#which is weird because i remember most people saying they want more drama

[thebroccolination]

Hi Key, your post is the second I've seen that hinted at Joss but without further explanation. He generally has a positive public perception and I only know him from 3WBF (which I liked), so I'm curious where this shift in perception is coming from recently.

Would you mind making a post or directing me to where I can learn more about his general...situation.

I apologize if this is intrusive since I know you don't like to engage in Fandom Drama and like to keep your space positive, but I don't have XTwitter and his Tumblr tag is usually quite dead.

Thank you in advance!

Why I Don't Fuck with Joss: An Extremely Academic Essay of Words and Screenshots

Hi Anon!

I normally would have DM'd you an answer to this, but since you sent the ask anonymously and you were very kind in how you asked, I didn't want to ignore you.

However, two things:

I do generally make it a policy to keep my negative personal thoughts about certain actors to private conversations or, y'know, Discord servers, just to keep it off public platforms where toxicity is already rampant. In this case, though, I think the situation is interesting enough to comment on. (Plus, y'know, I'm amazed he was even managing a comeback when he's been known to Be Like This for years.)

I didn't get a lot of primary sources for this post because quite frankly I don't like Joss and I don't want to look at his face any more than I already have. However, friends who've been following this more closely than I have were able to verify that there are sources out there for everything I'm going to mention. Just, y'know, don't use me or this post as a source. This isn't one of my Citations Included Posts, this is just a Why I Don't Fuck with This Guy Post.

So, for context, I made this post last month, and someone made a more explicitly worded reblog here that's honestly better if you're going in without any context.

Essentially, Joss has had a dodgy reputation for years, but I think because fan turnover is high in interfandom and he's never been in a BL series before, most interfans just know Joss as A Tall Man Who Likes Sportsball.

But when I got into Thai BL back in 2020, Joss was one of the first actors I heard of as ~Problematique~ so I looked into him, and what I learned made me go, "Ew," so I just keenly ignored him from then on. (General gross stuff like the Domundi boob-grabbing prank and some assorted Dudebro comments about women. I don't remember specifics anymore because he was barely on my radar, but a friend at the time who'd been in fandom longer basically told me, "Yeah, that's Joss, lol.")

Interestingly, before JossGawin became a thing, most interfans were rooting for JossLuke, but I think given how vocally left-leaning Luke has proven to be, I wouldn't be surprised if Luke saw the prospect of tying his public reputation to Joss and went, "lol no goddamn thank you."

Gawin, on the other hand, seems to be down for whatever GMMTV wants him to do, so he probably just sees Joss as a colleague he makes out with (acting is a weird job). He went to high school in western Pennsylvania, he has white relatives on his dad's side, and he hangs out with the Gym Dudes of GMMTV, so I'm sure he's completely desensitized and is one of those guys who thinks, "Nah," but doesn't go so far as to say, "Not cool, dude." The Gawin Caskey Method seems to be: throw a basketball, make out with a dude on camera, go home and eat an edible. Dismount.

Unfortunately, even though Gawin's never really made any political statements or taken any major stand for the queer community, he's gained goodwill that some people are now calling into question because of Joss.

Anyway, apparently Joss used to follow Andrew Tate on Twitter until Tate was suspended, so it seems a lot of people assumed Joss unfollowed Tate, but yeah, between the sexist comments, Boobgate, and admiring Joe Rogan, that was enough for me to physically recoil from the screen when I saw the teaser for MGB.

Okay NOW, everything from this point onward is new stuff I've learned over the past month that made me go, "Oh. So he's worse now."

Joss has apparently had that Joe Rogan quote pinned to his Twitter account since 2020, but people just shrugged it off because they like his man stomach or something? (I don't find him attractive, but even if I did, I truly don't understand how he made it this far. It feels like he's been pretty firmly canceled every year since I got here, honestly.)

I also didn't like him weight-shaming Gawin. There's some older clip of him calling Gawin fat, and I know in Asia it's more common to comment on other people's bodies and weight, but I also recently found out that he got Gawin a meat cake for his birthday because idk actual cake is for pussies? (Sorry, Anon, I was trying to aim for an objective tone but I abandoned it because I reeeally don't like this man.) And apparently a lot of JG fanservice is just Joss and Gawin at the gym so Joss can teach Gawin self-control or something? I've had their tag blocked from the beginning, so you'll have to look into that if you're curious.

Ah, and at some point in the last few months, Joss was apparently asked what his "type" is and he said something like "white, skinny English-speaking Europeans/Americans"(?) Which apparently made Asian women go, "Hey, c'mere real quick: good. Bye."

I also thought it was a huge red flag that Joss has been in the industry for years, and his domestic fanbase is still quite small. Others have pointed out that very few fan interactions with him are in Thai, and he's clearly courting a western audience both in his individual engagement and by partnering with a mixed American actor. When he did the LGBTQ+ panel last summer, apparently the reaction from Thai commenters was, "lmao why Joss?" not, "Oh yes, of course, Joss!"

So it seems like GMMTV has been trying to do a rebrand for Joss using Gawin and interfans more generally since Joss speaks English and interfans don't generally seek out the resources to do research. Remember last year when GMMTV announced that Y-MIND script competition? It was originally domestic only, but after Thai fans overwhelmingly went, "The contract terms here are wildly exploitative, so fuck off," GMMTV rereleased the promotional material in English and went, "HEY INTERFANS WANNA SEND US STUFF :D?"

That told me they really don't think especially highly of us.

On December 15th, someone pointed out that Joss didn't just follow Trump on Twitter, he also followed a ton of extreme alt-right accounts on Instagram. Not normal political figures, either. Obscure figures like Pearl, Candace Owens, that guy who was saying Your Body My Choice, and Andrew Tate's right-hand man, and more! Some of his fans tried to point out that he follows progressive Thai politicians, but as far as the American side, he only followed alt-right conservative accounts with zero liberal accounts.

Though, in fairness, someone did point out that Joss also follows famous progressive Democratic figures [checks notes] comedian Chris Rock and basketball player Stephen Curry.

So. Whoohoo for that, amirite?

Since Joss's fans weren't having much success defending him on their own, they threw some @'s at his account to get him to make some kind of statement that would somehow explain away why he was following a deep, deep alt-right fanatic like Pearl. (Spoiler: He didn't.)

The JossGawin International fan club even released the above statement to address the issue, then received such alarmingly vitriolic backlash from the JossGawin fandom for "betraying" Joss that the fanclub decided to deactivate entirely. (I have no idea if they reactivated or not, since I stopped keeping up with this whole debacle shortly afterward.)

One Thai(?) JossGawin fan actually seems to have used ChatGPT to create an English comment to chastise the fanclub for their lack of support in Joss's dire times:

Amusingly, rather than address his fans' concerns or unfollow any of the accounts causing the chaos, Joss instead just started deleting any comment on his Instagram that called on him to comment.

Five days later, he unfollowed 137 accounts. No idea how many of those were alt-right extremists and how many were just extra padding to make it look like a general cleanse, but it was at least fifty last I heard, and the fact that 1) it took him nearly a week to do anything but delete the comments calling him out, and 2) his first tweet after this whole mess was a quote-retweet of GMMTV's message welcoming Barcode into the company saying, "lol this kid looks like if me and Gawin had a baby" just goes to show how unthreatened he feels.

After all, Joss has been this way for years, and his upcoming series with Gawin is probably going to do numbers regardless. He's successfully rebuilt his stagnant career off the support of interfans, and he knows he'll be fine.

Even Foei has a show with Tay! We're all good here. \:D/

So yeah! That's why I don't fuck with Joss. \:D/

This'll be the last I say on Joss publicly.

I just figured I'd make one all-encompassing post so I can link back to this in case anyone asks why I'm not supporting any of Gawin's projects with Joss. It's a shame because I do really like Gawin, but this isn't even a hard choice for me to make.

Oh, and while we're on the subject: the director of MGB, Ark, is also Not a Good Dude by all accounts I've heard from multiple people who've interacted with him privately. I mean, he sure is queer, but he's also said to be a misogynist with some white-people-worshipping tendencies. He doesn't have the highest opinion of BL fandom in general, either, especially when you look back on his whole direction of IT'S NOT A BL Shadow. Just, y'know, another reminder that queer people aren't Virtuous or Evil by nature. We're a big ole clusterfuck of nuance, so you don't have to support MGB for Ark just because he's a queer man. I have zero proof that I can share publicly, so you don't have to take my word for it. Just, y'know, in case you were on the fence, I've heard he's a dick.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go write absolutely filthy gay porn to purify myself from writing Joss's name so many times.

[softspiderling]

god, it's brutal out here | r.c.

summary:

“And yet you’re still thinking of your ex,” Barry finished the sentence, rubbing his chin. “Why don’t you get back together with her?”

“She doesn’t want me.”

“God, fucking Country Club,” Barry snickered. “You’re fucking dense.”

OR; 5 times your friends share their unsolicited opinions about your and Rafe’s break up.

pairing: rafe cameron x reader

warnings: mention of c*caine

word count: 5,4k

author’s note: the long awaited sequel of so obsessed with your ex! this can be read as a standalone fic, but there are little easter eggs hidden all over, which will be more fun if you read the first part! it's a little bit longer than I had planned, but there was no way around it. I hope you enjoy it so so much!!!!

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

I Wheezie

“Hey Wheeze.”

You had accepted the facetime without looking at your phone, keeping it rested on a shelf while you were halfway into your closet, trying to find a dress.

“Does Rafe have a new girlfriend??”

Pausing, you shut your eyes, letting out a silent exhale before you picked up the phone, giving Wheezie a wry smile through the camera.

“Nice to see you too.”

The girl only looked at you, unimpressed and her arms crossed. You sighed, running a hand through your hair, knowing you didn’t have a way out of this conversation. Grabbing your phone, you sat down on your bed.

“Yes, Rafe has a new girlfriend.”

“I knew it!” Wheezie shrieked, throwing her arms up, and you only shook your head in exasperation. The tendency for drama clearly was in the Cameron genes. Wheezie frowned, getting closer to your phone as she looked at you.

“Why am I more upset about this than you are?”

You bit back another sigh. “Because Rafe and I are broken up, Wheeze. He’s allowed to date other people, matter of fact, I’m really glad that he has moved on.”

“Bullshit!”

“Wheezie!”

Wheezie rolled her eyes, but she sat back down, crossing her arms over her chest again. “I don’t like her.”

“You don’t even know her,” you sighed, rubbing your temple, feeling a migraine coming on.

“This is crazy!” Wheezie exclaimed. “You and Rafe never should’ve broken up in the first place! Rafe is probably only dating her to make you jealous so you’ll take him back.”

You couldn’t help but snort at that, Wheezie clearly watched way too many rom-coms. She frowned at you.

“Why are you laughing? This isn’t funny, this is, like, super un-funny.”

“Because, Wheeze,” you started, plucking a feather out of your pillow. “This isn’t some 90’s rom-com where I see Rafe with Rebecca and suddenly a sad song is playing. This is real life. We are broken up.”

“I still don’t understand why.”

“Remember when we used to fight all the time? And I was just always sad?”

Wheezie was quiet, her lips still pursed. “Yeah. But that doesn’t mean anything. Couples fight all the time, doesn’t mean you just have to break up.”

“Yes, couples fight all the time and they don’t have to break up, but it was the right decision for me and Rafe,” you said, your tone final. Wheezie looked at you, her frown slowly smoothing down.

“If you say so,” she muttered, not quite convinced. She stared down at her chipped finger nails, before she looked up again. “Can we still talk?”

Your eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Of course we can still talk, why wouldn’t we?”

“I don’t know… I mean, you’re gonna find a new boyfriend and maybe he has a younger sister as well and then I’ll just be your ex’s younger sister.”

“Wheeze,” you said, fondly, knowing where she was coming from. You had been in her life for most of her teenage years, it must be weird not having you around anymore. “We’ll still talk, no matter if I get a new boyfriend or not, even if he has a cool younger sister, or even three.”

Wheezie smiled, rolling her eyes at you. “You’re so dumb.”

“Yet you still want me around,” you teased. “How about you, Sar and I go get some ice cream and then to the movies this weekend?”

“Sounds good,” Wheezie replied with a big smile. She paused when someone called her name from somewhere in the house, before she turned back to her phone. “I gotta go, Rose needs me. I’ll text you later.”

“Alright, Wheeze. Talk to you later, be good.”

Wheezie waved into the camera, before the facetime ended. Your smile dropped and you tossed your phone on your bed with a sigh, letting yourself fall back on your bed. Even six months after the break up it was still hard to talk about Rafe, and now that he had a new girlfriend, you thought it’d be easier to get over him, but all it did was hurt more. It didn’t help that Rafe was still texting you every now and then. Nothing scandalous, just small texts, but you never replied. You both agreed on no contact after the break up, because you thought it’d give you a better opportunity to heal. You should’ve known he’d break it. Picking up your phone, you unlocked it, swiping to your messages.

Rafe [11/30/23: 1:43 am]: couldn’t sleep. remember when we took out the boat at two am bc we both drank a red bull at ten?

Rafe [11/30/23: 11:22 am]: sorry, i was drinking. didn’t mean to text you. hope you’re doing good

Rafe [12/25/23: 2:44 pm]: merry christmas. it’s weird without you.

Rafe [01/01/24: 01:02 am]: happy new year’s.

Rafe [01/05/24: 9:56 pm]: are you really not gonna text me back?

Rafe [01/27/24: 3:07 am]: i miss you

Rafe [02/12/24: 12:05 pm]: saw you at the party last night. you looked so fucking pretty. took everything in me not to talk to you.

