#which is the worst thing ever. i hate it. i hate not knowing what is my place in people's life. i hate wondering if i even have a place in

[mental-illness-bingo]

Yeah it’s very important to note that a thought getting stuck is in fact not the best description of OCD symptoms. That thought has to be very distressing. Distressing enough to interrupt daily functions. It doesn’t always have to be Extreme Violence™️ but the reason it often is is because those are the thoughts that best get obsessions to turn into conpulsions. Pure O anecdotally seems to have obsessions that may be less graphic, but not always and they’re still very distressing, even if they’re something that seems “silly” like a rotating cow.

OCD is ego dystonic - that means it goes directly against you and everything that makes you you. It means it is reasonably able to be personified into someone that absolutely hates you - truly loathes you - and wants you to suffer in the worst ways imaginable. It attacks fundamental beliefs, morals, anything to make you distressed. It’s a personal callout where it hurts the most. If your OCD finds the easiest way to cause you extreme distress is a rotating cow, it will absolutely do that. If the most direct way is images of extreme graphic violence - potentially committed you but not always - it will do that. But no matter what, it is not something that the have-r of the thoughts thinks is funny, catchy (songs), or otherwise positive or neutral.

This is not true of some of the disorders outside of OCD that can cause it, on the other hand.

OP definitely could have OCD based on this description but ofc it’s just one example so it doesn’t like, diagnose them (which I don’t think anyone was genuinely trying to do it’s just worth noting if impressionable ppl like children come across this post), but anyone who may think hours of a song they like stuck in their head - even if you have to listen to it in full to make it stop (this is common with earworms) - is OCD would be mistaken. Even being annoying but not distressing does not qualify. This doesn’t mean someone who does have OCD can’t get annoying earworms but it does mean those aren’t a symptom.

It’s really important that we watch our language so we do not water down the fundamental symptoms of an often debilitating disorder by saying it’s just a stuck thought. It is a thought, mental image, earworm, urge, etc. that causes extreme distress. Intrusive thoughts are not just a thought that repeats in your head. Please know that.

I know people are going to say “it’s not that deep” but it is. OCD is already dangerously misunderstood and watered down by the general public. How is it dangerous? Because when people hear about the true OCD symptoms - such as intrusive thoughts that you might be a pedophile and not know it, or “wanting” to kill someone very dear to you - they do not think “oh god that is so stressful for you; I’m sorry your OCD is causing you to go through that”. Instead they think “oh my god you’re a terrible disgusting person no good person thinks that” which is ableist and leads to isolation and further OCD spirals.

That can and does kill people. Because now they’re alone with a reinforced belief that they are a monster and the OCD plays off that, makes it worse, and deepens rumination and obsession. This forces either compulsions that become more and more intrusive or possibly dangerous to the individual (and makes them more likely to listen to those compulsions), or in “pure O” OCD, creates a thought spiral so intense and so lasting that they may believe there is only one way out.

OCD isn’t just a “stuck thought”. It is a thought that can, if not given assistance, suck the life and/or will to live out of you.

And this isn’t just my opinion, nor is it even just researchers; it is the direct specification and phrasing of the diagnostic tests I had done by a psychiatrist and multiple therapists to get and confirm my OCD diagnosis. It’s something they’re very clear about - “do these thoughts cause you intense distress”, “have these thoughts ever led to you doing dangerous things or self-injuring (including by excessive hand-washing, holding urine, refusing to eat, etc not just classic sh) in an attempt to end the thought”, and “do these thoughts interfere with fundamental activities like eating, hygiene, socializing, leaving the house, working, etc”.

Idk why but as a kid I used to get hysterically upset everytime I would imagine a gif of a rotating cow because I could never stop the cow from rotating no matter how hard I tried and I would be crying and no one knew why

[munsonsmixtapes]

I'm Not That Girl

Fiyero Tigelaar x shy!fem!reader

summary: you think Fiyero is only flirting you to be nice because you're not the kind of girl he usually goes for, but he's more than eager to set the record straight when confusion arises

This is based on a comment made on this post by @cultish-corner!

Nothing but anxiety courses through you the second you step foot on campus. You don’t know anyone and are nothing but nervous to be in a new place with new people. That’s your worst nightmare, you think, as you walk throughout the campus to the suite you were assigned, you can’t help but feel like everyone is staring at you, but absolutely no one is paying you any mind as you make your way down the hallway, repeatedly looking down at the sheet you’ve received to make sure you have the right room.

This is the first time you’ve ever been away from home for an extended period of time and you hate that you already miss it. But you’re excited for a new adventure. Even though you’re nervous, you’re still looking forward to what your time at Shiz will bring you. You’re looking forward to a change.

You’re so focused on looking at the sheet that you’re not even looking when you bump into something, or rather, someone. The collision causes your things to fall out of your hands and onto the floor, causing the stranger to drop to their knees, picking it all up rather quickly before holding your suitcase and papers out to you, a flirty smile on his pretty face that you only see out of the corner of your eyes because you’re afraid of making eye contact with him. 

“Here,” he says, handing the paper to you, still holding onto your suitcase which confuses you.

“Oh,” you reply. “Thank you.” 

He’s easily the prettiest man you’ve ever seen and you can’t help but be distracted by his striking blue eyes that definitely have a very flirty glint in them. You immediately recognize him as the prince you had seen in the newspaper not too long ago, seeing that he’d transferred here. You know all about his reputation, but that doesn’t stop you from wanting to speak to him. In fact, it makes you want to do it even more.

“It’s my pleasure. I am so sorry for my clumsiness,” he apologizes even though it was very obviously you who ran into him. “I guess I was just so distracted by your beauty.” You don’t care if it’s a line, it works, causing your cheeks to heat as you tuck your chin to your chest, not wanting him to see you. 

“My apologies,” he sticks his hand out and takes free one, causing you to finally look up at him and you’re captivated by his pretty, blue eyes. “Fiyero Tiglaar, Winkie Country,” he says as his lips press a soft kiss to the top of your hand. 

“I-I’m y/n,” you introduce yourself, your voice still too soft for your liking. 

“Y/n,” he repeats your name slowly, a flirty tone to it and you just know that he does this with everyone he comes across, but you hope, you pray that this is different. You want him to be flirting with you because he thinks you’re pretty, not because he can. “I think that might be my favorite name of all.” 

“Now, shall we?” He asks, moving to stand beside you, offering you his arm and you loop your own arm through it before he reaches over and grabs hold of your luggage. 

“Where are we going?” You ask, your voice so low that Fiyero is almost unable to hear you. 

“I’m going to walk you to your room,” he says with a bright smile, leading you down the hallway, everyone who’s around whispering as the two of you walk together. It’s no secret that he’s popular, how could he not be with his looks and charm? And seeing him with you, the shy, new girl will definitely stir up some rumors. 

Your room is just down the hall and even though he’s only just met you, Fiyero doesn’t want to leave you. He wants you to invite him inside where the two of you sit on your bed and get to know each other. He wants to know everything about you. He wants to know where you grew up, what your hobbies are, whatever you want to tell him because he likes the sound of your voice.

“We’ll, here we are,” he says, hesitantly removing his arms from yours as you step away before taking your suitcase back from him. “It was a pleasure.” He bows then stands there, almost like he’s waiting for something. 

“Here we are,” you repeat, wondering what it is that he’s wanting. He should at least be halfway down the hall by now.

“Tomorrow, you should sit with me in the dining hall. I’d really enjoy your company,” he smiles and you nod in response. 

“I’d really like that,” you tell him, still nodding, feeling a warmth creep on your cheeks as you do so. You don’t know why you take him so seriously. Guys like him don’t ever give you so much as a second glance let alone a lunch invitation. By tomorrow, Fiyero will forget all about you.

The hallway is quiet and empty when you sneak out of your room. You can’t sleep because of how nervous you are for your first day of classes. Especially since it’s a few months into the year and you’re the only new person. Everyone else has gotten the chance to know each other and you’re new. 

It’s taking everything in you not to pack up your stuff and leave so you don’t have to face anyone tomorrow. You don’t care if it’s dramatic or that you’re overreacting, it’s not like anyone will miss you anyway. You always seem to fade into the background no matter what’s going on and that’s the way you like it. You hate being the center of attention and know that it will distract you from your first day if everyone is staring at you. 

