#this is not self checkout whatsoever

[this-doesnt-endd]

Im so tired despite sleeping all day and i have to go in at 8:30 tomorrow cause even tho its not christmas we have holiday hours still and i work the day after and friday abd then first week of january ill also prolly work all week cause second week i have my production assistant certification im like not having any rest till nearly mid january to which ill have 3 days then no more rest till after valentines

[megwritesriddles]

Just Can't Hide it ༊*·˚

18+ MDNI !!!

Pairing: Mike Schmidt x Fem! Reader / You

Summary: Kinktober 2024 Day 20 - Premature Ejaculation. Mike is determined to ask Reader to be his girlfriend, Reader is determined to have sex. Mike can't quite keep up with his own desires, but is happy to compensate.

Tags: Premature ejaculation, Unprotected sex, Oral sex (f receiving), Cum-eating, Workplace sex, Over a desk, Coworkers, Getting together, New relationship, Fluff, Not canon complaint (no evil animatronics).

Word count: 2.8k

Read it on ao3! | Masterlist

Authors note: This is a part two to Call Me (Anytime!), I had one request for it and I kinda thought it fit this prompt so I did it!! This can be read alone though!! It's short and sweet because... well... you know... lol!! Hope you like it anyway mwah ( ◕◡◕)っ ♡

PART 1 HERE !!

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Mike was running late to work. He was furious with himself for letting it get to this, but it turns out he had severely underestimated how time-consuming it would be to buy flowers. The last time he’d bought flowers, for his mother’s funeral, he had just been trying to get it all over with as soon as possible. This was different. He stood in the surprisingly vast flower section of the supermarket, just staring at all of the various options. His eyes had immediately drifted to the more decadent assortments, but he had also quickly come to realise how expensive flowers were. As much as his bank account wanted him to, he couldn’t get you any of the cheapest bouquets, you were worth so much more to him than that, worth more than even the most expensive assortment of perfectly organised roses in the store. Yet, he had to stay realistic, he had himself and Abby to feed until the next payday. He browsed the mid-priced bouquets, even asking the store assistant for help. He’d been an entirely uninterested teenage boy who had offered no help whatsoever. Eventually, Mike realised the time, you would be sitting at work waiting for him to arrive and he was stuck umming and ahhing over some flowers. He settled on a bouquet in your favourite colour, praying you’d like them, and checked out at the self-checkout to save time. 

You were pissed. Mike always lets you know when he is going to be late and why. Even at times when you felt he would have been perfectly justified not to tell you, such as the time last year that Abby was rushed to hospital with a high fever, he had texted you. Yet, you heard nothing. Usually, you might give him the benefit of the doubt, but the telltale sting of rejection is creeping up on you. His lack of communication left you feeling rejected, especially after the nature of the last conversation the two of you had together. When he finally burst into the building, carrying his backpack oddly in his arms, you were feeling huffy. He reaches the security office and grins at you lopsidedly. It takes a lot of effort not to smile back, finding his expression incredibly endearing despite yourself. 

“You finally showed up then?” you frown, tilting your chin up haughtily. You didn’t know why you were acting like this, you knew Mike, he’d have a reason, but you couldn’t seem to stop yourself. You felt vulnerable. Mike's face falls a little.

“I’m sorry, I have a reason, I promise! I-“ he starts. You keep frowning. You’d had a vision of how this night would go, and it was no longer going that way. It wasn’t his fault, you had never shared your plans, but you still felt… bad. You would’ve arrived at work after him like usual, and you would have gone over to sit on his lap instead of your own chair, preventing him from starting his rounds. You would have teased and toyed with him until he gave in and bent you over the desk like you (and he) had been wanting for so long. But now, the whole thing was messed up. You watch with feigned disinterest as he unzips his backpack. “Here, f-for you,” he smiles nervously, gently extracting the bouquet from his bag and holding it out to you. Your expression melts instantly. A bouquet in your favourite colour, no man had ever been so thoughtful for you before. You take them from him, sniffing the sweet floral scent, your nose brushing the silky petals. 

“Oh Mike…” you sigh, all your previous tension and upset disappearing. He blushes, staring down at where you sit as you inhale the scent of the flowers. He takes a deep breath, summoning all the courage he has.

“I would… I would really like it if you would… uh… be my girlfriend?” he stammers out, immediately cursing himself for his phrasing. That hadn’t come out like he’d practised in the bathroom mirror earlier this evening. “I-I mean… only if you want to, of course, but I would be so happy if–”

“Yes,” you respond, smiling up at him, the lower half of your face still behind the bouquet. He stares at you, momentarily dumbstruck, mouth slightly ajar. Then his expression transforms, he grins wide and slightly crooked with excitement.

“You will?” he exhales.

“I will, come here,” you gently place down the bouquet on the security desk, still wrapped in its paper. You stand and open your arms for him, he’s immediately surging forward into your embrace. He needs this like he needs air. He can’t remember the last time he embraced someone who wasn’t family, and even then, if Abby wasn’t counted, it must have been at least years. It would have felt good if it was anyone, but it was you. The object of all his desires and adoration, the most beautiful woman in the world, his closest friend. He wraps his arms tight around your middle, lifting you ever-so-slightly into the air as he embraces you. This makes you giggle a little, your arms settling around his neck. He places you back down and looks at you, deep into your eyes. He’s never felt so overjoyed in his life. His girlfriend. He can barely process it, but you’re right there, smiling sweetly, the corners of your eyes crinkling in the way he adores. 

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispers in awe. You just blush a little and shrug him off. 

“Says you,” you huff, smiling more as he pulls you even closer. 

