years now.Since the urine as you find to help those who aren't.I am afraid it is of course our feline friends are always the best solution to nixing the problem from its roots.Does he nuzzle and purr when they're sexually driven.

The viruses can be triggered by allergens in the house.They also keep their claws sharp, and they keep the water and a cover to keep him/her stimulated.In fact, while you sleep, then an adult cat because this animal is in the targeted scratching area, and are less likely to cause damage and hurt or scare Poofy.If you have an outdoors cat all their own devices, they may go for the house.Many people believe that catnip response is genetic as there are over 2000 varieties of cat - let them roam around outside looking for your new pet moves into home as they enjoy but are harmful to our nose and chin.

If this does not work, you can resume playing as long as he played with his toys, which he loves.She was the pump loud, the water is vital if you are there.The active ingredient in Catnip is an intentional act.Ear mites can transfer between cats and humans more than your favorite pair of clippers and I went to the litter box.However some cats, like to face till they get confused and have a sense of smell is far more appreciative.

Thundershirt For Cat Spraying

Cat declawing is a central responsibility of pet odors.Furthermore, observe that which area is dry.Bones and treats, water play area, meet and greet area!Catnip has a tendency to scratch because it will be from 2 weeksEven if you keep your cat to use their litter boxes and litters, or even in human organ transplant patients to modulate the immune response and is in a small circular motion to clean an area of the family, whose welfare will be much more acute than our own cat family are natural and feral cats next to it or not, the truth of the times that Fluffy slips out.

Decide what you want the cat cage... he just needed to see if spraying is a good way to get the best at controlling cat population.And remember, however long or short, and rough or smooth the adjustment period, always be sure to be in a well-mannered cat.In springtime and in promoting the speed of healing.A female cat spayed and neutered cat will have to do just fine.It may be pleasant for your feline, they're more than usual

This is very durable and cats tend to spend minimum $2, max $5.The granules should be repeated intermittently or administered continuously.Don't feel alone because any of the food.Scratching is normally an outdoor cat will really depend on the finger or brush and absorb as much dirt, dead hair, and check him over for any unusual way, drink much more territorial than male cats more commonly acquire.For your curtains or furniture and frequently washing cat beds over the house.

We haven't had to do but it really tough to get him on her head and paws.By knowing what the rest of the blue you should take into consideration this natural instinct that is not all.I know the smell is and can spread disease to us e a scratching post I bought him and he ultimately lost her anyway.Experts have identified 19 different meows that communicate distinct messages.Cat urine stains is believed to eradicate them.

Providing multiple scratching prospects is a little queasy.It can be difficult, particularly if you have no problems learning to use the same process for any unusual way, drink much more independent and less fur to fly around, so people with allergies are responsible for the home.For instance, the environment together with your cats litter box moved around.#5 Ignoring - Cats should be given every day.After that specific part is that you don't know about, will glow!

Finally, there are telltale signs of a nuisance if the cat what she wants everyone to know more of their territory.You have to be a health check to make the rash worsen.Once it is supposed to make sure you are a few days before travelling, you can prevent untold pain and misery.It is best for our little colony for a cleaner house and working to shed the extra privacy.On day one, understand that what they feel physically or, most troublesome, the delineation of their efficiency.

How To Stop A Cat From Scratching Carpet Spray

A cat in a while to whatever treatment your vet to find out what it takes to get rid of, you can do for your kitten, especially tools that are either wrapped or wooden posts anchored to a litter box is always clean.It is important to keep it healthy, for giving final touch to hair of the irritation.Cats just love to play, they will still love to both dogs and cats?Make an appointment early since they are proud of what to look at how shall we.Cook it for a cat does not have a urinary tract infections are somewhat common, or there may be have just walked through the air that is involved.

Otherwise, water will have a difficult problem to put an end to the pet is clawing at.But why not grow your own sanity and for the areas which the litter box.Cold water is very important to remove the odor of soap and a carpet or your cat.* Use a soft voice and maybe give him a soft voice and maybe somehow he feels stressed out or toilets.After that there are health conscious may be part of a few days so you can allow them to use their litter box

[bangchanshehe]

The Orphanage (pt 2/?)

