#which is strange to say the least
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had a yolo moment, bought woodz tickets 😔
#i am apprehensive only bc its a not very tiered orchestra section seating and i’m short#but its ok my ears don’t need to see#also the announcements/ticketing for this tour has been handled very strangely…#like the official account never posted venues i ended up finding that by scrolling though ppl complaining about this on twitter#which is strange to say the least#buuttt hopefully it works out if not…oh well i guess#i bought directly through the venue so should be fine in that regard
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i found jay’s black jacket (an ID guide)
This black jacket is worn by Jay about 9 times throughout Marble Hornets, including his final appearance. And after some weeks of on-and-off research, I think I know the exact make and model.
This post will detail exactly how I found it, and serve as a guide for anyone that wants to find the jacket, whether that's for cosplay purposes, or if you're just keen on collecting items related to MH.
Main post under the cut
Intro
The first step to identifying the jacket was to gather as many references as possible.
I went back to the web series and took screenshots from any entries the jacket makes an appearance. (shoutout to mg549′s very comprehensive MH wardrobe guide, without it this would’ve been much more of a pain)
Jay's jacket is, for the most part, very plain. It's a solid color, full-zip jacket, without any particularly eye-catching logos or other details. I had to look for moments where even the slightest distinction appeared clear on camera, at least as distinct as it can be. Even if it was just close-ups to get the shape of a zipper, or how many buttons are on a sleeve, it was the best I got. While I did manage to find a decent amount of these, there was just one crucial detail that would've made finding it near-impossible; the brand is never shown. Thankfully, I had another resource.
In 2018 Troy Sold a Lot of Stuff
In early 2018, Troy officially announced that MH would be continued in a comic series. To fund the first issue, he held a number of auctions for production items used during the web series on Ebay.
These included items such as Jay’s camera, Brian’s hoodie, A Masky mask, and Jay’s black jacket.
Lo and behold, the jacket listing includes a picture with the brand in clear view. It's from Gap.
Ebay does not archive sold listings older than 90 days. However, Worthpoint, a website for valuing and pricing collectibles, does. Using Worthpoint I was able to find all of these items, (and a lot more, which can be found in this doc I submitted to Archive Hornets)
Identification
With the picture from the listing and the series screencaps, I had a complete ID list.
(Top image is from the Ebay listing, with the contrast adjusted a little for easier viewing. The bottom two images are from Entry #79)
The Gap logo (This specific logo dates the jacket being made anywhere between 1986 and 2009, when it first appears).
Front Zipper (Note the shape)
The two front pockets
The two buttons and pointed cuffs on each sleeve (Second one is a little hard to see but it's jusstt peeping out at the side)
The blue piping in the inner lining
The zipper in the right side inner lining
The gray mesh inner lining
With these in mind, I could now go to the next and longest step-
Finding the Jacket
I combed three resell sites; Ebay, Depop, and Poshmark. My main goal wasn't to actually purchase the jacket, (although, I would like to at some point) but to find a jacket listing that had every identifier, and have a more definite baseline for finding others. I needed to be sure what I had was enough to properly ID the jacket. The references I had stitched together were decent enough, but I wanted to see if there was something better out there.
After tons of page scrolling and tab-switching and comparing and contrasting, I finally got lucky.
(first two images are from crashthecloset's listing on poshmark, last six are from shannfo-76 on ebay)
I haven't bought one myself as of posting, but I feel pretty confident this is it. The jackets were already sold, but every marker seemed to be accounted for. It also revealed new ones, like the reflective pattern and pockets on the inner lining, (zipper on the right side pocket, button on the left pocket) and the materials tag.
With that, here's some final notes that may be helpful if you try looking for the jacket yourself:
Online sellers often describe it as a light jacket, a windbreaker, a 2-in-1, or 3-in-1.
"Gap Mens Black Jacket" is the search phrase I used the most since it yielded a (very) broad result pool.
Most of the jackets I found came from Poshmark or Ebay.
The exact size of Jay’s jacket is unclear. My best guesses are either a US Men’s S or M, since Jay was pretty skinny and of average height. I’ve only been able to find maybe 2 jackets that are a size M, one of which is the first pic in the photoset above.
Gap has sold other black jackets that look remarkably similar to Jay’s, and they do pop up on resell sites. One of these was so similar, the only discernible difference was the style of the logo. I highly recommend making sure it matches the exact one Jay had before purchasing. (It's also more than fine to ask/msg me if you have any doubts!) As long as you know what to look for, you shouldn’t have a problem finding at least one.
