#which is a vicious cycle
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I believe in the “Everyone is jealous of Shang Qinghua” agenda
#my art#procreate#svsss#scum villian self saving system#shen qingqiu#shang qinghua#cumplane#liu qingge#yue qingyuan#qi qingqi#mu qingfang#comic#shang qinghua hoping the others would take pity on him for being bullied more by qingqiu#except why does it feel like everyone all of sudden wants to give him more work?!?#at this rate he’s gonna go into a year long seclusion and come back with coffee#which ofc shen qingqiu is gonna then get even WORSE about ‘bullying’ Qinghua for this drink#its a vicious cycle#blackening of shang qinghua
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so uh. just realized that i don’t really believe anything that someone says about me unless i’ve already thought of it myself
#or we’ve spent enough time together that i trust them to understand me#which is super rare#because when people say wrong things about me i tend to seal them off#and don’t let them get close to me#which is a vicious cycle
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"I hate Kim Dokja because he's too much like me" <-forced to bear the sin of knowledge
#not a quote#kim dokja#orv#I don't actually HATE him lol#I just need him to Mind His Own Damn Business sometimes you know#& I'm stuck in the vicious cycle of disliking him for being so similar to myself & that even that is the same bc he ALSO hates himself#which ironically I'm most touchy about him killing Kim Namwoon. the character he saw himself in#also I'm being kept awake against my will by my dog (storming) so I'll regret this in the morning but well. what is life but regret#my posts#web speaks
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out of context lyric discussion doodles solely because you guys like this... thing.... or.... whatever he is........
#i never ever ever draw bs spam or addispam because. i dont know what i want him to look like. it always changes.#i dont know what he'd look like.................. and you know what he probably doesnt entirely remember fully either so THATS MY EXCUSE#and also because its weirdly hard to draw them??? i start with his glasses n then frame everything around it usually#(which is probably causing me a lot of consistency issues but idc)#but like... what glasses.... how do i draw him theres no glasses to build his face off of#a few times before i drew the glasses first. framed the face. and THEN erased it because of how integral that part is to me#haha anyways i never draw these guys so. crumbs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i prefer the more fucked up freakass spamton anyways to be honest#i love mspaint sm is it obvious#AJWYAYYS I WANT TO DO ASKS!!!!!!!11I KEEP ACCIDENTALLY DISTRACTING MYSELF!!!!!!!1 THE VICIOUS CYCLE!!!#hi luka pretend this isnt here
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TES fest day 6: abandoned
In the grief of supposedly losing her brother, Lilanwe certainly made some choices. She joined the Worm Cult, becoming a much more cold and cynical person. Granted, it wasn't entirely Auredil's fault for what happened to him, but I don't know that she'll ever really forgive him for leaving her behind.
#yans art#tesfest24#elder scrolls online#lilanwe#like man lily and auredil's story is so fucked when I think about it now (in the best way. I love drama)#siblings who grew up relying only on each other and get pitted against each other by gods#she loses him and finds him and loses him again and refuses to accept that he's really gone while everyone around her tells her to let go#it becomes an obsession that drives her further away from people who care about her and she becomes angry and bitter#and she turns to this lone crusade against the worm cult. just hunting as many of them down as she can#just this vicious cycle of revenge and death which -chef's kiss-#also just the contrast between the two of them and her feeling like she's living in his shadow#her being an ex-agent of the worm cult who can never truly make amends#and auredil being meridia's champion who sacrificed himself to save nirn. thus dying a hero and absolving himself from the aftermath of tha#understandably she's resentful!#thanks for coming to my tedtalk
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mouth on my tdick while you fuck me with the biggest dildo you have pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease
#im cockwarming mine rn and i just cant keep my fingers off my dick#its so big rn its making me so euphoric#which in turn is making me hornier#vicious cycle continues#trans nsft#mlm nsft#transmasc nsft
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You know what the worst feeling I've been having lately is? Wanting more than anything to get back into Actual Art again but finding a sudden anxiety that stops me. Even if I'm still as capable as I was, it's the mental block. It's why I've all but kept commissions closed for this whole time: this overwhelming fear of letting people down. Especially in times as troubled as these, where money is tight, and patience is thin. I've always been blessed with such patient and considerate commissioners, but I would hate to test people because of my malfunctioning brat of a brain.
I just wish it came to me as easily as it did before the massive burnout/medication. But it's up to me to come up with my own motivation. And it's ME.
Anyway. Thanks as always for sticking around despite... all of this. I'll get back on the horse soon.