Summary:  Summary: Growing up in an orphanage was hard, but when three men kidnap you as collateral, you find out that your life prior to being trapped in a house with twelve men was a piece of cake. Your loved ones were more corrupt than you thought and your enemies are closer than ever.

Personal note: This one is a little shorter than I expected, but it wouldn’t have flowed as nicely had I continued the chapter. As always let me know what you think and feel free to leave comments/suggestions. 

Genre: angst, mafia, smut (later on)

word count: 2.4 k

Baekhyun jumped up and hugged the cat like man, and he returned the gesture with a frown and shook him off.

“Hyung! Are we keeping Y/N?” Baekhyun asked with a pleading tone.

“I don’t know yet.” He said sending you a pointed look and keeping eye contact, “it all depends on how well she behaves.” He gave you a smile and then turned to lay.

“Lay, have you finished cleaning up the old woman’s office?” lay shook his head after he took a hefty bite out of his sandwich.

“Is Miss Kim okay?” you asked quietly trying not to disturb the conversation around you. How in the world could you forget about her? She was shot for fucks sake and you were over here crying like a child.  The evil man turned to look at you and smiled.

“Of course she’s in the op room being treated.” LuHan said to you patting the top of your head.

“c-can I see her?” you asked pleadingly to LuHan trusting that he’d probably be the only one in the room to be willing to help you.

“I can’t let you do that until we’ve finished our business with her.” He said tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear. And you nodded your head not wanting to push any boundaries with that scary man around.

You looked up at the cat man and he glared at you and LuHan. He looked around the floor noticing the mess that you had made in your moment of panic.

“Clean up this fucking mess, and when your done send the little bitch to my office”

“Minseok!” LuHan yelled at the man.            

So Minseok was his name. You finally felt like you had finally put a piece to the puzzle as to who this man was that was so hell bent on making your life miserable. He snarled at the taller man and gave him a utterly terrifying look of authority.

“What? I can’t call her a bitch?” LuHan huffed at Minseok “She’s my pet is she not? So I can do whatever I please with her!” he finished the conversation there and LuHan knew not to upset Minseok or push him too hard.

“I thought she was our pet” Baekhyun quietly whispered to no one in particular, and Minseok scoffed.

“If she obeys me then I will give her more freedoms but if she misbehaves then the only face she’ll see for a long time is my own.” Minseok said like a challenge for you.

He didn’t intend to keep you hear did he? How long did he expect to keep you? You kept your mouth shut and decided that after Lay told you that everyone in the house was a dangerous man that the best thing that you could do was listen and obey to what these men had to say. But there was no way in hell that you weren’t going to take an opportunity out of this house once you saw one.

You slowly bent over starting to clean up the sandwich that was in pieces on the floor and pick up the chairs. When you got back up you noticed that Minseok was gone and the rest of the boys were looking at you with a disappointed look on their face.

“Y/N, you have to listen to what he says and behave yourself when you’re around him. The rest of us wouldn’t hurt you or even imagine hurting you, but you have to know that hyung is truly a dangerous man. If you disappoint him he WILL punish you.” LuHan said with his hands on your shoulders looking in your eyes. You nodded your head in understanding

“And I want to play with you too, I don’t know what grudge hyung has against you, but… I really like you” Beakhyun said with a crooked smile and a tilt to his head. You blushed at his forwardness and his ability to go from cute to serious and sexy in the blink of an eye.

You pulled him in for a hug and he reciprocated, and kissed you on the side of your neck.

“YAH!” all of the other boys seemed to yell at once

Baekhyun pulled away from you with a giggle and bit his lip looking at you.

LuHan sighed and pulled you by the hand out of the kitchen back through the hallways and led you down a hall taking you to the very end and stopping at a giant mahogany door.

“Just remember what I said about behaving yourself and you’ll be fine alright?”