One detail that confounded me was this sleeve poking out of Jay's jacket. At first I thought he was wearing a long sleeve underneath, making this shot a continuity error since he appeared to Only be wearing the green short sleeve under the jacket.
@hivemite pointed out that this might be a two-in-one jacket, which has multiple layers for different types of weather. While I have not been able to see the sleeve outside of two shots in entry #79 and #80, one listing I found did describe it as a 3-in-1.
that's about it! hope this helps :)
#marble hornets#jay merrick#ref#over and out#long post#happy entry 80 day. heres some extra tidbits just for the tags#at least two listings called this y2k which is really funny.#it is also strangely difficult to find these in sizes smaller than large#another thing kinda related. worthpoint is a shitty site unfortunately#as you can see with the jacket description. in which it apparently ‘‘works and comes with a charging cable’’#<- i mean that Couldve been an error on the original ebay listing#however that is. impossible to verify now unless someone somewhere had a screenshot#but each mh item from this particular auction there had consistently bad errors that inclines me to say that wasnt the case#ok this went too long for a few extra tidbits but can you tell i lost my mind
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May I offer some Siffrins on this fine day
#keese draws#isat#isat siffrin#sasasaap siffrin#comic siffrin#I was going to do more doodles but I ran out of steam rip#anyways I have Many comicfrin thoughts but they are still in the oven a bit#but the main thing I wanna clarify is that comicsif’s loops started much earlier than the other two#as in. the beginning of their journey early.#which considering they were a part of the party from the start in this au their loops lasted a While#they ofc eventually started speed running it a lot more but even then it’d still take them at least a month#not counting looping forwards and backwards ofc#I wanna take a crack at drawing their party soon but I wanna do some more brainstorming first#I have very clear visions in my head for two of them and basically nothing for the other two#one of them is also there from the start and in fact she’s the reason siffrin came to vaugard in the first place#she was going to visit her family at home and they knew that a family friend of theirs had an uncle that lived there and decided to tag#along to say hi. unfortunately while they were at dormont something attacked the castle before they could go… go…#hm. that’s strange. a glitch rewind effect happened and I seem to have lost my train of thought. how odd#anyways they and their friend were quite shaken ofc but their friend is brave! so she decided that they needed to do smth abt this#at which point comicfrin was given the cosmic rundown on the timeloop situation#smth that would not be repeated for the other sifs lol#new game+
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Canonically speaking, jc' reaction to someone he doesn't like/has strong negative feelings towards, because that person was a jerk to his sister, is to regulate his emotions according to how his sister feels. In a jyl lives au, after wwx's return, canon jc is going to his sister, saying something like: 'while I think we should throw at least a cup of tea at him because he left us you and a-ling like that, it's your choice, jin zixuan was your husband. What are we feeling now, jiejie?'
#I was reading a jyl live and in the notes the author wrote: 'I made jc & wwx meeting as painful as possible'. Why would you do that lol. jyl#jzx's wife- is right there. shouldn't she the one to be mad? no obv. she says to jc to back off and stop being a jerk lol#canon jc rebuild his sect and co-raised his wonderful nephew. Without no one but himself. A jc with his sister by is side is the healthiest#dude out there. The fact imo it's that most of jyl lives au aren't about jyl#Her life wasn't about her. Her childhood wasn't about her. Her death wasn't about her#Let at least her survival be about her lmao#jzx should divorce fanon jyl tbh and marry jc lol#Imo it boils down to people thinking that be mad about a loved one's death/lying make you the devil#Which is a bit strange#Or maybe it's that in a jyl lives au you kinda have to acknowledge how hurtful wwx's actions were. A crime in this fandom.#mar!nonsense
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every time I see a non-elezen player describe duskwights as primarily defined by having dark skin, I kind of wince
because no actually, not every elezen with a dark skin color is a duskwight! carvallain and jannequinard are wildwoods! marcechamp, from tailfeather? wildwood. lucianne from the archers guild? wildwood.
and sure, there are a couple of prominent duskwight characters with darker skin- grinnaux (who is technically a modified wildwood with the duskwight version of face 1’s scars) and foulques. but. it’s a weird misconception to have when characters like liavinne, shale, jandelaine, mother miounne, and ysayle exist.
and when the character creation can be accessed by anyone to check this. the only playable race in ffxiv that is divided into clans with dark and light skin colors is viera. elezen have the same range of options as miqo’te! but somehow I never see keepers of the moon described as being distinct from seekers in terms of skin color in the same way as elezen.
