#its so big rn its making me so euphoric

[transpecter]

mouth on my tdick while you fuck me with the biggest dildo you have pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease

[emmalovesfitzloved]

Can you tell me about Fitzloved?

"OH MY GOSH, AM I ABOUT TO INTRODUCE YOU TAYLOR SWIFT?!"

that's what i first meme when i saw your lovely ask! hahahah

Introductions

So its a fandom based on the epic fantasy series that follows for the most part, 2 soulmates, from their childhood all the way to their older years as they grow from friendship, partners to lovers. And I have to admit, the way it's written is almost euphoric. It's utterly lyrical.

So introductions now put aside, 'Fitzloved' is the ship name for "Beloved" (one of his many names) name of the characters and "Fitz". They are the two ongoing protagonists in one of the most respect and wonderful high fantasy series ever created, Realm of the Elderlings by Robin Hobb. They are the main couple shall we say that span the 16 book series. I think a lot describe it as the "mona lisa of fantasy series" within the genre. It's aesthetic is very much evermore meets folklore meets Merlin. Its veryyyyy cozy fantasy and perfect for the season but also the Fall/winter.

The big 5 writers of fantasy rn i have been told are: Brandon's, Robin Hobb's, GRRM (Although he's lost a lot of respect in the community because of his insane hiatus!), Steven Erickson's (Malazan series) and Joe Abercrombie. While you will see with the Cosmere, Brandon is very much straight to the point, prioritises fights, magic system building and very cohesive ensamble casts. Unlike her peers, Robin Hobb on the other hand, is a delicacy. A slowly made dessert that has sweet and salty tastes if you will. And another defining feature is that her series does not involve a massive war at the epicentre of the fantasy plot, which ironically is rare in high fantasy now a days.

Of Cats and Closed Doors by @tragediegh

HOWEVER. The WAY in which i was introduced to this series is kind of dumb and silly, i.e. very me lol. i stumbled across a fiction on ao3 under 'in a the cabin era way' tag and stumbled across @tragediegh's soul-binding, amazing wonderful fiction called Of Cats and Closed Doors that is still ongoing and she updates mostly weekly! At first, not joking i thought it was an original work, but only well into crying, loving, reading, laughing, did i realise when i looked better at the tags it was actually based on ROTE lol. I was new to ao3 that's my only defence :P

And what @tragediegh and Hobb are doing probably tell from my handle, is make literally my roman empire. Like I reread chapters everyday before going to sleep. It's fr fr my safe space. and what i love is the maturity in which they both write, as they create stakes in different ways. She creates a very tangible atmosphere, a world you can touch, the foods cooked, how they smell, and what the character's rely on. From banquet halls, to the wood carvings the Fool leaves behind, the well lit fireplaces, mugs of ale and coffee on the table, through jewels adorned, to how the dragons gleaming like jewels in the sky… it's simply amazing. You get me. There is NEVER a moment where you feel like it's a slog or dull moment. Like I did sometimes while reading the Stormlight Archive or Outlander (those books in their defence, are longer individually).

And like I said, the thing I LOVE the most with how they make us and fall in love with Fool (one of the protagonists) through the eyes of naive and a socially sometimes challenged Fitz. Fitz himself, is the most passionate, handsome, humble hero i've ever read. He is a bastard prince who from day 0 was neglected, abused, unwanted, un-named, manipulated, gaslit just all around most traumatised character one could read. Which most people end up overlooking and resenting bc he is riddled with insecurities (despite him being a hotttie hot chiseled smokie pie that everyone wants to cuffff) and developed unhealthy copying mechanisms that can effect the readability of the main series. Which is entirely relatable. I strongly believe the hero of Stormlight Archive by Brandon Sanderson that everybody loves, is heavily inspired by Fitz in ROTE. In fact I think Brandon said it was one of his fav series.

But really, the masterpiece of this world is obviously the Fool. When I look at the other characters, its a bit like watching a glorious puppet show - I can see how the strings are moving and what the puppets are made of…But not so with the Fool, he is an infinite mystery and creating a character like that is something I`ll never be able to get out of my head. he is other worldly. Put Tolkien fae and beautiful faeries to shame with his grace, elegance, mysticism. His story with Fitz (the other main character) with that @tragediegh and Hobb are doing imo is one of the greatest love stories of all time.

Gender Identity

And I think also, Fool (also known as Beloved to a special someone 😉) is a lgbtq+ individual, and their identity and how they chose to present and address themselves daily (and not address it!) plays a massive role in the ROTE/OCACD overall. It extremely realistic, how it's writen, where for the most part some characters are confused, don't know how to navigate the topic. Which isn't helped by how private and mysterious the Fool remains. But for the most part, is heart warming, as the gender fluidity of the Fool is openly accepted by his mate (YES MATE) with open arms as he accepts it, and it's got me CRYINGGGG as i type this fr....! These characters were created pre-2000's, which just goes to show how timeless these gender questions and acceptances really are i think!

Music

CANON FOR ME swiftie songs that are FOR fitzloved to get a feel r:

ur loosing me

my tears ricochet

invisible string

stay don't go

the lakes

mastermind (YASSS beloved go manipulate ur boy fitzieee ily)

dress (as of chapter 48 and beyond hopefully alkdfjalkdjfj)

and Fitz's song for me for ever will be:

i see fire live and in session by ed sherran (i just feel the literal passion that fitz has through this song not to mention the howl XD)

Conclusion

So yeah, I cannot recommend enough this ongoing story and series to you.

TLDR: Fitzloved is a ship i read myself to sleep every night and cry about how amazing they are XD

Feel free to ask any more questions about them or even my favourite artists that do ROTE work bc ngl this post was 2x as long as i included artistic work but it was getting too long so i decided to leave that for a more specific ask :)) As you can tell i can just dedicate entire evenings singing from the top of these crusty english rooftops how amazing and life changing these two silly beans are. I hope this was enough of a good overview of my love for them and why! :)) Hopefully one day you will give it a go, and i swear your life will be changed for ever ! <333

[terraliensvent]

On behalf of someone not in the server, /what/ is the whole myo scandal going on rn? Did they hand out fake myos...? Did they revoke paid myos....? Did staff trade illegal myos to people....??? I'm lost.

OK SO im just gonna give a whole summary of the events of the past few days since it seems a lot of people are confused (also i dont have screenshots EVERYTHING what im about to say, but this is just what i remember from personally seeing it. ill link posts as they come along for context):

the other night, when staff made this announcement regarding coy, shit started to hit the fan pretty fast

this announcement came after almost a full 2 days of weird behavior from staff, like how a lot of them put almost all their terras up for trade and how there was basically radio silence with the staff questions and design concept channels going unanswered. a lot of people noticed how suspicious this was, and this anon was pretty on the money with their theory

so suffice to say everyone was pretty much on the edge of their seats waiting for something big, and after the announcement was made the entire server basically exploded. in the chaos of people trading and running around like chickens with their heads cut off, the mods said they would approve anything submitted to the site. they said they were doing this so they could make the species as bad as possible for when coy took it over, and mods were in the server being very apathetic about it and having an attitude like “idgaf what happens now because we have been getting treated like shit so this is finally the consequences.” this attitude can be seen in the screenshots included here too

during this chaos, people could also ask for myos to be uploaded to their acc for free, which mods would do. so tons of people got “illegitimate” myos. people used their illegal myos and real myos that had been purchased before the downfall to upload tons of characters and some joke characters too, like one that was just a PNG of ellen. during this huge chaos, people were also hating on coy and freely talking about things they disliked about how the species was run as opposed to the chokehold toxic positivity attitude that the server usually had. truly the most euphoric the server has ever been. some coy meat rider was also defending them, and got really aggressive about it and telling people to go fuck themselves (for which they got banned). someone else also made a branch-off server so people could stay in contact with their friends from the terra community seeing as the future was totally uncertain

after a while the “we are approving everything” stopped, and things were a bit more quiet. temul and some mods joined the branch-off server and gave some more deets about the shit coy would do. i also made my Big Post; initially this post was just gonna be positive stuff about how i has a discussion with tycho about suggesting things for the species, but after the announcement was made i was given screenshots to post here by a mod so i just threw it all in the same post. the Big Post made public opinion of coy a lot worse since now there were animal abuse allegations being talked about, but later on with further scrutiny the conclusion was reached that the screenshot was mainly coy exaggerating to try and be funny, but miserably failing. either way, public opinion of coy was and still is totally in the shitter.