Rafe [03/01/24: 7:12 pm]: idk if you care or not, but i still wanted to let you know. i’m seeing someone

You never replied to any of the texts, knowing it was for the better. You could block him, but you never brought it over your heart to do so, telling yourself you wanted him to reach you in case of emergency, but deep down, you didn’t want to block him.

Just incase.

II Barry

“Want some C?” Barry asked as greeting, presenting Rafe a small baggie with white powder in it as soon as he walked onto the lot.

“Nah,” Rafe declined, already feeling jittery enough without it, “Won’t say no to a beer though.”

Barry let out a grunt, tossing the baggie on the table, disappearing inside the trailer. Rafe took a seat in one of the chairs, running his hand over his buzzed head, bouncing his leg nervously. He had needed to get out of the house for a while. Ever since Rebecca pulled the picture out of the drawer, he couldn’t stop thinking about you. Again.

Which is fucked up, really. He thought he got over you, he didn’t want to be the guy who thought about his ex while having a whole ass girlfriend. The door to the trailer opened with a slam, Barry exiting with two beer cans, handing Rafe one of them. The can was ice cold in his hands, and the cold liquid helped with his racing heart. He let out a sigh, rubbing a thumb over his eye brow. Rafe took another gulp of the beer, almost drinking the entire can in one go, while Barry watched him, assessing.

“You good?”

Rafe nodded, setting the can on the table.

“Yeah, jus’ stressed.”

“Work, or…?”

Barry trailed off without finishing his sentence and Rafe didn’t answer, wiping a finger over his jaw, which was clenched to the max.

Barry eyed him skeptically, leaning back in his chair. “How’s Mrs. Country Club?”

Rafe let out a loud sigh, tipping his head back, like he always did when he was annoyed with Barry.

“Barry, I don’t know if all the drugs you’re taking are starting to get to your memory, but we broke up.”

“Don’t be fucking rude,” he said, kicking Rafe’s chair. Not hard enough for it to tip over, but hard enough for Rafe to grip onto the arm rests, glaring at his friend. “How’d you know I wasn’t talking ‘bout your new girl?”

“Because you always call her Becky,” Rafe pointed out, giving him a look.

Barry shrugged, taking a sip from his beer. “You still know who ‘m talking about, so what’s the problem?”

“Problem is, it’s disrespectful. You know that’s not her name.”

“You’re still hung up on your ex while dating Becky, so who’s really disrespecting her?”

Rafe’s head shot up and the glare he sent Barry was deadly.

“Fuck this shit, and fuck you,” he snapped, pushing himself up from the chair, but Barry grabbed his wrist, stopping him.

“Boy, sit down.”

Rafe scowled at him, before sitting back down, crossing his arms over his chest like a petulant child. He did not come all the way out to the cut to get called out like this.

“If you came here to be coddled, you went to the wrong person.”

“I don’t need to be coddled,” Rafe muttered with an eyeroll. “Just wanted to let off some steam.”

“So?” Barry snorted, waving his hands around. “Steam away.”

Rafe scoffed, scooting down in his chair, shaking his head. “Do you think I want to think of her? I fucking hate feeling like this. Bex is nice, and she’s hot. And yet-”

“And yet you’re still thinking of your ex,” Barry finished the sentence, rubbing his chin. “Why don’t you get back together with her?”

“She doesn’t want me.”

“God, fucking Country Club,” Barry snickered. “You’re fucking dense.”

“Nah, you don’t fucking get it, “ Rafe sneered, leaning his head in his hands. And he didn’t, not really. Which really wasn’t his fault. Rafe just didn’t want to talk about the break up with his friends. Physically couldn’t. Now that he thought about it, he hadn’t told anyone why you broke up. Just made it feel all to real, he guessed.

“Nah, you’re right, I don’t,” Barry said, shaking his head. “All I know is, one day you’re all fucking sunshine and the next you’re more emo than that Friday girl.”

“What?” Rafe asked, lifting his head to stare at Barry in confusion.

Barry waved him off. “You know, that freaky girl from Netflix with the black lipstick.”

“Do you mean Wednesday?”

“Yeah, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, all the same to me,” Barry huffed. “Point is, life’s too fucking short to do things that don’t make you happy.”

“Bex makes me happy.”

Barry gave him a long, hard look, squinting his eyes at him. “Yeah, right. Whatever makes you sleep at night.”

Rafe stared back at him before shaking his head, finishing the last of his beer before crushing the empty can in his hand, declining to answer, because he knew he couldn’t convince Barry.

He wasn’t even convinced himself.

III Topper

top [05/03/24: 4:06 pm]: gonna be at alex’s later tonight with rafe and rebecca just fyi if you wanted to come

mrs. rafe [05/03/24: 4:57 pm]: k, thanks for letting me know

—— NEW MESSAGE ——

top [05/04/24: 1:37 am]: can you pick me up?

It was Saturday night, a little past your bedtime for a night in. You were getting ready for bed, exiting the bathroom when your phone buzzed in your hand. Lifting it, you read the new text, not quite believing he’d make you do this. What the fuck was he thinking asking you to pick him up? Shaking your head in disbelief, you typed out an answer.

mrs. rafe [05/04/24: 1:41 am]: topper no

Before you could put the phone away, your phone already buzzed with an answer, and you nearly didn’t want to read whatever lame ass excuse he came up with, your hand stilling when your eyes flit over his text.

top [05/04/24: 1:41 am]: please, i don’t want to get a ride with rafe and rebecca

top [05/04/24: 1:41 am]: she asked me so many questions about you and i can’t be around rafe rn or i’ll tell him

mrs. rafe [05/04/24: 1:45 am]: … fine

mrs. rafe [05/04/24: 1:47 am]: you’re so annoying

Cursing Topper and yourself for not going to bed sooner, you put on a sweatshirt and grabbed your keys and purse, typing out another text before you headed out of the house, getting into your car.

mrs. rafe [05/04/24: 1:49 am]: be there in ten

top [05/04/24: 1:50 am]: omg i owe you <3

Barely ten minutes later, you pulled up in front of Alex’ house, looking out for Topper, before you spotted him underneath a tree. You rolled to a stop next to him, giving him the most unimpressed look.

“You’re a lifesaver,” Topper groaned, getting into the car, shutting the door behind him.

You rolled your eyes, pulling off the curb without another word, driving towards Topper’s house.

“I’m really sorry for asking you to come get me, but Rafe was looking for me and I had too much to drink already to lie in his face,” Topper said, leaning his back against the headrest, shutting his eyes.

You desperately wanted to know what Rebecca had asked but you didn’t want to come off as the nosy ex, even if this was Topper. So as nonchalantly as you could, you asked: “What did you talk about?”

“Jesus,” Topper said, running a hand through his hair. “She asked me how you guys broke up and wanted details, too. Was super insistent, I was kinda scared actually.”

Okay, so just normal sussing out the ex, you could deal with that.

“What did you say?”

“That it was a mutual break up and I didn’t know why you broke up, just that you suddenly disappeared from each other’s lives.”

You sighed. That was the vaguest answer you’d ever heard.

“Why didn’t you just tell her why we broke up?”

Topper glanced at you, his brows knitted together.

“How can I tell her something I don’t know?”

“What?”

You slammed on the breaks, nearly sending Topper flying through the windshield because the idiot hadn’t buckled up, while you stared at him.

“What do you mean you don’t know why we broke up?”

“I don’t!” Topper exclaimed. “Rafe refuses to talk about it and you never told me either.”

“Because I assumed Rafe has told you! It’s been like six months!”

Blinking at Topper, it took you a few seconds to process, jumping when someone honked their horn at you, when you remembered you had stopped in the middle of the street.

“Shit,” you muttered, shifting gears to keep on driving, eyes flitting to Topper repeatedly.

“So…” he started. “Why did you guys break up?”

You gripped the steering wheel so tightly your knuckles turned white, letting out a deep breath. When you had left to come pick Topper up, you hadn’t expected having to tell him why you and his best friend had broken up.

“I was getting so worried about him. He was so stressed about the company every day, took home so much work and Ward was breathing down his neck to keep the numbers up. I told him that I thought he should take a step back, maybe take a break or something, tried to convince him of going on a trip or something, but the more I said, the more he seemed to be pushing himself into work. It got so bad that we were fighting basically every day, and it just wasn’t working anymore. It felt like we were going in circles.”

You cleared your throat when you felt yourself getting choked up, vision turning a little blurry from the tears in your eyes.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” Topper exclaimed, patting himself down, looking for some tissues.

“Don’t worry about it,” you snorted, wiping your tears away with the sleeves of your sweatshirt. You were so wrapped up in trying to retell the break up, you hadn’t even noticed that you already reached Topper’s house. “I shouldn’t even still be getting so worked up over this after all this time,” you sniffed, turning your car off.

Topper looked at you, with that typical look on his face and you rolled your eyes.

“Don’t look at me like that. I can’t believe Rafe hasn’t told you.”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “Honestly? I think he might be in denial about it.”

You scoffed at him, shaking your head. Why was everyone so hung up over your break up?

“It’s been six months.”

Topper didn’t reply, his hand on the car door and you expected him to bid you good bye, but that was too easy.

“… Do you think you guys will get back together?”

“He has a girlfriend, Top.”

“Still. I don’t think that Rafe and Rebecca are gonna last very long.” Topper looked at you, pressing his lips together, before shaking his head. “Sorry. Thanks for coming and for getting me home. Text me if you need anything, okay?”

You nodded, giving him a small wave, and waited until he got out of the car, shutting the door behind him, before you turned your car on, pulling off.

“What the fuck,” you muttered to yourself, wiping the rest of the tears off as you drove home.

IV Kelce

“Kelce!”

Kelce looked up from the pool table, a smile growing on his face when he saw Rafe come down the basement, his friend wrapping an arm around him for a brief hug.

“Happy birthday, man,” Rafe said, handing Kelce a bottle of the expensive whiskey he always drank when he was at Rafe’s but too stingy to buy it for himself.

“Ah shit, you didn’t have to,” Kelce uttered, though his eyes were sparkling as he looked at the bottle in his hands. He handed the pool stick to one of the guys next to him, leading Rafe to the bar. He grabbed two glasses from the shelves, pouring Rafe and himself a good amount, offering one of the glasses to him.

“Cheers to you.”

The two clinked their glasses, before sipping on the whiskey. Kelce really enjoyed it, too, with the way he closed his eyes, and Rafe only snorted in his glass. Kelce peaked his eye open, shoving his friend fondly with a grin.

“Rebecca here?”

“Yeah, upstairs.”

Kelce hummed in thoughts, nodding absentmindedly. He stared into his glass, swishing the amber liquid around before he spoke up again.

“You know she’s here, too, right?”

Rafe tensed, knowing exactly that Kelce was talking about you, but he had expected it. Firstly, because you and Kelce had always been friends, and secondly because he had heard Sarah making plans with you to go together. Didn’t mean this felt any less of a punch to the gut. He really hoped he wouldn’t run into you, because he wasn’t quite sure what he’d do; all he knew was, that Bex wasn’t gonna like it. Rafe cleared his throat, forcing himself to sound nonchalant.

“I figured, yeah.”

“That okay?” Kelce asked, and Rafe was starting to get annoyed, rolling his eyes. Why was Kelce questioning him about you on his damn birthday? He tried to dampen his anger though, not wanting to ruin the night.

“Yes. It’s your birthday, man.”

As soon as those words left his mouth, Rafe knew he did a shit job of hiding his emotions, and Kelce eyed him suspiciously.

“I don’t get you guys,” he sighed, crossing his arms over his chest. “You got a new girl, but you still haven’t gotten over your ex, clearly, but every time I mention her, you act like it’s the worst thing in the world, but neither of you have said a bad word about the other.

Rafe scoffed, though his heart started to race at the thought of you talking about him. He wondered what you had said, if you cared enough to ask about him, or if you had long moved on.

“Are you ever gonna tell me why you guys broke up?”

“Maybe next time.”

Kelce gave him a wry smile, knowing this was Rafe avoiding the topic again. He lifted his head when more people starting coming down the basement, curling his hand around Rafe’s shoulder to give him a squeeze.

“I really hope you figure it out bro, because this right now is not it.”

He then excused himself to welcome the new arrivals and Rafe gripped his glass, before downing it in one go.

“Alright, who wants to get destroyed in a round of pool?” he asked, clapping his hands together as he approached the pool table. Anything to stop himself from going upstairs to look for you.

V Sarah

“Oh my god, I thought you were gonna keep talking to her forever!”

You gave Sarah a look. She hadn’t even waited a minute after you left Rebecca on the couch before she started talking about her.

“I don’t have a problem with her.”

Sarah groaned, linking her arm with yours as to not lose you in the crowd that has formed in Kelce’s house. You were glancing around, hyper aware that you could run into Rafe any second, but you didn’t want Sarah to notice.

“I don’t understand how you can be so chill. Did you not see the picture she had in her purse?”

You sighed, brushing your hair back over your shoulder. Was this ever going to stop? “Sar, please.”

“Hello?? That was super freaky.”

“Maybe she was just cleaning up and wanted to throw it in the trash and forgot it in her purse.”

Sarah laughed dryly, shaking her head. “Bullshit! Admit that you find it weird.”

“Okay, maybe it is a little weird,” you admitted. “But don’t you do things that are a little weird sometimes? Maybe she’s just a little insecure. Which I wouldn’t blame her for, you’re so mean. Shouldn’t you try and be her friend or something?”

“Why? She’s not gonna be around much longer anyways, and I already have a friend.”

You rolled your eyes, fishing your keys out of your purse to unlock your car. Again with the sentiment that Rafe and Rebecca weren’t gonna last much longer. You decided against deeming that statement with an answer and got into your car, with Sarah getting into the passenger seat.

“Do you want to grab some burgers?” She asked, buckling up, like she hadn’t just told you that your ex and his new girlfriend weren’t gonna last.