#ffxiv#elezen#it just bothers me to see this weird misconception#because it feels rooted in weird mainstream racism about how elves can be portrayed#you don’t actually have to perpetuate that#you don’t have to repeat the idea that by default elves are pale#and that dark elves are when elves are brown#because quite honestly that’s terrible and not even something ffxiv perpetuates#this is all to say it’s strange to say Elvaan are similar to duskwights#they have default warm brown skin. which isn’t very duskwight at all.#like if you’re going to touch on that at least bring up Taznavia#which IS a predecessor to Gelmorra narratively in some ways
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do you think vinh was actually in love with safi? i know he starts doubting that he ever was in chapter 5, but if he wasn’t actually in love what do you think his true feelings for her were? emotional attachment maybe? on safi’s side, i think it’s interesting how even after knowing about vinh’s statement about maya she still decides to hook up with him for a time (only to eventually stop sometime prior to the game?? maybe they had another falling out idk). their relationship in general is just very fascinating to me lmao.
god, the safi-vinh dynamic is certainly one filled with intrigue because of all the intense emotions attached to the people within it ; aimed at each other and also at the bystanders whom haunted around their not so defined relationship. there’s just so much baggage attached to them, you know? mostly painful things and a general sense of betrayal or regret, creating a potion of this general wishy washy bullshit that’s hard to parse through … more so in safi’s case than vinh’s, but i’ll touch upon that later! as for your question about vinh and his true feelings, well.
maybe he was in love with safi once upon a time. maybe the fact he believed that he was in love with her is really all that matters. i suppose it depends on what your definition of romantic love and utter devotion is. it’s undeniable he cared fiercely for safi, enough so to become jealous of max ( safi’s object of obsession ), swear off serious relationships in hope she’d want him back, and to engage in a general meddling within her life to make sure she comes out of situations as unscathed as possible. i mean, he schemes to steal a cow skull and then proceeds to throw it through her windshield in an attempt to save yasmin’s and safi’s relationship … it is very extra of him to do, in fact it’s a literal crime, and the game has both max and safi acknowledge the intensity of said action in episode four. we see the memory of the hedgehog he proudly displays on his desk, the carelessness in which safi treats it, her ‘i’ll buy you another one if it breaks’, and how vinh simpers beneath that offer because he doen’t want a new one, he wants this one, the one safi gave him : a gift that was likely unprompted, some sort of surprise maybe, given to him on a whim and cherished better than any other possession he owns. we also see how he breaks it when she dies. then there’s photos upon photos of safi on his phone and it’s implied he takes pictures after they sleep together and -- that isn’t even touching upon how he practically gives up on himself after her death. the mask drops, he starts trying to branch out and find acting gigs elsewhere, wanting to leave caledon forever, and there’s a sense of raw anger and loneliness he feels when she’s gone. he stops hooking up and pushes everyone away besides max, whom he clings to, and it’s a lot, right? there’s love there. obsession, probably. in many ways he’s still the ‘puppy’ following safi around like gwen said, only without maya this time. he waits and stews and he wants, certainly, for her to love him … but was it purely romantic love? who’s to say!
i think vinh wanted safi as his girlfriend before, maybe when things weren’t so tense, and he still believed that fiercely even when he stopped wanting it. i don’t think he knew where his feelings started to dwindle into something less excited and more resigned, or when he started looking for someone else. his priority remained with safi and with yasmin and thus there wasn’t a lot of time to dissect his heart, a rather vulnerable act he already struggles with anyway. he’s a repressive sort of man. he doesn’t do a lot of introspection because he has an act to maintain, a reputation to follow. but i do believe that by the time double exposure takes place, vinh’s love for safi has indeed shifted because his attraction to max veers on something that isn’t purely sexual. there is an undeniable interest, both in dead and living world, that he’s either embracing or squirming away from … i do not think vinh had many crushes at all when he was in love with safi. i don’t think he allowed himself that luxury, because he didn’t want to move on from her, or put himself off the market in case she wanted him again, in bed or in some profound, loving sense. lots of waiting. lots of surrendering, ‘she’ll come around, we’ll make up’, and hoping despite himself. so his romance with max proves to me that vinh is somewhat right in saying ‘or i thought i was’ when talking about safi and being in love with her, because he was before, but he isn’t exactly in love with her now, if that makes sense? i’d say an emotional attachment is a good title for what they have by the time of the games events.