the next day, mods put out another announcement that can be summed up as “lol sorry guys everyone get back to business” which is total bs to me considering the shit they were saying the very night before. so now they wanna try and reign in this species when they already did irreparable damage, and now people are switching up and acting like nothing ever happened (i assume its because mods are gonna be looking for new staff soon and they want a piece of the pie lmao)

to fix the monumental fucking issue they created for no reason, they put out another announcement (which i forgot to post here oops sorry pookies)

so basically what theyre gonna do is:

- if you uploaded character(s) that night using illegal MYO(s), you can choose ONE to unvoid (with any changes that need to be made in order to be legal if you have illegal traits and stuff, like for example eyes + mouth), the unvoided terra will be account bound and non voucherable

- if you had an illegal myo from that night but DIDNT use it, or if you didnt get any illegal myos at all, there will be a form to fill out where you can get one free MYO that will create any subtype up to modified (meaning no limited subtypes), the MYO will be account bound until designed. theyre also in the process of figuring out whether theyll give people the choice of using x amount of lim traits or having the terra be voucherable. some of it is still up in the air

- if you used a legal myo to upload your terra, there will be a process a little down the line for you to get your myo and any items back

and this is where were at now, people in the terra server are acting like everythings normal and going along with the toxic positivity mob once more, people in the branch-off server are freely expressing their grievances as they did that night, and im pissed off because i think its a little unfair that people will get to unvoid their lim terras meanwhile other people only get up to a modified. hand out lim myos instead of modified, why are we STILL doing the artificial scarcity youre all acting just like coy

[whorefordazai]

hi hi its me!! im just feeling really bad and holding my tears rn. can i get anything with aku/chuu/dazai, whoever u deem more fit! they are my comfort bbys. running away from home, even if its just for a night,maybe going to some rooftop or a drive at night. my situation at home isnt the best and i feel rly caged and anxious bc i don't have friends to go out with when my situation gets overwhelming so i just break down in my room haha. anyways, i hope this is good enough? just some comfort or validating words!! sending hugs to u rai, ilysm. thank u for doing this its basically therapy for me ajsbdhd ❤️🌷

I hope things get better for you bestie, love you <33

“Till forever falls apart”

ft. dazai x gn! reader

genre: fluff, comfort

wc: 1.5k (I think🥲)

synopsis: running away from home with dazai yup yup !! simply a big fat cliche but it’s my guilty pleasure of fluff 🌝 includes a lot of kisses, hand holding, and comfort 🧍‍♂️

Tick tock. Tick tock. Tick the fucking tock.

The clock made no noise, but you imagined it did. After all, that was what usually happened when one planned to sneak out during ungodly hours of the night. Looking at the time, it read 3:54 am.

You couldn’t stay here for one more second.

Swiftly, yet quietly lifting off the covers from your body, you got up from bed, and made your way to the window. It wasn’t sunrise yet. The sky was still dark, the streets peacefully quiet. The street lamp flickered, the airy fog was light against the ground.

It was perfect.

It wasn’t perfectly planned—but knowing Dazai, it wouldn’t go completely wrong. Feeling suffocated and unable to stay home, you had spontaneously called him two hours prior, around 2 am. His disoriented sleepy voice had picked up the call.

“...Hm? Babe? What time is it...” Dazai’s delicate husky voice spoke through the phone.

You could almost imagine him letting out a yawn and stretching out in his futon, brown curls resting against his face, his eyes tearing up from the yawn. You mentally cursed yourself when a smile appeared on your lips from hearing the mere sound of his voice.

You cleared your throat. “Yeah, it’s 2 am. Listen I...” your words stopped before you could continue. You gulped. Would he even be up for this? Would he be up for running away?

Dazai seemed to notice your voice falter. He spoke more hushed this time. “Are you okay? Are you safe? Do you need me to get you?”

You stayed silent for a few seconds before exhaling.

“No...well, yes but no. And...no you don’t need to come get me. I just wanted to hear your voice, Osamu. Thanks—you can go back to sleep now.”

You bit your lip, your finger hovered over the hang up button.

“ADADADA WAIT!—“

You raised an eyebrow. Dazai’s voice now spoke louder, as if his tone was full of mischief. “Huh?”

“Darling, I wasn’t sleeping anyway. In what universe would Dazai Osamu be sleeping at 2 am? C’mon sweetheart—you know me better than that.” He chuckled.

Your breathe hitched for a second—and then you laughed. It was a quiet airy laugh. He’s right...what was I so worried about?

“Okay then,” you giggled, voice laced with a plan.

“What do say about running away with me at 4 am?”

“Why that is...MARVELOUS!! Running away is what I do best!”

You laughed again, still managing to keep a hushed voice. “Alright—then come pick me up at 4 am will you? 4 am sharp.”

“You got it, babe.” You could almost picture his devilish smirk and golden brown eyes glinting with mischief.

The clock now read 4:01 am. Dazai was definitely here.

You gulped as you opened the window in your room, careful not to make even the tiniest noise.

And there he was.

It was barely noticeable, but you could see Dazai’s figure between the dark shadows in the car. As you both made eye contact, a smile appeared on your lips.

Just to be cheesy, you blew him a kiss, and he dramatically caught—pressing his fingers to his lips.

Getting out of the window was the easy part—actually leaving without anyone noticing was going to be difficult. It would’ve been even more difficult if Dazai wasn’t here to help you.

“Hi.” You smiled, sitting down on the passenger seat next to him.

“Hi.” He smiled back. The two of you looked at each other for a few seconds, before Dazai moved closer and put a hand on your cheek, immediately locking lips with you.

Hands immediately wrapping around his neck, you smiled into the kiss. The butterflies in your stomach exploded when his hand wrapped around your waist, squeezing your hip. When his tongue brushed against your bottom lip, you breathlessly chuckled and pulled back.

“Hurry, let’s get out of here! We can continue this later~” You scratched the back of your neck, cheeks flushed pink.

“Off we go then!” He smirked, eyes looking forward and hands shifting the car gear.

And you were off.

Probably driving around seventy miles per hour, Dazai rolled down the windows and turned on the radio for some music. You grinned, hearing the sound of the breeze down the music.

“This is—why didn’t we do this sooner!?” You laughed, feeling the wind flush against your face. You looked over to Dazai, who had an equally huge smile on his face, his brown curls being swept back by the wind.

“Y/n—we’re about to drive through a tunnel. Peek your head out the car roof! I swear, it’ll feel amazing!” Dazai beamed, sliding open the car roof so that you would be ready.

“Huh?! Are you sure—”

“I’m very fucking sure!!” He laughed.

“OH—okay then!” A smirk appeared on your lips as you stood up and peaked out half your body through the roof.

It was fucking amazing.

The tunnel was brightly lit with yellow lights, the wind was blowing through your hair. In that moment...hell, you couldn’t even explain how you were feeling in this moment.

As the car stopped on a red light, you sat back down in your seat and closed the car roof. Dazai smirked. “That was cool, right?”

“Very fucking cool. Although, next time I’d like to do in your arms.” You smiled. He raised his eyebrows, and grabbed your hand, kissing your knuckles.

A sudden chill went through your body as the wind blew colder. You shivered, rubbing your arms up and down. You chuckled to yourself. I must’ve forgotten to grab a hoodie in all this rush…

“Here, put this on.” Dazai chuckled, leaning to the back seat and grabbing a black hoodie. You eyed him carefully, grabbing the hoodie he was handing to you.

Putting it on, you immediately felt a sense of warmth envelope your skin. Shivering once again, you hugged yourself. It smelled exactly like him.

“Thanks, Osamu…” you softly smiled. He glanced your way for a few seconds before nodding. “No problemo!”

“...No, seriously.” You lightly scoffed with a small smile on your face. You put your hand on his.

“Without you...I would’ve still been stuck there. You have no idea how much you’ve helped….”

Your words were stopped when you felt Dazai grab your hand and intertwine your fingers. He turned his head towards you, a smile on his lips. “I know...call me anytime, okay? I wanna see you all the time.”

