#which means its on her store.
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you might not think it’s hard to be a soc fan artist on tumblr, but let me tell you about the time I called someone out for drawing inej with light skin, so they blocked me and then wrote a long post about me that I couldn’t see, along with colour samples taken from my art as examples of how inej is “too dark” in them, and then they end the post with “I’m disappointed in you” 💀
#girl 😭#inej ghafa#book accurate crows#mine#post contains g slur#the g word is a racial slur for romani people and a word used against them during the 500 years of chattel slavery they endured#which wasn’t even that long ago#english isn’t this person’s first language and so it was google translate who automatically used that word#but they have decided to stand by it#for a lot of my family their first language is greek#that isn't an excuse for them or me to say racially charged english slurs and if I did so by mistake I would correct myself.#you sound like someone who took an ancestry test discovered they had a#minimal percentage of a particular ethnic group in their genetic makeup#and then assumed they could speak on and represent that group without understanding its history or culture.#my racist right-wing aunt has a non white grandparent but that doesn’t give her the right to talk on matters from that ethnic group#we are all very mixed if we examined our genetics very closely#but that doesn't mean you can decide whether or not that word is a slur if you haven't lived openly as a romani person#and been called that while you were denied jobs education and even being allowed to go into stores.#you are undermining the lived experiences of individuals within the roma community.#my friend's ancestors have been saying that is a slur call us roma since the 1930s. that was only one or two#generations after the abolition of slavery.#and like any ethnic group of people they have varying skin tones?#it's actually stupid to say they all have light skin when they were in fact ostracized#dehumanized and forced into racially segregated ghettos on the outskirts of society#because of the very dark colour of their skin.#inej ghafa is romani coded#she happens to have dark skin#tw racism#tw colourism#tw g word
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i need to learn to bake something new as everyone at work already knows i'm bringing them some carrot cake on friday....
#as some of u may have heard several times this month or any time the number 22 is mentioned its my bday on friday#so im baking something to bring to work#and i can bake more than just carrot cake#i think ive brought brownies to work more often than carrot cake. and ive also dabbled in chocolate chip oat cookies#and mokkapalat.#and yet#i saw my boss today and she jokingly was like ''haha i guess we'll be getting some carrot cake on our big planning meeting on friday''#which. hold on just to preface this i actually like my boss and she has my best interests in mind and shes v nice.#anyways i didnt even tell her id be baking smh. i mean i always bake something for work when theres a special occassion but still#and howd she guess it was carrot cake. ok probably bc thats my fave but still#i know i have a complaining tone in here but i think its funny and silly#i know i'm a predictable person but sometimes it manifests in weird ways#i did not know my carrot cake baking was THAT predictable#oh. i was thinking of going to the liquor store on fri bc its a tradition of mine and they have a new#cant remember if it was white or red but anyways some type of new seasonal flavor of wine glögg#i think regular glögg is superior but man can you imagine a red wine glögg with carrot cake#cozy spices...#especially since my carrot cake recipe is very winter-y as it has cinnamon and clove in it#i usually love lighting candles and getting cozy on the sofa as soon as the days get short#but i havent done that yet this year#can u imagine. little lights and candles on. red wine glögg and carrot cake. sitting on the sofa under a blanket.#watching something on the tv.#would love to read but its not ideal in candlelight#i usually like having a big light on bc i like to see but it's nice being in a dimly lit room when its dark anyways#leevi talks
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#its so weird. i feel like march 5th went on for more than a day somehow. i guess that's just bc we were awake for just abt all of it#my dad wanted to start doing things immediately so he was calling and scheduling all day. we went to the funeral home we went to the store#and it was weird bc as we were moving around it was like wow we r a 4 person family now. this is it. and theres so much to do after a person#dies. or at least there is when they were loved so much and jesus christ my mom was one of the best ppl a LOT of ppl knew. she did so much#for so so many ppl. and with her childhood she had every reason to b a fuck up but no she was kind and selfless and amazing. her mother is#trying to bask in the attention of her death when its like: truely go fuck urself. her being such a good person has nothing to do with u. u#treated her appallingly. fuck off. and fucking everyone knows it. god. she is a product of her grandparents kindness. and it sounds like her#dad was amazing like her. but he tragically died in a car wreck when she was 