#which isn't what I normally do
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i feel like people are sleeping on the occam's razor situation of how buckwild it is to outright accuse a guy of being a clone of your friend even if you DO have a lot of circumstantial evidence. there's other options is what im saying. they could just be like. a guy. that's a sensible deduction. you should explore that deduction. ignore my shirt that reads I <3 RED HERRINGS.
i still think odile has the correct theory on lock but she's smart enough to know it needs like... a real smoking gun to be able to bring it up without sounding insane.
anyway. (mirabelle voice) i know its rude to speculate but has anyone else noticed the grieving? they seem to be grieving. does anyone have any thoughts on the grieving? i have some thoughts on the grieving.
#[isabeau voice] am i insane or does sometimes loop talk like they might have killed their whole family. is that just me? just checking.#nille design highly inspired by @kiwibrain's since its the one that imprinted in my mind. liberties taken since i didnt look @ reference#anyway i have a lot more thoughts on this? i guess ill hide them in the tags...? scroll down i suppose.#isat#in stars and time#isat spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#isat act 6 spoilers#isat loop#isat siffrin#isat bonnie#isat nille#isat fanart#in stars and time fanart#doodlebyte#----------------------------------------------------------------------#anyway the extra thoughts. are literally just my general thoughts on postcanon. (and thus are the context for all of my postcanon doodles!)#which is i think nille joins the party before loop reappears for a start (either from a period of nonexistence or just wandering around)#and that like. i think the party should be able to integrate loop as a completely new person. because they are! the secrecy isn't great but#They and Siffrin shuffle into different ecological niches in the party (eg. i think sif is more squeamish after it all but loop isnt)#and while it's not *exactly* what Loop wanted they get that beggars can't be choosers. and its pretty good#(i am glossing over how i think loop's reappearence drags both them and siffrin into a massive behavioural backslide and is likely a bit#distressing to watch go down. cycle of argument -> lovebombing -> normalcy -> repeat. etc etc. but since they are no longer literally#stewing in the worst pressure cooker of all time they do resolve it via productive conversation on their own time. its fine)#the party well-meaningly tries to deduce things from loop's vagueries and are able to pin down the DEAD FAMILY vibe pretty quickly.#but eventually the question of their prior identity falls by the wayside because well! they're just their friend loop! (also change belief)#as for how The Truth Come Out... this is what i mean by The Isabeau Torment Nexus(tm). which is that i think... isiloop should almost occur#BEFORE isabeau knows who loop is. he's just genuinely charmed by them eventually and tries to close the open end of the polycule#which FREAKS LOOP THE FUCK OUT because thats just too genuinely sick and wrong. and obviously w emotions high its not a great confrontation#ANYWAY told u i had more thoughts. if i were normal itd be a text post but.
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hope you feel better soon!
I am riddled with ailments, but I stay silly!
#ask#non mdzs#My health journey has been: Hernia -> acid reflux -> Vocal pain due to aforementioned reflux -> chest infection.#I'm terrified to know what's about to hit me next. Please let it be something kind. PLEASE.#The consequence of living with linguists is that you'll wake up with a wacked up voice -#suddenly you're sitting you down in front of a program called something like Praat having your shimmer and jitter levels calibrated.#They gave me a GRBAS of 33012. I have a fun thing called a pitch break where a whole octave just does not exist.#My vocal pain was bad enough I ended up seeing a speech pathologist and that whole experience was super neat!#I learnt a lot about voice - to be honest I might make a little comic on it after some more research. Fascinating stuff.#For example; your mental perception of our voice modulates the muscles of the vocal folds and larynx.#meaning that when you do have changes (inflammation = more mass = lower frequency)#your brain automatically attempts to correct it to what it 'should sound like'. Leading to a lot more vocal strain and damage!#And it gets really interesting for trans voice care as well - because the mental perception of one's voice isn't based on an existing sampl#So a good chunk of trans voice training is also done with the idea of finding one's voice and retraining the brain to accept it. Neat!#Parkinsonial Voice also has this perception to musculature link! The perception is that they are talking at a loud/normal volume#but the actual voice is quite breathy and weak. So vocal training works on practicing putting more effort into the voice#and retraining the brain to accept the 'loud' voice as 'normal'.#Isn't the human body fascinating?#Anyhow; Now I have vocal exercises and strategies to reduce strain and promote healing.#Which is a lot better than my previous strategy of yelling AAAH in my car until my 'voice smoothed out'.#You can imagine the horror on the speech path's face. I am an informed creature now.#I'm my own little lab rat now. I love learning and researching. Welcome to my tag lab. Class is dismissed.#I'll be back later with a few more answered asks </3 despite everything I'm still going to work and I need the extra sleep.#Thank you for the well wishes! And if you read all of that info dump; thank you for that as well!
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That viral post that's going around about how people who write "book quality" mlm fic are too "normal" to publish and have real jobs so only "weird" people publish their "shitty" fanfic is so completely out of touch with reality and I am giving a massive side eye to everyone reblogging it.
Not only is it completely, easily verifiably untrue (you cannot enter any professional writing space without tripping over a dozen grizzled scifi writers who got their start by filing off the serial numbers and publishing their Star Trek fanfic even going back decades ago??? it's a whole thing?? plus how can you look at the mlm category on Amazon right now and say with a straight face that people aren't publishing shitty Spirk and Stucky fanfic??? Oh, honey...) it's also the perfect example of this kind of sneering elitism that true artists would never sully themselves by seeking profit, they do it only for the purity of the thing that always somehow leads back to, "no one should be paid to make art, actually."
The only reason you're seeing more published fanfic right now has nothing to do with the idealistic purity of your hypothetical government employee written smut of the past vs the debased scribbles of those awful straights of today and everything to do with the fact that a) self-publishing has created a voracious readership that wants a ton of content so it's become a viable, flexible income stream for many, especially disabled people b) anyone can publish now with self-publishing tools so there are less gatekeepers and c) lockdown got a lot of people into fandom and therefore writing who never tried it before.
And if you really think there's no "shitty" published mlm and no "book-quality" m/f writing out there that started as fanfic, then you are clearly not a reader so why are you even talking about this?
#love how they manipulated people into spreading that post by making it seem like a cishet vs gay thing#when the real message is OP thinks trying to sell your writing is cringe and 'weird' and 'normal people' with jobs would never#which would of course never have flown on the fandom website#so they played into the queer shipping is purer than cishet shipping puriteen thing#and it worked!#because my god people are gullible#this is the direct pipeline that leads to AI thievery#''normal' people write for the joy of it anyway so why do you need pay? you are just greedy and 'weird'!'#'oh no this isn't about who we get to call cringe and who gets to profit from art it's about um...#(quick what's a hated m/f ship?).. oh uh 'shitty' REYLO#and not our super pure uh... (spirk is still popular right? lets throw in that avengers one too to make it seem timely) stucky!'#I'm sorry if I have no sense of humor about this but the year is 2024 and people are still way too ready to sneer#about writers trying to earn a fucking living in the shittiest timeline#and i need you to look deep into yourself and ask you why it's so important to you to tell yourself that only people writing what you like#are 'normal' with real jobs and to vilify everyone else as 'weird' and 'shitty'#for trying to make an income during a financial fucking crisis#i would say sorry for ranting about this but I'm not sorry because wtf#write whatever you want#publish whatever you want#there is no moral fucking purity in what the content is#and one thing certainly doesn't make you more 'weird' or 'normal' than the other#like there is soooo much shitty mlm that started as fanfic???#that post is 100% OP made up some guys to get mad about and called them relyos for the clicks#writing#publishing#writblr#writeblr#i wasn't going to tag this anything but you know what fuck it I'm mad#i had like 5 more tags but tumblr cut me off which is fair 😅#fan fiction
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[This has been sitting in my draft for a while lol]
When it comes to Curly's failings, I always see people bring up his obvious failure to protect Anya and him prioritising Jimmy, who was the rapist in that situation. Which is completely valid btw and we should rake him through the coals for that alone even more. But I also see too many people saying that Curly "didn't enable Jimmy" or playing softball for his actions. And I could maybe see where that comes from if that incident was the only thing we had to point to-- but that wasn't all he did, is it? Curly being indifferent or not taking Jimmy's mistreatment and belittlement of Anya seriously was hinted at so much earlier than that.