You pressed a quick kiss on his lips, sitting back in your seat. Your eyes were practically lit up as you rubbed small circles on Dazai’s knuckles.

You felt simply...the only word to describe it was euphoric. The rush in your bones. It was so fucking cliche, running away with your boyfriend at 4 am.

It was so perfectly cliche that you couldn’t help but laugh to yourself.

“We’re here,” Dazai’s voice sang as he slowed down the car to a complete stop. You looked ahead—it was fairly dark, only a few street laps illuminating the building in front of you.

“An abandoned building…?” Your mouth opened, eyes a little wide.

“Yup! Now come on….” Dazai smiled, pulling your hood over your head and squeezing your face. He moved closer and pressed several kisses on your cheeks, nose, and forehead. Practically anywhere he could get access too.

“H-hey! that’s—a lot—of—kisses!!” You managed to say between breaths as he continued to kiss your lips every time you began to talk. Both his hands were squeezing your cheeks like a baby.

He suddenly laughed, the soft grip on your cheeks now turning into a caress. Dazai’s thumb rubbed soft circles against your cheek. He seemed to quiet down, but he was now staring into your eyes

“Uh...are we gonna go inside or…?” You raised an eyebrow, gently tucking a piece of his hair behind his ear. It was soft, just like how you remembered it to be.

“Yeah...let’s go.” He smirked, hands leaving your face and opening his own door to get out of the car. You got out a second after him, feet hitting the soft dirt.

Dazai suddenly clasped your hand in his, pulling you with him as he dashed to the entrance. Your eyes flew open. “W-wait! Dazai, you seem really excited—“

“No time to speak, darling—were on the move!!” He laughed, pulling the both of you up endless stairs. You felt an enabling rush as Dazai ran ahead of you, hands held together. The buzz in your body, the euphoric smile that never left your lips.

“We’re here,” Dazai gasped out, coming to a halt. The breeze gently blew across the huge clearing. You rested your hands on your knees for a second, just to catch your breath.

“We’re...on the roof…?” You bit your lip, suppressing the huge idiotic smile that was about to make its way onto your face. Dazai nodded, wrapping an arm around your waist.

“This is...beautiful.” The roof was dark, it was ghostly quiet. You could only see the city lights from across the railing. Dazai walked to the edge, hand still intertwined with yours.

He leaned against the metal bar, hands gripping the pole with a huge smile on his lips.

God, he looked so beautiful. His brown hair was gently flowing against the breeze, the bridge of his nose seemed to perfectly shape the rest of his face. Leaning your head against his shoulder, you smiled.

“You’re not gonna ask me to jump off the roof with you, hm?” You whispered as a joke. He glanced at you for half a second before wrapping his whole arm around your shoulders, pulling you into his chest.

“No...not today, darling.”

His eyes seemed glassy, but somehow the clearest you’d ever seen. You blinked a couple times, before finally settling your face back into his shoulder.

“You know,” he mumbled into your hair. “I look at you in a way I thought I could never look at someone.”

You stayed silent, both your hearts beating. He continued.

“I look at you, with love in my eyes. Love I didn’t know was in me...love I didn’t know I was capable of feeling.” He licked his lips with half lidded eyes. “I look at you with the love I thought I had lost.”

You buried your face deeper into his chest. “I love you so much, Dazai.” You whispered. He kissed the top of your head, humming in response.

“I wanna stay like this forever.” You mumbled, eyes suddenly becoming foggy, remembering you had no one back home.

“I know.” He softly whispered, kissing the top of your head.

“I wanna stay with you forever.”

“I know.”

“Just with you, Dazai. No one else.”

“I know.”

“But we can’t...it won’t last forever.”

“...I know.”

He suddenly wrapped his arms around your whole body, hugging you as if you were going to disappear. One of his arms circled your waist, while the other held the back of your head.

“Then we’ll stay like this—till forever falls apart.” You mumbled, inhaling his sweet scent.

He nodded, kissing the tip of your nose. “Till forever falls apart.”

a/n: a part of this was inspired by the movie perks of being a wallflower, I’m sure you can tell which part :)

tag list: @uwu-monster101 @14th-century-homosexual-spirit @dai-tsukki-desu @i4gumi @cross-crye @starglow-xx @ranposlover @bsdwhore @arimakii @malewifegirlboss @shadyteacup @smadhuman @knjksj0301 @neighborhoodfriendlysimp @rirk-ke @mushroomplantasia @luftdum @pickleisrandom @3-am-depression @its-chuuya-bitch @the-wholesome-ranpo

[bl--ankhaeji]

Johnny (timestamp)

Pairing - Johnny x Reader

Genre - Smut 

Warning - Oral sex Fem! receiving, basically making love, unprotected sex, kinda poop ending because I did not have the mental capacity to come up with more rn and I wanted to get it posted today

W.count - WOop WOop Lookie I looked at it today so you get one after forever 2.1k exactly 

AN - also kinda semi edited look at me go,, Yea that post I made like two day ago in the middle of the night about the idea well....I picked Johnny

12:30 a.m.

The sound of the front door shutting softly echoed throughout the connected room as the tall male stepped into the house; the low thump of his footsteps against the floor and the jingling of his keys were the only thing to be heard in the deathly silent house. Hanging his jacket on the rack beside the door and putting his bag in the closet he leisurely makes his way to the hallway bathroom, figuring you must be asleep already he didn’t want to wake you by using the en suite bathroom in your room.

After showering he walks inside your shared room clad in a single towel wrapped around his waist only to see you sound asleep with the blanket pulled over you. A gentle smile filled with a radiant warmth appears on his face as he stands silently watching you sleep peacefully. You always take on somewhat of a childlike innocence whenever you sleep. Shaking his head he steps into the closet changing his clothes as quickly as humanly possible so he can jump right in bed next to you. 

He walks out of the closet, eyes immediately darting to look at you as he walks over to the bed and cradles your cheek in his hand. His soft lips land on your forehead giving you a lingering kiss before you start to squirm under the covers. Fearing he has awakened you he steps back as he watches you throw the covers off of your body revealing your bare lower half as you let out a needy whimper. 

You had been wearing nothing but a big t-shirt that had ridden up exponentially under the cover. It’s then that he notices you cuddling the teddy bear plushie he had gotten you a few anniversaries ago. Memories of him handing it to you telling you to use it whenever you missed him flashed through his mind. The happiness in your eyes once you saw it was something he would never forget. 

The rustling of the bedspread filled the room again as you let out another wanton whimper, your legs slightly opening. He could see the wetness from where he stood. How dare you dream something so filthy whilst looking so innocent. He could feel himself twitch in his sweats as he watched you open yourself for the whole world to see so lewdly. 

“Johnny,” dripped from your lips like honey in a breathless moan. Said male whipped his head to look at you upon his name being said. If he wasn’t hard before then he was as hard as gemstone now. His name acted as the straw that had broken the camel's back because as soon as it was spoken it made way for a series of sultry moans to leave your lips like water flowing from a stream. 

Your hips rolled as you opened your legs wider for the dream him. A rough “Fuck” left his mouth as he watched you grind your hips lightly into the air. With all traces or thoughts of sleep gone from his mind Johnny makes his way in between your spread legs. His hands land on your thighs gripping them for dear life as he lowers his head to your wet core. His lips touch your lower ones as he takes in your scent. 

Tongue slithering out to have a taste he feels your body convulse upon contact and seeing your hole clenching on air so ready and waiting for him causes the man to break. 

Awakening from your more than sweet dream about your boyfriend you feel something moving in between your legs. Raising your head slightly you see the same view that you just woke up from, “Oh shit- Johnny yes right there.” You let out when you feel his tongue enter you. At the sound of your voice the man in question raises his eyes to look into your now open ones. 

Disconnecting his head from your private parts he crawls up the span of your body. Eyes meeting yours as he hovers directly over you. “You had a nice sleep princess?” He asks with a tilt in his voice, his lips lightly grazing yours, as you angle your head just the tiniest bit so that your lips can connect, before he moves away, not giving you what you so desperately need. You let out a deprived cry at the now amused man as you feel just about ready to beg. Your dream had left you extremely horny and very wet and all you wanted was for Johnny to fuck the life out of you, but you couldn’t even seem to get a measly kiss.  