( i do not wish to diminish vinh’s feelings, but i also think there’s a case to be made that he was rather desperate when he thought himself in love with safi ; there was a lot of insecurity within him back when he was a student, weighed down by the fact he was poor and not your standard run-of-the-mill white man … as an adult he scoffs at his acting abilities and wields his power as head of abraxas with a rather tight fist, as though it’s the only control he’s ever had before. it’s rather clear his only two friends were safi and maya and that vinh hasn’t had any since them -- was desperate to stay on their heels despite the fact he was never really apart of whatever they had. it’s not a stretch to speculate that vinh was, perhaps, a cocktail mix of loneliness and desperation rather than strictly in love with safi. maybe confused his all-consuming need to be around her as desire, or maybe just enjoyed feeling wanted by safi enough to mix his wires. after all, why was it safi he was in love with and not maya? vinh also uses sex as a means of coping, as seen by his rather active sex life in game via hookup apps and reggie, so maybe his sex with safi was just that. coping. in it’s own way. regardless, he did love her, or so he thinks so, and to me i think that’s enough, speculation aside )
safiya’s side of things is much more difficult than vinh’s, who is more obvious about his feelings towards her than he thinks he is. there are some brief contradictions, like how it’s stated that safi doesn’t care for vinh ( which is true ) and yet she also acknowledges that when she split apart and lost herself, all that was left of her was moses, lucas, gwen, and vinh. we know that moses and gwen matter to safi, or mattered, and that at one point safi might’ve admired lucas … so where does that leave vinh? if she doesn’t hate him like gwen or lucas now, and if she doesn’t cherish him like moses or max, why is he still apart of her? what does that mean? is it just a metaphor for their times with maya, and how safi will always be connected to that past with vinh because of her love for the caledon’s personal dead girl? was her sleeping with vinh about maya too? or did she actually care for vinh once, albeit weakly and casually, and did that fleeting moment of affection count when she vanished into everyone who’s ever thoroughly affected her life? and, as you said, it’s so fascinating that she hooks up with vinh at all post maya death … it feels strange and odd and unlike her. even in their intimate picture together after fooling around she is nothing but angry, disinterested, her underwear and bra are already back on ( if they were ever off at all? ) and while that’s on account of safi just hating photos, i also think it’s a testament to how irritable she finds vinh’s presence when stuck in it. it’s not a happy photo really, even vinh’s expression is a little red-eyed, forced, like he was likely wasted the night prior. i wouldn’t be surprised if safi was only able to be with vinh if she was … you know … literally out of her mind drunk or high or what have you.
though, that’s just speculation of course. my vague take on things is that safi went to vinh whenever she was partied out or if she was feeling particularly destructive that day ; choked with self loathing over her mom or maya and so sex with vinh was a means for her to feel even worse. some sort of self harm, some sort of outlet where she could be particularly cruel and evil without consequence, because vinh would take it and roll over -- could even be her way of controlling things too, like vinh with abraxas, because we know vinh has no issues with being led around in the bedroom, so that’s some food for thought. i don’t think she thinks about it after or remembers it much … she really doesn’t think about vinh unless it suits her or if she needs to. i always notice how, in episode four, safiya immediately knows what max is talking about when she asks if safi’s ever transformed into amanda, gwen, or lucas. she owns up immediately, confesses, and understands intimately what situation max is referring to. but when max asks about vinh and the phone, there is a brief moment where safi just stares blankly at her -- like she’s thinking about it, like she doesn’t even remember, before it finally clicks after a beat. either she wears vinh’s metaphorical skin a lot ( which, to be fair, she does pretend to be vinh a lot in game ) or she literally thinks of him so little she’ll forget everything about him in minutes. both are likely! she doesn’t even recall what type of alcohol he likes, calling it bougie japanese brandy ‘or whatever’ … and can’t be assed to remember his phone’s pin number exactly, only vague details about a magician scientist that she clearly thought was boring and lame when vinh told her said story, if her hostility and complete forgetfulness is anything to go by. for me, it’s easy to get caught up in a ‘safi did care! she had to!’ angle about vinh, although the game repeatedly shows you over and over again that she does not. she doesn’t even care that max kissed him really, if anything, she’s more jealous of vinh being with max given some of her remarks :
( i know, technically, safi’s ‘come again?’ is more nervous than jealous per se … but there is a certain air to it, especially given the ‘i can be your new boyfriend’ comment as seen above lol. if she loves max and doesn’t care for vinh, i can only imagine how she’d feel about their romance in particular! )
and, of course, there’s that part in episode four where safi can disguise herself as vinh in order to tear lucas a new one. i enjoy that part for many reasons! seeing how safi feels so much more comfortable in someone else’s skin than her own is fascinating and makes for good foreshadowing … but there is also the reveal of her opinions on vinh, unabashed and shameless, when she is finally giving him an ounce of thought :