You close the door gently and turn around slowly, letting out a yelp as you see Fiyero leaning against the wall across from you. He’s in his pajamas so you’re led to believe that he can’t sleep either. And he can’t, but not for the same reason as you. He’s just not tired and that’s not uncommon for him. He often has trouble sleeping. But tonight, he’s hoping you’ll keep him company so he doesn’t have to go back to bed alone. 

He pushes off of the wall and steps over to you, moving slowly because he can see that he’s startled you. You take a step forward and he can’t help but stare at you, wondering what you’re also doing up so late. 

“What are you doing up?” He asks, his eyebrows furrowing in both confusion and worry. He wants to reach for you, but he decides against it. If there’s going to be any touching, he wants you to be the one to initiate it. 

“Couldn’t sleep,” you shake your head and he nods in understanding. His face softens and that infectious smile spreads across it. You can’t help but mimic him and that’s definitely something he could get used to seeing more often. 

“Me neither,” he replies then offers his hand out to you. “Would you like to go somewhere with me?” Go somewhere with him? You look this way and that to make sure there’s no one else he could possibly be talking to and he just laughs in response, a little too loudly for your liking. 

You step closer and press the palm of your hand to his lips to muffle his laughs and you both widen your eyes at your boldness. His eyes soften before yours do, more laughs spilling from his mouth as he pulls your hand away, holding it in his. 

“You’re going to get us in trouble,” you whisper to him and his laughs slowly turn into chuckles as he gives your hand a squeeze. 

“You need to relax,” he shakes his head. “And besides, trouble is my middle name.” You roll your eyes at his words and Fiyero really likes being able to more of your personality. “So,” he steps closer to you so that you’re toe to toe. “Are we going or what?” 

You’re not sure why, but you’ve found yourself to be at ease with him. He’s one of the only people who hasn’t had any problem with how shy and soft-spoken you are. He even seems to like it, not minding in the slightest having to get closer to hear what you have to say. In fact, he seems to prefer it.

“Yes,” you nod. “Let’s go.” 

“So you’re just going to blindly follow a man that you barely know to an unknown location where anything could happen to you?” He teases as he pulls you down the hallway and you never thought about it that way, and if it had been anyone else, maybe you would be worried, but not with Fiyero. “Well, y/n, I thought you knew better than that.” 

“And the same goes to you, Tigelaar,” you retort. “I could just as easily be as dangerous.”

“Somehow, I just don’t think that’s true. You’re far too sweet.” You hate that he’s right. It wouldn’t even cross your mind to hurt someone unless they made the first move. 

“You don’t even know me.” And he hates that he doesn’t. He hopes that in the coming weeks that you’ll be friends or maybe even more, but he knows the latter is probably just wishful thinking. 

“And that’s exactly why I invited you to join me tonight. I want to get to know you. It’s also the reason why I invited you to eat with me in the dining hall.” You’re confused now. You thought he was just trying to be nice. And now you feel terrible for even thinking that he wasn’t being genuine.

“You were serious about that?” Fiyero is quick to turn around to face you, hurt flashing across his face. And seeing the pain expression on yours is making him feel even worse. He thought that his intentions were pretty clear, but apparently he had been wrong. 

“O-of course I was serious. Why would I joke about that?” He’s leaning closer to you, taking your hands in his gently as he pulls you closer, wanting you to look him in the eyes when he speaks. “I invited you because I want to spend time with you, to get to know you. Don’t let anyone ever tell you any different,” he says as he pushes some hair away from your face. 

“I know it sounds silly since we’ve only just met, but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since this morning.” The look in his eye is nothing but genuine and now you feel silly for thinking that he was anything but. 

“I thought it was just me,” you reply, your eyes lighting up. 

“No,” he shakes his head, leaning even closer to you as his hands move to rest in your hips, his eyes searching your face for any sign of discomfort or hesitance. “Can I try something?” He asks in a whisper, his eyes shifting your lips and you think you know what he wants to try. 

“Yes,” you reply as your eyes flutter shut, feeling his breath fanning your face as he leans down and presses his lips to yours in a gentle kiss. Your arms wrap around his neck as he pulls you closer to him, responding to his kiss as your lips slot between his, moving with them as best as you can. 

Fiyero pulls away before you’re ready and pulls you a few feet before spinning you into him, pressing another kiss to your lips. He then takes you to the gardens where you spend the rest of the night, talking about everything and nothing between sweet kisses until the sun comes up. You think it’s needless to say that you’re really going to like it at Shiz.

[broareweabouttoviberightnow]

Dallas' head snaps back, and he stumbles with the force of an unexpected hand on his shoulder. For the briefest moment, he goes entirely limp, lets his fist hang in the air and doesn't try to scramble back to the boy on the steady retreat in front of him.

Darry's got him. And if he'd thought it through for even a second longer that would have scared the shit out of him. But then the fingers are tearin' into his jacket and forcin' him backward and he finally whips his head around and realizes the reality: two very pissed cops have got him.

And he immediately starts fightin' again. He writhes in their grip and the kid he'd been whalin' on is suddenly skitterin' back with renewed fear. Dallas bares his teeth once and figures he's made his point.

The next ten minutes are a blur.

His heart is poundin' in his ears and he can feel his pulse as it rattles under the cuffs the cops slapped on him the second they could get his wrists within a foot of each other and his head is achin' and he realizes for the first time he tastes blood but he can't focus on anythin' because all he can think is Fuck, Darry is never gonna forgive me for this.

He says it all the time. When he rolls in an hour late and thinks Darry's gonna kick my ass. Or when he lets Pony have just a little too much of his beer and the kid's gigglin' fit to wake the dead when Dallas 'n him sneak back in. Or when he hauls off and picks stupid fuckin' fights for no reason.

But this time he means it.

He groans and drops his head to his hands in the little holdin' cell they have him waitin' in until they process him. Last night's argument flashes vaguely in stills through his mind. He wasn't comfortable with people... carin'. He just didn't know what to do with it.

You can't tell me what to do, Darrel. Dallas flew up from the kitchen table and paced wildly away from Darry. Pony watched him with wary eyes. Soda bit his lip and looked at Dallas like he was tryin' to tell him a hundred things Dally didn't know how to understand.

Yes, I can. I won't have you actin' a fool and gettin' yourself hurt. Darry frowned and he's got these lines in his forehead Two jokes he never had before Dallas moved in. Dallas can't stand to see them.

You're not my brother. And you're not my dad. I ain't never had no one tellin' me what to do in my whole life and I'm not about to let you start. He'd slammed the screen door and gone straight to Tim's, started a fight, wound up at Buck's 'n drank til he vomited, woke up this mornin', and started another.

Darry was goin' to throw him to the fuckin' curb and never talk to him again. And Dallas deserved it. He wasn't one of the Curtis boys. No matter how hard he wanted to be.

"Name?" A cop had reappeared in his cell and he kicked himself for missin' it.

"Curtis." Dallas opened his mouth. Shut it. Opened it again. "Fuck. No, sorry." Since when the fuck did he apologize to cops! "It's Winston. Dallas Winston."

The man just stared at him, Curtis already written across the top of the paper in big, bold letters. "Are you sober, kid?"

"Yes, I'm fuckin' sober! My name's not Curtis. How the fuck do you not know me?" To his horror, he feels hot tears in the back of his throat. He's just some no-good juvenile delinquent every bastard officer in this town knows by name except this one apparently because all he is is trouble. And Darry hated him.

"Sure, kid." The man shuffles his papers together. "Officer Matthews has already called your- big brother is it? He's on his way."

"He's not my brother!" And now he's actually cryin' which is bullshit! Who cares! Who cares that Darry is gonna look at him just like his father did. Like he was a burden he'd do anythin' to get rid of. Like the worst thing Dallas ever did was simply show up in his life one day. Dallas is used to this. He's not someone who stays. He was meant to be left. He's a violent dog. He only knows how to bite.

"Dallas?" Darry's voice makes him jump. He doesn't pull his hands away from where they're pressed so hard into his eyes that he sees stars. He can't bear to look up and see what he already knows he will—not hatred, but cold, cold indifference.