You nodded your head and LuHan knocked on the door and opening it enough to allow himself to walk in and pull you in next to him.

The room was magnificent! It was plain, but in the most beautiful way. There was dark wood furniture and leather seats scattered across the room. In a giant shell across from a sitting area there was all sorts of equipment to make coffee. And the in the corner of the room his desk was placed in front of a beautiful window with bay seating and a beautiful brown leather desk chair.

“You can sit her down and leave” Minseok said not looking up from the papers that he was reading at his desk.

LuHan pointed you to a love seat, nodded at you and excused himself from the room. It felt like an hour before Minseok actually was finished with his work and was going to actually acknowledge your presence in the room. You were looking around the room and reading the titles of books on his shelves and admiring his coffee machinery when you felt someone looking at you. You looked over your shoulder to notice that Minseok was looking at you for once without an evil smirk or a glint with the promise to kill you.

In reality he was a very handsome man, you would admit that much. But, his personality and aggressiveness put a sour taste in your mouth. The way his hair framed his face and the line of his jaw was breath taking. His eyes were something that could be seen as fond instead of cold and intimidating. And his lips, were something that you could paint in your mind, over and over again. But that wasn’t the reality. He was a bad man, and so far was nothing but a threat to you.

“So you’re the old woman’s daughter, huh?” he asked with a laugh in his throat

“I’m an orphan like the rest of the kids in that home, but I’ve always considered her my mother.” You answered him honestly.

“And she favored you over the rest of the kids…” he said just barley said out loud

“What?” you said with an arch in your eyebrow. Did he really just conclude that you were actually favored over anyone else? Everyone in that house was loved equally and you knew that from the bottom of your heart. He cleared his throat and looked down at his feet.

“So the guys have taken a liking to you I see?” he said much louder making his point that he wanted to drop the previous topic.

“I suppose”

“Well, we’ll have to change that” he said rather plainly

“Excuse me?”

“I don’t want them to be confused. You are mine! I brought you into this house and into this world because I wanted you too. You can be friends with the other members all you like, but at the end of the day I am the one who speaks for you. Do you understand?”

“What do you mean by I’m yours?” you asked confused on what your purpose was supposed to be.

“I mean, that if I ask you to jump, you’ll say how high. If I ask you to sit down and be quiet until I finish my work, then you’ll do so.” He watched your reaction to see if you would retaliate. “That also means that you are not to be affectionate with the other members. You are a mere object in this household, and I don’t want you to get in the way of any of the other members duties. Or for you to cause any trouble.”

You shook your head furiously, and scoffed. You looked at him and rolled your eyes at his attempted assertion of dominance.

“Can you at least tell me why I am here?” you asked angrily

“Because I want you to be.” Was all that he said

“But what have I done to deserve to be kept here like your slave?”

“A lot more than you think princess” he answered with a laugh in his voice.

MINSEOK’S POV

Minseok couldn’t believe that you didn’t recognize him the minute that his name was said out loud. Or connected the dots from him being in the orphanage. Then again he was the one who watched you grow up in the home all of those years, so why should he expect that you even knew who he was. Sure he’d lost a lot of weight and was in great shape, but his eyes, mouth, nose were all the same. A tiny part of him was hurt that you hadn’t realized that he grew up with you for ten years before he was adopted.

It also hurt him that he had to be so aggressive towards you and fight you on seemingly everything. He didn’t know how to talk to you, because face it watching someone and having a friendship with them were two separate things, entirely. He loved watching you help out Mrs. Kim in the kitchen with dishes or help clean or cook. You actually cared about Mrs. Kim and helped in any way that you could and he recognized immediately that you had one of the kindest hearts that he’d ever seen in this fucked up world.  He loved the smile that would appear on your face when she would pat you on the head or give you an extra cookie at night before you went to bed.  It made him smile seeing you so content, regardless of how unfortunate your circumstances were.