You gave her a look as you tossed your purse to the back.

“What do you mean do I want to grab burgers? I thought you wanted to leave because you’re meeting John B early in the morning.”

Sarah blinked at you, before she reached out to give you a shove on the forehead. “I was lying so we could get away, stupid.”

“Oh my god,” you groaned, starting your car as Sarah protested.

“What? I was getting weirded out by you being all besties with Rafe’s new girlfriend. I don’t even understand how you can be so nice to her knowing she’s all up on your man.”

“Pray tell, who’s my man again?”

“Don’t even,” Sarah huffed. “You guys dated forever, I know you still love each other. And let me tell you one thing,” she said, raising her eyebrows at you. “If you got a new boyfriend? Rafe would not be this nice to him like you were to Rebecca.” With that, Sarah crossed her arms over her chest, settling back against her seat.

You only sighed, starting your car in silence.

“Do you want to get burgers now or not?” you asked, extending a peace offer while looking over at Sarah. She glowered at you, before nodding with an eyeroll.

“Yes.”

BONUS + I Rafe

“I did, at the party last night… She said she’s happy that you have me, that she was worried about how you work too much.”

Rafe pushed the pasta on his plate around with his fork, too engrossed in his thoughts to even think about eating. He didn’t even notice how Dennis had stopped talking. Rafe looked up from his plate, only to see Dennis look at him intently, an amused grin on his face.

“Sorry, were you saying something?”

“I was saying a lot, but you seemed like you were on a completely different planet,” Dennis noted, wiping his mouth with a napkin. Rafe winced, putting his fork down.

“Sorry, I have a lot on my mind.”

“I can tell,” Dennis mused. “Trouble in paradise?”

“Something like that.”

Rafe sighed, leaning back in his chair. Ever since you broke up, Rafe has been assuming that you didn’t care about him anymore, that you had long moved on from him and your relationship. He thought that you resented him, blamed him for the break up, which was honestly the main reason why he went back to the dating scene so quickly; to get over you. But hearing that you still cared about him? Enough to be nice to his new girlfriend and even ask about him? He wondered if there was still a chance for him and you to be together again.

If it weren’t for the fact that he already had a girlfriend.

“Can I give you some unsolicited advice, son?”

“Do I have a choice?” Rafe asked with a wry grin and Dennis only let out a belly laugh, shaking his head.

“Rafe, most relationships these days end because of your own ego, from both parties. No matter how big the fight or problem seems, will it really be that important in hindsight?” Dennis asked him. “How long have you an your girl been together? Almost 5 years, no?”

Rafe nodded, not daring to correct Dennis. He had never outright told him that you had broken up in the first place.

“See, that’s half a decade. I can assure you, in another half, you’re not even gonna remember this fight.”

Yeah, I don’t know about that, Rafe thought.

“Do you love her?”

Turning his ring on his finger, Rafe let out a soft exhale, before nodding. “Yeah, I do.”

“See. Problem solved.”

Rafe lifted his head to grin at Dennis.

“Thanks. Is it okay if we cut today short?”

“Sure,” Dennis said, waving Rafe off when he reached for his wallet. “Lunch is on me. Go get your girl.”

“I will,” Rafe promised, pushing his chair back to stand up. “I just gotta take care of something else first.”

BONUS + II You

You were staring at your phone, text thread with Rafe open. It was Saturday night; you and Sarah had went out to a small beach party. Sarah had gone to fill her drink back up and you had used that time of solace to overthink. About Rafe.

For the past few week, you couldn’t stop thinking about him. And you blamed your friends for it, really. First Wheezie, then Topper and then Sarah? Somehow all of them said that the break up was the worst idea, and even though you had always second guessed the choice to break up, this was the first time you actually actively regretted it.

The way Sarah seemed so sure that Rafe and Rebecca weren’t going to last long. Maybe you were wrong and they weren’t as happy as you thought. But then again, it wasn’t any of your business, was it? Who were you to put your nose into their relationship?

God, you shouldn’t be doing this.

“How long does Sarah need to fill her drink back up?” You muttered to yourself, finishing your vodka soda and burying the cup in the sand next to you, when you heard foot steps approaching.

“Finally! I was about to send a search group out for you!” you exclaimed, standing up and dusting the sand off your lap. “Seriously, how long does it take for-”

You froze when you turned around just to see Rafe standing in front of you, instead of Sarah. Swallowing thickly, you blinked at him, caught off guard.

“Rafe, hey,” you said, opting for casual. “Sorry. I thought you were Sarah.”

The corners of Rafe’s mouth twitched. “Yeah, I could tell.”

You looked at him, sighing a bit wistfully (mostly) internally, before you shifted on your feet nervously. “It was nice to see you,” you said, and it was true. “But um… I think I’ll go look for Sarah.” You gave him a small smile, before walking towards, and then past him.

“You’re still worried about me.”

You let out a startled laugh, pausing mid-step to turn back to him. “What?”

“You told Rebecca that you were glad that I had her and that you worried I work too much.”

“Of course I’m still worried about you,” you huffed, brushing your hair back. “You can’t be surprised about that.”

Rafe looked at you, and you could tell that this was news to him.

“Rafe.”

Rafe let out a sigh, rubbing his forehead. “You didn’t reply to any of my texts. I thought you were mad at me or somethin’.”

“I didn’t reply to any of your texts because we said we’d do no contact for a while.

“Still,” Rafe muttered, kicking a rock. “I didn’t think it would be so easy for you-”

“And because you were happy with Rebecca, do you think it’s easy for me to see you with someone else?”

“I broke up with Rebecca last week.”

“What?!”

Mouth agape, you stared at him and Rafe only rubbed the back of his neck. “She… Wasn’t what I wanted.”

“Oh,” you only said, letting out a soft exhale. “I’m sorry about that.”

Rafe sighed, stuffing his hands into his pockets. His gaze was trained on the floor for a bit, before he lifted his head to look at you.

“I want to try again… I want us to try again.”

“Rafe…”

You swallowed thickly, your eyes wide and you didn’t move as Rafe took a step towards you, reaching for your hand. Your fingers were cold in his but they quickly warmed to his touch, and the way he laced his fingers with yours, felt all too familiar.

“I love you. I never should have agreed to breaking up. It was arguably the second stupidest thing I’ve ever done.”

“And what’s the stupidest?” you asked, corners of your mouth lifting.

“Not listening to you when you were just trying to help,” he answered, looking down at you, so vulnerable like you hadn’t seen him in a long time. “I rearranged my schedule at the company so I could take on less work, take more time off and relax. Take the time to get us to where we were before it all went shitty.”

Your heart was in your throat as you listened to him talk, unsure what to say.

“Rafe, I don’t know… “

“Baby, please,” he begged, squeezing your hand. “Do you love me, still?”

You scoffed. “That’s not fair.”

“Why? Because you do?”

“Of course I still love you,” you mumbled, looking up at him through your lashes. “Do you know how hard it was for me to ignore your texts? To see you with another girl, so happy?”

Rafe shook his head, lifting his hand to tuck your hair behind your ear. “I wasn’t. Not really.”

You let out another sigh, looking at the way your hands were intertwined, how your heart had stopped racing, before you nodded, looking up at him. “Okay. Let’s do it.”

A smile spread across Rafe’s face, so big it was so uncharacteristic for him.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

It was like that word switched a flip inside of him, as he grabbed you by your nape gently, to kiss you, slotting his lips against your, and as your lips touched, it felt like you were finally home again. You only pulled away to breathe, both of you staring at each other like you couldn’t quite realize this was happening.

Sarah [05/11/2024: 10:45 pm]: (sent to 4 contacts) [picture attached: blurry photograph of you and Rafe kissing at the beach]

Topper [05/11/2024: 10:46 pm]: thank god.

Kelce [05/11/2024: 10:51 pm]: FINALLY!

Wheezie [05/11/2024: 10:59 pm]: !!!!!!

Barry [05/11/2024: 11:02 pm]: read at 11:02 pm

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

author's note: sooo.... what are we thinking?

[queen-of-deans-booty]

Raging Storm

Pairing: Dean Winchester x 18!Fem!Reader

Word Count: ~1.8k

Warnings: angst, being bullied, harsh insults, being called freak and worthless, someone wanting you to kill yourself, heartbreak

Request by anon: Hey can i request a one shot where the Winchester brothers and Castiel find out that before Michael and Lucifer go to hell they pregnant a woman that died giving birth to the reader (yn) that is the most powerful being in the existence and she is the first hybrid of all species, she is also the embodiment karma and the void, the princess of heaven and hell, the antichrist, Dean Winchester soulmate, the niece of angels and demons, descendant of the pagan gods and four horsemen of apocalypse, and more things and they need to find her because she is so powerful and she can destroy everything but in the end she is super innocent and shy girl???. with fluffy ending.

Summary: You've always been different than everyone else around you but you have no idea why. Things happen around you that you can't control or have no understanding of, but then Dean Winchester comes into your life promising to help make sense of it all.

Square Filled: window for @spnonewordbingo (deleted bingo)

Author’s Note: any and all comments are appreciated <3

x

This is the third week this month that the sky has been cloudy and gray. It’s fitting since it matches your mood. All you want to do is get through today and go home where you feel the safest. You hate it here. You’re about to graduate but it needs to come faster. You want to get out of this hellhole and away from these hellish people.

You look up and see your school in the distance with people shuffling into the building. God, I hate everyone here. You’re not even sure how it started but you walked into school one day and everyone hated you. The internet talks about bullying and how much it can ruin a person’s life, but you never knew it could get this bad.

You’re not sure why you’re getting bullied. Sure, you’re very timid and shy but you’re one of the nicest people there is. You’re sweet and friendly to everyone, but that doesn’t seem to matter to some people.

You keep your head down even when you get to school, ignoring the stares you get from some people. The first class of the day is science, which you love, but there are three people in that class that make those fifty minutes feel like hell. You take your seat in the very back by the windows when one of the most popular girls in school comes in. She is followed by her two friends who are basically puppies looking for attention.

“Look girls, the neighborhood freak is here.”

Your heart hurts at her words. You’ve always been bullied by her ever since you could remember. You two attended the same elementary school, the same middle school and junior high, and now the same high school. She’s been tormenting you ever since she knew she gained power by her words.

Maybe she senses you’re a bit different than everyone else. You certainly feel that way. Why do you feel different than everyone here? What makes you not the same as everyone else? That’s the reason why you get bullied because you don’t fit in. You don’t dress weird, have a pimply face, or are into weird things. Stacy took one look at you one day and decided you were going to be her target for as long as you let her be in power.

You haven’t found it in yourself to take that from her.

“What, have nothing to say?” she smirks and looks at her friends. “I hear her Daddy hits her while at home. Her whole family is a bunch of freaks.”

That’s not true. Your father loves you dearly. She’s just looking to stir up some drama, and the only way it’ll get worse is if you antagonize her.

“I heard takes poor defenseless animals and cuts them up,” one of Stacy’s friends says.

“You hear that, Freak? Better not get caught or else I might sic Darren and his friends on you. You wouldn’t want to end up like those animals, now would you?”

You put your head down and drown out her words with the beat of your own heart. The cloudy sky hasn’t gone away, in fact, it has gotten much darker since you’ve arrived at school. Stacy and her friends sit down next to you and gossip loud enough for you to hear every word they say.

Freak. Useless. Ugly. Burden. Waste of space. Freak. Freak. Freak. Freak. Freak. It got so much that you let your emotions get the better of you. Tears would stream down your face if you weren't in front of a bunch of people. Your heart jumps out of your chest just as all the windows in the classroom shatter around you, causing everyone to scream and back away from it. You stay seated, unsure if you did this or if something outside had caused this.

The storm clouds roll in quicker than anyone expects, and a light rain starts falling from the sky. Some of that rain comes inside but you barely feel the water on your skin. You look around at every person who seems scared of you. Maybe she’s right. Maybe you are a useless waste of space freak.

School is shut down for the day while authorities figure out what the hell happened. The rain comes down a tad harder than before but if you can get home, you can curl up in bed and pretend the world doesn’t exist.

As you’re walking, someone bumps hard enough into you that you almost go crashing to the ground.

“What did I tell you girls? She’s a super freak. Did you see what she did to those windows? How did you do that?” Stacy asks.

“Please, I just want to go home.”

“Are you a witch? A freak and a witch. God, why don’t you just go kill yourself? The world will be better off without you in it.”

“Please, just let me go home,” you beg.

“I like it when you beg,” she smirks. “Come on, bitch, beg to me like a dog.”

You’re not sure how this happened but you thought of her getting hit by lightning and then she suddenly was. She falls back in a fit of screams while everyone else but you jump out of the way to avoid getting hit. One of her friends ends up calling 911 but you’re already running away from the scene.

The rain pours down harder and lightning strikes near you to reflect how heartbroken you are. It seems like the weather follows exactly how you feel, and right now, you just want the world to swallow you whole. You don’t bother going home in fear you’ll hurt your parents. Instead, you run to the one place you feel safe outside of your own home.

“Alright, I have storms hitting New York and New Jersey, but I don’t think it’s what we’re looking for,” Sam says as he browses his laptop.

“I got a small tornado in Louisana.”

“Anything else?” Sam asks Cas.

“No.”

“Check this out,” Dean says before the group gives up hope. He turns the laptop so that the other two men can see the page he’s on. “There is a small town in Nebraska that is having rolling blackout storms like the city has never seen before, and the windows of the local high school had been shattered without anyone or anything touching it.”

“Do you think that’s her?” Sam asks.

“Gotta be. She’d be in high school by now.”

“There’s only one way to find out.”

