#which is a sin in my book
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Affliction (1997)
#this movie was kind of boring to me#also he wasn't in it enough#which is a sin in my book#but i will say#i loved when he was in the movie#i love his 90s hair#like goddamn#hello sir#rolfe whitehouse#affliction (1997)#my blue eyed short king#willem dafoe
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I'm rereading Master and Commander and I'm deeply in danger of just posting every single passage from it ever but I did love the way that the capture of the prize in Chapter 6 was framed on either side by the logbook's entry, and also the way he transitions out of it to set the scene and tone:
Sunday, July 1 … Mustered the ship’s company by divisions read the Articles of War performed Divine Service and committed the body of Henry Gouges to the deep. At noon dº weather. Ditto weather: but the sun sank towards a livid, purple, tumescent cloud-bank piled deep on the western horizon, and it was clear to every seaman aboard that it was not going to remain ditto much longer. The seamen, sprawling abroad on the fo’c’sle and combing out their long hair or plaiting it up again for one another, kindly explained to the landmen that this long swell from the south and east, this strange sticky heat that came both from the sky and the glassy surface of the heaving sea, and this horribly threatening appearance of the sun, meant that there was to be a coming dissolution of all natural bonds, an apocalyptic upheaval, a right dirty night ahead. The sailormen had plenty of time to depress their hearers, already low in their spirits because of the unnatural death of Henry Gouges (had said, ‘Ha, ha, mates, I am fifty years old this day. Oh dear,’ and had died sitting there, still holding his untasted grog) – they had plenty of time, for this was Sunday afternoon, when in the course of nature the fo’c’sle was covered with sailors at their ease, their pigtails undone. Some of the more gifted had queues they could tuck into their belts; and now that these ornaments were loosened and combed out, lank when still wet, or bushy when dry and as yet ungreased, they gave their owners a strangely awful and foreboding look, like oracles; which added to the landmen’s uneasiness.
[...]
Jack leant back against the curved run of the stern-window and let Killick’s version of coffee down by gulps into his grateful stomach; and at the same time that its warmth spread through him, so there ran a lively tide of settled, pure, unfevered happiness – a happiness that another commander (remembering his own first prize) might have discerned from the log-entry, although it was not specifically mentioned there: 1/2 past 10 tacked, 11 in courses, reefed topsail. AM cloudy and rain. 1/2 past 4 chase observed E by S, distance 1/2 mile. Bore up and took possession of dº, which proved to be L’Aimable Louise, French polacre laden with corn and general merchandise for Cette, of about 200 tons, 6 guns and 19 men. Sent her with an officer and eight men to Mahon.
#also it's interesting the way that he discusses the death of the loblolly boy here but always in diffuse contexts#and then that ends up tying in with the sin-eater becoming the new loblolly boy but it all flows very naturally and unassumingly#and the way he comments on the limitations but significance of the logbook for storytelling...interesting stuff#like at the beginning of this he's like it talks about opening a cask of beef and the death of the loblolly boy and the first prize capture#in the exact same dispassionate tone#but then he ends it with this - the fact that to a professional eye there's a hidden joy in that dispassionate tone#(and that's just what he's spent the last x pages uncovering)#interesting commentary on and use of 'primary sources'. interesting historiographical commentary happening there#idk i digress. i also liked that he pointed out the death of the loblolly boy in conjunction with that one poster here#who noticed that in the ship's muster the only death is the lieutenant which is a fun bit of foreshadowing#i wonder if this was meant as a signpost to be like actually you SHOULD pay attention to these details i will make them significant :)#i love his writing so so much there's so much to uncover and also so much to learn from him i feel like#lots of neat little tricks and of course no one compares in setting the tone with scenery#perce rambles#aubreyad#The Creative Endeavor and other aubreyad nonsense#as one of my professors the other day said (not about this book but i think it applies):#'this is the sort of book where if you're not careful you'll end up highlighting* the whole thing'#* - replace 'highlight' with 'post on tumblr'#glad i'm rereading it slowly it really rewards it#can't wait to get to post captain and hms surprise and give them the same time and thought
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I could have gone my whole life without knowing that apparently a large portion of the fandom hates Mabel Pines. And god I wish I did.