“You’re such a needy baby. First having a wet dream about me, spreading your legs for anyone’s viewing pleasure and now you’re so desperate just for a kiss.” He works his hand back down to your dripping heat running his fingers up and down your slit, gathering your wetness and spreading it around. “You feel how soaked you are baby, all that just from a dream If I wanted I could fuck you right now with no prep.” At that he quickly sticks two fingers into you with no hesitation at all, moving his fingers at a brisk pace. A low moan resonates through the air as you instantly try closing your legs, the feeling of the wound up band in your stomach becoming tighter. 

“Always so responsive for me baby.” He leans down and finally gives you what you want by melding his lips with yours. A shaky breath leaves your mouth as you feel his tongue that still tastes of you invade your mouth. He curls his fingers up, rubbing them against the roof of your insides. 

Pulling away from your lips he starts to make his way to your neck using it as a landscape for his own creative use. His teeth on your skin mixed with his hot breath feels euphoric as your breath gets caught in your throat. His lips and tongue work as one leaving a burning trail of hickies on your body. 

His hands move to lift your shirt just enough so that his lips can latch onto your breasts leaving his mark on the expanse of your boob. His teeth nip at your areolas causing your nipples to itch with want. Looking up at you he lets his wet tongue lick the area of one of your nipples as slow as he possibly could enclosing his mouth around the bud until he lets go with a pop. Working his way back in between your legs, “I want you to be as still as possible for me princess.” He places his mouth back onto your wet core as he dives in like a man starved. 

The sounds of Johnny taking the soul out of your body reverberates throughout the room as his tongue and fingers work your insides. “S-shIT.” you squeal out stuttering on the ‘s’ “Johnny I-I’m close please baby.”  You put your hands on his head, the bed sheets rustling as he tightens his grip on your thighs roughly pulling you closer to his working mouth. Your hips move uncontrollably, forgetting about what he said and just trying to reach that peak that inches closer each second, then he stops. 

Looking up at you, his head moving to nibble at your thighs,“Babygirl I thought I asked you to be still for me, huh?” Your eyes start watering as you feel the impending orgasm slowly die down. You’re just about ready to throw a tantrum at the missed chance as you mewl out an I’m sorry Johnny. “Now will you be a good girl for me and stay still like I told you?” 

“I promise I’ll be a good girl. I’ll be the best girl ever just please keep going.” You rush out ending with a breathless moan. Instead of going back to the place you needed him, his lips continued to lay heated kisses on your thighs slowly moving closer to the center of your thighs. Groaning you look the teasing male in the eyes silently begging him to stop playing. A deep chuckle resonates from his chest as he finally gives you what you want.

Fingers entering you once again his tongue lays flat on your clit licking it so that you can feel every single taste bud rub against you as he speeds up answering your prayers. Shakes wrack your body as the orgasm hits you suddenly, unexpectedly. But he doesn’t stop, his mouth works harder as he forces another smaller orgasm out of you. 

His grip on your thighs only gets tighter, so tight that you know for sure that there’ll be handprints as he feels you try to close your legs on his head. ”Johnny, I want you in me.” You whine out as your hips squirm trying to get away from his mouth.

He stands up,”Okay baby.” Pulling his pants down he makes his way up the bed. His brown eyes make contact with yours as he shifts his body against you. Your hand grabs his hard shaft the weight of it weighing on your hand as you feel the heat radiating from it. Slowly sliding it in you can feel his dick opening you the stretch feeling otherworldly. “Fuck,” you breathed out in a sigh.

Johnny sat there reveling in the warmth, “Shit, so fucking tight baby.” His hips start rotating moving in and out of you slowly. He can feel you clenching and unclenching on his engulfed cock. Your legs wrap themselves around his waist, heels digging into his ass you roll your hips in time with his. Lowering his head down to kiss your lips Johnny starts to lazily kiss you, his soft lips caress yours as his tongue invades your mouth gliding against yours. One of his hands makes its way from the bed onto your body as he slowly fondles your breast.  

His hands and mouth pose a stark contrast to his hips as he slams himself deeper into your entrance. Johnny’s pace is gentle yet brutal, loving yet animalistic, but he somehow manages to still kiss you softly as if he wasn’t fucking into you like a beast. You finally break the kiss for air only to realize there is none. All of it has left your lungs, you can barely breathe yet somehow you’re able to let out screams and moans of nothing but Johnny’s name. He has invaded you so much so that you can’t seem to think of anything other than the man who is balls deep in everything you have. Incomprehensible words flow out of your mouth as Johnny starts to pound your G-spot head on. 

Your hands palmed at his broad shoulders looking for something to ground yourself. Anything to keep you on this earth because Johnny was trying to take you to outer space. His moans didn’t go unnoticed as he stuck his head in the crook of your neck attempting to mute the sound of them. “Johnny, baby.” You move one of your hands to grab the side of his face positioning it so that he is staring directly into your soul. 

“Baby-” you violently fling your head back onto the pillow as a rough groan spills from your moist lips, “Oh-O I’m about to cum Johnny please cum with me Ohmygod please.” His hips stutter as you unknowingly clench around him. He spits out a shit as his hips start to piston inside of you. His forehead lays against yours as his hips stutter once again, “Oh shit oh fuckkk” he almost whines out as the most violent orgasm he’s ever had in his life zips through his body. You arch your back so far that you almost resemble a contortionist as a silent scream leaves your mouth. 

You don’t come back down until what felt like hours but was only a few minutes later. You lay immobile fading in and out of consciousness as mini orgasms still fly through your body. Johnny lays next to you chest heaving as he still tries to catch his breath. His arms encircle your body as he pulls you closer landing a kiss to your forehead cuddling up to you. You don’t even want to think about moving as you think about the mess you’ll have to clean up later on when you wake up, so you don’t. You lay in post orgasmic bliss glad that you have the real thing to cuddle instead of the bear version as you let yourself slip into unconsciousness. 

[ae0nx]

FRUITS BASKET S2 EPISODE 25 (SEASON 2 FINALE PT 2!!!) RECAP

Yayyy, I'm finally here at the last episode of season 2... I'm honestly still working through my final thoughts on this episode and I've just been waiting to write it out so I can stop swirling it around my head.

Oh Kureno...

----------------------------------------------------------------

Mmmph... ain’t it beautiful. 😈

- Vibing extra hard to the opening cos it’s the last time I’ll hear it for a while (and also cos I’m distracting myself from the sads again)

I think I might do a ranking of the openings and endings so far at the end of this recap!

- There’s this music in the background that always plays when Akito’s manipulative powers are at work that goes so well with the uneasy tone of the scenes and it’s great.

Hana was giving me hardcore Tomoyo from Cardcaptor Sakura-vibes in this episode. I think it might’ve been the hairstyle but I dunno, Hana’s also obsessed with her best friend too so they might be more relatable than I thought lol

Ok. I hate to be predictable but Rin obviously gets Outfit Appreciation this episode. IT’S JUST FACTS. This is Rin’s best outfit so far. I wanna draw it, I wanna wear it. Yes. We should all aspire to include more arm sleeves in our outfits. 5 STARS.

Omg Yuki, tone it down 😂 WE GET IT. SHE’S MADRE.

Lol, where’s Kyo? I’m sure he wants head pats too. But, myyyy boy, Momiji...

...Did he really just pull the ‘let’s pray about it... together 💕’ move?! I am cackling 🤣

I kid, this was another cute moment between Momiji and Tohru. It’s just funny how everyone wants Tohru’s praise and affection... you know... like a GOD.

Ooooo, I hate to admit it... but I’m starting to love Shigure in full Trickster God mode. This whole episode he was sinfully delightful to watch. Voice acting - of course, was amazing. John Burgmeier makes Shigure’s lilty, carefree tones have such dark and sinister tone this episode. It’s not shocking enough that it feels like it’s a totally different person but it’s almost like as if you’re noticing something new in the painting you pass by everyday. That darkness was always there...

I am Hatori. Hatori is me. I’m starting to understand why Hatori stays friends with Shigure... 😅😅😅

*sigh*

“And now we move on to Kureno Sohma, 26, who is about to watch a random DVD given to him by a high schooler”...

