#which may seem excessive but realistically i did need all of them

[mywifeapril]

my brother terrifies me, for our camping trip the only toiletries he packed were his toothbrush and some deodorant. he was literally just relying on other people for toothpaste. i dont think he brushed his hair once.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Do you think Kalim’s unique magic has healing properties or at least promotes growth in plants? In chapter 4 the rain made everyone feel better(though I imagine getting a drink of water after THAT work out would be good either way) and after a few days the oasis grew back. I know after rain fall in a desert plant life grows back, it just seemed like Kalim’s magic made it grow faster.

In the game itself, Kalim's unique magic, Oasis Maker, is described as being able to produce a large amount of water using only a miniscule amount of magic. Additionally, as noted by both Kalim and Grim, the water that he conjures is the most pure and delicious around.

There are no other explicit mentions of additional effects or properties, but I think the idea of Kalim's water having the power to heal is a neat concept. I'm not going to count the act of drinking the water since these homies just marched through a desert so any hydration would feel like a godsend). However, the actual physical properties of the water could be such that it provides more relief over normal water. For example, water that has been enhanced with electrolytes can replace some of the minerals that have been lost via sweating excessively. Grim also comments on the temperature of the water being perfect--not too cold, not too warm.

The example brought up of the oasis becoming lush again is really interesting! I believe that Kalim casts his UM once there (to refresh the students), but the oasis is still dried out the second time Scarabia comes to the oasis. The third and final time they pay the oasis a visit is at the very end of the episode, and the place has suddenly become lush and full of water again. Since the events of episode 4 take place over what is winter break, this means that it took about a week or a little over a week for the oasis to be restored. I actually don't know if this is possible in real life or if that's a realistic recovery time 💦 When I looked it up, Google tells me that it usually takes a few weeks to a month minimum to see change in a dehydrated plant. If we're using that as a point of comparison then yeah, the oasis blessed with Kalim's UM water did indeed experience a speedy restoration to its former glory. This could imply that Oasis Maker water has other benefits that aren't clearly exposited in the narrative or the dialogue.

What I find really cool about this idea is that it seems plausible enough given the lore and the attitudes of the characters surrounding Kalim's magic. Kalim himself doesn't think of it as a big deal; he says that maybe it would have been really useful back in the old days before potable drinking water was readily avaliable in arid areas, but nowadays it's pretty useless with how accessible water is. (Think of Silk City's canals and modern irrigation system!) However, Azul points out to Kalim that he's casually overlooking the true power he has. The game kind of just goes for a joke about Azul's greed (as he laments how profitable Oasis Maker could be), but in a sense, Azul's right. Kalim can do so much more with his abilities, it's just that he doesn't know how to really apply them and he underestimates what he can do.

Let's think of it like this: sure, the Scalding Sands are fine with their water. But you know who isn't? The Afterglow Savanna. The people there are pretty opposed to anything that interferes with their philosophy of living in harmony with nature; some of them live on well water which may not be entirely safe all the time--but with Oasis Maker, Kalim could literally make it rain clean, safe to drink water for all their needs with just a smidgen of magic. Even better, because the water comes down like natural rain would, it doesn't harm nature (and in the case where his water does have healing properties, it would actually promote the growth of plants). In other contexts, Kalim's UM could do immense good. (My thought is that perhaps since Kalim grew up so privileged, he takes some things for granted and therefore doesn't think too much in depth about things outside of his immediate environment or people who are lacking what he already has an abundance of?)

Kalim seems to adopt a somewhat flippant attitude towards his UM; he doesn't hate it or anything, but he definitely talks it down. He doesn't really seem to think it's useful or has large applications outside of reenergizing his friends-and for him, that's enough! Kalim's happiest when others are happy, and they can all sing and dance together, just like the incantation to his UM says. It's possible, then, that he didn't bother experimenting with Oasis Maker to determine its other properties outside of just producing nice water (which would sort of explain why Kalim doesn't see its broader uses, but a big brain like Azul, who is far more results oriented, can).

ADDENDUM: Interesting detail on Dorm Uniform Kalim; with M3 (magic 3) that comes with his third uncap, he has a healing water spell.

[lesvegas]

My Mod List for Fallout: New Vegas

Some months ago, I answered an ask regarding FNV mods I’d recommend. Over the past few months, I’ve tried many more mods since, and have even removed several mods from the original list. I decided to remake the list, both in this post and also in this doc for the sake of documentation.

These are both for my own reference and for anyone who’s looking for mod recommendations. Keep in mind my preferences for mods tend to be smaller-scale, quality of life and immersive mods, and I’m not super into big story mods.

This is a long one, so I’m putting it under a readmore.

You’re gonna wanna start with this mod configuration menu, which helps to manage mods in-game. 

Fixes & Script Extenders

Most of these are necessary for a stable game and for the rest of the mods listed here.

New Vegas Script Extender (NVSE) - You’ll need this for most of these to work at all.

Yukichigai Unofficial Patch (YUP) - A compilation of vital bug fixes with no further additions. Just bug fixes.

Unofficial Patch Plus - A collection of supplementary bug fixes to be used alongside YUP. Includes improved versions of popular NVSE bug fixes.

New Vegas Anti Crash (NVAC) - Says it right there in the name.

JIP LN NVSE Plugin - An extension of NVSE that restores broken features and supplies bug fixes; read through this one before toggling anything.

JohnnyGuitar NVSE - Another NVSE extender.

FNV 4GB Patch - Simple patcher to make Fallout New Vegas 4GB Aware.

Throwable Weapon Fixes - A collection of fixes for throwable weapons and projectiles.

Overhauls

New Vegas Character Expansions (NVCE) - Probably the only character overhaul that just makes everyone look a little less potato without making them look hollow inside. (NOTE: This may make some characters have white faces. If this happens, the fix that worked for me is at the bottom of this post)

Water Overhaul - Overhauls various aspects of water, making radiation-free water more scarce and allowing you to refill bottles anywhere with a water source.

Starting Gear Overhaul - Adjusts the gear you start with to be more sensible and catered to your tagged skills. Recommended using along with JSawyer Ultimate.

Mojave Raiders - Adds more raiders to fight and balances their loot.

Mojave Wildlife - Adds hundreds more levelled, vanilla-friendly creature spawn points throughout the whole Mojave, based off unused vanilla levelled lists.

Mojave Arsenal - Adds ammo variants, reloading parts, and weapon mods as loot; fixes item naming conventions; improves recipes; and adds options for configuring GRA.

The Living Desert - Adds hundreds of NPCs and several scripted events; people patrolling the roads, travelling between towns, occupying locations.

Faction Map Icon Overhaul - Changes faction-related icons on the Pip-Boy map, for example Camp McCarran and the Mojave Outpost’s icons are the two-headed bear, the Fort and Cottonwood Cove are the bull, etc.

Immersion

New Vegas Enhanced Camera - Enables visible body and player shadow in first person, will let you remain in first person when you would otherwise be forced into third person (death/knocked down/etc).

Barton Thorn Acts Normally - Barton Thorn seeks out the player himself to ask for help with the geckos.

Clarity - Removes orange/blue tints.

Harvestable Cave Fungus - Self-explanatory.

Better Pickup Prompt - Makes several improvements to the HUD pickup prompt that appears when you look at an item. (NOTE: This mod has been discontinued, but seems to still work).

Realistic Safehouse Upgrades - Gives every safehouse a workbench, reloading bench, camp fire and more containers to make them feel like home.

Eddie Hears And Explosion - Fixes one of the clunkier moments in the game, near the end of the Powder Ganger questline.

Neck Seam Concealer Necklaces - A wide variety of necklaces that perfectly conceal the seam connecting characters’ heads and torsos. 

Vanilla Hair, No Shine - Makes the default hairstyles have less obnoxious white shine.

Light Step ED-E - This mod gives ED-E the Light Step perk, preventing him from setting off mines and floor traps.

Hi-Res Vanilla Posters and Graffiti - Posters and graffiti have x2 upscaled resolution, with no ugly blurring or sharpening.

Mojave Nights - Mojave Nights combines my Enhanced Night Sky mod with a brand-new, highly detailed moon replacement for complete night-time realism.

Functional Post-Game Ending (FPGE) - Adds a fully functional post-game world to the game, where you will realise the consequences of your choices.

Just Vanilla Sprint (JVS) - A simple vanilla sprint mod. Requires JIP LN Plugin (scroll up to Fixes & Script Extenders).

Animated Maize Fields, Park Equipment, Poseidon Energy Signs (personal fave), Sunset Sarsaparilla Rotary Entrance, Rotating Brahmin Rotisserie, and Foliage. This mod maker has tons of immersive little animation mods; I recommend looking through all of them.

JSawyer Ultimate Edition

JSawyer Ultimate Edition - JSawyer's popular mod, fully re-implemented from the ground up. A ‘meant-to-be’ mod which changes elements of the game to how they should have been from the start.

JSawyer Ultimate Edition Patches - Patches for using several popular mods alongside JSawyer Ultimate Edition.

JSawyer Mod Vanilla Number Of Perks - Changes the final total number of perks acquired by level 34 from the JSawyer default of 17 to the vanilla default of 25.

Perk Every Level, Cap at 100 - JSawyer Ultimate Edition caps the player at level 35. Once I reached level 35, THEN I installed this mod, which was the only increased level cap mod that worked for me. It doesn’t add perks after that, though; I have to add perks manually.

Restored Cut Content

Uncut Wasteland - Restores a huge amount of scenery and little random things which were patched out of the game post-release.

The Moon Comes Over The Tower - Restores the rest of the quest given by Emily Ortal, which requires you to go H&H Tools Factory, Camp Golf, and North Vegas Steel.

Vanilla Intro Plus - Restores the bit of the intro where Victor pulls the courier out of their own grave.

Classic Fallout Floaters - Adds Floaters into New Vegas based on information and cut content found within the files. Can be found where Centaurs lurk.

The Strip Open - Removes the gates and excess loading screens within the Strip.

Legion Quests Expanded - Provides more Legion content by adding or expanding several Legion quests. Needs compatibility patches.

Karma and Reputation

Karma Changes - Changes the karma alignment of some NPCs, like making Caesar Very Evil instead of Neutral.

Lonesome Road True Faction Allegiance - The parameters for your allegiance has been altered to reflect on your quest status, rather than reputation. This is reflected in Ulysses’ dialogue and the courier duster.

Powder Ganger Rep Fix (Ghost Town Gunfight) - A quick and easy fix that removes the Goodsprings Powder Gangers from the PG Faction.

Negative Karma for Gravedigging - Gives the player bad karma every time they dig up a grave.

Quests

Autumn Leaves - A DLC-sized quest mod in a centuries-old library inhabited by sentient machines with a mystery to solve.

Boom to the Moon - A short but sweet quest investigating a moon base featuring some of the best interiors I’ve ever seen in a video game. Walkthrough required, though, and be sure to install the failsafes.

Snow Globe Quest - Adds quest markers to all the snow globes you find for Mr. House.

Benny

Benny Returns - Returns Benny to the game as a companion. Be sure to read through the mod description carefully before saving him from the Fort.

Bi Benny: The Re-Bennying - Edits Benny's Black Widow dialog to work with Confirmed Bachelor couriers, with altered working voiced + lip sync dialog. It’s a little rough but it works.

Save Benny Without Angering The Legion - This mod makes you able to save Benny at The Fort without angering the Legion or breaking their questline.

Less Serious Mods

Benny’s Aid - Funny Simpsons reference.

Mr. House Portrait Fix - Gives the portraits of Mr. House the Platinum Drip.

I Got Spurs - Adds a set of lucky spurs to Doc Mitchell's house that can be worn with any clothing. They can be found on top of the Vigor-Tester.

Legate Caravan Showdown - Allows you to duel Legate Lanius in a game of Caravan rather than combat.

NVCE Pale Face Fix

Literally copied from some forum, the usual .ini fix didn’t work for me but this one did:

Another .ini fix, but this time the file is FALLOUT.INI, found under "C:\Users<your Windows username>\Documents\My Games\FalloutNV". Open it up in your text editor of choice, and search for the line:

bLoadFaceGenHeadEGTFiles=0

and change the 0 to 1, so it looks like:

bLoadFaceGenHeadEGTFiles=1

In the page on the Nexus it actually says to change that value in both a Fallout.ini file AND a FalloutPrefs.ini file, both in the My Games\FalloutNV folder.

[aardvaark]

it was semi-believable back when there was hardly such a thing as an accessible internet, BUT no one could feasibly have a secret identity as a superhero these days due to social media lemme just. okay. 

we have paparazzi for celebrities, its gonna be 100x more for superheroes realistically. they would have a fanbase online who would clearly want to find out who they are. plus i think c*ps might be trying to find them.

let’s take spiderman as an example. it should have taken a few months at most imo. even though he has a fully body suit, we still have criteria for him

- male (spider*man*, stereotypical body shaping, ‘masculine’-coded voice, etc) - young. age bracket would be about 15-25, and though they wouldn’t exactly expect someone that young, people are going to be lenient with age. and he’s clearly not very old - again, voice, use of language, appearance - primarily english-speaking w/american accent.  - you can get a very accurate height from photos & videos (as we know from that one dude on tiktok), and there is a LOT of media of spiderman - lives in NY - muscular to an extent, athletic physique, somewhat thin. 

ofc you can be like “well that barely helps” but heres some stats.

7 billion ppl in the world.

8.4 million in NY.

4.2 million men in NY (roughly)

504,000 men in NY between 15-24 (about 12% of NY.)