3. she was in the car. no one in my mums family believes in a#god now. too many bad things happened to the shining gems in a collection of wild alcoholics. but its not all bad. my family's staying close#my dad is taking it hard bc this means hes alone now and my mum took care of so many things bc she was so smart and he feels so dumb. he#feels he didnt deserve her. hes working on giving more hugs now. and hes using us to anxiously talk things out the way he did with mom#which is good. i cant imagine if this happened when we werent 3 adults and he was windowed with 3 kids to raise himself. and its funny. were#saying things we never would have told her. we looked thru pictures of her and she was so so beautiful. a total smoke show. my parents were#a cute couple who produced cute kids. and my mom had trouble communicating and being affectionate tho we knew she loved us there was#distance. theres a pic of my dad pulling her close and shes being tippef towarf her while standing away and thats indicitive of their#relationship. they were 2 partners who lived together independently and that worked but its sad bc my mum couldnt b vulnerable in her#expression. ppl r being so kind tho. ill be in ohio now for like 2.5 more weeks as the funeral stuff shakes out. we have to have 2 bc she#grew up away from her and so many ppl loved her in both locations. she was a popular lady. its so weird to b here on pause. but i feel clear#in my head. i think this will change a lot of my outlook on life. its nice to focus on the person she was and not the horrible 12hrs where i#saw her half dead. i cant imagine how awful it was for my sisters and dad to see her downslide into death. she didnt expect this to b The#Fever that killed her but it did and now she'll never finish a million things. and the house is full of pill bottles and all her junk and#unopened amazon packages and a truck with the fuel left on empty. bc she was an absent minded goofball. ay. well miss her so much#unrelated
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if i might bitch about work for a second: yesterday was hellishly bad despite being able to keep up with it and i found out that apparently our department made 4600 dollars yesterday which is making me angry beyond belieffffffff
#this is math i do fairly often bc i enjoy ho-hum math and hate my job and like#even if we took off 2000 bucks for overhead costs which feels excessive but i will concede it#that would be enough to pay everyone working a little over 860 dollars which is 300 more than what i make in a WEEK#literally WHEREEEEE IS IT WHERE IS IT GOING WHERE IS IT#i dont like following this logic through because on days where there are fewer orders we;d do less#and i disagree with gig work's implementation as ive seen it and i think that would stress people out worse than we already are#(which is significantly)#but at the same time. 850 dollars. i cant afford to buy groceries this week. 850 dollars...#can i get a BONUS or SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#it makes me soooo angry i was talking to one of the deli guys who asked for a raise and got denied mid-question#before our director accidentally showed him that their department is four thousand of gods own dollars under labor#its so revolting to me i talk to so many people in this store who are terrified because of medical bills or rent or car shit#half my department works two jobs just to get by and ALL OF THEM drive junkers#honestly one of the things thats scaring me about if i actually move out is that i do rely on...living with my mom#i pay for most of my own food i pay an absurd amount of rent to share a room with her but she's willing to drive me to work#even though i've offered to walk multiple times and she REALLY should prioritize her own time more#but at the same time...not having to pay for rides has been carrying me hard#if i got a car i'd be fucked because those things bleed money and generally ethically i disagree with cars#but if i dont its like okay pony up the money learn to navigate buses (except for sunday when they dont run) or get ready#to walk to your job where you walk all day and then walk home in the dark#which. i love walking. and listening to music on my own while walking. so bad example. but i also love not having my feet hurt#all the time always no matter what im doing which is something im becoming increasingly unfamiliar with#its like. ultimately. something's gonna get fucked no matter what#and then i hear a figure like 4600 and i remember how avoidable all of this shit is. how avoidable it is for ANY of us#our ceo is gonna walk away from this merger attempt with 5 billion dollars in safety-cushion money#the 10 top execs beneath him with 1 billion#and its just so. what can you even do. 5 billion. can a number like that even mean anything? how could you possibly need that much#850 dollars would be a lifechanging amount of money for me right now and im not even one of the worst off#its just. god. this world could be anything but what it is but its this and for what
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woooo my niece took 5 of my 13 lego sets, one of which was one of the three larger ones, so that's one huge box out of the way and i'm just glad she wanted them because like they ARE twenty years old and they look fine ofc but sometimes kids aren't gonna want stuff that isn't new and shiny ya know, but she did seem to want everything which would've been fine with me but i knew there was no way they would take all that with them, and at least i still have stuff of my own to sell, plus should get at least a cut of my brother's stuff for doing the inventory and putting together that stuff that wasn't already done