The trio gathers everything they can before setting out to Nebraska. They’ve been tracking you ever since you were born because you’re one of the most, if not the most, powerful beings in the universe. You’re the offspring of Lucifer AND Michael when they decided to both have sex with a human woman at the same time. They manipulated their power to create one big super sperm (as Dean likes to put it) in order to create you.

You’re the Princess of Heaven and Hell, the antichrist, and the embodiment of Karma and the Void. If Dean had to guess, you don’t know just how powerful you are, and you don’t. They have to find you before you do something bad like level an entire town because you got upset over something. Your mother died by giving birth to you and your fathers went to Hell after being imprisoned in the Cage yet again.

Your foster family took you in, adopted you, and loved you with everything they got. There’s a reason why you felt so different than everyone else. You’re not human. You’re not like anyone else. You just don’t know why because you were never told what you are or taught how to be what you are.

Sam, Dean, and Castiel try to traverse the storm when they get into town. It’s gotten a lot worse and has residents fleeing from the city to seek shelter elsewhere. No one knows where this storm came from but they are preparing for the worst. The heart of the storm is where you’re at and gets lighter the further out it goes.

They track you to an abandoned farm you often go to when you want to be alone. You found this place while taking a shortcut home and made it comfortable enough for you to spend hours there. Now, you can’t find a big of comfort anywhere here.

The trio gets out of Baby and sees you outside the barn huddled on the ground. The rain is coming down in buckets but that won’t stop the Winchesters and Castiel from talking to you.

“Maybe I should go. You know, angel to half-angel,” Castiel offers.

“No, let me,” Dean says before he can stop himself. “You two stay here.”

“What? Are you crazy?!” Sam gasps.

“Sammy, I got this.” He leaves their side and approaches you slowly and carefully. You look up and see the three strange men which causes you to scoot away from them in fear. “Y/N, you’re okay!”

“Go away! I don’t know you!”

Lightning strikes the ground where Dean is, and he jumps back before he is struck. Sam wants to join his brother’s side but he knows Dean can handle this one alone. Plus, he’ll jump in if it looks like Dean is in trouble.

“Y/N, my name is Dean Winchester. I want to explain what is happening to you.”

“I don’t even know who I am!” you sob. “Go away before I hurt you!” Dean walks closer to you but you feel a sense of warmth coming from him. You can feel that he is a safe person to talk to which is why you allow him to come closer to you. “I don’t know what’s happening to me. I feel so lost. I don’t belong here. I don’t fit in!”

“Believe me, I get it. I understand how you feel.” He kneels next to you so you can see him without the rush of rain between you two. “I know what it’s like to feel alone in a room full of people. I didn't think I belonged for a long time. Sometimes, I still feel that way.”

“What’s wrong with me?”

“Nothing is wrong with you.” You fall into Dean’s arms and just cry, and he smooths down your drenched hair as a means to comfort you. “There is nothing wrong with you.”

“All I want is to be normal. I didn’t ask to be this way.”

“I know. You’re not alone, Y/N. My brother and I can help you. Castiel over there can help you. We can help you control this.” You sob into his neck uncontrollably. “You’re going to be okay.”

For some reason, you believe him, and the storm calms down just a bit both in your head and outside.

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[perseephoneee]

christmas tree farm [ficmas day 6] [james t. kirk x f!reader]

↳ masterlist ↳ ship exchange ↳ taglist ↳ ficmas 2024

author's note: dedicated to my irl former roommate/current bestie @muffinbeliever who has a kirk shrine. also i wrote this sleep deprived and jetlagged, i wont apologize for its shittiness

playlist:

christmas tree farm -- taylor swift

intergalactic -- beastie boys

last christmas -- lucy dacus

“I didn’t know Iowa had Christmas tree farms,” you said, spooning more food into your mouth. The holidays were around the corner, and people’s conversations about their plans punctuated lunch on the Enterprise. Your Captain was currently regaling stories of Christmas in the Midwest.

“We have amazing Christmas trees,” Jim replied.

Bones coughed.

“Something wrong, Bones?” Jim sighed, turning to look at his friend. 

“I think you’re full of shit,” Bones nodded, earning a frown from Jim. You finished the rest of your food, standing up with your tray.

“I’m going to go before you two start attacking each other,” you grimaced. 

“That only happened once!” Jim called out as you walked away, shaking your head.

Business on the Enterprise had slowed down in preparation for the number of away trips. Work in the medbay was almost entirely administrative, which was boring but at least left you stress-free. Your work was interrupted by your friend, Leah.

“Heard you had lunch with the Captain and McCoy,” she cooed. “Do tell me how you swung that?”

“My feminine wiles,” you deadpanned, not looking away from your screen. She spun your chair around to face her.

“Give me the details! Is Jim bringing home anyone this holiday?”

“He never brings anyone, you know that,” you drawled, crossing your legs. Leah glowered.

“He brings people.”

“Not home. Not to Iowa,” you responded. Every woman (and man) alive on the Enterprise had a crush on Captain Kirk, so you weren’t surprised by this line of questioning. More mildly perturbed. You were one of the few to be able to say that you have actually talked to Kirk. Saying you were friends felt weird, but you weren’t just another face on his starship. You doubt he’d remember your face if you weren’t McCoy’s second. 

Leah continued asking you questions about Kirk until it became evident you had no answers. 

You were used to it. Many of the crew asked questions. 

There was a time when you were enamored with James T. Kirk, but it only lasted a minute. You were fresh on the crew with your college roommate, starry-eyed and excited to be assigned to the Enterprise. Kirk was greeting everyone and spending ample time with the ladies until his eyes passed right over to flirt with your college roommate. You got a handshake that was equivalent to a brush-off. 

You don’t even think Jim remembers that day because weeks later, you’re patching him up and striking up a conversation. The first impression is already there, though, along with the misplaced attraction. Now, you’re in a tumultuous friendship with a man everyone else wants to sleep with. You didn’t expect so much drama when joining the Enterprise. 

Work shouldn’t have taken as long as it did, but having backlogs upon backlogs of medical reports meant you were the last one in Medbay. You had turned on some music while you worked and were debating to see if Scotty was up and wanted to share a drink with you. He always had the best alcohol and got fed up with drama as much as you did. Most of the lights were off; you didn’t see the need for them at this point. You could hear the doors open as someone entered. 

“So, this is how you’re spending your evenings,” Jim remarks, pulling up a chair next to you. 

You turn to look at him. 

“I’m doing work.”

“Bones should do it.”

“Doctor McCoy is terrible with paperwork. He’d screw it up almost immediately,” you replied, giving a quick smile and returning to your document. Jim fiddled his thumbs. You looked up again.

“Captain, can I help you with something?”

“Whatcha doing this Christmas, lieutenant?” he inquired, spinning around. His restless energy was making you anxious. 

“Probably just going to find a hotel and drink; why?”

“Come with me to Iowa.”

Your brain shortcircuited at his request. Jim Kirk, notorious for inviting women to various away trips for quick hookups, never asked anyone to his home. The only people that have been were Spock and Leonard, but they were his best friends. You didn’t think you were his best friend. 

“Why?” you questioned, voice small. 

“Because I want to. I can’t invite my friends to spend Christmas together?” Kirk chuckled at that but then caught on to the seriousness of your expression. “We are friends, right?”

“Yes,” you responded, but not very confidently. He narrowed his eyes. 

“I don’t play strip poker with just anyone.”

“You and Leonard played strip poker. I played normal poker and watched you two drunk bafoons make a fool of yourself.” Your lips quirked up at that memory. Spock came in at some point to request Jim’s assistance, only to find him half-naked and stuck in his uniform on the ground. You neglected to help him in favor of watching him struggle. Spock left immediately, muttering to himself. 

“C’mon, it’ll be fun. I’ll show you an authentic Iowa Christmas tree farm,” Jim grabbed the arm of your chair, swiveling you towards him. Your knees touched, and you wanted to pull away. 

“Fine, I’ll go with you to your fake ass Christmas farm,” you smiled, watching as a grin lit up Jim’s face.

It was hard to finish the rest of your work, as he kept annoying you throughout the night, but eventually, you pulled through. Jim walked you back to your room, and you bid him adieu before closing the door. You let yourself fall back against the door surface, sinking to the ground, wondering what you had gotten yourself into. 

Iowa came sooner than you thought. 

Leonard would join you both for Christmas dinner, as Kirk’s mom had been asking about him, and Leonard had nothing else to do. You had never been to Iowa, really any of rural America, and wandered off the starship to the sight of miles of fields. Jim was waiting by a motorcycle. 

“I’m not taking that death trap with you,” you said earnestly. He handed you a helmet anyway. 

“It’ll be fun.”

“Say that at my funeral, I dare you,” you grimaced. There was a small box for you to put your bags in, so you said goodbye to your belongings and boarded the bike. Your cheeks heated up as you realized that you’d have to be hugging Kirk the whole ride. All embarrassment left your body the second that he started driving, though, as instead, you opted to hide your face in his jacket and try not to cry. He laughed at your expense. You debated the merits of killing him but then realized you’d be stuck with Spock as your Captain. 

You pull up to Kirk’s home, your stiff arms reluctantly leaving his side so you can disembark. You blinked in surprise. 

“You didn’t mention that you live on a Christmas tree farm.”

“It was something my Mom picked up with her boyfriend,” Jim shrugged, taking his helmet off and ruffling his hair. “Pays the bills.”

“Did you work here?”

“I’m an excellent tree salesman, I’ll have you know,” Jim grins, and you decide not to test him on that. 

You don’t know what you expected Jim Kirk’s childhood home to look like, but when you do see it, it fits. It’s chic with enough unique knick-knacks to add personality. The amount of childhood Kirk photos makes you giggle.

Winona Kirk is a force to be reckoned with, you soon discover. Her eyes are the same as Jim’s, and her embrace is strong. You needed to come up for oxygen after the fact. She treats you both to rosemary chicken with scalloped potatoes. You drink a heavy amount of wine while Jim searches for a beer. The night is fairly peaceful.

You grew up in a city where the skies were covered in pollution. Stars were not a commodity. Out in the middle of Iowa, you could catch all the stars. After dinner, you make it a point to sit out on the Kirk’s porch. You have a blanket wrapped around you to stave off the cold, the Christmas trees merely a backdrop to the night sky. Your breath comes out in puffs. Jim joins you a bit later.

“My Mom seems to like you,” he notes, offering you a beer that you take gladly.

“Your Mom is epic,” you smile, taking a sip. A question has been sitting on your tongue since you arrived. “Why did you bring me here?”

“I told you already.”

“No,” you say softly. “You didn’t.”

Jim laughs, but it’s empty. It’s the laugh you give when you’ve been caught red-handed. The sky makes his eyes look like one of the constellations.

“I’m not good with women,” he remarks, and your brows shoot up. You want to call bullshit. “Not in the way it matters.”

“How does it matter?” You whisper. You don’t want to imagine what he means. He looks out toward the tree farm. 

“When people come to get a tree, they walk by a bunch of perfectly good ones.” Jim avoids eye contact with you. “Families will walk away from so many quality trees because it isn’t the right one. But when they see it, they know�� it’s the tree for them. The only one they want in their home.” The silence stretches between you two. 

“You think I don’t see you, but I do; I always have,” Jim finally looks at you, and you can’t help but melt. “That’s why I invited you.” 

“I thought you were going to tell me I was the right tree for you,” you gulp, and Jim lets out a laugh. You smile because you see him, too, you always have.

“You’re a nice tree,” Jim chuckles.

“Thanks, I’ve been working hard on it.”

He moves closer to you, and you open up your blanket to let him in. You wrap around each other in a safe cocoon, the smell of pine and fresh air invading your senses. You fall asleep with your head on his shoulder and his arms wrapped around you, and you think you could stay like that forever. 

[wowchilli]

I have some thoughts after the Italian gp about McLaren. Shocking, I know! Anyway, for the past couple of days since the race I have been reading and looking at comments (on Instagram) to see what people thought about the race, and the first thing that was obvious to me from the first post that the F1 page made about the start of the race was that a lot of commenters were upset and that Oscar should NOT have overtaken Lando like that. Shock! Horror!

I personally saw no problem with the overtake that Oscar did, it was absolutely great wheel-to-wheel racing from the both of them and made me scream in the middle of the night cause I was not expecting it!

This was probably the most excited and hyped I’ve been watching an F1 race this year (I fear I have cursed the races that I watch to not get safety cars cause I have yet to see one 👀). ANYWAY, back to my original point about the commenters on Instagram, amidst all of the unnecessary hate and vitriol against Oscar doing that incredible overtake I read one persons comment that really got to me and thought I’d share it on here cause I haven’t seen as much discussion and discourse about the move on here as much :) and wanted to see what you guys thought!

This was off of a post on the F1 Instagram page that shows a video of Zak Brown being interviewed about how Oscar and Lando went during the race.

The first part really got to me cause it makes sense why McLaren are making those seemingly weird and terrible calls when it comes to which driver should be favoured more and get the better strategy. We all remember how much drama surrounded Oscar signing with McLaren back in ‘22! He was the biggest talent that the F1 grid had yet to see since Lewis and the teams all knew this and wanted to get a piece of him. Now I’m not trying to bark up Oscar’s tree here when I say all of this, but it really is the truth, because when you look back at statistics throughout his Junior career you can see how absolutely crazy it was!

This has only continued to grow throughout his short time at the ‘pinnacle of motor racing’! Just this year everyone seemed to collectively agree that his first win was in sight after Lando won in Miami, and that it was only the start of the McLaren boys’ domination with their fast as fuck car.

Ok, this is all to say that for all of the commenters crying about Oscar not being as good of a teammate to Lando, that he was selfish to pull off such a move at the start of the race, that he should have given the second place position to Lando, that he should just stop trying to compete with Lando and help him win instead like a ‘good 2nd driver’…. That’s just not what he was brought into F1 for.