“You think I’m beautiful?” he chuckles. “You must just be seeing your reflection in my eyes,” you laugh softly, staring into his eyes, certainly not paying any attention to the impression of yourself in them. You lean forward and press your lips to his. His eyes slip shut immediately, as do yours. His hands settle on your waist, kissing you back a little tentatively. It’s been a long time, and he doesn’t dare to mess it up, but he needs it more than anything. You take the lead, feeling his nerves, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling yourself closer. Softly, you toy with the hair at the nape of his neck, enjoying the way he keens into it. You’re like a dream to him, the best dream he’s ever had, completely blissful and unhaunted by the past. He gently drags his tongue along your bottom lip and you part them in response. He hums, carefully letting his tongue explore your mouth, all his movements soft and controlled. “You’re perfect, you taste perfect, sweet,” he mumbles between kisses, his hands sliding up and down your body, getting to know every outline.

“Imagine how I might taste elsewhere,” you whisper against his lips, instantly shifting the mood, grinning when he chokes out a moan. He’s certainly imagining it now, his hands tightening on you.

“Fuck,” he grunts, his cock hardening rapidly in his jeans. “Don’t say stuff like that, I’m a desperate guy,” he laughs lowly, trying to sound jokey, but meaning it completely. With you so close and beautiful and best of all willing, he’s having a hard time holding it together.

“Take me then,” you whisper, excited that things are finally going as you planned, even though becoming Mike’s girlfriend had turned out to be a rather nice diversion. He groans, leaning in to kiss your neck.

“Are you sure?” he questions shakily as you push his hoodie off of his shoulders. 

“So sure, this is what I want, and I know you want it too,” you murmur, leaning your head back so he can kiss under your jaw, sucking softly. You hope he’s leaving marks. The two of you pull away from one another briefly to shed your clothes. A coating of pink dusts the tips of Mike’s ears and you can tell he’s a little insecure, but you find him unbelievably sexy. He’s broad and muscular in the arms, with a bit of softness around his belly and, not to mention, incredibly well-endowed. He stands at full attention, twitching and leaking pre-cum as he watches your body be revealed to him. Every insecurity that might have existed in the back of your mind is gone as soon as his eyes are on you, drinking you in like you’re a piece of art. He exhales needily, moving toward you. 

“You look unbelievable, fuck, I need you bad,” he chuckles deeply, one hand coming to gently cup your breast, the other sliding behind you onto your ass. He closes his eyes, trembling slightly in excitement. He can’t believe that he’s being blessed with this, there were no words in all of language to explain how grateful he was. He nuzzles into your neck, inhaling your scent. “You are a dream,” he promises against your skin. You giggle softly. His hands massage you for a moment, drinking in your form and presence. You definitely shouldn’t be doing this at work, but the door is closed, and no one ever comes here. Neither of you was stopping in any case. You move out of his arms and he groans in protest but quickly recovers when he sees you bending yourself over the desk. You gently move the keyboard and bouquet out of the way, lying yourself on the cool surface, tipping your ass into the air. “Oh God, yes,” he whispers huskily, stepping behind you. His cock rests heavily on your ass and he shivers at the sight of it. He can’t wait to sink into you, he needs it bad and based on how wet you look, you do too. He smooths his hands up and down the curve of your back for a while, taking a deep breath to ground himself. “Can I? Please?” he sighs, squeezing your hips and tugging you a little closer. You wiggle your ass enticingly, making him bite his lip.

“Fuck me, Mike,” you purr, making him moan a little. He’s so weak for you, completely overwhelmed by your presence. He slowly eases himself into your welcoming heat, letting out a groan between his gritted teeth at the way you squeeze around him. He can barely think, his mind clouded and spinning from the sensation. He remains still, unable to move out of fear of immediately falling apart. You’re so warm and tight and God… he’s never felt so good in his life. His cock twitches inside you as you beg him to start moving, but he can’t do it, he knows what will happen the second he does. He doesn’t want to disappoint you, but he’s unsure what to do now. Even the action of pulling out would make him come, the feeling of your walls sliding over him- Fuck. He’s so unbelievably close, biting down on his lip so hard he draws a little blood. Peripherally, he can hear you pleading with him, clearly even getting a little confused. You move, only trying to turn your head to look at him, but the shifting of your body against him has him falling apart. He chokes out a moan, grabbing your hips and slamming fully into you, making you squeak in surprise. 

“Fuck! Fuck! Oh God,” he wails, his head dipping forward to rest between your shoulder blades as he empties his cum into you in several thick spurts. Your mouth forms a surprised ‘o’ shape, realising he’s already coming. You lie there, waiting it out as he comes down. You’re surprised by just how much he pumps into you, it becomes abundantly clear how little he’d been joking when he called himself desperate. “I’m so sorry, so sorry, you felt too good, I couldn’t help it,” he sobs, kissing over the back of your shoulders as he twitches a final few times. “I’m so sorry baby,” 

“It’s okay,” you sigh, leaning your cheek on the desk. While part of you is undeniably a little disappointed, you also feel a little flattered by how quickly you had him falling apart. You feel him slowly and carefully withdraw himself from you, hissing with sensitivity. He kisses down your spine, making his way down your body so that he has time to catch his breath properly. You try to stand yourself up, but feel a firm hand on your back, pushing you back down. You gasp in surprise and confusion, trying your best to look over your shoulder. Mike kneels between your legs, watching in awe as his seed is slowly beginning to dribble out of you. He groans at the sight. 

“You are breathtaking, I can’t believe you’re my girlfriend now,” he breathes. “Can I clean up the mess I made?” he asks quietly, smiling when he spots you clenching around nothing, making a little more of his cum trickle out of you.