#i mentioned the hp sets and how they had been pretty much left together and he was like '....i had harry potter sets?'#which once he saw them he did think they were familiar which was some of my feeling with mine#like oh YEAH i do remember these i just didn't remember having so many#i mean between 13 sets it's really like 3 categories so i would've played with like the whole ice palace and its related sets#i do just wonder how it'll be at the store like everything is pretty much in fine shape#and probably there are people who want older stuff that's rarer and whatever now#BUT then there might be more of a demand for newer stuff at a better price or whatever idk#anyway 6 sets left in the upstairs and then the bionicles and statue of liberty are still in the attic#i'm still not convinced there couldn't be another box somewhere bc idk how to explain the few sets#that are missing so much that i can't actually do them bc even if we had gotten rid of some why would we not include the huge base or w/e#anyway we'll see! but i'm getting closer! and i did a little one this morning#that seemed to be complete it didn't list some of the pieces as extras but based on the instructions i figure they have to be#so i don't really need them like i'll include them if i find them and they're not needed for something else but yeah#anyway i can go back to fic though these first two at least are short so i may be going back to another one tomorrow#can't wait to have my room back though fr like#it is not the only thing making it feel messy because i have newer jewelry and clothes and stuff that i just have to organize and put away#but man the jewelry situation is just. it's not even having so many pieces it's like big earrings that take up a lot of space or whatever#so i just have not wanted to deal with it but it's kinda out of hand#but i can really think about that after this particular project is done#and do puzzles again oh my god i have 3 puzzles waiting for me at least#plus my mom always has a bunch to be done since everyone knows to buy her puzzles lol but that has also gotten out of hand#i wouldn't mind getting rid of a couple of mine though just bc it is like okay you do it but then you just have it and it takes up space#would be cool to have pretty ones framed tho
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the thing about amtrak is that when you eat meals in the dining car you're seated with strangers and the thing about that is that sometimes they're very lovely and sometimes they're the worst guy on earth
#sat w some very lovely folks for lunch this afternoon! sat w a banker last night for dinner 😬#we were passing through north dakota farm land ans he was like there's nothing out here... I mean where are the grocery stores 🙄#like king its farm land. farms are out here. do you know what a farm is?#he just could not understand that other people live different lives and the united states is home to a diverse number of biomes#which is wild because it sounded like he was very 'worldly'?#like you've been to all these countries and still don't know about places being different from other places??#he also fatshamed our server behind her back. kill yourself#which he was fat himself. worst genre of guy is fat man who bodyshames fat women#ghost posts#text
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ohhhh u know what i wanna write. need to, even. very important to do it at some point. but i think i really do need to make the doctor have a meltdown. i think that would be very cathartic to put them through.
#whump but autism flavored. for me.#i mean i imagine that he has been having them just off-screen when the worse adventures are over#can keep it together as long as he’s running because he can focus on something else and. then when he is not it all hits at once.#the doctor curled on the tardis floor because he can hear her engine vibrating through it and its the only sensation that isnt causing him#physical pain to experience at the moment#i need him to go thru some shit okay. never enough fics in the autistic doctor tag on ao3#skmeone remind me to outline this in the morning. gotta pick which doctor to do it to. which companion to be with him.#i am feeljng ten & donna but that could change#oh on that note: thinks about 14 having meltdowns about. ‘normal things’.#local man who has saved the world a thousand times suddenly finds out that grocery store lighting is intensely stressful and makes him want#to cry. despite all contradicting evidence that this is happening to him is a good thing.#means he’s recalibrating slowly to allow his body to be upset by things like that rather than pushing all of it down to be set off by#the world nearly exploding or someone he loves getting hurt. instead he can get overwhelmed by small things and feel safe that if he reacts#to that. nothing bad will happen to him while he’s having a meltdown. ohhhhh donna bringing him a weighted blanket because he went to hide#in his tardis after comjng home and not saying a word to anyone…..#okay im done i swear im done.