Namely, the very first time we play from Curly's point of view. Let's just skip the fact that Curly was putting everyone in danger by not taking his psych evals seriously and simply giving the same answers to pass them even tho he was shown literal minutes after this scene being clearly not-sane, and go straight to the point I actually wanna get into. Which is this:
These scenes in isolation wouldn't be that bad. From his pov, it's played off as comical and it is. Jimmy being a brony (not really lmao) and getting playfully dragged over it is funny. But unfortunately this is the first example out of many for Curly's complacency. Anya is complaining about Jimmy not taking his psych evals or her seriously, which is easy to believe considering how much he rags on her for "not being a good nurse" (she kept Curly alive on hopes and dreams how dare you). So he keeps making her do silly and inappropriate reports she clearly doesn't wanna do, which is kinda shitty (also borders on harassment). But rather than actually saying something about Jimmy's behaviour or even acknowledging how it sucks he says this:
Mate, that's not a good thing 💀 He's clearly aware that the problem is Jimmy's lack of respect for Anya specifically. He knows that if he, his friend and a man in power, were the one doing the evals Jimmy wouldn't try that disrespect. But it's Anya, a meek woman who ranks lower than him so he thinks he can get away with it (which he DOES), and Curly's shown as comfortable in knowing that. He doesn't chew Jimmy out for making Anya uncomfortable nor does he reassure her that he will do something about it. All he does is take it off her hands this once and helps Jimmy power through it to get a good diagnosis (even tho we know he's DEFINITELY not sane either). He doesn't even mention Anya's discomfort or confront him on his inappropriate behaviour, just teases Jimmy in good fun instead because he doesn't think of it as anything serious. It's subtle and pretty minor in comparison to everything else, but I think it's worth pointing out. Especially because this convo takes place after Jimmy had assaulted her, which makes this so much worse.
If you need any more evidence of Curly being an enabler you need not look further than Anya herself. And I'm not just talking about the way he failed her here-- I'm talking about Anya's own view of Curly and the way said view influences her actions.
Just look at her choice of wording. "What would you have done". This is in response to him saying that she could've come to him if she were feeling stressed, which she-- in his eyes-- didn't. The question itself implies that she had no faith in Curly to actually help despite his insistence that he would've, which I think is significant because it shows that she's very much aware of Curly's shortcomings when it comes to her situation AND it's one of the first (or the first time) she actually verbalised her lack of trust towards him or anyone directly. Prior to this scene she had told him about her rape and the rapist, presumably because she trusted him to handle it. And he dismissed her because the rapist was his best friend, and that evidently deeply scarred her. Enough so that she secretly took the gun and hid it someplace else and didn't even tell Curly were that was, because she knows that if Curly has access to it there's a so much greater chance Jimmy will have too, insinuated by the line "the least I can do is make sure he never gets it either". Speaking about the gun:
It sucks so bad that this perception of him isn't even inaccurate nor unjustified. That despite everything Jimmy had done to her and everything he could still do to her, he'd very likely still not allow her access to the gun for protection. Because that's exactly what he didn't do anyway. He didn't attempt to keep her safe from Jimmy, instead he just pretended that nothing was wrong and still let Jimmy's belittlement of her pass. He didn't give her the gun after the incident, because she wouldn't have hid the case if he had. Despite his desperate reassurance that he'd do anything, he did nothing but make it worse for her and she KNOWS that. It's so frustrating knowing he entrusted the axe to Swansea when he needed it but not the gun to Anya when she needed it too. Also this:
The fact that his knee-jerk reaction to her admitting that she's pregnant was "Who would you--" is so fucked, especially considering she's already told him what happened. "Who would you" what? Who would you fuck? Who would you have sex with? That choice of wording drives me up a wall-- SHE wouldn't and didn't do anything or anyone. That was JIMMY. The potential sentence implies that she had any choice or agency in her pregnancy. She didn't. And the fact that Curly had to ask "who" insinuates that he's been putting Jimmy's action out of sight and out of mind the whole time, choosing to not think about them or what happened to Anya at all. And considering he still made her do Jimmy's evaluations despite being able to do them himself and literally didn't even think of making sure she gets psych evals done too--especially AFTER getting sexually assaulted--that might actually be the case (I haven't seen anyone make a stink about that piece of info so I'm going to because what kinda colossal fuck up IS that??).
I vaguely had a post like this in mind but seeing so many people be like "well Anya did some wrong stuff too like leaving Curly alone with Jimmy but you don't get mad at HER for that so why is Curly not doing anything about Jimmy being alone with Anya so different??" actually makes me want to blow some people up. Jimmy's an abuser, sure, but Anya has no real reason to believe that he'd actually harm Curly. From her perspective, they were close, close enough that Curly would not only let Jimmy continuously disrespect her but also get away with assaulting her too. That, and she knows that Jimmy was closer to Curly than anyone and more likely to be civil around him than he ever was to her. She has barely any reasons to suspect Jimmy would harm Curly when they're alone. Curly, on the other hand, has every fucking reason on the planet to think Jimmy would harm her when they're alone. He knows he raped her (likely in her room at night too). He knows that he sexually harasses her. He knows that he doesn't respect her at all. And that was BEFORE the crash. Anya tried insisting on giving Curly his medicine, only for Jimmy to keep aggressively insisting that he'll take care of it despite her protests. Curly didn't try to keep them separate at all even though he was the Captain and had the power to do so. And this should go without saying, but leaving your rapist alone with his best friend that he was close to and enabled/protected him and leaving your friend alone with the woman he raped (and might have repeatedly assaulted given his free access to her) is NOT THE SAME and I'm going to start chucking some people down a waterfall because what the fuck is that argument 💀 Actually leave it to the fandom of the game where the rape of a woman is the catalyst for the events that unfold to use her trauma to defend the guy that enabled it in the first place. Bloody hell.
The reason why this whole Curly discourse pisses me off is because it-- from what I can see-- ONLY brings up his failures 1-0 days before the crash and the Dead Pixel scene (or all the discussion around other points are drowned out by those two). Those scenes, while important to talk about, are not the only things he's done, and focussing on those as the only things is a mistake that comes short of understanding the issue. When it comes to Curly the main defences I see for him are "he was trying not to escalate the situation" and "he was trying to keep things under control the best he can" and "he was waiting for the right time to help Anya", but those don't work when you look at the bigger picture of everything he's done.
He half-assed through his psych eval despite clearly not being sane (and KNOWING he's barely sane, he literally admits it to Jimmy's face). He still continued to task her with Jimmy's psych evals. He brushed over Jimmy's sexual harassment of her as a joke. He didn't think about making sure she got psych evals done herself after being raped. He gave Swansea the axe but didn't give Anya the gun despite it being for "unrest amongst the crew" (whatever the hell THAT means). He let her assault slip his mind that she had to remind him. He's literally a blond man. He took no action to hold Jimmy responsible for anything, and prioritised how his violation of Anya would affect him rather than her. He ignored her demands for him to get rid of Jimmy. He still allowed Jimmy free reign of the ship as co-pilot even after he was openly fantasising about killing everyone and had a major motive and the means to do just that. He was potentially thinking of making her miscarry to cover up what happened. He was so accustomed to her sucking up being disrespected and disturbed that he didn't even notice a difference in her behaviour until she hid the fucking gun. There's so much other shit he's done and hasn't done, and not talking about them or glossing over them makes it so easy for people to argue that he isn't actually an enabler or just minimise the severity of his neglect.