I feel like a lot of things that happen to or around Kureno never seem quite right... or legal lol 😅

Oh Kureno... you poor Begotten Child of Eve... This scene is beautiful. But in general, Fruits Basket is so good with the use of colours and shadow and FRAMING in pretty much all of its scenes and scenarios. The way the whole scene is mostly dark but there’s a hint of purple showing how even though he is away from Akito, he’s never truly AWAY from Akito. It’s a nice touch.

It was soooo... cool to see Shigure in his true form. Haha, I have no other way to say it. He was being such a smart-ass and was incredibly cold towards Kureno but it’s really satisfying to see Shigure’s ‘real face’. Which is ironic because throughout this whole phone call we don’t actually get a clear view of Shigure’s face. 

That absolute drop in Shigure’s voice in the English dub was excellent as well.

All the pawns are falling into place... He really is the worst. I don’t like it. I like it.

CINEMATIC. I love how dramatic this scene and this anime is!!! Also, Kureno’s outfit is great, a long coat is always good. There’s also something very ‘Edward and Bella’ about this meeting and this reveal of the truth. It’s just... so early 00s and it’s great lol

But oh, look wow, Kureno doesn’t have the curse (!)

I love Kureno’s description of the curse breaking, it sounds so euphoric and beautiful! Also, I have to say, Ian Sinclair was fucking killing it this episode. I was a bit worried about him being Kureno at first because I’ve only known his performances as dynamic and slightly eccentric characters. But, he really nailed down Kureno’s calm and robotic kinda demeanour so that when his eventual breakdown happens...

It almost sounds alien and so broken like he’s been holding back his tears for so long but also a little bit pathetic which I personally love as a take on Kureno. Because... he is a little bit pathetic. 😬 His whole life is on stand still because of a promise he made to a 7-10 year old girl... when he was in middle school?! I know that tradition is tradition but I genuinely agree with Shigure berating him for letting this go on for so long.

I guess that’s always been my personal problem with Kureno. He could’ve potentially stopped so many Akito-caused disasters in many of the zodiac’s lives just by even telling his own truth. And I know that it’s explained that Kureno just wanted to calm Akito down and reassure her and I definitely felt for him in that moment... but I think I need more of an exploration of how Kureno genuinely feels about Akito without the loyalty promise. I just don’t understand why he’s carried this promise on for so long.

But anyways... I found Tohru’s reactions to what Kureno was saying very interesting...

Almost... like she finds this... relatable? (I dunno why I’m even trying to be coy when I’m behind rn lol) I’m definitely seeing the reflection between Tohru and Kureno now, lol

BIG REVEAL(!) I remember when I first found out that Akito was a girl from the manga and I don’t think I really thought anything of it 😂 Like I don’t really think I thought much about her gender, I definitely knew she was feminine but I kinda just read her as androgynous? Kinda the same as how I read Ayame at first. How did the anime-onlys receive this reveal?

---------------------------------------------------------------

OPENINGS AND ENDINGS RANKING!

OPENINGS

Again - Beverly (Season 1, Opening 1)

Home - Toki Asako (Season 2, Opening 2)

2001 Opening

Prism (Season 2, Opening 1)

Chime - Ai Otsuka (Season 1, Opening 2)

ENDINGS

Lucky Ending (Season 1, Opening 1)

2001 Ending (THOSE STRINGS!! 🎻)

Eden (Season 2, Opening 2)

The Charm (Season 2, Opening 1)

One Step Closer (Season 1, Opening 2)

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Ahhh, I’m so glad I can now fully envelope Season 3 now. This was a great climax episode. Ian Sinclair really got me good in Kureno’s scene - teary eyed at 2am lol 

See you in Season 3!!! Yayy!

[pacifymebby]

I wanted to spice up ur day abit but If any of these are too personal feel free to completely ignore them ❤️

-If u could date a lid which would it be...?

-if you had to had had to seriously kill one which one would it be e.g. which member is most disposable hahaha (id kill vehicle McCann :/)

-best day of ur life?

-What was the best concert you ever went to? N why

-best birthday ever?

-What music did you grow up listening to? Like mums music? dads music? carers music? Mcr Angsty teen choker phase? Jazz phase? Idk

-favourite place in the world?

-worst place?

-fav catb song ever? Mine is rango

-tea? Or coffee? Or piss?

-fav like unreleased catb song? Mines obviously asa

-introvert? Extrovert?

-least fav catb song? Mines conversation srry not srry.

-most expensive thing you’ve ever done?

-where would be the best place to meet a lid?

-most drastic thing you’ve ever done?

-a catb song that youd fuck to?

-fav drink?

-Would you like people writing fanfics abt u if u were famous? Would you read em?

-fav drug?

-fav catb album honey better be balcony

-fav movie? Top five fav movies?

-Future of catb? You think they’ll change their style?

-fav celebrity?

Can’t think of any more I’m just chucking random shit at u haha🥰

Ooooo these are excellent! Thank you

1. Bondy, how could u not?!

2.hahaha I couldn't kill Bob he's too wholesome, I couldn't kill Bondy obviously, Idk that I could kill benji tbh he's just cute. I might kill Van for being prettier than me?

3. Heatwave when I was about 10, me and my friend were climbing the trees across the road, running around in the dirt barefoot. We were smoking candy cigs and making up stories and idk, I haven't been like blissfully happy since I was a little kid.

4.i saw the killers at Brixton academy and it was just, intimate and lovely and it was a warm up gig for a big tour and I was with my best friend and it was just euphoric? Brandon flowers was just full of energy and so smiley and excited to be there it was ace.

5. Best birthday was probably my 19th? It was just a sick sick night at uni, all my friends in the kitchen high and dancing to indie music and yeah loved it so much.

6. Dad's music when I was wee, listening to the beatles every Sunday was like a religious experience. Then I had the classic emo mcr phase, then I had shoegaze which has stuck with me ever since. Also I went through a French crooners stage I guess too when I moved in with me nana because she loves that shit.

7. Cymru am byth! Nah I think the lake district is one of my favourites, I love the peaceful, and like moody scenery. Its dreary and rainy and isolated and I love it, all those dark green and grey stormy shades in the winter. Curled up on a settee listening to a record or watching a video. Spent a lot of time there as a kid and I always dream of running away and starting a new life there for myself.

8. I fucking loathe the south of England and some of the northern towns in Wales. I'll make an exception for Llandudno cause it gave us the lids but seriously. North Wales gets under me skin in a bad way. (cause its full of the English sorry everyone haha)

9. Fave catfish song very tricky, but I think Pacifier or Sidewinder?

10. Tea with a shot of steaming hot piss

11. Mine is also asa!!!

12. Introvert I'm terrified of everyone.

13. Emily? I think Emily? Or maybe mission? Idk I love them a lot soo. Why don't u like conversation am shocked by that!

14. Most expensive thing I've ever done? Go to uni I guess? But if not thst then I spent a lotttttt of money at Leeds festival.

15. Someone else's gig maybe, like at the bar or on the smoking area after a gig or in the crowd st a festival. Or a house party/through mutual friends!!. Or better, I'd like it if one of them just appeared in my room rn, that'd be good.

16. Most drastic thing I've ever done? I ran away from an ex boyfriends house, fully just ducked out into the night after an argument and turned up in a totally different city on my mates doorstep. Was MIA to a lot of my mates for awhile. I look back and think it was drastic but necessary too?

On a less intense note I got up and left mid date once because a girl told me she preferred oasis to blur and pulp.

I'm quite drastic about a lot though I'm stubborn and childish as fuck, I'd chop my nose off to spite me face as they'd say. Throw me dummy out the pram for literally the smallest thing.

17. I know ive fucked to that whole first album so many times tbh, an angsty fuck to something like red or outside would be good too. I would let someone fuck me extremely hard to outside.

18. Vodka?

19.i wouldn't mind it tbh, I'd probably wind up reading them out of nosyness. U know what I would do though, if I was dating someone famous and I found those fanfics which use like the person's irl gf as the evil bitch, I'd read those because I'd find them so fucking funny. And then I'd probably go fuck my man and feel smug haha.

20. Weed, it makes u sleepy and horny and cosy and thats how I'd like to spend my whole life

21.obviously it's the balcony I'm not nuts.