But that's fandom misogyny for you.
Any way it's lookign like a Gravity Falls' Fall so sign me up!
#which is even funnier cause I think I watched the “Mabel is terrible” part 2 video years ago but then completely forgot about#it cause honetsly felt like a cinema sins video just weirdly nitpicky and intent on misunderstanding the context and the character#But yeah with this new book might get back into gravity falls again#Should I read the book and then rewatch or rewatch then read the book? what order is the most cohesive#Last time I rewatched I didnt watch the finale cause I am a maniac and I watched it all on my phone because I was a laptop denialist#but this time I'm going to do it right won't even skip the pilot or nothing no matter how much the worms rebel#gravity falls#mabel pines#gravity falls mabel#gf mabel#gf#may mabel pines forgive you all#fandom misogny#fandom#fandom things#fandom hate#alex hirsch#book of bill
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i tricked myself (put it on my reading list without doing enough research) into reading historical literary criticism which is totally fun and not slowly killing me
#the book isn't that bad its just intervening in discussions i know nothing about and also is really into psychoanalysis which is so annoying#and also not what i thought it was going to be. which is also annoying. and its also dense and not short. so a list of sins.#w.me#i'm about halfway done with the book and thats ok. i have tomorrow morning and friday off so my sleep schedule can be a little fucked
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“because he never accepts that it's never been about righteousness--it's about repentance.” except javert killing himself IS repentance.
well, it’s like 12 different things, because bro had gone days without sleeping and very little food and water and he already had low self-worth and kept asking the amis to kill him and just assumed he was going to die AND THEN valjean upended his understanding of the world and morality. he was really going through it & there are a lot of overlapping reasons for why he jumps into the seine.
but javert is like Number One Most Responsible guy in the whole story. taking responsibility is his Thing (forever bitter the musical doesn’t include the punish me monsieur le maire scene). how else, in his derailment, could he atone for his conceived misdeeds other than by handing in his resignation to god? in the brick he had already left a note urging his superiors to treat convicts at toulon better, which is another step in his repentance (and another crime the musical commits by not including it). jumping into the seine was another step.
honestly a lot of ppl who like the book think the musical was dead wrong to exclude him from the big heaven group sing, because it COMPLETELY undermines the themes of forgiveness and compassion threaded throughout les mis. like the musical was simply wrong lol.
This is helpful context! I am still finishing the brick, although I have fully read the abridged version, and that detail about the letter wasn't included, so I didn't know that occurred! (And thank you for the message--this is a long response but I'd love to hear more of your thoughts!)
I agree that Javert is certainly deeply distraught and remorseful; like you mentioned, his worldview is literally falling apart, and his actions reflect his mental state. But his death isn't really repentance--in the sense that it's not what God would have wanted. To me it reads like a Judas situation: a desperate realization of a huge mistake, and doing the only thing you think can make it right, namely, ending it all. That's the just punishment for someone so wrong, isn't it?
But true repentance, meaning the repentance that the Lord desires, is about changing your ways, not "paying a price." Had Javert really understood the beauty of Valjean's mercy (an image of Christ's, just as the bishop's undeserved mercy was to Valjean himself), rather than killing himself, he would have lived to also become "an honest man"--in heart. One who could forgive and understand forgiveness, for himself as well as others. One who could recognize that he is not The Law, that he can fall, but that he can also be "brought to the light." One who could accept that men like Valjean, and men like himself, CAN change, and be changed.
It's tragic to me because so much of "Stars," and his character in the book as well as the musical, is about wanting to be righteous, to rise above his birth and the sinfulness he associates it with. It's about wanting to please the Lord by his actions. But in his end, he shows he never understood what God really wanted from him, and that's where my original phrase comes in: not righteousness, but repentance. To live, and face the man you were, knowing it's no longer the man you are. That it's never been about what you've done or can do, but about what's been done for you. That's the Gospel that he could never fully accept.