And while I'm already dragging Curly through the mud, I might as well just drag Swansea too. I've seen too many people being like "Anya should've told Swansea instead" and "Swansea was the one that actually took responsibility". Like, y'all realise he's not that much better than Curly, right? He already knew about what happened to Anya-- he admits it to Jimmy's face-- but he didn't do shit. He knew, but he still got completely shitfaced for months despite her earlier protestation to that (for very understandable reasons). He knew, but he still let Jimmy have the axe AND be alone with Anya while having it. He knew, but when Anya locked herself in the Medical and Daisuke and Jimmy asked for his help he didn't budge nor really showed any care. He knew, but the reason he finally decided to do something about Jimmy wasn't Anya, it was Daisuke. Her suffering and her eventual death weren't enough for him to take action either.
This game, on top of everything else, is a great depiction of rape culture. It doesn't just include the rapists, but the people (mostly men) that stay silent, do nothing, make excuses for and protect the perpetrator for whatever reason, and Swansea and Curly (Curly way more so than Swansea) are both active contributors to the environment that allowed for evil to flourish and continue unhindered until it destroyed them all. And while that arguably doesn't make them evil themselves or as bad as Jimmy, they are so much more a part of the bigger problem than the fandom likes to admit.
[Ok since this is kinda gaining a bit of traction please consider helping these guys out here, here and here. Thanks!]
#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#curly mouthwashing#captain curly#anya mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing#swansea mouthwashing#do not come for me curly fans i'm one of y'all i promise. kinda#if i had a nickle for every time i made a post dragging a blond man i'd have three#which isn't a lot now but that number will likely increase in the future lmao#seriously tho i'm so sick of seeing people be all “there's no evidence that he's an enabler” and “he did all he could” like screw you guys#the point of the whole story is that his inaction is what allowed for everything to happen#that his willingness to do nothing put him in a state where he can only watch the horrors without being able to do anything if he wanted to#it's about TWO captains who kept going on about taking responsibility and did anything BUT that#he's not as horrible as jimmy obviously but he doesn't need to be to do damage and be awful#you know what i very well may just be a lot meaner and uncharitable to him than i should be here#but i guess tumblr can be the judge of that. i still rest my case. now time to continue avoiding curly discourse like usual XD#normally i wouldn't care enough to make a post about the way the fandom treats him because it's nothing unique or anything#but something about this game and him being blond specifically made me unable to resist. i just can't be nice to him for that alone#pardon the typos i whipped this up in a hurry and am too lazy to go over everything right now#momento rambles
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One thing that I think most 'Tim joins the batfam early' fics miss is that Tim, a very intelligent and independent child who has been doing a dangerous hobby for years, would hate being adopted actually. All the new rules meant to keep him safe? At best annoying, at worst he feels like he is in prison.
To Tim, he just lost his freedom, privacy, and independence, no matter how good the batfam is in reality.
"I need to tell you when I am leaving the house, where I am going and how long I will be gone? The bare minimum parents typically ask from their middle school aged children? No."
Normal good responsible parenting would be torture for Tim.
#dc comics#dc#tim drake#batman#batfam#my post#this isn't even in a bad parent bruce or bad bat family AU or anything.#Wanting to know where your child is and not letting them do dangerous things is normal actually#like this is the complete opposite of child abuse. this is what good parenting looks like#but Tim would fucking hate it sooo much#and yeah bruce lets his kids do dangerous things but he does give them training and supplies#and he is usually there with them or they can call for backup#and they are there is to help people which is a purpose beyond the art of photography#so like that argument to let him go falls through pretty quick#and he only became robin because Jason died so in an au where he joins early there is no reason for him to become a hero#he probably doesn't want to be a hero. he wants to take pictures!#all of which is to say he would hate living there a lot#i want an au where he just does everything in his power to not be adopted and keeps failing#eventually they come to some kind of agreement because tim just isn't a normal kid and normal parenting won't work on him
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[A sad violin song plays over an image of a sad hamster]
Pac: This doesn't have anything to do with me – I wear a blue sweatshirt, you're crazy, this mouse doesn't even have a sweatshirt, this hamster! [Reading chat] Am I a depressed hamster?
[ Transcript continued ↓ ]*
–
Pac: Actually– that's fine! I embrace that idea – of course I'm going to be depressed, are you crazy? [He hits his desk, then starts counting off people on his fingers] Fit is gone, Richarlyson is gone, Ramon is gone, Bagi and Empanada who were always there when we were there are also gone, I haven't seen them! It's just me and Tubbo, and sometimes Philza shows up.
Pac: I lost Chume Labs, I lost the Favela, I lost Murder Mystery, I lost Ilha Chume Labs, it's crazy! Look at how much I've lost, and I've gained nothing! Of course I'm going to be depressed, are you crazy?! How am I supposed to be happy?!
Pac: [Reading chat] "You have us Pac," that's true, thank you. No, that's true, sorry.
* NOTE: Please note that this is an incomplete transcript, as I was primarily relying on Aypierre's translation mod at the time and if I am not confident of the translation, I do not include it. As always, please feel free to add on translations or message me corrections.
#Pactw#QSMP#Pac#March 18 2024#As much as I love keeping people updated about Pac / the other Portuguese-speaking creators#I think I might not make as many transcribed posts for their clips anymore#I just don't think I'm qualified enough to be transcribing things for a language I don't know#like yeah we have the Qlobal Translator and Aypierre's translators to rely on#And I'm always upfront when I'm not 100% sure about a translation#but I've been thinking about it a lot and it kinda makes me feel a bit icky. Idk.#I might be overthinking this but I just I don't want to spread around translations I'm not super confident about#esp. since I know a lot of people cite my clips in analysis posts or link them to other people as resources#and 90% of the time I'm like ''Hell yeah I love seeing people getting a lot of use out of the archive''#but sometimes I get a bit anxious like ''Did I do a good enough job translating this''#''Am I ruining someone's entire perception of a conversation or character because I left one word out or mistranslated something?''#And like I said that's normally not a HUGE concern since if I'm not certain about a translation I just won't post a clip. but you know#idk it might just be the anxiety talking but I really really don't want to spread bad info#Happy to hear other folks' perspective#I'm really grateful for people like Bell and Pix and others who translate clips and I always try to reblog those#but we don't have a ton of people posting clips & translating things on Tumblr since we're so English-centric#which is part of the reason WHY I like sharing clips of the non-English-speaking CCs#but at the same time I want to do an accurate job representing what they're saying#Maybe I'll just start posting things and give a TLDR context of what they're talking about but not a transcript#that way native-speakers can hop in and add translations if that's something they're comfortable doing#and if not then well. at least I'm not sharing something that isn't super accurate#idk I'm just thinking out loud a bit in the tags#But I'm open to hearing other people's thoughts on the matter#Anyways giant rant aside. q!Pac is NOT doing ok rn
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#fucks me up that there are two whole new animals in the house that i barely know#who depend on me for everything#barely recognize me as a friend or helper#and are so incredibly incredibly fragile#i got worried for junie today because her spay incision had some swelling#and it's normal to have some and i have seen it before#but after what we just wemt through i got upset and rushed her to the vet#who said it was fine and thankfully we have free office visits#but i was so upset even though i knew it was probably normal#i look at them and i see adorable cuddly sweet TEMPORARY things and i feel like something inside me got broken somehow#and i was right all along that after it was all over i would come back but not quite as myself#i just hadn't fully understood the extent#we are keeping them and it sort of had to happen when it did but i think it was too early for me#they are so cute and when they do cuddle it's so sweet and obviously i would fight for them as hard as i would for Fancy#because that's just how the deal works and it isn't about you at all it's about how they each carry a little world inside them just as we d#and that deserves equal respect and care regardless of my personal affections#but i look at them and i see little creatures that don't belong here and are foreign in some fundamental way#and that they will be gone in just a little while and things will go back to how they were#which is impossible#we will settle in and i doubt anything i am feeling is abnormal but I'm really struggling and i feel so bad about that#i don't know#it's just a lot to deal with#and i feel very lonely and sad about it#and under it all the sick feeling of having JUST held all three lads as they passed and the VISCERAL reality of it#and knowing one day if everything goes just right i will be holding them too#dear god life is so fragile and every living thing is just as mortal as any other
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Living with Body Focused Repetitive Behaviors
Me: *Is super stressed over life.*
Trichotillomania: Time to pull some hair! C'mon. You won't even notice you're doing it. It'll make you feel better.
