#and i couldnt buy from a sex toy website because that would show on my credit card bill and i know she has access to that

[killedgirl]

i came prepared. i wore a baseball cap and a hoodie for identity protection purposes. i knew which aisle it was in and i put a pack of cotton balls in my basket first so i could hide it underneath. i went to the self checkout and it had a security lock on it so an employee had to come over to remove it for me. this was fine. i was ready for this part and i was relieved it was a female employee.

but then her key thingy wasn't working and she WAVED IT OVER HER HEAD TO FLAG DOWN HER MALE COWORKER. then she put it down and left. so naturally my soul has begun to leave my body at this point.

the male coworker comes over and he's glancing around like fucking john travolta in that gif and he's like where is it? this is far too much for me now i am fully astral projecting. i watched from the ceiling as my corporeal form quietly tells him it's on the counter behind him but he doesn't hear and he's still chasing his tail looking for it so i repeat myself and i have to point at it for him. thankfully his key works and he unlocks it. and just hands it to me. no couth no discretion whatsoever. just hands it over like a youth soccer coach passing out snacks at halftime. and then a popup comes on the checkout screen and he says oh do you want to purchase the extended warranty? and i said no i did not want to purchase the extended warranty. and i took my bag and left.

it was very windy and i tried to clutch the bag close to my body as i walked home but it kept spinning and whipping around despite my noble efforts. one side of the box was covered by the cotton balls, but of course the other side had an extremely obvious and menacing silhouette printed on it that, through the transparent shopping bag, was clearly visible to onlookers and passers-by as well as god and jesus.

so long story short it's now under my bed covered by an upside-down bin weighed down with books so it can't jump out and attack me when i least expect it and i will not be venturing out into public again for the foreseeable future

experienced an extremely character-building series of misadventures while purchasing my first vibrator today at target

[alxvensxoul]

1-100 because im mean.

1. Are you a virgin?

I mean technically I am? I have done things but I have never been penetrated. And that sounded so wrong to say it that way but “gone all the way” made me sound twelve.

2. Does anyone besides you know your bra/penis size?

My sister does. 

3. Do you know anyone who has any STDs?

I don’t think so. 

4. Were you married when you first lost your virginity?

Again, technically a virgin but no because I have never been married. 

5. Do you swear under celibacy?

No

6. When did you first lose your virginity? If you haven’t, when would you like to?

When it happens it happens. 

7. Have you ever gotten tricked into aphrodisiacs or alcohol for sex?

No

8. Have you walked in on someone masturbating/having sex?

My darn sister!

9. Have you ever seen someone masturbate or have sex with their permission?

No. How awkward!

10. Where is the weirdest place you have had sex?

We didn’t have sex but in the backyard at home my ex boyfriend and I… explored eachother. That doesn’t sound any better. 

11. If you had to chose one, would you have outdoor sex or car sex?

Outdoor. Car sex sounds uncomfortable. 

12. When was the age you first masturbated? Whether you knew it or not?

Not long ago..

13. Have you ever helped someone “finish”?

No

14. Have you ever had an erection in the past month? (clitorial counts, too)

I guess? 

15. When was the last time you have had an erection? (clitorial counts, too)

I don’t know

16. Have you ever had an erection and someone noticed?

Nope

17. What is your method of masturbation? (ie. toys, clitorial, prostate)

Ok so.. my sister bought me a toy. Its a little pink thing that vibrates and for the longest time I didn’t touch it. Until I did.. 

18. What is your bra/penis size?

I am a B cup. Not too much..

19. Has anyone seen your private parts other than yourself or a family member?

Yes

20. What is the strangest thing you have ever put up your vagina/anus?

That toy my sister bought me

21. Do you like rough sex or intimate sex better?

I imagine I would like intimate sex but who knows until you try right?

22. When was the last time you masturbated?

A couple days ago.

23. When was the last time you had sex?

I haven’t

24. When was the last time you watched porn?

Uhhh….

25. Have you ever bought a sex toy? If so, which one did you buy last

I didn’t’ buy it, stephanie did. I don’t know what its called. 

? First sex toy? If not, which one do you plan on buying when you do?

My sister bought me this little pink one. 

26. Guys: Circumsized?

N/A

27. Which not-genital part of your body do you like being touched?

My shoulders

28. Which genital part of your body do you like being touched?

My breasts…

29. Girls: Are you able to achieve orgasm just through breast stimulation?

Never tried

30. What color/type of underwear are you wearing?

They are pink and lacy

31. Have you ever sent someone a picture or video of you in the nude? Did it include sexual actions?

NO

32. Have you ever posted a picture of image of you in the nude on a website? Did it include sexual actions?

NO

33. Have you ever anonymously sent/posted a picture or video of yourself in the nude? Did it include sexual actions?

NO

34. Have you anonymously sent a sexual ask to someone on tumblr?

No

35. When was the last time you have had a wet dream?

I dont know. I don’t ever remember having one

36. Which wet dream was your favorite?

I dont remember ever having one

37. Is there a friend you would willingly have sex with?

Yes

38. Is there a celebrity/character you would willingly have sex with?

Dont we all have one?