352,800 men in NY between 15-24 whose first langauge is english/would likely have american coded accent (added a bit bc ppl with other langauges may easily still have an american-coded accent like Spiderman’s)

137592 men in NY between 15-24 similar accent height close to tom holland’s (which is current spiderman: 39%)

42654 men in NY right age right height right langauge/accent similar physique (69% americans considered overweight or obese)

38389 ‘’ who do not have a disability which would make it actually not possible for them to do what spiderman has done (note: i still firmly believe anyone could be spiderman, à la the entire movie about Miles Morales and a cartoon pig and a black and white old detective movies guy etc etc, but videos and stuff from THIS specific reality have shown spiderman do certain stunts, walk without aid for long periods of time, etc. this list is not about ‘who can be spiderman’ but about ‘who from his universe could be this person whose superhero identity is spiderman’)

so now we’ve narrowed down 8.4 mil to 38389. just under 0.46% of NY is still eligible by discounting ppl on very basic facts. thats still a whole lot, but its... a significant amount less. now we make some assumptions. 

he’s at an age where he would be at school, college or an apprenticeship. let’s be real, none of those are particularly flexible. you have a new criterion: search for ppl with high absences in education OR absences whenever spiderman is around during the day. its only a little, but its all you need. all you need is access to some school records, and it seems like just about anyone with any interest in tech in the universe spiderman is in, has the skills to break into literally all records ever, so this isn’t even a reach. (peter obviously would have to meet this criteria, plus being ‘lost’ on field trips an awful lot)

another group you would search would be anyone close to tony stark or that works at stark industries, for possible candidates. we know he’s getting tech from somewhere and is seen w the avengers on occasion or where they are. (peter’s... internship... meets this criteria. the fact that its sorta unofficial and unexplained makes it that much dodgier.)

another group is young men of over-average IQ or do ‘intellectual’ things. boys who are really into science, essentially. cause he had to make his suit somehow, he has to be keeping up grades to some extent, he has to be smart to get away w it, he has to manufacture web fluid. you’d search participants in competitions, awards that are handed out to school and college students, scholarship programs for science, etc. (peter does meet this criteria in fact; academic decathalon, science school, high grades.)

so essentially your method would be: 

to go through (students) + (ppl close to stark industries) + (highly intelligent). we can assume a candidate would meet AT LEAST ONE of these points (peter meets all 3). 

file out anyone who isn’t in that, like, less than 0.5% of people who fit his physical description

suddenly you have a far more concise list, of which you can count out anyone who has an obviously different body shape/features/etc which completely don’t coincide with all the images of spiderman

suddenly you have a far more concise list of people to track.

from here, you want to find anything dodgy, like the weird stark internship thing which sorta just got made for peter parker, or ppl with excessive injuries, sick days, etc

AND this is all based on the assumption that no one’s been snapping shots of him while even a small bit of his skin is exposed (eg if he is injured), or that he’s never given any information whatsoever about himself like having an aunt or what colour his hair is or his favourite flavour soup. and that no one has ever followed him home at least a short way.

if we use some of those, then

we would know he’s either white, very light-skinned or has vitiligo (depends how much skin exposed)

we would know he’s vaguely from queens & surrounding area

we could discount people whose favourite soup flavour is tomato or something idek

my point being, it gets narrower and narrower. you’d end up with at most like 30 subjects, who you would monitor and someone might even leak the names. this is just something fans (who don’t care about his safety much) could do, but imagine if you were his enemy and actually had to find him. or stark did it, right? it’s just not particularly hard. i very firmly believe ppl would find him. i dont agree w it, cause tbh i’d rather a superhero keep their secret identity or else they’d get prosecuted and stuff by c*ps, but ppl would likely do this. and this is a superhero whose face we have never seen, much less his skin or eye colour hair colour etc.

tl;dr clark kent needs to fucking step it up my dude

[sour-n-salty-citrus]

Do you like the backstory for rick? Idk I kinda preferred it when Rick's past was a complete mystery and i dont really care about diane at all. I didn't expect the writers to actually write a canon for him either but I guess they realised how much the audience wanted one for him

Ajdjdjeidjs ack, I'll be honest I'm not... keen on it.

(Bolly-quinn actually puts it into words well how I feel about Rick's backstory here)

I liked the mystery element of his backstory! I know it's always exciting to have things in canon, but like... it being open to interpretation was something I always appreciated.

And... ugh, hoo boy. I'm torn. I mean, I love that Rick is completely different from what dudebros and like- "high iq" redditors present him as. He's a man who loved his wife and daughter, loved them so much he would rather give up travelling the multiverse, becoming a genius scientist, just to stay with them. He was vulnerable, soft, and caring. He wasn't nihilistic and reckless and selfish and some "alpha male who wouldn't let anything tie him down". He was ridiculously romantic, optimistic, sweet and loving, and maybe even kind.

And I don't give a shit.

I don't! I don't care. This might sound incredibly cruel and unfair, but I don't care that Rick lost his family.

Ok- let me explain.

I'm... disappointed. I'm disappointed that losing Beth and Diane is all it was that made Rick into the complete and utter monster he is today (or the start of the series anyway). I don't mean to undermine his loss and grief- at all! It's just... for him to go on a (seemingly decades long) killing spree, slaughtering any version of himself he seemed to come across... christ. Maybe in his eyes, they were all as bad as that One. Which is understandable. I'm very lucky to have not experienced that kind of loss. I haven't had to Grieve the way Rick did. Maybe I just don't get it, because I've never felt it. That's fair.

It just felt... god, I don't want to say excessive. I know, people process grief in different ways, and for some it manifests in unhealthy ways, some lash out at the world, fixate on trying to find an explanation, to find justice, etc. And I like how Rick was an absolute inconsolable wreck at first. Something like that, it needs time to process and overcome before you can start moving again.

I just- I don't know. Something rubbed me the wrong way about it all.

It's like- it's not that I wanted Rick to have spent all that time partying or something. It's just- argh, i don't know! Maybe someone else can put it into better words lol.

I hate that he immediately jumped into not giving a single shit about other people (save birdperson and squanchy!). Like- when he blew up those aliens who gave him whatever it was he needed. Ah- ok, they probably weren't exactly innocent or anything, but still. I think it was just I felt if we ever saw Rick's backstory, I'd want it to be a slow decline into who he is, show him gradually losing so much of his morality and becoming so jaded. Idk i guess i just wanted it to be like, a series of significant (and lesser but still important) events that lead to him going down that path rather than- this ONE thing that just apparently completely ruined him? And yeah ik ik it was a BIG thing, but like- i guess i was expecting.... more? Maybe something like idk Rick trying to save all the other Beths and Dianes and failing, idk, just... something more.

I actually would have preferred it if Diane lived. I dont know, I just- man I really hate the dead wife/daughter turns ordinary man into callous asshole trope. I agree, it's hard to really care all that much for Diane, and for a while I couldn't understand why. I thought, idk, is it internalised misogyny? Do I just not like Diane because I want to ship Rick with someone else?

I think I get it now. Diane, for all her significance in Rick's backstory, just... isn't a character. She's just- the motivation Rick needed to kick off the story. You could replace her with literally anybody else Rick could have loved and it wouldn't feel any different. She just doesn't feel special. She's no more unique than any other Dead Wife. We get nothing, literally nothing of her. I kept thinking, why? Why does this just not hit that hard? Rick's had emotional moments with Beth, with Birdperson, even with Summer and Jerry. And then I got it- it doesn't feel earned. It felt like how you feel when you see side characters or extras in the background of an action movie die. Maybe some faint sadness, but mainly nothing. We as an audience get nothing from Diane, we don't know her, don't get to see how she matters to Rick, don't get to see her relationship with Rick, we don't get any chance to connect with her character. So when she dies and Rick gets his montage of seeking revenge, it doesn't feel earned. It feels more like I'm being told about how this guy suffered than really seeing it (which i believe, may have been the writers intention actually...). It's kind of like a feeling of "damn that sucks bro... and?". There's no real heavy emotional response that I could really get from it...

I actually would have preferred if Rick and Diane broke up, divorced. I feel like that would offer so much more for them BOTH as chatacters. Instead of their relationship being happy and sunshine and rainbows until a Big Bad came in and took that away, I'd prefer it if Rick's downfall was just... his fault. (Actually His fault.) If his marriage fell apart because he couldn't make it work. If he estranged his daughter because he couldn't properly handle fatherhood, despite loving her. If he was flawed, terribly flawed, because of his own misjudgement and shortcomings. I guess my biggest problem, is that this is presented as someone having the perfect life, which is then taken away as a result of someone Else. It's too easy to then say, oh, it's not his fault he's like that! He had his heart broken, his life ruined! He lost himself in a revenge spree, poor thing... I'd have rathered if it was just a little bit more... realistic? If Rick had been the root cause of his own problems. If he'd experienced tragedy, but also been the cause of much more. I just wish there'd been more of a balance? It just felt so rushed. And not because of the montage- it just like Rick became completely apathetic way too fast. I just hate hate HATE the "he was a good guy with the perfect little life until tragedy struck and he was never the same". Rick never made the effort to improve his life, to do better, to be better. He's actively a cruel, callous, unkind person (complex, yes, but these are traits no one can deny he harbours). He's done far worse than was done to him, and that will never be justifiable to me... it just all feels so very cliche and out of place, and out of everything, this was the one thing I had hoped they wouldn't do.

I think the writers are aware of this, strangely enough. I mean, Rick even calls it his "crybaby backstory". I think they didn't want to leave it open any longer, and just got it out of the way. I don't think they really want to elaborate on it anymore. From what I predict, they want to focus on the here and now of Rick (and Morty, haha), and the development of who Rick is NOW, instead of who he WAS. I think they kind of just went, here's your gut-punch, your tragic backstory, now leave it alone. Diane is dead, Rick had a hard past, the series is about moving on and change. Now can we PLEASE get back to the sci-fi shenanigans?

(There was something I LOVED about the backstory though, and that was the soundtrack! Like the music for the Battle of Bloodridge, it fucking SLAPPPEDDDD. I can't imagine making synthwave emotional, but it actually kind of worked! The swell of the music actually did a lot more for getting a reaction out of me than the content lmaooo. It kind of reminded me of Kurzegast's "optimistic nihilism" for some reason... I actually liked the Bloodridge track so much, it got me a little into synthwave, which i never listened to before! The music producers this season have just KILLED IT!)

[heyitsmerose]

Ateez reaction to a fan with Smudged Lipstick (Maknae Line)

Okay, I decided to write an imagine that didn’t include y/n and the members being in a relationship, because that too unrealistic, but then again this isn’t any more realistic so I don’t really know. Okay also, I think I may be starting to run out of ideas, please send in your requests I’ll make sure to do all that I can! :)

Word Count: 2k

Genre: Fluff, Whump

Mature Language*

San: 

You couldn’t beleive your luck. You had been selected for one of the ‘82′ challenges that Ateez were featuring on, and as a lucky guest, they had to do your makeup. (Inspired by this video) You were living every atiny’s dream right now. You got to personally interact with Ateez, and they would be doing your makeup. To be honest, before applying to get this opportunity, you didn’t really know what it was going to be, after you found out they were doing your make up though, you started getting a little nervous. They would have to see your bare face and you were quite insecure. Although your skin was really clear, you had freckles and covered them up when you could so it would be hard for you to show the world your bare face. 

You were sitting and waiting in the studio for the first member and Hongjoong walked in. You tried your best to keep your composure only to fail miserably. Hongjoong looked at you directly, and you immediately felt shy covering your face. He noticed and removed your hands assuring you that you had no reason to feel shy. He was the first one, so he had to put foundation, this was the scariest part. He was going to have to stare at your face for very long. You got nervous and insecure and he seemed to notice how you covered your face whenever you got the opportunity. He asked you and you said you were insecure about your freckles, but he just gasped telling you not to worry as your bare face was pretty. Once he was done, he went back to the other room, he made sure to tell the rest of the members about your insecurity, so they could try to cheer you up. You definitely noticed the extra jokes they cracked and the compliments they gave you. 

Finally it was San’s turn and he was to apply lipstick. He picked a soft pink colour and you nodded at his choice. He then came very close to your face and began applying lipstick. He held your chin with his index finger and thumb as he slowly started applying it. He made the mistake of looking up into your eyes though, because as soon as he did, you both burst into laughter. This caused, his hand to shake and go off to the side, messing up your foundation. You heard the members yell from the other room, as you had only a certain amount of touches. He decided to fix it, by using his thumb, as technically that wouldn’t be counted as a touch, and he could adjust it as much as he wanted. He held your chin firmly, and licked his thumb, wiping the excess lipstick off the side of your mouth, you could feel his spit, and you turned bright red. You heard a bunch of loud hollers and ‘OHHH’s from the other room, presumably from the other members. San just giggled and continued fixing it. After a while, he was done, and the rest of them came in to see the final look. You however, couldn’t stop thinking about what San did, and your hand unintentionally flew up to your face to the place San wiped your lipstick. The other members noticed and teased you for getting so flustered, while San just rolled his eyes. It was safe to say that you’d remember this experience for the rest of your life. 

Mingi:

You were going to see Ateez, and had planned your outfit for months. To your surprise, you were able to get a limited ticket to one of their fan meets. You were excited and wanted everything to go perfectly. Except Of course, Something had to go wrong. They recently had a comeback and had a title track similar to ‘wave’, with the concept being similar to ‘One to All’, a bright summer concept. You decided to dress up similarly with a bright orange outfit and matching coral lipstick. You actually were one of the first people to get the tickets and so you arrived early, when not too many people were there. It was just you and maybe another 30-40 people. Finally it was your turn. Mingi was actually the second person in line and once you reached him your eyes lit up. Your bias was sitting right in front of you and you were starting to feel the emotions. Mingi held your hands and happily swayed them from side to side to match one of the songs playing. You just giggled. You were just talking calmly until one of the staff interrupted you. She informed you that you had just another 3-4 minutes left with Mingi. This was one of the advantages of being first, you got more time, but still 3-4 minutes would go by so fast and you were disappointed. You pouted, your top lip making contact with your nose. Mingi noticed and licked his thumb. He grabbed your face with his other hand and just openly wiped the bottom of your nose with his thumb. Your eyes widened and a blush crept on your face. Mingi didn’t see anything wrong in it and was unfazed, you on the other hand, were burning from embarrassment. You feared that something was on your face so you croaked out softly....

“What’s wrong? Is there something on my face?” You whispered feeling embarrassed.

“No, no, no don’t worry, its just when you scrunched your face like this... Your lipstick got on your nose, it’s fine now though” He said, while scrunching his nose, showing you what you did. You just nodded trying to calm yourself down. How was he so unfazed by that? He just grabbed your face and wiped your face. After your time was up and you had to move on to the next member, the only thing on your mind though, was Mingi.

Wooyoung:

Ateez was doing a challenge in which they had to serve drinks at a cafe. They weren’t too popular at the moment, so they didn’t need to worry about security as they knew many people wouldn’t recognise them. Additionally, atinys were one of the most respectful fandoms in general, so they didn’t have to worry too much about that either. You were going to your usual cafe, only to realise that it was packed directors, camera men, etc. You thought that there was some movie shooting going on inside, so you decided to take a seat outside and wait a bit before placing your order. For a few minutes you were scrolling through your phone until you heard a voice approach you.

“Hello, miss! What can I get you today?” You furrowed your eyebrows, as the cafe didn’t have any waiters and was self service so you looked up, only to be greeted by your biggest celebrity crush. You gasped audibly, and your eyes widened. You moved a little farther from him, not wanting to invade his personal space. The second you gasped however, the biggest smile erupted on his face as he realised you were a fan. He then began to speak casually to you.

“Hi, beautiful, what’s your name?” He said flirtatiously, you knew it was apart of his idol tendencies to please his fans and everything, but you couldn’t help your heart fluttering. You bowed deeply, and he ushered you to pull down your mask so he could see your face. You were a bit insecure, so you slowly pulled down your mask. As soon as you did however, Wooyoung stepped in front of the cameras blocking you from them. You raised an eyebrow, but he just held a hand in front of your mouth, covering it, signing that your mask had smudged your lipstick. You nodded and thanked him turning away from him and fixing it quickly. You turned back around and he smiled moving away from the camera so you were in view too. 

“I’m Y/n and I’ll have my regular please” He raised his eyebrows and you corrected yourself.

“S-Sorry, I mean I’ll have a caramel macchiato” You said embarrassed he just chuckled and went back inside. The cameras followed him and you got a minute to chill. 

Reality was finally setting in, you just met THE Jung Wooyoung. 

Jongho:

Ateez was on the last leg of their world tour and were flying to your country. In fact, you were actually with your friend in Paris at the time, and had just watched their concert in Paris too. You didn’t know they were coming to your country, as it seemed that the last tour stop was surprise. If you would have known they were coming to your country, you would have never flown all the way to Paris. Either way, anything for Ateez. You were on your flight back to your country and got you and your friend business seats. The problem was that you had separate seats, on opposite sides of the plane. You had seat number 2a while she had 3d, how unlucky huh? You discussed trying to switch seats with the others when you got on the plane. You boarded the plane and a few minutes later, around 10 people walked into the plane and took their seats, with two of them attending to the other 8. One of them sat right next to you and you noticed all of them had hats and masks on. You noticed the opportunity as another one of them was sitting next to your friend, maybe they’d want to sit together and agree to switching seat, so you slowly asked.