#text post#april rambles#it's stupid because I WANT to do it#but even wanting to do things doesn't trick my jerkass brain#the meds helped some things and fucked other things#I'm still trying to reshape my relationship with watercolor#I haven't touched it enough and yet I'm trying to learn more#which sounds dumb#but so is anxiety am i right?#so i've been poking linocut because i don't feel bad being awful or unskilled at it or whatever#it's no pressure#and I'm disproportionately afraid of pressure now#which is something the medication can't fix#now if only I could purchase motivation and courage#I'm just so worried I'll disappoint people forever#you know how vicious cycles are#anyway i'm gonna get things done one way or another
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jack with reading glasses send tweet
#he never wears them which means he needs them more it’s a vicious cycle#alan bullies him relentlessly when he finds out (he thinks it’s really hot.)#(jack also w some grey hair he also gets bullied for because alan can’t having him knowing just how hot it makes him)#(it makes him VERY hot)#(jack claims it’s from the stress of dealing with everyone else)#the tags got derailed I’m just also really gay for this man#jack alston#alan ross#the last binding#the last binding trilogy#a power unbound#freya marske
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you are complaining about complaining too much while complaining about the fact that maybe people dont like you because you complain too much while complaining about being alone. just stop complaining and do something about it. talk to people. reach out. dont just wait for someone to come to you first.
i have tried reaching out to different people in the past year or so but it never works. i understand its my own fault for letting relationships decay because of my own insecurities and issues but that doesn't mean i can just will myself to think or believe different things about myself. it's a self fulfilling prophecy ; i think people don't like me so i don't reach out so people don't like me etc . i am sure you do not want to hear me list all the things i want to say in response so i will put them in the tags.
#every time i try to reach out or talk to someone it goes nowhere. i dont have any social skills anymore and have no clue how to keep a#conversation going. half the time even when i do people stop replying to me. which is fine theydont owe me a reply but still feels likeshit#when i tried to make one new irl friend it just didn't work because they have better options for friends. we spoke occasionally but never#messaged online like ever and would only talk when we happened to be in the same place. i tried multiple times to organize a time to hangou#none of which came to pass. i dont understand why this one didn't work because i thought this person was interested in being my friend but#i guess i was wrong or thought they were more interested than they really were.#i have a problem with reaching out anyway which has been a problem i have had since i was like 11. reaching out to people first doesnt come#easily to me - in the beginning when i was a lot younger i didn't want to bother people with my presence & thought if i were to come to#someone first they would feel pressured into talking to me when they didn't want to. this is stupid of course. but has still not left me as#something i feel is very core to the way i act today. waiting for someone to come to me first feels like my only option because i do not#know how to reach out effectively (my evidence being i have failed every time i have tried) & i am convinced people dont like me in the#first place and do not want me to approach them.#i dont really even know who to reach out to in the first place. my world is extremely narrow. the number of people i know has shrunk#significantly and my standing in their eyes collectively has also shrunk significantly in the past few years. i feel like every person i#was once friends with wants nothing to do with me. i feel as if i have burned every bridge possible.#when it comes to the fact i complain all the time . which i know of course is annoying. its because i cant find any kind of joy in anything#i do or see or whatever. nothing makes me happy - i only see things to complain about. all stimulus seems grating and the world seems#specifically catered to make me miserable. all i can really do is complain. i treat this blog like a stream of consciousness and when most#of that consciousness is occupied with how much i hate being alive the blog will mostly be complaining. its a vicious cycle lol .#anyway . i guess the key theme is low self esteem begets low self esteem in many ways. mental illness begets mental illness.#i am not really saying this to anyone least of all to you anon. i just felt compelled to recount i guess for myself the reasons that came#to mind for why i am like this. i am talking to myself here
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thank you to @suseagull04 @captainjunglegym @benwvatt @nocoastposts @itsmaybitheway @junebugclaremontdiaz @bigassbowlingballhead @hgejfmw-hgejhsf @getmehighonmagic @magicandarchery @heybuddy-drabbles @leaves-of-laurelin @kiwiana-writes @anincompletelist @affectionatelyrs @tailsbeth-writes for the tags in Sunday snips and wip games and the like. 💛 sorry for being so inactive and MIA, I am Tired and Unwell bc of irl Life Things and have no words to share bc of my debilitating writer's block BUT here are some images that illustrate my Current State. 😎
also want to, as usual, express my love and gratitude for always thinking of me and being lovely and kind 💕
#i received eight wellness check texts this week#from eight different irl friends#one went “haven’t seen a thirst tweet about pedro in weeks are you alive”#which...valid.#I'm okay just A Lot goin on physically and mentally#which affects the writing#which affects the mood#vicious cycle#my post
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God gives his toughest battles (making phone calls) to his strongest soldiers (me and my bad anxiety)
#phone calls are my number 1 opp fr#i haaateeee them so much#it always stresses me out so bad and i end up putting it off as long as i physically can#which in turn stresses me out MORE bc i need to do it at some point#its an evil and vicious cycle#ghost post
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Coloring practice time
#a wee practice doodle of the boy working on a bunch of different things#Ive been trying to force myself to color more since I always hate how things look after coloring them#So I don't color and in turn never get any practice which then makes me hate my coloring even more#Its a vicious cycle#alastor hazbin hotel#fern's doodles#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel fanart#alastor#hazbin alastor#hazbin hotel alastor#art practice#I don't like it but I do think my shading is getting a little better#Now if only I could figure out how to make dramatic lighting T^T
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average traumagenic system moment
#osddid#did system#traumagenic system#system things#did osdd#osdd system#actually dissociative#dissociative disorder#dissociative amnesia#complex ptsd#endo safe#the vicious cycle which is doomed to repeat itself constantly#this is why we change our origin in our bio all tje fuckong time 😭
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do yall ever have a friend who's making the stupidest mistake and you can't do anything but watch the inevitable car crash just happen
#nina rambles~✦#like ive told her so many times#dont get with him#but she just keeps getting back with him#and ugh#relationships like these where you go back and back to the person who hurts you is such a vicious cycle#and ive been throught that which is why I'm doing my best to help her out of it#but she's too blinded by his sheer toxic behavior and thinks of it as love#and theres only so much i can do#and this dude just apologized to me#what? Does he think im going to accept his thinly veiled apology?#and hes only apologizing to me beause I'm her best friend#fuck off actually lmao#why apologize to me? im not the one you hurt. but I am the one with the common sense to see right through your bullshit.#do you think if you go 'oh but I've been making amends' that I'm going to turn to my friend and go 'okay never mind he's an amazing guy'#fuck all the way off#okay im done now LMAO
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wiress with cats.