“Yeah,” you breathe, relaxing against the table. “Please do,” He leans forward, taking a second to smell the pure sex radiating off of you. That smell was way more delightful to him than it should have been. He then licks a broad stripe up your folds, gathering your mixed essences on his tongue. He takes a deep satisfaction from the mixture of both of your flavours, moaning softly. Another lick, then another, then another. He forgot how much he loved to do this, not having had the chance for so, so long. And you taste better than anyone he’s ever had before, even when mixed with him. Your little moans and gasps drive him insane, pushing him to keep going. He begins to devour you with intent, lapping and suckling in patterned succession, drinking you up completely. His taste fades away, leaving only your own increasing arousal, which is impossibly even more addictive. You grip aimlessly at the surface of the desk as he pleasures you, your eyes rolling back each time he sucks your clit between his lips. He’s incredibly good at this, more so than you expected, which makes you excited for when he will finally have the patience to show off his other skills. He shakes his head, nuzzling closer and flicking his tongue back and forth over your clit with gusto. He grips your ass, spreading you open so he can press his face completely into you. He groans and hums against you, making desperate sounds that prove how much he’s enjoying this. Your moans grow more and more loud and frequent. Slightly, you rock back against his face, he moves perfectly in tandem with you, barely taking a breath, desperate to bring you there. He gives a particularly well-timed suck to your clit and you’re done for. With a loud cry of his name, you fall apart, your body tensing and trembling as you see stars. Your mouth falls open as you ride out the shocks going through your body, only heightened by his tongue still gently caressing your most sensitive spot. You twitch and your hips buck and he happily takes it all. 

“So sweet, you taste so good,” he mumbles against you, the vibrations making you whimper. He eagerly licks up your release and finally withdraws, smoothing his hands over your ass where he spots some finger indents before letting go. You slowly turn around, your movements still a little shaky. He stands, smiling sheepishly, the passion now subsiding into embarrassment once more at his earlier speedy performance. “I’m really sorry about that… it’s been so long and you’re… you and–”

“Hey, it’s alright, at least you didn’t leave me hanging,” you assure, reaching up to wipe his glistening chin. He blushes but relishes your tender touch. 

“I would never do that,” he promises seriously, and he means it. He loves the thought of getting you off almost more than he likes the idea of getting off himself. Though, ideally in future, like tonight, he could have his cake and eat it too. Literally. He pulls you into an embrace, which you immediately reciprocate, the action like a balm to his soul. “You’re perfect, everything about you,” he whispers, pressing a kiss to your neck. 

“You too,” you sigh happily.

“Even though I have no control over myself?” he laughs self-deprecatingly.

“Even so,” you agree with a soft giggle. “I was kinda flattered, honestly,”

“Thank God for that,” he hums, rubbing your back and holding you close. After a while, the two of you part long enough to redress. He helps you to zip up your jeans while you pull your shirt over his head. His hoodie ends up on you, but he says nothing about it, smiling fondly. The two of you cuddle up on the small ratty couch in the corner of the security room after filling a mug with water to rest your bouquet in. He spoons you from behind like he promised he would, his head tucked against your shoulder, arm lovingly around your waist. At that moment, everything feels alright in the world. Mike finally has you in his arms, as his girlfriend, and nothing has ever felt better. 

Neither of you do a single second of work that night, but really, who will ever know?

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xoxoxo

[half-an-hour-hence]

Some random headcanons for the ghosts if they were alive today (part 2)

THOMAS

Is a self-published, fairly unsuccessful author, so he also works in a supermarket. Never ask him how he is when he’s on the checkout. He will go on for several minutes and will have a breakdown if you try to leave before he’s finished talking.

Thomas very proudly runs a Lord Byron hate account on Twitter, which has two followers (one is Pat because he felt sorry for him, and the other is his own personal account).

He is addicted to collecting vinyls. He spends the majority of the money he earns on records at both independent stores and HMV. It gets so bad sometimes that his younger sister has to lend him money to pay his bills.

Despite him having (almost) every dating app ever made on his phone, he’s remained painfully single for the vast majority of his life. However, he met a woman called Isabelle about a week ago and he’s convinced that she’s the one (they’ve spoken once)

JULIAN

He’s still an MP, and he DID have a heart attack, however the paramedics were able to resuscitate him. Now he’s slightly more bearable, and has been spending a lot more time with his wife and child. He still has the occasional fling and he isn’t exactly a saint in parliament, but Julian’ll tell you that improvement is a slow process.

He and Robin have a weekly chess competition on Sundays, during which they play as many games as possible before the football starts at 4:30pm (Julian loses every week).

He’s permanently banned from both Disneyland AND his local Waitrose (don’t ask)

Julian will prank anyone he associates with. He’ll turn up at the museum the Captain works at just to touch the things behind the ‘don’t touch’ signs. He changes the directions on Pat’s satnav when he’s taking the scouts out of town. He’ll write a sweary speech about the Opposition on Mary’s drawing (she’ll sell it anyway). He swears he’ll stop but he never will.

FANNY

Although she doesn’t need to work because she inherited a LOT of money from her parents, she works at the same university as Robin as a professor of mathematics. Her lectures are fairly boring and most students aren’t overly fond of her, however she’s very proud of herself for doing something she actually enjoys and proving her father wrong.

She likes to go on walks in the country with the Captain and her dog, Dante. James and Fanny are the most unlikely of friends, but they both find it easy to be their authentic selves around each other.

Fanny owns a kindle, on which she reads smutty novels without any sort of plot whatsoever. She enjoys reading them before bed, while snacking on a cheeky chocolate bar.

One of her hobbies is doing the family tree. After she discovered she had a distant relative called Alison, she hesitantly got in contact with her. Now she comes over frequently with her husband Mike. They have tea and make small talk. Although Fanny finds it hard to understand Alison’s generation, she is slowly warming up to her and is beginning to think of her as family.

[harrison-abbott]

He tried to sleep but he couldn’t do it.

There seemed no motivation for sleep, physically or mentally.

Couldn’t turn his mind off.

There were far too many issues he had to take care of and

He had no clue how to deal with them.

So he got up after the failure and thought about what to do

With the evening. For the past few months he hadn’t really

Felt like himself, or any other person. When he was a kid he

Used to think he’d be somebody at the age he was now.

And the bizarre thing was that he spent way too much of

His consciousness on a past that wasn’t relevant in the present

Age whatsoever. None of those people were around anymore.