Every single driver that gets into F1 wants to WIN, and their closest competitors and rivals are their teammates who have the same car. Neither Oscar nor Lando want to be 2nd driver, and I believe that they understand that about each other. They want to win at all costs and right now, these two are only going to get more and more competitive with each other because they know that the other can usually keep up and will keep pushing each other to their limits.

[dotthings]

The Sam v Dean drama in Torn and Frayed -- Dean apologies for the fake text, Sam has yet to apologize for how he's behaved about Benny, and while I understand Sam and his insecurities and why he's being a controlling little brother with a 'tude...Dean is much more able to admit when he's wrong. And Sam has yet to give a solid reason why it's so impossible for him to give Benny any benefit of the doubt at all, while Dean is telling the whole truth about Benny and his innocence, as Sam just keeps brick walling Dean about it.

When Sam is being honest and communicating effectively is when he tells Dean exactly why the fake text from Amelia was so upsetting to him and it's because of the fear of losing people they love and something that Sam knows Dean has a fear of as well, so for Dean to do that to Sam, Sam felt that was too much. Which is fair. Note that this is the reason--the fear of losing loved ones, which is very real for both brothers.

Amelia insists Sam give up his other life entirely--without her knowing anything about it. And I think that's what doomed it. Note by contrast, Lisa offered Dean an inbetween, she dismissed the absolute, the either/or. They can make their own rules. Dean and Lisa did make that work for a time and had a better chance therefore than Sam and Amelia because there was no in between or compromise offered.

Sam on his part could also have told Amelia the truth about his life and given her a chance to respond and decide if she wanted to give it a try. But I think how Amelia spoke about Sam having to be all in or all out signaled to Sam that Amelia wouldn't have handled the truth well. I don't think he was guessing wrong on that, because Amelia seems like she wouldn't be able to handle bringing that into her life. Lisa seemed more willing to make adjustments and try to roll with it so long as there were some boundaries. Remember that the reason Lisa kicked Dean out wasn't because they couldn't make that balance work, it's because she didn't know Dean had been turned into a vampire and was protecting Ben from himself when Dean shoved Ben away. If Dean had told Lisa the truth, they would have had more of a chance. But Amelia...she doesn't seem in any way ready for all that. Even though she does love Sam.

So Sam and Amelia needed each other when they found each other but it isn't something that was sustainable.

With Benny, I cannot a single reason why Dean had to cut Benny off fully except there had to be drama for plot reasons. It's straining credulity a little, tbh. Benny fits in Dean's weird hunting life, he doesn't ask for much, he's not demanding Dean give up anything, he just wants a friend to talk to once in a while.

So I don't think Dean made the right call there and Sam was in fact pressuring Dean so hard about it and being so controlling and rigid about the Benny issue, so Dean felt like he had to give up Benny as a concession to Sam, while Sam dropped Amelia. It doesn't feel right. Sam going with Amelia would have fully upended their lives. Dean keeping Benny as a friend would not. It's not an even trade.

Torn and Frayed is the most depressing episode of S8. Cas in the wind back to Heaven, Benny cut off, Amelia ditched.

I don't think canon intends this to be the bestest thing ever. The last moments of the ep are depressing--even the music is conveying misery, and Sam and Dean look deflated and grim. I don't even feel like they chose each other for each other, they chose each other for the sake of the mission. Duty. Because of the high stakes of what they're up against and so they have to sacrifice everything for the team. And Dean gets pressured and boxed in to an absolute when it wasn't even necessary, to prove...what. That he loves Sam? He's loyal to Sam? How much more chunks of flesh does Dean have to rip off to prove that?

Nothing about this is saying they're happy, nothing about it says they don't care about Cas or Benny or Amelia. I'm not going at canon here, the canon intent is to explore these issues and is being self-critical and showing the costs. It's not that it's wrong for Sam and Dean to remain a team, but the canon is absolutely not showing this as their only happiness or that the only thing Sam and Dean care about is each other. It's sad because it's supposed to be sad. It's complicated.

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

They also transformed Lila into the type of psychopath you'll see in an adult horror movie, remember the scene of her creepily cutting Marinette's face from photos she randomnly has of her while repeating how she'll destroy her life ? That's the type of scene to show up in horror movies with psichopathic serial killers, not children's shows. Not to mention all the fake identities and the creepy lair from the Catacombs where she has a serial killer type of board with her potential "targets", Lila may have had some sociopathic tendencies in S3 but she still fit the mean girl archetype in children's show back then, now they'll turned it up a notch so much she's essentially Lenna Klammer from Orphan incarnated in a kid's show.

(Pretty sure this was in response to my post on the darker version of Miraculous' that the creators originally wanted to make, so here's the link to that for context!)

You make a good point. The longer the show goes on, the more Lila feels like a villain from a teen or adult drama. Well, I say that she feels like a villain from one of those, but it's more accurate to say that she feels like she wants to be a villain from one of those. While her vibes match those shows, her actual execution falls extremely short of the intended goal.

Of course, that's not Lila's fault. It's a writing problem. A complex master manipulator is a terrible choice for the villain of a formula show because complex plans need to be set up over multiple episodes. It is possible to mostly do it in the background so that most of the episodes fit the formula, but you do eventually have to break the formula to really bring it all together in a satisfying way.

Miraculous really doesn't do that kind of thing. The writers are adamant that each episode can be watched as a standalone even when it really shouldn't be, thus that weird thing where Felix told Marinette who had the butterfly only for her to seemingly not remember in the very next episode. If that's the best that we can hope for in terms of greater continuity, then Lila as the main villain is going to be painful.

The cutting up pictures moment is a great example of the headache that likely lies in our future. That scene was from the episode Perfection (S5E12):

Lila: (upon cutting off Marinette's face in her picture with Kagami) Soon, you'll have no one left, Marinette. Soon, you'll have nothing.

This moment feels creepy and threatening, but it goes nowhere. Marinette never loses any of her friends because she can't. This is a formula show. Losing friends means changing the status quo and that's not how formula shows work, which is why we get the worst of both worlds with characters like Alya dismissing Marinette's concerns about Lila while also staying close friends with Marinette because Lila can't actually have a meaningful impact on these relationships.

I think this may be why Lila got Kagami akumatized so many times. Kagami is an outsider to the main friend group, so the writers could have Kagami effected over and over again without it feeling like other people should be asking questions since Kagami isn't friends with anyone but Adrien and Marinette. I really hope that trend is over now because I got real sick of Kagami being written as the Queen of Gullibility Land. It simply didn't fit her character. She can tell that Adrien is sad from a picture (see: Risk), but believes that Lila isn't lying to her after Oni-Chan? Sure, writers. Sure.

[justforbooks]

Christina Hendricks

The star of Good Girls discusses Mad Men, sexual harassment and squaring her glamorous reputation with her ‘weird, goofy’ personality

Christina Hendricks appears on our video call with the most dramatic backdrop. Art deco gold peacocks bedeck a black wall, making her look, as she has so often in her career, a bit too good to be human. Perfectly poised, perfectly framed, perfectly lit, she is more like a dreamy vision of what humans look like. “I, erm, like your wall,” I say, pointlessly. She flashes a smile, as if to say: “Obviously.”

We are here primarily to discuss the comedy-drama series Good Girls, the fourth season of which will resume in the US this month after a midseason break. The elevator pitch would be Breaking Bad for girls: three suburban women, each hovering on the edge of bankruptcy, unite to embark on a life of cack-handed crime, only to discover they are good at it. The ensemble – Hendricks, Mae Whitman, who plays her sister, and Retta, their friend – works strikingly well, their pacey comic rapport instilling a sense of perpetual motion. You just can’t imagine Good Girls ending. Every time a plot line seems to be reaching its climax, something worse – and funnier – happens.

“It’s funny you say that, because originally, when I read the pilot script, I thought: ‘I love this, but I can’t imagine this being more than one episode,’” says Hendricks. “It felt like it finished itself.” She is unsentimental about it. Hendricks wasn’t looking for a new show – “I was happy doing films, taking my time” – but went into it with her eyes open. It is a network drama, for NBC – it is shown on Netflix in the UK – so producers are always aware that “it’s going into every house in the US on a Thursday or a Sunday and a family is watching it. They’re much more careful about numbers and advertisers and people being offended or not getting it. A cable show is much more: ‘We trust this creator – they’re a visionary.’”

It has a conventional tone – however dark the material, it is handled very lightly. Yet you can’t help but notice some hard-boiled social commentary from the off – if it weren’t for the bracingly callous US health system, the generation of wage-stagnation casualties and the patriarchy, none of the characters would have gone anywhere near a supermarket heist. More than Breaking Bad, it reminds me of Roseanne and the golden age of US mainstream comedy, when you could be poor on TV without that being a breach of good taste.

The 48-year-old has been a household name for almost 15 years, thanks to Mad Men. She was born in Tennessee, where her mother was a psychologist and her father worked for the Forest Service, and educated in Oregon and then Idaho. She didn’t have time for formal acting training; by the time she was 18, her modelling career had taken off. Later, when she had a manager, she took acting lessons: “I did that for almost a year and a half and put auditions on ice. Then I was watching a film – I don’t even remember what film it was or who was in it – and I thought: ‘I’m ready. I can do this.’” She has the most insistent work ethic; as she describes her life’s trajectory, she notes diligently the jobs she had while she was at high school, at a hair salon and a menswear shop.

In 2007, she appeared as Joan Holloway in Mad Men. She played the role for the next eight years, her character growing around the depth she brought to it, until by season seven she was almost the central part. In the early 2010s, Hendricks was talked about constantly, although she says the original focal points of obsession were the male characters: “Men started dressing like Don Draper and Roger Sterling. Suits came back in, skinny ties came back in. It took three to four seasons and then all of a sudden people wanted us [the female stars] on magazines. We were like: ‘This is strange – we’ve been doing this for a while.’”

Hendricks, along with January Jones, who played Betty Draper, came to represent so much. There was a great deal of rumination on their physicality, Jones as elegant as an afghan hound, Hendricks like the pin-up painted on the side of a bomber. What did it mean, people asked, that in the middle of the 20th century there were multiple ideals of the female form, whereas in the 21st century there was only one? How did that complicate the perception of gender equality as a steady march towards the light? Thousands of column inches went on that question – but, from the actor’s perspective, it was an annoying distraction. “There certainly was a time when we were very critically acclaimed, and getting a lot of attention for our very good work and our very hard work, and everyone just wanted to ask me about my bra again. There are only two sentences to say about a bra,” she says.

The signal impression the show left was of an ensemble at the peak of its creativity: actors, writers and the creator, Matthew Weiner, working in almost telepathic unison. It won the Emmy for outstanding drama series four times in a row, but the more notable year was 2012, when it was nominated for 17 Emmys (and didn’t win any of them). The take-home was: everyone involved with this is absolutely brilliant.

That harmonious picture was blurred two years after the show ended, when one of the former writers, Kater Gordon, accused Weiner of sexual harassment. Marti Noxon, a consulting producer on Mad Men, concurred that Weiner had created a toxic environment and said that he was an “‘emotional terrorist’ who will badger, seduce and even tantrum in an attempt to get his needs met”.

Hendricks takes this head on, in a considered, straightforward manner. “My relationship with Matt was in no way toxic,” she says. “I don’t discount anyone’s experience if I wasn’t there to see it, but that wasn’t my experience. Was he a perfectionist, was he tough, did he expect a lot? Yes. And he would say that in a second. We were hard on each other.”

It is impossible, from this distance, to adjudicate on Weiner’s character, but Hendricks’s response reveals something of hers. The easiest response in this situation, and the one 90% of actors give, is: “No comment.” Hendricks is always collected, never evasive, doesn’t gabble. She reminds me powerfully of Joan Holloway – and I am sorry to say it, because she insists throughout: “I’m an actress. I am completely not Joan. Not in any way. I wish I was more like Joan.”

I wonder if, while we were all fixating on Joan’s bras and whether or not, in the asinine words of Lynne Featherstone, the UK’s equalities minister in 2010, she represented a “curvy role model”, the audience was responding to Joan’s deeper life lesson – that self-possession is 9/10ths of the law.

What Hendricks emphatically doesn’t do is minimise the existence of sexism and sexual harassment in the industry: “Boy, do you think anyone in the entertainment industry comes out unscathed and not objectified? I don’t know one musician or one model or one actor who has escaped that. I have had moments – not on Mad Men; on other things – where people have tried to take advantage of me, use my body in a way I wasn’t comfortable with, persuade me or coerce me or professionally shame me: ‘If you took your work seriously, you would do this …’

“Maybe it was my modelling background, but I knew to immediately get on the phone and go: ‘Uh oh, trouble,’” she says. “That’s where it’s very much a job. We need to talk to the producers and handle this professionally.”

Yet, at the same time, she is defensive of her industry. “It gets a lot of attention because people know who we are. I’m sure there’s a casting couch at the bank down the street, I’m sure the same thing happens in management consultancy, but people don’t know who the management consultants are.”

Modelling always sounds like a harsh environment – predatory photographers vying with stringent agents to give everyone a complex about their thighs and stop them eating carbs. But that is not how Hendricks describes it at all. Her career sounds like one out of an 80s Judy annual: innocent and hearty, good for pin money and travel opportunities. “I think I was lucky – I didn’t start when I was 14. When I was about 18 or 19, I went to Japan for the first time, I went to Italy. We’d be lots of girls, sharing a house, and I sort of became the den mother. I’d make everyone egg salad sandwiches and Greek salads, going into this mother hen role.”

That is what they say about being taken hostage: if you want to survive, choose someone to look after. “Oh,” she says, coolly. “I wouldn’t consider being a model as being a hostage.”