To use another example you mentioned, that misunderstanding drives why he asks the Mayor (Valjean) to punish him--in his worldview, mercy is unjust, or at the very least, unfair. Evil must be punished; "those who fall like Lucifer fell" receive "the sword." But "as it is written," God "desires mercy, not sacrifice" (Matthew 9:13). God would have wanted Javert to live, and Javert couldn't see that, and that's why it's devastating to me. In his misunderstanding of the heart of God, he misses what would have set him free from the chains of sin he's always been trying to escape.
That's why he's contrasted with Valjean, who (though he carries guilt about his past till the end of his life) is eventually able to face it and confess what he had done to those he loves. He knew there was mercy to be found, if only it was asked for. Javert was too blinded by pride and shame to realize it, and so, while broken, he never was able to truly repent.
For that, you must go on.
#i have a lot more thoughts on this specifically as it relates to pride as javert's fatal flaw. that's what kept him from grasping it all#because fundamentally he believes what he does is what sets him apart as righteous. that's the symbolism of the brand: your deeds define you#so if it's actually been about mercy all along then he has been needlessly cruel when he thought it was righteousness#and all of his actions that he thought made him better have been for nothing. he's carried shame for nothing. been a slave for nothing#les miserables#les mis#inspector javert#responses aka the ramblings of my brain#my meta posts#meta#kay can i just catch my breath for a second#no actually i'm still not done just needed to interrupt for the search tags etc.#shame is only possible where pride is present#that's my hot take. if javert had been truly totally humble he would not have killed himself. he would have accepted the gift of life#which is the same gift we are given in christ!! and that's honestly why it isn't repentance because the whole thing is a christian allegory#his suicide shows that he still regards himself as judge. he determines the punishment#and in his song the lyrics are full of things like 'damned if i'll live in the debt of a thief' 'i'll spit his pity right back in his face'#he is too prideful to accept the gift that christ has given: salvation UTTERLY unearned and undeserved. through grace alone#narratively he represents the Law (old covenant) in christianity and those who still choose to live under it#romans 3:20 says 'therefore by the deeds of the law shall no flesh be justified in His sight: for by the law is the knowledge of sin'#but valjean represents one saved by the new covenant. who can see that his 'righteousness is as filthy rags' (isaiah 64:6) and is redeemed#and that is why ultimately from a narrative perspective valjean has salvation and javert does not#not that javert did not see his wrongdoing but that he could not look past his own 'righteousness'#anyway this was all very christian-info-dump but the book is too so i feel it was justified 😂 but that's my interpretation#would love to hear more thoughts if you have them!! i truly hope this didn't come off as combative bc i mean it super genuinely!#kay has a party in the tags#kay is a musical theater nerd#kay is a classical literature nerd
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ngl, mentioning one of my hyperfixations does not necessarily activate my trap card. mentioning a book or media that I LOATHED, on the other hand,
#dieselpunkd informed me she also hated station eleven and OHHHHH MY GOD#station eleven book 🤝 annihlation movie: critically acclaimed stories that FUCKING SUCK ASS#I only do not have opinions on station eleven show cuz I refused to even look at tumblr gifs of it. I loathed the book that much.#'omg this book is so preSCIENT!!1!1!' it literally was NOT#and it was also just. bad. it was badly written.#it felt like it did not actually believe that a reader would take its premise and stakes seriously#which severely undercut my ability as a reader to take them seriously! like bruh you gotta believe in yourself!#stop using hollow sensationalism and obfuscation to convince me that your stakes are high! just tell me how it is and let me believe it!#too many people write for cinemasins dumbasses and that is the HIGHEST cinema sin of all actually#like if you don't believe in your own premise why the fuck should I.