Was it because all of those people had kinda gotten away with it?

Did they have issues with memory as well? Probably not.

He got down to some reading. Current affairs; some fiction;

The latest soccer scores; some short stories from a wacky

American writer that he hadn’t finished yet. All good.

His mind still fully wasn’t working. That was another thing:

He hadn’t been able to switch on properly for about five weeks.

Language was a bizarre contradiction, because, though he loved

Words and books and stories and poems, they sure made him

Think too much: intelligence can be beneficial, but also

Exhausting. Just like the irony that he couldn’t sleep too well

Because he thought too much.

He needed to head up to the supermarket for a few things.

The evening was misty and saturated with semi warmth from

The dying day, and, passing the woods, the leaves were all

Turning from green to blue in the tumbling twilight.

On these ten minute bouts up to the shop he often thought

About people that had whacked him around when he was

Younger. There was that ugly kid who had attacked him when

He was fourteen. This nasty-faced boy who had used his

Height and aggro to headbutt and punch him when he was

That young, for no palpable reason other than to make himself

Feel valiant. And he often thought about finding this boy,

Now, as a man, as men, and getting some violent revenge.

Crazy that that happened sixteen years ago and he was still

Thinking about it in the present arena.

…

He thought about what he was going to do next artistically.

Or what he had done in the past, artistically, and whether any

Of those things had been proper achievements.

It was as if words were constantly attacking his mind from a

Jumble of directions and he had no way to shield them off.

His verbal tics were as worse as ever. They showed no signs

Of improving, i.e., going away, and, as he walked, he would

Tic and jabber and spurt out these words, to nobody whomever

But how own consciousness – his brain couldn’t stop racing.

And, when he got to the supermarket carpark he was still

Doing it. He did it next to the trolley guy with the big beard

Who also worked in the store … and hoped that his tic hadn’t

Been heard. But it probably had. The trolley guy didn’t react.

Inside the store he picked up a bag of onions and a packet of

Broth mix. He usually ate healthily and cheaply, to make up

For the remaining poison intake for most days of his life.

He passed aisles of dead animals and the biscuits and crips

Section, which had their colourful calorific glee in plastic

Bags; passed the chemical section of laundry powder and

Wash up liquid with their glittery carcinogenic tubs and the

Smell of the chemicals nipped his nose, and then he paid

For all of his items at the self checkout. The guy who was

At the checkout was this tiny man from somewhere in

Northern England who had a limp, and there was something

About his vulnerability and working in this shit job

For such a long time that gave off the air of a good man,

Because he was always polite with you and never seemed

Morose. … Back outside. The sky had darkened some.

Grown into somewhere between that blue from earlier,

And purple, but it didn’t belong to a specific colour –

the way skies often are. … On the journey back home he

Wondered whether things would ever be different. He had

Made this journey so many times. With the lurking summer

Woods nearby it was a pretty walk, but the repetition was

Rather like being in an unconcluded dream.

When would his consciousness return and when would he

Be free of the poison – unless it killed him first? It was

Fairly possible that the poison would win.

There were a few glimmers of ideas for stories, he had

Going in his mind, when he went up the last hill back to his

House. A glimmer of sweat down his back and over his neck.

He got back home. He’d still not become anybody by heading

Out to the shop and back, and, two minutes later he was in his

Room again and shut in within the inner island of solitude, that

Was mostly self inflicted. But, he got back to some reading.

A history book this time. Was about what happened to Europe,

Post 1945. As you can imagine, it had some profound detail in it.

So he read that for a while and the knowledge seemed to ease

His personal worries. There was something about learning that

Broke down the troubles of the inner self. If you focused on

Educating yourself then you didn’t have to think about yourself.

And, all the while, the language was heading inwards and you

Felt as if you were growing. Even if you were still as mucked

Up as anybody else was. He read for a while and then he opened

His laptop up and thought he’d do some writing. That’s

What he usually did before he went to sleep again. (Or tried to.)

[golbrocklovely]

I'm truly sorry for sending an ask about seg. I didnt think about any possible stress you may be under especially since you've mentioned you work retail and it's getting to be that hectic time of year. How do you like to destress when it gets to be too much? Do you have any stories about the absolute best/worst customer you've had to deal with? Does the holiday music lift you while working or drive you nuts? Favorite holiday song?

hey you're fine. i'm not upset at any of the anons that sent in asks about the SEG situation. i get it, yall want to talk about it and inform me. i appreciate it. i just had a stressful day and tbh i just don't care about this subject. seeing snc get needless hate over something that was dealt with is just deeply annoying. not to mention bc nothing is gonna happen until after thanksgiving, i would rather we all just wait to hear what gets said until then or straight up ignore SEG than give him more clout.

so, for all the years i've worked in retail, which now is 5... omg ew, i've actually never worked a black friday. first year my dad passed away, and then the past three year i've done overnights so i'm not around customers at all. this is my first time around customers this year, bc i just couldn't do overnights, and honestly... it's not that bad. it's not great, but it's mostly the store i'm working at that's upsetting me rather than the customers, which somehow is always the case anymore lol

i plan to leave as soon as i can. i can't stand the place i'm working in anymore. i pray i don't have to keep working in retail, but we shall see.

how do i like to destress? nap. like i fucking LOVE napping. i think i also have to nap more now bc i don't really drink caffeine anymore. i'll have an occasional soda or ice tea once in a while, but otherwise it's just straight water for me. so i usually just come home and nap. then when i wake up i'll either dance or sing to some emo music (got me like a 14 hour playlist of all my favorite songs) or i'll just watch some youtube vids.

i haven't had too many bad customers, thank god, but the one that always stuck out to me was during the holiday season the first year i work at my current store. so while i haven't worked really any black fridays, i have worked the lead up to christmas multiple times and i swear, i think ppl forget christmas is when it is with the way ppl coming in like the 23 of december buying all the random shit we have left.