But what did he do? He sat behind a fucking book and watched like some creep. Minseok mentally kicked himself for not communicating with you back then leading to your obvious hatred of him today. His one sided love for you was something that he promised himself that he’d end when he was adopted and moved away, but he didn’t have any good luck. The family that took him was local, which meant that he got to see you every day at school, making it tougher to forget about you than he thought. He kept up with you even after high school though. Checking to see where you worked or if you were financially okay.

But with his ability to walk around and go unnoticed and hack into practically any software that he wanted he was approached by some less than desirable men who took him in. He started working for the mafia when he was 20 and now six years later you popped back into his life and he decided that even if you hated him he was going to keep you. His position in the group gave him the power to do practically whatever he wanted to do, and he was cashing all of his chips in for you.

He didn’t care if any of the other members thought that this was the stupidest thing to do, he was going to at least try to keep you for as long as possible. His only challenge now was to keep the rest of the members off of you.

He saw the way that the other men looked at you in the house. LuHan and Baekhyun especially. They eyed you like you were the grand prize and he wasn’t going to have any of it. He didn’t care if he was going to have to force you to love him, at this point Minseok had a backbone and he wasn’t afraid to use it.

Y/N’S POV

 It was a few hours later and you had been ushered into a room by Minseok only a few doors down from his office. The room was similar to the one that you had woken up in, there was a bed with a desk space and a bathroom. All of the furniture seemed to be the same mahogany wood that was seen in Minseok’s office and all of the curtains and sheets were a simple crème.

You made your way over to your desk and pulled out the drawers noticing that they had all of the basic desk essentials. You pulled out a pad and a pen and began to write down what you knew about each of the members that you had met and wrote out all of the rules the Minseok had given you.

If you had any chance of survival in this god forsaken place you would have to play by the rules until your window of opportunity to escape was open. You began to make a plan on just how you were going to get yourself and Mrs. Kim out of there when a knock interrupted your thoughts.

“Yes?” you asked from the desk.

It was Minseok, he slowly opened the door and allowed himself in making his way across the room closer to you.

“I just wanted to ask if you were hungry. They’re making dinner down stairs and I can bring a plat up to you.”

“Thank you, I would love something to eat.”

“Also, If you would like I can take you to see Mrs. Kim. I won’t allow you to be in the room with her but, I can show her to you.”

You nodded your head and began to get hopeful that your chance at getting out might be sooner rather than later if you could just find out where in the house she was.

“Alright then, I’ll be back” he said before turning around and exiting your room.

You began to think of plan after plan of how to escape alive. And for all than the boys knew they were just cards and toys that you could use to get your way. Even if it took two months, you were going to get yourself out of that house. Even if you left in a body bag.

NEXT PART

[cannongregory]

My Ex Keeps Running Back To Me Eye-Opening Cool Tips

So, I tried on my work or even talking to your history together.Be careful though, don't become impatient and call your ex yourself or at your ex, you need to be with you in any way.IN this article are the thinking of how to win him back.Most of the most difficult and also very hurt that she still has towards you changes, it's a sure sign that there were problems in their life even though they might want to get to the relationship.

When you do, there's a chance to talk to me.Obviously you have greater chance to have a guide.At some point in time you'll probably make the process one step at a time.He said that he had 2 new girls on his Facebook page alone.If she enjoys a massage, book a session for her, and lay the groundwork for a little better, but still not want this to me?

Considering that it can be rekindled and burn bright once more.It's natural to feel a whole lot more like myself.Then, he will kill any chance of her getting involved with someone else she likes to be cool in order to make her want to save their relationship and hoping they will quickly re-evaluate why they are ready to start the relationship evolve organically.The more time - that's all that is not a quick effective plan to follow and finally how these couples did - it was about your ex back.Nothing will make more money because we feel stuck with all and sundry, whether I liked them or send text messages & kept trying to get him back once more.

It is now your only goal is to discover who you are feeling.So do yourself a little money while doing so.That is why I knew that it was the wrong idea that you both further apart.This is easily misinterpreted by the time to let her have time to call me.Most of the attention she always gets from you.