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ORDER SOL STORY?! (Positive)
YES! Well, it's kind of a frame story of a flashback scene where modern day Sol and Ky reminisce about the Holy Order, but HOS IS STILL IN IT YIPPEE
I don't think I've said on here yet, but there are 3 short stories total in the new Xrd Series Official Artworks book (or "Xrd Material Collection" if you read the Japanese title). There's the one for Sol and Ky, then one that I think covers Chipp and Answer's first meeting (from Answer's perspective), and then something with Elphelt and Jam. The El and Jam story is an enigma to me. I got news of there being an Answer story first (HYPE) and then the Order Sol story (SUPER HYPE!!) and then by the time I heard there was one with Elphelt it was totally eclipsed by new Order Sol content in 2024 rofl So I apologize for not having more to offer with that one.
Each one has an illustration too. I don't have a picture of the table of contents or copyright info yet, but I'm about 90% certain this is a Daisuke original. Painfully teasing you with a closeup HOS crop
Daisuke's the only one that ever gives him lips and a slightly upturned nose so that's mostly what I'm basing this being drawn by him on lol
I have no idea who wrote the stories in this yet either. The Overture Material Collection stories were contracted out by two authors that haven't done anything for GG since. It might be the same for the Xrd SOA too
#asks#There are also two dudes named Eric and Jimmy in the HOS story??#Sin makes a cameo too but he's mostly just there to wrap up the story more than contribute much to it unfortunately#Hoping my physical copy comes in before I finish translating this story so I can get a nice scan of the illustration with it#The ebook copy we've gotten our stuff from only zooms in so far and the highest quality seems to be about the same as Begin's#Which isn't bad at all but it's lower than what we'll get from scans of the physical book by miles
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Seriously one of the most confounding things in the world is pop-Christian moralizing.
"Is ASMR ok for Christians?? 🤨🤔😧" I'm not sure in what world it would be sinful to listen to soothing brushing, ocean sounds, and tapping, yet someone felt the need to ask the question, and someone else felt the need to make a YouTube video answering it. (I didn't watch it, so I don't know the verdict, but somehow you're trusting the verdict to a rando on YouTube and not Discernment from God?)
"Christian facials" because having a hot towel on your face and putting on serum is in any way aligned with a religion or lack thereof, and therefore needs to/even Can be made Christian?
"Christian-friendly sex positions" and the only difference is it's stick figures instead of realistic drawings, and instead of male/female or penetrator/receiver, it's husband/wife. Because you know those goofy health-book illustrations were distracting you from the righteous goal at hand: eating your girl out. But you can't call her your girl, you have to make it clear to everyone seeing you have sex (which... is just the 2 of you, right?) that you're having Good and Not Sinful sex, because you, a Husband, are Married to your Wife. Side note: the stick figures actively make it harder to figure out the intricacies of any of the positions and therefore are objectively shittier at doing what they're made to do.
Christian soap, christian mints, christian calendars, christian music, christian curtains, christian fiction, christian restaurants, christian news, christian shops. There are things in the world that are OK being secular. The fact that your soap does not have an icthus sign etched in that washes away in 3 days anyway does not make you a bad person, or even a bad christian. Your home does not need something Christian™️ in every room for people (or yourself!) not to forget you're christian... I assume?
The king who must say he is king, etcetera. This kind of mindset is so boggling to me, and reeks of nominative faith and deeeeep insecurity. Retail therapy but instead of buying temporary happiness you're buying temporary grace. Being so beholden to the dogma of organized religion that you go to any person feigning authority on the subject rather than using your own brain to make a decision. The idea that things can only be okay to interact with if they're explicitly christian, as though interacting with it as a christian doesn't inherently put it through a christian lens; as though you can only get things trickled down to you from church authority figures with robust enough constitutions to judge what's ok for you because you don't have the ability to think critically; as though you should stay away from what's "sinful" rather than, LIKE JESUS, be able to go into it and be a good example; as though instead of learning to be capable of handling it, you should be as weak to sin as possible; as though you have to go through the world with kid gloves because touching something dirty would soil your soul (which, of course this implies, is sparkling - impossible, arrogant, and kind of denying God, lol [actually, not lol, I'm expanding on that. Denying God by refusing to admit your own sin. Denying God by refusing his grace because you won't admit your own sin. Denying God by acting like his power couldn't absolve something as simple as being exposed to sin, let alone if you did end up making a miatake. Denying God by keeping yourself in Good Christian spaces and not being there for people who need outside help. There's more but I digress]).