"Out." Darry isn't talkin' to him, Dallas can tell he's turned around by the way his voice bounces back to him off the cement walls. He flinches anyway. "Please." He adds like an afterthought and Dallas hears the door open and close.

"I'm goin' to touch you, ok?" Dallas doesn't say anythin', just makes a low noise in the back of his throat. He feels Darry gently tip his head back, eyes still squeezed shut. He feels him softly check the area on his jaw he knows will bruise tomorrow and run experimental fingers along his ribs for breaks. Dally hisses once and Darry immediately pulls back.

"Oh, Dallas." And suddenly Dallas is fuckin' cryin' again. Darry sounds so tired and worn down and old. Did Dallas do that? Did Dallas make him like that? And the sob that catches in his throat makes him choke.

But then he's pressed against Darry's chest and his hands are strong on Dalla's back and in his hair and Dallas doesn't even fight it. Just lets himself be held and doesn't even mind he feels as small as Ponyboy.

"Come on, Dallas Curtis. Let's go home."

[ambiguous-avery]

Figure You Out

Dean Winchester x fem!Reader/You | WC: 671

Summary: Dean doesn’t care for the latest guy you’ve been seeing.

Tags/Warnings: No use of Y/N, fluff, jealous!Dean, hurt/comfort, no beta we die like men

Now Playing: Figure You Out by Voila

A/N: This is such a nostalgic reminder of where I started when it came to writing. All of my initial stories were songfics. So as a nod back to my roots, have a drabble heavily inspired by the song above. Title comes from the song.

Dean Winchester wasn’t a jealous man. 

He didn’t deserve good things, so there was no reason for him to be envious over things he knew he couldn’t have. So when you started seeing whatever that chucklefuck’s name was, he didn’t care. You seemed happy, and that’s all that mattered. 

The first time you came home wearing a fancy little gold necklace Chucklefuck had given you, Dean’s jaw had tightened, and he couldn’t help but think about how he knew you preferred silver. It was a completely rational preference. Silver had more practical uses than gold. Any hunter in their right might would want to keep a solid piece of silver with them, and you were one of the most reasonable hunters he had met. You had toyed with the pendant on the end of the chain – what even was it? A bird? Didn’t matter. It was decidedly the worst gift Chucklefuck could’ve gotten you. A silver necklace with a cross as the pendant would’ve been your preference. Beautiful but still practical. Just like you.

He figured that it wouldn’t last long. You never brought him around to the bunker which meant you weren’t really interested in him. Dean wagered that you’d be sick of him by the third date. 

That was four dates ago.

Dean ran a hand over his face, pacing back and forth in his room. You had come back from your date just in time to join him and Sam for dinner, and of course Sam had to ask how it went. Chucklefuck had taken you to a fancy movie theater with reclining chairs to see some new romantic comedy that had just come out. Even as you smiled while you spoke about it, Dean knew that that wasn’t at all what you liked. You and him had spent several nights in the Dean Cave watching back to back B-horror films, all the while you were giggling beside him at the low-budget special effects. It was like Chucklefuck didn’t even know you.

 Didn’t know how you liked to play roulette with a diner menu and pick a meal at random to “keep life exciting,” as if life as a hunter wasn’t exciting enough. Didn’t know that you preferred lever action rather than pump action guns simply because they made you feel “more badass.” Didn’t know that you would prefer a cold beer to a glass of wine any day because “grapes taste better when they’re sweet.”

He hated it.

So when you came back to the bunker one evening, eyes red from crying, Dean was ready to go after some kneecaps.

“Did he hurt you?” he asked, his voice low and dangerous.

“No, it’s fine, Dean,” you said, moving to push past him and into the kitchen. He caught you in his arms, pulling you close. “He and I are done.”

“I told you he didn’t deserve you,” he mumbled, holding you tightly against his chest. You sniffled and trembled in his grasp, and he held you tighter.

“Just let it be. It’s fine,” you repeated.

“No, he’s a goddamn prick who has no idea what he just gave up!” 

You pushed against him, leaning back slightly to look him in the eye. 

“He didn’t end it. I did.” Dean frowned slightly.

“Why’s that?”

“He wasn’t–” you cleared your throat. “I was setting unrealistic standards. It wasn’t fair to him, constantly comparing him to someone he could never be.”

“And… who were you comparing him to?” Dean asked slowly. He searched your face for something – anything – that might have given him a glimmer of hope. Maybe, just maybe, his name was somewhere on your tongue. There was an awkward beat of silence between the two of you. 

“You, Dean.” His name tumbled from your lips, loaded with more than he could ever let himself dream about. He kissed you, soft and sweet and gentle. You melted into his touch, and Dean allowed himself to believe for just a fleeting moment that maybe he was allowed one good thing in the world.

---

Thank you for reading, please feel free to leave a like, comment, or reblog! I would be forever grateful! 💜💜💜

[just-a-carrot]

I'm not really in the mood to make a festive Happy New Year's post. So instead I'll just say... we made it. I made it. You made it. The year is over and we're still here. And that is enough.

It's no real secret by this point but 2024 has been one of the worst years of my life. From constant anxiety and panic attacks over job stability in the spring, to losing two family members, to the depressive spiral I entered after finishing OW, to the second spiral in the fall just when I thought maybe I was finally doing a bit better and everything came crashing back down, my mental health has been worse than it's ever been. And I've spent a lot more nights than I'd like to admit wishing I wouldn't wake up in the morning. (And downed a lot more sleeping pills than I'd like to admit because it's the only OTC thing I can get to mildly decrease my anxiety and help numb me a bit LOL)

I just want... this year to be over. Even though I have no hope for 2025 either and mostly just feel anxious and hopeless about it. But I will continue trying. Continuing grappling for the bits of joy that can keep me going. And maybe I finally will get a little bit of calm and peace. Who can say. I guess we'll see what 2025 decides to bring. I just really want to feel a bit better finally. And I hope that 2025 might take pity on me and allow me some mental respite.

2024 did have its moments of joy. Despite it sending me into the spiral, I am ofc glad that I finished OW finally this year. I consider it one of my greatest accomplishments. And I still can't believe that I put 3 whole years of work into this thing and just how much of my soul went into it. Even if my depression keeps trying to convince me that it (and me) are worthless.

I feel like I grew a lot in my art over the year. Trying new and more complex things. Getting better at composition and poses. Which led into my starting Broomtail, which gave me really the first renewed spark of creative joy since releasing the finale and actually made me excited to work on something again.

Speaking of joy amidst melancholy, DD2 was released this year, and it became the one thing that could keep me going at times. It brought me so much joy and inspiration when nothing else would. And it still holds my heart captive in its grip. From all the DD2 art I did, to the O2A2 game, to my silly tragic music video, to a very self-indulgent fanfic, it gave me so much creative energy, and I want to do more art for it in 2025 too! (And I'm still waiting for that DLC, Capcom...) I can't think of another game ever that's had this much of a hold on me before. Though I do attribute much of that to the fact that in my head it's mostly an OW AU since I could make Iggy and Genzou and play out their tragic love story and it was so beautiful and Genzou was so so sweet and cute GUH. Yeah... that helped a lot.

I think my main goal for 2025 is just to keep trying. To keep surviving. To keep trying to find hope and joy where I can. To believe that I can feel better and things can be better. Even when it's hard. And that hopefully... hopefully I will be able to find some peace in there finally.

I do have various projects I'd like to work on too. Like finishing the remaster, continuing Broomtail, maybe working on another game later on. But I'd rather just think of those as things I'd like to do for myself and because they bring me joy, rather than as any kind of goal or pressure. Especially since I never want to make any promises given the instability of my mental health.

I'm just so tired always. And I hate feeling scared and worthless all the time. I hate feeling trapped. Even if I know it's my own life choices and debilitating fear of change that has led to a lot of this. So it's my own fault in the end. But I hope I can find some solace. And I hope you can, too. I hope 2025 will be a kind year to everyone. And even if it's not, that we can find some joy and hope to help us through it.