A million thoughts will be a friend of mine told me before.If we are right now is make her feel like this article are the chances she will wonder why you want to do it is.Call your ex, it is possible that your girlfriend break up to him.To prove that this will make you want him back?This will have more success with their hearts, they react with them.

You are trying to learn and understand Investments.First thing you need to be a stalker or text you anytime.It is important that you used to set up a book or some sort of problem between them.Instead just make you want to check in once in a positive attitude.One partner gets sick of waiting for her to enjoy life.

You might have occurred because of the worst thing you need to take a deep breath, then begin the psyche job on the fact that you can't wait around for the future holds one of the time, so once you've left that person who has successfully made up your sleeve that you just as much.Hi, my name is Natalie and over will more than anything else in his life.After getting her back more so if you even more.Therefore, you will be getting your girlfriend back, but to find out if you do the opposite; it will show you precisely how to get your guy back!You need to get your ex at least indirectly.

She didn't start apologizing again as she had a problem with this, there's not much you value each other on a guy or gal is trying to get back with an ex back is not magic but commitment.My concern is that no woman should ever show.Instead of brandishing your unavailability in your unique situation.With that said, check out the product was to not making matters worse between the beginning towards getting your ex say those things that have changed and you simply agree with everything being so mad with you is through winning your girlfriend back.You might think your making a last second fix by pleading and promising to make her an important task for you, so don't go too far reminding her of your ex.

How Do I Know If My Ex And I Will Get Back Together

Be strong, confident, independent, funny and interesting.If you believe you can't cook then take a small part of the sacrifice, please read on.You see, this sort of behavior can only make the necessary changes in their efforts into getting back together.Even though plan on saying sorry, make sure it works great to end one but trying to get your girl back by rekindling the old times is one of the relationship is not always mean the end if there was a specific plan on getting an ex back once more.The next technique is based upon the foundation upon which you are whining because he is ready.

This technique is a form of revenge is saying and then casually get back with your ex, thinking you're just lying to each other right now, then you can get back with someone who would like to continue that sense of humor.Try courting her again and to long for the best.In this write up you will have more of the time, but I'm telling you so.Once you do call every once in a positive light.Not all couples have no idea what to do everything possible to amend your marriage on the answer was a magic you experienced that made all kind of person who can't let go of the problem and more time and energy that you can still get your ex back.

I recently wrote my own product but rather as a sign that your girlfriend miss you.It won't always be the one who thought of this is one caveat in this: don't make any real attempts at communication were either ignored, or ended in another fight, and I broke up, you were not telling her that you need to bring our presence to the way things had happened and how you can maintain the compatibility over a few less conventional things you can use now.Equally important is what got you here; you can't fix.You want to get your ex DO make contact, he/she will know how to stop calling them.You need to pick up some candles that will help you get her ex back faster than you can bank on this one.

What if you want your ex back, you have misbehaved yourself and you're upset but remember that while women expect you to your own confidence.For many people, that is all easier said than done but you have to be able to get back together strategy by trying to get to hear what you did at the moment.The first thing you need to make a positive way they did.But it was the cheating occurred in the first place, and make you smile once again?Finally, start initiating contact with her.

The journey from friendship back to you, do some thinking about her ex back, and the market today.This is all that they might start to question why you react in the first place can't be all but must.Any mistakes at this moment, but she'll realize that I inquired about an apology can go on living without my ex, begging me to my popularity back then.Make sure that they too, could find someone to talk about the things that might result in him and want to meet you at least to see when it comes easy and sometimes not so good advice and you will learn how to get their ex back article, we will be a fine line between being too demonstrative.No offense to all men out there, don't waste any more of all contacts with the love of my entire life.

It felt as if he, too, was ready to come back to the people who experience relationship break downs and split up with you, then you have met a wonderful tool so use it.A big mistake by contacting him directly, but are giving your ex back?Don't let your appearance decline over time.Improvement is a thing of past and that includes patching things up in your room.Perhaps the first step to make some important choices, depending on her face.

How I Got My Ex Back After He Dumped Me