She was only ever medium-successful, she insists – an “unusual and quirky” hire, rather than the slam-dunk face of everything. About as far as it went was that she never had to get another job to supplement her income. Probably the most famous image of that era in which she was involved was the poster for American Beauty. Two models were in the frame, so they took a photo of the stomach and the hands of each. In the end, they used Hendricks’s hand on the other model’s stomach. It sounds like a clunky metaphor, but it is true.

During this period, she moved to London with a friend, for the hell of it, living in a flat on Gloucester Road, “surviving on cider and hummus”. It is a glimpse of the oddball she says she was growing up, the outsider as whom she is rarely cast. This has been the story of her CV. “Early on in my career, I would get auditions and I would call my manager and say: ‘I would never cast me in this – she’s a cheerleader, she’s a bimbo. Can I audition for the other one, the weird doctor?’ And they’d be like: ‘No, they saw your picture.’ And I started realising that people didn’t see the weird, goofy me that I saw.”

She made the jump from modelling to acting via adverts, with what looks like fairytale ease. In fact, it was “a lot of pounding the pavement and showing up for auditions and getting rejected – and learning, as a young woman, to not take that personally”. By the late 90s, she was the face of ultimate female confidence, the woman who drinks Johnnie Walker and doesn’t need a chauffeur (these are two ads, not one for drink-driving). “I always thought of modelling as freeze-frame acting. It felt like a scene, and I still consider it that way. There are so many technical things that I think people don’t notice. They see you playing dress-up.”

From the commercials, she learned “how to hit a mark, how to memorise a line”, but acting wasn’t novel. She had been doing community theatre since the age of 10, and grew up expecting an alternative life, supplementing an art-house existence any which way. She never amplifies her creative urges. She is much happier talking about professionalism and graft, but that is strategic more than anything else. “I am incredibly emotional and I take things very personally. But I’ve learned to be a little bit of a politician and a little bit of a producer along the way. As a female actor, the easy go-to is: ‘She was emotional, she was hysterical.’ It can be a million other people’s fault, but it’s easy to point your finger at an emotional artist. So, I realised: if I’m going to be taken seriously, I need to have professional perspective and I can cry about it to my friends later.”

Yet she cares deeply about creativity, as is clear when she talks about Mad Men. “It may eclipse anything I ever did. And, if it does, it was a good one and I’m proud of it,” she says. “I got to bring who I was as a woman. I think I learned some of how to be a woman from Joan. No one would give a shit about me if it wasn’t for that show. I’d still be doing good work, but no one would have found me. If that’s the best thing I ever do, it was pretty good.”

Daily inspiration. Discover more photos at Just for Books…?

[afurtivecake]

I'm feeling restless today so I think I'm just going to say AFTG opinions until the craving I'm having for novelty and excitement goes away. Honestly, I have no idea if they're weird opinions or not.

1.Neil's POV worked too well as propaganda on me because I still can't make myself like or care about Aaron. Every time Aaron shows up in the narrative, I'm mentally like, "Oh. The other Minyard twin." He's an interesting character and his relationship with his family fascinates me, but, I still cannot make myself give a shit about him.

2.I like the detail of Aaron's homophobia. I don't know if other people remember 2007, but casual homophobia was very much in vogue unless you managed to surround yourself with an entire circle of queer friends like the Trojans. Mainly I like it because it opens up the floor for Nicky's comebacks, which I think are hilarious. ("Even quickies take time"? Perfect comedy timing)

Hang on, those first two make it sound like the only thing I like about Aaron is that he's homophobic towards his family and that's...only partly true. I also liked when he was an asshole to Neil on purpose. That was very cool of him.

3.I like the Andrew/Roland thing. It's such a power-move from Andrew to go for an older guy, who was also his colleague and superior, at a nightclub he was technically too young to be working at. He's been horrifically abused by older guys most of his life, he's just out of juvie, probably just coming to terms with his sexuality, and his first move is to start a casual relationship with someone who has the exact stats of someone you'd think he'd want to avoid. And honestly, good for him. Like, the guy does NOT do things by half-measures.

4.I'm of the "fine with any Kevin ship including none" camp but I do think that if all of Kevin's prospects where in a conference room together debating who should get to have a go at Kevin, I'd back Nicky. idk, I just think it's funny he technically called dibs first.

5.Kind of wish there had been more of Riko torturing Neil. We see a lot of Lola torturing Neil, but I think we missed out on a lot of truly unhinged shit Riko would have let slip while torturing Neil. If Neil had been at all lucid during that time, he would have probably picked up so much more new roast ammo. Like the next time he faced Riko, he could have just opened his mouth and Riko would have been DEAD. Riko would not have been able to recover from the humiliation Neil would have been able to deal him with what Neil learned about him while at Evermore.

6.I'll always be kind of disappointed Kevin isn't as awful as I thought he could be. Before TSC, I thought there was some real potential for some VERY ugly interactions between him and Jean. Like, shitty ex comes crawling back the moment things aren't going well for them kind of dynamic between the two of them. I was rubbing my hands together evilly and waiting for the drama. And then TSC came out and he was just. Kind to Jean? And I just like, "oh. what the fuck. he...cares? people are kind sometimes? oh what the fuck. that hurts worse." And then I become obsessed with Kevin Day forever like the rest of the fools.

[tensbowl]

my thoughts on beastars!

i recently finished reading beastars and honestly it’s been a WHILE since a manga had me this hooked since.. given. i used to read a shitton of manga in middle school but i gradually stopped when i entered hs (stemmed from a desire to Fit In, mayhaps..!), but i still keep up with haikyuu and given news cuz those are the ones that meant the most to me. beastars always caught my attention but because i’m frankly quite a sheep, i never read it. everyone around me told me it was ‘furry manga’ and i just didn’t care enough to do my own research LOL but here i am now, emotionally bound to legoshi. so much for defeating the furry allegations :(

i loved it btw it was a solid 8/10. there was laughter. a lot of confused laughter, but laughter. my favorite characters are legoshi, louis, and sagwan, although i think i love all of them. except for kyuu idk something about that rabbit pmo.. also completely unrelated but i’m a little scared of rabbits and when haru first showed up i was PETRIFIED. the one thing i hate most about rabbits is their black eyes (oh my god they freak me out) but there she was, standing on two legs, staring at me through my ipad pro screen with no mercy. i was shaking. but whatever i love her now and i think this made me get over my fear. so.. win/win?

i don’t remember all the arc names so i made up my own! i’ll discuss the manga in their respective story arcs and then get deep with the characters.. so i present to you my personal beastars story arcs (the way EYE saw them..)

obviously.. spoiler alert for everything..!

high school arc

this is probably my favorite arc JUST BECAUSE i’m a big sucker for high school stories. right off the bat i fw the drama club HEAVY because i do stagework at my school too! but damn these animals do it so.. difficultly? why are we not preprogramming the lights? why are we hand sewing these costumes? is there any blocking on stage? why isn’t there a stage manager to stop legoshi and bill from almost killing each other? let me loose in this drama club and i’ll have it demolished and rebuilt in 2 hours tops i’d be running it like the mf army. but whatever i guess paru did not care about the accuracy of the drama club which is all right with me (it’s not). 

my first impressions of legoshi were so strange. i know he’s not the bad guy but oh my god he’s SO AWKWARD. if i was in this universe (i’ll be saying this a lot) i would for SURE be spreading rumors about the weird wolf man in my drama club that speaks in rhymes and riddles. 

i also had no big impressions of any other characters until we get to louis. i thought jack was cool, the drama club kids were cool, and haru looked creepy but i didn’t mind her. but oh my god louis. he was driving me INSANE. i swear for every panel he showed up in i was containing all my anger. i was trying so hard not to lose my shit but this deer got on my nerves SO BAD….. HE for one spoke in rhymes and riddles and i’d be lying if i told you i understand anything of what he said in the high school arc. he got his shit together in the later arcs and got less pompous but in this arc he was losing me. and i was pissed off at him. the only thing i could think about was ‘diva syndrome’. and not in a cute ‘who is THIS diva’ way, in more like a ‘i really want to watch your ego death’ way. 

when haru tried to get freaky in the gardening club shed i lowkey was not phased. i feel like in a lot of reviews i read about beastars this was the scene that was turning people off, but i remembered my 2nd grade art teacher showing us zootopia and telling us that rabbits are very sexually active and usually have a lot of kids (why did he tell us this? idk. he got fired). so i was like ‘oh that’s just haru’s instincts!’ but also i guess.. that was kinda weird of her. but after her whole speech about how sex gets rid of the small and powerless feeling she has, we get a better understanding of her actions. though i will say, this was freaky as hell of haru. 

now i hate to admit to this (as louis is one of my skrunklies now) but i was CHEERING when he sprained his ankle. i was so happy. i thought he was going to die and i was so happy. but then a new enemy approached — bill the tiger. right off the bat i didn’t trust him. but after finding out that he drank RABBIT’S BLOOD oh it was so over. i was so over him. i was cheering for legoshi when they were fighting but when they brought that shit on stage i was done. i’m a firm believer of keeping things professional at least ON STAGE but these guys had no decorum. sigh. 

but this also got me thinking — are the animal limbs/blood being sold in the back alley market kinda like… drugs? i mean, it’s also like cannibalism (but not really..) in a way.. it’s hard to find a parallel for it. but honestly i think it’d be harder not to go to the market than to indulge in those animalistic instincts after all, so i was thinking, ‘is it really fair for me to hate bill’? and the answer was no. at least for me. i mean yeah he drank rabbit’s blood and i (and legoshi) hated him for it, but doesn’t that mean we should also be hating on like 3/4ths of the civilization in beastars? and i sure don’t. and louis says later too but i was thinking, don’t carnivores NEED to eat meat to survive? it’s kinda unfair for them, too. a double edged sword!!!! i was hooked at this point and i decided i wouldn’t hold it against bill but judge his character based on his actions later. 

i rate this arc a 9/10. one point off for strange theater etiquette. 

louis’s emo phase

this is the emo phase! basically the time frame from when louis was a mafia boss (which is so crazy). let’s talk about that because i didn’t care much about the meteor festival (apart from the fact that haru and legoshi were having some chemistry and juno’s exciting appearance). first off, louis is supposed to be a crazy big heir to a ceo’s throne.. are you telling me he has no image to protect and he can just go on and be a mafia boss to a bunch of carnivores? me personally if my son was acting like that he would never see daylight ever again. also louis was being so emo i get it he’s trying to show them that herbivores aren’t all weak and he found a place where he actually has power but oh my god this was so me in middle school. i sympathized. this was when i started liking louis because i realized that maybe i was hating earlier cuz we’re so alike. louis my son. 

it also freaked me out that legoshi was having internal conflicts about whether he likes haru in a romantic way or a predatory way, but it also only makes sense. so i was like yeah checks out! i guess these are the kind of questions you gotta have in the beastars universe. and then we explored more of the back alley market, which answered a shitton of questions i had and freaked me out a whole lot. i also will say now that haru ALSO speaks in rhymes in riddles like louis. do you think they speak in this cryptic way to each other in bed? also hi gouhin! he’s funny and kinda reminded me of my old drum teacher. 

when haru got kidnapped by the shishigumi ON SCHOOL GROUNDS (i presumed?) i was shellshocked. first off, is the mafia just allowed to roam around like that?? and there’s no protection around school? yikes!!! and legoshi’s lovestruck/extremely hungry being CHASES AFTER?? wow. legoshi and i are the same age in this arc (17) and let me tell you that if my crush got kidnapped i would stay the fuck out of that. i can’t tell if legoshi is braver or stupider than me. but i respect the grind. #forthehuzz

also when they just took out the mafia boss like that? wow. imagine being a minor and having a murder record like THAT.. jesus christ. anywho he deserved to die i love haru. i loved haru and legoshi’s interactions in the hotel after that; it was sweet but also sad cuz they’re just tryna love… but their instincts won’t let them. atp i was thinking ‘are they really MEANT to love then?’ like if their instincts are going against them. but honestly fuck your animal instincts. and maybe i misread this cuz haru is speaking in code but legoshi makes her happy and vice versa.. maybe the REAL animalistic instinct was the love we found along the way…

and a little segment on juno yayyyy! i personally love all the characters because they all feel so accurately immature in their high school ways. juno is a first year (15/16?) just craving for a cool same-species boyfriend and like.. yeah. i was thinking like that too girl. you can’t blame a girl for trying and you can’t blame a girl for loving! a lot of people seem to find juno annoying (the slander on reddit is insane) but i just think she’s a teenage girl. good for her. 

and then they also found out that riz killed tem and fought about it. riz’s backstory was kinda sad but i can’t lie to you i felt only little sympathy towards this bear. what he did was bad and he is a murderer! it seems like all these characters speak in code but this is what i got from riz’s huge monologue: even though he took strength suppressants and took on a “kind bear” persona, it didn’t stop herbivores from being scared of him. tem was the only animal that saw him in a genuinely friendly light, and that affection for tem overwhelmed riz (in a positive way but his instincts won over his logical side (sad face)) and riz ate him. he was also off his pills because taking them made him feel like more of a monster than he actually was. tbh riz was a victim of the system but that doesn’t make him any less of a killer,, but i totally get where he’s coming from. as a person who takes meds, it’s hard not to feel like some twisted thing while you’re taking them (especially if the meds are promised to ‘fix you’). and riz also created a whole twisted narrative in his own head about what happened, blurring the lines of reality and fiction.. but still he killed a dude :/ it sucks

also hold on. i went on a huge spiel about riz but i didn’t even TOUCH on the fact that legoshi went CRAZY after eating LOUIS’S LEG???? like okay damn what the FUCKK. i was laughing at first but then i saw louis’s leg all bandaged up and legoshi all crazy and my smile DROPPED. this was no joke legoshi was going primal. also makes me wonder what stopped legoshi from eating louis whole? maybe he’s just too nice for that. 