Sorry this felt a bit morose LOL I guess I wanted to just take this opportunity to reflect back on the year a bit for some catharsis. I shall now sleep for 24 hours to recover from my flight hahaha.

if you saw this post a day ago for a few seconds i'm sorry -- i was working on it in my drafts and must have accidentally clicked post instead of save(??) somehow(???) idk but it posted and i panicked and deleted it and then had to rewrite it from scratch LOL

[watchingblsnowandforever]

2024: BL Year in Review

(The fact that I'm doing this hours before the year changes is actually the least surprising things of 2024)

Total BLs watched in 2024: 21

BLs watched that aired this year: 12

(BLs currently airing: 2)

(BLs watched this year that started in 2023: 3)

BLs watched that aired before this year: 9

________

10 random superlatives to wrap up my year (these are from series that have aired this year or finished airing this year):

1. The BL that predicted most accurately (the date of legalization of same-sex marriage in Thailand)

Cherry Magic

It shot up to my Top 10 favourite BLs the moment I watched it. It's amazing and everyone should watch it, actually.

2. The most Bromance BL (is it a coincidence that my first two superlatives are both TayNew series? You can't prove anything.)

Peaceful Property

Another BL everyone should watch. It's technically not a BL, but it's a better BL than a lot of the ones I've watched before so.

3. The most average BL

My Love Mix Up Th

Very cute, but unlike Cherry Magic, I think I actually liked the original (Kieta Hatsukoi) better. It was nice, but very average.

4. My most loved omegaverse BL (...yes there were two. But to be fair, it depends on what you consider a 'BL')

Tadaima, Okaeri

It was so adorable. It had a sort of non-traditional ABO relationship (?), but I love how they used ABO to address other (more relevant-) socio-cultural issues.

5. The BL with the most wasted potential

The Trainee

It started off amazing, but the graph became a straight line (pun intended) somewhere in the middle and then went steadily downhill. It had so much potential, the ending physically hurt.

6. The most wacky BL (that I loved)

Century of Love

It's actually pretty great, but it's just so wacky (which makes it more adorable honestly). It kept surprising me too, which is always nice (...except when it's not).

7. The BL I (know I'm gonna) have the most love-hate relationship with

ThamePo

This is the first (hopefully only) BL that made me sob in the first episode. But it's so good. I almost cried twice in the second episode too, this is awful. (Then why do I love it?)

8. BL that gave me the most whiplash

The Heart Killers

If you haven't guessed already, I am insane about and insanely obsessed with FadelStyle. If we're watching the same series, I know you are too. :)

9. BL with the worst crash landing (26372892 dead, everyone else injured)

Last Twilight

If you watched this, you know. I have nothing else to add.

10. My favourite BL of the year

We Are

I'm very sure anyone who even clicked on my blog in April-July this year knows this. This silly little show just hit a chord in me and it never stopped ringing.

Honourable mentions:

1. BL with the most episodes ever in Thai BL history

Perfect 10 Liners

24 episodes. That's all I have to say.

2. My most loved new pairing

MarcPoon

The above gif is moments before The ChainPun KissTM. And let me tell you. They didn't only understand the assignment, they showed everyone else exactly how to do it too.

GL version:

1. The one that really tried

23.5

2. The best GL (I have watched)

Pluto

Please watch it.

If this post seems hurried, it kinda was 😭-

I'm just glad I could get this out in time T-T

Thank you so much if you got this far! ☺️🫶🏼

Here, have a new year's cake hehe 🎂

[emelinstriker]

☆ More ESAU Headcanons ☆

Happy New Year! :D

And since my recent art burnout's been a bitch, I decided to at least cook up something by writing down headcanons. Soooo here's some mostly trivial headcanons about the Champions. :)

☆ ~ Headcanons ~ ☆

☆ Wukong

>Did you know he has a collection of snacks hidden on his side of the bedroom? No? Now you do. Macaque already knew that since the start because Wukong isn't subtle about grabbing bags of peach chips from his hiding place. The bags are loud enough that Macaque's intense hearing isn't even required.

>He's also still a hoarder at heart. So don't be surprised if you find out that his closet is filled with items you can tell he doesn't need at all. The only reason the room itself isn't messy is because otherwise Macaque would forcefully shadow-portal his items away to keep things as presentable as possible.

>Not hard to figure out based on his design, but he's not really a fan of shirts. His cape and shoulder guard are fine, but an actual shirt or something else fully covering his torso feels like it's too much. He can get a bit annoyed when dressing up more as a form of disguise, but he also won't openly complain about it.

☆ Macaque

>Definitely holds the record for the highest kill count in the palace. Sure, he has a head start with how long him and Wukong had been servants before the others, but he still has more kills than his brother regardless.

>Him and Ao Lie aren't just besties in regards to them being both concerningly out of their minds, but they also both enjoy reading and gushing about fiction. You could find Macaque often hang around the library even before Ao Lie joined. Though, their tastes in the genres are a bit different. Macaque leans more towards overdramatic romantic books. Or just drama in general. They give him inspiration.

>He accidentally spilled just a tiny bit wine on the carpet once while trying to seduce a Master, and he never forgave himself for that ever since. He was so convinced that single mistake ruined his chances.

☆ Mink

>Despite the way he acts around the other Champions, he actually does care about them... somewhat. He certainly wouldn't be all that opposed to the idea of some of them suddenly disappearing. However, much like a previous point I talked about regarding him being physically unable to have a crush, the same principle applies to true hatred.

>He doesn't hate the others, contrary to popular belief. He just manages to annoy them to the point of some certain Champions wanting to fight and beat him up whenever possible. His blunt way of speaking and casual demeanor, no matter the regular emotion one would have in situations, only adds to why he's not well-liked in the group. That's him pretty much mirroring the Guardian.

>Deliberately leaves tiny pieces of his ink around the palace. The others believe it's just Mink being an asshole and refusing to fully retract his ink. But it's just him doing his job. They have no idea about the lost souls that walked into his small puddles.

☆ Nezha

>Daddy issues. Only really internally though since he can barely remember much of his family. But he does get a bit jealous whenever he sees one of his Masters have a happy relationship with their father. He can't explain why either, but he also would never admit to it. He's in denial.

>Secretly helps out Red Son in subtle ways. Like placing items he was supposed to find for their Master in an easier spot.

>His bed and its surroundings have so much pink and red going on, it looks like he's ready for Valentine's Day all year long.

☆ MK

>You know how his memory is absolutely the worst out of all of them? Oddly enough, he's a fast learner despite that. He may even retain certain parts of what he learned, especially if it involves muscle memory.

>Sleeps with plushies, of which some may be gifts from previous Masters.

>Gets this really odd feeling of familiarity whenever he see the people from that one noodle shop his Master sometimes sends him to. But he also doesn't like sticking around for too long because they've been trying to convince him to stay. That doesn't sit right with him. Their scents also made him suspicious. The green girl smells a lot like Ao Lie, so he doesn't trust her.

☆ Red Son

>Great at cooking and crafting, but horrible at gardening. Nezha can vouch. He once tried teaching Red Son a bit of gardening in case he couldn't tend to the courtyard for a while. It ended up in Nezha's soul nearly leaving his body at the sight of some plants catching on fire.

>If there's something like a broken toilet, he unfortunately is the one being asked to fix it. He's never been given any direct orders about it, but he ended up fixing such matters regardless to get a bit more recognition amongst the servants.

>He owns cute little cookie cutters in the shape of the Champions. One Master formed those for him, and he's enjoyed using those whenever he could.

☆ Azure

>"He asked for no pickles"-energy when out with the other Champions just to relax and hangout in the city.

>Unironically once put a leashed harness on MK after he managed to get lost too many times while the two of them, plus Nezha, were on a mission.

>Gentle giant with a heart of gold... But he also won't hesitate to swiftly crush someone if they were to go against any rules he himself follows. Of course, he would never willingly harm any of the other Champions, even if they sometimes do get on his nerves by breaking rules... We're going to ignore the fact that he has disposed of a few unruly low-ranked servants that spoke badly of his Master and their legacy.

☆ Ao Lie

>The wholesome persona he puts up is more fake than Macaque's glamor. They're both pretty much close to equally unhinged and psychotic, but Macaque is a lot better at hiding it.

>He's surprisingly skilled at crochet. It's actually something he started doing because Azure was trying to get him to open up a bit more, so he showed him how to make some lil crochet animals that Azure had learned from a previous Master.