it’s interesting! she doesn’t care for him, really, doesn’t loathe him like lucas or gwen or her own mother, but there’s a level of vitriol regardless. she thinks him fake. she thinks him a coward. she thinks he’s scared of facing consequences and that he only acts in his own self interest and she hates every bit of that. while safi can confess to doing maya wrong and hating herself for it, she never allows vinh that same courtesy. even says as much to max, claiming that only she had the humanity to regret her choice while vinh apparently didn’t. and yet … she doesn’t hate him? doesn’t feel strongly towards him? he’s still apart of her, a large part, and she can get along with him fine on crosstalk if she so pleases and she can hate his guts but, when the raw truth is revealed, she apparently feels nothing towards him at all? it is fascinating to think about is all. how she doesn’t wish him dead but doesn’t care if he’s alive either despite everything they’ve been through, even though she hates gwen and lucas and her mother more. it’s rather mean, though that’s what makes it so complex and interesting. it shows that safi only ever cares ( and oh, does she care fiercely, obsessively ) for a very slim group of people, and that when push comes to shove, everyone else can fend for themselves for all she cares. she would protect moses and max in a heartbeat, without thought, and the piece of her within them tries valiantly to keep them safe by locking them away from the world ( another thing to dissect, certainly! ), but she doesn’t really extend such empathy towards the innocents caught in her crossfire. she may be tormenting lucas and gwen specifically, but everyone else was going to be collateral damage and safi was fine with that. at least a little bit. vinh falls in that category of inevitable damage, i think, despite their closeness and despite their history, and you can tell that’s what really wounds him at the end of things. safi couldn’t even torment him, didn’t have the want or energy to do so, he was valiantly apart of her and safi didn’t even care about that. very interesting! it’s also heartbreaking in many ways to see two people who should’ve been able to lean on each other, who should’ve loved one another, be nothing but strangers at the end of things. an example of how tragedy doesn’t always bring people closer. sometimes it drives you worlds apart from the one you should be grieving with, which can be seen in other life is strange games, most notably with chloe and joyce, i think.
anyway! tldr : it’s complicated and worth exploring. there are many ways you can interpret their relationship and i highly encourage everyone to find what angle is most interesting to them! and i don’t blame you for finding their dynamic fascinating because it’s easily one of my favorites in double exposure … i don’t think of it often, but it’s always lingering in the back of my mind. regardless, i hope this word vomit is helpful! if i brought up more questions than answers, i do apologize. but thank you so much for such a fun question <3 it was an absolute blast, and tickled my brain enough to pump this out asap.
#my asks.#life is strange double exposure#vinh lang#safiya llewellyn fayyad#ohhhh these two. THESE TWO!!!! i genuinely have no clue what’s going on with them#but there’s a palpable sense of pain no matter how you swing their dynamic and i love it#lots of yearning and dismissal and an ache you know? hate. betrayal. love. obsession …#you could name the feelings between them but putting an actual label on things is what’s most difficult#which. ironically. fits their relationship in its entirety haha#many thoughts and feelings — i just hope this captures even a sliver of them anon!!!#i will also say i tentatively think safi and vinh slept together before maya’s death at LEAST one time#because that makes sense as to why safi would be more inclined to do it again. even after#i also think she stopped after max came into the picture. as vinh words it ‘she was obsessed’ with max#and never stopped talking about her … so i think she stopped with vinh entirely. she’s so far up max’s ass she stops having time for him#or something like that. lol#ANYWAY! i do think vinh loved safi and i do think four years ago safi at least cared for vinh#but she certainly doesn’t anymore. and though he’ll always love her i don’t think it’s romantic anymore either#that’s my take!!! as bland as can be!!!!#thank you sm again !!!
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i was thinking about that. if i had to see me and my admitted soulmate's sexualities be a topic of discussion because people cannot mind their business and felt entitled to knowing every single thing about us, actively using homphobic rhetoric because they refuse to use their eyes
i'd be telling people to cut it off too
like no one jump me for this but can i just say maybeeee some people on twt were moving a little like antis in a way for feeling entitled to knowing about peoples very personal and real relationships with their own sexualities and other people. georgenotfound of all people will never make an hour long coming out video detailing all his trauma and every homophobic experience hes ever had in his life because hes never been the type of person to do that AND HE DOESNT OWE ANYONE THAT INFORMATION! not even dream owes the world anything about personal journey with his sexuality and he has literally discussed it with us multiple times. obviously people will assume and speculate regardless but theres no reason to gossip about it in a space where they can see it in my opinion and in a way that implies they should be forced out of the closet which like. no. no one deserves that type of public pressure just because the genre of coming out youtube video has set the standard for being a publicly out queer content creator or famous person in general
#pyon.txt#ask.txt#im also not saying people doing this are equivalent to ppl swatting dream and trying to stalk him my point is w the amount of priv#info about him that has been shared without his consent and which hes had to confirm i think its strange that ppl were so adamant on trying#to say that dream or george should be more public about their relationship or sexualities when that can be a very intimate thing or maybe i#is just none of anyones fucking business to talk about regularly ON MAIN. even on priv it can be weird but at least tehyre not seeing it#hi pyon haurly shit sorry about this essay how are you
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Maladaptive daydreaming.