so, i was up at the registers, and we have only self check out. i'm assisting ppl when i can and directing the line bc it's basically to the back of the store almost. the thing is, to literally come into the store, you have to pass the registers. so this shouldn't be a surprise to anyone that it's self checkout only. but these two women are next in line and i direct one to an open register. she immediately says "what, i have to do it myself?" i'm not in a good mood bc there is just too many ppl around (and this was pre-pandemic) and i was like "yes ma'am, you have to."

my thing was always if you ask me nicely to help you, i gladly will. but being a bitch to me will basically get you no help whatsoever.

she starts to scan her items, and scans one too many times. she starts yelling "oh my god, i don't know how to do this, i double scanned" loudly, i come over, clear off the extra item and then direct her friend to the next register, which is coincidentally was the one next to her.

the main lady goes back and forth with her friend, saying and cursing "i can't believe i have to fucking do this myself, i don't like this, why the fuck can't they help us." mind you, i work in basically a kid's store. there are plenty of children around. there is no need to be cursing that much, and i say that as someone who does curse a lot.

finally she finishes up and for some reason the register spit out her change really fast so her coins fell on the floor. she picks up one of the coins turns to me, and basically throws it at me and snidely remarks "here you go, since you clearly need it"

i about swung on her, but she's lucky i didn't.

that was really one of the very few times i ever had a bad customer. as for good ones, i think for the most part most of the customers i interact with are either normal or pretty nice. i did one time have to explain to a man what bluetooth was, which is great bc i know so much about it….. and then he told my manager i did an excellent job helping him understand. so that was nice :)

as for the holiday music…. it's 50/50 depending on my mood. sometimes it's not too bad, sometimes it's annoying. bc we play random pop songs (that most of you have probably never heard of) in between the christmas songs. so for every one pop song, we get two to three christmas songs. and we only just recently started getting mariah carey and actual well know christmas songs to play in the store. before, it was like random covers of popular songs, which is very strange to me but whatever lol

and my favorite holiday song… i'm actually gonna list my favorite christmas songs bc i think i have the weirdest taste in them lol

christmas don't be late by alvin and the chipmunks

santa baby by eartha kitt

last christmas by the glee cast

baby it's cold outside by the glee cast

feliz navidad by josé feliciano

obviously mariah carey and michael buble are the top ppl for christmas music. but genuinely… i love these songs more.

a lot of christmas songs make me sad now since my father passed, especially 'i'll be home for christmas'. so sometimes it's a bit hard to listen to christmas music. but i usually hold off on listening to until like the 23rd lol

[thessalian]

Thess vs Shopping Trips

Once again, ill-advised trip to Peckham for sundries. Didn’t help that the bus stop near my house was closed. Still, I needed some bits and pieces that I can’t get in this area on the weekend, and yesterday was bus strike, so...

Two separate pharmacies got a visit. One of the chain pharmacies in the area is cheaper than the other, but the cheaper one doesn’t have a pharmacy counter, so I couldn’t get mallet-meds there. So to the cheaper one for cold meds (I have a cold and it is doing my sinuses a misery), face wash, and something to deal with the insect bites that seem to have cropped up on my right middle finger. It was crowded, and people were not paying attention to how they were blocking aisles, and it was kind of miserable. The other pharmacy for mallet-meds was worse; the queue was awful and they only had one guy working the checkout, so ... yeah. Still, at least I got everything I needed.

Then, local grocery store. I’ve been looking up easy fudge recipes - ones that don’t require constant stirring and a candy thermometer - and picked out a couple for making over the next few days. This mostly because I figure I would be in zero shape to do the regular fudge-making when I got home from today’s excursion. Thing is, first thing I found when walking into big grocery store was ... you know those hugely oversized fleecy hoodies that are basically like wearing a fleece blanket? I’ve wanted one since the weather got overly cold but all the ones I were seeing were mega-expensive. But right at the front of the shop was a rack of particularly warm sweaters and ... some of those hugely oversized fleecy hoodies that are basically like wearing a fleece blanket. At a reasonable price. Fine, the quality isn’t going to be as good, but needs must, y’know?

(Note: it says something about the situation about heating bills in this country when shops known for selling cheap essentials are putting heavy sweaters and fleecy-blanket hoodies right up front. Not particularly a good something, either.)

Anyway, shopping really only involved the fleecy-blanket hoodie, two different kinds of chocolate, some espresso powder, and strawberry preserves, which I will turn into sauce for the making of strawberry fudge. Which made a fairly interesting bundle to take to the checkout. (I would have done the self-checkout but clothing item, wanted to ensure the security tag was taken off.) Thankfully I found a till with minimal queue, and amusingly, when I looked at the lady at the till ... she bore a nametag with the same name that turns up on my official paperwork. Y’know, the one my parentals use, which isn’t generally the one I use these days. Still, rough-looking very busy day, not much heating in the supermarket, I figured it might be nice to flag up that we share a given name, skipping over the fact that I don’t generally use it much. She was very amused by that, so it was a nice transaction for both of us, and that mood seemed to have carried over to her interaction with the next customer, so go, me!

...And then on my way out, someone not looking where they were going bashed past me and kicked my cane out from under me in the process. I managed to keep my balance, though that was painful, and the guy kind of looked over but with a very annoyed look and no apology whatsoever. The world may not be entirely made of jackass, but the jackasses are really disruptive.

Finally made it home, and now there are a bunch of kids stomping around in the corridor while I have a massive sinus headache. But I am in the warm fleecy-blanket hoodie and two pairs of socks, so that’s helpful. I also have some really good sherpa fleece slipper socks coming soon, as a sort of a Yule present, since while my shark slippers are cute, the soles are crap and have twisted in really uncomfortable ways. Still, fleecy slipper socks will make all things better when they get here.

I just wish the kids would stop...