39. Have you ever masturbated with someone?

No

40. Have you ever took a shower with someone that is not a family member?

No

41. Favorite sexual position? If you are a virgin, which position interests you?

I dunno. Something intimate with lots of room for kissing

42. Do you like being called a slut or whore in bed?

No i would hate that

43. Are you into any BDSM?

Thats kind of scare. I don’t like pain so i don’t understand it. 

44. Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone but knew you couldnt for any reason? Why?

I mean sure. We all have someone we would sleep with but can’t for some reason right? Maybe they’re a celebrity. Maybe they don’t know you exist. Maybe they don’t see you that way. 

45. Turn on’s?

Tall boys, deep voices, goofy personalities

46. Turn off’s?

Smoking, being rude, being too forward

47. Have you ever had a sexual fantasy about someone? Was it about anyone other than your lover?

Yes and I don’t have a lover so yes. 

48. Have you ever had phone sex? Video sex? Chat box sex?

Nope to all

49. What was the weirdest thing that has ever turned you on?

Oh god. Probably a guy in a bathing suit. It wasn’ that weird, it just came out of nowhere. 

50. Do you like dirty talk?

I think it would be sexy

51. Are you loud or quiet during sex? Masturbation?

I am kinda loud….

52. Have you ever been inturrepted during sex or masturbation? Who/what?

My sister’s cat jumped out of my closet and scared me

53. Most embarressing sex/masturbation story?

See above. Stephanie walked in and saw what i was doing. 

54. Most hilarious sex/masturbation story?

Again, see above

55. What kind of porn do you like to watch?

Romantic, sensual stuff. But its never very good. 

56. First type of porn you have ever watched? (ie. lesbian, hentai, threesome)

Some scary hardcore stuff stephaie showed me. 

57. What was the most recent type of porn you have ever watched? What category was it under?

Hardcore. My sister is weird

58. Most hilarious/stupidest porn you have ever watched?

Most of it is terrible

59. Have you ever fantasized over someone older than you? How much older? Younger? How much younger?

Yep. Just a few yeard older

60. Favorite sex toy (if any)?

My little pink one. Its the only one i have 

61. Have you ever had to break up with/divorce someone because you weren’t satisfied with their sex?

No

62. Have you ever used anything/gotten any surgeries to improve sexual performance/feel?

No

63. If someone you knew asked for a nude image, would you do it? What about a tumblr follower?

nope

64. Have you ever told someone any wet dreams/fantasies you’ve had about them?

No! why would i tell them

65. Do you like to have sex like they do in pornos?

Nobody has sex like that or at least i hope not. 

66. Have you ever confessed to someone that you got an erection over them? What about masturbated to them?

No!

67. Are you able to be secretive when you masturbate? (like able to be quiet so no one can hear?)

I have gotten pretty good at it but i don’t do it a lot

68. When was the first time you achieved orgasm?

I never have

69. Is there only one way so far that you have been able to achieve orgasm? (ie. only by using toys, only from 1 positon,only from masturbating a certain way)

Again, never have

70. Favorite type of oral?

I have only ever experienced one. That night in the backyard at home he.. well it was nice. But it didn’t last long. We were afraid we would get caught. It only happened that one time. 

71. Strangest sexual positon you’ve tried?

I havent

72. Have you ever made up a sexual postion?

No

73. Girls: During sex, vaginal or anal?

I haven’t done either but nobody is putting anything up my butt

74. Girls: During masturbation, clitorial, vaginal, or anal?

See above 

75. Do you like to be dominant or submissive?

Submissive 

76. Have you ever masturbated to someone?

No

77. Have you ever masturbated because your sexual partner wasn’t there when you needed them?

I don’t have a sexual partner

78. Have you ever had a one night stand? Do you still keep in contact with them?

No i haven’t had one

79. Have you ever had a friends with benefits? Are they still beneficial?

No. That seems stupid

80. Have you ever had sex with someone who wasnt your partner?

No

81. Has any of your partners had sex with someone else?

He probably did. My ex. 

82. Have you ever gotten pregnant? Were they your lover’s or someone else’s?

No

83. Birth control or condoms?

Both

84. Do you ever masturbate to porn?

No its weird

85. Does anyone know you masturbate? Did you have to tell them?

My sister

86. Did your parents ever find out you were sexually active?

Yes

87. Do you have any STDs?

No

88. Have you ever masturbated to a fictonal character or celebrity?

No

89. Have you ever had sex during “7 minutes in heaven”?

No

90. Spit or swallow? Or do you not like oral?

I haven’t done either but I feel like if its already in your mouth you might as well swallow it. 

