#which it IS. i'm just MORTIFIED | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

necrotic-nephilim · 6 months ago

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Sorry if this might be a rude question but why don’t you just make a seperate account for your nsfw fics?

not rude, it's a valid question! tbh it's a combination of a couple reasons.

i started posting anonymous dead dove batcest fics long before i had the balls to make a tumblr. at first i was content to just leave them unassociated with each other because i didn't really care about them being tied to me. i made this blog to actually show solidarity to my partner who wanted to make a sideblog for Sandman comic stuff so we could cheerlead each other and be brave together, since i've wanted to make a batcest sideblog but i've been nervous about actually having to get it going. (mal ik you're reading this go be brave and actually make your blog so i can cheerlead you damnit-) only did it dawn on me then that i should probably mention the fics i've written on the blog after like, three of them were posted anonymously. and it would've annoyed me to have half of them anonymous and half of them not, because notifications for them would've gone in different places. i could go back and take my fics off anon if i wanted to, but i can't switch the account they're on without taking them down entirely and that'd fuck over people who have them bookmarked already.

which, ties into my second reason, if i made an entire second ao3 account it'd be harder for me to see notifications, reply to stuff, and post things for both accounts because i'd have to constantly switch. and honestly i'd be terrified of accidentally posting on the wrong one on a brain fog day. posting fics is always the most tedious part of writing them for me lol. it's easier for me to stay logged into one account and have all of my stuff in one place for me and just use the anonymous collection when i feel like it. if ao3 pseuds worked like tumblr blogs, where you can't see all my side blogs but i can, i would've used pseuds, but since you can see all pseuds on an ao3, i felt it was a moot point.

and the last reason is i just feel more comfortable being anonymous on ao3 because of the rise in anti culture. on tumblr it's very easy for me to just filter that out and find the people i want to follow and block the people i don't. i don't mind getting hate, on tumblr or on ao3. but i think, for whatever reason you want to blame it on, there's been a massive boom of antis on ao3 who are very entitled about how they read on ao3. i tag extensively, but i just feel safer from getting targeted attacks if everything i write on ao3 isn't attached to one profile. if people like a fic i wrote, want to find more i always link my tumblr in the notes, but if an anti wants to get huffy with me, they can't easily track down my other things. they definitely could if they wanted to, but being anonymous on ao3 just makes me feel more secluded, in a weird way. it's like saying "if you want you can come find me but on here i'm just a weird faceless guy throwing stuff in the void". i've used ao3's anon feature a lot, actually, i used to be a hydra trash party dumpster kid back when that was in it's prime.

i also used to be vaguely popular on a different tumblr blog and my main ao3 and while i think it'd definitely be cool if i got a decent chunk of followers on this blog too, i don't really miss having fanfiction do so well i got targetted hate on all of my fics from the same people, i had my fics stolen, etc. it was really exhausting for me. i have 120+ works on ao3, not counting what's anonymous, and that level of exposure tires me, even when i use my main ao3 to post things that aren't trashy. it's just a weird feeling knowing so many people are subscribed to you on ao3 and what if you post something they won't like because you jumped fandoms again, or you're posting something niche, or you don't think it fills enough fandom tropes to be well-liked. i used to obsessively think like that, and it made me not write the things i wanted to because i cared about numbers. and i don't want to slide back into that hole. writing on anonymous is mostly to remind myself i wrote this for me, and if other people like it, they can come find me, but i don't have to perform like that anymore. if i get a really weird fucked up idea, i can write the really weird fucked up idea. at the end of the day, just makes me more comfortable! but i get it's a super confusing set up from an outsider perspective so, i really don't mind the question, thank you for asking!!