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#i hate that i'm like this but the girl we're hosting used my mug and it makes me irrationally angry#like#i didn't ever tell her ''hey don't use this mug because i have my own stuff and i don't like cross contaminating''#so i KNOW i have no right to be angry#and it coooouuld have been one of my family members who used it but i doubt it because they know i don't like sharing mugs and glasses etc#but either way this is just a symptom of how chaotic i feel in my own house and i hate myself for being like this#i never say anything because i KNOW its crazy people talk to be like ''hey that's my seat. why? because i always sit there and like it?''#and i know it doesn't affect anyone how the spoons are organized and how the plates are stacked and where the pots are stored#but its just infuriating to see things in places where (in my mind system) they don't go#i know it's the autism but that has never found me any sort of sympathy in my family (diagnosis or no diagnosis) so i can't say that#and if i skirt around it and say ''i like things a certain way and not having them like that causes me severe emotional distress''#it makes me seem controlling and abusive (which are things my mom has implied i am when i explain these things to her)#i know the real reason for these issues isn't our guest but also at this point she isn't our fucking guest because SHE'S BEEN HERE A MONTH#and she is clearly overstaying her welcome imo#i don't say anything because i'm not a mean person but i'm sure everyone around me can tell i'm stressed about something#i just need my space back but i don't even feel like i have a claim over that cuz mexican families are full of the ''my house my rules'' bs#which is untrue because a) the house isn't even owned by my parents anymore#(they made some stupid financial choices years ago and my uncle had to buy the house from them or risk foreclosure)#and b) we're all adults (except my brother obviously) and we all contribute however we can#so i should have some say in how i feel if i'm living here imo#and i am trying to make money however i can so i can move out soon#but just going out twice a week has me like this i can't imagine working a traditional job atm#(i did apply for a grant for autistic people of color so hopefully something will come of that)#anyways that was my rant i'm just really stressed and constantly on the brink of a meltdown#it's not this random girls fault#she just happens to be the final drop in my very very small bucket very often these days#(y'know because she's a fucking stranger in my house and i hate having to mask in my own home idk i'm awful i probably won't post this)
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#the day was going so well until my mom decided to be mean to me for no reason in a piblic space where i was already feeling scared and over#stimulated. i wanted to try out the skateboards in decathlon but there were too many people and i got scared. and my mom suddenly said that#the skateboard that she was going to buy for me after/on my birthday. she had decided to buy now. since we were alr in theshop and i said no#way bec i hadnt decided which one i wanted yet and i was soo panicked. and then after some time when id calmed down a bit and was gonna try#to skate anyways she started questioning me abt when i planned on peacticing and where i was gonna do it and i obviously just started saying#things that i thought she would approve of. and then she told me i didnt have the time management skills or resolve to make it work. and she#just kept on passive aggressively bullying me until i just couldnt do it anymore and i told her i wanted go leave the store bc she was#spoiling the mood. and then she started bullying me louder and she told me to stop blaming her bc she was only asking me a question and she#didn't want to waste any more money on things that i wasnt gonna do even though ive wanted a skateboard for years now and have been actively#asking her for months. and i just lost my emergy and my appetite and i wanted to leave the mall and go home but insteaf she gook us to a#bagel place that ive been trying to get her to take us even though i felt like throwing up before we even left the mall and i told her i#didnt want to go there. and my brother even told her that she was ruining things for everyone. and he still ended up blaming me in the end.#but whatever. i kept getting flashbacks to insanely traumatic moments where shed yelled at or bullied me or cornered me or tried to#embarass me in public. and this is most likely my last year at home. and my last year of childhood. and its all going to be remembered in my#brain as underwhelming and depressing and mostly horrible. and im going to leave home and never cone back and my last year at home is going#to be just as shitty as every other year and ill just have to deal with that and try to build something good and new and kind when i leave#she shouldnt speak to her own children like this. she shouldnt be looking for reasons to make things miserable for me all the time like this#i should study. my head hurts. my entire body hurts so bad#delete later
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Im so tired despite sleeping all day and i have to go in at 8:30 tomorrow cause even tho its not christmas we have holiday hours still and i work the day after and friday abd then first week of january ill also prolly work all week cause second week i have my production assistant certification im like not having any rest till nearly mid january to which ill have 3 days then no more rest till after valentines