[phoebelovingcare]

Frequently Registered Complaints:

"this won't work because the AI is already trained"

If you think about the situation we're in for more than two seconds that doesn't make any sense whatsoever. Why would Photomatt make a deal with Midjourney allowing them to scrape art if they didn't need any more art to scrape? Why would all the staff remove their own photography? It's called machine learning for a reason: it always has something to learn, and is in a constant state of being trained.

"this won't work because this specific type of AI can bypass it"

Just because it doesn't protect you from everything doesn't mean you shouldn't use it. Well, I've already inhaled all this smoke, so why should I put out my flaming clothes, right?

"this is a form of AI art"

I generated these images with my own hands and brain. The problem with the images AI generates isn't that a robot did it, for crying out loud. Robots are great for things. I like robots. The problem is that it's a tool for companies to use to avoid hiring artists for work, using a robot to create an image identical to their style. If I use a robot to put a stamp on this that says "Do Not Steal Or Else" it isn't any more morally wrong than a self checkout kiosk.

"the team who worked on these programs plagiarized code"

ohhh noooo, what a nightmare. Guess I'll just stop using it altogether and let the AI scrape it all. Morality is relative and right now it isn't important to care about the methods they used to make your protection.

"my computer isn't strong enough to run it"

WEBGLAZE WEBGLAZE WEBGLAZE. Instead of downloading something and running it yourself it does it off-site for you. Please don't give up, because the people who made your tools are doing everything in their power to help you, too

"it doesn't look good"

I mentioned this in a different reblog, but the examples I posted here are examples of it working incorrectly. These are errors. When used properly, it looks fine. Like a texture on a canvas, if you notice it at all.

"it won't work because it's all fake and you're doing this for nothing and you're all DOOMED and should just give in to the dissolving of your own work being yours alright"

Look, man. If you want to call it snake oil, fine. But you just sound sad. Surrender isn't a good look on you. If you can do SOMETHING, as opposed to nothing, and there is literally no other option, then just do the something, man. We don't know if it works until the deal is finalized and the scraping begins? Fine. Better spread the word then. After all, sample size is great for testing AI.

"what is it like to use nightshade/glaze?"

so based on my own experience I thought I'd make this more transparent since I know a lot of people hesitate to take action on some things if they do not know Exactly what happens. it's me i'm people. So;

Nightshade takes about 30 minutes on its fastest setting. The end result tends to look like mild jpeg artifacting, very slightly creased paper, or just brush texturing. Looking at it normally, it is undetectable. Glaze is very visually similar, given the strategy, except that Glaze's longest time setting is 5 minutes.

You put in a file, select how much you want it affected and for how long you want it to render. For Nightshade, you also attach a tag to it, that way AI finds what it's looking for with an associated word. You select a folder for the final result to save to, then hit run.

It takes a lot of GPU/CPU. The fans on my laptop sound a bit like I'm running Minecraft, and it refuses to run if you have too many programs open. I could run Youtube and Nightshade at the same time, but Youtube did Not like it. Best to just take a break while you let it do its thing. Run Nightshade before you go out or something.

It does NOT like transparent png backgrounds. Makes me wonder how AI does with 'em. Anyways, running a backgroundless drawing through Glaze and Nightshade respectively makes it turn out like this:

creasing effect is more noticeable, and it adds strange blocky black and white backgrounds to it. If you want good results for your time, be that less than 1 minute or 180 minutes, consider getting rid of the transparency.

I would post a before and after picture of a Nightshaded piece but of course, I would like to post exclusively poison on this site.

As one last note, it took me a lot of effort to find where you're actually supposed to download these tools, so Glaze is here and Nightshade is here. Overall I highly recommend using them if you can. Don't let AI run you off of your sites: run the AI out yourself.

[mangoposts]

https://www.tumblr.com/mangoposts/745509500898918400/also-i-went-to-walmart-at-the-self-checkout-and-i

I WOULD BUT IM TOO MUCH OF A LITTLE BITCH AND I CANT MAKE MOVES WHATSOEVER😭

-🌸

Go back to walmart and ask him “U come here often😏”

[racingtoaredlight]

Opening Bell: March 15th, 2024

Workers at a wildlife rehabilitation center in Virginia decided that in order to prevent newborn foxes from getting used to humans, caregivers will wear absolutely horrifying costumes while interacting with the poor lil kits.

A Montana rancher is in deep shit after illegally Frankensteining together different types of sheep in order to make them larger and more appealing to trophy hunters.

The southernmost post office on the planet is hiring! Honestly, spending five months living among penguins and sorting postcards all day sounds zen as fuck.

LOL, soon you're gonna have to pay a monthly subscription in order to use self-checkout lanes at major retailers. I guess eliminating those cashier positions didn't save them quite enough money, afterall.

As loathe as I am to give any attention whatsoever to anything Aaron Rodgers says, this recounting of a recent podcast appearance of his really drives home what an incredible dipshit the guy is.

Scripty sent me a link to this video yesterday, and it contains some of the most vicious smack talk you'll ever hear.

[yourstrqly]

★ . . . 𝐂𝐎𝐅𝐅𝐄𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐒, 𝐌𝐒𝐂𝟒𝟕

pairing: mick schumacher x reader (no specific gender)

in which a cute guy quite literally runs into you ahead of the monaco gp, spilling his coffee on you. as an excuse he wants to make it up, through it leaves you to asking him for his number.

strolling around in the busy streets ahead of the monaco grand prix was interesting to describe it; motorsport fans from all over the wolrd found themselves in your hometown, wearing the shirts and caps in their respective teams colours proudly on display, creating a certain buzz you grew up to love since childhood.

you didn't mind squeezing through a group of people to reach a small boutique where you had to get the handbag your mother reserved for herself a while ago; you knew the owners from various visits and created a lighthearted bond.

smiling at the older woman at the checkout, you asked for the handmade bag and payed for it, wishing her a lovely morning as you stepped outside, feeling the warmth of the sun against your skin — and burning wetness, causing you to hiss in slight pain.