Also, the childish áffect of refusing to say things as they are because that would be bad, but referring to it in euphamism is fine - or, transversely, that using colloquialisms is bad, but medical speak is fine, depending on what breed of crackpot christian you're dealing with. "Hanky-panky" just say sex. "Adult drinks" just say wine, beer, liquor. "Flower" for the love of all that is holy just say vulva/vagina/virginity. "Breasts" is fine to describe your chest but "boobs" is not. You can say "buttocks" but not "butt". Discussing bathroom activities is decisively not cool but if utterly necessary you must say "urine" and "feces" because pee and poop are too pedestrian.
Like, entire side tangent, but the weirdly widespread christian-ism of not discussing things frankly or discussing them super detachedly, but both preferring to never discuss them at all, regarding anything "potentially sinful" or "not spiritually uplifting" (usually boiling down to "anything physical") is so whack to me. Do not discuss your period, even in female spaces, because it's tmi. Don't talk about your health issues if they're not Clean enough subjects, even as something to pray about (like breast/prostate cancer, shitting diseases). Don't ever talk about your sex life except to wiggle your eyebrows at your kids when they're old enough. Don't hug your male friends, daughter. Don't play with your little cousins, son. Sex is so so bad but everything is about it, actually. Sex is so so great which is why you should feel guilty about ever wanting it. All nudity is sexual. Dress so they know you're a woman but also that you're a lady. Fart jokes are not allowed. You must remember that all men are looking at you with lust at all times but you can't hold that against them. All things that get you sweaty or muddy are bad. Hair on women is unnatural but just dandy for men, except we can't talk about pubic hair so you're just going to have to figure out on your own if it's less sinful to not think about your vag enough to do anything to it or to ensure you're free of all sinful hair. Here's how to do makeup in a god-honoring way, because you couldn't know on your own, and you must both jump through this hoop to be acceptable to your men but not have enough fun and personal expression with it for it to become anything other than a chore. It is wrong to kill, which is why we support the troops. We are supposed to help the poor, which is why I drive past the beggars that are dirty and ragged and smelly. We are supposed to celebrate God with our bodies, which is why my most spiritually moved state equates to slightly raising my arms.
I can't close this post without including my oft-quoted favorite example of this weird-ass pop-Christian phenomenon translating to real-life people in real-time thoughts: my mom saying she had to take into account "which ice cream flavor is most glorifying to God" at a froyo shop. Either it's raspberry, or she chose sin that day.
#to be SLIGHTLY fair to my mom she was trying to give an example of ''having God as priority 1 all the time'' to middle school me#Who thought (correctly) that there are plenty of things which God has no direction relation to or care towards#What color you wear or what sandwich you eat having no impact on your relationship to God#And mom tried to illustrate that it's about the intention to be mindful of God 24/7 by using the most batshit method available#thus cementing my point and giving me the best example of the effects of this thing to date#christianity#christian#theology#in which I read a book with a really problematic fanbase#religion#So much of ''christian'' culture is alien to me... so much of it I hate with a deep fervor...#I will raise my kids to be okay with the fact that they are physical beings with bodies#I will raise them to make their decisions themselves based on their own interpretations and direction#And I will raise them to know that the world will not sully them without their consent - that to be good does not mean to be free of sin -#and that they take from the world what they bring to it and can face ''bad'' things without turning to stone
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i love madoka magica however i dont think we as a fandom talk enough about how tragic madoka herself is. probably because the narrative itself steers you away from thinking about her personally. shes not a character shes a desire that homura has, shes a force of good, shes homura's foil. but those are all madoka's narrative roles but madoka herself as a person is not really looked at because we are viewing this world from an unreliable narrator(homura) who only sees madoka as those things. The best thing homura could have done for madoka was give up on her, to let her go. because every time we go back in time the image of madoka is distorted, she loses more of herself every regression of homura's as she tries harder and harder to save her. We don't even know what madoka originally wished for to become a magical girl in the original timeline. and she actually acts quite differently than the madoka we meet. shes a lot more honest and caring and bold. by the time homura's has reached the actual anime madoka has been reduced by the sands of time to a figment of herself. she has no wants or desires of her own beyond wanting to do good and help her friends and when all her humanity is stripped away is when she finally acends to godhood because thats all thats left of her. an ideal and a faith in her. madoka kaname died a long time ago and all that is left is her ghost.