>Bookworm who has dissected a Celestial Hunter out of curiosity before, as if it were a fun school project.

☆ Jin

>Without his brother around, he is actually extremely calm and laid back. Not that he isn't with Yin around, but it's a lot more prominent when his brother isn't hyping him up with more of his own energy.

>Really likes putting together puzzles and organizing things. Which is why he tends to help Ao Lie organize books that weren't properly put back. He's also really good at playing Jenga with how he also enjoys stacking.

>Gives off a calm dad-vibe similar to Azure, but a lot more nonchalant in the way he reacts to things. Unlike Azure, he's not really a fan of upholding certain rules.

☆ Yin

>Without his brother around, he tends to act more cold and somewhat more easily aggressive. Usually Jin would hold him back and balance him out with his calmer energy.

>He had a run-in with a Karen one time while him and his brother were on a mission in Megapolis, and now he really does not like socializing with the humans in the city. As in, you know those annoying moments where your parent meets a friend at a store at random and they start to small-talk, and you just want to go home? That's how he feels whenever his brother is being all laid back about socializing with the humans they have to interact with.

>Actually more experienced in close-combat than Jin. He used to rub that fact in just to tease him, until he lost in a sparring match to Wukong shortly after having joined the ranks of the Champions... No, the match wasn't required for anything, nor did Wukong even want to do anything at all that day. But Yin kept on boasting so much about his close-combat skills towards Jin that Wukong felt a bit annoyed and asked for a match to let Yin prove himself. Unsurprisingly, Yin lost the match fairly quickly, but it only made him respect the Blue Champion... Oh, and he shut up about his close-combat skills, which Jin was silently thanking the older Champion for.

[ Masterlist ]

[exgirlfiend]

thinking abt swaine and I just don’t think there’s any Good Faith in depth analysis of his character so I’ll be the change I want to see in the world and do it. get ready for a Long One

first of all, he doesn’t leave in spite of marcassin, he leaves BECAUSE of marcassin. he’s not selfishly leaving him behind for his own gain, his leaving is directly tied to his love for his brother. he doesn’t want to get in his way, because he’s not going to be the sage, marcassin is. he’s not going to be the emperor, marcassin is. all he’s going to do is Get In The Way of that. and he doesn’t feel like he can help him anymore (the emperor telling him that marcassin has nothing to learn from him + marcassin seemingly being Bad at Magic around him probably confirm this. he’s not helping. no one needs him there.) so he thinks he’s better off just staying out of his way so he can’t hinder him anymore. he loves his brother and wants the best for him, and in his mind the best thing for him would be if he Wasn’t There to mess everything up. is it right for him to have left marcassin all alone for so long? obviously not, but this was a 15 year old kid who felt unwanted and unappreciated and like he was just getting in the way of the person he loved the most. yeah yeah “I think he acted this way bc he was literally 15” is a cheap defense, but he was a kid impulsively making a bad decision that he thought was right. yes it was selfish and he DID also want to try and prove himself as not being a failure to his father (who he very much thought hated him and wanted him gone anyway; we know this wasn’t completely true because the emperor immediately asks what happened to gascon when he finds out marcassin is the emperor in the future and calls swaine his beloved son,,, but gascon certainly didn’t feel loved in that way and one has to wonder why) but. in the end it was all for marcassin. and marcassin wanted him to stay so badly, and he was trying so hard to get him not to leave, but swaine didn’t feel like he wanted him there, because why would he? all he was doing was forcing him to practice magic, which he obviously wasn’t enjoying and was actively pretending to be bad at for a reason that gascon couldn’t figure out (to spite him? to get him banned from helping him? because he just doesn’t care? he doesn’t understand that he’s trying to get him to STAY because why would he ever want that?). all he was doing was getting in marcassin’s way, and in his mind that must have meant that marcassin would want him gone too.

and like. I DO think that he made the wrong choice and there were so many other options that would have been less harmful, and he did ultimately pick the one that would benefit himself more than anyone. but he had no way of knowing that he was leaving marcassin alone. he was supposed to be leaving him with their father, who could teach him better than he ever could. how was he supposed to know that he would die that exact same day? he likely didn’t even KNOW that the emperor died right away either, because who was gonna tell him? he’d likely already left autumnia by the time the news got to him. and at that point, he might not have had an easy way back.

and we SEE that he’s absolutely desperate to get back to marcassin, leading him to literally follow oliver and esther into al mamoon just for a CHANCE to get a ticket onto that ship. he even says that “it’s all for him” when confronted. even with the worst form of heartbreak (need I remind you that he had a nightmare?) all he can think about is his brother because he NEEDS to get back to him more than anything. we don’t know how long he was heartbroken for or how long he had a nightmare or how long he’d been trying to get back to hamelin. he likely was too stubborn to go back right away, but…how many of those 15 years were spent desperately trying to claw his way back and being denied at every turn, both from his own lack of restraint and from others telling him he couldn’t? is it any wonder it took so long, based on how many obstacles we can SEE were standing in his way? also, when he steals the photo of marcassin from oliver, he refuses to give it back even when he’s not heartbroken bc he “can’t have it making the rounds”, since (and this was kind of lost on me bc I already knew who marcassin was prior to playing) they only know that he’s the sage; they don’t know that he’s also the prince. and the sage is just the “prince’s servant”, anonymous, unknown. except if you have a photo showing you exactly what he looks like and who he is. and swaine KNOWS what happened to the sages. he knows they’re all either heartbroken or dead from shadar. and these kids want to drag marcassin into helping them fight him (but nobody stands up to shadar and lives. nobody). he’s trying to protect his brother from them and from shadar. he so very clearly still cares about him and wants to keep him safe even if he’s not in hamelin with him. he’s looking out for him.

and on top of that, we’re SHOWN that he regrets his decision. he knows it was wrong, even if he can’t admit it. he tries to convince gascon not to leave when they’re in the past. he’s had time to think. he’s not an irrational and impulsive 15 year old anymore. he knows that marcassin ends up heartbroken. he knows WHY marcassin was pretending to be bad at magic. he knows that marcassin didn’t want him to leave. and he knows that he can’t change the past but…well he has to try, doesn’t he? maybe things can go right this time if he just explains things to gascon. he didn’t understand. he was always so stubborn. but maybe he can spare his brother the suffering he put him through if he just…tries. and it doesn’t work. of course it doesn’t.

he never apologizes (that we see). I’ll give you that. he should and he doesn’t. but it’s so clear that he regrets it. that he wants to apologize but just. can’t. because that means acknowledging that he hurt his brother and he just…can’t accept that he could do that. in their dotdd argument we can SEE that swaine is trying to rationalize what he did. he was just getting in marcassin’s way, and that’s all he does, he holds people back. he knew marcassin could do well, and he didn’t need to be there to hinder him any further. him leaving was a good thing, wasn’t it? he’s trying to convince marcassin, yes, but…maybe he’s trying to convince himself of it too.

and in regards to how he acts towards marcassin after coming back: “he calls him a ‘sniveling little wimp’ and says he’s ‘more trouble than he’s worth’ even AFTER being told he’s brokenhearted” yes! he does! but can you imagine leaving everything behind, being all alone in an unfamiliar place, being heartbroken, having a literal nightmare possessing you, all for the sake of trying to help your brother in your own flawed way, just to come back and have him tell you that he has no gift for magic (when the whole reason you left was bc he has a gift for magic and you don’t)? to have him basically spit in your face like that? it’s selfish and petty, yes, it absolutely is, but have you never said something mean in a moment of anger? of course he would respond that way. he speaks first and thinks later, it’s what he does. and I do think that marcassin deserved to be mad at him and yell at him and take out all of his buried anger and resentment on him because he definitely did the wrong thing and hurt him, and he doesn’t even seem all that outwardly apologetic about it, but…I can’t say that I blame him either. I don’t know what I would have done in his shoes.