Me: NO. *Spends 4 days putting hair in a mini twist protective style* There.
Dermatillomania: Hey. Your hands are free. And restless. And dry... Pick your skin. Bleed. Bleed.
Me: Stop! *Starts up a new crochet project to keep hands busy.* Ok cool.
Onychophagia: Hi hi. Your nails are.... perfect biting length... you should do that.
Me: Noooooooooooo *Paints nails.*
Dermatillomania: Oh look, you got some nail polish on your skin. Pick it off... now pick some more...
Me: SDJAKFDSJFKLDKAFDJKLAFJDKSAKLFDASL
#is this tmi? oh well. this is the tmi website#trichotillomania#dermatillomania#onychophagia#bfrb#body focused repetitive behavior#ocd#guys guess what? my therapist all but prescribed that i get a manicure to prevent picking at my skin#apparently after a year with this therapist i never mentioned my finger picking until this week#and she was like 'ok since you find it tough to paint them yourself get a manicure. self care and preventative'#because my cuticles are horrific due to me constantly picking at them and the sides of my fingers#so i've always been too embarrassed to go to a nail salon and my therapist was like 'exposure therapy!'#currently my nails are sloppily painted because i can't hold a brush still and they're already chipping after like 5 days#actually they probably started chipping on the second day honestly.#i need to redo my twists a bit which actually satisfies the trich urges since i'll be running my fingers through my hair to do it#but i won't actually be pulling. but also. i will be getting the shed hairs out. so. kind of fulfills that.#but right now my nails are long enough for me to feel them sometimes hit my keyboard. which. isn't normal for me.#and despite the nail polish i feel the urge to bite them shorter ahhhhh#anyway if you're Black with natural hair and have trich i HIGHLY suggest mini twists since it helps deter me from pulling#sure i have to redo it every few weeks but seriously. game changer. harder to find individual hairs to pull.
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Enecomimi Banzaiiii (Patreon)
#Doodles#Pokemon#Firebland#Silverstreakshipping#Kabu#Larry#Gintama references lol#And translation jokes! Very fun#I like how my reaction to these two is a fairly level ''Oh I like them but it's not all That serious really'' and then my headcanons pft#They're easy to like and think about! What am I to do about that#So the headcanons lol - I like to think that since Kabu was recruited from Hoenn that he sometimes calls Pokemon by their Japanese names#Which allowed for this very fun joke :) I was So hoping that one of the Normal cats would be a basic pun on ''Neko'' and I was right hehehe#Since Gintama has been moved into my breakfast rotation - I've read enough djs not fully appreciating the context! It was time!#I've gotten the opportunity to enjoy some of the references pulled from the anime itself into the fanwork hehe <3 Nekomimi banzaiiii!#Once I heard Shinpachi call it moe* that was it I was done I could go on no longer without making the joke#*As in cute/endearing/exciting - but its homophone refers to ''burning''! Kabu is both hehe#He's so confused - isn't Eneco a Normal type? Better go ask the resident expert#As if they weren't already planning to hang out at Kabu's place haha ♪ Just going through his fanmail while Larry spectates casually#That second Kabu is probably the cutest one I've drawn so far!! Couldn't recapture for the rest of the comic that's for sure hwegh#Gotta study what does and doesn't work with his design hm hm#Larry's still much easier to draw which is clearly why he features for only two panels here lol#At least he's enjoying himself#Kabu + Cute Normal Type Pokemon = 😳 Haha ♪#You're being very subtle Larry I'm sure he won't notice your reaction at all you're holding it together great#頑張れ アオキさん
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for the life of me i cannot figure out why people are so desperate to apply a version of dean's facade to sam
#like... as someone with autism‚ wrt autism masks‚ they aren't black and white between what's presented vs what we feel...#not even dean's facade works like that. where is idea that what sam expressed isn't what he feels coming from?#like we get canonical evidence or exploration for what he feels in his actions very often in canon so??#and his emotional compartmentalising is very often presented in situations that are different from‚ say‚ his code switching#why are you so desperate to erase his canonical character exploration? like having headcanons in which what he feels and expresses#or what his actions are aren't what he feels at all kind of renders everything about him useless?#do you just have this hc to have the room to make stuff up about him? or what#the 'when the “loveable rogue” act Dean played didn't work out' line is crazy#because it's made me realise that this headcanon isn't about sam at all in a way that i cannot quite put my finger on#anyway the ways in which sam goes about attempting to be normal are explored in canon...#it isn't in terms of 'trying to mimic human behaviour' (please dissect why you think about him like this I BEGGGG)#it's canonically in terms of the hunting vs nuclear dichotomy. he doesn't want to to beat uo his bullies because kids his age#shouldn't have the skills he does !!!! he doesn't want to kill his first kiss because kids his age GET to have their first kiss#and not kill them. and this is interesting to me actually#his monstrosity hinders his idea of his normalcy and the hunting dichotomy of innocent vs monstrous is the structure#within which he both crosses that boundary to achieve normalcy but it's also why he cannot achieve it#the idea of its innateness that dean applied should he decide to do so. i feel like that's where this is working from#because it is just so strange that you attribute a facade with no canonical standing within a hc#to the monstrous boy as 'pretending to be normal' rather than trying and failing#while also stripping dean of his facade entirety to get to what you perceive as his entirely gooey insides within the same post#ludere
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so i randomly started thinking about that 'faceless villain' trope today (i honestly don't know whether that's the official name of it or not but JSJSJ i'm just going to call it that for now) where there is this guy, woman, or nonbinary person likes strictly operates in the shadows and no one has actually seen their face... right?
because they send representatives to places to do their 'business,' but people are still afraid of them BC they seem to have an unduly level of influence on whatever crime system they may be a part of (ex. gotham's underground). and all i can think about is them flourishing in an environment like gotham because — well, the place is known for practically being filled to the brim with corruption and/or crime — buttt there are people that are naturally wary about working with them because they don't even show their face.
so, they basically believe that allows them to have zero accountability, you know? and one person seeks to prove that there is actually no (insert name of faceless villain here) + this could be a fellow villain or a hero, but i like the idea of this faceless villain deciding to take this personally. they would essentially be trying to say they're a 'sham' in a way after all.
and therefore, this villain has this person escorted to their little hideout to show this person that they're real, just out of spite. which is enough to explain exactly why they don't show their face. because imagine being greeted with not a person but like a three-headed human-like god (which i'm thinking they may have because they represent three separate concepts; them as a creator, protector, and destroyer)...
like they would definitely attract some unwanted attention ahahhh, but OFC, it wouldn't actually be that they hide their true identity because they feel ashamed of how they look. i just like the idea of them doing it because they felt like all the gods were afraid of them for something that they hadn't even done yet (perhaps due to a prophecy?? 👀) so they fled to earth. and then, after being taken in by a criminal or two?
they figured they might as well ride the 'high' that is causing chaos as they've been prevented from ever expressing that destructive side of themselves with their fellow god's. but these humans actually encouraged them to familiarize themselves with it + they discovered that they're really good at disrupting the natural order... because reinvention can be such a diabolical motivation for a character IMO buttt i may end up changing that in the future.
though, if you all have made it to this point, thank you for listening to my ted talk about a trickster god with three heads that is awful ❤️ LMAO
#OF MONSTERS AND MEN: musings.#ooc post.#AHHH don't mind me just spitballing here about a concept for a god character y'all LOL i just... IDK. i think it'd be interesting-#albeit in a kind of like 'oh... that's not-' kind of way for a character to be basically prevented from expressing what is a literal-#crucial aspect of themselves because of a prophecy perhaps or because the other gods in the pantheon fear what they could accomplish#if they were ALLOWED to be destructive which sort of makes them feel everyone they know treats them as a ticking time bomb#and so they go off to try to 'discover' this part of themselves by you know. doing what normal gods do + going down to earth to learn what#it is that everyone is so afraid of them realizing and them being like 'OH. it's that i like the feeling of having power and influence-#other's isnt it? so they basically wanted me to be weak' even though that last part isn't true BUTTT yeah. IDK i'm just having thoughts
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Lrb dear god, this reminded me of that time when Alfred-chan got sooooo mad at my post explaining why fans should respect bisexual headcanons for Maria and Malenia instead of pretending like they're canonically lesbians and that they get oppressed and erased by mxf ships with them. They kept vagueing that post for like a MONTH in their blog including in tags under reblogs of Maria fanart, passively-aggressively changed their url to character+sexuality to "spite" me and then even made a sockpuppet account to start shit with me in the comments.