“Excuse me, is it possible to switch seats by any chance? My friend is right behind us, on the other side, and I noticed one of your friends is there too, do you mind switching with my friend?” You said softly. He looked at you and you noticed those familiar eyes. It was fucking Jongho from Ateez. Your eyes widened but you said nothing, not wanting him to feel uncomfortable. He removed his mask and you saw his face clearly, trying your best not to break character, and remaining nonchalant. He just nodded and looked at your friend. You smiled widely and thanked him sincerely, waving to your friend with a big smile. He looked back at you and smiled and your heart almost exploded. You instantly stopped and blushed bright red. He just took his bag and walked to the other seat. Before leaving though, he looked back at you and motioned at his mouth, your hands flew to your lips and you looked at them noticing your bright red lipstick, you quickly bowed and thanked him, rushing back to your seat to fix your lipstick.

After the flight was over though, he did something surprising, as everyone was leaving the flight, he made sure to stand right behind you and he quickly slipped a piece of paper into your pocket. You acted as if you didn’t notice, but your heart was beating out of your chest. As soon as you entered the airport, you checked your pocket, while your friend was silently fan-girling. You opened the piece or paper only to realised he had slipped his autograph into your pocket. He must have realised you were a fan. Real smooth Jongho, real smooth.

[sincerelydavid]

My Personal Issues With Creepypasta Stories

Remember: these are not really set in stone, just personal issues. Tis' not meant to offend. I prefer if people did read up on these things if you're going to bash, etc. These are more nit-picky-type things. In general, I do hope this is insightful on the lores of Creepypastas and more things. Feel free to correct me if you see I did make a mistake while writing this.

Let's start with a few basic things: tropes, mary sues, etc. To begin this, we will go on with tropes. Now, we love a good Creepypasta trope. Right? The character is in a toxic household, goes crazy from the madness, and kills their family, and runs off with the creepypastas in their happy mansion, killing and falling in love with one or more creepypastas. Incorrect.

1A. Now, for me, I don't enjoy tropes like this; they usually have grammatical errors, spelling errors, misconceptions between canon and fanon. I would consider this not so much of a great story in my book. Or maybe, the reader is already a creepypasta, probably a child of one of the creeps or a family member. I've never seen it pulled off accordingly, but most say differently. In my opinion, it's just an excuse and ploy to use so that the reader does not die. It seems as if it was just a leave it or take it moment, and I'll list a few tropes you may have seen.

The reader goes insane and kills their entire family and converts to Creepypasta.

The reader is a child or family member of one of the creeps and is adorably cute.

The reader is a complete Mary Sue, and every creepypasta character they are living with is a fanon version of themselves. Example: (he is no longer a creepypasta, but most consider him one still, so I'll add him.) Ticci Toby likes waffles, and he is quiet and cute.

The reader meets one of the Author's OC's they added into the book for no reason whatsoever. (I'm guilty of this.)

1A5. Now, if you have seen any of these tropes or possibly have done any of these, I have a question for you: do you regret it, or do you still like the classic trope? It's a love and hate relationship for me. Not meant to bash because we all start somewhere, and this is my personal opinion.

2A. The Marysues. I would do this over this at the end, but why not wrap it up now? The Mary Sues of the Creepypasta Community is a growing number. I speak of them as animals cause'  majority of the time: they are animal and human hybrids. Half-Human Furries? I don't have a problem with these, but I've seen it done numerous times, and it's not an issue, but the other Mary Sue Stereotypes I am bringing up is.

The Heterochromia eyes are usually a horrible representation of the condition, and it is rare to see two different colored orbs. It is predominantly in speckles and hues of the colors. Example: A person has brown eyes, but in the orb, with heterochromia, or sometimes both, they are in speckles and hues. Let's say it is Blue, the speckles. It is different hues and is usually not noticeable in some cases. The poor representation is just an issue for me. I will explain how to prevent this, so this sort of counts as tips/advice??

Try to avoid or try to research topics, such as medical conditions or disorders. I'm not saying that you have to do this, but, personally, I'm sure people do appreciate it when Authors take time and consideration to process and research and correctly portray disorders and medical conditions. It's the thought that counts, and it's more realistic. 

If you want to portray abuse and other sensitive topics, which I don't recommend, you should research behavioral topics, articles, and even documentaries on how to portray abuse and sensitive topics. Once again, it is the thought that counts.

Try to be original but not too original. Make it deep but not too deep, if you get what I mean. Blank but not too blank. Your OC doesn't need excessive powers to show that they are strong or little powers to represent they are weak. And don't use catchphrases that are a mixture of other Creepypasta Oc's. It's just a no-go and an instant turn-off for me.

  3A. My rants and thoughts will get a little messy. I will start with Clockwork and her Mary Sueish background but hey, aren't all Creepypasta OC's ridden with Mary Sue traits? Some of the CXP community finds Clockwork a horrible character in general. Her backstory is ridden with grammatical errors, but that doesn't make me dislike her character. The fandom paints Clockwork as a lesbian, but I don't see it. She was betrayed both by males and females, so I think she would have resentment towards both genders. 

I don't see her as sapphic, but it's a great idea to experiment with but what I dislike is when people canonically say she is lesbian and be rude about it. I do recommend they read the lore behind Clockwork, but until now, she is canonically in a relationship with Ticci Toby. 

And moving on to Ticci Toby, I suppose the fanon side of the CXP fandom sees him as a Marshmallow. Personally, I feel like it's infantilizing, and the fangirls disobeying the creator's wishes and chased him out of the community, so he's not a Creepypasta, technically. I am going to wrap up here.

Don't take what I say to heart, and these are not set in stone. Have a good night or day, wherever you are

- David

[cforbes]

Why you should read the Green Creek Series by TJ Klune

To the dismay of my followers I’m sure, I recently discovered a book series that spoke to my soul in a way nothing else ever has. It’s a beautiful coming of age story about werewolves and love which, sadly, barely has a fandom. I would like to change that. Below is a comprehensive list of all the reasons I think you will enjoy reading the Green Creek Series:

No one is straight. It’s been called a “walking pride parade” by the author. And he is not wrong.

Canon bisexual, asexual, and aromantic characters. All three words are explicitly said.

So much found family and heart-filling group dynamics. Your heart will be so full you won’t know how to handle it.

A perfect mixture of plot, fluff, and angst that will leave you feeling satisfied. There is so much plot but somehow he gives you an incredible amount of time to get to know the characters and watch their personal stories play out.

Beautiful, lyrical writing that truly makes you feel. The writing style is so unique and paced in a way that almost feels like poetry.

Forgot how to read like me? The audiobook, in my opinion, has unmatched narration. Kirt Graves brings every single character to life. I think this is why I am so in love with them all.

That being said, every character is so unique and important and real. You really enjoy getting to know every single one of them. There are so many personalities that come together to create something so special.

The characters, their actions, and the way they react to conflict is also realistic in a way I’ve never seen before. Characters hold grudges and get in arguments that just go in circles because that’s what real people do. You really feel like you know them because they are genuine and true.

Laugh-out-loud humor. These characters all bring something different to the table and their conversations will have you rolling.

Unlikely/unexpected main characters. The narrator of the first book is a quiet boy who has a difficult time expressing what he’s thinking. He isn’t good with words and a lot of people think he’s just “big and dumb,” but he’s so so special and full of heart and his journey is so beautiful. This is his coming of age story.

Gordo Livingstone. Listen when I say if you read these books for no other reason, read them for him. He’s a damaged, angry gay man who swears too much and has a heart of gold. He shows his affection through insults and empty threats and would do just about anything for the people he loves. He is the best character I have ever known.

TJ Klune is also an incredible, self proclaimed “unapologetically queer” man who truly cares about his audience and giving a voice to his community. Do it for him.

And oh, did I mention it’s about werewolves, witches, and magic? And everything that comes with that. Pack dynamics written in the best way. Mating and full moons. Territories and family legacies. TJ took everything I love about these concepts and made them into something special.

I also would like to list some warnings/possible triggers:

Questionable age gap(s). While handled as well as they can be, it doesn’t seem entirely necessary. Nothing sexual happens between or with any underaged characters, but I can understand why the age differences would make people uncomfortable as they do meet when they’re children. (I am happy to elaborate on this if anyone is concerned!)

Explicit sexual content. There are two full sex scenes in the first book, one in the second, and ~one in the third. There are also multiple references to other sexual encounters.

References to domestic violence. There are no scenes showing it, just discussing that it had happened.

The R word is used two or three times in the beginning of the first book. It is used by a bully to insult the narrator.

Character death. Not as much as you’d think given how many characters there are, but it still needs to be mentioned.

Excessive swearing. This is actually one of the reasons I adore these books, but it may not be for everyone.

**Edit**Threats of sexual assault as well as the “villain” stating how he wanted to sexually assault a character when he was a minor.

**Edit** Mentions of past torture.

**Edit** General blood/gore/violence.

And that’s all I have! Please please please give these books a chance. Feel free to message me or send an ask if you have any questions or concerns! I will be happy to talk about these with any and everyone.

[painted-crow]

Submission Time #14

Submission about secondary

Hi, Paint! I was wondering if you ever had time, could you please help and give your thoughts on my secondary?

I guess my quiz results really depend on my mood, on a bad mood I can get a bird or snake, on good mood – a badger secondary. I rarely get a lion secondary, and I’m strangely calm about it, it would really be funny if I’d be a double burned lion but evidence shows that’s probably not the case. Also, I’m sorry for all the mistakes I will be making and the ones I didn’t notice, and this is so long, I’m sorry. I will shamefully copy the other submission style, so if it’s wrong pls just ignore me.

Not a problem! I'm the one who suggested that people use it :)

When you succeed, how influential in that success were the people around you? – I don’t know for sure, and I might be ungrateful here, but I think I’m still the one making the calls and thinking about stuff. Sure, I ask for help and opinion, support, but I’m still the one who has to do the thing. But it’s true I should probably pay more respect and gratitude to the ones who are there for me.

This suggests you aren't a Courtier Badger by nature. Doesn't yet rule out Bookkeeper style Badger, though.

Do people consider you charismatic? / Do people consider you trustworthy? – Eh, maybe. I love that there is a possibility to choose such an answer. Charisma for me is a tool, a mask, while for being trustworthy, some people do, some would like that I’d be more of it, I think people’s opinions on what that is can really differ. I’ve always read that people can’t trust a Gemini, that they have long and loose tongues, one day I decided that will never be me, no matter what others say.

Basically everything I know about astrology is either Homestuck or LavenderTowne's "drawing the signs as cute characters" videos on YouTube 😆 but as a Cancer who does not fit most of the Cancer description, rest assured I will not judge you for this :p

Describing charisma as a "tool" suggests it might be part of a Snake model or a skill you've picked up through Bird.

Do people consider you flexible? – No. Things have to be the way I want them to be. Stupid, problematic, not realistic, I know.

Haha, maybe Bird xD or maybe Bookkeeper Badger. This is a Built secondary answer.

Do you like going into situations with a plan? – Here‘s the thing about my plans – they are small, not really fleshed out. I do like to be prepared, but I do not seek out to be, because usually no matter how much I prepare I feel that it still is heavily not enough so it’s almost the same as just diving in and doing whatever.

Rapid fire Bird with Snake model? Or perhaps the other way around. It sounds from your last answer like this isn't the kind of situation you feel most comfortable in.

Not all Birds like to plan. I for one am a "hoard all the skills and resources" style Bird, and don't tend to plan very much for individual situations, especially ones that change quickly. If I were to prepare for something like that, it would be gathering knowledge about the situation in advance, rather than deciding how to respond based on probably-inaccurate expectations.

Still, this makes it sound a bit like you don't trust Bird, or at least not the planning form of Bird.

When you spot a metaphorical obstacle in your path, what do you do? – This one is the one that always makes me think Am I a snake secondary? If there’s a problem that maybe could arise, why would you not find another way around? Face it? Understand it? Pfffff…. It’s so much stress and trouble, just go around it if you can. If not, well, yeah, I’d just face it head on I guess.

How do you feel about shortcuts? – Well, if it means landscapes shortcuts – love them. In life and situations – no. It feels unstable, unsafe. If there is a way you need to do things, I will do it the right way. I might cut ways in small and not that important ways, but no more.

See, these two questions have me really considering Bookkeeper Badger for you, and I'm starting to understand why you're confusing the quiz so much.

I think the quiz considers these to be kind of opposite answers--just getting around a problem rather than solving it might be considered a shortcut. This is the kind of issue you get with abstract questions, but the problem is that concrete questions are rarely ambiguous enough to serve the right purpose. This is also why I suggest sending me quiz questions--because you're allowed to elaborate, and I interpret your answers differently from the computer. :)

Do you like to gather all possible information before making a decision? – Yeah, I do gather information, research, but at a certain point you just have to dive in, as another person said.

You might have a Bird model? Or you might even be burned Bird, because you don't not use Bird but you don't seem to trust it much or see it as worth relying on.

Is knowing things or knowing people more useful when solving problems? – I really don’t know how to answer this one. Intuitively, without thinking, I’d say things, but there are so much BUTs. Maybe it’s because I always had problems in social situations, that I’m very reserved, cold and shy so I don’t build relationships that could be called like that? Obviously it’s more useful to have someone help you and teach you how to do stuff, like legal documents, mechanics, computer engineering or other stuff that is hard to understand and boring to me or things that I don’t have resources to do. When I go to people asking for help, I ask because I know they can help, I don’t just go to my community, to my people asking IF anyone could help. I don’t know, this question for me is really painful. A simple answer would be people. Like if I’d think about building a house or a van to live in, it would be more useful to know someone who knows how to do these things then knowing how to do it myself. I’d miss so much details by myself. But then why I still want to press Things?

Huh, that's interesting. Especially interesting that you describe this as painful--like, it really matters to you.

You might be a burned Bird with a Badger model that's almost totally Bookkeeper style--which, if that Badger is a model, it would make perfect sense why it relies so heavily on one aspect of that secondary.

You don't seem very Snakey to me so far. The "get around the obstacle" thing is the quiz's Snake answer, and charisma (even as a tool) isn't Snake exclusive either.

When your plan fails, what do you do? – This question always makes me smile, because my answer is 1. I don’t plan, BUT if I did have a plan that failed, if it was that important; 2. I panic; 3. Then, I calm down and improvise like my life depends on it.

Huh. I don't know if this points to anything in particular...

Do you collect things? – No? I collect books that I actually liked, even if I will never read them again, I want to have them around. I have a couple of diplomas, but it’s just because I couldn’t decide or couldn’t see myself in that career. I maybe collect plants. Other than maybe these things, I don’t really feel like I collect anything.

And here again the bird secondary shows up. I really don’t see it with my inability to plan and prepare for things. I feel unprepared for everything and too bored and not intrigued enough to prepare.

Oddly enough, this really makes me wonder if you're a Bird, specifically burned. This isn't just a neutral "yeah I don't really use it," it sounds actually sad and negative: you don't feel able to use it, you feel bored and unprepared. It sounds like you've tried, like you wish you could use it... but it's just not there for you.