#necrotic festerings #batcest #pro ship #necrotic answerings #tbh asking the question gave me the chance to explain it so ty!#might link this in my about me or my masterlist for ease of access #i don't want to like. overstate how big i was on an old blog bc i was not like. a celebrity by *any* means.#but i had a ship-specific blog and i was certainly a “big name fan” for that specific rarepair #and it like. took over my life when i was a teen #i look back on it fondly now but i really regret that i would obsess so heavily over numbers and what made a fic do well #my favorite fics to write were htp back then bc for htp culture writing on anon was normal since that was during the dreamwidth days #and i just. liked that veil of anonymity and i think i defaulted to that when i decided to finally start posting batcest stuff #(all of this makes me sound so old i'm only 22 i just started fandom really fucking young which i don't recommend)#and when i say one fic got big. i mean it. i have found that fic on instagram and pinterest and tiktok and even. facebook.#do you know what it's like when your fic gets reuploaded to facebook without your permission and you see what boomers think of it.#that was so mortifying.#funnily enough the boomers were actually really nice i was just shocked to find it there scrolling one day.#it was instagram that was super mean to me and traumatized my ass. man ppl dug into me for the tinest things. do not miss that.#anyway the point is #i've tasted vitality and niche fandom status(tm) and i hated both. and i just cannot do that to myself again #ergo #anon on ao3 and a blog to post my thoughts when i have them.#it's a nice system for me #i have some stuff on my main ao3 that toes the line of like. dark dead dove trash.#and i had antis get mad at me bc their fave fluffy fic was written by. gasp. a proshipper.#and yeah that soured me to existence on ao3.#getting into the rise of anti culture is a whole other discussion that'd have me going on for hours but i will shut up now.#wow this got long. i like to fucking talk don't i.

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cashmire-writes · 1 year ago

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It's wild trying to right Danny Phantom fan fiction having seen a grand total of 1 episode and basically everything I know is based on looking on the wiki after going through at least 15 different fannon filters. And I can point a lot of what I know as coming from the DPxDC fandom and specifically Mortified by Marsalias on AO3.

I'm not really sure what's Danny Phantom cannon, what is specifically Mortified fannon, what's fannon within the DPxDC fandom. It feels like I'm getting whiplash while trying to look stuff up for my fic.

But anyways, there's a sneak preview for a fic that's currently in the works. I'm working on chapter 6 and have 16.5k words written so far. Might be posting chapter 1 later this month. Not sure

#this was brought about entirely because of Clockwork #i was just looking at his wiki page and apparently his lair is just referred to as his lair #i guess calling it Long Now is a specifically Mortified thing #which is actually names after a clock that's supposed to keep time for 10000 years #so that's cool #but now i'm confused #should I call it Long Now?#should it just be referred to as Clockwork's lair?#i have no idea!#danny phantom #dpxdc #ao3 #cashmire #sneak peek

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shikai-the-storyteller · 5 months ago

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Actually if I were to rank it, the top four fandoms I've had the biggest impact on would probably be MMX, QSMP, Steven Universe, and then Transformers in that order.

#i talk #no escape from gay robot hell #primordial robot hell #crap I dont even remember my SU tag #I remember my watch tag but I dont think that was it #ah well #Anyways. MMX I dominated Ao3 (last I checked 90% of my fics are still top of the fandom kudos ranking)#(not even sorting by ship just sorting by tag. and ngl I'm still very proud about that)#QSMP I did the timestamp archive and clips as RA #For SU I ran GHQ for 7 frickin years. which is still insane to think about #I remember when I went to the SU art show Grace instantly clocked who I was #which was mortifying and flattering at the same time #and then for TF I was the only person who took notes on Mae's super in-depth post-Cyberverse interview #It's really cool but also crazy to think about how much work I've done for all these fandoms #Like. I talk about GHQ and RA when talking to employers and potential employers #because of how much time and effort went into that #I dunno just thinking a lot about the past today #I still wanna finish that MMX fic someday I still love my MMX readers #and I love seeing how many people still read them #:')#it's an old community and small at the time but new waves of people come and go #it's cool seeing who passes by

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supernovaa-remnant · 1 year ago

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there is. a chance. someone I know irl followed wilbur on insta because she saw one of the bajillion concert posts abt him that I've liked recently. and the chance is a bit too high for me to not be mortified

(to be clear. me and this person only started following each other on insta yesterday)

#it was such a shock to see her following him??#cause she'd never said anything abt my lvjy sticker on my water bottle #nor my lvjy sweater when I wore it #and then I checked and she'd only liked his most recent post #and now I'm like please just be a new fan please tell me you didn't follow him because I put posts on your fyp #alternatively she saw my lvjy concert highlight on my profile and decided to follow him from there #which #still mortifying actually #a chance that this is not the case but still #the possibility alone is #yeah mortifying #stella rambles

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flourescencia · 2 years ago

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butch crush is back. officially. and we're meeting on friday for coffee

#UNREAL #but I can't even think about this because it's so mortifying #here I am thinking I'd like a chance to kiss her and I have no clue if she just sees me as a potential good friend #not to mention I'm going thru such a weird period in how I experience attraction #which is why I've BEEN saying I need to be killed with hammers #whatever #txt.me

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aro-aizawa · 2 years ago

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sighs in contentment......