91. Have you ever been rejected for sex? Have you ever rejected someone else?

I rejected my sisters ex boyfriend who tried to hook up with me while they were dating

92. Do you have someone who said they are willing to take away your virginity if you havent lost it by a set age or if you just want to have a good time?

Nobody has told me they wanted to

93. Have you ever experiented with the opposite sex?

Yep

94. When you first lost your virginity, was it intended or spontanious?

I havent yet

95. Has anyone ever walked in when you were taking a shower with someone?

No

96. Did you ever tell someone once you lost your virginity?

I will tell Stephanie when it happens

97. Does your lover know if you have masturbated?

I don’t have one

98. Does your lover know that you want to have sex with them but cant?

Don’t have a lover 

99. Do you like masturbation?

Yes sometimes

100. (Asker’s ask) If i were to ask you if we could have sex, would you say yes?

Honestly? Probably. I hope that doesn’t make you think differently of me. 

[jealously-is-a-curse]

Hello there! You should answer all 100 TMI asks ☺

100 NSFW TMI Questions: 1. Are you a virgin? No 2. Does anyone besides you know your bra/penis size? Yeah everyone knows i have small titties. 3. Do you know anyone who has any STDs? No 4. Were you married when you first lost your virginity? 5. Do you swear under celibacy? Nah fam 6. When did you first lose your virginity? If you haven't, when would you like to? I lost it when I was 17, so in year 12. 7. Have you ever gotten tricked into aphrodisiacs or alcohol for sex? nope cause im not stupid 8. Have you walked in on someone masturbating/having sex?: no thank god, and i hope i never do!! 9. Have you ever seen someone masturbate or have sex with their permission? nah 10. Where is the weirdest place you have had sex? no where really, for me still it the kitchen table like ppl eat of this and i did that on there damn. 11. If you had to chose one, would you have outdoor sex or car sex? outdoor sex, im over car sex. 12. When was the age you first masturbated? Whether you knew it or not? probably 18 years old 13. Have you ever helped someone "finish"? yeah lol every guy my age 14. Have you ever had an erection in the past month? (clitorial counts, too): nah 15. When was the last time you have had an erection? (clitorial counts, too):dunno 16. Have you ever had an erection and someone noticed?:ahah nah 17. What is your method of masturbation? (ie. toys, clitorial, prostate): clitoral 18. What is your bra/penis size?: small size bra 19. Has anyone seen your private parts other than yourself or a family member?:yeah i always walk around naked infront of my mum lmao 20. What is the strangest thing you have ever put up your vagina/anus?:nothing 21. Do you like rough sex or intimate sex better?: i like both, depending on the chemistry between me and the guy. 22. When was the last time you masturbated?: couple weeks ago 23. When was the last time you had sex?: 3 weeks ago 24. When was the last time you watched porn?: does tumblr porn count? if so everyday lol 25. Have you ever bought a sex toy? If so, which one did you buy last? First sex toy? If not, which one do you plan on buying when you do?: first sex toy i brough was a mini bullet, its my fave. 26. Guys: Circumsized? yeah but really isnt an issue for me. 27. Which not-genital part of your body do you like being touched?: my neck 28. Which genital part of your body do you like being touched?: obvi my clit 29. Girls: Are you able to achieve orgasm just through breast stimulation?: no i actually dislike my breast/nipples being touched 30. What color/type of underwear are you wearing?: right now i have pink ones with green leaves on them. 31. Have you ever sent someone a picture or video of you in the nude? Did it include sexual actions?: yeah, whatelse is snapchat for? :))) 32. Have you ever posted a picture of image of you in the nude on a website?Did it include sexual actions? No, no no. 33. Have you ever anonymously sent/posted a picture or video of yourself in the nude? Did it include sexual actions? Nope 34. Have you anonymously sent a sexual ask to someone on tumblr?:nope 35. When was the last time you have had a wet dream?: literally couple nights ago. 36. Which wet dream was your favorite?: I dont think i have any faves cause i dont rememeber them all haha 37. Is there a friend you would willingly have sex with?: maybe, but im scared it would wreck the friendship. 38. Is there a celebrity/character you would willingly have sex with? Oh too many to name. 39. Have you ever masturbated with someone? yeah 40. Have you ever took a shower with someone that is not a family member?: Ive had the opportunity to but i have bad skin conditions so i avoid it haha 41. Favorite sexual position? If you are a virgin, which position interests you?: id say reverse cow girl 42. Do you like being called a slut or whore in bed?: yes 43. Are you into any BDSM?: havent really tried it out but would love too. 44. Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone but knew you couldnt for any reason? Why?: hmm this answer is the same as question 37 45. Turn on's?: guys who eat pussy 46. Turn off's?: guys who dont eat pussy 47. Have you ever had a sexual fantasy about someone? Was it about anyone other than your lover?: nah 48. Have you ever had phone sex? Video sex? Chat box sex?: yeah, i mean who hasnt. 49. What was the weirdest thing that has ever turned you on?: not to sure 50. Do you like dirty talk?: yeah I do, but i hate returning it back haha 51. Are you loud or quiet during sex? Masturbation?: quite as i live at home and all the bedrooms are close. 52. Have you ever been inturrepted during sex or masturbation? Who/what?: nope 53. Most embarressing sex/masturbation story?: guy was eating me out nek min he got a blood nose during it haha so awks 54. Most hilarious sex/masturbation story?: hilarious sex story is guys who last 5 mins 55. What kind of porn do you like to watch?: tumblr porn 56. First type of porn you have ever watched? (ie. lesbian, hentai, threesome): oh in year 12 the boys made me watch black guy with asian girl LOL 57. What was the most recent type of porn you have ever watched? What category was it under?: tumblr porn 58. Most hilarious/stupidest porn you have ever watched?: oh tv shows about girls who go into the porn industry aged 18 and cry over it haha 59. Have you ever fantasized over someone older than you? How much older?Younger? How much younger?: yes yes my year 7 high school teacher, who is probs in his early 30s now, now probs 8 or so years older 60. Favorite sex toy (if any)?: i dont have a fave one, id like to explore new ones 61. Have you ever had to break up with/divorce someone because you weren't satisfied with their sex?: no but i stop seeing guys right away if i dont like the sex with them. 62. Have you ever used anything/gotten any surgeries to improve sexual performance/feel?: no, im only 21 dont need too haha 63. If someone you knew asked for a nude image, would you do it? What about a tumblr follower?: nah wouldnt do it for a tumblr follower 64. Have you ever told someone any wet dreams/fantasies you've had about them?: haha nah i keep that to myself. 65. Do you like to have sex like they do in pornos?: yes 66. Have you ever confessed to someone that you got an erection over them? What about masturbated to them?nah 67. Are you able to be secretive when you masturbate? (like able to be quiet so no one can hear?: yup 68. When was the first time you achieved orgasm?: only couple years ago 69. Is there only one way so far that you have been able to achieve orgasm? (ie. only by using toys, only from 1 positon,only from masturbating a certain way): yeah i can only achieve orgasm with playing with my clit or sometimes getting eaten out. 70. Favorite type of oral?: sucking dick? 71. Strangest sexual positon you've tried?: none yet 72. Have you ever made up a sexual postion?: no 73. Girls: During sex, vaginal or anal?: vaginal 74. Girls: During masturbation, clitorial, vaginal, or anal?: clitoral 75. Do you like to be dominant or submissive?: both 76. Have you ever masturbated to someone?: no 77. Have you ever masturbated because your sexual partner wasn't there when you needed them?no 78. Have you ever had a one night stand? Do you still keep in contact with them?yeah and nah dont even remember his name 79. Have you ever had a friends with benefits? Are they still beneficial?: yes i have and no because feelings get involved. 80. Have you ever had sex with someone who wasnt your partner?: yeah all the time i dont have a boyf 81. Has any of your partners had sex with someone else?: n/a 82. Have you ever gotten pregnant? Were they your lover's or someone else's?: no and i hope it dont! 83. Birth control or condoms?: both 84. Do you ever masturbate to porn?: yes 85. Does anyone know you masturbate? Did you have to tell them?: haha yeah my bestfriend knows 86. Did your parents ever find out you were sexually active?: yeah 87. Do you have any STDs?: no and dont plan on getting any 88. Have you ever masturbated to a fictonal character or celebrity?: no 89. Have you ever had sex during "7 minutes in heaven"?: i dont even know what that means x 90. Spit or swallow? Or do you not like oral?: swallow, i dont like giving head but i do it anyways hahah 91. Have you ever been rejected for sex? Have you ever rejected someone else?: no but yeah i reject sex sometimes 92. Do you have someone who said they are willing to take away your virginity if you havent lost it by a set age or if you just want to have a good time? haha yeah 93. Have you ever experiented with the opposite sex?: no, only kissed a few girls, tho i would like to some day try it out. 94. When you first lost your virginity, was it intended or spontanious?no not at all. was scary lol 95. Has anyone ever walked in when you were taking a shower with someone? no 96. Did you ever tell someone once you lost your virginity?: yeah my bestfriend, few of my friends and my mum aahah 97. Does your lover know if you have masturbated?: i wish i had a lover 98. Does your lover know that you want to have sex with them but cant? n/a 99. Do you like masturbation?: yes 100. (Asker's ask) If i were to ask you if we could have sex, would you say yes? : no sorry xxx