Do you study or plan excessively for things that aren’t useful?... – Plan – no. Study – yes. I’m one of those people who has started a new hobby in the pandemic, which involves studying I guess. And it absolutely has nothing to do with being useful, I just love it, so I guess yes. To me it has a purpose, I guess.

You do seem to study a lot. You read books, which not everyone does. You have multiple diplomas. But they're a background element in your life, you were saying.

Do you think of relationships as something you invest in?... – Yes. I think we all invest in relationships, and in the smallest we at least expect that person to be with us, to support us if we had a hard day or a hard time. I do not invest in relationships with people because they can do stuff for me, do that or let me in there or here, or level me up in my career. That would be wrong, it’s not how you supposed to do it. But I’d still say that I think about this, about investing time and effort.

Badgers don't seem to like the idea of networking as a means of getting stuff, on the whole, even though that's how they get described because that's what people might see from the outside. (It's more like a Snake or sometimes a Bird to be okay with that description of their methods.)

I still think you have a lot of Bookkeeper to your secondary. I'm not sure if it's a strong model, or if your Bird is the model and it's just really burned anyway.

Do you act different in different groups? Does it bother you, if you do? – Yes, I think I probably do. It bothers me that I am thrown into a situation like that with people like that more than the fact that I act different. So it does bother me, but not in the way that the quiz authors intended that it should mean.

So, you only do this with certain groups where you don't feel safe. Again, I'm not getting a whole lot of Snake here?

So long as you know who you are, do you care what other people think? – Yes, absolutely. First, I don’t know who I am, sometimes, in certain situations, I can look inside myself and feel empty. It means I’m more ready to react to a situation than to show who I am, I guess. Secondly, what other people think about you can affect you, emotionally, or worst, actually in your physical life.

Okay. I think I might be getting this, finally.

Your secondary seems to be burned. It may be one of those cases where it's just burned, and you haven't recovered it or started up a strong model--this is part of the official SHC descriptions, that you can just burn your secondary and not have strong inclinations about it any more, you just do whatever works but none of it is very satisfying.

You get examples of this with characters pretty frequently, but with people it seems less common--you see a lot of models instead. I actually forgot that this was part of the SHC system until just now, but you can find a kind of not-super-comfortable stability in just... not having a secondary. This might be why you're getting hints of other secondaries, but it's hard to pin down anything strong enough for you to feel like you can claim it as yours.

I'd hazard that your secondary might have been Bird or Bookkeeper Badger before, and you have hints of both of those now. I lean towards Bird being your actual secondary and just extremely burned, and Bookkeeper being a bit of a model or performance you're kind of using but feel conflicted about.

In a pinch, you'll improvise or whatever, just anything that works, but it's not something you're very comfortable with. That's not the same thing as Snake, but I think it's why you're getting Snake results from the quiz.

Perhaps the reason you can't figure out your secondary, in short, is that it isn't there.

Thank you, and yes, please ignore me if it's annoying. Have a good time and be safe! 

Oof, I'm sorry that this isn't a cheerier result to hand you ^^; hugs! Hope you can find something that works for you soon.

[eyreguide]

A recap of the Brontë2020 Virtual Conference

On Friday the very first virtual Brontë conference was held and included a program of various talks and presentations by people knowledgeable on many different aspects of the Brontës. And reader, I had a wonderful time.  

This post is just a brief overview of the event, with some commentary on the different topics and comments that were discussed and that I found interesting. This conference was held as a way to help support the amazing Brontë Parsonage in Haworth as they are going through a difficult time with the impact of Covid-19. If you are able, please donate whatever you can to the Parsonage by visiting this site. Help them reach their goal!

I live in the United States so I wasn’t able to attend all the panels - I decided to make my first one the discussion with Sandy Welch (screenwriter of the 2006 Jane Eyre adaptation) which was 5 am my time! I was so excited to hear what Sandy had to say about writing Jane Eyre that I was wide awake by the time her panel started.

Special Guest: Sandy Welch

First off, I didn’t realize Welch had also written the screenplay for North and South (one of my absolute favorite period dramas!) so I was pretty much in awe of her talent, even though the 2006 Jane Eyre isn’t exactly my favorite. If you read through my reviews of all the adaptations here. I have a few issues with the scenes after the failed wedding where Jane and Rochester are on her bed. And also I felt like the dialogue and added scenes did not always feel true to the novel. But Welch talked about her approach to adapting Jane Eyre and I agreed with all of her comments. Jane is a modern woman in that she is making her own way in the world, and that her thoughts and prose in the book are direct and clear to the reader. And Welch was glad to give more time to the conversations between Jane and Rochester so that the humor and intelligence that connects them shines through. The emotions were allowed to develop and we can see how Rochester changes with Jane.  

There was some discussion about the character of Rochester and how the audience needs to see that they deserve each other and are equals. So you see more of Rochester’s vulnerabilities and emotions in this adaptation. It’s important to remember too that Charlotte made Bertha irredeemable so that Rochester could not make his situation better, but he tried his best to take care of her.  

A question from the audience did bring up that scene where Jane must say goodbye to Rochester and they end up on her bed - I was very keen to know what Welch would say. She acknowledged that it was a bold choice, but there is that sensuality in the book, and Rochester wants to “impress” himself on Jane, and throughout the novel, Jane is very passionate. It seemed natural to Welch to have that shown on screen. It’s a bit of artistic license that still doesn’t sit easily with me, but I am glad to know the thought process was grounded in trying to take a realistic approach to how that scene would develop.

Another question also asked about the addition of the twins and the doubles theme in the adaptation. Welch included that to give Jane an opportunity to participate in the conversation around her since she is intelligent and able to hold her own. And to show that not all of the people in Rochester’s party are horrible. It also gives a little foreshadowing to the call across the moors between Jane and Rochester near the end.

The last topic I want to mention is when someone asked what the difference was between approaching Margaret Hale’s character (from North and South) and Jane Eyre. Welch worked to make Margaret more sympathetic and Thornton a little less so, so that they were equals in the story - much like Jane and Rochester already are.

A Day in the Life of the Parsonage

I was very excited about this next panel, where Ann Dindsdale, the collections manager of the Parsonage, and Rebecca Yorke, the communications manager, talk about what it is like to manage the Parsonage day to day. It made me long to be able to work there myself! Just think how lovely it would be to be up early in the morning at the house, preparing for the visitors that day.

On my last visit to the Parsonage, I was able to take the VIP tour (which I talked about here) and I have to say seeing a glimpse of the place behind the scenes and led by a knowledgeable docent was amazing. They do wonderful work there!

The two talked about the work that goes into maintaining the house - especially during the month-long closure in January where they clean every book and check every piece of furniture! When asked how they decide what to display, Ann said she puts out “what she likes” (lucky!) but it was also good to rotate everything regularly.  

The Parsonage feels it is important for guests to “engage with the Parsonage” - a wonderful way to describe how the guests are made to feel when they visit - as a part of the experience. And with social distancing right now due to the pandemic, visiting the Parsonage couldn’t be a more personal and intimate experience. I so wish I could make the trip across the pond right now and visit!

Author Roundtable: The Brontës, the 21st Century and Us

This was a fascinating panel with talented authors. I’ve read some of their books so I’ll link to my review of their work when possible. The panel was moderated by Rowan Coleman (The Vanished Bride) and included Finola Austin (Brontës’ Mistress), Syrie James (The Secret Diaries of Charlotte Brontë), Sarah Shoemaker (Mr. Rochester), Julie Cohen (Spirited), Lucy Powrie (The Paper Hearts Society) and Nikita Gil (a well-known poet, although unfortunately I am unfamiliar with her work.  

The conversation was dense and thought-provoking. The authors touched on many topics and ideas beginning with how each author felt about the Brontës’ work. Their books are about identity and who we are as people - we can live by their ideals, said Lucy. Sarah said that women are still not equal to men in how they are treated today and she loves how Jane does not hesitate to tell Rochester that she does not think him handsome - it’s an unconventional answer, the unexpected one, and it shows how they are opening up to each other and on their way to being equals. Syrie is fascinated by the almost mythical story they lived in their little place in the world. And how you can feel their rage against patriarchal societies in their work. Nikita pointed out that patriarchy erases the role of women, but the Brontës have endured in spite of that.

In their approach to writing stories that revolve around the Brontës and their work, they try to be as reverential as possible and stick to the facts because so much of their lives are known, and their stories can be very autobiographical.  

Julie talked about how we read the Brontës to find out about ourselves. With Villette especially there is a sense with Lucy Snowe that she is hiding a part of herself from the reader and people can relate to that.

The talk ended with thoughts on publishing bias - how women may not need to publish under pseudonyms today, but there is still a bias against what a woman writes and against race, sexuality, and many other things. We as readers need to show that we are interested in reading about a variety of lives and experiences.

In Conversation with Adam Nagaitis

Adam Nagaitis played Branwell Brontë in the film To Walk Invisible and talked with the organizers about his role. They opened by asking him trivia questions about Branwell to see how much he remembered from his research. Adam mentioned that he is still in touch with the actresses who played his sisters which I think is wonderful. They seem to all have gotten along very well.  

Adam read all the classic works on Branwell to prepare, but he also dived into documentaries on alcoholism and it’s gruesome realities to understand Branwell better. Branwell wasn’t mature enough to deal with the vicissitudes in his life - with his relationship with Lydia he was excessive and consumed. He thought that turned her off from him, and that started a cycle where he blamed himself for the failed relationship and his failures in his art.  

Because he was always surrounded by the people who knew him best, he was always reminded of his failure. Adam’s approach was very sympathetic to Branwell and tried to understand him mentally. Adam also talked about how he felt Branwell was never free as an artist. He always needed to work for the family or money but he could have been a brilliant newspaper satirist - something that might have been more along with his interests since he made wonderful biting cartoons.

In Conversation with Sally Wainwright

The last panel of the conference was a talk with Sally Wainwright - the writer and director of the superb Brontë biopic To Walk Invisible. Sally was approached to write this back in 2010 but she didn’t have time until 2016 which coincided with Charlotte’s bicentenary. It was a tough shoot for her as she felt she didn’t get all the shots she wanted, but the set was fantastic. They recreated the Parsonage as accurately as they could, resulting in a place that is bleaker and more isolated than the actual Parsonage today.  

Sally also mentioned something that I found interesting - that she felt like the “Victorian” speak that people use today in period dramas probably didn’t really exist. We have constructed people in our period drama adaptations to speak in a particular way. And that the inclusion of curse words in her program showed that the characters were very like us - of course Branwell would curse and say the F-word.  

Her approach to adapting the story was always to show it as realistically as possible and she wanted to show how the family was an interdependent team. For people who felt that Branwell was featured too much in the story - it’s important to remember that he was the leader of their gang as children and that when they were older, living with an addict affected their work as can be seen in The Tenant of Wildfell Hall and Wuthering Heights.  

And speaking of Tenant of Wildfell Hall, apparently, Sally is working on a screenplay for the story, although it is on the backburner at the moment. She is having a hard time empathizing with Helen - especially because it is difficult today to empathize with a character who behaves in a certain way solely because of their religious beliefs. I do hope we get to see her adaptation of Anne’s work someday soon though!

[macmazatlan]

Venator Star Destroyer 114 call sign “Colossus” Ship Log 354

[The following is a recording taken by commander Mason during a discussion with Era, Kenai, Titus and Pride]

Era began, “We are here to pass judgment on what both of you have done. Both former commanders Pride and Titus have been charged with conspiracy and treason against the legion. How do each of you plead?”

Titus was the first to reply, “I plead guilty.”

Soon after Pride also replied in favor of accepting guilt for their actions. Era continued the herring stating that Kenai was there to observe and pass the judgment whereas Era and Mason were to present evidence. The hearing lasted for five hours, evidence being presented through secret logs and testimonies from the various units within the legion. Evidence was also presented from the sentients of Primus Dawn when Omen and Sovereign presented findings as well. Following this Kenai decided to speak alone to commanders Pride and Titus before passing his judgment.

Kenai began, “The evidence presented against you both is undeniable. You both accept this yet only commander Titus seeks atonement… I only ask for one fact from each of you, why? Considering the situation even myself, a neutral individual would have come to the same conclusion as commander Era.”

Pride responded angrily, “You’re a second generation commander, both you and commander Era were among the first of our people to wage war against the sentients. You BOTH HAVE FOUGHT FOR YEARS AGAINST THEM! YET YOU SEEK TO UNDERSTAND THEM? ALLY WITH THEM? YOU DISGRACE US ALL AND THE WARBORN WHO DIED IN THIS WAR!”

Kenai responded by punching Pride, knocking him down hard since he was still in retrains. Commander Titus stepped back in surprise as Kenai collected himself and replied, “You are too emotional Pride. I suppose that is merely the flaw within your development. It is true that both Era and I are from the first and second generations of developed warborn… I will share some facts with you both regarding the truth of our development. Did you know that has each generation of warborn developed observable flaws?”

Titus shook his head while Pride now kneeling on the ground began to shake in anger staring at Kenai. Kenai continued his lesson staring down Pride, “Those of the first generation such as commander Era tended to be logical, cold, and devoid of emotion or empathy except in rare cases. Era himself being one of the few first generation warborn to develop a sense of empathy for those around him, but unlike yourself he can control his emotions. Those of the second generation like myself tend to balance the trait of logic with empathy. The third generation were excessively warlike but lacked the capability to be flexible and think critically in complex situations. The fourth generation were rebellious and cruel in their methods to each other and the populaces we were meant to protect. The fourth generation was a good reason why so many worlds rebelled against us in the first Sentient counter offensive. You Pride, are a part of the fifth generation and unlike those of the second, your generation is overly tainted by emotion over logic. A flaw that saw the loss of so many legions due to the rashness you show being controlled by your emotions. Yet your generation Pride, similar to the base species template that gave birth to the warborn. Titus, you and Mason were among the few born of the sixth generation, one capable of adapting and overcoming obstacles. Your generation was meant to turn the tides of the war in one way or another but you’re lack of extensive training and adequate experience nullified your contributions as you’re generation was the smallest developed during this war and quite possibly the last.”

Kenai ended his lesson and remained silent, allowing the information to soak in until Titus responded with his answer to Kenai’s question, “I did it because of Apocalypse. He directly threatened our legion and I wasn’t sure of how sentient consensus works. I worked to develop the bomb as a safeguard to protect what is left of my own legion and those of my fellow commanders. If I am seen as an enemy because of my actions then so be it, but I acted with the best intentions for the legion… I don’t deny that I failed to see the potential consequences of my actions. If I need to fall to ensure the safety of our men now then I will not hesitate in accepting any sentence bestowed upon me, as it was a choice of my own making.”

Kenai satisfied with his response then looked back to Pride, who was now standing with tense body language until finally he fell down to his knees. Pride began to shake and sobbing could be heard from under his helmet as he spoke quietly, “I… I just… I did it because I sought right the wrongs done to all of us warborn. These… machines have taken so many of us in this pointless war that it seems that our suffering will never end. When my legion was dispatched from the homeworld, I knew every trooper under my command. I knew their hopes and regrets… some wanted to live lives as civilians, others wished to be things that they were not nor could ever realistically be… What every one of my men seemed to wish for as a whole was the protection of our fellow warborn. A dream tarnished into nightmare as my legion felt the reality of war…” He looked up to Kenai and continued now with certainty, “You asked why? It’s because I feel that if I could end this threat to the last of the warborn on this world, then I can fulfill the remnant wishes of those long gone to protect the warborn who are left within this legion, put together by the legacy of the many. I stand by my actions, but if my punishment requires a severe sentence… then I will not hesitate in facing my fate, as that will be my atonement for my actions.”