22. Spirited away, mean streets, taxi driver, Leon the professional, Heather's, true romance.

23.they won't change their style I don't think not for a while at least.id be interested to know what their current contract is whether it was only for the 3 or whether it was a 5.i reckon vans very set in his ways with what he wants for the band but I'd love to see some jazzy Johnny bond side projects. Him and Bob would probably do some sick experimental shit I'd love that.

24 Robert de Niro ❤️❤️

Thank u anon for these these were so fun thank u ❤️❤️

[kitsune-kintsugi]

okay so!! not intended as a bodycheck but its me so cw lol

i finally got around to trying transtape to bind and honestly being able to wear low cut things without having cleavage or visible binder to be flat is making me so euphoric rn, i definitely want to lose more weight so i could at least bind easier since my chest is so big it still bumps out a bit but like,,,, small wins :')

also my phone camera is so shitty pls ignore

[buddyhollyscurls]

blossom (do all 3), blush, bright, candlelight (or whenever your last dream was), cuddly, cutie pie, daylight, euphoric, fairy, garden, glow, jiggly, kisses, prince, princess, rainbow, starlight, soft, toot, whiffle, wispy (sorry there were just so many questions i liked!!!)

MY DEAREST DIANA U ARE AN ABSOLUTE TREASURE THANK YOU SO MUCH

blossom; favorite book/movie/song?:

favorite book: the pigman series by paul zindel, because of romek by david faber, and the catcher in the rye by jd salinger 

favorite movie: life is beautiful, la strada, coco 

favorite song: ironia by mana, back to black by amy winehouse, i’ve been good to you by the miracles 

blush; what was your stuffed animal as a child?: when i was about 12? or so my brother got me and my sister a gift card for build a bear workshop lol i got a bunny i named babz she has on a purple sweat suit. i kept the box and her birth certificate but my niece messed them up and lost her jacket when she was a baby :( but i still have babz she sits on my vanity in my room i don’t think i’ll ever be able to give her up. 

bright; mermaids or fairies?: definitely faires i hope to be a fairy in my next life preferably a forest one who is able to make plants grow

candlelight; what did you dream about last night?: the last dream i REMEMBER had something to do with my trying to prevent death?? IDK BLAME GOBLIN I HAD JUST FINISHED WATCHING IT AND IT WAS SERIOUSLY AFFECTED THAT SHOW FUCKED ME UP 

cuddly; what’s your favorite time period?: the 60s have always held a huge fascination for me. like i remember i used to love February bc that was when we would talk about the civil rights movement and stuff and through that i remember being like 12 and seeing documentaries about the black panthers and woodstock. 

most precious item you own: i have a lot of those babz is one, i’m a very sentimental person i have a hello kitty box filled with pics friends have given me i have a Berenstain bears book i once put in a time capsule with my sister and brother that we had to dig up super early bc we moved ummm i still have cards and stuff friends have given me one is even from my tenth birthday, drawings my niece has made me, a shoebox full of journals i’ve filled up things like that i feel if i made them or if someone gave them to me they’re super precious. my book and movies as well.

favorite album of all time: tie between back to black or stg peppers 

talk about someone u love: i’m going to talk about my nieces and nephews rn bc i love them so much: adelie is the oldest she’s ten and my favorite person in the whole world. when she was born i took care of her a lot even stopped going to school for about a year so my sister could go and we got so close bc of that she is just so funny and silly and loving i hate that my girl has to grow up i want her to be little forever. next is my nephew Malcolm he’s so energetic and he plays a bit too rough with adelie and his brother and sister but he’s a great big brother he looks out for them and he and adelie get along super well. nicole is next she is an actual angel she is the sweetest girl in this entire planet she is so nurturing and she is super helpful and gentle. and finally my nephew diego. he’s three and the exact clone of my brother i even have this ig post of a side by side photo from when my brother was little they’re wearing red shirts and i stg they even have the same smile. my little man is so cute. when he was born it took a little while for him to warm up to us bc we don’t get the chance to see him as much as we did when adelie was born. but now its a complete 180 sometimes i’ll be walking and he’ll just run up and give me a hug and it makes my heart soar 

fairy; do you have a pet?: sadly i don’t haha i want to have a senior cat or senior dog but that’ll have to wait until i get my own place. hopefully whenever i get into something called a serious relationship we can get a puppy together and raise it together but who knows when that’ll come i don’t want a puppy until then tho

garden; how many languages do you know?: outside english i know spanish and a tiny bit of italian and portuguese just barely tho lol not enough to have a conversation but i can probably pick up a few sentences i want to learn italian portuguese french (that one is SUPER HARD THO FRENCH WTF) and maybe arabic 

glow; list the top 5 things you like about yourself

1: ppl tell me i’m funny

2. i’m really honest 

3. i’m tenacious 

4. i’m very empathetic 

5. for the most part i’m a postive person i’m one of those ppl that are just everyone’s personal cheerleader 

jiggly; what do you usually like to do on weekends?: watch movies lmaoooo this weekend alone i saw train to busan, silenced, see you tomorrow, this is not what i expected, turn left turn right, and lust caution. i don’t see movies during the week (during school anyway) so usually all week i try to be like what am i watching this weekend. it’s very rare i willingly make plans over the weekend we can hang out during the week but weekends are for movies.

kisses; what romantic cliché do you wish for most?: i am a romantic sap lol i am the cheesiest person i know but for some reason i’m not into cliches i guess like hmmm i guess for me the one i want most is to fall in love with my best friend. like i meet someone and we just click and they make me do the chris evans laugh A LOTand i’m able to open up and just talk with them and gradually one day its like oh snap. so this is the person i’m supposed to be with. tight. 

prince; how would you describe your handwriting?: atrocious. sometimes i can’t even read what i just wrote. but i hear ugly handwriting is a sign of high intelligence so theres that lmaooo. 

princess; do you play any instruments? if not, are there any you wish you could play?: uuuuhhh i don’t :((((((((( if i could i wish i could play guitar (i only know a few chords) drums, piano, bass, even the sitar ok brian and george made it look sick af 

rainbow; what was the last line of the last book you read?: “For the first time ever, I think Haddock may have a point, you know.” my mad fat diary by rae earl (if u haven’t seen the show i highly rec it it’s one of my fave ever just a side note)

starlight; what was your favourite show as a child?: hey arnold ok don’t even get me started on it i’ll talk forever how great it is even now its just timeless even adults should watch it and i’ve said this before and i’ll say it a million more times helga g pataki is probably one of the most complex, interesting, well written female character EVER on any show i owe craig bartlett my entire life. 

soft; describe your favourite spot in your house: the dining room its huge and its got big windows i love looking out windows so when i write i like sitting at the table to look out every now and then sometimes i’ll just look out that window when i wake up and be like damn its a new day. 

toot; what is something you find unique about yourself?: hmmm…. i guess how idealistic i am. and how intense i feel about things. when i was a kid i thought everyone had strong feelings about something and just LOVED things all the time but getting older i realize being passionate about things esp things like books and tv and movies is really………. odd haha. like even now i will type paragraphs about a favorite movie or something that happened in a show and my friends will be like why are u like this. the same goes with how idealistic i am like thought it was normal to have so many things u want to do and see in the world but when i talk to my friends theyre like oh i just never thought about doing that so it makes me feel odd sometimes bc i know i expecet a lot out of life hahahaha. 

whiffle; if you could have a magical power, what would it be?: either flight or invisibility 

wispy; do you like the place where you grew up? do you think you will live there when you get older?: i LOVE san diego and i LOVE california (in spite of how damn expensive it is here) but even when i was little i didn’t see myself living here as an adult with a family. i just always felt like this world is so big why live in one place your whole life. one day i want to live somewhere green and have my farm with my little animals and soccer team of kids haha. like linda and paul mccartney. 

[lordmomourmomoness]

this is just a personal rant i need to express uh right so i have somewhat of a personal philosophy when it comes to performing or more specifically being hired to perform. like? idk how to say this without coming across like an asshole but i don’t like being invited (forced) to perform for funerals & weddings & parties. & maybe this just makes me a purist & it’s hard to explain this to people who don’t actively attend church or even know what a worship set is or what worship culture is lol. like when i sing ? it’s like we’re all worshipping together & we’re all connected & i just happen to be on a stage u know ? & that’s how it should be. like we’re all focusing on god rn it’s not about me or you or anyone else in this room rn it’s about worship.