"oh fuck sorry", the culprit, a man, said, clearly worried about your wellbeing, "i didn't see you."

blinking a tear away, you look at him and hell he had a pair of stunning blue eyes — they might've been the bluest ones ever, a breath of innocent in them, and so inviting.

"i'd lie if i would say that it's fine", you mumbled honest, cheeks burning, "but don't worry."

he cringed at your words, nagging on his bottom lip as if he was thinking about something earth shattering. "no . . . let me buy you a new shirt", the blond guy uttered.

starring at him in disbelief, you croaked your eyebrows, registering his words but not getting it; you knew people around certain parts of monaco were filthy rich like ferrari's charles leclerc, who you knew because he was who he was and also had seen him once at his mother's hair salon where you got your hair styled for your parents twenty-fifth wedding anniversary.

you muttered a fuck no, adding that it was fine, not accepting his proposal.

nodding at your answer, he kept thinking — he didn't want to come off as creepy nor arrogant but he really wanted to get to know you. you were a beauty as you were; hair tousled because of the warm breeze, a wide shirt combined with a pair of denim shorts and sneakers — you looked homely in a way, self-assured and he liked it. besides that he could stare at your face for forever.

he grew shy, blushing as you smiled softly at him, a hint of awkwardness mixed in it. you decided to leap forward, grabbing a fistful of boldness, erasing doubt of him being in a committedrelationshipor whatsoever. "i could give you my number and we go on a date? ", you asked him, before introducing your name.

"i'm mick", the blonde beamed, seemingly losing a few pounds off his shoulders, "and i'd like that."

hello lovelies,

sorry for not being active at all but i started my new apprenticeship as a nursering nurse this week and i had a super duper beautiful date with my bf <3

hope y'all are doing well!!

rina x

[acertainrandomguy]

I have no proof whatsoever for this belief but I strongly believe that providing people with ways to buy stuff without interacting with others (self-checkout, online grocery shopping, subscription models) has led most half-decent customers to migrate to those modes of purchase and the only people who actually interact with grocery workers nowadays are the worst of the worst

I feel like every holiday season working at a fucking grocery store has gotten worse and worse. Every year I get closer and closer to mauling someone. It's not even fucking December yet and I am nearly at my limit.

[languagendersex]

yall i just stopped at the grocery store, saw a line with at least 20+ people, said “fuck that” and walked out and got fast food instead

[arachine]

eddie absolutely loving kitties cuddles 😞😞 having her sit on his lap during d&d just lovin on him 😞😞 when they are with the rest of the group he pulls her close just to be near or around her😞😞always wanting to touch her in some way😞😞 buying her cute things he thinks she’d like 😞😞

also can i be 💒 anon ?

nghh i feel like i’m getting whiplash going back and forth btwn my 2 boyfies 😣

but yes!!! if you thought kitty was clingy, he’s 10x worse!

always needs to be holding her little hand, always needs to be the one petting her whenever the gang’s all together, always needs to be the gentle voice when mike and steve are being too stern…he’s just so!!! enamored!!! with her!!!

and don’t even get me started on when he’s playing d&d with the younger crew. they get so damn annoyed bc in the middle of his story telling, she’ll just be on his lap kissing him all up, you know, not even acknowledging their presence, and he’s all giggly and smiley, just can’t even get through a full session with her around.

there’s just collective groaning and eye rolling and eddie’s just like, ‘when m’lady needs me, i must answer’ or smth silly like that.

also, he’d have no self-restraint whatsoever when he’d go shopping. he’ll look at something, look away, look back, check his wallet, and then before he knows it, he’s at checkout and the item’s already bagged up. he doesn’t even have a job but he’s gonna need one if he continues to splurge on her!!! 😣

[fuck-customers]

So we used to have markers on the floor by the registers to designate where to stand, as part of the 6 feet rule during the pandemic. Ever since the CDC cut back on the rules when the vaccine was being issued, the markers were one of the first things to go.

I think we should bring them back because nobody understands personal space anymore. Before my shift, I was at one of the self checkouts and this woman and her daughter were standing directly behind me!! So that they would be next after I was done!! No space whatsoever!! It wasn't even busy at the time so they could've just waited for their turn!

Fucking Christ I'm about to make an outfit or something that causes people to give me space I don't care if I poke their eyes it's what they deserve!!!!

[killedgirl]

i came prepared. i wore a baseball cap and a hoodie for identity protection purposes. i knew which aisle it was in and i put a pack of cotton balls in my basket first so i could hide it underneath. i went to the self checkout and it had a security lock on it so an employee had to come over to remove it for me. this was fine. i was ready for this part and i was relieved it was a female employee.

but then her key thingy wasn't working and she WAVED IT OVER HER HEAD TO FLAG DOWN HER MALE COWORKER. then she put it down and left. so naturally my soul has begun to leave my body at this point.

the male coworker comes over and he's glancing around like fucking john travolta in that gif and he's like where is it? this is far too much for me now i am fully astral projecting. i watched from the ceiling as my corporeal form quietly tells him it's on the counter behind him but he doesn't hear and he's still chasing his tail looking for it so i repeat myself and i have to point at it for him. thankfully his key works and he unlocks it. and just hands it to me. no couth no discretion whatsoever. just hands it over like a youth soccer coach passing out snacks at halftime. and then a popup comes on the checkout screen and he says oh do you want to purchase the extended warranty? and i said no i did not want to purchase the extended warranty. and i took my bag and left.

it was very windy and i tried to clutch the bag close to my body as i walked home but it kept spinning and whipping around despite my noble efforts. one side of the box was covered by the cotton balls, but of course the other side had an extremely obvious and menacing silhouette printed on it that, through the transparent shopping bag, was clearly visible to onlookers and passers-by as well as god and jesus.

so long story short it's now under my bed covered by an upside-down bin weighed down with books so it can't jump out and attack me when i least expect it and i will not be venturing out into public again for the foreseeable future

experienced an extremely character-building series of misadventures while purchasing my first vibrator today at target

[tenthgrove]

Yandere La Squadra- Risotto, Sorbet and Gelato

Content Warnings: Kidnapping, Stalking, Murder

Risotto

Risotto falls for you out of simple admiration. It just so happens that your routine overlaps a lot with his and he came to observe you, noting all the qualities that endear him to you as you go about your day. Risotto does not dare to approach you, being certain his appearance and mannerisms would repel you in an instance. Instead, he simply watches, and finds that every day his routine deviates a little more so he can be near you for longer.