#also i was remembering how some lady was up by the register and i was like oh i can get you if ur ready and shes like oh??#this isnt self checkout?#and im like no? mind you the store is essentially the size of like a highschool computer lab or a bit smaller than like a stand alone#convince only 7/11 abd she was like oh i saw the scanner and i thought it was self checkout#and i was thinking oh you mean the scanner faced away from you and the register screen also faced away from you#anywyas i log in cause o have like a username and password to get into the regjster and im scanning her stuff#and shes like oh no i got that already and i tell her nothing wad scanned yet cause i have to log in and that she didnt do anything#and she was like no i scanned it it beeped abd i was like yeah the thing scanned but nothing happened transaction wise i have tk log in#for anything to happen with the register and i told her like you didnt do anything you werent logged in nothing was accomplished#this is not self checkout whatsoever#and i said it like that which maybe was mean but i was more confused than anything and she just seemed more confused#either way she paid and left#also i dont get the confusion with confirm total. like our register has them confirm. its like this purchsde is 20 bucks yes no?#and people get so confused like? its asking you is what you bought 20 bucks? yes or no#and if they have a giftcard jesus christ#they swipe it which imo seems like the main option people get so hurt that i wont swipe their giftcard for them#and it asks them to confirm to total b4 the giftcard takes anything off and they get so confised and annoyed being like it didnt take it#what does this mean i jsut used a giftcard did it steal my money like just hit yes#and its people who are like 30 or 40 and they buy the discounted giftcard sets so they know exactly how it works#but decide to act brand new for some reason#and i get new tech can be daunting but its not impossible to learn like the whole cant teach old dogs new tricks like whatever#maybe for the like customers i get who are in their 80s and 90s ill cut em slack#but people who are like 50s and 60s now screaming at me how they cant work new things or when they want things delivered#and i tell them they can use door dash and they scream that they cant use apps or the internet and im just throwinf them out to sea#cause im forcing them to use new tech they cant possibly learn and im an evil bitch like#first iphone was like what 2008? concretely established 2014?#thatd makr them like what in their 40s 50s? when they would have first started to learn that#thats not impossible#im not asking for you to learn madarin or swedish#also sorry u defunded the public libraries that could have taught you these things
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scrubgly bastard child
#its soup!!!! bee is letting me post this picture >:3#while she’s not looking#which means i get to say that shes very cool and she puts so much effort and care into her patterns#and you should all check out her store#this is part of a very cool project shes so cool#that is all !! yours sincerely soup !!!!!!
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ohhhh im worried about work tomorrow <3333
#the coworker who made me cry that one time comes back from her leave </3#i just have to hope i am not as much of a colossal fuck up as she thinks i am and i dont mess up too too much#plus our stations got switched around bc shes back which means. i dont have a chair to sit anymore#like i dont feel like i have a priper spot now its just#the corner where you shove someone you dont rly have room for :(#on the plus side i basically share a phone w an actual station so i might have to take less phone calls ig#and i have to start scrabbling for shifts at other stores bc we literally dont have enough hours for everyone#overall im a little :( about work rn
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went outside today! was quite fun ^^
#we went to the place we've been going to for... about six(?) years now#its either five or six.#they recognize me by now!#my dad had gone there while going back from work and was waiting for us#while me and my mom were going she went into her little yarn store (shes in love with crocheting/knitting) so i went ahead of her.#when i went in they were like ''is your mother not coming?'' which was very flattering account of hehe im recognizable#i had chicken wings! which means i ate like a feral cat that hadn't eaten in two days#the only times i shimmy with joy when eating food is when i eat chicken wings. by god they're so good#only if its made like my favorite little places do it. i've gone to burger king once (1) and i absolutely refuse to try anything chicken#theres many of the mainstream english-speaking-country places in super markets but i will never go there. never#they could never do it like this tiny little place we've been going to for years that have an average of zero customers at any given time.#by god i love that place. hope i get to go there for my entire time in high school#we want to move to yenibosna after im done with high school...#we were actually living there when i was an infant! we had to move due to Landlord apparently.#which happened for most of my life.#honest to god i moved every year when in elementary#which means i got to experience four (4) different elementary schools! quite an experience.#the first one i went to elementary in was all the way over in acıbadem (near other side of istanbul on a metrobus)#ahh reminds me of my best friend in first grade. her name was sümeyye i miss her but at the same time i could not care less#it was fun! it was fun. we sneaked out of the elementary during break time to go to the adjacent primary school we used to go to#reminds me fourth grade! there was a primary school next to that one too#is it called a primary school? its not a kindergarden...#oh! sorry. preschool#what was i saying?#well only god knows i cant read my tags. goodbye forever#♚ — rambling !#oh i should talk about my day!#today in english class the teacher did a .. shoobadoowhatsit. can i stop forgetting words#is it called a verbal quiz? verbal exam? verbal something. you understand#hi i ran out of tags. i'll continue in a reblog