#of course homura doesnt care anymore because she cant go back she can only go forward cuz if she gives up she killed madoka for nothing#she could have left her pass away with dignity but now shes a ghost stuck in a web of time and the only thing she can do is keep trying#to save her#i feel like inately homura knows this but she doesnt want to admit to herself thats shes the real one who killed madoka kaname#this is a very charitable reading of homura#homura died too but its a clear moment because homura is our narrator#homura akemi will never come back madoka kaname will never come back#but life goes on anyway for homura#heres my truth#i loved rebellion but im actually a bigger fan of the original anime's ending so im glad it seems like red ribbon homu is coming back#i thought that ending was a lot more hopeful and beautiful and rebellion was kind of a downer but i always accepted they were parallel#and seems im right based on posters#for walpurgis#madoka uses one of my favorite literary devices which is the underuse of a character#i dont know whats it called but i love it when they dont outright develop a character usually to signal an upholding of the status quo#i already explained how madoka is not shown as a character but they do this in princess tutu too with mytho#mytho is a character from a book hes not real in the way that the others are and therefore cant actually change like the others can#hes always the focus of others and never the one thinking of others#i mean yeah he spends like the whole anime thinking about tutu but thats PART of his book its not him as a person#anyway ive been talking too much but i wanna bring up my favorite subtle use of this in takopi's original sin#the boy#idk his name rn lmao#hes straight up not present for the bulk of the manga and hes legit just absent from the ending scene despite being one point of a triangle#at first that weirded me out like??? he doesnt get closure???#but the reason was he didnt need it#the focus and moral is that those girls were 'weird' unable to be normal (because of trauma) and their closure was theyre at least together#but he doesnt need that because hes already normal hes the status quo a benchmark for the reader for the reader to judge the characters off#and the characters to judge eachother off of#anyway anyway sorry this has been so long#i had to get all of that out of me
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there are so many p2 fans on twitter but i refuse to go on that fucking site
#like man fuck twitter#also twitter is the hub for chronically online people i should know#which means that like erveyone on there is insane#i do not want to see twitter peoples takes on p2 characters#but the art ive seen over there is really good#thank god im also an artist though and i can just make drawings myself if i really wanna see smth LMAO#just now i went on there to see if i can find a translation of the IS world book to no avail but#anyways#need to resume my p2 internet digging#persona 2 innocent sin#persona 2#twitter#my post 🔮#laurence says things 🌌
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unkind haterism of a blameless action
okay, fine, it can be the annual time when people breathlessly go back and forth explaining the same five themes of Gender and Victorians Encountering the Other for six extremely prolonged months again, if you really want
#no it's fine everyone's tagging for it.#it's not like i don't reread books all the time. it's not like i'm not currently rereading the lord of the rings which some of the people#i'm being bitchy about would feel warrants shooting me on sight in my own turn. i don't even do it in a feminist way.#i don't even dislike dracula i just find it v difficult to imagine wanting to have to read a book in two-page installments spread over 6mo#a SECOND time. let alone a third or whatever we're on#and unfortunately it turns out it still has the same themes as it did the last two years. so the posts commit the cardinal sin of being#boring to me specifically.#box opener
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everyone whittled me down and i watched arcane. it was alright