#daydreaming#maladaptive daydreaming#maladapting daydreaming disorder#maladaptive behaviors#maladaptive coping#dissociation#immersive daydreaming#dimond speaks#yeah so adding this to my list here lol#my therapist helped me realize i dissociate a LOT and the primary way i do it is through vivid daydreams#they usually happen at work but they also pop up if i'm having a bad day or... anytime really.#i've also come to the realization that i have at least one of these a day which is not good fgsjh#my therapist says they're not inherently bad especially since they do have a positive effect on my emotions (if its a good daydream)#but it's gotten to the point that it's affecting the way i work#and they can last for a LONG time too#i haven't timed them but i do know they've been over 30 minutes at work before#this is either due to ADHD autism PTSD or a mixture of the three lmao#weeeee#anyway. this post isn't really intended to be a vent post#it's more like a 'this is my experience' type post#it just kinda comes across as somewhat vent-y#but that was because i wanted to try and immerse the reader into what its like to have these daydreams#like mine look NOTHING like this but making it more generic would help others understand it#the void is the general dissociation from reality#then you emerge in the dream#i can feel things as if i'm there- the sun the wind and sometimes even physical touch#and i'll stay there until something snaps me out#strangely i can get my work done while i'm doing this- i just wont have any memory of doing so. it's like being on autopilot#anyway. I hope this post was helpful to someone out there#if you also maladaptive daydream YOU ARE NOT ALONE! it's valid and you're not 'faking' anything. it's a genuine trauma response.
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i dunno if its just who im following rn but im really rocked lately by all the division btwn transfems and transmascs on my dash... where is this coming from .?
#i feel like every other day i see a post about how all trans men are transmisogynist.?#and i also just want to blanketly say discussions of transmisogyny are super important and everyone who's TME should listen & support#but im really confused bc ive seen nothing but support for trans women and even when i look in like the#transandrophobia tag (which . bad idea yeah i know) its not transmascs shitting on trans women ?#i genuinely dont know if its like “trans men are trying to claim they have it worse than trans women” and thats sparked this but??#i dont even see Any posts about that all i see is just trans men saying hey maybe we see xyz side of transphobia can we make 1 post about i#its so strange i just dont see what it is#the post also saying trans men see themselves as women trying to be men and thats why theyre transmisogynist.................#you realize thats transphobic right . to say that . you can still be transphobic even if youre trans and that is definitely transphobia ..#transfems need more support now than ever but yk what also transmascs are gonna need hella support because T is a controlled substance#and if planned parenthood etc gets cut off its gonna be harder to get it (not that e is easier but at least its not controlled)#throws my hands up. can we just talk to each other about our problems yall . this is dumb
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2024 reads / storygraph
The Teller of Small Fortunes
lighthearted fantasy adventure
follows an immigrant fortune teller who travels between villages telling small fortunes for people
when she runs into a (mostly reformed) thief and an an ex-mercenary searching for his lost daughter, she ends up traveling with them in the hopes she can help, along with a baker they meet along the way,
they encounter various magical creatures and adventurous situations, and eventually she has to face her past
no romance
#The Teller of Small Fortunes#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#this was okay#to be honest I didn’t get very attached to any of the characters - I found most of them a bit one dimensional.#(I kept forgetting the cat even existed - why keep mentioning the magical cat in the promo if it’s barely there!!!)#And not feeling much for the characters meant I struggled to feel much about everything else about the story honestly#The exploration of being diaspora in a foreign country & experiences of racism & her relationship with her mother was probably the most#interesting to me.