& here it’s hard to explain or for you to get context bc if you haven’t experienced true, spirit-filled worship it’s just not gonna compute u know bc there’s no basis for u to relate to & btw this is not some “my religion is better than urs” bullshit. im just saying that christian worship culture is such a all-encompassing & prominent part of who i am and the people im surrounded by but that realm also simply doesn’t exist to some people u know?

so anyways with worship, our aim is this very real out-of-body experience that we call “anointing” and it’s not magic it’s not some quantifiable substance i stick in back pocket before i get onstage. u have to connect to god u have to open up & let all this life crap fall away & rly truly focus on god u know? and church services u know, everyone is here simply for that. that’s literally the reason we’re all here. worship & connection & revelation & fellowship. & playing diff events? we’re not here for that u know? it’s like a party or some shit & im like u want us to do what ? play music rn ? like a secular band ? like ???

& this doesn’t happen often i swear (& im usually good at handling it & it doesn’t happen within my church family but always fkn new people idek why them) but it’s just something i have a big personal issue with. & i am in no way saying that worship only occurs in church bc ofc not. how many dinner parties & hangouts & fkn hikes have turned into spontaneous worship sessions ? so many. (like that’s just what happens when at any given time, there’s a piano or a guitar & literally everyone in my family & close adult circle is musician or singer) it just irks me when someone hands me a schedule & goes “u play here & then here’s the other event shit & then imma need another song from u” im like “what song?” & they go “whatever u want just some noise;)” like okay fuck you:))

man idek know like maybe i am a purist abt this (no way im the only who feels like this too tho bc bethel & maverick city prolly feel this too) but i rly think worship is sacred & not fkn background noise u know ??? like i cannot even explain the power of the emotions i feel in worship. there’s nothing to compare it to okay. it’s like that insane slaphappy connectedness that you get a concert of an artist u love where everyone is singing the same words & it’s absolutely euphoric ? it’s like that but infinitely more stunning. like don’t even get me started on worship concerts.

so yeah im just thinking about this today bc i had to play a solo set for a funeral of some guy i think i met twice? & okay im not being a bitch bc im not rly annoyed by this i swear bc his widow is so sweet & i did say yes when she asked me & im bad at saying no to stuff when people CATCH ME OFF GUARD. & maybe it’s just bc i had to play for such a somewhat large audience. (when i say big audience, i mean an american audience of a couple hundred people, in India we play like thousands of people shows bc it’s a cultural relativism buddies) like im a little out of practice with this size bc with COVID we’ve been pretty split on sundays between in-person attendees & online live-stream attendees & maybe this is just my personal insecurities of having to play a solo set for the first time in a while & also this is literally strangers like a room of hundreds of strangers (im literally 1 of five brown people in this room) &

idek man its different performing a high-energy set by yourself bc u can’t bounce off other peoples energies ? like band mates? that’s RIDE OR DIE buddies right there we’re right as fuck it’s literally family so just being alone im like “i hate my life rn” & man idek & it wasn’t bad by any means solid 10 i stuck the landing & all that shit. it’s just weird not being able to connect to the audience u know ?

sry this was SO MUCH i’ve just been struggling with finding my place as a worship leader & yeah:)) bye

[almightyhollands]

fun tag things

Rules: if you’re tagged you have to answer these questions and then tag another 10 blogs that you’re mutuals that you want to get to know

i was tagged by my sweet angels @parkerroos and @nedandpeter

Tags: @tomhollandisthicc @hufflepuffholland @spideyboys @spideyyss @yukanda-tsuyoi @peter-parkers-underoos @boyfriendtom @spiderparkerboy @tomhollandish @parkerpete

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? my pal porter

2. Are you outgoing or shy? outgoing but quiet.

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? my best friend who is away at college 

4. Are you easy to get along with? i like to think so.

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? probably bc were buddies and he is a nice dude

6. What kind of person are you attracted to? awkward awkward awkward but funny! are always soooo nice and outgoing and are almost always blonde (not this time heyo) really tenacious and intelligent and are just actual sweethearts who need to be protected

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? lol no

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? this stupid dumb guy

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? not really

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? @nedandpeter i feel like i was helpful AT ALL but kass says i was bc shes and angel so

11. What does the most recent text you sent say? “you are the WORST”

12. What are your top 5 songs rn? 

high - sir sly // maisie and neville - david beats goliath // something for your m.i.n.d. - superorganism // 1-800-273-8255 - logic // 19 seventy sumthin’ - neck deep

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? depends on who it is but if it’s the right person its EUPHORIC

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? yes!

15. What good thing happened this summer? i got a job!

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? no

17. Do you think there’s life on other planets? yEs people who think we’re the only ones pout there make my brain implode

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? Yeah!

19. Do you love bubble baths? yes!

20. Do you like your neighbours? YES I LOVE THEM

21. What are your bad habits? i have an obsessive personality, touching my face, skipping class.

22. Where would you like to travel? africa for sure, australia, netherlands.

23. Do you have trust issues? some days i think all i have are trust issues

24. Favourite part of your daily routine? coming home from work and taking off my pants

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? mystomach or my butt chin lol

26. What do you do when you wake up? go to the bathroom, get on phone/turn on music, get dressed, sometimes do my makeup, make myself late to school

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? darker

28. Who are you most comfortable around? my best friend

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regretted breaking up? never had an ex bc commitment issues but this guy i used to talk to told me he wished we worked out which counts i think

30. Do you ever want to get married? Y E S

31. Is your hair long enough for a ponytail? yep

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? im vanilla af + im bad at sharing

33. Spell your name with your chin. ou

34. Do you play any sports? i run!

35. Would you rather live without tv or music? tv i listen to music 24/7

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? literally all the time

37. What do you say during an awkward silence? “whats in your mi9nd right now?”

38. Describe your dream girl/guy? tall, nce, funny, considerate. loves me because of my weird ass quirks and not in spite of them, is conscious of the mark he leaves on society but doesnt let others opinions affect that. someone who will laugh at my stupid jokes and will jam out in the car with mew whether it be big time rush/aerosmith/with confidence/whatever. (i have hella high standards holla)

39. What’s your favourite store to shop in? pink

40. Who do you want to do after high school? i wanna go to college + get a teaching degree in theatre education

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? depends on what they did 

42. If you’re being extremely quiet what does it mean ? im usually pretty quiet but if im super quiet im probably annoyed or upset.

43. Do you smile at strangers? sometimes

44. Trip to outer space or the bottom or the ocean? yikes probably the ocean

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? the amount of tardies i have in my first period classes.

46. What are you paranoid about? ruining things for myself

47. Have you ever been high? nah

48. Have you ever been drunk? yes

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? i write porn for the internet, there are a lot of things i dont want people to find out about.

50. What’s the colour of the last hoodie you wore? blue

51. Ever wished you were someone else? no. ive wished i was differnet but i never wished i was someone else.

52. One thing you could change about yourself? probably my body heyo

53. Favourite makeup brand? abs or elf

54. Favourite store? pink

55. Favourite blog? DONT DO THIS TO ME

56. Favourite colour? black or yellow

57. Favourite food? chicken strips bc im eight

58. Last thing you ate? pizza

59. First think you ate this morning? soup

60. Ever won a competition? yes

61. Ever been suspended/ expelled? no

62. Ever been arrested? no ma’am

63. Ever been in love? yes

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss ? wow okay i was 13 and it was with this kid ive known literally all my life and we were in his backyard and i said something stupid and he was like “haha youre cute” (i wasnt) and i was like “shut up no im not” and then we kissed and yeah

65. Are you hungry rn? NO IM GOING TO EXPLODE

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more that your real friends? i love both them both equally in different ways

67. Facebook or twitter? twitter

68. Twitter or tumblr? tumblr

69. Are you watching tv rn? no

70. Names of your best friends: annie, seth, porter, tristan, kass, lyss, ruby, izzy

71. Are you craving anything? my boy ew

72. What colour are your towels? yellow and grey

73. How many pillows to you sleep with? two

74. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? no

75. Favourite animal? DOGS

76. What colour is your underwear? black

77. Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate

78. Favourite ice cream flavour? mint chocolate chip

79. What colour shirt are you wearing? white

80. What colour pants? black

81. Favourite tv show? the office or brooklyn nine-nine!

82. Favourite movie? probably wolf of wall street or the amazing spiderman

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? NUMBER ONE ALL THE WAY

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street: yikes probs 21js

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? damien

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? SQUIRT

87. First person you talked to today? my mom :-)

88. Last person you talked to today? my best friend whoop

89. Name a person you hate: this girl at my school who’s obnoxious + entitled

90. Name a person you love: my best friend :-)))

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face rn? boys that wont fall in love with me