They deactivated when me and Val completely obliterated their "you cultivate lesbiphobic following by telling people why they should respect all sexuality headcanons instead of acting cultish or assuming their experiences and stereotypes equal canon confirmation" garbage with actual facts and logic tho but I screenshotted everything fjthfgfj (I learned to document everything the hard way after they've changed the she/they pronouns to they/they pronouns ONLY to accuse me of misgendering, so thank you for making me wiser I guess 😎). Even more vile, as they, a white person, larped as an Arab in that sockpuppet to hold even MORE "privilege" against me in discussion gjtjfh Because for them race, gender or sexuality are just badges of honor and dishonor, they don't see these as traits of actual human beings. And Dr Eugene X, who worked with them and weaponized her race to accuse everyone who disagreed with her of racism, didn't bat an eye at such a terrible act too?? As usual, rules are not for their friends, lol
It is not even the worst thing Alfred did, and yet all of this just, just, JUST because I wrote a point on why bisexual headcanon people did nothing wrong and there is no ground to claim something is canon when it isn't. 🤦♂️ Like, they were soooo convinced that I hated lesbian headcanons and that I'd feel angry if they called Lady Maria a lesbian, when what I was angry at is this exact toxic behavior in the fandom. No matter how much you like a headcanon, don't be a bitch about it. Maria doesn't """belong""" to any gender or sexuality, she belongs to anyone who likes her and is invested in her complexity as a character!!!
Yet, apparently, common Malenia simps / Finlay shippers are no better than common Maria simps / Mariadeline shippers. Just, wild how after shit like this, many people have the guts to claim that it is "sexist redditbros" who are the biggest problem of creators in the fandom. 🤦♂️ They'd actually blush if they encountered what such self-proclaimed "feminists" do to their own (!!!) over headcanons. 🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️
#also fuck anna for thinking shit like this and way worse things alfred did is not as evil and toxic as#as me snapping at her for DEFENDING alfred#wiki: I can excuse stalking harassment cultish shunning bullying fantomette lying slander weaponizing identity but-#-I draw the line at katy getting too emotional when I admit as much uwu#granted she did admit that the reason for this is because alfred didnt concern her personally#she is probably the person I'll forgive last in this situation if ever#as much as I hate alfred they clearly have no empathy and compassion and lie for medical reasons#it isn't my assumptions they often reblogged this shit#I know mental illness is not an excuse for so much harassment for variety of reasons but-#-why would someone want to change if they medically can't feel guilt for their actions?#I feel bad for them and they hopefully will get help#as for Eugene idk... they seem to be a typical brainwashed youth#such people either change with age or get strongly bitten in the ass and get reality check#granted people who still follow her did admit she goes head hunting and then plays victim#as well as they only keep in touch because they worry they'll be dragged down if they are not at her good side#rather than because they like her posts (which are so untrue to BB that she can just make OCs anyways)#choir boy is literally just mindless sheep that didnt even have dignity to make it personal#hence is the name#I am sure he is lovely in his own circle it just doesn't concern me or my friend#but anna?#she knew what she was doing and has no excuse#fandomry rambles#it is also funny how they are four cringe failures and us are four based people#best AND worst groups come in four lol#also I know you all are dying to know how I can still hold grudges year later right?#it is hard to explain#I live normally and recover and not think of it but then scar starts to hurt#like you know how physical scars can react to weather or shit? mental can too
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"It's normal for siblings to fight" Okay well it's not normal to be extremely classist and look down on your sister for being non-conforming. Or to go to the woman who ordered the death of your pet to tell her about your father's plans, when he specifically warned you against doing so, because you want to marry the boy you saw attack your sister and her friend (contributing partially to said father's death and your sister being unable to escape on the ship he chartered). Or to think of your sibling as unsatisfactory in comparison to another when you believe her to be dead. I notice that none of the "Sansa and Arya are going to reunite and instantly have no issues" crowd ever acknowledge any of this, which makes it seem like they don't actually believe what they say about their relationship being normal and easily reconciled. People wanting them to have no issues simply because they're siblings is another example of how fandom likes to flatten complex characters and relationships. They get reduced to being bickering siblings when their conflict runs deeper than that. If the author is telling you that they have "deep issues" to work out [X], I don't understand being so adamant about ignoring said issues. I also get the sense it's about ignoring the capacity for a certain character to be flawed, but that isn't going to change the fact that her "slip of the tongue" is very likely to be revealed and a source of further conflict 🤷🏾♀️
#arya stark#sansa stark#house stark#asoiaf#also if it's so normal for siblings to fight then why are you guys losing your minds over us theorizing they won't get along??#the amount of condescending /that's just how siblings act/ takes I see 🙄#sorry I guess? that we read the book and don't just delete parts of the story because we find it convenient?#it's not even like takes about them being enemies is widespread the most I see is that they aren't instantly bffs when they reunite 😭#some people theorize they'll never be close but guess what? that's a completely fair and valid assumption based on their relationship!#personally I think they'll have a sweet reunion before the issues they have inevitably surface again because while they've been through#a lot they haven't fundamentally changed as people or the values they hold#and I think that's going to be very interesting to read about!#I can't figure out why people always take the most boring bland route for how things will play out#mostly because people seem to be unable to swallow the concept that Sansa is a flawed character who isn't perfectly sweet all the time#and the fact that their conflict is instigated by Sansa's classism#which is funny cause in the grand scheme of things her being mean to Arya is such a mild thing that opens the door to a ton of growth#never seen anybody but stansas equating her being a bully to her sister to her being evil/a villain#all we do is point out that it exists in the story...people in this fandom have no concept of nuance I stg 😭#anyways they're both complex characters and their conflict is interesting and I hope we get to see how it plays out#cause it's definitely going to be better then that trash d&d came up with 🙏🏾
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if stranger things 5 comes out and they're like 'omg! the upside down has been a product of someone's dark and twisted mind this whole time! it's... WILL!' I'll immediately lose interest
#manifestation theory#I really hope not#like I don't. hate will. he's fine. but he's so easily likable that it doesn't feel rewarding to like him?#mike wheeler's been a menace this whole time so I had to put in work to figure him out#and they literally said 'getting to mike is the key' which would make sense if by understanding mike you understand everything#in the show where no one knows what's going on and also no one knows what mike wheeler is thinking ever. unrelated ofc#he isn't important look away. don't look at him#like why would they! make him the bad guy! if they're not going to MAKE HIM THE BAD GUY!!!!!#I'd say it makes too much sense not to do it but I'm always saying that and then these stupid shows do stupid things anyway#because. listen. if one of them is the heart and one of them has to die for the upside down to be permanently defeated#and that person is will#there's no conflict there. everyone loves will. because he's designed to be likable and for you to want him alive#but MIKE? mike's flawed. he's frustrating. he's a bad friend and a worse boyfriend. he's very obnoxiously a teenage boy#if it's mike the audience would need to be reminded that this is a Child‚ and no matter how much you personally dislike them#wanting children to die because you think they're useless and annoying and etc. IS NOT NORMAL#THAT'S NOT NORMAL! ESPECIALLY WHEN MIKE ALREADY THINKS THAT ABOUT HIMSELF!#mike being the heart gives the 'maybe we should just kill him' side of the trolley problem weight#think about it. really think about it. if they decide that mike has to die to keep everyone safe‚ what's going to happen?#the adults won't agree. hopper won't do it. he talked about killing mike before but he won't ACTUALLY let any of these kids die#maybe mike jumps off a cliff again but he needed the pressure of dustin's immediate safety and a countdown to make himself do it last time#what I think is more likely? nancy. she has guns in her bedroom (there's a 6 year old in the house I know where I keep my guns; her SISTER)#she hates the upside down for taking barb and making her feel like this; she wants to finish what they started - she wants to kill it.#if mike has to die‚ then nancy has to kill her own brother. because he can't do it himself and his big sister can do anything#does that sound right to you? this being the first time they agree and connect and are on the same page? is any of this right?
