#which is silly i know but. brain do that

[thefreshprinceofjunes]

well since today is apparently a RANT POST kind of day, im gonna type up some thoughts ive had on vanitas ive wanted to get out of my system (i dont like him)

i realize expending energy on smth negative doesnt help anyone, but its the sort of thing ive had eating at my brain, and im hoping writing it down will allow me to stop thinking about it so much lol (luv having ocd alongside being autistic)

i do not understand the love for vanitas. i really dont.

and im not talking about fans who like him bc hes edgy sora. theyre villain fuckers. i get that.

i mean i dont understand how many people legitimately think hes a sympathetic character with more depth than just, like, being an asshole.

and before anyone says anything, yes, i know the bbs novel goes into his backstory, and makes it really tragic.

but kh3 did absolutely no job whatsover of incorporating any of that into his scenes in the game. he just comes off as the same big asshole that caused nothing but pain and suffering for the wayfinder trio in bbs

like all of the members of the real organization had some sort of redeeming moment before they died again, except for him. to me it felt like he just flipped off ven and sora and went, ‘haha fuck you guys i LOVE being darkness and i LOVE being evil see yall fucking later’, even as sora was trying to reach out to him

(yes i realize theres smth involving the translation of this scene, but im just gonna go off the english dub rn)

and. it sounds really petty. and a sign i might take shipping too seriously.

but i keep thinking about this shit because tumblr keeps recommending an artist on here that draws so/vani + vani/ku + so/ri/vani

and i cannot wrap my mind around those ships at ALL

even besides vanitas having soras face, why in gods name would a pure, sweet, innocent boy like him want to date just. the biggest douchebag??

and riku??? the one desperately in love with sora???? THAT riku??? dating a boy who looks like sora but is the exact opposite of him in terms of personality???????

its like. doing a disservice to both of their characters to have them involved with him IMO. like why would they ever. theyre so much better than him. they DESERVE better.

again. i know its just shipping and i know ppl are having fun. i recognize theyre not hurting anyone. and they often make up aus specifically to fit their ships. but i just. 

i do not get it, man. vanitas sucks.

(its worth mentioning i am bitter also bc i always see ppl call xion [my fav female character and like second or third fav character overall] the most pointless/shoehorned character in kh. and i just wanna be like. excuse me, have you SEEN vanitas???)

[spoopdeedoop]

real friends have weird greetings that usually involve hitting each other

[daikonghost143]

Go for it Nakamura template cause yeah

God its been so long since ive drawn saiouma… what like? A year and a half maybe? At least? Before i made my tumblr account definitely, or i would have posted them before. Idk,, but i got recommended a few fanfics recently and now im hyperfixated on them again so thats cool ig.

[ganondoodle]

sometimes i wish i was one of those artist that make people go "this is a PAINTING???" or "with WHAT programm/medium???" but its just not what i can do or find fun :/

[cadaverskey]

if i'm being entirely honest i find the term "spiritual psychosis" annoying at best. it makes me feel as though i, as someone with schizoaffective disorder, need to work extra hard to "prove" my spiritual beliefs are valid.

here's the thing. my spirituality has always been and will always be flavored and colored by being schizoaffective. even when i was an atheist i could not untangle the two. there's never going to be a way for me to know where the line is drawn between my spiritualism and my psychosis. for example i will probably never shake the idea that i died and was resurrected, and that event holds SIGNIFICANT spiritual meaning for me, even on antipsychotics, even when i can recognize that yes, it's probably the remains of a delusion.

so please tell me, why is it anyone else's business if i incorporate that into my religious practices? it harms no one and gives me one more reason to rejoice. if it started causing actual problems, putting me in danger, causing me distress, bringing along disorganized thinking or anything of the sort, that's when it would be time for me to get help. but really and truly i would not want random people im not close with to tell me to get that help, especially if their only clues into my mental state come from my spiritual practices. i am not a dog to be taken to the vet. sometimes people are psychotic and we exist in your communities and we have religious beliefs and you have GOT to suck it up and allow space for us, however our conditions affect us and our practices.

it's also just. buries my face in my hands. you can just say psychosis, you don't need a special term for it. again it just makes me feel like i'm being singled out and not being taken seriously because there's a long LONG history of psychotic/schizospec people having our mental illnesses used as reason to disregard us. please just mind your business.

[lunarrosette]

Folks have we considered Trudy is not a robot but instead some sort of eldritch horror her husband made or somehow brought about to have the “perfect wife”

[grif-hawaiian-rolls]

Is this canon? Technically no.

Is it even In character? Absolutely not!

Do I care? Not really!

Locus is my blorbo and i can put him in annoying situations, like having a small squad of annoying but just-good-enough-to-not-kill-them Feds, if i want to

[rapidhighway]

Knuckles... i miss him.. i literally just saw him, in fanfic

[caliburn-not-calculator]

Much bad feel, must go to work tomorrow, tagedeh

[pynkhues]

FYI i did a full spit take with coffee shooting out of my nose at the ‘herd’ text message 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 you are a genius

Ah! Hahah, thank you! I'm very emotionally attached to his spelling errors in that 2.03 letter, so I'm glad other people are too!!

I kind of love this idea of the two of them having really different experiences of both formal and informal education (like for instance, I suspect Louis was probably read to a lot as a child, whereas Gabrielle's canonical refusal to read to Lestat throughout his childhood is a major part of that maternal neglect, and I've said it before [and written into fic] but I do think/headcanon that Louis' college educated, and Lestat's obviously not). I just think it's really neat, I don't know, haha.

I can't remember if it's explicitly in the books, but I know Sam's talked about it in press, but I'm totally obsessed with Lestat learning English, and how to read and write, on the boat to America. It makes him so new to both the language and to literacy when he and Louis first meet, and I love the idea of him just like, acquiring this huge library of books that he's maybe even still growing into as a reader? Even more than that though, I love the idea of him learning both English and reading and writing potentially off a sailor, who in that time period, might have had a limited education himself? Like just the idea of Lestat's initial English being a sailor's mouth version of it, and perhaps even inheriting some creative ways of spelling from someone who wasn't very good at it (but lovely enough to try and teach him!), just lowkey delights me, and I think it would Louis too, haha.

[sysig]

Coding woes (Patreon)

[madaqueue]

it’s so funny to me how nicknames are formed from the most nonsense random moments like i saw someone call childe ‘taru-chan’ ONCE and now it is all i use for him in my head

[mumblesplash]

man i’ve had pretty serious art block before in the past but it was always more a lack of inspiration/irl stuff draining all my energy, currently Not having art block but getting hit by my first bout EVER of feeling like i just straight up can’t make anything that’s good enough and oh my god how do people deal with this

[zebratimw]

Spirit animal SQH

[outlying-hyppocrate]

i have officially returned. ask me anything.

[lycankeyy]

I guess even other mental illness stuff aside it sometimes gets to me on like an Existential Level the things my brain is willing to do to Survive. I can have full scale crisis level breakdowns and be fine a few hours later because my brain is so good at compartmentalizing out of Necessity. There are people who would kill for this but it's like this because it was Necessary to survive my childhood. And the extent it's actually worth anything is arguable because yeah I don't feel the emotions but the results are the same. I'm the happiest shut-in fully-dependant-on-parents neet the world has ever seen and I probably will be for the foreseeable future