#that’s it that’s the post#im kidding i’m going to rant in the tags now#wiress had a cat before her games who was a descendant of the cat her mother had. basically there’s a whole family tree for these cats.#and when her cat dies after she wins the cat already had three kittens.#beetee has beef with these cats. like i’m not kidding. the first time he came over and met them the original one scratched him#and he never got over it#wiress realizes that her cats literally hate him after a while and sits them down (the cats and beetee) for her version of an intervention#on one side are the cats and on the other is a grown man. they are both glaring at each other.#then wiress just leaves them there. like straight up just walks out.#beetee is very skeptical he doesn't think him staring at three cats who are glaring at him is going to solve their rivalry#and wiress is just like trust me on this and honestly beetee is just curious at this point. skeptical but curious.#(it works. beetee never questions wiress’ problem solving techniques again.)#the cats stop scratching him which in itself is a miracle. now it’s only when wiress turns away and they go back to glaring at each other.#idk something abt a guy who’s usually practical having beef with cats is really funny to me#also once they start dating and wiress starts spending the night at beetee’s house i feel the cats are like#“stop stealing mom” “where did mom go” “what did you do to her” and so now the cats hate beetee again.#it’s a vicious cycle#atlas (the first victor from three) also has cats but. he has like twenty. there’s so many cats. beetee is surrounded.#(he’s a dog person. he has never told wiress this. he’s kind of scared to.)#anyway i’m done#i promise i can be normal#sometimes#wiress#wiress thg#the hunger games#thg#district 3#beetee latier#dayne’s wiress thoughts (TM)#dayne’s beetee tag
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i found this lore entry recently and have not stopped thinking about it since. it is HYSTERICALLY funny to me that fandaniel's villain origin story was just being a fuckin boomer
One of few great minds in a land that had seen the slow, yet steady numbing of its people's intelligence, Amon long lamented the sorry state of Allag , concentrating his early scientific efforts on developing medicines to increase mental capacity . He soon realized that it was not knowledge that the Allagans lacked. If anything, they had too much. What his people lacked was a leader. With a renewed sense of focus, Amon shifted his studies to the field of vivimancy, and soon was conducting experiments on his own flesh in order to attain his final goal - the resurrection of Xande the First.
— Encylopaedia Eorzea Volume I, p. 25
#final fantasy xiv#ffxiv#ffxiv amon#ffxiv fandaniel#i just. i Just.#the fact that he tried to fix it by doing research to literally just give people extra brain cells#before deciding the problem was ipad babies is KILLING me#i don't know why it's so hilarious but oh my fucking god#like obviously his real problem with it was a) that whole post about how there's Fun and there's Satisfaction from Achievement#which you need a balance of; because if you don't get enough fun you get stressed#but if you don't get the feel-good chemicals that come from working at and accomplishing things#it will fuck you up Badly; and make you horribly depressed; and you will probably try and substitute more and more Fun in a vicious cycle#b) not only did he live in the depressing nightmare sinkhole of resulting society-wide mental illness#but his attempts to preserve his sanity with meaningful work kept being appropriated into Fun by other people instead#and c) his exposure to the endpoint of 'utopia'; where everyone is happy and all their needs are (supposedly) met#was watching people get Bored and proceed to entertain themselves with horrific sadism and cruelty#he doesn't come right out and explicitly make that connection out loud; but going by his speech in the aitiascope it's pretty obvious#there's a Lot going on there; especially once you start getting into how he leans *into* the cruelty he hated so much#i could go on and probably i'll write up posts about it. it's fucked up and tragic and on a serious narrative level it tracks#but it's also SO SO FUNNY#ffxivtag#FF tag#shitposting#ableism cw#endwalker spoilers
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