Kenai remained silent, then moved near Pride and kneeled down and put a hand on his shoulder, “I know you meant well. What you didn’t realize was that the war is over now, we have peace with the sentients. It may not be in the way that any of us intended, but it is peace never the less. The fallen can rest easy, you can rest easy in knowing that you will continue to fulfill the wishes of those fallen in the present by being here with the legion and your men, not trapped bearing the burdens of the past. Let go Pride, for if you continue to shoulder the regrets of the lost, then ultimately you will become lost as well.”

Pride regaining his composure stood proud. Titus moved to his side and both looked towards Kenai and nodded their heads indicating readiness. Kenai while he inputted a command code into his gauntlet. Once the command code was entered then commanders Era and Mason entered the room. Captains Frey, Reed, Aurelius and Ferrus also entered to bear witness. The guardians Harbinger, Omen and Sovereign also wired into the hearing while Commander Kenai began, “I have made my to pass judgment. I have reviewed the objective and subjective evidence within this case. I’ve heard the testimonies of condemned. My sentence is as follows, both Titus and Pride will be placed under probationary command. Their service will be meant to give back tenfold to those they wronged whether it be through labor or sacrifice, they will atone for their actions. They will be subject to all, regardless of rank, or state of being. Through Continued service to the warborn, the sentient and other allies, they will redeem themselves tenfold for their actions. Death will not be accepted as due atonement as there is not redemption in the void, nor will there be with continued detainment. We were alone, but now we’re linked by something never thought possible between the warborn and the sentients… Peace, a unity that is needed more than ever as to end a conflict that lasted decades. My decision is final given the criteria and evidence placed before me. For disgraced commanders Titus and Pride to overcome their current status, then they will need the unanimous approval of myself, Era, Mason and the four guardians of Primus Dawn.”

With the last statement made, the restraints were taken from both commanders Pride and Titus. They were then dismissed from the room along with the witnesses until only Era, Mason and Kenai remained with the guardians on the line.

Mason stated, “Thank you Kenai. You and Era always had a way with words.”

Kenai and Era remained neutral while Omen responded over the com link, “I approve of this outcome, however there is still one last topic to discuss that wasn’t mentioned in the trial.”

Harbinger finished Omen’s statement, “That would be the Ion bomb. Warborn commander Kenai, what is you verdict for the device?”

Kenai responded, “Your concern is valid Omen and Harbinger. I’ve discussed it with my peers and we’ve come to an agreement to give it over to you.”

The sentients took more time than expected to respond, of which Sovereign replied, “An unexpected outcome… Extensive resources was put into the project yet you each are willing to relinquish the device?”

This time Era stated, “Yes. We gain nothing from cooperating within an aura of distrust, trust must be equal equally between all beings within an alliance such as this. Thus we are giving up the device as to assure the sentients that we do not intend ill upon you.”

More time passed before Harbinger replied, “We’ve reached a consensus, you will keep the device.”

The news shocked the warborn commanders as even Era was unsettled by the news, Mason responded urgently with confusion, “but… why?”

Omen took the time to respond length, “Because, throughout our recent encounters we’ve done much to impose on you warborn. You’ve sacrificed extensively to make this alliance work, obviously putting yourselves at risk by allowing us to shelter within the ship.”

Then Soveriegn added, “It is no secret that our troops set you men at unease at times with some exceptions within the warborn engineering unit.”

Harbingered continued, “Hence, this was an unexpected branch of trust you extended to us that we as a unity never thought would come to pass. We intend to do the same, you will keep the device.”

With that last statement the guardians logged out from the com link, leaving the awed commanders in the CIC. Plans were quickly made to secure the device only where the present commanders would know, in tandem measures were taken to ensure it’s security. Thus passed the judgment and redemption of Pride and Titus, the atoning warborn of the 1st Legacy Legion.

Venator Star Destroyer 114 call sign “Colossus” Ship Log 354

[thatlittledandere]

This isnt for the ask meme but can you nerd out about Trans Yosuke cuz actually im curious about the story you planned.

ASK AND YE SHALL RECEIVE! Disclaimer though that I can’t claim any of this is even REMOTELY realistic, but these are the thoughts that inhabit my head and were not created to be shared so I’m not taking constructive criticism lmao.  It’s MY Yosuke backstory and I get to choose Also warning that I’m going to go into excessive detail.

Sooo when Yosuke was a little kid everyone figured he was just a tomboy. Some girls like superheroes and rowdy play and hate dresses, big deal. It wasn’t that much of a “problem” yet in elementary school, where kids wear their own clothes and are generally freer to do as they please. Some kids from other classes or grades may have even thought of him as a boy.

The name Yosuke comes from a character Yosuke thought was cool from a TV show he used to roleplay with his friends - you know that thing kids do where they pick characters to “be” and then do dumb shit. The group sometimes used the character names as nicknames even when they weren’t “being” them, and Yosuke especially liked it so much he started insisting on it at home, too. His parents eventually caved in to keep him from being insufferable, thinking it was just a phase, with no idea how much it actually MEANT for their kid. The name felt much more him than what his supposedly “real” one.

The problems started when Yosuke started middle school and was supposed to wear the girls’ uniform and be a “female student”. It was unbearable for him. He was incredibly difficult about it, went to school for maybe two weeks, and then refused to go. After a few more weeks of just... having someone bring Yosuke his homework and being unable to explain to the school why Yosuke was constantly absent, not understanding it themselves, the Hanamuras contacted a psychologist (or a psychiatrist; after all these years I don’t know what the difference is). After listening to what everyone had to say, they referred Yosuke to another professional - one that was more versed on transgender issues.

This one confirmed with Yosuke that the problem was that he really, really, REALLY didn’t like being seen or treated as a girl. Not that being a girl was bad; Yosuke liked girls and had friends who were girls; he just really really REALLY didn’t want anyone to think he was one. Like, seriously. Somehow it just wasn’t who he was. And the doctor understood, called Yosuke’s parents in, and handed them a booklet on the basics of being trans. She explained the concept, and how it’s been proven that those people are the happiest and healthiest when they’re being treated the way they want to.

And alright; maybe it sounded a little weird to his parents at first, but Yosuke seemed to perk up immediately after hearing that what he was going through was a real thing with a name and there were others like him. He was visibly relieved, and smiled like he hadn’t in months. So... they decided to go with it. I don’t know about the medical specifics but Yosuke got diagnosed with gender dysphoria and Mr. and Mrs. Hanamura contacted the school with doctor’s orders that he needed to be allowed to wear the boys’ uniform, attend gym class with other boys, and generally be treated as a male student. In my dream universe everything it nice and easy like that and Yosuke got through middle school with no more trauma than any other teenage boy.

The procedure was repeated when Yosuke started high school, and when he transferred to Yasogami. After middle school nobody knew he was any different from other boys, and that was that. Nobody at his old HS (excluding the faculty members who had to know) ever found out he was trans. Yu was the first person Yosuke properly came out to, trusting that he’d understand. And he did. Nothing in their relationship changed much, but Yu felt like he maybe understood some of Yosuke’s behavior and apparent insecurities a little better now.

The second person Yosuke came out to was Naoto (who isn’t trans in this specific headcanon universe for personal reasons I have no obligation to disclose. I respect everyone else’s interpretation and adjust my language accordingly when interacting). Yosuke visited her in the hospital once, alone. What her shadow said about wanting to be male struck a chord to him, and he just couldn’t leave her be without confirming that she at least knew it was an option. They talked about their experiences and everything’s good :) The conversation is more about Naoto lore and repeat of what I’ve written out so far so. Yosuke came out to the rest of IT after Naoto’s discharge and yeah maybe they did make some slightly insensitive remarks because boy these teens are insensitive, but they’d never seen him as anything other than a disgustingly typical teenage boy anyway so whatever, nothing changed. Not like any of them particularly WANTED to see him without clothes in the first place.

The beauty pageant and “miss” Yasogami contest can burn in hell for several reasons but making me imagine it triggered Yosuke’s dysphoria is one of them.

I’m skipping all Yosuke lore that doesn’t directly involve his transness so let’s seeee he started HRT somewhere in college at which point he’s definitely dating Yu no matter when they get together in the scenario at hand. I can’t bear to keep them away from each other for two years sdggsgh. Yosuke gets his legal documents changed at some point in his earl 20s I think. He keeps in contact with the doctor who originally diagnosed him all throughout this, and in the scenarios where Yu is nonbinary he directs them to her as well. And life after that is smooth sailing. Everything’s good and nothing hurts.

So yeah! That’s my personal “canon” for Yosuke. Many things about the P4 characters change according to the scenario I feel like exploring at that time but this is sort of like the canon backstory that I don’t really divert from. I don’t know how to make a TL;DR of it; thanks for suffering through if you did and please don’t yell at me.

[justheretobreakthings]

Welcome to the Family - Chapter 8

(Previous Chapter)

Word Count: 3,089 (Total Word Count: 20,507) Read on AO3

Story Summary: Lance had been excited about his family taking in a foster kid, eager to get to meet his brand new little brother or sister, who would surely adore and idolize their super cool Big Brother Lance. What he got instead was a sullen, quiet, temperamental teenage housemate with a criminal record and a disastrous haircut.

It was a tough adjustment, going back to school for the first time in over a year. Kolivan had warned him about that after he had first been released, that it may be difficult for him to be back in a regular school setting, but there wasn’t exactly much to be done about it. There wasn’t very well any way to practice being back at school in the two weeks between his release and the start of the new school year, so the best Kolivan could do was recommend that he go to the school counselor if he had any trouble.

Which Keith was in no hurry to do. Back at the detention facility, they’d mandated he see a counselor too. Everyone had to, and as far as Keith could tell, it hadn’t done any good for any of the kids there. The counselor he’d seen had been constantly dismissive, writing off any trouble he was having with the other juveniles as him simply losing his temper, and telling Keith that he was exaggerating the problems in his past due to his ‘negative life outlook’ and needed to simply look on the positive side of things more.

Of course, that counselor also didn’t use the title of ‘doctor’, and had yelled at Keith when the latter had first asked about his credentials, so maybe he wasn’t exactly the best example of a counselor. But it left Keith on his guard.

If you assume out the gate that all counselors were underqualified and disparaging, you won’t be disappointed when it turns out to be the case. A lesson he had learned long ago and applied to caseworkers, and classmates, and homes. They weren’t all bad, but the ones that were…

It was a tough adjustment.

Still, as patronizing as that counselor’s advice had been, he tried his best to focus on the positives, listing them in his head throughout the day as he came up with them.

He had his own locker. That was nice. Privacy was always hard to come by, whether he was with a foster family or a group home or back in juvie, so every little bit was a relief.

The teachers actually seemed to give a shit about their subjects, which had not been at all the case for him last year. He was pretty sure that the tutors’ credentials had been even less valid than the counselor’s, and none of the other boys at the center had actually cared about learning anyway - or if they did, they had the sense to keep it to themselves - so the tutors were pretty quick to give up anyway. So that was a nice change.

The place as a whole seemed generally well-kept. No obvious damage like broken windows or exposed wires, and they had those modern drinking fountains with the bottle-filling stations built in. When Keith went to the bathroom after lunch, there was some graffiti in the stall, but it was just the ‘Here I sit brokenhearted’ poem in Sharpie. Pretty innocuous.

And he’d had a place to sit at lunch, which was a major step up from some past foster homes where he’d either been the only kid, or the other kids in the house wanted nothing to do with him. Of course, there had still been some weirdness there. While Hunk had seemed nice and Pidge’s sarcasm hadn’t seemed malicious and Lance did seem concerned about whether or not he ate, it was hard to say how genuine it was or how long it would last. After all, he’d messed up. He’d accidentally insulted Tania, and it had upset Lance, and he hadn’t missed how much all three of the others had stared at him throughout the meal, even if they tried to hide it.

He didn’t like being stared at. He didn’t like it when people were curious, when they tried to dig into him and his life.

Being back in a crowded school made that harder to avoid, which was one of the negatives that he tried not to focus on but couldn’t help but let intrude his mind whenever he got the inkling that there were eyes on him. Which, admittedly, happened a hell of a lot, more than was probably realistic.

The counselor had called him paranoid, but he was sometimes right, and if he was sometimes right, then it wasn’t paranoia, it was just caution. There was nothing wrong with caution. Sure, maybe the times he caught people staring in his direction, they weren’t actually looking at him, and maybe when people whispered nearby or muffled a laugh as they passed him, they weren’t discussing him. But maybe they were. And Keith never knew how to handle that.

It’s not as though there wasn’t plenty of reason for him to be stared at or gossiped about. He reeked of not belonging, and he knew it. He was very obviously the ‘new guy’, not knowing any names or where anything was and three times so far he’d had to ask for directions, a task that had no business being as anxiety-inducing as it was. He’d had Algebra 1 for fourth period, and he was pretty sure he was the only sophomore in a class otherwise full of freshman, which he knew was going to be the case in Spanish 1 tomorrow as well, and no doubt his classmates would have questions about that. And, of course, there was his scar. He supposed he couldn’t blame people for staring at that, but that didn’t mean he had to like it or stop glowering at other students when he caught them at it.

Point was, though, he made it. He made it through the day without any big problems. No one was outright antagonistic to him, nothing the teachers assigned seemed beyond his ability. Sure, there were still a hundred and seventy-nine days left in the school year to ruin that, but at least he was starting off on the right foot. Or, a neutral foot. Whatever.

His last class of the day was P.E., and he was one of the first in the class to leave the locker room at the end of class. Since it was the final period, some of the boys opted not to shower afterward, which was a relief to Keith, as it made the fact that he wasn’t doing so stand out less. You only needed to get your clothes stolen from the gym locker one time in middle school before you took steps to ensure that it never happened again, so he had no problem waiting until he got back to the McClains’ house to clean up.

He had ducked into a bathroom stall to change out of his gym uniform - he would have to ask Lance what the weird cartoon clipart of a knight on the tee shirt was all about - and fortunately it didn’t seem like anyone had paid him enough attention to notice and given him any shit about his excessive modesty, so he was able to slip out of the locker room a minute before the final bell, an extra minute that he definitely needed to find his way back to the sophomore lockers.

After he gathered his things, he headed out to the parking lot to wait next to Rachel’s car, although it was at least another twenty minutes more before he spotted her and Lance leaving the school building. He lifted a hand to wave at them from where he sat perched on the car’s hood, but slowly lowered it again as he noticed the annoyed look on Lance’s face.

“That’s where he was,” Lance said loudly once they were in earshot. “Damn it, we were looking all over for you.”

“What?” said Keith. “Why?”

“Because you weren’t at the entrance,” said Lance. “We waited for you. Rachel was starting to worry you ditched school or something. How come you didn’t meet us there?”

“I… didn’t know I was supposed to?” Keith said, raising a brow. “What entrance?”

“The music wing entrance,” Rachel said. She reached the front door and pulled it open, hitting the button on the inside to unlock the rest of the car. “We always meet there at the end of the day. Didn’t Lance tell you that?”