#I always give cozy fantasy a chance but honestly I need it to be deeply introspective or maybe like really funny#it’s just a bit too light for me? (other than the racism and xenophobia - I’m glad to see more of that in this space)#It’s just I think not deeply enough for me - and combined with not feeling attached to the characters I just wasn’t feeling it#Also one of the reasons I picked this up was because I was seeing people say it has an asexual MC and let me just say-#it has a very vaguely AROace CODED mc#If you’re looking for it there’s a few lines of implications but it’s not super clear and also any mention is romance related - aro! not ac#There were SO many instances that would have been an opportunity to bring up aro/aceness and the choice to not do that#felt sightly strange to me?. however tdlr readers could be promoting this on it having no romance and focusing on#friendship/family instead of saying it has an ace MC which is….only there if you squint#no romance#***other than side characters being married and also:#There’s a minor subplot where a side character has a crush on another SC which is unrequited#and there’s a bit of a confrontation after which he backs off. but then it’s implied they might get together in the end :(#which was unnecessary! come on!#I always find fantasy characters inventing real life foods slightly odd but at least this one is more from the author’s culture#anyway. it's okay! just didn't really end up being for me
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#i walked into a situation today where my mom was effectively already dead. effectively bc her body was and is still alive. still breathing#painful groaning purrs. but her mind was gone yesterday. my dad said he showed her a picture of the mountains i took that day and told her#i loved her and she smiled. thats what he said. maybe he was just being nice. or maybe thats the last time she thought of me. i dunno. but#the human body is an incredible thing. shes got a heart still powering a broken body. too full of tumors to function anymore. stomach#streched like a pregnant mother. it happed really fast and now its happening very slow#im somehow probably better off than the rest of them. i only got here for the aftermath of a downslide. my daily life will b least effected#i only really saw her twice a year living so far away and she didnt text much. didnt call often. so life wont change much ill just kno shes#not there. which is sad. but theres nothing to b done abt it. life goes on. it hasnt been all bad tho. its nice to talk to my family abt her#how incredible she was. bc she was. wish her mom wasnt here tho. she doesn't deserve to b here. my mom wouldnt want her here. she didnt want#her here. but anyway. i wish her body would just let her go now. so we can sleep. so this can be over. so she can rest#but even like this shes stubborn and resilient. they say it could go on for days but i hope not. may the universe let her rest shes gotta b#so tired after 10 years of this. but i have no regrets. she knew how i felt abt her. and i dont think she had regrets either. she did so#much up to the very end. went out on a high note without the burdon of knowing it was coming#i dunno. its just such a strange experience to watch the empty shell of your mother sleeping like a gurgling baby#unrelated
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been thinking of Loki as a vengeful ghost/demon that tries to kill Thor after dying on Jotunheim except instead of killing Thor straightup Thor's on a quest following a trail of weird clues and strange happenings across multiple realms sort of? so Loki is just leading him around not showing himself but very much heartbroken in the distance about how Thor just 'moved on'. Meanwhile on Thor's end it's very evident in how Thor handles quests once Loki is gone that he still follows all the advice and suggestions Loki made, and tries to consider what Loki would have done when he does things.
#im not writing it because i have too many works in progress already but do you see my vision#do you understand the vibe i am going for#tragic death Loki and Thor who never processed Loki's death beyond 'he's not here right now'#and this is maybe like. way after Loki's death. like at least a century later so no Thor doesn't immediately suspect anything#is it strange that he's witnessed multiple similar occurrences and connecting clues across multiple realms like they're for him?#yes.#but he thinks he's being so suave and detective about solving this mystery and suspects a powerful malicious demon figure to be behind it#not his dead brother who he feels wholly responsible for having died since he was the one that dragged them to Jotunheim for fun#Loki who died confused and resentful about so many things and upon realizing he's Not Exactly Stayed Dead deciding he was abandoned#because no one returned for his body but they also never explained anything to him which meant he had to seek answers himself AFTER HE DIED#reasonable to say he wasn't happy about it and isn't out to hurt random strangers#but Thor and Asgard?#he has a vendetta and he has it planned out so neatly#sans the part where he actually. kills Thor. because he only thinks he wants that#he would do it too if Thor didn't get reasonable about Loki wanting revenge at the end#'when did Thor get mature' Loki wonders bitterly. like it's such a mystery
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Yeah, okay.
I just finished Life is Strange: Double Exposure and, despite my apprehension in the lead-up to its release... it's safe to say that I'm back on my LiS shit.