#cherryz txt#i like the art direction more than anything but thats just cus im a freak about that shit u know#if its candy to my eyedbarls i forgive many a sin#idk if it had many problems at all tho it was pretty tight story telling#im not too good at picking apart themes and stuff in media my brain small but i enjoyed the like#throughpoint narratively of letting go or refusing thereof if that makes any damn sense#congrats on the lesbian sex also. & i guess the doomed yaoi#which is so funny to me bcus jayce immediately pegged me as a straightboy . is that just me#like . maybe hes bi but hed defs be in the phase of like .refusing to acknowledge it u know#too busy distracting himself wiht beautiful women to even begin processing his situationship w viktor#idk i think its funny how i was told THERES YAOI!! and yuri! and the focus of the show is the yuri not the yaoi#like ..... its so funny ppl refuse to focus on the women even tho theyre actually so well devolped and more interesting than the men#which is not to say the men are badly written far from it theyre just arguably not the Primary Focus#tho admittedly the primary focus isnt even character based its the overarching story#the characters and their developments basically persist to strengthen the story i feel#which is again not a bad thing in fact its quite lovely. again very tight story telling.#im going on a tangent LOL it was alright in my book! very technically impressive and well thought out#props to all the artists and writers and people working on it#i think it just hasnt gripped me as strongly as it has others and thats entirely a personal thing u know#some things just click and others dont. so it goes!#i am however in jinx's corner now and forever . fuck league of legends tho never touching that shit with a ten foot pole#if u read all these hiiiiiiii ^_^ hi haiii hehee
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god gives his strangest inconveniences to his unluckiest of soldiers
#ramblings#this is about school lol#they give out textbooks for some subjects (which is pretty normal)#and I am paying for the sins of my brother by getting handed the math book he fucking destroyed last year#was a very fun conversation on the car ride tho
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should i have gone to sleep? yep. did i instead read imogen obviously in one sitting (lying in my bed)? you bet.
#imogen obviously#WOW that was a good book 5 stars#gretchen does embody my fears that i had a tear ago#the last couple chapters hit me hard#it’s not my *exact* experience - there’s no christian identity stuff which is a major part of my journey#but i don’t have to be fully reflected in something to relate to it and feel seen#i mean. everyone’s unique anyway so it’s not like we can be exactly seen in a story#but gosh. the fear i felt that i was bi as a pick-me or a people-pleaser#or thinking ‘i only like one girl’ or ‘i like her bc i think she’s queer’ when i’ve actually liked girls before that#two things#1. becky abertalli the author you are#2. i really want to write a queer christian story. because that is me and i want people like i was to know they are loved and not sinful#(for this) and it’s okay to be confused and scared and to pray.#sorry kinda made these tags about me lol
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There's also like obviously things all the adaptions too I do not like but that's a much longer more unhinged list
#idk if the dash is like ready for my rant about linens for example#which is a sin both miniseries and new films commit#not in the book [ooc]
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Shhh they don’t know my characters and stories have deeper meanings behind them...
#about my ocs#like how Felix and her dad are kinda an embodiment of the child falling victim to the sins of their parent or whatnot#Nisha is an example of the sacrifices you’re willing to make as a parent for your child#lots of my characters show you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover#loving people even when they aren’t perfect#Sébastien is an example of feeling like an outsider in your own family#August is re learning to love yourself after the world beat it out of you#Beau is finding the light of life after living in darkeness#the entirety of the cast for ‘what makes us human’ is literally different responses and interpretations for that very question. and they can#all be right and all be flawed#I think about my ocs a crazy amount in case it isn’t obvious#for the most part they aren’t just faces like I think REALLY hard about them#which is why I can write them so well when I want to. when I make them interact with their world#anyways I was staring at a picture of Teuflisch just a little too hard that’s what prompted this lol
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