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On the train zooming! Might as well have wore a scuba suit with the weather though, going to go charity shop hunting for a cute waterproof trench coat so with me luck!
#Soo technically I didn't wake up till 9pm yesterday so the lack of sleep isn't a huge issue buttt I may have drank a bottle of wine#😶#technically with me sleep being flipped it isn't bad right?#tispy pup on an adventure!#imma be so sociable in the shops which is so off for me 😅😂#my dad would be proud#(my dad's an alcoholic)#is a joke#you can laugh#dark humour ahahaha#sort of grump i hid back in myself when i wasnt single#now i feel like i can post silly stuff again#what the heck brain#he did indicate he was a lil controlling (a reason i yeeted out of there) but he didnt outright say i couldn't post stuff#pup brain in a scramble egg#may haps have a lil drinky drinky with me in a bottle#im a big kid#im safe#a lil reckless behaviour is fine right?#i say out of all the things i could be doing to cope this is pretty tame right#ooo pups really going off showing that mental health side huh?#ahahah#im so normal and definitely not the problem#also yes he was the abysmal dicking but no that isnt way i yeeted myself out of there#well the lack of noticing i wasnt enjoying it/begging me to give consent again sort of was but shhhhhh#if you read all this i understand if you decide to unfollow 😂#also why do i feel more me in genral again#like i love being called they/them but he only ever called me she even after i talked about why i like they#sort of shitty he did but why did i just accept it and forget how comfy they them makes me#she is fine too but i pup not just a she
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Gifted Drabble - NewAgeAu - Q&A
As I said! I totally wasn't scheming :3 @spotaus
But i had to wait until you uploaded your drabble about very sneaky Cross to make sure I got more references and a better idea about his character :D
So... here we are :3 Also yes the name of the drabble is a very bad joke but i thought of it and it was too funny.
*------------------------------------------*
Cross just sits there... He is such an idiot!
Getting caught?! As quickly as he did? that must be a record on how incapable he was.
It wasn't as if Cross had an excuse. Dream and Blue warned him! Warned him that the Knights were very skilled and watchful. That he had to leave as soon as he got the information and plans. Do not linger!
That had been the mission!
Instead he was a coward and just. Took too long. He spend too much time trying to form a plan instead of just acting. And then He tried to solve mysteries himself instead of just grabbing and leaving as soon as he could!
But he just... Cross groans.
He hadn't found anything fitting the brief. He hadn't been able to find anything that spoke about hurting people or raising taxes to hurt the poor or anything!
In matter of fact.
All he found was plans to improve the infra structure. To tax the nobels more and lower the taxes on people who earned less. He found information on how the king had contact with farmers to work on more structures and installations to help farmers recover from the change in weather and to fully utilise the land without exhausting it.
Projects on testing mixed crop planting and stricts rotation schedules to make sure the soil itself wasn't exhausted from nutrients or risks infections or fungi growing which would hurt the soil and specific crops.
There was even this whole program about apprentices!! something about orphans and children and teens on the straights and a way to offer them schooling and housing and even training with the people helping them! That the crown would pay these people for helping those who don't have family to count on!
It is still in draft clearly as it had been covered with sidenotes in this very elegant and curve handwriting. notes about how to pay for it. where to start it. which people to ask for posibilities. but also notes about how to check the children. how to make sure the children and teens weren't use or abused or even worse!
And... well... not too shortly after that one of the Knights just... Sat in the chair and spoke casually... Scared the shit out of him at the time.
How was that dude so quiet?! or so strong for that matter?
How could his magic had backfired so badly?
Cross sighs as he turns to his side. He is an IDIOT. How could he have gotten so reckless?
Drema and Blue would have already been happy with him getting anything back from the king's plans... maybe he just couldnt see the danger in them clearly? Hell if he knows what the state in the country is. He knows nothing about this place.
Maybe the things he saw was a bad thing? Maybe there was some... weird way to make them look bad?
Like.
Maybe there was already little nature? Sure Cross saw a lot of it on his way here but hell if he knows? maybe there is little in the cities or soemthing?
Maybe the nobels are already being taxed a lot? maybe this will make the nobels all poor? and euh.... Cross isn't sure how taxing the poor less could be bad but maybe there is some way?
the farming thing... Well... Cross isn't sure... maybe the farmers don't want him to micro manage or soemthing? maybe the king is being too controlling about it? that works...
The children are obvious. those are vulnerable kids and teens! Who are being used and exploited!! Well... he would have to ignore all the sidenotes about the kids wellbeing... and the notes about banning child labor...
Cross groans. Why is it so hard to see the things he is doing as bad?! Dream told him that Nightmare is corrupted and the thing ruling now is evil and terrible and needs to be removed to save his twin!!
Then why are the plans good? Maybe he is faking it? But why? XGaster never bothered to fake anything... He was just rightfully the king and people should respect him.
Cross frowns as he turns on his side. Ignoring the guard standing well guard outside of his cell. He tugs on the magical blocker on his arm. Making him unable to use his magic to summon any weapon or try to take control over someone elses magic again.
Well... Not like he can try that with the guard guarding him again anyway. Seeing as it is Dust guarding him...
Cross tugs on it again and Dust speaks "Don't bother. Those things can't be removed by the wearer."
Cross freezes and looks over. He thought he had been sneaky enough. The one with the panther mask stares back.
Cross frowns as he turns back to the wall.
The Knight goes quiet again.
Cross tugs on the band one more time. Just to be spiteful. Before laying back and staring at the wall.
Fuck... He is going to die here? Isn't he?
Maybe they will just starve him...
Or maybe they will first torture him to figure out who he works for.
Cross is going to have to withstand it until he dies. He can't give up Dream and the fact he is planning a revolution.
He can't ruin another revolution that could save and help so many people.
He will have to be strong. Not give in. Not even an inch.
"I apologise I took so long Dust. Thank you for keeping watch."
Cross freezes at the new but familiar voice. Cross had heard the voice before. He had seen the owner walk around and had been getting information on him.
The king.
The fucking king.
Nightmare himself!
Why was the king here?!
Sure Cross had been spying and stealing information. But was that really such a big deal to get the king himself to interrogate him?!
Then again... Shed's tail had aparently been removed and used for cat toys...
He is so dead.
A click and the door to his cell slowly creaks open.
Cross's pulse is beating so fast.
Footsteps walking closer. before the door creaks closed. and is relocked.
He is so dead.
A few more steps and then silence for a moment as Cross tries to keep his panic at bay. He regrets staring at the wall.
"I know you are awake. Speaking will be a lot easier if we face each other."
Cross keeps laying there. What does he do?! He can't ignore him. Come on Cross. Be brave. You faced down scarier threats!
'But you had magic back then.' his mind whispers 'You had a way to defend yourself.'
Still. Cross sits up and turns around. Making sure he is glaring. He is not going to give in. "What is there to tell?" His voice holds the challange. He isn't afraid. He will not give in. He is not going to give this so-called king anything!