#shut up danni's talking #hi yes i always feel happy as FUCK when i read a v long fic but doubly so when i realise that i caught up before the end #i have spend idk how long maybe 4/5 days reading a 700k+ word fic #w only two more chapters left and i just. oh BOY #i cannot even begin to get into all the details i adore about this fic #and yes i am absolutely talking abt mortified #i spent the majority of the time listening to it via text to speech while playing mindless games #but when i got to the parts i hadn't read before (like the last 50 chaps i think) i had to give it my full attention #i just. there is so much i love.#it just adds so many aspects of world building that feels so right that its almost unnatural when i see things that goes against it #i just.#also theres no shortage of pride in there too bc wow 700k words in under a week? deffo good #HOWEVER my goal w listening to it rather than reading was hopefully something that'd take longer #considering how i read faster than it takes to speak things alas i'll have to wait for chapters again which is weird #i have been behind on it for so long #i have this mega word doc summarising the fic that i was working on to help me keep up w plot threads #and im not joking abt the mega its mammoth and i gave up in parts #i'll probs work on it as i reread it again at some point #its deffo smth i'm gonna share when its done bc i it is LONG and i know ppl don't have as much time as i do #but i want the opportunity for ppl to not balk at the size of the fic to not even attempt to read it #or if they want to read it but can only read a chapter a day so they'll need a reminder #one of the things i'll always be thankful for in fanfics is when ppl bookmark fics with a summary of the plot #its just. its reassuring to me to know vaguely what's going to happen #esp bc some plot elements will always instantly call to me #i can't begin to tell you how many fics i've ebbed and erred on but were ultimately swayed by bookmarkers' summaries #also i like to reread seconds of fics if i don't reread the whole thing #so knowing where those sections are located is v v helpful #anyways thats my lil fan project for mortified lol #always get a lil flustered when i interact w the author bc WOW the skill????? the dedication??? always a lil in awe #now to zone out and stare at my ceiling trying to process that masterpiece

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freakwiththeknifecollection · 2 years ago

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Girls when they wanna rewrite a chapter of a story that's already published

#for the record I'm going to. I'm just like AAARRHGHFJDZJFJ cause now I need to actually Write It #and I have to change the entire foundation on which the story is built on #it'll be better for it in the end and I'm glad I figured it out but the mortifying ordeal of writing #I'm excited about the changes and about figuring it out but you know

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catastrophic-crow · 2 months ago

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do people really not read in their dreams? I've been thinking about making this post for a while bc i keep having dreams and reading stuff in them and i'm finally doing it because right before i woke up i had someone in my dream type something into their laptop and pull up an article and show it to me like, "this you?" and i read the full title of the article off their laptop screen and—is this just not a thing that happens in other people's dreams? like, the not reading thing. that's got to just be an urban legend. ...right?

#the article was about the maker space but couched in terms of “tinkers” like from worm and honestly i wish i could read it #they had a set of pictures of someone in a skitter costume that looked cool as hell with a mechanized face mask and i—#sigh. anyway #this happened right after he asked if this was a skit and i didn't recognize the word and was like; “oh. is that a root word for skitter?”#and i was excited that it could be and that's when he pulled up the article and events ensued but thinking about it again #i'm now slightly mortified that this person in my dream who looked and acted like an old friend of mine—#was implicitly asking me if it was just for the bit.#and i was too lost in the euphoria of being compared to a scary; skinny; tall; and unsettlingly proportioned brunette—#to remember that i was in a world where improv comedy existed #(or possibly he was asking me if i had realized that this was a dream. in which case... no. no i had not realized that 😃)#<- her ass is NOT lucid dreaming #so anyway. um. abouT THAT READING THING #dreams #weird dreams #dream journal #idk what to tag this #reading in dreams

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its-all-papaya · 2 months ago

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now I fear I will be the one struggling to sleep tonight T-T

27!!! third times the charm !!!

get to know me

us in an endless loop of guilt? sounds about right.