and then he leaves marcassin again. and of course he does! he’s traveling with these two kids that are trying to stop shadar and he’s SEEN what shadar is capable of. he watched his father die at shadar’s hand. he FOUGHT shadar himself alongside these kids. he can’t just…let them go by themselves. he could stay with marcassin, and he’d probably be safer if he stayed with marcassin, but he can’t bring himself to send these kids into danger by themselves. he cares about them too much. yes, he just came back, and yes, he has to leave him again so soon but,, they come back to marcassin multiple times throughout their journey. he’s not leaving for good this time (they talk and work together during the clarion event! we see them talking on the iron wyvern! marcassin joins the party!). but he has to finish what he started. and y’know maybe he’s using chaperoning them as some kind of selfish way to make up for what he did to marcassin, because look, he’s not leaving them, he’s protecting them, he’s their guardian, he’s doing everything right this time. can’t you see that he’s doing everything right this time? and maybe it’s just him trying to Prove something to himself but…is that really so wrong? is it a character flaw to…want to improve? to try and do better when given the chance? we see time and time again that he’s Afraid and hesitant and cowardly and he screams when things get Scary and yet he always stands his ground and follows right behind them. these are his friends and he’s tired of running and he’s going to stand by them every step of the way. I don’t like father figure swaine but…I do think he sees himself as their older brother (whether they also see him this way is. probably unlikely). and he’s not going to leave them this time.

and on that note let’s talk about how he acts after the vileheart fight. esther and drippy make it clear that he keeps running away, so clearly he HASN’T improved, right? he’s still running away from his problems. but he straight up tells us WHY he keeps running away: he’s not helping. him being there isn’t going to make oliver wake up. and that SCARES him. oliver has saved them time and time again, and he can’t return the favor. he’s right back to feeling completely useless and he doesn’t know what to DO. but he never goes very far. it’s clear he’s not actually running away from them (esther is always able to find him and bring him back. he’s just leaving the city and that damn room for a bit). but suddenly he’s a scared 15 year old again and he’s incapable of helping the people he cares about and no one wants or needs him around anymore. and he’s falling back into his old habits. and that’s terrifying. but he does something different this time: he STAYS. he stays when vileheart shows up. even though they can’t win. even though oliver might not wake up. he fights with esther anyway.

and yknow what? he’s mean, and he argues all the time, and he always says the wrong things at the wrong time, and he pisses people off. those are true statements. I won’t try to rationalize or explain to you why he’s actually just ~misunderstood~. he’s a cocky jerk. he has genuine moments where he shows that he cares. he says nice things. he also says rude things. he mostly says rude things. he’s burying a lot of his softer feelings under a layer of snark and deflection. I find that endearing. not everyone does. it’s whatever.

I could keep going but I just. head in my hands. I care about him so much he’s so important to me. and yeah you may think I’m being too soft on him and giving him too much credit and maybe he deserves a way more critical and mean analysis that shows what a real jerk he REALLY is but. I genuinely think he’s trying. I see so much of myself in him. and it hurts that no one seems to want to give him the benefit of the doubt.

[floatingseaotter]

The Worst Day Ever

or It's My Party

Song - Dream by Priscilla Ahn

"...at length" count - 59

Part I: Carlotta

REAL! This truly is the worst day ever and me reading the entirety of the beginning of this chapter is quite literally *grumble grumble grumble*

"I think it's going to be a good year for you, lily."

- Yeah girl we just gotta suffer first😭

ARGGGGGGHHHH Carlotta!!!! Sirius is so real like Carlotta really has not done anything wrong (except betray Shelley to a degree) but I'm sorry I cannot stand it and her!!!

"Not really," said James. "Most of our mystique, I hear, is just smoke and mirrors."

- a Lily quote right?

CALRLOTTA LEAVE HIM ALONE! She's desperate to go with him to the prefect meeting it's making me mad but it's okay Sirius once again saving me from this plight of reading Carlotta x James😌😌😌

Lily noticing them my heart my heart my heart my heart

Then, as Lily located her bag, her eyes flickered towards James and Carlotta and, for the shortest of seconds, Carlotta thought she noticed Lily's eyebrows lift infinitesimally. Everyone else noticed, too. "We're dating," James blurted out suddenly, and Carlotta—who was not the blushing type—felt the heat rise in her face. There was about half a second of awkwardness, and then Lily smiled brightly. "Cool." With that, the Head Girl started to rummage about in her bag for her badge. Everyone, including the Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs, stared at her.

-- I HATE IT!! I am fairly sure she cries right? i am imagining her wiping a tear later? This was so unbelievably unfair by James especially in the way that they are all just watching her for a reaction, cannot bare it! at all!!!

The rest of the dorm is so behind Shelleyyyyy! I forgot about her make-over but I feel like there is an underlying plot here that I either never learned or just can't remember? Like specifically with the potion...

Remus sticking with Lily <3<3<3

Not Sirius not knowing who Shelley was; a violation lmao😭

Suspiciously: "Why do you need Lily?" "Well... I don't know," Carlotta had to admit. "I just... I needed her advice on something. Can I talk to you?" "Why on Earth would you suspect that's a good idea?"

-- EXACTLY Marlene! I think that's what bugs me so much about Carlotta's character is that she is so dense and it's so frustrating!!

"No," sighed Carlotta. "It's not that kind of problem. It's... I... I keep having these strange thoughts..." I knew it! You're a lesbian!" "Marlene!"

- AHHAAHAH what marlene😭

Who is the random child with the new DADA teacher—with the inoffensive ponytail and goatee (which sounds like a contradiction to me but whatever)—because I have absolutely zero recollection of this or who they are?😭

THE THERAPIST!! YES THEY BROUGHT IN THE COUNSELLOR AND LILY AND JAMES HAVE THE JOINT MEETING DON'T THEY! But i dont think we ever actually see that chapter i don't think?

Every time Sirius sasses Carlotta a confetti cannon goes off and a baby smiles<3

OMG SHELLEY KISSED MARY'S BOYFRIEND! I FORGOT ABOUT THAT! What if the magic potion she was taking was like infused with some mystically love potion thing? Also Mary upholding Reg's statement that boys can be slags too!!! Where is my mannn

  "...AND WITH THAT FAT, UGLY POCKMARKED BINT!"

- the insults in this remind me of Angus, Thongs, and Perfect Snogging. "She's just a big fat minging minger with huge knickers and a ginormous schnozzle!"

Mary Macdonald essentially: Shelley Mumps is a lad nabbing letch who can't keep her slutty minx hands off of other peoples boyfriends!

Mary was so happy with Stebbins in the summer too, so sad :(

Not Mary revealing Shelley's evil master plan!! A masterplan I fully forgot about (shocking i know) and 😭

"What plan?" "I don't know," said Mary. "I'm sure you'll be able to figure it out, though. You taught her everything she knows, right?"

- OOOOFT

There is a lot of infidelity in this fic, huh?

Carlotta x Frank

Shelley x Stebbins

Donna x Charlie

...Admittedly, sometimes i think its quite a good plot point so i am not complaining as long as it suits me! Sue me!!

Mary suggested going to the Raveclaw dormitories and tear Stebbins limb from limb, but Marlene didn't want to go to prison.

- aahahahahahaahha

It's funny having so little Lily so far!

Without knocking, Carlotta opened the door to the Head Boy's dormitory. James knelt on the floor, already in his night clothes, as he fumbled through his trunk for something. He looked up upon Carlotta's entrance and smiled, but there was something—something just not right in his expression.

-- WHAT HAPPENED I MUST KNOW—I say as if I am not fully aware that he and Lily did not miraculously end up together and all is well but whatever I actually have no idea.

Truthfully, James was Head Boy now, and it was not of Shelley that Carlotta was afraid.

- so she leaped from the gallows and levitated down her street, crashed the party like a record scratch as she screamed, WHOS AFRAID OF LILYYYYYY EVANS ...you should be

Part II: Mary

To be in love, even superficially, on the first day of school, is a wonderful thing indeed.

- aww Mary

Obsessed with Mary and Sabrina Barbery just updating each other on all of the gossip.

OMG YES! Bridget at Hogwarts and protective Donna!

Lily is sullen. Did she see James and Carlotta kiss on the platform? hm... She must have because she doesn't seem surprised when Mary tells her.

"It's still strange," said Marlene; she seemed the most perturbed by the matter, and she kept looking at Lily. Even Mary had to find it a bit odd that Lily's reaction was non-existent. Whether or not Lily had ever reciprocated any of James's feelings for her—and Mary could never decide what she believed on that matter—she ought to have some opinion.