“No.”

“Hey, what?” Lance said as he slid into his own seat. “Why was that my job? You’re the driver, you were supposed to coordinate everything!”

“...Oh.” Rachel frowned. “Okay, fair, guess this one’s on me. Sorry, Keith.”

“S’okay,” Keith mumbled. He clambered into the passenger seat as Rachel turned the ignition, and leaned in toward the fan as the air-conditioning kicked on.

“From now on, we don’t count on Rachel for anything,” said Lance.

“Fine,” Rachel said. “Good luck getting home from school without me.”

“From now on, we count on Rachel for only one thing.”

“There we go.” Rachel nodded. “Anyway, right, from now on, just meet at the music wing, okay? The front entrance has a sign pointing to the auditorium, so if you go there, it’s just down the hall on the right, and you’re there.”

“Got it,” Keith said.

“We woulda texted you,” said Lance, “But you didn’t give us your number.”

“I don’t have a phone,” said Keith.

“What? Why not?”

Keith turned around to scowl at Lance, and the latter was quick to deflate. “Oh, sorry, was that offensive? Somehow?”

“I just don’t have one,” Keith snapped.

“Talk to Mamá about that,” said Rachel. “I just upgraded a few months ago, she’ll probably let you have my old one, and Luis is off the family plan now so we can add another number.”

“All right,” Keith said. “Um, thanks?”

“Don’t mention it. Not like I’m using it anyw- Lance, don’t you dare take your shoes off in my car!”

Lance looked up, his feet already up on the seat next to him and one shoe off, holding the laces of the other. “Oh, come on, it’s a thousand degrees outside, my feet are hot!”

“No, you are not stinking up my car with your weird foot odors. Wait ‘til we get home.”

“First of all, your car stinks anyway, and second of all, my feet are beautiful and your car should be honored to smell like them.”

“If your feet are so great you wouldn’t need to spend an hour every day rubbing all those creams and oils and stuff on them.”

“Um, it’s called self-care.”

Deciding that the sibling bickering was probably going to go on for the rest of the ride home, Keith leaned toward the dashboard and adjusted the fans to blow directly into his face, closing his eyes and letting the sound of the blowing air conditioning drown out everything else. At first he was a little worried that the fans might spread the smell of the sweat left over from gym class throughout the car, but neither Lance nor Rachel made any comment about it - the smell of Lance’s feet was the only one they seemed focused on - so he was able to relax up until they pulled up to the McClains’ house, coming to a forceful and crooked stop on the curb.

The other two tossed their backpacks onto a chair in their den and shouted greetings to their mother as they entered the house, while Keith kept quiet and kept his bag with him until he’d gotten upstairs and dropped it into his desk chair. Lance had first dibs on the bathroom, so Keith waited on his bed for his turn to grab a shower. When that turn finally came, he turned the water up to near scalding and took a few minutes to just stand and soak. It hadn’t been a bad day, nothing big had happened, but he was still exhausted. Being around so many people for eight hours straight had drained him.

It took a long while and a mental reminder that the others in the house would probably be pissed if he went and used up the hot water for him to finally pick up his bottle - a single, all-in-one shampoo-conditioner-body wash that he’d picked out from the store and that was conspicuously dull among the dozen bottles of brightly colored and sweetly scented who-knows-what that Lance had arranged on the rim of the tub for himself - and start washing up. Once finished, he towel dried thoroughly and got fully dressed again before finally stepping out of the bathroom, letting the steam waft into the hallway behind him.

By this point he was starting to get hungry, the awkward school lunch long behind him, so he started down the stairs, hoping to find something in the kitchen to sneak back up with him before dinner. The den was empty, and the muted sound of Rachel’s trumpet indicated she was practicing in the basement, so the coast seemed clear until he reached the bottom of the stairs and caught the voices of Lance and Tania in the kitchen. Keith hesitated, hand on the banister, deciding to wait it out.

“It’ll just be the morning meeting tomorrow for this week,” Lance was saying. “But starting on Monday we’re back to three morning practices a week, and I think we’ll start on the afternoon practices again in October, so you’re gonna need to tell Rachel she has to drive me.”

“Lance, we can’t base Rachel’s whole sleep schedule on your swim practices,” Tania replied. “I’ll drive you when I can, and we really need to arrange a carpool for you this year. Your friend Nadia doesn’t live too far from here, right?”

“Yeah, but her dad listens to country music in the car. It’s torture.”

“Too bad, mijo, it’s either find a carpool or skip some practices.”

“Fine. I’ll ask her. Oh, and I still need the money for the new trunks this year. My old ones are getting tight as hell.”

“Language.”

“Sorry, tight as heck. Anyway, I need a check for them.”

“All right.” Keith heard the sound of a drawer opening and papers rifling.

“And for a team jacket,” Lance added.

“Ah, ah, no,” said Tania, “I told you already, you want one of those jackets, you pay for it yourself.”

“But Mamá, it’s school spirit!”

“It’s fifty-dollar school spirit and I’m not paying for it. You want extra money, you do some extra help on the farm or you wait ‘til Christmas. For now, how much for the trunks?”

“Twenty.” There was quiet in the kitchen for a few seconds, then the sound of tearing paper. “Thanks,” said Lance.

“Don’t you lose that check, now,” said Tania. “Put it in your backpack before you forget.”

“I will.” A cabinet opened and a couple of dishes clattered against the countertop before Lance cleared his throat. “Hey, uh,” he said. “Speaking of checks, uh…”

“Mm?” Tania hummed.

“Something kinda weird happened at lunch today.”

Keith tensed, his grip tightening against the staircase’s banister.

“How do you mean?”

“With Keith. He tried to skip lunch, said he was saving for when he ‘needed’ it.”

“What does that - ?”

“Well, apparently he thought that the check you gave him for lunch was supposed to cover the whole school year. He was trying to ration it out.”

There was a pause before Tania softly muttered, “Oh querido…”

“Did he, like, act weird at all when you wrote out the check? Or did you say something that he thought meant - ”

“No, no, I think it was just - ” Her sigh was nearly drowned out by a cutlery drawer opening and closing. “Don’t worry over it, cariño, I’ll talk to him.”

“Yeah, but what are you gonna say? Do you know what that was about?”

“Never you mind, Lance, I’ll take care of it.”

“But why did he think - ?”

Finally, Keith had heard enough, and he stepped out into the dining room, ensuring that his footfall was loud enough to get their attention. It worked, as both Tania and Lance looked up at his entrance. Lance quickly looked away again, face sheepish, but Tania plastered a smile onto her face and gestured for him to come into the kitchen. “Keith, dear, good to see you!” she said brightly. “How was your first day?”

“Fine,” Keith said.

“The school seem like it could be a good fit for you? Do we need to make any changes to your classes at all?”

“They’re fine.”

“You’re okay with having Rachel drive you? Her driving didn’t scare you too badly?”

“No, it’s fine.”

“How are your classmates? Met any nice people? Make any new friends?”

“I - I just came in to get a snack…”

“Oh! Right, right.” Tania ran a flustered hand through her hair and turned back to the counter. “Well, I’m actually going to start making dinner here, so if you don’t mind waiting a little longer, there’ll be plenty to eat soon.”

“Oh,” said Keith. “Sorry, I didn’t know.”

“No, no, don’t be sorry!” Tania said. “It’s fine, it’s perfectly fine. Would you like to help with dinner, sweetie? I could use a hand peeling potatoes if you’re up for it. Have you used a potato peeler before, Keith?”

“Um, yeah. Sure, I can - I can help,” Keith said.

He shuffled toward the counter. Lance leaned in to whisper something to Tania that he didn’t catch, and she shook her head and waved him away in response. Lance pouted as he stepped away. “Well, uh, I’ll get outta your way, then,” he said.

“You sure you don’t wanna help too, mijo?” said Tania.

“I’m on dish duty tonight, Mamá, you can’t make me do double chores. I’ll strike.”

Tania picked up a dish towel and lightly swatted Lance on the shoulder with it. “If you’re not gonna work in the kitchen, you can’t stand around in the kitchen. Get.”

“All right, all right,” Lance said, turning and walking out toward the dining room. Before he left fully, he glanced over his shoulder toward Tania and said, “¿Me lo dirán luego?”

“No, Lance,” Tania snapped. Lance muttered something under his breath and left as Tania slid a bag of potatoes across the counter and handed Keith a peeler. “We should only need around eight,” she said. “I’ll start on the chicken, and you just let me know if you need anything, okay dear?”

“Okay,” Keith said with a nod. She turned her attention away, and Keith glanced hesitantly back toward the sound of Lance’s retreating footsteps before he shook his head clear, rolled his shoulders, and got to work.

[seyaryminamoto]

Hey! Do you really like Zuko and Suki together or you just ship these two just so you can ship the best and hottest ship ever aka Sokkla? In any case, why do you think Zuko is better off with Suki out of all the avatar characters? Thank you and pls stay healthy.

XD well, it’s a mix of both, I guess.

The truth is, I read the comics and I sensed the romantic vibe between Zuko and Suki because I don’t think anyone who has had much experience with romantic fiction could see those scenes and not think there’s SOMETHING going on there. I mean, seriously, the hand reach in The Promise, Suki unnecessarily correcting herself in The Search to say EVERYONE is worried about Zuko, not just her, their moonlight conversation in Smoke and Shadow…? Come the heck on. If neither one was in a relationship, most people would be reading all those scenes as blatantly romantic.

Still, I stayed neutral as far as Zuko ships were concerned until I met a Zuki shipper who read my first story, The Reason, and roped me into Zuki without much trouble :’D (if you’re wondering, that was @jordanalane). It didn’t take her too much work to convince me to ship Zuki, because yes, it was convenient as heck to have Zuki happen when you ship Sokkla, but I was already half-on-board with it as I was…

Now then, if you’d like to know my actual, rational reasoning for why I’d ship it, the truth is that I’m not exactly the biggest Zuko fan (as some archive diving in my blog would show…), and most the ships I’ve seen for him seem to exacerbate what I really don’t like about his character. Meanwhile, Suki seems to do the exact opposite thing…

Mai is Zuko’s canon girlfriend, and I was more or less neutral towards this ship at first… but upon further reflection, I found I didn’t enjoy their relationship that much. Maybe they could work well with each other… if they were more mature and less impulsive :’) but Zuko’s behavior with Mai through most of Book 3 only convinced me that he’s absolutely not grown enough to have healthy romantic relationships with anyone (and seeing as Mai was pissed at him 9 times out of 10 throughout Book 3, I think my perception isn’t exactly off). Both have their faults, and boy, in the comics Mai is a much worse offender than Zuko if you ask me, but the point is that, while canon certainly has been very realistic by not turning their love story into the perfect, smoothest fairytale, I really don’t think they’re much good for each other as they are, and the only way they could get better in the future is if they grow a LOT, on their own, before trying their luck at being together again. The likelihood of that, however, isn’t exactly great :’D

Then there’s the most famous pairing for Zuko, Katara, who actually feels wrong to me for the exact same reasons as Mai would, despite Katara is on the opposite end of the spectrum Mai is, character-wise: the thing is, both Mai and Katara have a ton of things in common with Zuko, but not necessarily good things. If Zuko and Katara were, as well, less impulsive and more mature, they might make a decent enough match. But as they are in canon? They’re every bit as likely to self-destruct and tear each other down as Mai and Zuko were. Where Mai and Zuko share a jaded, gloomy perspective of the world, Katara and Zuko share a hot-headedness that means every tiny thing could easily lead to catastrophic, world-ending arguments between them. I mean, if Zuko could have huge arguments with someone as cold-blooded as Mai… just imagine with someone as hot-blooded as Katara :’) And I DO see the virtues of this ship, namely the ones that resemble, to a fault, my particular OTP… but I honestly can’t see Zuko and Katara being good influences on each other, romantically. Friendship-wise they could be healthier, but romance means expectations and complications that, like I said, I don’t think Zuko, as we last see him in canon, is prepared to deal with.

There’s other Zuko ships, naturally, and I won’t get into all of them, I just bring up these two because they’re the biggest ones… and so, why would I ship him with Suki rather than with Mai or Katara or anyone else? What exactly could make her a better match for him?

Suki has a few things in common with Zuko… but they’re not the things Mai and Katara have in common. The first, and most important of them for me, is that Suki (in her initial episode) seems to put a lot of stock in honor and duty as a Kyoshi Warrior. I’m not at all in the “Zuko is the most honorable man in the Avatar world!” camp, if anything I believe he needs to learn a LOT to really understand honor, even at the end of the show and at this point in the comics… whereas I don’t have the same feeling with Suki. Not only did she fight for her people, defending them from any threat even if she might die for it, she also was inspired by Aang, Sokka and Katara to travel the world, not with some angry intent to defeat the Fire Nation and end the war, but…

And while “changing the world” could easily be interpreted as “she wants to defeat the Fire Nation at any cost!”, what do we know Suki was up to between Books 1 and 2? 

Suki wanted to HELP people. Compare this to the banished prince who stole from them instead… :’) Suki didn’t have an Avatar leading her group, telling her this was “the right thing to do”, she simply does it because she believes it is, deep down, and she doesn’t just wait around for someone else to step up, she chooses to take action by her own volition. She doesn’t need anyone telling her what’s right or wrong, she has strong enough principles that she can tell what is and what isn’t, all on her own :’) Doesn’t THIS sound like honor? Duty? Doesn’t this sound like someone who actually sets a great example, as far as these concepts go?

Compare this to Katara, who was easily influenced by Zuko into wanting to kill a man, who shifts between “I want to steal things because I feel I need them” and “OMG Toph how dare you scam people that’s so unethical” at the drop of a hat? Yes, Katara’s heart is in the right place, but Katara is highly emotional and hot-headed… so as many good intentions as she may have, she can do pretty awful things without even realizing how awful they are (as in the case of the theft, she doesn’t even blink about stealing clothes from people in The Headband and then is utterly aghast about what Toph is up to merely a few episodes later… come the heck on). Compare it, too, to Mai, who apparently loves her baby brother so very much (according to her fans and to Smoke and Shadow, at least…), but didn’t even blink when Azula decided they couldn’t trade a toddler for a king, and declared the deal was off without betraying the slightest hint of remorse? Do we really know that Mai has decent principles at all? She doesn’t exactly betray Azula because she ideologically disagrees with her, she does it to save Zuko. Which leads me to wonder, what on earth are Mai’s morals? What does she value other than Zuko? If she values Zuko more than anything… heh. Yikes. Definitely sounds like theirs will be a healthy relationship if that’s the case, huh?

I can’t imagine Suki being swayed easily by any wild or stupid ideas Zuko gets if she knows they’re stupid AND wrong. She’d put a stop to him where Katara or Mai could get swept into whatever he’s up to (whether out of excessive empathy or apathy, in either case), and she’d be likely to set him straight before Zuko can take anything too far. As far as morals go, I will always hold that Zuko leaves too much to be desired… but Suki really doesn’t. Could be because we don’t know Suki as well as we know the other characters, but what little we do see of Suki, she doesn’t do anything that merits much reprieve. Most importantly, she never needed, like I said, Aang or Sokka or anyone else to tell her what she had to do, to correct her morals or anything of the sort. This by itself already makes her, in my opinion, the best possible character, in canon, to stabilize Zuko and temper his most chaotic impulses while teaching him, by example, what honor really looks like.