Nightmare tilts his skull slightly. intrigue clearly. Cross doesn't like the fact that he seems just so... unbothered by Cross. Cross is the enemy! He is sitting in the cell after Nightmare's forces found him snooping around, trying to steal information.
So why is this king staring at him with just intrigued! No rage? No disgust?!
Nightmare speaks again. Seemingly taking his time to think about his answers. trying to be actually truthful? or trying to think of an answer that Cross wants to hear? Wait... Is the king already in cross's head and mind? is Cross already being tricked?
Nightmare's voice breaks him out of his spiralled thinking "I think I disagree. there is a lot to talk about."
Cross tilts his skull upwards. stubborn energy in his soul "I won't tell you anything about who send me or why. No matter what!"
Nightmare looks slightly amused "I don't exactly care about who send you or why."
... what?
Nightmare continues, at his aparently obvious confusion, as he explains "I know there are people who wish to know what I am doing. I know people are scheming against me. It is nothing new. Even a spy as yourself is nothing new." he looks amused "The fact they even send you implies they know close to nothign about me, my land or my home. Or, that they don't care about you at all."
That.. that doesn't make any sense?!
Ngihtmare nods "I do apologise you swore your loyalty to those who know nothing of the target they send you to spy on. Otherwise they would have known that I am aware of what goes on in my castle and land." he smiles "they would have known that my Knights are everywhere and good at their jobs." he shoots Cross a look "They would know that i am aware of who is suposed to work where at which moment."
Cross feels his mind lock up as the information filters in... How... how hadn't Dream known this?
Ngihtmare waves a hand casually "You are a rather inexperienced spy. Not that it matters. As there is very little any type of skill could have done against me and those of mine. Either your employers know nothing of me which means they aren't much of a threat quite yet. Or they were willing to throw you away as some sort of test against me or you. Which just makes me unimpressed with them overall."
Cross just stares at the ground.
The Knight speaks softly "Way to ruin his worldview my king."
a moment of silence before "I apologise. I shouldn't have said those things. You did not deserve to hear those or have to worry about which case is true."
Cross snaps "Why am i not dead yet?!" He had heard about the terrible punishment this parasite of a king does. How he hurts people for jsut the hell of it... From Dream... form the guards working here... It makes no sense that Cross is still alive. Unless he wants to torture him of course...
A moment of silence.
Ngihtmare speaks a bit softer but still sure and confident "You meant no harm. You were here for a few days and no one was attacked. Neither myself, my knights, my servants or my people in the city. I do not see why i would punish you with death if you did not do a crime earning such a thing."
Cross glares up "And if i had hurt someone?" So he was just doing this own test?! this is just a test. That Cross can deal with. Cross can deal with someone trying to trick and test him!
The king chuckles and shakes his skull "It is very bold of you to assume you would have been able to hurt anyone. Just because we aren't obvious you were not walking around unnoticed or unwatched. If you had made a single move to hurt someone you would have been stopped and caught right away. I must admit however if you had tried that this conversation would be going very differently."
Cross frowns, wait... "If i moved to hurt someone? Anyone?"
Nightmare nods "Of course. The people who work for me are people who's safety i take very seriously. They are willing to work for me. in trade for their servitude i make sure they have what they need and want and more importantly. That they are safe to live their lifes." He sounds so certain and the answer is instantly.
He didn't even need to think about it.
Cross's mind is swimming as he tries to focus. This makes no sense... Why is he implying that he only punishes those who deserve it? That isn't waht others said. This... this is weird. This is the weirdest interrogation he has ever been part of. But he manages to find his voice again "What do you then even want to know?" It isn't like he knows anything.
Nightmare watches him "I am curious about the Lost Kingdom."
Cross flinches as he looks away. "It isn't called lost..." it isn't lost... it isn't! His... his brother- Nine is trying so hard to fix the mess Cross left behind. the mess Cross helped cause. It may be broken and a bit of a mess but it isn't lost. Lost implies there is nothing that can be saved from it.
A soft hum before he speaks again "I apologise. It is a name i took over from others." a moment of silence "I supose I am just curious what made the most loyal of knights of that land leave the country he was working on protecting."
Cross freezes. huh?
Nightmare waits for a moment but when Cross doens't answer he continues "It doesn't make sense to me. Your every move and motivation was from trying to protect the country you served. Yet here you are. Instead of there."
Cross looks to the side. He... he had tried to protect but he failed everyone. He always failed... He made the most terrible mistake of mistakes... How could he stay? they didn't want him to stay. He didn't deserve to stay after that.
Cross looks to the side and speaks "No one wanted the loyal dog of the tyrant to stay. so i left." there.
a moment of silence. "Seems a bit of a harsh name for someone who was loyal to the country."
Cross glares "I wasn't! I just did what the old tyrant wanted!" Like an idiot who can't think for himself. He just did whatever his father told him. Too blind and too stupid to see that XGaster was hurting others.
Nightmare continues to look at him "And you believed in him to make the right choices for the country. That is the job of a king. Make sure that what is done is done to improve the land. improve the country. improve life for the people. It is not your fault that XGaster didn't honour his rule. That he did not do what he was suposed to. What he was sworn into."
Cross can't hear this. Not form sometone who is suposed to be eveil but seems to know so much. Who seems to know what it means to be king yet who isn't suposed to care. Why is this thing who is possessing an innocent acting as it he cares? How would this thing know what makes a good king?!
Cross asks him as much. "Why do you care!?" it is more of a snap than a question.
Is it... Is it Nightmare? Influencing the thing brainwashing him and controlling him? Fighting back?
Dream would be happy to hear that.
Nightmare still thinks about the question. He looks ahead of himself with a tiny frown. Seemingly thinking.
Cross however can't help that notice how blue the cyan eye is. Clearly unnatural. Toxic even... Yet calm. There is no rage hidden that Dream warned him about. No edge of insanity or madness. Just calm and insightful thoughts. Control over his mind? but that makes no sense if he is brainwashed...
The body is not at all what Cross even expected to once see. Ngihtmare had this imposing presence. The fact his form was covered with a goop that had melted over one of his sockets didn't help. The way those tentacles on his back moved and idled. Seemingly without a single thought- wait... didn't octopusses have like... brains in each tentacle. Did that mean that Nightmare had five brains working and thinking for him?
Still... The corruption is so clearly... strange. Dream had told him that the powers given by the ritual was suposed to make a king and warrior of light. Of good. This form is proof that Nightmare wasn't suposed to gain this power. It is dark and moving and changing... But Cross can't help but think it doesn't look that bad, that the name corruption doesn't quite fit. It doesn't radiate any harm in anyway. Not like that time in the hall... Is... Nightmare able to control the presence it gives off? Why wouldn't he use it now? The slight magic he can still feel is potent and strong and unlike anything Cross ever felt before... But it isn't like other poisonous magics Cross had learned about. That he had trained to recognise. It is strange...
Cross decides to focus on the clothes he is wearing. It is clearly high quality stuff. not to forget the golden accents and actual bands around the tentacles. the clips with apple motifs. the detailing of branches like swirls in the same cyan colour as that eye, just less obvious because the fabric is slightly see through.
It makes for one intimidating image. One that the king carries with confidence and familiarity.
Nightmare speaks "I care because i wish to understand. We learn by understanding others. Even if i don't agree with someone doesn't mean i don't have to understand them. In matter of fact. the only way to truly disagree and be against something is to understand or at least know about the concept. When it is about why people do certain actions it is important to learn their motives and reasons. to understand why they did what they did before casting out judgement."
Cross can't deal with him... how is this suposed evil tyrant so understanding?
He is nothing like XGaster.
Nothing at all.
Cross can see that so clearly and so easily. This is someone who knows what he is talking about and who doesn't just say what you want to hear. Cross thought he knew what he was going into. He thought he would meet a man simular to XGaster.
Someone who manipulates. Someone who lies. Someone who turns every answer into a small insult. Someone who tells you how to think and why you are an idiot for not thinkinf like that from the start. Someone who believes himself to be perfect and not capable of fault.