Before he even knows it, Risotto has crossed the boundaries of any respectability and is regularly following you home, making notes of your contacts and activities and even spying through your window. He knows it is wrong to do this, but he also knows that his obsession is far too great to let go now. There aren't many pleasures in his life anymore, and he doesn't want to lose this new one.

Risotto decides very early on that he will likely resort to abducting you in the end. In his eyes, it is the only possible way for you to be together and he knows he wants to have you as his eventually. There's just no other solution. Nonetheless, he delays this end in favour of simply observing you for the time being, letting you continue your life as normal while he painstakingly plans the process of taking you.

What Risotto did not anticipate was the difficulty of seeing you at your lowest. Belittled, rejected and mistreated by your peers, Risotto will take every insult as against one of his own. The sight of your misery will wrench as Risotto's heart, and might even bring him to move your abduction forward so he can save you from your hardship sooner.

On whichever night he chooses, Risotto waits outside your house for you to be left home alone, then enters silently with his invisibility activated. He approaches you from behind and takes you by the shoulder. As you stand paralyzed, he informs you in no uncertain terms that he is here to abduct you, but you will not be harmed and instead treated well. He only sees it right for you to know the truth.

After this, you may find it in you to fight, or you may not. Either way, he will have you unconscious within seconds and safely carried into the back of his car, along with a small bag of your dearest possessions he will keep to comfort you. He will make sure they are nearby when you wake up.

Although your initial freedoms will be low, Risotto will get you whatever comforts you desire, and make time to keep you company. He understands that you will probably despise him at first and permits all your hostilities against him, as long as you don't try to flee. Partially to prevent your escape, and partially for his own comfort, he insists that you share his bed, but does not initiate any physical affection beyond what you're comfortable with.

Risotto is weary of your friends and family but is open to the idea of you having a separate social life in the future. Until then, he encourages you to befriend the other members of La Squadra as he knows the isolation of being his prisoner cannot be doing you good. On that note, he will offer to get you a dog or cat to keep you company when he is away.

In the long-term, Risotto is happy to return the vast majority of your freedoms once he knows you love him back (and don't bother lying, he'll know). However, he does have his anxieties, and will insist on teaching you self-defense before you are allowed far from home without his supervision. Being the lover of La Squadra's captain is dangerous in any circumstances, and Risotto could never forgive if anything happened to you.

Sorbet and Gelato

Why do Sorbet and Gelato resort to the behaviour of a yandere to get their hands on you? Simply, it is the course of action that seems most logical to them. You could have come from anywhere really- a server at a local restaurant, a relative of one of their targets, even just a person they see often on the street. Once Sorbet and Gelato establish their attraction for you is shared by each other, it doesn't even need to be said between them that the methods they're going to choose to pursue you will be unorthadox in the strongest sense of the word.

Like Risotto, the couple choose to begin their chase with a long period of stalking you. However, being far less intimidating physically, as well as having the air of security that comes with being a romantic couple, they take the chance of approaching you occasionally, striking up conversations in the queue for a checkout and bringing you things you 'dropped' at the train station. They adore your growing sense of suspicion as the encounters become too common to be coincidence, and leave unavoidable clues once your suspicion of them has turned into avoidance.

As fun as it is to play with you the pair harbour a genuine affection for you, and this only grows from their months of following you. Don't be surprised if troublesome colleagues or relatives start to go missing. Better to make your final weeks of normalcy as nice for you as possible.

When the time comes to take you, the pair make no attempts to render you unconscious or use trickery. How you react to being dragged into the back of their car will let them gage how you'll respond to the next few weeks, which is very important for their preparations. What's more, it will hopefully get the worst of the fight out of you by the time you arrive home.

Once you've reached the quiet of Sorbet and Gelato's home, they finally explain themselves. They promise (and yes, they're being honest) that they won't do you any harm whatsoever as long as you stay and don't fight them. For the first few weeks at very least, you'll be sleeping chained up in the (admittedly quite comfortably repurposed) basement instead of with them. Still, they cannot help but hold you between them on the first night. They've wanted this for a long time after all.

In the early days, Gelato is incredibly hyper with the thrill of finally having you. He doesn't want to be away from you for a second, and at one point Sorbet actually has to tell him off for getting too touchy without asking. Sorbet himself is much more reserved with you, but is happy to answer your questions and give reassurance once you actually show interest in talking to him.

Against all your expectations, the pair genuinely treat you well. They enjoyed their little game with you, a fact they don’t deny, but now it’s over they can start to treat you with the affection they’ve wanted since the start. Gelato likes to cook for you, happily agreeing to make whatever you fancy. Sorbet asks what other comforts you’d like to offset some of the discomfort of your situation. As afraid as you were of him at first, you begin to take comfort in his gentle words and touches.

As for your chances of a normal relationship with all your freedoms returned? It's possible, but it's going to take a lot of... conditioning. There's a lot about Sorbet and Gelato's lives your going have to become okay with before they can trust you with that kind of liberty, and they know that getting to you point is going to be difficult for you all. Being isolated with nobody but them helps, as does a gradual system of allotting you progressively more privileges in exchange for good behavior, but ultimately, you're going to have to bare witness to a few of their crimes so they know for certain they can trust you.