27. Three things you love about yourself.

nah u knew what u were doing here 🤨 everyone knows i DON'T love myself at this current point in my life 🤧 i'll try my best though

i want to make people happy. there was a bit ago my work friend group took a stupid online buzzfeed-esque quiz assigning us like fruits with personalities, and one of mine was "genuinely wants their friends to succeed" and everyone in the group chat was like "so accurate!!!" and i was like 🥹. also when my boss gave me the bad performance review this spring, i cried in his office and he was like "this is why i hired you! you genuinely care so much about your team!" which. is a weird thing to compliment someone on when you're demoting them. also like... that should be industry standard. but i still like that comes across ig!! basically yeah, i think that i very passionately want the best for everyone and everything in my life.

i think i'm a good writer. feels like a gimme in this space, but that's always been a really core part of my identity. i've been writing creatively since i was like six years old and while it sometimes kinda sucks mentally these days, overall it's one of the things i think i'm best at.

i think i'm... kind of adaptable? it's wild to say bc i HATE change and LOVE routine but i do think i am able to change things once i've mourned. i've been reassigned at work every three months for the past two years in ways that require me to literally relearn my job, and i've made the most of that every time (re: bullet point one). i don't WANT to change, but if i'm made to, i'm usually pretty quick about adjusting. professionally but also personally. last spring when i realized like "hm. i think that i'm never going to be in a relationship again and i'm probably going to die without ever having sex" i was just like. okay! cool! even though, like most girls probably, i'd spent the entire first ~24 years of my life fantasizing about my wedding and future partner(s).

all of these feel like back-handed compliments to myself i'm ngl, i'm just like REALLY at a spot in my life where i'm not really proud of or happy with who i am. but i also just do not have the energy to fix any of that rn. it's whatever!! i'm also rlly good at pretending to like ppl i hate, so that's good news for myself!!

#answered #ask game #about soph #i swear i'm never TRYING to be emo on here #i just am mentally incapable of being kind to myself at the current point in my life #the mortifying ordeal of admitting i hate myself on main....#and hoping y'all don't think it's for attention....#i really want to be more positive but i also spent like 25 minutes thinking about this and just drew straight blanks.#i'm just not remarkably lovable as a person. which is totally fine !! i don't need to be !!

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nobodybetterlookatme · 3 months ago

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you’re valid

Thank you but the general concensus from the girlies has been no I'm not LMAO I just have zero reading comprehension and was dramatic for no reason, so I'm just gonna go ahead and delete that other post now bc I overreacted over literally nothing ahdkakskal

#not snz #this is so fucking embarrassing for me but now i have to explain ahakdksl #so yeah he did say his roommates were gonna be gone #but he said that in response to me giving excuses #one of which was that he probably had plans or was doing something with his roommates #i did say other things lmao like i spat a bunch of messages out kinda rapid fire #but that was the first one he responded to and i just zeroed in on that and not the context bc it freaked me out ahskaksks #like i see it now that they pointed it out and I'm about to fucking die about it 😭#i really panicked for nothing like thank god but also wtf is wrong with me lmao we might have to bring that up in therapy #they did agree that it looked kinda bad if you start at that message but it's fine in context #also he literally included a 'no pressure' in one of his messages that my brain skipped right the fuck over #like i really truly saw nothing else but that and a couple other sentences and i feel so fucking bad 😭😭#nobody say anything bad about my partner that was on me I'm fucking mortified #I'm actually never gonna live this down I'm getting rightfully dragged in the gc now lmao 😭#sorry for stressing y'all out by being illiterate everything is okay apparently ahskalskallz #but i mean hey it was that ask that made me send screenshots to the gc hours later so now i can stop having a crisis 😭#god i should've taken a fucking nap earlier it's 3:30am and i feel like I'm dying #and I'm so cold 😭 it's bedtime i can't be awake any longer #again I'm so sorry y'all i really had a panic over nothing ahsjaks we love trauma #also sorry to my partner who literally did nothing wrong and i made him sound like a dick 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

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queenerdloser · 4 months ago

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one of my innate personality traits is that i can really only think big term about my future plans when it's like 1am on a random weekday. spent like two hours last night fighting with myself on if i really want to try applying to mfa grad programs this winter or not.