I have so many thoughts and feelings fja;vnrisfjkd;
#also i love amanda bye#but also... max???#it was always rachel and chloe for me#while max is the one i identified with the most#a quiet nerdy bisexual virgo#which was still the case but also... she cute#max absolutely has a type#the 'MAX CAULFIELD WILL RETURN' at the end?????#and DIAMOND??#my heart ached getting glimpses of chloe#and that whole storyline fucking hurt#and as much as i would've loved to actually see her again#and for chloe and max to still be together or at the very least still in each other's lives#...i'm not as upset or mad about it as i was when this was first announced#tbh there was more chloe than i thought they were even going to acknowledge#safi wasn't my favourite but i also do like that they added a character with powers whose approach to them is the polar opposite to max's#like the 'we are ~divine~' shit was kinda beautiful in a dark and not exactly ethical kinda way lol#anyway i have more to say but i should probably stop with the disjointed tags and see if anyone has made any fan art yet lol#personal#life is strange stuff#life is strange#life is strange: double exposure#life is strange: double exposure spoilers#lis de#life is strange de spoilers#max caulfield#chloe price#amanda thomas#safiya llewellyn-fayyad#diamond washington
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this all being said about the light dragon and how it is definitely the biggest highlight of totk (for me at least), i Do think a lot of the reaction to it Is dependent on botw and zelda's characterisation from that game... a lot of which is kind of lacking in totk because of her more passive role (e.g. you are told about her + see her actions after they have already happened)
like. if you didn't already really like zelda and were sold on her relationship with link (and not even just from a shipping zelink perspective, like. just UNDERSTANDING they have a strong bond from everything they've gone through together) then i'm not sure if any of that stuff in totk would've hit as hard as it did. the game does very little to build on what we already know about them, which i think is both a letdown to new players (which. i am not sure why they are playing the sequel before botw, but that is how totk acts most of the time lmao) and returning ones, and as time goes on it's become harder for me to blame people for not caring for it as much.
what a truly odd game
#which also makes it bizarre that totk treats itself like its Not a sequel. even though it is at the same time#ugh the names are escaping me but i am pretty sure this is a thing thats happened in other Sequel games too#just acting like the first one never happened or only when its convenient. stuff like that#i would loveeee to know how bad covid hit totks plot development or whatever. if anything. else they may have been planning#theyve gone on record saying that apparently the plan was for zelda to Always have turned into a dragon#and assumedly the beginning/ending parallel as well (eg hands and link catching her)#but i have to assume or at least HOPE that the buildup may have been stronger. idk man its so strange truly#ANYWAY SORRY FOR RAMBLING but i do find this discussion intriguing. and i LIKED totk even despite my criticisms#its genuinely some of the most fun ive had in a video game ever and creating content for it and talking about it has made me very happy#this being said. there are some choices that were made and i do not and likely will not ever understand them#because they said nah we're done now. bye <3#like oh okay. thank you aonuma. can i at least have wind waker on switch now please#personal.txt
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not to be a hater on main but i just stumbled on a tik tok claiming that tsh both takes itself too seriously and could use more absurd comedy and it nearly made me punch a wall
#my quest to find agreeable creators on booktok and booktube leaves me v frustrated sometimes#!!! i accept no criticism of this book#but even without stan goggles on how can say with your entire chest that tsh takes itself too seriously#when it literally makes fun of 'dark academia' types TO YOUR FACE#which is ironic for the book that spawned the entire genre#it's a comedy of manners at the very least#'this book that contains copious amounts of absurdly comedic situations and makes fun of pretentious twits obsessed with aesthetics#could use more absurd comedy and is not satirical enough'#recognising those basic building blocks of the text does NOT even mean to have to like it??#i hate to be bringing the Reading Comprehension debate again but good lord. and this person claims to have a phd in literature too 🤦♀️#i am so over this pretense at criticism that basically boils down to 'i didn't like this thing so i can't be seen to admit it executes#anything well. so instead i'm going to pretend basic obvious techniques in the text don't exist and peddle it as groundbreaking critique'#stuff like recognising basic genre. what happened to that.#i don't like The Hangover either but it would be very strange to call it anything other than a comedy#the secret history#donna tartt#again you don't even have to like the book!!!#I'M SORRY BUT IT MADE ME WANT TO RANT SO BAD#livresque#booktok and booktube are satan's garden
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Another appointment down! This psych was intimately better than the other two I dealt with the past two months; our session was intense, because he made me do a lot of digging and deep-diving to figure out why I’m so on-guard all the times. I walked away with a GAD diagnosis and a promise for an education-based treatment plan aiming to equip me to understand and combat my own negative emotions, so I’m feeling hopeful, if exhausted!
I also ran by TJ Maxx and got myself a new skincare routine. I’m already seeing the beginnings of the acne and oiliness promised to new T users, so I’m gonna be PREPARED, dammit. 😂
#peaches screams into the void#this is also good timing because you know what else T brings?#anxiety. or at least energy bursts that my body interprets as anxiety#because I’m never actually energized unless I’m anxious or panicking so how else is it supposed to interpret these strange bursts? 😂#thankfully it’s actually been helping me take a step back when I start experiencing those symptoms#I can say ‘okay! is there a reason I feel so anxious or is it just energy that needs burned off?’#which has made even my authentic anxiety easier to handle
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