- So sad :(

Shelley's potion is definitely suspicious!

Donna on what she did over the summer: "...and ordered around a well-respected auror." Yeah you did! Lathe mention!!!!🚨

At least they are all worried about Shelley too... I don't believe we ever got to see the end of this plot point?

IS MARY PREGNANT—i say this because she was dizzy and there was a curious "or for some other reason" as to why she was dizzy and as someone who enjoys a good pregnancy trope... that is where my mind always jumps too okay!

Part III: Donna

Donna is so protective of Bridget<3

Please do not tell me Lily was waiting for James because that would crush my spirit to smithereens. —She was waiting for James.

"Alright, Donna?" said Marlene. "It's been—what? All of a week? How was your last day at the pub?" "Fine." Marlene smiled slyly. "Anyone interesting drop by?" Donna glared; "You've been talking to Black." "Whatever do you mean?" "Oh, shut up." Marlene looked smug.

- LATHE LATHE LATHE LATHE LATHE

Charlie is threatening Bridget! Oh dear. RAT MAN!!

She was wondering what Bridget was doing just then... she'd joined Millie Bones in a compartment. Could Millie Bones be trusted? Kingsley evidently thought her a fit companion for their younger sister, but Donna had not verified this. Millie Bones could be a corrupting influence. She could (and probably did) mean trouble. This Millie Bones character had to be stopped.

- hahahahaaha Millie Bones public enemy no.1

Adam distracted by Marlene, as all things should be.

Donna worrying so much about Bridget is obviously so sad because it's rooted in her overthinking after her parents death but the fact that she has beef with Millie Bones and Dromio Prewett (a Little Boy™️) is so funny to read.

Aw Donna apologising to Cassidy!

"Well I've never heard of you feeling guilty over anything," the food trolley lady spoke up again. "Right?" "Once again, no one asked y—how would you even know?"

- HAHAH not the food trolley lady piping up; she's in on all the gossip its giving Dorota from Gossip Girl.

Did you two fall in love?" teased Adam. "Working all those late shifts in the romantic lighting..." "Shut up." "You're blushing." "I am not." "You are! Wait... Shack... did you really fall for Black?" "Don't be thick. I do not fancy Sirius Black." Adam considered her carefully. "But you do fancy someone?" "Fuck off, I don't." "Liar. It's not that Charlie Plex bloke, is it?" Donna glared at him. "I guess not. Who is it? Why all the secrecy? Is he married?"

- JACKLEBOLT JACKLEBOLT JACKLEBOLT JACKLEBOLT

Oh was Adam wondering if Marlene maybe had a thing with one of the Marauders over the summer?

Donna putting creepy Charlie Plex in his place!

Lily looking paler than usual and James looking off... what occurred?

Part IV: Marlene

Marlene feeling like everybody is a sexy baby and she's a monster on a hill :(

"Well, she does," Marlene insisted. "Anyway, it was... kind of frightening." "The wedding?" "No, the protest." "What protest?" "Did I not mention the protest yet?" Adam began to laugh. "Marlene, I have no idea what you're talking about."

- Aw Marleneeeeee my girl! They are so cute I am so sad!! also why didn't Adam's sister tell him about the protest lmao

"... I meant more like..." They began to walk again, "We both love. him... differently. You're like a sister to him!" And only one thought registered for Marlene in response to that: I am an awful sister.

- HAHAHAHAHAHAH

Knew what a prostitute was when you were eight, did you?

- Marlene skskskskks

I LOVE Marlene's growth from first day of sixth year to first day of seventh year!

WAS SHELLEY ALSO IN LOO WITH STEBBINS nah it was a random Hufflepuff lmao

Lily sitting by herself in the prefect carriage she is so sad😭

There was something dull and uninterested in Lily's voice, however, that prompted Marlene to ask: "Are you feeling quite well? You seem a little... off."

- and contemplative 😭 like novembermy girl! I am not ready for her POV. Though i think I remember the Marauders minus James all meet her in the Prefect carriage :(

"What did I do, Lily?" she muttered, sniffing. "Why didn't I just...? Why couldn't I...?" "You weren't ready," said Lily. "It's not your fault." "It is though. I was so stupid..." "No, you weren't. You were just getting out of one really complicated, really intense relationship, and you weren't ready to jump into another one. That's not your fault. None of this is your fault."

- the way they are both in the same boat and Lily is comforting Marlene without Marlene knowing yet that they are going through the exact same thing! My heart!!!

"You know it's going to be okay, don't you?" Lily asked softly after a while. Marlene looked skeptical. "It is," insisted the redhead. "Prudence may be cute and sweet... she might be Dear Prudence, but you're... you're..." Lily smiled: "You're Here Comes the Sun."

- this is genuinely such a sweet comment I love friendship. Also, Marlene is right that must be one of the nicest things anyone could say to you🥹 Lily as Golden Slumbers—I see it.

Ahhhh Adam did know about the protest he was just a dummy.

They both grinned, and Marlene, momentarily, forgot that it was not—and never again would be—like it had been once upon a time.

- girl it is okay dont be so dramatic! matters of the hear just require time!!!

Part V: Lily

Here we go... i am not ready!

She is fumbling and i am so sad for her!!!

Before he left, Sirius draped an arm around Lily's shoulder and leaned close to her, muttering so that none of the others could hear: "Evans, I think you and I have some catching up to do." "Damn right we do," Lily could not help but retort. He raised his eyebrows and then departed with Peter.

-- Sirius and Lily's friendship deserves all the flowers in the world. I love them so dearly.

Side note: i just remembered Lily did Alice's flowers at her wedding and it was such a sweet callback to Lily always being good at flowers🥹

James Potter too right your amusement should be nervous!! And too right Lily should speak coldly toward you!!

Lily smiled politely, rather than quipping in reply. James evidently sensed something must be amiss by her lack of bantering retort, and so he offered to help her carry her things—which consisted of her sling purse and a book—and, for a moment, Lily felt incredibly trapped. "I'll do it," Remus volunteered suddenly. "I'm sure you want to get back to the compartment." Lily did not think she'd ever appreciated Remus more than in that moment.

-- The Marauders sans James all rallying around Lily makes my heart BURST!!

I swear I am not making up a scene where they meet her in her dormitory or something and then Sirius jokes about them figuring out how to get into the girls dorms in second year or something and they hug? right?

"Do we get our own Common Room?" "What?" "Our own Common Room." Lily frowned. "No. Where on earth did you get that idea?" "I don't know," admitted James. "I feel like I read it somewhere."

- James has been reading them fanfics fr

"Is something bothering you?" asked James suddenly. Merlin and Agrippa, what do you think? "Nope."

- He's only 17 he doesn't know anything, does he?

"You're an idiot." "What?" "I said 'you're an idiot.'" "I heard what you said! Why am I an idiot?" Lily did not think she had it in her to answer, however. She merely shook her head in disbelief and continued down the corridor. "Evans! C'mon don't..." James caught up with her, pulling her to a stop. When he did not immediately remove his hand from her arm, she glared, and he withdrew it at once. "Why are you...?" And then it was all too much. We're dating. They're kind of perfect for each other. Just close enough to... "Why didn't you tell me you were dating Carlotta?" Lily snapped, before she could help herself. James dropped his gaze. "I-I didn't... it didn't come up." "It didn't come up?" (This, practically shouted), "Really? Because I have this weird memory of sitting in an office with you and asking how your trip went, and you just said 'fine,' and then you got all snippy with me, like you always do when you're hiding something, and oh-my-Merlin, how could I be so stupid?" It began to make sense, "I thought it was just the Head Boy thing, but... Agrippa's sake, that was what Sirius was trying to get you to tell me, too, wasn't it? And Sam... 'the ginger but not the girl...' I am such an idiot! How did I not realise?" "You're not an idiot, I just..."

The entire room had lit up upon her entrance, and yet none of these details had any effect upon Lily. She barely saw them, for suddenly her eyes were blurred by tears. Her breathing grew heavy and staggered. She fell back against the closed door and pushed her hair away from her face, forcibly attempting to fend off the attack of panic that quickened her heart and made her head spin. No good at all.