props to louis for being an amazing mafia boss. it’s the same thing as a ceo anyway but it had me kinda proud of this guy for leading an entire fleet of lions like that. also the shishigumi scared me when they were gonna kill haru but now? they’re kind of a joke. i love them though. 

overall this arc gets a 8.2/10. things were unrealistic (high schoolers nerfing a mafia boss) but also they’re all bipedal animals so what the hell. sure. mangione should spare louis. 

high school drop out arc

legoshi rightfully decides he’s had enough of this strange education system and drops out of high school! as a person who goes to boarding school though it has me wondering how he did that so easily. whatever they’re animals (what i keep telling myself). 

as a 17 year old, if i had to suddenly go fend for myself in Civilization, i would end up back on the doorsteps of cherryton sobbing. but legoshi, as i stated before, is way stronger/stupider than i am, so he did just fine. he got a shitty apartment and made friends. he also trains with gouhin to get over his predatory instincts and learn to love haru and has an acid trip involving a moth which i just filed under ‘typical shounen stuff’ in my head. it was fun but i don’t remember anything from it. also legoshi was bald in either this arc or louis’s emo arc and i liked it but EVERYONE MADE FUN OF HIM. whatever they don’t love you like i do. 

they also introduced sagwan, one of my favs! such a wise man. i love him. he’s also so kind to legoshi right off the bat which surprisingly isn’t a common feat. he also opens up the door to sea life, where they believe in a ‘life cycle’ philosophy. life isn’t too precious over there and they’re all reborn. which is cool. they talk a lot about life in this arc and it really makes you think. i might’ve shed a tear during this arc i don’t remember. at around this time though i was thinking, what happened to legoshi’s friends from high school? he doens’t have a cell phone, so does he just.. not talk to them???? i can’t lie i’d be pissed if that were me! like jack was nothing but a good friend but because legoshi is stupid and needs to Find Himself, he just kinda deserts him. but literally don’t even fret because they come back in a couple more chapters. unrelated, but jack also tries to kill himself at one point which had my jaw DROPPED. i guess yeah. dogs are engineered to be a man’s best friend (and for intelligence) which poses a lot of difficulties for them. they’re essentially genetically modified civilians. how creepy. and also his whole dynamic with being friends with his ‘ancestor’ legoshi?? wow. paru itagaki my jaw dropped a little. 

and now on to a mini that i like to call…

MINI ARC: homosexual seniors

gosha and yahya!!! i love gosha. what a kind man he is (and his story with his wife had me gasping like i was watching a soap). yahya, on the other hand, i didn’t care too much for. he was interesting, but 1) i couldn’t take him seriously because he is a horse, and 2) he’s a little fucked in the head! his carrot farm, attacking his friend’s grandson, and his strange ways of speaking all turned me off a lot. also is yahya a real herbivore if his carrots are fertilized… like that? what makes him so much better than the other animals? 

i thought gosha and yahya were good ‘two sides of the same coin’ kinda deal. also it was pissing me off how yahya was putting gosha down for choosing family. does yahya have loving parents? i’d think not from all this bitterness. also WHY was he trying to beat up legoshi like that? gosha’s better than me because i would’ve cut ties forever. 

overall i rate this arc a 6/10. not my fav! i liked it when legoshi was doing slice-of-life stuff with his new adult friends and learning more about the world, but then i was thrown off course by the homosexual horse and shounen training montages and legoshi’s crazy philosophical acid trip with the caterpillar he ate. 

melon domination

ta daaaa already the last arc. when legoshi let melon go, i was kinda pissed but i can’t blame him. legoshi spent most of his life KNOWING he was an outsider and not really knowing much about the hybrid life, and now with haru he’s almost promising to a life full of more discrimination and hate. i thought it was normal how he only wanted to connect with someone this affected by the system as his future kid/his mom will be/was, but also come on man. lock in he’s a criminal. 

also around this time i saw some arguments online that legoshi shouldn’t have a kid with haru because all hybrids will end up bad like melon. I DISAGREE HEAVILY ACTUALLY… i think melon only turned out this way because of his fucked up home life (strange predatory mother, presumed dead/deadbeat father, bullying at school) and lack of support at school or home. obviously that kind of hostile environment would raise a hostile kid. melon is not only a victim of the system but also a victim of abuse and bullying! i think that if legoshi and haru were to have a kid, that kid would be raised with love (at least in the house). and it’s not like ALL hybrids are evil — leano (legoshi’s mom) wasn’t evil, but she was ostracized by the community leading her to commit. legoshi is technically a hybrid too, but he’s not demonized because you can hardly tell he’s a hybrid. i think melon’s situation is all about his specific environmental factors.. tldr let legoshi and haru do whatever the fuck they want LMAO

legoshi communicating with the shark was SICK. people hate on the shishigumi for trying to kill louis and legoshi but like… they’re mafia! what else are they supposed to do..? lmao 

also props to melon for having a phd by the way. you could’ve been dr melon but no you wanted to pursue.. other interests, it seems..!

i’m also extremely confused about why legoshi turned white. who did that to you. he literally got whitewashed. 

the carni-herbi war was interesting to learn about (nice job jack) but the whale was SO FUNNY to me i don’t know why. and immediately cutting to yahya talking with said old-ass whale had me cracking up. the whale also had literally nothing to offer it was so underwhelming LMAO paru you lost yourself in the sauce. i respect it girl me too. 

MINI ARC: legoshi drafts himself into war

the turf war was really cool. i enjoyed this mini arc a lot it felt a lot like pokemon LMAO

the quiz was cool too! legoshi is very very knowledgeable because he makes an effort to get to know lots of different types of animals. #respect i love this guy. 

there’s a lot more that happened in this arc but honestly?! i have nothing to say about it. i thoroughly enjoyed all of it and read it with nail-biting anxiety. 8/10! two points off because of the whale thing. and kyuu oh my god that made 0 sense i’ve said this before and i’ll say it again: that whole ‘okay legoshi!’ thing could’ve been ANYONE. it could’ve been louis.  

ending

i liked the ending. i see a lot of complaints for it online but i have no qualms! i didn’t expect the world to change so suddenly (of course they’ll build another black market lol what’s a society without some crime?) and i didn’t expect for legoshi and haru to skip away into the sunset and for juno to get with louis and for everyone to make it out alive. it was realistic and the characters were lovably immature and awkward yet wise and open. i respected everyone’s vulnerability and honesty and wrongdoings. honestly this manga will squeeze right in between haikyuu and given in my heart as one of the mangas that i will never stop loving (and will love in secrecy SHH)

i still do have some lingering questions though. have they ever heard of the impossible burger? how the HELL did they evolve like this (i NEED darwin) and are there humans in this world? would it be wrong of me to say that i’m attracted to legoshi? i want to know more about that strange club yahya and legoshi went to. how did melon find time to get a phd and can i read his dissertation? why didn’t gosha just absolutely pummel melon’s dad because i totally would’ve? 

beastars, in all of its genius and strangeness, leaves us in the dark a little. but honestly i don’t mind! sometimes endings don’t have to wrap everything up nicely. though i do agree that the writing got a little messy and hard to follow towards the end, i didn’t find too many difficulties while trying to comprehend the main story. i loooved the slice of life chapters (beastrike!) and i truly think all characters are quite dimensional and there’s no true villain (you could argue melon, but i’ll argue that the real villain is… society……). 10/10 series, would totally read again. and this time, i won’t be scared of haru.

[ran-orimoto]

Sometimes I find myself thinking how in the 2022 drama Izumi and Junpei seem to be the characters they tried connecting with Train of Hope the most (if not exclusively)? I feel like they tried giving more flesh to the choices of their careers, and I do appreciate it SO much?

The story of Izumi and her waistband is surely a reference to her becoming a reader model in the future. Her conversation with Fairymon does point at that imo, because it seems to be a reference to how she’s certain Izumi will create a sort of trend with that new style of hers (and she will do the same in Digiworld). So I feel like the whole weirdness of that gag wanted to underline Izumi can have an influence on people, can become a model (in another sense of the word this time, help XD).

Junpei and his Detective Shibayama craziness, instead, is a BLATANT way to underline he has developed an even more theatrical nature. Now that he has got friends, he seems to be able to be at the center of attention like he wants to, probably gaining nicknames and building his own fantasies on them thanks to his genre savvy personality (remember the horror tropes he randomly throws into a silly scold to Takuya lmao). In whatever way the Detective Shibayama thing was born, it still shows how Junpei is growing into a person who can aim at entering the entertainment field. He won’t get his detective show, -at least so we know, what a pity, Junpei XD-, but the good news is that opera singers often star in special productions giving opera pieces a cinematographic form…So he’ll have fun, I think so. He’ll have a lot of fun, though that drama kinda made me wish he had ended up being an actor for real, not only indirectly.

And then they just decided to also make a minuscule connection with TOH through Junpei saying “Ah, SO she won’t understand if you don’t confess directly uhm?”, which IS SO OBVIOUSLY RECALLING THE “IF YOU HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING, SAY IT AND CLEARLY” Izumi quote from TOH. And this makes me wonder if Junpei becoming a tenor can’t also be a symbol of him eventually finding his own voice for something ELSE as well. Like ehm writers. EHM.

[beifong-brainrot]

I mean, Suyin also decided to not come forward about the nature of the rift to her own children. Even when they had grown up and it was relevant to the situation. She also didn't take into consideration Lin's worries about the Red Lotus, not to the magnitude that Lin was urging on.

Moreover, Lin didn't want to be in Zaofu. She explicitly tried to stay away. Was it mature? Definitely not. But it was her choice, and it was one that would have prevented any more fighting or family drama from happening in the middle of a mission to keep the frigging avatar safe.

You say that the show only portrayed Lin's POV (which is true), however the development of the episode only show it to us, not any of the characters present.

Let's say we don't see those flashbacks, then what would have we seen? Suyin's version that (what a surprise) leaves out her whole part in the conflict beyond the "we were both neglected by our mom" part.

No, she didn't try to make good to her during the episode. Not when the very root of the issue circles to the secrecy Toph forced to keep Suyin's record clean. No, she didn't placate Lin's suspicions when at the first chance she goes over Lin to aid a bunch of teenagers follow the sadistic criminal group Lin was trying to protect them from.

And finally, no, you don't get to play woe-is-me when you force someone to a situation they don't want to be in. It's really ugly, on either side of it, but I seriously feel you're leaving out the part where it was Suyin's territory, family and influence the scenario of it. She had a support network, Lin was paranoic- could anyone have expected any different?

Ok. Several misconceptions to clear up. (Because there always are whenever I post anything vaguely critical of Lin).

When I said that Su tried to make good with Lin multiple times, I was speaking predominantly about how it was said (very hard to spot when you're mainly focused on seeing Su as the devil, I know😊) that Suyin has tried to contact Lin on peaceful terms multiple times.

One thing I rarely see brought up by people when discussing Lin's rift is that Lin... might just not want to discuss her scarring with just anyone? Like for some reason people act like the decent thing of Suyin to do is to.... not respect Lin's autonomy and privacy? And if Lin blew Su off as it was impied that she did, I doubt Lin's level of comfort around talking about the scar was discussed.

The red lotus issue, and here's a controversial opinion, wouldn't seem like a big issue to most people at the time.

You must remember that while yes, the Red Lotus were incredibly hyped up by Zuko and Tonraq, but to the public they were just 4 randos who were stupid enough to try and kidnap the most well guarded 4 year old in the world. People didn't even know the organisations name, and none of the 4 ever explained why they were after Korra.

Especially that Suyin was introduced to the concept like this:

Korra: She's just a little worried because there's a bunch of crazy criminals after me.

Not exactly screaming " hey shit is hitting the fan". Which isn't helped by the fact that Lin would rather blow her brains out than have a conversation with Su where she isn't allowed to substitute the important things with backhanded insults.

Suyin did assure Lin plenty of times that Zaofu is an incredibly safe city, which it was. The only reason the Red Lotus got in is because they had a man on the inside and they still left empty hamded and with their tails between their legs. Suyin could never account for Aiwei's betrayal.

Honestly, dear, your inclusion of criticism on my posts about the episodes' storylines is weird. I was purely speaking on how the story was presented to us, the viewers.

Lin is a veey shut off character who would rather commit mass homocide than have a moment of vulnerability. Huh, I wounder why Su didn't go around spilling someone else's tragic backstory to randos. "Hey, Korra, you've proven to be just GREAT as handling sensitive issues like this, how about I give you more ammo to pull out on Lin? I'm sure that will go over amazing."

I will say that Suyin letting the Krew follow Aiwei is a dick move and a stupid thing to do. I don't think Sugin was thinking clearly, due to the immense betrayal she was feeling due to Aiwei's actions.

I will say, I think that Suyin perfering to lie to Lin rather than disagree with her outrigt is very indicative if their relationship. But since most people who talk about this pair seem to perfer the "ooga booga Su bad, Lin good" school of thought, I guess we'll never have a mature conversation about this fascinating pattern of behaviour.

I will also concede that Suyin had the "advantage" of having her support system. Being on her turf would probably be comforting, but let's not forget that Lin actively insulted/drove to tears Suyin's kids, complete innocents in this situation.

Lin: Five kids. What a nightmare. Suyin: No, no. My children are a blessing. Lin: Yeah, mom used to say that too, but she never meant it.

Can I just say how much I hate this exchange? Like giving Lin the absolute benefit of the doubt she's being a jerk and then traumadumping at the worst possible moment. Giving a little less benefit of the doubt she's implying to her niblings' faces that their mother is lting about loving them.

Lin's obsession with painting Su as a villai is a symptom of her mommy issues, but you guys just like. Took it at face value you chumps.