Cross believed his father to be rightful in being this way and thinking that way for so long. It wasn't until after the revolution Cross finally noticed the cracks in the facade.
Cross thought... he figured he would be able to see through whatever mask Ngihtmare is wearing. Metaphorical of course. But he can't... he is failing. He can't figure this out.
Is... is cross being an idiot again? is Nightmare lying to him and is Cross still just unable to see it?
Or is there no mask to see through? no mask to spot the cracks in?
What does he do?
Nightmare waits and remains quiet until Cross actually focusses on him. When he does Nightmare speaks again "I wish to know what happened there. In your home."
His home...
"It isn't my home..." not anymore...
Nightmare nods and speaks again "Then what happened to the country that you used to serve and protect. What caused the downfall?"
Cross looks to the side "A revolution obviously..."
Ngihtmare nods and waits.
Cross glares "I was an idiot and could not pick a side. I couldn't fight my brother who lead the revolution but i could also not betray my lord. I ended up trying to help both yet messed everything up." he glares at the king "I made everything worse." all because he just couldn't pick.
Ngihtmare tilts his skull "Rather extreme. Thinking just one person can make or break a revolution."
Cross blinks.
Nightmare nods calmly "I am not saying that you couldn't have made it go better. That is always an option. However. A revolution... a rebellion. It is the same thing, and it is messy. it is dangerous. One person can not make things go perfect. that is impossible."
Dust coughs lightly into his hand. The king shoots him a look but nothing else happens.
The king turns back to him "You are not responsible for everything that happened. could you have helped? Yes. But... the choice that you made also enabled you to do the few things you could. the little bits you did to help your brother. If you had picked to defend the old tyrant. You would have had to hurt others."
Cross glares down "I know i should have helped."
Ngihtmare shakes his skull "That isn't what i am saying. the point i am trying to make is. You never know what you would have done in the other two situations. You could have joined your brother. but then you would have had to fight the very people you trained and fought beside before. The same people who know you through and through. who know how you fight and move." and he looks at him. "You helping them. either side of the conflict. would have meant you would have been at a different position at any given point. The things that happened wouldn't and couldn't have happened because your actions in this... neutral choice also had consequences and effect. It meant that XGaster stationed you as a guard. if you hadn't been available he would maybe have used two others to gain the same protection you gave him. You didn't stop the revolution when they got to you. instead there would have been two guards guarding the door." And nightmare give shim a moment to let that information sink in.
Cross stops... he... hadn't thought about... all he could think about is how he could have made things different. Thinking about how his skills could have helped specific moments... he hadn't considered that... him helping them from the start would have chanced everything...
and the moment where he could have helped... may never have even happened.
Cross shakes his skull "Things would have been better if i had picked a side."
The king considers it "Maybe it would have. Maybe it wouldn't. Maybe by not picking a side you were able to do enough damage control for both sides that enabled it to even be successful. Maybe not picking a side made it last longer. You can not know which choice would ahve been better as you never saw the options."
Cross isn't sure what is even going on anymore. He had believed... He had been sure that him not making a choice just made everythign worse. Everyone agreed. Everyone must have agreed or else they wouldn't have made sure to remind him about his mistake each moment they could...
right?
Nightmare nods before getting up. Cross only now notices that Nightmare had been using his own tentacles as a chair "But I think I have pushed you too far already with my questions. You need rest and time to process and calm down. Food will be brought to you later." he turns towards the cell door and exits.
The king nods to the guard and starts to walk away.
Wait...
Wait!
Cross jumps up and rushes to the bars "Wait!"
The king stops and turns back to him "yes?" and he waits.
Cross pants "You said... Way before... at the start... There had been others like me. other spies. Where are they now?" Dream said others had been send before right? Or maybe even other forces. That Nightmare killed them?
Nightmare tilts his skull "My knights or I myself spoke to them. Much like I am doing wiht you. Those who meant no harm and held no wish to hurt those here... They were offered a change of scenery. They mentioned they couldn't and didn't want to return a failure to their old leaders. There is always room and a need for people willing to work and help."
Cross frowns "And those who did wish to return home?"
Nightmare looks unbothered "After making sure they were no threat they were released at the border. With a warning to not return. Once is an happening after all, one people can learn from. However if it turns out they lied or wished to return to do harm after all they were punished for their crimes."
Cross looks down as his mind spins "Oh..."
Nightmare waits for a moment longer before nodding "Rest up. I will come back either tomorrow or the day after to continue our conversation." he turns and leaves.
Cross slowly lets go of the bars and goes back to the bed in the cell... He can't help but notice that it is actually rather comfortable here.
Sure there are bars and he is locked in and unable to use magic...
But there is fresh air. Some natural sunlight comes in through the barred windows. It isn't cold or wet. There are warm blankets and soft places to sit...
Even if it is a jailcell. It is comfortable at least.
Cross rolls back up on the bed and thinks.
His mind going over the past conversation and thinking about what he learned. For it having been suposed to be a way for the king to learn about Cross it was just Cross learning about Nightmare.
What had the king even wanted to learn? All Cross told him was how he thought about things and experienced it. Not even how the revolution happened or what events took place.
If Nightmare had wished to know those it would make sense. Then it would gain Nightmare insight to how the revolution managed to be successfull and what to defend against.
And yet...
and yet...
He didn't. All Nightmare wished to know was what Cross did.
It doesn't make sense.
None of it does.
It doesn't take long but eventually a maid comes along. a human and she bows in respect to the Knight before turning towards Cross with a smile "Hello there. I brought you some food. It are roasted potatoes and a salad." she puts it on the little opening to push it into his cell "Once you are done please place it back in this same area. Makes us able to clean it up which will leave your area a bit cleaner!" she smiles happily before nodding once she sees Cross paying her attention.
After that she turns away, bows to the Knight again,before leaving.
Cross makes his way to the food slowly but the Knight standing guard doesn't make a single move to take or mess with it.
Cross grabs his food and takes a seat on his bed again. He eats it slowly and feels his hand shake once he realises it is actually good.
It is taste and warm and filled with nutrients.
Why are they treating him so nicely?
Cross just... doesn't get it...
Maybe he can ask the next time Nightmare comes to him to talk?
Maybe he can get some answers after all...
*------------------------*
In case you guys don't get the title name. It is a joke. Because Cross is being interrogated but it is more a mutual Q&A...
I will leave now.
#utmv#NewAgeAU#nightmare sans#Cross sans#dust sans#Cross freaking out about the cell door being opened and him thinking he is about to die.#meanwhile nightmare thinking: oh. that is creaking loudly. we need to send someone down here to oil the doors.#Just. the differences in energy here people. So funny.#But yeah. Nightmare? Just wants to understand.#He learned that the best way to know what people think and do is just to... ask them and try to understand the why they did something.#by understanding he gains more insight in what people do and want and need and what they can do to gain these things.#It helps him to udnerstand the more normal people from his place as king.#Also he is just curious how someone as loyal as cross could end up so far away from the very people he swore to protect.#(doing a bit of research to see why loyal people would leave because of his knights.)#but all he learns is that... cross felt like he had failed in his job and so left on his own as a form os self punishment.#So now he is trying to understand why he would feel like this.#all so he knows waht to watch out for with his own knights and to know how to reassure them.#To make sure he knows how to let them know that he trusts them and mistakes are allowed.#Cross is just having many crisis because well...#he isn't used to someone this powerful just having an honest normal conversation with someone so low in comparisson#Which for nightmare is normal (he got rit of the old advisors for experts in certain fields who were originally much more normal civilians)#It is a whole culture shock that nightmare is causing because he works so very different from the people in power cross is used to.#but yeah.#the first conversation between nightmare and cross which eventually lead to a career switch for cross.#that is the one i wanted to play with and explore :3#I had to change it a bit after Spot uploaded their drabble but i am proud to say most of it still worked :D#Enjoy <3
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