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waking up to an empty house like 🧍🏻♀
#idk why i went to bed so late last night. im not a teenager#i was just bored i guess#my sisters are getting off in less than an hour tho so i wont be alone for much longer#im hungry but i think ill just skip breakfast and wait for them to have lunch together#oh and hopefully today i can take one of them to the book store#shes been begging me to take her to the one i bought that used copy of shiver at for days now#im happy to take her because i want her to read sooo bad. i mean that as in i love reading and i think its great she wants to do it#she told me she loves romance so i said id advise her! im so excited#also told me shes interested in jane austen which made me super happy and excited too#and im also hoping i can find a couple of the books on my tbr there. mostly the classics because they dont have a lot of books in english#but im sure theyll have a few classics#cami.txt
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My psych says I don’t like my mom or my ex because they make me vulnerable but I think it’s because they are/were both serial boundary violators. Well serial boundary violators sounds serious but I mean they are just good kind people who would not leave me alone when i ask(ed)
#i mean so am i so i dont exactly blame them but like. my mom doesnt knock used to hold me down and epilate my body doesnt take no for an#answer ever on anything unless youre MEAN to her and i dont mean anything serious i mean she asked me to go to the store with her to pick#out paint for her walls i said no she asked again i said no she asked again i said no so she went on her own and facetimed me so id help her#pick. my ex had a similar thing where if i was like hey lets not talk tomorrow im burnt out hed be like okay and then the next day early#morning he’d send a good morning text and then several more throughout the day and then we’d call at the end of the night#people do who not let you fucking breathe. i hate it. if i saw my mom less often id probably like her but her so much as sitting next to me#on the couch will have me tense and pissed. she also takes glee in hating things i like and its not a conscious or serious thing but its#really weird. ive done the same for her since i was little i dont know who did it first. like ok we’re moving our new place had wallpaper in#my room i wanted to keep it she wanted to remove it she agreed to keep it and then made plans to remove it bc she was going to get rid of it#at some point later on anyway for the house’s value or something. they removed it recently and she showed me a vid of the place and when she#gets to my room shes like hehehe its goneee like girl what the fuck is going on with you. she wouldnt let me change the decoration of my#room as a child it had to be the way she liked it. even my body had to be the way she liked it dude the epilation thing shed laugh as i#cried (in a shirt and underwear man) bc i was finally hairless. my ex was nowhere near that bad but again ZERO breathing room and whenever#id try to take some hed be like ‘’i just worry that if you take this space you’ll come back and break up with me’’ uh. yeah with that#attitude the breakup’s coming either way. he’s a good guy though just 24 and a man (both sad afflictions) he’ll shape up. or not. idk im no#t invested#he did listen to a lot of what i said just not the basic things of ‘’leave me the fuck alone sometimes’m#im annoyed that my therapist framed this as a me issue but shes right when it comes to me having trouble w vulnerability and i should just#clarify my pov here so she can change her assessment#my ex leaves me alone now. he does a great job at it i thiiink hes moved on which im happy about#i dont know if id ever want to be friends again though idk if either of us can do that#i cant. rn#i understand why he wanted so much from me though. i get it
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#ignore this i just need somewhere to put all of it#i’m so sad and frustrated and just. anxious all the time and it’s taking its toll lately!#yesterday my boss told me our store is closing in a month & no one told her until fucking. tuesday#which like. i can’t even begin to articulate all my feelings on it#i love that stupid little coffee shop!!! i love it so much!#and those fuckers are taking it away from me. it’s all i wanted to do when i dropped out like#i came home and the only reason i got out of bed those first couple months was to go to make coffee for the regulars and hang out with#my coworkers and. it’s structure and socialization and i LIKE those people i LIKE it there what do you MEAN#you’re taking it away from me!!! and for why! because you don’t want to fucking pay rent? sorry you opened this store in the 90s#before you could afford to own land and make every new build a fucking drive thru#fuck. seriously#and then there’s just. the horrors always obviously#and i’m so neurotic about everything why do i have to worry about paranoia and anxiety and my stupid fucking guilt complex ON TOP of this#i’m dealing with enough just being alive just. let me keep this. FUCK!#hhhhhhhhh. hell week
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