Now, that’s not all: Suki is highly independent and has experience as a leader. Zuko has always tried to be independent too, succeeding in some situations, failing in others. Of course, there’s a stark difference between independence and loneliness, and Zuko does have tendencies to isolate himself from others whenever he gets stubborn and wants to prove himself… fortunately, that’s one of the things I do think the show helped him with, as he did learn there’s nothing wrong with asking others for help. Still, I’m sure Zuko would like to handle things on his own, without needing everyone to help him… and once again, Suki can set an example for him in that sense. She makes her own decisions, fights for what she believes in, follows her heart and such, and never self-destructs in the process… all of which must sound idyllic to Zuko, who I’m sure has always wanted to be like that, too.

Maybe it sounds confusing for me to advocate for a couple while saying the characters ought to teach each other to be independent :’D but the way I see it, this is, if anything, a good thing: Zuko shouldn’t be in a co-dependent relationship, not unless he’s HIGHLY developed, far more than canon and most fics allow. Being with someone who doesn’t need him 24/7, who respects him and knows how to give him space, who wouldn’t be invasive and who would teach him not to be invasive too… through a relationship with someone like Suki, Zuko could genuinely learn to respect someone else’s independence fully, and figure out how to be like that, too.

As for the leadership, Suki has only led Kyoshi Warriors, a small group… so it may sound like something that can’t be compared to leading an entire country. But that’s REALLY part of my problem with Zuko… I’m sorry, but the point at the finale where everyone looked to him as though he’d lead them into finding Aang was absolutely absurd to me. The argument that he’s the one experienced at figuring out how to track down Aang DID make sense and salvaged the scene for me, but as far as leadership is concerned? Sokka by far outdoes him in that area, he literally led a goddamn military invasion and later in Sozin’s Comet he’s seen strategizing and leading Toph and Suki as he orchestrates the downfall ofthe worst of Ozai’s conquest/destruction force. I mean, seriously...

… Anyways, got sidetracked :’D the point is, Zuko hasn’t really been much of a leader in canon. Has he been in a position of command before? Yeah, he was in Book 1. But does this mean he’s a LEADER? A born leader? Yeah, we didn’t see remotely enough of him in a leadership position that could have convinced me of that.

Hence, Iroh theoretically should be a great influence for him in those regards, because Iroh not only was raised to be Fire Lord for well over 50 years, Iroh has been in positions of leadership before, he’s even apparently the leader of the White Lotus. Therefore… Iroh is a good idea. But what did canon do? They sent Iroh on a retirement plan to a teashop in Ba Sing Se and Zuko had to fend for himself! :’D fascinating, right? 

While of course Sokka could be a great influence and help Zuko too, as far as leadership is concerned, canon chooses to keep him chasing after Aang and Katara without any aim or purpose… whereas it chooses to send Suki to Zuko as bodyguard and eventual confidante. Like I said, Suki does have experience as a leader, even if only on a small scale: couldn’t she be eligible for helping Zuko figure out how to lead the Fire Nation, through sharing some of the lessons she learned as leader of the Kyoshi Warriors? It even offers the possibility of Suki and Zuko learning side by side in some regards too, since this whole royal mess isn’t at all what Suki would be used to… so that allows interesting dynamics and complications to arise too, and they can both grow and learn a lot together.

Point and case being, I just can’t imagine these two ever getting into a fucked-up toxic romance, whereas I absolutely can see something of the sort with virtually every other Zuko ship I’ve known. Granted, the whole “But Sukka and Maiko are canon so they’d be cheaters!” side of things can lend towards an unhealthy situation, but I’d honestly rather not portray these two as cheating on their current love interests for each other…? Anyone who wants to is free to do as much, of course, but it’s barely necessary if you ask me :’D people can break up, and get together with other people, without needing a Days of Our Lives-sized drama along with it.

So, in short, I really think Suki is the healthiest possibility for Zuko. Pretty much every harmful thing I can think of in any other Zuko ship is ruled out with Suki. Even as friends Suki would be a great influence on Zuko for all the reasons I said above, but the reasons I mentioned above are also why I think that, if Zuko got to know Suki better, he might find himself smitten before he knows what’s going on: she basically embodies everything he ever wanted to be. He’d be full of admiration for her, and she’d probably be utterly clueless over why x’D and that even offers interesting romantic dynamics to the two characters. I can imagine Zuko being a bit of a tortured old-school romance hero who feels Suki is absolutely magnificent and wonderful and perfect… while she’s like “so is he ever going to pin me to a wall or is it all in my head?”, and frankly that’s about the best possible idea I can imagine in a relationship involving Zuko x’D

I do ship Zuko in a few other ships, I’ve mentioned before that I like Toph and Zuko, but I like Toph and Zuko as a temporary thing (and ONLY with a fully developed Zuko too, once they’re both around 20-30 too). It’s a cute enough ship, but I don’t really think it could last, and I don’t think they could offer each other nearly enough of what Suki and Zuko can offer each other. Hence, I’ve always envisioned Toph could be more of a casual love interest for Zuko (a big reason why is because I can’t imagine Toph consciously settling down with anyone…), and I’ve seldom written it into anything because I lean harder towards Zuki. Gladiator-wise, Toph and Zuko would have been AWFUL together, no matter if I had a few people asking if I could make them a thing :’D hahaha, nope. I like the ship plenty, but it would have been dreadful.

Anyways, yes, Zuki is highly convenient and compatible with Sokkla, but that’s far from the only reason to ship it. Canon may go in whichever direction it wishes, I’m pretty sure they won’t find anything better for Zuko than what they already toyed with in the comics with him and Suki.

Granted, a few of these arguments aren’t exactly suitable for Gladiator’s Zuki, but there are many other arguments to be made there (I actually leaned very heavily into the honor side of things when Zuko first saw her in the Arena, precisely because I think that particular side of Suki would be one of the first things to appeal to him about her). Either way, be it in canon-based settings or in my own particular AU, I’m pretty sure Zuko’s best match would be Suki.

[wu-sisyphus-gang]

Motion Sickness: I Let You Die IV

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Of course, we argued the whole way there about which we would follow once we arrived. “You just told me you think it’s the second most dangerous Grimm you’ve ever seen.” Her eyes narrowed at me and her nose did too, and she leaned forward. Forward into her walk, not at me.

I watched her slowly speed up and pass me. “Now you want to go chase the bandits? You just told me that they won’t kill again. That makes the Grimm the clear and present danger.

I didn’t speed up to match her. That would trap me in a cycle. I had to wait here and stand my ground. For a certain definition for somebody walking, that is. Besides I couldn’t really outpace her. She’d hopefully meet me in terms of pacing and more.

“Rationally.” I clarified. “If they’re behaving rationally that is.”

“They’re bandits.” She got a little quieter, I stumbled over my own feet. She didn’t turn around, but she probably heard it easily. “What’s so rational about that?

“Not crime in general.” I resumed my walk. “I meant what they want now. Theoretically they just used the Grimm as a weapon to destroy three places. They don’t need food or water or money for a while and if they want anything from the ruins they can realistically go and get it.”

“But the Grimm could kill now.” She wasn’t deterred. Maybe I wasn’t explaining right.

“I know.” I pleaded. She slowly fell into my rhythm again. Her pace coming to match mine beside me. “But they didn’t need to destroy three.”

That made her hesitate. “What?”

“I mean one is plenty, if they just wanted those things.” I tried to explain. “If they were just looking to survive, then even destroying a single town seems excessive. In the past-before the kingdoms, I mean-awakened-horseback-archers riders viewed civilized groups as livestock.”

“Where?” She wondered.

“Uh… everywhere I suppose. The steps of Western Vacuo and Equatorial Mistral, really, though. It’s still the dominant lifestyle in some of those places.”

“Pillaging?”

“No, well, maybe now.” I tried. I knew she was getting frustrated. “But before they just milked horses because that was the only way to live.”

She gave me a curious look, a small smile. “It was on a documentary I saw.” I defended. “Anyways, that’s not the point. Now we may see a return to those kinds of mind sets and lifestyles.”

“But that’s not happening here.” She caught on. “They’re doing something else?”

“Purposelessly killing people.”

“There’s never a good reason to kill somebody, Jaune.” The steel was back.

“Please let’s not get into that,” I begged. “And using the Grimm to do it, maybe.” I confirmed for her with a nod. She released a shaky breath and relaxed her shoulders.

“So, you want to go after them first? You think they’re going to do it again?”

I nodded, glad she was seeing my perspective. “I think we should double back to GaiLong again. I want to make sure they haven’t been watching us this whole time and waiting for us to leave.” I explained, talking even faster.

Her mouth opened a little at me, eyes drifting up at me. “But the Grimm and the tracks… it’ll just get worse if we wait any longer.” She leaned in, “besides they can handle it right?”

I was already shaking my head. “I don’t trust all of the guards back there. If our enemy are just bandits, why did none of the riders get intercepted? None of this makes any sense.”

“Jaune you can think yourself in circles if you worry about every minor thing. We have to trust that Beihfing has his situation under control.” She worried her lip between two fingers, looking far away in thought.

I really wanted to kiss her…

“Do you know where the bandits or whatever are going to do now?”

“I don’t know what they want.” I blinked it away and refocused. Besides there would probably be time for that later, maybe. We were on the job but…

She was staring at me.

Focus up, moron.

“If I did, I would tell you. I can only guess at their motivations.”

Her face grew tight, “so you don’t even know either, but we do know the Grimm.” She was getting a flow to her now. “And they kill all the time. Besides you said they used it as a weapon, right?”

I wanted to get an edge in. “Ruby-“

“Right. So, once they can’t do that anymore they’ll have to do something else, we can find them then or…”

“Or let them go?” I wondered. “Ruby they’re malevolent.”

“So are the Grimm.” She was unrelenting and didn’t even look at me.

“Not with this kind of intent.”

“At Beacon the Grimm were coordinated.” Ruby pressed me more. “Even besides the ones the White Fang dropped. They moved together.” When I didn’t say anything, she looked over. “At Beacon when the Dragon showed up.” She waited for me to figure it out. “They sort of shuddered in unison. You didn’t see?”

What the fuck.

I told her as much.

She just nodded looking grossed out. “They have motive and focus. I know I sound crazy, but Cinder was talking to it. I heard her.”

She gave me this challenging look. It wasn’t some cute flirty thing, like about my sword or something. It was sharp and full of focus but more than that it was angry and a little scared. Her eyes were hard but the corners of her lips and eyebrows were turned out.

She actually seemed to want me to fight her on it, but I just raised my hands in surrender. “Ruby I believe you.”

“So, the Grimm are the enemy.”

“Its sounds like Cinder was somehow in charge to me.” I tried. Her sideways backwards glance conveyed a deep annoyance.

“You’re always so focused on Cinder you can’t see the Grimm for what they are. These bandits are just people, but the Grimm are always, always the enemy.”

I suddenly realized I was walking much faster than I had even a few moments ago, Ruby was already speeding up again.

I sighed.

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Before, the two of us had been distracted as we’d approached Shion. This time we were both wary and ready. Ruby had felt the danger even before the destroyed village came into view. She’d casually pulled her weapon in the middle of the road, not even extending the scythe.

By the time we’d seen the place even I had felt it and we both knew it would be as empty as we’d left it. The recent dead would draw Grimm here like a beacon, spawning them? Summoning them?

It hardly mattered to Ruby because as soon as we approached the gate she’d disappeared in a blur of speed. A haze that seemed to shift from building to building.

It didn’t look like anything worth spending ammunition on to her, so she didn’t. Instead she almost lazily bounced from place to place, leaving bisected Beowolves and Creeps in her wake.

For my part I drew Crocea Mors and let them rush at me. Before, in Vale, I’d been forced to nearly wrestle the wolf-caricatures behind my shield. I was stronger and faster now, and the range afforded to me by the upgrade allowed me to cut them down before they could really approach me.

I stepped aside and Ruby landed next to where I had been standing to cover me from the sides.

“Doesn’t seem like too many.” She reported, “nothing big, either.”

“Heard.”

We slowly and efficiently worked our way through the weakest Grimm, clearing a path to the foot prints. She whirled around my sides, cutting anything that came too close into ribbons. For my part I held my ground against the monsters to anchor us.

Two swings removed the head and leg of a Beowolf and I stepped on a Creeper’s head as it tried to bite me and crushed it easily.

By the time we arrived at where we knew the footprints began, the Grimm were nothing but curls of smoke.

“Jaune!”

“Hm!” I looked up quickly, trying to spot whatever it was that she wanted me to see. I glanced towards her to look where she was looking and look over there so I could look out for whatever it was she saw.

She was just staring at me, though.

“What are you doing?”

“What?” I wondered.

“How are you doing that?”

“Ruby what are you talking about?”

“You’re glowing!”

I looked down at myself. Odd bands of blue light were trailing around me. They almost looked like fire but if they were hot, I couldn’t feel it. The wisps seemed ignorant of gravity, clinging only to me and my skin in soft trails of blue and white.

Ruby walked up to me. “What is this?"

She rolled her eyes. “That must be your semblance!” She reached out and traced a hand through one of the tendrils.

“Um…” I didn’t want to sound too disappointed. She was so excited. I was kind of hoping for more than ‘glow a little.’ “Neat?”

“How does it feel?”

“The same.” I thought about it. “I don’t know. Is it doing anything?” I stepped back from Ruby as though it would give me a better look at myself for some reason and the light faded away.

“What did you do?” She wondered. “It went away.”

“I didn’t do it on purpose.”

She frowned. “Well it didn’t seem immediately obvious.”

“Was yours like that.”

“Um…” She turned an awesome rosé. “Kinda.”

She turned away to examine the hoof marks in the ground trailing away from the village.

I kept a watch, resting Crocea Mors against my arm, while Ruby peered down to get a better look at the print. It wasn’t like she was unfamiliar with it or couldn’t tell which way it was going. “I forgot how big it was… do you think the villages were just destroyed by a horde-phenomena?”

I shrugged. “It seems unlikely, the villages were in a non-linear order. It would have taken an awful coincidence for it to be just a large group of Grimm chasing the closest sadness and growing larger.”

“The bandits.” I nodded at her words. She chewed her cheek for just a moment. “Let’s go, we’re already almost a week behind it.”

It wasn’t like Ruby had really compromised my plans. Not truly, it was always really a toss up which we followed and which town would be destroyed next seemed just as random. Sure, I had some suspicions about GaiLong but Ruby dismissed it when I tried to bring up doubling back one more time.

“Jaune if they are watching us and waiting for us to go far enough away, then you won’t catch them like this and what are we going to do, we can’t stay in every place we go.”

Hopefully the two of us could track it and slay it together. Or, failing that wound it, track it, and try again. It would heal but Ren implied that its regeneration wasn’t a factor in the mid-game of a fight. Only if it actually escaped us would we regret having wasted our resources but wounding the creature and forcing it to flee wasn’t a waste, per se. It could be a tool, too. We had a lot of ground to make up. We were almost a week behind it when we left GaiLong and unlike us, it didn’t need to sleep, eat, or do anything but wander.

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It was after the fourth day of tracking that it finally rained. We’d known it was going to happen, too. After the first crack of thunder, Ruby let out a low whine.

“No,” she just pleaded. It would still be hours before the rain came and washed most our tracks away.