Like yeah Su has the advantage of having her family close but that just kinda opens up the doors for Lin to make even more teenagers feel like absolute garbage. And after all that's her super special talent.

But you know what? I would have expected different from a 50+ woman who is in charge of people's lives. Like, call me insane and a dick and insensitive, but girlie should've gotten her shit together. But Lin doesn't value herself enough to do so and that is her skill issue. She self handicaps, she stagnates, she ignores her own well-being and it bites her in the ass.

It is, once again, a fascinating set of behaviours to discuss have but Lin is this fandoms sopping wet kitten, so we don't get to talk about Lin Beifong's arrested development.

Lin isn't an angsty teen or forlorn young adult. She's a grown ass woman with a career. She can get it together. I believe in her.

[proshippers-against-censorship]

Well i wouldn’t call them “anti-sex purity folk”, these guys are sometimes anything BUT pure lol

I think it’s because violent taboos like murder and cannibalism are literally the most normalized in fiction, that when someone looks at it they fail to see that it’s still a taboo, and can be on the same level as other dark topics such as pedophilia because they both can literally get you to prison if you act on them irl!!!

I remember seeing people call an artist weird for drawing william afton as a silly guy, and i tell you dude, SO MANY PEOPLE came into that artists defense claiming “it’s not real! So it’s okay!!”

People can cosplay william all the time, but when it’s someone like valentino from hazbin hotel, they get harrassed (im not sure if you heard of the valentino cosplay drama, but that literally happened…) and even doing something such as calling val your favorite character can get you looked at weird…

I’ve decided not to use the proship label (because i don’t want to be associated with the negatives in the community…i don’t want another drama.) but im still chill with proshippers interacting with me, talking to me and other stuff because i still understand that i am not any better!! And honestly? I wish more proshippers interacted with my account because i can’t say what i think unless i speak in their spaces as an anon (which is what im doing here)

Toss some quotes around the purity then, lol.

But yeah, no. I've watched folks thirst over and cosplay fucking Jeffrey Dahmer with ZERO repercussions, there's no goddamn reason why anybody should be attacked for liking Valentino as a character. If anything, folks need to realize that as far as Hazbin characters go, he's an incredibly well written villain. It takes a good villain to make you hate em.

Super fair to avoid the label. Avoid it like a plague unless you're comfortable with the risk of harassment, because unfortunately, that's a thing that happens. If you ever get sick of asks, though, I do like how you can comment from individual sideblogs. It's pretty nifty. I've got normalish sideblogs 1-11, this one and the sister blog, and then like. The associated homestuck blog and unassociated whump blog. And nobody knows that 90% of those blogs are run by the same bitch. Which also keeps all the hate towards the label concentrated right here. It's like a filing system for death threats.

[ca-suffit]

neilcfreak hasn't been seen in the fandom in a *long* time, so kind of fucking weird and obvious that nalyra gets a bait ask (which she knows is a bait ask) saying it *must* be bullying that caused it and listing every way neil was a good person. where tf has neilcfreak been much in the last year? besides a few months ago when she was trying to cover up for white fandom. nobody cares about u girl, nobody is rly sending these asks about u except ur own friends (or u lol).

anyway who wants neilcfreak's racist receipts :)

last year, ao3 was getting called out for never following up with their promises made in the wake of BLM 2020 to better protect users against racist harassment. neil and a black user commented on the same post, the black user replying to neil's comment u can see above of "if u don't like it make ur own site lol."

this white user (futureevilscientist) then random af pulled the asks out and tagged the black user at the start of the post to talk all this shit AT them fsr?

then later, neil shows up herself.

this is the part u cannot *cannot* say is not racist. neil is directly replying to a reblog of *someone else's main post* and placing full blame for a "call out post" on the *black* user.

she then pulls out her white jewish shit to speak over the main topic, which is racism / antiblackness.

playing oppression olympics can be done by any marginalized group but it usually works the best for white ppl because white ppl get the most sympathy when doing this (u want the most shining example, how often are we talking about white gay oppression in this fandom above racism / antiblackness, which is the *actual theme* of the show...or even gay oppression through a black pov, since u see louis experience that constantly. how much are we told that this show is rly about white gays and nothing else?). ppl assume whiteness is more innocent by default so will pile more on a black user for "being aggressive" towards a *white* jewish user without needing any proof. that's what neil was counting on here. she also then had a bizarre, loud breakdown on her account for extra assurance she'd be seen as "the real victim" (for making a stupidly racist comment in public). ohh yeah weaponize those white tears girl. she then "quit" tumblr for a while and when she came back, as mentioned in the linked post above, she had to again mention "drama" for good measure. "remember how I was bullied off this site u guys :("

white fandom was all over her dramatic distraction posts btw (nalyra commented on them too, so she is v aware this happened). v few people reached out to the black user or cared about the shit they were dealing with.

these white fandom ppl *never* have any receipts of bullying either, they just *say* it happens and flock to give hugs so it looks like lots of support is happening for a real "issue." but it's not real. everything they do is meant to manipulate u. this nalyra ask is still doing that.

when ur told what to think about someone or u can't find evidence of things happening beyond what anyone, even a group of ppl, *tells u* is happening then u need to rly remain suspicious of the reality of it.

these are asks that the black user got after this stuff happened. so now we've created a new issue from nothing and we're not talking about racism or how ur bullying a black user over literally nothing anymore. now it's suddenly all about poor neilcfreak and her white jewish identity and victimhood from a big, bad black fan. she's gotta make this all make her look like the real victim to cover up how embarrassed and stupid she felt for being called out on saying racist shit.

this is why white ppl need to understand these abusive techniques and get on ppl's ass when they pull this, not just leave it up to black and brown ppl to do. white fandom will cry all the white tears possible and claim ur talking over a white jewish person, being antisemitic. it's an attempt to emotionally manipulate u, keep talking (think of how often claims of antisemitism are used to shut down anyone being pro palestine, it's the same shit). this is racism. this is weaponizing an identity to cause harm to a black person cuz u were caught saying racist shit and want to deflect. if neilcfreak wasn't a huge racist she'd have *also* called this out and told ppl to stop doing this on her behalf. that would require her pulling her head out of her ass first tho and not sending these anons herself prbly.

I was looking for a different receipt to end on but found this instead, so let's talk about this too since we're here

here's neil after this shit went down, trying to make anne rice all kinds of marginalized identities so ppl can excuse her abusive shit too. she never said she was queer and she never identified as trans. u can't just label ppl shit because stuff they said sounds "close enough." she did enough harm as a cishet white woman can u all fuck off already with wanting to find more excuses for never wanting anyone to criticize this piece of shit.

good riddance, wretched bitch.

[yuikomorii]

hii i just wanted to say that you rlly changed my mind about ayato,at first i didnt really care about him (probably bc his drama cds are kinda always the same? idk how to explain and the beginning of his routes are kinda weird) but looking your blog i decided to give another shot and well.. i see his value now 😭��� he became one my favs and its bc of you

// Haha, I’m glad to hear that uwu. I honestly get you though, I’m not very fond of Ayato’s CD dramas either but it seems the Japanese audience really enjoys those.

As for his routes, I have never really judged the beginning of them but if you think about this, they are unexpectedly complicated and hide a bunch of important stuff. HDB and MB felt weird at first but after finding out how he got unfairly cursed and the way everyone in his family treated him, they started making just so much sense in terms of his behavior?? I guess Ayato is probably one of those characters whose own routes aren't sufficient to learn about him and his background; you need to dig further to properly comprehend him.

Unfortunately, some people from the Western Fandom have negative opinions of him because of inaccurate portrayals. Although I don't really hold any of them responsible for falling into that trap, I do wish that they would give such characters a chance in order to establish their own opinions on them. As far as I can tell, a lot of DL "fans" seem to hold Ayato to this unattainable standard. They don't mind other Diaboys performing the bare minimum, but they want Ayato to constantly be there for Yui in every route, even when he is harmed or doesn't have anything to do with the Diaboy she chose there. Everyone overlooks it when the other Diaboys are nasty to Yui, but as soon as Ayato does the same, people will only remember him for that, regardless of the fact that he did more noble things than any of his brothers.

Such double standards are not a thing in the Japanese DL and otoge community, hence he’s considered the golden boy of the franchise (here are some of their opinions).

I have absolutely never seen someone who doesn’t respect Ayato… I mean, he got flaws too but his positive personality traits are indeed the most desirable, so I don’t get how anyone could hate him, especially after playing his DF route, which is viewed as the masterpiece of DL.

[lilblucat]

Quick question!! So with the recent episode of MD out (I'm not sure if you've seen it yet, but if you have you could answer this if ya like) are you worried for how the show is gonna handle the love triangle between Uzi, N, and V? Because ship wars are still going on at least over on Twitter and Envy shippers are going crazy and insane, plus it doesn't help that some of them are toxic (not saying that Nuzi shippers aren't toxic too, because they are) but, I'm worried that these shipping wars are gonna get worse and heck, it even concerns me that shipping could end up ruining the show..just look at shows like Miraculous Ladybug + Star Vs, but Star Vs is a huge example because that show was pretty much ruined by shipping and it also ended up making Starco feel rushed at the end..I've seen people point out that the love triangle is common in Liam's work so maybe I'm missing something. But, are you worried for how this love triangle will be handled in the end and do you think it could ruin and mess up the show?? Also, which couple would you say you're rooting for (When it comes to Envy and Nuzi, at least) and who do you think works better as a couple? I don't wanna cause any shipping drama, but I was wanting to ask this question because it's been on my mind, it also gave me some concerns..because don't be wrong, I'm someone who enjoys and adores shipping and has fun with it, but there is something that I never wanna see is to have a ship take over the story entirely, you know what I'm saying?

Anon, this is not a quick question lol.

Idk I don't think the love triangle is gonna be all that important going forward. It felt like there was going to be some love dynamic between Uzi, N, V, and Thad but as of episode 5 I think that's all mostly scrapped now. Thad is completely irrelevant and it seems like episode 5 cleaned up the romantic plot threads between N and V.

Episode 5 is... weird to talk about regarding the romance threads in the series. Like yeah, it does offer some Envy moments, but then once they remember everything they go back to their dynamic up to this point. V immediately wants to hurt Uzi while N is much more excited to see Uzi again than react to V's quick embarrassed blushy moment. The events of this episode and the lack of any shipping merch for N and V kind of seal the deal for me that Envy isn't happening. Episode 3 went all in on the shippy vibes between N and Uzi on the marketing, so episode 5 not getting any for Envy just feels like proof to me, honestly.

However, most of the marketing was about N and Uzi, and while they are the main 2 characters, it feels like this episode was meant more to progress their dynamic along than N and V's. N had been saving Uzi from something every episode up to now, and this was finally Uzi's turn to repay the favor and boy do I have things to talk about regarding that. Uzi having so much ability to really mess with N, but Uzi ultimately not doing any of that because she wants what's best for him. Which, you'll notice is what V also wants, but the difference is Uzi actually communicates with him while V seems stuck on what her own idea of that is. Like, Uzi clearly has a crush on the guy, but even though she's seeing his past with V and how close they were she doesn't take any action to make him stop remembering things. She actually encourages him to uncover as much as he can, which he thanks her for at the end. I don't know how to put it, it's just such a risk she took even though she knew it was the right thing to do and I just really like that aspect of her character this episode.

Anyway, that wall of text is to explain my reasoning behind what I have to say on the state of shipping after this episode. I think the endgame ship is going to be Nuzi because I see no meta reason to ship otherwise. That's literally the only ship with merch behind it and it's the ship Glitch and staff seems to like the most art of. I feel that going forward, the show will end up going that route with these characters and people will either have to accept that or drop the show if shipping is really that important to them. And tbh, Liam's works aren't that focused on shipping anyway. There's probably going to be romance, but it won't be a tumor on the show. I haven't read any of his stuff yet where it felt like the romance threads were hurting the story tbh. That's another point for Nuzi tbh in that pretty much all of his main 2 duos have the most ship tease in his writing. I would not compare his writing to those other shows because Liam's writing is so distinct and has its quirks. Also, Murder Drones is written by a single person compared to these network shows which are written by many people, which is how you get these convoluted romance plots in the first place.

People are gonna be toxic, that's just a given and especially so because the main two ships in this fandom are at odds with each other. Once the show commits to one, I think things will chill down. I will say though, all the stupid discourse I see about Disassembler/Worker ships is pretty bad and misinformation keeps this a hot topic in the fandom. It's not a problem, yet people keep making it one and I cannot understand how this happens lol.

And yeah it's probably obvious but yeah I'm Team Nuzi. I've just always felt like Liam was aiming for it anyway plus I have a feeling that if the genders were swapped, Envy would be no where near as popular as it is. I get the appeal of Worker Envy, but Disassembler Envy is a whole different beast where V's treatment of N is still completely unaddressed. That's not to dis V exactly, but I think people forget that she remembered much more than N prior to episode 5 and cared enough about him to try to keep him safe from the Solver shenanigans. Her methods for doing that, however, definitely need to be addressed at some point. Like again, people forget that she didn't do all that because she didn't remember, she did that because she was traumatized and ended up hurting N because of her actions. Regardless of why she did it, she's still very harsh with him and hasn't made any steps to fix this. Also again, not to dis her as a character, she's obviously made these choices out of trauma and I think that's pretty realistic.

N also has baggage that V's presence gets in the way of, but since he's been with Uzi for a while he's been getting through it. When separated from V, N learns to grow a spine and respect himself. I think V can learn and grow too, but only if she takes a leave from N to get her away from the living reminder of her traumatic past. That's why I'm personally not into Envy in the current time, they cannot reconnect in the same way anymore, they are simply too different from how they were back in the past. Reconnection means a whole new dynamic, and at this point I don't think romance is in the cards for this new dynamic.