-- Oh Lily😭😭😭😭😭

me reading Shelley and Carlotta—then Lily—screaming at each other in the dorm, like damn lmao. Get 'em Lily!! My queen!!! she was really like ...AND FURTHERMORE!

"The both of you need to get your acts together right now! I am done caring if Carlotta is seeing the bloke that you fancy, Shelley, or if Shelley is trying to sit on your boyfriend's lap, Carlotta. Whatever. But all of this whore-calling, and shouting, and making this dormitory miserable, and... and... snogging my friend's boyfriend to prove a point to each other—all of that ends now! AND..." she spoke over two attempts to interrupt, "before either of you say that this is none of my business, I am going to spare you the risk of getting hexed out that window: this is my business, because I'm supposed to have my own room tonight, and yet now, I get to spend the evening agreeing to repetitive statements about what a git Stebbins is! And, also, because the two of you are insults to the very word 'friendship' with how you're behaving! And, also, because I'm Head Girl, and there's NO SHOUTING ALLOWED IN THE DORMITORIES!" She finished her speech. Shelley and Carlotta did not speak. At some point—and Lily had no idea when—Donna had entered the dormitory from the bath, dripping wet from her shower and clothed in a bathrobe. She looked from Lily to the other two, amber eyes wide with wonder.

- I really could not not include at least a wee snippet off that speech because it was far too good. Donna's reaction is too good too, i love it.

A few minutes later, Carlotta went up to bed (in the Head Boy's dormitory—Lily decided not to think about it)

- real

Ah not the twelve hours earlier talking about today going to be a good day :(

For a moment—only a few seconds—Lily observed the two Marauders. The warm morning light caught the Head Boy badge pinned to James's t-shirt, as well as the amused glint in his hazel eyes. He ran one hand through his hair, shaking his head, and replied to some remark from Sirius with a few words of self-aware cleverness that made Sirius laugh out loud. When Sirius gave another reply, James listened, a crease forming between his eyes in subtle interest, one hand idly rubbing his jaw line. Lily's mind leapt to an evening, not long ago, when she had stood close enough to fill the space and then some that currently existed between the two Marauders-close enough to feel James's breath, close enough to kiss him, if only she had let herself stop thinking a minute or two... And then, for a moment—only a few seconds—Lily's breath caught in her throat, and she realised something. She realised that her stomach was doing back-flips. She realized that a little piece of her ached to be standing close to the Head Boy. She realised she hadn't been breathing for several moments. Lily realised she would very much like to kiss James Potter just then. It was a moment—only a few seconds—of clarity: a realisation that was immediately surprising and then quite obvious. Right there, right then, she wanted nothing more than to kiss James. It wasn't alcohol speaking; it wasn't just hormones; there could be no more excuses. She liked James Potter. She really, really liked James Potter. Lily realised this... for a few clear, hopeful, comforting seconds, Lily realised exactly what she wanted, and it was the first time she had really known this for a very long time. She felt a glow of enlightenment, as one often does when they arrive late at self-revelation—when they finally have a grip on what, exactly, would make them truly, ridiculously ecstatic at that instant in time. And what a thing to discover, that it should be James Potter... James Potter, who had liked her once before, and might like her again, if given encouragement... For a moment—only about nine and a half thrilling, wonderful seconds—Lily was happy. People hurried past her, shouting and talking but mute; the train revved and roared, but silently; her heart pounded, the heat rose in her face. This was going to be a good year. Then, into the frame of her sight which had now narrowed and centered on James Potter, a new figure entered. Brunette and lovely and flawless, Carlotta Meloni appeared. She wrapped her thin, sun- kissed arms around James's neck and kissed him on the lips. And James kissed Carlotta back. And someone walked by to punch Lily in the stomach, knocking the wind out of her for a full six seconds. Or if they didn't, they might as well have.

-- PAINNNNNNNNNNN I hate it here!

What a chapter though!!

I have also realised that James and Lily were just pale and of because of their argument? I need more from James on this because all we saw was his conversation with Carlotta... But damn.

I am re-reading The Life and Times

And it is getting documented. Purely for my own benefit.

The Life and Times by Jewels5

She was dramatic. He was dynamic. She was precise. He was impulsive. He was James, and she was Lily, and one day they shared a kiss, but before that they shared many arguments, for he was cocky, and she was sweet, and matters of the heart require time.

[katyspersonal]

Lrb dear god, this reminded me of that time when Alfred-chan got sooooo mad at my post explaining why fans should respect bisexual headcanons for Maria and Malenia instead of pretending like they're canonically lesbians and that they get oppressed and erased by mxf ships with them. They kept vagueing that post for like a MONTH in their blog including in tags under reblogs of Maria fanart, passively-aggressively changed their url to character+sexuality to "spite" me and then even made a sockpuppet account to start shit with me in the comments.

They deactivated when me and Val completely obliterated their "you cultivate lesbiphobic following by telling people why they should respect all sexuality headcanons instead of acting cultish or assuming their experiences and stereotypes equal canon confirmation" garbage with actual facts and logic tho but I screenshotted everything fjthfgfj (I learned to document everything the hard way after they've changed the she/they pronouns to they/they pronouns ONLY to accuse me of misgendering, so thank you for making me wiser I guess 😎). Even more vile, as they, a white person, larped as an Arab in that sockpuppet to hold even MORE "privilege" against me in discussion gjtjfh Because for them race, gender or sexuality are just badges of honor and dishonor, they don't see these as traits of actual human beings. And Dr Eugene X, who worked with them and weaponized her race to accuse everyone who disagreed with her of racism, didn't bat an eye at such a terrible act too?? As usual, rules are not for their friends, lol

It is not even the worst thing Alfred did, and yet all of this just, just, JUST because I wrote a point on why bisexual headcanon people did nothing wrong and there is no ground to claim something is canon when it isn't. 🤦‍♂️ Like, they were soooo convinced that I hated lesbian headcanons and that I'd feel angry if they called Lady Maria a lesbian, when what I was angry at is this exact toxic behavior in the fandom. No matter how much you like a headcanon, don't be a bitch about it. Maria doesn't """belong""" to any gender or sexuality, she belongs to anyone who likes her and is invested in her complexity as a character!!!

Yet, apparently, common Malenia simps / Finlay shippers are no better than common Maria simps / Mariadeline shippers. Just, wild how after shit like this, many people have the guts to claim that it is "sexist redditbros" who are the biggest problem of creators in the fandom. 🤦‍♂️ They'd actually blush if they encountered what such self-proclaimed "feminists" do to their own (!!!) over headcanons. 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

[dailykugisaki]

Day 347 | id in alt

Kugisaki hasn't been around Gojo enough to gaf about him LMAO.

[aeolianblues]

I'm not an extrovert. At all. In everyday life, I'm a yapper, sure, but I need someone to first assure me I am okay to yap, so I don't start conversations, even when I really want to join in sometimes! It's just the social anxiety acting up. God knows where from and why I lose a lot of my inhibitions when it comes to talking to people about music. I don't know where the confidence has suddenly sprung from. I've made a crazy amount of friends in musical circles, either just talking to people about common music or (since it is after all in music circles) talking to bands about their own music. I let out a sigh of relief any time an interaction goes well, because in truth it's going against my every instinct. I wish I could do that in everyday life

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

just finished el mundo gira and i thought it was like. comically bad. sorry to any el mundo gira stans, but tomorrow's writeup will have some hater energy.

[willowfey]

starting to think maybe waking up with an anxiety stomachache every single morning and then needing to spend the entire day trying to get rid of said anxiety just to maybe have a few minutes in the evening of feeling relaxed before going to bed is perhaps not normal

[hylianengineer]

The stupid streaming service website has decided that I am forbidden from watching Ted Lasso, specifically. I have tried six times and every time there is some sort of critical error. Usually it just freezes but on one memorable occasion everything was in French and it wouldn't let me change the language preferences.

[here-there-were-dragons]

i have to wonder what super hardcore militant vegans think should be done about obligate carnivore animals, because in all my painfully-rapidly-approaching-30-years i've literally never actually seen anyone give a clear consistent much less halfway feasible answer on that