She was tired and wet and cold. And I really wanted to get her into the tent and into her sleeping bag.

I didn’t know what to do or say. We could both see the storm coming, feel the wind pick up and the humidity increase. I could do nothing but start to look for a good place to set up a tent.

Ruby and I had done some light training, but you really didn't push yourself or work out much when you were trying to catch up to something like this. For my sake it was time to take watch and just to top my night off I had to be especially on guard tonight.

It was unusual for me to stay focused on watch, but I had to. I could feel something. It didn't feel like a person or anyone I knew so it was probably not nothing but the equivalent. Grimm.

I waited until it got close enough that I was sure I could destroy it without letting my senses drift from where Ruby slept.

I was sitting out waiting for the creature to stop nagging at my range and actually enter. It was just pacing around my range and eventually I'd had enough.

I kept my body low and my limbs out, but stealth wasn't my strong suite. It jumped through the bracket at me rather than I at it.

I moved in a burst, sweeping the long blade between us to stop its approach. It pushed me back a step and my ankle caught something.

I tripped and it fell on me. My armor held out it's claws buts its teeth snapped at my aura. I grunted and threw it off of me.

It was an Ursa. a different bone structure for a different part of the world but that seemed to be all the difference between those here and those in Vale.

It landed but rolled towards me quickly with a snarl but as I stood, I held my ground. I already knew how to deal with these. I swept Crocea Mors downwards over my head and cut its face diagonally and deep enough that I'd opened up large sections of its ribcage.

It fell and began to dissolve. I stepped back warily. I felt nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

I listened and heard no song of Grimm. The animals had gone quiet, too. Fearing a battle between two distant predators might involve them, but it was already over.

Then distinct, in the cold night distant, the zip of the tent.

I sighed.

"Jaune! Jaune, what was that." She was in thick socks that probably didn't feel good in the wet, icy, muck.

She had Crescent Rose ready though. Her biceps and triceps stood out in her shirt. She had nothing on but her simple T and some long bottoms in the night.

I stared at her white clothes in the sleet before coming to my senses. “It was just a small Grimm.

Everything’s fine.”

She breathed hard. “You're supposed to wake me up.”

You needed sleep and it was nothing I couldn't handle.

I looked her up and down. There was brisk and then there was being in PJs, in negative ten, with a wind chill, and at ninety-five percent humidity.

I walked over and dragged her into the tent. I flicked the flap open, but the inside was frigid. Just a few moments of being open had sapped whatever warmth was inside. “You can't act like this was my fault.

“You're supposed to wake me.”

I nodded and rubbed her hands in mine. I pulled her wet socks off too. Her feet were just chilled to the absolute bone. I was considering trying to start a fire.

“Say something!”

“Huh what? You're right. I should have woken you up. Come on get some new socks on and get warm.”

“I feel like I need a can opener with you; you’re just so it's like -ugh. Aren't you frustrated?”

“No, I am.” I assured her.

“Well why aren't you showing it?” Ruby wrapped her arms around her knees under her covers. “And your semblance too, you’re not excited at all when it activates when we train.”

“It only activates when I’m losing, doesn’t last long, and doesn’t do anything but make me glow.” I shook my head and laughed a little.

It was fitting though, if I’d had this power at Beacon I would have been just as able to help Pyrrha.

She hit me hard, enough sting. I gasped, my hand going to my chest where her hand hit my side, through some gap in all my armor she’d casually exploited to jab at just one of my ribs past a strap.

“You were thinking you were useless again. Weren’t you, Jaune?”

Fuck.

“I’m sure it does more than make you look good.”

Whiplash.

I waited.

“Well.” She wondered.

“Well to what in all of that?”

“All of it!”

“I was trying to keep up the pace and find it and be on our way to Haven.”

“So, it’s because I need to get to Haven.”

“Well that is your plan.” I laughed and turned to look at her.

“Ugh.” She murmured and looked down.

Huh?

“What is it? Is it something I said?”

She didn't look impressed by that. She crossed her arms confidently and set herself sideways. “Then what's it like? I forced you out here. To come with me to Haven and trek all the way across the world with me. Even though I had no idea how far that was.”

"Ruby I did know how far it was. And I did know that if you hadn't…"

If she hadn't what, exactly? I was trying to fight but it was hard. It was a little like Weiss had rubbed off on Ruby, in some of her best ways. I'd found that confidence and authority attractive before but when it was directed at me it was hard to fight.

What could I possibly tell her? That I needed her to tell me what to do and give my life direction? She just told me how stressed she was I couldn't add to that. Couldn't have. I clicked my jaw in thought.

My teeth clacked together audibly.

She looked from my eyes to my jaw. Like I'd just bit her hard. “You shouldn't do that to yourself.”

I laughed. “That's what I mean. What would I do if I didn't have you right now? If you hadn't taken me in, I don't know where I would have gone.”

“You would have found something.”

No. My family. I stole this from them. I can't go back. And Nora and Ren they got in with like a scholarship for hunters-to-be without parents or something. They were homeless again. I think they thought I'd abandon them.

“So, when you asked me to come it was just-it was a no-brainer. What would I have done? What l alternatives would I have had. And if I hadn't gone with you, would I have found Pyrrha’s armor even? Would I know for sure what happened? It was like destiny. And this is too.”

“You really think so?” I watched her hands fidget through her hair, somehow plucking at the red ones even out of the corner of her eye. “Well no, it’s more like I need to make this the timeline where I succeed, but we can. You know?” She shook her head. “You think if we're smart and hardworking enough, it'll be enough? That's not like you.”

“Ruby this is just a setback. Even if it takes months. We have no timetable for getting to Haven. No tournament. No obvious target beyond the school and city which should be in a state of high alert.”

Supplies still got traded as far as here so we know the blackout-panic hadn't destroyed the place.

Haven was probably still there, Just waiting for her, even if it didn’t know it.

“But what about your semblance?” She pressed me. “You and me. Are we making progress there?”

“We’ll have to time figure out to use it.” If it had a use.

“Tss” I let out as I clutched a rib.

“You and me.”

“Us?” I wondered stupidly.

“What are we, Jaune.” She glanced at me. “What am I to you?”

Good question.

I thought about it. It wasn't like I could just say she was my partner because that had connotations to huntsmen. If I just blurted out, she was my new partner it would hurt everyone. Besides she had made it clear that Weiss was her best friend. Whatever that meant to her.

"You're my oldest friend for sure." I told her. I knew that much. Whom was there before Pyrrha? Family didn't count. "Things are rough for me right now but it wasn't like I didn't think about you before, too.”

“That's not fair,” she whispered. “Pyrrha was…She made it clear she liked you a lot.”

Ouch. But…

“You were so nice and sweet to me when I didn't deserve it. I could always count on you for advice and it was always good. “

“I don't know…” she trailed off. She pinched her lower lip between her index and thumb. She was listening close, her eyes intense on my every word. “Even if it wasn't what I wanted to hear. So, it sounds dumb to say something like boyfriend, but you can if you want.”

“We're a couple.” Ruby translated listening closely. “You make things so complicated.”

“The thing about that is-“

“Do you love me?”

“Uh, yeah”

She smiled flushing, but she managed to roll her eyes and look right at me. For a moment I could hear nothing but the rain against the tent.

"Jaune I need you to better than 'uh yeah.'" she smiled adorably. It took me a second to realize she was teasing me. By the time I did so, my eyes flicked down to her lips and back up to her eyes. It was too late. Her smile roared across her face.

“You really want to kiss me, don't you? You can. You know. Maybe not all the time but you can kiss me.” I did. I pushed her back against her thin mattress. I could feel her hip bone against my abdomen and the smooth curve of her sides. I put my hands around her back and pulled her in close to my and she let out a tiny sigh.

Her mouth opened in the slightest way and I couldn't help my-self. My tongue went forward at the same time I rolled us more forward, pinning her more beneath me.

She groaned into it, smiling into the kiss as I sucked on her tongue, then lip, then pulled away. Or tried to.

I drew back slightly but she had a tight grip on my shirt with her left hand. I hadn't even noticed. And her other hand became nestled in my hair.

She just… giggled at me, and, without so much as opening her eyes, dragged me down again.

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I got down off the back of the animal before Ruby. She was already waiting for me there.

She called the its name and it came when called. She didn’t even need to pull her hair back as she rode, either, she somehow looked relaxed and focused. To be honest I was just so amazed to even watch her move above me.

She slung her legs up and over it and gently held the pommel in one of her small hands. The tips of her fingers just enough to reassure. She hardly needed it for balance she was so graceful.

Her other hand was firmly in the mane of the stallion’s mane. After the night in the rain, we’d returned to Higanbana where they’d offered us horses. They’d already been made aware of our affairs and the local Dono was not to be out down by GaiLong, evidently.

I’d explained to them that an unless they had an awakened horse, they would not be able to carry me, let alone the both of us. Mei-Chi had smiled at me and I knew I would regret it.

“Who taught you how to ride?” I wondered.

“Oh, my mother showed me how when I was young. It’s easy if you know how to care for it.” Or you’re a Nisdy Princess. I watched how easily she controlled it and made it calm. Sure, it was trained but when I’d been encouraged to take the lead on the animal it had given me nothing but contempt.

“Do you know how?” She wondered. “You’ve somehow expertly dodged climbing on the back of one.” She stroked it gently with her hands. Enjoying the sensation.

“I… know the basics,” I hedged. “I have ridden before.”

“Yikes, that bad, huh.” she teased me, and I groaned. “But not in a while and with someone else.”

I shook my head, “this’ll be a first for us.”

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-WG

[severalspoons]

Liveblog: Rewatching Trigun, Episode 16 (Fasten your seatbelts and get ready for tragedy)

The more serious and the deeper the episodes get, the harder it becomes to write about them. I feel like I can’t just shitpost any more, I have to say something profound.

-- Yep, there’s Legato eating something soft and sweet again. Pudding this time? ::Ooh, imagine an AU where Vash adopts baby!Legato and Legato and Milly eat pudding together::

-- There’s Midvalley with two groupies. Yep, I knew he was the playboy of the Gung Ho Guns. 

-- “It’s a simple formula. The greater the tragedy, the greater the emotional effect.”  Legato fancies himself a...playwright? Director? 

-- “Walk your own path. Yes, I’ll make it my mission to follow someone else’s path to the end of the earth!” 0.0

-- Poor little guy.

He dances into the bar in the same way Vash danced into that hostage situation in an earlier episode. Except that as far as I know, this guy isn’t pretending. Who knows how he’s survived so long in Gunsmoke.  

-- Vash, there’s a whole desert you could talk to yourself in, you know. You don’t have to talk to yourself in front of an entire barfull of people you don’t even fully see.

-- Legato’s eyes are the part you’re worried about?

-- “That nihilistic jerk” fits Legato well, ngl.

-- You know Vash is preoccupied when he has no idea where he is or who’s around. Thinking back to last episode where he was so perfectly focused, this is concerning. 

Or, maybe it’s not that he has perfect control over his consciousness in every situation, but only when he’s narrowing his attention to a tiny point. Last episode it was pain, this time it’s worrying about fighting Legato. 

Or maybe I’m overthinking a goofy scene that probably only exists in the anime.

-- “It’s time for my daily massacre!” Yessss.

-- Vash is apparently vain about his hair. Well, he had to have some faults other than “too good, too pure for this world” and accidentally blowing up July.*

-- Nothing says “terrifying murderer on a killing spree” like holding up your arm bent at a weird angle, amirite?

-- Poor Dominique. She deserved better.

-- I’m kind of surprised this is the first time anyone’s been killed for failing to defeat Vash. Or maybe this is just the first time he’s been forced to acknowledge it, and had to fight on those terms.

-- I don’t really get E.G. Mine’s powers, and what those round carapace-looking devices sticking out the sides of his armor are supposed to do. I almost wish we had more of a chance to see him in action. Almost, because he doesn’t seem very interesting. 

Honestly if I were their leader,I wouldn’t have hired most of the Gung Ho Guns, but that’s just me.

-- There’s Rai-Dei, bringing a sword to a gunfight. I wish I knew more about bushido, and the Art of War, and what sorts of states of mind actual warriors look for in battle. Because from what little knowledge I have, Rai-Dei takes all of that, mixes it with bloodlust, and perverts it. 

-- I know Legato thought seeing the two Gung Ho Guns squabbling would be entertaining, but honestly, it’s an uneven fight and not a very interesting one. Normally, I like seeing bad guys fighting each other, but I’ll make an exception for this scene.

-- Rai-Dei talks like a Sith trying to recruit someone to the dark side, encouraging Vash to get angry.

-- Rai-Dei creeps me out. He seems to almost get off on Vash’s anger and be way, way too curious what he sees at what appears to be the moment before death. 

-- It’s kind of disappointing that this creep is the one who corners Vash so much he needs his angel arm to escape. Honestly, I didn’t even see him do anything special that should give Vash difficulty. I think his lethality lay less in his actual fighting, and more in the fact that he would be condemned to die if Vash won. Vash had to slow down the fight and look for an alternative way to end it, which put him at a disadvantage.

-- Sorry, I’m going to complain about the art again. And give some spoilers for the manga.

I don’t like how the angel arm looks in the anime. It was distracting. Where were the feathers??? I want to feel uncomfortable because Vash is struggling to contain the thing and could potentially destroy the city, not because of the way the thing looks and moves.

-- Least realistic convincing mushroom-cloud-like blast ever. What was up with the slow motion, jerky stop-and-start animation they did here?

-- Legato is having way too much fun right now. He just acted like a cat licking its paw, like “mmm, delicious destruction and guilt.”  

I think Legato might be the only character who is not in the least unnerved by Vash suddenly unleashing a blast of energy big enough to blow up the moon.

-- Well, OK, Wolfwood doesn’t seem unnerved. Just disappointed. Well, I’m disappointed that he thinks Vash would deliberately choose this “path.” Come on, surely he knows Vash better than that. 

-- Seeing all of the people Vash has helped listening to the rumors about Augusta and struggling to reconcile them with the kind, gentle person they knew...what a gut punch. And somehow it’s worse seeing their first moment of bewilderment, but not how they ultimately make sense of it all. 

-- There’s a lot to unpack here about moral responsibility for actions you commit, but can’t control. The show and Vash himself clearly state that he’s responsible.  It agree. While he doesn’t seem able to control the angel arm once it’s emerged, he still has the choice to find a way to prevent it from emerging, or bring it under control. And however involuntary it may have been, he still blew up the city, and everyone still has to live with the consequences. His intentions are irrelevant to the people left homeless. And he still has to live with the chance that it could happen again.

Yet I’m aware that holding yourself responsible for things you can’t control is an unhealthy behavior that therapists try to stop you from doing. And for good reason--it’s a sure way to develop depression and irrational excessive self-hatred (and is a symptom of OCPD, I believe?). And I think Vash holds himself responsible for a lot. I mean, his mission is to make people more loving and peaceful--yet other people’s feelings and actions aren’t under his control. Is he holding himself too responsible?

Is Vash right to blame himself for blowing up July and Augusta? Am I right to hold him responsible? I’m not sure.

 -- One last observation: this major turning point in the story, and the biggest low so far, happens exactly halfway through the story. Just where it’s “supposed” to be.

*Looks like a cinnamon roll, is sometimes a cinnamon roll, could still actually kill you.