92. In a fight with someone? nope nope

93. How many sweatpants do you own? ??? a lot?

94. How many sweats/hoodies do you own? 3 dresser drawers worth + 3 in  my trunk

95. Last movie you watched? Return To Me :,-))

[fthisimkmsing]

My notes cause I don't need them anymore (not a hail Mary attempt)

To the girl I've spent countless hours and days with I still love you more than life itself even though I may not need you i want you in my life your cute little smile when you fuck something up or when you can't reach something and you need my help your laugh and smile is euphoric and your character as a whole is amazing i love spending every waking moment with you you have been so helpful and kind to me hell you got me through many tough times and I'm sorry I am so inactive and don't like going out much I'll try to work on that but i just wnant to hold you in my arms forever and keep you close to me and safe you are absolutely drop dead gorgeous you will make a wonderful mother one day to our children or otherwise and I envy whoever you end up choosing if it's not me there's a couple of things i want to do again with you like another concert where it feels like just you and me or another round at the fair itd be wonderful i love you Rebekah so much I hope you know that and I miss you a lot too its 2 am so im gonna go to sleep goodnight  i promise if i have anymore to say ill come back and add on sleep well my beautiful angel <3 funny thing is im typing this to make myself feel better like im talking to you even though you probably won't ever see this i pray that you will find what you need in life you mean so much to me i told my new coworker about you and how gorgeous and smart you are i really wish i could just tell you all of this but you want me to stay away  i really hope we find our happily ever after whether it be together or apart but you will always be so many of my firsts and so many of my fondest memories <3 today I told my new coworker how proud I was of you getting your car and how you bought it yourself i really miss hugging you and cuddling you and seeing your gorgeous ass self you are really amazing and i love you so much I'd die/take a bullet for you in a heartbeat but today i really came to a realization you probably won't like to hear if you get back together with me i realized that even though im a little chubby and should really work out more i am the whole package I will be a great husband and have a great future and whomever decides to come along for that ride would really enjoy it i feel so if you weren't to come back you're missing out on a guaranteed great husband and great future which yes i know confidence much maybe almost downright cocky but I'm happy with what the future holds for me and whomever decides to come with me and if I've said it once I've said it a thousand times i wish it could be you i really do cause despite my being scared of you potentially cheating I have faith and deep down i know you won't cause you are honest and real with me (unless you weren't in which case awwwkwaaarrrdd) but yeah you'd be a great mother and whoever you marry will be lucky and happy they have you and same thing for me :) you know the funniest thing anytime i text anyone and so ok i love you too your name pops up first in my next word choice box cause that's what I did i loved you hell i definitely still do and for some reason if you asked me to marry you there would be no hesitation no i need time to think just one word yes cause that's who i am and that's how head over heels i am for you i want to hug you bad hell I'd give away my paycheck to fucking see and talk to you again and make you fall in love all over again you did something no one and nothing could do you made me truly happy like true true happiness i love you so much Rebekah sleep well baby girl I hope you have a fantastic day tomorrow you are the bestest ever forever <3 lol today was my first ever college football tailgate with my church college group in Greenville today was also one of those days I was sad but i wasn't at first i was fine just felt a little out of place but quickly threw myself in and i got away from everyone for a bit and checked snapchat and saw that you finally got your tattoo and I was so happy for you but sad at the same time cause I wanted to be with you maybe get one with you but sadly i missed that milestone

Im sorry for missing your first tattoo I wish i couldve been there for you and with you im so proud of you cause your tattoo couldn't be truer you are coming from nothing and making big strides that's a big accomplishment I love you hell maybe I'll get a tattoo soon you never know i saw the flirting posts that i "liked" so i unfollowed you on everything cause it hurt so much i like instantly started crying and what do they have i don't you are killing me it broke me all over again i did everything I could to make you happy i tried so hard and it feels like you're really not fighting or trying to better yourself it feels like you just want to get with someone else cause I wasn't enough for you my efforts meant nothing today a Sunday night i was with my small group and you "accidentally sent me a video of you showing off your new tattoo the day or so after i removed you from all social media since i found out unfriending doesn't make me disappear on your end so i blocked you sorry but i have to thank you for understanding and being respectful so recently I've really been going after God and it came to my attention that i was wanting you to be something you can't be and weren't designed to be aka i wanted you to satisfy me completely which is impossible only God can do that also i lusted after you so much even though i had so much love for you aswell but my lust being me using you for my benefit aka my happiness and stuff was wrong i should've been more loving aka sacrificial of myself to benefit or help you and I'm so very sorry about that i wish i couldve been a better leader for you sadly for right now at least it seems i am too late hey i just wanted to say even if we don't get back together I'm really glad i met you you were a wonderful first also you'd be proud of me i was gogogo for 17/18 hours from 4:50am to 9:53pm thats kinda insane for me lol I'm so happy today like i feel hella blessed and loved and it's not necessarily from a person i just feel so in touch with God rn i know ur probably like smh but for real im like on fire its awesome but i just wanted to let you know even though you might never see this and if you do its been a hot minute lol but it's not to hurt you it's to show you i guess my self improvement slash progression of life in general i suppose  also just wanted you to know but im sure u already do you are a really beautiful woman and I am saying that cause i can appreciate a beautiful woman you don't have priority anymore but i just wanted to let you know that god bless that was hard to explain but even that is obscure IM NOT HITTING ON YOU IM JUST APPRECIATING GOD'S CRAFTSMANSHIP BAM there we go ok so just looked at pictures of us on my phone and hot damn you fine lol (still appreciating the craftsmanship) hey its been a bit i went on a retreat with fuse and it was amazing i met a lot of guys and girls and am continuing to talk with some of the girls but the more i talk with them the more i miss talking with you i really wish we could at least be friends again but i guess not :( I'm glad I met you Rebekah you were a fantastic first girlfriend I just want you to know im not mad with you i respect your decision wholeheartedly you were great and hell I'll say it I miss you you were really fun to hang with i wish to tell you this but alas I'm here and you're nowhere to be seen in my life and I can almost guarantee you're not as affected and definitely not to the degree I am (it's not so bad for you you have to  journal your experience of life without me) part of my heart is with you and always will be because the sex we had same thing with you part of your heart will always be with me and im sorry for that today i thought about you and when you told me that you imagined us sitting on the porch in rocking chairs and it kinda made me think and i was like you probably gonna come back and I hope you do but if you don't that's highly unfortunate  it's felt like months since we saw eachother last but it's only been like 1 and a half  longest month of my life tbh

Its 9/23/19 I'm gonna talk to your mom tomorrow after i get off work to check up on how everyone is doing you will probably hear a little or everything that's going on with me it may not attract you in fact it's very possible it'll repel you but hey it really doesn't matter you're an awesome girl and I'm a pretty cool dude lol if you decide to go separate ways that is your choice and I'll respect it even if it saddens me because I'm moving forward  which is something else I never thought I'd be where i am today this early but I hope you you do come back you did make my life happier but now I'm happy even without you which is awesome I swear to never rely on you for my happiness I will look more towards the Lord and walk towards him with you by my side and no more big mistakes oh btw I talked with your mom and I'm glad I did your mom is a good mom I really miss you and your family and I keep praying for you guys and for clarity of who I'm meant to be with or if im not supposed to be with you at all and last night I dreamed about you so I think that was God telling me i need to be with you but I don't know I want to be with you don't het me wrong but I don't want to misinterpret my dreams it's now 9/27/19 and it hurt me to hear you were dating someone tbh but I'm glad you are getting out there and I'm happy for you regarding how well you are doing at church what I don't think is good is that you're dating someone that doesn't know the lord he has someone for you that knows and loves him thus you shouldn't be in that relationship in my opinion but as i said I just want the best for you

" we do bible shit"